Dec/Jan 2021 On the Minds of Moms

DECEMBER | JANUARY 2021

Inside:

BRITTANY SCHANK KNOWS BEING HERSELF BRINGS OUT THE BEST CONNECTIONS | 26 The valley’s

for today’s

CONTENT

IN EVERY ISSUE

EDITOR'S NOTE........................................................ 7 SHUTTERBUG............................................................. 17

Ten Little Chickens Photography

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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CONTENT

44

SECTIONS RESOURCES

Connect, find help, get answers, make a difference........................................ 42

READY, SET, GROW

Find out where you kids fall on the sleep spectrum.................................................... 44

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CONTENT

FEATURE & PROFILES MOD MOM

Amy Longtin....................................................................................... 8

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES

When it comes to my last baby, I’m letting go of holding on.................................................. 12

PANDEMIC WORKFORCE

Ongoing pandemic is forcing many moms out of the workforce.................................................. 18

MOM HACKS

Create Christmas magic with gift boxes full of fun and homemade treats..................................... 22

COVER STORY

Brittany Schank knows being herself brings out the best connections...................................... 26

RAD DAD

Devlyn Brooks................................................................................ 36

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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PUBLISHER Forum Communications Company

EDITOR Mary Jo Hotzler mhotzler@forumcomm.com

MANAGING EDITOR Danielle Teigen danielle.teigen@forumcomm.com

WRITERS Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft Danielle Teigen Jessica Rerick Melissa Davidson Paula Quam Tracy Briggs

ADVERTISING Mark Von Bank adfeatures@forumcomm.com

DESIGN AND LAYOUT Sara Slaby specialsections@forumcomm.com

PHOTOGRAPHY Renee Clasen

CONTENT INQUIRIES moms@forumcomm.com

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MISSION AND VISION On the Minds of Moms is dedicated to providing a community of local support and real-life advice for the modern mom who is on the go and needs to know. We are inspired to help the woman behind “the mom” balance it all by offering support, validation and reassurance she is a good mom wanting only the best for herself and family.

On the Minds of Moms is an online community and magazine for and about local moms. We strive to achieve a balance between useful information and entertaining content. Written to serve as the local reading alternative to family magazines that are produced for a national audience.

On the Minds of Moms contains views from across the parenting spectrum. These views do not necessarily reflect those of the publisher. All activities listed in these pages are at your own risk and require appropriate supervision.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

End of the year MARY JO HOTZLER

brings opportunity to reflect, look ahead

F

rom pandemics to politics, this year has been one of epic change. Not one of us has been immune from the disruption of change, or at the very least, the distraction of it all.

Over the past few weeks, we have been

And yet, change isn’t always bad.

Sometimes it’s a catalyst for something even better; sometimes it’s necessary.

managing editor Danielle Teigen, will

We’re having our own conversations here at On the Minds of Moms about change.

One year ago, Forum Communications Company assumed ownership and editorial leadership of this magazine. To be honest, our objective this first year was simply to do no harm.

On the Minds of Moms founders Sheri Stockmoe and Dani Fluge created this little magazine more than a decade ago and built it into a beloved publication that areas moms (and dads) could count on seeing, at the grocery store racks and in waiting rooms. We love this magazine and what it stands for, so we want to maintain that strong identity and commitment to the community. Yet we know that evolution has to be part of its story, too. The world has changed a whole lot these past few years and we want to be sure this magazine reflects the world today.

seeking feedback from all of you about what you love about this magazine and what you could live without. In the coming weeks, I, along with OTMOM be sifting through that feedback and brainstorming new ideas for the new year ahead.

It’s not too late to share your thoughts or to pass along an idea! We would love to hear from you.

If you have story ideas or would like to tell us what you'd like to see us include in the magazine (or drop from the publication, for that matter), please don't hesitate to send an email to moms@ forumcomm.com.

For now, please enjoy our final edition for 2020. On behalf of all of us here at Forum Communications and On the Minds of Moms, we wish you and your family peace and happiness this holiday season.

Mary Jo Hotzler is Forum Communications Company’s Chief Content Officer and the interim editor of On the Minds of Moms. She lives in Fargo with her husband Heath and twin boys

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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Amy Longtin earned the title of Mrs. North Dakota in September. Photo courtesy of Britta the Photographer

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

Amy Longtin Fargo, N.D.

MOD MOM

A voice for women, lifting them up

W

By Meilssa Davidson

hat if we lived in a world where women lifted each other up? Where comments of

doubt and judgement were replaced with those of praise and gratitude. Where girls grew up knowing they’re just as worthy as men to be successful at any career, and they can do it all while being a mother and giving back to their community.

This is the world Amy Longtin envisions, one she emulates in her personal and professional life every day.

Longtin is senior systems administrator lead at Tharaldson Hospitality Management, a role she recognizes is not typically filled with female talent.

“I have always been the only girl in most departments in the technology field,” she said. “To see that fewer girls pursuing a technological degree is mind boggling.

Technology is not going away.”

Longtin has made it her mission to become an advocate for young girls and to help them not be intimidated by the stigma of the maledominated field. Since 2016 she’s been fostering this message with her mentees at UCodeGirl, a nonprofit that encourages girls to pursue technology careers.

“It helps with their self esteem and confidence to know there are many women in our community

who are successful business leaders that also manage a family at home,” she said.

Longtin has two girls of her own, 7-year-old Brooke and 5-year-old Alayna. Her hope for them and all young girls is to never feel less than they are and to always strive for any goal, no matter how big or small; she knows actions speak louder than words: in September, Longtin earned the title of Mrs. North Dakota America in September.

“I’ve gotten many comments from people asking ‘Why did you decide to do this? Aren't you too old? I didn’t even know a Mrs. was a thing’ “ she said. “I say to them, ‘Why not? Why not get involved in an organization where like-minded, successful married women are giving back to their communities and raising awareness for what they believe in?’ ” Longtin also uses the role to show women they can be anything they put their mind to. She has a passion for lifting others up, which also extends to her community. You can often see her volunteering with many local organizations, including the YWCA, American Red Cross, The Arthritis Foundation, United Way and American Cancer Society. She’s also an ambassador for Giving Hearts Day, one of the biggest giving days of the year in North Dakota.

“The pure joy you feel after doing something for your community is far more rewarding than anything I have ever felt before,” Longtin said.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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MOD MOM

Not everyone is going to like you and that is okay! Do what feels right to you and ignore the haters.

Amy Longtin

Her devotion to helping others has even led to more entrepreneurial endeavors. When COVID-19 shut down schools and businesses, Longtin learned that many children did not have technology in their homes or internet access, tools necessary to continue their education. So, she created a new nonprofit, Tech4Kids, that would provide software and the technological tools needed to support a successful remote academic learning environment for children.

