January 22, 2020 :: News + Culture

CO LO R A D O'S LG B TQ M AGA ZINE | F R E E

CONTENTS JANUARY 22, 2020 VOL43 NO20 Photo provided by Buck Angel

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FOSTERING PRIDE. HOW TO SUPPORT QUEER YOUTH IN FOSTER CARE

A COUNTRY KIKI WITH SINGER JACK NATHAN HARDING

2020 ASTROLOGICAL ADVENTURES

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FOR[A]GED ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT FINE DINING

PICTURE PLANE TALKS QUEER MUSIC AND DEVNER WEARHOUSE LIFE

CYCLE SLUTS' NEW YEARS' RESOLUTIONS

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CHRIS DENNIS GETS GRITTY WITH SHORT STORY COLLECTION

GET MESSY WITH STEWART TAYLOR

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28 BUCK ANGEL: UNDRESSED AND CONTROVERSIAL

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40 HEINZESIGHT. WAYS TO SUPPORT A DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIP

SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontMagazine.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontmagazine.com JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher J.C. MCDONALD Vice President MAGGIE PHILLIPS Operations Manager JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontmagazine.com ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER Editor VERONICA L. HOLYFIELD Creative Director BEN GROSS Copy Editor BRENT HEINZE Senior Columnist CHARLES BROSHOUS Senior Photographer DENNY PATTERSON Celebrity Interviewer INTERNS: Apollo Blue, Arianna Balderrama WRITERS: Cycle Sluts, Joshua Lionlight, Megan Frey ART art@outfrontmagazine.com DESIGN2PRO Graphic Designer COVER DESIGN Veronica L. Holyfield COVER PHOTO Mark Dektor CONTRIBUTING ARTIST Heather Smith MARKETING + SALES marketing@outfrontmagazine.com BENJAMIN YOUNG Director of Sales & Marketing QUINCEY ROISUM Marketing Executive KELSEY ELGIE DOMIER Marketing Executive

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O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 5

By Megan Frey

HOW TO SUPPORT QUEER YOUTH IN FOSTER CARE

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here are protections in place for most of our youth when it comes to fostering, but are there any protections for LGBTQ children within the system?

In 1994, retired Michigan Representative Dale Edward Kildee sponsored the Improving America’s School Act. In that bill was contained a secondary act known as the Multi-Ethnic Placement Act of 1994, commonly referred to as MEPA. This little-recognized act in the United States Code originally was added to address the race, color, and national origin (RCNO) of children entering and living within the Foster Care system in the United States.

MEPA requires that every effort must be made to place children removed from their parents into ethnically and racially consistent foster homes in order to preserve the culture of the child to the extent possible. While MEPA does not address the unique characteristic of LGBTQ youth being placed in foster care specifically, it did indirectly admit that children in foster cares’ needs relating to the more abstract ideals of culture are indelibly important.

If MEPA was conceived to preserve the culture of foster children based on race, color, and national origin, it is implied that the culture of foster children needs preservation. In order to preserve that culture, child welfare agencies need to consider all the aspects of culture, not only the statutorily required RCNO. If we ferret the definition of culture and relate the LGBTQ community to this definition, we see that to be a member of the LGBTQ community is to be a member of a “social group.” The LGBTQ community shares a set of attitudes (live authentically, inclusivity), goals (marriage equality, equitable treatment), and practices (Pride, protests).

Based on the accepted definition of culture, being an LGBTQ youth has a profound impact on societal relationships that these children form.

If we deny foster children the ability to maintain connections with their culture, we are doing the same damage

as denying racially diverse children the connection with their RCNO. Congress recognized the needs of children 25 years ago and passed MEPA to ensure that children in foster care were being cared for by “culturally” consistent caregivers. Would it not then be prudent to carry that ideal to the care of all children in foster care? Or are we to believe that only racially diverse children are subject to the disparate treatment inherent to being cared for by culturally inconsistent caregivers?

MEPA is flawed in that it cannot be used as proxy for culture. The systemic discrimination against LGBTQ youth in foster care is not addressed in any known provision of the Federal Child Welfare Policy.

In Colorado, it is estimated that roughly 30 percent of children in foster care identify within the LGBTQ community.

Based on data from 2017, that is 1503 children in Colorado’s foster care system.

It is no surprise that Colorado is facing a shortage of foster homes. Mina Castillo Cohen of the Colorado Department of Human Services claimed that the state needed to gain 1200 homes for a total of 2500 homes by July 2019 in order to care for all the children.

Colorado has roughly 128 child placing agencies which it relies upon to license and maintain certification of foster homes and group homes in the state. The majority of child placing agencies self-define as faith based and prescribe Evangelical Christian values. Proposed legislation and the cases before the Supreme Court, as well as the interpretations of United States Regulation and Rule from President Trump’s Administration, could potentially allow these child-placing agencies to deny caring individuals and couples the ability to care for children in loving and stable homes.

The proposal could also allow these faith-based agencies to turn away loving, caring parents for being LGBTQ by professing that the agencies’ deeply held religious beliefs fundamentally conflict with the LGBTQ lifestyle.

Numerous faith-based organizations have for many years argued that they should not have to be required to work with members of the LGBTQ community because of their convictions related to their faith. New laws relating to religious freedom have begun to support this claim of the faith community within the Evangelical, political right.

Opponents argue that the right to religious freedom does not extend to causing harm to others. The overarching question to me is this: do our LGBTQ youth (and ultimately all LGBTQ persons) need to have protection from systemic discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity?

We know that LGBTQ youth in foster care amount to about 30 percent of all foster children in Colorado. We also know that a majority of child-placing agencies in Colorado are faith-based, and that the faith-based community routinely argues against protecting LGBTQ people. It is also known that if we do not help children in care to connect to culturally consistent, loving caregivers who are able to help the children thrive and grow, then we cause more trauma to them that is unnecessary and could have lasting impacts later in life due to the foster placement.

If we determine the need of a child to be placed in a home that matches their RCNO to truly understand that child’s needs, should we not also consider that a transgender child would need to be connected to the transgender community in order to understand their needs? Should a child who already feels devalued by the adults in their life be made to feel further devalued by the system because of who they know themselves to be? Or because of the person they have a crush on in school?

Colorado needs foster parents who can truly address the special needs of its foster youth, not just the Caucasian, Christian, straight, male/female families, but families that reflect the overall composition of the children in the foster care system.

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 7

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FINE DININ G are Passionate About

By Veronica L. Holyfield

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Photos by Heather Smith

he Dairy Block in LoDo has seen quite the transition as of late, moving away from the notorious sports bars and burger joints to what is now a market-style, central hub for independent restaurants allowing quick pit stops for nibbles and beverages inside the Milk Market.

customer flow, from the art deco-style bar in the back, leading way to the now-well-known alley between 18th and 19th Streets and Wazee and Blake.

