Holiday Guide 2013

Join us as we use science to peek inside holiday traditions, baked treats, weather patterns, Santa’s belly and beard, and—yes— even wrapped presents.

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present N ew N EW TI MTimes ES ANDand THThe E SUSun N PRESENT

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

Periodic Table of contents We

6 Np No Peeking!

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talk frequently about the magic of the holidays—the preternatural wonder of gingerbread and wrapping paper that crinkles impossibly at the corners. But what of the science?

What tools and technology do you employ when snooping through PResents under the tree [6]? And how do you create the illusions of SNow in a coastal California environment [12]? What’s the most responsible way to handle excess holiday WAste [16]? With a little botanical understanding, you

Snow Problem

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Waste Not, Want Not

can prolong the life of your Christmas TRee [20]; better understand the wonder of THanksgivahhuh [33]; make the jump to the GElt standard [36]; count CAlories with Santa [38]; grow a BEard to rival Saint Nick’s [45]; deep fry a mean TUrkey [51]; and fill your datebook to bursting with holiday EVents [56]. And, wrap your presents in free, original WRapping paper [15, 34, 42, 60, 68].

Ashley Schwellenbach managing editor

36Ge

Can’t See the Farm for the Trees

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The Gelt Standard

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Th

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Thanksgivi-kuh Samech

HOLIDAY

GUIDE 1010 Marsh Street, San Luis Obispo, CA 93401 (805) 546-8208 New Times © 2013

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Executive Editor Ryan Miller

Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach

Contributors Matt Fountain Rhys Heyden Jono Kinkade Anna Weltner Erin Messer

A Cookie Isn’t Just a Cookie

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Read the Holiday Guide online at newtimesslo.com and santamariasun.com.

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The Beard Doesn’t Make the Santa

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Holiday Events Calendar A Ho-Ho-Whole Lotta Cookies

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Deep-Fried Delight

Glen Starkey Lareina Gamboa Tally Myers Trever Dias Ryan Miller Ashley Schwellenbach

Wrapping Paper Editorial Design

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No peeking!

USE YOUR BRAIN—AND SOME HIGH-TECH SNOOPING—TO DISCOVER WHAT SANTA BROUGHT YOU (BEFORE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW)

BY RYAN MILLER

Gift-

giving is all about surprise—otherwise, givers wouldn’t spend all that time shopping on lunch breaks and in furtive secret evening missions, hiding their perfect finds in the backs of closets and under beds, and wrapping everything in patterned paper topped with a bow.

But there’s a certain subset of Christmas celebrators for whom the joy of the season comes in figuring out what exactly is inside that wrapped box before the big day. The thrill is in the deduction, informed by careful shaking of packages and clinical fondling of bulging stockings.

The problem with snoopers, though, is they’re seen as spoilsports. Ruiners. Grinches out to destroy the magical mystique—and, thereby, happiness—of a frosty Dec. 25 morning.

The key to peace in a home with one mystery preserver and one mystery solver is not necessarily for the latter to stop probing and guessing, but to ramp up the investigative efforts with a little help from technology for more accuracy. How does that make it better?

Because: science.

So let’s say there’s a package under your tree. It’s a typical, nondescript present: brightly wrapped, about the size of a toaster oven, ribbon sitting in a twisty pile on top. It could be anything that would fit into a box of that size, from an actual toaster oven to a neck pillow to a football to a steak knife set to a bulky sweater to a longish book series to a cleverly disguised fruitcake.

Remember: You can’t tip off the gift giver to your efforts— that might land you on next year’s Naughty list.

What do you do?

INVESTIGATION

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PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

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Start with the basics. First, listen. If you hear scuttling or scratching, you’re getting something alive. If it’s barking, it’s a puppy. Purring? It’s a cat. But more on this later.

Assuming you don’t hear anything and are reasonably certain you won’t injure anything that might be living in your present, some simple motions can tell you vital information.

Tip it back and forth. If it feels like liquid sloshing around, you could be getting a bottle of wine or scotch. We’ll narrow that down eventually. Soft, quiet thumps indicate fabric, like a sweater. Solid clangs indicate more durable goods, but should also serve as a warning to not shake too vigorously. You don’t want to damage a new toaster or iPad or something.

At this point, you might be thinking, “This is kid stuff.” And you’d be right. So. You could up your game slightly by sitting the present on your bathroom scale, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you should aim for precision. When given the hypothetical question of where to take a package for a good weighing, Brett R. Aum, chief deputy sealer of the San Luis Obispo County Department of Agriculture/Weights and Measure, suggested two possibilities.

“You may want to contact one of our local postal shipping businesses, such as The UPS Store, Fed Ex, Staples, or others, to see if they would help you,” he wrote. “These businesses are accustomed to weighing packages of the dimensions you describe and have appropriate scales that are tested and approved annually by weights and measures.

“Provided your package weighs less than 30 pounds, with permission, you could also use a deli scale at any grocery store,” he continued. “These scales are also tested annually by weights and measures.”

But weight alone isn’t enough. About 20 pounds is about

20 pounds, no matter how you handle it, right? Wrong.

Jodi Christiansen, an associate professor in Cal Poly’s Department of Physics, wrote: “I heard about your ‘what’s inside a Christmas present’ story and immediately thought about a question I ask my intro students every quarter.

Suppose you are living in space where everything is weightless. Does it hurt to kick a bowling ball? The idea is that the ball still has inertia. You can tell what a present weighs and how the mass is distributed by spinning it.”

A follow-up question to clarify whether a centrifuge would be necessary yielded this response: “You’d have a hard time putting a ‘present’ in the centrifuge!!! Also, the present would ‘sink’ to the bottom and you’d learn total mass, not how the mass is distributed. Spinning it on a frictionless surface would give you the inertia, which does depend on mass.

“Here’s something fun to try in your kitchen,” she continued, in full-on teacher mode. “Actually, you really should try this!!! Don’t take my word for it. Get a Campbell’s mushroom soup and a Campbell’s chicken broth and roll them downhill. Get a reasonably long board and set them side by side and let ’em roll. Which one goes faster? Then take the two cans and drop them on a bed or something soft that won’t dent the cans. They land at exactly the same time.

The ‘drop’ is related to the mass and the ‘roll’ is related to how the mass is distributed. It’s not a small effect.”

In other words, different presents would spin differently, even if they weighed the same. Something sloshing around in a bottle will create a different wobble than a buckwheat husk pillow or a wall-mounted singing trout. You could create a chart comparing the mass distribution of various potential gift items to use when investigating your own presents, but enough with the physics.

Time for chemistry.

Nanine Van Draanen has been a chemistry professor at Cal Poly since 1996, and recently became the

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HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 2013 HOLIDAY

department chair. She suggested making a “little hole” in the box—perhaps under the ribbons or bow, where it might go unnoticed by the giver—and inserting a infrared spectrophotometer. That device will analyze any volatile gases in the package.

“Anything that if you leave it open, if you put a glass of it out on the countertop and it slowly disappears, that’s volatile,” she explained.

You could also get a small sample of whatever’s inside by scratching the surface to get tiny crumbs of plastic or whatever and analyzing that.

If your earlier shaking, weighing, and spinning tests indicated that you’re dealing with a bottle of liquid, and if you’re talented enough to get a sample by punching through the box and a cork, you can determine whether you’re getting red or white wine.

“You’re thwarted if it’s a screw cap,” Van Draanen cautioned.

Slightly less invasive would be punching a syringe into the package (again, select an unobtrusive corner or work under the “to/from” tag), grabbing a sample, heating it, and putting the resulting volatiles into a gas chromatograph mass spectrometer. If you’re getting a fruitcake, that can tell you the ingredients.

“If you did a little [infrared spectroscopy] of what’s in there, you could tell if there was rum in it,” she said. “The IR would be perfect for that. They have, in the past, used IR as one of the tools for DUI in the field.”

If you’ve got an eagle-eyed partner who’d notice even a pinprick in the perfect wrapping job, you could try for a swipe test, similar to what security agents might use when looking for suspicious residue on luggage in an airport. Get

INVESTIGATION

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INVESTIGATION

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“You won’t believe the things I’ve x-rayed,� she said.

She’s grabbed images of the bones inside a frozen turkey and scrutinized the innards of bee larvae, frogs, apples, and rice.

So let’s go back to the beginning again. Remember the first step of listening? Say you did hear snuffling and whining, and you wanted to find out exactly what you’re getting. “If it was a puppy, probably an ultrasound would be good,� she explained.

