May 2, 2018 :: Travel Issue

CO LO R A D O'S LG B TQ M AGA ZINE FREE

COSTA RICA ARMCHAIR TRAVELS

‘LEGAL IMMIGRANT’ ALAN CUMMING

Travel

2 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 3

CONTENTS MAY 2, 2018 VOL42 NO3

9 6 CONFESSIONS OF AN ARMCHAIR TRAVELLER 9 MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS 14 OSCAR WILDE’S LEGACY: HOW QUEER IS DUBLIN? 18 THE ENCHANTMENT AND BEAUTY OF COSTA RICA 22 DON’T BREAK THE BANK 24

18 14

'LEGAL IMMIGRANT' ALAN CUMMING HITS THE ROAD 29 TOP PLACES TO TRAVEL IN COLORFUL COLORADO 32 WHAT’S APP?!?

38 HEINZESIGHT: LETTING SOMEONE DOWN WITHOUT BLOODSHED

40 4 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontMagazine.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontmagazine.com JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher J.C. MCDONALD Vice President MAGGIE PHILLIPS Operations Manager JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontmagazine.com RYAN HOWE Editor ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER Associate Editor BRENT HEINZE Senior Columnist SARAH FARBMAN Copy Editor INTERNS: Arianna Balderamma, Kate Dooley, Madeline Espinoza WRITERS: Yvonne Wright, Denny Patterson, Nate Schaaf, Louisa Silverman ART art@outfrontmagazine.com DESIGN2PRO Graphic Designer COVER IMAGE BY STEVEN GRAY CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS Charles Brohous, Mike Bomberger MARKETING + SALES marketing@outfrontmagazine.com HARRISON SCHAFFER Director of Sales & Marketing BRENNAN GALLAGHER Marketing Executive QUINCEY ROISUM Marketing Executive National Advertising Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 | sales@rivendellmedia.com

DISTRIBUTION OUT FRONT’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge, one copy per person.

Additional copies of OUT FRONT may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at OUT FRONT offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. OUT FRONT is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of OUT FRONT, take more than one copy of OUT FRONT. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT, its staff, or advertisers.

RESERVATION OF RIGHTS Q Publishing Group, LTD is the owner of all right, title, and interest in the OUT FRONT brand and logo. No person or entity may reproduce or use (or authorize the reproduction or use of) the OUT FRONT brand and logo in any manner other than expressly authorized by Q Publishing Group.

Unauthorized use of the OUT FRONT brand and logo is strictly prohibited.

OUT FRONT is published by Q Publishing, Ltd., a Colorado corporation and is a member of: NEPA, Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 5

Confessions of an

ARMCHAIR TRAVELLER Havana You can’t write about Havana without writing about the music. Beats pour out windows and follow you down the street, inviting your hips to sway, your shoulders to shimmy.

You can’t write about Havana without writing about the color: that blue-blue sky, the pastel buildings lined up like little girls on Easter, the large-and-incharge old cars with their primary-color, paint-bucket hues.

You can’t write about Havana without writing about the air. Briny and soft, it runs the sea through your hair; its salty finger traces your lips and beckons you to follow it back out to sea.

One day we visit El Tempete. I try to look past the chipped and faded façade, back to when this colonial building witnessed the founding of the city. I won’t tell you what I wish for as I take my turn walking around the ceiba tree in the yard.

One day we visit the Plaza de la Cathedral. A sign says that the façade of the building is “a classic example of Cuban Baroque style.” Outdoor tables sheltered under umbrellas say that the elderly Casa del Marquis on the left is now a restaurant. This comes as a relief, 6 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

as I’m not in the mood for religion or architecture. We take a seat and order cafés instead.

Okavango Delta For months before our trip, I lie awake at night making checklists, packing lists, lists of animals they said we might see. I read about rainfall and climate in the Delta, look at pictures of lions spearing antelopes, of long-legged birds standing backward-facing-knee-deep in the marsh.

One Sunday about two weeks before our trip, I pack and unpack and repack my bag, just to make sure I have everything and that it all fits. Hat. Sunscreen.

Malaria pills. Well, anti-malaria pills, as my wife reminds me. Binoculars.

Camera and accessories. Vest with lots of pockets. The safari people were very specific about the supplies we had to carry and the amount of space they would be allowed to take up.

When it’s finally time to leave, we fly from Denver to New York to London to Johannesburg to Maun, a small Botswanan town at the edge of our destination: the Okavango Delta.

I pass the shorter flights by telling my

wife, well, telling her earbuds, about how the Okavango Delta actually isn’t the largest inland delta, even though people say it is. I tell her about how 11 cubic kilometers of water flow from the mountains of Angola through the Kalahari desert every year, arriving at the Okavango Delta just in time for the dry season. How this more than triples the size of the marshy wetland every year. How the majority of that water, having no sea to flow into, is sucked up by plants or evaporates.

I pass the longer flights with a glass of wine and two Benadryls.

When it officially begins, the trip is a mixture of stunning beauty and constant discomfort. Every day is broiling hot except for when it’s freezing, but the herds of zebra watching as we pass by don’t seem to mind. Neither do the meerkat-looking-things that raise their skittish little heads at the slightest provocation. One night we are heading back to our camp—open lean-tos, folding wooden tables and canvas chairs set up on rugs in the sand—when our tour guide stops the Jeep. There is a rhino sitting in the road. We will not be moving until it does. My back gets stiff and my hands and feet and ears turn white from

By Sarah Farbman

the cold, but I don’t care. I am utterly in awe.

The Taj Majal Who knew a mausoleum could turn me on? But from my position in the Mehtab Bagh, across the Yamuna river, it looks almost sensual: the domes on each of the three buildings generously curved and topped with a sharp spire. I had always wanted to see the Taj Mahal, but now that I’m so close, just across the river, I feel hesitant.

A few minutes later, I pile into an open-top canoe-type-thing with several boisterous Swedish men. They are all on some kind of business tour together, and I, a single traveler, got lumped into a group with them. I briefly wonder if this is what it felt like to be a Viking.

Only, instead of pillaging and burning and stuff, we are being propelled across a crowded river by a scrawny, Indian teenager with a long pole to “ooh” and “ahh” and snap a few pics.

Closer up, the marble glows yellow in the setting sun. A pink sari flits next to a hat and sunglasses; long robes rub shoulders with band t-shirts. Patterns on the 400-year-old stone walls and tiled

floors fill my eyes. I press a hand to the stone, still warm from the heat of the day. I take one last look around and then step back into the crowd.

The Kitchen Table I wake up, slowly at first, then quickly.

Why is it full daylight? What meeting am I late for? What phone call am I missing?

Next to me, my wife is still slumbering away and I relax. It’s Saturday.

I slip out of bed and tiptoe down to the kitchen, where I make coffee and toast, grab my laptop and head to the round, wooden kitchen table. I open up my computer and hop on Google maps. Where should I travel today? The possibilities. I take a bite of my toast and type the first name that comes to mind.

New Zealand. I’ve always wondered what that place looks like. The map shows the country as two islands, and I zoom in until I’m hovering over a random city. Paeroa. Never heard of it. I search for the little yellow man in the corner of my screen and grab him by the head. His arms and legs flail as I prepare to drop him at random. I spend the morning strolling through the streets, happily munching my toast.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 7

8 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

e n i M t e e s M i u o L t.