A selfie haven, the murals along the narrow walkway open to fine dining restaurants nestled beside wine bars, provoking a speakeasy allure.

The luxurious and modern hotel The Maven has now become a staple of

Adding to the now extremely enticing Dairy Block is a brand-new

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dining experience which blends international and local cuisine with an atmosphere that is as diverse as the menu it serves.

For[a]ged, a new concept dining experience from the owners of Parker Garage, opened their doors for business in December of 2019, and now offer three unique appeals to every kind of fabulous foodie.

Stepping foot inside For[a]ged feels like placing pause on life outside the restaurant; the pace of the world which For[a]ged has created is unlike the hustle and bustle of the Milk Market.

The lights, set to a sultry dim, create an ambiance of luxury and elegance, yet the energy and excitement of the staff waiting at the door is a simple way to disarm what may feel like an unapproachable environment to the everyday diner.

Drawing inspiration from well-respected and successful Head Chef Duy Pham’s enthusiastic love of the raw experience, the upstairs space is a dedicated, full, raw-fish bar with fresh and eclectic combinations of mackerel, bluefin tuna, king crab, and an assortment of fish from Japan. The skill and expertise of Chef Pham is unparalleled, as his craft is pure perfection. Combining flavors that would lift the eyebrow of a skeptic, his team creates designs and dishes that are as beautiful to observe as they are to taste.

The raw bar is an enchanting focal point of the restaurant’s appeal, as the open floor plan allows diners an opportunity to be guided through a tasting unlike anything else in the city. Chef Pham offers food that is full of passion, precision, and craftsmanship. As he is also a Murray Carter Journeyman Bladesmith, he is as able to form and

craft a delicate piece of raw fish as he is to create a sustainable and usable blade.

As evidence of the hard work and dedication to his craft, knives that Chef Pham has carved by hand are displayed throughout the restaurant in framed cases that show the results of his dedication and tenacity.

Downstairs, For[a]ged focus on a rather different dining experience, as they combine seasonally driven dishes including a delicate, Colorado rack of lamb, a perfectly panseared barramundi, and a plentiful cauliflower steak that even a nonvegan can’t deny.

The downstairs bar provides an intimate experience for conversing with the knowledgeable and crafty cocktail specialists who are eager to deliver a perfect glass of scotch or whiskey from their more-than-100-bottle selection.

For[a]ged also houses an extensive wine program and features an exclusive line of floral and robust choices from Boulder-based winemaker Jesse Katz of Devil Proof Vineyards.

Come in and stay a while; bring a large group to the private dining area, or grab a quick bite to go during a lunch meeting.

For[a]ged balance a quality menu, fair pricing, and comfort as they gracefully provide variety for all to enjoy.

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For LGBTQ folks who love to nerd out over science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) fields, there is a uniquely queer-friendly home for you right here in Colorado. Wings Over the Rockies Air & Space Museum, named a “Top 20 aviation museum around the world” by CNN Travel, is the most-talked-about museum and venue in town.

The fascinating, 182,000-square-foot space, which is located on a former air force base in the Lowry neighborhood, features more than 50 aircraft and space vehicles, flight simulators, and traveling exhibits. While Wings Over the Rockies is known worldwide for being Colorado’s official air and space museum, folks who love it know it far much more than that.

Acting as one of Denver’s largest event venues, they host more than 200 events per year including fundraising galas, weddings, holiday parties, teambuilding events and more. Get out those scrunchies and fanny packs and test out your throwback skills with the upcoming 80s versus 90s dance party on Saturday, February 15, right inside the aerospace hangar. Located just a short drive from downtown Denver, Wings Over the Rockies will surely become your new favorite space to disco, learn, and build community.

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Chris

Dennis

GETS GRITTY WITH SHORT STORY COLLECTION

By Addison Herron-Wheeler

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he queer memoir is, at the risk of sounding a bit insensitive, a little overdone. Don’t get me wrong; we all have stories to tell, but when everyone is writing a memoir, it loses a little bit of punch.

That’s what makes Chris Dennis’ writing so special. He takes the concept of the queer memoir and subverts it into a dark, brutal, and powerful series of short stories. His approach makes his collection an easy read, and we wanted to know a little bit more about the monster inside the man. Here’s what he had to say.

What inspired you to write this book?

I wanted to write a book about how sex is sometimes not about sex.

Sometimes it is about power, and identity, or anxiety, or a need for love. I was curious about the ways seemingly arbitrary signifiers of masculinity, femininity, or androgyny define our sexual desires. I was interested in the way any random moment might be calcified in the heat of a person’s sexual development.

Our beliefs and our vulnerabilities become the architecture of our fantasies. I tried to show characters whose intellectual lives manifest in their sex life: two prison inmates, a traumatized orphan, an obsessive professor, Martin Luther King Jr., a Cher fanatic, an out-of-control widow.

What shaped you to write the way you write?

My dad is a drummer. He played country music mostly, and we listened to a lot of country music in our house while I was growing up.

The tradition of storytelling in country music had an enormous impact on

my understanding of what good communication could look like and sound like.

Music taught me the importance of making public what might feel very private and was my earliest encounter with poetic language. It made me long to communicate in that way, made me aware of the power of telling stories, of being open and honest about hardships, and pain, and poverty, and love, about the inherent poetry in sadness and longing.

What made you start writing?

I grew up in a very small coal mining and farming community in the 80s and 90s, so the characters and narratives of country music resonated for me in a lot of crucial ways, except for one: the appalling lack of queer narratives. I saw how revelatory and transformative storytelling could be and badly wanted to be a part of it, to see people like me in the stories I loved.

I started writing because I was inspired by songwriting, but I eventually had to write the kinds of stories I wanted to read. There’s a particular kind of loneliness that comes from not hearing or seeing other people who love like you do or feel like you do.

There has been an incredible deficit of queer life in literature, and this had a profound effect on my identity, on my understanding of who I was.

It's important to tell LGBTQ stories for the same reasons it's important to see stories about black astronauts or female presidents; because stories help us to see what is possible; they allow us to dream of what we might not otherwise dream, to imagine ourselves in spaces we've never been before or even knew existed.

I sometimes don't know how I lived before I found Richard Siken, Adam Haslett, Annie Proulx, James Baldwin, David Sedaris, Alice Walker, Tennessee Williams, Mary Oliver, Carl Phillips, Luis Negron, Oliver Sacks, John Waters, Stacey Richter, Kimberly King Parsons, or Saeed Jones.

Did you have any exposure to queer narratives when looking for inspiration in your writing?

In the small town where I grew up, there were very few openly gay people, and the most notable of them was a man who was murdered in 1980, the year after I was born. His body was found long after he'd died in an abandoned house across the street from where we lived.

