Oct/Nov 2015 On the Minds of Moms

october ∙ november twenty fifteen

the valley’s modern resource for today’s parent

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Stuffed Pumpkin Cupcakes

Ingredients: • 1 (15.25 oz) package yellow cake mix • 1 cup Essential Everyday 100% Pure Pumpkin • 1 (8 oz) package Essential Everyday Creme Cheese , softened, divided • 1 cup Essential Everyday Marshmallow Creme

Directions:

• • • • •

1 teaspoon Essential Everyday Ground Cinnamon 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice 1/4 cup Essential Everyday Butter, softened 2 1/2 cups Essential Everyday Powdered Sugar 1/2 cup 2% milk

Prepare cake mix according to package directions. Stir in pumpkin; set aside. In small bowl combine 4 ounces cream cheese, marshmallow creme, cinnamon and pumpkin pie spice. Divide ½ of cake batter among 2 (12 count) greased or paper lined muffin pans. Top with marshmallow mixture and remaining cake batter (pan will be filled to top). Bake in a preheated 350°F oven 20-24 minutes. Remove from oven and let stand 5 minutes. Transfer to cooling rack; cool completely. In large mixing bowl, combine remaining cream cheese and butter. Using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat until creamed. Reduce mixer to low; slowly add powdered sugar and milk until well combined. Beat on high speed until fluffy. Frost cooled cupcakes.

Protect Yourself.

PROTECT YOUR FAMILY.

Who needs a flu vaccine?

Everyone 6 months of age or older. The best way to protect yourself and your family against the flu is to get vaccinated.

Vaccines are available for adults 18 years and older without an appointment. To vaccinate children 6 months to 17 years, please call for an appointment at 701.364.8900.

EssentiaHealth.org

contents

in every issue contributors .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

oh, by the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 food for thought

26

. . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

contents

sections

gettin' through it

did you know

what's on your mind

gettin’ the funk out of sports gear . . . . . . . . . 10

beauty . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

shop talk

ready, set, grow

girls on the run—by the numbers . . . . . . . . . 28

parenting through crises—tips for life’s ups and downs through the ages . . . . . . . . . 58

good night & good luck—helping your child fall into good sleep habits . . . . . . . . . . 32

42

12

22

contents

feature & profiles

mod mom profile jennifer nygaard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12

mompreneur ladonna bannach and katharine [kitsy] radermacher—beyond boundaries therapy services . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

rad dad profile dr. mathew ames . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

cover story

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

jenny schuster—willing to hear . . . . . . . . . . 50

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

50

moms

on the minds of

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Charlotte Berg

ADVERTISING Mary Klabo p: 218.791.2848 e: mary@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY

DESIGN AND LAYOUT

Ria Czichotzki – rialee photography Sabrina Kliniske – rialee photography Lauren Kupfer – rialee photography Josette Hayes – exposures by j.linnea Caitlin Killoran–caitlin killoran photography Scott Thuen – thuen studios

we are

online digital & social in purses but most importantly

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AD DESIGN Casie Beldo Scott Thuen Tara Kessler Stephanie Drietz EDITORIAL CONTACT e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com

INFORMATION mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2015 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

reserve ad space now with the most read magazine for parents in the Red River Valley

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contributors

“my most favorite fall must have…” melissa schaff moorhead | mn what's on your mind: page 46 A zip up hoodie and fuzzy socks.

erin heinert sioux falls | sd gettin’ through it: page 32 A ball of yarn and my crochet hooks. Nothing beats spending a chilly fall day watching a movie and making something new.

deb uglem moorhead | mn oh, by the way: page 38 Leather boots. I buy a pair every year. The hunt for them is almost as fun as wearing them!

patricia carlson naples | fl ready, set, grow: page 58

Hodo cider at the Hodo Lounge. Served hot, it’s like a warm blanket on a frigid night. Best consumed with friends and lots of laughs. Always on my must-do list when I return to Fargo.

eric bye fargo | nd did you know: page 10 Fishing with family, and hockey sign up!

matt ‘bubba’ fowler fargo | nd did you know: page 10 Football, hunting, and hockey season.

kari klingsporn hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 40 Although we don't get to do so very often as our kids get older and busier, I love spending time at our little lake place in the fall. I actually almost like fall retreats at the lake better than summer! Fall at the lake is like a stolen moment of summer fun before the long, dark winter. The transforming trees are stunning next to the sparkling water and I love the smell of crisp autumn air. If I can cook up some of my favorite fall comfort foods during a fall expedition to the cabin, all the better!

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did you know

gettin’ the funk out of sports gear

story by | eric bye & matt ‘bubba’ fowler

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Y

ou walk in the room and the scent hits you with the force of an F5 tornado. Pungent, sour, disturbing, and just plain pee-ew comes to mind. What could it be?

Decomposing heaven-knows-what? Science experiment gone awry? Well, don’t worry, it’s just the stench wafting from your kiddo’s athletic gear. For decades, mamas have done their best to air out, deodorize, and refresh gear, to little avail. Now there is a better option. Do you know about BioSport?

what is biosport?

BioSport is a local company started by two sports dads who saw a need to protect athletes of all ages and keep them in the game by keeping their equipment clean 10

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

and safe. After much research, the best option was the Sani-Sport machine, which is used by 90% of NHL teams, 15 NFL teams, and various military and law enforcement agencies. how does the sani-sport machine work?

The machine produces ozone, which penetrates the fibers of the equipment, reducing dangerous bacteria and fungi, including the antibiotic resistant superbug MRSA [Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus].

Ozone kills germs 3,200 times quicker than chlorine bleach, destroying 100% of the Enterovirus and Influenza viruses. The Sani-Sport machine also eliminates pungent odors and extends the life of the equipment. The NHL and USA Hockey endorse this machine.

did you know what can be cleaned in the sani-sport machine?

Anything that cannot be washed in a normal household washing machine! Helmets, shoulder pads, leg pads, gloves, skates, shoes, hunting gear—anything that can fit into the machine can experience the benefits of Sani-Sport. how often should sani-sport be used on equipment?

It really depends. For younger children, if equipment is properly aired out and dried immediately after use, once a month is fine. For middle/high school age athletes, one to two times a month, if aired out properly, or until mom can’t take it anymore! Another factor is illness. If your athlete is ill or others around him are ill, sanitizing will help stop the spread of sickness around a locker room. Bottom line is the more you use your equipment, the more it will need to be cleaned.

Eric is co-owner of BioSport and also works at Industrial Contract Services, Inc. Eric grew up playing hockey, football, and baseball. He played hockey at the Junior A level and continues to play in the over-30 league. Eric has also coached hockey at all levels from termites to high school for the past 15 years and is currently coaching in the Fargo Youth Hockey Association. Away from the rink, Eric enjoys spending time with his wife Amy and their kiddos Cameron [11], Hudson [7], Dylan [5] Husband to Jess and dad to Ava [9] and Brody [7], Bubba is co-owner of BioSport and also works at Xcel Energy. Sports have been a big part of his life, having participated in hockey, football, and baseball growing up. Bubba also played hockey after high school at the Junior A level and continues to play at the young age of 43! He has also enjoyed coaching hockey at various levels.

where do i take my gear to be cleaned?

Head to Play It Again Sports in Fargo [2501 45th St S Fargo]. A cleaning cycle takes 16 minutes and costs $35.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

To learn more about BioSport, visit www.biosportnd.com.

Noon - 3 p.m $5 in advance | $7 day of Expo Alerus Center, Grand Forks For more information visit www.safekidsgf.com * mom’s treatment FREE

with 2 paid children, call for details

dr. ames dr. harvey

www.har veyandamesortho.com detroit lakes 605 highway 34 east 218-847-3372

moorhead 1550 30th avenue south 218-236-1322

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

11

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

using the latest technology to create amazing results.

J

ennifer grew up in the “big” town of Starkweather, ND, with three sisters [Faye, Linda, and Allison] and one brother [Jarred]. Her parents, Dennis and Veronica Miller, were teachers and later became grocery-store owners. Having

an interest in healthcare, Jennifer attended UND for nursing, but then changed her mind and enrolled at Northwest Technical College, where she received a degree in Respiratory Care. Of her 19 years as a therapist, 15 have been spend at the Essentia Health Hospital in Fargo. Nine years ago Jennifer’s husband of 13 years, Tim, started his business [Integrity Steel Supply, LLC] and in her spare time Jennifer came on board to “help him out.” The business grew fast and today she takes care of the payroll and trucking items. She admits to sometimes bringing production to a screeching halt because she loves to talk to everyone. Jennifer enjoys getting together with family and friends, a good book, weekends at the family lake place, time at the barn with their horses, and, of course, stays busy with her kids, Jacob[17], Jalynn [11], and Braden [9].

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

jennifer nygaard age 43, fargo.nd

mod mom

my friends give me…

something unique about me…

a non-judgmental place to vent. They just get it, understand me, and like me regardless. I feel I have the greatest friends a girl could ask for.

hmmm, nothing I can put my finger on. I’m pretty ordinary.

i would love to invent…

I would love to do something amazing like Tia Torres [“Pit Bulls and Parolees”] with dogs or really any animals and people. I’ve seen at the hospital how animals help people and, let’s face it, we all need help in some way.

a magical force field that would keep all flies, mosquitos, and any other pesky critters out of my yard.

my biggest mom challenge… is finding something to cook for meals that everyone in my family likes and is healthy.

my dream job/career…

the funniest person i know… my dad has always been good for a joke or a story.

He has a very dry sense of humor, which I enjoy.

But we have this friend, Brad, who is always doing something crazy and making us laugh out loud, so it may be a toss-up.

in five years i plan to be… doing what I’m doing now, raising my family and working. I do hope to have more time with my husband. In five years the kids won’t want to hang out with us and maybe we will actually go on these “date” nights we are always talking about.

one word that best describes me… talkative.

growing up i always wanted to be… www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the girl in the circus who got to ride the elephants.

i can do without… video games. I know every generation has their thing, but I just don’t care for them. Ride a bike, make a mud pie, anything but video games—or at least use them in moderation.

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

13

mod mom

five things in my car… hand sanitizer, ChapStick, Kleenex, phone charger, and dirt.

i spoil myself with… coloring my grays…every six weeks… faithfully!

three things i am addicted to… hand sanitizer, ChapStick, brushing my teeth.

something i rely on to keep my sanity…

Joyce Meyer sermons in the morning when I’m getting ready for work, and hugs from my kids before I go to bed.

i’m a big believer in…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

signs…they are everywhere; you just have to look around.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

thePOWER of a woman symposium October 24, 2015 l 8:30am-4pm l Avalon West speakers l lunch l swag bags l networking Vision to Reality Initiative, Inc. presents a day of connecting with women of all vocations and stages of life by providing you with new and cutting edge ideas through speakers that will touch on each area of our lives:

P: Physical Health O: Ourselves – Our Connection with Our Inner Spirit W: Wealth Creation and Abundance E: Emotional Well-Being R: Healthy Relationships With stability, support, awareness and knowledge in these areas, POWERFUL women we shall be!

