Oct/Nov 2014 On the Minds of Moms

october ∙ november twenty fourteen

the valley’s modern resource for today’s parent

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Make some memories

Oatmeal Raisin Chocolate Chip Cookies Ingredients: • 2 cups firmly packed Essential Everyday Light Brown Sugar • 1/2 cup Essential Everyday Butter, softened • 1/2 cup Essential Everyday All Vegetable Shortening • 2 large eggs • 1 teaspoon Essential Everyday Pure Vanilla Extract • 2 cups Essential Everyday Quick Oats

• 1 1/2 cups Essential Everyday All-purpose Flour • 1 teaspoon Essential Everyday Baking Soda • 1 teaspoon Essential Everyday Ground Cinnamon • 1/2 teaspoon Essential Everyday Salt • 2 cups Essential Everyday Crunchy Granola Raisin Bran Cereal • 1 1/2 cups Essential Everyday Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips

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Geeta Sakariya, MD Family Medicine Essentia Health-Moorhead Clinic Dr. Geeta Sakariya has joined the Family Medicine Department at the Essentia HealthMoorhead Clinic.

“Part of my job is to teach my

“As a family medicine physician, I get to care

patients about preventative

for patients of all ages,” says Dr. Sakariya. “I

medicine. I encourage them

love building relationships as my patients grow older and particularly enjoy when I’m able

to make healthy choices that

to care for patients of different generations

will impact their lives in a

within the same family.”

Dr. Sakariya earned a medical degree from the Government Medical College in Surat, India.

She completed a residency in family medicine at the University of North Dakota Center for Family Medicine in Bismarck, ND. To schedule an appointment with Dr. Sakariya, call 701.364.8900.

To see her profile, go to EssentiaHealth.org and click on “Find a Medical Professional.”

positive way.” – Dr. Sakariya

contents

in every issue contributors .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

otmom list . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34

food for thought

. . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

oh, by the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80

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contents

sections what’s on your mind?

this & that

independence day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18

empowering women through prenatal & postpartum yoga. . . . . . . . . . . . 52

shop talk considering juvenile life insurance . . . . . . . . 28

body + being fever fears—guidelines to go by . . . . . . . . . . 36

gettin' through it who’s the man? teaching our sons about healthy masculinity . . . . . . . . . . . . . 40

did you know juvenile arthritis—taking control . . . . . . . . . 54

just a thought unarmed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

ready, set, grow positive sports parenting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72

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44

30

contents

feature & profiles mod mom profile marilyn mcmurray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

mompreneur dr. mikala hoge—dakota pediatric dentistry . . . 30

rad dad profile steve osvold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

cover story alicia waldoch—from the inside out . . . . . . . 62

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PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

COPY EDITOR Charlotte Berg

ADVERTISING Mary Klabo p: 218.791.2848 e: mary@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Sunmart, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2014 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

8

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

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contributors

in a good place what have you learned to love

the most about yourself?

connie wirta duluth | mn body + being: page 36 My love of learning. I strive to learn something new every day.

kari klingsporn hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 48 I have learned to love myself for who I am as I have gotten older, imperfect though I may be! As I inch toward 40, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, I haven't been able to get to my target weight, and sometimes I say or do the wrong thing. But over the last few years I have gotten so much better at being okay with all of my imperfections. I accept knowing I have a lot to work on; I have a sneaking suspicion I always will! But all of these things make me who I am! It took me until my 30s to understand this about myself- and others- and it is something I am trying to instill in my kids. I hope they can learn it at a younger age than I did!

jennifer lein fargo | nd did you know: page 54 I have learned to love my sensitivity. Looking at me from the outside you wouldn’t think I would be a sensitive person. I feel it is important to show your feelings and make sure you are comfortable with discussions that affect your life. The older I get the more expressive I become.

daria odegaard fargo | nd gettin’ through it: page 40 I’ve learned to most love my resiliency.

patricia carlson dilworth | mn ready, set, grow: page 72 I don’t love this about myself, but I have learned to forgive myself for it: I say the wrong thing sometimes. I’m known for putting my foot in my mouth, or for taking something ‘to the next level.’ I know I should feel bad about this, but instead of chastising myself I try to forgive myself and at least acknowledge my mistake if I hurt someone.

contributors steve markot west fargo | nd shoptalk: page 28 My desire to help others. What most people do not know about me is that I taught and coached high school students for 18 years. During those years, and now in my business, it is about educating and helping others and seeing them succeed. I feel that is what I love most about myself, being able to help others.

brenda weiler fargo | nd this & that: page 52 When I was younger I often felt like I didn't fit in because I just wanted to do my own thing. As an adult I've learned to embrace the part of myself that is independent and self-assured. Trusting that inner fire allowed me to pursue an independent music career at age 18 and has more recently brought me back to Fargo to open my own studio, ecce yoga, in downtown Fargo.

kathleen wrigley bismarck | nd just a thought: page 58 I am a cry baby. In a world that’s becoming more detached and impersonal, I remain sentimental. Someone once told me that crying is a gift. I’m gifted.

I will physically—with clenched teeth and a stiff posture—fight tears while watching another person’s child turn to his mom with a toothless, joyful grin after hitting a homerun—against my own son’s team. To embrace others’ joy and pain, suffering and accomplishments, struggles and redemption is to love my neighbor as myself. And with all my heart. Being a cry baby means that I am drenched in every part of this life. I have learned to love this “gift.”

angela smith akron | oh what’s on your mind: page 18 I've learned to love my tenacity and resiliency. I finally understand that I am far stronger than I think and that strength benefits me and those I love in a myriad of ways and I'm grateful for it.

kathy smith fargo | nd gettin’ through it: page 40 I have learned to love my imperfections. One being, I don’t keep my space as organized as I would like. I find my work priorities pull me from filing and being tidy. Instead of being hard on myself for it, I just smile and know I will eventually carve out time to de-clutter.

deb uglem moorhead | mn oh, by the way: page 80 My age. I use to think growing older meant slowing down and looking back on the past. I have come to realize the years bring experience, knowledge, and confidence. Today every year brings the possibility of new adventures!

otmom list

64 1

time each year, you should replace your sleeping pillows.

Hair and body oils soak into fabric, making it a breeding ground for odor-causing bacteria and allergy-triggering dust mites. Ishy! Send those pillows packing!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

sources: realsimple.com | the wall street journal | prevention.com

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

percent of school kiddos go to school dehydrated.

A small H2O bottle to sip and stash in a locker or leave on your kiddo’s desk during the day will help.

otmom list

1

in 20 pharmacy-filled prescriptions is incorrect.

Do you double check your label?

100

texts messages on average for Americans between the ages of 18 and 29 are sent and received per day. Does anyone talk face-to-face anymore?

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C

arrington, ND, native Marilyn is a graduate of the University of Mary with a double major in elementary and special education. After spending over 20 years working with people with disabilities, she took a leap of faith and

ventured out on her own as a budding mompreneur. Marilyn values simple family time with husband Dean and kids, Bailey [8] and Wyatt [3 1/2], and is the first to admit ‘me time’ is equally important and very necessary. She finds great joy in taking classes in varying areas of interest and says she feels empowered by learning.

photos: rialee photography | sabrina kliniske

mod mom

marilyn mcmurray mod mom

age 40, fargo.nd

weirdest thing in my fridge…

best pinch-myself moment…

pickled beets.

when I opened my own business.

the beauty trend i just can’t get on board with…

I get a haircut.

I am not all about trends.

my favorite texting buddy… it depends on the day.

something about me that would surprise most…

I purchased shorts for the first time in 22 years for a trip to Belize in July.

i feel most beautiful when… our family rule… there are no problems, only solutions.

all 2015 Opening FROLLING! N

NOW E

my go-to kid friendly meal… no worries there! My husband is the chef extraordinaire.

i’m a big believer in… positive thinking.

every mom should… take time for herself.

i’m so glad i learned the secret to… facing my fears.

i’d love to transform… how people view themselves.

his ability to make any situation positive.

in my life i can always count on… my friend Shannon Bock.

Trinity Elementary School 2820 Bluestem Dr - West Fargo 3 year old Little Deacons Through 5th grade 701.893.3271 jp2schools.org october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

15

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the one thing i admire most about my husband…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

mod mom

my best one-word piece of advice… ”Believe.” Believe in yourself and believe in others.

i want most for my kids to have appreciation for…

my greatest fear… is being accepted or liked—I repeat many times to myself that what other people think of me is none of my business.

themselves.

someday i will…

the one book i would recommend…

be in the North Dakota Hall of Fame.

The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

not leaving her health to chance how an annual mammogram caught one woman’s cancer at just the right time

G

oing to the doctor is becoming pretty routine for Kim Erickson. The 50-year-old Frazee, MN, mom has just started chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer at Sanford Roger Maris Cancer Center.

This is the start of a long road for her and her family, but she’s not complaining. Kim was adamant about receiving routine mammograms, and thanks to her vigilance, her breast cancer was caught at stage 1A.

oncologist at Roger Maris Cancer Center. “They can meet with a genetic counselor who will break down their family tree and give the likelihood they may have a gene mutation. Then if they meet certain criteria, they could have genetic testing done.”

And while Kim’s family considers genetic testing they are all very thankful that Kim had one test in particular.

“I want to encourage every eligible woman to get a “I didn’t want to gamble with my health,” says Kim. “And mammogram and to get one every year,” states Kim. that’s what it would have been if I didn’t get screened. “I can’t imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t.”

I can’t help thinking about what would have happened Talk to your primary care provider and schedule your if I had put it off. How much would it have progressed?” mammogram today.

Kim’s two daughters are also thankful for the early diagnosis. Knowing about their mother’s diagnosis can help them be informed about their own health.

“We can get patients and their families into genetic counseling services,” says Mark Gitau, MD, medical

what’s on your mind?

independence

day

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

story by | angela smith

Mirrors fascinate me. In theory they show who you are, but in reality they can only reflect back what can be seen by the naked eye. Mirrors cannot show where you’ve been, or who you are within. In my experience, it is these two elements that mostly comprise who we are as people. Still, we use the word reflect to discuss changes that have happened in our lives, places we’ve been, and experiences we’ve had. With that in mind, I will share with you some of my own recent reflections.

I’m coming up on a pretty big anniversary. Twenty years, to be exact. But it isn’t a wedding anniversary or a birthday. It’s my freedom anniversary. Twenty years ago, on November 1, 1994, I packed a single bag, picked 18

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

up a book bag full of textbooks, hoisted my pregnant belly into my car, and left my abusive husband.

I went back to that house exactly one time after this important date to pick up the last of my clothes, a few personal items, an oak desk my grandfather had given me, and a rocking chair. My ex later ‘reclaimed’ the chair.

Leaving was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I had no real plan. Thankfully, I had the support of my parents and a place to stay in their home. Without their belief in me and my choices, I’m unsure of where I’d be, let alone where my son would be.

That’s one of the interesting points about reflecting back on things. It makes you think, wonder, question the ‘what ifs.’ I have no regrets. I know I am beyond

what’s on your mind? blessed and that my life and my son’s life would not be what they are if I had stayed. But it is interesting to look back and see the changes. So many things in my life are vastly different, and yet the big picture really hasn’t changed at all.

too many people, and the YWCA continues to be filled beyond capacity, as are similar organizations across the nation. I would have hoped 20 years had done more to change the numbers. I have prayed for years that my story would become the exception, but here we are.

Then again, as I sit and reflect, maybe that’s my calling.

As an individual, I am stronger, fiercely outspoken, a To call others to action to help form a choir of people passionate woman who is no longer afraid to share around abuse victims who are willing to say “we are experiences and challenges with others. I’ve learned here for you,” “we support you,” “we believe you,” and that hope and healing come from helping those around “we will help you heal.” Maybe this same choir can help us. I am married to an incredible man who loves and form a wall between the victims and their abusers supports me, and has always accepted my son as OURS. and say “you’re not welcome here,” “your behavior is We have been blessed with four more wonderful children. not okay with us,” “we demand a change.” Because as Would they be with us had I stayed? wonderful as my life is 20 years later, I can’t help but wonder how many others are still fighting the same My son is a six-foot five-inch, 19-year-old young battle. How many others are scared and feel alone man serving a two-year mission for our church. He is an immensely talented musician. He is a loving, as they look at the options before them? I didn’t have access to anything like the YWCA or the Rape Crisis compassionate, strong- willed, opinionated soul, with Center where I was living. Thankfully, I was blessed an intense sense of what is fair in this world - and is with a loving and supportive family who did their best not afraid to fight for the underdog. Would he have his to fill in that gap. Fargo-Moorhead, and other cities current opportunities if I’d decided not to take those across the nation, is blessed with amazing resources. first scary steps?

I find it amazing that 20 years can change so very much, while the world as a whole changes very little.