S

by Denny Patterson

W

hether visiting for business or pleasure, St. Louis, also known as the Gateway City, is bound to leave a lasting impression. Forget the headlines saying it’s one of the worst cities across the country. St. Louis is a magnet for young and ambitious folks. From eclectic cultural attractions and signature cuisine to exciting nightlife and live entertainment, each neighborhood has a unique style and character.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 9

It may not have beaches or mountains, but this welcoming city located on the mighty Mississippi River will win you over with its charm and friendly locals. In addition, St. Louis is one of the most queer-friendly destinations in the country, with one of the Midwest’s largest LGBTQ Pride festivals. Listed below are some of St. Louis' top neighborhoods every person, LGBTQ or not, should visit.

Central West End (CWE) The Central West End has been an LGBTQ mecca since the 1960s.

Known as one of St. Louis’ most cosmopolitan neighborhoods, the CWE is home to numerous sidewalk cafes, restaurants, galleries, trendy boutiques, and cozy pubs.

This is the perfect place to relax and watch people. Tree-lined private streets display stately turn-of-the-century homes, new high-rise condo towers, lofts, and apartments. Make sure to look for the family apartment of playwright Tennessee Williams, said to be the setting of his play The Glass Menagerie.

Other notable features include the luxurious Chase-Park Plaza; the breathtaking Cathedral Basilica of St. Louis, which houses the world’s largest collection of mosaic art; and the World Chess Hall of Fame, home to the world’s largest chess piece. Annual CWE events include the Central West End Art Fair & Taste Festival in June, a Greek Festival during Labor Day weekend, and multiple Halloween festivities throughout October.

diversity, and enthusiasm.

Also known as St. Louis’ Mexican-food haven, Cherokee Street has multiple Latino-owned-and-operated businesses and restaurants, showcasing a localized styling of delicious Mexican food. Visitors and locals do not want to miss out on the annual Cinco de Mayo celebration.

Clayton Classy and sophisticated, Clayton, Mo. is St. Louis’ other downtown and the heart of St. Louis County government.

The city’s train, also known as the MetroLink, makes it easy for you to visit this bustling district, where you will find dozens of tasty restaurants, fine art galleries, and boutiques surrounded by elegant hotels, including the Ritz Carlton.

The Saint Louis Art Fair, rated top in the nation, attracts more than 150,000 people to Clayton’s streets every September.

Other special events include the Taste of Clayton food festival, Gallery Nights receptions in the area’s art galleries, a seasonal farmers market, Parties in the Park cocktail gatherings each spring and summer, and the Big Read literary festival in the fall.

Forest Park

Cherokee Street

Do you love taking a walk or jog in the park? If so, Forest Park awaits. Located on 1,293 acres in the center of the St. Louis metropolitan area, Forest Park is 450 acres larger than New York City’s Central Park.

Cherokee Street is a vibrant center for commerce, culture, and creativity. This historic neighborhood has more than a dozen blocks of independently owned and operated design studios, shops, art galleries, cafes, and restaurants. An art community, Cherokee Street takes pride in collaboration, inclusiveness,

A natural oasis, it is home to several popular attractions, including the Saint Louis Art Museum; the Missouri History Museum; the Saint Louis Science Center; the Saint Louis Zoo; The Muny, one of the country’s largest outdoor theatres; and the Jewel Box, a flower conservatory that is a popular venue

1 0 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

for special events. Annual events include the free Shakespeare in the Park Festival and LouFest, a two-day celebration of modern music and green living.

The Grove Rainbow flags are proudly displayed along The Grove, located on Manchester Ave. Known as the epicenter of St. Louis LGBTQ nightlife, this neighborhood is constantly expanding and has more than a dozen popular hotspots, each with its own vibe.

You can enjoy a cocktail at The Monocle or mingle on the massive patio at Just John. In the mood for a drag show? Make sure to check out Rehab and Attitudes. Who knows, you may just run into a queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

The Hill St. Louis is historical in many ways, and the Hill neighborhood prides itself on world-class athletes and Italian cuisine.

Baseball’s Yogi Berra and Joe Garagiola grew up on the Hill, and today it maintains a traditional collection of authentic Italian bakeries, grocery stores, restaurants, and mom-andpop trattorias. Every part of this neighborhood shows off its Italian pride. Even the fire hydrants are painted red, white, and green. Twenty-first-century additions include studios, coffee houses, retail spots, and small businesses that add energy to an already-vibrant area.

Laclede’s Landing

with red brick townhomes that house restaurants and music clubs where you can hear the blues. Elaborate courtyards offer outdoor seating and dining from spring through fall.

In addition to the neighborhood’s rich history, visitors and locals alike flock to Soulard for its Mardi Gras celebration, the second-largest in the country; Oktoberfest in the fall; and the Soulard Farmer’s Market, which has been operating continuously since 1779 and is held on Wednesdays and Saturdays. There’s nothing like the taste of fresh produce and the smell of baked goods.

South Grand There are no words that can describe South Grand. This wonderfully diverse neighborhood offers a wide array of Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Latin, and Chinese restaurants, ethnic groceries, boutiques, vintage clothing stores, and Asian import centers. Eat, shop, and stroll around the world. It is essentially St. Louis’ Epcot.

Some popular LGBTQ hot spots include queer-owned businesses like MoKaBe’s Coffee House, Brickyard Tavern, and Cheap TRX, a shopping experience you will never forget.

Also located within the area is Tower Grove Park, an elegant, 19th century Victorian walking park with whimsical picnic pavilions, statuary, and fountains, and The Missouri Botanical Garden, which welcomes visitors and researchers to one of the top three botanical gardens in the world.

Laclede’s Landing, also known to locals as The Landing, is a collection of 19th century riverfront warehouses that have been converted into nightclubs and restaurants. This is the neighborhood where the old and new will always come together. Nineteenth century architecture meets 21st century dining and entertainment. Visit a brewpub, dance the night away, or have a drink at a dueling piano bar. The options are limitless. Feeling lucky? Then the Lumiere Place casino complex is waiting for you. This district hosts special events, such as the free Big Muddy Blues Festival on Labor Day Weekend.

The Loop Named after an old streetcar turnaround, this one-of-a-kind neighborhood is home to over 150 shops, boutiques, clubs, and restaurants. From modern and vintage to funky and ethnic, the Loop has it all. Visitors are encouraged to check out popular late-night entertainment options, including Pin-Up Bowl, the Tivoli movie theatre, and the Pageant concert nightclub, or take a stroll down the St. Louis Walk of Fame to learn more about which famous actors, authors, politicians, and musicians call the Gateway City home. End the day with a relaxing and comfortable stay at the ever-popular Moonrise Hotel.

Soulard Just a few minutes south of the Gateway Arch, Soulard is the city’s oldest neighborhood. These historic streets are lined OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 1 1

1 2 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 1 3

By Kate Dooley

OSCARHow WILDE’S Queer 1 4 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

T

he country is wet and dreary, and only decriminalized homosexuality in 1993. It’s unlike the white, sandy beaches of LGBTQ hotspots such as Brazil or the Dominican Republic that we often see on Instagram. Ireland does not scream queer-friendly.

However, after spending a week in the city on the search for the ultimate whiskey cocktail, I was pleasantly surprised to find a thriving queer community that was refusing to hide itself within the busy fabric of Dublin.