It was an ongoing piece of lore in our town, and always with this implication that his sexuality somehow explained his death. No one was ever convicted of the crime, but after reading the police reports and talking with people in the community, I'm desperate to write his story.

What do you want people to get out of this collection?

The collection is full of difficult people, and writing it helped me to more fully consider the sort of people who are difficult to love, people whose behaviors are hurtful or hard to understand. I hope others can leave the book with a more complicated sense of the ways we cope with trauma, of the wild ways we work to escape darkness. I hope people will come away with a more empathic view of mental illness. Unkind people need our kindness the most, and yet, I tried to make a place in the book for the value of necessary rage.

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AwithCountry Kiki Singer

Jack Nathan Harding

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by Denny Patterson Photo courtesy of Jack Nathan Harding

L

ast month, country singer and actor Jack Nathan Harding released his first full-length album, Cowboys and Tattoos.

A mix of old-school meets new-school meets no-school, this alt-country, toe-tapping album has been a passionate project of Harding’s.

His previous three singles, “Behind Every Smile,” “Fed Up,” and “Let’s Ride” have received over 60,000 views. Cowboys and Tattoos is available on all major streaming platforms, and we can expect a lot more from Harding in the future. He wanted this album to be fun and positive, and it looks like he got his point across. OUT FRONT caught up with Harding to chat more about Cowboys and Tattoos and what it’s like being an openly gay country singer.

Let’s begin by talking more about the release of your first full-length album, Cowboys and Tattoos. This must be very exciting for you.

Yes, it is super exciting! You know, being a man of a certain age; I’m 54; I am finding I’m having a lot of firsts, which is cool. When you get to a certain age, it’s like, oh, nothing’s new.

You’ve done everything. But no! I have my first, brand-new album. It’s very exciting.

That’s amazing and a huge accomplishment! What was the inspiration and concept behind the album?

Well, my inspiration behind the album was kind of the same as my inspiration for the singles and music videos that I have been releasing over the last year, which is simply, I’m a gay dude that grew up without a gay voice in country music. So, when I decided that I was going to do these singles and this album, it was just going to be songs that I wrote from a gay man’s point of view. A lot of them are what I call dude-centric, meaning songs sung by a dude that are clearly about another dude and how he looks in his Wrangler jeans.

What was the writing process like for you, and was it challenging to put this album together?

It was challenging in some ways, but in some ways not, simply because I did not give myself parameters when I was making this album. I was just going to write the songs that felt good to me. It was one of those things I just worked on until I was through. I worked on it until I felt it was right. The songs work, and it makes me very happy. They are giving a voice to something I didn’t have in my early years. So, when I was recording it and such, I wasn’t thinking about a big picture. I feel if I can make music that I like, enjoy, and makes me happy, then hopefully it will have the same effect on other people.

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How has the album been received?

Really well. No matter who it is coming from, the comments I receive are usually very much the same: ‘Thank you for making country music for me; thank you for making music that I can identify with.’

coming out, meaning from this point on, I’m just Jack, and this is my partner. It’s more of an honesty point in your life. I don’t even know if I could give a date when that happened. It was so long ago. For so many years, I have just been Jack, a gay dude.

When people first listen to the album, what do you hope they feel or experience?

Have you encountered any challenge being an openly gay country singer?

I hope their toes start tapping! I want this album to be about fun and love, and I have a little bit of inspiration thrown in there. It’s not too deep and not too dramatic; it’s just fun country music that’s great to scoot around the dance floor with. Get your toes tapping and hands clapping. It’s a bunch of fun.

Is there a song on the album that you would say is your favorite and means the most to you?

Oh, that’s a tough one because I love them all. This is going to be a two-parter. “Cowboys and Tattoos” is the actual single. To me, this feels most like a song I wish I would have had growing up. It’s a very boot-scootin', feels like a good old country bar, type of song. It is definitely dude-centric, and it’s definitely about, obviously, cowboys and tattoos. Things that I like.

But the real important one, I think, which is another dude-centric song, is called “You’re the Best Man.” It is a song I wrote for my husband for our 25th anniversary which is coming up at the beginning of next year. I had to spoil the surprise because I wanted this song on the album. It’s like, ‘I wrote this for you baby, but you’re going to have to hear it now because I got some business to do with it [laughs].’ It is a very special song for sure.

Aw, that’s so awesome. Now, out of the many genres of music out there, what specifically drew you to country?

I think country music is my jam because it’s the storytelling genre of music. It’s the genre of music where, at least to me, there’s still melody. There’s still harmony.

It’s still a very basic form of music. Nowadays, you have so much crossover, and a lot of country doesn’t even sound like country, which is cool. Everybody’s got to do what they want to. Country is much more singable.

You get into the stories; you see pictures in your mind.

That’s just kind of what comes through me at the core.

Growing up in Texas, what was life like for you? When did you come out, and how did you go about it?

I never had, like, a big fiesta or anything for my coming out. It was more of, especially with the age I am, coming out to me was more about when me and my partner at the time, we left Odessa and moved to Dallas to work on some other jobs and things. It was more of a fresh start

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I have not. You know, the difference between me and a lot of the other great country singers who have come out recently is that I have never had what I would call a straight audience. I have never had to say to a preexisting audience, ‘Hey, by the way you guys, I’m gay.’

Then, of course, you gain more gay fans. I am a fan of all these guys; I’m not knocking anything, but I am still not seeing out, gay country men singing about other gay men. The music is still great.

Do you think the country music industry is changing its attitude and conservative views towards the LGBTQ community?

I think it is, but very slowly. I think there are people that put out music, and I am more speaking of record companies and things like that, they think they know what their customers want to hear or want to listen to.

Things are definitely getting better in county music, and just having the visibility of those popular guys that have come out as being gay [is great]. It’s all baby steps.

However, country music is grassrooted in very small towns. Often, [these are] the places that still linger in fear and homophobia because they are not as exposed to it as people who have moved to the city. It’s happening. A little slower than the pop music scene as far as acceptance of gay people, but I can see the little baby steps happening.

In addition to music, you are also an actor. Have you always had a passion for entertaining people?

I always have. I’m an introvert, and I think part of it for me, whether it was acting or singing, being an introvert, I find that I don’t have as much place to express myself and my feelings. Growing up gay in the Bible Belt in west Texas in the 70s, it gave me a chance to play human. To be and feel human. Because not feeling accepted as my own self, it was nice to be accepted as this other human or this other person. You know, playing a bad guy, playing things I would never do on my own.

It’s cool to inhabit this character, this person, and feel kind of free. I am the same way with music and singing a song. Whether it’s my song or any song, you are kind of jumping on this ride on a roller coaster. It is where I have found that I feel the most me. I feel that I am expressing myself.

