Your Call - Issue 16

Katie Ridge works behind the scenes in our Project Management Office, she passionately champions neurodiversity as her nine-year-old son was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder (ADHD). We talk to Katie to find out about the journey her family has been on and how she struggles with the judgement that is so often passed around ADHD.

“My son was nicknamed by his nursery from the age of 18 months as the ‘whirlwind’. As first-time parents we embraced this as an accurate description of our hyperactive, speedy, widely emotional little boy and rode the rollercoaster of extreme ups and downs believing it was normal for parenting to be this challenging.

It wasn’t until Eddie started school and found it enormously difficult socially and emotionally to interact with the class and display appropriate behaviours that we started to see that maybe his behaviours weren’t ‘normal’.

“Sadly, we didn’t gain a full understanding of how we needed to manage Eddie until he was diagnosed with ADHD in March 2020, at sevenyears-old, after four years of referrals to several different services, positive parenting classes, calls to the head teachers office for reprimands over behaviour, threats of being banned from wrap around childcare, violent outbursts, anger, aggression, and limited support. All of this contributed to the decline of my mental health as anxiety, paranoia and stress slowly amplified as I doubted my parental abilities more and more.”

Katie says Eddie’s diagnosis was a welcome relief and opened the door for her and her husband to get the support they desperately needed as a family. They were finally able to understand what Eddie was going through and that he is not just a ‘naughty child’ as he is so often judged to be.

“As a parent I have particularly struggled with the aspect of judgement and misconception when it comes to ADHD. Unfortunately, it is not something that is widely understood, even in schools where it is not considered a priority for funding in the development and training of teachers. It’s an uphill battle for most parents trying to ensure their child is treated fairly and equally taking into consideration their condition. The main thing I have learnt from all of this is to be more understanding. You never know what that person or family are going through, or what difficulties they may be dealing with. Before going to that place of judgement it is important to shift your mind set, stay neutral, be curious and ask yourself ‘what else could be true’ in that situation.

“I have learnt so much in the last two years about ADHD and this learning has opened my eyes to the world of neurodiversity. Eddie’s ADHD is a part of him, he may need adjustments putting in place to support him in life, but in response to this he brings so much to the table. He is intelligent, inquisitive, can hyper focus intensely on things that interest him, is highly passionate and has a strong sense of justice. He is a loyal and fiercely supportive friend, highly competitive and has a knowledge bank of facts at his disposal.

“As a parent of a child with ADHD my days are usually intense, very loud, involve lots of repeated instructions and require lots of patience. They are full of surprises, I learn something new every day (usually a random interesting fact that Eddie has read or heard somewhere and will remember for life), the ups and downs are very much still there but they are understood and are managed. Eddie fully understands his ADHD and is proud to be an ‘Adventurous Determined Hyper-focused Dreamer’ and I am proud that he has opened our eyes, made us more understanding, more compassionate and more empathetic as a result.

“There are a lot of ups and downs looking after a child with ADHD, lots of unknowns and last-minute dashes to school to do the pickup early due to one incident or another, lots of meetings in the headteacher’s office and catch ups with the SENDCo (Special Education Needs Coordinator), therefore lots of flexibility is needed. NWAS and my team have been amazing at supporting me with this. My work pattern is flexible to fit around any lastminute changes, my line manager is fully supportive and understands, I can talk openly and honestly about the bad days as well as the good and how it might be impacting my workday. This has been instrumental to my mental health and in allowing me to continue bringing my full self to work and getting the job done.

“Had I not been on this journey I would not be the person I am today. Prior to Eddie, I was the person judging the parents with the ‘naughty’ child having a meltdown in the supermarket. I was the person who thought ADHD wasn’t real and was an excuse for bad behaviour and I was the person that thought SENDCo got involved at school when parents weren’t doing something right - all of which I am ashamed to admit! Eddie has made me a better person, I have grown and developed so much and look at the world and the people in it completely different because of him, of which I am truly grateful for. I am more compassionate, more understanding and more open to people’s unique needs. It’s just a shame it takes lived experience to change our view of the world.”

For anyone going through something similar, don’t be afraid to speak out, fight for your child’s differences and most importantly give yourself a break, be kind to yourself.