Here is a peek at the beliefs that have pushed Amy Longtin to give back: to her daughters, her friends, her mentees, her community and women around her.

What inspires me is... my children. They inspire me to make each day count. Every day is a blessing that is robbed of many so make every second count.

People may be surprised to know that...

I am an only child and that I raise a huge garden and can a lot of my own produce.

What I’ve learned from my experiences is...

I recharge by...

not everyone is going to like you and that is okay!

Do what feels right to you and ignore the haters.

Taking a weekend to disconnect from technology and live in the moment.

My advice for young girls is...

I am reading...

to always hold your head high and never listen to the haters. You are destined to be great in your own way, whether you know it yet or not.

Go after your dreams and never ever settle for anything less than extraordinary.

“Victoria’s Voice”, a heart-wrenching true story of a girl who dealt with bullying and ultimately lost her life due to an opioid addiction. I also read a lot of self-growth books; “The Secret”, “This is How We Rise”, and “Girl, Wash Your Face”, are some of my favorites.

My advice for fellow moms is... to please stop judging each other and start lifting each other up! We all have our own issues, whether it looks picture perfect or not, it is life and it is real. Today, it’s still a man’s 10

world so we need to stick together and be each other's cheerleaders to make a difference in the right direction. Be supportive to one another and ask for help when you need it. We all have a story to tell, make yours a little easier by creating sunshine.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

Words I live by...

When you start something, always make a solid effort to finish it, whether it be a good or bad finish, at least you can say you finished.

MOD MOM

Amy Longtin and husband Mark have two daughters: 5-year-old Alayna and 7-year-old Brooke. Photo courtesy of Britta the Photographer ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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When it comes to my last baby, I’m letting go of holding on

I

By Danielle Teigen

had my third and final baby one week before Christmas 2019. My husband and I already had a son and daughter, so we opted not to find out the sex of our last baby until the birth. And when he was placed in my arms just seconds after the doctor announced, “It’s a boy!”, I knew immediately our family was complete.

Our first two weeks at home as a family of five were blurry and chaotic, thanks to the holidays and upended schedules and family visits and older siblings with too much sugar and too little sleep.

Once our schedules normalized, my new baby and I settled into a new routine with just the two of us, and maternity leave started to pass in a dreamy, relaxing haze of baby snuggles and Netflix binging.

Then, the pandemic.

The following months were hands down the most stressful of my adult life, but we weathered the lockdown, toddler tantrums, two parents working full time from home, teething, distance learning, sleep regressions, moving to a new state, and much more with (I hope) few lasting, psychological scars for all of us.

I can distinctly remember the moments I sat rocking him, realizing acutely that no matter how quickly the world outside our house seemed to be spiraling out of control, I was exactly where I needed to be.

On March 12, I watched news broadcasts with increasing anxiety about this new “global pandemic” the Centers for Disease Control and 12

Prevention had just declared, thanks to this “novel coronavirus” sweeping the world. The next day, I picked up my older kids at daycare, completely unaware that two days later North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum would close schools indefinitely and my husband and I would elect to keep both kids at home out of fear of exposing our infant’s undeveloped immune system to a strange virus.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

As I look back on this crazy first year of my last baby’s life, I can’t help but feel grateful and a bit in awe of everything this tiny baby taught me.

Because in the depths of our struggles and stress, I can distinctly remember the moments I sat rocking him, realizing acutely that no matter how quickly the world outside our house seemed to be spiraling out of control, I was exactly where I needed to be. His presence

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES out of his closet or nursing him for the last time or putting up the baby gate. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was excited for him to grow up, because I knew how much joy his development would bring to our home, and, oh, how I craved more joy during a time marked by such fear and turmoil.

And joy is exactly what he’s given us, in small doses and at such unexpected times: belly laughs elicited from ripping paper while packing, army crawling just a month after moving to our new home, devouring every food he can get his hands on, or playing endless games of peekaboo that leave everyone in giggling fits.

So, I’m not sad that he’s growing up rapidly in front of my eyes. Yes, he’s my last baby and I will never experience these firsts (and lasts) again, but I refuse to mourn that. Instead, I’m celebrating the many milestones that are now behind us because they all lead us into his beautiful future.

Photo courtesy of Emmy Gray Photography and his needs — however basic or simple they seemed compared to the issues beyond our four walls — were a crucial reminder to stop and slow down and just be present in the moment.

I remember looking down at his sweet, innocent face and feeling relieved that he would never recall this insane year of turmoil and sadness and fear; he would only know that Mom was with him every day, ready to comfort and calm him (even when she struggled to do that for herself).

As he grew and changed and learned right before my eyes, I realized that I wasn’t mourning the passing of milestones that many mothers of last babies do, moments like taking newborn clothes ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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SPONSORED CONTENT

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

SPONSORED CONTENT

Home for the Holidays T

he COVID-19 pandemic has many families struggling with how to plan for the holiday season. Holiday traditions and experiences that bring joy and connect us to our loved ones may be compromised and plans for how families will celebrate the holidays will be altered around the globe, resulting in traditions changed, travel halted, and missing loved ones who are not able to be present.

Changes in our lives, tangible or intangible, can elicit feelings of loss.

Some may be more visible like the loss of our income, the way in which we do our jobs, how we worship, the way our children go to school, how we exercise or seek entertainment, and the list goes on. Loss that is more intangible, yet impactful, is the loss of our assumptive world and the set of core beliefs that ground us and make us feel secure in our daily lives. For example, loss of our identity, the comfort of our normal routine, or hopes and dreams for the future.

Yet the greatest loss that families may be experiencing this season is the death of a loved one. When a family experiences the death of someone close to them from either COVID-19 or another cause, traditional ways of mourning and receiving support may be limited.

It is important to remember that grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss or change. Family members will each have their own unique grief reactions. Grief reactions and expressions will look different between adults and children. As a parent, you have the important role of providing emotional support to your children while also taking care of your own grief needs. Children of different ages understand death and express grief differently depending on their developmental level.

Developmental Understanding of Loss • Infants and Toddlers (Infancy to age 2): Loss may be understood as an absence, particularly of a primary caregiver.

• Preschoolers (Ages 3-6): Death may be thought of as temporary or reversible • Grade Schoolers (Ages 6-11): A clearer understanding of death develops. Older kids in this age group may have an “adult” understanding of what death is.

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SPONSORED CONTENT • Adolescents (Ages 12 and up): Understands death cognitively. May feel life is unfair and act out or search for meaning.

Source: Alan Wolfelt, PhD., C.T., www.centerforloss.com

Celebrating the Season Amidst the Pandemic Normally the holiday season is a time for family traditions. The holiday may be overshadowed by the death of a loved one and grief and sadness become woven into the season. Give yourself permission to celebrate the holidays with your loved ones. Intermingling old traditions with new ones may be exciting for the whole family.

