A Visual Introspection

A

VISUAL

INTROSPECTION

Jose Hernandez

f r oz e n i n t i m e

P R O L O G U E there’s something about immortalizing our mundane experiences for the rest of the universe’s lifespan that’s always seemed daunting to me. i think that’s a good thing. it makes me strive to make everything i put out there as good as i can make it.

A PL ACE IN LIFE

a recurring feeling in my life has been that of thriving to achieve that which seems unobtainable, distant. much like a vessel in the midst of a seemingly unending ocean. the shore is always getting nearer, despite how long the journey to get there has been.

“‘it’s almost over‘, you say with a sigh. will our lives be better when we make it to the other side?“ -Conan Gray, The Other Side

i could live in paradise and still want to break out of it at all costs. a prisoner of the situations i put myself into. often in life we don’t stop to wonder if we are in the right place. with the right people. peeking out the window could give your life a new purpose: point your ship in a new direction.

“‘didn’t they tell us ‘don’t rush into things‘? didn’t you flash your green eyes at me?“ -Taylor Swift, Wonderland

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distant the walled garden

endless ponder

when the final day of my life comes, what will i be remembered for? what will be my impact on the world? it seems as if dying has a bigger meaning than being born, and i believe the reason comes down to our constant fear of impermanence. i don’t want to leave without living on for the rest of eternity through my actions, my legacy.

“it’s true that all that you know is all that you are, you said that it’s all that you want and more“ -Post Malone, Stay

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SEEKING IDENTIT Y

numerous times have i felt as if one can’t possibly know where one’s headed if we don’t first know who we even are. all those instances in which i was able to rebuild my life by answering to myself all the questions about my identity. what do i stand for? what am i seeking? who am i?

“searching for meaning, but are we all lost stars trying to light up the dark?“ -Adam Levine, Lost Stars

a timeline slit

F E A R A N D A C C E P TA N C E

despite what we’ve been told uncountably many times, running away from our problems is the healthiest option in some circumstances. i came to find out that no longer sharing your life with your other half after becoming seemingly inseparable is one of the most terrifying things that can happen in my life. escaping from that cruel, intimidating reality was ultimately a crucial element in healing, and becoming the person i pride myself to be today. i also found that real experiences can often seem surreal when you’re in the wrong state of mind, and getting into the right state of mind can be achieved through finding your new direction in life; determining who are the people you want to surround yourself with, what’s that goal you’ll start navigating towards? a getaway from your reality might be just what you need to sort all that out.

“we were driving the getaway car, we were flying but we’d never get far. don’t pretend it’s such a mystery. think about the place where you first met me“ -Taylor Swift, Getaway Car

escape from reality

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the choice to make peace

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A R A I N B O W A F T E R T H E S TO R M having to make choices is one of the hardest things for me. especially those that involve letting go. i could never let go of what once i thought was happiness because i was afraid that i would never be able to find it again, even if the sacrifice meant bettering myself. unfortunately for me, happiness later made that choice without those same considerations for me.

sometimes i just wish i could let go of everything in life and spend the rest of my days in paradise, or the closest thing i have available. myself is the only thing i will always be able to enjoy, and i will never not take that opportunity.

time slowed down

ESCAPISM AND COPING one of the better coping mechanisms for dealing with the tumultuous reality is often escapism. placing yourself in a new reality you choose to believe in. not a perfect one, but rather one with imperfections you know how to deal with. writing a novel, writing a song, painting on a canvas, and yes, photography are perfect catalysts for escapism.

“we were like the mall before the internet. it was the one place to be. the mischief. the gift-wrapped suburban dreams. sorry for not winning you an arcade ring” -Taylor Swift, coney island

poppies and barbed wire

writer’s disease

even the most beautiful things in life come with drawbacks. often we are willing to overlook aspects of life that we don’t like just to hold on to those that make it bearable, but from time to time, an exception can happen. a sacred new thing in your life that comes with no strings attached. not because it doesn’t have negative aspects, but because you choose to make them yours .

“life’s a blackening way of drifting us further than we are, and now we’re knee-deep in this mess” -Troye Sivan, could cry just thinkin about you

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T R E A C H E R O U S PAT H S when i decided to vanish back in early 2020, i got to my hotel room and couldn’t help but wonder if every single person in every other room in the hotel was also escaping from their reality. and this illusionary feeling of company, of relatability, helped me realize that we are all the main character in our lives. maybe nobody else there was escaping from a heartbreak, but i was certain that they were all fighting their own battle.

many of my analogies relate to paths and doors. this is because, fundamentally, i believe that is the structure of life. at the end, the goal might be in the same place, but you are the one that decides which paths you take to get there. i often choose to take the calmest paths, even if they are sometimes the longest ones. cotton thorns

the inevitability of company

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not to scale

loving the christmas season so much has turned it into a safe space for me. no matter how south things could possibly go in one year, by the end of it all, this happy place of mine has done enough healing on me so i can keep going and do it all again the next year.