I am free, but when we look at abuse and its victims, not much has changed at all. One in three women, one in four teens, and one in six men are still subjected to abuse in this country, according to Safe Horizon. The Fargo Rape and Abuse Crisis Center is still servicing

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19

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

This is what inner reflection does, and it’s something I’ve never seen a mirror replicate. The mirror can show me my silver hairs, my laugh lines, and my soft middle. But it can’t show me the experiences that gave me those badges of honor. It can’t show me the path I took to get to the point where I can look in the mirror and be comfortable in my own skin, or the strength I gained from walking this path and finding peace. My mirror can’t show me 20 years of baggage that was slowly unloaded over time and left along the road I’ve traveled. It can show me my scar and the way it has faded, but it can’t show me the real healing that has taken place. It can’t show my gratitude for those who have helped me find peace. And it can’t show the influence one person can have to help others. Twenty years. It feels like a lifetime, and in so many ways it was a lifetime ago. In so many others, it is just a single moment in time that has impacted my journey in so many positive ways.

what’s on your mind?

But resources are only as good as the community that supports them.

What are you doing to help the incredible people and organizations working to support the ‘me’ of 20 years ago? Have you thought about donating your time, money, or voice to their cause? I promise there are people you see every day fighting the same battle I fought as I walked out that door. They are fighting the same demons as they look in the mirror and reflect on where they are and where they want to be. You could be their beacon of hope.

I noticed that I’ve learned a few lessons as I’ve taken time to reflect on my journey of 20 years. First, no one expects us to be superheroes and make this journey alone, no matter how good we look in a leotard and cape. Thank goodness for that! Second, healing rarely comes as quickly as one would like it to, but there are great blessings to be found as we push through the burdens of life. Third, it’s not all about me. Life is hard and often unfair, but I believe we are given experiences so we can find our own inner strength, and then use that strength to help others. Lastly, I’ve learned to paraphrase Dr. Steve Maraboli with this mantra: ‘I am not a victim. No matter what I’ve been through, I’m still here. I may have been challenged, hurt, betrayed, beaten, and discouraged, but NOTHING has defeated me. I’m still here! I have been delayed, not denied. I am NOT a victim! I am a victor! I have a history of victory!’ That’s what the last 20 years have given me. Strength to help others, an inner peace with who I’ve become and what I have to offer the world, and the knowledge that NO ONE can take my power away; I have to give it to them, and that will never happen again because I choose not be a victim. I guess that really is a pretty huge change, regardless of how long the journey took—and it was worth every minute.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

Currently residing in the suburbs of Akron, Ohio, Angela was raised as an Army brat with little stickers on the back of everything she owns to prove it. She works hard to maintain the title of “Mean Mom” to her five children, ages 19 to newborn, and is married to Superman, who goes by the name Jared when he has his glasses on. Angela can stretch a dollar like nobody’s business, create a meal out of nothing, but cannot, even on her best day, make Jell-O or a decent pie crust. When she is not emailing her missionary son, washing laundry, or changing diapers she works to bring attention to Go Red for Women and raise awareness about relationship abuse. Angela is a voracious reader and writes children’s books to maintain her sanity; otherwise a number of fictional characters take up residence in her brain, keeping her awake at night.

Crying happens.

Shaking cannot.

caring hands Babies cry. Some cry a lot. As a parent or caregiver, you may feel frustrated, helpless and overwhelmed, which is normal. But shaking a baby is never an option.

Shaking a baby can cause brain damage, or even death.

When your baby cries, you need a plan to help stay calm.

• P ut the baby in a safe place such as in a crib or playpen in another room.

• B reathe slowly and count to 10.

• S tep outside onto a patio or front step for fresh air.

• C all a trusted friend and family member to talk to.

Have that person come over if possible.

“Stay Calm, Walk Away, Call a Friend.”

Learn more at sanfordhealth.org, keyword: kohl’s caring hands. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

1200-20070-0075 6/14

october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

21

october events ECFE Courses Starting!

218.284.3400 https://communityed. moorheadschools.org Early Childhood Family Education, a program of Moorhead Community Education, offers classes and activities for parents and their children, ages birth to kindergarten entry. At Probstfield Early Learning Center [2410 14th St S, Moorhead], in rooms designed to enhance early learning, parents and children can take classes and participate in special family events. Both parenting and child classes are taught by licensed professionals. New classes starting in October! For more information, call us or visit our website.

9, 16, 23 & 30

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org/ ClassesAndEvents

using their car seats correctly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required.

Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

4&5

EGF Arts & Crafts Fair 218.773.6525 www.visitgrandforks.com For the 42nd year, the area’s largest craft show returns to the northern valley. Both the East Grand Forks Civic Auditorium [300 15th St NE, East Grand Forks] and VFW Arena [711 3rd St SE, East Grand Forks] will be filled with over a hundred vendors selling top quality arts and crafts. There will also be a free shuttle bus running between the two locations. Please NO strollers or pets. $2 per person; 6 and under free.

4

Statistically four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Each month Safe Kids Fargo/Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm.

Trained technicians will be available to assist parents, grandparents, and caregivers with

GiGi’s Playhouse Fargo Buddy Walk www.upwithdownsfargo.com www.facebook.com/ Buddywalkfargo Join us in celebrating and promoting the understanding and acceptance of all people with Down syndrome! This fun walk at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S,

Fargo] is from 9am-2pm with the 1 mile walk beginning at 10:30am.

6 & 18

CPR for Family & Friends 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org Participants will learn the ABCs of CPR, how to manage airway obstruction and will receive an American Heart Association participation card. 6pm-8pm on the 6th and 9am-11am on the 18th at Sanford Health [1711 University Dr, Fargo].

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Safe Kids Car Seat Check-Up 701.780.1856 www.safekidsgf.org Did you know that 4 out 5 car seats are used incorrectly? Could your child's be one of them? Safe Kids Grand Forks, in partnership with Altru Health System and Rydell GM Auto Center, offers a monthly car seat check-up event on the second Thursday of each month. This event is free and no appointments are necessary.

Come to Rydell's [2700 S Washington St, Grand Forks], 4pm-7pm, and certified car seat technicians will check on your seat and ensure your children are riding safely.

9, 16, 23 & 30

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org/ ClassesAndEvents Statistically four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Each month Safe Kids Fargo/Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm.

Trained technicians will be available to assist parents, grandparents, and caregivers with using their car seats correctly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required.

Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

12

Tummy to Toddler Expo www.facebook.com/ events/667209916661410/?ref=22 Safe Kids Grand Forks invites you to the inaugural Tummy to Toddler Expo, 1pm-4pm at the Ramada [1205 N 43rd St, Grand Forks]. If you are a parent expecting a baby, or have an infant or toddler, you don't want to miss this event! Vendors will be showing you the latest safety information, fashions, products and services for your

CALLING ALL FABULOUS LADIES!

McCulley Optix Gallery invites you to our annual

Pink Party

Thursday, October 23 • Noon - 7pm DESIGNER EYEWEAR • DESIGNER CLOTHING • HORS D’OEUVERS

OCTOBER 24, 2014 • 7:00-11:00 PM COURTYARD BY MARRIOTT-MOORHEAD

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WINE TASTING sponsored by cash wise liquor-moorhead SILENT AUCTION, HORS D’OEUVRES, LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

EYEWEAR AND SUNGLASS TRUNK SHOW WITH

Latest Women’s Fashions from Bumbershute Edina

Eyebrow Waxing

from Catalyst Medical Center

TICKETS

$50/PERSON OR $90/COUPLE

CALL 701-293-7273 www.RACCFM.com

for tickets and information 22

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

www.optixgallery.com• 701•373•2020 Corner of 25th St & 32nd Ave S

events event calendar | october

family. There will be lots of great door prizes and raffles to take part in and many vendors will be selling their products at the expo. $5 admission and the first 300 people/families will get an event bag filled with all kinds of great baby-related things.

12 & 13

Women’s Business Summit www.trainingnd.com This Summit, held at the Bismarck Civic Center [315 S 5th St, Bismarck], will feature two intense days of training, networking, business growth opportunities, personal development, professional focus and of course…. Fun! Whether a professional in the workplace, a business owner or simply a woman aspiring to improve herself, you will be able to choose a customized learning track that fits your needs with 20+ breakout sessions available to choose from. Keynote speaker, Kristen Hadeed, founder of Student Maid, will share her story and insights.

16

Men's Breakfast www.raccfm.com The Rape and Abuse Crisis Center will host a Men’s Breakfast where Anthony “Tony” Porter, co-founder of A Call To Men, will

be the featured speaker. A Call To Men is a leading national violence-prevention organization providing training and education for men, boys, communities, and organizations. Its aim is to shift social norms that negatively impact our culture and promote a more healthy and respectful definition of manhood. It provides men and boys with tools, practical methods, and strategies to positively address the issues of domestic and sexual violence. The Men’s Breakfast is free of charge; watch for registration details on the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center’s website.

17

Cully’s Kids Night @ Fargo Force 701.364.3672 www.fargoforce.com Come out and watch the Fargo Force hockey team take on the Lincoln Stars and get a mini stick at the door. The team will wear custom Cully’s Kids Jerseys that will be auctioned off after the game with all the proceeds going to the Cullen Children’s Foundation. Puck drops at 7:05pm.

18

Art & Wine Walk 701.7574051 www.visitgrandforks.com

Join the North Valley Arts Council [NVAC], Downtown Development Association [DDA], local businesses and regional artists for an afternoon of wine tasting and art in Downtown Grand Forks and East Grand Forks, 1pm-5pm. Purchase a $15 map at the NVAC or DDA for those participating businesses. Enjoy snacks and wine samples. At 5pm bring your map to the Wrap Up Party at the Empire Arts Center [415 Demers Ave, Grand Forks] and turn it in to be eligible for one of many prize bags. For more information visit online.

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RACC Harvest Moon Fling 701.293.7273 www.raccfm.com Support the Rape And Abuse Crisis Center with a night of fun at the Courtyard by Marriot [1080 28th Ave S, Moorhead] from 7pm-11pm. Wine Tasting, silent auction, hors d'oeuvres and live entertainment will fill the night. Call or go online to purchase tickets.

25

Moonlight Monster Mash www.fargoparks.com

Vampires, ghosts and skeletons welcome 6:30pm-9pm at Fargo Youth Commission [2500 18th St S, Fargo]. All participants are encouraged to wear a costume and dance the night away. Explore the haunted attic, play ghoulish games, and trick-or-treat for some spooky snacks. Enjoy a live DJ all night long and a spooktacular entertainment show by magician Jeffery Salveson at 7:30pm. $3 admission [ages 2 & under are free] and parental supervision required.

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Boo @ the Zoo 701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.org Get your scare on with all the animals at the Red River Zoo [4255 23rd Ave S, Fargo]! This spooktacular Halloween event is complete with activities, trick-or-treating, creepy critter encounters, pumpkin carving and even cockroach races! From 10am-5pm.

Regular Zoo admission applies, members get in free!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Experience All Fargo Public Schools Has to Offer!

Your child’s future starts here!

Contact us to find out more about class sizes, academic offerings, test scores, school safety and extra-curricular activities.

701.446.1000

www.fargo.k12.nd.us october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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november events 1&2

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8&9

View beautiful holiday décor at area homes from noon to 5pm. Proceeds will be shared with FM Sheltering Churches homeless housing projects. See website for $20 advanced ticket locations.

The Broadway Musical Elf is coming to the Chester Fritz Auditorium [3475 University Ave, Grand Forks]. Enjoy the hilarious tale of Buddy, a young orphan child who mistakenly crawls into Santa’s bag of gifts and is transported back to the North Pole. This modern day Christmas classic is sure to make everyone embrace their inner Elf. Show starts at 7:30pm. Tickets available online.

Find something for everyone on your list at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

Homes for the Holidays www.fargomoorhead. org/calender

Elf - The Broadway Musical 701.799.4090 und.edu/chester-fritz-auditorium

5 & 24

Baby’s First Ride 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org Are your car seats installed correctly? Don't take the chance! This class is designed for expectant parents and focuses on infant car seats for newborns. Make an appointment, be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway N, Fargo] between 6:30pm-8:00pm. Space is limited. Pre-registration is necessary.

8

Awesome Art Afternoon 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Love art but hate the mess? Bring your child to this FREE interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of take home projects. All creative materials will be provided and adult supervision required.

Program is at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] from 1pm-3pm.

the PROS at

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kids stuff

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

20% OFF ENTIRE PURCHASE

other coup ons, discounts This coupon cannot be used with any customer. Valid only at or sales merchandise. One coupon per Expires Nov. 30, 2014.

Once Upon A Child® stores in Fargo.

22 701.2 82 .52 SW, Fargo 2551 45th St.

KIDS’ STUFF WITH PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE 24

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

Grand Forks Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

8&9

Holiday Homes of Hope Visit professionally decorated homes in the Fargo Osgood neighborhood, take in the Holiday Hope Boutique at the 9 Iron clubhouse in Osgood golf course clubhouse which will include lunch and drink specials, vendors, baked goods, artisan treasures, handmade scarves and mittens, holiday fresh greenery, and décor.

Tour dates are November 8th, 10am-5pm, and November 9th, noon-5pm.

