Nubian Message, March 15, 2017 — Sex & Sexuality

NUBIANMESSAGE NORTH CAROLINA STATE UNIVERSITY | RALEIGH, NC | THENUBIANMESSAGE.COM | wednesday, MARCH 15, 2017

SEX & SEXUALITY

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Letter from the editor

THISISSUE 3 NEW PLANS FOR THE AACC The future of the cultural center

4 SEXUAL HEALTH RESOURCES Hey family, I wrestled with being stereotypical and starting this letter off with “Let’s talk about sex” but I’m as basic as it gets so seriously: let’s talk about sex. I know that oftentimes sex is taboo in our community. We assume that everyone is having sex but no one really talks about it. If we do, we allude to sex but we don’t necessarily speak about it, which is a part of life for a lot of people. You’ll read a lot about sex and sexuality in this issue from resources on and off campus to the experience of being “out” at NC State and everything in between but one topic we did not hone in on was sexual assault. There were a few reasons for us not doing so but the main reason is: nonconsensual sex is not sex, it is rape.

At the expense of not wanting to deem anyone in our community a rapist or even a survivor of sexual assault, we oftentimes avoid the topic all together. I know this because after my sexual assault last year, I chose not to name my rapist. I didn’t want to persecute and be responsible for the demise of another black man. In retrospect, I realize that I did more of a disservice to our community than a service and for that I am sorry. However, that experience did teach me about resilience and some of the amazing resources here at NC State. If you are struggling with something similar, know that the resources here are outstanding. Take advantage of the Counseling Center, the Women’s Center, and the Student Health Center. There is no shame in what happened to you. The shame is that we don’t talk about these issues enough in our community. We can start by having conversations about enthusiastic consent and rape culture. Change the narrative in your own personal circles and I’m almost positive that you will start to see a difference. Opening up the conversation can help us all start to live happy, healthy, fun sex lives (if you’re into that).

Nothing but love, Stephanie Tate

Sexual health resources on or near campus

5 SEX PLAYLIST Top 12 sexy songs

6 ONLINE DATING

How to stay safe while dating online

6 BEING OUT AT NCSU Being a QPOC at NCSU

7 CONFRONTING BIAS Reflecting on homophobia in the military

7 KENTON’S CORNER Why we need to wrap it up in the bedroom

8 WHY WE NEED FRIENDSHIP The importance of friends

The Sentinel of the African -American Community at N.C. State Since 1992.

Stephanie Tate

Editor-in-Chief

Ashley Darrisaw

LAYOUT DESIGNER

Anahzsa Jones

Managing editor

Allona Wilkerson

LAYOUT DESIGNER

Only with the permission of our elders do we proudly produce each edition of the Nubian Message:

Dr. Yosef ben-Yochannan, Dr. John Henrik Clark, Dr. Leonard Jeffries, The Black Panther Party, Mumia A. Jamal, Geronimo Pratt, Tony Williamson, Dr. Lawrence Clark, Dr. Augustus McIver Witherspoon, Dr. Wandra P. Hill, Mr. Kyran Anderson, Dr. Lathan Turner, Dr. M. Iyailu Moses, Dokta Toni Thorpe and all those who accompany us as we are still on the journey to true consciousness.

news

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Renovations on the Horizon for Witherspoon ANAHZSA JONES MANAGING EDITOR On Tuesday, March 14, a group of African American Cultural Center (AACC) stakeholders met with university officials and representatives from architectural company Perkins and Will to discuss future potential renovations to Witherspoon Student Center.

Reggie Barnes, the senior director of campus community centers, coordinated the two-part event. It began with a luncheon and presentation about the history and significance of Witherspoon for the stakeholders, people at NC State and within the community with a vested interest in the African American Cultural Center and the building of Witherspoon itself. These stakeholders included black alumni, AACC staff, and Mrs. Irene Clark, wife of Dr. Lawrence Clark, one of the founding fathers of the AACC.

“We were most happy to have

a building here on campus that looks like this, because we have been through quite a few centers, even one called ‘the ghetto,” -Diane Becton,

an NC State alumna who attended state at the time of the building’s founding

The meeting portion of the event, lead by TJ Wilson, the facilities liaison for Talley Student Union and Witherspoon Student Center, was a focus group aimed at collecting data from people who use the spaces under consideration. Barnes encouraged attendees to “dream big, the sky is the limit.” The ideas brainstormed in the meeting were considered without limitations such as budget.