Home of the iconic Irish poet and playwright Oscar Wilde, who faced three trials in 1895 based on his “gross indecency with men,” the island in the North Atlantic has a conservative past that’s been less than welcoming to diverse communities. Despite eventually being imprisoned for homosexuality, Wilde represents a transformative moment in Ireland’s vibrant history. He defied what people said about him and basically turned his trials into an unapologetic display of queer slam poetry, which is both badass and inspirational. “‘Love that dare not speak its name,’ and on account of it I am placed where I am now,” Wilde exclaimed. “It is beautiful; it is fine; it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it.”

Today, walking through the Temple Bar night market or small artisan shops, one will find the poet’s famous quotes, paintings of him dancing in front of rainbow colors, and various celebrations of the writer’s LGBTQ visibility. Not only do the Irish give Wilde his rightful credit, but they’re proud of the legacy he left behind.

LEGACY: is Dublin?

And it’s in this spirit that Dublin has established a fairly up-and-coming queer scene, bolstered by the legalization of same-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland in 2015. In fact, in a moment of social revolution, Ireland was the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage according to popular vote. It was a milestone for a historically Catholic country, and a huge step towards becoming more liberal and accepting.

Now, there is a modest array of historic pubs and nightclubs that declare themselves “gay bars,” which is a huge step from the silencing that took place in the 90s. On any given night, these bars are filled with tourists and locals alike, out or not, who are indulging in trendy drinks, art installations, and drag entertainment. When meandering through the crowded streets, I only had to look for the Pride flags proudly waving across storefronts to find which bars catered specifically to the capitol’s queer community.

Here are some of my favorite spots:

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 1 5

Street 66 Located on Parliament Street, this decades-old building was formerly known as the Front Lounge, but was rechristened as Street 66, and has been known as a queer bar for decades.

When you are walking through trendy South Dublin, it is hard to miss the bar’s aesthetic Massive, bright orange doors line the storefront and are paired with a single rainbow flag.

Ducking into the bar, I found myself nestled in a cosmopolitan lounge filled with velvet sofas and quirky, circusthemed art. The owners called it a dive bar. Contrasting with this space of the building, there’s a “Disco Room” at the back where drag shows and DJs take the stage during the weekend.

The bar’s eccentric vibe screams hipster, 1 6 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

which is great if you’re into that. But if you’re not, they have a selection of 40 gins and growing (enough to turn even the most devoted whiskey lovers into gin fanatics).

The George Opened in 1985, it’s one of Ireland’s oldest queer nightclubs and was the largest queer venue in the city until the decriminalization of homosexuality just eight years after its opening. The club dubs itself “the first port of call for young gay people in Ireland ... it’s the lynchpin that holds Dublin’s gay scene together.”

Situated on the lively South Great George’s Street, I arrived at The George late on a Saturday night and was greeted with a hefty line winding around the corner and down the street. As I waited,

I noticed that although the club declares itself a “queer institution,” the crowd was a diverse mix of LGBTQ folks, allies, and people who just wanted to dance to some house music.

Similar to Street 66, the club is divided into two areas: the front space, “Birdies,” which exists as a quieter area, and “The George” section, the part that has more of a club vibe. Apart from being a cultural flagship of Dublin, the club is known for its variety of events, including a bingo drag night, cabaret, and karaoke.

Pantibar The bar’s website reads, “Hello! And welcome to my lair. Here at Pantibar we have been serving the LGBTI community and their friends (well, the cute ones anyway) since 2007.”

Named after the country’s supreme drag queen, Pandora Panti Bliss, who’s wellknown for her successful campaign for marriage equality in Ireland in 2015, dancing with Cyndi Lauper in Japan, and regularly hosting Dublin’s pride events, the bar sits on the eclectic Capel Street on the capitol’s North Side, mixed in with a multitude of shops, which range from sex shops to charity stores.

True to its diverse neighborhood, Pantibar is funky and it has a staff that is overwhelmingly good looking (questionable hiring methods, but I’m still not over it). Along with this, the notorious red ambiance throughout the building provides perfect lighting for the bar seven days a week, every week.

Self-declared as the country’s “national f*cking treasure,” it was my favorite queer spot in Dublin and easy to find, with its old-school, Hollywood-esque sign shining defiantly down the street.

While these spots aren’t necessarily “locals only,” each space provides an authentic LGBTQ experience, allowing natives and international travelers to mingle, dance, and partake in some good ol’ fashioned drinking.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 1 7

By Yvonne Wright

The Enchantment and Beauty of

S

tepping into Costa Rica is like falling into Wonderland. The colors here are brighter. The smells richer.

The tastes sweeter. This is one of the most bio-diverse countries in the world. It’s where you’ll find dozens of endangered species. There are cloud forests, mangrove forests, rainforests (wet and dry), mountains, volcanoes, waterfalls, beaches, and people who value and protect the magic here.

This is not where you go if you’re only 1 8 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

looking for sun and sand.

Mapping it Out

Costa Rica is where you go if you want to play with wild monkeys, fly through one of the world’s few remaining cloud forests, dip into volcano-heated thermal baths, dance in the over-crowded cobblestone streets of San Jose, or hike through rainforests so lush and so colorful you’ll think the red and blue wild mushrooms are made of handblown glass and the brightly colored toucans are statues.

Pura Vida—translated into English— means “the pure life.” You hear it a lot here. Like aloha, it means both hello and goodbye. It is also a way of life.

Costa Ricans are committed to living a joyful life. There is no army. Twenty-five percent of the land is protected, and they’re working to become 100 percent self-sustaining. Electricity is generated by wind and water.

cheaper, cooler, and less crowded than the summer. It’s not as wet as the winter, when it’s not uncommon for roads to flood. Costa Rica is more expensive than most other Central American countries.

But, if you travel like a local, you can find some amazing deals.

There’s a lot to choose from. I, personally, am not usually a fan of tours. But for my first trip, I wanted a taste of it all and opted for a one-week tour, followed by three weeks on my own.

Volcanoes After flying into the capital of San Jose (more on that city later), we spent the night, then climbed aboard our bus for the drive to the north central mountains.

Here you’ll find the Arenal volcano and neighboring La Fortuna. Poas Volcano National Park is a major tourist attraction here. It’s kind of like a tropical zoo. There are spectacular waterfalls. You’ll also see the brightly colored birds, frogs, turtles, butterflies, and crocodiles Costa Rica is famous for.

And the infamous monkeys and sloths but nothing, nothing, even close to the ones you can experience in the wild.

In Arenal proper, there is horseback riding, waterfall rappelling, ziplining (you’ll pretty much find this everywhere, as it was invented here), white-water rafting, and volcano-heated hot springs.

Baldi Hot Springs is the world’s largest hot springs and offers 25 thermal pools.

You swim under waterfall, after waterfall, after waterfall. The pools range from cool to hot, and there are several swim-up bars.

Cloud Forest Education through college is (mostly) free. Health care is universal. And retirement pensions are plentiful. The standard of living is not the same as in the U.S. Here homes are smaller.

Meals consist mostly of rice, beans, and a protein (usually fish, chicken, or pork).

Fresh fruits and vegetables are plentiful.

