FREE
Vol. 25 #1 February 2019
Publishers: DJCEO & Tampa Bay Tammy
Tampa • St. Petersburg • Clearwater • Largo • Tarpon Springs . Brandon • Bradenton • Sarasota • Lakeland Plant City
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5pm - 9pm
Roses, Cup Cakes, Candy Apples, Gourmet Popcorn, Ice Cream, Dinner Plates, Bath Salts and Jewelry available to purchase Page 3
Dear Girlfriend, I am the lady that spoke to you at Dillards who asked you to do something that included singles too. Well three of my family members just found some cheap flights down to St. Pete running from the cold. They will be staying a week with me and I am so glad they are coming. I heard from a friend of mine that you are having an event for Valentines. She said you announced it at the Power Couples Ball and that she suppose to get complimentary tickets. Well she hasn’t gotten hers yet. I have a couple of questions for you. Do you have a flyer I can share? How much is it for those of us who did not attend the Ball and where can we purchase some tickets? One of my cousins is single, like me. Do you think there will be any single men there? Do you think we will have a great time? I want to introduce them to Tampa Social life in hopes they will think of relocating down.
Ticketless for Valentines
Dear Ticketless for Valentines,
They picked a great week to come, there’s a lot going on that weekend! The Valentines Affair is a great way to introduce your family to life in Tampa Bay and a great way to spend valentines Day. The event Is called “A Valentines Affair, An Evening Under the Stars.” It’s a live concert and I’m pretty sure you will have a great time. There will be a live band and a DJ. Everyone is invited so I’m sure there will be some single men there because my clientele is grown and successful. I’m proud to say there will be some of the classiest people in Tampa bay in attendance. There will be doctors, lawyers, politicians, entrepreneurs and just good hard working people. Our power couples and singles are not only classy but they are fun. I don’t do snooty but I do try to surround myself with confident, fun people. So If you are looking for something to do on Thursday Valentines Day, an out door concert in Tampa Bay is just heavenly on a beautiful night. The good news is You will not have to wait in long lines at a restaurant for dinner. There will be food there. So bring some cash to buy what ever your heart desires. There will be everything you can think of or would expect for Valentines available for purchase from: roses, dinner plates, Chocolate and Red Velvet cupcakes, candy apples, gourmet popcorn, spirited ice cream, bathe salts, jewelry, accessories and even promoters selling tickets to their upcoming concerts at discounted prices. The event is from 5-9pm so don’t go home, come straight from work and meet your friends at 5508 N 50th street right off Hillsborough Avenue in Tampa. Lastly, let me apologize for her not having her tickets, Tell her to contact the power couple she purchased her ticket from and they should have her ticket or come by our radio station located at 5508 N 50th street on the THAP campus. She can pick up her complimentary tickets there and you can purchase yours for $20. Just for you, tell em I said you if you get 3 tickets for your family the 4th one is on me. Heyyy! See you Valentines Day.
For Advice write to Dear Girlfriend Send to Tampabaytammy@hotmail.com Page 5
Help me Help the Rays of Hope Fly 50 Students to Washington DC.
Let’s do this! On February 23rd 2019, there will be a fund raiser to do just that. It’s a dinner party with a purpose. The event will take place at the exclusive Ft. Harrison Hotel in downtown Clearwater. The event will be fun, elegant and an opportunity to dance, give back to the community and inspire our youth. I will have a table and you may join me at mine or host your own table or just buy ticket a for yourself or someone else. The tickets are only $50 in advance $75 at the door. Are you looking for a tax write off. Well you can purchase a table for $500 it’s tax deductible and sell the tickets to
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your friends. He needs all the help he can get. Young athletes are coming back to support their coach, Horace Drew who made a difference in their lives. Thus allowing Drew to do what’s near and dear to his heart and that’s change the lives of young people by providing them with memorable experiences, “Some of these kids have never been out of Tampa and I want to give them a broader experience” Last year Rays of hope took 40 kids to Atlanta Georgia on a college bus tour this year he is flying them to D.C.. Let’s help as we continue living our best lives!