9

Zoolute to Soldiers 701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.org Free Admission to the Zoo for veterans 10am-5pm.

13

Bowls for Babies - Bismarck 701.235.5530 www.marchofdimes. com/northdakota March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Head to the Ramada [1400 E Interchange Ave, Bismarck] from 11am-1:30pm.

15

B.L.A.S.T. Babysitter's Day Camp 701.364.1738 www.fmambulance.com The initial course for teens and pre-teens on the responsibilities of caring for children.

They will learn CPR and first aid for children, as well as diaper changing techniques, also learn about when to call 911 and what will happen if they do need emergency assistance. The course is designed for young babysitters ages 11–15. Limited space. Register online.

events event calendar | november

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21-23

Calling all art lovers ages 6-12! Be creative, get messy and have fun while making several works of art at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] 1pm-3pm! Art projects will include jewelry making, wood art, and fun crafts items. Learn new art techniques while experimenting with watercolors, paints, chalks, and pastels.

This is a FREE event.

Are your kids riding safely? This class is designed to give participants the knowledge on correct use of car seats.

This class meets licensing requirements for Minnesota child care and foster care providers. Make an appointment be at the Sanford Auditorium [801 Broadway N, Fargo] between 6pm-9:30pm. Space is limited. $30 fee & registration is necessary.

Find something for everyone on your list at the Fargo Civic Auditorium. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

Friday 4pm-9pm, Saturday 9am-5pm, Sunday 11am-4pm.

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Art-Mania 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org

Breakfast with Santa Tickets on Sale 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Tickets on sale at 8am at RDJ Rec Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo] for a morning of breakfast, crafts, and entertainment with Santa and Mrs. Clause on December 6th, 13th & 20th at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo]. Advanced tickets $5 for ages 2 & up.

Child Passenger Safety 701.234.7233 www.sanfordhealth.org

Fargo Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase www.prideofdakota.nd.gov

Kids Baking Class 701.234-2400 www.familywellnessfargo.com Just a week before Thanksgiving, let’s get kids involved with some of the prep, and why not get their help with dessert!

This class will have kids making their own ‘mini-pumpkin pies’ and a few other simple and healthy pumpkin deserts. Kids will go home with the recipes, new found skills and confidence. Class begins at 6pm for kids ages 5+, ages 5-7 need to be accompanied by an adult. Sign up at the front desk or call to reserve your spot.

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Xcel Energy Holiday Lights Parade Kick off the holiday's with the annual Holiday Lights Parade in Downtown Fargo.

Starts at 6:30pm!

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Santa Village Opens @ Rheault Farm 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides!

November 29th & 30th, December 6th & 7th 1pm-7pm, December 10th, 11th & 12th 4pm-8pm, 13th & 14th 1pm-8pm, 17th , 18th & 19th 4pm-8pm, 20th & 21st 1pm-8pm, 22nd & 23nd 4pm-8pm. FREE admission with canned goods, toy or cash donation.

28-30

Lindenwood Park Lights www.fmsertoma.com Drive through Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and view holiday light displays sponsored by local businesses from 5:30pm-10pm. $6 per car, $5 with canned good and $10 for buses or limos.

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december events 1-31

Lindenwood Park Lights www.fmsertoma.com Drive through Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and view holiday light displays sponsored by local businesses from 5:30-10pm. $6 per car, $5 with canned good and $10 for buses or limos.

TBD

North Pole Calling 701.746.2750 www.gfparks.org Children in Grand Forks who are in kindergarten and 1st grade have an opportunity to talk with Santa or Mrs. Claus, who will be more than happy to call your child and wish him or her a Merry Christmas. Calls will be made from 5pm-7pm. Register your child today!

3

Bowls for Babies 701.235.5530 www.marchofdimes. com/northdakota March of Dimes Annual Fundraiser for the babies. Your $20 ticket allows you to select a uniquely artistic bowl, sample soup from several locally owned restaurants & then keep the bowl as a souvenir! Ramada Plaza Suites [1635 42nd St S, Fargo] from 11am-1:30pm.

4, 11 & 18

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org Are your car seats installed correctly?

Don't take the chance! Safe Kids Fargo/ Moorhead is conducting Car Seat Check Up Events at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Space is limited. This event is free and open to the public. Pre-registration is necessary.

5-7

Bismarck Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase www.prideofdakota.nd.gov Find something for everyone on your list at the Bismarck Civic Auditorium. Tons of amazing products made in North Dakota!

6

Christmas on The Prairie 701.282.2822 www.bonanzaville.com Enjoy a beautifully decorated Bonanzaville with cookie decorating, Christmas carolers, horse drawn wagon rides, music, desserts, and photos with Santa. 1pm-7pm.

6, 7, 10-14 & 17-23

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides!

November 29th & 30th, December 6th & 7th 1pm-7pm, December 10th, 11th & 12th 4pm-8pm, 13th & 14th 1pm-8pm, 17th , 18th & 19th 4pm-8pm, 20th & 21st 1pm-8pm, 22nd & 23nd 4pm-8pm. FREE admission with canned goods, toy or cash donation.

6, 13 & 20

Breakfast with Santa 701.499.7788 Rheault Farm [2902 25th St. S, Fargo] Come spend a morning with Santa and take part in a two hour program that begins at 8:00am with a hot breakfast provided by Applebee’s. After your tummies are full enjoy an entertainment show followed by a holiday craft and a personal visit with Santa and Mrs. Claus. Tickets are $5 ages 2 & up and must be purchased in advance.

6 & 14

Jaws, Paws, and lunch with Santa Claus 701.277.9240 www.redriverzoo.org Kick off the holiday season at the Zoo! Enjoy lunch at the zoo, free carousel rides, animal encounters, holiday crafts and even meet the big guy himself...Santa!

Each family will receive a complimentary photograph with Santa and a special gift. $15 adults, $10 children [members receive $2 off per ticket]. Limited tickets. Purchase in advance. 11am-1:30pm.

COBBER KIDS

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

We offer language arts, an indoor gym, outdoor play space, science, sensory activities, creative arts, physical fitness, French, and much more…

Come and see our fabulous child care center.

At this time we are accepting enrollments for our Preschool classroom 31 months – 5 yrs.

NAEYC accredited 7:00-5:30 (16 months –5) Call Anita 299-4204 or e-mail brandenb@cord.edu

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

events event calendar | december

6, 13 & 20

Santa Fly-In 701.293.8043 www.fargoairmuseum.org

Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] at Noon and see Santa fly-in to meet all the good boys & girls!

7

Lorie Line 701.239.8385 www.fargotheatre.org This season marks her 25th anniversary of touring and Line will showcase the best of the best of her holiday music over her 25-year career. She will feature her Fab 5 and this year is bringing a special vocalist to the stage. Don’t miss this special evening of music as Lorie celebrates a milestone year. 3pm at the Fargo Theatre [314 Broadway, Fargo].

TBD

Santa Village @ Lincoln Golf Course 701.746.2750 www.gfparks.org

Santa & his elves will set up their workshop at the Lincoln Golf Course Clubhouse in Grand Forks Thursdays & Fridays 4pm8pm, Saturdays 10am-8pm & Sundays Noon-6pm! Everyone is welcome to meet the elves & make a holiday craft or two. Come meet Santa and Mrs. Claus on Saturdays and Sundays [1pm-5pm].

Take a ride on a horse-drawn sleigh or stop in to look at the beautifully adorned trees & sip some cocoa. Free admission with donation of non-perishable food item or new toy.

15

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Everyone is invited to the Family Wellness Center [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo] for some holiday baking the healthy way. The holidays are time for family, merriment, and expanding waistlines, but learn a couple healthier backing options to add in to your holiday repertoire to battle the bowl full of jelly belly. For ages 12+, $9 member/$15 nonmembers. Sign up at the front desk or call to reserve your place.

Watch the Fargo Farce take on the Sioux Falls Stampede! When you purchase a family fun package, enjoy 4 reserved seats, 4 premium gifts from the Fargo Force, 4 small pops, 1 giant popcorn and 4 McDonald’s Value Meals. Call the ticket box office to reserve your family fun package. Puck drops at 7:00pm.

Healthy Holiday Baking 701.234-2400 www.familywellnessfargo.com

Family Fun Night @ Fargo Force 701.364.3672 www.fargoforce.com

14

Skating with Santa 701.433.5360 www.wfparks.org Skate to Christmas music while visiting Santa at Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo] from 7pm-8:30pm. Hot chocolate & refreshments will be served. A canned food item for the Fargo-Moorhead Food Pantry will be your ticket to get in.

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

300 17th Street North Moorhead

Shuttle available to and from West & South Fargo

Free busing in Moorhead

Preview Day

For inquiring students in grades 1-11

November 10 – 8:00-11:30 am Please RSVP

Enroll Today | K-12th Grade Half and Full Day K available.

Call for an educational consultation.

october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

27

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

218-236-0500

www.parkchristianschool.org

shop talk

kiddo coverage

considering juvenile life insurance

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

story by | steve marquart

J

uvenile life insurance is permanent life insurance that insures the life of a minor. It provides cash-value accumulation, tax-advantaged growth, guaranteed insurance for life, and, in the event of a death, is paid out tax free. You should consider a life insurance policy for your child/children because – well, “bad things happen to good people.” In the event of the untimely death of a loved one, would it place a financial burden on your family? Ask yourself the following questions: would it create a financial hardship for your family if 28

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

you had to take off a few weeks from work? Would you have to take out a loan for a funeral, which can cost upwards of $10,000? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, you should consider a life insurance policy for your child/children. the facts There are three different types of juvenile life insurance: • whole life Pays a benefit on the death of the insured and also accumulates a cash value • universal life Pays a benefit on the death of the insured and also includes a savings element, which is invested to provide a cash-value buildup.

shop talk • variable universal life [VUL] Pays a benefit on the death of the insured and contains an investment feature that usually includes "sub-accounts," which function much like mutual funds, providing exposure to stocks and bonds.

Each type has its advantages and each family will have to determine the policy that works best for them. In a Whole Life policy the cash value is the safest/most conservative and least risky of these policies. Universal Life has some risk but is more flexible. VUL is the riskiest of the three, leaving you with more flexibility, possibly more gain, but also less certainty.

So, what policy is right for you? That depends on the situation of your family, however, as an insurance agent for five years, I typically recommend a Whole Life policy [cost about 50 cents per day] with a guaranteed insurability rider which states, “at ages 25, 28, 31, 37, and 40 the insured can increase their coverage without proving insurability.” There are other life-changing events that also qualify coverage changes, such as: getting married, birth of a child, adoptions, graduating from college, purchase of a home, etc. And the benefits are tax-free.

A graduate of Bismarck High School, Bismarck Jr. College, and the University of Mary, Steve Marquart earned a degree in Social and Behavioral Science and Secondary Education. He has taught High School and coached at Bismarck Century High School, Kindred, and West Fargo, ND. Married to Mary, the couple have two boys, Nathan and Tyler. For the past five years has been an Insurance Agent with Farmers.

Steve Marquart Farmers Insurance 3309 Fiechtner Dr S, Ste D, Fargo 701.364.3613 www.farmersagent.com/smarquart1

LEARN VALUES EXPLORE INTERESTS Values and skills learned early on are vital building blocks for life. Enroll your child today! Financial Assistance Available.

Youth Programs Swim Lessons, Basketball, Dance, Flag Football, The Great Outdoors, Wacky Science, and more!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

the benefits As we age the cost of life insurance increases and certain medications and health conditions may make it impossible to get life insurance. It will never be cheaper to buy a life insurance policy than it is today! That is an important consideration when contemplating a policy for your child. Remember, the younger the child the less expensive the policy is, the underwriting is much easier because most children are born healthy, there are fewer questions about the health of the child, and there is no term [it will be in place for the child’s entire life]. The rates of a juvenile policy purchased today will remain the same throughout the child’s life unless changes are made to the policy, such as increasing the amount of insurance. Another benefit with the policies I recommend is the fact that they build cash value. A loan may be able to be taken against these policies later in life. Juvenile Life Insurance can also be given as a gift.

As a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, or godparent you can purchase the policy [paying monthly or annually] and transfer it to the insured child when he reaches age 21. At that time the insured can continue the low payments to guarantee insurability for a lifetime.

Yes, the ultimate benefit of purchasing a life insurance policy for your child is alleviating the potential financial burden of an untimely death, but it is much more than that. A lifetime of insurability and potential financial investment options cannot be overlooked. Discuss available options with your trusted insurance agent today!

Child Care > Preschool > Early Learning Care 4 & 5 year old openings

> Before & After School Care for School Age/Middle School Age

YMCA OF CASS AND CLAY COUNTIES www.ymcacassclay.org | 701.293.9622

october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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orn and bred a Nebraskan, Dr. Mikala [35] grew up in Lincoln admiring her Uncle who was a general Dentist.

Family gatherings and common talk of his dental practice sparked her interest in Dentistry at a very young age.