If you go that route, be warned: The transducer needs to be pressed firmly against whatever it is you’re trying to peek inside via ultrasound, and that might leave a mark.

Still, if you’re willing to risk it, you could use an ultrasound to check out bottles of stuff, too, since sound waves easily pass through fluid. You couldn’t tell the vintage or scrutinize

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a little disc of cloth, rub down the outside of the present, and then put that smudge of evidence into a mass spectrometer. If your gift-giver handled the contents immediately before wrapping them—and if those contents have a “reasonable volatility and a reasonably small molecular weight�—you can figure out what’s inside.

Van Draanen considered a few other ideas (“You wouldn’t measure the ph of it. That would be kind of silly.�) before admitting that if she were to be snooping, she’d go straight to the device with the most peeking power: “I would do an MRI. If I don’t have access to an MRI—whew. That’s a hard problem.�

So it’s time to take this up yet another notch.

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the label on some wine, but an x-ray might allow you to read anything written in a lead-based ink— though such a discovery might prompt serious concerns.

If you suspect something inanimate and inorganic, you’ve got several choices to make. “Anything metal, your best bet would be x-ray,� she said. “Am I getting a toaster? Or am I getting a Bose radio? You could probably easily tell by x-raying it.�

Basic knowledge of the various devices’ mechanical structures—gears, transistors, plates, and the like—will certainly help in subsequent identification steps.

MRIs can give detailed looks at internal surprises, but since the units look at water density, the gift would have to have some moisture to generate a reading. Still, that might be the best bet—assuming there’s nothing in there for a magnet to latch onto. “A teddy bear might work,� Cal Poly’s Van Draanen said. “There might be just enough water in there. It might be shadowy; it might not.�

Assuming your insurance isn’t going to cover this sort of procedure—and with the health-care debate raging these days, it’s best not to assume your plan includes “Christmas present investigations�—you could be paying anywhere from $60 for an x-ray to $500 for an MRI, making this a very affordable means of ruining your own surprise without tipping your hand that you did so.

Or you could just peek in closets and under the bed before the wrapping starts. It’s free and easy—but where’s the fun in that? ∆

US

T h e h o l idays a re c o m i n g !

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

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Snow problem

LONGING FOR A CHRISTMAS OF WHITE? TOO BAD! YOU LIVE WHERE THE MARINE LAYER REIGNS, BUT LOCAL EVENTS PROMISE TO BRING THE CHILL FACTOR TO YOU INSTEAD BY MATT FOUNTAIN

Many

of us remember A Christmas Story—how can we forget it when it’s on a constant loop during the holidays?—when little Ralphie peeks out his window on a Christmas morn to the sight of his street blanketed in fresh snowfall, almost as if Santa sprinkled it down himself.

But if history and science tell us anything, snow-loving residents of San Luis Obispo County will have no such luck this year.

It may seem like a no-brainer for Central Coast residents, but we reached out to local meteorologists anyway—because we have space to fill, after all—to find out exactly what it is about our area that keeps the skies clear and our driveways snow-free year-round. Luckily for us, two of the area’s big names in weather were more than happy to lay it out for us.

Dave Hovde, KSBY meteorologist and Shredder’s favorite man crush, explained that, simply put, the marine layer’s to blame for our lack of snow.

“We have the ocean here, obviously, and look at what the water temperatures are. It has such a huge influence on the world’s climate and it’s easy to forget that it covers something like 71 percent of the globe,” Hovde said. “It takes getting a lot of factors just right for us to get a significant amount of snow here. You would have to have a cold mass in the region that was dominating.

“Even if it did really snow here, it wouldn’t last very long,” he added.

According to Hovde, the high-elevation inland areas of North San Luis Obispo County do get small amounts of snowfall every year, but not much. He said that while we do get cold systems and temperatures below freezing here, those conditions need cloud cover—which would bring rain—to create snow. Instead, our cold fronts typically occur when skies are clearest.

We tried to find out when the last measurable snowfall was in the central areas of SLO County. For this, we turned to Pacific Gas & Electric’s man for all things weather-related, John Lindsey, who was nice enough to do most of the digging for us. He turned to data collected by Cal Poly, which houses weather and climate records dating back to 1870.

What did he find? Surprise, surprise: No measurable snowfall has ever been recorded in SLO Town (it’s classified as “measurable” when there’s at least one-tenth of an inch on the ground).

“San Luis Obispo—with its low elevation and mild temperatures because of the strong marine influence from the Pacific Ocean—just doesn’t make a likely candidate for measurable snow,” Lindsey wrote in an e-mail. “However, over the years there have been reports of snow flurries in town along with some bone-chilling temperatures, but nothing that could be considered measurable snow.”

However, he said that back in January of 1882, Louis Pascal Dallidet, who lived at the Dallidet Adobe, wrote in his diary: “I weeded the garden and put a few buckets full of water on the plants. It snowed a while in the morning, when

PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

NOTHING BUT BLUE SKIES San Luis Obispo County is known for its temperate weather year ’round, which might not be ideal for those longing for a white Christmas. But if you’re curious why that is—or how you can get around Mother Nature and feel the chill—read on.

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 2013 HOLIDAY

we got up, the hills were covered with snow.”

In other parts of the county, it’s another story, Lindsey said. For example, on Dec. 15, 1988, an intense storm from the eastern part of the Gulf of Alaska produced record amounts of snow in the North County (5 to 8 inches) and Santa Margarita (7 inches), he said. That day, SLO reported 1.25 inches of rain, sleet, and snow flurries with a low temperature of 35 degrees.

Then, in December 1990, Lindsey said, a strong southerly flowing jet stream from Alaska moved an Arctic air mass from the western Canada “Yukon express” down the West Coast. There were reports of snowflakes in SLO and even Pismo Beach and Nipomo, on the night of Dec. 20, 1990, with overnight lows falling to the low 20s on the north side of the Cuesta Grade, according to the record.

By Dec. 22, the winds at Diablo Canyon shifted out of the north-northeast with the temperature hitting the freezing point for the first time since Diablo Canyon started recording temperatures in 1976.

Gary Ryan, who was a meteorologist with the National Weather Service in Santa Maria, confirmed record-breaking low temperatures Dec. 22 and Dec. 23, 1990. Atascadero reached an incredible 4 degrees while Templeton dipped to 9 degrees. SLO reached 17 degrees, and even the coastline was cold, with Morro Bay reaching 25 and Pismo coming in at 29 degrees.

While the snowfall wreaked havoc on the community, the low temperature kept plumbers busy for days afterward repairing burst pipes and fixtures. In fact, many local hardware stores sold out of plastic and copper pipe and anything else to do with plumbing, Lindsey said.

Most recently, an Arctic air mass with very little moisture had moved over the Central Coast from Canada on Jan. 13, 2007. The cold and dry air mass produced temperatures in the mid-20s into the 30s along our coastline and into the teens in the North County. A few days later, an upper-level low passed over our area and produced rain and snow

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flurries at Diablo Canyon. North of the Cuesta Grade, low-level cold air trapped in the valleys caused the rain to freeze on contact, a category of precipitation known as “freezing rain.”

While no official snowfall has been recorded in San Luis Obispo, Lindsey said, that doesn’t necessarily mean it didn’t happen.

For weathermen like Hovde—a Minnesota native—that rare chance of a quick flurry on the Central Coast is the kind of stuff that gets him especially stoked for the job. He recalls a couple occasions when the conditions he saw brought a chance of slight snowfall, and there he was, jumping in the van.

“I’ve gone snow chasing around here before where we find a good spot, point the camera up and just hope,” he said.

“I’ve seen the pictures of Paso covered in snow in the ’80s, and I’m just waiting.”

Asked what his reaction would be if it suddenly snowed in SLO, he said the weatherman in him lives for those weird weather events.

“Snowfall is something magical because it’s so rare here,” he said. “If it happens, rest assured, I’ll be there!” ∆

2013-2014 SEASON

Satisfy your ice lust There are local options for your ice and (fake) snow fix. In SLO, check out the ice rink at Winter Wonder SLO, held at the Madonna Expo Center Dec. 19 through Jan. 5. Looking for something in Santa Barbara County? Hit up YuleFest Solvang, this year featuring ice skating in Solvang Park. YuleTide at Tidelands park in Morro Bay (Dec. 15) is the place for custom-tapped beers and plenty of fake snow. Hanging out in North San Luis Obispo County? Blades on Ice in Atascadero has you covered with an Olympic-sized ice rink from mid-November until the end of March.

