You knowyoure irish when book

You Know You're Irish When ...

Seamus Ă“ Conaill

First published 2015 by The O’Brien Press Ltd., 12 Terenure Road East, Rathgar, Dublin 6, Ireland.

Tel: +353 1 4923333; Fax: +353 1 4922777 E-mail: books@obrien.ie Website: www.obrien.ie ISBN: 978-184717-778-0 Copyright for text © Seamus Ó Conaill 2015 Copyright for typesetting, layout, design © The O’Brien Press Ltd. Internal illustration by Emma Byrne.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilised in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or in any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 19 18 17 16 15 Layout and design: The O’Brien Press Ltd.

Printed and bound Printed and bound in the Czech Republic by Finidr Ltd. The paper in this book is produced using pulp from managed forests.

... 90% of your sick days are on Mondays. The other 10% are Tuesdays after bank holidays

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... it’s not a fizzy drink. It’s a ‘mineral’

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... your house has an unused ‘good room’ that is three degrees colder than the rest of the house

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... the back door to your home is the front door

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... you understand the biggest division in Irish society is between Lyons and Barry’s

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... you’re proud we’re all poets and writers, but feck it, who’s read Joyce?

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... you’ve been to a funeral of someone whose name you didn’t know

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... ‘tis awful he’s dead ... now where are the ‘hang sangwiches’?

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... it takes you three days to recover from Halloween

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... you have to get a dispensation from Rome to turn on the immersion

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... in college, one third of your dinners were breakfast rolls from Centra

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... another third of your college dinners were hot chicken baguettes from Centra

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... and the final third of your college dinners were curries at 2am

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... you’ve used the phrases, ‘Go on, Go on, Go on, Go on,’ and ‘They all have lovely bottoms,’ in the last year

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... you won’t give the Brits a point in the Eurovision, but fair play to them, they gave us eight

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... you’d never admit it, but you’re secretly proud that we’ve won the Eurovision more times than anyone else

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... you never go to Mass, but you’ll get the baby christened. How else will little Oisín get into a good school?

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... you’re twenty-five and you bring your washing home to Mammy

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... you’re thirty-five and you still raid Mammy’s fridge

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... you thank the bus driver

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... you clap when the plane lands

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... you hate Ryanair, forgetting the hundreds you paid for flights in the 1980s

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... you ask taxi drivers if they’re having a busy night

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