CO N T E N T S FO R E WO R D By L e e K l a n ch e r 1
I ’M A N AT U R A L- B O R N SA LE S M A N Ap r il 16 , 1927 4
THE INDIRECT METHOD A ug u st 6 , 1927 22
I ’M A H A R D - B O I LE D B OZO S e pte m be r 2 4 , 1927 44
T H E WO N D E R S O F S C I E N C E Fe b r u a r y 11, 1928 66
T RO U B LE W I T H T H E E X P E N S E ACCO U N T Fe b r u a r y 25, 1928 86
T H E B I G SA LE S TA LK Ap r il 7, 1928 11 0
S E CO N D H A N D S T U F F S e pte m be r 8 , 1928 130
THE BIG ENDUR ANCE TEST S e pte m be r 22 , 1928 150
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B O T T S B EG I N S
BIG BUSINESS O cto be r 13 , 1928 168
SA N DY I N LE T D e ce m be r 15, 1928 188
T H E O LD H O M E TOW N Ma rch 9, 1929 212
A LWAYS P O LI T E Ma rch 3 0 , 1929 228
A B O U T W I LLI A M H A Z LE T T U P S O N 2 52
A B O U T A LE X A N D E R B OT T S 253
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FO R E WO R D
Conquering t he M odern World wit h M r. A lexander B ot t s BY L E E K L A N C H E R
The stories of Alexander Botts and his adventures selling Earthworm tractors were created during a time when machines were going to save the world. In 1927, when Botts was introduced to the world in the Saturday Evening Post, machines and factories were changing society at a breakneck pace. Motorized equipment was one of the wonders of the era, transforming people’s daily lives and physically reshaping the world around them. Things we take for granted today—a quick trip to the store that doesn’t require hitching up a wagon or saddling a horse, bright lights in your home that turn on with the flip of a switch, and powerful machines capable of moving mountains—were headline news in the dynamic environment of the early 20th century. In the stories penned by William Hazlett Upson, the Earthworm tractor is a modern marvel constantly performing previously unthinkable tasks. Impassable snow-covered roads are opened for traffic, vast housing tracts are cleared in days, forty acres of farmland are plowed in a single day, and the bottomless Great Gumbo Swamp that could not be crossed with horses and wagons is conquered with tracks and internal combustion. While the wonders of new technology are a theme to the work, the central character, the bumbling master salesman Alexander Botts, was most likely the force who drove millions of readers to follow his escapades in The Saturday Evening Post. Comprised of letters and telegrams between Botts and the Earthworm Tractor Company, the stories inspired a popular movie, a short-lived comic strip, a one-act play, and nearly a dozen books. Upson came to his topic area honestly. After trying his hand as a farmer and later serving time in an infantry division of the U.S. Army, Upson took a job working on the motor assembly line of the Caterpillar Tractor Company. He was pulled from the line and assigned to help the sales force put on field demonstrations of their crawlers. “My new job turned out 1
B O T T S B EG I N S
to be about one-tenth demonstrating and nine-tenths repairing brokendown old tractors in cow sheds, barnyards, and on the open prairie,” he wrote in a humorous autobiographical piece, “Ergophobia,” published in the June 24, 1933, edition of The Saturday Evening Post. Upson’s work with Caterpillar led him to his true calling. “The tractors themselves are truly fascinating pieces of machinery. The people who own them and work with them are, almost without exception, splendid fellows. And the business is so full of adventures and idiotic incidents that it was a delight to be associated with it.” Believing that the general public should know more about the machines and people who ran them, Upson began writing the Alexander Botts stories. Once The Saturday Evening Post picked them up, they became quite popular and Upson had found himself a profession writing about one of the newest, most exciting technologies of his time. Upson’s experiences gave him a well of authenticity to his machine stories, but there is more to them than just heavy equipment saving the day. Upson’s entertaining prose paints Botts as a bit of a self-aggrandizing buffoon willing to pull off stunts to garner a sale, and certainly part of what makes the stories fun to read is seeing through Bott’s grandiose declarations to the foolishness that actually took place. Underneath the satire and salesmanship of Upson’s character lies the solid ground of core American values. While Botts is willing to stretch the rules to make a sale, the victim always benefits from the wonders of the new tracked machines. And as we get to know Botts, his bedrock values extend well beyond the entertaining shell of an inexperienced salesman unwilling to own up to his considerable mistakes. As the stories progress and Upson shapes his central character, Botts emerges as a bit of an American working class hero, or at the least a figure whose often misguided actions lead to end results that benefit the honest and the underprivileged.
