March 2021

Vol. 27 #3 March 2021

Tampa • St. Petersburg • Clearwater • Largo • Tarpon Springs . Brandon • Bradenton • Sarasota • Lakeland Plant City

FREE

Publishers: TAMPA BAY TAMMY & DJ CEO

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Dear Girlfriend., Even though my husband and I are not of age to get the Covid vaccine, I was blessed to get it when I took my parents to get their second one. My husband has not gotten one and does not want to take it. I got word that it may soon become available to those 50 and over. Right now, if you go and wait until everyone is vaccinated you may be able to get what is not used. I informed my husband and he responded he was not taking that sh*t. We have argued and debated but he stood strong with his decision. I was so looking forward to Easter dinner with the family. Is there anything you can truly share with my husband that may help me push him to take it when it becomes available? Covid Vaccinated Dear Covid Vaccinated, Why are you arguing over what is not even available to your husband yet. You should be enjoying each other’s company... making love, but instead you are arguing over what has not even happened. Girl get your mind right. You are putting the cart before the horse. Stop arguing over what is not even an option. Always share with your husband whatever you find out and continue to allow him to have his opinions. Know that opinions do change everyday. Everyday, things change and people change and what you will do today, you may not do tomorrow and vice versa. Respect his thoughts and his position and just continue to let him know you would like him to take it but it’s his decision. Everyone likes to think they have choices and control of their lives. None of us are omnipotent and omniscient, knowing without a shadow of a doubt, what the future holds. The Bible says “be anxious for nothing.” Why does everyone seem to think they have the right to tell others what to do and how to think? This is the first break down of a relationship, marriages included. People are in situations living their lives to please others and never themselves. When a person does not have the opportunity to make their own decision they often live with regret, wondering “what if” when things do go wrong, blaming each other. We, as spouses, have to stop that. We must live and let live and allow others to have their own opinions without getting angry. This is why a lot of people don’t choose to get married. No one wants to argue every day about what you think they should be doing versus what they want to do. I believe everyone deserves to make their own decisions and choices about their life. Live and let live. Marriage is not ownership, it’s companionship and everyone wants to be respected, especially in their own home. If your husband doesn’t want to take it, there should not be an argument. The more you fuss, the more reasons he will find to defend his position. Everyone is different, down to their blood types and underlying conditions. So let it play out, you’ll be surprised to find out how time may change his mind or confirm his decision. Years ago I took Phen Fen for a radio campaign and I lost weight. While some other hearts were affected and a few died and had a class action lawsuit, but it was good. I was also told to take Metformin about 4 years ago. I reluctantly took it for about 2 weeks and quit. I was told by my husband, friends and family “Tammy, take the damn medicine.” I made my own decision to not take it and now I hear attorney advertisements for a lawsuit stating “.... if you took Metformin call...” Now everyone wants to say I didn’t tell you to take it. So my position is go ahead and get your second shot and lead by example. Allow him to make his own decision without harassment. Plan your Easter dinner outside with your family. Simply require a mask for the safety of your husband and your unvaccinated guest. Make this Easter the best ever because we never know what tomorrow holds. N-Touch News

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You Heard It From ME Daryl Johnson CEO

5508 Mask Manufacturing Company Ribbon Cutting Ceremony American Surgical Masks Company (ASM) held their grand opening at THAP’s 5508 on Wednesday 3-10. CEO Derrick Blue of Tampa Hillsborough Action Plan (THAP) opened the program with a brief history of the company and then introduced Kalu Watanabe, co-founder of ASM. He spoke on all the reasons the company could have failed, from missing shipments to lost trucks to, of course, operating during a pandemic. He was followed by the ever so smooth CEO of ASM, Matt Brandman. THAPs CEO, Charles Young introudced Matt to the campus and he immediately fell in love with it and liked the vibe. He felt his employees would enjoy this envi-

ronment, with the courtyard being a great place for lunch. Orlando Gudes, councilman for District 5, spoke eloquently about the impact of ASM locating in his district and how the employment of his constituents has made a difference in their lives. In his introduction of Mayor Castor he talked about how great her administration was doing with developing new business in Tampa and the significance of ASM locating in East Tampa. Mayor Jane Castor talked about how development and business stalled during the pandemic but was not the case here in Tampa. She spoke on the difficulty of staying in businesses during the pandemic as one