Mikala attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln for her undergraduate studies, majoring in biology. Before earning her Doctor of Dentistry from the University of Nebraska Medical Center, where she also completed her residency in pediatric dentistry, she met her husband, Dr. Chad Hoge. Together in 2008 the two started Dakota Pediatric Dentistry in Fargo and a year later purchased an existing pediatric dental practice in Grand Forks, ND. Having two clinic locations has meant becoming professionals in the art of balance. Their children, Alexa [4] and Brooklyn [1], remain their top priority, but Mikala and Chad also do their very best to run a caring, efficient, and fair business. They talk throughout the week about their family and business needs, and admit open communication is necessary to ensure all of those needs are met and everyone is happy. For Mikala, being a Doctor of Dentistry means a lifelong commitment to education. Not only does she continue to learn through continuing education courses, but also credits her patients and their parents for motivating her every day to strive to do her very best to help children attain optimal oral health.

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

mom reneur dr. mikala hoge

mompreneur

dakota pediatric dentistry

what makes a great dentist?

A person who is dedicated to lifelong learning. The profession of pediatric dentistry is continuously evolving, so staying on top of current research is a must. Throughout the year I attend numerous continuing education courses.

what makes your practice unique?

what is the biggest mistake parents make when it comes to their kids’ teeth?

They think baby teeth are not important. Many parents are shocked to find out that baby molars actually remain in a child’s mouth until between the ages of 10–12, and sometimes 13. These molars serve a very important purpose, to hold the space

We have two separate groups of full-time team members in both our Fargo and Grand Forks locations. Our team members do not travel between the two locations - only the doctors go between. I’m very proud of our team in its entirety.

Are your sinuses screaming?

how do you balance two clinic locations?

We split our time equally. For example, if my husband is in the Fargo clinic, I’m usually in the Grand Forks clinic. With one of us always working out of town, and no nearby family, this can make for some interesting nights of single parenting.

describe your clinic in one word?

Entertaining!

how would your patients describe you?

We provide testing & treatments to help our patients alleviate allergy and sinus conditions, and offer safe in-office and surgical options for more severe/chronic issues. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Ethical and compassionate. There are so many factors that need to be addressed when treating a pediatric patient: age, behavior, medical history, and/or previous dental experiences. I also have to take into account the parents’ feelings towards their child’s treatment. Based off of my education and previous clinical experiences, I try to provide honest answers and possibilities. As a parent, I know how important it is to be knowledgeable when it comes to my children’s healthcare.

We can help

Lesley Soine, MD | James Frisk, MD plainsent.com • 235.1924 • 2700 12th Ave. S, Ste D, Fargo october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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mompreneur

for the developing premolars. And how we care for our children’s teeth can be a precursor for how they attend to their oral health when they become adults.

if you could give one dental tip, what would it be?

Make sure your child sees the dentist at the age of one! Our entire team provides a wealth of information about baby teeth, including proper brushing techniques, review of diet, and how to prevent cavities.

how do you suggest parents prepare their kids for a visit to you?

Parents should talk to their children in age-appropriate and positive terms about what may happen.

For example, before my four year old comes in for her re-care appointment, I talk to her about how the dental hygienist is going to “sparkle her teeth like a princess” and how the hygienist may also “take pictures of her pretty teeth.” I always recommend avoiding the use of negative words.

Omaha in time to see my first patient at 8:00. We often look back at the early days of the business and are astonished at how much we sacrificed. I think we have some great stories to tell our children someday.

away from the clinic what might we find you doing?

I enjoy spending time with my husband and children. We like to take advantage of all the offerings for families in the Fargo-Moorhead area. I also like to watch my oldest daughter, Alexa, take ballet and swimming lessons.

how do you make time for yourself?

I like to spend time at the Family Wellness Center weight lifting or taking part in group exercise classes. I believe that staying healthy helps keep me positive and energetic. I am a much happier wife, mom, and boss when I get my exercise.

what is the absolute worst thing to eat for kids’ teeth?

Juice [even watered down], flavored water, soda, and fruit snacks.

working alongside your husband, Dr. Chad, how do you keep work and family separate?

At this stage in our lives we have young children at home who are very engaging. Our daughters enjoy playing with us and going to different places like the zoo or the park. So it’s very easy for us to get lost in the world of childhood when we’re at home. There’s not much talk about our business, that’s for sure.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

what quality do you believe every woman needs to be successful in business?

Determination. In 2009 I moved to Omaha for two years to complete my residency and Chad remained in North Dakota to run our two pediatric dental practices. Most weekends I would drive to Fargo for the weekend to help Chad out with the business.

Then I would drive back to Omaha on Sunday. There was even an occasional Monday where I would get up at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and drive back to

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

Dakota Pediatric Dentistry [Fargo Location] 4265 45th Street S, Suite 202, Fargo, ND 701.478.5439 [Grand Forks Location] 3990 S. Columbia Rd, Grand Forks, ND 701.746.1400 www.dakotapediatricdentistry.com Follow us on Facebook Clinic hours for both locations: Monday through Thursday: 8am–4:30pm Friday: 8am–3pm

mompreneur

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

33

shutter bug

exposures by j.linnea

michelle warren photography

tiny sprout portraits

caitlin killoran photography

exposures by j.linnea

shutter bug

rialee photography

tiny sprout portraits

michelle warren photography

caitlin killoran photography

body + being

fever fears www.onthemindsofmoms.com

guidelines to go by

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

story by | connie wirta

A

child with a fever sends a mom’s mind racing. A fever means you’ve got a sick kid, not just a kid with a runny nose or tummy ache.

A fever means your child’s body is fighting an illness or infection, usually a virus or bacteria, explains Dr. Jennifer Mullally, a pediatrician at Essentia Health’s South University Clinic in Fargo. “The good news is that you’ve got a kid with a healthy immune system that’s working the right way,” says Dr. Mullally. When the body identifies an invader, it raises its temperature to help fight it.

We’d love to have your family as part of our school family.

St. Joseph’s School Enrollment for 2015-2016 begins in January 2015 Schedule a tour with Andrew at (218) 233-0553 or ahilliker@stjoesmhdschool.com Visit us anytime at www.sjs-saints.com

While many parents worry about a fever, it’s just one symptom, Dr. Mullally stresses. The accompanying symptoms are better clues to what’s going on and what a parent needs to do, she says. But that’s hard to remember when your child feels like she’s burning up and looks sick. “Fevers are scary because you know something’s wrong with your child,” Dr. Mullally acknowledges.

Reducing the fever with an over-the-counter medicine, such as acetaminophen or ibuprofen, can help your child feel more comfortable, Dr. Mullally says. You also can try a cool bath, cool washcloths, or keeping your child dressed lightly.

Common causes of fever, such as a cold or a virus, can be treated at home, Dr. Mullally says. Reducing the fever, pushing fluids, and making a child comfortable are often the best course.

1-4 p.m | $5 admission Ramada Inn Ballroom, Grand Forks For more information visit safekidsgf.com

Your Pe

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for her

Best Friend

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markers to follow You need to see a doctor if a baby younger than three months old has a temperature of 100.4 degrees F or higher, even if the baby looks normal or seems fine.

Young infants can quickly become seriously ill and also are susceptible to serious bacterial infections. In a child older than three months, a temperature of 100.4 degrees F or higher that lasts longer than three days should be seen by a doctor, earlier if it is accompanied by concerning symptoms, Dr. Mullally says. Those symptoms include difficulty breathing, lethargy, seizures, or the inability to drink fluids or maintain urine output, she says. A fever of 103 degrees F in an older child also needs to be seen by a doctor, as do children with any chronic medical conditions.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

body + being A child of any age needs immediate medical attention if he appears lethargic or struggles to breathe, Dr. Mullally warns. If your child is vomiting or not taking liquids, watch for wet diapers or urine voids. Push small, frequent intakes of fluids. choosing a thermometer A variety of thermometers can take a temperature in the mouth, in the rectum, in the armpit, on the forehead, or in the ear.

Regular digital thermometers, which use electronic heat sensors, give the most accurate readings when used either rectally or orally, Dr. Mullally says. Rectal readings are the best for infants, especially those three months or younger, as well as children up to age three.

When done properly, there is no pain, she says.

For older children oral readings are accurate as long as the mouth is closed while the thermometer is in place.

Armpit readings tend to be less accurate than rectal and oral readings, the pediatrician says.

Digital ear thermometers and forehead thermometers [called temporal artery thermometers] can also give

accurate readings, Dr. Mullally says. There also are fever strips, which aren’t as precise. proper medicine dosing When using an over-the-counter medicine, proper dosing is important, advises Dr. Mullally. You need to know your child’s weight and follow the dosing guide from your physician or what’s outlined on the medicine’s bottle.

Use the dosage tool that comes with the medicine, or buy a marked syringe at the pharmacy. Do not give children aspirin because of the risk of Reye’s syndrome.

Even though they are labeled differently, infant and children’s bottles of liquid acetaminophen are now the same concentration. If you’re using an older bottle, check its label for the concentration. Tylenol is a brand name of acetaminophen.

Liquid ibuprofen still comes in two concentrations, one for infants and one for older children. Ibuprofen, which is also known by the brand names Advil and Motrin, should not be given to infants younger than six months old.

Dr. Mullally recommends administering medicine every six hours and taking your child’s temperature before giving each dose. Don’t give more than four doses in 24 hours.

Dr. Mullally also recommends using either acetaminophen or ibuprofen, not switching between them. “Take one medicine and stick with it,” she says. “That reduces the risk for overdose.”

“There’s no evidence that alternating between acetaminophen and ibuprofen works better than simply sticking with one,” Dr. Mullally points out. “Usually a child likes one better than the other, too.”

If you are giving your child ibuprofen or acetaminophen for fever or pain, don't use a cold or flu medicine that also contains acetaminophen or ibuprofen. That could cause your child to get too much medicine.

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fever seizures While parents worry that a high fever will cause a febrile seizure, such incidents are rare, Dr. Mullally says. They occur in only two to five percent of children between the ages of six months and five years.

Most febrile seizures occur during the first day of a fever and last a minute or two. Most children have

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

body + being rectal temperatures greater than 102 degrees F when seizures occur.

If your child has a febrile seizure call your doctor right away so your child can be examined. It’s more important to determine and treat the cause of the fever rather than the seizure, Dr. Mullally explains.

Most febrile seizures are harmless. The National Institutes of Health [NIH] says there’s no evidence that short febrile seizures cause brain damage. Large studies have found children have normal school achievement and perform as well on intellectual tests as their siblings who don't have seizures. Even when seizures are long, most children recover completely, the NIH reports.

when to call the doctor

Let’s face it…fevers are a common part of childhood.

All kids get fevers, and in the majority of cases, most are completely back to normal within a few days. For older infants and kids [but not necessarily for infants younger than three months], the way they act is far more important than the reading on your thermometer.

Everyone gets cranky when they have a fever. This is normal and should be expected. But if you're ever in doubt about what to do or what a fever might mean, or if your child is acting ill in a way that concerns you even if there's no fever, always call your doctor for advice.

Connie Wirta, a former newspaper reporter and editor, now writes for Essentia Health. Her two adult children continue to open her eyes to the world and new adventures.

• Child is younger than three months with a temperature of 100.4 degrees F or higher.

• Child is older than three months with a temperature above 103 degrees F or has had a temperature of 100.4 F or higher for three days or more.

• Child is crying constantly, very fussy, and cannot be comforted.

• Child is listless, has little energy, or is hard to wake up.

• Child has a new rash.

• Child has neck pain or stiffness.

• Child has seizures.

• Child refuses to drink.

• Child has less urine than usual.

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• Child has chronic medical conditions that put him at increased risk for serious infections, such as kidney disease, asplenia, immunosuppression, or heart disease.

• Call 911 if your child has trouble breathing.

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gettin’ through it

who’s the man? www.onthemindsofmoms.com

teaching our sons about healthy masculinity

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

gettin’ through it story by | daria odegaard & kathy smith

A

lex and Justin are two young boys playing together in the sandbox at daycare. Alex is wearing a t-shirt that reads “ladies’ man” and is pretending his dump truck and Hot Wheels cars have just collided, causing a lot of noise and chaos. Justin has tucked a group of flowers behind his left ear and is pretending the dolls he found in the sandbox are enjoying a tea party, complete with sand cookies and pies.

Upon reading this description, have you made certain judgments about these boys? Would you say one of them is more masculine? Can we tell? The simple answer is no. Masculinity has a different definition for each individual. However, as varied as definitions may be, a uniting factor has become the concept that our society promotes certain ideals and messages surrounding what it means to “be a man” and these ideals are often counter to the values, characteristics, and features we admire in the men who have made a difference in our lives. what’s it mean to be a man?