Stakeholders had the chance to speak with representatives from Perkins and Will, an architectural firm that works alongside the renowned Freelon Group. Perkins and Will is an architecture and design firm with its basis in interdisciplinary work and research. According to their website, Perkins and Will is “founded on the belief that design has the power to transform lives and enhance

communities.” They seek to “collaborate with clients all over the world to create healthy, sustainable places in which to live, learn, work, play, and heal.”

In the meeting, stakeholders aired their hopes and concerns for both the AACC and Witherspoon as a whole.

“We were most happy to have a building here on campus that looks like this, because we have been through quite a few centers, even one called ‘the ghetto,’” said Diane Becton, an NC State alumna who attended state at the time of the building’s founding. However, many of the attendees expressed concerns over the current state of the center.

Dawn Morgan, the assistant director of the AACC, said “This is the first and only building on campus named after an African American, but that’s not represented in the space.” Morgan and others feel that the history of the building and of the African American community on campus were not apparent in the building. Essentially, there is no way to know that the AACC is in Witherspoon without being told because the culture is not visually represented.

Another concern was that the space does not feel welcoming. Diane and Elwood Becton spoke about their experience coming into the building today. They were surprised to find the Washington-Sankofa room locked.

“That door was never locked,” Diane Becton said. “It doesn’t have that open, African American Cultural Center feel anymore.”

One of the solutions proposed was to flip the first and third floors of the center so that there would be someone to greet visitors and direct them to other parts of the building as soon as they walked in the door. Another proposal was to create a welcome desk and lounge space on the first floor to serve the same purpose.

Ron Foreman, an alumnus who currently works for University Theatre, brought his arts background to the discussion. He mentioned that certain events simply cannot take place in the center as is, citing its lack of facilities such as dressing rooms for performers. Morgan corroborated his claims, and added that budget was also a large problem as far as what events can and cannot be held within the center.

More general concerns discussed were the lack of clear signage to direct visitors to the correct places and transparency. Those who have spent a lot of time in the AACC

know its hidden nooks well, but to the individuals who do not, the layout was admitted to be a source of much confusion. Solutions for this included clearer signs and labels, as well as glass doors and windows in the building to allow clear lines of sight through the center.

“This is the first and only

building on campus named after an African American, but that’s not represented in the space.”

-Dawn Morgan, Assistant Director of the AACC

The space studies will continue this week and Perkins and Will representatives will compile the information into data they can use to begin putting together working plans for the center. They will return April 17 to present these plans and collect more data. Wilson anticipates more concrete plans to be completed by August, but it is unknown when actual renovations or construction would begin.

One of the biggest challenges facing the project is expected to be budget, a historic problem faced by the AACC, which did not receive funding until 1992, a year after its opening in Witherspoon. It is unclear where the money will come from, as, according to Wilson, “no one is a very big fan of increasing student fees.”

Dr. Warwick Arden, executive vice chancellor and provost, spoke on the timeliness of the renovation talks. He mentioned many of the upgrades happening “south of the train tracks” and how the center of NC State’s campus will shifting south with it. “I think this is a very, very exciting project,” said Arden.

The ultimate objective for the stakeholders is to build up the African American Cultural Center so that it can act as a hub for the black community, not just on campus, but in the Triangle as a whole. Barnes aims to increase interdisciplinary research, connections with other institutions, and community outreach, “so that this area can be known as the the Mecca of the culture in this part of the state.”

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news

Information collected by staff writer, Keilah Davis. Infographic designed by layout designer, Allona Wilkerson.

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features

nubian after dark: the sex playlist KAI ANTHONY STAFF WRITER

1. B.E.D. -Jacquees

It’s that time of night or for some of you it’s good in the morning, if you’re me you’ll settle for the middle of the day. This playlist will not just set the mood, but you can play it during your freaky process. So light a candle, put on that netflix on mute and play these tunes the next time you wanna get sexual with your significant other.

5. Bump n’ Grind -R. Kelly

9. Kiss It Better -Rihanna

Jacquees’ B.E.D. is what R. Kelly’s bump n’ grind was for our parents generation to us.