“the funny thing is i was holding back tears, i didn’t think this day would happen. but i’mma ride it ‘til it’s over” -Anderson .Paak, ‘Til It’s Over

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HAPPY PL ACES

i’m not a religious person by any stretch. but christmas is most definitely the most important part of the year for me. it really means a lot. everything from the chill of the winter, the shopping season, the warmth of family gatherings, it all makes me feel right at home, anywhere i am.

“hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you. and i will hold on to you. please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere” -Taylor Swift, New Year’s Day

a wish to take

PE ACE IN THE MUNDANE i’m ever so amazed by the scale of things in our universe. our place in it all. once i read that there are just as many things smaller than us than things larger than us, and i’ve kept that in the back of my mind ever since. do any of our mistakes matter in the grand scheme of things? or is everything we do magnified by our scale?

often i find peace and calm by acknowledging the small, insignificant things that form part of our daily lives. there’s something reassuring about them. maybe it’s their ubiquity in our world that connects them to all of us and we take them all for granted. is it like that when it comes to people too?

boiling emotions

the charm in insignificance

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playing with fire

i’ve always liked landscapes because they remind me that our world is more than just one person. our vision is horizontal because our world is composed of many of us coexisting in the same plane. despite this, our focus shall remain in a single, narrow point, filtering out all the noise, and beautiful things that surround us are collateral damage.

“i can’t help that i think about you every day, and every night, and every morning, and afternoon, and all the time.”

-Chloe Moriondo, Samantha

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T H E I M P O R TA N C E O F AW E

being constantly enamored of things that surround us is an important element for being happy. the feeling of being awestruck by a new experience, or impressed by the things the world throws at you ensures we’re always discovering new things, breaking our monotone routine.

“in the summer, as the lilacs bloom love flows deeper than the river every moment that i spend with you” -Ed Sheeran, How Would You Feel

missing elements

B L I N D I N G C O LO R S flowers are extraordinary creations of nature. it’s almost as if to humans they serve no purpose but to delight our eyes with their breathtaking sights. like flowers, there are many things in life that are only a distraction from what really matters. there is nothing wrong with stopping to admire the beauty of some flowers, as long as you’re aware of what’s at the end of your road.

“these four white walls, they know more than my friends. they watch me type messages i’ll never send” -Sody, is your bedroom ceiling bored?

lost in eden

distracted by you

like a lone, beautiful flower in the garden, it’s possible to often feel unappreciated by everyone surrounding you. like nobody’s giving you the attention or care you deserve. but it’s important to remember that unlike a flower, you can choose the people that surround you, and change them for people that appreciate you for who you really are, not who they want you to be.

“like a rainbow with all of the colors, baby doll when it comes to a lover. i promise that you’ll never find another like me” -Taylor Swift, ME!

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a spiritual guide

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M A N I F E S T I N G C O M PA N I O N

feeling like you don’t belong is one of the worst feelings ever. i spent several years when i was younger trapped in a place where all i could do was pretend to be a person that i will never be, because i had no alternative, no way to leave. until i created that opportunity for myself.

even while on the most toxic place, you can work to build a small safe space where you can hide from all the noise, all the negativity. it’s the best choice you can make for yourself if you can’t leave that toxic environment for whatever reason. it enables you to stay sane, to keep your focus and motivation. pretend oasis

IN THE STILLNESS OF REMEMBERING after a once-in-a-lifetime pandemic has swept through our lives like a hurricane destroys an island, my perspective on death has greatly changed. there’s a big value in honoring those that we have lost. pandemic-caused or otherwise. it reminds us of where we came from, and what we lost. i have lost some of the most important people in my life in the past year to this pandemic, and i believe that should be reason enough to celebrate our health professionals as the heroes they really are for being on the frontline of the most vicious war of our lifetimes.

“something med school did not cover. someone’s daughter, someone’s mother holds your hand through plastic now.”

-Taylor Swift, epiphany dimensions

in eternal memory

this photograph i took in loving memory of a person that will forever remain within my heart. sometimes grieving is not the answer when facing such an important loss. celebration is often more valuable, as it paints their memory in a much more bright and colorful light. mexican celebration of a passed person’s life is all about this. celebrating the positives.