Routine and togetherness provide security and safety for children and even as adults we find safety in what we know and can control.

Many families will be sticking close to home for this holiday season and yours may be one of them. It’s time to get creative and proactive as the season is right around the corner. Here are a few ideas for family fun and togetherness: • Create a family “memory capsule”. Place inside family pictures, souvenirs, notes to one another and place in a sturdy container with a “do not open until” date on the outside.

Make a family pact to honor the date. Bury or tuck away until opening.

• Make a family memory board to display during the holiday season. Include pictures of family from present and past.

• Plan a family movie night to watch a favorite holiday movie. String popcorn and decorate the tree while watching.

• Have a Zoom holiday. Stay connected with family and friends via facetime, phone calls, and social media to share the holiday spirit.

• Take time for frequent family “touch-bases” to acknowledge feelings of grief and reinforce the support and security within your family.

• Consider a donation to a cause in memory of a loved one.

• Write and mail a family Christmas letter.

• Have each family member select a recipe and bake holiday goodies.

Coping with the death of a loved one during the holidays along with the stresses associated with the pandemic can be challenging. At some point, the pandemic will end, but our love and memories for our family members past and present remain with us for a lifetime.

For more information on grief and loss support and resources contact Ethos Hospice at (701) 356-3803 or email griefcare@ethoscare.org.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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PANDEMIC WORKFORCE

In September, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that nearly 900,000 women and 300,000 men have left the workforce since the pandemic started. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

Professional precipice Ongoing pandemic is forcing many moms out of the workforce

A

By Danielle A. Teigen

global health crisis that upends nearly every facet of life will have both short and longterm effects. While certain things like personal hygiene habits, online shopping and connecting with family and friends through technology have been transformed, one of the most critical issues now coming to light is the effect this pandemic is having on the labor force, specifically regarding women and working mothers.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, only 61% of American’s working age residents are employed or looking for work, and nearly two-thirds (approximately 3.2 million) of these people are women. While the unemployment rate between men (13%) and women (16%) from back in April is narrowing, an Oct. 20 The Hill article pointed out that the higher rate for women suggests that schools reopening this fall forced families to make difficult decisions, with women likely assuming responsibilities when

PANDEMIC WORKFORCE it came to making themselves available to help with education and child care.

Both of those sobering statistics mean that nearly 900,000 fewer women and 300,000 fewer men are in the workforce since before the pandemic started, and this global health crisis shows no signs of abating soon.

“Moms are not dropping out of the workforce; they are being forced out,” journalist, creator of “The Double Shift” podcast and working mom advocate Katherine Goldstein said during a Caregiving and Work Summit in September.

“Years of failed policies have led to this … mothers are now working a triple shift of working, mothering and homeschooling.”

In North Dakota, more than 66% of women in North Dakota aged 16 and older are in the workforce, compared to more than 75% of men, according to 2018 statistics from statusofwomendata.org (the most recent data available); it’s also important to note that more than 33% of employed women worked in lowwage jobs.

With schools reopening in a variety of settings throughout each state, how much working mothers have been affected professionally by the pandemic varies as well. An Oct. 29 New York Times article noted that from May to September, North Dakota and South Dakota saw the widest change in percent of parents of children enrolled in public or private K-12 school with canceled or distance learning classes.

But what can be done? Even when the pandemic finally ends and some sense of normalcy returns, what can be learned from this professionally crippling situation for working mothers? Here are three suggestions, as offered by leaders during the Caregiving and Work Summit.

Advocate for child care becoming a public policy issue The last time a national child care system was seriously possible was in 1971, when Congress passed the Comprehensive Child Development Act on a bipartisan vote. It was co-sponsored by

Minnesota Sen. Walter Mondale and Indiana Rep. John Brademas. The legislation created a network of federally funded, locally run child care centers to provide education, food and medical services.

Yet President Richard Nixon vetoed it, criticizing the act for placing a community-based approach against one centered on the family.

That was 50 years ago.

That means it’s probably time to revisit the notion that affordable, national child care is vitally important for a vibrant, healthy workforce, considering that the majority of children in the United States today grow up in a home with a single working parent or two married parents who are both employed; yet despite this fact about the reality of the labor force today, assumptions about affordable, fulltime care being readily available have stymied federal and state policy discussions about how to support working families. That doesn’t mean change is impossible.

“Large-scale social change is not easy,” Goldstein noted.

Start working with your employer on possible solutions Companies can alleviate many of the issues associated with a shrinking labor market for working mothers by offering solid policies or programs that provide assistance and paid leave for all employees, not just mothers.

Though no one policy will make things easier for every working parent, companies can begin taking steps to offer some help and hope that parents won’t be forced to leave the workforce.

That’s why it’s imperative that businesses understand all the groups experiencing professional setbacks due to the pandemic and the lack of comprehensive support for working parents, and not just focus on working mothers.

One of the most effective solutions would be providing a child care subsidy to help reduce the financial burden for families with working parents.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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PANDEMIC WORKFORCE

With many schools opening in the fall with plans that include some distance learning time for students, mothers often assume the responsibilities of working from home while overseeing education. iStock / Special to On the Minds of Moms

“The future of our economy depends on women increasing their labor force participation,” said gender economist and CEO of Pipeline Equity Katica Roy. “Women’s income is not secondary; it pays for food, mortgages and opportunities for kids.”

Additionally, companies need to start considering human-related data as a business decision, much like they would a product or service line offering, Roy said. That type of data reflects the employees and the values they hold, which companies should be interested in supporting. Human resource departments are no longer able to focus only on recruiting new 20

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

employees, but also about retaining employees and providing them with tools necessary to survive this pandemic and thrive in their careers once it is over.

Be honest about your own situation Communication is crucial during this time of juggling work, caregiving and distance learning.

All working parents should hyper-communicate about what’s happening in their lives that could potentially affect their ability to meet work expectations or deadlines.

“We need to normalize parenting and caregiving by talking about the realities of it at work,” said Katie Bethel, founder of Paid Leave for the United

States, a national campaign to win paid family and medical leave by 2022.

Parents should consider doing nightly checkins to discuss what types of caregiving responsibilities are coming up and discuss dividing up the work as much as possible.

“If you can reduce or distribute the amount of caregiving on one person, you change the dynamic of what caregiving is,” Bethel said.

Being honest about emotions helps ensure the energy at home isn’t in discord, and it also enables children to talk about their own emotions. And, at the end of the day, if the stress of taking on additional child care responsibilities while still working is just too much, ask for help; there is no shame in that, only strength.

This pandemic is irrevocably changing many aspects of daily life, and those changes are being felt acutely by many people, especially working mothers. This global health crisis will eventually end, and the spotlight it is training on crucial issues can become a beacon of change that will improve the lives of working parents in the future.

