
4 minute read
Chicken Fried News
from 2022 Alcoholmanac

Illustrations by Jerry Bennett The bad news is that U.S. Senator Jim Inhofe still represents Oklahoma. The good news is that this is the last year any of us can say that.
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To those of us who have lived with his name in our local headlines all of our lives, it feels like hell has frozen over. His retirement will trigger a special election this year, which sounds like a good thing until you remember that the Trump Party candidates in this state are a special breed of batshit crazy, the kind that make national headlines and tell Marjorie Taylor Greene to hold their beers.
Inhofe has already endorsed his top aide, Luke Holland, to assume his seat when he calls it quits after this year’s legislative session.
“Luke is proud to have the endorsement of Senator Inhofe, with whom he’s worked alongside for years fighting socialists in Washington, standing up for our freedoms, and working to pass the Trump agenda,” his website states.
Great. Just great.
For the first time in decades, Oklahoma has a chance to change up its national representation and bring some fresh ideas to the table. Unfortunately, he’s drinking from the same tepid, stagnant bog that has helped keep Oklahoma rising in the top tens of the bottom of the barrel.
“As a fourth generation Oklahoman, I know America is the greatest country in the world. It’s a gift from God, and that’s why we must d o ev -
erything we can to stop the march toward socialism, stand up to China, and get President Trump’s agenda back on track,” according to Holland’s snooze of a campaign pledge.
His website doesn’t have a campaign slogan yet, so we’re offering one free of charge:
“Luke Holland for U.S. Senate: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.”
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Conservatives sure are doubling down on banning books no one would ever accuse them of reading.
Given, Oklahoma Attorney General John O’Connor has since rescinded his plan to investigate 51 books found on library shelves, as originally reported by The Frontier. But the fact that he even considered it should send shivers down all of our spines.
And it wasn’t just contemporary books that have gone without thorough review or discussion. Also included on O’Connor’s hit list were classics like Of Mice and Men, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and The Lord of the Flies. There are also some real headscratchers on the list like Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. And while it’s hilarious to think about some befuddled censor trying to digest Michel Houellebecq’s Whatever, how that even managed to make it onto the list is a mystery unto itself.
“We have to also look at things and decide for our community standards what is pornography?... And usually if a number of parents are shocked that a given photo or diagram is inappropriate, that should be reviewed and they should look at removing the use of that book or whatever,” O’Connor told The Frontier.
“A lot of the effort seems to be, in some circles it’s considered cool to expose kids to drawings of, say, homosexual sex in a diagram. And many parents, including me, disagree with that, whether it’s homosexual or heterosexual sex,” he said.
What?
Also, who’s going to be the one to tell O’Connor that the vast majority of books on his list are chapter books, not picture books?
And while O’Connor’s list may have been scrapped, as previously discussed here, Senate Bill 1142, proposed by state Sen. Rob Standridge, which prohibits any discussion of sexual or gender identity on school library shelves and may result in up to a $10,000 fine if not pulled from them, is very much still on the books. And that’s a scarier story than anything Alvin Schwartz ever penned.


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