thing but opening a business during these times is a true challenge. She added that ASM stepped up to the plate and they jumped the hurdles and weathered the storm. As a community partner, they provided over 200,000 masks to the Super Bowl, the volunteers to pass the masks out and successfully made the SuperBowl a safe environment. “The end result was the Super Bowl was not a super spreader,” said Mayor Castor. The ribbon cutting ceremony went on without a hitch and afterwards a tour of the plant was conducted for the participants of the grand opening. All the participants were given head gear along with their masks to walk through the facility to see and

understand the intricate moving parts needed to output a quality product. ASM is a minority owned business located in an Opportunity Zone in a 90% African American community. Their staff includes 75% women and minorities, including management and the majority of them are local. The pay is competitive, starting from $15 to $24 an hour and they presently employ almost 30 people. Thegoal is to be a 100% American Made product and to set the standard for their industry as an example of social equity, diversity and inclusion.

At N-Touch News, we support those who support us. Page 4

The 21st Anniversary TAMPA BAY BLACK HERITAGE FESTIVAL To Host 2-Day Hybrid Music Fest Easter Weekend April 3-4, 2021 The In-Person and Virtual 2-Day Music Fest Incorporates Gospel, R&B Funk, Jazz, and R&B Pop to Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park in Downtown Tampa The 21ST Annual Tampa Bay Black Heritage Festival (TBBHF) is set to host dynamic 2-Day Hybrid Music Fest Easter Weekend, Saturday and Sunday, April 3rd & 4th, 2021 at Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park (600 N. Ashley Dr., Tampa, Florida) from 1:00pm-9:00pm with Gates opening at 11:30am. On Saturday, national R&B/Funk group The Bar-Kays and Smooth Jazz group G-Force (Tim Brown, Nils, and Steve Oliver) will perform. On Easter Sunday, national Gospel artist Jonathan McReynolds will set the stage, and Legendary Grammy nominated, R&B/Pop artist Sheila E. will close out the weekend. General Admission Virtual and In-Person tickets, Preferred Seating, Cabana Seating, and VIP tickets are all available for purchase online.

Seating is limited. For more information and to purchase tickets visit www.tampablackheritage.org. In addition to these dynamic international performances, local and regional musical artists will showcase their talents on the small stage. Local and regional Food and merchant vendors will be present on-site with select vendors available online for virtual purchasing. By popular demand, Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey will return to host the Uncle Nearest Experience (UNE). All Events will take place at Curtis Hixon Waterfront Park in downtown Tampa. As the Festival continues to observe Covid-19 protocol, temperature checks will be conducted, and masks are required to enter the Music Fest. “This year’s Music Fest will have

Happy Easter N-Touch News

a different feel, but the energy and great lineup of entertainment, food and vendors will still be present,” says TBBHF Co-Chairs Ruby Jackson and William Saunders, “Safety is our priority and guidelines will be enforced.” Seating is limited. General Admission tickets are available per day for $20 for two and $30 for two both days. VIP, Preferred Seating, and Cabana Seating are also available for an additional fee. For additional information and to purchase tickets visit www.tampablackheritage.org or call 813-325-2539. About Tampa Bay Black Heritage Festival Foundation (TBBHF) The Tampa Bay Black Heritage Festival, Incorporated (TBBHF) is a 501©3 non-profit organization dedicated to the arts and humanities. The

purpose of TBBHF is to offer the Tampa Bay area community and beyond a unique blend of African and African American art, culture and history, therefore serving as a conduit for promoting and perpetuating the art, culture and history of African Americans and African people for the benefit of all Tampa Bay residents and tourists to the Tampa Bay area. It exists to support the culturally rich and diverse Tampa Bay community by ensuring all events are inclusive of the entire community. Learn more at www.TampaBlackHeritage. org or for continuous updates and news, follow TBBHF on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn @ TBBHF Tamp Bay Black Heritage Festival | P.O. Box 16622, Tampa, FL 33687

SUNDAY April 4th Page 5

March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month “African Americans are about 20% more likely to be diagnosed with colon cancer and also have less favorable outcomes as it relates to mortality.” — Aldenise Ewing, PhD, MPH, CPH at Moffitt Cancer Center