News Editor Matt Fountain volunteers to turn your snow yellow. Send mittens to mfountain@newtimesslo.com.

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Waste

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not

SLO’S WASTE AND RECYCLING COMMUNITY SHARES SOME TIPS FOR MANAGING YOUR HOLIDAY REFUSE

BY RHYS HEYDEN

Holiday Guide 2013 HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

it comes to trash and recycling foibles When around the holiday season, the

people who manage your waste have seen it all.

Tom Martin, general manager of San Luis Garbage: “Oh gosh, with the pickup bins, it can get ridiculously piled high, like Oklahoma sideboards from The Grapes of Wrath. People think it’s going to work, but it doesn’t.”

John Ryan, facility manager at the Cold Canyon Processing Facility: “We do get some really oddball stuff here. I don’t know where people get the idea that Christmas lights are recyclable.”

Bill Worrell, manager of SLO Integrated Waste Management Authority: “It would be nice if people didn’t put in the artificial trees, like the silver metallic ones. Those don’t mulch very well.”

Much like the country at large, the holiday season is the most colorful time of the year for SLO County’s garbage collectors and recyclers.

THE ISLE OF MISFIT While there are a few perks of the job TRASH None of this is around the holidays recyclable, a fact of which (Christmas Day is the only day of the many holiday revelers year when garbage seem to be unaware, collectors don’t given recycling facility have to work), the waste-management workers’ observations of community said what comes down the line. the time between

PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

Halloween and New Year’s Day can be a little more challenging than the rest of the year.

Martin said that San Luis Garbage, which handles collection around the county, typically experiences a five percent uptick in the gross weight of their garbage and recycling around Thanksgiving, but Christmas and Halloween have a much more negligible effect.

“Just a lot of beer bottles from Cal Poly, pumpkins, and

WASTE

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present

YEARS 1993-2013

A Holiday Luncheon Celebration at the Madonna Inn, San Luis Obispo

December 5th, 2013 11:30 am - 1:30 pm

Come hear about the great things CASA is doing in our community to help abused & neglected children!

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problems as well.

“People end up throwing out their old TVs in someone’s Dumpster, and then we have to take the time and pick out all the hazardous parts,” Martin said. “You can’t just crush TVs.” Martin and Ryan said that waste collectors will be making their regular rounds on every day except for Christmas, and will even take special measures to pick up extra waste and Christmas trees.

In years gone by, friendly SLO residents used to tip their waste collectors with liquid libations during the holiday season, but that practice has been discouraged since 2002, when a larger conglomerate acquired San Luis Garbage.

“We were getting 26-packs of beer and bottles of scotch, so it was getting a little ridiculous,” Martin said. “Brownies and soda are probably a better idea nowadays.” ∆

Christmas trees,” Martin said. “By and large, nothing we can’t handle.”

Ryan, who manages the processing facility at Cold Canyon—a landfill and recycling center south of SLO— said that the main way SLO County residents can improve their waste disposal is to be more conscientious.

Ryan said there are many items—wrapping paper, Christmas lights, Styrofoam, electronics, plastic toys, and plastic bags among them—which many people blithely assume are recyclable, but are, in fact, not recyclable at all.

“Every item that we have to pick off of the line or that causes a shutdown of the line is a real pain, and it makes us less efficient,” Ryan said. “We try to recycle as much as we can, but there are just certain things we don’t want to see in the mix.”

Ryan said that wrapping paper is probably the most frequent offender around the holiday season, because many people assume it’s just like regular paper.

However, Ryan explained that wrapping paper is chock full of embedded dyes and chemical retardants that render the paper nigh impossible to bleach or burn, and therefore worthless to paper mills.

Martin said that the profusion of new televisions and electronics JOHN RYAN, COLD CANYON around Christmastime causes PROCESSING FACILITY MANAGER

‘WE DO GET SOME REALLY ODDBALL STUFF HERE. I DON’T KNOW WHERE PEOPLE GET THE IDEA THAT CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE RECYCLABLE.’

Staff Writer Rhys Heyden isn’t compostable, even if he’s wearing a tacky Christmas sweater.

Contact him at rheyden@ newtimesslo.com.

Holiday Guide 2013 HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

Five helpful holiday enviro-tips From ECOSLO —from Rosie Falcon-Shapiro, office assistant at ECOSLO

Electricity use: Recycle old electronics instead of throwing them away. Also, use LED lights, which are more efficient than incandescent bulbs. And turn off your holiday lights at night!

Transportation: People should carpool to holiday dinners and family events. You can also walk around to see the holiday lights, or climb up a mountain to see them instead of driving around.

Wrapping: Use newspaper instead of gift-wrap or wrapping paper! When shipping or packaging, also use as little packaging as possible.

Cooking: Make sure to have separate trash, recycle, and compost cans while you’re cooking.

When shopping, make sure to bring own bags, and go to a local farmers market for your food.

Christmas trees: Make sure your tree is obtained from a sustainable method. Do your research. Trees that aren’t able to be replanted in the same place after they’ve been taken away and massed-produced trees are big no-no’s.

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Fine Art & Gifts

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Can’t see the farm

for the trees HOW TO KEEP YOUR TREES GREEN AND FRESH IN A LAND WITHOUT SNOW

BY JONO KINKADE

It’s

the centerpiece of Christmas. Even the relics of consumerism rest below its breadth. It’s where the lights twinkle, the ornaments hang, and the holiday spirit sleeps at night. And it can reach so high into the heavens that sometimes it has its own angel.

For centuries people have been flocking to or cutting down trees during holiday celebrations. Getting a tree is a bit of a tradition, a ritual that kicks off the Christmas season for many celebrants.

Here are some thoughts on getting a tree and some simple tips for keeping your tree happy and healthy over the remainder of the holiday season.

To tree or not to tree?

Basically, there are three options: Go to one of the few local surviving choose-and-cut Christmas tree farms; buy a pre-cut tree from a parking lot or a box store; or buy a fake tree designed for reuse. (We’re not mentioning the no-tree-at-all option.)

Fake trees don’t require much care—except maybe

some dusting off—so if that’s your plan, this article may not be terribly useful. But before you turn the page, consider the following: There are two reasons you might consider a fake tree: First, to save time and money. You only buy one, and transport is relatively easy, as opposed to buying a tree every year and dealing with the associated time and transportation. Second, some might argue that a fake, reusable tree may be more environmentally friendly or sustainable. Others contend, however, that real trees are the more sustainable choice. They aren’t made in China out of polyvinyl chloride (PVC) and Santa knows what else, for one. They also won’t become a burden for the landfill once they break or become out of style. And to a large extent, real trees are kind of a crop, grown in the United States—with the great majority grown in Oregon and the Pacific Northwest.

Sure, some of the trees for sale were raised in a gigantic monoculture that requires heavy chemical

Holiday Guide 2013 HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

inputs like fertilizer, pesticides, and fungicides. That’s where the debate between real vs. fake may get complicated. That may also be a reason for buying a tree grown nearby, where farms aren’t usually as large and the purchase is supporting local agriculture.

In order to get the best possible advice on how to care for a Christmas tree, we got off the Internet and went to the source: Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm in Atascadero. There, Fred Frank and his daughter and son-in-law, Auraly and Craig Dobbs, explained how to care for a tree.

“The experience here is not so much just getting a tree, but to get out and walk around and experience nature,” Frank said.

There are about 7,500 trees on the farm, which has been in the Frank family since the 1930s. The first Christmas trees were planted in the early 1960s.

Among the thousands of trees they raise is a mix of evergreen varieties, including Douglas fir (their most popular seller), Monterey pine (a favorite among rutting young bucks), white fir, Colorado blue spruce, incense cedar, and Scots pine which, like its name, is among the toughest and longest lasting of evergreens.

The tree farm is a little slice of heaven, with crisp, still air; birds flying about; and deer rustling leaves as they traverse the hillsides. A creek runs on one side of the farm, where giant sycamores reach out above everything else. On the other side, swaths of oak savannah smatter the hillsides. That’s the other reason you might want to come and get your own tree: The farm, and the experience, rest within nature. People come from all over the place—including Santa Maria

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La Boutique Fantasque

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2013 Holiday Guide Clothing Fair Trade Items Jewelry

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Holiday Happenings

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PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

and Santa Barbara— to get trees here, said Craig, whose wife, Auraly, is the third generation of Franks to manage the farm. They even play host to people who come up from Los Angeles every year, including two families who have a very particular routine.