Masculinity refers to gender: a set of qualities, characteristics, or roles generally considered typical of, or appropriate to, a boy or man within a given society and the meanings attributed to them. The term masculinity stresses gender, unlike the word male, which stresses biological sex. Masculinity means different things to different people in different cultures and in different historical periods. Constructs of masculine ideals vary

across historical and cultural contexts. What is thought of as masculine has changed over time. For example, in the late 18th and early 19th centuries the ideal of masculinity was a “dandy,” someone who focused on his appearance, elegant and proper language, and leisure activities. These behaviors would be seen as feminine in today’s society. Later, in the early and mid-20th century, male ideals such as Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, and Charlton Heston sought a thinner body type without the muscle definition of the masculine ideals of today displayed by individuals such as Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise.

In Masculinity Reconstructed, Dr. Ronald F. Levant described traditional masculine norms as "avoidance of femininity, restricted emotions, sex disconnected from intimacy, pursuit of achievement and status, self-reliance, strength, aggression, and homophobia.”

In his book Well Meaning Men Breaking Out of the Man Box, Anthony Porter referred to these standards, expectations, and rules that regulate our behavior, thoughts, and ideas around traditional masculinity as the “man box.” get the message?

From a very early age we begin to receive messages about masculinity and what it should look like. There exists a very traditional and narrow social construct of what masculinity is, and we are exposed to these ideas on a daily basis. Consider the widespread use of language that relates to masculinity, and how often we hear phrases such as “runs like a girl,” “throws like a girl,” “man up,” and “grow a pair.” Use of these phrases serves only to create a picture or ideal of what a “real

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gettin’ through it man” is and what that man should or shouldn’t do.

These phrases are also detrimental to girls and women, setting up a situation in which females are automatically considered to be the weaker and less significant group.

Consider the terminology, images, and messaging about masculinity found in mass media. Print media, television, and movies all create the perception that masculinity means being physically dominant, in control, athletic, not showing emotion, and being aggressive or even violent.

Narrow visions of what it means to “be a man” or “be a woman” encourage behaviors that an individual may not be comfortable with or that may be harmful. In the film The Mask You Live In, sociologist Dr. Michael Kimmel explained, “We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity, so we make them go prove it all the time.” As psychologist Dr. Michael Thompson suggested, "We have to give boys permission to experience a wide range of feelings. Masculinity is not never feeling scared; it's feeling scared, and then to know you can also surmount it."

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what do we really want?

We need to consider if this narrow vision is the definition of masculinity we want to impose upon our children. Think of the influential men in your life and whether they fit into the “man box.” Chances are the men we all know and aspire to emulate provide a very different definition of masculinity. Ask most people to describe the men who’ve made a difference in their lives and you’re most likely to hear stories of fathers, brothers, grandfathers, and mentors all noted for their demonstrated gentleness, ability to care, and compassion.

These “everyday” men who have impacted the lives of us all do not always match up with the narrow portrayal of “real men.” Instead, they present a counter-story.

It is this counter-story that gives us clues as to what healthy masculinity looks like. are you the right influence?

As parents we are in a unique position to be able to provide our children, especially our sons, with this broader counter-story of masculinity. We must teach our boys the difference between being aggressive and assertive. We must allow them to express themselves in ways they are comfortable with and dispel the idea that certain toys, colors, behaviors, and beliefs are too feminine, “girly,” or unacceptable for boys. Parents can encourage their boys to be compassionate, empathetic,

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caring, and kind. We can instill in our children the knowledge and belief that violence is not acceptable and the “boys will be boys” attitude is no excuse for such behavior. Boys must be taught to value that which is feminine and treat their female peers as equals. Parents can help their sons identify male role models they know and respect; men who are responsible, empathetic, caring, and reliable. They can help their sons see how these men exhibit strength, approach relationships, and don’t necessarily fit into the traditional, narrow definitions of masculinity. This approach expands a child’s definition and understanding of masculinity.

In order to assist our sons in developing healthy masculinity, we must explore and challenge our own beliefs about masculinity.

A narrow definition of manhood contributes to the acceptance of domestic and sexual violence. The Rape and Abuse Crisis Center is interested in promoting a broad definition of masculinity because it is a protective factor against these issues. On October 16, 2014, the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center will host a Men’s Breakfast to bring more light to the topic of healthy masculinity.

Anthony “Tony” Porter, co-founder of A Call To Men, will be the featured speaker. A Call To Men is a leading national violence-prevention organization providing training and education for men, boys, communities, and organizations, including the National Football League. Its aim is to shift social norms that negatively impact our culture and promote a more healthy and respectful definition of manhood. It provides men and boys with tools, practical methods, and strategies to positively address the issues of domestic and sexual violence. The Men’s Breakfast is free of charge; watch for registration details on the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center’s webpage at www.raccfm.com.

Daria was raised in West Fargo, ND. She is a graduate of Concordia College in Moorhead and earned a Masters in Strategic Leadership from the University of Mary in 2014. She is currently the Education Coordinator at the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center. Daria and her husband, Dave, welcomed their first child, Jackson, on August 28, 2014.

Raised in Ypsilanti, ND, Kathy has called Fargo home for the last 25 years.

Kathy has a Masters in Science and Social Work from the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and serves as the Director of Prevention and Education at the Rape and Abuse Crisis Center. Kathy also teaches as adjunct faculty for Minot State University at the North Dakota State University Campus. Kathy enjoys many hobbies, especially genealogy, and is currently documenting her discoveries in book format.

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Connect with North Dakota farm women at: facebook.com/CommonGroundNorthDakota october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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G

rowing up in Moorhead, MN, Steve attended college at Moorhead State University before enrolling at the University of Mary Fargo campus and graduating with a degree in business. With a passion for music, art,

and drama, Steve admits his childhood dream of a career in the art industry resulted in the best mistake he’s made. Dropping out of college to pursue a full-time music career wasn't the wisest life-path choice for him, but it did introduce him to Jen, wife of eight years. Now only a favorite hobby, music has been replaced by a career with Fargo Pepsi Beverage Company as a District Sales Leader. Dad to Brekkin [5], Reese [3], and Everlee [1], Steve enjoys the outdoors, hunting, and coaching five and six-year-old flag football.

photos: rialee photography | andrea kupfer

rad dad

steve osvold

rad dad

age 34, moorhead.mn

my idea of a good dinner…

is my wife's homemade chicken pot pie at home with our family. It's my favorite dish!

last song i sang out loud…

10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman. It's a great tune with an even better message.

you would never catch me… buying a Coke. I work for Pepsi and I love our products. No offense to the Coke drinkers out there.

i could spend hours… watching and researching NFL football, especially anything to do with the Minnesota Vikings.

the habit i would like to break… my wife's lotion habit. She has to apply lotion at least 35 times a day. I think we're paying for Vaseline's

entire company to get bonuses every year.

people can’t believe it when i tell them…

that we have extremely open adoptions with all three of our children's birth families. They've truly become our family. It's really fun to see the biological traits that we can pinpoint from them versus the traits the kids have picked up from my wife and me.

the day i hope i never live again… an adoption fail after having our third son in our home for three months. We found out after he was placed with us for a month that his birth dad was registered on the Minnesota Birth Father's Registry and that he would not agree to the adoption. It all came as quite a shock as we had a great relationship with our son's birth mom and his birth dad had never been in the picture. The worst day was actu-

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Paternity

Gestational Agreements

Adoption

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Divorce

Collaborative Negotiating

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rad dad ally having to say goodbye to our son and knowing that we wouldn't be able to complete our adoption.

The months surrounding this event were ugly, but we relied heavily on our faith in Christ and He held us together beautifully through it.

my kids will one day learn… to shut the door behind them and turn off lights.

Apparently we live in a world with no doors and no electric bills.

the quote i live by… ten years from now, will this moment/situation really matter? If not, I try not to dwell or get too worked up. If it will, I try to take the time to get it right.

someday i want to experience… a trip overseas, especially Italy, Israel, and/or Egypt.

There is so much history in those parts of the world that I would love to experience for myself.

my personality can be summed up as…

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easy going.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

i would love to invent… gluten-free bread that tastes like actual bread. I've been dealing with Celiac disease for about a year, and there are a lot of great things that I can eat, but the gluten-free bread products I've tried just don't cut it. Somebody give me some Sara Lee already!

my wife makes me a better dad/husband/man… by encouraging me to be my best in whatever I'm doing. I know she thinks very highly of me and she has helped me go after so much in my life that I would have passed up if I didn't have her to help give me the confidence I needed. Jen is the best partner I could ever ask for in this life.

i can always do better with… listening and remembering details. They kind of go hand-in-hand, and I'm pretty bad at both. I have been working at writing things down, which definitely helps, but I could always get better.

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food for thought

savory crêpe filling suggestions: • caramelized onions and Gruyere cheese • ham and cheddar cheese • any mix of sautéed vegetables • mushrooms and cheese • taco or fajita fixings • bacon, green onion, and cheese • smoked salmon, sour cream, and green onion or shallot • spinach, tomato, basil, and ricotta • shredded chicken or turkey with fresh herbs • scrambled eggs

sweet crêpe filling suggestions: • Nutella • caramelized bananas and pecans • any chopped fresh fruit with a dash of powdered sugar • syrup and butter • honey • mint sugar fruit salad [recipe from the august/september 2013 issue] • chocolate, peanut butter, and banana • fruit with ricotta or cottage cheese • chocolate and whipped cream • jam and butter, such as Lingonberry jam, to make your crêpes into Swedish pancakes

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

food for thought

savory & sweet crêpes shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

T

he smell of Swedish pancakes cooking may evoke childhood memories of your grandmother, or perhaps at your favorite Indian restaurant you enjoy eating a savory dosa. It seems every culture has a version of thin pancakes. But whatever you call them, crêpes are an inexpensive, easy, and quick way to feed your family. Made with 100% buckwheat flour, you have yourself a gluten-free option. Pair it with a simply dressed green salad or some fresh fruit and you can have dinner on the table in 15 minutes! savory crêpes 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 cup milk 1/2 cup lukewarm water 4 large eggs 1/4 cup butter, melted 1/2 teaspoon salt sweet crêpes For sweet crêpes, follow the savory crepe recipe, except: ADD 3 Tablespoons sugar DECREASE salt to 1/8 teaspoon

how to: * The batter may be made ahead and refrigerated up to two days; stir well before using and double batch for a family of five.

1. Blend ingredients together until smooth in a food processor or blender. Allow batter to sit at least 30 minutes at room temperature before use if possible, but isn’t necessary.

2. Add 1/2 teaspoon butter to a medium-sized skillet at medium heat. When the butter is melted and begins to brown, but isn’t smoking, the pan is ready.

3. Use a small ladle to pour enough batter into the pan, covering the pan’s surface as thinly as possible.

4. Cook 60 to 90 seconds, until the crêpe is lightly browned.

Flip the crêpe with a spatula gently, allowing it to cook until the second side is cooked—this may only take 10 seconds.

food for thought

feeding my family in france

photos: kari klingsporn hitterdal

story by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

J

ust a few months ago my husband, three kids, and I took a trip of a lifetime. A full five weeks of traveling all over France - no work, no schedule, no concrete plan.

We made memories by spending quality [and quantity] time together and savored every sight and sound. And savored we did! The food...oh, the food! The cheese and the wine! Oh, the wine!

When I ask my family what their favorite parts of our trip were, enjoying stinky cheeses and Nutella-filled crêpes is right up there with seeing the Eiffel Tower lit up at night. It may seem unrealistic to eat more like the French in our neck of the wood, but the reality is that the influence the French have on our American culture and cuisine surely indicates that there was 50

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

something my family could take away from spending an entire month there. Here are my family’s top five French food experiences that you can incorporate into your life for a little joie de vivre [joy of living]. two-hour lunches I will admit sometimes the kids [and even the adults] did get a little antsy by the end of a two-hour lunch, but Europeans are on to something here. The dining experience in France is undoubtedly taken very seriously and goes well beyond the idea of the stuffy, black tie, formal restaurants. In France the experience of serious dining is shown in the quality and care of preparation, presentation, and flavor of the food.

Ultimately, I think the goal behind the long leisurely lunches is the idea of being present with those around you. Sitting with your family or friends and sharing a

food for thought real-time, engaging conversation is the center of the dining experience. Teaching children at a young age the value of shared time together at dinnertime has many benefits. Let’s start by slowing down the speed in which we eat, America! the markets Literally everywhere we stayed in France the cheese, produce, wine, meat, you name it, was from a local supplier. This might seem like a stretch considering our window of harvest weather is short, but in reality we too have options to support our local food artisans.

Consider the farmers’ markets, join a CSA, or support the locally owned bakeries, butchers, and restaurants.

Knowing where your food comes from really can add to your food experience. Don’t be afraid to explore options in your own city for a new adventure for you and your family. open-air eating Or patio time, as we like to call it here. Even though our outdoor eating season is short, there are number of fun family friendly restaurants with nice outdoor seating. If you’re looking for a more budget friendly option, pack a picnic meal to enjoy at a park or simply make it a point to sit on your own deck. Any of these options will surely lend enjoyment to your family’s eating experience. wine While the US enforces the legal drinking age of 21, France, under parental supervision, allows older kids

to enjoy a bit of wine. The French consider this not a promotion to drink but rather an opportunity to set a good example for their children on how to properly consume alcohol. They show children that alcohol is to be savored, sipped, and enjoyed, not slammed.

