March 2019 18
www.OneTribeMagazine.com
The definitive style magazine for
MIND
BODY
and
SOUL
Join the world’s most inspirational creative writers living their lives in technicolour.
Wherever YOU are in the world, this is YOUR TRIBE, we together are ONE TRIBE. Featuring: What
It Took For Me To Forgive Madeleine Black How To Stop Saying Yes To Sh*t You Hate Kassie Rhodenizer Creating Results In Our Lives Dawn Bates Clearing Out The Cobwebs Pinky Ghadiali Overcoming Intercultural Differences Through The Power Of Emotional Awareness Isabel Hundt The Best Way To Move Forward Robert Landau The Power of Positivity Selena D. Valentine Are You Living An Abundant Life? Karyn Holt Balanced Mind, Inspired Heart Samareh Rahnavardi How Strong Does A Boy Have To Be To Lift His Self-Esteem Dean Powell Crying Can Be So Healing And Healthy Isik Tlabar Develop Your Emotions For Success And Happiness Shirley Palmer It’s Not The Whiney Little Bitch Conversation We Need To Have It’s The One About Impotence Instead Joanna Intara 10 Life Lessons Learnt By A Waitress Turned Coach And Counsellor Adina Oltean Allow Your Cork To Rise For Your Abundance To Flow Vanessa Louise Moore Saviour Or Collaborator Dawn Bates Luck or Divine Appointment? Christine Saunders & Jonathan Darling What If Today You Chose What’s Best For You? Samantha Caroline Lavallée Celebrating Our Uniqueness Lyn Halvorsen
Imagine a world where we don’t appear in physical body but vibrate as that little light that radiates messages in terms of emotions into the world. One light connecting with another becomes an even brighter light in this world and suddenly all differences t Isabel Hund become our strength in unity. Page 14
Our cover features the amazing Isabel Hundt (above), a highly respected Speaker and Transformation Coach from Indiana, USA. You can read Isabel’s insightful article ‘Overcoming intercultural differences through the power of emotional awareness’ on page 14 – One Tribe Magazine will transform the way you see yourself and the world around you. So, get ready to LOVE YOUR LIFE, as our creative writers share fresh perspectives, inspiring stories and simple, easy-to-follow steps that will help you through life’s many challenges. We would like to thank our fabulous creative writers for their amazing insights and you, our wonderful readers for your continued support over these 18 issues. Have a fabulous month and remember to share the love and live your life in glorious technicolour. – Kenny Ball (Editor and Creative Director) (Please note our writers are from all over the globe where there are variations in English dialect, to preserve authenticity we have retained these variations throughout the magazine). Photos and text are Copyright to the respective authors and OTM. © 2019 One Tribe Magazine | OneTribeMagazine.com | OneTribe.Media
2 | OneTribeMagazine.com
Contents One Soul Tribe
Love
World Self
What It Took For Me To Forgive Madeleine Black | 04 How To Stop Saying Yes To Sh*t You Hate Kassie Rhodenizer | 06 Creating Results In Our Lives Dawn Bates | 10 Clearing Out The Cobwebs Pinky Ghadiali | 12 Overcoming Intercultural Differences Through The Power Of Emotional Awareness Isabel Hundt | 14 The Best Way To Move Forward Robert Landau | 20 The Power of Positivity Selena D. Valentine | 25 Are You Living An Abundant Life? Karyn Holt | 26 Balanced Mind, Inspired Heart Samareh Rahnavardi | 28 How Strong Does A Boy Have To Be To Lift His Self-Esteem Dean Powell | 30 Crying Can Be So Healing And Healthy Isik Tlabar | 32 Develop Your Emotions For Success And Happiness Shirley Palmer | 34 It’s Not The Whiney Little Bitch ConversationWe Need To Have It’s The One About Impotence Instead Joanna Intara | 36 10 Life Lessons Learnt By A Waitress Turned Coach And Counsellor Adina Oltean | 38 Allow Your Cork To Rise For Your Abundance To Flow Vanessa Louise Moore | 40 Saviour Or Collaborator Dawn Bates | 43 Luck or Divine Appointment? Christine Saunders & Jonathan Darling | 44 What If Today You Chose What’s Best For You? Samantha Caroline Lavallée | 46 Celebrating Our Uniqueness Lyn Halvorsen | 48
Find your HAPPY! MA GAZINE
Subscribe TODAY OneTribeMagazine.com | 3
“
Forgiveness for me was an act of self-love, I chose to let go of all the pain, hate and resentment which has resulted in a much more peaceful and content way to live my life. – Madeleine Black
4 | OneTribeMagazine.com
What it took for me to
FORGIVE Madeleine Black | Author of Unbroken, Public Speaker and Psychotherapist.
