Dec 2015/Jan 2016 On the Minds of Moms

december january

twenty fifteen sixteen

the valley’s

for today’s

Holiday Marshmallow Pops How to: 1. Melt 1 lb. of white chocolate 30 seconds at a time in the microwave, stirring after each 30 seconds, until melted.

2. Split chocolate into 2-3 different bowls and add 3 drops of food coloring of your choice in each bowl.

3. Push one candy cane stick halfway down into normal sized marshmallows.

4. Dip the marshmallow into the colored chocolate.

5. Roll each marshmallow in sprinkles of your choice.

6. Eat and enjoy!

New Year, New You!

Make your New Year a beautiful one with the Essentia Health Dermatology team. Whether it’s to address signs of aging, acne or laser treatments, we are here with you to help you determine the products and services that best suit your needs.

Call today for a consultation.

Essentia Health-South University Clinic 1702 South University Drive | Fargo 701.364.8900 EssentiaHealth.org

contents

in every issue

contributors .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

event calendar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18 shutterbug

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28

oh, by the way . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38 food for thought

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contents

sections

gettin' through it 10 tips to keep your marriage in tune . . . . . . . 34

this & that less is the new more: keepin’ it real this holiday season . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10

just a thought just show up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

shop talk

ready, set, grow

do you need a will? the importance of estate planning . . . . . . . . 30

attitude of gratitude: instill a giving spirit at any age . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58

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42

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contents

feature & profiles

mod mom profile rita visser . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

mompreneur chris myrvold—blue daisy boutique . . . . . . . 24

rad dad profile vincent williams . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

cover story

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

elma imamovic—the right busy . . . . . . . . . . 50

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

50

moms

on the minds of

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PUBLISHER DS Communication, LLC EDITOR Dani Parkos Fluge

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ADVERTISING Mary Klabo p: 218.791.2848 e: mary@onthemindsofmoms.com Sheri Kleinsasser Stockmoe p: 701.306.1624 e: sheri@onthemindsofmoms.com

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OTMOM MISSION STATEMENT On The Minds Of Moms Magazine is dedicated to providing parents of all ages a bimonthly resource they can trust. A fresh approach to traditional parenting publications, we are modern and inspiring while offering a community of local support and real-life advice for today’s family.

On The Minds Of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

OTMOM is a publication available at all Fargo-Moorhead Hornbacher's, Family Fare, and Grand Forks–East Grand Forks Hugo's grocery store locations. Distribution also includes all partnering advertisers.

Copyright 2015-2016 All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. On The Minds Of Moms is a trademark registered at the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

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contributors

“if I could have one ‘do-over’ it would be…” seth kinrade fergus falls | mn gettin’ through it: page 34 I would learn a foreign language and take a semester of college to study abroad.

deb uglem moorhead | mn oh, by the way: page 38 My one 'do-over' would be to enter the coaching ranks. I think I would have enjoyed helping kids build character and learn their sport. Who knows, there still may be time!

patricia carlson naples | fl ready, set, grow: page 58 This is a trick question because if I changed anything from my past, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Nice try.

kari klingsporn hitterdal fargo | nd food for thought: page 40 I'd catch on sooner in life to not worry if what I am is enough. I am who am, far from perfect, but overall an all-right person. The older I get, the better I am at accepting me for me, so I think I'll have this idea mastered by the time I'm 90!

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contributors jessica foss fargo | nd shoptalk: page 30 This is a tough one! As we all know too well, life doesn’t really give you do-overs, and maybe that's a good thing. I think making mistakes can help you become a better person, so long as you take the time to learn from them. However, if I had to pick one “do-over,” I would say that I wish I had traveled further away from home during the years following high school and before settling down to raise a family. I am a Langdon, North Dakota, native, and I stayed pretty much in ND, SD, and MN from the time I went to college until settling into Fargo about ten years later. I’m a homebody and love being close to family so I always knew I would end up in Fargo. It was the “big city,” but still close enough to my small hometown and the rest of my family. Knowing that I’d put roots down in Fargo, I wish I had traveled a bit more or lived in other places before starting my life here. But then again, had I done that, I probably wouldn’t have the amazing friends, husband, or our two little girls that I do now and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. So….final answer is…. life doesn’t give you do-overs, and I’m okay with that!!

kathleen wrigley bismarck | nd just a thought: page 46 If I had to title my life, it’d be ‘do-overs’ or ‘second chances’. I know the importance of redemption, or do-overs. That said, I might have looked in my rearview mirror before gunning it out of the garage and slamming into my husband’s car. That do-over would’ve saved us $500/each on our insurance deductibles.

this & that

less is the new more

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

keepin’ it real this holiday season

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

this & that

story by | dani parkos fluge

Repeat after me…

Less is… …more time. …more space. …more energy. …more money. …more peace of mind.

Cue the ‘eye-roll’ and the ‘ya rights.’ I totally get it!

In our world today it’s all about more, bigger, better… especially when it comes to the holidays. Gift wish lists are longer and more expensive. Christmas music, holiday treats, sales and promotions suck us in. Holiday parties and obligations fill our social calendar and, if not mindful, of all this craziness, it will be the New Year and we’ll wake up dazed and confused, not to mention exhausted, fat, and broke.

If you’re anything like me and can’t stand that kind of stress, axe the anxiety and hang onto the happy with some helpful holiday advice: 1. money – Spending. Don’t overdo it. Easier said than done, I know. The temptation to ‘wow’ little Lucy when she unwraps ‘THE’ toy of the year can be difficult to look past when shopping.

Remember advertising professionals are really good at feeding parents' fantasies of their kiddos thinking mom and dad are ‘the best’ for shelling out the cash, but the reality is that most kiddos have lost all interest in that particular toy long before the credit cards are paid off. Then there is the overwhelming need to ‘keep up with the Joneses.’ Theodore Roosevelt wisely said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It is so easy to be convinced that we NEED certain things, that our life is not complete without these items, and that we fall behind in social standards if we don’t own them. It isn’t easy to block out social media from brain washing us into thinking everyone else has a better tree, decorated house, gifts, and food. Have you ever heard the saying, ‘Perception isn’t always reality?’ Don’t buy or give out of guilt. Give less to give more.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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this & that 2. events – Commitments. Just. Say. No. Stop over committing. Limiting yourself to one or two holiday parties will still keep you in the social loop and give you the holiday spirit tingle in a ‘it’s a wonderful life’ kind of way without bringing you to tears. It’s when we turn into a yes-machine and wrap ourselves up in endless commitments, programs, and white elephant exchanges that we lose our sanity. Party less, rest more.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

3. food – Loads of it. Oh how we live for the holiday tradition of granny’s delicious donuts, Aunt Kathy’s Kuchen, and all the yummy fixins'.

Remind yourself that the foods you think are so special during this holiday time are not exclusive to only this time. Thanksgiving is not the last chance to have pumpkin pie. No need to eat enough in one month to last us a whole year. Remember it is okay to delegate the food menu to those coming to the celebration too.

Do you think Martha Stewart can really pull together a spread like she does alone? Heck no!

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

do you think martha stewart can really pull together a spread like she does alone? heck no!

She has help. And, don’t get hung up on ‘from scratch’ or ‘homemade with love’ crap either.

Marie Calendar’s makes some great pies that can pass as homemade if you want to soothe your conscience. More than likely in 20 years your kids will fondly look back on it as the best pie they ever had. Wink…wink! Eat less, live more.

4. decorating – Do a few things well. Instead of trying to do everything and ending up totally disappointed in how it all turns out, focus your energy on a couple of things that are most important to you. If you’re one of those ‘Pintrest

this & that Princesses’ who feels the need to decorate every room in the house, that’s total okay, but be mindful of your pining addiction. Don’t find your energy balloon deflating just to impress your girlfriends; let it go and pick the room[s] where your company congregates most. If your entire house is not over- the-top magazine worthy, the holiday will go on. Your guests won’t even notice the cutesy color-coordinated paper straw that's

in the end, your kiddos and loved ones would rather have fond memories of their time with you than memories of how strung out mom was

missing from the glass milk jug on the fireplace for Santa. Enjoy less stuff and have more joy.

5. time – Traveling. Leaving home to visit family and friends makes for one of the busiest travel times of the year. Instead of getting caught up in the frenzy, grant yourself a ‘stay-cation.’ Staying put can give you the gift you wanted and more than likely needed this year: uninterrupted time to relax, refresh, and re-emerge stronger to ring in the New Year. Do less, be more.

Here’s the real deal. There is no right or wrong way to do any of this holiday stuff. Just know you don’t have to get stuck in routines of the past and run yourself ragged. In the end your kiddos and loved ones would rather have fond memories of their time with you than memories of how strung out mom was after she burned the cookies—or her fingers with the glue gun.

Less truly is more…now more than ever.

