June/July 2019 On the Minds of Moms

june–july

twenty nineteen

the valley’s

for today’s

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contents

in every issue

food for thought . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 shutterbug

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10

contents

sections gettin’ through it when your child gets angry . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

body + being finding your center . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26

this & that the suit saga . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

ready, set, grow winning the battle . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

14

32

contents

feature & profiles

mod mom twila nogowski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

cover story laura viozzi blended to [almost] perfection . . . . . . . . . . 32

contents

photo: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

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moms

on the minds of

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITORS Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com Dani Parkos Fluge e: dani@onthemindsofmoms.com

ADVERTISING Patty Nystrom p: 701.269.4180 e: patty@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen – ten little chickens photography Josette Hayes–exposures by j.linnea Scott Thuen-thuen studios DESIGN AND LAYOUT

Scott Thuen – thuen studios www.thuenstudios.com

AD DESIGN Casie Beldo Scott Thuen Tara Kessler Stephanie Drietz CONTACT mail: PO Box 190, Fargo, ND 58107 e: hello@onthemindsofmoms.com p: 701.297.2138 SUBSCRIPTION print www.onthemindsofmoms.com/subscribe digital issuu.com/onthemindsofmoms

COVER PHOTO BY

Josette Hayes – exposures by j.linnea

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hornbacher's and Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2019 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

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Washburn, ND high school alum, Twila Nogowski received her Associates of Arts degree from Bismarck State College before attending Dickenson State University and Minot State University to obtain her Bachelors in Math

Education and Master’s in Education respectively. Twila has spent 18 of 19 years in teaching at Cheney Middle School teaching math.

To be a successful middle school teacher you have to have energy and Twila has some to spare. In addition to her teaching duties, Twila is an assistant volleyball coach for the West Fargo Packers and has been the director of the Volt Volleyball program for the past 15 years. The Volt boasts 24 teams and three different programs aimed at getting girls involved in the sport. A member of the North Country Region Volleyball Association board of directors for the past eight years, Twila currently serves as the board’s President and is also involved with ND United, which is a summer volleyball program that has taken top caliber teams to Chicago and Orlando. She also finds time to sell embroidery and screen printed apparel.

Away from the classroom and volleyball court, you will find Twila working out, chasing kiddos Tegyn [4.5-years-old]

and Jaxyn [2.5-years old] with her husband Josh, or spending time with family and friends.

photos: ten little chickens photography | renee clasen

twila nogowski age 39, west fargo.nd

one word that best describes my parenting style… balanced.

my definition of a mod mom is… one who uses a village to raise her children.

the women i most admire is…

First, my mother, she was a stay at home mom and as great as that sounds in theory, that is one job that I could never fulfill.

Second, Bootsie, Barb, Paula, Betsy, Kelsey, Kinsey, Mikia, Hannah, Halle, Nadia, Maddie, Brynn, Ella, Lexi, Stef, Kailee, Khloe, Kaitlin, Shelby, Danika and anyone that I missed who comes and takes care of Tegyn and Jaxyn. They are the ones that allow me to work, coach, and have a night out with my husband!

The extra love my kids get from these fabulous women makes my heart happy.

mod mom

the best part of my day… is hearing, “I love you momma!”

i find strength in… knowing I have a wonderful family & parents along with a support system of families that have been a part of my life over the last 18 years!

i can’t live without my… my sister, Londa. She has three kids and has always made being a mom seem easy. Plus, she is my best friend!

Third, Rammie, Mackenzie, and Katie as they are wonderful mothers that work, are involved in the community, have coached or currently coach, take on multiple jobs/tasks, would jump on board with any idea I threw out there, and would grab my kids to help in a heartbeat no matter how busy they were.

They have shown me you can be a mom, ice cream for supper may be okay [at times], and you can ultimately do it all!

i find relaxation in… www.onthemindsofmoms.com

being together as a family and watching our kids play. I love watching how they interact, watch as they learn new things, and have fun together.

i want my kids to experience… happiness. I want them to be proud of themselves, confident, hardworking and the best versions of themselves. There are so many challenges in life that finding the “good” in life and finding happiness is what I want my kids to experience the most. june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

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mod mom the movie i could watch over and over again…

i spend “me time” by…

Sweet Home Alabama or Momma Mia.

working out at Orange Theory, pedicures with my sister, and having supper with friends.

one thing i long to do again someday…

I feel you have to do things now when you can! Life isn’t promised to you “someday” and if it is that important, you can find time to do it now! It may not be what you envisioned, but it could be better! Yes, I wish I could sleep in and not constantly clean up after the kids, however, soon enough those days will be over, and I will miss all the fun of having young kids, sticky hands and endless snuggles, hugs, and kisses as well.

my biggest mom challenge… deciding what to have for supper!

time with my husband is usually spent… coordinating his work schedule with my coaching schedule! We are a busy family, but we do love having our date nights, eating at Zorbaz, going to movies he wants to see, and taking our yearly vacation!

the qualities i admire most in my husband…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

his calmness, constant support, motivation, and how he makes me a better person.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

people are always surprised to learn i… decided to take on another task or job, planned a wedding and got married in 4 days, never planned on having kids or coaching….and here we are! I have everything I never knew I wanted!

outside of my family, i am passionate about… providing opportunities for kids/young adults and helping them reach their potential. Through volleyball, I have had the opportunity to work with so many kids/young adults over the last 18 years in West Fargo and the surrounding communities. I love the ability to provide new opportunities through a common interest. It is very rewarding to be a part of so many lives, many of whom, I have also employed and helped mentor to become a volleyball coach. I love to see young adults passionate and want to learn and give back to a program that they grew up in. It is great to stay in touch with so many athletes I have worked with over the years. In addition, volleyball may come and go, but who they are outside of volleyball is truly what makes them special!

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food for thought

photo: thuen studios  | scott thuen

peach & strawberry creamsicles shared by | otmom

B

e the hit of the backyard sprinkler games when you pop these tasty treats out of your freezer. Healthy [ssshhh] and delicious, these creamsicles are the perfect thing to cool you and your loved ones off on those hot summer days.

makes: 6 servings prep time: 10 minutes chill time: minimum 4 hours what you need: • 1 cup peeled, chopped fresh strawberries* • 2/3 cup peeled, pureed fresh peaches* • 1 1/3 cup Old Home Fat Free Vanilla Yogurt • popsicle moulds [got ours at Creative Kitchen] • jumbo popsicle sticks [if your moulds don’t come with handles] *Use the fruit of your choice. Fresh fruit is ideal, but when out of season, canned fruit works too.

how to make it: 1. Puree 2/3 cup of peaches in blender or food processor until smooth.

2. Chop 1 cup strawberries.

3. Lightly swirl together peach puree, yogurt and chopped strawberries together in a small bowl.

4. Spoon into popsicle molds and insert handles or sticks.

5. Freeze for at minimum of 4 hours. * For extra sweet pops, add 1-2 tablespoons of honey to yogurt before swirling. nutrition facts: per serving: 40 calories, 2g protein, 7g carbohydrate, 0g total fat, 5mg cholesterol, 25mg sodium, 1g fiber

6 & 20

8

11, 18 & 25

Meet the Park It! staff at the park and create take-home arts and crafts, 1pm4pm. All supplies provided and different projects each week. See you on the 6th at Clara Barton Park [14516th St S, Fargo] and the 20th at Elephant Park [100 19th Ave N, Fargo]. This is a FREE event. Adult supervision is required.