There are two seasons: wet and dry. Wet in the winter and dry in the summer. I prefer the shoulder seasons—those spring and autumn months right in between. It’s

If you don’t go anywhere else, go to the Monteverde Cloud Forest. Set atop the spine of Costa Rica’s continental divide, the 26,000-acre mountain reserve is one of the most biodiverse areas in the world. You will find six ecological zones here with thousands of plant, mammal, bird, and reptile species.

The area began as dairy farms owned by U.S. Quakers trying to avoid the Korean War draft in the 50s. The Costa Rican army was dissolved here in 1949. It is now mostly a reserve for scientists, tourists, and wildlife.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 1 9

one daylight stop and stay in the park.

The surrounding beach areas are less crowded and downright magical. Watch out for the monkeys, though. They’re professional thieves who will grab your backpack, your camera, and especially your lunch.

You can walk through the clouds on one of the many sky bridges, take a tram to the top, and zipline on one of the world’s highest and longest ziplines. Do it. Even if you’re afraid. There are several to choose from. Ours included 14 ziplines that gradually took us 2,500 feet in the air.

I’ll admit, I didn’t expect it to be so high, and once you take the plunge, there’s no going back. It’s like being in a plane with no seats. Or walls. Or floors. For a couple of the lines I had to close my eyes and count. But, ohhh, the views! Not just in the air, but climbing from one platform to another. There are hundreds of wild orchids, lush vines, trees, exotic birds, and if you’re lucky, you’ll spot some monkeys or sloths.

Monteverde is also home to a locallyrun coffee plantation. Because of the 200 volcanic formations in this Central American country, the soil is rich and perfect for growing coffee beans, one of the nation’s main exports.

Beaches Next stop: Samara and Carrillo Beach.

Located along the Pacific Ocean, this is where the wealthy and modern-day hippies converge. I personally would only stay here a day or two. The beaches are lovely, but compared to the rest of the country, it doesn’t offer much more than that.

Same with Jaco Beach. Except Jaco also offers a city where you can bar hop and find a lot more tourists. It’s also known for its surfing.

2 0 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

There are night tours to nearby beaches where endangered turtles nest.

Larger endangered turtles nest on the Caribbean side of the country. You can volunteer there, but you have to pay for the privilege.

Farther south, but still along the Pacific coast, you’ll find Manual Antonio National Park. This is where we hopped off our tour, and I’m so glad we did.

While the area can be extremely touristy during the day, most tours only make

This area is home to several species of monkey, some endangered. They are wild, but you wouldn’t know it by the shows they put on at nearby restaurants.

They dance. They howl. They swing from anything that’s not nailed down.

And, again, they steal! Some of the more daring monkeys will make a mad dash through the restaurants, grabbing packets of sugar. The waiters tell me they only go for sugar, so some no longer put it on tables.

Hotels can be expensive here. There is the beach, the road, and the mountain.

The farther up the mountain you go, the more expensive the lodging. We stayed at a local, waterfront hotel. (I didn’t meet any other Americans while I was there—which was fine with me.)

The port city of Quepos is a short taxi drive away.

Mangrove Forest Our foray into the mangrove forest began the way I suspect an encounter with a serial killer would begin. After being given a slick, professional brochure (yes, from a stranger we met at the park), we soon realized we were not headed to the tour in the brochure.

Sitting in the old, beat-up truck with two men who spoke no English (my Spanish is limited to “please,” “thank you,” and “where’s the restroom?”), we drove a couple hours into the deep forest.

The longer the ride, the more frightened we became. Finally, we stopped at what looked like a creek and an old, tin boat held together with duct tape and a prayer. This is also where we met Ricardo and realized we were not in any danger. Far from it.

Mangroves are estuaries, complex waterways, where saltwater comes together with freshwater. We spent the next couple hours gliding through canals rich with roots, wild flowers, and fruit.

You’re not supposed to feed wild animals for a lot of reasons. In fact,

feeding monkeys is a crime. So I was surprised when we pulled to the side and Ricardo did his “monkey yell.” Dozens of monkeys came running. Sitting on the front of the boat, he smeared banana on my hand. Monkeys (yes! wild monkeys!) jumped onto my shoulder and licked my hand. Licked my hand!

I later learned, if you sit still and let the monkeys come to you, it’s not as detrimental. They are still “foraging” for food, and a smear of banana is not enough to sustain them, so it doesn’t discourage them from hunting. It does, however, make them less scared of humans, which is not good. Hard-core conservationists would argue against this kind of interaction.

The City Many, if not most, tourists fly in and out of the capitol city of San Jose without spending a night there. I was almost one of those people. I only budgeted a couple nights here because it’s big; it’s dirty; it’s crowded, and it’s full of crime.

Once there, I wished I had budgeted more time. I loved it. Because it’s big; it’s dirty; it’s crowded, and it’s full of crime.

(Okay. Not so much that last part.)

It is also full of history, art, culture, and food. If you go to Costa Rica, don’t miss out on this enchanting mountain city. It’s the only place I’ve been where you can walk into a Denny’s at 5 a.m., order an omelet and a bourbon and then gamble while waiting for your food.

If you are one of those Americans who needs American-standard hotels, there are plenty of options skirting the city.

If, like me, you want to sit on a balcony built 150 years ago, listen to live music from the city center below, enjoy the flashing casino lights across the street, and dodge pigeon poop, you’ll want to pick one of the city center hostels.

Like the rest of Costa Rica, Pura Vida prevails. There is the Gold Museum, the Jade museum, the artisan markets, and the ornate National Theater. Life here is slow. It’s not always easy. But, there is a sense of pride that is well-deserved. A peaceful nation. A grateful nation. A way of life we could all learn from. Pura Vida!

I could talk about this forever, so for more information about tours and hotel costs, visit outfrontmagazine.com.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 2 1

By Addison Herron-Wheeler

Don’t Break the Bank Tips to Travel on a Budget

I

t’s a common misconception that travelling and vacations are only for those with giant budgets or serious bankrolls. For those without a trust fund, or who are scrimping and saving to get by, it can seem like the other half jets around the world to exotic locations without a care in the world, while everyone else is left toiling at work and only taking weekend trips to see nearby family.

bank and are totally fun. Yes, you’ll still have to save and budget a bit if money is a concern, and everyone has different circumstances. But these tips will help you plan out a vacation that is reasonable and doable, one that you don’t have to daydream about and keep putting off.

unless you grab tickets way in advance, and cruises are a high-cost way to see the world. And while it is possible to plan way ahead and get great deals on longer-distance travel, being able to plan that far in advance sometimes isn’t an options for those who live paycheck to paycheck.

Take an Alternative Travel Route

It doesn’t have to be that way. There are plenty of affordable, reasonable options for travel that won’t break the

One of the costliest things about travelling is the actual travelling. Trains are pricey, planes are super expensive

One great alternative way to travel is to drive to your destination. This requires a different kind of travel mindset than the one needed for hopping on a plane and being whisked away to paradise, but it’s still a lot of fun. To travel to your

2 2 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

destination, you only need enough money for the gas to get there, plus a little extra for emergencies and food.

Especially if you are driving a fuelefficient car, this can be a really cheap option. Plus, you’ll be able to see a lot of the country and make stops along the way that would be completely missed if you were to just fly over.

If you don’t have a set of wheels, taking the bus can be an affordable option. This can also be the cheapest choice, as it is possible to land a crosscountry bus ticket for under $100 if you do a little digging. In addition to Greyhound buses, there are buses in certain places that are even more affordable. The China Bus goes up and down the East Coast, connecting the cities there, and there is also a bus that goes from Denver to Mexico, for those with a passport.