Jacquees’ sexual tone and this bed rocking beat really feels like good sex and honestly the perfect song This song will have you taking someone home whether you are at a house party or Talley party, you are guaranteed to catch some action when this song come on.

When your mind is telling you no but your body, your body is telling you yea, go with this anthem. R. Kelly showed out with this sultry seductive slow jam. This song is meant for that person you know is so bad for you yet they make you feel so good. Just make sure you don’t get too attached to what your body wants after this song is over.

What good sex playlist in 2017 doesn’t have at least one Rhianna song on it. This song goes there and that’s saying something especially for a woman whose music videos are basically softcore porn. You can’t help but to get a little aroused by these provocative lyrics.

2. Take You Down -Chris Brown

6. Wet Dreamz -J. Cole

We know that this song may be a controversial addition to this playlist, however we felt the need to acknowledge how good breakup sex can be. This song is a “one last ride for the road” type. Most of us have been in that moment and this song is meant to say it’s okay to work a person out of your system with some closure sex.

This song was the first in a wave of new school R&B that dared to be as raunchy as could be. Most of us didn’t know what we were singing then but we do now. Even though this song was made by a young innocent Chris Brown, these lyrics are grown and nasty. Try it with Hennessy and it’ll go great for you.

3. Planez -Jeremih ft.

J. Cole

Are you in the mile high club? Honestly having sex on a plane is completely illegal but Jeremih takes all of the ladies up real high with this one and promises to deliver them what they want. Accompanied by one of J. Cole’s most notable features, this track is sexy but the nasty you need in bedroom especially if you want to have something “put in your mouth”.

4. Pussy Is Mine -Miguel

This may be a cliche when every man asks it during sex but Miguel’s angelic voice makes it anything but boring. This song is for your friend with benefits but they still wanna feel like the only one for a bit. You and your partner will pretend you’re in love even if it’s just temporary excitement.

Nothing ever beats your first time. Cole reminisces on his highschool days and losing his virginity to the girl from his math class.

This slightly upbeat hip hop song definitely sets the mood with Cole’s “play it cool” personality and allusions to those first couple butterflies that happen with your first time.

7. Tell Your Friends -The Weeknd

When you run and “Go tell your friends about it”, you know it was some good sex. The Weeknd sums up that feeling of you knowing you are delivering an amazing time your partner and you own it. This just one of the many The Weeknd songs that you can have it sex too.

8. Pony -Ginuwine

“If you’re horny, let’s do it, ride it, my pony.

My saddle’s waitin’, come and jump on it.”

These lyrics literally speak for themselves.

10. Climax -Usher

11. Dive In -Trey Songz

This song teaches men that it’s okay to moan if she really got that A1 sex game. These lyrics can heighten the intensity of any carnal moment. Trigga switched up the pace in the song just like most people do during a sex session that’s hella lit. Put this on before you dive in to ensure maximum pleasure.

12. Nobody -Keith Sweat

This classic that was dropped by the LSG alum sets the mood even though this song is well before some of our time. Everything about this song from the divine strings to Sweat’s powerful voice makes it prime for putting it down. This soulful ballad will cause someone to have to sleep in a wet spot.

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features

Staying safe with online dating PENNY LAWRENCE STAFF WRITER Online dating with websites like Tinder can be intriguing and tempting for college students, as can the idea of casually hooking up with someone you’ve met on the internet. This freedom and opportunity to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself sounds exciting. It also sounds pretty dangerous. Crime Prevention Officer Carol Lewis of the NC State University Police Department, gave some tips on staying safe with online dating.

First of all, keep yourself in mind. “A person needs to know their strengths and weaknesses,” Lewis said. If you aren’t very strong, you should think about ways to defend yourself that don’t require a lot of brute strength. She also mentions keeping pepper spray. In general, it’s a good idea to stay mindful of your limits both physically and emotionally.

The person you’re meeting should understand and respect your limits too. “If they insist on picking you up or knowing where you stay when you have relayed to them you feel more comfortable meeting out somewhere, this could be a red flag,” Lewis said. If you want to meet in an intimate setting without giving out your home addresses, then try a hotel. If the person won’t take no for an answer

or they are aggressive, it’s a good idea to let them go.