It is preventable, and early detection can help save more lives. At Moffitt we are committed to helping you understand your risks, and have the expertise necessary to diagnose and treat all types of cancer. We are working to lessen the burden of cancer among the Black/African American community and beyond. Together we can make a difference. Make your health a priority. Learn more about screenings. Call 1-888-456-2839 or visit Moffitt.org/Screening

Courageous DURING COVID-19, YOUR SAFETY IS A PRIORITY AT MOFFITT Page 6

The Gift that Keeps Giving Jonesa Rodriguez-PR-Moffitt

When it comes to cancer, anyone can be affected by the disease, regardless of their race, age or gender. But for those in the Black community, cancer has a greater impact, often leading to higher mortality rates. And one Tampa Bay Buccaneers player wants to change that narrative. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Defensive End William Gholston, and recent Super Bowl champion, knows first-hand the impact that cancer can have on minority communities. He watched his mother battle breast cancer and lost his father to lung cancer. After watching both parents fight cancer, Gholston had a desire to do something. He didn’t know what that could be, that is until he learned about Moffitt Cancer Center’s George Edgecomb Society. While speaking with a friend, who happened to be a Moffitt team member, Gholston learned that the George Edgecomb Society’s sole purpose is to eliminate cancer health disparities among communities of color. Aligning with his personal goals, he knew that this was the perfect way to honor his mother and late father. Days before his Super Bowl appearance, he donated $225,000 to the society to help fund research in breast, colon and prostate cancers – all of which disproportionately affect Black men and women. “After realizing all of the trials and tribulations that we go through as a minority community, donating allowed me to not just talk about it, but to be about it and let my actions follow,” Gholston said. William and his mother Dawn wants his donation to have a domino effect, ending with more support for

the Black community. “With my donation, I want the results to be that we gave accessibility to those who didn’t have it before,” he said. “Have them acquire the knowledge, they learn what to expect or see, then they go and share it with others in the Black community.” The defensive end wants those in minority communities to be comfortable enough to go and get screened, believe there is hope and pass a little bit of hope onto others. Gholston also hopes that his donation paves the way for others with the same status to not only have the conversation but put forth the effort to help with research and the betterment of those in the Black community. While in the offseason, Gholston says that he is learning something new every day about cancer health disparities and looking forward to be able to gain even more knowledge. Since its inception in 2017, the George Edgecomb society has funded six pilot projects spearheaded by Moffitt researchers, totaling $400,000. It continues to research cancers that disproportionately impact the Black community in hopes of one day putting an end to cancer health disparities.

The Official Limousine of Tampa Bay Tammy

N-Touch News

State Attorney to Florida Legislature: Reject HR1 and SB 484 As lawmakers sit down to debate Gov. Ron DeSantis’ #1 legislative priority on Wednesday, Hillsborough State Attorney Andrew Warren is urging them to reject the bill in a letter just delivered to members of the Legislature Warren warns that the “Combating Violence, Disorder, and Looting and Law Enforcement Protection Act” does not actually help State Attorneys prosecute rioters, and instead chips away at the key First Amendment freedoms of free speech and peaceful assembly. The Florida House’s Judiciary Committee is set to debate the bill, known as HB 1 and SB 484, at 3:15 p.m. today. “This bill doesn’t give police or prosecutors any important new tools to handle unrest. It tears a couple corners off the Constitution,” Warren said, describing why he felt compelled to address the issue with the members of the Legislature. “It’s misguided. The public needs to understand this is a waste of valuable time and taxpayer money to keep pushing this bad bill forward.” In the letter, Warren urges legislators to vote no on the bill because it: Blocks First Amendment rights The bill dramatically expands the ways Constitutionally protected protestors can be arrested and charged as a felon. This change “directly undermines First Amendment freedoms by criminalizing peaceful protests by the many based on unlawful conduct by the few. Doesn’t improve public safety Even though “inventing new crimes and enhancing the penalties for old ones is a highly ineffective and imprudent way to improve public safety,” that’s exactly what the bill does—despite the fact that existing