LET YOUR SMILE SHINE when booking an adult new patient exam, cleaning and x-Rays

PAUL FREDRIKSON, DDS PC

RYAN NYGARD, DDS

3011 25th Street South, Suite 1 Fargo, North Dakota 58103 701.280.0088 • www.smilecareteam.com www.facebook.com/SmileCareInFargo

FAMILY AND COSMETIC DENTISTRY

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Complimentary child exam and cleaning

T

he youngest of seven kids growing up in Cavalier, ND, Rita Visser learned early what it meant to work hard and be happy no matter where you land. The drive and work ethic she breathes today was molded by four years of

college athletics, two of them at UND-Lake Region in Devils Lake and the final two at Moorhead State. Today she’s a Director at Global Travel GPO Oracle Inc., working as a strategist. She is highly involved in the travel industry, serving on the Board of Directors for the Global Business Travel Association and many advisory groups and the media. She craves something different every day and finds that need fulfilled in her work-related travel. As for happy, Rita is exactly where she wants to be. Married to husband Brian for 17 years, Rita loves anything that has to do with her family and kids, Katey [15], Dalton [13], and Elizabeth [11]. She loves going to their sporting events, concerts, even their parent/teacher conferences. Rita also makes time to be involved in their church and admits she couldn’t survive without her girlfriends.

photos: caitlin killoran photography  | caitlin killoran

rita visser age 44, prairie rose.nd

i would do anything to avoid… anything that has to do with needles, blood, or almost anything medical related. I have passed out more than once at the sight of blood and sometimes even at the thought of seeing blood!

mod mom

been in my life for 20+ years and others I have made during those years. I have friends who live in the metro and some who are in other states. I know they have my back and they know I have theirs. Friends like that aren’t always easy to find.

my best habit…

i wish i could tell my future self…

I’m a planner. Once Sunday night rolls around, I already have it in my head what’s going on for the week, where everyone will be, when they will be there, and how they will get there. If I am helping with an event or party, I will think of the things that people don’t normally consider.

knowing that people are living longer these days, probably to take better care of myself. I don’t go to the doctor when I should, I don’t take care of myself the way I should and I don’t listen to things I don’t want to hear! This isn’t my practice round in life, this is the only one I get!

worst etiquette pet peeve… bad table manners! It’s one thing to see kids with bad manners because maybe no one has taught them, but to see an adult with bad table manners drives me crazy!

my personal motto/mantra… don’t ignore the amazing things all around you and know that what’s ahead, while unknown, will also be amazing.

the holiday tradition that never disappoints…

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

setting the stage, every room in our house has a nativity scene and Christmas tree. When we decorate the house, the Baby Jesus pieces are removed from the scenes and placed in a hiding place. Then, Christmas Eve, after mass when we celebrate His coming, we come home, retrieve the Baby Jesus pieces and place them where needed, in the nativity scenes around the house. Sure, there are times, the wrong Baby Jesus gets placed in the wrong scene, but in the end, it all works out.

no mom/woman should go without…

I have two! Number 1—A good piece of luggage.

Having traveled as much as I have, I can’t count how many pieces were a “one and done.” Invest in a good piece of luggage that won’t leave you standing at the airport trying to find tape and a bag. Number 2—Amazing friends! I have some friends who have december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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mod mom

family time means… that could be anything from time together outside around a campfire at the lake to sitting around on a Sunday night playing cards and eating popcorn.

my kids would tell you i… am THAT mom. I am the one who yells at their sporting events. I am THAT mom who doesn’t hold anything back and who leaves no conversation unsaid.

I am THAT mom who signs us up for things we might not want to do because it will be a “learning experience.” Oh yeah, and that I am crazy!

who knew…

I was Senior Home-Ec student of the year in Cavalier High School?! I know, right? Who would have thought?!

when I daydream it is usually about… www.onthemindsofmoms.com

a clean house that I had nothing to do with, a meal plan that someone has created for us [trust me, we will cook it. I just need ideas and a plan!], and where I want to take the family on our next vacation!

i love to give… experiences. I can’t recall a single present I got as a kid, but I do remember the things we did as a family.

So I take that and give experiences like concerts, trips, nights out, you name it. People have enough “things.” I like to give something memorable.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

Don’t just make your home beautiful, make it last with Wilsonart® laminate. Work Surfaces will work with you and your Designer or Architect. Our showroom, located in historic downtown Fargo, can pave the path to your dream space.

More than just surfaces, create the places where memories are made.

worksurfaces.net • 701.799.2181 facebook.com/worksurfacesllc

7973 Old Mill Oak

december events

open to the public. Space is limited and appointments are required. Please note that it will take a minimum of 30 minutes per car seat per car.

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Christmas on The Prairie 701.282.2822 www.bonanzaville.com

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Lindenwood Park Lights www.fmsertoma.com Drive through Lindenwood Park [1905 Roger Maris Dr, Fargo] and view holiday-light displays sponsored by local businesses from 5:30-10pm. $6 per car, $5 with canned good, and $10 for buses or limos.

3, 10 & 17

Safety Shoppe Car Seat Check 701.234.5570 www.sanfordhealth.org/ ClassesAndEvents

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Saturaday Fun Night 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org Kiddos ages 5-12, prepare for a fun-filled night at the Schlossman Y [4243 19th Ave S, Fargo], 4:30pm-9:30pm! Play four-way ping pong, participate in interactive games in the Xerzone, enjoy games in the Basketball Gym, scale the Climbing Wall, and so much more! Y Members $18, Non-Members $25. Register online or call.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Statistically, four out of five car seats are installed incorrectly. Safe Kids Fargo/ Moorhead conducts Car Seat Check Ups at The Safety Shoppe [601 39th St N, Fargo] from 1:45pm-4:45pm. Trained technicians will be available to assist parents, grandparents, and caregivers with using car seats correctly. Events are free and

Enjoy beautifully decorated Bonanzaville and cookie decorating, Christmas carolers, horse- drawn wagon rides, music, desserts, and photos with Santa. 1pm-6pm.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

5, 6, 9–13, 16–23

10 & 26

Santa & Mrs. Claus open the village at Rheault Farm [2902 25th St S, Fargo] with elves, live reindeer & sleigh rides! December 5 & 6 1pm-7pm, December 9-11 4pm-7pm, 12 & 13 1pm-8pm, 16-18 4pm-7pm, 19 & 20 1pm-8pm, 21 & 22 4pm-8pm, and 23, 1pm-8pm. FREE admission with canned goods, toy, or cash donation.

All ages and abilities are welcome to come make their own Lego creations at our Lego Club. Supplies provided to build, but make sure to bring your imagination! Lego Club meets 6pm-8pm on the 10th and 2pm-4pm on the 26th at the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead].

Santa Village @ Rheault Farm 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com

5 & 12

Santa Fly-In 701.293.8043 www.fargoairmuseum.org Head to the Fargo Air Museum [1609 19th Ave N, Fargo] and see Santa fly in to meet all the good boys & girls!

Lego Club 218.233.7594 www.larl.org/events

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Free Movie Friday www.fargolibrary.org Free Friday Movie starting at 1pm at the Northport Library [2714 Broadway N, Fargo] and Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo]. Title is to be announced. Free popcorn!

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Parents’ Night Out 701.237.4805 www.courtsplus.org Parents! Need a break? We’ll watch your kids! Have them join us for a night of activities, games, sports, dinner, and a movie. All activities will take place at Courts Plus [3491 S University Dr, Fargo], 5pm-8:30pm. Sign up with our front desk to reserve your spot!

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Santa is Coming to West Fargo www.wfparks.org Meet the man himself 5:30pm-7pm at the Veterans Memorial Arena [1201 7th Ave E, West Fargo]. Participate in activities such as taking a picture and visiting with Santa and Mrs. Claus, writing a letter to Santa, making holiday crafts or cards for our Veterans, face painting, or go on a sleigh ride. Hot chocolate will be served. There will be a chance to open skate to Christmas music from 7pm-8:30pm!

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The Y wants to help ease your holiday worries by offering you a night out, kid free! While you’re away, your kiddos, ages 6 weeks-11 years, will enjoy Christmasthemed games in the gym, have access to our Xerzone and Kids’ Gym, and be able to enjoy our Playstation at the Fercho Y [400 1st Ave S, Fargo], 5:30pm-9pm! Y Members $15 for first child, $10 additional, non-members $25 for first child, $15 additional. Register online or call.

Head to the Moorhead Library [118 5th St S, Moorhead] for a new movie release and fresh-popped popcorn at 2pm.

Holiday Parents’ Night Out 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org

Movie Matinee 218.233.7594 www.larl.org/events

december events

28–30

Winter Adventure Days 701.293.9622 www.ymcacassclay.org Kiddos ages 5-12 join us at the Fercho Y [400 1st Ave S, Fargo] and enjoy sledding, arts and crafts, swimming, bowling, and so much more during these three days of winter, 9am-4pm! Join in for one day or all! Y Members $30, non-members $40.

Register online or call.

if you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.

—katherine hepburn

O

OO LS

FA R G

BLIC S C H

PU

The mission of the Fargo Public Schools is to educate and empower all students to succeed. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

The Fargo Public Schools are committed to: • Believing that all students can learn and grow • Creating a supportive and positive school climate • Ensuring that all students receive effective, rigorous, and relevant instruction from highly qualified teachers • Engaging leadership in all student, parent, and community partnerships • Making data-driven decisions for continuous improvement For more information about Fargo Public Schools and its Strategic Plan, visit www.fargo.k12.nd.us or call 701-446-1000.

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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january events 5

Basic Training for New Dads 701.364.8100 www.essentiahealth.org

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Love art, but hate the mess? Bring your child to this interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of take-home projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required.

1pm-3pm at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

Guest speaker Krystle McNeal, a registered dietitian with the ChildcareAlive! program, will share a few practical strategies for introducing new foods to children, including a simple cooking demonstration with moms and their children at lower level of UCC Congregational Church [1101 17th Avenue South, Fargo], 10am-11am. Children who learn to become adventurous tasters are more likely to grow into adventurous eaters.

See how to encourage children to taste [and hopefully eat] healthy foods! Open to all MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead-IR members & welcome to interested newcomers. All are encouraged to attend meetings & to share their thoughts & ideas. We are a non-profit, non-denomination, immunization-required group. Kids are welcome to play in the nursery during the meeting. Snacks provided.

Enjoy and afternoon of fun. From 1pm-5pm, take in a FREE matinee movie, open skate, and much more at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S, Fargo]. Pepsi products and popcorn will be served.

Awesome Art Afternoon 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com

10 & 24

Unraveled Crafters 701.476.5977 www.fargolibrary.org Head to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an informal, enthusiastic crafters’ group for the novice and experts alike. If you are new to knitting or crocheting, we can teach you! All interested crafters are welcome.

Free. Contact Lori West at 701.476.5977 or email lwest@cityoffargo.com for details.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

This one-evening class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm, is designed for ‘Dads to be’ and is taught by an experienced Dad. Topics covered include adjusting to fatherhood, how to support Mom, and basics of infant care.

Classroom location will be posted on a sign in the main hospital lobby. Free event, register online.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

MOMS Café while Kids Play www.facebook.com/ momsclubfargo

Blizzard Bash 701.499.6060 www.fargoparks.com

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School’s Out Day Camp 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org If school is out for the day, come to TNT Fitness [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] to play! The S.O.D.C. ensures your kiddo will receive well over 60 minutes of physical activity, healthy snacks, and a noon meal, quiet reading time, and creative/open play in the gym. Guaranteed to have a fun-filled day and meet new friends!

