Paper Cloud 2020

PAPER2020 CLOUD

Cover:

Łhamana Reclamation

Taylor Eena Hoe

Taylor Eena Hoe (They/Them/Theirs) is an Indigenous Two-spirit Nonbinary person from Zuni Pueblo, Navajo Nation, and San Felipe Pueblo. They are an undergraduate student at Oregon State University in Corvallis, Oregon. They are enrolled in the Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies program with a minor in Queer Studies. In their free time, they enjoy challenging the settler state.

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Łhamana: This word from my people was once used to describe those who embodied multiple ways of being. They were those who were created from the darkness. Traveling between spaces only they could manage and not be consumed.

They are those who I know hear my prayers from faraway worlds. Over time, the sweetness that drenched our names became bitter and caused our people to discard us. We were left to erode like adobe bricks of the forgotten village. Returning to the land as only they remember our worth, gave way to kernels of resilience. Waiting for the right conditions to sprout again and bring forth a new generation of łhamana: we.

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Editor’s Note In these uncertain times.

How many times have we come across this phrase now? In our email headings, in advertisements, in messages to friends and family. We can cling to what we know – but what we know is changing daily. Many of us may be displaced. Many of us may be feeling anxious, possibly angry. Possibly despairing. All of which is to say these are uncertain times.

Some of us have turned inward, towards introspection and self-soothing. Some of us are caring for community, some for ourselves. Some of us are turning towards art. There are very few wrong ways to act in such a difficult time.

We are a vulnerable community, disproportionately impacted by what is going on around us. Being able to create, inside of all this chaos, is a profound act of resistance. This issue of Paper Cloud is unusual in that most of the art we’re sharing was made before this global crisis. I hope that this art can bring comfort or inspire you. I hope that you can create, and if you can’t know that just existing is a profound act of resistance too. I hope that, however you can, you take time for yourself today.

In these uncertain times, please be certain that we at SOL LGBTQ+ Multicultural Support Network and the Pride Center love you. Are thinking of you. And that your existence is its own remarkable work of art, and a testament to your strength.

-Wren Alman, Editor In Chief

Aneeq Ahmed Aneeq Ahmed is a graduate student in the Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies program.

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‘Rainbow Home(s)’ is a short film which explores the ways in which queer and trans people of color make ‘home’ and ‘family’.

Many queer and trans people of color have complicated relationships with ‘home’ and ‘family’. They fear rejection from their biological families because of their queer and/or trans identities. They experience violence, erasure and discrimination from the LGBTQ+ community because of their racial identities. Thus, finding a sense of ‘home’ and ‘family’ can be difficult.

This film explores how queer and trans people of color create ‘home’ and ‘family’ despite these challenges, and often do so out of a desire to create spaces that offer healing from histories of White supremacy, colonization, patriarchy and gender violence which create these challenges in the first place.

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Rainbow Home(s)

https://bit.ly/2RsCa1j

Aryn M

Aryn M I am a witchy non-binary genderqueer person. I have made art my whole life and recently started working as a tattoo artist. My pronouns are they/them.

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Writing about feeling trans enough next to art celebrating self knowledge.

I have included a couple queer sigils I have created as well. Edited excerpt from my zine “Gender Feels Vol 1”

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I was writing and creating with the mindset of being proud of my gender journey. Included a couple queer sigils as well.

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Aryn M

Carly Werdel

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I am perpetually fascinated by anonymous free speech, and the graffiti I find in the women’s bathroom is one of my favorite examples of this practice.

At its core, this is a dialogue between women. Each woman who carves or writes something into the wood is alone, but they are united by both the location and the need to express something fundamental. All together it is chaotic and messy and beautiful.

In this space, we can express conflict and pain and humor and love. I hope that women can find a space to have this kind of dialogue out loud.

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Content Warning for the next page: mentions of sexual assault, white supremacist rhetoric

An Exhaustive Report of the Graffiti on the Back of the Third Stall Door in the First Floor Women’s Bathroom in Moreland Hall WE ARE ON STOLEN LAND Life always hurts the most when alone.

Never lose hope. You’ve fucking GOT this!

Forgive those that hurt you but always remember the bastard’s name OSU ignored my rape I’m so sorry E+J I STAND WITH YOU Please keep fighting and not stop bugging OSU until they do something BEER IS GOD >christians aren’t!

Anything you worship will eat you alive who would believe the beautiful terrible story of our survival?

My life is fucking shit and I’m not giving up, so you shouldn’t either Look on the bright side!

I am so into him, but he would never be interested.