This nine-hour American Red Cross Babysitting Course at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway], 8am-5pm, is a hands-on way for ages 11+ to learn everything you need to know about babysitting. Start your babysitting business on the right foot and learn how to be a safe, professional and reliable sitter. Included in the course is American Red Cross First Aid and CPR Certification that is valid for two years.

This course will teach you to be safe on the job, how to recognize an emergency and how to handle it as well. $65 members; $95 nonmembers. Register online.

Celebrate summer at a different park each Tuesday night for an evening of family fun.

The fun starts at 5:30pm. Enjoy the movie How to Train Your Dragon at Island Park [616 1st Av S, Fargo] on the 11th, 3rd Street Blues Band at Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo] on the 18th, and the movie Hotel Transylvania 3 at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo] on the 25th.

Park It! www.fargoparks.com

june events

7

Water Safety Day www.fargoparks.com

2, 9, & 23

Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events The Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies series at Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo] will focus on giving you the tools to develop a healthy lifestyle now and to commit to lifelong changes. The Stress & Anxiety Management session on June 2nd, 2:30pm-3:30p, offers an opportunity to learn more about these management strategies, as well as what you can do if you feel you can’t manage your stress and anxiety on your own.

Prenatal Yoga is offered 4pm-5pm, June 2nd, 9th and 23rd.

Water Safety Day is a community initiative to increase water safety awareness and to teach critical water safety skills to kiddos and their parents as we enter summer. Held 10am-11:30am at Davies Recreational Pool [7150 25th St S, Fargo], Island Park Pool [616 1st Av S, Fargo], Northside Recreation Pool [824 19th Av N, Fargo], Madison Pool & Splash Pad [1040 29th St N, Fargo], and Southwest Recreation Pool [1840 15th Av S, Fargo] events will include activities designed to teach kiddos to stay safe while having fun in the water, such as the “Throw, Don’t Go” strategy, back floating skills, safe usage of life jackets, swim tests, general water safety skills, information for parents or daycares and more! Admission to the event is free. Following the event, pools will open for the day at 1:00 pm [Island Park Pool at 1:30 pm] as scheduled with regular admission rates.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

WE MAKE

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

Babysitter Training www.familywellnessfargo.org

10

Trout Fest www.fargoparks.com Youth age 15 and under will learn about fly fishing, casting, entomology, conservation, equipment demonstrations, and more at Trout Fest at Woodhaven North Park [4406 44th Av S, Fargo]. An awards presentation will follow the derby. Trout Fest is a catch-andrelease event. Bring your own rod and reel.

Nightcrawlers are provided. Complimentary Pepsi products are available while supplies last. Adult supervision is recommended.

Registration starts at 5:30pm with the derby beginning at 6:15pm.

G.O.T. Gather on Tuesday www.fargoparks.com

11 & 25

RiverArts www.moorheadparks.com There's always something to enjoy at Moorhead RiverArts, 5:30pm-8pm at Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead]!

Each night features free horse-drawn carriage rides, inflatable games, art and craft vendors, food, ice cream, hands-on activities, and more! All concerts begin at 6pm.

12

Adult Healthy Cooking: Jalapeno Veggie Burgers www.familywellnessfargo.org Ages 15+ come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6pm-7pm, and try out a delicious patty recipe and show off your cooking skills. Great for summer weekend grilling, pan frying or simply browning in the oven. Served on a bun, with a smokey onion jam and chipotle mayo. $12 members; $20 non-members.

12, 19 & 26

Kids’ Flicks @ Fargo Theatre www.fargotheatre.org Each Wednesday, at 10am & 1pm head to the Fargo Theatre and enjoy a Kids’ Flick. $3 seats and a $2 soda & popcorn.

Enjoy Dumbo on the 12th, Lego Movie 2: The Second Part on the 19th, and A Dog’s Way Home on the 26th.

13

Bookfest www.wfparks.org Get out and play…and read! This event brings the love of reading to a local park!

During this interactive evening at North Elmwood Park [500 13th Av W, West Fargo] 5:30pm-7:30pm, participants will read books, create crafts, meet a local author and so much more! West Fargo Public Library will have books on site for families to check out and take home!

13

Dive into Summer www.cityofmoorhead.com Kick off the summer with a night of family fun at the Moorhead Municipal Pool [800 19th St S, Moorhead], 6:30pm-8:30pm!

Enjoy free open swim and water games, hot dogs, chips, and pop (while supplies last), and enter for a chance to win prizes!

Children 8 years of age and under must be accompanied and by an adult. Season pool passes will also be available for purchase.

14

Midwest Kid Fest www.fargoparks.com Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] will be filled with music, laughter, and bright colors as children play and learn, 11am7pm. All activities are FREE! The fest hosts interactive educational booths, life-sized games, an entertainment stage, petting zoo, inflatables, strolling entertainment, and more.

15-16

22

Come celebrate Father’s Day by taking a camping trip here at the Red River Zoo 4255 23rd Av S, Fargo]. We might still be in Fargo, but there will be plenty of Wildlife to see and ways to enjoy the outdoors.

Activities and programs will begin the evening of June 15th at 7pm and end the morning of June 16th at 9am. Didn’t get enough of the Zoo? Enjoy the Zoo for the day with complimentary admission for June 16th. Learn more and reserve your spot NOW at: https://redriverzoo. org/familycampouts/

Open to all residents of North Dakota and Clay County, Minnesota this track meet at Fargo South High Track [2001 17th Av S, Fargo] starting at 10am. This meet is for youth ages 9-14 as of December 31, 2019. Events include 50, 100, 200 and 400-meter dash, 4X100 meter relay 800 and 1600 meter run, running long jump and softball throw. Registration is $10.00 and must be done in advance.

No registrations will be accepted on site.

Father’s Day Campout at the Zoo www.redriverzoo.org

17

Kids Healthy Cooking: Kabob Krazy www.familywellnessfargo.org Ages 5-12 come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6pm-7pm, and learn how to slice veggies, fruits and meat.

Then, we’ll assemble the kabobs and finish them on the grill. $12 members; $20 nonmembers.

Fargo All-State Youth Track and Field Meet www.fargoparks.com

25

Adult Healthy Cooking: Summer Potluck Favorites www.familywellnessfargo.org Ages 15+ come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6pm-7:30pm, and make a few healthy recipes to bring to your next backyard bash. We will be making cauliflower “potato” salad and Italian zucchini “pasta” salad. $12 members; $20 nonmembers.

18

Wild West Jamboree www.wfparks.org Grab the family and head to Rendezvous Park [1055 32nd Av E, West Fargo], 5:30pm-7:30pm for a performance of Slamabama, take a ride in the horse-drawn carriages, visit the petting zoo, learn basics of roping, and check out the barrel-car ride. Inflatable games and pony rides available for $2 each. Hotdog, chips, and beverage sold for $1/plate.

june events

25

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Group www.hrrv.org/grief/ group-and-classes/ Hospice of the Red River Valley offers a free ongoing grief support group for anyone who has experienced the death of a baby through pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first year of life. This group is co-facilitated by Hospice of the Red River Valley and Harlynn's Heart. The group meets on the fourth Tuesday of each month from 6:30pm-8pm at Hospice of the Red River Valley [1701 38th St S, Fargo].

This group is free and open to the public.

For more information or questions, call 800.237.4629 and ask to speak to the bereavement department.