Tampa’s 1st SILENT PARTY If you missed Next Level Entertainment New Years Eve Count Down, don’t’ fret. Check out the pictures on the next page and join them on Saturday, February 16th, for SHHHH an event where you just SHUT UP and dance, meet, greet & enjoy. Silent Parties have taken over numerous cities with it’s new silent culture wave. NOW its time for grown folk Tampa!! The Silent Party Vibe is undeniable when you experience socializing, dancing, and laughing at your friends excitement from hearing their favorite songs. Don’t over think it!! Come allow us to wow YOU and knock YOUR socks off with something NEW to the city! Grab YOUR fly heels, SEXY dress, crisp jeans, hard bottoms and your best friends and prepare for a night to remember where you can meet socialites on YOUR level!!! See YOU and YOUR crew there....Y’ALL deserve it !! The Concept: It’s your typical party…with no speakers or amps. Instead, attendees
don wireless headphones and turn them to various stations, then Twerk, Slide, Two Step, Kwang, Snap Yo Fangas, Jook, Millie Rock, GRIND ON SOME BODY, and Booty Pop on the dance floor amidst other revelers dancing to whatever’s in their headphones. The Music: Three DJs are competing for your attention during this BRAND NEW off the chain party, spinning your favorite Reggae, Trap, R&B, old school, up north, mid west, and down south vibes. If you don’t like a song, simply switch your headphones from one station to the next to keep the party going. The Social Atmosphere: Party goers can turn down the volume of their headphones or take them off whenever they want to chat with others. Since there’s no blaring speakers, it’s way easier to have conversations and meet new people. This event will take place at the Villagio Bistro Lounge of Carollwood Secure your tickets early, the Silent Parties always sell out.
Next Level Entertainment New Years Eve Count Down at Villagio!
If it’s not in N-Touch News
N-Touch it aint Happening! Page 7
You Heard It From Me
By Daryl Johnson ( DJ CEO)
Spreading the Wealth in the Black Community? As a business man and father, my questions for politicians are always: “Are you still segregated in your private life?, If you had a party at your home would there be any Black folks there other than The Help?, If so, is that Black person an employee, a friend or a token show piece? Who are you? and Will you spread the Wealth?” It’s a known fact that most politicians show up for the MLK Jr weekend and at Black churches during election season, often leaving without even making a donation. Well all the mayoral candidates showed up for the NAACP Freedom Fund dinner this year except Dick Greco Jr. Under the auspices of The Hillsborough County Democratic Black Caucus Committee, political consultant Robin Lockett, pooled together candidates running for political office to share who they are and speak on political platforms. All showed up except David Straz (74). Although not one of the mayoral candidates saw fit to spread the wealth with their campaign dollars to solicit our N-Touch readers’ votes, I feel it’s my civic duty to share with you the Mayoral candidates that showed up for the Black Caucus. They each had 7 minutes. Here’s what they shared. Judge Harry Cohen (49) His major platforms are: Infrastructure related to Transportation and Transit, Affordable Housing and Flooding. How to best spend 1% sales tax. Spending decisions should be based on safety. Tampa is 9th in the nation in pedestrian and bicycle fatality. Our sidewalks are inadequate and broken. Need to deal with better access to getting to school to make our children safer. MLK Jr. Blvd, Busch Blvd, Hillsborough and Fowler Ave all need attention. Passed legislation of $250 million for storm water. Affordable Housing funds have already been cut. Turn money over to private individuals to build tiny houses, container houses, and modular homes, etc. Proud of ordinance to decriminalize small amounts marijuana. Laws are biased against B lack culture and will fight for adult use in the state and willing to tax marijuana to help pay teachers. Judge Dick Greco Jr. (64) - Third generation mayoral candidate growing up in Seminole Heights. His family had hardware a store and he went to public schools. At the behest of his father he joined the local labor union and worked at building the MarPage 8