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Foreword
When Botts is sent out to repossess a machine from a young couple unable to make their payments, he bumbles his way into finding them prosperity. A crooked politician is dispatched, as are multiple other figures of questionable character. The underdogs are served by the blundering salesman, who even develops a little humility in “The Big Sales Talk.” Upson’s craft improves during the course of the stories as well. Not only does his prose get more colorful, Upson also concocts increasingly outrageous and cleverly structured situations for Botts and the Earthworm tractors to confront. Those are the big draws, the literary substance that satisfies the soul. The details are equally appealing. Botts is on the road during an era when communication to the head office was akin to radio communication with the moon. His notes are sent via mail and telegram, and Botts has no choice but to work independently. That is part of the amusement, because so many of his decisions lead to outrageous situations. The distance also makes his relationship with his employer tumultuous, and he as often as not gets fired, or quits. Somehow, through all this, the ever upbeat Botts makes the sale and keeps his job. Lastly, part of the joy of the book that rings like a bell today is traveling back to remote parts of our world from nearly 100 years ago. On the road, far from the cities of then and the bothersome connectivity of today, Botts roams free in a world where snow closes roads for weeks on end, visitors are put up as guests without question, microphones are magical devices, and the most vexing problem of the day can be solved with a sixty-horsepower crawler.
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THE I N D I R EC T METHOD I L LU S T R AT E D BY TO N Y S A R G
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T r o u b l e w i t h t h e E x p e n s e Acco u n t
flannel shirt, felt hat and heavy shoes. And as His Lordship and I are about the same size, the garments fitted me very well. As soon as this change had been made I took His Lordship out to the tractor and gave him a thorough and splendid demonstration. His Lordship, in spite of the fact that he is a foreigner, appears to have real intelligence. His questions showed that he has a thorough grasp of the principles of automotive engineering. We put in a very interesting and profitable two hours driving about, hooking onto various pieces of farm equipment, plowing, harrowing, and pulling up stumps and otherwise testing out the strength of the machine. During this whole time I felt my liking for this gentleman increasing more and more, and it was with great sadness that I reflected upon the fact that he was so unfortunate as to be married to the disagreeable person I had heard speaking the day before. My sorrow for the sad plight of His Lordship, however, was somewhat mitigated by the thought that I myself have so far escaped a similar misfortune. And I could not help congratulating myself upon the fact that although I am fairly attractive to the opposite sex I have been strongminded enough to resist all blandishments and have remained a free and independent bachelor. At the conclusion of the demonstration I parked the tractor in front of the bungalow, and His Lordship went inside to see if there was any We put in a very interesting and profitable two hours driving about, hooking onto various pieces of farm equipment, plowing, harrowing, and pulling up stumps and otherwise testing out the strength of the machine.
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B O T T S B EG I N S
All this time Mr. Jones kept waving and smiling at me in a most vulgar and insolent manner.
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BIG BUSINESS
Farmers’ Friend Tractor Company Makers of Earthworm Tractors Western Office, Harvester Building San Francisco, California April 19, 1924. Mr. Alexander Botts, Biltmore Hotel, Los Angeles, California. DEAR MR. BOTTS: We have just received a letter from Mr. Spencer K. Yerkes, President of the Bianca Beach Development Corporation, requesting information about Earthworm tractors. Mr. Yerkes states that he is starting the development of a resort property near Los Angeles and will have to do a great deal of grading. We have written him that you will call on him, and we are depending on you to secure his order for as many tractors as his proposed work requires. Very truly yours, J.D. Whitcomb, Western Sales Manager. ——— Farmers’ Friend Tractor Company, Salesman’s Daily Report. Date: April 21, 1924. Written from: Biltmore Hotel, Los Angeles, California. Written by: Alexander Botts, Salesman. Your letter came yesterday. I called on Mr. Yerkes this afternoon. And I have every reason to suppose that I am about to put across one of the most important deals that I have ever handled since I first became a salesman for the Farmers’ Friend Tractor Company. Mr. Yerkes is a big business man in the largest sense of the word, and it is therefore lucky that you entrusted this job to a man like myself, who is able to handle big things. When I tell you exactly what I have done so far you will realize what a tremendous proposition this is, and you will see that I am handling affairs 169