BE A PART OF THE TRADITION ENROLL NOW 2019-20 SCHOOL YEAR

Providing exceptional faith-based education while inspiring excellence. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

3 yr old Little Deacons - 12th Grade For information or a tour call 701-893-3271 jp2schools.org

HOLY SPIRIT ELEMENTARY

NATIVITY ELEMENTARY

SULLIVAN MIDDLE SCHOOL

TRINITY ELEMENTARY

SHANLEY HIGH SCHOOL

june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

17

july events

installed incorrectly. Is yours installed correctly? Don’t chance it! Head to The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] where trained technicians will be available Tuesdays 10:24am-7:15pm and Thursday 1:15pm-5pm to teach parents, grandparents, and caregivers how to use and install their car seats correctly. You may bring your child with you if desired and the seat can be fitted to your child properly. The events are free and open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required.

2, 9, 16, 23 & 30

G.O.T. Gather on Tuesday www.fargoparks.com

1

Parenting Series: The Breakdown Of Bullying www.familywellnessfargo.org Parents and children are invited to participate in a discussion-filled class about bullying at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm. This class describes the five W’s of bullying: what it is, when it starts, whom it starts with and where and why it starts. Participants learn the facts and skills to prevent, and how to handle bullying situations. Niceness is Priceless.

2, 9, 11, 16, 18

Car Seat Check www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events Statistically, four out of five car seats are

Celebrate summer at a different park each Tuesday night for an evening of family fun.

Fun starts at 5:30pm. Enjoy the music of Blue English Music at Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Drive, Fargo] on the 2nd, the movie Original Ghostbusters at Island Park [302 7th St S, Fargo] on the 9th, the music of Ditching Delmer at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] on the 16th, the movie The Grinch at Trollwood Park [3664 Elm St N, Fargo] on the 23rd, and the music of The Moving Parks at Kennedy Park [4501 42nd St S, Fargo] on the 30th.

4

Moorhead Proud5656Ooh & Ahh Fireworks www.mhdmba.org The Moorhead Business Association hosts its annual fireworks display at MSUM

Nemzek Field on the Minnesota State University Moorhead Campus. The fun starts at 6pm followed by the fireworks at 10:30pm!

9

Parents’ Day Out www.familywellnessfargo.org Need to get stuff done? Drop off your kids [ages 2 weeks – 9 years old] in the Family Wellness Childcare [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 10:30am-1:30pm, for some time to get stuff done without your little helpers.

Please bring nut-free snacks, diapers, or any other care necessities needed. Sign up by noon on Monday prior to the event. $12 members; $18 nonmembers.

9

Nutrition, Health and Safety [Toddlers and Preschoolers] www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events Designed to help caregivers and parents connect and grow with their children, this class, held at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm, you will learn things such as: keeping your child active, nutrition tips, teaching safe choices and well-child visits. Register online.

10

Kids Healthy Cooking: Mini Banana Cream Pies www.familywellnessfargo.org Summer is in full swing, so ages 5-12 come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6:30pm-7:30pm, and why not try a simple and perfect recipe for kids to learn how to mix, slice, and create a refreshing and sweet dessert. $12 members; $20 nonmembers.

10, 17, 24 & 31

Kids’ Flicks @ Fargo Theatre www.fargotheatre.org Each Wednesday, at 10am & 1pm head to the Fargo Theatre and enjoy a Kids’ Flick. $3 seats and a $2 soda & popcorn. Enjoy Missing Link on the 110th, Wonder Park on the 17th, How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World on the 24th, and Matilda on the 31st.

11

Basic Training for New Dads www.essentiahealth.org/classes-events

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

This one-evening class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Av S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm, is designed just for ‘Dads to be’ and is taught by an experienced Dad. Topics covered include adjustments to fatherhood, how to support Mom, basics of infant care, the benefits of Rooming-In for you and your baby, the initiation of The Sacred Hour,

and benefits of Skin-to-Skin. Classroom location will be posted on a sign in the main hospital lobby. Register online.

11 & 25

Park It! www.fargoparks.com Meet the Park It! staff at the park and create take-home arts and crafts, 1pm4pm. All supplies provided and different projects each week. See you on the 11th at Roosevelt Park [1220 9th St N, Fargo], and the 25th at Lewis & Clark [1807 16th St S, Fargo]. This is a FREE event. Adult supervision is required.

14

Babysitter’s Training www.familywellnessfargo.org This nine-hour American Red Cross Babysitting Course at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway], 8am-5pm, is a hands-on way for ages 11+ to learn everything you need to know about babysitting. Start your babysitting business on the right foot and learn how to be a safe, professional and reliable sitter. Included in the course is American Red Cross First Aid and CPR Certification that is valid for two years.

This course will teach you to be safe on the job, how to recognize an emergency and how to handle it as well. $65 members; $95 nonmembers. Register online.

14

Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies www.sanfordhealth.org/ classes-and-events The Healthy Moms for Healthy Babies series at Sanford Southpointe Clinic [2400 32nd Av S, Fargo] will focus on giving you the tools to develop a healthy lifestyle now and to commit to lifelong changes.

Prenatal Yoga is offered 4pm-5pm.

16

Kids Healthy Cooking: Summer Snacks for the Kiddos! www.familywellnessfargo.org Great snacks to keep you cool! Ages 3-5 come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 5:30pm-6pm, and we’ll be making some yummy granola bars, fruit salsa, and apple nachos! $12 members; $20 nonmembers.

16

Scavenger Hunt www.wfparks.org Gather a team and check in at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Av E, West Fargo] at 6pm. Pre-registration is recommended.

Enjoy a free hotdog, chips, and beverage before the hunt begins! Teams will be given

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. More events found online at www.onthemindsofmoms.com/event-calendar. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

a list of clues and sent out to explore the parks. At each location team members will need to capture their visit on camera to show the judges when they return to the Veterans Memorial Arena. All teams who complete these tasks and return to the Veterans Memorial Arena by 8pm will be entered in a drawing for the Grand Prize.

18

Monstrous Imagination www.fargoparks.com How big can you dream? Using nature as your inspiration, join us at Forest River Park [500 Forest River Dr, Fargo], 4pm-7pm, to put your imagination to the test at this new, family-friendly STEAM-focused event!

18

Summer Splash www.moorheadparks.com Jump in for an afternoon of fun with free inflatable games, a diving contest, and so much more to help you stay cool at the Moorhead Municipal Pool [[800 19th St S, Moorhead], 2pm-4pm.

19

Red Cross CPR, First Aid and AED Combo Class www.familywellnessfargo.org Ages 15+ Prepare for the unexpected and gain the knowledge and skills needed for effective leadership in the event of an emergency! This course at Family Wellness

[2960 Seter Parkway], 8am-noon, will prepare you to recognize and care for a variety of first aid, breathing, and cardiac emergencies involving infants, children, and adults. Topics include how to recognize and manage an emergency situation, basic first aid, standard emergency care procedures and administration, CPR, AED, and more. After completion of this class, you will be certified for two years in Red Cross CPR, AED, and First Aid for adults, children, and infants. $44 members; $95 nonmembers. Register online.

23

RiverArts www.moorheadparks.com There's always something to enjoy at Moorhead RiverArts, 5:30pm-8pm at Memorial Park [210 8th St N, Moorhead]!

Each night features free horse-drawn carriage rides, inflatable games, arts and craft vendors, food, ice cream, hands-on activities, and more! All concerts begin at 6pm.