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TALKS QUEER MUSIC AND DENVER WAREHOUSE LIFE

By Addison Herron-Wheeler Photos courtesy of Picture Plane

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t’s 2020. The world is literally burning, and we’re about to enter World War III. The queers have pretty much decided it’s the last chapter and there’s nothing left to do but break gender rules and dance. That’s why Picture Plane should be your soundtrack to the apocalypse.

Picture Plane, also known by his muggle name, Travis Egedy, has been making dark, dystopian pop music with elements of everything from metal to underground country for a while now.

He was originally making music here in Denver, as part of the collective of artists who lived and played music in warehouses, but has since moved to New York. Still, his heart is very much in the Mile High, and you can hear it in every dark, subversive note he plays.

We chatted with Picture Plane about music, darkness, queerness, and the changing landscape in Denver.

Mexico. I came up here to go to art school and study painting at the Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design, which was really cool. For the first few years, I was living out kind of in the suburbs, but soon, I got exposed to the warehouse music scene in Denver. At that time, I started going to a lot of shows and meeting a lot of local musicians and stuff. And that's what I really wanted to be doing was playing music.

I was making tons of music in my bedroom at the time, and I just wanted to be involved any way I could. That kind of became my whole life, playing music and throwing shows in warehouses in Denver. It was this incredible education there of just meeting so many interesting people, booking shows for touring bands, and throwing art shows and local events for all kinds of people. It was really an incredible, safe place for people to just come and express themselves and be totally free. It was beautiful.

Tell me about having your What prompted you to roots in Denver and how move to New York? you got your start here.

I moved here right out of high school when I was 18, from Santa Fe, New

I was touring and playing a lot of shows at the time, and I kept going to New York and had a lot of friends living there. And I was kind of just like, ‘Why am I not

living here?’ And it was a good decision; I’m glad that I left. Denver is amazing, but it always felt like a little bubble at the time that I was here, and it always really felt like we weren’t supported by the city here, and no one really cared what we were doing outside of the underground community.

I feel like Denver really needs to understand the importance of art and culture. You can’t just push everyone out and grab all the money in real estate.

You need to give the place value with art and culture.

How did your sound evolve to become what it is?

Being a part of a community of artists in Denver was really important because we could bounce ideas off each other and just play for each other all the time. My sound came about really organically. I was always into electronic music and a lot of like rap and hip hop and stuff. But I was also going to, like, crazy noise shows and punk shows and stuff. So, it was this kind of fusion of these electronic beats but with kind of a DIY, noise-punk spirit or something.

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I wanted to write pop songs but still have it rough and fuzzy around the edges, and noisey. I've always been sort of a postmodern artist in that way. It's like, the influences are all over the place.

And I'm gathering and bringing things in from seemingly very different genres.

A lot of people wouldn’t put those things together, but that’s what I like to do.

Tell me about the themes of androgyny and postgender in your work. How did those come up, and why are they important to discuss?

I think that was a huge influence from Denver on my my art living inside of Rhinoceropolis being around a lot of, like, queer and anarco-punk type kids. Everyone was really expressing themselves, and I found the concept of playing with gender really fascinating.

And during those years, I made an album called Thee Physical that was predominantly about playing with gender.

I just found it to be extremely empowering and really radical to be confronting these rigid binaries that to me are totally absurd. I was always concerned with radical freedom, people being free at all costs, and gender is a big part of that, portraying your sex or your gender. I wanted people to be completely open and free and encouraged to be themselves.

How do you feel like that message has evolved or changed?

Well, I'm not making every song about those themes, but it felt really crucial at that time in Denver. I was thinking a lot

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about the year 2012 also, like leading up to 2012. I was seeing it as this moment of a radical possibility for an expansion of consciousness and evolving to a higher state of being humans.

optimism, a lot of cool parties, and I just

You know, I don't know if that really happened or not. But, at that time, I was super optimistic. I was wanting just, like, a total revolution, really. And In a sense, what we were doing here in Denver was a revolution; we were living that reality, and people were just so open and free.

Everyone was just really encouraged to be themselves. There was a lot of queer

Do you feel like when Trump got elected, your music got less optimistic or got darker?

found myself really immersed in the community. It was really inspiring to me.

There’s always kind of a line of optimism in my artwork, I guess. I don't want it to be too bleak. I'm not a pessimistic kind of person, even when things are pretty bad, which they are right now. I don't want to beat people over the head with like, ‘Oh, this sucks; everything sucks.’

You know? It’s kind of just boring. There needs to be some escape or some sort of release.

Check out Picture Plane’s clothing line, Alien Body, and stay tuned for more music and visual art in 2020.

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 2 3

by Denny Patterson Photos provided by Stewart Taylor

Get Messy with

Stewart Taylor 2 4 \\ J A N U A R Y 2 2 , 2 0 2 0

S

tewart Taylor is a singer, songwriter, and dancer who released his latest single “Mess Your Hair Up” earlier this year. Becoming a hit, the R&B- and funk-inspired track was featured on Logo’s NewNowNext and made Queerty's Top 10 Songs of the Summer.

Inspired by his own long-distance relationship at the time, Taylor encourages people to be playful and adventurous with their significant others in “Mess Your Hair Up.” The song is also a marked departure from “Liberation,” Taylor’s inspirational, LGBTQ anthem from four years ago that was featured on several anti-bullying platforms. Taylor’s own coming-out story was featured in Dan Savage and Terry Miller’s bestselling book It Gets Better.

Starting his career in the underground Boston and New York club scene, not only has Taylor grown and matured, so has his music. These days, his songwriting focuses less on coming out and more on navigating through the good, bad, and ugly of relationships.

His optimism shines through in “Mess Your Hair Up,” and OUT FRONT had the opportunity to chat more with him about the undeniably catchy single.

Let’s begin by talking more about one of your hottest hits of the year, “Mess Your Hair Up.” You said it was inspired by your own long-distance relationship?

Yeah! ‘Mess Your Hair Up’ is like one of those funny songs that just kind of comes to you. I wasn’t in the studio at the time; I was walking around Hollywood about to meet a friend, and my boyfriend at the time sent me a picture of himself after getting a haircut, and he looked so cute. I was like, ‘Oh my God; if I could just jump through the phone right now and mess your hair up and jump on you [laughs].’ Then I was like, ‘Oh my God, that’s the song,’ and I started singing and immediately started recording what would be the chorus in my phone recorder. I brought it into the studio a week later, and the song was written and produced.

That’s awesome! I’m curious, what kind of hair does your boyfriend have?

Well, we are not together anymore, but we are still good friends. Long distance

wasn’t ideal. We were together in New York when I lived there and was gigging for two years. We were very serious for a long time, and he has, like, dark, black hair. Very luscious!

It’s a shame that long distance did not work for you guys.