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Find out more To learn more about how to make changes regarding affordable child care, check out these resources: • PL + US (Paid Leave for the United States) • a’Parently: advancing work and family • Mother Honestly • Mom Congress • The Double Shift podcast • Pipeline Equity

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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MOM HACKS

Holiday happiness

Create Christmas magic with gift boxes full of fun and homemade treats

By Jessica Rerick

Christmas Boxes are a great gift that combine useful items like pajamas, books, movies with consumables that won't be left around the house after the holiday season ends. Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms 22

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

T

MOM HACKS

he holidays can be a crazy busy time for all of us: full of lists and things to do, last minute shopping, late night wrapping, shuffling snow-suited kids around town, and meeting deadlines on snow days. I think most parents would agree that all we really want to give our kids this season are holiday traditions and memories to carry with them.

like an assembly line. These last couple of years, I

A few years ago, when our boys were making out their wish lists, they were calling out what their “hopefuls” for the year were. All three of our older boys said “those boxes!” The boxes they were excitedly referring to are our Christmas Eve Boxes. Because we are a blended family, sometimes we have our older kids for the first half of winter break and other years it’s the second half. Because of that, sometimes they are called Christmas Eve Boxes and other years they are New Year’s Eve Boxes. Whatever the name, they come with the same excitement.

It’s really pretty simple to find the items to put

I first thought of the idea of making a box a few years ago when I came across something on Pinterest about making a box for a movie night with your kids. The box would include a movie, pair of PJs, popcorn, and other snacks for a movie night gift. I decided that this was a great new tradition to start for Christmas and that it was the perfect opportunity to work something that I was going to purchase for the kids anyway into a present.

Each year is always a little different, but this year

While some parents don’t agree with giving things like pajamas, socks, and underwear as gifts, trust me, this definitely makes it fun! With four kids, my holiday budget goes in a hurry, so I jump at any opportunity that I have for a gift to serve double duty and check a few “spring refresh” items off the list. The kids also like to wear the pajamas to bed that night (and we’ve learned that we don’t have to help the kids find their pajamas from suitcases that night!). As an added bonus, since the rest of the box is filled with consumable items, I am not left with a bunch of extra gadgets around the house. WinWin-Win! When I assemble the boxes, I set up all of the boxes on the kitchen table (or my bed) and run it

have been making about 6 or 7 at a time because a few of my nieces and nephews wanted in on the fun. You can use any size box you like, but I use the larger robe or oversized robe boxes. I find them two for $1 at the dollar store, and since they already have a fun holiday design on them, I don’t bother wrapping them!

inside of the boxes. Bang for my buck is the name of the game, and I try to find the biggest sales for pajamas, socks, etc. Then I head to the dollar store to find a few activity items and a couple of the kid’s favorite snacks. If I have time, I also add a couple of homemade items that I know the kids love. I wish I could tell you that my boys would be crushed if their Chef Mom didn’t put homemade items in the boxes, but they are also equally happy with putting in more dollar store candy!

the boys' boxes will include the following: 1. Pajama pants 2. One or two dollar store activities or games 3. Yo-yos (because they looked fun at the dollar store) 4. Bag of cookie mix 5. Marshmallow Santas (they love these things) 6. Candy canes 7. White Chocolate Puff Corn (homemade) 8. Savory Pretzels (homemade) 9. Crockpot Candy (homemade) Other items that I have included are toothbrushes/toothpaste, fun flavored chapsticks, deodorants, lotions, peanuts, trail mix, popcorn, hot cocoa mixes, and really anything else fun I find at the dollar store.

For my homemade treats, I change it up from year to year, but I like to pick items that will last at least a week or more without refrigeration. I also like to pick items that can be made quickly after the kids head to bed for the night so that it’s a little bit of a surprise! A few of my favorites are Crockpot Candy, Savory Butter Pretzels, and White Chocolate Puff Corn.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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Rocky Road Crockpot Candy is easy to make and can include any combination of chocolate and nuts you like. Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms Rocky Road Crockpot Candy is wonderful to make because it is nearly hands-free and doesn’t require any special tricks. You really can choose any sort of chocolate and nut combination you like, but Rocky Road is one of my personal favorites. The slow cooker is a perfect piece of equipment for melting chocolate. The White Chocolate Puff Corn is always a hit - with or without sprinkles. Even I can’t get enough! You might just want to go ahead and double the recipe.

recipe, you can use any shape pretzel you like. I

Savory Butter Pretzels are a great add-in because I tend to feel a little guilty about the amount of sugar that gets added into the boxes. To make the

Homemade or store bought, this fun holiday

love to use the butter braided sticks because it can hold more seasoning in the crevasses, but the boys prefer classic twists or holiday shapes. This recipe does call for hot pepper sauce, but it is not spicy. If you want your pretzels to have a little more of a kick, feel free to double the amount of hot sauce or sprinkle them with a little cayenne or chipotle powder before baking.

idea can quickly become a holiday tradition in your house!

Rocky Road Crockpot Candy Makes 36-48 pieces of candy Ingredients: 30 ounces almond bark 12 ounces semi sweet chocolate chips 24 ounces milk chocolate chips 4 cups roasted peanuts (plus additional for topping if desired 10 ounces mini marshmallows (plus additional for topping if desired) Directions: Place the almond bark, chocolate chips, and peanuts in your slow cooker. Cook on low heat for 1 hour. Stir. Cook for another hour, stirring every 15 minutes. Be sure to scrape all areas 24

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

of the crock to avoid burning chocolate on any potential hot spots. Once all of the chocolate is melted, turn off your crockpot and remove the lid. Let stand for 15 minutes to cool slightly.

Line three sheet pans with parchment paper (for cooling the candy).

Fold in the mini marshmallows and, working quickly, use a teaspoon or small scoop to dish the chocolate onto the parchment lined sheet pans. Top with additional marshmallows and peanuts if desired. Let cool completely before storing. Crockpot Candy can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature, your refrigerator, or your freezer for up to 2 months.

MOM HACKS

Savory Butter Pretzels

Ingredients:

6 tablespoons butter 1 tablespoon canola oil 10-12 dashes hot pepper sauce (tabasco or other brands) 4 tablespoons ranch dressing powder mix 16 ounce bag of pretzels Directions: Preheat your oven to 250 degrees. Melt the butter in a microwave safe bowl (about 30 seconds). Place the pretzels in a gallon size ziplock bag. Whisk

butter, canola oil, and pepper sauce together and pour over the pretzels. Shake the pretzels until they are evenly coated.

Add the ranch powder. Dust with the ranch powder and shake again until evenly coated.

Pour the pretzels onto a baking sheet and spread into a single layer. Bake for 10 minutes. Remove from the oven and let cool.

Store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.