Look for Cheap Lodging Another daunting thing about travel is the money that hotels and lodging can cost. For a lot of people, coming up with rent every month is a stretch, so the idea of coughing up hundreds of extra dollars for hotel rooms isn’t exactly appealing. Searching for an airbnb or similar lodging style is a great way to still stay somewhere in style and be comfortable, since you can set the price of the room as low as $20 a night. Another handy tip? Many don’t know you can actually negotiate the price of an airbnb. And since you can message the people renting to you, you can ask and make sure they are LGBTQ-friendly.

Motel hopping can be fun as well; just make sure to do some research on the cheap places you are staying to ensure that they are safe and reputable.

Plan a Camping Trip It’s also a major money-saver to make your vacation a camping trip. If you have some supplies and a vehicle, all that’s needed is the fee at the camping site, which, if it exists at all, is normally under $60 and is often paid on the honor system. For those planning a short trip, this can be a great call.

Look for Affordable Pet Sitting, or Bring Your Pets Lots of queer folks have fur babies that are a part of the family, and if you aren’t rolling in it, boarding your pet can be another one of the things that stops you from having a good time. If you’re hung up on pet sitting, try some of the cheap sitting apps like Rover, which can be around $15 a night.

They also offer check-in options that are cheaper, for those with cats or other pets that just need to be looked in on occasionally.

Another option is to bring your pets with you. They are welcome in most camping sites, and you can check for airbnb and hotel sites that allow them as well.

Party Like the Locals Vacationing turns some people off because all vacationers seem to do is hemorrhage money while living out cliche´s. Going to all the touristy spots, shopping for knick knacks, and going on expensive tours isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, or in the budget for everyone. When you visit a new city or town, try to find some fun activities that the locals love. Go to some concerts, check out some local parks or free outdoor areas, and enjoy the area you are in from the inside out. You’ll be getting a more thorough idea of what the place is like, and you won’t be spending unmanageable amounts of money.

Keep it Under Budget Finally, there is no shame in planning out a specific budget for a trip, and putting away a little money here and there to help you make ends meet. Plan for a $500 or $1000 trip, and then itemize travel and lodging costs to see how much you’ll have left over for fun. Rather than making your trip an over-organized drag, it takes the burden off of you so you aren’t constantly checking your bank account or watching your spending while you’re trying to have fun.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 2 3

By Addison Herron-Wheeler Photos by Steven Gray

'Legal Immigrant'

Alan Cummi Hits the Road

2 4 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

I

t’s 2018, and trans rights and dismantling gender are at the forefront of the fight for LGBTQ folks. “Queer” is becoming the go-to word to describe sexuality instead of breaking things up into specific designations, and “pansexual,” being attracted to humans regardless of sex and gender, is an accepted way to identify.

Alongside this, celebrities are coming out as pan and bisexual, announcing attraction to multiple genders, and having public, queer relationships, furthering our visibility and acceptance.

Alan Cumming is way ahead of us. He is one of the only bisexual folks who has been out and actively dating men and women for years, all during his time in the public eye. He has also been a very outspoken advocate for queer rights, winning awards from organizations like GLAAD and being openly recognized for his work towards equality.

He’s accomplished in the acting world, balancing multiple stints on Broadway with a career in TV and on the silver screen.

With iconic, queer roles like Desrae, the self-described transvestite on British TV series The Runaway; Bill Blaikie, a gay drag promoter on The L Word; and the voice of an HIV-positive and paralyzed gay man on Rick & Steve under his belt, Cumming is committed to queer representation both onstage and off.

Now, he is making his way across the U.S. in support of Legal Immigrant, a cabaret performance based on political rhetoric, performance art, and more. While there are definitely elements of performance and comedy to his one-man show, the edgy title is very intentional, as Cumming uses his Scottish-American pedestal to call out American hypocrisy when it comes to immigrants. Rather than rest on his laurels in the wake of his success and more LGBTQ acceptance, Cumming is still willing to fight for those who need it.

OUT FRONT caught up with Cumming over the phone about visiting Denver, his career as a queer performer, activism, and “getting f*cked up the *ss by a lesbian with a strap-on.”

ing

HOW DO YOU THINK THE PUBLIC PERSONA OF BISEXUAL FOLKS HAS CHANGED IN THE MEDIA FROM WHEN YOU STARTED ACTING TILL NOW? DO YOU THINK YOU CONTRIBUTED TO THAT CHANGE? Wow, jumping right into it, aren’t you!?

Of course a great change has happened since then, since I started coming out as a sexually functioning adult. I don’t know if it’s changed that much, actually. I didn’t grow up in this country, so my sexuality isn’t seen as such a crazy thing in Europe like it is in America.

I think we’ve come a long way, and in a funny sort of way, the whole explosion of trans people coming into their own and being accepted and welcomed into more public parts of society and people understanding gender issues more than now, I think that’s actually been a positive thing for bisexuality too; the idea of sexually nonconforming is more easy to understand if you understand trans, so I’m grateful to trans people.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 2 5

ON INSTINCT YOU PLAY A QUEER CHARACTER, BUT YOUR SEXUALITY ISN'T THE MAIN FOCUS OF THE SHOW. DO YOU THINK THAT IS AN IMPORTANT STEP FOR MAINSTREAM TV? I think it’s a really great thing that it’s a drama. I can’t believe it’s taken so long, but also I think that the fact that the focus of the show is not the sexuality is a really positive thing.

As I’m doing this show, I realized so much about other gay types on TV and how usually if someone’s gay, they are there because that’s the focus of the story; it has something to do with their sexuality. What’s lovely, it’s usually in a negative way, like they are sick or they are having an affair. What I love about Reinhart is that I love that he’s gay, but that’s not all there is to him.

Hopefully we can get there as a society as a whole. You don’t say that to Morgan Freeman [bring up his race rather than his acting skill], but I always get the pretext of my sexuality or my nationality as well.

I think I am more Scottish in my core that I am queer, but I think it’s a positive thing to show people that we have other facets to ourselves other than what we have in our underpants.

OF ALL THE LGBTQ-RELATED ROLES YOU’VE PLAYED, WHICH WAS YOUR FAVORITE? I always laugh when people say they saw me on The L Word because I say, ‘You saw me getting f*cked up the *ss by a lesbian with a strap-on!’ It was a very good erotic scene, but I actually think it’s funny; they say, ‘Oh, he’s playing a bisexual,’ but all you think is, ‘He got f*cked up the *ss by a strap-on.’

I remember that and I quite like when people say that because I am able to say something provocative back.

I don’t know though; I was in a movie about a gay couple trying to adopt a child with Down syndrome [Any Day Now], and I hope people continue to watch it because it kind of got swamped in the Oscar season and didn’t do well in the U.S., but sometimes you have to look back in history and see how far we’ve come or how little we’ve come, and that film is about a couple trying to adopt, and that issue still exists. People say, “Oh, but my neighbors, two guys, got a baby;” well, I bet they didn’t get it through the state adoption system. It’s still really, really hard for people who don’t have a disposable income to be able to adopt a child from the states. So I really do like that film; that is one of the ones I am most proud of.