Yeah, thank you. I had to move out to L.A. for music business stuff and recording sessions. I write pop music, so all the sessions that I had to be in or got called to come to were all in L.A., so I was like, ‘I need to be there.’ That’s where all my collaborators started ending up, so I had to make the move. It was a tough call.

What did he think of the song and music video?

Oh, he loved it! He’s been listening to the demo of this song for well over a year. While I was conceptualizing the music video and getting all my ducks in a row, like meeting with directors, producers and just finishing the song and making sure the music was going to be everything I envisioned it to be, he was sitting on this song for a long time.

He was like, 'Can I show this person? Can I show this?’ Like, stop showing people; it’s not done yet! He was very supportive.

That’s great. The song was released at the end of May, but the music video came out right before Labor Day. What did you think of the great reception it got last summer?

It’s been good. The first day the music video came out, it got picked up by a lot of blogs, and I got some magazine write-ups for the first time, which was very exciting. And I sent them all to my ex-boyfriend because we are still very good friends, and I’m like, ‘Thank you so much for sending me that picture. I got an entire music video and song out of it.’ It’s been good and mostly positive.

The music video celebrates not only the hairstyles of white people, but also African Americans, Latinx people, and even drag queens. Diversity is very important to you, isn’t it?

It is. Also, I think it speaks to the fact that I am friends with a very diverse group of people. Every single person in that music video is a friend of mine. Being in

the entertainment industry and living in Hollywood, I am surrounded by actors and dancers and people that are good friends, and I collaborate with them. The video ended up being very diverse. I’m sorry if I missed some people. I definitely did not even cover the full spectrum of hair, but I tried.

Have you always wanted to be a singer?

Yes, always. I always explain it this way to people. Singing and songwriting is just something that I have always done. Like, one of my earliest memories is coming up with songs as a little four-year-old and singing and walking into the next room and my whole family being like, ‘We can hear you,’ and me running out of the room in embarrassment. No one made me go on stage; no one made me start singing or writing songs; it’s just something that I started doing. I have done it my entire life, and I feel like it’s my destiny.

It’s definitely in your blood.

It is. My aunt is a singer, and we grew up listening to her. She still writes songs, and she pursued it for a while, but now she has a quiet life in the South. She always sounded just like Stevie Nicks and inspired me. We have it in the blood. My great-grandfather was a singer and sang a lot in New York, and my grandmother sang on the side, as well. No one really pursued it like I’m pursuing it.

You have gone on record saying you have been passed up by major TV shows, executives, and record labels simply because you are gay. Is there still a major lack of diversity and LGBTQ visibility in the music and entertainment industry?

So, what I meant by that, I think things have gotten better in our industry over the years, but when you look at the artists that are available to the mainstream public right now, like Sam Smith, Adam Lambert, and Troye Sivan, those are the only huge, mainstream, gay artists that are out on Top 40 radio and being celebrated. I feel like, and I’ve heard a lot of them say this too, that’s not a lot of people.

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 2 5

There’s Justin Tranter who’s writing for people all over Top 40, and he’s an openly gay singer/songwriter. Even he still says there needs to be more visibility in our business. I still think that’s true.

I think things have gotten better, but in the past decade, I used to go to Jive Records in New York when that was still open, [and I got] passed up saying you’re too effeminate; you’re too this, or your songs aren’t good enough; it’s too theatrical.

It’s been hard, but there has been a lot of progress in the last decade. Just for me coming out when I was 17, throughout the years when I started submitting songs to record labels or going to meet execs or going to audition for American Idol or any of those shows, I remember casting directors specifically passing me up because it was too theatrical.

2 6 \\ J A N U A R Y 2 2 , 2 0 2 0

Three years ago, one of my representatives sent a single to a record label and they said, ‘No, this is too gay, or I can tell he’s talking about a guy.

This is not going to sell; I’m not going to take a chance on this,’ and that can be very disheartening, but at the same time, if Justin Beiber was singing this song, it would sell, if he was singing the exact same lyrics, and I think my lyrics are generally universal. I try to be as broad as I can. Overall, I do think it is getting better. I have found more opportunities as an out, gay artist, especially in Hollywood.

As a singer, what is your ultimate goal?

My ultimate goal is to keep making music. I’m like anybody else in this town. I would love to get some songs on the radio and get more cuts with major label artists. I would love to be able to

continue pursuing my career as an artist and songwriter, and I think I am in the right place right now.

What’s next for you? Any upcoming projects we should be on the lookout for?

I can’t say too much, but I am in talks with a couple shows. At this point, I am going to start releasing more singles as I go. I think in the future, I would love to be able to release a debut album, but at this point, I think the best plan of attack is just to keep releasing singles every couple months and build momentum that way.

“Mess Your Hair Up” is available on Apple Music, Spotify, and all digital platforms.

To stay up to date with Taylor, visit stewarttaylorofficial.com, or follow him on Instagram @Stewarttaylormusic.

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Buck Angel

Tranpa Undressed and Controversial

By Veronica L. Holyfield Photo by Ellene Stagg

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 2 9

F

rom the beginning of his career, Buck Angel has been facing opposition, pushback, and discrimination. As a trans man in the adult entertainment industry, he is no stranger to criticism about his body, his masculinity, and his place in this world. Stepping onto a platform of visibility through his work in pornography, Angel was the first trans man with a vagina to expose it all more than 20 years ago and prove that all types of bodies can, and deserve to, experience pleasure.

it was downright life-destroying. We use transsexual intentionally, as that is how Angel identifies himself. He began his FTM transition with a doctor who had experience in working with the MTF demographic and became somewhat of a controlled experiment in observing what happens to a trans man as HRT is introduced. After two years on hormones, Angel found a doctor who was willing to do top surgery, and Angel became the first FTM keyhole chest top surgery in Los Angeles.

Recently, the controversy surrounding Angel has shifted from his critics in the cisgender realm to folks from the trans community. Facing scrutiny on social media for his strong opinions when it comes to the agism and infighting that exists within trans and nonbinary conversations, the original Tranpa is not one to sit back and take it. He has been fighting for visibility, rights, and respect for far too long to let the younger generation take his progress and use it against him with labels like “boomer” and “irrelevant.”

After deciding to opt out of bottom surgery, Angel discovered that if he began to love his body as-is, he could embrace the fact that he was a man with a vagina and enjoy sexual pleasure without the risk of losing sensation or functionality. Through this process, he was able to free himself from the dysphoria and began using pornography as a way to normalize bodies like his.

Angel has worn many hats in his career, from model and sex worker to product developer and entrepreneur. Now, as he is thriving in his mid 50s, he is stepping into the role of motivational speaker and trans activist, Angel is using the experience of his past as a way to remind us that progress isn’t always linear, and the current generation is possibly harming itself more than it’s helping.

“I am not scared to speak my mind; I feel that my opinion matters. I’m trying to teach the youth that you can stand on your own two feet and have a different opinion. It doesn't mean you're against the community; it just means you have a different opinion and you're an individual,” Angel said.