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It’s Hometown Heroes Night at the rink!

The team will wear custom military jerseys that will be auctioned off live following the game with all proceeds directly benefitting the Wounded Warrior Project. Use promo code: HEROES when purchasing tickets and $3 of each ticket sold will also go back to the WWP. Come on out and support the Force and our Hometown Heroes.

Come network with other stay-at-home moms 10am-1pm at UCC Congregational Church [1101 17th Ave S, Fargo]. Find out more info about MOMS Club of Fargo/ Moorhead-IR and whether it's a good fit for you and your family. There will be a potluck provided by the current members and craft activities for the kids! Immunizations required, non-denominational, non-profit organization.

Spend an inspiring evening at the Holiday Inn Fargo [3803 13th Ave S, Fargo] supporting the 7th Annual ‘In Their Shoes’ event. Help bring awareness and support to All Children with All Abilities in our community. The event features live and silent auction, special guests, wine-and-gift-card pull.

6pm-9pm.

Fargo Force 701.356.7656 www.fargoforce.com

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Frozen Fantasy 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Get ready to create some winter magic by bringing the whole family out to this semi-formal dance affair at the Baymont Inn & Suites [3333 13th Ave. S, Fargo from 7pm-9:30pm. Let it snow outside while you dance the night away in this fantasy land. The evening will consist of music, dancing, and refreshments. Fee: $5 per person and ages 2 & under free.

MOMS Club Open House www.facebook.com/ MomsClubFargo

january events

In Their Shoes 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org

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Fabulous Fashion & Friends 701.293.7273 ww.raccfm.com The Rape and Abuse Crisis Center and My Best Friend's Closet have teamed up to bring you a night of glamour, gal pals, and giving back. Enjoy a delicious dinner, dessert, silent auction, and style show at the Fargo Country Club. Social 5:30pm-6:30pm, Dinner & Style Show 6:30pm-8:00pm. Tickets are $30/person or $300 for a reserved table of 10. Seating is limited. Get yours now!

29–31

Boat & Marine Show 701.241.9100 www.fargoboatshow.com Who doesn’t need a little summer pickme-up in the dead of winter? Head out to the Fargodome [1800 N. University Drive, Fargo] to see the latest and greatest in boats, docks, lake toys, and so much more at the Annual Boat & Marine Show.

Tickets and times vary.

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Family Winter-ific Day 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com Bring the entire family to Edgewood Golf Course [19 Golf Course Ave N, Fargo] from 1pm-4pm and enjoy a winter day outside.

Activities include Clydesdale sleigh rides, free cross-country skiing, and sledding.

All activities during Family Winter-ific Day are free!

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december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Contact: Jenny Schuster 701.729.5851 | JennySchuster@ParkCompany.com Park Co. Realtors 28 N 10th St, Fargo, ND 58102

february events

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Enjoy a snow-filled day of ski clinics, crosscountry skiing, snowshoeing, sledding, ice skating, horse-drawn sleigh rides, a cardboard sled race at Lincoln Drive Park [120 Euclid Ave. Grand Forks] from 10am-4am.

8 & 11

This one-evening class at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo], 6:30pm-8:30pm, is designed for ‘Dads to be’ and is taught by an experienced Dad. Topics covered include adjusting to fatherhood, how to support Mom, and basics of infant care.

Classroom location will be posted on a sign in the main hospital lobby. Free event, register online.

Love art, but hate the mess? Bring your kiddo to this interactive art program to have fun while building a variety of take home projects. All creative materials will be provided. Adult supervision required.

1pm-3pm at Robert D. Johnson Recreation Center [1104 2nd Ave S, Fargo].

Go Red Day www.gorednd.com Heart disease kills 1 in 3 women in North Dakota, but it is highly preventable. Support a heart- healthy lifestyle & wear red all day!

5–6

Monster Jam 701.241.9100 www.monsterjam.com

Car Seat Safety 701.364.8100 www.essentiahealth.org Did you know that 8 out of 10 car seats are installed incorrectly? Car seat safety class is a one-hour class with up-to-date car seat recommendations and car-seat laws. It is suggested you attend this class as early as 6-7 months of pregnancy.

Class is open to parents, grandparents, or caregivers and is taught by a Certified Car-Seat Technician. You do not need to bring your car seat with you to class.

Registration is required. Class is held at Essentia Health [3000 32nd Ave S, Fargo] from 6:30p-8:30p and is free.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Watch your favorite Monster Trucks racing and ripping up a custom-designed track at the Fargodome [1800 N. University Drive, Fargo]. Always a fan favorite, but remember your ear plugs.

Greenway Ski Day 701.746.2750 www.gfparks.org

Basic Training for New Dads 701.364.8100 www.essentiahealth.org

11

Giving Hearts Day www.dakmed.org/ giving-hearts-day 24-hour give-a-thon for charities, when gifts $10 or greater are matched at impactgiveback.org

11

Polar Plunge www.CreativeCare.org In conjunction with Giving Hearts Day, CCRI's Polar Plunge is a unique opportunity for individuals and teams to support the people served by CCRI by collecting pledges and plunging into frigid water!

Awesome Art Afternoon 701.499.7788 www.fargoparks.com

13

Sweetheart Ball 701.232.3980 www.rmhcfargo.org Support the Ronald McDonald House of the Red River Valley at the Holiday Inn [3803 13th Ave S, Fargo], 6pm-11:30pm, with an evening featuring dinner, a live and silent auction, and dancing at this semi-formal event. Tickets are $75.

14

Happy Valentine’s Day Chocolate, flowers…and your sweetie!

ndsu.childvisionlab@ndsu.edu or call (701) 231-5495 or visit www.ndsu.edu/centers/cvcn/labs/balas.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

14

Friends & Family Night 701.356.7656 www.fargoforce.com Come on out for Friends & Family Night at Scheels Arena [5225 31st Ave S. Fargo] and watch the Fargo Force Hockey team take on Omaha Lancers. Did we mention your favorite Star Wars characters will be on hand? Ticket packages are available.

Puck drops at 7:05pm.

14 & 28

Unraveled Crafters 701.476.5977 www.fargolibrary.org Head to the Dr. James Carlson Library [2801 32 Ave S, Fargo], 1pm-3pm, for an informal, enthusiastic crafters’ group for the novice and experts alike. If you are new to knitting or crocheting, we can teach you! All interested crafters are welcome.

Free. Contact Lori West at 701.476.5977 or email lwest@cityoffargo.com for details.

15, 16

School’s Out Day Camp 701.365.8868 www.tntkidsfitness.org

S.O.D.C. ensures your kiddo will receive well over 60 minutes of physical activity, healthy snacks, and a noon meal, quiet reading time, and creative/open play in the gym. Guaranteed to have a fun-filled day and meet new friends!

19, 20, 26 & 27

Knight for a Princess 701.746.2750 www.gfparks.org Experience a night of joy and memories to last a lifetime for a special girl and her escort at the annual daddy-daughter dance at the Alerus Center in Grand Forks! This treasured event is for girls age 16 & under and an escort [daddy, grandpa, or a favorite uncle]. Space is limited. Registration begins December 1, 2015.

25

Painting, Hors d’oeuvres & Desserts 701.781.0042 www.galleryonthego.net Ladies, no art-smarts required! It’s the art of socializing! Come paint “Color of the Night” with friends at UCC Congregational Church [1101 17th Ave S Fargo], 6:30pm-9pm. It’s

If school is out for the day, come to TNT Fitness [2800 Main Ave, Fargo] to play! The

EXPERIENCE THE DIFFERENCE A Community Inspiring Excellence Through Faith, Learning and Service.

Educating the Total Person Through the Prism of Faith

FOR MORE INFORMATION OR PERSONAL TOUR Lori Hager, Admissions Director 701.893.3271 Lori.Hager@jp2schools.org HOLY

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26–28

Home & Garden Show 701.232.5846 www.hbafm.com Spring is in the air…well, almost. Think warm weather and home ideas while visiting exhibits for remodeling, landscaping, and building at the Fargodome [1800 N. University Drive, Fargo].

february events 27

Youth Ice Fishing Derby 701.499.6060 www.fargoparks.com Bring your ice fishing rod and try your luck at the annual Youth Ice Fishing Derby, 1:30pm-3:30pm at the South Woodhaven Pond [4202 Woodhaven Dr S, Fargo], which is stocked with perch, bluegill, and northern pike. Holes will be pre-drilled for participants. This is a catch-and-release event for ages 15 and under. There is no entry fee and there will be free hot cocoa and t-shirts while supplies last.

All event listings displayed within OTMOM are carefully selected to provide diverse options for families. It is always a good idea to call ahead to confirm the information provided. Although it is not possible to list every event happening in the FM area, we encourage organizations to submit events for consideration to events@onthemindsofmoms.com

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guaranteed to bring out creativity, fun, and laughter! Appetizers, desserts, and beverages will be provided! Pre-registration & payment are required under Fundraiser button, then click MOMS Club of F/M-IR. Only $30 per person! 50% of funds benefit MOMS Club of Fargo/Moorhead-IR, whose goal is to support other mothers, families, & our community. Questions, please contact Penelope@galleronthego.com

701.212.1567 MyBestFriendsCloset.biz Mon - Thurs: 10am-6:30pm Tuesday Happy Hours 10% off 4:00 - 6:30 Fri, Sat: 10am-5pm First Sunday of the Month Sept - May: 12-3

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

23

A

young girl’s dream, once thought to be unattainable, is what Blue Daisy Boutique was for Chris Myrvold [40].