Featuring Reneé Rongen Media has referred to her as “The mother of motivation, the ultimate combination of Oprah Winfrey, Lilly Tomlin and Mother Teresa.” Reneé will share the joys, struggles and memorable moments of being a woman, mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. Be ready to laugh, shake your head “yes” enthusiastically, shed a tear, and simply be inspired.

Also learn from the expertise of speakers Dawn Finn, Dr. Forrest Sauer, Jodee Bock, Seth Janz, & Jessica Zdenek

Facebook.com/vriifargo l $65 ticket l www.eventbrite.com l www.VRii.net

horsemanship demonstrations, sheepshearing demonstrations, and MUCH more!

october events

6

TableScapes 218.331.2024 www.creativecare.org

3

Girls on the Run 5k www.GOTRFargo.org Head to the Main Shelter at Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and be a part of the inaugural Girls on the Run Cass County 5k! The race starts at 9am and is open to the public. Register online today. All participants receive a technical t-shirt and medal!

3

Moos, Ewes & More!

701.231.9611 www.ag.ndsu.edu/ ansc/events_listing Head to the NDSU Equine Center [5140 19th Ave N Fargo], 10am-2pm for some FREE family-oriented fun and take in a little slice of agriculture right here in Fargo. Meet the animals that call NDSU home, taste ice cream samplers, enjoy agriculture activities,

TableScapes is an annual event based around creativity. The table designs are as unique as the people CCRI supports. It’s a night of food, fellowship, and celebration honoring the accomplishments of CCRI Clients. Enjoy an evening of happy hour, short program, and dinner while you support the community and help raise funds that are used to enrich lives.

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Safe Kids Car Seat Check-Up 701.780.1856 www.safekidsgf.org Did you know that 4 out 5 car seats are used incorrectly? Could your child's be one of them? Safe Kids Grand Forks, in partnership with Altru Health System and Rydell GM Auto Center, offers a monthly car seat check-up event on the second Thursday of each month. This event is free and no appointment is necessary. Come to Rydell's [2700 South Washington St, Grand Forks], 4pm-7pm, and certified car-seat technicians will check on your seat and ensure your children are riding safely.

8, 15, 22 & 29

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org/ ClassesAndEvents Statistically, four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Safe Kids Fargo/ Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Trained technicians will be available to assist parents, grandparents, and caregivers with using car seats correctly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

9

Journeying through Grief Registration Deadline 800.237.4629 www.hrrv.org Hospice of the Red River Valley is pleased to offer FREE Journeying Through Grief courses this fall. Journeying Through Grief is a series of three classes designed for those who are recently bereaved. It is intended for adults 18 years and older who have experienced the recent loss of a loved one. The sessions will help you better understand the grief process, explore

methods of self-care, and embrace and carry memories with you as you move forward. A series of three classes will be held on Thursdays, Oct. 15, 22, and 29 from 5:30pm-7pm at the Hospice of the Red River Valley office [1701 38th St S, Fargo], use west door. Registration is required for Journeying Through Grief by Friday, Oct. 9, because space is limited.

To register please call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department or email bereavement@hrrv.org.

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Awesome Art Afternoon 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Love art but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an interactive art program and have fun while building a variety of take-home projects. All creative materials will be provided. This program is free thanks to a grant from Xcel Energy.

Adult supervision required.

10 & 20

CPR for Family & Friends 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org Participants will learn the ABC’s of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction and will receive an American Heart Association

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

participation card. 9am-11am on the 10th and 6pm-8pm on the 20th at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr, Fargo].

14

Breastfeeding Cafe 701.630.6336 www.facebook.com/groups/fmlll/ Join the La Leche League of FargoMoorhead, 10am-noon at Temple Baptist Church [2801 N Broadway, Fargo], to have your breastfeeding questions answered and chat with other moms. Coffee and tea is available for a free-will donation.

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explore how the death of their loved one has affected their lives, feelings they have, self-care, and embracing memories. The day ends with a service of remembrance.

Food and snacks are provided throughout the day. Class will be held Oct. 24 from 9am-3:30pm at the Hospice of the Red River Valley office [1701 38th St S, Fargo], use west door. The session is free, but registration is required by Monday, Oct. 19. Pre-screening is also required for this class. Please call 800.237.4629 and ask for the bereavement department.

23 & 24

YWCA/Altrusa Baby Shower www.altrusafargo.com

Tummy to Tot Expo 701.780.1660 www.safekidsgf.com Find the latest products, safety information, services, and fashions for you and your little one all under one roof. From 12pm-3pm at Alerus Center, Grand Forks.

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Youth Journeys 800.237.4629 www.hrrv.org Youth Journeys is a FREE day-long program for youth, ages 6 to 18, who have lost a loved one. Parents/guardians are also required to attend a portion of the day. The day is broken down in sections, allowing kids a chance to

Altrusa is dedicated to supporting women, children, and literacy by putting on service projects and fundraising. Head to the South University Kmart in Fargo, 5pm-9pm on the 23rd and 9am-5pm on the 24th, and be a part of the annual YWCA/Altrusa Baby Shower. Volunteers sitting in the entrance of Kmart will be collecting baby supplies such as diapers, formula, pacifiers, clothing, books, wipes, baby monitors, etc.

24

Power of a Woman Symposium www.vrii.net Vision to Reality Initiative, Inc., presents

“The Power of a Woman” to the Red River Valley and surrounding region by providing cutting-edge ideas which transform the way we live. Experience speakers at the top of their fields while enjoying the beautiful and luxurious surroundings of Avalon West [2525 9th Ave S, Fargo], 8:30am-4pm.

Attendees will enjoy a healthy buffet luncheon, and a swag bag. This is an event that you won’t want to miss! Speakers will touch on areas of a woman’s life, including physical health, spirituality, emotional well-being, and financial abundance.

Register online at Eventbrite.com. Tickets are $65No tickets sales at the door on day of event!

24

Moonlight Monster Mash www.fargoparks.com Vampires, ghosts, and skeletons welcome 6:30pm-9pm at Fargo Youth Commission [2500 18th St S, Fargo]. All participants are encouraged to wear a costume and dance the night away. Explore the haunted attic, play ghoulish games, and trick-or-treat for some spooky snacks. Enjoy a live DJ all night long and a spooktacular entertainment show by magician Jeffery Salveson at 7:30pm. $3.00 admission [ages 2 & under are free] and parental supervision required.

october events 30

RACC Harvest Moon Fling 701.293.7273 www.raccfm.com Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oeuvres, and live entertainment will fill the night at the Courtyard by Marriott [1080 28th Ave S, Moorhead], 7pm-11pm. Call or go online to purchase tickets.

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Halloween Carnival 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Head to Courts Plus Community Fitness [2491 S University Dr, Fargo], 3:30pm5:30pm, for a FREE carnival for the FM Community. The event will be a mix of carnival games and inflatables from Games Galore.

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Families Making the Difference

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

A child needs you!

Become a foster parent, Call today!

1310 25th St. S Fargo, ND 58104 Phone: 701-364-3877

1895 45th St. S Fargo, ND 58103 Phone: 701-364-3866

Treatment Foster Care and Family-Based Services 701-280-9545 800-766-9321 www.pathinc.org

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

17

november events 5

Create & Explore 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Description: Let your children explore through a variety of hands-on activities and projects at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo], 6pm-7pm. Pre-registration required.

5, 12 & 19

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 sanfordhealth.org/ClassesAndEvents Statistically, four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Safe Kids Fargo/ Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Trained technicians will be available to assist parents, grandparents, and caregivers with using car seats correctly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please

note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

7

The Mask You Live In www.raccfm.com Is American masculinity harming our boys, men, and society at large? Come to a free screening of The Mask You Live In, 7pm at the Fargo Theatre. This film by Jennifer Siebel Newsom follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity. FREE admission with a panel discussion following the film. Refreshments will also be available.

Reserve your ticket today!

7

Step Out: Walk to Defeat Diabetes www.diabetes.org/fargostepout Grab your walking shoes and get ready to join us for a fun-filled morning of exercise, food, and festivities at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo]. Arrive early to enjoy fun activities including inflatable games, face painting, free massages, team photos, and more. Following the morning festivities, enjoy a lively walk around the concourse.

Walk as far as you'd like, whether it's one lap or ten. Allow approximately 30 minutes to walk before being rallied in for the final celebration ceremony. Every dollar you

raise and every step you take benefit the 29 million Americans with diabetes.

Funds raised support diabetes research, advocacy, and education, including local programs such as Camp Sioux. Premier Sponsor Sanford providing blood glucose screenings, informational discussions & a healthy cooking demo! Registration starts at 7:30am, program begins at 9:30am, with the walk kicking off at 9:45.

8&9

Women’s Business Summit NDWomensBusinessSummit.com This Summit, held at the Bismarck Civic Center [315 S 5th St, Bismarck] will feature two intense days of training, networking, business-growth opportunities, personal development, professional focus, and of course…Fun! Whether a professional in the workplace, a business owner, or simply a woman aspiring to improve herself, you will be able to choose a customized learning track that fits your needs with 20+ breakout sessions available to choose from.

Keynote speaker, Melissa West, founder and CEO of Extreme Results, LLC., will share her story and insights.

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Grief During the Holidays 800.237.4629 www.hrrv.org

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Our therapists specialize in areas such as pediatric care, pelvic floor pain, manual therapy, and wellness programs to treat a wide variety of symptoms.

Managing grief in times of celebration can be overwhelming. Suffering the loss of a loved one is difficult any time of the year, but the holiday season can intensify feelings of loss. This presentation will enable attendees to identify and learn how to manage the mixed and painful emotions that can surface when grieving during the holidays. Participants will also learn important self-care strategies. This class is FREE and open to the public; no registration required. Class will be held 3pm-4:30pm at the Hospice of the Red River Valley office [1701 38th St S, Fargo], use west door.

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Little Squirt Science 701.241.1495 programregistration. library.cityoffargo.com Preschoolers, ages 3 to 5 years, are invited to learn about their world and also about science geared just for them. Science activities and stories will provide a little knowledge and a lot of fun for youngsters!

11am-noon at the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo] or 6:30pm-7:30pm the Main Library [102 3rd St N, Fargo]. All materials will be provided. Space is limited; pre-registration required. Register online or call the Children's Services Dept. at 701.241.1495 for details.

kkkk kkkk High quality care with kkkk a personal touch! kkkk kkkk 701.364.APEX (2739) www.apexptwe ll ness.com 1420 9th St. E. Suite 401, West Fargo

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

12

14

Come join Sanford Psychologist Desiree Zielke, PhD, and Integrated Behavioral Health Triage Therapist Bethany Peterson, MSW, LICSW, at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 5:30pm-6:30pm, to learn about ways to create a healthy mind! They will provide information about community resources available for mentalhealth issues, discuss warning signs and symptoms of depression/anxiety, and do some stress management/self-care activities. This event is free and open to the public. Register at the front desk or call!

