Warner's Corner | Dave Warner

Ageing Gracefully

Must admit, when I was in my mid to late teens I would have given my left ‘Jatz Cracker’ to look older, because the order of the day was all about getting in to pubs and nightclubs without being asked to show and nervously recite details of your fake I.D.

These were the days when liquor licensing ain’t what it is today. I’m sure there wasn’t a bouncer in town who actually believed that I was born in 1917.

Now at the age of 47 I’m grateful I still have my left nut.

Looking young for your age as an adolescent has its advantages when you hit middle age. (Wow! That’s the first time I’ve ever acknowledged I’m middle BLOODY aged!)

Given what I’ve put my body through over the years, I reckon I’m doing alright in the ageing stakes.

I’m sure there must be some sort of preservative in Corona which slows down the process, and if I stopped drinking it I’d wake up and look in the mirror one morning to see Montgomery C. Burns from The Simpsons staring back at me. It might slow the process but it’s no fountain of youth.

As I get older I’ve noticed my nose and ear hair grow faster than the back lawn in the wet season, my forehead seems to be getting bigger, I’m starting to sing along to elevator music and my knees sometimes buckle but my belt doesn’t. But they’re the cards we’re dealt so I don’t think age is important, unless you’re a bottle of Grange Hermitage, or cheese.

As I get older, I’ve noticed my nose and ear hair grow faster than the back lawn in the wet season. I’ve heard people talk about earning every single one of their wrinkles and I love the stories the lines in someone’s face might tell.

There’s so much history in an old farmers face compared to someone like Nicole Kidman’s, which is simply a blank canvas that’s somehow been startled and stayed that way. The rocking chair’s a fair way off and I still buy green bananas, my back might go out more than I do but as my body gets shorter, my kids can look forward to my anecdotes getting longer!