White Chocolate Puff Corn Ingredients: 20 ounces almond bark, broke into pieces 9 ounces puff corn, regular or butter flavor Sprinkles (optional) Directions: Pour puff corn into a large mixing bowl. Line 2 sheet pans with parchment paper and set aside. In a large microwave safe

bowl, melt the almond bark in the microwave, stirring every 30 seconds until completely smooth.

Pour the almond bark over the puff corn and stir until completely coated. Spread onto the parchment paper in a single layer, top with sprinkles if desired, and let cool. Store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks (can also be stored in the freezer for up to 2 months).

Savory Butter Pretzels can be customized with a favorite pretzel shape or increasing or decreasing the amount of spice you want in the mix.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms

White Chocolate Puff Corn combines sweet and savory in one great treat and can be made even more fun with festive sprinkles.

Jessica Rerick / On the Minds of Moms ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

25

Authentically awesome Brittany Schank knows being herself brings out the best connections

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BRITTANY SCHANK

B

By Danielle A. Teigen

rittany Schank believes in authenticity.

As a trained social worker and therapist, she understands the power of genuine connection, especially when helping people overcome their challenges and heal. Brittany speaks frankly about how family members have dealt with various mental health issues since she was a teenager, and she learned healthy ways to cope with the chaos the issues caused. Born and raised in the Fargo-Moorhead metro, she has a brother two years her senior who was born when their mother was just 16. Being children of young parents presented certain challenges, but Brittany saw those as simply opportunities to be seized.

Brittany Schank is a licensed therapist who believes authentic connection is the key to healing. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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AUTHENTICALLY AWESOME

Behron and Paityn Schank smile big for the camera. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

Called to serve At 17, Brittany decided to enlist in the military, and she laughs about her own naivete now.

“I had little eyes and couldn’t see the big picture,” she says. “I didn’t have much wisdom, but I thought it was a great way to get out of the house quickly and pay for college.”

The idea of being deployed frightened her, she says, but having a friend enlist and attend basic training at the same time reduced some of Brittany’s anxiety.

Now Brittany has the wisdom of nearly 14 years spent serving her country, and she is grateful for her hindsight.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

“I serve alongside people I wouldn’t ever have met otherwise,” she says. “Every military member is protecting the United States, and that one person has touched the lives of everyone.

Not everyone has the opportunity to do that, and it’s a beautiful and honorable thing and I’m so blessed for it … the military has given so much to me more than I could have imagined.”

Like, a husband.

Unexpected blessing Brittany met Landon just one month before she left for basic training, and she had no idea where the relationship would go. But, he stuck around, attended her graduation ceremony once she’d

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

29

AUTHENTICALLY AWESOME

Brittany said her family loves spending time outdoors, especially at the lake in the summer. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography 30

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

AUTHENTICALLY AWESOME

My husband is the most sensible, easy going guy I’ve ever met. Landon’s character is to just do whatever it is to make sure our family stays together.

Brittany Schank

completed her training, and “we’ve been together ever since,” she says.

That’s why her family doesn’t know anything but military life.

Even as they added children — daughter Paityn is 6 and son Behron is 3 — Brittany and Landon have made adjustments as needed to prioritize family time without sacrificing their other commitments.

Brittany is honest about describing her fear of being deployed overseas to a combat zone, which hasn’t happened so far. She’s been deployed on other assignments that didn’t require her to be away for long periods of time, and when that happens, she and her family discuss things ahead of time and plan adjustments to spend quality time together when they can.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

31

AUTHENTICALLY AWESOME “My husband is the most sensible, easy going guy I’ve ever met,” she says. “Landon’s character is to just do whatever it is to make sure our family stays together, and he has a willingness to do things like bringing the kids around when I’m busy.”

In addition to her military commitments and young family, Brittany’s professional career keeps her plenty busy as well.

Finding her path and purpose Brittany put her bachelor’s degree in criminal justice from NDSU to use in a job where she first caught shoplifters but worked her way to a role where she interviewed people who had shoplifted or employees who stole from their company about why. It didn’t take long for Brittany to realize that path wasn’t right for her.

“It got to the point of someone stealing and then I would want to cry with them as I listened to their story,” she explains. “I knew that wasn’t the way I wanted my life to go.”

So Brittany enrolled in a social work program through Minot State University and went to work for Cass County Social Services as a foster care case

Six-year-old daughter Paityn thinks every place mom Brittany works is called a base, thanks to Brittany's many years in the military. Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

manager for a year and a half before transitioning to a role as a therapist for kids in the system.

For four years, Brittany worked with foster children, relating often to many of the issues they

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

AUTHENTICALLY AWESOME encountered or feelings they had about what was happening in their lives.

“My brother went to prison when I was 16 years old, and I feared thinking we had similarities in bad ways,” she says. “I was scared my best friend’s family wouldn’t let me hang out with her because of what my brother had done. Now I know other people’s actions are not indicative of my character. Our worth is not rooted in the actions of others; it is rooted in ours.”

That wisdom — won through her own challenging experiences — allowed her to connect with foster children on an important level.

“These kids are fearful that they’ll be labeled this way or treated differently for the rest of their lives because of being in the foster care

system,” she says. “We are all human beings with a story and pieces of our story are just things that happened to us.”

Those four years working with foster care cases offered Brittany a new appreciation for the work of therapists, which is why she decided to go back to school to become a therapist. After completing her master’s degree in social work through UND, Brittany decided to take control of her own life in a new way.

Offering solace, hope and healing Because Brittany believes in authenticity, she decided to open her own practice where she could empower others to just show up as they are.

“My goal is to be authentically me so I go home feeling good about myself, but you also feel

Brittany and her husband are parents to 3-year-old Behron.

Photo courtesy of Ten Little Chickens Photography

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

33

AUTHENTICALLY AWESOME good about who you are as a human being,” she explains. “My hope is that people understand who they are going to see and expect to work with to make sure I’m a good fit for them.”

she doesn’t want to risk a high cost in either of

When Brittany first opened her practice in 2019, she wanted to make sure she was being genuine in her commitment to her family, so she deliberately blocked one day from her calendar so she could spend that time with her family. As she balanced her work and family life, she decided to take two days off and she’s able to maintain that strict schedule thanks to great time management skills and constant evaluation.

knows she’s not the only working mother who

“I believe I’ve found the work I was meant to do, but the problem is that because I love the work I do, I can become inundated with that type of work or media, like crime shows and documentaries,” Brittany explains. “Sometimes I have to ask, ‘Am I doing that because I’m working too much or because I love it?’ ”

Living an authentic life requires work, but

She knows an imbalance throws things off in both her personal and professional life, and

But then again, any place she is connecting with

More to know about Brittany She’s an author.

