MAKING MY OWN CHRISTMAS MAGIC THIS YEAR

from the editor

I know this time of year can either be the most wonderful or most difficult, depending on your life circumstances. This Christmas will be the first without my mother; she was my life’s magic maker. She was the one keeping spirits bright all throughout my childhood and early adulthood. I’m trying to establish new traditions and take care of myself. If this season is hard for you, I’m thinking of you. I’ve written a lot about grief since I lost both of my parents within six years, with a healthy dose of the COVID pandemic in between. Sadness has touched much of my 20s, but I try my hardest to stay resilient, optimistic and thankful, especially during this season.

So, in the midst of mourning my mother, I hope you will give me just a little bit of space to honor her and recount to you my thoughts on moving forward without the ones you love.

Grief and morning are like the ocean. At first, you’re out so far that the waves crash over you constantly. You feel overwhelmed by their intensity. Breathing is challenging as another forceful wave knocks you back. You think, can I make it through this? Am I strong enough to go on? As time marches forward, you get closer and closer to the shore. The sandy beach is now in sight, but the waves keep coming. Now, they sneak up behind you when you’ve let your guard down, when you least expect it. They still overwhelm you with their power. Eventually, you crawl to the shore, spent and exhausted. The waves always come, but now you’re equipped to handle them. You have tools, and you can even, sometimes, see them coming. Others are with you on the beach to hold your hand or simply be with you, experiencing the sadness lapping at your toes.

I share this with you not because I don’t think you’ve experienced loss. I know we’ve been through some tough times. I’m sharing this so you feel less alone. Grief can be all-encompassing and isolating. If you’re like me and you’re missing the ones you love this season, there’s no making the hurt go away. You learn to live with and appreciate it because if you stop hurting, you stop remembering.

Thank you for reading my most vulnerable editor’s letter.

I’m wishing you and yours love and light in the coming days.