I never intended to forgive the two young men who gang-raped me when I was 13 years old. I wanted to hate them forever. As far as I was concerned they were evil, sadistic animals and I wanted someone to kidnap them, tie them up, beat them up, rape and torture them just like they had done to me for hours on end. But in 2003, a series of events released memories that I had previously locked deep within. My eldest daughter was turning 13; I was attending workshops and studying for a psychotherapy course. The memories of that night started to come back. They haunted me in a way that they hadn’t before, and I was no longer able to block them out. The memories were very disturbing; like a porn film running in my mind and, to be honest, for a long time, I thought I was going mad. Surely if it were that bad, then I would have remembered it? I now know that it’s common for our minds to numb out and shut off disturbing memories after a trauma, but they can resurface many years later, once your mind thinks you are strong enough. So I decided I needed some help to get rid of the memories. But, I quickly discovered that I couldn’t get rid of them. I had to face them and learn to accept what was done to me to recover and heal from that night. I learned that the way in was the way out.
It was during therapy that my therapist suggested to me that maybe they weren’t born rapists. I could not believe what I was hearing and was completely outraged by what he was saying. But he planted a seed within my mind, and that seed started to grow. The boys weren’t much older than I was, perhaps 17 or 18 and I wanted to understand what went so wrong for them. How did they know how to be so violent to another human being? What had they heard, witnessed, or experienced that changed them so much? I do believe that we all come into this world the same way--as an innocent baby; like a blank sheet of paper. I don’t think anyone is born a rapist, murderer, or burglar. Rather, we are conditioned by life, which shapes the path and decisions we make. A good friend of mine used to be a midwife, and she told me that she has delivered thousands of babies but has never once met an evil one. This idea stayed with me. And once I truly understood that truth, I felt for the young men. In their dehumanizing of me, I realized that they had dehumanized themselves and were cut off to their own source of aliveness.
I came up with a plan which I called my “Best Revenge” many years ago. I decided to become a mother and live as good a life as I could. I chose to be happy, but I often wonder what must it be like to live with what you do to another human being. Forgiveness for me initially was an act of self-love as I had so much blame and shame for what had happened to me. And then it became an act of understanding towards them. I chose to let go of all the pain, hate and resentment I felt for years, which has resulted in a much more peaceful and content way to live my life. After all, they would have no idea if I was consumed by hate, bitterness or revenge. The only person it hurt was me and all those in my life. My healing came when I finally faced all the details of what they did to me on that night and learned to integrate it. I realized that I’m not my body or the things that they have done to me. The real essence of me could never be touched. And if I am not what was done to me; are they what they did to me?
Keep up to date with Madeleine on Facebook
And the more I thought about being gang-raped, I couldn’t help but take them into my heart, and I started to feel compassion and forgiveness towards them.
OneTribeMagazine.com | 5
“
We need to slow down, start saying NO more often and take time to reset and recharge. – Kassie Rhodenizer
6 | OneTribeMagazine.com
How to stop saying yes to
sh*t you hate (without offending your loved ones) Kassie Rhodenizer l Freedom Mindset Coach
How much time do you spend doing things you hate? Meeting up with that friend who is an energy vampire, who makes you feel like you need a nap the second you leave? Heading to that work event that you just need to “make an appearance” at? Invited to a friend’s birthday party and feel like you have to go because you go every year? I know the feeling because I used to spend the majority of my time doing things I didn’t truly want to be doing. Saying yes to everything just because I felt like I had to, or because I didn’t have a good excuse as to why I couldn’t make it. Often we feel that taking time to ourselves, to do nothing and rest, is not considered an acceptable reason to say no.