2 6 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

WHAT CAN WE EXPECT FROM YOUR ONE-MAN SHOW? Over the last few years I’ve actually been doing this [performing another one-man cabaret]; not this one, because it opened a week before in Seattle, so you’ll be seeing it when it’s an infant, but the idea of doing an old-fashioned cabaret, singing, tellings stories.

I love it; I love the way you connect with the audience and the personal connections with people, especially because I can’t do a long run in the theatre because of my TV show, so it’s a lovely thing to be able to go connect to people. In a way, it’s a continuation of the last one, and the songs I want to sing are songs I can really act on and feel emotionally connected to, and it’s a good reason for me to sing a song. I don’t have that great of a voice, so I need something I can act and feel passionate about, so that’s what I’m doing.

Obviously, the fact that I became a citizen of America, highlighting the immigration status of the people whose songs I’m singing, highlights the recent fact that the American immigration website had the phrase ‘Nation of Immigrants’ removed from it. I find it so crazy that revisionism is happening; we are told we don’t live in a nation of immigrants when we do, and also just becoming an American, talking about what is home. I still define myself as Scottish, and that’s an important part of my identity.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO VISITING DENVER? I’m most excited about meeting my musical director’s Granny, because she lives in Denver and we’ve been trying to get a date in Denver so she can hear us perform. I’m really looking forward to meeting her.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE? ANYTHING ELSE COOL IN THE WORKS? I’m doing the TV show Instinct; I’m going to be hopefully doing another season of that. People seem to like it! I go back to doing that in mid-July if all goes well, so the idea of doing a TV show that I really like in New York where I live and then getting to go out on the road and do concerts, that’s a sweet deal for me. I’m also writing another book.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO ADD? I’m actually really looking forward to the concerts. It feels like when I go to a different city I’m vulnerable. It’s a true cabaret, a shmorgashboard of genres. I have the chance to acquaint myself with people I don’t know, people who will come and play with me.

Cumming is performing on May 9 at the Paramount Theater.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 2 7

2 8 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

TOP PLACES to Travel

in Colorful Colorado

By Nate Schaaf

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 2 9

of LGBTQ+ goings-on courtesy of Out Boulder, it’s hard to find a more tolerant, welcoming city in the state. Sure, as a college town, Boulder sports a good amount of drunken coeds wandering around at any given time, but they’re easily avoided.

S

unny days, weekend excursions, ideal weather: all of these things define a great Colorado summer.

And what better way to spend the summer than getting out and about and exploring all that the state has to offer?

Here are some of our top-rated travel destinations throughout Colorado.

called the Carousel of Happiness. What could be better?

Nederland

Great Sand Dunes National Park

When you think “Colorado mountain town,” chances are you’re perfectly picturing Nederland. Nestled about an hour away from Denver proper, Nederland is an escape that doesn’t require you to go too far. With breathtaking views, an abundance of friendly locals, and endless activities (the Frozen Dead Guy Festival in the spring and NedFest, the annual summer music and arts festival, are big hits), Nederland should be a regular stop for anyone looking for an easy, relaxing day trip. Plus, they have an attraction

You can sled down sand dunes. If that doesn’t sell you on adding this to your travel list, maybe the beautiful scenery, the wealth of camping options, and the beach will. Plus, you can sled down sand dunes.

3 0 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

To do: Kathmandu sports amazing food and strong pours on their drinks, while the Very Nice Brewing Company is a cozy spot that is canine friendly and often has local musicians drumming up some lively crowds.

To do: sled down sand dunes.

Literally Anywhere in Boulder If you’re looking for inclusive, vibrant, exciting things to do, Boulder has you covered. From constant strings of concerts and musical events (seriously, almost every single night) to a slew

To do: Take a bob in a sensory deprivation float tank to get in touch with your inner self. Or eat your way through Boulder’s many, many acclaimed dining hotspots.

Or, as local Carrie Wash suggests,“My girlfriend and I just wandered around the Flatirons for a few hours once. It was peaceful, quiet, and kind of romantic.

You just lose yourself in the fantastic nature surrounding you.”

Durango Small-town Colorado sometimes gets a bad rap, but the tinier spots throughout the state are home to some of its most fascinating attractions. Durango’s downtown area is full of gorgeous, historic buildings, and the town itself plays host to the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railway. It runs day trips from Durango to the old mining town of Silverton, and if you’re looking for scenic views throughout Colorado, the train will absolutely get you those and more. Durango is also host to some beautiful trails, such as Cascade Creek, that allow you to immerse yourself in nature. There’s also rafting, a treetop adventure course, and numerous museums to satisfy the lifelong learners.

To do: honestly, if you’re in Durango and you don’t get on that train, you’ve made a grave error in judgment.

Golden Golden gets massively overlooked due to its proximity to both Denver and Morrison, but for small towns that don’t require you to venture too far from the capitol, you can’t do much better. From the intimate Golden City Brewery, complete with a dog-friendly patio, to the tourist trap that is the Coors Brewery tour, Golden is a hidden gem that’s only a stone’s throw away from Denver. The Community Gallery at the Foothills Art Center frequently features rotating works from local LGBTQ+ artists, and the Colorado School of Mines Geology Museum spotlights a fascinating array of materials (can you say “moon rock?”).

There’s a new adventure around every corner.

To do: Head to Clear Creek White Water Park in the summer, for some rafting and tubing.

“If you don’t want to travel far to hit the water, Clear Creek is a great place to be,” said Colorado native Jeremy Rhine.

Maroon Bells Maroon Bells is an incredibly weather-sensitive destination, as you won’t be allowed to the Bells proper unless conditions are favorable. But if you can get there, it's worth it. Picturesque, painterly, aesthetically pleasing, you could keep going through synonyms for the word “pretty,” and most all of them would apply to this spot. There’s a reason Maroon Bells has been named the “most photographed spot in Colorado,” though many rely on pictures alone, which simply don’t do the locale justice. If you’re able to get in, the Silver Bells Campground nestles you on the banks of Maroon Creek, which means that every morning, you’ll open your eyes to some of the most breathtaking views in the country.

To do: Just go and exist. Become one with nature.

So now that you know where to go, spread your wings and fly to the far corners of the state so you can soak in everything that Colorado has to offer. Or, you know, you could just stay inside, too. It’s your call. But adventure is out there, waiting to be had. If you hear it calling your name, answer. See where life takes you this summer.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 3 1

By Louisa Silverman

These Travel Apps Make Vacation a Breeze

Y

ou can depend on traveling to be a hassle, and since the main purpose of apps is to make life more convenient, it’s no wonder that there are so many created to smooth over some of the wrinkles that have become a routine part of travel. I traversed the expansive terrain of the app landscape and brought back several of the apps that I found most noteworthy. I hope you will find them useful as well.

Packpoint Let’s start with the basics: packing. Based on a series of questions for you to answer about your trip, Packpoint generates lists of items you may need to pack. Now, I understand that this app’s job is to figure out what clothes I need to pack, but does the very first question really need to be whether I’m male or female (with no other response options)?

Putting that behind me, let’s see what else this app has in store. After choosing from a list of about 20 general activities, Packpoint gives you a master packing list with sections for all the activities you chose. Then, you pick which items you would actually need to bring to compile your final list.

3 2 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

Packpoint is comprehensive, reminding me of items such as a power adapter for an international visit, which would not have occurred to me (but which I would definitely want now that they mention it).