Chris is a Moorhead High School graduate, UND Athletic Training grad, former Fast-pitch Softball player from

Wichita State University, and Athletic Administration Graduate School alum. She had zero retail experience, but has always been happiest when doing something creative. In November 2014, with support and encouragement from her husband, Chris combined her creativity and love for clothing and Blue Daisy Boutique sprouted. Blue Daisy Boutique is a multi-brand boutique with something for everyone. It offers sizes ranging from Kids’ 4-14, Men’s S-XXXL, Women’s XS-XXXL, as well as a large variety of shoes, handbags, and jewelry. Blue Daisy offers affordable fashion trends and helps customers incorporate those into their current wardrobes. Chris loves to see people feel confident in their clothing and says helping people pick out items that make them look and feel great is what this journey is all about.

photos: caitlin killoran photography | caitlin killoran

chris myrvold

blue daisy boutique

where did the name Blue Daisy come from?

My grandmother was an art teacher in Valley City and she was always painting daisies. I would go to her house every summer and we would go through her closets, putting outfits together and accessorizing each one.

what makes your store unique?

We don’t just carry women’s clothing; we also have Men’s, Kids, and Plus Size, along with shoes, bags, and accessories.

describe your store in three words?

All-in-one, trendy, affordable.

what brands/designers do you carry?

Men: Buffalo, 7 Diamonds, Dakota Grizzly, Astronomy Women: Ya, Entro, Everly, Staccato, Lush, Noelle, to name a few.

Kids: Flying Monkey Jeans, Locally Grown, Happy Socks

what is the most unique product in your boutique?

Jewelry made by my best friend Shara Diers. Her style is unique and no two pieces are the same.

what is the most popular item/product sold?

Locally Grown T-shirts; we have them for the whole family!

I really like some of the styles that are making a comeback this fall, particularly the midi skirt and high-neck blouses. They are an updated version of clothing my grandmother would have worn.

what is a fashion pet peeve of yours?

Ill-fitting clothing, whether it’s people wearing big baggy clothing, or things that are way too tight.

if you were a color, what would you be and why?

Blue, of course! I love being around water, so it reminds me of being at the lake or vacationing somewhere warm.

what single fashion item should every mom/woman have in her closet?

Something that makes her feel beautiful. Whether it’s a dress, a great pair of jeans, or an everyday jacket, something she can put on and feel confident in. Hopefully it’s her whole closet!

erts in tk p reatik x kkkk E e ng h T r o c o o l n F d itions elvic kinPk k k k k females, males, kidsk ! kk kk&k kkkkkk kkkkkk kk k k Learn more at kk www.apexptwellness.com kkkkkk kkkkkk 701.364.APEX (2739)

1420 9th St. E. Suite 401 West Fargo

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

25

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

if you could bring back any iconic style, what would it be?

mom preneur

mompreneur what qualities do you believe every woman needs to be successful in business?

Organization and the abilities to delegate and to manage time. Organization is key when dealing with kids and their activities, employees, and running a business in general. Women also have to realize we can’t do it all alone and keep our sanity. Asking for help is okay!!

time to relax and reconnect. I also have an amazing nail technician and massage therapist whom I see regularly!

away from the business what might we find you doing?

Either running the kids, Kamden [13], Kenzie [10], Colt [5], and Chase [2], around or enjoying family time at the lake.

if we peek inside your closet, what might we be surprised to find?

I don’t have anything really shocking in my closet, but one thing I don’t have is clothing I don’t wear. I like to wear a variety of things, and if I don’t wear it, I donate it.

how do you make time for yourself?

My husband and I go on a date night every week. We both have such busy lives and we really need that

Blue Daisy Boutique/Blue Steel Men’s Wear 1650 45th St S, Suite 105 Fargo, ND 58103 701.478.6646 www.shopbluedaisy.com facebook.com/shopbluedaisy Instagram.com/bluedaisyboutique Hours: Monday–Friday 10:00am–7:00pm Saturday 10:00am–6:00pm Sunday 12:00pm–5:00pm

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

PARK CHRISTIAN SCHOOL

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shop talk

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do you need a will? the importance of estate planning

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

shop talk story by | jessica foss

I

recently Googled what percentage of parents with minor children have wills. If you don’t have a will, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Good news: you are not alone. More than half of parents with minor children don’t have wills. MORE THAN HALF?!?!

Bad news: that’s NOT an excuse to not make a will. I’m sure most parents out there are like me and my husband, who believe there is nothing more important to us than our children. Period. [Although a glass of wine, after a long day of work and a long evening of getting kiddos bathed and put to bed, is a close second.] And while death, or the thought of it, either directly or indirectly, is an almost everyday occurrence for me as a result of my occupation as an estate planning attorney…I understand that it’s not the most pleasant thing for people to think about. But chances are you also probably understand why having a will is so important.

Your will is where you designate the guardian[s] of your minor children. For some couples this decision is a no-brainer and you are both on the same page.

For other couples it is an extremely difficult decision and can involve disagreements, heartache, and tears.

Regardless, it is a decision that you have the power to make ahead of time. If you don’t have your will done and a guardian becomes necessary for your minor children that decision will be made by someone else.

For those of you who might struggle to choose a guardian, I have one bit of advice: try to remember

1st visit

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that no one is going to be just like you as a parent. Try to figure out who would take care of your children the next best. Also, think of who you want to name as an alternate guardian, in case the individual[s] you have chosen is unable or unwilling to serve as the guardian for your children.

more than half of parents with minor children don’t have wills

Another thing to consider as a parent of minor children is the fact that you probably don’t want your children to get their hands on everything they are due to inherit at age 18 or 21. I know I was the type of 18 year old who wouldn’t have made the best financial choices, and I was a pretty good kid [ok, mostly a pretty good kid]. If that’s the case with your children, then you also likely want your will to include some trust provisions so that you can designate how much control your children should have over assets they might inherit and at what age they should have that control. And if your children don’t have complete control over their inheritance, who does until they reach that designated age? Again, these are decisions that you have the power to currently make in your will.

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december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

31

shop talk And if it turns out down the road you change your mind on some of these decisions, as long as you’re alive and competent you can change your will.

People often ask me why I went into estate planning.

To be honest, I can remember at the age of nine or ten watching an episode of “Matlock” that included a reading of a will, and I knew then that this is what I wanted to do. I had no idea how rewarding this job would be. For my clients I try to make the process as comfortable as possible and it feels great to see the sense of relief on their faces when they have completed their estate plan.

&

If you are wondering how to get started, I will explain what the process looks like when working with me: before meeting with me I have clients fill out a personal and financial intake sheet. This information gives me an idea of the clients’ wishes and personal situation so that I can provide them with the best possible advice moving forward. Once we meet and go through the information [all of which is kept confidential], I will have a better idea of what plan the clients want and can also then provide them with an estimate of costs.

I can’t promise it will be the most fun thing you have ever done, but I will do my best to make sure you feel comfortable and satisfied knowing you have your estate-planning affairs in order.

Jessica Foss is an Estate Planning attorney at Fredrikson & Byron law firm in Fargo. She and her husband, Sean, are head over heels in love with their daughters, Sienna [2] and Sierra [10 months], and only mix their names up on a weekly basis. Jessica loves good food, good wine, live music, and traveling. She’d be lying if she said she loved working out, but she does it anyway, mostly to offset her above-mentioned love for food and wine.

Honoring the Past

Shaping the Future

Make sure you receive important school district information. Register your pre-kindergarten child at https://communityed.moorheadschools.org and select Community Census or call 218-284-3400.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

www.fredlaw.com 701.237.8200 51 Broadway, Suite 400, Fargo jfoss@fredlaw.com

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gettin’ through it

10 www.onthemindsofmoms.com

tips to keep your marriage in tune

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

gettin’ through it story by | seth kinrade

I

started taking piano lessons in second grade. When I first sat at the piano with my feet dangling from the bench, I wasn’t very good. While my parents were always supportive and loved when I would play, I am sure they wished I would progress a little quicker. However, what I lacked in natural ability, I made up for in commitment and dedication. Over time, I did get better.

The longer I played the better I became and the more I loved it. Instead of going note by note and measure by measure, I was able to start seeing the music on the page as a whole and hearing it in my head. The hours of practice, theory, and lessons paid off. The sound coming from the piano was no longer noise, but sweet melody.

Marriage is a lot like making music: without focus, commitment, practice, and intentionality, dissonance can creep in and harmony is lost. Here are ten tips to help keep your marriage in tune. affirm each other often Life can get busy and it is easy to rush out the door in the morning in opposite directions without whispering the words, “I love you.” Don’t give your spouse the opportunity to doubt your affection. Be sure to let each other know you care by affirming each other often. A kiss on the cheek, a note on the bathroom mirror, or an email in the middle of a crazy day are just a few ways you can show each other how much you care.

invest in the relationship Young couples often invest more time and money into their dating relationships than what they can actually afford. Shouldn’t marriage be even more worth the investment of time and resources? Instead of waiting for a rough patch, consider planning events like marriage retreats, date nights, or weekend getaways into your regular schedule. FamilyLife.com is a great resource for finding events that can help your marriage and family thrive. A little time away from the hectic pace of life can help you reconnect and have conversations that count. Consider joining us at Inspiration Point Christian Camp + Retreat Center this February for one of our two Marriage Weekends featuring the Art of Marriage by FamilyLife!

marriage is a lot like making music: without focus, commitment, practice, and intentionality, dissonance can creep in and harmony is lost

Protect him...even if you’re not there Call today to discuss your estate plan

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december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

35

gettin’ through it serve together Volunteering together will get your eyes off yourself and will help you see the needs of others. Find something you and your spouse are both passionate about and get involved. You wouldn’t believe how fun and exciting it is when you are being generous together! Recent studies have shown that volunteering and helping others releases a chemical in the brain called Oxytocin, which helps your body buffer against stress and increases social trust and bonding [1]. make the little decisions together Shortly after our honeymoon, my wife and I were back in the full swing of life. We were hopelessly in love, but didn’t have a clue how to do life together. After several nights of debating what to eat for supper and settling for frozen pizza and popcorn, we decided we needed to have a plan before hunger set in. Good decisions are rarely made on an empty stomach! At the beginning of each month, we plan our meals together and discuss our budget. Making little decisions together has given us great practice for when big and unexpected decisions have come up in our marriage.

unplug Conflict in marriage can easily stem from a lack of communication. Today we have more tools for communication than any other generation in history. If this is true, why do we still fail to communicate our feelings and expectations? Rather than tools for communication, our devices often become distractions. According to a 2014 Pew Report, 25% of cell-phone owners in a marriage relationship felt their spouses were regularly distracted by their cell phones when they were together as a couple [2]. Try unplugging from technology on a regular basis.