“i hope that i see the world as you did ‘cause i know a life with love is a life that’s been lived, so i’ll sing ‘hallelujah’” -Ed Sheeran, Supermarket Flowers

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ornamentation

how many of your problems are selfinflicted? i often ponder about how seemingly we give a lot of importance to many things that, in the grand scheme of things, are irrelevant. the reason for this, as i see it, is we like to live in the immediacy of the moment, giving weight to the even the slightest of problems, and taking it from lifechanging ones. it’s mostly, what i believe to be a coping mechanism for anxiety.

“the world may be filled with hate, but keep erasing it now, somehow” -Ed Sheeran, Eraser

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W H AT W E C A L L ‘ H O M E ’ a house becomes a home when it means coming to the things you love every single day. the unmatched feeling of safety and warmth provided by coming to the place you have turned sacred by constantly working on improving it comes from our most primitive instincts. from when men used to hunt for food and coming back alive was no easy feat. today we don’t need to survive from wild buffalo, but rather from sometimes equally intimidating problems.

“you and me, we can make this hole a home, we can fill it up with grass and all the things that make it warm” -Cavetown, Things That Make it Warm

dirty laundry

THE HUNT FOR TRUTH

would you rather live a beautiful lie or a horrible truth? an artificial plant will forever remain as beautiful as the day you bought it, but you will never get the joy that is the rollercoaster of taking care of a real plant. it might never die, but its colors will never get any more beautiful.

what is art? i believe art to be the product of work someone has put into expressing their thoughts, their emotions through a creative outlet. creating art isn’t a requisite for life. art is made by someone who dedicated their time to something without expecting a return. purely because they were fulfilled by it. depth

warmth

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a city of hope

have you ever just stood there, in absolute fulfillment, and felt like you’ve finally made it? ‘made it’ is a subjective statement, but to me it means being on the right path. it ain’t so much about the destination but about the journey, and i’m finally enjoying it.

“take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die. i don’t belong, and my beloved, neither do you“ -Taylor Swift, the takes

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A S PA C E F O R R E F L E C T I O N some people do what they do with the intention of being successful in life, and that definition entails different things depending on who you ask. but some people, a select few, are here in this world in it to change it for the rest of time. i don’t only aspire to reach the point in life where i have reached success, i aspire to leave my mark on this place; change the world in ways that impact the lives of hundreds, or perhaps billions of people, a monumental task.

“it feels so good to be this young and have this fun and be successful. i’m so successful” -Ariana Grande, successful

the lakes

FIXED IN PL ACE crazy to think how much life can change in just a short two years. same place where i stood, under the same sky, staring at the ocean, but with entirely different things crossing my mind this time around. the entire meaning of our lives lives exclusively inside our minds.

i took this photo on a cold friday in december 2018, as i stood there deeply engaged in the experience of true love, oblivious to the fact that even two souls born for each other will eventually have to see their paths diverge, never to know anything from the other ever again. i never understood this part, and it was the toughest one to wrap my head around. why must you be cut off from the person you once thought you’d spend the rest of your days with? are you also staring out a window thinking of me? the stillness of disaster

the chaos of calm

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emotional dissonance

it’s not often that the best thing you can do for someone else is to take a vacation out of town, but it’s important to remember that other people need healing too. others need to grow out of you, and the healthiest option is to let them do so.

“you find yourself at my door, just like all those times before. you wear your best apology, but i was there to watch you leave.”

-Taylor Swift, The Last Time (Taylor’s Version)

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C LO S U R E this space intentionally left blank. i’m still figuring things out, see you on the other side.

selfless enjoyment

SPECIAL THANKS

firstly, i would like to thank you, the reader, for taking the time to read my thoughts and appreciate my photography. i never thought i would ever be able to self-publish a small collection like this and that someone would care enough to make it this far. for that, i’m forever grateful with you.

also, there are some people i wanna shoutout for being an important part of why this publication even exists, you can find them in the next page.

finally, following this, you can find some information on where to find me if you want to keep up with what i do, acompannied by my Costco membership picture, for some odd reason. with love, jose

Find me on: Twitter for general insight Instagram for my photo journal Issuu for my publications Reddit for my rants and interests as OfficialHoSay on all the above.

Than ks to: Miguel Gámez for being an amazing friend and photography teacher who inspires me every single day.

Ayden, Emilie, Jamie, and Jemma for being amazing friends and always being there to put up every single day with the endless stream of thoughts not unlike those included in this publication.

Jonathan for existing and turning me into the person i am today.

Carla and Danna for always being on my side and fighting all my battles, always.

My amazing family, with a list of members too long to fit in a single page, but never failing to put a smile on my face.

Andrea for becoming the closest thing i have to a sister over the past year.

All content within this publication, except when attributed otherwise © HoSay Hernandez, 2021