Love art but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an interactive art program and have fun while building a variety of take-home projects. All creative materials will be provided. This program is free thanks to a grant from Xcel Energy.

Adult supervision required.

Mental Wellness 701.234.2400 www.familywellnessfargo.com

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Free Developmental Screening 701.364.3945 earlyinterventionpartners.com Do you have questions or concerns regarding your child's development? Join us for a free screening on the second Friday of each month. Screenings will be held from 8am - 4pm at Early Intervention Partners [3060 Frontier Way S, Fargo]. Please call ahead to schedule a time at 701.364.3945.

Early Intervention Partners can answer any questions you may have.

Awesome Art Afternoon 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com

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B.L.A.S.T. Babysitter's Day Camp 701.364.1704 sanfordhealthemseducation.org Initial course, held at F-M Ambulance Service [2215 18th St S, Fargo], for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children. They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper-changing techniques, when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

14 & 15

Holiday Homes of Hope facebook.com/ HolidayhomesofHope

Visit eight decorated homes in Fargo's Rose Creek neighborhood, take in the Holiday Hope Boutique and vendor show located at Centennial Elementary School [4201 25th St S, Fargo]. Tour dates are November 14th, 10am-5pm, and November 15th, noon-5pm.

november events

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Fall Art-Mania www.wfparks.org Be creative, get messy, and have fun while making several works of art! Learn new art techniques while experimenting with watercolors, paints, chalks, and pastels.

Other fall-themed art projects will be offered 1pm-3pm at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo]. This free event is for youth 6 to 12 years of age.

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Breakfast with Santa Tickets on Sale 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Tickets on sale at 8am at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] for a morning of breakfast, crafts, and entertainment with Santa and Mrs. Clause on December 6th 13th & 20th at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. Advanced tickets $5 for ages 2 & up.

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The Birth Circle is a free community resource for pregnant couples, new parents, and pregnancy/birth professionals. This session will discuss creativity in pregnancy. Hosted

by Doulas of the Red River Valley, sessions are held at ecce yoga [216 N Broadway, Suite 204, Fargo] starting at 7pm. Join the discussion on Facebook.

28 & 29

Santa Village 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Celebrate the Season of Giving by visiting Santa Village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo], 1pm-7pm. Meet Santa, decorate a cookie with Mrs. Claus, see the model-train displays, enjoy the holiday- light displays, make a special craft project, and make memories together as a family. Enjoy Fargo's version of the North Pole.

The Birth Circle facebook.com/groups/doulasrrv/

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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december events

grandparents, and caregivers with using car seats correctly. Events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

5

Santa Fly-In 701.293.8043 www.fargoairmuseum.org

1-31

Lindenwood Park Lights www.fmsertoma.com Drive through Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and view holiday light displays sponsored by local businesses from 5:30-10pm. $6 per car, $5 with canned good, and $10 for buses or limos.

3, 10 & 17

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 sanfordhealth.org/ClassesAndEvents

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] and see Santa fly in to meet all the good boys & girls!

5

Christmas on The Prairie 701.282.2822 www.bonanzaville.com Enjoy beautifully decorated Bonanzaville and cookie decorating, Christmas carolers, horse drawn wagon rides, music, desserts, and photos with Santa. 1pm-6pm.

Statistically, four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Safe Kids Fargo/ Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Trained technicians will be available to assist parents,

Kiddos, ages 5-12, prepare for a fun-filled night at the Schlossman Y [4243 19th Ave S, Fargo], 4:30pm-9:30pm! Play four-way ping pong, participate in interactive games in the Xerzone, enjoy games in the Basketball Gym, scale the Climbing Wall, and so much more! Y Members $18, Non-Members $25. Register online or call.

All ages and abilities are welcome to come make their own Lego creations at our Lego Club. Supplies provided to build, but make sure to bring your imagination! Lego Club meets 6pm-8pm on the 10th and 2pm-4pm on the 26th at the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead].

5, 6, 9-13, 16-23

Santa Village at Rheault Farm 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! December 5th & 6th 1pm-7pm, December 9th-11th 4pm-7pm, 12th & 13th 1pm-8pm, 16th-18th 4pm-7pm, 19th & 20th 1pm-8pm, 21st & 22 nd 4pm-8pm, and 23rd 1pm-8pm.

FREE admission with canned goods, toy, or cash donation.

701. 2 82 . 2 8 9 8

w w w. w e s t f a r g o a n i m a l h o s p i t a l . c o m 816 M e y e r D r i v e , W e s t F a r g o

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

Lego Club 218.233.7594 www.larl.org/events

11

Free Movie Friday www.fargolibrary.org Free Friday Movie starting at 1pm at the Northport Library [2714 Broadway N, Fargo] and Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo]. Title is to be announced. Free popcorn!

BEST FRIEND

State-of-the-art facility focused on the best care for cats and dogs

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

10 & 26

Saturaday Fun Night 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org

Your Pet’s Other

Now Open!

20

5

12

18

28-30

Parents! Need a break? We’ll watch your kids! Have them join us for a night of activities, games, sports, dinner, and a movie. All activities will take place at Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo], 5pm-8:30pm. Sign up with our front desk to reserve your spot!

The Y wants to help ease your holiday worries by offering you a night out, kid free! While you’re away, your kiddos, ages 6 weeks-11 years, will enjoy Christmasthemed games in the gym, have access to our Xerzone and Kids’ Gym, and be able to enjoy our Playstation at the Fercho Y [400 1st Ave S, Fargo], 5:30pm-9pm! Y Members $15 for first child, $10 additional, non-members $25 for first child, $15 additional. Register online or call.

Kiddos ages 5-12 join us at the Fercho Y [400 1st Ave S, Fargo] and enjoy sledding, arts and crafts, swimming, bowling, and so much more during these three days of winter, 9am-4pm! Join in for one day or all! Y Members $30, non-members $40.

Register online or call.

Parents’ Night Out 701.237.4805 www.courtsplus.org

Holiday Parents’ Night Out 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org

13

Santa is Coming to West Fargo www.wfparks.org Meet the man himself 5:30pm-7pm at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo]. Participate in activities such as taking a picture and visiting with Santa and Mrs. Claus, writing a letter to Santa, making holiday crafts or cards for our Veterans, face painting, or go on a sleigh ride. Hot chocolate will be served. There will be a chance to open skate to Christmas music from 7pm-8:30pm afterwards!

Winter Adventure Days 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org

december events

19

Movie Matinee 218.233.7594 www.larl.org/events Head to the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] for a new movie release and fresh-popped popcorn at 2pm.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

O

OO LS

FA R G

BLIC S C H

PU

The mission of the Fargo Public Schools is to educate and empower all students to succeed. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

The Fargo Public Schools are committed to: • Believing that all students can learn and grow • Creating a supportive and positive school climate • Ensuring that all students receive effective, rigorous, and relevant instruction from highly qualified teachers • Engaging leadership in all student, parent, and community partnerships • Making data-driven decisions for continuous improvement For more information about Fargo Public Schools and its Strategic Plan, visit www.fargo.k12.nd.us or call 701-446-1000.

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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L

aDonna [44] and Katharine, or Kitsy, [53], first met in 2001 as professionals in the field of therapy. Each was doing outpatient therapy and they crossed paths every now and then with clients. As they became better

acquainted, the ladies realized they had very similar ethics, values, and goals related to treating clients and working with families. So in 2007 they joined forces. The women established Beyond Boundaries Therapy Services and began to offer something dynamic in the region as they brought skill, compassion, and empathy to every single session. Today the business has 28 dedicated employees determined to make a difference for families and children ages 0-21. Beyond Boundaries is built with kids in mind – giving them an extra boost and thus a fair chance at life. It's what drives LaDonna & Kitsy each and every day. Seeing gains, accomplishments, and, most importantly, a smiling face or a hug makes the extra hours worth it.

photos: caitlin killoran photography  | caitlin killoran

ladonna bannach and katharine [kitsy] radermacher beyond boundaries therapy services

what is Beyond Boundaries Therapy Services [BBTS]?

At Beyond Boundaries Therapy Services we provide outpatient medically based speech-language, occupational, and physical therapy for infants through geriatrics. We partner with families, applying traditional and innovative therapeutic interventions. We go 'beyond the boundaries' to empower our patients and families to fully participate in functional activities of daily life.

explain how you came up with the name Beyond Boundaries?

Thinking about what kind of care we were offering, it just made sense. We wanted to help clients ‘go beyond any boundaries.’ We wanted to provide passion-filled therapy with the sole purpose of taking our clients beyond their current situations to new horizons—new beginnings.

what is the most unique service[s] you offer?

Along with direct 1:1 treatment, we offer many specialized small groups and camps [i.e., apraxia, zones of regulation, social-skills camps]. We also specialize in feeding, pediatric incontinence, hippotherapy, cognitive-language therapy, apraxia, tongue thrust, sensory processing, emotional regulation, and Teletherapy.

would you consider BBTS a center or a clinic?

sources. Interested families can call our office directly if they have concerns. A recent overhaul on our website provides families with ideas, information, and forms.

We have built amazing relationships with the medical facilities, schools, and daycares in the FM area.

are your services covered under medical insurance plans?

Yes—depending on the specific insurance policy—we work with and accept most insurance.

how would your clients best describe you?

Of course, our clients are best able to answer that

HOW DO CHILDREN LEARN TO TALK AND RECOGNIZE FACES? HELP US FIND OUT. The High Level Vision Lab at NDSU is looking for children ages 3 months to 10 years to participate in fun studies. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Beyond Boundaries is a clinic with a home-like feel.

Our therapists and staff go above and beyond to make our families feel welcome and cared for in a warm family atmosphere. When you visit during peak hours, you will see the hustle and bustle of therapy “happening.” The rooms and hallways are always filled with activity, words of encouragement and praise, and lots of smiling faces.

mom preneur

For more information, contact: Benjamin Balas at benjamin.balas@ndsu.edu or 701-231-6105 or visit www.ndsu.edu/centers/cvcn/labs/balas.

is BBTS by referral only? how do people access your services?

We thrive on “word of mouth” referrals from various october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

23

mompreneur question, but based on “exit surveys” over the years, we have been described as caring, compassionate, loving, experienced, skilled, and driven.

certification, and specialized training beyond their degrees. We all strive to ensure that each and every family is taken care of and is not just a number.

do you think there are any misconceptions in your industry?

what is the number-one mistake parents make when it comes to a child in need of your assistance?

Yes. A good part of a therapist’s day is non-billable.