“They come up here, they eat at Inn-Out, they come to the farm, and they drive back,” Dobbs said.

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The tree of your heart’s desire

When it comes to the kind of tree, there are plenty of choices. Among the firs, the pines, the cedars, and the redwoods, there’s a wide array of colors, shapes, sizes, densities and so on.

At Hidden Springs, the most popular is the Douglas fir, which is a pretty standard tree. Frank has tried to grow noble cedars—the most popular

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of all Christmas trees—but they don’t survive in Atascadero. Some trees grow well there and others don’t, as the cedars in question don’t respond to a combination of weather, rainfall patterns, and latitude that’s much different from their native habitat.

At Holloway’s Christmas Tree Farm in Nipomo, owner Carl Holloway raises thousands of trees and also carries the noble cedars for sale. There’s enough demand, says secondgeneration farmer Holloway, that he brings them in from the prized Christmas tree-growing region that rests on the south side of Mount St. Helens in Washington, where the volcanic soil and ideal habitat give the trees a beautiful greenish-blue color. Holloway still focuses on the farm side of the business, however, raising Christmas trees for the chooseand-cut market, and growing Monterey pine seedlings to sell to other growers, including Hidden Springs.

The quality of noble cedars and other pre-cut trees hinges mostly on color, shape, and tip.

Get your flock on If you’re eager to get out and cut your own tree this holiday season, check out the major choose-and-cut tree farms in the area.

• Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm opens the day after Thanksgiving. It’s at 3202 Monterey Road in Atascadero. More info: hiddensprings christmastreefarm.com.

• Holloway’s Christmas Tree Farm opens a little bit earlier—a week and a half before Thanksgiving—for those who celebrate Christmas early (a lot of military families frequent the farm during leave periods). It’s at 561 South Oakglen Avenue in Nipomo. More info: hollowaysfarm.com.

• Burnett Family Christmas Tree Farm is at 1475 W. Hwy. 246 in Buellton. More info: 686-1490.

• G. P. Ranch Christmas Trees opens Nov. 26 on Batchelder Road (follow the signs once you get close) in Los Alamos. More info: 344-4605.

AND

TH E SU N

And for those of you who choose straight from a farm, there a few more choices, like size and the aesthetic. And the freshcut farms are a salad bar of Christmas trees.

The Holloways and Franks may be a bit biased, of course, since they’re in the choose-andcut tree business, but they also recognize that there are many circumstances that will send people to a pre-cut lot. People are busy these days, and may not want to drive to Atascadero or Nipomo.

When buying a tree from a lot or a store, here’s what to look for: The No. 1, most crucial factor is: Is it in water? Never buy a tree that isn’t in water.

Look for a place that displays the trees in water. Be mindful, though, as some places will keep their stock in the back left out to dry, and just water those on the floor for sale. If a tree is losing its needles, drying out, or is left out in the sun, keep walking.

PRESENT

HOLIDAY GUIDE 2013

As much as farmers like Holloway hate to say it, the best place to go for a pre-cut tree may be a larger store. There, they move the trees more quickly, and a quicker turnover usually means fresher trees.

Transporting the tree can often dry it out, especially if it’s tied on top of the roof or tossed in the back of a truck, so here’s another key to keep in mind: If it’s been out of water or was cut more than 30 minutes prior, the tree may seal itself off at the stump with sap, kind of like a scab. This can interfere with its ability to absorb water. So before placing it in the stand, cut about a half-inch up from the stump’s end, at a straight, perpendicular line. Don’t cut at an angle like you might with flowers or other plants, or cut away from the outsides— most of the water is absorbed by the outer rings, so a flat cut is optimal.

Next, consider how much water the stand holds. A tree consumes about a gallon of water a day, especially when it’s first set up. At Hidden Springs the smallest stand they sell holds 10 quarts, or 2 1/2 gallons.

Something smaller may be hard to keep up with. Either way, check on the tree and water it once a day—more often if it’s been particularly thirsty.

As far as what exactly the tree is thirsty for, there are plenty of “tricks” hanging around the Internet that tout ways to keep the tree healthy—especially focused on preventing needles from dropping—that suggest anything from putting sugar in the water to adding Advil or Viagra. Some even recommend spraying the tree with hairspray. But as nature goes, there’s nothing like good old-fashioned water, and plenty of it.

“That’s the key,” Frank says. “Don’t ever let it dry out.”

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Thanks to all of our Sponsors

Kellie Ouellette & Ann McDaniel Cruzin for Life Boys & Girls Club of Santa Maria Valley Santa Maria Valley Discovery Museum Starbucks Coffee Company GLR Construction, Inc. Dignity Health/Marian Medical Marian Medical Center Regional Center 4th Floor Med-Surg Unit The Historic Santa Maria Inn Milt Guggia Enterprises Rodriguez, Sanchez, Murillo Families and Guggia Trucking & Farms Guille Nava & Kiyoshi Sakurai Partylite Roger Selken, Carol Haynes Wemmer Family & Gloria Heide Rosemary Miller Santa Maria Valley Humane Society Sisters & Best Friends Forever Mary Tawzer, Anna & Minvera Rubcic Couch Potato El Camino Junior High School Gina’s Piece of Cake El Palenque Mexican Restaurant Santa Maria Energy Lindt Chocolate RSVP Diamond A Equipment Golden Girls: Barbara Fleming, Raquel VTC Enterprises Fleming, Cheryle Bradley, Linda Wilkins Altrusa Golden Valley Gals Carolyn Baldiviez, D.D.S. & Staff OIC Real Estate Services/Keller Williams Linda, Beverly and Friends

THANK YOU to the Santa Maria Town Center for providing the wonderful facility space; to Dr. and Mrs. Ron Ng for the beautiful holiday decor items; and to Macy’s for helping us provide the gorgeous trees for our sponsors to decorate!

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present

Join us for our

Holiday Open House

$25 off any Coaching Pa or Workshop ckage -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --- -- -- -Good throug

Saturday December 7th 5:00pm - 8:00pm

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Easy Holiday Entertaining Let our Deli be your private chef.

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Your gift can change a child’s life.

Thanks to your past support, CASA is able to provide volunteer advocates for more than half of the local children who need them, but there is more work to be done.

Every abused and neglected child needs the gift of advocacy.

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2013 2013HOLIDAY HolidayGUIDE Guide

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In addition to water, the tree responds to heat in a less-than-favorable way. The tree does know it’s winter, so the cooler you keep it the better. Try to avoid placing the tree under such direct heat as heating vents, south-facing windows, and especially furnaces and fireplaces.

When the season’s past and the tree is ready for retirement, check to see how your local waste company prefers it be disposed of.

In many cases, there’s a window where you can leave it beside the trash bins and it’ll be swept up and taken to compost (more info can be harvested from the Integrated Waste Management Authority).

Or consider cutting it up and putting it in the green waste. In either case, haulers ask that you remove all the ornaments, lights, and stands, none of which are chipper friendly.

Timeless?

While the Christmas tree tradition may be here to stay, local, family-run, choose-and-cut tree farms may not be around forever. It’s a tough business in a modern world, say Christmas tree growers. Some point to climate change, or the challenges of raising a crop that’s not always fit to the climate, or the headaches of new regulations.

“It’s almost impossible now to grow anything in California and to make any money on competing with everybody else,” Holloway said.

Agrarian traditions are also facing a changing world where the Christmas tree business is no exception to a global trend of younger generations fleeing the farming life to other careers. Holloway’s son, seen in pictures throughout the farm’s website, has headed off to medical school.

“He grew up in the life of Christmas trees, he loves Christmas, but there’s no money in Christmas trees,” Dobbs said. “He’s smarter than that.”

At Hidden Springs Christmas Tree Farm, Auraly and Craig Dobbs are staying put, but they also depend on day jobs. Whether their children choose to pursue the life is up in the air, Craig said.

“We have one kid who likes trees,” he admitted, “and one kid who likes money.” ∆ Jono Kinkade needs a gallon of water a day. Contact him at jkinkade@newtimesslo.com.

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La Petite Boutique

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Thanksgivi-kuh sameach!

ONCE IN AN ETERNITY (OR AT LEAST ONCE IN A REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME), THANKSGIVING AND HANUKKAH COLLIDE

BY ANNA WELTNER

Have

you conceived of something so magnificent as the Menurkey?