Leave the phones, tablets, and computers out of the dining room, family room, and bedroom. There is no substitute for face-to-face conversation. find a mentor couple It‘s naïve to think that any one person would have marriage all figured out. No matter how long you have been married, there will always be conflicts, decisions, and questions that come up in your marriage and catch you off guard. Ask another couple in a stage of life beyond your own to be mentors. Seeking their advice can be helpful when navigating uncharted waters. Invite

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

them to dinner on a regular basis to ask questions, hear stories, and bounce parenting ideas off each other. the no-blame rule Accidents happen, things are forgotten, and mistakes get made. Blaming by no means fixes anything. Blaming can only cause disunity. be quick to offer forgiveness I am sure you have heard the phrase that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick. When one is hurt by a spouse, it can be easy to turn inward, hold a grudge, or try to get even.

These responses have never brought a couple closer together; however, offering forgiveness has the power to bring healing to a relationship. Forgiveness is about restoration; grudges are about revenge. get active Not only is exercise good for your body, but being active together can be good for your marriage. Sign up for a 5K and start running together. The time you spend training will be invaluable. Running can give you an avenue to encourage each other and relate to one another. If running is not your thing, consider walking, riding bikes, geocaching, Frisbee golf, or tennis. Exercising together doesn’t just benefit your relationship, but it can help improve your overall health and self-confidence. According to a 1995 study, couples who exercise together are more likely to stick with their exercise program longer [3]. say thank you Don’t forget, marriage is a blessing. Be sure to say thank you for the things you appreciate in your spouse. Being thankful is one way you can guard against taking your marriage for granted. Big or small, speak up, and say it like you mean it!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Seth grew up in De Witt, IA, and is a transplant to the great state of Minnesota. He graduated from the University of Northern Iowa with a degree in Youth Services and Non-profit Management. As the Marketing and Administration Director at Inspiration Point Christian Camp and Retreat Center in Fergus Falls, MN, Seth is passionate about telling the stories of how God works in the lives of children and families at camp. Seth is husband to Sarah and dad to a beautiful little girl, Nora.

sources: • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/28/health-benefits-ofvolunteering-helping-others_n_909713.html • http://www.pewinternet.org/2014/02/11/ couples-the-internet-and-social-media/ • http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/25/h.keep. marriage.healthy/index.html?iref=24hours december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

37

oh, by the way

thanksgiving progress story by | deb uglem

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

T

here is a crispness is the air and wonderful color on the trees. Halloween has turned to Thanksgiving and unfortunately for many this time of year brings stress. The pressure of the holidays and entertaining can weigh heavily on anyone, especially those of us reaching for perfect-mom status. I used to be that person. So worried about the event of a dinner. Boy, have I changed. I think I would go as far to say that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday [well, at least in the top three]. I love visiting with family and friends, enjoying a great feast, and browsing through ads for Black Friday shopping. I mean you don’t even have to dress up for this holiday. Now, this carefree attitude didn’t just happen. I have been honing these skills for years and to understand my evolution we may have to start at the beginning.

It was my first time hosting Thanksgiving. We were newly married and living in our cute apartment in Chicago. And by cute I mean little and by apartment I mean a house turned into three apartments. Actually, when I think back now, it was more of a hallway than an apartment. Nonetheless, I was very excited that my family was coming for a visit. There would be ten 38

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

adults, two toddlers, and two babies in our quaint space.

I was going to get the chance to use so many wedding gifts—dishes, wine glasses, serving pieces. Another bonus was the good old “told you so” I could throw at my husband. That’s right, we definitely did need and would use the matching serving platters. My head was spinning with Norman Rockwell images. Picture the perfectly set table and me carrying out a turkey on the prettiest platter. Well, mix in fourteen people, 500 square feet, and a newbie cook and what do you get?

Dry turkey, soggy stuffing, and standing room only. It was a disaster. It was the fastest Thanksgiving dinner in history. I think it lasted 15 minutes from start to finish—we ate, did the dishes, and the guests headed back to the hotel that quickly.

Well, the first Thanksgiving was behind me but it left lasting effects and a desire to improve. I worked on my game every year. I tried to perfect Aunt Marie’s bean casserole. My husband claims I never reached that goal, but to this day he has never told me what went wrong.

I mean, seriously, how do you screw up bean casserole?

One year I stuffed the bird, the next year I didn’t. It didn’t seem to make a difference, things were just off. I guess if I am honest these years are somewhat of a blur. I know we celebrated but I can’t be certain of too many of the

oh, by the way details. New jobs, four babies, and three moves in our first five years of marriage overshadowed everything.

dinner I had ever “made.” It was also one of the most relaxing holidays to date.

The next five years were what I call trial and error.

Thanksgiving got better…kind of. The stuffing wasn’t soggy, but it was cold by the time the corn was done. Or the turkey was frozen when it was time to put it in the oven—let’s just say we ate late. I even became somewhat accusatory at times. For example, one mishap year I blamed on the moving company. They totally lost my mixer and ruined our Thanksgiving! Dramatic, I know, but how can any woman mash potatoes effectively with a fork? But I kept telling myself that Thanksgiving would get easier or that I could figure this out.

I am so grateful for everything I have learned over the years. I know now this holiday isn’t about timing when the food is ready or how pretty the table is set. It is about family, friends, and visiting. It’s about enjoying a day and not stressing about being perfect. It’s about acknowledging why you are thankful. So please enjoy your holiday any way you see fit. I understand these concepts now, but I still remain humble, in part due to my family. See, you might think a Thanksgiving feast like my failed first attempt would be easily forgotten, but I will never forget. Because in my house my family has affectionately recalled and discussed my “stuffing soup” for the last 23 years. #familygoals #blessed

So there I was ten years into my marriage and living closer to our families. Everyone knows this means more company at Thanksgiving. Hosting wasn’t my thing and it wasn’t going to get easier by adding more people to the mix. I had to change the game plan. So I instituted different tactics over the next five years.

We took the potluck route one year. It may be telling of my personality, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t have enough control over what was happening. The next strategy was catering the turkey. I made the stuffing, corn, bean casserole, mashed potatoes and gravy, and my husband picked up the turkey right before kickoff, so to speak.

Easier, yes, but I was still up way too early and there was a lot of clean up. The following year I catered all the fixings and made the turkey. Better, but the pick-up of all those items was hard. There were a lot of moving parts, if you know what I mean.

Families Making the Difference

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So last year, over 20 years in, I got it all figured out. Now, I could give you the Real Simple magazine version. The tips of shopping early, making your mashed potatoes ahead of time, and involving your kids in the prep work. I am sure all of these are effective, but I’ll give you my recipe for the perfect holiday. I can sum it up in one word—Costco. I headed to the superstore on Wednesday after work. I picked up a stuffed turkey and all the fixings. I mean, every item I bought was oven ready. Thursday morning I got up, put the potatoes in the crockpot. I was clearly pretending like I made them ahead of time [I am sure I fooled everyone]. I placed everything else in the oven. My husband and I watched the Macy’s parade and drank coffee as our house filled with those wonderful Thanksgiving Day smells. Our guests arrived and we ate exactly when we said we were going to eat. Every item was the perfect temperature. I hate to admit it but it was the best-tasting Thanksgiving

Raised in Finley, ND, Deb has called Moorhead her home for the last 14 years. A graduate of Drake University in Des Moines, IA, with a degree in Journalism and Mass Communications, she is currently Marketing & Communications Director for Wanzek Construction. Deb welcomes the pleasant distraction that writing brings and thanks her children, Jake [22], Tony [21], Nick [21], and Emily [19] for inspiration.

Deb and her husband Tim like to spend their free time with their kids and on the golf course.

A child needs you!

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feeding your family TIP: If cooking and baking aren’t your thing, or even if they are, consider cutting corners any way you can to take the stress out of the holidays. I used to think special occasion meals called for complicated and labor-intensive menus. But that just led to a stressed out host [me!] and hours of extra work. That is no fun for anyone! Now when I plan for a holiday meals, I search for simple but delicious recipes that I wouldn’t make for everyday meals, focusing more on the quality of the ingredients used as well as highlighting the natural flavor of the food I am serving. I think the key to pulling off a well-executed holiday dinner is mastering tried and true techniques rather than utilizing overly fussy methods that you aren’t comfortable doing. Also, eliminate the things your time does not allow you to accomplish or that you don’t care to do. For me, I do not like baking, but I know my kids look forward to our family www.onthemindsofmoms.com

holiday baking day every year. My solution is to just do ONE cookie recipe that I know I can make and everyone loves to eat [the BEST sugar cookie recipe featured in the december.january 2014-15 issue of on the minds of moms]. Any other baked goods I want for the holidays come from the bakery. If you don’t have time to make a turkey or you aren’t sure how to make a turkey, hire one of the local meat markets to cook it perfectly for you. It’s one less thing for you to worry about and more time for you to spend with your loved ones during the holiday season. And, that, my friends, is what it’s all about!

photo: thuen studios | scott thuen

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food for thought

wild rice dressing shared by | kari klingsporn hitterdal

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his savory dressing is heavenly and the woman who shared this recipe with me, my grandmother, is a living saint. At 92 years old, she has raised six of her own children and embraced two step-children, has been married- and widowed- three times, has nearly 30 grandchildren and over 30 great-grandchildren and counting. She still has a knack for making one feel like the most special person she knows when she is with you. How in the world she smiled through holidays with literally dozens of people sleeping all over her house while she cooked wonderful meals and took time for hugs and chats for all those years truly amazes me. I asked her for this recipe before I hosted my first Christmas dinner years ago, but made a few changes, like adding more herbs and omitting the giblets! I don’t live nearby her these days so our visits are few, but you can bet I always serve my giblet-free version of her wild rice dressing at every holiday meal, fondly thinking of my dear grandma.

you need: ½ pound sliced mushrooms 2 cups chopped celery 2 cups chopped onions 1 cup butter 6 cups toasted bread cubes [gluten free bread works well in this recipe!]