Our therapists spend quite a few hours outside of a session to make sure that their clients are receiving the best service. This includes therapy planning, researching, writing reports, and team planning—in other words, for every half-hour session, there can be another one-and-a-half to two hours of unbillable time required. Some may think that therapy is never ending. Experience tells us that for some children taking breaks in therapy provides an opportunity for true generalization of skill. It’s important that the child is able to complete the task within a therapy session, but it is even MORE important that the child be able to complete the task in a natural everyday home or community setting without the therapist’s support.

what sets you apart from other therapy services?

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

As our logo shows with the heart inside the sunshine, we love our job, the children we see, and the industry we are in. Our therapists bring experience,

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

They are scared, in denial, hope it ‘just goes away,’ and may feel the services they receive at school will meet all of their child’s needs. As we have seen time and time again, this isn’t always the case. Kids learn at different paces and it isn’t any different with speech, OT, or PT issues. Some receive all the therapy they need from a school setting, others need an extra boost. That’s where we can help.

outside of your profession, what might we find you doing?

Spending time with family/friends, ‘taxiing’ kids around, gardening, working out, and church activities.

do you feel like you’ve had to make any parenting “exchanges” for being your own bosses?

Yes. It is difficult to miss games and events due to deadlines at work. Even when spending time with the kids and family members, we do feel pulled in many directions, not necessarily focusing 100% on our own kids and family. There are many sacrifices that women, in general, have to make when they own a business. We do feel blessed that we are able to do what we enjoy, which is to help others.

how have your families benefited from you opening your own business?

It has helped our children to become more compassionate and caring toward others and more giving of their time. They understand the meaning of following through and being there for others.

what quality do you believe every woman needs to have to be successful in business?

Faith, compassion, drive, empathy, and the ability to multitask.

Beyond Boundaries 3001 11th St. S – Fargo, ND Monday–Thursday 8:00–5:30 Fridays 8:00–4:30

One in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Katharine [Kitsy] Radermacher earned her undergraduate and Master’s degrees from the University of Denver and St. Cloud State University, respectively. She has been a practicing speech-language pathologist for the past 25 years—working in the private sector as well as the public schools before opening her own practice in 2007. She raised her own children [Kiki and Tony] during this time, while serving children and adults as a therapist. Kitsy has a strong passion for working with people and feels her faith has given her the direction of making a difference in the lives of others. She continues to pursue her own education, as well as directing her staff to be the best therapist's they can be serving the FM community. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

LaDonna Bannach earned her degree from the University of North Dakota. She has been in the occupational therapy field for the past 18 years, working in direct patient care as well as consultative, educational, and administrative positions, prior to opening her own practice in 2007.

She enjoys spending time with her husband [Mike], daughters [Lauryn and Madilyn], and puppies [Luka and Molly]. Compassion, love, faith, empathy, experience, and her desire to “Go Beyond” goes hand in hand with her mission to make a difference for every individual and family who comes through the door at Beyond Boundaries Therapy.

edithsanford.org 031004-00055 8/15

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

25

shutterbug

caitlin killoran photography

expressions by ashton photography

exposures by j. linnea

exposures by j. linnea

emily zaun photography

emily zaun photography

expressions by ashton photography

Only 20 percent of breast cancer cases are hereditary.

caitlin killoran photography

edithsanford.org tiny sprouts portraits

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shop talk

by the numbers Protect him...even if you’re not there Call today to discuss your estate plan

Wills Trusts Estate Planning Health Care Directives Financial Powers of Attorney

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gjesdahllaw.com

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Andrew Fritz

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

lawyers for families

701.237.3009

Are you looking for an opportunity for your daughter to participate in an organization that promotes physical wellbeing, fosters friendships, and teaches the importance of loving ourselves from the inside out? Well, Girls on the Run [GOTR] Cass County fits the bill…

1 20 2

million girls have participated in this physical activity based positive youth development program. Great success has been seen nationwide empowering elementary-school aged girls through GOTR. the number of years GOTR has been in existence in the United States.

North Dakota is now the 49th state in the country to have a GOTR chapter.

passionate friends worked together to bring GOTR to our community with the first season starting this past July. “I am a busy working mom of two young girls and consider myself an avid runner so this is a cause that is near and dear to my heart,” co-director JoEllen Kohlman-Petrick says. “I started this non-profit organization with my co-director Elle Irving who also has a passion for youth development and running. Young girls often struggle with inner wealth, the meaning of real beauty, and peer relationships and this program helps young girls deal with these issues while using running as a vehicle to do so.”

There are about 2.8 million female survivors of breast cancer in the U.S.

3 -5 rd

th

grade girls are welcome to join GOTR. No girl is turned away based on physical limitations or financial situation. Special accommodations can be made for anyone with physical challenges and scholarships are available. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

75

minutes is the typical duration of each practice session. A GOTR season is 10 weeks long with the girls participating in two sessions a week. Every practice has a research based lesson plan that coaches follow. There is a theme to each lesson such as respect, inner beauty, compassion, and community service. Coaches then

edithsanford.org 031004-00055 8/15

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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shop talk

Did You Know?

1 in 5 People Have Dyslexia

Dyslexia may be the reason your child isn’t reading, writing, or spelling at grade level.

701.373.0397 Look for warning signs @ haleyshope.org

You only get one chance at a first impression!

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lead participants through warm up exercises and fun physical based games targeting that day's lesson. The girls then set goals for themselves related to how far they will run in a certain period of time, but they usually run 20-40 minutes. Practice wraps up with a final discuss of the day's lesson while enjoying a healthy snack provided by GOTR.

March 7, 2016

the start date of the next GOTR season. GOTR offers two seasons a year. With each season the team decides on a community service project. For example, during the current season the team decided to raise money for Ainsley's Angels another local nonprofit organization new to our community that helps children and adults with physical limitations participate in running events.

GOTR is more than putting in road miles. It is looking to make a lasting, positive impression of girls in our community. Keep up to date on the program, follow Girls on the Run Cass County on Facebook and visit GOTRFargo. org to learn more about GOTR and register for future seasons as a participant or volunteer [volunteers are always welcomed!]. Also consider supporting GOTR by participating in the first Girls on the Run 5K happening October 3rd at 9am in Lindenwood Park! Registration is currently open through the website and all participants will receive a medal and technical t-shirt!

Love. Hope. Family.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

Screenings Save Lives.

Schedule your mammogram today.

Getting annual breast screenings is the best way to catch cancer early.

The American Cancer Society recommends:

• Clinical breast exams every three years for women in their 20s and 30s and every year for women 40 and over • Breast self-exams starting in your 20s • Know how your breasts feel so you can take note of any changes and report them promptly to your health care provider

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

004-00055 8/15

• Yearly mammograms starting at age 40

Call 855-35EDITH to schedule your mammogram today and visit edithsanford.org to learn more.

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

31

gettin’ through it

good night & good luck

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

helping your child fall into good sleep habits

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

gettin’ through it story by | erin heinert

And sleep is even that much more important for a child.

S

“For an adult, if you don’t get enough sleep, you can kind of make it through,” says Dr. Setty. “But for a child, those hours asleep are essential. Consolidation of memory occurs during sleep. This is when the brain is retaining “Sleep is very important to life,” says Arveity Setty, MD, all the new information the child took in throughout pediatric sleep medicine specialist at Sanford Children’s the day. And not getting enough sleep not only hurts in Fargo. “If you are getting the recommended number them mentally, but physically as well. Some hormones of hours of sleep, studies show you will be healthier. are regulated by sleep-wake cycles, especially growth If you are asleep, then you aren’t awake and having a hormones, thus adequate sleep is necessary.” late night snack, which means you won’t gain weight, sleep cycle which means you won’t have the medical problems And while sleep is important at every age, the amount associated with weight gain. And, think about it, when of sleep needed varies. you are sick you want to sleep. Sleeping helps regulate leep. It’s a beautiful thing. Whether you are the parent or the child, a good night’s sleep can make all the difference in the day ahead.

the immune system so it can focus all its attention on fighting the infection and helping you feel better.”

consolidation of memory occurs during sleep. this is when the brain is retaining all the new information the child took in throughout the day.

elim children’s center 701.271.1810

• 3534 University Dr S

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a ministry of elim care, fargo nd

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1st visit

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year of age!

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Dr. Chad Hoge, Diplomate,

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Dr. Mikala Hoge, Diplomate,

American Board of Pediatric Dentistry

comprehensive dental care for infants, children, and adolescents

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Dakota Pediatric Dentistry, P.C. w w w. d a k o t a p e d i a t r i c d e n t i s t r y . c o m FARGO OFFICE

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october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

33

gettin’ through it A newborn should sleep between 15 to 19 hours a day. “One explanation for that is that habit started in utero,” says Dr. Setty. “During the day mother is walking and “Babies are conserving energy,” says Dr. Setty. “They doing other work and thus the baby inside her womb need to use those calories they are taking in to put is feeling a rocking motion which puts him to sleep. on weight. So that is why babies eat, sleep, dirty their But when mother is asleep, that rocking motion is lost diapers, and not much else.” and he is possibly awake. This could explain why he is sleepier during the day than at night immediately after birth.”

putting a movie on your iPad for your kids to fall asleep watching is not the best idea.

But parents often wonder why it’s only at night when they are trying to sleep that baby seems to want to be awake.

A one-to-three year old should sleep 12 to 15 hours a day with one to two naps. Then between the ages of five and 12, it’s recommended for kids to sleep a little less, with around ten hours. Teens and adults should average around nine hours a night, but that is rarely the case. New research shows that most people in this age range get only six to eight hours. quality over quantity Kids are busy. With athletic practices, music recitals, and homework, it can be tough to fit in nine solid hours of sleep. So Dr. Setty recommends that if you can’t get that much sleep, try to make the time you do have asleep count.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

SULLIVAN MIDDLE SCHOOL/ SHANLEY HIGH SCHOOL

“We live in a very technologically advanced world,” says Dr. Setty. “Parents and, most likely, kids all have electronic, handheld devices. While they are great distractors, they also emit blue light. This blue light is the worst to watch right before bed. So putting a movie on your iPad for your kids to fall asleep watching is not the best idea. It stimulates the brain and may cause a restless night of sleep. It is much better to read a book using dim light before bedtime.”

Dr. Setty also recommends having no lights on in the room at night.

nit U re Ca PEN r nio O Se NOW

GIVE BACK

TO

LIFE

“Some kids want to have night lights because they are afraid of the dark or monsters under the bed, but having lights on can make it worse, too,” says Dr. Setty. “If a kid is asleep, then wakes up and sees the light casting shadows on the wall, he or she might become afraid and have a harder time falling back to sleep.” close your eyes For some kids, however, a normal sleep cycle is elusive.

Instead of writing them off as “not good sleepers,” you

We make a living by what we get, but we change a life by what we give.