A (more than) successfully funded Kickstarter project by New Yorker Anthony Weintraub, the Menurkey is a menorah in the shape of a turkey: nine feathers, nine candles. It was actually conceived of and designed by Weintraub’s 9-year-old son, Asher.

The Menurkey is just one of the ways American Jews are celebrating this year’s uncommon intersection of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah. The eight-day celebration of Hanukkah starts this year on Thursday, Nov. 28, the same day as Thanksgiving. Depending on how you look at it, this overlap may never happen again.

Lauren Bandari, executive director of the Jewish Community Center of San Luis Obispo, discovered the anomaly when syncing her Hebrew and Gregorian calendars in late summer, around the same time many American Jews began noticing the overlap as well.

“The Jewish calendars are usually distributed at the end of the Jewish New Year, which is in September,” Bandari explained, “so there was excitement around it. It’s unusually early.”

There are multiple schools of thought about the uniqueness of this occurrence. Last January, Jewish blogger Jonathan Mizrahi did some serious numbercrunching to this effect, and the results of his calculations got the American Jewish community talking.

Thanksgiving occurs on the fourth Thursday of November, making Nov. 28 the latest date upon which Thanksgiving can occur. This date is also the earliest on which Hanukkah can occur, Mizrahi pointed out. The Hebrew calendar repeats every seven years, and the Gregorian calendar every 19. All other things being equal, the holidays

should overlap approximately every 7-times-19 years— or 133 years. (In fact, the last time the two overlapped was in 1888—although this would have been before President Roosevelt changed the date of Thanksgiving from the last Thursday in November to the fourth Thursday in November.)

But the overlap happens far less frequently than every 133 years, due to the gradual drift of the Hebrew year “through” the Gregorian one, at a rate of approximately four days every 1,000 years. Thus, Nov. 29 will become the earliest possible date on which Hanukkah can occur. The next time Hanukkah falls on Nov. 28 will be in 2146—but this will be a Monday.

Barring any modifications to the Hebrew calendar, it will continue advancing forward in the Gregorian calendar at an approximate rate of one day every 250 years, until it completes a full revolution. The next time Hanukkah falls on Thursday, Nov. 28, will be in the year 79811. By that time, who knows whether our planet will still be habitable—let alone if we will still be celebrating Hanukkah and Thanksgiving?

But the overlap of the two holidays is far more than just a chance to solve word problems that inevitably lead us to the end of the world as we know it. It’s also a chance for reflection on what the two holidays have in common.

“I know for me personally this year, it makes me

think about Thanksgiving on a much deeper level than I probably have in years past,” Bandari said. “It reminds me of what the pilgrims did stand for … which was finding religious freedom and practicing how they wanted to practice … I touch into the story of Hanukkah, which is about the Maccabees practicing the way they wanted to practice.”

“It brings out the common denominator,” said Rabbi Chaim Hilel, of the Jewish organization Chabad of San Luis Obispo. Hilel described the two overlapping holidays as “a symbol of religious freedom” and “a triumph of the American spirit.”

In the spirit of both occasions, he said, Chabad plans to build a “canorah” or menorah out of canned food, which will later be donated to the food bank.

During the eight nights of Hanukkah, the Jewish Community Center holds a public menorah lighting in downtown San Luis Obispo’s Mission Plaza every year. The first night is followed by a Hanukkah party with traditional food and games at the nearby San Luis Obispo Museum of Art. This year, Bandari said, the JCC plans to put a Thanksgiving spin on traditional Hanukkah dishes, offering cranberry-filled sufganyot, or doughnuts, and mock chopped liver in the shape of a turkey, the latter courtesy of chef Brenda Hock.

In addition to the usual Hanukkah decorations, Bandari added, “We’ll add this year some Thanksgiving kitsch, some paper turkeys or pilgrim hats. We’ll—I can’t use the word ‘ham it up,’ not really kosher—but, you know, we’ll turkey it up for this year’s Hanukkah party.” ∆ Arts Editor Anna Weltner says, “Challah!” Challah back at aweltner@ newtimesslo.com.

ILLUSTRATION BY HEATHER WALTER

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No Peeking!

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Holiday Guide 2013

No Peeking!

No Peeking!

No Peeking!

No Peeking!

No Peeking!

No Peeking!

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HANNUKAH 2013

THE HOLIDAYS WITH US

Wednesday, November 27 · 5pm (the night before Thanksgiving)

Candlelighting, Songs & Storytelling above the steps of the Old Mission Church

Hannukah Party immediately following at the SLO Museum of Art Includes menorah making, cookie decorating, a dreidel contest, nosh, and olive oil tasting.

Come join us light the menorah all 8 nights of Hannakah!

The Menorah Candlelighting

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The gelt standard

A SOCIO-METALLURGICAL STUDY OF CHANUKAH’S COIN OF THE REALM

BY ERIN C. MESSER

Far

be it for me to question the concept of chocolate money—as a question, in fact, it pretty much answers itself. But during the Chanukah season, a particular denomination of candy coinage known as Chanukah gelt comes into general circulation, with its own deliciously engaging origins. The “forging” of this tradition goes back to the beginnings of Chanukah itself, and its legacy still factors into the sweet economics of the holiday today.

Gelt is the Yiddish word for money. It’s etymologically linked to “geld” in German and Dutch, and even to similar terms for payments or tributes in Medieval English. But the giving of gelt during the celebration of Chanukah is far more complex than the basic concept of money exchanged for goods and services to extinguish “all debts, public and private.” Chanukah gelt may forgive the very personal debt of a desire for chocolate, but it’s also used toward the more public, community cost of a commitment to knowledge and education.

Like so many customs surrounding both money and chocolate, competing theories exist as to the origin of gelt. Some scholars trace it to the Hasmonean Dynasty’s decision to coin its own money following the Maccabean revolt against Syrian-Greek occupation—during which the Holy Temple in Jerusalem was rededicated and the events inspiring the celebration of Chanukah occurred. These early Jewish coins differentiated Judea from the crumbling Seleucid Empire and featured a mixture of Jewish and Roman symbols, including a menorah and a Seleucid anchor, as well as ancient Hebrew and Greek script.

The concept of Chanukah gelt as we think of it now probably derives from 17th and 18th century Eastern Europe, where rabbis and religious educators would travel to villages during the Chanukah season to supplement and strengthen local Torah study. Gifts given to Chanukah begins the these traveling scholars evening of Wednesday, Nov. offset the cost of being 27, and ends the evening of away from home and Thursday, Dec. 5. For organic, came in the form of fair trade gelt visit Mama food as well as actual Ganache Artisan Chocolates coinage. It was also the at 1445 Monterey St. in SLO custom for students to or at mama-ganache.com. present their local teachMilk and dark (non-dairy) ers with gifts at this time, chocolate is available. to demonstrate an appreciation for scholarship and the value of learning. The symbolic currency of Chanukah

Good as gelt

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

ed into 100-agorot, with a 10 agorot coin’s obverse depicting a replica of a coin issued by Mattathias Antigonus, the last ruler of the Hasmonean Dynasty.

The chocolate coins come in mesh bags that resemble money bags or purses and are given as a reward for careful lighting of the Chanukah candles and reciting the blessing in Hebrew. They can also be used for exchange in the seasonal dreidel game.

“The gelt used to be a penny in my childhood, and that was real money,” says Marvin Sosna of Congregation Beth David.

The 86-year-old father of three and grandfather of two describes the chocolate coins as ranging from roughly quarter-sized to the size of a Susan B. Anthony dollar. The only problem? “The foil is wrapped so tight around the coin that it’s hard for kids to get it off. Life isn’t easy.”

While chocolate is now the gelt standard, children may still receive actual money as well, for their own use or to be given in an act of charity or tzedakah. Learning the importance of giving to those in need corresponds to the high value of education in the

FILE PHOTO

gelt corresponds to this value, as the word “Chanukah” shares etymological ties with the word for education.

Around the same time that America went off the gold standard, gelt also underwent a transformation from actual coinage to a currency all small children can back with confidence: chocolate. This echoes the food gifts of earlier times while being both more immediately appealing and far less dangerous to swallow. Milk chocolate or non-dairy (“pareve”) chocolate is molded into discs and wrapped in gold or silver foil stamped with a symbolic image such as a menorah or a Star of David or made to resemble the new Israeli shekel (NIS). Here the historical connection to the origins of Chanukah can again be seen. The NIS is divid-

Chanukah tradition and the use of gelt as a teaching tool—which is not to say that it isn’t still fun. Fortunately, the wide availability of gelt in its many edible forms means we can have our lesson and eat it, too.