SEE YOUR WORTH FUCK TRUMP you matter Believe survivors FUCK TRUMP Accept Nazis

it gets better…

UR BEAUTIFUL You have a 100% record of making it through Take no shit do no harm Uteruses before duderuses It’s been real SWLF!! -MFA class of ‘18I love Aiden _______ Every day you wear running shoes is a good day.

If you’re happy and you know it ______ ______ ______! Finish it!

NAZIS RESIST! Eat the rich #SSDGM I smoke cigarettes and have 2 chicks Nolite te bastardes carborundorum You only get so many trips around the sun I’m shitting :) Carly Werdel

Poems of Sappho Carly Werdel

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This is a cento poem, meaning that I patched together snippets from other poems. Much of Sappho's original writing has been lost, and only fragments have been recovered. I arranged some of these fragments into these original poems.

On for Attis: Come to me from Crete To the sacred recess of this temple. Here, You will find a grove of apple trees To charm you, and here on the altars, Frankincense fuming.

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Here, ice water babbles among the apple branches, And musk roses overshadow all the ground. Here, Down from the leaves’ bright flickering Entrancement settles.

And stand before me, if you are my friend, For when I look at you face to face, My tongue breaks down—then all at once I cannot speak. Attis, you surpass All the stars. ****

Carly Werdel

A prayer for Aphrodite: O my blessed goddess, gracious in all your majesty, I beg you Come to me again.

Bring back everything The bright dawn scattered: My heart, my longing, My sweetvoiced girl.

O goddess, she’s not here, But I’d rather see her lovely step, her sparkling glance than gaze on all the troops in Lydia in their chariots and sparkling armor.

Artfully adorned Aphrodite, Deathless child of Zeus and weaver of wiles, Release me from this want past bearing. Or— Better: all that my raving heart Desires to make happen—make it happen.

And stand beside me, Goddess, my ally. **** One for the one I love: All through the night, till morning rose in the mountains over the eyes night’s black slumber, we danced as Cretan women once did on gentle feet in time around the lovely alter— softly treading the tender flowers of grass.

Not one girl, I thought, (as the sun’s rays mingled with color of every kind) Will ever look upon the sunlight of another time Quite as this one does. **** Carly Werdel

And another for the same: Though it isn’t easy for us to rival goddesses in the loveliness of their figures, It seems that not even Helen matched that of my love.

Blond Helen, she who surpasses all humankind In beauty—how can this be permitted To a mortal woman?

But just as the rosy-fingered moon dampens all the stars, my eyes will light upon no other.

Carly Werdel

Jinal Patel Hi I’m Jinal!!

I am a queer Indian artist of color and I LOVE HUGS!! Gimme a hug please when you see me! I have been making art since I was five years old—maybe even earlier, but I don’t remember. Art is something I can’t live without, and to me, it is the one true form of expression. A lot of my art focuses on womxn of color, specifically Indian womxn (woah!). My art right now, is focusing on my own self-identity, as I continue to explore myself. I also work with a wide range of mediums like painting, photography, drawing, etc. Enjoy my art, and come and examine my world!

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This was something I created when I realized that I have multiple personalities and that my brain works differently.

I understand things better visually, and it’s easier for me to imagine things, rather than writing them out.

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Jinal Patel

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I am Indian. Period. No one can tell me that I’m not “Indian enough.” I am Indian. I am Indian. I am Indian.

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Jinal Patel

Womxn are strong. And if you mess with them, Jinal Patel

they will claw your eyes out.

Sho McClarence Sho is an Oregon State Alumni who is currently pursuing their Ph.D. in Religious Studies at The University of Denver.

Sho blends artistic practices of painting and drawing with philosophical inquiry. Sho’s study of philosophical questions has led them to consider the numinous qualities that in our world there is, in fact, some larger thread connecting people together. This thread for Sho is the study of mysticism. To fully consider the ideas of the mystical, they explore them through the creation of art.

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Following Fragmentation This work twists the body from a work of art into separate pieces illustrating the loss of self that can come with mental illness and queer identity. The blending into the background that many LGBTQ+ individuals try to do to protect themselves from societal standards of identity and ‘normalcy’.

Occulus Scuttles The twisting of identity from a positive into a nightmare is a part of the larger narrative about LGBTQ+ identities in the United States and much of the world. This piece explores the idea of trans identity that can be reflected by the larger societal ideals as monstrous. Not only do these societal ideals misconstrue the lives of trans individuals it places a burden on trans individuals to bottle up their emotions and identities.

This work is adapted combining the fear of psychosis with the fear or societal expectations and norms.