Why is it that we feel we need an excuse to justify how to spend our OWN precious time? Many of us have been brought up thinking that we have to always accommodate and please others. Perhaps it stems from a fear of not being loved or accepted if we don’t cater to the people in our lives. We have trained people to know that we will always say YES when they ask and that we will always show up even if it leaves us feeling stressed, anxious and always in a hurry. We have trained them to know that we will overextend ourselves to accommodate them, even if we have to show up as just a shell of a person, tired and feeling like crap! Holidays, birthdays and special events become a given that we have to attend for the people around us, no matter how we are feeling or whether we’re able to show up at our best. How many times have you thought or said, “I have no choice but go to that” or “I just have to make an appearance for a little while”? In our society today, it’s normal to be exhausted and stressed when showing up to spend time with friends and family. We live in a society where exhaustion and overwhelm are the NORM, and yet we continue to pile more and more on to our plate with things that we DON’T EVEN ENJOY DOING! What’s up with that? Showing up fully When we drag our butt to these activities and engagements, it’s not
only unfair to us, but it’s also unfair to the people that we care about. Who really wants a grumpy-grump sitting in the corner at their birthday party, ready for a nap? Or the person who shows up at their “girls night out” who can’t even hold a conversation because what they really need to be doing is at home relaxing and unwinding? Our time really is precious. It is our most precious commodity, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend another damn minute of my time doing something I don’t enjoy! What can I do about it? It’s time to re-train the people in our lives to know that when we ARE able to show up for them, we will show up fully. We will be present, engaged and involved, and we will give them the best of us. To do this, we need to slow down, start saying NO more often and take time to reset and recharge. In an ideal world, we would all be able to express a clear, firm NO without needing an excuse and without feeling guilty about it, but for those of us who have been a peoplepleaser for most of our lives, this may seem to extreme to start out with. We have been conditioned to feel like we need an excuse to be able to say no to something. It can be especially hard to say NO to close friends and family. We don’t want them to think we are selfish or inconsiderate.
OneTribeMagazine.com | 7
Trust me, I get it! So how do we communicate a NO to the people in our lives that we care about? The trick is to get out AHEAD of the invitation. First, come up with a list of the people in your life who you are always saying “yes” to. This could be people you see often, or people you only see from time to time. Once you have your list, you’re going to approach each one of those people and have a conversation with them to let them know that you’re not going to be saying “yes” as often as you used to, because you’ve realized the importance of taking care of yourself. You can frame it something like this: “I’ve been reflecting on the last few years and have realized that I’ve been overwhelmed, stressed and exhausted most of the time, so I’m going to start taking better care of myself. I love our time together, but when I’m tired and overextending
8 | OneTribeMagazine.com
myself I’m not able to show up for you like I want to. So, moving forward I’m not going to say yes to all of the things I used to. BUT, this means that when I do show up for you, I can be at my best, and give you the time and energy you deserve, instead of showing up as just a shell of a person who really needs down time or rest.” This approach is simple, effective, and the people who truly love and respect you will understand if you communicate this in a loving way. They want the best FOR you, and they want the best OF you, so if this will help accomplish both of those things, they will be on board! If anybody argues with you, they may not understand the importance of self-care, and that’s okay. Just know that you’re taking the right step to better take care of YOU, and that’s the most important thing you can do!
Keep up to date with Kassie on: Facebook & Instagram
“
I’m not going to say yes to all of the things I used to, this means that when I do show up for you, I can be at my best and give you the time and energy you deserve, – Kassie Rhodenizer
OneTribeMagazine.com | 9