laws are already powerful enough to limit unrest. For example, the Hillsborough State Attorney’s Office is currently prosecuting those responsible for looting and rioting in Tampa using laws currently on the books. Ignores the biggest problem The bill doesn’t help police and prosecutors deal with their single biggest challenge related to unlawful unrest: “being able to identify the small number of bad actors in a larger law-abiding group and determine who did what.” Warren contends that the bill “retreats to the outdated ‘throw-everyone-in-jail’ philosophy that has been revealed as a giant failure—having caused mass incarceration and systemic injustice while perpetuating a revolving door system that undermines the long-term safety of our neighborhoods.” Wednesday’s letter to legislators follows an op-ed by State Attorney Warren published in the South Florida Sun Sentinel last month, in which he expressed disappointment in Legislative leaders for prioritizing a “solution in search of a problem” rather than addressing the economic, educational, and health care needs of Floridians. “These are difficult times with difficult problems facing hard-working, patriotic Floridians,” Warren wrote in the op-ed. “They deserve real solutions to actual issues, not political theater. If our elected leaders focused on what Floridians really need— steps to create jobs, fix the unemployment system, and effectively roll out vaccines—they would do far more to strengthen our communities than this bad bill ever will.” Grayson Kamm, Chief Comm. Officer, Hillsb. St. Atty’s Office 813557-3366 – kamm_g@sao13th.com

N-Touch News,

The Good News publication Page 7

A Message To Returning Citizens and Their Loved Ones Op-ed By Rev. Willie Dixon

In 2018, Amendment 4 was placed on the ballot for Florida voters to decide the fate of 1. 5 million Returning Citizens. 62% of the voters approved Amendment 4, formally known as the Voting Rights Restoration for Felons Initiative. There was rejoicing as Returning Citizens celebrated their right to vote on election night. However, their joy was short-lived because Governor Ron DeSantis and some Republican legislators found a loophole in Amendment 4. The loophole? According to Florida Statute 98.0751, “a sentence is not complete until all fines, fees, court cost, and restitution are paid.” Governor DeSantis, Attorney General Ashley Moody, and the Republican party actually created a grave problem for the judicial system. They did not account for the number of current inmates and Returning Citizens who were unaware of these voting criteria at their sentencing. Many returning citizens entered into a plea bargain without knowing the full extent of their sentence. Many of them pled guilty whether they were or not. Consequently, their sentence was extended years after physically serving their time by punishing them

with the inability to vote. It is cruel and usual punishment to withhold the right to vote due to the inability to pay their fines, fees, court costs, or restitution. Furthermore, it’s a violation of the 8th and 14th Amendments of the United States Constitution. I’ll explain. When a person is accused of a crime, there are several mandates: a defendant’s guilty plea must be voluntary, a factual basis of the crime must be established, and the judge must explain the direct consequence of the plea, includ-

ing all fines, fees, court costs, and restitution must be paid before the defendant can vote. Plea Bargains should benefit both the Judicial system and the defendant. However, the plea bargains must be legal and follow Florida Statute 98.0751, Florida Rules of Criminal Procedure 3.171, 3.172 in the state courts, and Federal Rule 11 in the federal courts. Also, the plea agreement must be recorded electronically or via stereographic to support the printed form most defendants must sign. The fail-

ure of the judge to follow the above rules and statute will render the plea bargain illegal. That’s right, illegal. Florida citizens are being stripped of their voting rights without their knowledge. Voting rights impact how decisions are made in their city, county, state, and the nation as a whole. It’s a precious right that must be protected. I write this letter as a Returning Citizen who received my restoration of voting rights in 1981. I also write this letter as the Founder of the COACH Foundation where we have served the community through affordable housing programs, civic engagement initiatives, and prison outreach for over 35 years. Now, I want to hear from you. Are you a returning citizen who entered a plea bargain without being informed of your rights? Do you have a loved one who is incarcerated and impacted this way? If the answer is yes, please contact me today. I can be reached via mail at COACH Foundation, Inc. P.O. Box 310747 Tampa, Fl 33680. My email address is wdixon2558@aol.com. Justice delayed is justice denied.