This can also apply with your phone number. If the person you’re talking to asks to talk on an outside messaging service right off the bat, they may be trying to isolate and control the tone of the conversation. In the Huffington Post article “The Online Dating Game: Tips That Can Help You Stay Safe and Protect Your Identity,” online dating expert Julie Spira recommends using Google Voice. Google Voice is an app that lets you create a phone number that syncs to all of your devices. You can use your phone and have a phone number specifically for online dating.

Anyone that generally makes you uncomfortable isn’t someone that you should meet alone. It’s also a good idea to do a little research on the person that you’re meeting.

See if you have any mutual friends on social media or what pops up when you Google their name. See if you know the area that they live in or where you plan to meet.

You should never go with someone to a place you’re unfamiliar with alone.

Lewis warns about people that say they live in the United States but then tell you that they are out of the country

currently. Avoid the ones that are inaccessible. You should also steer clear of anyone asking for money. You should never share your financial information with a stranger over the internet. Don’t get sucked into their story, they’ve worked on it, perfected it and sold it because that’s their job.

There’s one other kind of person that Lewis warns to stay away from: “hopeless romantics speaking of ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’ bringing you together online.” They may ask for your address to send you things, but, “Turn the page on this romance novel before it starts and keep it moving,” as Lewis said.

If the person you’ve been talking to online seems honest and legitimate, the next step would be to meet them. Before you meet them, make sure some friends know where you’ll be. Have your own transportation to and from the meeting place, bring some money to keep on your person, and don’t forget your pepper spray. While you’re there, don’t leave any food or drinks unattended and always pour your own drinks.

All relationships take a bit of risk, but you should never risk your life. Stay safe.

being out at nc STATE VLADIMIR URENA CORRESPONDENT In many cases, a college campus is one of, if not the most, accepting settings students have been a part of. This is why many of them here at NC State feel comfortable in either coming out as LGBT+ or fully embracing this identity.

NC State’s campus is meant to be inclusive to all, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. The GLBT Center one of the four officers created under OIED in order to provide a stronger sense of community within some of the university’s underrepresented populations.

Yerson Padilla, an alumnus who received his BA in Women’s and Gender Studies, thinks the GLBT Center is essential to being an inclusive campus. “The director is very knowledgeable and tried to keep in mind the issues of different oppressed groups,” Padilla said.

Preston Keith, the Assistant Director of the GLBT Center, is the head of Queer People of Color (QPOC), a bimonthly safe space for minority and multicultural students that identify as LGBT+.

“Intentionally creating a space that cen-

tered the voices and experiences of queer a queer person of color, I did not feel as students of color has allowed for more supported by the GLBT Center as I did at people to see themselves represented, and the MSA office.” aligns with the intersectional approach Cobb, meanwhile, stated that “many that we apply of the attitudes at every single day,” NC State are very Keith said. odious towards However, people posing queer some students identities. I can feel that just defend myself if having QPOC need be, but I have isn’t enough to been attacked on fully represent a weekly basis for students of color. being queer.” “[QPOC is] Both Padilla and not that widely Cobb were quick to known throughacknowledge other Women’s and Gender Studies., out the univerissues they face at class of 2015 sity,” Kendrick NC State.

Cobb, a junior “I feel as if on studying polycampus, I have to mer and color chemistry, said. “Honestly, I choose between my minority status or my didn’t even know that State had the QPOC gay identity. And honestly, I feel as if it’s space until I started dating my boyfriend.” safer to be a gay man than to be a gay or a In addition, Padilla felt that other cenbrown man, let alone being both black or ters were more accepting towards him. “As brown and gay,” Padilla said.

“ I feel as if it’s safer to

be a gay man than to be a gay or a brown man, let alone being both black or brown and gay.”

-Yerson Padilla,

“Homophobia and transphobia are still huge issues to the black community,” Cobb said. “People will scream ‘black lives matter,’ but not all black lives will matter due to their misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and xenophobia.”

Keith also pointed out that many of the obstacles for the LGBT+ community are brought on by larger powers. “We are living in a time where identities are being targeted by laws, legislation, institutional policies, and practices. These forms of institutional oppression often reflect and reinforce a cultural narrative that does not support GLBT identity,” Keith said.

For students that feel confused, are in fear of coming out, or just need a good sense of community and someone to listen to, Keith encourages them to seek out.