1 cup chopped and toasted pecans 1 Tablespoon sage 1 Tablespoon thyme 1 teaspoon salt, or to taste 1 teaspoon pepper [freshly ground is best] 1 cup cooked wild rice 1 to 1 ½ cups chicken or vegetable broth ½ cup chopped water chestnuts [optional]

how to: 1. Saute the mushrooms, celery, and onions in ½ cup of the butter until the vegetables are soft.

2. Combine the bread cubes, pecans, sage, thyme, pepper, and salt.

3. Add the vegetable-butter mixture and toss until moist but not soggy, adjusting the amount of broth as needed.

4. In the meantime, saute the fully cooked wild rice with ½ cup butter. Add broth and simmer 5 minutes.

5. Combine everything, adding the water chestnuts if using, stir thoroughly.

6. Bake in a buttered 9x13 glass pan in oven at 350° for about 45 minutes, covered, then finish uncovered until lightly browned on top, about 15 minutes. Makes 12 cups. *Fresh herbs are really nice to use to give the flavor a boost, but dried herbs work great, too. Use more or less of the seasonings according to your taste. I like to use a little more, but if you are not sure, start with just a teaspoon each of the sage and thyme and see how you like it. This recipe works well in a crock pot, too, if you are cramped for oven space. Also, stirring in ½ cup or so of dried cranberries or a cup of crumbled and cooked sausage when you combine everything together make nice additions to this hearty dressing.

O

riginally from Chicago, Illinois, and growing up with an older sister and a younger brother, Vincent Williams made his way to the FM area via Moorhead State University, earning Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees while

he played four years of football for the Dragons. Following college Vincent began his profession as a paraprofessional at Ben Franklin Middle School. Two years later he became a social studies teacher at Fargo North High School. He taught there for over ten years while he was actively involved in coaching high school and middle school football, as well as wrestling, boys’ basketball, and track within the Fargo Public Schools. Most recently he attended North Dakota State University for his Administration Credentials and is currently the Assistant Principal at Lincoln Elementary School in Fargo. Married to Heidi, wife of six years, Vincent enjoys reading, working out, and playing Mario Kart with the kids, Brooklyn [5] and Briggs [2].

photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

vincent williams age 35, west fargo.nd

rad dad

three words that best describe me as a dad…

never did i think…

loving, affectionate, and hands-on.

I would still be living in the FM Area after college.

i have always wondered…

the footwear that best describes me…

how I wound up with such a beautiful family.

flip-flops because I have a laid-back personality.

the most surprising thing about parenthood…

i have a hard time…

for me has been that I never get to use the bathroom in peace.

saying ‘no’ to my daughter Brooklyn.

i’m most humbled by…

is in the morning when I pray and read my Bible.

my most favorite time of day…

the fact that two special kids call me “Dad.”

Enjoy the Holidays WITH SIMPLE, HEALTHY SOY IDEAS!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

North Dakota Soybean Council Our World Is Growing.

www.ndsoybean.org

For free recipes and information on soyfoods,

call 1-888-469-6409 or email swolf@ndsoybean.org www.ndsoybean.org december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

43

rad dad the greatest act a man can do for his lady… is to put her needs before his.

the craziest gift i have given… was a Prince music DVD to my aunt Loretta. She’s a huge fan!

the show i am not at all embarrassed to admit i watch…

Rehab Addict on HGTV.

my true hero is…

Jesus Christ.

my best husband quality is… communication. Heidi and I make it a point to never go to bed angry.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

one day i want my kids to experience… graduating from college.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

January 28, 2016 at the Fargo Country Club

Social ~ 5:30-6:30 p.m. • Dinner & Style Show ~ 6:30-8 p.m.

Tickets are $30/person or $300 for a reserved table of 10 The Rape & Abuse Crisis Center and My Best Friend’s Closet have teamed up to bring you a night of glamour, gal pals and giving back. Enjoy a delicious dinner, dessert, silent auction and style show.

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Purchase tickets online at raccfm.com. Seating is limited. Get yours right away!

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just a thought

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

just show up 46

on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

just a thought story by | kathleen wrigley

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ife will knock us down. And sometimes it takes Herculean strength to get back up. We don’t have to look too far in any direction—churches, TEDx talks, professional conferences, movies, books—to hear motivational speakers and stories revealing triumph over tragedy and success over sadness. I have been given a platform and countless opportunities to chronicle my life victories: surviving a broken, complicated, troubled childhood; my brother’s murder and the following 24-year fight for justice; and my own health journey through three brain surgeries to fix an aneurysm. Each time I am invited to speak, I am already standing. Victoriously standing. We hear lots of accounts of conquests, but rarely witness the middle chapters—the guts of the story. It’s impossible to predict what our middle chapters or struggles will be, but we do get to write the final script. What’s that saying? “It’s not how you fall, it’s how you get back up.”

carries on in what seems like warp speed. And because life keeps moving, the responsibilities and obligations remain. It’s okay; and it’s probably a good thing. Life’s duties—be it taking care of children, getting up and going to work, feeding your family, paying your bills… writing this column—urge us to SHOW UP. We don’t have to be perfect. We just have to show up. There is enormous progress in just showing up. Each time

if you’re reading this, and you’re struggling right now, please don’t give up. you’re not alone.

The pain and shock may leave us paralyzed by the hit. And while we lie in a heap, the rest of the world

In 2015, the Lend A Hand program partnered with caring community members to help 47 of our neighbors. With your year-end gift to Lend A Hand, we can help more local families in medical crisis.

Since 2008, more than $10 million raised for Cass and Clay families! 100% of gifts are distributed. www.onthemindsofmoms.com

www.dmflendahand.org | 701.356.2661 Lend A Hand is a program of Dakota Medical Foundation. december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

47

just a thought we show up we grow stronger. And the steps forward get easier.

I do know this: fear will cripple us. Despair will bring defeat. When hopelessness sets in, it gets dark. If you’re reading this, and you’re struggling right now, please don’t give up. You’re not alone. Time and hope and faith are precious gifts that will soften your pain. Cling to them.

I have devoured just about every piece written about hope and rising again after falling. Human beings fall.

Life is messy. But we will stretch and grow when we’re in the trashiest trenches of life. That’s a promise.

And, as it turns out, I read that there’s a name for this progress: post-traumatic growth [PTG]. The field of psychology has long focused on trauma’s harmful outcomes, like post-traumatic stress disorder. This I’d like to share a real-life story with you about the term, post-traumatic growth, was created by two overused and rarely understood word hope. Hope reveals professors of psychology at the University of North itself in a host of odd, inspiring, and breathtaking ways.

Carolina, Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, Several years ago—when we lived in Fargo—our sink both PhDs. I read about this with such interest because was clogged. Drew disassembled the drain and found I know through my own life experiences that people can a corn stalk growing and thriving and demanding our survive—and even thrive—after inexplicable trauma and attention—in the middle of the cesspool of garbage that hard circumstances. I will call these two psychologists gathers in a drain. One tiny kernel of corn got stuck “hope researchers.” They determined what I already in the junk-infested trench. It was nourished only by know to be true, that after trauma people “…don’t have a single ray of light—for a fraction of each day—that to return to a baseline, which is what happens with shone from the window above the sink. With that little resilience. They can change in fundamental, dramatic ray of sunlight, it grew large enough to clog the channel ways. They can be better, more humble, wiser human and make a memorable statement. beings who are more fully and actively living.” This is our path. This is our hope.

Thank you to the heroes, life survivors, who courageously share their stories of hope. Keep sharing. Our world needs to hear from you. Thank you, world—all of you, who pray for and encourage, lift and support, love and hug, or even just smile at each other. When you’re clogged in the trenches of the garbage of life, force yourself to just show up, then squint to find that one ray of sunshine to nourish you through your post-traumatic growth.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Kathleen serves on a number of community and statewide boards, committees, and leadership councils, and enjoys volunteering in church, in her kids’ school, and community programs/events. Kathleen is passionate about victims’ rights and helping to promote balance and fairness in the criminal justice system. She is also deeply interested in advocacy, education, programs, and research relating to the protection of children. Fitness is an integral part of Kathleen’s daily routine and helps her sustain her own mental health! Kathleen’s column “ just a thought” has been a regularly occurring piece in “on the minds of moms” since 2009. This Philadelphia native is married to a fourth-generation North Dakotan and ND’s Lieutenant Governor, Drew, and proudly considers North Dakota her home. They have three children. Before becoming a mom, she was director for Bismarck’s Child Advocacy Center and was a speechwriter. Kathleen received a BS from Pennsylvania State University and completed her graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

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PEPPERMINT FACIAL FOR $75

the right busy photos: rialee photography | ria czichotzki

elma imamovic

story by | sheri kleinsasser stockmoe

E

lma loves this time of year, but not for the stereotypical reasons you might think this 25-year old mother of two would consider important. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Elma will knock on over 100 doors. As the doors open, some faces will be familiar, but for many this will be the first time they meet in person. “Hi, I’m Elma. We spoke on the phone,” she will explain with a smile. Then she will extend a basket filled with abundance that will also offer the recipients the opportunity to smile, feel valued, and simply exhale during a time of year that can be anything but joyful for a family in need. Why does she take time out of her hectic schedule to do this?

Because she knows the impact of receiving kindness from unexpected places.

the right busy “Crazy busy!” is how Samantha Walters describes her friend Elma Imamovic. And Elma can’t disagree.

decided to pursue immigration to the United States.

Piles of paperwork, physicals for each member of the family, and countless meetings ensued. “My parents literally worked day and night to get us here,” Elma says of coming to the U.S.

“If I'm not busy, nothing makes sense to me,” Elma explains with a smile. “I guess it's just how my brain is programmed to work.” She is wife to Semir, mother to Liam [3] and Aidan [19 months], full-time college February 4, 2000, as one of the last groups of people student in Finance, student-government Treasurer, allowed to leave Bosnia after the war, the family arrived part-time photographer, and avid volunteer. Keeping in Fridley, Minnesota, with no idea of what to expect. herself busy is something she attributes to a valuable They had little money and spoke no English. Elma started learned skill. “When I was growing up, we were in the third grade as her sister and brother began second middle of a war,” says the Bosnia-born native. “We grade and kindergarten, respectively. “We were really didn't have access to TV, books, or coloring. We had nervous,” Elma remembers of the first day of school. to stay inside our house because it was too dangerous “We didn't know anything!” But that quickly changed. outside. We had to find ways to stay busy.”

