Chicken Fried News

Illustrations by Jerry Bennett

With any luck, this might be the last issue where we discuss Kevin in the present tense.

With the race neck-and-neck as both candidates near the finish line, one thing is for certain — a Republican is going to win the race.

Sure, Joy Hofmeister is running as a Democrat to beat Stitt and she just might. With any luck, Oklahomans won’t spend the next four years facepalming themselves every time they read a headline. Or at least we’ll all be facepalming ourselves over a new crop of homegrown stupidity.

Kevin seems to have given up hope, or at least pretenses, in perhaps the most jaw-dropping soundbite of his entire term.

“Being top 10 is an aspirational goal. It’s something that we’re never going to hit, but it directs us in that we live in the greatest state in the country. The American dream is alive and well in Oklahoma.”

Wow. It took almost four years, but finally a moment of candor before his usual script.

If that wasn’t enough of a self-own during the debate hosted by NonDoc and News9, Hofmeister piled on the char with this mic drop and the final thought Chicken Fried News will leave you with before you head to the polls:

“This is a governor who has squandered, mismanaged and lost millions of taxpayer dollars on his watch with his appointees. Let’s just talk about those facts. The state auditor in 2021 shows $41 million in questioned costs among agencies that he has control over. $20 million in missing PPE inven-

Vote us Best Naughty Business!

LINGERIE • ADULT TOYS • BDSM & FETISH ITEMS • LOTIONS • NOVELTY GIFTS & CARDS THANKS OKC FOR MAKING PATRICIA’S THE #1 ADULT BOUTIQUE FOR 21 YEARS!

615 E. MEMORIAL, OKC • 405-755-8600 2333 E 71ST ST, TULSA • 918-499-1661 7925 E 41ST ST, TULSA • 918-627-4884

8009 W. RENO, OKC • 405-792-2020 5634 W SKELLY DR, TULSA • 918-446-6336 11344 E 11TH ST, TULSA • 918-438-4224 @PATRICIASSTORES @PATRICIASGIFTSHOP

tory paid for and never received. $12 million lost in the Swadley’s scandal. Can’t even trust you with barbecue.”

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6

BAD SUNS with LAST DINOSAURS, QUARTERS OF CHANGE THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10 GIRL TALK

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11

JOSH MELOY with MASON LIVELY, GANNON FREMIN & CCREV SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12 THE FLOOZIES

with CLOUDCHORD, RECYCLED FUNK SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13 POKEY LaFARGE & HOT CLUB OF COWTOWN

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 CHELSEA CUTLER

with AYOKAY THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17 HARI KONDABOLU

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18 CODY CANADA & THE DEPARTED

with THEM DIRTY ROSES, WAVES SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19

JON WOLFE with CODY HIBBARD FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25 JASON BOLAND & THE STRAGGLERS

with TANNER USREY SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26 TEXAS HIPPIE COALITIONSON

& ARANDA // CANCER SUCKS CONCERT MONDAY, DECEMBER 5 SILVERSUN PICKUPS

with WILDERADO, CAFUNE WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7 TRAMPLED BY TURTLES

with SUMBUCK (ft TAYLOR MEIER OF CAAMP) FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9 FLATLAND CAVALRY

with VANDOLIERS, COLE CHANEY C A I N S B A L L R O O M . C O M

Recreational, or adult use, cannabis will be getting a vote this March and it’ll pass if all the stoners remember to show up to the polls.

Kevin, who was saved by challenges to the title from having the initiative up for a vote on his ballot, set a March 7 special election vote for State Question 820. This is great news for the nearly 10 percent of Oklahomans who renew their pay-for-play medical cannabis licenses every two years and even better news for the other 90 percent of the state when it comes to freedom of access. Better still for travelers from out of state who have been hearing the buzz about the thriving local culture (and not just cannabis). The current licensing charade now amounts to a 21st-century version of drinking clubs in dry counties. Join the club, get the rewards of cheap and plentiful products. Shun the club, suffer the consequences if caught.

But just as the vast majority of the state of Oklahoma has moved beyond the issue of legal liquor by the drink, it should also just put the concept of licensed cannabis use in the rearview.

President Joe Biden has also advanced the idea of federal pardons for simple cannabis possession (which accounts for a miniscule number of federal inmates) while urging governors to do the same for state convictions. We’ll believe it when cannabis is rescheduled, but for now it remains a federal crime.

When the line between whether you get sent on your way with your stash or get put behind bars is a matter of a couple hundred bucks and a piece of plastic, you have to accept the program (which has had four years to evolve) for what it really is — a class separation to equal access of the same substance based on means.