Moderation and communication is key. less is more A perfect example of simplicity was one of my sixyear-old-daughter's favorite meals, a garden salad that consisted of fresh lettuce, high-quality tuna chunked on top, and a simple yogurt dressing drizzled over it.

And I can’t forget the many renditions of the cheap, versatile, quick crêpe we all enjoyed. Unlike the big, mega-sized meals common in so many American restaurants, it was obvious minimal fuss can be fabulous.

Healthy, uncomplicated preparation and portion size is a philosophy the French take great pride in.

Here’s to traveling out of your food comfort zone and creating new experiences for your family, even if you don’t plan to leave Fargo any time soon.

Kari’s passion for food, family, and fun has been with her since her upbringing on the shores of Big Floyd Lake near Detroit Lakes, MN. She earned Secondary Education degrees in both Social Studies and English from Concordia College, but has spent the last 14 years being mom. She and her husband, Brent, are parents to three children and eager taste-testers, Gunnar [14], Ava [11], and Ella [6]. Kari takes great pride in her career of stay-at-home mom, which has allowed her to cultivate her love for food and provide imaginative and healthy meals for her family. Just don’t ask her kids about meals that they have labeled “Kari’s Creations”!

Love Hope www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Family

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this & that

empowering

women through prenatal & postpartum yoga

story by | brenda weiler

I

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

began practicing yoga 15 years ago while living in Minneapolis as a touring musician. After moving to Portland, OR, I met my yoga teacher, who introduced my husband and me to the foundation and tradition of Ashtanga Yoga. A physically demanding and mentally challenging practice, it taught me to love more deeply, to move and breathe with intention, and to be more present in my experiences and in life. I received my prenatal yoga training in 2008 and began teaching it after becoming pregnant with my little girl, Ruby Ann, in 2011.

Making the journey into motherhood is indeed a beautiful experience but it can also be disorienting and intimidating. For many women pregnancy not only challenges the body but also the mind and emotions. By incorporating prenatal yoga into your life you can move through the transition with greater ease, compassion, and confidence.

Prenatal yoga is meant for all women. Whether you are a beginner or an experienced yogi, the practice is hugely beneficial during pregnancy. Oftentimes women can feel trapped or insecure in their bodies. Practicing yoga can help you feel more connected and present.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

In prenatal yoga we work to open the hips and create more space in the pelvis, find greater openness in the chest and shoulders, and strengthen the legs, feet, and back. We spend time preparing for labor and delivery by working in various labor positions and learning important comfort measures. We also spend time focusing on breath and relaxation, which for some women can be the key between enduring a disconnected labor and experiencing a focused, empowering one.

Prenatal yoga is not just for women who hope to have a natural birth. No matter what your birth plan is, it is an opportunity to be in your body, experience the fullness of pregnancy, and feel more connected to your growing baby and other mothers-to-be.

In addition to prenatal yoga, ecce yoga also offers postpartum courses for new moms. We work to regain strength through abdominal exercises and yoga asana [postures]. We find greater focus by engaging in discussion and practicing meditation. We give ourselves space to grow, learn, and support one another as we navigate through the world as mindful, loving mamas.

Brenda is a certified yoga instructor, birth doula, musician, wife, and mama. She is owner of ecce yoga in downtown Fargo and a firm believer in the power of intention, breath, and community. ecce yoga offers Prenatal Yoga every Sunday at noon and four-week postpartum courses [next course begins October 18th]. For a complete schedule or more information, visit www.ecceyoga.com or call 701.893.5609.

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53

did you know

juvenile arthritis taking control

story by | jennifer lein

W

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

hen you hear the term arthritis, what comes to mind? Many associate it with a disease that primarily affects the elderly. But arthritis does not discriminate by age. In the United States there are over 300,000 children under the age of 18 suffering from this debilitating disease. Through awareness and fundraising, the Arthritis Foundation is fighting for a cure. Juvenile Arthritis [JA] is one of the foundation’s top focal points because there is a vital need to diagnose and implement treatment plans early to avoid long-term devastation for children with JA…children like 11-year-old Kenley from West Fargo.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

did you know JA is on the rise, with several different forms of the disease existing. Arthritis typically affects joints, but JA can also affect a child’s eyes, skin, and gastrointestinal tract. Researchers are unsure of the cause of JA, however, it is believed that a genetic predisposition, or a combination of genes a child received from her parents, may be one of the causes, when triggered by underlying factors. is it JA? Diagnosing JA can be a lengthy process. There isn’t a single test confirming the presence of the disease; rather, it requires a detailed physical exam, including lab work, x-rays, and other imaging tests. Early diagnosis is key!

Many times undiagnosed issues can cause more damage to the joints and result in deformities. Experts say it is crucial to diagnose issues within two years because once the deformity occurs, it cannot be reversed by treatment alone.

It’s also important to remember that while JA can be devastating for the child, it is a family diagnosis. Physical, emotional, and financial turmoil can accompany this

condition. Parents may be overwhelmed or confused and siblings may have feelings of resentment, anger, and loneliness. It is important for families to keep open lines of communication to understand the diagnosis and the course of treatment. treatment Every treatment plan is unique and often requires a team of doctors, including ophthalmologists, nurse practitioners, physical therapists, and dentists. Pediatric rheumatologists specialize in providing comprehensive care to children with rheumatic diseases, especially arthritis. Unfortunately, North Dakota is one of ten states in the country that does not have a single rheumatologist specialized in JA. Travel to other states for specialized treatments can be emotionally, physically, and financially draining for JA families. The Arthritis Foundation is working to provide more access to specialized JA doctors by using advocate volunteers to spearhead loan-forgiveness programs for doctors going into pediatric rheumatology. The goal is to motivate doctors to come to states with pediatric rheumatologist

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did you know shortages and enhance the treatment for those living with JA. awareness Kenley was diagnosed in December of 2013 with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis after experiencing knee pain and inflammation. For months she had her knee drained regularly, which would provide relief for only a couple weeks. The initial medication she was prescribed also did not make the difference the family hoped. Eventually, Kenley was placed on Humira. She receives injections bi-weekly and, thankfully, this did the trick, allowing her to participate in basketball, softball, and summer paddle boarding.

On December 6th Kenley will serve as the 2014 Jingle Bell Run/Walk event honoree. This holiday-themed 5k run/3k walk will take place at Courts Plus Fitness in Fargo. The post -event celebration will include knoephla soup, refreshments, prizes for the best costume and most team spirit, and awards for the top three male & female finishers. Through events such as this, the Arthritis Foundation helps support the 50 million adults

and 300,000 children affected by arthritis by providing funding for research, advocacy, and programs to better help relieve the devastation that accompanies this disease. Funding for programs like Camp Cambria and Camp M.A.S.H. [Make Arthritis Stop Hurting] provide children with JA to experience all that traditional camp provides but in a specialized environment offering joint-safe activities and medication administration.

There are a number ways you can join the fight against arthritis. Become an e-advocate, participate in Jingle Bell Run [register now at www.jbrfargo.kintera.org], or make a financial contribution online [www.arthritis.org]!

Jennifer Lein is the Development Director at the Arthritis Foundation, representing the state of North Dakota. Jennifer has a passion for making the world a better place and is glad that she gets to spend her days raising awareness and funds to such a large number of patients affected with arthritis. A Minnesota State University alumni, Jennifer received her Bachelor of Science degree in Integrated Advertising and Public Relations and currently resides in Moorhead, where she was raised. When she is not with her fiancée, friends, or family she enjoys walking her dog by the Red River, cooking, traveling, and taking pictures.

If you would like to contact of Jennifer, please email jlein@arthritis.org.

See. Capture. Compel.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

just a thought story by | kathleen wrigley

I

recently read the book “Carry On, Warrior”. It’s an assortment of stories about living life “unarmed.” I was intrigued by the subject and the author. Most of us are guarded and private. I get it. I wore a sturdy body of protection for much of my life, until I became a mom. Parenthood changes us. It softens us, too. It’s [pretty much] universally accepted to be humbling and hard. From our bra size to our heart-strings, everything changes. We do the best we can with what we’re handed. Shedding layers of protection and falsehoods of perfection helps us to achieve a weaponless life. I’m learning—with every year that passes—to disarm and live an authentic life, true to myself.

In the book, the author says, “When we shield ourselves, we’re isolated. And life without touching other people is boring.” Amen, Sister. She adds, “Life gets real and interesting when we remove all the layers of protection and walk out onto the battlefield…naked.” Now...I’m not suggesting we tear off our clothes and run through the Fargodome. Rather, understand that we’re all a little broken, to some degree. And there’s strength in numbers, so let’s be broken and “unarmed” together.

forever call “my mom.” My parents won custody of us at the vulnerable ages of 14 and 15. Broken teenagers.

How did they survive? It couldn’t have been easy, but they took us in—and together—we learned how to be a new family. They provided love, discipline, stability, safety, and permanence. Every human deserves these gifts. These tools are prerequisites to living a productive, happy, and UNARMED life. I know that now. But still. For years I pretended my old life didn’t exist and I kept my armor…until we had our own children. Then I realized it was too heavy. I needed to be real in order to be the mom I wanted our kids to have, the life partner Drew deserved, and to surround myself with honest and perfectly imperfect friends.

Becoming a parent is a tremendously terrifying responsibility. Parenthood is a hefty load. And I don’t want to make believe it’s not. I want to live and raise our kids, unarmed. Our life experiences, especially the messy ones, help us build decent people.

The author of “Carry On, Warrior” wrote about an experience similar to one of my own. It was a pivotal

they provided love, discipline, stability, safety, and permanence. every human deserves these gifts. these tools are prerequisites to living a productive, happy, and unarmed life.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

The truth will set us free, right? Fortunately I only have room to tell you the abridged version of my truth, just for context. I was one year old—a baby—when my parents divorced. My biological mother prevailed in the custody battle, as was nearly always the case back in the early 70s. My childhood was complicated and messy. My brother, Danny, and I sported a suit of armor, pretending, and hiding. My dad remarried when I was four, to a woman whom I would later and october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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just a thought point—for me—when I read this snippet of her story, one that solidified my friendship with this author. No, she doesn’t know me from Adam. If I’m preaching candor, I should tell you I have friends whom I’ve never met.

Maybe you’ve heard of my soul-sister, Oprah?

Here’s what happened: Years ago, when our children were little, a woman pulled me aside in church. She told me, “I love watching your family. You all look so perfectly-put-together.” I nearly choked. A big part of me wanted to blush, hug her, and thank her for thinking this. But I couldn’t. I had flashbacks of dragging the kids’ lifeless bodies out of bed that morning; arguing with them about wearing the same clothes both parties had agreed on and laid out on their bedroom floors the night before. They always changed their minds during sleep. Forget breakfast. I had suckers for the sermon, to keep them quiet. It seemed, no matter what time we started getting ready for church, we were always elbowing pastors out of the way to get to our pew before the music started and their procession began. Then we slumped in our seats, like we’d just finished running a race. Only we were lining up for another battle: stifling screeching protests, stuffing hungry mouths

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

with lollipops, soaking up snotty, sticky faces, and sugar-coated fingers that dripped with germ infested saliva. I’d like a replay of every sermon from those years.

I bet I’d be hearing them for the first time.

I couldn’t let this dear, sweet woman walk away without telling her the truth. I opened my suit jacket to show her the sweat stains under my arms, evidence of the stress of getting these little game-changers dressed, brushed, washed, and presentable for God. I remember asking Drew once, “Is it normal to yell, sweat, and want to curse—albeit under your breath—before church?”

Luckily my lady friend and I had a gooood laugh, and she didn’t peg me as a lunatic. I don’t think.

Who doesn’t want to be thought of as “well-put-together?”

We can look presentable without faking perfection. I want to live unarmed; to swap stories and struggles; to reach and touch and learn from one another. Hiding makes us numb, and if we’re numb we can’t feel. Face it: We are imperfect. It’s how we were made. On purpose.

I fail regularly. But I promise to try my best not to look too disappointed or disgusted when Harper proudly saunters from her bedroom, ready for church, in her too-small, belly-button-baring Dora the Explorer Christmas tee-shirt with “Feliz Navidad” blazoned across the front…in May. I pinky-promise to make a deliberate attempt to celebrate our little girl for living her loud and proud truth. For being unarmed and unafraid of what people think of her. I hope to be more like my husband, Drew, who—in that moment—picked her up, swung her around, and without hesitation told her, “Honey, you look like a million bucks.”

As a wise man once demanded, “TEAR down that wall.”

Live unarmed. And feel the love, Baby.