Her book, “Narrating Audiobooks,” provides a step-by-step guide for narrating audiobooks. She says she shares mistakes she made so others don’t have to. One Amazon review describes her book as an “easy-to-read, education-filled book for anyone considering the possibility of narrating audiobooks” and gives “insight of what truly to expect.”

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

those areas of her life. Her understanding of her own non-negotiables allows her to understand how important maintaining balance is, and she struggles with the concept.

“We are willing to let ourselves down to please others, instead of the other way around,” she says. “I cannot care about what other people think, but instead need to do what feels right for me; I have to figure out who I am and what speaks to me.”

Brittany knows it’s the best way for her to find peace and contentment in this life. She’ll also tell you she and her family find happiness outdoors, because that’s where they can be found all summer at the lake.

her family is a place of happiness.

She fears public speaking.

Even though she’s comfortable in one-onone settings, being in front of any audience with people staring at her is a terrifying experience. She says she presents to military groups but it’s a different situation.

She was asked recently to speak at an event, and she says she had to read from a script and tell the audience that if she passed out, they should just leave her on the stage.

She created a directory for other therapists.

Brittany explains that a component of being a licensed therapist is supervision by others in a similar field, so she created a nationwide directory for others to use, which launched one year ago.

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35

RAD DAD

Devlyn Brooks Moorhead, Minn.

Real-life Mike Brady trading in reporter's notebook for a pastor's robe

D

By Tracy Briggs

evlyn Brooks is used to wearing a lot of hats: reporter, editor, dad and step dad, but as he juggles work and blended family, he's also taking on a new challenge — attending seminary to become a pastor.

The 46-year-old Crookston, Minn., native, who has called Moorhead home for 13 years, has worked in the newspaper industry for 25 years as a reporter, editor and manager. Two years ago, he became president of Forum Communication's Modulist, a cutting-edge media services company that provides a self-service content publishing tool to media companies nationwide.

He and wife Shelley Brooks are parents to Garrett Brooks, 22; Carter Brooks, 17; Ava Heitman, 15; and Siriana Heitman, 12. As one of nine children himself, and now dad to four, he knows a thing or two about family. He calls parenting "the greatest and most thankless role you’ll ever have. But it’s also the single greatest way you’ll ever impact the world for the better."

Tell me about yourself growing up. What did you like to do? What kept you busy?

I was a pretty nerdy, bookish growing up. Being shy and introverted led me to love libraries and books, and I spent a lot of time creating stories that somehow never got written down on paper.

Later in high school, after a fortuitous growth spurt, I became pretty good at sports. And so much of my high school years were spent busy in athletics.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

What did you learn about parenting from your own parents?

Being the youngest of nine children, I learned that you really truly never run out of love for your children. Even after nine, you love every one of the same! My mom was a saint, and without even knowing it, she provided me a model of parenting that would serve the world well nowadays. She gave everyone of us unconditional love before it was ever a trendy catch phrase. It never mattered how deep the trouble was that one of us found ourselves in, our mother was there to pick us up, brush off the dirt and give us a loving push forward. Also, without even knowing it, my mother taught us that serving others was the highest calling you can perform in life. And finally, she created a very large family of some 70-plus immediate family members who know that the two most important priorities in life are faith and family. And if you were with one of her kids, you were family.

How, when and where did you meet Shelley?

Shelley and I first met in college more than 25 years ago. I was roommates with her brother, and she came to stay with us one summer because Bemidji State was offering a particular class she needed for her degree. About 20 years later, after both becoming divorced and single parents, we reconnected via a simple message on Facebook. We met for coffee at then Moxie Java (now Third Drop) in Moorhead, and four months later I took her back to Moxie Java to propose.

By day, Devlyn is president of Forum Communication Company's Modulist, a cutting-edge media services company that provides a self-service content publishing tool to media companies nationwide. David Samson / The Forum

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

37

RAD DAD Hilariously, even though I was down on one knee, and Shelley was crying with joy, not one person in the coffee shop ever noticed. There was a group of ladies right next to us carrying on a Bible study, and a handful of other patrons filling up other tables, and there was a barista behind the counter. And not one person witnessed the proposal scene going on in the middle of the floor!

Do people ever bring up the Brady Bunch when they find out about yours and Shelley's story? She brought her two girls and you brought your two boys into the family.

Yes, we hear that pretty often when people first learn of our story. And the best part is to this day, I don’t think one of our kids understands that pop culture reference.

What are the challenges and rewards of being dad to a blended family?

The immediate reward, of course, is that overnight I got to be a parent of two more beautiful kids, which brings so much joy to my life. I love being with my kids and seeing how they are growing into such unique individuals. And in my case, I finally got to learn what it was like to be a dad to girls, which was a whole new ball game for me. It was like getting to start parenting all over again, which was great for me because being a dad is the greatest profession in the world.

No offense to the moms, of course!

It’s no secret that blending a family is challenging. When you are blending two families who bring their own histories, including all of the joys and brokenness and the good and the bad, it is remarkably challenging. Spouses are challenged because you juggle different parenting styles that were never agreed upon prior to having

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

children. And the kiddos are challenged because it means they encounter different family dynamics.

For instance, in our situation, one oldest and one youngest both became middle kids, and our oldest became the oldest of four instead of two. And our youngest became the youngest of four instead of two. All of these things seem immaterial before the second wedding, but loom large when you get into the daily living of being a blended family.

And then you have the challenges of each of the sets of kids being with their other parents too. You learn to try to do the best you can of setting up the expectations for your new normal in your expanded family, while trying to respect the families of the kids’ other biological parents. And you learn very quickly that grace and forgiveness and love are very important because there are a million ways that modern life tries to break those strands of love that you’ve worked so hard to create.

We are eight years into this process, and I marvel every day at how our four kids have managed to grow together and learn to support each other. Like every family, we have teenagers that get on each other’s nerves, but honestly our kids almost all of the time get along now. And that’s not something I could have said in the early years.

So, here’s a shout out to all of those families — blended or otherwise — who keep working at it because the great news is that while love and trust takes time to build, the outcome eight years later is life changing! I wake up every morning knowing how blessed that I am to be a dad of four awesome kids! Don’t give up in the hard times. They will serve you well along the way!

RAD DAD

Devlyn Brooks and wife Shelley (center) are parents to (from left) Carter Brooks, 17; Ava Heitman, 15; Garrett Brooks, 22; and Siriana Heitman, 12. David Samson / The Forum ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

39

RAD DAD

Shelley and Devlyn first met in college and reconnected after divorces led them to becoming single parents. Special to On the Minds of Moms You raised two boys before you became dad to two girls. Any surprises about being a girl dad?

Oh boy, was I ever in for a learning curve! I didn’t grow up in a house with sisters because they were older and had already left when I came along, and I had only raised the two boys.