When we spoke with Angel, he was candid and stood strong in his beliefs about how to live an authentic life.

“I could be considered problematic, but what does that really mean? In the scope of things, I’m moving us forward. I don't conform to ideas, and I never have,” he said.

And it’s true. In front of public scrutiny as well as behind the scenes, Angel has never been one to accept a society that didn’t accept him.

Angel’s story is not unlike that of many queer folks, and the path of coming into authenticity was a struggle since childhood. He isolated, used drugs and alcohol to cope with his “differentness,” and was on the brink of suicide. In the midst of a deep depression, Angel was in and out of psychiatric wards, had fallen deep into a pit of self-hatred, was self-harming, and was using sex work in order to pay for drugs.

One night, his life became endangered due to the nature of his work, and Angel had a moment of reconciliation and realized he in fact wanted to live. In order to save his own life, he had to face the dysphoria, combat the uneducated, and attempt to become the person he knew he truly was and needed to be.

Angel came out as a transsexual in the 80s, a time where questioning gender was not only unacceptable, 3 0 \\ J A N U A R Y 2 2 , 2 0 2 0

“People say to me all the time, ‘You're so brave to transition,’ and I say, ‘No, I'm not. It was life-saving.’

I had no choice,” Angel emphasized.

Photo by Ellene Stagg

“

I'M NOT A TRANSGENDER ACTIVIST; I'M A HUMAN RIGHTS ACTIVIST. I HAD TO FIGHT FOR MY OWN IDENTITY, WHICH IS TRANSSEXUAL; I'M NOT A TRANS PERSON; I DON'T LIVE MY LIFE AS A TRANS PERSON; I LIVE MY LIFE AS A MAN.

“

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 3 1

Photo by Ames Beckerman

Through Angel’s transition and watching how the discussion around gender and sexuality has evolved, he has been seeing a new trend crop up within his own community. The issue of ageism is rampant, and Angel said that he feels young, trans folks are now consistently turning against their elders by dismissing their history and calling them antiquated.

“It’s insanity what's happening right now; this culture of shutting down conversation or eliminating other thoughts that don't necessarily go with your ‘agenda.’ For me, my work has always been about pushing boundaries; you can go all the way back to the time that I started pornography over 20 years ago,” Angel said. “Can you imagine? No one ever saw a person like me. I got smashed in the face by everybody, my trans community, the adult community, but through that, I learned how to stand and be more brave on some level.”

Angel said he gets his unrelenting attitude from all those years of being marginalized, criticized, and judged for his body and his line of work. Through challenging the boundaries and limits of sexuality and gender in pornography, Angel has discovered a new outlet for his passion: activism. However, he’s very clear as to what his activism means.

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“I'm not a transgender activist; I'm a human rights activist.

I had to fight for my own identity, which is transsexual; I'm not a trans person; I don't live my life as a trans person; I live my life as a man. I had a sex change,” he said.

Angel lives within the binary, which, for many in the queer community, is considered an assault on identities like gender nonconforming and nonbinary. He believes that gender exists and is not strictly stemming from and dictated by the patriarchy.

“We need to have this conversation because there's kids out there who just want to be like me; who just want to go from being female to male, live their lives as men, walk the world that way, and live in a gendered space,” he said.

“Transsexual is not antiquated, and it's very disrespectful and hurtful to a person like myself who fought when we didn't get to have a sex change back in the day. Now the kids have a lot of privileges and a lot of entitlement, and they attack the people who opened the doors for them.”

Angel went on, “I'm going to say it right here; the transgender community is a little bit out of control on some level and [they] shut-down conversation. I'm not part of that. I think conversation creates change; it builds bridges between me and you and is the way to create change, not isolating each other.”

While his activism is not favored by some, Angel is considered a role model by many, and he understands how necessary it is to educate young folks around what happens to the body when HRT and other forms of gender-affirming care practices are implemented.

Seeing opportunities that existed in the market of sex toys and tools for transgender and transsexual men, the entrepreneuer side of Angel emerged, and he began his own line of products. He developed the Buck Angel FTM line which created The Buck-Off, a toy which can be worn by people with an enlarged clitoris to provide sexual stimulation and pleasure, solo or with a partner.

He also introduced a web series titled “Tranpa 101” on YouTube just last year as a way to offer insight and first-hand knowledge and experience to FTM individuals. By tackling topics like dysphoria, sex, and body functions all the way to the very real issue of trans male vaginal atrophy, Angel is using his celebrity platform to access as many folks as possible.

In 2011, Angel underwent surgery on his reproductive system after experiencing debilitating cramps, mostly after sex. After passing out and being taken to the emergency room, he found out his cervix had fused to his uterus and his vagina had atrophied. The near-death experience has motivated Angel to share the serious reality that folks who are on testosterone will experience this, and healthcare professionals are not talking about it. It's through public speaking opportunities, interviews, and his YouTube series that Angel can spread awareness about the real issues the community faces.

“When I when I first was called a role model, I pushed away, but as I moved through using my pornography as activism and understanding what that meant, I realized, I am a good role model. I would have liked to have seen me. I say to the kids, I'm your future. I didn't get to see my future, so as a 57-year-old, transsexual man, these kids will actually get to see [it]," Angel said.

To him, seeing a future version of oneself is so important, especially to marginalized groups, as they don’t often see a narrative of success that mirrors their own identity. Holding himself to being that for many queer folks, Angel feels a responsibilty to be evidence that the road can be bumpy, yet authenticity is worth the ride.

Now, Angel primarily focuses on the work he does as a public speaker, and through his honest visibility as a transsexual man, he feels a lot of validation in the positive feedback he gets in the business sector. In sharing his experiences, whether that means his early years of drug and alcohol abuse, or his transition, or his work in pornography, Angel finds a sense of purpose through connecting with others.

“I feel empowered, and I know I empower other youngsters.

They say ‘Oh, Tranpa, I've been feeling suicidal,’ and I know; I get it; I was there,” he said. “They can see that I walked through it, and some level of what I'm doing is I'm making them feel like they're not alone.”

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 3 3

Photo provided by Buck Angel

“

IN THE SCOPE OF THINGS, I’M MOVING US FORWARD. I DON'T CONFORM TO IDEAS, AND I NEVER HAVE.

“

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By Joshua Lionlight

ARIES: Your adventure has to do with testing your strength

LIBRA:

of will and heart. Engaging with more exotic or wild animals looks like a strong possibility. There’s some loving tenderness to be found from someone who calms the fire within. Be open to the fantasies and connections showing up. Let yourself see the beauty in multiplying!

Receiving an award or gesture of recognition for your efforts looks to send you on a joyful venture. You may have the opportunity to network with new people or clients.

