Smart Living Weekly October 15, 2020

Smart L iving Your Better Quality of Life Magazine • Rockford Region/Beloit/Freeport 95¢ • October 15, 2020

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Right in Our Region

Safe Harbor Works to Prevent Childhood Trauma See Page 16

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In This Issue Right in Our Region ........................Cover & p. 16 Safe Harbor in Times of Raw Emotion Inspiration & Worship .....................................12 Esther’s Difficult Decision

Smart L iving ™

Publisher/Editor-in-Chief Bill Hughes Executive Editor/Web Editor Chris Linden Managing Editor Lindsey Gapen Lukas Assistant Managing Editor Jermaine Pigee Editor Emeritus Janine Pumilia Multimedia Editor Sara Myers Graphics Director Blake Nunes Graphic Designer Samantha Behling Contributing Writer Peggy Werner, Paula Kalivoda Furniss General Sales Manager Brent Hughes Sales Manager Brad Hughes Advertising Sales Representatives Brian Hughes, Jeremy Jones, Nita Lasky, Sherri Cassedy Administration & Circulation Manager Lisa Hughes Distribution Kelly Fairbairn Website www.SmartLivingWeekly.com Published by Hughes Media Corp.

222 Seventh St., Rockford, IL, 61104 (815) 316-2300, Fax: (815) 316-2301 lhughes@northwestquarterly.com Smart Living Weekly.

Copyright 2020 by Hughes Media Corp., 222 Seventh St., Rockford, IL, 61104. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or part of any text, photograph or illustration without written permission from the publisher is strictly prohibited.

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The Lingo of 2020 A s a writer, I enjoy learning new words and phrases. This year? Not so much.

“Novel coronavirus,” “social distancing,” and “herd immunity.” Yuck. Not cheerful words.

Language reflects the changing world around us and our world is not so cheerful right now.

Just a year ago, “flattening the curve” might have brought to mind a weight loss program hawked by Marie Osmond. “Face coverings” were for surgeons, not for me on a grocery trip. And I sure didn’t know about “giga fires” (a million or more burning acres), “murder hornets” or “bomb cyclones.”

When my 20-something daughter recently talked about “mini-’monies,” I said “Huh?” “You know, Mom. Small wedding ceremonies people have these days to hold them over ’til after COVID,” she explained. Oh. “Doom scrolling” means obsessing over digital news reports and a “Deep fake” is a manipulated image that looks exactly like someone doing or saying something they never did or said. “Militia” once conjured images of 1776 and Johnny Tremain. Now it encompasses people plotting to overthrow our state governments. Sigh.

Also clogging up my brain is the alphabet soup of PPE, PPP, DPA and my personal favorite, WFH (working from home).

This 2020 lingo makes me grumpy, so I made my own list of terms that I trust are more enduring: faith, love, family, friendship, community, democracy, truth, nature, humor, equality, freedom, kindness, hope, justice, healing ...

Feel free to make your own list.

This is a time to overcome evil with good.

We need to help our hungry, homeless and jobless neighbors to survive. It’s also a time to help locally owned businesses, like those seen on these pages, to survive. And, public museums, gardens and other such gems need us, too.

One stick breaks easily. A bundle of sticks is strong. We CAN regain our civic, economic, emotional and physical health by working together for all that is good.

I draw strength from the fall beauty of our region – familiar scents and sights like fresh apples and cinnamon or magical landscape hues.

Autumn strolling beats “doom scrolling” every time! ❚ Janine Pumilia SLW Editor

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I  W

Esther’s Decision T

he word “altruism” describes the lifestyle taught by Jesus Christ. Merriam Webster defines it as “a quality possessed by people whose focus is on something other than themselves.” It’s the opposite of “Me first!”

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets,” Jesus said in Matthew 7:12 (ESV).

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others,” Paul instructed the first century church in Philippians 2:4 (ESV).

The Old Testament Book of Esther illustrates the risks and rewards of altruism.

It’s set during one of Israel’s many bouts of captivity, when King Ahasuerus (Xerxes I) ruled Persia (now Iran) in about 470 B.C. Esther is a pretty orphan girl lovingly reared as a devout Jew by her cousin, Mordecai. After Queen Vashti defies the king in public, the king chooses Esther as his new queen, unaware she’s Jewish.

Meanwhile, Mordecai gains the king’s respect by thwarting an assassination plot.

Mordecai refuses, however, to bow to Haman, the king’s powerful viceroy. When Haman learns Mordecai’s refusal to bow is rooted in his faith, he devises a plot to kill all Jews in the empire.