Kathleen serves on a number of community and statewide boards, committees, and leadership councils, and enjoys volunteering in church, in her kids’ school, and community programs/events. Kathleen is passionate about victims’ rights and helping to promote balance and fairness in the criminal justice system. She is also deeply interested in advocacy, education, programs, and research relating to the protection of children. Fitness is an integral part of Kathleen’s daily routine and helps her sustain her own mental health! Kathleen’s column “ just a thought” has been a regularly occurring piece in “on the minds of moms” since 2009. This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan and ND’s Lieutenant Governor, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speechwriter. Kathleen received a BS from Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

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photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

from the inside out alicia waldoch

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

R

eflecting on the last nine years gives Alicia Waldoch a lot to smile about. She has made different turns in her career. She married the love of her life. She has a beautiful little girl calling her mommy. She’s been able to impact people as a certified yoga instructor. Nine years.

Many changes, accomplishments, growth to be proud of. But her greatest triumph isn’t what she has done, but rather what she hasn’t done…for nine years.

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from the inside out

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

from the inside out “Sorry, I just finished teaching yoga at NDSU,” Alicia says with a welcoming smile as she enters the interview.

Before I ask a question, she sets the tone, “I want you to know that I have no problem sharing my story.

There’s nothing that you have to worry about like a family member or somebody knowing or certain details coming out. I'm very open about what I do and my life.”

She has an admirable confidence about her. She owns who she is. She’s comfortable in her skin, but it becomes obvious it’s taken years for her to get to this point.

“Our family was typical,” she says of growing up in Maple Grove, MN, with her parents and younger brother, Justin.

“We had an upper-class lifestyle. We went to private school; had a cabin and boat on Lake Minnetonka.

As we all know, perception isn’t always reality. Being active in dance and pageants meant keeping up the outward appearance that everything was perfect, a hard routine for anyone to maintain. “I think that’s really where a lot of damage occurred,” Alicia recalls.

“It didn’t really matter what my voice was because I just had to sit there and look perfect.”

To get her voice out, she poured her emotions into journaling. “In many of the journals when I was in third, fourth, fifth grade, I'm praying to God that my

mom won't drink and that I won't end up like her.” She shakes her head, leans in, and slaps the table with both hands before stating, with an element of disbelief in her voice, “And, lo and behold, I ended up just like her.

I ended up just like her!”

Many of Alicia’s childhood memories are littered with facing addiction her mother’s drinking. “I remember my mom picking “I was 17 or 18 years old when I started drinking,” Alicia me up from my dance classes and she would be swerv- says. “And I just didn’t stop.” Drinking was done with ing all over the road,” she recalls. “She was a private friends and, while it wasn’t an every-day happening,

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Everything had to look perfect on the outside. And all the dysfunction was on the inside.” She pauses before continuing, “I grew up with an alcoholic mother who was physically and verbally abusive. Everything was sad and sorry on the inside.”

drinker so it was hidden all over the house. It was in thermoses, it was in prescription pill bottles like little shots. My whole life I dealt with her drinking a lot and then being abusive to me in some way, shape, or form.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

from the inside out when she did drink she drank until she was intoxicated.

In her 20s alcohol started to impact all aspects of her life.

can't keep me here any longer because it’s already been 72 hours. I know how this works.’”

“I was going to college, working in an advertising agency in downtown Minneapolis, and I’d call in sick all the time because I was drinking the night before,” she confesses. “I was just really worthless. But I was really concerned with how I looked and as long as I looked like everything was okay, it had to be okay, right?”

The counselor turned to Frank and said, “Well, until she's ready we'll just leave her here.” Frank followed the counselor’s lead and left his daughter.

“As a parent, you feel like such a failure,” Frank says of watching his daughter struggle with addiction. “At that point I was just so glad someone wanted to truly help her.”

Alicia was very much in the clutches of alcoholism. “It’s literally like you're going to die if you don’t have alcohol facing treatment in your system,” she explains about the desire to drink.

Alicia was furious, but she thought about what brought “It’s your only priority. I needed to drink the next day her to detox this time. She should have died. She knew to get back to “normal” so I could at least function. she had a problem.

And then I’d continue drinking just so I didn’t have to worry about the withdrawal symptoms. Alcohol was “It is too hard to do the other thing,” Alicia says about my whole life.” the thought of getting sober for an alcoholic. “It’s too hard. It’s so much easier, it’s so much more convenient, Things were getting out of control and about to come to hop in the car, go to the liquor store, and get drunk, to a head. After a night of drinking around her 29th because it’s too hard to face what you’ve done. It’s fear, birthday, Alicia tried to commit suicide by cutting her it’s hurt, it’s pain, it’s regret, it’s all of those feelings. And wrist. She was bleeding heavily and told her fiends to that stuff just builds and builds, until it’s a mountain. call her dad, Frank.

It starts as this little hill and then all of a sudden you Frank rushed to his daughter, as did the police and look back and it’s like, ‘Look at all the damage I've done.’” ambulance. “I was totally coherent and bleeding Alicia sat in detox for one more day before agreeing profusely,” Alicia remembers of the event and being to spend 30 days in a treatment facility in Crookston, transported to the hospital.

MN. She embraced her time there and what she was She received 17 stitches and her blood-alcohol level being taught. “I went through the Twelve Steps of AA was tested. It was 0.34. Over four times the legal limit. [Alcoholics Anonymous],” she explains. “So you're really “And I was still coherent!” Alicia exclaims. “I mean, I taking a look at your drinking. Why do you drink? Who should’ve been dead from cutting my wrist and I should’ve do you drink with? How much money do you spend on been dead from that blood-alcohol level. The fact that drinking? It really showed me that I didn’t have the I was still standing and talking was a sign that I was coping skills to get through life. That’s why I drank. a seasoned alcoholic so they shipped me off to detox.” How was I going to deal with my mom? Or deal with hurt or things I don’t like? I was using the drinking as This wasn’t the first time Alicia was placed in a detox a crutch. Getting sober is like starting life over.” facility to be medically monitored as alcohol left her body. “I'd been in detox eight other times,” she says. This At the end of her 30 days, Alicia entered a sober-living time she would spend four days and the withdrawal facility in Fargo. She had a job and was on her own symptoms she experienced were horrific. But she knew for the first time as a sober person. She was using the she would get out soon; again, she had been here before. tools she learned at treatment and was attending AA She knew the evaluation process and the right answer meetings regularly. And then she relapsed. for each question asked. She could breeze through this “I thought I could control my drinking,” Alicia explains. again. Except this time the counselor saw right through “I had treatment, I know what I need to do…I literally Alicia’s outward perfection. ended up right where I left off, no kidding.”

“She said to me, ‘Until you're ready to get help we'll just Alicia moved out of sober living and into her own keep you here.’” Alicia recalls. “I'm like, ‘No way, you apartment. For three months, she tried to “control” her

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

from the inside out drinking. But she couldn’t. “When you relapse, you have the guilt of relapsing, I mean, you screwed up. That alone keeps you drinking,” she explains. “I couldn’t believe how bad things had gotten in such a short period of time. I was like, ‘I've got to get my act together. I've got to get a handle on this.’ And the suicide stuff started happening again too. So I called my sponsor.”

That was September 23, 2005. Alicia hasn’t had a drink in nine years. She has continued to grow and credits a renewed relationship with God and love of yoga as driving forces in her sobriety.

The parallels between yoga, Christianity, and sobriety are something Alicia subtly integrates into the classes she currently teaches at NDSU, MSUM, YMCA, and The Spirit Room. “I try to incorporate everything that I've gone through into my classes without having to puke all the stuff up,” she explains with a laugh. “I like to tell my students that many times in life, the yoga is done off of the mat. It’s flexibility in life that it’s not going to go according to plan and that’s okay. You can still be flexible in how you handle things.”

Alicia has learned that life doesn’t have to be complicated when we fill our lives with the simple things that are truly important and take a look at who we really are.

“If you research yoga, the real yogis are going to tell you anything that you do a lot of, anything that is beyond moderation, is trouble,” she states. “Whether it’s food, buying clothing, gossiping, or putting people down. It’s not just drinking. That happens to be my drug of choice.

We all have our vice; what is yours?”

Getting help isn’t easy, especially when we allow pride to get in the way. “People can't be humble. They're too concerned about what other people think and trying to impress their friends,” she says. “You hear people ask, ‘Why does this happen to me?’ Well, why not you?

Why are you so much better than this other person?

They teach us in AA that you're no better and no less than anybody else. I think it’s really unfortunate that people can't humble themselves enough to say, ‘I have a problem,’ or the family doesn’t push someone to get help.” facing love Alicia was six months’ sober when she went on her first date with Nick. “I gave it all up,” she professes with a smile. “I was like, ‘Listen, the bum on the street, that was me. I was rock bottom, desperate for booze, so yes, you'll hear stories about what a horrible person I was

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from the inside out

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

from the inside out

and how mean I was. I don’t want you having any false expectations. Here's my life, here's my baggage, here's what I come with, here’s what I want. These are things I'm not going to budge on.’”

Luckily, Nick wasn’t going anywhere. “I really appreciated how she laid it all out, so I didn't have to try and figure out where she was coming from or what she wanted from me.” he says and then adds with a smile, “I don’t back away from challenges so I decided to give it a shot and now I couldn't imagine Alicia not being my wife.”

The couple welcomed their little girl, Ellie, in 2009. Being a parent has brought a new level of perspective to Alicia’s life. The family lives a modest, flexible, minimalistic life. “It’s just living a simple life based on principles, honesty, communication, and being real,” she says.

And it’s a God-centered life. “We’re always praying and I tell Ellie, ‘You can talk to God at any time. You can have a conversation in your mind, don’t be ashamed of that.’ I talk to God all the time,” she says. “I let God know when things are good; I let God know when things are bad. God is all knowing for me. I want Ellie to know how to handle being upset, dealing with her emotions, because I didn’t have that. I didn’t know.”

Nick beams with pride when he talks about the bond he sees between his wife and daughter. “Early on in our relationship Alicia had told me that having a child wasn't something that she was really excited about and

growing up she had a tough time with her mom,” he recalls. “So when we had Ellie, I think she kind of doubted herself right away. But that quickly faded and Alicia became the type of mom that makes our daughter’s life one filled with love and happiness.”

Maybe it is becoming a mom, or the knowledge she has gained in the last nine years, or maybe it is just simply the passage of time, but Alicia has been able to forgive her mother, who is still an active alcoholic.

“I don’t blame her for anything. She did the best she could with what she had,” Alicia confides. “This is not the person God created. I know that. If you want to grow into a better person, if you want to get through this cycle, you’ve got to take a look at what you’ve done, what you’ve done to yourself, what you’ve done to other people; you have to make amends. I don’t think my mom can do that. I think it hurts too much for her to sit in it—because you have to sit in it. You have to sit in those feelings, feel it, and get to the other side.” facing life Alicia knows the pain of alcoholism on multiple fronts.

She has been the family member watching her loved one struggle and being hurt by it. And she’s been the alcoholic causing her loved ones pain. Her advice for both? “It’s not your lesson to learn; it’s the alcoholic’s lesson to learn. We have to go through it,” she says. “I still have my lessons to learn. I'm not perfect. I'm still

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from the inside out trying to navigate my way through life gracefully and I don’t always do that, but I know I'm sober. You hear a lot of people say, “My worst day sober is better than my best day drunk,” and that’s totally true.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

For Alicia’s brother, Justin, it is hard to truly put into words what he has witnessed in his sister. “Her life has changed for the better in so many ways since

her sobriety. She has finally taken control of her life.

With that control I saw my sister find happiness, real happiness. Seeing her go from what she was to what she is now is nothing short of a miracle. I'm proud to call her my sister.”

“In my early 20s I just screwed up. I screwed up so many great…” Alicia stops before finishing her thought. Maybe “screwed up” isn’t the right way to look at it. Everything that has happened in her past has brought her to this point. “What addicts deem as their biggest liability [the alcoholism] can become their biggest asset and 70

on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

I think I am a great example of that. People can use their past experiences to help others in a positive way.

Incorporating my life experiences, Christian life, yoga life and philosophies can provide strength and hope for others.”

Wiping away tears, Frank reflects, “I'm just so thankful and proud my little girl came back to us. She lived in

hell for too long. I love her so.”

For years Alicia Waldoch did her best to project an image of perfection. Today she knows what is truly important. “It’s really about being happy and at the end of the day being able to sit with myself and think, ‘Am I okay with how I lived my life today?’ I'm not trying to impress anybody,” she confidently states. “I don’t have to impress anybody. I don’t have to impress people with fake things, do you know what I mean?”

Yes. Simply put, life is good, Alicia…inside and out.

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posi ready, set, grow

story by | patricia carlson

R

emember the days of wanting to ‘Be Like Mike?’ The iconic 1991 Gatorade commercial celebrating the legendary prowess of NBA basketball player Michael Jordan had every kid on the block emulating the Chicago Bulls’ superstar.

Or how about two-sport phenomenon Bo Jackson, named the greatest athlete of all time by ESPN, who impressed youngsters with his ‘Bo Knows’ ad campaign while playing professional baseball and football?

These sports idols carried the torch of a long-line of [relatively] decent professional athletes. Then came NBA all-star Charles Barkley’s commercial where he stated, “I am not a role model… Just because I dunk a basketball.” With that one statement, the dreams of thousands of kids shattered. His point that parents should be cautious about letting their children put athletes on a pedestal, however, got lost in the subsequent media storm.