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Sho McClarence

Sho McClarence

Sho McClarence

Collapsing Skies Juxtaposing the cosmos with a psychedelic bodily abstraction this work honors the many different bodies that have a myriad of different parts and the various different gender identities that exist outside of a binary.

Contemplating Disillusionment The artist explores the world of mysticism and psychosis and the paradox of uplifting one experience as sacred and the other as mundane.

Dividing Psychosis The artist explores the world of mysticism and psychosis and the paradox of uplifting one experience as sacred and the other as mundane.

Sho McClarence

María Lachino María Lachino, whose pronouns are she/they, is a third-year undergraduate at Oregon State University studying chemistry and minoring in mathematics and Spanish. When not binge-watching TV shows and movies with QTIPOC characters and actors, Lachino likes to bullet journal and hang out with friends. They recently started to explore their artist abilities since taking art classes in high school so Me. and Growth. are their first art pieces not made for a grade.

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Me. This piece shows the struggles and pain of being a queer person of color in a society that values the opposite of what I am. But it also shows the simple plea of wanting to be in love with myself and be at peace with myself through my struggles and pain as a QTIPOC.

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MarĂ­a Lachino

María Lachino

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Growth.

This piece shows flowers as a symbol of healing and growth after letting go of the anger of being a queer person of color in a white heteronormative patriarchal society.

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Ty Han Ty Han is a nonbinary lesbian artist, writer, and designer. Their work explores intersecting themes of their sexuality, romantic love between women, and how their QTPOC identity affects their experiences.

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With the permission of my subject, Destiny, I'd like to share this piece with Paper Cloud. I want to explore my own tenderness and pride for women of color, especially queer and gender non-conforming women of color.

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Con Ho Ty Han

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This short poem explores my relationship to my Vietnamese mom and the phrase “tiger mom,” a term used to generalize Asian mothers. I wanted to explore the complexities of my mother through this lens.

My mother is a tiger.

On monsoon nights when her dappled fur was soaked with darkness, her soft belly kept me warm.

On bright sunny days she was thin from malnourishment, prowling to work on her cracked paws.

For field trips she packed my lunch with shadows and quick-swimming fish, and the other kids stared.

At crosswalks she held my arm in her huge jaws, growling at the cars until they left us alone.

My mother is a tiger.

Her eyes are pinpricks of gold in her face, flicking from my unkempt hair to my too-big shirt to my skinned knees, the lash of her striped tail like a whip on my back.

Her teeth are long and yellow, perfect for tearing into my report cards and teacher notes.

Her nose is sensitive to all of my lies, and she sniffs when I kiss girls in my bedroom.

If I wake to claw marks in my door, what can I do?

Ty Han

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Cages Ty Han

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A little love poem.

my hands fit perfectly within your eyes. like vines and roots I will grow over you, put my body between your bones. though my roots will quest beneath your ribs and my flowers adorn your hair I cannot own you.

I can only live like a moth – born then gone, burnt up in your candle’s flame. my leaves and shoots and flowers are soft with spring’s fragility; with only a gesture you can break my gentle hold. hold me harder, you say. make a cage of metal so I cannot fly away. close your teeth around my heart and do not let go. but I am only a moth.

I am only a green growing thing.

I am that which does not conquer.

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Yash Mahawar Yash is a queer, indian woman studying graphic design. She has been committed to drawing since she was thirteen. Her work explores intersecting identities and the challenge of being true to yourself.

colorfish

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Growing up going to a middle and high school surrounded by queer people and people of color, coming to a white-dominated institution is isolating and difficult to navigate. This work is a representation of how even daily activities alienate people of color and queer people, and how I feel not only starkly different from my surroundings but also alone and still somehow invisible.

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Yash Mahawar

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Desi I am queer and I’m from India. Learning to be proud of my identity is long, difficult, and slow. This is who I want to be. This is what my full, confident self looks like. This is what my future will be.

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Thank you to our contributors and staff for all your hard work!

Staff Committee Advisor: Cindy Konrad Leadership Liaison: Ty Han Graphic Designer: Yash Mahawar Editor: Wren Alman Communications Representative: Destiny Franklin Peer Facilitator: MarĂ­a Lachino Peer Facilitator: Quianna Ohren Contributers Taylor Eena Hoe Aneeq Ahmed Aryn M Carly Werdel Jinal Patel Sho McClarence MarĂ­a Lachino Ty Han Yash Mahawar

Presented by the OSU Pride Center and SOL: LGBTQ+ Multicultural Support Network Facebook:

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Pride.Center@oregonstate.edu SOL@oregonstate.edu

Location: 1553 SW A Ave., Corvallis, OR 97333

Presented by the Pride Center and SOL: LGBTQ+ Multicultural Support Network