24

Hawaiian Beach Blast www.wfparks.org

24

Adult Healthy Cooking: Summer Veggies | What Do You Do With That? www.familywellnessfargo.org

july events

Ever tried eggplant or artichokes? How about Brussel sprouts? Ages 15+ come to Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway, Fargo], 6:30pm-7:30pm, and with a few flavorful tips and tricks you will discover how great these summer veggies can be! $12 members; $20 nonmembers.

25

Parenting Series: The Connected Generation: Social Media Safety www.familywellnessfargo.org This class at Family Wellness [2960 Seter Parkway], 6:30pm-8:30pm, helps create a conversation about social media between parents and their children. This class helps participants build awareness about the different types of media and potential risks and benefits. Participants learn how to use and monitor social media in a healthy way.

29

ArtNight www.wfparks.org Get out and create! Join the West Fargo Park District at Armour Park [2nd Avenue NW/5th Street NW, West Fargo], 5:30pm7:30pm, for this free, outdoor, all ages event.

ArtNight will feature free art projects, live music, yard games and a few local food trucks! Thank you to SafetyFirst Playground Maintenance for sponsoring this event.

Dress in Hawaiian attire and say aloha to your neighbors while enjoying some summer fun! Bring a lawn chair and/or blanket to this evening of fun at Rendezvous Park [1022 32nd Av NW, West Fargo], 5:30pm-7:30pm.

Kindergarten Registration Registration for Fall 2019 opens online February 1, 2019 at:

www.fargo.k12.nd.us/registration

Registration is a two-step process: O

OO LS

FA R G

BLIC S C

H

PU

STEP ONE: Complete registration at home online anytime or at computer kiosks in the office at each Fargo Public elementary school building on the following dates and times: February 25, 27, March 1– 7:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

February 26, 28, March 4 – 7:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

Child must be age 5 by July 31, 2019 to attend school in the fall.

If do not know which school your child will attend, call 701.446.1043 or check online at www.fargo.k12.nd.us/boundarymaps

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STEP TWO: Families MUST bring their child’s certified birth certificate, child’s current immunization record, and a document (i.e. current city utility bill or bank statement) that includes parent/guardian name and address to verify the correct neighborhood school.

ten little chickens photography

shutterbug ten little chickens photography

exposures by j.linnea

exposures by j.linnea

exposures by j.linnea

ten little chickens photography

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gettin’ through it

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

gettin’ through it

angry when your child gets

story by | christy wilkie, licsw

A

ll children have occasional temper tantrums and outbursts. Because they don’t have the internal infrastructure to deal with big emotions, they get frustrated and angry. Other emotions—sadness, irritability, shame, guilt or embarrassment—usually lie at the root of a child’s anger. Anger is the fallback emotion when a child doesn’t have the vocabulary or awareness to explain other more complicated emotions.

In addition to referring to the Emotional Wheel [start in the middle and work your way out to identify the underlying emotions], consider the following suggestions for helping your child manage his or her anger.

2. acknowledge and validate your child’s emotions Our instinctual response is often to stop any emotion that causes distress. We say things to kids like, “Don’t be angry” and “Act your age.” This sends the message that emotions are not OK. When kids buy into this belief they try to control their emotions and worry they are letting you down. Listening, validating, and helping them regulate their emotions and behaviors sends a much healthier message of support and understanding. Give children permission to express their emotions as they arise to build their emotional intelligence.

3. don’t try to reason with your angry child Rationalizing with an angry person, let alone an angry child, is not likely to be very successful. When we are in an

june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

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The Emotional Wheel, developed by American psychologist Dr. Robert Plutchik, is a useful tool for helping kids identify their feelings. I often refer children to this adaptation of the Emotional Wheel during therapy which comes from classtools.net. It helps them [and me] identify the emotions beneath their anger so we can address the real issues.

1. stay calm As hard as it is to keep our own emotions in check when our children are angry, mirroring their anger with our own exacerbates an already difficult situation. Remaining calm when your child is upset sends the message that their emotions are not “wrong.”

gettin’ through it emotional state, our rational brains have a difficult time kicking in.

Trying to get kids to understand their actions are irrational is likely to make the situation worse. Instead of pointing out why your child “shouldn’t” be upset, offer coping strategies or distractions, calmly and one at a time.

For instance, say, “I see you’re upset. Would you like to ___________?” Keep your suggestions simple and straightforward. Offering more than one option may overwhelm your child.

4. if you can’t calm your child, be present Sometimes you won’t be able to calm your child, and all you can do is support and validate them through their anger. If you need a The Emotional Wheel

Parenting

SESSIONS

Make plans to join us for a series of parenting classes intended to inspire, teach and build positive outcomes for parents and caregivers of children from birth to two year olds.

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Topics include: • Nutrition

• Play & Milestones

• Emotional Health & Positive Discipline

• Self-Care for Moms and Fatherhood

Sanfordhealth.org, Keyword: Kohl’s Cares 032000-00442 12/17

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

gettin’ through it break, it’s OK to step away if you let your child know where you’re going. Say something like, “I can see that you’re still really angry, and I want to give you some space. I’ll be on the couch until you’re ready to talk to me.” This validates their emotions and sends the message that you are there for them but respect their need for space. When you are ready to re-engage, go back and sit with them through their big emotions.

5. follow up When everyone is in a better emotional space, sit down with your child to discuss ways to handle these situations moving forward. What worked? What could you have done differently? Ask your child what they need from you when they are angry. If you lost your temper, which is only too human in these situations, acknowledge what you could have done differently and apologize. Say, “I know I lost my temper, too, and I’m sorry about that.”

Apologizing is a powerful message that teaches accountability.

If your child's anger is out of control, ask for help from the school counselor or a local counseling agency like Dakota Family Services.

Dakota Family Services is a group of compassionate, practiced experts providing outpatient care—in a collaborative, multi-disciplinary setting—for children and adolescents with complex behavioral health issues.

For more information, call 800.201.6495.

Christy Wilkie provides outpatient therapy for children and adolescents ages 5-20. She has extensive training and experience in providing several types of therapy, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy [CBT], Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy [TFCBT], Dialectic Behavioral Therapy [DBT], Structured Psychotherapy for Adolescents Responding to Chronic Stress [SPARCS], Play Therapy, and Motivational Interviewing. Christy combines her extensive clinical expertise with a belief in kids—even the toughest kids—with unique ability to find and develop their strengths. Christy says, “I love working with kids because they have so much potential and so much skill, and they don’t know how to funnel it. I am persistent. I don’t give up on kids or their families.” Christy earned her bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Concordia College in Moorhead, MN, and her master’s degree in Social Work from Indiana University-Purdue University in Indianapolis, IN.

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june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

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body + being

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finding your center

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

body + being is a mirage in the distance forever calling you to a falsehood of water.

story by | christina sticka-jacobs

D

o you ever feel that you are a bear at a circus trying to juggle multiple balls in the air? If you have ever watched a bear do this, then you know it’s for a short time. As busy people, we are often throwing many balls into the air and then vigorously working to keep them all continuously in the air. We cannot do this day in and day out without falling to the floor with the balls crashing around us.

Really there is no way that anyone can juggle all of those balls indefinitely. This is life. Unfortunately, we feel that everyone around us is doing life better than we are. It appears that everyone has as many balls as us in the air and doing it with flair, beauty, and an undying smile on their face. False! It may appear this way from our vantage point, but we cannot possibly see everything inside another person’s life. I guarantee you that nobody has it easy.

