A mum's story of post-natal depression.

“I longed to see another mum looking tired and exhausted to know I wasn’t alone in feeling this way.”

Team NWAS Paramedic Deb Foster talks to us about the birth of her little boy just as the pandemic hit, and shares her experiences of being a first-time mum in lockdown and how she overcame postnatal depression (PND).

Deb gave birth to Max on 31 January 2020 as Covid-19 started to take hold in the UK. Due to complications, they had to stay in the hospital an extra week. When they finally got home to father and husband Mikey who is also a paramedic and started to make plans, the world began to shut down.

At this point Mikey became poorly with the virus and had to isolate away from Deb and Max. Deb talks about how her mental health was affected during this time.

“Anyone who has been a new mum will know how amazing it is but also how isolating it can be; you are away from your family and friends and your life as you once knew it. When you add in a pandemic, a lockdown, a five-week-old baby with silent reflux and colic, and your husband poorly with Covid, it becomes about survival.

“Looking back, those first few weeks were tough, especially when Mikey became ill. As much as I loved my new baby and he was the best thing that happened to us, he was five weeks old, poorly, and would scream most of the day. It was just him and me with no help, no family, and no sleep. I had two verses of ‘head shoulders knees and toes’ to get showered and ready before he would start screaming again!

“On top of that, the support just wasn’t there. Apart from weighing Max in his first week, we could not have any of the home visits you were supposed to have.

“The reality of not being able to turn up to a baby group and see other mums who were in the same boat as you; mums who were tired, who hadn’t put makeup on, and who were getting by, hit me hard. I began to feel even more isolated and anxious.

“I would get frustrated and really angry out of nowhere for the most simple things, then I’d feel horrendously guilty for being so short tempered, thinking Max must hate me. I’d then promise myself that the next day would be better and we would have fun, and then when it wasn’t I felt like I had failed again and then feel angry and the cycle continued.

“I felt like a total failure as a mum, with all these perfect posts on social media of parents with their little ones doing hand paintings and making scrap books in their first months. All I was doing was trying to survive each day and failing! I felt like I was letting Max down with everything and I was exhausted. I felt really alone."

Just when Deb needed it, eight of her colleagues who had also had babies in lockdown formed a WhatsApp group and called themselves the ‘Quarantine Crew.’

“We became each other’s support network and health visitor in one. Because we were all experiencing isolation together, we could ask each other questions about our babies, and no matter what time of day or night it was, one of us would be up. We were there for each other.

“It was the friends in my Quarantine Crew and my best friend who helped me to realise that actually, I was going through PND. Without their support and if the group hadn’t formed, I don’t think I would have got the help I needed from my GP."

Talking about her PND experience Deb said: “I look back on our family experience and it makes me feel sad. I had suffered several miscarriages and been through two rounds of IVF before Max, and he was our miracle IVF baby. I felt guilty for struggling and feeling the way I did during the lockdown. I knew everybody was struggling with the pandemic in one way or another, so it just made me get on with things and not realise or accept what was happening.

“For me PND presented itself like a cycle of repeating emotions. I felt constantly like I was at the moment where

you’re about to fall, the wave of horrible anxiety where your stomach feels like it’s flipping.”

Opening up and talking about PND is important to Deb: “I want people to talk about the ‘tough’ subjects relating to mental health that no one wants to confront. They are not things we should be embarrassed by or ashamed of, they are in fact the things that make us human and the things that make us stronger! We can’t live by these perfect images posted on Instagram as it isn’t reality for most.

“Coming out of this lockdown has made me realise that the little things matter, like taking Max to soft play for the first time and seeing his face. Having my friend nip round and watch Max while I take a long shower. These are real life moments and I will never take them for granted again.”

CONSULTANT MIDWIFE STEPHANIE HEYS SAID:

As many as one in five women develop a mental health problem during pregnancy or in the first year after the birth of their baby.

As Deb has highlighted, there are many aspects that can impact upon a woman’s chance of developing a mental health problem following birth. It is important you are able to recognise if this may be the case for you, or someone close to you.

“Having a baby and becoming a mother is a big life event. Feeling tired, irritable or having a poor appetite are often normal if you have just had a baby, but these are usually mild and do not prevent you from leading a normal life. Postnatal depression may make you feel like looking after yourself or your baby is becoming too much. If you or someone you know is feeling this way it is important to speak to a midwife, health visitor, partner, friends, family, GP about how you are feeling.

“Do not be afraid to talk to healthcare professionals, they are there to support you. If you know someone who has recently had a baby, take the time to contact them and ask how they are feeling, create a safe space for them to talk openly and without judgement.”

As Deb has highlighted, peer support networks can have such a positive impact for new mums, especially during the pandemic when group meetings were suspended. Nationally there is help for those who may be finding the transition to motherhood difficult so being aware of where to get help and access information is important.

Further support and information can be found on Mind.org.uk, nhs.uk and rcpsych.ac.uk.

For anyone looking for services available within your area please contact Mind between 9am - 6pm Monday - Friday on 0300 123 3393.