However, the “essentials” section feels a bit excessive, and I feel super low-maintenance being able to weed out items like an eye mask and perfume.

I appreciate that they advised me what the weather would be like two months from now in the Southern Hemisphere, and I liked that they considered how many nights I would be gone and whether or not I would have access to a laundry machine. I found it comforting to have a second pair of eyes looking out for me, even if those “eyes” are actually just a simple algorithm capitalizing on my anxieties.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 3 3

Scott’s Cheap Flights

WiFi Map

Scott is a real person, and he has a self-proclaimed obsession with finding cheap flights. He started out learning and developing strategies to find cheap flights for himself, and he had so much success that he began sharing his systems with others through two books and his website, Scott’s Cheap Flights. Although it’s not an app, this website deserves some attention.

In a world where we feel entitled to WiFi wherever we go and appalled when we find out that the coffee shop we just settled into “... doesn’t have ... WiFi??” it’s nice to have it all mapped out for us. Literally. WiFi Map has over 120,000,000 WiFi networks and their passwords, and you can search them based on the location, speed, or popularity.

Once you join the Scott’s Cheap Flights listserv, they will send you an email every time they find a flight at a crazy cheap price. And when I say “crazy cheap,” I mean it. I’ve received notifications for flights to Beijing (normally around $850+) at $431; flights to Puerto Rico (normally around $500+) at $155; and I bought a ticket to Quito, Ecuador (normally around $750+) for $256.

If it seems like joining this listserv would be setting yourself up for a barrage of emails, you’re right. However, you can choose which regions you want to hear about so that you only get notifications for select places. I get notifications for all regions because I love seeing all the possibilities.

Scott’s Cheap Flights finds these flights by constantly scanning airlines in search of deals and flukes in the pricing system.

Then they send out an email blast with details, including links to the flight in Google Flights, which airlines are offering them, the timeframe for travel, and about how much time before they estimate that the booking opportunity will disappear. Sometimes they’re gone within one to two hours.

Scott’s Cheap Flights claims that they “[do] not receive referral fees from Google Flights, Momondo, or any other booking sites,” and their instructions and tips for booking are very helpful, since nabbing the flights can be a little frantic.

3 4 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

The app says that all the WiFi networks it lists are public, but many of them are called “Home WiFi” and have addresses that don’t seem to be connected to any particular business. I feel sneaky going through all the networks and hitting the big, green “Unlock Passwords” buttons, like I’m sitting in a swivel chair in the middle of the WiFi control center commanding them to open for me.

There have definitely been times when I’ve been traveling alone around a new city and realized that I don’t know how to get home and can’t use my cellular data. In cases like that, this app would have been really useful. The information is maintained from the last time you had access to WiFi or data, so you can use it when you don’t have access. Even still, I recommend downloading the WiFi map for the city you’re exploring, just to be safe.

Keep in mind, WiFi Map doesn’t ask nothing of its users. Since it uses crowdsourcing to locate all the networks it lists, you are expected to register and participate occasionally. This app is also heavy on the ads, making it a little overwhelming to use.

You have to do a bit of weeding through and careful clicking.

So more-or-less free WiFi: I’ll take it.

Sit or Squat Quick shout-out to this simple but ingenious (and hilarious) app. Sit or Squat is like Yelp for bathrooms. Its home page is a map of all the public restrooms in your vicinity, green for clean (or “sit”) and red for dirty (or “squat”). You can also specify a bathroom with a changing table or one that’s handicap accessible. The app also allows you to add and review restrooms.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 3 5

3 6 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 3 7

By Brent Heinze

HEINZESIGHT: Letting Someone Down Without Bloodshed

I struggle with how to tell someone that I’m not interested. It really hurts my feelings when I get turned down and I don’t want to make someone else feel bad. I find myself either making up excuses to not meet up with people or I get passive and block them online, which makes me feel like a coward and it is awkward when I see them in public. How can I be direct with someone, but not hurt their feelings?

I

t's sweet that you are considerate of someone’s feelings and are conscious of how others may take your not being interested in meeting up with them. None of us like to be turned down, regardless of whether it is for a job, date, or sex. Rejection hurts, but it may have different impacts on us depending on how it is delivered or how we perceive it. The same is true about how we convey our feelings to others.

There are ways to be direct and get your point across without being cold-hearted or cruel. Put away the claws and daggers.

Here are some considerations to ponder while you come up with your own unique style of saying “thanks, but no thanks.”

We all have our preferred methods of letting someone down or telling someone we’re not interested. Some of these are short and to the point, while others offer more information or provide a bubble-wrap-covered rejection that can help to soften the blow to someone’s ego.

I think we can all empathize with the feelings of being turned down and the struggle of how to tell someone we're not interested. We want to experience low levels of discomfort when having these conversations while reducing the potential for a dramatic explosion with someone. Sometimes being rejected causes regretfully aggressive confrontations to happen, and it can bring up a variety of strong emotions. It doesn’t matter if you are telling someone you’re not interested during an exchange online or in person.

These conversations can be difficult, uncomfortable, or scary.

There are many ways of thinking about how to handle these situations, but you might first want to start thinking about why these types of exchanges are causing you anxiety in the first place. Chances are that you probably have some feelings and memories around being rejected and know how it hurt you in the past.

3 8 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

These types of conversations can bring up emotions from the past, including some deep-rooted insecurities, memories of awkward situations, and the desire to avoid feeling crappy.

Some people choose to suffer through endless messages and advances rather than just letting someone down. Telling someone that you are not interested can be a careful balance of standing up for yourself, being thoughtful of their feelings, and not using more energy and time then you want to give to the situation.

There are many methods to let someone know about your lack of interest. They can range from the overly subtle methods where the person doesn’t even know they are being turned down, to the direct ones that can leave the other person feeling like they have been assaulted by a vicious attacker.

You don’t have to choose to be mean-spirited to let someone know that you aren’t feeling an interest in meeting up or that you are missing that fiery spark that makes you excited to hang

Thanking someone for their efforts may not make all the hurt go away, but it can hopefully support their future intentions to be courageous in reaching out to others. If you are doing this in person, maintaining eye contact and possibly touching their arm can add another element of authenticity and kindness to letting them down easy. Keeping kind thoughts in your mind may help you also come across as more caring and compassionate.

Next you can think about if you want to let them know why you may not be interested in pursuing what they are proposing.

This is also a time to give a little feedback to them if you feel that it is relevant. You might choose to let them know that they are coming on too strong or that their approach isn’t working well for them.

Since you expressed concern about hurting their feelings, think about what you could express to them that may have a future impact on how they might approach others. You could provide them some useful information that may help them create a more successful exchange in the future. Sometimes we are unaware of how we come across to others, and having an outside perspective can be beneficial. Your feedback may help them get laid, schedule a date, or find a relationship in the future.

There are times where someone may just not be your physical, emotional, or intellectual type. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they may not be an interesting person to know. Maybe they wouldn’t be a great choice for a sexual romp, but a person many prove to be a fun activity partner or a supportive friend.

Not everyone in our lives must be what we would consider our “type.”

out with someone. You don’t have to give them a long list of their unattractive qualities or why they “don’t do it for you.”

Not everyone can be everyone’s type. By the same token, being direct about your lack of interest is also important so it is not understood as keeping the door open to meet up. This can help reduce the possibility of unreasonable expectations or future disappointment. Sometimes honesty really is the best policy.