Next, there is no way to balance all the things. If balance is your focus you will rack yourself with guilt and countless energy will be spent on constantly moving things from one side of the scale to the next to seek an ever-elusive balance. Sure, you could put some items [or balls if we continue with the metaphor] down and have more to give to the few that you continue to keep in the air, but eventually, even a few things will seem defeating.

Lastly, are you spending time, energy, effort, and money on the things in life that match your values? Do you find yourself angry when you are doing something because you’ve been talked into it or were told to do it by someone you respect or is in a position to give you direction and you realize it doesn’t match your values? If so, being able to let go of these things will open up space for activities that do match your values.

Sometimes we think we have to do something and talk ourselves into it, but if it is something that you realize

So how then can we live our lives with ease?

First thing—forget about trying to keep the balls in the air. You will need to put some down, take a break, and not become delusional that you can do it all. It

Here to

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body + being bumps up against your comfort zone [or a boundary] then this needs to be voiced.

Now that you know that you can’t juggle indefinitely, balance is an illusion, and your values are worth honoring, what are some action steps to handle life’s busyness with grace, humility, and dare I say sanity?

there is no way that anyone can juggle all of those balls indefinitely

Find your center. Provide yourself the love and care that you so easily pass out to others. I am sure that you have family and friends in your life that you go out of your way for or show up at a moment’s notice when they express a need. If you have children, this happens on a daily basis. However, how often do we show up for ourselves? I’m talking about deeply appreciating and caring for your soul, at the center of your being. Some people find this by going to church, gathering with others in religious ceremonies, or silently

1st visit

at

1

of age!

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recommended

year

praying. While I believe that this could be an avenue of connecting deeply with yourself, I also believe that it could lead to a focus on others. We cannot focus on others until we’ve given genuine time and energy to focusing on ourselves.

I find daily meditation to be the path to centering myself. Whether I sit in silence with a candle and focus on my breath or the sensations in my body or listen to a guided meditation, I am able to put thinking on the shelf. Did you know that up to 90% or more of our thoughts are recycled every day? We often think the same things over and over again. Meditating gives you a break from your thinking. I believe thinking is when we are doing all that juggling and planning for balance.

You have to get into the experience of being at your center, calm and unwavering, to truly get in touch with yourself. I do want to remind you though that this time of centering really is a personal experience and while it can certainly be done in the presence of others, it is a diligent focus on your state of being.

In becoming centered you will be able to find deep gratitude for who you are and when you are grateful, love runs through your veins. Come back to your self-love every day and you will find all the strength necessary to live your life with ease.

Christina is a mother of three, a school psychologist, and an enthusiast of wellbeing. She lives in Moorhead, practices yoga and mindfulness, and writes at www.theeaseofbeing.com.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

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june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

29

this & that

the suit

saga story by | dani parkos fluge

F

inally! A diagnosis…yes, I officially have SSD [Swimwear Stress Disorder].

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

There is no better reminder of your existing body image issues than slipping into a bathing suit after a long season of inactivity and indulgence. Let’s face it, we all have something we are self-conscious about. Whether it’s a boyish figure that doesn’t seem to fill out anything, wide hips that just seem to be expanded by the strings of a bikini, or a bit more chub around our tummy than we want to be flaunting, we’ve all got something.

So how will you cope with this year’s swimsuit season?

Total denial? A what-the-hell attitude? Something in between? Whatever you muster up is great because there is no escaping that it’s time to get suited up for a blazing day in the sun with bejeweled sandals, flaunting your pedi and bronzing those legs while catching up on your favorite vitamin D supplement. But who doesn’t dread the ever-magnifying mirrors and florescent lighting in those swimsuit dressing rooms? We’ve all been there. And for me the new suit shopping saga 30

on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

has already been experienced. So, sit back and share a giggle with me as I bring you along on my journey through the masses of synthetic stretchy material on my quest to find “the right” suit for me.

Decisions. Strolling in the mall [which I never do, cuz I’m positive I’m allergic to the building] it was never more evident just how many suits there are to choose from and it darn near brought on a migraine at the thought of sifting through the racks. I delayed the overwhelming feeling a bit longer and grabbed myself a Skinny Vanilla Late with an extra pump of caramel and found a spot on the pleather couch in the hall of the mall to break it all down. Do I want a one piece or two-piece bathing suit, bikini, tankini, swim dress, aqua-tard [what the heck is that] or board shorts? What are my options for “the girls”—removable cups, underwire, or molded soft cups or do I opt for a full coverage, thigh cut, or cheeky bottom briefs. Let’s not forget about one of those new magical swim Spanx! Umm hello, SPANX and swimsuit in the same sentence, that’s almost as heaven sent as an Oreo Blizzard. Should I be bold and go with something hot, sheer, sexy, exotic? Or do I splurge and look for

this & that brand name designers? Do I look on the discount racks at Macy’s, or go online at Victoria’s Secret? Oh, and then there is the cut, color, black, white, floral or florescent to consider. Oh boy, decisions, so many decisions! It’s no wonder shopping for a suit dries my mouth and brings me to a sweat.

I was in; hangers springing around the dressing room like rubber bands and I was drowning in the pile of suits below me. I was hopeful bathing suit #12 would bring some hope. After all, all I wanted and needed was a style and fit that would cover my gut on a plus size day or PMS fat attack. With my back to the mirror, I adjusted the girls, straightened the straps and with a snap of suit I found instant comfort from removing my mini wedgie. Here goes nothin’, I thought and with my head tilted slight back and my eyes scanning the ceiling, I turned to face my fate. Would I be a bathing beauty this summer or would I leave empty handed and revert back to my usual method for coping with swimsuit season and hide indoors and talk loudly about the fear of getting sunburned…

Twenty minutes later I take the plunge and enter my first store reclaiming myself over the hunt for “the” swimsuit.

My strategy: utilize the “grab-and-go” technique. This way I avoid the darling associate oozing with cuteness waiting to help me and I also control my knack to over analyze every detail of the suits. Once inside the dressing room I pause for a moment, take a deep breath and tell myself, “just ripe off the band-aid and go for it.” I avoid my reflection in the mirror that I’m sure should have a sticker indicating ‘objects are larger than they appear’ and slip into a pair of navy board shorts that were supposed to strategically hide some of my jiggle, but actually caused me a fair amount of discomfort when their hem started chaffing my fleshy inner thighs. I suppose the way I kept tugging at them right around the crotch area wasn’t exactly flattering either, but every time I tried to walk, those suckers would ride up and cause an unsightly bulge that was difficult to overlook. Geez…if I thought starting fires with my inner thighs would be the result of this style, I would have passed or at the very least started with a suit less discouraging. So now my motivation is fire prevention…how very conscientious of me.

To spare any more details, the long and short of it was the day made me realize no matter what cut, print or fabric the suit has, as long as I have thighs and imperfections, I am confident I won’t be gracing the cover of the swimsuit issue of SI anytime soon. But through the entire experience I also realized a suit doesn’t define me. And like I tell my daughter; everyone is made differently which makes us unique and special in our own way. So, ask yourself today, what if you didn't have to change anything about yourself? Or, what if you only made changes based on self-love? Once we stop "fixing" ourselves, we become free to invent lives that inspire and excite us; full lives we can actually enjoy. Imagine the possibilities.