Mordecai asks Esther to intercede with the king to stop Haman’s evil plan. It’s no small request. She now has a very lavish lifestyle. To approach the king without first being summoned by him is to break the law and risk losing everything. In fact, she could be put to death for it. But her altruism, rooted in faith, fuels her courage.

“I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish,” she decides (4:16.) She approaches him, reveals her ancestry and pleads for her people.

In the end, Haman is impaled on the same pole he ordered built for Mordecai’s execution. Mordecai is elevated to second in command of the empire. The king authorizes Jews to slaughter anyone who attacks them, and they do.

The Feast of Purim, still celebrated today by Jews, was inspired by Esther’s courageous decision. Moral courage and less “Me first!” makes the world a better – Janine Pumilia place in every age. ❚ 12

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R  O R

Safe Harbor: Easing Trauma in Difficult Times

By Peggy Werner

C

hildren’s Safe Harbor, 1416 20th St., offers a first step toward healing when children and their parents suffer the raw emotions that surface during separation and divorce.

Safe Harbor provides a secure place for families to meet when transferring children from one parent to another and also provides an experienced staff and safe location in which to supervise visitation when needed, explains Megan Brechon, executive director.

“Separation and divorce are difficult, whether or not domestic violence has occurred, and this breeds a lot of conflict and bad feelings for a very long time,” Brechon explains. “We don’t want children or adults to have additional trauma.

We’re a middle ground to help limit problems, making visitation times less challenging and the exchange of children between parents less difficult. In cases

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where there’s been violence, we lower the odds for more violence to take place.

Overall, our goals are to prevent bad situations before they happen.”

Families are referred to Safe Harbor through agencies, the courts, or by selfrequest. There are no fees for the service. Supervised visitation is funded by a $550,000 federal grant awarded last month to Winnebago County by the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women.

Future expansion of services will be funded with donations from individuals and businesses.

The grant is allowing Safe Harbor to exMegan Brechon pand its hours.

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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Brechon is working to raise awareness of Safe Harbor.

“Well-intentioned families will do what we do somewhere else, but it doesn’t always work,” says Brechon.

“Before they get here, they’ve often tried a lot of things to make it work.”

What’s important is that the healing begins, she says. When children see their parents interacting peacefully, they feel safe and can start their own healing. They need to see everyone being treated fairly and with respect.

Abused people often feel unworthy, vulnerable, and mistrustful, she says.

How they’re treated may determine what they’ll do next. If you’re there for them, they can start to relax and find ways to heal, she says.

“We help people learn to function safely in relationships,” Brechon

R  O R explains. “We’re one step along the continuum of stopping the violence and hurt and we do this by teaching new ways to behave.”

Too often, family problems, especially domestic abuse, are kept secret because people are ashamed, embarrassed or afraid of losing their children in custody battles. Trauma in the home doesn’t end when a relationship ends. Unless healing begins, everyone suffers, sometimes for generations to come.

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) such as violence, abuse and/or

neglect can cause lifelong damage to a person’s physical, emotional and mental health and limit life opportunities, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

“Creating and sustaining a safe, stable, nurturing relationship and environment for all children and families can prevent ACEs and help all children to reach their full health and life potential,” states the CDC. Brechon says even one supportive person in a child’s life can make all the difference.

Services like Safe Harbor need community support. Especially during COVID-19, there’s always a need for money, office and cleaning supplies, toys that are easily cleaned and one-use toys, says Brechon.

The organization moved into its current location about four years ago and plans to grow so it can hire more staff, serve more

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people, expand its hours and eventually move into a bigger building.

About 27 families participate in the supervised visitation program and there’s a long waiting list. About 50 families use the location to transfer children from one parent to another. Safe Harbor has about a dozen employees trained by local and national agencies on topics like domestic violence, sexual assault, human trafficking, child sexual assault, stalking, trauma, de-escalation and more.

Safe Harbor’s expanded hours for supervised visitation are 2 to 8 p.m.

Wednesday through Friday; 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday; and noon to 8 p.m. Sunday. Exchange services are offered 4 to 8 p.m. Wednesday and Friday; 8 a.m. to noon and 5 to 7 p.m. Saturday; and noon to 8 p.m. Sunday.

Brechon is available to answer questions about Safe Harbor in person, via social media or virtually. Contact her at (815) 316-7772. Learn more at childrenssafeharbor.net. ❚

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