This year the start of Chanukah coincides with Thanksgiving, an unprecedented occurrence; the previous coincidence of Chanukah with the last Thursday in November predates the official establishment of Thanksgiving as a holiday. This opens the market for such crossover commodities as turkey with matzo stuffing, candied yams with gelt in place of the customary marshmallows, and those cheery milk chocolate turkeys made by See’s Candies, though adjusting such recipes to conform to kosher dietary laws may prove prohibitively difficult. Will I be eating the little chocolate discs at the end of November? Gelty as charged.

But frankly, I’d be happy just to add noodle kugel to my Thanksgiving table this year. Delicious. ∆ Erin C. Messer can be bribed with chocolate of any denomination at emesser@newtimesslo.com.

2013 Holiday Guide

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A cookie isn’t just a cookie JUST A FEW INGREDIENTS CAN DO SO MUCH FOR ONE LITTLE TREAT

BY LAREINA GAMBOA

a little chilly o u t — j u s t It’s enough to cozy up

FILE PHOTOS

under a blanket, but not enough to turn on the heater. The fireplace is going, and the rest of the house is sleeping, and you finally get to sit and enjoy that hot Toddy while you wait for the remaining batch of cookies to finish baking.

Once they cool, you’ll wrap them up in clear, cute, holiday-themed bags with a bow and pass them out the next day as if this is something you’ve been doing every December for the past decade. Little do they know, you nearly had a breakdown that morning when you realized baking cookies is so much more than just throwing some

ingredients together. But baking cookies only requires five ingredients. Why, oh why are there so many different recipes for just a simple sweet?

Those five ingredients can make or break this little cookie, literally.

Whether you want a fluffy, soft, chewy, or crunchy treat, it takes a little math—and an appreciation of science, or magic—to assemble the

COOKIES

continued on page

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GREAT HOLIDAY EVENTS AT THE PAC PINK MARTINI

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40 COOKIES

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HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

much will make it thick and tasteless. It also makes a difference if the flour is high or low in protein. The higher the protein, the darker and flatter it’ll be, and vice versa.

Then, there’s the rising agent, which is baking soda, or baking powder, which helps the cookie, well, rise. The

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appropriate components and determine how they best work together.

Let’s start with those five components: fat, a sweetener, flour, a rising agent, and a binding agent.

Fat—whether you use butter, margarine, shortening, or oil—is what adds flavor, helps bind the ingredients together, and makes cookies chewy or 1 1/2 cups softened butter crunchy. The more fat, the chewier they’ll 2 cups white sugar be. Also, the fat you choose and its 4 eggs temperature can help stop the cookies from spreading too much, or help them spread 1 tsp vanilla extract more. Butter helps determine how chewy 5 cups all purpose flour the cookie is. Melted butter, as opposed 2 tsp baking powder to room temperature butter, makes the 1 tsp salt cookie chewier. It also tenderizes the cookie, giving it that rich, melt-in-yourmouth quality. Using shortening, melted at 1. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. a high temperature, will keep the cookie 2. Beat in eggs and vanilla extract. spreading to a minimum.

3. Stir in flour, baking powder, and salt.

Sugar, which is obviously the 4. Cover bowl and chill dough for 1 hour or overnight. sweetener, also contributes to softening 5. Preheat the oven to 400° F. the cookie. Sugar is hygroscopic, which means it draws and retains moisture, 6. Roll out the dough on a flat floured surface. Thickness should which helps make the cookie chewier and be 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. browns it by absorbing the heat. It also 7. Cut using cookie cutters. controls how the dough spreads; the more 8. Place 1 inch apart on an ungreased baking sheet. sugar, the more it spreads. White sugar 9. Bake for 6-8 minutes in preheated oven. makes the cookie crispier, while brown sugar helps it retain moisture better. The 10. Cool completely before adding icing. less sugar, the puffier the cookie.

Makes 60 cookies.

Flour helps stabilize and thicken the cookie while providing structure. Too little flour, and the cookie won’t keep its shape; too

Nana’s perfect sugar cookies

COOKIES

continued on page

Icing 1 cup confectioners sugar 2 tsp milk 2 tsp corn syrup 1/4 tsp almond extract Assorted food coloring Stir sugars and milk until smooth. Beat in corn syrup & extract until smooth and glossy. If too thick add more corn syrup.

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412013 Holiday Guide COOKIES

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difference between the two is that baking powder has a built-in acid, and baking soda will require one additional liquid ingredient, such as lemon juice, sour cream, or buttermilk. Just remember the rule of thumb; SODA goes with liquid, while POWDER goes with flour, and it’s 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of baking soda for each cup of liquid, and 1/2 to 1 teaspoon of baking powder for each cup of flour.

Baking soda will increase browning and spreading for a flatter cookie, and baking powder will make a puffier cookie.

Lastly, there’s the binding agent, which can consist of eggs, milk, honey, and fruit juice. The liquid is what holds everything together.

The eggs alone can make a huge difference; the more eggs, the more it’ll rise and spread. And if egg whites are used, the cookie will be crispier; if egg yolks are used, the cookie will be chewier because they enrich and soften the dough.

For most of us, a cookie is just a delicious little morsel waiting to melt in our mouths, but to bakers, whether professional or not, every specific ingredient can create a delightful treat, or disaster.

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2013 Holiday Guide

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Holiday Happenings in Downtown Paso!!

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YOUR POLICE DEPARTMENT

THANKS YOU Local sales tax funds the City’s public safety programs including the local Police Department. So every time you spend locally, you help ensure that Santa Maria’s finest continue to keep you safe and protected. Talk about a good return on investment!

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2013HOLIDAY Holiday GUIDE Guide 2013

The beard doesn’t

make the Santa … BUT IT DOESN’T HURT, EITHER

There

45

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are eight tenets of the Santa Claus oath. They address the significance of brotherhood, knowledge, goodwill, compassion, and kindness. What they lack is an assessment of the role the Great Scarlet Gift-Giver’s facial hair plays in his reindeer-powered treks.

Sans the beard, is Santa still Santa? Would he freeze to death in the frigid North Pole without the long, pale swath of hair trailing from cheek and chin to belly, heating his chest and neck? Would children still queue to sit on his lap and plead for books and candy?

We know Santa’s beard is important because, if it weren’t, there wouldn’t be an International Brotherhood of Real Bearded Santas. Shopping malls wouldn’t give preference to men whose facial hair can withstand a determined tug from a pint-sized human with visions of sugar plums dancing in his or her tiny head. And we wouldn’t have any excuse to explore the science of facial hair as it relates to the holidays.

But we do have this opportunity, which smells of gingerbread crumbs and raspberry shampoo, so let us begin.

Local facial hair expert Neal Breton refers to his own beard—nine inches at its longest, but six to seven inches on average—as a neckwarmer by winter and an uncomfortable friend by summer. He had it all under control and professionally trimmed, he revealed, until he was fired from

BY ASHLEY SCHWELLENBACH

an office job in 2008, at which point he decided to liberate the beast within.

But growing a luxurious beard isn’t for the faint of heart.

Breton shampoos and conditions his beard daily, and advises a regular trimming schedule for anyone looking to encourage optimum growth.

“It’s a marathon and not a sprint, as they say,” Breton said, in the way of advice. “One of the worst things to get through is the patchy part. That’s the first big hurdle. The second hurdle is summer. You’ll want to get rid of it, but you need to just push through if you want to look homeless or like a lumberjack.”

Breton’s particular aim, he revealed, is to look like a homeless lumberjack. Anyone who guessed that jolly old Saint Nick might be a facial hair influence for the artist would be as wrong as a sunny Southern California Christmas. In fact, Breton referred to Santa as a “commercial mistletoe machine that makes people feel bad.” Except, instead of mistletoe he used a word that rhymes with “ruche” and has nothing whatsoever to do with holiday cheer.

Despite his status as a seriously bearded male, Breton doesn’t necessarily associate beards with wisdom.

“I’ve known a lot of idiots who have beards, so I’m sure it’s just mythology,” he explained.

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But that doesn’t undermine the fact that there is a special bond among bearded brethren.

“All I know is that if I see another guy with a beard either equal to or as formidable as mine, I always give a nod to that guy,” Breton admitted.

But then, you can’t believe most of what Breton says during an interview, and especially not as it pertains to facial hair.

Perhaps, for a more reliable assessment of the science of beards, we’ll have to talk to someone who both has one and makes a living caring for and styling hair.