riott Hotel. He joined the iron workers union and did work at the Big Ben power plant. An Auburn University graduate, he got his BS in Science and Law Enforcement. While attending law school in Houston TX, he worked for the Lee County Sheriffs Office. After law school Dick Greco Jr. worked several jobs, 2nd Dist. Court of Appeals, Assistant State Atty. and handled construction litigation for the county. Governor Lawton Childs appointed him as a judge where he handled criminal court, small claims, and the like. Certified by the Florida Supreme Court as a Senior Judge and Mediator. 20 years on the county court bench. Topher Morrison (50) Active member of NAACP Shared he took a bus ride and went to areas that made him ashamed to be a white man. He was clear on his priorities of what is important. He spoke about two black ladies that work for him and the racial discrimination they endured. Believes his ideas are great but getting the media to give him a voice is next to impossible. Wants to make Tampa a green city. Work on getting back bus routes as part of his transportation initiative. He believes that if walking while black is a crime or riding a bicycle is a crime, he wants to change that. Gradually raising the minimum wage is of importance. No PAC, Political Action Committee, has given him any money as he raised $80K through small donors. No one has a financial interest in him and he is loyal to the people of Tampa. He believes he is the underdog. Attorney Mike Suarez (53) Active member of NAACP. Served on the council the last 7 years. His father is a fierce democrat. As one of our elected official he has been fighting legislation that preempts us. Believes we need strong mayor to fight against legislature to protect our citizens. The role of the council is to sit as the community redevelopment agency. He would like an Apprenticeship Program for young workers. He knows the areas of the city that aren’t being cared for and wants to ensure they get what they need. Potholes, streets need improvement and response time in the city of Tampa needs improving. Tax dollars go to the city but not to you. Would like to have a Neighborhood Bill of Rights. Police should have positive interaction with neighbors and not as an occupying force because Public Safety is num-
DJ CEO, Mayor Bob Buckhorn & Tampa Bay Tammy ber one. Transportation gives freedom to people. Will do a sidewalk survey to improve neighborhoods. Wants to improve Code Enforcement and have integrity in government. Ed Turanchik (63) County Commission 1990-98. Ex Labor Lawyer. Has New Day Agenda. Passed half cent tax for indigent health care. An act of leadership. Public Safety Coordinating Council Chaired for 4 years. Been involved in High Speed Rail to move forward. Suggest we can judge candidates by experience and past. Will put his agenda in writing. Put in breakfast program. Housing is important. More Robust housing in their own neighborhoods. Focus on Community Placing. Believe Chief Castor should have been fired for racial profiling. Will never happen in his administration. Transit and Housing go together for access to jobs. Restructure procurement program. Give people an opportunity to succeed. Downtown East Tampa. Cultural Economic Heart. Schools are a top priority to me. Jane Castor (59) Born raised in Tampa attended Chamberlain High School. Father is a carpenter. Family valued education attended University of Tampa on athletic scholarship. Vowed to help young people. Aspired to become a police officer ultimately becoming Police Chief. Area of focus: Transportation, Affordable Housing and workforce Development; These 3 will create what we become proud of. Improve Bus service because jobs are available but can’t be reached. Affordable Housing-no one should be pushed out. Change some ordinances to bridge that gap. Stop the pillage of Sadowsky Fund. Lot of honor in the trades. People I grew up with made in the trades. With best and brightest from around the country Tampa can be Innovation Hub. Grow businesses here Done 100 initiatives Some were not successful and I take full responsibility. 31 years to test drive her.
Servant Leader Seeks Tampa City Council District 5 Seat
Elect
JOE
M O V I N G TA M P A FO RWAR D
ROBINSON TAMPA CITY COUNCIL ˝ YOUR VOICE˝
DISTRICT 2 CITYWIDE www.ElectJoeRobinson.com
Paid For and Approved by the Joe Robinson Campaign Account, Tampa City Council, District 2 Citywide.