“If you don’t know where to find that community, a great place to start is the GLBT Center. The staff of this center are here to support you and connect you with resources.“

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opinion

Homophobia and growing up military The topic of modern sexuality, and the openness of it, has always been a controversial topic for myself. In my heart and mind, I am a person who believes in and wants to fight for freedom and equality for all, no matter your race, religion or sexuality. The idea that a person should be discriminated against or have their DION FIGUEROA right to the pursuit of happiness taken CORRESPONDENT away because of something as simple as wanting to love a person who is the same sex as them disgusts me. Since moving to Raleigh I have learned that although I may consider myself the furthest thing from a bigot, the environment and culture that I grew up in has made dealing with this city’s open-minded approach to sexuality difficult at times.

For the first 21 years of my life I grew up in and around American military communities overseas. Although I did not realize at the time how homologous of a culture it really was. While people in the United States categorized themselves by race, sexuality, origin or even which neighborhood they currently live in, for us, it was as simple as which branch you belonged to -- in my case mostly Air Force or Army -- and which base you went to school on.

On the surface, a person might think that branch affiliation and school location are superficial and innocent ways to classify oneself. It is not; it creates a culture of having to either assimilate or be outcast.

To Germans homosexuality was always more or less tolerated, and became more accepted the closer you moved toward urban areas; the American military, however, is the polar opposite. I grew up on the tail end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”, where any sign of a service member’s homosexuality was consequently dealt with. There was no room for questioning or reflecting sexuality without consequence. Even today, veterans ousted from the military due to their sexuality still struggle to regain the benefits that they earned through their service.

In school, my peers and I mirrored that same culture.

If you were not a female it was not okay to be gay. The culture we lived in promoted this. Male students were bullied, and outcast for being gay. The irony in this is that I did not meet my first openly gay classmate until junior year of high school. It was not for the act of being gay, but because we had a slight, and usually ungrounded, suspicion that they were gay. But now I know better, and I know I am not the only one. I never want to make excuses for my or other people’s actions, but we were kids and did not understand.

Adjusting to a new social climate and culture is incredibly difficult. You may be confronted with making decisions or experiences that you may have never thought imaginable. You may have to adjust your vocabulary, and way of speaking in the name of integration. You might also have to come face to face with some of the subconscious biases that have conditioned you. The lessons I learned are not exclusive to dealing with homophobia.

I am not a homophobe. I am not a racist. I am not a sexist. This does not mean that I am 100 percent free of the same biases that these people have. I am not perfect.

The differentiating factor is how you deal with these biases. It is easy accept that this is the way you think, and that it is innocent. What is difficult to do is to reflect within yourself, and explore the roots of these biases so that you can expand your understanding of other people’s perspectives and eventually break these issues down into nonexistence. Having bigoted thoughts does not necessarily mean that you are one; what is character defining is how you deal with those thoughts. Will you break yourself of the shackles of institutional homophobia, racism and sexism or will you be just another lemming who is afraid to confront who they really are? You alone decide what side of history you are on.

Kenton’s Corner: Raw Ain’t Worth It My mama always told me that being proactive is easier than being reactive. It’s worked out for me plenty of times in life but as I’ve grown from a boy to a young adult, one of the most important areas this mentality KENTON GIBBS has helped me out with STAFF WRITER is in the area of sexual activity. Simply wrapping it up would impact the black community so positively it’s not even funny.

Whether it’s sexually transmitted infections or unintended pregnancies, simply wearing some form of condom will greatly decrease the odds of undesired results.

According to data from the Center for Disease Control, we as a community have the highest rates of every STD, including HIV and AIDS, than any other race. But wait, there’s more. CDC data also reports that while black people only account for 14% of the population, we account for a

third of all abortions which is also more than any other race.

If only there was some sort of magical invention that could solve all of these ails.

Oh wait, such a thing already exists and it goes by the name of “condoms.” So why don’t we take advantage of this magical preventative measure? Long story short, the answer is a plethora of weak excuses.

Well, the thing I hear most often is that “condoms take away the pleasure of sex.” The fact of the matter is an orgasm isn’t worth your life or your happiness.

What sense does it make to risk an STD or an unwanted baby for something that, according to author and “sexpert” Rachel Hills, last approximately five to seven minutes on average? Granted that’s not including foreplay and all that but the point is no less valid.