“Within five months my sister and I spoke enough After WWII the Balkan states of Bosnia-Herzegovina, English that we didn’t need to be in an ESL [English as Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, and Macedonia a Second Language] class,” Elma proudly says. Mirza became part of Yugoslavia. Due to several factors, quickly turned into a basketball fan, especially when including ethnic tensions, the Bosnian war was he found out he shared a birthday with Timberwolves essentially fought because Serbs and Croats living in star Kevin Garnett. “He loved basketball and totally Bosnia wanted to annex Bosnian land for Serbia and fell in love with Kevin Garnett,” Elma remembers as Croatia. It is estimated there were 100,000 casualties she shares a photo of Mirza wearing an oversized KG during this unrest, which lasted from 1992 to 1995. jersey as a young boy.

Although she was young, born in 1990, Elma has many memories of the war. She remembers her parents leaving her and her younger sister, Belma, alone at night when they went to retrieve water from the river. The night darkness offered protection from the ammunition showers present in the daylight. In 1995, while at her grandmother’s home, Elma remembers hearing the whistle of bullets flying through the air along with the first cries of her brother, Mirza, after his birth.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

“I've seen dead bodies and body parts as a child, and puddles of blood on the streets. It was very common at the time,” Elma shares. “But I don't feel like it had a negative impact on me. Thinking back, I'm sure it was terrifying at the time, but then we came to the United States and we didn't have any of that…it didn't seem all that scary anymore.” a new home Elma started school the year after the ceasefire was signed in Bosnia. “There was still a lot of turmoil and things up in the air after the war ended,” she says. “The country was just pretty much destroyed. Leadership didn't make sense. Nobody was on the same page.”

Elma’s parents wanted more for their children and

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

While the family became accustomed to their new home, Elma remembers the various ways strangers generously provided for her family. “We had a church give us furniture," she says. “There were so many people willing to separate from these items to give them to somebody in need.”

Elma also remembers their first Minnesota winter, when her family was chosen by the local PTO to be the recipient of the annual Christmas gift given to a deserving family attending the school. Part of the gift included winter coats for each of the kids and a gift card to Kohl’s. “It was the first time we were there because we couldn't afford to go shopping at a store like this.

We were walking around lost because all of a sudden we could buy some of these things that were like $40 to $50,” Elma says of their first trip to the department store. Her parents were able to get beautiful winter coats and the kids left excitedly with new boots and snow pants. “We came home and both of my parents were crying,” Elma recalls. “My mom and dad lost lots of friends in the war. We'd seen so much in Bosnia and then we came here and we had all these people willing to help us...it was overwhelming.” And it left a lasting impression on Elma.

the right busy

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

willing the right tobusy hear the flag “When I came here my parents said ‘school, school, school, school,’” Elma says of the standard set in her home growing up. Education and hard work were the expectations. “I was not hanging out with friends. My sister and I never had a sleepover,” she explains. “I was working my first job during my senior year because I had to pay for my own bills. I'm grateful that my parents taught us to do those things. Because now, parents give kids everything. I know I can't do that for my kids.”

hated Snickers,” Elma says with a laugh. “We just ate so many Snickers. But that's how I remembered the American flag.”

Elma did very well in school, but she was uncertain of her next step after graduation. “I loved school. I loved reading. But I didn't feel ready for college. I wanted to do something more productive,” she explains. Elma received some direction while passing an Army recruiter booth set up at her high school. “Seeing the flag patch on his Army Combat Uniform made me turn around, stop, and look.” It also brought Elma back to Bosnia.

“During the war, I always remember seeing the little flag on the American soldiers’ shoulders. They were in Bosnia for peace keeping and would hand out Snickers bars all the time. It came to the point where my mom

the war. I enlisted into service as a 21 Charlie, the same position of the bridge builders in the military. One of my drill sergeants knew a couple of the people who worked on that bridge in Bosnia and he told me the whole story about it. I was like, ‘wow!’ You don't get that much information being in the city unless you're actually doing all of that hard work.”

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

Throughout her senior year, Elma continued to think about the armed forces. She did her research and came to the conclusion that joining the Army offered her the best opportunity to meet her goal of being productive.

And while it wasn’t her intent, she was also brought back to her Bosnian roots. “In my city in Bosnia, the combat engineers built a bridge that was ruined during

Elma proudly served her new country but her time was cut short after her father suffered complications from diabetes and an accident at work. “It was literally the worst time ever,” she explains. “I needed to come home.”

the right busy Being back home not only helped her family when they needed it, it also allowed for a chance meeting at a one-year-old’s birthday party. basket of kindness Elma was excited to attend the birthday party of her friend’s son. “I was friends with the wife, and Semir was there because he knew the husband, “Elma explains. “But we did not know each other until meeting there.” Elma and Semir clicked right away. They had a lot in common, including that Semir’s family had also emigrated from

As the seasons began to change and the holidays approached, the new bride felt a tug at her heart to help families in need. “As I have gotten older, my parents have shared more stories about their struggles,” Elma says.

“As I heard more stories about my family and Semir’s family I felt so bad and thought about the people who helped us when we came to the U.S.” She wanted to do

The 2015 holiday season will mark the fourth year Elma has provided holiday food baskets to families in our community. Each year she reaches out to local school

administrators, explaining that she would like to provide deserving families in their schools with a meal basket that will allow them to prepare a traditional holiday meal during Thanksgiving and Christmas. The schools welcome Elma’s generosity and approach potential recipient families. Once a family accepts the meal basket, Elma calls them personally to learn about them.

How big is the family, what are the ages of the kids, do they have any dislikes or food restrictions, and when can Elma drop off their basket? Each basket includes the fixings for a traditional holiday meal. Turkey and/

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Bosnia to the U.S. when he was a young boy. About a year after meeting, the couple were married and made their home in Fargo where Semir and his family have lived since coming to the U.S.

the same. And although providing furniture and other big ticket items wasn’t something she felt she could accomplish, she knew how she could make an impact.

“There are always families in need of food. So I started providing meal baskets and I figured if it's during a holiday, it will be one less thing for these families to stress about.”

the right busy or ham, pie crusts and filling, vegetables, and bread are typical components.

Elma is able to provide the baskets based on food and monetary donations from local grocery stores, businesses, and various individuals. She also leans on a group of volunteers willing to give of their time and talents to pack the baskets and help with delivery.

The only requirement to receive a basket is based on another lesson she learned from her parents. “The only thing a family has to do is provide a thank-you letter,” Elma says. She then puts the letters in a book and takes them to the various entities which provided donations or volunteered their time, so “people can see what a good thing it is they are doing.”

“Her heart is just enormous,” says Samantha, who has helped with the food baskets, of her friend. “She truly cares about others and those around her. She offers so

much of her time, with the expectation of nothing in return. Just being around her is uplifting and always leaves me with a smile.”

Last year, Elma provided 65 meals at Thanksgiving and another 72 at Christmas time. How many more would she like to provide? “There's always room to do more,” she says with a smile. “You wouldn't believe how many people actually struggle with something as small as a meal.”

While Elma is very focused on being the giver, she cannot discount what she is able to receive. “I get to meet so many cool families,” Elma gushes as she reflects on the hugs, laughs, and sometimes tears exchanged. “These families don't just let you come to their doors and drop a box off. Some of them will literally have a whole art project from the kids waiting for you. We have a mom in West Fargo, whom I've been helping the entire time

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

Would you like to help Elma with Holiday Baskets? To learn more, make a donation, or volunteer your time, contact Elma directly at ekimamovic@hotmail.com.

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

the right busy I've been doing this, who always gives us a box of Queen Anne cherries when we deliver her meal basket.”

With Elma’s background, she has a lot she could share with the families she helps. She could offer lessons she’s learned along the way, or be an example of inspiration.

But Elma doesn’t offer up any of that. “It's not about me,” she quietly says. “I’m just there to help them.” the future “My sister is very caring, hardworking, and loves to make people smile,” Belma admiringly says. “My parents did a great job teaching us right from wrong and to always help someone if we can and to never expect anything in return. They taught us to appreciate the little things in life.”

Elma is focused on teaching her sons those same lessons and she hopes her Bosnian heritage will also have an impact on how her sons see her and their family. “They have me, my husband, my sister, and their grandparents who can tell them what we remember about Bosnia,” Elma says. “I'm hoping when they hear our stories, they can say, ‘wow, I didn't grow up this way, but my parents

had to go through some really bad stuff. Luckily it didn't have a negative effect on them.’ They will see that we took all the things we saw and had to go through and we became someone to be proud of.”

As Elma looks toward the future she sees her holiday baskets growing. She sees herself continuing her photography. She sees a more active role in student government. She sees herself using her Finance degree in an organization focused on helping people. Yes, she sees herself busy!

“This woman does so much while still finding time to focus on her family,” Samantha says. “Her photography is amazing. Her family loves her. She goes to school. She donates her time and energy…I mean really, is there anything this woman can’t do? You would have to look long and far to find someone like Elma.”

Someone who is busy…busy loving her family, furthering her education, capturing memories through the lens of a camera, and providing families hope and compassion disguised as a holiday meal. Yes, Elma is busy, and for all the right reasons.

JOIN CCRI

BE BOLD! BRAVE THE COLD! 2016

JUMP IN!

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

FEB. 11

Join us and take the plunge for people with disabilities in our community at the annual CCRI Polar Plunge!

Visit www.CreativeCare.org for details.

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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ready, set, grow

story by | patricia carlson

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he twinkling lights, aroma of pine, and sounds of familiar carols can only mean one thing—the holiday season is here! There is nothing more beautiful than witnessing Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you celebrate, through your child’s eyes. They marvel at gigantic Christmas trees, proudly sing along to ‘Jingle Bells,’ and rifle through wrapping paper once given the go ahead.