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Former Boys & Girls Clubs VP has qualified to run in the Tampa City Council District5 race. Cole, 53, was born and raised in District 5 and wants to continue serving his community as a member of City Council. He is the son of the late James Cole (Cole’s Barber Shop on 40 th Street) and the grandson of Robert Cole & the late Madelyne Cole of Cole’s Beauty & Barber Shops. Cole is aware that there is a crowded field in the District 5 race but feels that his strong foundation in the communities of the district will allow him to be the best advocate to effectively communicate the needs of the district’s residents. His family roots have heavily influenced his growth and taught him the importance of Serving the Community and to be prepared to lead when called upon. Through his community involvement he has been able to assist individuals and various worthy causes that benefit residents of District 5. Todd has deep roots in the District having grown up in West Tampa in the Columbus Court Apts as well as in East Tampa off MLK Jr Blvd (formerly Buffalo Ave) and 34 th Street. He attended Stephen Foster Elementary, Jackson Heights 6 th Grade Center, Young 7 th Grade Center and then went on to Middleton Jr. High (now Ferrell Middle School) before going on to graduate from King High School in 1983. Todd also played little league football for the Vikings at
Jackson Heights park (now the YET Center). He went on to a long career working with children at the National Youth Sports Program (USF), Hillsborough County Parks & Recreation, and over 20 years with Boys & Girls Clubs. During his time with Boys & Girls Clubs he touched many lives in almost every community within District 5. Todd is the father of two (Todd Jr and Russell) and has one grandchild (Xylan). He attended USF out of High School where he became a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc and eventually went on to earn his Bachelor’s Degree in Organization Studies with a Concentration on Non-Profit Management & Leadership at Eckerd College graduating with High Honors. His Campaign Headquarters is at Cole’s Beauty & Barber Shop at 3407 E MLK Jr Blvd, Tampa 33610. Cedric Washington, also a 1983 King High Graduate and Teacher at Memorial Middle School, serves as his Campaign Treasurer. If you would like to host a Meet & Greet with Todd, host a Fundraising Event/Mixer or assist with the campaign please send an email to TColeforDistrict5@yahoo.com or (813) 252-5430. If you would like to donate to the campaign you can send a check made payable to “Todd Cole Campaign” or call for credit card donation or on Facebook - Todd Cole For Tampa City Council District 5. Page 9
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Aggie Pride And Tampa Ties to the L.A. Rams He grew up watching football. His dad, Melvin Holmes played in college at North Carolina A&T and was the captain of the football team. Melvin went on to play in the NFL with the Pittsburgh Steelers from 19711973 as a Guard. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, like father like son, so Brad Holmes path was already blazed. From the sunny state of Florida, Brad Holmes attended Chamberlain High in Tampa, where he was named footballs 1997 first team All-County and All Conference at the defensive tackle position. Brad just wasn’t playing football either, it takes a lot of charisma to become the Homecoming King and the Captain of the Football Team. His great play rewarded him with a scholarship to North Carolina A&T where he graduated with a BS in Communications and Public Rela-
tions (that wasn’t easy either, did I say study, study, study). After winning his college championship he had a serious car accident where he suffered internal injuries and was in a coma for weeks (dreaming about the NFL). After recuperating, some ice packs and a EKG he was back in the saddle. Fresh out of college in 2002 with a degree (trying to be the good son) Brad accepted a job with Enterprise Rental managers program, a job that his momma, educator Dr. Joan Holmes found for him. However, Brad QUIT!!! Yep you heard me, he quit a potential six figure job to be-
come an intern with the NFL in 2003 in the public relations department paying a lousy $12,000 a year. Then in 2004, he became a scouting assistant and after holding several jobs throughout the club, was promoted as a National Scout with the RAMS during the 2012 season, covering the Northeast Region. After a year, he migrated to the Southeast Region where he served until becoming the Director of College Scouting. As Director of College Scouting for the LA Rams in his 16th year, Brad is responsible for evaluating all NFL draft prospects nationwide. He man-
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ages the scheduling and operations for area scouts and works collaboratively with personnel directors in improving scouting procedures and technological tools. Some of Brad’s recruits are, Todd Gurley, Goff and Donald. MVP Defense Player and Rookie of the Year, Goff was selected to the Pro Bowl. Brad is 39 years old and has been with the RAMS for 16 years. He’s married to Lisa Hudson from Atlanta. Brad met Lisa at Tiffany’s Jewelry, asked her out, married her and now they are the proud parents of a 7 month old son. Hey Brad, while I know you don’t need any help in doing your job, check out Aggie Julius Reynolds, son of retired NFL player Ricky Reynolds and Pam Reynolds Carr. Julius was an intricate part of NC A&T championship team. Like you, he has it all too, brains & brawn.