Someone is entrusting you with a task; have faith in yourself; you have the skill to pull it off! If you need support, you may be surprised to find that a younger individual can offer it.

TAURUS: There’s a specific job or project that is demanding

SCORPIO:

your attention and has the potential to take you on an exciting adventure! Whatever you’re pouring your energy into right now looks to increase exponentially. Through a skill or project, you will discover more of your heart’s desire and the direction from that. Try healing any heart pains through a physical craft.

GEMINI:

The chance to travel or sail across the seas looks possible! An exciting adventure can arise when you set your intentions out and speak for your vision. It’s most advisable to feel through the beginning of the year rather than try to anticipate all the ins and outs. Remain neutral in your stance, and you’ll find yourself moving into uncharted territory!

CANCER:

A confrontation or contradiction of sorts may be arising for you at the beginning of 2020. This standoff or different view is pushing you into a mystical quest. There’s an energetic art that could serve you in your success, such as astrological insight or water healing.

You’ll see positive results when you mix and mesh opposing energies!

LEO:

The knowledge you need is within yourself or your environment. You may find yourself on an adventure to discover deeper truths and spiritual solutions, especially with the next full moon. An inner awakening will push you to move on business opportunities that have more to offer. Your spiritual awareness is attractive to others, and it can bring you wealth!

VIRGO:

An adventure that leads you to a surprise source of income is showing up! A new job offer or new discovery in natural medicine looks affirmative. It may serve you well to reconnect with an old friend or partner. This connection has a higher level of value to you now. By all means, make a gesture or give a gift to express your admiration or love for the other person.

Your new venture lies in an opportunity to express your energy or creative spark in a different light. I’m sensing a new environment and enthusiasm. Starting from the top and working your way down will be most beneficial.

Disagreements may take place. Simply allow them to happen.

SAGITTARIUS: There’s a lioness energy surrounding you!

Acting from instinct and taking charge will launch your grand adventure. One or several people are seeking your blessing for something in their lives. Step into a master role, and you’ll see grade-A material. Join in on the celebrations! Saying yes to the invites will do you more good then sitting on pride rock.

CAPRICORN: My my, someone is making their devotion and love known! A confession of the heart will redirect your path in an exciting way. It is a great time to make commitments.

You may find your family expanding. Consider your personal happiness, but have the courage to drop old patterns and tactics. Working with some restrictions is natural on the path to fulfillment.

AQUARIUS: Setting your goals and sights higher will usher in a riveting quest, one that has to do with deeper awareness.

The study of various, cultural, spiritual practices looks to enlighten you. Be prepared to receive the key to some hidden knowledge. A doorway or opportunity shall be cast open, removing any fog. What you take with you will cause a big reaction, shocking!

PISCES:

A family achievement or change ignites a new adventure. Tranquility happens when the cycle circles back around. There’s a focus on home and a slight disconnect with the information being shared.

Establishing more boundaries will raise your respect for one another. Follow any calling inviting you to explore a new destination.

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 3 5

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For the past three years, three months, and three weeks I have been publicly living as my affirmed male gender.

My name is Cass Daniels, and I am a transgender social worker. When I was born in 1990, the doctor told my parents that I was female, and it took me almost 24 years to figure out that I am actually a man. This process of figuring out my identity was a long, lonely journey, full of struggles and strife. My experience is not unique to gender-expansive individuals, and often it can be difficult to find community, support, and a sense

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of belonging. This common experience is why I am incredibly excited to announce a brand new clinic called the Transgender Center of the Rockies.

The Transgender Center of the Rockies (TCR) is a brand new non-profit organization under the Mile High Behavioral Healthcare umbrella.

With the closing of the Gender Identity Center, it is critical to have a space for transgender and gender-expansive individuals to receive competent mental health care and have a space

to form community and relationships.

At the TCR we have a mission to provide holistic and competent genderaffirming services that aim to empower and support transgender and genderexpansive individuals to live full, meaningful, and authentic lives. We are dedicated to providing social-emotional support and substance abuse treatment for the trans community through individual and group counseling, peerled support groups, employment case management, PreP case management, and community events.

Cycle Sluts' New Years'

Resolutions

By the Cycle Sluts

Dear Cycle Sluts, We are at the beginning of a new year, and that means goals and resolutions.

What are some of yours?

KAY: To never make goals or resolutions.

ZOEY: I would say my resolution is to not drink as much, but who are we trying to fool?

MAE: More glitter! More rainbows! More UNICORNS! COOKIE: I resolve to eat better, be better, bet better, bathe better, imbibe better, butt better, and have more sex.

Dear Cycle Sluts, I know we are boycotting the chicken place, but I love the food. Why does the chicken taste so good?

KAY: The forbidden fruit.

ZOEY: Hate tastes great! It is a mix of bitter and sour.

COOKIE: "Some day somebody gonna wanna make you gobble up a waffle fry ... but chow down ... even if you're gay.”

MAE: Hmmm ... have you tried the other chicken place? Little Nicky says, "It's %*!#@*$ awesome!”

Dear Cycle Sluts, I am hearing so much about the “pup” culture, but I am not interested in it. Is there an adult version?

KAY: Is that the bear community?

MAE: I, personally, like an older dog. You can find them at shelters, and they just need a loving home. * Zoey bangs head on desk.*

COOKIE: Yes, yes, there is. May I refer to Puppies in the Mountains. Look up their website.

ZOEY: There is, but it requires neutering and the cone of shame.

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 3 9

HeinzeSight When Insecurity Becomes

Dangerous: Narcissism in Our Culture

By Brent Heinze

T

hose of us living today know how it feels to have a narcissistic personality thrown in our face daily. There are many Trumpian folks out there who display this type of dangerous personality. Some feel it is entertaining to make a big bowl of popcorn and watch the drama unfold, while others who are negatively impacted by them are less amused. It is important to know about the patterns of these people so we can better identify them and protect ourselves from being pulled into their game of drama and manipulation.

We all feel insecure about ourselves in some ways, but there are individuals who go to extremes in their attempts to make themselves feel better about their existence. These narcissistic people may be more prevalent than we want to admit. To the outsider, they may come across as an idealized friend or partner, but the harsh reality is that in most cases, the relationship is based on deceit, and it can become abusive without warning.

Narcissism is most often developed out of a dysfunctional attempt to alleviate personal feelings of insecurity and inferiority. These individuals place great importance on creating a seemingly powerful and confident public persona instead of working to build healthy self-worth internally. Over time, these patterns become more deeply ingrained until they simply become an expected part of their personality.

These people are often perceived as charismatic, attractive, and confident. They may enhance their physical appearance by purchasing flashy clothes, steroid use, or cosmetic procedures.

They may be well-known for their impulsive decisions with little consideration for consequences and often find it challenging to maintain focus on a plan due to their desire for instant gratification. Although attempting to appear resourceful, they are often quite dependent on others for their success.