I understand that recreational sex is meant for enjoyment, but beforehand a simple risks-to-rewards analysis will help you make a clear decision before you’re in the heat of the moment. There isn’t a logical human being that would deduce that

the possibility of unprotected sex being more pleasurable is worth having to live with an incurable STD or being permanently connected to a person you barely like at that moment for years because of your child.

“Engaging in unprotected

sex is analogous to a game of dice; you may hit all sevens and elevens out the gate, but eventually, everyone craps out. ” Another common excuse is “I’m allergic to latex.” Well there’s all types of latex alternatives. If this sexual partner is someone that you’re sure isn’t sleeping with anyone else, lambskin prevents pregnancy; however, these condoms have tiny pores and, therefore, do not prevent all viruses.

Substances like nitrile and polyurethane

can also be used as substitutes for latex.

New forms of protection are constantly being so it’s virtually impossible to be allergic to every kind. That renders this excuse null and void.

As students on this campus, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from protecting yourself. Condoms are available for free from the GLBT Center and Student Health Center and for a low cost from many stores. If those don’t work, try female condoms. Dental dams and condoms are also a good idea for oral sex given the high prevalence of herpes. There are too many viruses and bacteria out here to be having unprotected recreational sex, especially with multiple partners or a non-monogamous partner.

We all enjoy sex and I’m not knocking anybody for that but what I am criticizing is taking extremely deleterious and unnecessary risks for the sake of a good time.

Engaging in unprotected sex is analogous to a game of dice; you may hit all sevens and elevens out the gate, but eventually, everyone craps out.

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opinion

the IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIPS Sometimes we take close friendships for granted even though they are incredibly important.

“Family is not always there, family is not always an option. Those close friendships provide that emotional development and that slight bit of reliance that you have somebody who’s in your corner no matter what,” said CARL HINTZ Audrey Moore, a senior studying animal STAFF WRITER science.

Humans are social beings and we have a deep need and desire to feel a sense of belonging. Many people desire to be well liked and to have many friends, but a few close and meaningful friendships are often enough to create a sense of acceptance, recognition and understanding.

“It’s quality over quantity,” Tierra Knight, a senior studying psychology, said. “If you have a few friends, that is fine as long as those relationships are good and healthy.”

There are many different ways of showing affection and each person may want to receive different types of affection. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the book “The 5 Languages of Love,” these forms of affection include words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

In addition to providing physical companionship, emotional support, and material assistance, friendships can also have importance within the context of religion and

faith. Donovan Wright, a senior studying political science cited, a passage from the gospel of John: “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.”

While most people recognize the importance of friendships, it is not uncommon for someone to put friendships on the back burner when they are in a romantic relationship.

“The media is always talking about who’s hooking up today, or who’s in a relationship tomorrow and then in a week later they break up,” said Wright. “I think that creates a bit of societal pressure.”

Both friendships and romantic or sexual relationships can be enriching, but close romantic relationships and dating relationships often come with potentially higher risks.

“If you’re giving your all to romantic relationships, those can end at any point in time. But your friends, if you’re a good friend, they are going to be there for a long time,” said Knight.

It is worth noting that if a romantic partner tries to isolate you from your friends, that this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

A common mistake is to assume that all relationships are heterosexual or to assume that all men want sex. In any friendship where there could be some degree of sexual or romantic attraction, the essential part is that both parties have open communication and are on the same page.

“Men and women, they give you different perspec-

tives. It’s nice to have those friendships so you can know what the other gender is thinking about or their ideas of things,” said Knight.

The stereotype of men in western culture is that they do not express their emotions and do not need close or intimate friendships because they are strong or hard.

While close affectionate friendships between women are accepted as the norm, when men have close or intimate friendships they may be labeled as homosexual regardless of their actual sexual preference.

“They fear being labeled gay, if they are not gay,” said Wright.

Making new friends can be hard. Perhaps the fastest way to make new friends is to talk to people and to join organizations based on your interests. It’s especially important to be yourself in order to create meaningful and lasting friendships.

“People can tell when you are trying to be something you’re not,” said Knight.

Once you’ve met someone who you like talking to and being around it’s a matter of effort.

“A lot of people focus on being a good romantic partner, but be a good friend too,” said Knight.

Friendships take time, honesty and effort. No relationship will last forever, but some friendships may last for many years.

“Close friends are the ones who truly and deeply know you and can help you erase that feeling of misunderstanding,” said Moore.