Josh Ralph of Tigerlily Salon describes his facial hair as “The Gentleman’s Ducktail.”

According to Ralph, facial hair grows an average of 1/4 inch per month, but it’s possible to increase growth rates by taking vitamins like biotin, eating red meat, and becoming stranded on a desert island. Of course, you can’t overlook the importance of genetics, which play a major role in determining how quickly hair will grow. (As Ralph pointed out, “It’s science.”)

In general, Ralph advises a grooming regimen similar to the one you would use for the hair on your head. Shampoo and condition regularly, because, as Ralph says, “There’s nothing worse than a man with a crusty beard.” More specific grooming instructions depend on the style you hope to cultivate, but for the most part, that’s just a matter of personal taste. And the way Ralph makes it sound, the fact of having any beard at all is sufficient reason to celebrate, even without the promise of the holidays just around the corner.

“They say eyes are the windows to our souls. I say beards are the doors into our hearts,” he said.

Santa Tim Connaghan didn’t have a beard the first time he played Santa 44 years ago as a staff sergeant in Bihn Phouc, Vietnam.

BEARDS

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them sit on Santa’s lap. We had no Santa suit, no red material to create a suit, so we had to wear our green field fatigues.

Moreover, no real Santa hat! Only a small, flimsy Santa hat someone had received in the mail a few weeks earlier. And, what about Santa’s beard? Military regulations required everyone to be clean-shaven. But we came up with an alternative. With a fluffy foam beard of Barbasol shaving cream, and a flimsy folding chair, my friend and I took turns at being Santa.

It was my first time. We made jokes, took many photos, and forgot the war for

“As December approached, every GI in camp anxiously awaited holiday packages from the loved ones back in the states. For months, families had promised to mail special packages: cookies, candies, fudge, traditional fruitcakes and promises of a few holiday decorations,” Connaghan recalled. “On Dec. 23, our unit returned to base camp. A

friend and I checked in with the company clerk, who told us he had about 300 pounds of letters and packages for our unit. We went to the mailroom, and there they were. Seven large canvas bags. They looked like gray ‘Santa’ bags. Added to these were hundreds of small, individual, red cotton gift bags, one for each GI, with toiletries and candy from the Red Cross.

“All of this gave us an idea. One of us could dress up as Santa and hand out the mail. We could then call up each GI and have

an hour or so as we celebrated the holidays and handed out the gifts and packages of love from home. It was a memorable day and one I will treasure forever.”

After returning home from Vietnam in 1970, Connaghan decided to take advantage of the GI Bill to attend college.

PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

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He began work on the cleaning crew at Bullock’s Department Store to help cover his expenses, and when Thanksgiving rolled around and the store’s Santa failed to materialize, they agreed to let Connaghan fill in on a temporary basis.

He retained the position of department store Santa for three years.

“Since that time, I have always had a Santa suit in my closet. No matter where I traveled, or whom I was working for, I have always volunteered, worked, or appeared somewhere at Christmas, in the famous red suit,”

said Connaghan, who was inducted into the Santa Claus Hall of Fame in 2011.

Of course, a Southern California Santa’s closet isn’t necessarily identical to a North Pole Santa’s wardrobe.

And Connaghan,

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 2013 HOLIDAY

When one suit gets dirty—and when young children are involved, it’s pretty much a guarantee that it will—Santa better be prepared with another. Connaghan also has a red business suit, red leather sports coat, and a number of items he refers to as “Casual Claus” attire, including shorts, golf shirts, and Hawaiian shirts, all of which are holiday themed.

Connaghan has trained thousands of Santas and Mrs.

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who is the official Santa for the Hollywood Christmas Parade, definitely identifies as a Golden State Santa.

“It is different being in a parade in Southern California,” he admitted. “The weather can be a bit cool, but you also get some days when it is 80 degrees in December. My first parade, however, followed a rainstorm the nights before and there was snow on the local mountains and in the foothills. Fortunately, Santa’s wardrobe is quite warm and I was fine. I also have a home in New York and have worked there for other holiday events, so I do get to experience a variety of temperatures.”

Santa Connaghan’s wardrobe includes a halfdozen Santa suits and three robes, but the seasoned Santa insists that variety is essential over the long term.

PHOTOS BY STEVE E. MILLER

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2013 Holiday Guide

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Clauses, and—despite his extensive scarlethued livery—insists that the physical trappings do not a Santa make.

“It is not the beard, nor the red suit, or even the jolly belly,” he said. “There are thousands of real-bearded Santas and probably even more ‘traditional’ Santas— those with theatrical or temporary beards.

And the best Santas all have one thing in common: They are sincere about their jobs.

They know their No. 1 rule is they are here for the children.”

Of course, the beard certainly doesn’t hurt. There’s a reason, after all, that children give that beard a firm tug before entrusting Santa with their all-important Christmas

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wishes. Connaghan estimates that his beard is 10 inches long, and he makes a point of keeping it trimmed and neat. It’s a daily commitment of time and energy, but a guy who holds the world’s children to standards of good behavior can’t get away with cutting corners.

“Like anyone else, when I get up in the morning, I not only have pillow hair, I have pillow beard. So I shower, shampoo and condition my hair, often using a bluing shampoo or rinse to keep the white hair bright and shiny. After the shower I blow dry my hair and beard and then style my moustache and curl my beard. It takes about an hour for everything.”

He credits Santa’s bearded depiction to the fact that his namesake, St. Nicholas, was born in the third century in what we now know as Turkey. Most men would have worn beards then, so there was no major leap in logic or imagination to assume that St. Nicholas had a beard. Of course, Connaghan credits the 1823 poem, “T’was the Night Before Christmas,” with solidifying our cultural perception of the man in red. We all remember the merry twinkle in Santa’s eye, the nose like a cherry, but there’s also the all-important line: “And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.” ∆ Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach hopes, one day, to grow a luxurious white beard. Send peppermint-flavored hormones to aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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Deep fried delight!

THE JOYS OF DEEP FRIED TURKEY!

BY GLEN STARKEY

you want to freak yourself out, type “deep fried turkey disasters” into Google. You’ll discover plenty of videos Ifof fireball infernos. People have burned down their houses,

burned themselves, and burned plenty of turkeys to a crisp trying to deep fry them. All I can say is these people are idiots! Deep frying a turkey couldn’t be easier.

It does, however, require some special equipment, but it’s not too expensive and you’ll find you can get a lot of use out of your deep fryer, which I’ve used to make everything from sweet potato fries to fresh corn

STORY

from page

PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

tortilla chips.

I used to have one element. It was safe to greased up the kitchen. fryers are safer than their

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TURKEY

continued on page

It’s easy and quick to deep fry a turkey.

A 13-pound bird is done in 44 minutes!

53

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TURKEY

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51

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very reliable. The one I had was difficult to get the heating element going, and it took forever to get the oil up to temp.

A few years ago, I bought an LPgas powered outdoor deep fryer, the kind people seem to have accidents with, and I love it. You can find them for between $50 and $80, and if you have a gas grill, you can use the very same gas tank. It’s basically a big pot on a stand with a burner under it, and most kits come with such accessories as a thermometer, a basket that fits

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in the pot (to deep fry French fries and the like), and a rack that will accommodate turkeys or chickens, making it easy to get them in and out.

You can have it up to temp in maybe 30 to 45 minutes.

Safety first, right? I keep a fire extinguisher nearby when I deep fry, just in case. I also pay strict attention to the fill line on the pot. It may seem low when you fill it, but most fires

TURKEY

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TURKEY

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PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

occur because the operator has overfilled the oil, and when the turkey drops in, it displaces oil over the top of the pot and down the sides and right into the open flame beneath. Can you say “WHOOSH!?!” Also, don’t put your deep fryer under the eaves of your house. Duh! The other common mistake is putting a frozen or not completely defrosted bird into hot oil. That’s water, people, and water in hot oil boils and often explodes. I use young tom turkeys of no more than 13 pounds that have never been frozen, and I pat them dry before putting them in the oil. You should also note that most deep fryers have an auto-shutoff. Mine has a little box that cuts off the gas every 10 minutes unless you push a button that lights up, signaling it’s about to cut off. To be safe, it’s best never to leave a deep fryer unattended.

