Irishhomeessentials

Irish Home Essentials

First published 2016 by The O’Brien Press Ltd., 12 Terenure Road East, Rathgar, Dublin 6, D06 HD27, Ireland.

Tel: +353 1 4923333; Fax: +353 1 4922777 E-mail: books@obrien.ie Website: www.obrien.ie ISBN: 978-184717-881-7 Copyright for text © Seamus Ó Conaill 2016 Copyright for typesetting, layout, design © The O’Brien Press Ltd. Internal illustration by Emma Byrne.

Front cover image used by permission of Sudocrem.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilised in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or in any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

987654321 19 18 17 16 Layout and design: The O’Brien Press Ltd.

Printed and bound Printed and bound in the Czech Republic by Finidr Ltd. The paper in this book is produced using pulp from managed forests.

Irish Home Essentials

Seamus Ă“ Conaill

8

Shshshshsh ... crrrr ... shhh ... brrr-grrr ... shhhhh ...

‘You off the internet yet?

Nana will be ringing.’

9

10

‘For emergency use in the event of a nuclear accident.’ (Exp 2005)

11

12

*unopened*

13

14

‘Sweet Jesus, where’s the highlighter?’

15

16

‘No, you turn, yes, back, and twist, and lift that through there … now turn, and if you put your hand through there and I do this ... no, that’s caught now. You step back and catch that end there, and I’ll put my fingers in that tangle and you turn your ... no, no, no! Ah, here Feck it! Now you put your hand through there. No, you turn … yes, back, and twist, and lift that through there, now turn, and if you put your hand through there and I do this ...’

17

34

*Blesses self*

35

36

‘A splash on the car and we won’t be needing insurance.’

37