Fast forward 20 years and children’s idolatry of athletes is still overwhelming, but oftentimes the jocks’ behavior is abhorrent at best, and felonious at worst.

Former New England Patriots’ tight end Aaron Hernandez is indicted on three murder charges.

This summer people watched in horror as Ray Rice, a Baltimore Ravens’ running back, was caught on tape dragging his unconscious fiancée out of an elevator after he allegedly punched her in the face at a New Jersey casino.

So what do you do when your kid asks for a Ray Rice NFL jersey for Christmas?

Here’s some tips to give you home-field advantage when helping your child navigate sports behavior.

positive sitive ready, set, grow

sports parenting

ready se swimming is a wonderful activity to do together. experts say babies as young as six weeks can be introduced to the pool

with a grown up but water temperature should be a warm 89 degrees. a ten-minute session to start with is plenty.

wee ones [0–18 months]

W

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

hat a great time to explore all the different types of sports out there! Sure, your little guy or gal won’t be able to do much, but think of all the fun you’ll have seeing the wide world of sports through their rookie eyes. Imagine the looks on their faces as you walk into Newman Outdoor Field for an FM Redhawks game for the first time. Or seeing them close their eyes to soak in the sounds of a local swim meet. Or their hands frantically clapping along with the cheerleaders at Friday night’s football matchup? While their motor skills might not be able to keep up with what they’re

seeing, their brain are soaking it all in [when they are awake for it, of course!]. family fun The best thing about sports at this age is it’s the perfect excuse for some family fun! Being a new parent is stressful enough but taking in a game together can relieve some of that newborn tension. Cheering for the home team can remind you and your partner that you’re a team and you’re in it to win it! Even better, you don’t have to pack up your peanut to enjoy the game of the week. Even though we know wee ones aren’t supposed to watch TV, making Sunday’s NASCAR races the new family tradition sounds pretty good to us! At this age, it’s just about spending time together.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

set grow ready, set, grow

throwing is a natural skill that develops sometime before three years old. even though it may drive you crazy sometimes [how many times will you have to pick up that spoon she tossed from her highchair?], throwing takes a considerable amount of fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination.

tots

[18 months–3 years]

T

hese little adventurers want to play, play, play! Early childhood behavior and development specialists nearly unanimously agree that play is key to building motor skills and learning functions. Think of all the things your tot is taking on during these years: pouring, pinching, dropping, lifting, looking, stacking, hiding, knocking down, throwing, bouncing... the list is virtually endless. They are simultaneously learning scientific and mathematical concepts as well as growing their literacy by discovering new vocabulary words.

what is happening on the field, both athletic ability and sportsmanship. follow their lead The best thing you can do at this age is to let your little one lead and be engaged in his play. Interacting with your child through play lets him know he is “loved and important and fun to be around,” reports Zero To Three, the National Center for Infants, Toddlers and Families. What a fun way to build their self-esteem and self-confidence!

They’re probably still not interested in playing organized sports and that’s okay. But if you do have sports on the television at home, be aware that your child is watching

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october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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ready se most three year olds aren’t ready for following all the rules and instructions that come with organized sports and regular practices. try a sports sampler instead. all fm parks and recs departments offer them.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

W

elcome to organized sports! Whether your kiddo is lacing up her cleats to head onto the soccer pitch for her first team soccer practice or your son is learning his forehand from his backhand on the tennis court, this is the time children are experimenting with organized athletics and understanding sportsmanship.

Will your kid gravitate toward individual or team sports?

Will he experience lots of ups and downs on the field?

Will she become obsessed with winning at all costs?

These scenarios are all likely situations you will face as a parent and you will need to decide how you’re going to guide your child through these crucial decisions.

There are top-notch online resources available to help you in your quest to be a positive sports parent, but one of the best is jbmthinks.com, a blog written by Janis B.

Meredith, who has lived her entire mom life as a coach’s wife, sports parent, and coach’s mom. set the example These little sponges are watching everything— EVERYTHING—that is happening on and off the field/ rink/court/pitch/pool. It’s up to you to be the example of the types of manners, teamwork, cooperation, and sportsmanship you’d like to see in your munchkins. And now, when you’re watching sporting events together [whether live or in person], take the time to ask your little one questions about what he’s witnessing: • Who is his favorite player? Why? • What does she think of that tackle that drew the red flag?

• How does he feel about the second baseman helping up his opponent who just slid into base?

• What is her reaction when a basketball player yells into a ref’s face after a ‘bad’ call?

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Listening to the answers will give you a gauge on where your child’s sports mentality is at and where you might need to beef up your engagement with him or her.

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

set grow ready, set, grow

the national association for sports and physical education says school-age kids need at least one hour of moderate to vigorous physical activity nearly every day.

big kids [6–9 years]

Your kiddo’s brain and body has matured enough to really spark a keen interest in sports. Functions like vision, coordination, and attention span, and skills like throwing and kicking are improving daily. He can [finally!] follow directions and is really curious about how to get better at the activities he’s chosen. That’s right—“what he’s chosen.” You’ve done your job exposing the kids to a variety of sports; now it’s time to support their choices. If you haven’t already done so, now is the time to volunteer to be a coach. keep them moving Establishing a physical fitness routine is imperative for your child’s health and growth, but not every kid wants to grind it out in a game. That’s okay. There are

plenty of other ways to get your guy or gal moving; the key is to do it with them. Go for family bike rides.

Speed clean the house. Teach them playground games you used to play in school (four square, hoola hooping).

Just make sure the TV and other screens stay off for most of the day.

sources: U.S. News and World Report | Mayo Clinic | Kids Health jbmthinks.com | National Association for Sports and Physical Education | Zero To Three, the National Center for Infants, Toddlers and Families | The Wall Street Journal | askcoachwolff.com | ESPN

In Minnesota, all children are required to attend a free screening before they enter kindergarten.

If your child is 3 years old or older call 218-284-3800 for an appointment.

Early Learning Center s 218-284-3800 october • november twenty fourteen | on the minds of moms

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Pride in our PurPose

ready se a 2014 dartmouth study found that tweens who participated in team sports were less likely to smoke.

tweeners [10–12 years]

T

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he pressure to perform is building. From traveling clubs, AAU teams, and varsity programs, your tweener is learning about all the different team options available to exceptional athletes. She might start spending extra time shooting hoops in the driveway and asking to be dropped off early at gymnastics. It’s important that you not only watch and listen to what your tweener is saying about her desire to excel but that you pay close attention to her coach’s behavior, too. Young athletes are extremely impressionable at this age. The slightest critique of their performance can nosedive their confidence. They might act out with poor behavior or, worse, seek what they feel are performance enhancing tactics, like extreme weight loss.

We’re not saying constructive criticism isn’t helpful—it is—but you want to be aware of how it’s being delivered to your kid and help your child process it healthily.

www.adleyannes.com 701.757.BABY 224 N. 4TH ST Grand Forks, ND

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

don’t be one of ‘those parents’ We know you want your child to succeed. It’s why you devoted countless hours driving him to and from games, getting him private instruction, and investing in a gym membership. But all your hard work will be for naught if you turn into one of those sideline raving lunatics who does nothing but scream at refs, roll your eyes at coaches’ play calls, and grab your son by the shirt as he runs by to yell that he’s not ‘PLAYING HARD ENOUGH!’ Overbearing sports parenting is a problem plaguing youth sports across the country. It takes the joy out of playing for kids and it’s been linked to turning the young athletes who do continue on to play in college and the pros into the thugs we see in professional sports today. Do yourself—and your kid—a favor. Get a grip.

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a 2014 report released last spring shows enrollment in the us’s four most popular youth sports [football, baseball, soccer, and basketball] declined four percent from 2008 to 2012. the prime reason? kids are having less fun playing.

teens [13–18years]

P

rofessional sports and its athletes more than likely have a firm grip on your student-athlete by now.

From the X Games to the Super Bowl, every professional sport has its standouts that your teen is emulating.

This is the time to pay the closest attention to what is happening off the field to your teen as her life is rapidly changing and she may not always know how to make the best decisions. Just as you did when she was cuddled in your lap as a toddler, watch her favorite sports together and talk about what you’re seeing. Did she notice why the ball went into the net on that tennis serve [it was too low]? Did he pick up on the subtle way the coach reinforced his athlete’s decision [look at his eyes]? From performance to professionalism, now is the time to take your conversations about sportsmanship deeper and have a meaningful discussion about what type of person - not just athlete - your child wants to be.

a first offense and a lifetime ban for a second offense, you can bet your kid is paying attention.

Patricia Carlson is a freelance writer who specializes in developing and writing strategic website content and email marketing materials for businesses across the country. Patricia’s roster of clients includes a diverse group of organizations from banks to fitness facilities: Redstone Federal Credit Union, Active Screening, i1Biometrics, Buzz360, and Fit Revolution, to name a few. Her editorial work appears in publications nationwide, including Minnesota Parent, FOP Journal, On The Minds of Moms, and Lake and Home Magazine. When she’s not interviewing sources, Patricia is enjoying breakfasts on the beach with her two young children. Keep track of her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com.

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talk it out Use the headlines to prompt your talks, too. If one of your kid’s favorite athletes - say, Ray Rice - gets busted for beating up his fiancée, ask your teen about it. Bringing up the ‘story of the week’ is a creative way to get your point across without being preachy [no teenager wants to be preached to]. And when you mention that just before the start of the official NFL season this year the league said anyone convicted of a domestic violence offense would be subject to a six-game suspension for

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oh, by the way

fearless story by | deb uglem

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

I

was shopping this weekend and picked up a candle at one of my favorite boutiques in Fargo. I can’t remember the last time I bought a candle for fun. Right now the citrus sage scent is filling the room. As I sit and write tonight my house is quiet and strangely clean, now that I look around. The burning candle reminds me how quickly and how drastically things change. Although it was 18 years ago, it seems like yesterday when I started buying Glade candles out of necessity. You know, the ones that can change the scent of an entire house—strong and effective. My oldest son was two years old, the twins

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on the minds of moms | october • november twenty fourteen

were one, and that little girl was a twinkle in our eyes.

All we did was change diapers. And no matter where I was in the house all I could smell was poop. Glade vanilla-scented candles cleared the stench and that vanilla smell is permanently etched in my brain. Well, my friend, time is a-changing.

My house smells a whole lot better these days. But other things are changing fast. It has been an interesting fall.

I have two kids experiencing their first year at college, a twin who is flying solo for the first time in 20 years and one having a year of “lasts” in her senior year. They are all so excited and not the least bit scared. And an empty

oh, by the way house is getting closer to my reality. When you start to embrace the future you also realize how much you have learned. I could fill you with all types of wisdom that I have managed to gain over my parenting years. As I already stated, Glade candles mask poop. In addition, I know now that naptime is important for ME. I used to spring into action as soon as the kids fell asleep.

If I could start over I would nap as much as they did.

I’ve learned cuddling is more fun than laundry. I also know that Barney [yep, the purple dinosaur] can teach your son the ABCs and in turn that son can teach your younger kids the ABCs [totally a true story].

But as I sit tonight taking in the citrus sage scent and a nice glass of Chardonnay, I realize this time of year used to be bittersweet for me. When school has started and we are turning the corner to the holidays the changes just seem to come too quickly. But in the calmness I have had in the last couple months something very remarkable has happened. It is that is I am oddly excited.

I am enjoying the quiet and embracing the future. I am not upset or scared of all the changes. At the risk of sounding dramatic, I am feeling fearless.

To me fearless women have several traits. First, they have goals. They work towards them and understand that failure is a part of success. It means being honest about the highs and the lows that come with taking a huge risk. Today I surround myself with people who allow me to be me. They see me cry, laugh, pick myself up, and try again. It is so much easier to show my emotions than to pretend they don’t exist.

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Fearless women also know how to NOT be the best at something and they know how to ask for help. This is very hard. I spent years thinking I had it all figured out. It turns out it is harder to understand and accept what you don’t know. I used to run around trying to be everything for everyone and I know I fell short so many times. This is the biggest lesson I have learned over the past 20 years. I can’t do it by myself. I need guidance: ideas, conversations, and sometimes just a hug. I am through judging myself. Fearless women don’t compare themselves to other women, mothers, or friends. They take pride in themselves and decide what is best for them and their families and they don’t look back. Every decision they make is made from the heart.

The scented candles, Barney, lack of sleep, and many other things are the history that made me realize what I did not understand when I was young. It takes strength, courage, and knowledge and fearlessness to be a mother. I know now that being fearless is not the absence of fear; it is overcoming it. I am not sure what the next couple years will bring but I am following my kids’ lead and ask you to join me in diving head first into a world of uncertainty. Be fearless.

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 12 years. A graduate of Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Marketing & Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children, Jake [20], Tony [19], Nick [19], and Emily [17] for inspiration.

Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time with their kids and on the golf course.

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