Suffer Little Children

Charity Number: 20045838

email: info@outreachmoldova.org web: www.outreachmoldova.org

DIANA IN MOLDOVA the grown ladies rocking to and fro in silence; bruised and battered, some wearing hardly any clothes, others wearing so many layers I wondered how their bodies were able to withstand the 40°C heat. For 10minutes, the resident carers allowed us inside a room locked behind an iron door, where 40 women walked in circles in a tiny enclosed space. They all rushed to us, begging to be let outside, telling us that they had been locked away for various acts of "misbehaviour''.

One lady was celebrating her birthday she couldn't remember how old she was. I hugged her and held her hand and sang her MultiAni Traiasca, the Moldovan version of Happy Birthday. When our 10 minutes were up, I felt ashamed to feel relief, grateful to escape this prison I found myself in.

We took theHincesti women outside and showered them with hugs and kisses and, for the first time in my life, I saw the impact a single shoebox filled with basic necessities could have. One girl began to cry at the sight of a new toothbrush and toothpaste; another was overjoyed with her new notepad and pen.

The other Balti patients looked on silently, but once the boxes had been distributed and van doors closed, they ran over begging us to send them something too. I drew up endless lists of names and requests. One man wanted a sun hat, another a new pair of flip-flops, a young woman asked for sanitary towels and her friend wanted a watch so she could tell the time.

I was amazed at how polite these institutionalised patients were. They spoke softly, showed respect and when I finally broke down and cried when the time came to say goodbye, they brushed away my tears and told me: 'We don't cry in Balti, you shouldn't take everything to heart, Diana."

The most heart-wrenching thing of all was driving away, knowing these souls will remain long forgotten and that a visitor coming to say hello is the best it could get.

I sobbed uncontrollably thinking of the wonderful people I met Of the man who had sung me a love song he composed himself; of the woman, who had offered to pick me a bouquet of flowers; of the young woman who told me of the daily beatings, being injected with tranquillisers that made her shake violently and uncontrollably; of an 81-year-old wheelchair-bound lady who reminded me of my own grandmother and had asked me to send her a present from the heart; of the dozen men and women I saw lying unconscious in their own faeces in the summer heat on the grounds of Balti.

I cried, too, for the former Hincesti patients who desperately wanted to go back to Suzie, for the current Hincesti patients who might one day have no choice but to call Balti home. But most of all, I cried because I felt helpless. In that moment, I so desperately wanted to do something to change their lives and knowing that I was powerless killed me.

There are 585 patients in Balti with just one doctor. The numbers speak for themselves. What the patients didn't tell me, Dr Nina filled me in on. Stories of sexual abuse and abortions - daily happenings in Balti. And if the whole experience wasn't shocking as it was, Balti is considered one of the better state-run adult institutions.

It is no wonder Felicia fears for her own future and that of her Hincesti sisters.

Having seen the reality, I too find it difficult to think of anything else. InHincesti, the sun shines, there is more laughter and joy than anywhere else I have ever been; in Balti, by comparison, dark storms permanently loom.

I tell you Felicia's story because we are a similar age, but her story is just one of 360 in Hincesti. And she is just one of the tens of thousands of children in state care in the Republic of Moldova.

With the help of Outreach Moldova hundreds of children now know what it feels like to be a part of a family but, without funding and help from NGOs and outside bodies, the dark stories of the past could become reality once again. Without Dr Suzanne O'Connell and her team, instead of 360 smiling faces in Hincesti Casa de Copii, I could have instead been greeted by 360graves.

"I often have dreams that I'm running.

I don't know what it's going to take to make that a reality but I need to find the motivation; the inspiration," Felicia tells me. Let us make that our priority: to make not only Felicia's dreams become a reality; but all the other children's, too.

Leaving behind the Casa to return to Ireland was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do but as the Moldovan saying goes, "mai bine o data se vezi,, decit de 10 ori sa auzi," - it's better to see once than to hear about it 10times.

In just seven days, I built up a lifetime of memories, the children ofHincesti teaching me and giving me so much more than I could ever give them. My mind is overflowing with wonderful memories from having an impromptu disco with Pasha one Friday

'Integrating into society is difficult for me. When I was doing my course in the village, I could come back here crying.

Everyone would point and laugh at me'

afternoon; to seeing Felicia's determined face as she abandoned her wheelchair and attempted to walk for the first time in years; Rada passionately singing Moldovan songs in class; Gulla tugging at my arm the first time I met her - her way of asking me to hold her; playing wheelchair chasing; dancing the traditional hora; spending time with the severely disabled children in sensory class and watching their eyes light up at the human touch; the constant kindness and being told "I will never forget you"; being unable to walk 10 paces without being hugged and kissed and showered in affection; seeing the hundreds of eyes light up as we surprised the girls with a princess picnic; Dana reciting poems by Moldovan poets which even I couldn't remember; Alina proudly showing off the Casa's farmyard animals; Victoria singing Barney's I Love You, You Love Me in perfect English; hula-hooping with Alexandra.

To look at these children you would never know of the battles they had to endure just to stay alive. Hepatitis, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, Down syndrome, autism, cardiovascular, neuromotor and genetic conditions, severe in�llectual disabilities and so much more. Inside the grounds of Hincesti there is so much beauty, so much joy, so much light - it breaks my heart to think that all this could be history without continued support. l!I To make a donation to Oucreach Moldova, see www.outreachnwl.dova.org/donation To take part in the summer pledge programme and support thechil.dren, seewww.mycharity.ie/event/pledge Donations or pledges are needed tocover shoes, wheelchairs, medical equipment