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Spring Break Kicks Off Free Safety Around Water Lessons at the Y Tampa Bay area children can once again receive free water safety and swim lessons at their local Y, starting during the local school districts’ Spring Break, March 15-18. The Y’s Safety Around Water program is offered this year at 16 Tampa Metropolitan Area YMCA and YMCA of the Suncoast locations. The program is free and open to all 3-12-year-old beginners and non-swimmers in the Tampa Bay community. The YMCA of the Suncoast is able to offer the program at no cost in Pinellas County thanks to the generosity of the Juvenile Welfare Board. During the 4-day course, certified instructors teach kids a sequenced set of skills that will reduce the risk of drowning and give them confidence in and around water. Participants must be present on the first day of class and bring their

own swimsuit and towel. A YMCA membership is NOT required; however, due to limited space, preregistration is required at these participating Ys: March 15-18: Tampa Metropolitan Area YMCA (11 locations), Clearwater YMCA, Greater Palm Harbor YMCA, Greater Ridgecrest YMCA, James P. Gills Family YMCA, North Pinellas YMCA At the Tampa Y, you can sign up online, in-person or by phone. At the Suncoast Y, you can sign up in-person or by phone. As with all YMCA programs and services, the Y follows guidance from the CDC and government officials to create a safer environment and ensure the highest standards of cleanliness and appropriate accommodations for social distancing. The Y will also offer the free Safety Around Water program in May and August of this year. Dates and times vary based on YMCA location.

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Community Action Requested

FAMU Has Walk up Vaccine No Appointment Needed

PROGRESS VILLAGE

A community vaccine center will open at the Lawson Center on the campus of Florida A&M University. If you qualify, you can just walk up and get the free vaccine, with no appointment needed. The vaccination site, on the main level of the Lawson Center, 1800 Wahnish Way, will serve residents 65+ and health care workers with direct patient contact. It operates from 9 a.m. to noon, seven days a week, and will distribute up to 200 vaccine doses a day for the first four weeks. Individuals getting the free vaccine are asked to bring an ID to verify their birthday. Pre-registration is not necessary, but you can register online at commvax.patientportalfl.com. “The site is a walk-up site, so the registration will speed things up for someone coming to get the vaccine, but it does not guarantee them the vaccine or give them an appointment to be vaccinated,” said Tanya Tatum, director of FAMU Student Health Services. The center will be operated by the Florida Division of Emergency Management in collaboration with the Florida Department of Health-Leon County. “The state anticipates that most individuals will be registered by staff once they get to the site. We are limited to 200 persons a day to start.” Later, the site is expected to expand to 400 doses per day. The site is being opened as the state seeks to combat growing vaccine hesitancy and skepticism among African Americans and other communities of color. “This vaccination site is central to our efforts to reach underserved communities at this crucial time,” FAMU President Larry Robinson said. “We are urging those who are eligible to take advantage of this invaluable service. This is an opportunity for our community. This is an opportunity to help save the lives of those we love.”

CIVIC COUNCIL, INC. NO 5G IN PROGRESS VILLAGE – STOP THE TOWER! #stop5ginpv President Linda Washington 1st Vice President Twanda Bradley 2nd Vice President Lesley Jackson Recording Secretary Jackie Mix Corresponding Secretary Delaney Pittman Treasure Alfred Shephard

Plans to install a tower near the historic community of Progress Village must stop NOW! We are determined to protect our families’ health along with animal life and trees. There was not adequate notification of this structure. Now that we are aware, all actions will be taken to stop this action! The tower will be located near churches and houses that have been in families for generations. It is also near the Larry Sanders Sports Complex that features football and baseball fields, concession stand, room rental and parking for over 600 vehicles. Emanuel P. Johnson Community Center is in this location and has basketball and volleyball courts, a playground along with a fitness room and classes. Families are also at the facility for after school programs and summer activities. Hundreds of families from the Tampa Bay area visit both the sports complex and community center for activities. In addition, students travel from all areas of Tampa and Brandon to attend the Progress Village Magnet School and Jack R. Lamb Elementary School. Children and families will be in harm’s way of this silent and deadly radiation. Fiber optics and cable are reliable and safe. Homeowners have a right to decide about their exposure to radiation. Studies have also shown that home value decreases near cell towers. Progress Village was already subjected to the erection of a huge radioactive gypsum dump in the 1980s. We say NO MORE! We are still concerned about the health and safety in our historic neighborhood from our children to our elderly citizens. Also, our future generations deserve to live in a safe and healthy environment. We must STOP this tower from being erected! #stop5ginpv References: There is no scientific evidence to support any claim of 5G safety. See the studies using links below: https://ehtrust.org/science/cell-towers-and-cell-antennae/compilation-of-research-studies-oncell-tower-radiation-and-health/ http://www.emrpolicy.org/science/research/fact_sheet.htm Doctors and Scientist warn of potential serious health effects of 5G: https://www.jrseco.com/wp-content/uploads/2017-09-13-Scientist-Appeal-5GMoratorium.pdf Online Petition:

