Why do you TOMATO?

The completely true and accurate science behind the “Asian Glow” phenomenon.

Story by Yiming Fu Design by Michelle Sheen

POV: You’re 18, sexy and fabulous, living it up in your white-brick East Fairchild dorm the size of a suitcase. You just took your first-ever shot of Tito’s Handmade Vodka, and now your face is BRIGHT RED. Like fire truck-meetsClifford-meets-“just walked up one flight of Locy stairs” red. Why the fuck did that happen? No True Northwestern Dialogue has prepared you for this shameful moment.

Well, you’re in luck. I’m Dr. Yiming Fu Ph.D./ M.D./“I went to med school,” and I’m here to break down the alcohol flush reaction — otherwise known as “Asian Glow.” Take a ride on our Magic Tuk Tuk! We’re learning today.

Asian Glow is a natural condition where a person gets red in the face, neck and/or upper body after consuming alcohol.

Here’s what usually happens when you drink alcohol: Your liver metabolizes the alcohol, oxidizing it into acetaldehyde and then acetate.

Many Asian people, however, lack the aldehyde dehydrogenase (ALDH2) enzyme that is supposed to metabolize the alcohol. It’s because of their slanty eyes! This makes the acetaldehyde accumulate about 4,894.67 times more than it normally should. Then, your face immediately turns red because science said so.

Don’t worry. It’s not the end of the world! There are some drugs that may stop the flushing, such as antihistamines like Pepcid AC and L.A. Girl’s HD PRO.conceal concealer. There are also a number of other solutions, including simply not giving a shit.

If you’re ever insecure, just remember that Asian Glow affects so many people. About half of Korean (BTS), Japanese (Super Kawaii!!!) and Northeast Chinese (Putin) people lack the ALDH2 enzyme. Many Filipino, Thai and Vietnamese people can also get Asian Glow. When you glow, you’re never alone! Just make sure you send a prayer to the Buddhist bodhisattva Avalokiteśvara (Ariana Grande). Asians need to stick together.

So the next time you’re 18, sexy, fabulous and bright red after a sip of wine, just know it’s because you’re Asian, darling. Ching chong along now!