On and off, on and off and on and off was the rhythm

Now go rock what your mama gave ya!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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blended to [almost] perfection photos: exposures by j.linnea | josette hayes

laura viozzi

story by | tricia o’connor

I

t was supposed to be the perfect storybook romance. Laura Viozzi, a whip-smart attorney from Hershey, Pennsylvania, met a dashing prince named Thomas [Tom] Haldis who was finishing medical school. Laura, eager to move beyond the cutthroat environment of her legal firm, dreamed instead of being by her prince’s side, supporting him through his schooling and career, eventually becoming a mother and raising a family. He, too, wished for a full-time companion who would understand the demands of his career and embrace the role of chief family caretaker.

It seemed all the chapters in their storybook romance were ready to be written.

The twist in this story, though, is while Laura and Tom have both found happy endings, neither is with each other.

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blended to [almost] perfection

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

blended to [almost] perfection the meet In Philadelphia, Laura worked with another attorney on a federal drug interdiction program while Tom completed medical school. He had intentions of becoming a cardiologist so he and Laura moved to Danville, Pennsylvania for Tom’s residency and fellowship. They married when Laura was 28. Like Laura’s mother had done for her physician husband [they later divorced], Laura gladly gave up her career to support her husband and take care of their family, which, at the time included four boys - Luke, Casey, Gavin, and Jack.

“We both wanted a bunch of kids, but since we didn’t get married until we were around 28, we felt like if we wanted a bunch, we had to have them close together,” says Laura.

When Tom was offered a job in Fargo at Meritcare [now Sanford] as an Expert Interventional Cardiologist, Laura and the kids dutifully followed. Laura and Tom’s youngest child, Jack, was only one-year-old at the time.

Shortly after arriving, the couple welcomed their fifth child, a daughter named Lucy.

“She loves her kids unconditionally, there is no doubt about that,” says Tom. “She’s always worked very hard to be a great mom. She’s done a fantastic job. She’s a master.” the marriage When you talk with Laura now, she is open, warm, an active listener, and present in the conversation. She is both engaged and engaging. But in her marriage, Laura will admit she was worrisome, overly analytical, hyper-organized, and had a tendency to interpret things said to her beyond intended meaning. Tom could be hot-headed, quick to judge, and lack patience.

Combined with the stress of Tom’s profession, and Laura living in a new environment and raising five children, Laura and Tom’s communication skills deteriorated.

Feelings got hurt. Anger was buried, left to smolder like molten lava. Fights erupted. Sparks would fly.

the divorce It was ugly. Brutal. Nasty. Everything you’ve come to expect a divorce to be. She said. He said. She lawyered up. He lawyered up. They battled over money. Custody.

Homeownership. Retirement. Assets.

“I went to law school thinking I could help other people like my mom,” says Laura. “I did all the same things june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

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Then Laura and Tom’s marriage imploded completely.

blended to [almost] perfection she did that people said I shouldn’t do. Become a stay at home mom. Give up my career.”

So, Laura fought like hell to make sure she wouldn’t end up feeling like her mother, jilted after 20 years of marriage. The years of anger and resentment, hurt and sadness, burst through the barriers Laura and Tom had each built up to protect themselves.

“I had several eye awakening moments early in divorce,” says Tom. “It was super rough. It was scary. It was threatening.”

There were vicious arguments over the phone and times when they wouldn’t speak at all. The attorneys relayed messages.

“We had adversity in our divorce. At times, we both did things where we look back and say we wish we hadn’t done that,” says Laura. “There are consequences we didn’t intend.”

now what?

Two years of confusion, disappointment, and relentless arguing with Tom followed. Laura continued the same emotional holding pattern: she’d get angry or disappointed with Tom, lash out at him, then feel mad at herself for allowing her emotions to control her narrative. She was stuck.

Then, Laura’s attorney sat her down and gave her the cold, hard truth. “My attorney said, ‘We have a great settlement, but alimony won’t last forever, Laura. You’re going to have to pursue work.’”

They each played their roles perfectly. The stubborn and defiant husband who refused to give an inch. The vindictive wife who demanded money and respect.

It was just the push Laura needed to get out of her own way. She needed to focus on something bigger than herself. She needed to return to the roots of her work in law, her desire to help others. Only this time, she wouldn’t be a practicing attorney, but rather the very person who helped her navigate her divorce settlement.

“It’s easier to be angry. We’re programmed to hate paying alimony and not like the ex,” says Laura. “Divorced couples are not supposed to get along. They’re supposed to thrive on the latest and most awful story.”

“I became intrigued about mediation,” says Laura. “I wasn’t interested in sitting for the bar again. I was interested in the idea of becoming a mediator so I could use the skills I’d built as an attorney.”

But there is a toll to taking the easy road. As much as Laura and Tom tried to keep their arguments private, the children knew. They read their parents body language.

Listened to their hushed, choppy words. Watched eyes roll and jaws clench. Became familiar with words like attorney, alimony, and parenting plans. Words children should never have to hear.

In 2015, Laura put her new mediation certification skills to work as regional leader of the successful legislative initiative, Marsy’s Law, to codify victim’s rights within North Dakota law. That lead to another job opportunity and the confidence to land a date on Match.com.

Something had to change.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Laura was now a single mother of five children, living away from home with no extended family support and no job.

the end Laura and Tom tried mediation, where a trained neutral third party helps divorcing couples resolve conflict and find comprises to reach a settlement using specialized communication and negotiation techniques. As was the case with Laura and Tom, mediation is usually the last step before taking a divorce to court.

Laura and Tom reached an agreement. Paperwork was drawn. Laura and Tom signing to affirm the dissolution of their marriage. A judge’s signature making it final.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

the meet [again] His name was Troy White, a divorced father of two girls, who’d spent a great deal of his adult life advocating for survivors of abuse, something he experienced as a child. He liked Laura’s “feisty sense of humor” and the personality she showed through text messages. One day she sent a picture of her and Lucy.

“Is that your only kid?” Troy asked Laura.

“Are you sitting down?” she joked. “I have 5. If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I understand.”

“Well, that’s a lot of kids,” is all he said.

The two began dating almost around the same time Tom was finding love with a woman named Nicole, who was divorced with no children and living in Minneapolis.

They met on Tinder.

blended to [almost] perfection

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blended to [almost] perfection “Prior to going on our first date, he told me on the phone how many kids he had,” says Nicole. “I was like, ‘Whoah, that’s a lot of kids.’ I’d never dated anyone with children before in my life.”

class on Emotional Intelligence and Personal Empowerment.

They each became a Personal Empowerment Facilitator through Twin Cities Rise in Minneapolis.

Although she was taking this course for professional development, Personal Empowerment impacted Laura’s personal life more than anything she had previously experienced.

Even though Laura wanted to be with Troy, she was still struggling with lingering trust and resentment issues.

Then the duo, who, because of their combined interests in advocacy and mediation, had the opportunity to take a

“Laura was still hurting from the divorce. It’s a painful thing,” says Troy. “Through this process, she was able to forgive and trust and be happy for herself and for Tom. She let go of resentments. It freed her.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Tom was ready and open to having a new companion in his life. “Once you get through that difficult period, it’s just time to rebuild again,” he says.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

blended to [almost] perfection The Personal Empowerment Facilitator course taught Laura how to actively listen without judgment again, how to hear a person’s words without trying to interpret them, and how to re-develop her communication and coping skills.