Sign this petition Petition · NO 5G IN PROGRESS VILLAGE #stop5ginpv · Change.org Click link below to send email to Hillsborough County District Commissioner 3 Gwen Myers: https://hcflgov.formstack.com/forms/contact_commissioner?field51883190=3

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ECONOMIC EMPOWERMENT SERIES SEEK TO COMBAT WEALTH DISPARITIES AMONGST DISENFRANCHISED COMMUNITIES Voice The Movement, Incorporated and Hillsborough Community College Team Up for Virtual “EMPOWER-Nomics,” Social Justice Project, - Voice The Movement, Incorporated (VTM) in association with Hillsborough Community College Social Justice Projects to kicked-off “Empower-Nomics,” a virtual economic empowerment seminar series began Saturday, February 27, 2021 at 10am. Registration is FREE. To register visit https://www.voicethemovement.org/empowernomics. The purpose of the bi-monthly Empower-Nomics series is to provide a safe, interactive, informational learning environment to help inform, educate, encourage, and empower economically disenfranchised and systemically oppressed commu-

nities. The kick-off will highlight topics centered on economics from a historical, capable, financial, enterprise, investment, and redistribution standpoint. The objective is to provide attendees with practical information and tools that can be easily consumed, implemented and duplicated. In a 2020 Yeshiva University article, 9 Biggest Social Justice Issues were listed and “Income Gap” was amongst those issues. Research shows that a close examination of wealth in the United States finds evidence of staggering racial disparities. The net worth of a typical majority family is nearly ten times greater than that of a minority family. The wealth gap also reveals the effects of accumulated inequality and discrimination, as well as differ-

ences in power and opportunity that can be traced back to the inception of the United States. The hope is to improve the quality of life for the disenfranchised by narrowing the “Income Gap” through educational, practical, and implementable discussions, systems, and tools that can be used by each attendee as well as others within their communities for continued impact. Special guest presenters for the kick-off was Dr. Ken Atwater, President of Hillsborough Community College (HCC) and Chair of the Foundation of the Tampa-Hillsborough Economic Development Corporation, Angel Rich, author of The History of the Black Dollar and Founder of The Wealth Factory, Maria Fashoro of Regions Bank, Tareka

Coney M.Ed., author and Business Credit Expert, and Preston Duppins, Financial Advisor, Raymond James & Associates. Sponsors include Hillsborough Community College, Hillsborough Community College Foundation, Suncoast Credit Union, Wells Fargo, and Nielsen. Voice The Movement, Incorporated (VTM) is a registered 501c3 nonprofit organization whose mission is to enhance the quality of life of individuals through health, education, arts & entertainment, and technology. For more information visit www. VoiceTheMovement.org. Voice THE Movement, Inc. 1431 S. Kingsway Road #1738 Seffner, Florida 33583 (813) 644-2624 info@voicethemovement.org www.VoiceTheMovement.org

VISA

The Visa Black Scholars and Jobs Program, in partnership with the Thurgood Marshall College Fund (TMCF), is a new program designed for college-bound Black and African American students in the United States. Eligible high school seniors applying or intending to enroll as a full-time undergraduate in any four-year accredited college or university in the U.S. can receive a needs-based scholarship grant of up to $20,000/year. Scholars who continue to meet the criteria, remain in good standing and maintain a minimum of 3.0 GPA will be eligible for annual renewals. Upon graduation, all scholarship recipients who have met their commitments will be guaranteed a full-time job with Visa. The establishment of this program is aligned with Visa’s commitment to cultivate an inclusive and diverse workplace that supports the development and advancement of all. You’re an Individual. We’re the team for you. Together, let’s transform the way the world pays.