Join the amazing staff at Prairie St. John’s

IS AMERICAN MASCULINITY HARMING OUR BOYS, MEN AND SOCIETY AT LARGE?

A film by Jennifer Siebel Newsom

November 7th 7:00pm | Fargo Theatre FREE admission

Panel discussion following the film

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The Mask You Live In follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity.

FILM SCREENING & PANEL DISCUSSION

To reserve your tickets or for more information: www.raccfm.com /themaskyoulivein @maskyoulivein

hosted by:

prairie-stjohns.com | Fargo, ND october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

35

gettin’ through it may want to talk to your pediatrician about their habits and together you can come up with a game plan to right the situation.

“If you are dealing with an older child who can’t fall asleep and then who subsequently doesn’t want to wake up in the morning, there are two ways I usually recommend to go about it,” says Dr. Setty. “First you can try to have him stay up all night and the whole next day as well. Then have him go to bed at an appropriate time and wake him up at the right time and try to get him outside or exposed to sunlight. Having those moments of sun in the morning is important to waking up the body. If that doesn’t work or you don’t want him staying up all night, have him try going to bed just 20 minutes early for a few nights. Then do it again. Try another 20 minutes earlier for a few more nights. Keep repeating this pattern until you are at the desired bedtime. And again, when you wake him up, have him exposed to sunlight. You will be amazed at the difference.”

Using melatonin is also a great way to encourage healthy sleep habits. Melatonin is a hormone found naturally in the body. Taking an appropriate amount

of the supplement can help ease the body to sleep with little to no side effects. You should talk to your pediatrician about any possible issues before starting your child on melatonin.

using melatonin is also a great way to encourage healthy sleep habits.

get help If you feel your child is not getting the quality sleep he or she needs, you should talk to your primary care provider about a referral to a sleep specialist like Dr. Setty. The

Today children are being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at an increasing rate.

Diabetes screening is recommended for all children and adolescents at a high risk, even if they have no signs or symptoms.

You can help prevent or manage type 2 diabetes in your child by: • Encouraging healthy eating habits • Increasing physical activity • Limiting screen time

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Help prevent type 2 diabetes

032000-00079 7/15

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

Talk to your child’s primary care provider to learn more or visit sanfordhealth.org, keyword: Kohl’s Cares Fargo.

gettin’ through it specialist will be able to assist if your child snores, has sleep apnea, restless leg syndrome, insomnia, or any other sleep disorder. The specialist can also do a sleep evaluation, if your child has a hyperactivity disorder.

“For kids with ADHD, falling asleep can be an issue,” says Dr. Setty. “And not getting enough sleep can exacerbate their condition. You can work with a specialist to nail down a routine that will work for your family and help the situation.”

If you are struggling with a nighttime routine, just remember to not give in to later and later bedtimes.

Reach out for help and try to find a solution. Your child will thank you. Sweet dreams. tips for sweet dreams • No exercise two to three hours before bed. Playing is fine, but try not to work up a sweat. This will release a stress hormone that will keep your child awake.

• Try a slightly colder bedroom. If the temperature is just slightly lower, it promotes a deep, restful sleep under the covers.

• A warm bath before bedtime is also good for a sound sleep.

• If your child has been diagnosed with depression or an anxiety disorder, you should work on those issues first and hopefully sleeping habits will improve.

• Let your children self-soothe.

• Don’t expect your child to sleep when he is not sleepy.

If you are aiming for a 7:30 p.m. bedtime, but your child isn’t tired, it’s probably not going to happen.

• Stick to a schedule that helps them fall asleep within 15 to 20 minutes of laying down.

• Relaxing activities before bedtime are important.

Just make sure to do them away from bright lights.

• Take care of any allergy problems.

• Comfortable pillow and mattress are important for the bedroom environment.

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story by | deb uglem

W

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

e had been on the road for about two hours when my husband called to ask how far we were. My reply, “The early bird gets the worm.” I remember discussing our departure time, taking into account traffic, construction obstacles, and, of course, the kids’ eating schedule. All discussions ended with that adage. So we started our journey to college early. Dad would be driving the 17-foot U-Haul and we had three cars fully packed. The heaviest item? Mom’s heart. We would travel through three states to drop four kids at their next adventure. It was a whirl-wind week and one full of memories, laughs, and a whole lot of great

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

one-liners, which gets me thinking how much I learned during that week through all of those awesome phrases.

Now, I have always been a adage type of gal. I use them as often as I can and it is almost a game to my work team. I have a co-worker who likes to play along, but struggles quite a bit. She will say things like “get the early bird with one stone.” Makes me laugh every time. You just can’t help but smile when someone says “mad is the new get even.” Although most of my snappy quotes are reserved for work, my kids are no strangers to a quick sentence loaded with advice. And let me tell you, moving week was full of them.

So the six of us were off to one of our best adventures to date. Everyone’s lives were changing. Firsts across the board. Oh, the lessons we learned. The first: “the devil is in the details.” We arrived at our first destination and discovered we had one hotel room for five people.

Okay that one is on mom. I should have verified and ensured we all had a place to sleep. Quick thinking secured a room at another hotel. The morning plan was to meet for breakfast at a mutually convenient location. It worked and we were off to clean a couple apartments before the U-Haul arrived.

Lesson number two: “live and learn.” I received a call when I was on my way back from a Walmart run. My daughter had locked her keys in her car and didn’t know what to do. Well, we learned how to Google the phone number of a locksmith and stand by the car until he arrived. We also learned that campus police do not help when you are technically off campus [this apartment

was 400 yards off campus. Come on!]. Of course, all of this was happening as the U-Haul arrived, “adding fuel to the fire” of an already 98-degree-day. Let’s just say the temperature and everyone’s tempers were rising.

Lesson number three: “timing is everything.” We were moving into two apartments in the same building while the building was undergoing major renovation. Hmmm… what is the plan? Construction everywhere and how can we get everything in the building while the construction crew is working? Game on, and another phrase was in play. The “squad is rolling.” As soon as the construction team was on lunch all six of us went “balls to the wall” [pilots’ idiom, look it up] and we got 98% done.

Two couches left, which leads to lesson number four: “it’s a problem that you can’t get there from here.” Those are Dad’s words. He thought the couches would not fit in the apartment doors. We need another option. Mom’s reply is there is no other option, think or push! Let’s just say that was followed by: “the power of positive thinking” and “where there’s a will there’s a way.”

The new family phrase is “you can’t get there from here—unless Mom is around.”

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Lesson number five: “the hardest goodbye is to your little girl.” Yep, I made that one up, but it is completely true. We moved one little girl into a dorm room and you would think it was in a different country. She’s fine, I’m fine, her dad is fine, and we are all moving on. Which brings me to my final and most important lesson of this adventure.

Lesson number six: “fake it until you make it.” I think I am in the middle of this phrase all the time. Their first steps, first words, kindergarten, middle school, first dates, proms, college, and everything in between. The only constant is the changes in their lives and I hope they see how excited I am for them. But if I am honest I am also nervous, happy, and sad all at the same time. My hope is that my kids see my strength and willingness to let them live their lives.

That’s right, I am “faking it until THEY make it.” I believe this self-fulfilling proverb just might work.

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Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 13 years. A graduate of Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Marketing & Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children, Jake [21], Tony [20], Nick [20], and Emily [18] for inspiration.

Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time with their kids and on the golf course.

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pumpkin pancakes shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

These are excellent served with plain old maple syrup. To make them decadent, dollop with whipped cream and add some chocolate chips to the batter or drizzle good quality chocolate syrup on top. And if you are looking to boost nutritional value, substitute whole wheat flour for the all-purpose flour and serve topped with applesauce sprinkled with cinnamon.

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

food for thought you need:

how to:

1 1/2 cups milk 1 cup pumpkin puree [or roasted and pureed fresh pumpkin] 1 egg 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 2 tablespoons vinegar 2 cups all-purpose flour [whole wheat flour works well, too] 3 tablespoons brown sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon ground allspice 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 1/2 teaspoon salt

1. Mix together the milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar in a bowl. Combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and salt in a separate bowl. Stir flour mixture into the pumpkin mixture just enough to combine.

2. Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/4 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot. If freezing, cool completely before placing cooked pancakes between sheets of wax paper.

*This recipe makes 12 pancakes

feeding your family TIP: Pumpkin pancakes are the epitome of fall to me: a crisp, quiet fall morning laced with the warm scents of cinnamon and ginger floating from the kitchen. As a family favorite at our house, this recipe has become a Thanksgiving morning tradition, too: I realized I need to feed my kids a hearty breakfast on Thanksgiving morning since usually that is the only meal they get until turkey is served late afternoon. Although the idea of getting breakfast on the table on a busy holiday morning might sound like one more chore, just plan ahead! Triple or even quadruple pancake, waffle, and muffin recipes to make enough for multiple meals or freeze individual pancakes and waffles for quick breakfasts. Make sure to place wax paper between pancakes so they don't stick together upon freezing. Also, after the kids are in bed for the night, baking projects like making the batter for these pancakes are a good wind down and a dose of “me time� that come together quickly without daytime distractions. Some good music or a glass of wine might help make the task even better!

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r. Mathew Ames puts the Ames in Harvey & Ames Orthodontics. This board-certified orthodontist and member of the American Association of Orthodontics sees his profession as an opportunity to “help people

feel better about themselves – to give them smiles that can change their lives.” He also welcomes the experience of being a part of young people’s lives through the tumultuous years of adolescence! When he isn’t straightening teeth, Dr. Ames enjoys time with his wife, Laura, whom he first met 18 years ago on a blind date in high school, and their four kiddos, Xavier [8], Grady [6], Ellery [4], and Tilden [2].

photos: rialee photography | lauren kuper

dr. matthew ames

age 34, fargo.nd

being an orthodontist gives me...

nothing clears my head like…

a chance to help people feel better about themselves—one smile at a time. If I can help take away a smidge of insecurity and give a perfected smile, mission accomplished.

mowing the lawn.

our family motto is… the salutation "Happy [insert day of the week]!"

rad dad

if i could change anything about myself it would be… my lack of musical talent. I love all kinds of music and the memories it evokes. Just wish I could play piano or guitar.

my biggest claim to fame…

the phrase i say the most…

I was on an episode of “Romper Room” as a child.

“not too shabby”

i have always wondered…

i’m most proud of myself for…

how hypercolor shirts work.

still being my kids’ hero.

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october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

43

rad dad if i could go on a road trip with anyone [past or present], it would be…

Han Solo, ONLY if in the Millennium Falcon; otherwise, Dave Grohl [the Foo Fighters frontman]. I could talk with him for hours about my favorite music genres.

if my wife could throw away anything of mine it would be… the TV if a football game is on it any day other than Saturday.

the hobby i most enjoy… cooking soups or stews in the winter and grilling or smoking meats when the weather is nice.