Take some time and consider some ways that you would want to be turned down. This exercise many include what language could be used and how much you would want to know about why someone might not be interested. If you’re concerned about the other person’s feelings, you can always start with a general way of acknowledging that they took the effort to get in contact with you and thank them for reaching out either in person or online. Sometimes it is challenging to face personal insecurities when approaching someone, and it can take a significant amount of energy to overcome these anxiety-producing situations.

In addition to developing a thoughtful way of telling someone that you’re not interested, you may also benefit from giving someone a chance and finding out more about them. You may discover that they have more to offer than you thought during that initial impression. You can tell someone that you are not interested, but you many also want to consider the possibility that they may surprise you. First impressions are not always accurate.

There will probably never be a perfect way to let someone down or feel wonderful about yourself after doing it. Most of us would not feel great about a situation where we were told someone didn’t want to hang out with us. We all want to be desirable and confident in our attractiveness to others. We want to be the object of someone’s affection and desire, but it is unrealistic to think that any of us will be everyone’s type.

That is the reality, and it is important to confidently stand our ground to let someone know we aren’t interested.

Even if it is difficult or uncomfortable, many times a merciful killing is a more humane method then a slow, painful death of avoidance or endless empty messaging. It is a waste of time for all involved, and personal energy can be better utilized for other important things in our lives. It is better to bark up the right tree instead of the wrong one. Stop wasting time avoiding conflict and simply suffer through it. You can let someone down easily without sacrificing your time, integrity, or heart.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 3 9

4 0 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

OUTREACH

QUEER-FRIENDLY HEALTHCARE FOR INFO ON PLACING AN OUTREACH AD

303-477-4000

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin

OTHER GREAT RESOURCES National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255

The Trevor Project Teen Depression Help for LGBTQ Call: 866-488-7386 24/7/365 or Text “Trevor” to 202-304-1200 M-F 1:PM to 8:PM MST

Colorado Community Church Suicide/Depression Hotline 303-860-1200

Alcohol/Drug Help/Rehabilitation

Seeking therapy can be a daunting experience, from trusting your instincts around whether it feels like the right match, to believing in your own capacity to grow and heal. I am committed to providing a safe and affirming environment to help facilitate the lifechanging work that can occur within a therapeutic relationship.

I take as a foundational goal of therapy the cultivation of curiosity into how your mind works, how you relate to your own emotions, and how patterns in your life are obstructing your ability to work, love, create, play, and make meaning.

In particular, I specialize in working with members of the LGBTQ community, wherever they may be in their journey toward self-acceptance. Internalized homo/bi/transphobia can be an insidious and often hidden obstacle in forming trusting, healthy relationships.

Because we have all received messages throughout our lives that suggest we are defective, perverse, or sick, it’s an understandable consequence that we grow to mistrust our desires and our identities.

Find top treatment centers: recovery.org/browse/denver-co

Consider the impact your own internalized script may be playing in your life. Can you imagine a different way?

rehabs.com/local/denver-co/

Sincerely,

888-499-4852

Brian Ngo-Smith, LCSW

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 4 1

Photos By Charles Broshous

Pride & Passion

4 2 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

Pride and Passion was held at Gladys: The Nosy Neighbor on April 14.

The event, hosted by Mr. Gay Pride 2017-18, Geoffrey Gutierrez; and Miss Gay Pride 2017-18, Sophia Moore, served as a fundraiser for the Gay Pride Pageant.

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 4 3

BAR TAB | THE HOTTEST COLORADO NIGHTLIFE

BOYZTOWN

117 Broadway St, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com

CHARLIE'S® NIGHTCLUB

900 E. Colfax Ave, Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com THU: 2-4-1 drinks 7 pm – closing FRI: Neon Party SAT: Shirts Off-Half Off! SUN: 3-4-1 drinks 4 – 8 pm Kai Lee’s KiKi at 9 pm

CLUB Q

HAMBURGER MARY’S

1336 E 17th Ave, Denver (303) 993-5812 hamburgermarys.com/denver

LIL’ DEVILS

255 South Broadway St, Denver (303) 733-1156 lildevilslounge.com

LIPSTICK NIGHTCLUB

5660 W Colfax Ave, Denver (720) 669-3470

PRIDE & SWAGGER 450 E 17th Ave #110, Denver (720) 476-6360

R&R DENVER

4958 E Colfax Ave (303) 320-9337

TRACKS

3430 N. Academy Blvd, Colo. Springs (719) 570-1429 clubqonline.com

3500 Walnut St, Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com

CLOCKTOWER CABARET

2036 N. Broadway, Denver (303) 658-0913 triangledenver.com

16th St. Mall @ Arapahoe, Denver (303) 293-0075 clocktowercabaret.com

COMPOUND BASIX

145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com

DADDY’S BAR & GRILL

1120 E 6th Ave, Denver (303) 993-6365 daddysdenver.com

DENVER EAGLE

BL

W

N AL

WRANGLER

TRIANGLE

.W

ES

PRIDE & SWAGGER

31ST AVE. DENVER EAGLE WRANGLER

T

HAMBURGER MARY’S

17TH AVE.

L

COLFAX AVE.

AV E

T.

XBAR

11TH AVE.

1ST AVE.

OGDEN ST.

COMPOUND BOYZTOWN

PENNSYLVANIA

GLADYS 6TH AVE. TRADE

CLARKSON ST.

8TH AVE.

WASHINGTON ST.

VYBE

DADDY’S BAR & GRILL

R+R DENVER

CHARLIE’S BLUSH & BLU

YORK ST.

AL

K

ES

COLORADO BLVD.

ST .M

PA R

BROADWAY

VYBE

1027 N Broadway, Denver (720) 608-8923 vybe303.com

H

.

629 E. Colfax Ave, Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com

16 T

VD BL

X BAR

CLOCKTOWER

O AH AP

R

3090 Downing St, Denver (303) 837-1075 denverwrangler.com MON: Poker Tournament 7 pm WED: Big Gay Jeopardy 8 pm FRI: Free Taco Bar 4-8 pm Phat Friday 9 pm SAT: $3 Svedka SUN: Charity Beer Bust 4-8 pm Show Tunes 9 pm

.

ST

UT

AR

LI’L DEVILS

4 4 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

AK

T. ES

EE

500 Santa Fe Drive Denver, Colorado (303) 893-6112

$8 Bottomless Beers 3:30 – 7:30 pm SUN: Funday $1 Bud/Bud Light 7 - 11 pm

SP

GLADYS: THE NOSY NEIGHBOR

TRACKS

SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.

EL POTRERO

4501 E Virginia Ave, Glendale (303) 388-8889 Facebook - Elpotrero.180

TRADE

475 Santa Fe Dr, Denver (720) 627-5905 THU: Skivvy Stripdown SAT: Beer Bust

BROADWAY

1246 E 31st Ave, Denver denvereaglebar.com THU: Underwear Night!

2nd FRI: Onyx Party 1st SAT: Blackout Party 3rd SAT: Gear Night

THE TRIANGLE BAR

DOWNING ST.

BLUSH & BLU

1526 E. Colfax Ave, Denver (303) 484-8548 blushbludenver.com

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 4 5

OUTBACK CLASSIFIEDS | ENVISIONED BY BOBERTO

4 6 \\ M A Y 2 , 2 0 1 8

OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM

// 4 7