So along — surprise! — came the nail polish and glitter and pink and tiaras and dresses and hair-braiding. I’ve gotten to go to butterfly balls and watch Barbie movies and have my toenails painted. I’ve gotten to take the girls on outings that I never would have taken the boys. I’ve gotten to help mend broken hearts for reasons that would have never happened to the boys. And I’ve gotten to learn about what Shelley meant when the girls were still in elementary school, and she said, “Just wait. Middle school is coming.” … Yeah, brace yourselves for that one, dads.

After 25 years in the newspaper industry as a reporter, editor and manager, and now working for Forum Communications' Modulist in selfservice publishing you're taking on a big new career change, right?

While I was in my mid-20s I briefly flirted with the idea of going to seminary, but with two young boys and just starting out in my newspaper career, it didn’t feel like I could manage going back to school at the time. But five years ago (about 20 years later) I experienced 40

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

Devlyn is about eight months from graduation from the seminary and has served Faith Lutheran Church in Wolverton, Minn., for the past three years now. Special to On the Minds of Moms one of those crystalizing moments that made it very apparent to Shelley and me that the door was open for me to go to seminary and pursue my goal of becoming an ordained pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA).

I’ve been fortunate that Shelley has supported this endeavor because going back to get your master’s while trying to be a husband, father, working full-time and helping to lead a church is not easy for anyone in the family. Frankly, I wouldn’t have made it through without the support of Shelley and the kids because our kids have literally grown up while I’ve been in seminary. It just wouldn’t have been possible without them all believing in the calling too.

And I am extremely grateful for the support from my work family as well. Everyone from the Marcil family who owns Forum Communications, to the supervisors I’ve had through the years and my colleagues around me have cheered me on and shared kind words at some of the moments in this journey when I’ve needed it most. I am very lucky to have an employer who sees my desire to fulfill a call to my faith as a benefit versus competition with day-to-day responsibilities. Because the journey

RAD DAD has absolutely improved me as a person, as a supervisor and a member of the community.

And now that I am about eight months from graduation and having served Faith Lutheran Church in Wolverton, Minn., for the past three years now, I can’t imagine life being different. I love being a pastor, and I am absolutely humbled by how the congregation allows me into their lives in their most joyous and most challenging times of their lives, and by the front row opportunities I’ve had to watch the Spirit move in this world. After living an early life filled with tragedy, pain and suffering, the past five years in seminary and at Faith Lutheran have filled me with childlike joy over the wonder of life and creation again.

What is your best advice to a new dad?

First off, know this: This will be the greatest adventure life will ever take you on. There will be times you have completely no idea what you are doing, and others where you wonder how it will ever get any better. But the great news is that it somehow magically always gets better.

Mysteriously, after every bend in the journey — when they become toddlers, when they first go off to school, when they become teenagers, when they bring their first girlfriend/boyfriend home, when they go to college and even when they are pursuing their own lives — the journey gets better. There have been many times when I thought to myself, “Man, it can’t get better than this.” … And then it does. So enjoy it all. Soak it in. But don’t blink, because then it’s gone, and you wish you could do it all over again.

• Teach your kids to fix things, whether it’s their own boredom or a car or a computer.

Kids that know how to fix, know how to learn and that will serve them for life.

EARLY CHILDHOOD FAMILY EDUCATION Helping children learn and thrive through play. www.moorheadschools.org/ECFE

And second, practically speaking: • Say, “I love you” every chance you get. …

No, every single chance.

• Confirm your children’s self-worth every single day.

• Love your spouse in a way that makes your children want to love their spouse.

• Model your expectations because these intelligent mini-people easily see through our fake words.

Our 2019-20 Annual Report is available online.

It is provided for our community to learn more about the students, staff, programs, and results achieved by our district.

Thank you for your continued support as we serve the citizens of Fargo by providing its students an excellent educational experience.

www.fargo.k12.nd.us/AnnualReport ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

41

Our list of resources is as ever-changing as the content of our magazine, so we’ve moved all the resources online so we can make changes better and offer opportunities to connect, find help, get answers, and make a difference.

You can find resources regarding COVID-19, mental and behavioral health, food support, parenting, adoption, child abuse prevention, support groups, counseling, pregnancy and infant loss, MOPS groups and more. Go to inforum.com and search “OTMOM resources” to find the list.

RESOURCES

To submit a group or resource for consideration in the online listing, please email the information to moms@forumcomm.com.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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We had an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, and a nurse. and they loved our humor, They treated us with and we all just had a lot of fun while we were learning all these things that they taught us.

They taught me how to take care of Rodney in the home.

so much respect

- Jane, wife of Ethos Home Care client

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

43

READY, SET, GROW

How much sleep do kids really need?

By Alicia Strnad Hoalcraft, Melissa Davidson, Paula Quam and Tracy Briggs

S

tudies tell us that many adults and some teens are sleep deprived, which can have disastrous results regarding cognitive and physical health. But what amount of sleep is actually appropriate for kids of all ages? Take a look at this breakdown to see where your kids fall on the sleep spectrum, and some ideas for how your kids could catch more zzzs.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

Photos courtesy of iStock.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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READY, SET, GROW

Being sleep deprived is hard for parents of a new baby, but very young kids typically don’t sleep long stretches at night.

Wee ones [0-18 months]

Being sleep deprived is hard for parents of a new baby, but very young kids typically don’t sleep long stretches at night.

46

Other than warming our hearts, infants and very young children spend more time sleeping than doing anything else. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends children 4 months to 12 months get between 12 and 16 hours in each 24-hour period — more than half the day.

Before 4 months, there's a wide range of normal so the general advice is to let them do what it seems like their little bodies want to do, since sleep is integral to all the work of growing their bodies and developing brains.

hours at a time for the first several months

Very young children aren't supposed to sleep through the night, or even for more than a few

be as simple as a few minutes of rocking and

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

of life. Waking is usually a sign of another biological need, such as food or a diaper change.

During the night, the simplest way to get them back to sleep is simply to take care of their needs quickly and quietly — without turning on the light if possible — and get them back to bed.

Studies show that having a nightly bedtime routine is associated with better sleep in children of all ages. For babies, that routine can sharing a favorite lullaby.

Tots who are learning more about boundaries and control can start taking a more active role in their bedtime routine at this age.

READY, SET, GROW

Tots

[18 months to 3 years]

Tots who are learning more about boundaries and control can start taking a more active role in their bedtime routine at this age.

When your baby gets a little bigger, routines are still very important, but they'll want to have more power over things in their life. At this age they're starting to test boundaries, so giving them control over small choices around sleep — like what book to read, which side of the bed to put their head on or which stuffed animal to to snuggle. This helps them feel like they have some authority while avoiding power struggles — which we all learn eventually that no one really wins.

At this age, kids should be sleeping between 11 and 14 hours a day, including two naps a day at

the start of this period, dropping to one nap a day as they turn 2.