Laura and I have involved the kids in meal planning and preparation as soon as they could dump a teaspoon.

i always carry with me… fingernail clippers, and I can usually be found with a cup of coffee.

best book i have ever read…

The Sum and Total of Now by Don Robertson—a fabulous coming-of-age story that I read while COMING OF AGE!

something i’ve learned from my father about being a dad…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the art of storytelling to help teach lessons—he would use his own childhood stories/memories to give examples of how to behave, how to treat people, and how to handle various situations. It was a great way to get to know him as a kid!

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

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what’s on your mind?

beauty story by | melissa schaff

W

hen I do my work [Intuitive Reiki], I constantly see the internal and energetic beauty of my clients. I see how kind, caring, trustworthy, loyal, trusting, and forgiving they are. I don’t see them as they physically view themselves, which may involve seeing a body that’s too fat, a nose that’s too big, or even thighs that are too ‘dimpled.’

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

I once had a client sincerely ask, “I have this scar. Do you think someone could love me in spite of that?”

She was really concerned this scar would be viewed as a negative, even though it was on her arm and less than an inch long.

When we view ourselves as “less than” [or “uglier than”], it literally creates a ripe breeding ground for self-abuse, self-worth, and self-esteem issues to thrive. I would say nine out of ten of my female clients currently are or have been abusive towards themselves. They may say things like, “I hate my body because I’m so fat,” or “I’m embarrassed by my ugly knees,” or even, “My upper arms are flabby so I won’t wear short sleeves.”

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

This is what these beautiful women are ruminating upon. They aren’t seeing their beauty as they focus solely on the self-perceived negative. I’m telling you, I don’t see ANY of that. It pains my heart – sometimes to the point of physical tears and/or overwhelming anger – that these amazing, vibrantly beautiful, energetic beings treat themselves so harshly and believe in their self-imposed psychological abuse.

And as if being unkind to ourselves wasn’t enough, we have strangers saying demeaning and derogatory comments about our physical uniqueness.

A client recently told me that earlier in her life she had been involved in a work-related accident. This accident left her needing over 50 surgeries to repair the damage to her lower legs. She’s lucky to have the use of her legs. She showed me the scars. These scars covered about half of her shins and looked as if her legs had been severely burned.

She then told me she had once been wearing shorts at a public outdoor event and some unknown ‘gentleman’ [I use the term loosely!] asked her how she could go out

what's on your mind in public looking like that. He said he was repulsed; her legs were disgusting and gross and she should cover them up in public. He said if she didn’t, he was going to be sick. Yep. True story. Does it leave you feeling as horrified as I felt?

While she was telling me her story, I had placed my hands over my eyes and was shaking my head. I didn’t want to ‘see’ what was coming next. My heart ached for this woman, who is aspiring to be a nurse because she has a passion to help those who are ill or in pain. This beautiful woman, who is filled with gentle, nurturing, and stalwart energy, and has already overcome so much, was distraught over what a callous stranger had said. She chose not to wear shorts in public again. Ever.

She may have been feeling very self-conscious prior to the unwarranted and unwanted verbal attack.

She may even have even thought some of those very same things. This may be why his criticism had such a profound effect on her.

My husband had a similar situation, but he handled it differently. He was walking on a treadmill at a local

gym and some unknown woman said, “Your legs are too big. They are just gross!” My husband, who is a body builder, was actually flattered by this, as he WANTS big legs. Instead of commenting unkindly about her figure, he said, “I don’t recall asking for your opinion.”

Well, boooyah!

While this incident didn’t bother him in the self-conscious way, it could have, and all because of some insensitive stranger who chose to vocalize her own version of what she deems as beautiful.

I am appalled, APPALLED, that there are people—fellow brothers and sisters in the human race—who feel it is acceptable to belittle and verbally abuse a person about a physical issue they don’t find aesthetically pleasing. Even worse, as was the case with my client, if the abusee believes the stranger’s comment holds value, she will alter her life and essentially commit herself to a self-imposed jail sentence.

Why do we tend to focus on what we [or others] deem as ugly or disgusting? When we do this, we become prisoners in our own minds and bodies. What if we stopped staring

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what's on your mind at people who were physically different from us? What if we stopped for a moment and took a spiritual look at them? If we did, we might understand this person[s] asked to be physically unique in order to overcome obstacles they and others put such a high value upon, one of them being beauty. What if you knew they chose to physically stand out so they could empower themselves and others to see beauty? Would that change your perception?

Maybe the next time you see someone who doesn’t quite meet your definition of physical beauty, you will opt to see him with clearer [spiritual] eyes. Perhaps you will realize it’s not about his physical beauty; it’s all about the beauty that lies within.

Melissa considers herself a Fargoan, although Minot is her hometown.

Melissa is quick to state those native to Minot pronounce it “MiNET,” not “MiNOT.” She owns Inner Focus Reiki where she helps empower, inspire, and enlighten her clients through intuitive messages, Reiki, meditations, and classes. She is passionate about her work, loves the role of teacher, and gets crazily excited when clients report positive changes. In her daily life she is, among other things, a former diarykeeper-turned-blog-writer, mom to a strong-willed, fully potty-trained toddler, a bonus mom to a teenage, self-proclaimed ‘ginger,’ and the air her husband, Trinity, breathes.

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willing to hear photos: exposures by j.linnea  | josette hayes

jenny schuster

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

J

enny Schuster was nearing the end of her workout. As frequently happened, with each revolution of the treadmill belt her mind was spinning too. She was think about the kids. The kids living in shelters, cars, hotels, garages, or couch surfing from place to place. She was going to help them.

She needed a name for this program she was building. What could it be? It couldn’t be anything tied to “homelessness” nor include any derivative of the word. These kids know they’re homeless, they don’t need a reminder. The name needs to make them feel valued, important, encouraged.

Then a Bible verse popped into her head. Mathew 19:14 - Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” The verse spoke to her. And then, as if God Himself were shouting it as He ran beside her, she heard in her head, “Mathew’s Voice Project…MVP.” That was exactly it.

willing to hear Jenny Schuster loves photography. She even considered starting her own business when she first moved to Fargo, but instead opted to enter the world of real estate, where she has excelled over the past 18 years. About ten years ago, while helping sell a client’s home, Jenny started to question the impact she was having on the world. “My client was telling me how she had fostered over 25 students, and I was so shocked. I am looking at her thinking, ‘You're not even 30 years old and you've made this huge difference in all these kids’ lives,’” Jenny recalls. “It was very profound for me to think about the impact she's had, and I kept wondering, what could I do?

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

At the time her client had mentioned that the students didn’t have senior photos, and although Jenny knew she could do that, doubt started to creep in. She was really

busy with work and her family and what if she didn't do a good enough job? Even as her hesitation attempted to talk her out of the prospect, the seed was planted, and she couldn’t get it out of her head.

After a few years passed, Jenny’s client reached out to her again about the homeless youth in our community.

“She remembered that I had a background in photography and she said, ‘You know, these kids don't have senior photos, would you be interested?”

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

without During the 2014-2015 school year, approximately 200 students were identified as homeless in the Fargo Public School District alone. Of these 200, 30 were considered unaccompanied, having no parents or guardians in their lives. These homeless families and unaccompanied youth lack a fixed, regular, adequate nighttime residence. The things many of us take for granted are not a part of their lives. A proper winter coat, warm bed, Christmas gifts, are not a given for these kids.

Like many, Jenny’s daughter, Mia [18], says she found it mind-boggling when she first heard the number of homeless youth in the Fargo School District. ““How could there be kids in my area that are homeless? How are they going to school? How are they surviving? How

is this going unnoticed?” she remembers thinking.

And it doesn’t surprise Mia that her mom is the one to take notice and move into action with the creation of MVP. “I was taught to always be kind and to help others,” Mia shares. “Most of the lessons I have been taught growing up are a reflection of my mother’s character. She is such an incredible person, and I’m not just saying that because I’m a bit biased. My mom is a selfless, caring individual

willing to hear with kindness rooted in her core. I’m so proud of all that she has accomplished in every aspect of her life.”

and says, ‘Guess what? We're moving to Fargo!’ And I almost fell over dead!”

The last thing any student wants is to be perceived as different from his peers. Providing the senior pictures would give these homeless students a sense of normalcy.

But who would be behind the camera?

As soon as Jenny asked, Michelle was in. “I thought it was genius and incredibly thoughtful,” Michelle says of working with MVP and Jenny. “It felt right…it felt meant to be.”

the pieces The photographer was set. Now they needed to find “There was this girl I knew, Michelle Warren. Great the students. They needed the schools to be open to photographer, good friend of mine, who was a mortgage the idea of MVP. loan officer in Minot, North Dakota,” Jenny explains. falling into place “I just knew that she was the one to take the pictures MVP was introduced to Fargo Public Schools in 2011. because she's amazing! And I wanted these kids to “They were awesome,” Jenny says of district administrators’ have the best pictures and experience. I wanted their acceptance of the program, which at that time was photos to stand out above anybody else's. That was focused solely on the senior portraits.

really important to me, and while I could do a really good job, I just knew Michelle was the one.”

Jan is in her eighth year as the Homeless Liaison for Fargo Public Schools. She helps provide support to 70-80 students a day. “The goal of my position is to act as an advocate for homeless students,” Jan says. “The ultimate goal is help students graduate!”

october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

But the project would be on-going, and Michelle lived nearly four hours away. The prospect of Michelle leaving a booming business to move to Fargo seemed like a pipe dream to Jenny. So she turned to her only option. “I said, ‘God, if you want her to move here, you're going to have to do it because I can't.’ I prayed about it…never said a word to Michelle…and six months later she calls me

As Jenny describes the growth of MVP, she points out that she isn’t sure where it would be without the efforts of Jan Anderson. “She lives, eats, and breathes for these kids. Jan's amazing. She's the key to everything.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

willing to hear

“These are AMAZING young men and women who are experiencing life in a way many in our community would be shocked to know,” Jan says of the unaccompanied/ homeless youth she works with. “The photos were an awesome opportunity given to the seniors. It was wonderful to have someone in the community step up and offer this service.”

The photos started as a way to show the kids compassion and that they're important. “If they don't have senior photos taken, they have a photo taken in the school hallway or have nothing at all,” Jenny explains. “It's just one more reminder for them that they're invisible. That's why I wanted the best pictures for them. I wanted them 54

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

to look at the pictures and think ‘I matter,’ and that they are totally valuable. They are not to be thrown away.”

Michelle, owner of Michelle Warren Photography, says she initially thought the photoshoots were about the physical pictures and providing the kids an opportunity to give them to friends and family, but that thinking has changed. “Now I feel it’s more about the experience.