Unfortunately, others rarely get the credit they deserve for being supportive.

Many aspire to have high-profile positions either professionally or within communities. They often crave the spotlight and can go to exorbitant means to exhibit qualities that will most likely catch people’s attention. Often, there is a preoccupation with their own physical appearance and may use methods like overexaggerating their achievements, talents, or plans for future projects.

To create this image, they may be irresponsible with money or in fulfilling other obligations while they work to create 4 0 \\ J A N U A R Y 2 2 , 2 0 2 0

a fantasy world. They are also more likely to distort facts, directly lie, or take credit for other people’s accomplishments or ideas. These people also may present an over-inflated sense of themselves, including describing themselves as hard workers, fulfilled, and happy when in reality they struggle with feeling empty, insecure, inferior, and flawed.

Narcissists rarely accept responsibility for a lack of success, often experience difficulties admitting when they are incorrect, and struggle with making apologies. If they get called out for concerning behaviors or feel that others are being critical of them, narcissists often become aggressive towards those who are confronting them and may provoke a fight. A narcassist often becomes aggressive or plays the victim by claiming that they are being abused and judged unfairly by others. They attack or attempt to discredit anyone who challenges them.

A narcissist is best known for being the ultimate chameleon who is adaptable to a variety of scenarios and environments.

It’s more than simply being manipulative or “two-faced.” They actually possess multiple selections of “faces” that can be chosen depending on what they feel will be best suited to gain what they want. They will often attempt to gain control over others by any means necessary including using aggression, crying, guilt-trips, threats, blaming, or making false accusations. They might also fabricate vulnerability to lure others into a false sense of confidence or compassion when interacting with them. This is a manipulation and rarely an authentic expression.

They have difficulties managing healthy relationships and often focus on maintaining surface-level interactions to help ensure that people do not have opportunities to get to know them on a deeper level. They may be more interested in having fans or followers than actual friends. This provides a type of safety buffer so others are less likely to see through the façade.

A narcissists’ siren song can be incredibly hypnotic and alluring initially. When relationships do occur, they are often exciting and intense but quickly become unstable and chaotic. For those unfortunate enough to be pulled into their gravitational pull, it can sometimes feel like they have been welcomed into Eden or trapped under the ashes in Pompei. In good times, the relationship can feel magical, but during other, challenging periods, it can feel combative, frustrating, or emotionally distant. These creatures initially appear alluring, but their venom is extremely toxic, and their attacks can feel brutal.

Like with any cycle of behavior, narcissistic people can act in a series of expected ways. These relationships often begin with lots of passion, compliments, praise, and high levels of attention. These patterns will often continue until something happens where they either feel threatened, bored, or they find another source of fulfillment from someone or something else. After this happens, the current relationship will rapidly shift to their person of interet being rejected, criticized, or quickly discarded. After this happens, it is crap shoot if the relationship will remain in the discard pile or if attempts will be made to restart it again.

Narcissists seem to have a type of sixth sense to target the person who is likely able to give them what is wanted. Many times, the unfortunate victims of a narcissist possessws a variety of desirable qualities including being nurturing, compassionate, hard-working, financially stable, and thoughtful; they may also come across as somewhat insecure or emotionally vulnerable. They may also be hand-picked because of their

subtle, these people are jealous, insecure, and controlling in relationships.

It can feel like a relationship happening in a re-enactment of the classic story of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” where you may be unsure of which character you are facing at any given moment.

Victims of a narcissist often develop a deeper connection with their abuser and feel they don’t want to give up on them.

They frequently feel they need to walk on eggshells, censor themselves, or take the blame for situations that were not their fault to avoid conflict. Many times, the victim may feel pushed to their emotional limit and will experience intense feelings of loss, anger, or stupidity about being taken for an emotional or financial ride by a charming, manipulative liar.

Many times, victims are scared to confront the narcissist publicly out of fear backlash from their actions. It is this anxiety that often keeps these types of dangerous individuals in positions of power within communities. Narcissists can be master manipulators who are rarely exposed unless they are pushed past the limits of their ability to maintain their façade.

If this happens, they are exposed as a weak, immature bully with a sense of entitlement and a false sense of power and influence over others. Their power and influence can quickly fade as they become identified as toxic individuals who have a strong reputation for being dishonest, deceitful, or not to be trusted.

Some people feel that narcissists have an inability to feel remorse for their actions; however, it is more likely that they hold a different set of ethical values than most. They may find it acceptable to take advantage of others or manipulate situations for their own benefit. This is often at the core of how a narcissist can get away with hurting others while still coming off as a good person. They are phenomenal actors.

education, talents, success, competence, or other qualities that are considered important or desirable. Sometimes, people are painfully aware of being charmed into supporting them, while others risk becoming unknowingly enchanted. Some are lulled into a type of romantic, hypnotized state, so they will go to exorbitant lengths to provide happiness, stabilit, or love to an individual who is using them for personal gains.

Although these people can initially appear to be extremely caring, warm, and kind, those behaviors can all quickly change, and a seemingly supportive relationship can take a sharp, dramatic turn. They may also attempt to destroy other relationships surrounding their target that they perceive as threatening in some way. For example, they may express concern that you are spending too much time or energy on someone or on an activity. They can find fault in what you are doing or express concern that your actions are detrimental to your wellbeing. Although often

It is important to develop skills helpful in protecting yourself against the initial attack of these individuals or to defend yourself if you are unfortunate enough to become intertwined.

First of all, don’t take it personally or waste energy beating yourself up. These types of opportunists seek out their prey for their kindness and vulnerability.

It is imperative that you advocate for yourself by setting boundaries and sticking to your guns. If you choose to remain in the relationship with a narcissist, you should work on accepting that your needs will probably not be met, and it will likely be a matter of time before more disappointment or volatility returns. These dysfunctional patterns are buried deep within a narcissist's personality and is unfortunately unlikely to change.

In our current society, those individuals who are identified as violating personal consent or as a sexual predator are aggressively confronted. However, these charming, emotional predators are somehow often excluded from this type of community scrutiny. It is important for victims, survivors, and supportive allies to speak out and confront narcissism around us. Stop letting these charming, opportunistic manipulators get away with hurting good people.

O U T F R O N T M A G A Z I N E . C O M // 4 1

SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

LVDY MARQUIS THEATER

4 2 \\ J A N U A R Y 2 2 , 2 0 2 0

Photos by Veronica L. Holyfield

HIV MURAL PROJECT TURNS HEADS HIV advocates came together at Denver Sweet on Friday, December 27 to celebrate a new mural that brings awareness to the HIV struggles the queer community still faces today. Local groups like Planned Parenthood's The Drop and the Colorado Department of Public Health and Education hope to completely destroy the stigma with their positive outreach.

Photos by Heather Smith

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