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Victor Young Has Acquired USL Soccer Team!! Surprise surprise surprise! Power Couple 2011 Victor and Tia Young has acquired a soccer Team which will be based out of Sarasota Florida. Last month we did a story on Victor breaking into the movie industry and Now his newest achievement is the Soccer club. It is the USL League 25th Anniversary and the Sarasota Club has been announced as the latest member. The team is called Sarasota Metropolis FC and their mascot is a Dragon “the protector of the Metropolis.” Their team colors are blue and white and general admission tickets are only $15. The Home games will be played at Robert L Taylor Community Complex. The club is a minor league soccer team and competes in the USL League 2, completing the Southeast eight-team division comprised of clubs from across Florida. If you know someone interested in playing soccer professionally, this may be there golden opportunity. Try outs
are on March 2nd and 3rd. “We’re thrilled to have Sarasota round out the Southeast Division for the 2019 season,” stated USL League Two Vice President Joel Nash. “Victor has a clear vision for
this club, and his on-and-off-thefield plans are equally impressive.” Victor Young, a movie producer and part owner of Sarasota BMW, comes from humble beginnings. He is Tampa born and Tampa bred graduating from King High. He has had dreams of owning a club and it has become a reality in Sarasota. While his own passion for soccer is well known, Young hopes that bringing a new team to Sarasota will provide the community with something to rally around. “I started the team because I wanted to harness the passion of soccer and use it as a vehicle to help others,” Young said. “Sarasota deserves their own home team, and now we finally have it. We have big plans for the club in the future, and we’re excited to see what lies ahead.” “I also want to provide player development opportunities to individuals on the west coast of Florida who have been overlooked or need additional coaching. The Sarasota-
Bradenton area is loaded with soccer talent who deserve to play soccer at the highest level, and I plan to help get them there.” Victor Young is also known for his philanthropic work in the community supporting local events throughout Hillsborough, Pinellas and Manatee county using his Sarasota BMW dealership and connections. His donations, sponsorships and participation often make events that would not be possible, come to fruition. This club will help further his ability to make a difference. “For me, this isn’t only about soccer,” Young said. “I plan to donate a percentage of our profits made by the team towards cancer research. Victor’s mother in law, Joyce Austin, is a 2 time cancer survivor. Victor Young never ceases to amaze us with the things he accomplishes. It is obvious that it’s hard work and favor from God. For more details go online @ sarosotametropolis on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
N-Touch is the Good News Resource Serving the Bay Area Since 1996
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Magnificent Me Girls Empowerment Program unveils Butterfly Garden at local nursing home for their Martin Luther King Day of Service Project. A friend introduced Marlene Peterson to a Martin Luther King Service Award grant that she thought would be perfect for their two-year old Magnificent Me Butterfly Summer Camp Program. “To qualify, all I needed to do was create a service project that would exemplify the freedom and love message of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and focus on the forgotten or under served.” During the summer, the camp-
ers, girls ages 7-12, visited a butterfly garden and took copious visual notes. On the last day of camp, they were inspired to flap their wings and spread the joy by visiting the residents of a local nursing home. “At the end of the day, we could tell the residents were transformed by our songs, dance routines and personalized cards and gifts. Before we left, they were clapping their hands and flapping their wings too. Many of the
campers agreed that this day of serving and visiting the nursing home was the best camp day of all” stated Marlene. With the help of her husband of 29 years Pete Peterson, Marlene and the girls were able to complete their service project and unveil the Magnificent Butterfly Garden on January 19th at Carrollwood Care Center. Team work still makes the dream work. Thank you Marlene and Pete
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for your service to the community and teaching the girls how to fly.