It’s about making them feel special and beautiful for a day. I love seeing them smile and asking them about their futures,” she shares. “I also think these photos have a bigger impact on me than they do the kids. I find myself being uplifted by these kids after the session. I feel like I can do more, be more, love more, give more.

willing to hear These kids are an inspiration if you truly get to know them and their stories.”

even when she would prefer to turn down a side street and personally go unnoticed.

Our public school systems receive federal grants designed to take care of the basic needs of homeless students, such as school supplies, clothing, and meals while at school. “As a parent, I know there are many other things youth need to purchase or spend money on,” Jan says.

MVP was ready to step up and fill that need.

seeing her Jenny’s focus has always remained on the kids MVP helps; she has run away from any notion that the program is about her. That is until last fall when she received a nomination for the Good Neighbor Award, which recognizes Realtors for their work in the community and charitable services. “I’ve never wanted it to be like, ‘Oh, look what I've done.’ I just can't…it makes me uncomfortable,” she says. “But I really think there was an absolute reason why I received that award.”

“I look at myself as a retriever,” Jenny says. “I find out what they need and I go get it. I even retrieve things they may not need, that they hadn't thought of yet.”

Monetary donations are made to the Fargo Public School Foundation and noted to Matthew's Voice Project. “That check then goes directly into a fund for these kids. There is no overhead. It all goes to the kids,” she explains.

Jenny accepted her award before the Real Estate Association delegates and peers of her profession. She told them about MVP, what it has accomplished, and what it is working toward in the future. As she spoke, her attention was drawn to a single person in the audience.

Donated funds are used for day-to-day needs such as purchasing food on the go, registering vehicles, pillows, blankets, clothes, and gas cards, to name a few. Jan works “It was a huge room, and in the far back there was this with the students and delivers funding as needed. Jenny …well, she looked like a little girl, and her eyes were personally collects clothing and household items and just huge, and she was sitting there just staring at has worked with local businesses on clothing drives. me,” Jenny recalls. “I remember thinking that I didn’t She then delivers them to Jan. see anyone bring a child in and then I noticed that she started to cry and was having a really hard time as I Last year 94 percent of the unaccompanied high-school was talking. I kept looking at her, wondering if she was seniors who were working with Jan and MVP graduated. okay? I couldn't figure out what was happening in the “With everything these kids are going through, they back of the room. She had her head in her hands, but still make it to school,” Jenny says. “That needs to be then she looked up at me and I realized she was actually commended! They deserve our encouragement.” For that a woman and what I was seeing was the trauma she reason MVP has even hosted a post-graduation party went through as a child. I was getting to see the real her.” for high- school seniors to celebrate their achievements.

Jenny finished speaking and as she returned to her seat What started as providing senior pictures has grown to the young woman approached her. “She was shaking so much more…thanks to Jenny! “She’s a woman on a and crying and she said, ‘Those kids you are helping? mission working to help break the silence of childhood I was one of those kids once and I just wanted to tell homelessness in Fargo,” Jan says enthusiastically. you thank you,’” Jenny re-tells as tears fill her eyes.

Just like the voice that told her the name of MVP, Jenny continues to receive validation she is on the right path…

The woman explained how her parents had abandoned her and her sister and the tumultuous childhood they experienced being raised in and out of the foster-care system. “I needed you. I needed you when I was growing up. Do you have any idea how important it is, what you're doing? Do you have any idea?” she asked Jenny.

Jenny and the woman embraced and others in the room were visibly moved by witnessing the interaction of the two women. “I thought, you know what? That's why I received this award!” Jenny remembers. “So all these people were able to see this woman, a fellow real estate agent, who went through being abandoned and now is october • november twenty fifteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Reflecting on how far MVP has come and the generosity shown by those in our community, her Realtor family, and local businesses, Jenny is amazed at how easily things have fallen into place. "It is like the doors have just blown open for this,” she says with tears in her eyes.

“It's been awesome, but it hasn’t been work or hard to help these kids. It's been emotionally hard sometimes when you hear and see what these kids go through. It makes it very difficult to go home to a safe place when you know some of them are not in safe places.”

willing to hear successful and has a great business. No one would ever know where she came from; and no one knows where a kid currently in that situation could be if somebody said, ‘I'm going to help you.’”

Jenny was left speechless after that encounter, but the interaction solidified the importance of MVP and she is settling into being its spokeswoman.

“As a door opens, I’m going in!” Jenny says with a smile about the future of MVP. She would love to find other individuals who would collaborate with her and share

MVP

Matthew’s Voice Project

MVP

Would you like more information about Matthew’s Voice Project or are interested in sharing your time or talents? Contact jenny at 701.729.5851 or jennyschuster@parkcompany.com. MVP is also accepting donations such as:

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

hoodies winter gloves ear buds gift cards [gas, Target, Walmart, restaurants, grocery stores, mall, movie theater, etc.] new socks new underwear alarm clocks with radios leggings jeans bath sets electric shavers insulated water tumblers bath towels pillows/pillow cases school sweatshirts perfume/aftershave

duties. Another goal is for MVP to impact all of our local schools as each district is able to support it. She would also like to see a safe-home these kids could go to, and she’d like to find mentorship from people in our community for MVP kids.

“How much more could we do?” Jenny asks of our community. “Imagine what it would feel like to be thrown away and then have no one care about you. How are you going to react to everybody else? That scares me, because they're not going to be kind. They're not going to be compassionate, and it's not going to be okay. We can do a lot more, because these children are our future and modeling kindness and compassion to them can make all the difference in their world and ours” “This is a program which exists 100% for these kids,” Michelle affirms. “Every ounce of love and energy that Jenny pours into this program is for those kids, most of whom she will never meet. Jenny took an idea and ran with it. Most of us want to help, maybe even dream of a way to help, and then think the problem is too big or we are too small, so we don't do anything. This is a selfless program that is around for the right reasons. I love that about Jenny, her vision, and MVP.” you too It’s really easy to like Jenny. She’s funny, down to earth, and has a strong faith. Her son Nathaniel [11] also adds, “She is so nice and loving.”

“I am thankful for our marriage, our children, and the family and friends we have been provided with. But I’m especially thankful for her,” Jim says of his wife.

“Jenny has taught me to give to those in need where you can. It may be simple words of encouragement, your time, your resources, or something else. By giving, it not only helps you, but also helps those in need and the community.”

It’s equally easy to admire her, but she’s quick to squash the notion that she’s doing anything extraordinary. “I'm just normal,” Jenny confessed. “Anybody can do this if you see a need. MVP started out so small. I didn't try to change the world right away because that's too overwhelming. It started with the pictures and then collecting clothes and money. It wasn't like doing everything right away. Anybody can do this. All you have to be is willing. That's all you have to be is willing, and then . . . anything is possible.”

Do you hear the call? Are you willing?

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

How to Talk to Your Kids

by Abby Tow — Executive Director of Imagine Thriving

“If things are getting in the way of a child thriving, of achieving their optimum potential, that is when adults in the world can help them navigate.”

Dr. Read Sulik, child psychiatrist and founding GMWI board member.

Watching your child struggle is one of the most difficult experiences you can have as a parent, especially when you’re not sure what’s wrong, or what you can do to help. If your child is dealing with mental wellness issues, this struggle can happen daily. Parents/guardians and other adults in their life can struggle with how to help or what to say without making the situation worse.

Imagine Thriving has outlined three key steps for talking with a child who is struggling with his or her mental well-being.

1. Communicate. Be open with your child, and promise that you’ll be there to listen to all of his or her concerns.

• Ask open-ended questions like: “how are you feeling?” and “how can I help you?”

• Allow your child time to speak about how they’re feeling.

• Share your own feelings honestly (without judging their feelings).

2. Reassure. Let your child or teen know that you’ll always be there to help.

• Remind your child that you’ll always listen without judgment.

• Don’t criticize or trivialize your child’s feelings by saying things like “Just get over it,” “Stop worrying” or “Try harder.”

• Let your child know that they’re not the only one who struggles with these issues, and getting help does not mean they’re weak or bad.

Imagine Thriving is working to increase understanding of mental wellness and erase the surrounding stigma by supporting mental health education, resources and access to care. Imagine Thriving holds support group meetings for parents of students who face a mental health issue. Contact info@imaginethriving.org or 701-318-2046 for more information.

For more information and free resources, connect with us.

AFTER A TRAUMATIC EVENT One of the most emotionally and mentally taxing times in a child or teen’s life happens when they have to deal with the aftermath of a traumatic event, such as experiencing the death of a friend or family member, becoming a victim of abuse, or witnessing a violent act. This mental and emotional upheaval, if not dealt with properly and in a timely manner, can lead to long-lasting mental health problems.

While many of the suggestions above can be beneficial in talking with your child and helping them cope with these types of events, the support and expertise of a mental health practitioner can be critical in these situations. These professionals are trained to help children process and come to terms with trauma, and develop strategies for moving forward and maintaining mental well-being.

imaginethriving.org

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3. Protect. As a parent, it’s your job to be an advocate for your child’s mental well-being.

• Trust your instincts. After speaking with your child, if you feel that more help is needed, seek it out.

• Enlisting the help of a family physician, pediatrician, school counselor or other mental health practitioner can be a great first step in building a network of support for your child.

• Never overlook threats of suicide, or shrug them off as teenage melodrama.

Comments like “I wish I was never born” or “You’d be better off without me” may be suicidal ideation.

The Mental Health branch of the United States Department of Health and Human Services adds these suggestions: • Communicate in a simple, straightforward manner.

• Discuss the topic when and where your child feels safe and comfortable.

• Watch your child’s reactions during the discussion and slow down or back up if they seem confused or upset.

• Keep in mind a child’s age and developmental level, and adjust the conversation accordingly (for instance, a second grader needs fewer details and less medical terminology than a teenager might).

ready, set, grow

story by  |  patricia carlson

P

arents are supposed to be the strong ones; the rocks your children cling to when they are afraid, hurt, or overwhelmed. But sometimes a grown-up’s life is tough, too. Marriages crumble. Loved ones die. Money dries up. Parents may wonder where their life raft is when all of this goes down.

But the hard truth is that your children need you more than ever during tough times, and you have to find a way to deliver love, compassion, empathy, and fairness through it all. Above all, you have to be an example of hope to your child, as that is the one thing that every person, regardless of age, can embrace in times of crisis.

parenting through crises tips for life’s ups and downs through the ages

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pre-baby counseling is becoming more popular. couples can share their expectations about splitting baby care duties, spending, and continuing their social and sex lives.

wee ones [0–18 months]

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bright, bubbly, bouncing baby is supposed to be a wonderful game-changer in relationships. You created this amazing little life together and can’t wait to watch your bundle begin to grow. But sleepless nights, relentless diaper changing and feedings, a diminished sex life, and increased resentment can drive many couples apart.

About two-thirds of couples see the quality of their relationships drop within three years of the birth of a child, according to data from the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, a nonprofit organization focused on strengthening families.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

keep a routine Even infants know when something isn’t quite right.