“This empowerment training saved my relationship with Troy, but it began to make incredible changes in the relationship I had with my former husband,” says Laura. “What I used to see in Tom as being inappropriate or difficult, I could now better understand why he was reacting that way. That course helped me figure out the real way to understand and process and restructure

my thinking about my relationship with my children’s father. If the outcome I want is a peaceful life for me and my children, I needed to learn how to model that for them.”

Shortly after taking the course, Laura and Troy’s trust was broken while working for a local organization, resulting in a significant financial setback. Scared, vulnerable, and embarrassed, Laura did what the Personal Empowerment course suggested she should: open her heart, share her fears, and ask for help. Guess who she turned to?

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blended to [almost] perfection “Having Laura’s best interests in mind and really trying to help as opposed to being indifferent, that was important for us,” says Tom, who assisted Laura during this tumultuous time. “When Laura felt comfortable confiding in me her struggles, that was a real turning point. When the kids see that, it’s just a really good example.” the happy ending Laura and Troy recently opened Upstream Growth Consultants, a training, coaching and consulting service in Fargo centered around their proprietary Transformative Empowerment curriculum. Laura assists couples seeking a collaborative, conflict-free mediated divorce using a variety of techniques such as conflict management, effective communication for co-parenting, and positive action planning to continue removing the “script” society dictates divorcing couples follow.

Laura didn’t get her perfect storybook romance. And that’s okay. She re-wrote the book.

Tricia O’Connor has interviewed presidential candidates, senators, professional athletes, criminals, and fighter pilots. But her favorite stories to share are about moms. “They are the strongest, hardest working, and most thoughtful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of covering,” she says.

A masters graduate of the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University in Chicago, Tricia has been writing for On the Minds of Moms since 2009. She also regularly contributes articles and content to magazines and businesses across the country. She previously worked as a local television reporter in Fargo for nearly a decade. Her full-time role is Communications Manager of Seacrest Country Day School in Naples, Florida, where she lives with her two children and two cats named George Michael and Frankenstein. The names belong to her cats, not her kids. Tricia loves feedback on her stories so feel free to message her on Facebook [Patricia O’Connor].

“We can do divorce differently,” says Laura.

Laura now takes pride in telling people she gets along with her former husband; that they are good friends.

“My mom saw herself as a victim. She looked back at everything she didn’t have and blamed my dad. I understand that- it’s the status quo,” she says. “But I choose to look at my divorce and my role in it and after it as my choice. And I choose to look at Tom and his success and happiness as being good for him, my kids and good for me.”

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Tom and Nicole recently celebrated their one-year anniversary. Laura and Troy are engaged. While the couples are obviously thrilled with their happy endings, it’s the children who are really the biggest beneficiaries.

Birthdays, graduations, and holidays that used to be spent at separate homes, alternating on calendar years, are now huge family gatherings where everyone shares space.

Did you know the average divorce costs an individual roughly $15,500? Financial distress is just one of the aggravating factors that can turn divorce into a painful experience.

Custody battles, dividing assets, and the trauma associated with a crumbling marriage can leave both people, and innocent children with significant emotional scars that often go unaddressed or even acknowledged.

UPSTREAM Growth Consultants of Fargo offers a healthy alternative to a contentious separation or divorce through mediation, coaching, and emotional support.

Contact UPSTREAM Growth Consultants today for more information.

“You can tell they’re very happy when they see us all hanging out together,” says Nicole. “They spend more time talking to us and hanging out with us when they see us all hanging out. Before they’d spend more time in their rooms or on their phones.”

If Laura’s latest chapter is any indication, the story of her life is even better than she imagined. She is a professional working mother with children who love her, a man who supports her, and a blended family who believes they are better together.

“We all deserve happiness and to be successful,” she says.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

701.446.8512 lviozzi@growupstream.com www.growupstream.com

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41

ready, set, grow

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

I

n this corner, we have the wise one, full of life experience, a kind heart and boasting 20+ hours of child labor…it’s the maaaaaaa-maaaaaa!

In the other corner, it’s the young gun, the know it all, the spunky “I want it my way” newcomer…it’s the kiddddddddd-oooooooooo!

The battle lines are drawn. Who will be victorious? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Let’s take a look at some kiddo battles and get ready to RUMBLE!

winning the battle

worldwide, most babies are weaned between 2 & 4 years—but in the US, fewer than 51.8% of babies are still nursing when they are 6-months-old.

ready, set, grow

wee ones [0–18 months]

S

ure you love having your snuggling little wee one, but you also want them to grow up. The milestones just keep coming, but some are hard to reach. One of the first battles you may encounter is Operation Bye-Bye Ba-Ba. Putting an end to the bottle or breastfeeding can be a doozy.

kickin’ it Weaning your wee one can be a tough situation for both of you! Yes, feeding is a time of supplying nourishment, but it also offers the opportunity to bond with your wee one as well as provide him comfort. Moving to a cup full-time, whether your wee one is coming from the breast or bottle, typically begins around his first birthday.

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nursing no more The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding throughout the first year of a wee one’s life, if possible, and you don’t have to stop at 12 months either.

Regardless, at some point nursing will stop whether it is you or your wee one deciding. It is important to take things slow. Start by cutting one feeding every couple of days. This method allows your wee one a few weeks to adjust. You can also decrease your breastfeeding sessions. With both of these methods you will need to follow each session with a bottle or cup or solid food snack, based on which is age appropriate for your child.

Also, have your significant other take an active role in weaning your wee one. For the session your wee one adamantly expects to be breastfed, let your honey step and be the one to comfort him when he wakes at night, get him in the morning and feed him breakfast or put him down for his naps for bedtime.

Now doesn’t that sound easy? Yeah, it might not be easy, and it will take some time, but rest assured he will eventually be on the all-cup route!

tots need 11-14 hours of sleep a day [that includes naps]

ready, set, grow

tots

[18 months–3 years]

I

don’t get it. My dream day would include [among many things] being able to go to bed early, but for some tots, bedtime is a form of torture that he just cannot tolerate! A tot that just can’t bring himself to succumbing to his designated bedtime is, well…tiring!

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sleep...who needs sleep?

From down the hall, you hear him stir and then it begins…”Mom!!!…I’m not tired…I need a drink…one more book”…and on…and on! You know the little bugger is tired, but he just won’t give in. What’s the deal? One reason is the tot creed, which is an innate calling to resist mama instructions, exert newly found strength in using the word ‘No’ and to gain all wanting power!

He wants to be in control. Your mover and shaker also isn’t thrilled about the fact that he has to be in his room [can’t even play with his toys] while you party the night away! He doesn’t want to miss anything! But for his wellbeing [and your sanity] here are some tips to getting a good night’s sleep: • this or that Your tot wants some power, so give him some when it comes to your bedtime routine.

Let him pick out his jammies and the books that will be read.

• gotta night owl When the sun goes down, is your tot ready to roll-n-roll? These little people are as individual as you and I, so the bedtime for one tot might not be right for another, but nighttime rambunctiousness can actually be a sign of overtiredness. One thing to consider is cutting out a nap if he is still taking two or if he is done to one, move it to earlier in the afternoon. Also, making sure your tot gets lots of

activity during the day will help prepare him for a good night’s sleep.

• REALLY don’t go Bedtime tantrums aren’t fun [like every other tantrum]! Be ready to channel abundant amounts of patience and stamina. If the tantrum starts when you leave the room, it could be attributed to separation anxiety. Provide your tot some comfort. Provide a nightlight, favorite blanket or toy. You can also tell him that you will sit quietly with him for five minutes and then you are going to go, but you will check on him in five minutes.