To Advertise Call DJ CEO (813)404-5287 or Tampa Bay Tammy (813)842-3212 Page 13

Go Ahead and Get your Laugh On The Professor

A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics. One day, the Chief’s wife gives birth to... a white child! The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look, you’re the only white man we’ve ever seen around here, and this woman just gave birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!” The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.” The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”

Church

Little Bob went with his mom to church every Sunday. One morning in the middle of the service Bob complained that he was feeling a bit queasy and was afraid he was going to puke. “No problem dear,” whispered his Mom in his ear, “just head on over to the bathroom on the other side of the Church, and take care of it there.” Thirty seconds later Bob came back. “Did you go to the bathroom?” questioned his Mom. “No need” responded Bob. “Right outside the door was a big box with a sign next to it ‘for the sick,’ so I just did it in there!”

Greeting Cards

Sarah, a Sales Associate at Walmart, notices a man in the card section. When she walks by an hour later and sees him still there she walks over to see if she can help. “Can I help you?” she asks. “Well I don’t know” the man responds “I’m having a problem, I can’t find anything that my wife would believe!” Page 14

Friendship Between Women:

A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she slept over at a girlfriend’s house. The husband calls his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband’s 10 best friends. Eight of them confirm he slept over, two claim he’s still there.

Riddles

Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days of the week? The rest of the days are weak days. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener! Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… … but then I turned myself around.

Family

The italian went to the doctor for his yearly checkup. As he was examining him, the doctor commented on his pale complexion. “I know” said the patient, “It’s my high blood pressure, it’s in the family.” “Your mom’s side, or dad’s side?” questioned the doctor. “Neither, my wife’s.” responded the Italian. “What?” the doctor said, “that can’t be. How can you get it from your wife’s family?” He quickly responded “Oh yes you can, why don’t you come meet them before you diagnose me!”

Somebody

This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. Consequently, it wound up that Nobody told Anybody, so Everybody blamed Somebody.

The Court Room

A drunk guy had a bit too much to drink. Walking into a courthouse he yell’s “All lawyers are sneaky thieves.” I just wrote a book on reverse psy- A man stands up and says “Hey,don’t chology. talk like that to me!” Do not read it. The drunk shouts back “Why, you’re a lawyer?” “No”, says the man Henry Ford “If I had asked people what they “I’m a sneaky thief.” wanted, they would have said faster Lodge Buddies horses” really does explain the foWhen the lodge meeting broke up, cused nature of Henry Ford who knew his own mind and didn’t need John confided to a friend. anyone else’s assistance. Like so “Mike, I’m in a terrible pickle! I’m many of the other famous people strapped for cash and I haven’t the quoted here, when Ford said “The slightest idea where I’m going to get man who stops advertising to save it from!” money is like the man who stops the “I’m glad to hear that” answered clock to save time” he was making Mike. “I was afraid you might have a point through gentle humor as that an idea you could borrow it from me!” has a way of landing with people.

Visitors

My elderly Jewish grandmother was giving me directions to her apartment. “You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 4012. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 4012. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 4. When you get out, I’m on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? “Vaat...You coming empty handed?”

The Telemarketer

Listen a job is a job, we all need to find away to put bread on the table don’t we? To make a long story short I’m a telemarketer that’s my job and that’s what I do. It’s not a job everyone appreciates, but it’s a job I enjoy and am proud of. The other day I called a house and a real nice lady answered the phone, she was really helpful and friendly, she was the type of lady that helps a telemarketer get through a long day. After some pleasantries I asked if Mr. Smith was in, “I’m sorry,” she answered, “I’m afraid he doesn’t live here anymore.” Now that was a real disappointment being that she was a nice lady and all, but I took it all in a stride, “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am. Do you happen to have his new number.” “Sure thing!” The woman cheerfully replied, listing off his new number. I hung up the phone and quickly called the new number and was surprised to hear a recording. “Thank you for calling Green Acres Cemetery…”

Keep On Laughing... Laughter Heals!

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