They thrive in predictable patterns and peaceful environments. Chances are if you’re going through a divorce your home is anything but predictable and peaceful.

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It’s important that through all of the upheaval - maybe you need to move, maybe you have less money to spend on your child, maybe your partner doesn’t see your child as often - you maintain as much of a routine as you can.

Experts say babies who are upset can face challenges eating and sleeping, may become tense or colicky, and could develop excessive crying and clinging. No matter which parent is delivering the care, your baby’s feedings, bathing, and playtime should continue on her regular schedule so she feels safe, secure, and loved.

If possible, also avoid arguing with your ex in front of your infant. “Children ages three and younger don't understand the complexities of relationships, so if they witness arguments, they can feel anxious or even responsible for the problem,” says Parents Magazine.

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the average cost of raising a child born in 2013 to age 18 for a middle-income family in the u.s. is approximately $245,340 [or

ready, set, grow

$304,480, adjusted for projected inflation].

tots

[18 months–3 years]

I

t takes a lot of cash to raise a kid. So when that money suddenly dries up—you or your partner lose[s] a job, child support doesn’t come in, a relative unexpectedly moves in—you can feel majorly stressed out. babycenter.com reports: • 68 percent of moms say having more money makes parenting easier • 62 percent say they need more money to feel secure about their children’s futures • 57 percent say that finances will affect how many children they decide to have A sudden change in lifestyle may be hard for your toddler to understand. This is the age when she wants everything and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to understand why she can’t have it.

As parents, you may also have a hard time adjusting.

Practically, your spending habits will have to undergo an overhaul. Emotionally, you may find dealing with the disappointment and frustration of living on a limited income with young kids to be particularly overwhelming.

It’s up to you to set the example of how you and your family will cope with this.

Make some hard choices about your lifestyle and your kids’ needs. If you’ve lost your job, do you need to pull your child out of daycare? Or do you have enough saved up to job hunt for a few months? Can you afford to stay in your home? Do you still need two cars?

If there is one bright spot in this situation, it’s that most tots are not devoted to things that are ‘brand new’ or ‘brand name,’ so you can get away with second-hand shopping for clothes and toys. You might want to consider implementing that for the whole family, too.

Finally, talk it out privately with your partner. And, if your tot brings it up, talk with him when you’re calm and clear headed. KidsHealth.org offers this advice, “Remind yourself that it's okay to reject pleas and set limits. You're not depriving your children—you're teaching them important lessons about delaying gratification, earning treats and rewards, and how family finances work. After all, food and rent come before toys.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

make a plan and stick to it The first thing you need to do is examine this new family budget. If you need to, find a financial counselor who can help you navigate this transition. Even if you have to pay for it, the long-term benefits will likely outweigh the short-term expenditure.

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research has found that 1 in 5 children will experience the death of someone close to them by age 18.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

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grandparent’s death is often a child’s first exposure to dying, the issue of mortality, and grief. He may experience a range of emotions and not know why. He may witness you going through the same thing. How you respond to your own needs, and your preschooler’s needs, during this incredibly sad time will have lasting impacts on how your child copes with loss and disappointment in the future.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

It’s okay. In fact, it’s incredibly healthy for your child to see you sad following a death; however, allowing your grief to turn into anger, blame, prolonged sadness to the point where it affects your daily routine, or displaying despair are not healthy behavioral models for your kids. If you feel yourself heading in this direction, seek

the help of a counselor who can help you balance your grief and your parenting duties. what to say Preschoolers are naturally curious and will have plenty of questions about why Grandma died, where Grandma went, and what ‘dying’ really means anyway? Here are some ways to respond: • Describe in simple terms what is happening. If Grandma is admitted to the hospital, tell your child why, for example, “She is having trouble breathing and needs medicine.”

• Prepare your kiddo for a visit to the hospital. Alleviating the secrecy and fear of the experience will actually help reduce the stress related to it. Talk about things your preschooler might see and hear and smell, and remind your kiddo about how to behave.

• Tell your kiddo it’s not his fault. Preschoolers have an egocentric view of the world. They may think something they did caused Grandma to die. Reassure your child that death is a natural part of life.

• Explain how Grandma’s death may affect your child. Talk about how Grandma won’t be there for the things you used to do together—like Sunday dinner or Christmas Eve—but that you’ll carry on the traditions with the rest of the family.

• Avoid saying Grandma ‘went to sleep.’ It could create unnecessary fear in your child that he might die when he goes to sleep.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

the american cancer society estimates that about a third of patients with cancer have school-aged or adolescent

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children.

big kids [6–9 years]

I

f you or your partner is diagnosed with a terminal or life-altering illness, your big kid will hurt, too.

Kiddos these ages have a much better understanding of death and that it’s permanent when someone dies.

That makes telling your child about your illness that much scarier and important.

The American Cancer Society [ACS] explains that kids may interpret death as a bogeyman, ghost, or monster, and if they run fast enough, they can escape its clutches.

They may also blame the other parent for not doing more to prevent the illness. These are all natural and normal coping mechanisms, however, they do need to be addressed immediately. tell the truth ACS recommends setting aside some uninterrupted time in a quiet place to talk about your illness with your kiddo. Maybe you’ll want your spouse or a nurse there.

Whomever you choose to invite into the conversation is up to you.

Remember this is a two-way conversation. Begin by asking lots of open-ended questions, like: • What changes have you noticed about me recently?

• What do you think these changes mean?

• Are you worried I might die?

Give your kid lots of breathing room to work out his answers, and then, when you’re ready, you need to explain that you are sick enough to the point where medicine won’t work and that you will die. Be prepared for your child not to believe you, and then, when it sinks in, to wonder who will take care of him when you die.

There are many great resources with tips on how to handle conversations like this. Start with the ACS website, which breaks down these talks by age.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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ready, set, grow

the book and movie, ‘marley & me,’ includes a beautiful and emotional funeral scene for the family dog. keep a box of tissues handy.

tweeners [10–12 years]

S

parky walked your son to the school bus every morning since kindergarten, and always greeted him with a slobbery kiss when he got home. Sparky was more than just a pet, he was a member of your family and your son’s best friend.

A pet’s death can be just as traumatic for your tweener as losing a human family member or friend. For many kids, there is no distinction. The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals [ASPCA] says your tweener may feel everything from sadness to guilt. Some kids might be angry at, or jealous of, friends whose pets are still alive. Others might be worried they’ll get made fun of for loving their pet so much.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

preserve memories It’s important to validate your child’s love for his pet and to avoid minimizing his grief. My parents always allowed me to grieve for my childhood pets and I’m not ashamed to admit that, 15 years after my cats and

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fifteen

dog died, I still have their collars and pictures of them.

Creating some sort of memorial for your tweener can help ease his pain and preserve memories of his pet. kidlutions.com recommends creating a memory box.

Everyone can pick something that reminds them of the pet—toys, tags, pictures—and put it in a box. Your tweener can pull it out whenever he gets sad.

Another option is to plant something in your backyard, or buy a potted plant, if you live in an apartment.

Sources: • www.cbsnews.com/news/ crisis-text-line-offers-help-teens-through-cell-phone/ • www.divorcemag.com/articles/the-co-parenting-relationship • www.psy-ed.com/wpblog/helping-your-child-cope/ • www.kidlutions.com • www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails. aspx?p=114&np=141&id=1560 • www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704099704576288954011675900 • extension.missouri.edu/p/GH6607 • www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/coping/easing-pain-of-divorce/ • www.usda.gov/wps/portal/usda/usdahome?contentid=2014/08/0179. xml&contentidonly=true • kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/financial_woes.html • childrensgriefawarenessday.org • www.childcareresourcesinc.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/13.-When-aGrandparent-Dies1.pdf • www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/family-matters/ talking-with-children-about-death • www.everydayhealth.com/family-health/kids-and-grandparents-death.aspx • www.cancer.org/treatment/childrenandcancer/helpingchildrenwhenafamilymemberhascancer/dealingwithaparentsterminalillness/ dealing-with-a-parents-terminal-illness-six-to-eight • www.examiner.com/article/helping-your-child-deal-with-the-death-of-a-pet • www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss/ helping-your-child-when-the-family-pet-dies • www.parenthood.com/article/moving_with_teens.html#.Vd8kJ7QqvEk • psychcentral.com/lib/moving-mid-year-with-teens/2/

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the crisis text line, manned by trained counselors, is like the phone crisis lines of the past available 24/7 by using code 741741.

teens

S

ometimes families have to pack up and go. Maybe you’re in the military. Maybe you got a job transfer.

Maybe you were accepted into a Ph.D. program. Whatever the reason, moving with teenagers is tough. Really tough.

Moving teenagers during the latter part of high school can have serious academic, social, and psychological consequences. Be prepared for lots of resistance, both with their voices and with their actions. Here’s why teens have more trouble. straddling two worlds Think back to your own teenage years. Everything about your body and being was changing. You had no control over any of it. That’s why nearly every teen craves predictability and routine. You want to know who your friends are and where and when you’re going to hang out. You take comfort in knowing you start school at 8:00, have practice at 3:30 and will get home around 6:00. And you appreciate [even though you don’t always know how to say it] that your parents will have dinner waiting for you.

At the same time, you crave independence and try to distinguish yourself from your family. This constant push-pull on your emotions is terrifying and tiring.

Now imagine getting ejected from your comfort zone, through no fault of your own, but with no input, either.

In this case, the family’s needs trump your own.

extra-curriculars and general social life. Keep your teen informed in the process so there are no surprises the first few months.

• keep tabs on him It’s natural for your teen to act mopey, sad, and angry during this time. In most cases, space and time will help him adjust. But if grades start to slip, he becomes antisocial, you suspect substance abuse, or anything else makes you feel unsettled about your teen, it’s time to see a counselor.

Patricia Carlson is a freelance writer who specializes in developing and writing strategic website content and email marketing materials for businesses across the country. Patricia’s roster of clients includes a diverse group of organizations from banks to fitness facilities; Redstone Federal Credit Union, Active Screening, i1Biometrics, Buzz360, and Fit Revolution, to name a few. Her editorial work appears in publications nationwide, including Minnesota Parent, FOP Journal, On The Minds of Moms, and Lake and Home Magazine. When she’s not interviewing sources, Patricia is enjoying breakfasts on the beach with her two young children. Keep track of her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com.

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Parents need to remember several things during this tumultuous time: • listen As parents, you’ll probably get fed up with the yelling and door slamming that’s bound to happen.

Try not to let your frustration get the better of you.

Engage in conversations and listen without arguing or trying to make a point. Be quiet and listen.

• not every high school is created equal Just because you picked a new home in the best school district doesn’t mean your teen is going to fit in the same way. Make sure to meet with school personnel and find out the structure of courses and learn about

[13–18years]

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65

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