NTOUCH March 2023

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Dear Girlfriend,

After two years of marriage, we have moved back to Tampa and I am beginning to wonder if it was a mistake. There is this unspoken strained relationship between my mother-in-law and I. I really don’t want it to be like this but I don’t know what’s wrong with her. At first, I thought she liked me but now I am not so sure. Sometimes I even feel she is competing with me. I cannot say anything or complain about my husband in the least way, without her getting mad. I don’t get that.

I don’t even know what to call her. Momma is totally out of the question because I have a momma and she is alive and well. At first, I called her Mrs. Blank, as anyone would do to show respect. Then she told me to call her by her first name and I do, but now it seems a bit disrespectful. I have seen some of my friends relationships with their mother-in-law’s and I do not want that for us. I am 6 weeks pregnant and I want to have a stress free pregnancy and a good relationship with his mom. I want my children to have the type of relationship that I had with my grandparents. How can I fix this before the baby gets here? Troubled Daughter-in-law.

Dear Troubled Daughter-in-Law,

If she liked you at first, you or her son probably unknowingly did something that fell short in her eyes and of course she blames you for it, never her son (lol). It may take a moment for her to get over it, but with love and kindness she will.

First things first, you must tell her you are pregnant immediately before someone else does. If someone else tells her first, she is going to be mad as hell. She will never forget that everyone knew before her that she was having a grand baby.

You must remember, you have married her baby, her pride and joy. She feels she will always be his momma but you may not always be his wife. That’s how all mothers feel until the spouse has invested years into the relationship. So, although he is your husband, he was her son first and you cannot talk about her child without her getting a bit angry, even if he is without a doubt, wrong. She takes criticism of him personally because she raised him and feels responsible for his actions or, lack of actions. Always know that in the early years of your marriage, your complaints about him, is a complaint or an insult to her.

Now if you really want to have a great relationship with your mother-in-law, compliment her son. Just flat out brag about him. Tell her how cute he is, tell her how good he is doing on his job. Tell her how good he looked when he left for work or when you two went out on the town. Tell her how helpful he is around the house, even if it is not much at all. Tell her how good he makes you feel. Tell her something nice he said about her. Discuss your love life just a little bit. All a mother wants from anyone, especially their daughter-in-law or son-in-law, is to know that they love their child and that their child is being loved and treated fairly by their spouse.

Most importantly, when you are at her house, do not sit down like a guest. Get up and help her like a daughter! Don’t ask her if she needs help, you can see what needs to be done. Do it! If she is preparing dinner, keep the counters clean while she is working. After dinner, wash dishes or clean off the table without being asked or told. You have been around long enough to know where things belong. Help her so she can have time to sit and enjoy your company. If you will do helpful things, it will soften her heart towards you. Invite her over to your house. Every mother wants to know where her child lives and how they are living. Sometimes ask her advice, even if you do not need it. It’s good to get a second opinion. It makes her feel as if she has not lost a son but gained a daughter. Mothers need to feel loved and needed too.

All relationships take time for love to grow. I called my mother in law “Momma Johnson” and my mother called our grandmother “Mother Payne.” Just put mother in front of her first or last name. It is loving and respectful. While you are at it, thank God your baby will have a grandmother. Heeyyy!

Women Running for Tampa City Council

You Heard It From ME

What’s up Tampa? There was an election on March 7th for the City Council. Were you aware? Did you vote?

Shamefully, in the March election only 13% voted. Of the more than 240,000 voters, only 31,000 voted. In comparison to the November 2022 General Election, 51% of the registered voters voted. 40,000 voted at the polls, 51,000 were absentees and 33,000 voted early. The November election had a historical voter turnout. Obviously everyone was involved and concerned about who would represent them. The real question is what happened with the election in March?

So it appears that either by design or a lack of concern, those living in the city were just too busy to focus on the city council races. As residents of any city in America, we must be involved in electing those that will represent us on things that affect our

everyday life. We cannot take for granted that our next door neighbor or someone in our family is going to vote and that maybe this time we can skip voting. Nope! As you can see from the data, you and your next door neighbor decided not to vote and you failed to do your civic duty. Your civic duty requires you to do three things. The first one is to vote in ALL elections. The second one is to pay your taxes and lastly, is to be involved in your community. The last two you do without even thinking about it because it’s practically inherent in our everyday life. Your taxes are automatic for the most part and you are always involved in some form of your community even if it’s a general conversation with your neighbor, church member or friend about what happened yesterday, last week or last month

When it comes to exercising your right to vote we can sometimes get

By Publisher Daryl Johnson

a little lazy. It’s kind of like starting a new exercise program. You start strong and then you start to lose consistency and fall off. You skip a day or two and then before you know it, you’re only exercising once a week. To stay strong with your voting pattern you must act like you would if you were serious about losing weight or building muscle, you must stay consistent.

For the first time in Tampa history, there can possibly be three African American females on the city council. In the words of Joe Biden, this is a big f$#&ing deal” Gwendolyn Henderson is already on. Robin Lockett and Sonja Brookins are in the runoff. The city of Tampa is on a historical course and YOU need to be a part of history again like you were in the November presidential election. The City runoff election is April 25th 2023. Early voting is from April 17th through April

23rd. If you want to vote by mail, request your ballot now! If you have family and friends that are voting by absentee, let them know there is a runoff and their vote is needed once again. Go ahead and mark your calendars. Set two reminders on your phone, the day before election the 24th and then one on election day, the 25th. Also, get a sample ballot of the race and mark it up so you know who you should be voting for and where you should go. Keep it in your car so you can just grab it

So, here is your game plan. It’s actually pretty easy. East Tampa, West Tampa, North Tampa, South Tampa, let’s make history again and go out to vote on or before April 25th. Let’s do better and get 60% of the voters to turnout! What happens to our city is in our hands. Do your civic duty!

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Real Estate

Go Ahead And Get Your Laugh On Confession

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration.

“You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads...

Wrong Number

On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:

“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded:

“You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“No,” replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Director of the company, idiot!”

The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who You are talking to, you idiot?”

“No!” replied the Managing Director indignantly.

“Thank God for that!” replied the trainee and slammed down the phone.

Driving

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he’d make a deal with his son, “You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.”

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, “Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.”

The boy said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

(You’re going to love the Dad’s reply!)

“Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?”

Virgins

A young couple was married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, “What’s that?” pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, “Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.” She in amazement, asked, “Is that all we have left?”

The Solicitation

An 84-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harry’s. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can’t take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: “I’ll do anything you’d like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn’t matter how extreme or unusual it is, I’m game. I want $100, and there’s another condition.”’

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.

“You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand... He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: “Paint my house.”

The Moral Of The Story is: Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains...

The Flight

A frantic young woman calls out a May Day.”My pilot has had a heart attack and is dead and I don’t know how to fly.’

She hears a voice over the radio saying:”This is Air Traffic Control and I hear you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. Everything will be fine!

What are your height and position?”

The woman says, “I’m 5’4” and I’m in the front seat.”

(After a long pause)

“O.K.” says the voice on the radio...”Now, repeat after me.”

”Our Father Who art in Heaven......”

Arthritis

On a step, a priest sat next to a drunk struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

“Do you know what arthritis is?”

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

“It’s a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly loose women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say.”

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

“How long have you had arthritis?”

“I don’t have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it.”

The Report card

Boy: “I got an F in arithmetic.”

Father: “Why?”

Boy: “The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ and I said ‘6’”

Father: “But that’s right!”

Boy: “Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?’”

Father: “What’s the damn difference?”

Boy: “That’s exactly what I said!”