BUSY FAMILIES Smile Because It Happened

By Lisa Payne

Happy August! It’s the month that many of us have been anticipating for quite awhile. The month that norms in the family are shifting and life as we knew it won’t quite be the same. It’s the month of college drop offs and goodbyes. I have already noticed an energy shift in my oldest who is heading off to college. He’s holding on tighter to his time with friends, and even with us. He is saying yes to family dinners and walks, and yes to every single social invitation with friends. He talks about how hard it will be to say goodbye to friends and life as he knows it with the high school crew. He’s playing his cards well … when we say no to something he wants to do, he says with a grin “I only have XZY number of days left living here.” Ouch. And fine, go do whatever you want.

I’m sure everyone has maneuvered their own emotions through graduation season and now the inevitable drop off date is quickly approaching. I’m not going to lie that I found graduation and all of its activities a little overwhelming. Probably because it was my first and I didn’t know what to expect. Sometimes anticipation can be worse than the actual events themselves.

Now that I am through the end of school year craziness, I have a much more relaxed and grounded perception of what is to come at drop off. Luckily for me, Brady doesn’t plan to bring much more than clothes, bedding, and toiletries. He wants to add things as he needs them. So move-in feels easy and low maintenance which I appreciate so much.

But when I think about the actual goodbye and walking away, the only thing that keeps me from falling apart is to look at the calendar and remember I will see him in a quick six weeks for parents’ weekend. And in another few weeks for football games and then Thanksgiving is here and then for SIX weeks we get him home for the holidays. That perspective is keeping me sane. My husband has always said that we need things in life to look forward to. I am already looking forward to every single one of those visits. Those happy thoughts keep a smile on my face and anxiety out of my chest.

To stay aligned with the vision to always have something to look forward to, I find it helpful to think this way in everyday situations. Big and small. Sometimes when we have to say goodbye to something or someone, the change of what we know and the emptiness can feel paralyzing. It’s good to feel those emotions, and it’s also helpful to ease your heaviness by planning something to look forward to. Maybe it’s a coffee date with an old friend, a massage and time in the steam room, or even a walk in nature early before the world awakes and you can get lost in your thoughts.

One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Seuss also gets me through the downward spiral of sadness. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

May these words help you during the month of August and through all of life’s seen and unforeseen change. Sending you so much love always.

Lisa Payne writes about food, home, and family. You can reach her at paynefam6@gmail.com.