Emotional Support and Spiritual Services Saturday, February 16, 2019 10 AM – 1 PM W Waters Ave, Tampa, FL 33604
Discovering the uniqueness of YOU! Guest speakers will be discussing •Goal Setting •Benefits of Relaxation •Self-actualization •Body Shaming •Matters of the Mind
“A Real Church For Real People”
Bethel Community Baptist Church 2901 54th Ave. S
St. Petersburg, Fl. 33712 Morning Worship 9:30am Sunday School 8:30am Midweek Service Wed. 6:30pm
Dr. Manuel Sykes
Bible Based Church of Temple Terrace
Sunday Worship Services 7:30am & 11:00am Sunday School 10:00am
“I can do all things through christ who strengthens me” Page 19
Go Ahead and Get your Laugh On!
The Party
Dumb Drivers
Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited: “Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!” “No way!” “Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.” - Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!” The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shat in your trombone is here!”
A police officer stops a minivan full of elderly ladies being driven by an old gentleman because they’re only going 25 mph, stopping the midday traffic. - The policeman asks the driver why is he going so slow. - “Well that’s the speed limit, isn’t it! There was a sign saying 25 and everything!” the driver defends himself. - The policeman sighs, “No, sir, that’s the number of the highway you’re on. It has nothing to do with the speed limit.” - “Oh, so that’s what it means…” says the driver, looking shocked. - The officer looks at the rest of the van and notices the grannies are looking somewhat frozen and stiff. - “What’s up with the ladies?” he asks the driver. - “Um…” the driver scratches his head, “you see, we just got off highway 150…”
A mother thinks there’s something strange going on and eventually decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that their child is actually not related to her or her husband at all. Wife: “Darling, there’s something really important that we need to talk about. I did a DNA test and Roger isn’t our biological child.” Husband: “Of course he isn’t, don’t you remember? We were just leaving the hospital and the baby pooped hugely so you told me, ‘Here, go and change the baby, I’ll wait here.’”
Riding the Bus
Not my Baby
The Secret Service
I heard the Secret Service had to change their commands. They can’t say “Get down!” anymore when the President is under attack. Now it’s “Donald! Duck!”
Cinderella
My daughter really, really wanted a Cinderella-themed birthday party. I gave in in the end. I had her and her little friends cleaning the house till nightfall.
A Pint of Less
A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.” “Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?” “I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink less.”
A nice old lady on a bus offers the driversome peanuts. He’s happy to take some. He asks her after a while why she isn’t having any herself. “Oh, young man,” she says, “they’re too hard on my poor teeth, I couldn’t.” “Why did you buy them at all then?” ask the driver. “You see, I just love the chocolate they’re covered in!”
Room with a View
A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?” The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.” The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.” The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”
Condoms
“I always thought Trojan was a bad name for a condom brand because of course the Trojans were a people whose lives were ruined when a vessel containing little warriors unexpectedly exploded inside their city walls.” Jonny Lennard (2014)
Sharks
A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers properly. “So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. Then you go at them and hit them but swim away. Then you go full blast and eat them.” “OK,” replied the the son, “but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right away?” “I guess you could son, but would you really want to eat them with all that shit in their intestines?”
Cheating
Three dead guys are in line waiting to get into heaven. Before they go in, St. Peter asks them how did they die. So he asks the first man and the first man says, “Well I’ve suspected for a while that my wife had been cheating on me with another man so I came home early from work on purpose. When I got back to the apartement she was lying naked in bed like she had just been having sex. So I checked under the bed and there was no one there. I checked in the closet and there was no one there, so I looked on the balcony and there was some guy hanging from the railing. I got so angry I beat his hands until he fell, then I ran back in the apartment, grabbed the refridgerator, brought it back out, and dropped over the railing right on top of him. Then I was so mad I had a heart attack and died and came here.” St. Peter said, “It sounds like you’ve had it rough, so I’ll let you in.” The next man walks up and gets asked the same question. So this man says, “I was in my apartement when I slipped and fell over the railing. I was able to grab onto the railing of the apartement below me but then this guy starts pounding on my fists until I fall. Then he goes and dumps this refridgerator on me and I wound up here.” St. Peter lets this guy in too because he has also had it rough. Then the third guy comes up and is also asked the question. This guy replies, “Okay, so I’m banging this married chick when the husband comes home early. So I go and hide in the refridgerator...”