When he handles five minutes alone, move it to ten minutes and so on.

june • july twenty nineteen | on the minds of moms

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ready, set, grow

merriam-webster defines whining as: 1) producing or emitting a prolonged, high-pitched sound 2) complaining or inclined to complain in a childish or petulant manner…sounds about right!

preschoolers [3–5 years]

D

oes the hair on the back of your neck stand up every time you hear that rhythmic, long, high-pitch, complaining “na-oooo” or “I don’t waa-nt toooo” or “pleeee-za just one mmmmooorrre” or “wha-eye nooot?”

Yes, I’m talking about whining and it can be like nails on a chalkboard, sending any good mama into an eye roll accompanied by a deep breath!

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abolishing whining I have to believe that every parent dislikes whining, but it is a natural part of development and isn’t a reflection on your parenting. Think of whining as a combination of crying and newfound verbal skills. He is trying to communicate his feelings and since birth, he has done that by crying. As parents, it’s important to remember

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

that our preschooler relies on us for most everything and we need to teach him effective ways to communicate with whining not being one of them. Incorporate these tips and establish a no whining zone: • there it is Point out whining when it happens and don’t assume your preschooler knows what he is doing is annoying. Tell him he is whining and demonstrate the difference in a normal voice versus a whining voice. Be sure you don’t respond to whining by simply whining back. It might be tempting, but it won’t curb your preschooler from doing it again.

• I feel ya Many times when your preschooler whines, he is looking for attention or is having a hard time conveying his feeling with just words. When your preschooler needs something [or thinks he needs something] and interrupts you with a whining request, explain that if he really needs something the proper way to politely interrupt and if his request doesn’t require immediate attention, explain that he needs to wait. If your preschooler is whining and you can see what it is that is upsetting him, help him express his feeling with words.

• stay strong Above all…do not cave! Giving in because you just can’t stand to hear it any more will only reinforce the whining. Tell him to use his “regular voice” and even consider not listening or telling him you can’t understand that voice.

sibling rivalry has been identified as more common among kiddos who are the same gender & closer in age

ready, set, grow

big kids [6–9 years]

O

h, they will always have each other. A built-in best friend, confidant, secret keeper…errr…rival, friend stealer, tattletale! The relationship between your big kid and his sibling can change by the minute. A little sibling fighting is to be expected, but you really don’t want to wear the striped referee shirt all day, every day!

Try as you might, they are still going to fight. Keep these points in mind as you defuse sibling warfare: • pick your battles It isn’t good for you to step in at every moment conflict raises its wicked head. Unless

Sibling fighting is very common, but some families may need to seek professional help. If the kiddos’ fighting starts to affect the self-esteem or mental wellbeing of any family member, takes a toll on your relationship with your significant other, or there is a real threat of physical harm, talk to your doctor about outside help.

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can’t we just get along It shouldn’t be so hard, should it? There can be days when anything can provoke your big kid to fight with his brother or sister. Here are some things to help promote a little serenity on the home front: • da rules Establish your family rules. No cursing, no name calling, no slamming of doors and so on. Also, talk about the consequences of breaking the rules.

Make sure the kiddos have input in the rules and consequences and hold weekly family meetings to reinforce the limits agreed upon.

• fairness, shmairness When the kiddos fight you’ll hear lots of “that’s not fair!” Well, honey, life’s not fair.

There is no way you can do anything exactly 50-50, so don’t get sucked into that battle. The PB & J can’t be cut exactly down the middle so don’t beat yourself up because you can’t do everything 100% equal.

• share…most of the time Keep in mind that the kiddos need their own time too. Time with you one-on-one, time with his friends without a tag along sibling and time simply to himself when he doesn’t have to share anything.

someone is going to be physically harmed, try not to get involved. The kiddos need to learn how to work things out.

• winner, winner chicken dinner Don’t worry about who’s right and who’s wrong. If you need to step it, they are both responsible to some degree.

• to your corner Separate your fighters and let emotions die down. Some extra space and calmer heads can allow you to use the situation as a teaching opportunity.

ready, set, grow

a recent study found 43% of participating parents admitted to doing their kiddo’s homework

tweeners [10–12 years]

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t’s been a long day. Your tweener counted down the seconds until the final bell. Get home, have a snack, a little TV and veg out a bit. In walks loving mother. After small talk about the day, you ask, “Got any homework?”

And so it begins… getter done There are some many things to keep your tweener occupied all of which are far more “fun” and attentiongrabbing than homework. Well, it’s gotta get done and here are some homework how-to tips: • set the stage With your tweener’s help, establish a homework space. Whether it’s at the kitchen table or his bedroom, it doesn’t matter as long as the work is getting done.

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• offer some control Give your tweener the power to make some choices when it comes to homework such as doing his homework immediately after school or after dinner.

• a little help here You want your tweener to be resourceful, and it’s perfectly fine for you to help him with his homework, but make sure your help is wanted. And if you sense your help is creating conflict, get out! Let your tweener know you are happy to help, but you don’t want to argue and take a break.

• help, don’t do Remember that it’s your tweener’s homework, not yours. He needs to be doing the work and you are just the helper. Repeat after me, helper!

• ants in your pants For some tweeners, just being able to sit long enough to finish their homework is the biggest challenge. Taking frequent, short breaks may be the answer. It might take a little longer, but the real goal is just simply getting it done.

• anything else If your tweener continues to refuse to do his homework make sure there aren’t other issues at play such as a learning disability or vision problem.

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One last consideration when it comes to homework is identifying the type of learner your tweener is. Maybe he needs to talk things out [auditory learner], picture or see an example [visual learner] or maybe he’s very detail orientated [analytical learner]. Knowing how your tweener best learns can make study time much more effective.

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on the minds of moms | june • july twenty nineteen

Sources: www.cdc.gov | www.babycenter.com | www.kidshealth.org www.askdrsears.com | www.empoweringparents.com www.verywellfamily.com

ready, set, grow

critics of youth curfews say that minors have a constitutional right to be on the streets at night

teens [13–18years]

Y

ou just want to know where they are and that they are safe. And you aren’t being completely unreasonable, but come on, your teen can’t really expect to stay out all night, right? As your teen gets older, it becomes harder and hard to set limit, while still allowing them freedom. crampin’ his style Teen curfew is a double-edged sword. You want to trust your teen, but be too lenient, and you risk him pushing the boundaries further. Be too strict, and he might become rebellious and start sneaking out the window.

When setting [and more importantly enforcing] your teen’s curfew, consider: • this teen Every teen is an individual so remember that. Try to base your teen’s curfew on his merits and needs while staying away from comments about older siblings or when you were a teen. That will go in one ear and out the other!

• talk it out Communicate with your teen. That means

talking and listening. Listen to his ideas and talk about the consequences when he doesn’t make it home at the agreed upon time.

• bend, but don’t break Be flexible and know you are going to have to make compromises. But when the agreed upon curfew is missed stand firm to the agreed-upon consequences. And make sure the consequences fit the crime.

• see the good too Be sure to acknowledge when your teen is meeting his curfew. Too often a whole lot of attention is focused on the times when curfew is missed, but nothing said for consistently meeting curfew. Reward good behavior as much as you would reprimand the bad.

When it comes to your teen’s curfew, you can probably assume there are going to be times of conflict. Setting the limits and making sure your teen is involved in the plan and subsequent consequences can take the edge off future curfew battles.

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