9. Queer students reflect on their identities

Queer students reflect on their identities for LGBT History Month

Three students chat about their life experiences and offer advice to any queer individuals who may be struggling

RACHEL GAYNOR

October is here and with it comes LGBT History Month.

LGBT History Month is the annual observance of LGBTcommunity and civil rights movements. It exists to highlight and celebrate lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people’s history of accomplishments.

Since 2006, 31 LGBT icons are designated each year as exemplary role models worthy of commemoration in their communities. There is one icon per day, for the whole month.

The official history month was originally founded in 1994 by Rodney Wilson, a high-school teacher in Missouri. In 1995, a resolution was passed in the National Education Association in America that included LGBT history as a commemorative month. October was chosen because it coincides with National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11 and the anniversary of the first march in Washington for gay and lesbian rights.

Over the years, LGBT History Month has shifted from primarily being a call to action, to being a recognition of the progress already made, and the people who made it possible.

To learn more about the community, we asked three LGBTQ+ students on-campus some questions about their identities:

Shannon Boss (they/them), a PhD candidate in philosophy entering their fifth year of study; Emily Brown (she/they), a fifth year theatre studies student; and Heather Counts (she/her), a fourth year marine freshwater and biology student.

1) What labels do you use for your sexuality and gender?

S.B.: I’m bisexual and genderqueer. I’m also practicing non-monogamy, but am still figuring out what sort of non-monogamous relationships I want and am capable of being in.

E.B.: For my sexuality, I like to use the label queer but I align best with pansexual. In terms of gender, I am still trying to figure that out, but I’m still okay with female-leaning terms to describe myself.

H.C.: I identify as a cis gay woman. Gay is an easier umbrella term, but lesbian is also accurate, just longer.

2) When did you figure out you were queer?

S.B.: I always had some sense that I was queer, just sort of not feeling like I fit in with prescribed gender norms and sexual desires, but I didn’t fully realize [or] embrace my queerness until summer of 2020. I had shaved off all my hair and had an awakening of sorts. I had been going to protests for George Floyd’s murder while I was in the states, and being around other very queer and punk folks gave me the inspiration and courage to embrace my queer side.

E.B.: In terms of sexuality, I remember having thoughts about being queer in middle school. I had a crush on my best friend and thought that meant I was a lesbian. In high school, I started to come out as bisexual. Thinking about my gender has been more recent of a realization.

H.C.: I think I always knew because I would want to be around certain friends more than others. But it wasn’t until I was in middle school I really figured out what the LGBTQ community was and Grade 9 is when I started coming to terms with my sexuality.

3) How has being queer impacted you throughout your life?

S.B.: The biggest way being queer has impacted me has been in my romantic relationships, specifically the difficultly of knowing I’m queer but feeling the pressure to participate in compulsory heterosexuality. While that hasn’t been the only reason I’ve had bad relationships, feelings of gender dysphoria and bi-phobia have definitely made having healthy relationships difficult, at least in the past. I’ve more recently started practicing non-monogamy and that has been a lot more difficult for people in my life to understand and accept. Because I have other privileges, I’ve felt that my sexuality and even gender have mostly been accepted in the places I frequent. With non-monogamy though, I now often have to explain and justify myself to people and that’s really taxing.

E.B.: Being queer has impacted my life in both positive and not-so-positive ways. Of course I’ve struggled with getting acceptance from people around me and from myself as well as [coming] to terms with being queer, but I think that I’m quite privileged in my experience as a queer person.

H.C.: In short, quite a bit. Growing up in California first and then Texas, I was exposed to two different sides of acceptance for homosexuality. Being gay is what has had me biting my tongue and looking over my shoulder for many years now, but it also has taught me how to stand tall and be braver.

4) How has being queer impacted you during your research/studies?

S.B.: I think my queerness has made me more open to confronting and challenging my own and other people's views, which obviously helps my ability to hold and critique all sorts of positions. It can be uncomfortable to examine your unchallenged views, but I think because being queer is made to be an uncomfortable experience [because] of all the norms you go against, you get more comfortable in that discomfort.

E.B.: I am also lucky enough to say that being queer has largely affected me positively over the course of my studies. I am so grateful to be able to be in a program with a lot of other queer students and staff, and over my last four years at Guelph, seeing so many queer people in these spaces has helped me to accept myself and feel proud in my queerness.

H.C.: I think in my latter years of study, I haven't been impacted as much as before. But when I was younger, coming to terms with my sexuality also meant being distracted a lot due to having a million thoughts that weren’t school-related running through my mind, like fear of the future.

5) Have there been any resources or support systems that helped you in relation to your sexuality and/or gender? If so, what were they?

S.B.: The thing that comes to mind most vividly for me is Jessica Fern’s book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-Monogamy (2020). It’s a great resource for non-monog folks, but I also think monogamous folks will gain something from reading it too.

E.B.: Not particularly. Mostly having other queer individuals around when I need them [has helped]. Most of my friends and many of my peers are also queer and that has helped tremendously in times of need.

H.C.: For me, it was social media which became LGBTQ positive through algorithms. Also, having friends giving me reassurances that it was okay to be me [helped], even if some people found that different or weird.

6) What message do you have for queer students who are not out or who are struggling with their sexuality and/or gender?

S.B.: I’d like to tell those folks that you are loved and you are worthy and that you are queer enough.

E.B.: It’ll be okay! I know that’s a hard thing to hear when you’re going through hard times, but it’s true, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far. In first year, I was very alone and I never thought that I would have people that really understood me. I never thought that I’d be able to fully be myself and that I’d always have to hide a part of myself to be accepted, but that’s not true at all. I found my people eventually and I couldn’t be more proud of who I am. You will find your people and your community even if it doesn’t feel like it right now!

H.C.: Take your time. It feels like the whole world will stop and be turned upside down if you come out, and maybe it will, but it also might not. Don’t be afraid to make LGBTQ friends because friends can become an amazing support system.

If you identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, there is support and community to be found in the university and in the city. Here are three resources at the University of Guelph. Reach out if you need support or want to meet others.

• Guelph Queer Equality is a team dedicated to fighting oppression and promoting diversity on campus and in the region. Email: info@grcged.com

• The Guelph Resource Centre for Gender Empowerment and Diversity (GRCGED) offers peer support and one-on-one assistance for students. It also offers a safe space on campus (UC 107) for individuals to chat or relax in.

• OUTline provides peer support and information services on issues relating to sexual orientation and gender diversity. It also offers an online chat where individuals may speak with a trained LGBTQ2IA+ volunteer. Phone: 519-836-4550

Heather Counts (she/her) is in her fourth year of marine freshwater and biology.

Shannon Boss (they/them) is a PhD candidate in philosophy entering their fifth year of study.

Emily Brown (she/they) is in their fifth year of theatre studies.