Night terrors start appearing in some children around this age. Kids may wake up screaming, unable to properly communicate. Experts recommend doing your best to quietly soothe your child, keep them in bed and help them get back to sleep. Usually children don't wake up fully during night terrors or remember them in the morning. They can be frightening for parent and child, but are generally normal. If they're frequent or are causing daytime sleepiness, talk to your pediatrician.

ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

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READY, SET, GROW

These kids are the best at stalling the bedtime process, but there are ways to make things go smoothly.

Preschoolers [3 to 5 years old]

We all know it when we see it — tantrums, emotions running high and hyperactivity. It’s what a lack of sleep looks like in a preschooler.

When they don’t get the recommended 10 to 13 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, that’s when these “fun” times can rear their ugly heads.

While we make our best attempts at getting those squirrly littles safe and sound asleep at a decent time, there are often many hurdles to jump through: the bathroom breaks, the unquenchable I’m- going-to-die-if-I-don’t-get-adrink thirst, and the “just one more thing” pleas.

We get it. We’re all tired from a full day’s worth of adulting, but throwing in the towel here may have some drawbacks because it’s not only about preventing a bad day. A lot of functions important to growth, health, memory and cognitive development happen during sleep.

Nerve cells are rewired, muscles are restored and human growth hormone is released.

Basically, kids need their sleep so they can grow and learn at an optimal rate. If your kid is dealing with some serious FOMO during bedtime that keeps them springing out a bed for just one more thing here are a few things to try: • Prep the brain by turning off screens about one hour before bedtime.

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ON THE MINDS OF MOMS | DECEMBER • JANUARY 2021

Preschoolers tend to stall the bedtime process, but there are ways to make things go smoothly.

• Create a calm environment. As bedtime nears, dim the lights and choose relaxing activities, such as reading or talking.

• Stick to a consistent sleep schedule throughout the entire week. Yes, even on weekends, as much as possible.

• Involve them in planning their bedtime routine. Whatever relaxing activities you choose to make part of their bedtime ritual, be sure to explain the rules, e.g. number of books, time limits, etc.

READY, SET, GROW

Kiddos this age still need a good amount of sleep, which may require some experimentation before you find the right amount for your child.

Big kids [6 to 9 years old]

According to AASM when kids are able to regularly get this amount of good quality sleep their attention, behavior, learning and memory operate at optimal levels. And like everyone else, their quality of life as well as overall mental and physical health are enhanced. Good, ample sleep is like setting the stage for their success.

So how do you know when your kids aren’t hitting their sleep sweet spot? Here are some signs to look out for from the Cleveland Clinic: • You need to awaken your child three to four times before they actually get out of bed.

• Your child tells you they're tired during the day.

• They need catch-up sleep on weekends.

Kids age 6 to 9 still need a good amount of sleep, which may require some experimentation before you find the right amount for your child.

These are some big years for big kids. They’re becoming more immersed in the large world around them, which means they’re also experiencing more learning, social and emotional challenges than ever before. All the more reason getting the American Academy of Sleep Medicine’s recommended nine to 12 hours of sleep a day is important.

• They fall asleep during the day.

If these sound familiar, work toward getting back on track. Start bedtime earlier by about 15 minutes per day until you hit the right amount of sleep per night for your child. Also, be sure to stick to a similar schedule on the weekends, staying within the same wakeup and bedtime by 30 to 45 minutes. If you haven’t already, this may be a good time to start using an alarm clock. And finally, consider a relaxing bedtime routine, which can be helpful for anyone at any age really.

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READY, SET, GROW

It may sound crazy, but tucking in your tweeners is still a great habit to set the stage for quality sleep.

Tweeners [10 to 12 years old]

This can be a busy time for kids this age, as school activities pick up and homework gets to be more of an actual thing. But parents should not let up on insisting on nice, early bedtimes because while they might seem a little bit old to do the traditional “tuck-in”, their growing bodies and brains still desperately need that good, quality sleep.

According to the sleepfoundation.org, tweeners require 9-11 hours of sleep per night. And while grumpiness and grogginess will certainly follow a night of inadequate sleep, that’s the least of the worries. According to experts, children who do not get enough sleep on a regular basis are at a much higher risk of developing anxiety and depression. And what are kids this age often doing later at night anyway when they should be in bed? They might be sitting on their phones, which can not only contribute to depression and anxiety due to excessive social media, but the screens emit a blue light that stimulates the brain, making it even more difficult for children to fall asleep. Having them put the phones up in the kitchen and tucking them in like they’re little can do wonders for kiddos this age.

Inadequate sleep can also hit children physically in terms of weight gain. Studies show that when

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It may sound crazy, but tucking in your tweeners is still a great habit to set the stage for quality sleep. kids don’t get enough sleep, it disrupts their hormone levels, which regulates appetite and food intake. This can lead to overeating and a craving for sugar and bad carbs. Moral of the story? Tuck them in. You read that right.

One of the most important habits to instill at this age is setting — and abiding by — a media curfew.

READY, SET, GROW

Teens [13 to 18 years old]

Hollywood implies, most teenagers are not getting enough of it.

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine has recommended that teenagers aged 13 to 18 years should sleep 8 to 10 hours per 24 hours. However, in a 2015 survey, the Centers for Disease Control found seven out of 10 teenagers were not getting the minimum eight hours of sleep a night.

If the lack of sleep only meant a few extra yawns at the breakfast table, it would be no big deal.

However, doctors say teens who don’t get enough sleep have a higher risk of obesity, diabetes, injuries, poor mental health, and problems with attention and behavior.

Parents can do their part to help their teen sleep

One of the most important habits to instill at this age is setting — and abiding by — a media curfew.

It’s a common stereotype assigned to teenagers in movies and TV shows. They emerge from a messy bedroom, yawning and running fingers through disheveled hair — oblivious to what’s going on in the world. Hilarity ensues when mom or dad crack wise about the teen sleeping all day.

The truth is teenagers do need more sleep than the average adult. But despite what

better, including setting up a media curfew.

Require your teen to get off SnapChat, TikTok and all social media and electronics no later than 9 p.m. The brain needs time to unwind and settle into a good night’s sleep. And while teens are more likely than other age groups to have active social lives outside the family, encourage your teen to get the same amount of sleep every night. While it might feel good to “catch up on your sleep” on the weekends, in the long run, getting a solid eight to 10 hours a night is better for your teen’s mental and physical health.

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YOU DON’T NEED AN ILLNESS TO NEED A DOCTOR. Regular wellness visits with a primary care provider at Sanford Health can lead to better overall health. Better health care starts with a provider who’s a familiar face. Someone who actually knows you and understands your concerns and your goals.

We’re here before you need us. We’re here when you need us. We’re here after you need us.

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