It’s easy to get caught up in the commercial side of the season. We all do it, and that’s okay. But the holidays are also a prime opportunity to remind your children that not everyone may be as blessed as they are. We’re not talking about sitting them down for the old “Don’t You Know How Lucky You Are?” speech; instead, we’ve come up with some interactive ways to help you instill a giving spirit in your kiddo at any age.

attitude of gratitude instill a giving spirit at any age

ready, set, grow

a 2010 study by the corporation for national and community service ranked minnesota as the third best volunteerism state, with a volunteer rate of 37.5%!

wee ones [0–18 months]

M

ost of the time, these precious bundles will be blissfully unaware of all the holiday hubbub going on around them. If you’re a first-time parent, however, you might be experiencing the first hint of consumption fever. It’s normal to want to celebrate baby’s first Christmas and give her lots of gifts - go ahead. But for every new present you bring home, consider donating a gently used item to a local shelter. It’s a generous way to give back AND keep from getting overwhelmed with tons of baby gear.

shower your love Thanksgiving butterballs and Christmas Eve cherubs are certainly happy additions to any family. We know you’re going to have a baby shower—why not ask guests to bring an additional tiny token [$10 and under] for brand-new holiday babies who may not have much?

Ask any maternity ward employee and they’ll tell you: babies are born here everyday who don’t have enough essential items at home. As you cradle your new bambino, you can take extra comfort in knowing that you helped more babies have a healthy and safe start to life.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

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Wishing you JOY this Advent & Christmas season!

St. Joseph’s School Enrollment begins February 1, 2016 Schedule a tour with Andrew at (218) 233-0553 or ahilliker@stjoesmhdschool.com Visit us anytime at www.sjs-saints.com

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

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performance ahead of time and get proper clearance.

tots

[18 months–3 years]

A

nyone who has kiddos these ages knows one thing for sure: they are pleasers. Boy, do they love to make people happy! From silly faces and naked escapes from the tub to gentle back rubs and help with the vacuuming, tots will make you laugh with how eager they are to “do it myself!”

We say, go for it! Harness their energy and create a couple of DIY holiday-themed projects. Here’s some ideas: • Bake cookies for an elderly neighbor • Make handmade tree decorations and deliver them to a nursing home • Collect old towels and bring them to an animal shelter • Decorate plain gift bags with holiday-themed stickers and donate them to a homeless shelter

put on a show So your little guy loves to put on impromptu puppet shows? And your daughter will rock out to Frozen any chance she gets? These talents can be put to good use during the holidays by staging performances at various places throughout the community. Check with local nursing homes, the VA hospital, Salvation Army, bible-study groups, or a variety of other places filled with folks who could use a little cheering up. You could even reach out to your child’s playgroup or daycare friends and families to see if they’d like to coordinate a show with you.

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writing can be difficult for elderly people and some folks with certain disabilities. call a local nursing home or an agency that advocates for people with disabilities, and see if you and your kiddos can be matched with someone who needs help writing thank-you notes.

preschoolers [3–5 years]

T

his is the Gimme age. As in “Gimme this!” and “Gimme that!” Kids can’t help but be caught up in the commercialism of the holidays. They see it in every store you go into while running errands and during every TV show filled with ads telling kids, “You Must Have This Toy!” While wanting what they see, or what their friends have, is a routine part of a child’s development, teaching your child gratitude and a giving spirit is [or should be] a routine part of parenting.

You can set the tone for developing an attitude of gratitude by simply acknowledging what your child already does. Did he help a friend get on her coat? Did she smile and chat with the boy with Down Syndrome in the checkout line? Did he offer to help bring in the grocery bags? All of these seemingly small moves have lasting impacts and your child deserves to hear how his kindness is actually an act of giving.

• Crisis Intervention www.onthemindsofmoms.com

• Individual and Group Counseling • Community Education 24-Hour Crisis Line: (701) 293-7273 www.raccfm.com

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

manners matter Extra kudos to you if you make it point to perform similar small acts of kindness. After all, your kiddo is watching your every move and will mirror what she sees from you.

One of the most important moves you can make to help instill a sense of gratitude in your kids is to write thank you notes and help your preschooler write his/ her own thank you notes, too. Saying thank you is an important social skill, but it often needs to be taught and reinforced many times over before it becomes a regular part of your child’s repertoire.

Make sure you write thank you notes to each other, too.

Tell your kiddos how grateful you feel for the gifts you received and thank them for thinking of you. As you help your children write their thank you notes, make sure you have them explain what they like most about the presents they opened.

check out myfirstlink.org for a list of resources in fargomoorhead that may be looking for volunteers, assistance with

ready, set, grow

projects, or help with fundraising needs during the holidays.

big kids [6–9 years]

B

y now your kid has likely developed her own interests.

Use that to your advantage [and someone else’s] during the holidays. Set aside a special one-on-one time to talk, maybe after dinner or during a lunch break while holiday shopping. Ask her what she thinks the holidays are all about. Listen to her answers. Hopefully, she’ll surprise you by mentioning a giving spirit, but if not, a gentle reminder about people who are less fortunate than she is appropriate. Then ask her if she’d like to do a holiday project together. Ask her if there is someone or something that she would like to support, and once you have a few options, brainstorm together for ways you can give back.

take turns Christmas morning can be a frenzy. Kids race downstairs, wrapping paper starts flying, and in ten minutes, the show is over. It doesn’t have to be this way, nor should it.

Tearing into gifts is fun, yes, but so is watching a person open a gift you thoughtfully picked out. It teaches patience and respect, something kids these ages are still learning. You can embrace this by taking turns opening gifts on Christmas morning. Each person opens one present and then waits until everyone else has opened a gift before taking another turn.

You can also deem one person “Santa Claus” and have him dole out the gifts from under the tree.

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many non-profit organizations have a minimum required age for volunteers. check their websites for volunteer requirements before signing up to help.

tweeners [10–12 years]

E

very school has a solid portion of students who qualify for some sort of assistance, like free or reduced-cost lunches. While most kids are celebrating the arrival of the holidays, these kiddos may be experiencing added stress or anxiety because they know they might not be able to afford a gift for their moms, dads, or other guardians, no matter how badly they want to buy one.

You don’t necessarily have to draw attention to that fact, but you may want to have a conversation with your child about the differences in our society and how not every kid grows up the same way. It’s important to ask your kids if they’ve noticed any examples of this, and really listen to their answers. Again, this is not the time for preachiness, but for having a real conversation about a difficult, sometimes uncomfortable, topic.

so what are you gonna do about it?

The conversation shouldn’t end there, though. Your child needs to feel empowered that he can make an impact on other people’s lives. Here’s one way he can do it, writes EducationWorld.com: Your child can ask school administrators if he can set up a few holiday gift-collecting boxes throughout the school. Students can drop off as many new or gently-used items as they wish.

The gifts will then be collected and each student who qualifies for some sort of assistance will be invited to a private event where they can select a present for a special person in their lives.

The whole point of an exercise like this is to help your child understand that one person can make a difference. Just because they are young, doesn’t mean they can’t make an impact on their friends, school, or community as a whole.

Sources:

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

• http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf/Better_Living/Charity/Advice/Teaching-KidsAbout-Holiday-Giving.html • http://www.heraldextra.com/momclick/parenting/teaching-kids-an-attitudeof-gratitude/article_ebb9d660-e744-58d4-882e-8f60dc6d9da2.html • http://myfirstlink.org/serivces/volunteer/ • http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/ social-emotional-skills/get-giving-spirit • http://www.educationworld.com/a_lesson/lesson/lesson292.shtml • http://www.drgreene.com/perspectives/ teach-your-kids-the-spirit-of-giving-this-holiday-season/ • http://www.momeomagazine.com/parenting-101-teaching-kids-the-spiritof-giving-holiday-lessons-on-the-importance-of-charity/ • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-sack-md/gratitude_b_2277960.html

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on the minds of moms | december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen

ready, set, grow

since 2007 the impact institute of the impact foundation has provided volunteer management training to 35 nonprofits to help them more effectively recruit, place, train, and retain volunteers.

teens [13–18years]

A

ll right, teens, we’re talking to you here. As much as we want you to be involved in your community, we also want to make sure you say, “Thanks!,” to the people who stand behind and beside you everyday. Whether that’s your mom or dad, grandparent, manager at work, coach, or mentor, the holidays are an ideal time to tell them how much they mean to you.

Remember those thank-you note lessons from your preschool days? Now’s the time to up the ante.

We’re big fans of the handcrafted, sentimental gift. An Appreciation Journal is a wonderful way to remind that special adult in your life how much he means to you.

After all, you’ll be off to college soon and you probably couldn’t have done it without him.

Patricia Carlson, known as Tricia, is a freelance writer who splits her time and talent between Content Marketing and editorial journalism.

Don’t ask this Medill School of Journalism grad to choose which one she loves more! She’s been writing professionally for more than a dozen years; check out LinkedIn for a roster of clients, past and present. When she’s not interviewing sources or researching trends, she’s living a fast-paced Florida life questioning the antics of her two young children, partner, and mischievous cat. You can learn more about Tricia at www. patriciacarlsonfreelance.com.

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For information on our estate planning services, contact Jessica Foss at 701.237.8235.

www.onthemindsofmoms.com

An Appreciation Journal is exactly like it sounds—a thank-you note on steroids. Every other day, write [no typing, please!] a different entry based on a memory, event, or lesson you learned from your parents. Here’s some possible entries: • My Favorite Holiday Memory • Funniest Family Story • What I Love Most About My Parents • The Biggest Lesson I Learned from my Parents • My Favorite Childhood Memory

the culmination of everything else we hopefully taught you through the years: • Giving is better than receiving • Put your talent and energy into making other people feel good • Write thank-you notes • Enjoy the moment • Find a way to make an impact

Believe us, a gift like this will definitely set off the waterworks and become an immediately treasured memento. And when you think about it, an Appreciation Journal [or some other handmade, thoughtful gift] is 701.237.8200

Jessica Foss

december • january twenty fifteen-sixteen | on the minds of moms

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