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
The Bank Robbery
A robber robs a bank, gets all the money and is about to leave, but before that he asks a customer who’s lying on the floor, “Have you seen me rob this bank?” - “Yes, sir,” says the customer and gets promptly shot. - “Have you seen me rob this bank?” the robber asks another customer. - “Absolutely not, sir, but my wife here saw everything!” And that’s when the fight started.
The Frog
A guy saves a frog from a forest fire. The frog turns out to be a magical frog, and is very grateful to the man for having saved its life. So the frog offers to grant him three wishes . The man says, “Great. So I want: 1. Lifelong access to any cinema, 2. I want to be 10 years younger and 3. I want a highway that goes straight from here to Hawaii. “I’m happy to help you but the third wish is really difficult. You’ll have to wish for something else instead of that third wish,” says the frog. “OK,” agrees the man reluctantly, “in that case I’d like to finally understand women.” - The frog looks at him for a while: “And should the highway be a three-lane or a four-lane one?”
Fit and Fun
Today I ran from a ticket inspector. He chased me through half the train. When he finally caught me, he wasn’t very amused to find that I actually do have the ticket.
Multi Tasking
My wife was complaining that only women are capable of doing more than one thing at once and how unfair that was. So I told her to just shut the heck up and walk away. Yep, you guessed it. She couldn’t manage that either.
Dress for Success
My boss told me yesterday, “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.” I though long and hard about what he said. But when I turned up at the office today in Ghostbusters gear, the bastard said I was fired.
Keep on Laughing.... Laughter Heals! Page 20
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Business Professionals The Law Office of Patricia Dawson, P.A.
Deborah Figgs-Sanders Announces Campaign on Steps of St. Petersburg City Hall
Former Hillsborough County Prosecutor-Deputy Chief
I am honored to announce my candidacy for city council District 5. This decision was not taken lightly. There was much to consider including the time away from my family and the time required to focus on doing the job to the best of my ability. So, after much prayer, mentoring, counselling and words of encouragement from many of you, it became clear that for the change that I want to see, that change needed to begin with me. My initial area of focus will be the youth in our community, an untapped resource! The initiation of the 2020 CATCHLITE program, and my previous experience managing a Summer Youth Intern Program have uniquely equipped me with an insight into the concerns of our youth and the potential solutions. Second, will be the expansion of small, minority and women owned businesses. I am continuously drawn to the need for economic opportunities inclusive of small business loans, creating funding streams geared towards startup businesses along with all the services that the Greenhouse currently provides. Third, I stood proudly with the residents of Jordan Park’s Senior Village. I believe it is unacceptable to sit by and do nothing when we know that our elders and economically challenged are forced out of what they have known as their home-their place of solitude. Lastly, we must expedite the repairs to our stormwater sewer systems to assure our residents that their water is safe, that we are moving towards eliminating discharges, and that we focus on keeping our waterways pristine- those waterways that allow for an increase in tourism dollars to our city. In addition, I want to thank you the voters for allowing me to make a dream a reality. The icing on the cake will be when I can enter the doors behind me as your District 5 City Councilmember. Email me to volunteer and donations. figgssanders4d5council@gmail.com
1211 N. Westshore Blvd. • Criminal Defense Suite 307 Tampa, Florida 33607 • Family Law
(813) 386-5730
• Personal Injury
The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisement. Before you decide, ask us to send you written information about our qualifications and experience.
The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisement. Before you decide, ask us to send you written information about our qualifications and experience.
Barbara J. Pittman Law Offices of Barbara J. Pittman, P.A. (813)269-9706 Fax (813)960-0601
• Criminal Defense • Family Law
• Personal Injury • Sports Law
Cypress Point Office Park 10012 N. Dale Mabry Suite 211 Tampa, Florida 33618 The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisement. Before you decide, ask us to send you FREE written information about our qualifications and experience.
1409 W. Thonotosassa Rd. Plant City, Fl. 33566
www.williamsandmoorelaw.com
Moore
Williams
(813) 719-6605
Accidental Death Auto/Motorcycle Accidents Permanent Disabilities Nursing Home Negligence Slip & Falls One on One Consultation From Start to Successful Conclusion
The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that should not be based solely upon advertisement. Before you decide, ask us to send you written information about our qualifications and experience.
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