So how do you prepare the bird? Well, you need to get all the stuff out of it—the heart, giblets, gizzard, etc.—and you can rinse it if you want, but it’s not necessary; anything that could hurt you gets killed in the deep fryer, and rinsing poultry is actually discouraged

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

skin, but this will get boiled off so I’m not sure how much flavor you’ll get out of it. One of the downsides of deep frying is you can’t stuff the bird with dressing.

Learn to live with it! That’s what your oven is for!

Here’s the best part of deep frying. It takes a fraction of the time of baking a bird. The rule of thumb is to heat the oil to 350 degrees, and cook the bird by calculating three minutes a pound plus five minutes, so a 13-pound bird is just 44 minutes!

You’ll also find plenty of alternative prep recipes on the Internet, some of which call for variations such as soaking the bird in briny water for eight hours prior to frying, or others that call for dropping the bird into 250 degree oil and then heating You can spice up your bird the oil up to 350. by injecting the meat with The best part is, it’s hard to screw it up. liquid seasoning before And it’s hard deep frying. to argue with the results.

As my compadre, New Times photographer Steve E. Miller, claims, “Deep fried turkey skin is almost as good as bacon.” That’s saying a lot! ∆

I’LL EAT THAT!

by the USDA because you’re allowing bacteria on the poultry to spread to everything nearby, including the counter, sink, and utensils.

Once your turkey is cleared out, you can get a meat injector and inject various deep tissue areas to give the meat an extra kick, but even without this added step, the bird tastes great! You can also use a dry rub on the

Glen Starkey is a New Times staff writer with good taste. Contact him at gstarkey@newtimesslo.com.

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Special Events THE C GALLERY offers an art workshop titled “Intuitive Drawing and Love” with Carole Bloom on Nov. 22 from 7 to 9 p.m. and Nov. 23 from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., The C Gallery, 466 Bell St., Los Alamos.

More info: 344-3807, connie@thecgallery.com, thecgallery.com.

ARTISTE WINERY presents “Holiday Blending with Winemaker Bion Rice” on Nov. 23 from 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m., Artiste Winery, 2948 Grand Ave., Los Olivos. $50 per person. More info: 6862626, info@artiste.com, artiste.com.

THE SANTA MARIA PUBLIC LIBRARY will host best-selling author Wendelin Van Draanen feature a talk, slideshow, and booksigning on Nov. 23 from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m., Santa Maria Public Library, 421 McClelland St., Santa Maria. Free. More info: 925-0951, cityofsantamaria.org.

SLO BACON FEST Pig Out! First ever SLO Bacon Fest Nov. 23. 12-3pm, Madonna Inn Expo Ctr., 100 Madonna Rd., San Luis Obispo., $35. More info: 555-1234, Bacon@SLOBaconFest.com, SLOBaconFest.com.

RIVERBENCH WINERY is participating in a Thanksgiving food drive with five donated items earning a free wine tasting through Nov. 25. Call for times, Riverbench Winery, 6020 Foxen Canyon Road, Santa Maria. More info: 937-8340, riverbench.com.

HOLIDAYS IN THE PINES The small village of Cambria is readying itself to celebrate in a big way as the picturesque town along Highway 1 decks out with a bevy of lights, festive events, decorations, deals and discounts Dec. 1-23.

An auction for decorated Christmas trees and wreaths will be held Dec. 4. A citywide open house will be held Dec. 6. See website for more information. , Cambria.

Free. More info: 927-3624, info@cambriachamber.org, cambriachamber.org.

THE CITY OF SOLVANG presents Julefest, a holiday celebration including a city-wide Christmas Tree display Dec. 1 through Dec. 31. “Solvang on Ice” features an ice skating rink Dec. 6 through 8 at Solvang Park. The annual “Julefest Parade” is Dec. 7 at 11 a.m. starting at the Old Mission Santa Ines. The “Solvang Holiday Wine About” is a wine tasting walk through the village on Dec. 14 and 15 from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. The annual “Christmas Tree Burn” on Jan. 3 at 6 p.m., Mission Santa Ines, 1760 Mission Drive, Solvang. More info: 709-2221, info@creativepromotions.com, julefestsolvang.com.

NCYP UGLY SWEATER MIXER North County young professionals mixer, Dec. 5 from 5:30-7:30pm, Avion & Claw, 6155 El Camino Real, Atascadero. Free.

More info: 466-2044, NCYP@Atascaderochamber.org, atascaderochamber.org.

AWAY IN A MANGER The Central Coast community is invited to this 9th annual open house and living nativity set featuring music, refreshments, and caroling on Dec. 3. 1pm , Calvary Lutheran Church, 480 Monterey Ave., Morro Bay. Free. More info: 772-8457, morrobaylutherans@sbcglobal.net, morrobaylutherans.org.

DANA ADOBE NIPOMO AMIGOS presents a traditional nativity exhibit fea-

TURKEYTHON

PHOTO COURTESY OF MELISSA JOHNSON

Turkeys may be better known for their devilish good looks than their incredible speed, but at the Templeton Turkey Trot Family Fun Run, slow and gobbly wins the race. Join the Templeton Recreation Department on Nov. 23 from 8 to 11 a.m. to participate; call 434-4909 or visit templetoncsd.org for more information. turing singing and special activities for kids on Dec. 4 from 1 to 4 p.m., Dana Adobe Nipomo Amigos, 671 S. Oakglen Ave., Nipomo. $10. More info: dana@danaadobe. org, danaadobe.org.

THE DUNES CENTER presents “Trees of the Season,” an annual holiday benefit event featuring a raffle of beautifully decorated trees on Dec. 6 from 6 to 9 p.m., The Dunes Center, 1065 Guadalupe St., Guadalupe. More info: 343-2455, admin@dunescenter.org, dunescenter.org.

THE BOOKWORM presents an author book signing with JulieAnne O’Connor and her book “Spelling it Out for Your Man” on Dec. 7 at 2 p.m., The Bookworm, 230 E. Betteravia Road, Suite K, Santa Maria. More info: 922-4282, quest@ thebookwormcali.com, facebook.com/ thebookwormcali.

THE SANTA MARIA PUBLIC LIBRARY holds a movie night event featuring a screening of “The Christmas Story” based on the book “In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash” on Dec. 11 at 5:30 p.m. A “Family Movie Night” featuring a screening of “Home Alone” on Dec. 17 at 6 p.m., Santa Maria Public Library, 421 S. McClelland St., Santa Maria. More info: 925-0951, Ext. 331, shenolelatimer.com.

THE BOOKWORM presents an author book signing with Jenna Elizabeth Johnson and her “Oescienne and Otherworld” series on Dec. 14 at noon, The Bookworm, 230 E. Betteravia Road, Suite K, Santa Maria. More info: 922-4282, quest@thebookwormcali.com, facebook. com/thebookwormcali.

THE CITY OF SANTA MARIA Recreation and Parks Department presents a community walk titled the “Jingle Bell Walk” on Dec. 14 at 4:30 p.m., Pioneer Park, 1150 W. Foster Road, Santa Maria.

More info: 925-0951, Ext. 347, cityofsantamaria.org.

HOLIDAY HOME TOUR by Royal Family KIDS of Santa Maria features 5 homes with varying architectural styles,

decorated for the holidays. Tickets can be purchased at A La Carte, Company’s Coming, and Rabobank branches, and Rendezvous. The event is a benefit for foster children, ages 6 to 12, in the local community happening Dec. 7 from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., Orcutt. $20. More info: 264-0731, santamariarfkc@gmail.com, santamaria.royalfamilykids.org.

LIVING NATIVITY From Dec. 16-18 actors and live animals portray the events of the night when Jesus was born. Enjoy caroling, refreshments, and the sights and sounds of Christmas. 6:30pm, Templeton Presbyterian Church, 610 South Main St. at 6th, Templeton. More info: 434-1921, templetonpres.com.

HOLIDAY MAGIC AT THE ZOO Join the animal care staff as they and Santa give special gifts to their animal residents on Dec. 17. Hot chocolate will be served as well. 1pm, Charles Paddock Zoo, 9100 Morro Road, Atascadero. The event is included with zoo admission. More info: 470-3172, charlespaddockzoo.org.

LOMPOC HOLIDAY EVENTS Lompoc has a whole range of holiday events this year, from the Turkey Trot on Nov. 17 to the Christmas Season Parade on Dec. 6.

The Holiday Decorating Contest will commence in December. Times vary, Lompoc.

Check online for times. More info: 875-8100.

CHRISTMAS AT HEARST CASTLE From Dec. 1-31, the Assembly Room, the Refectory, and the Morning Room all contain lavish decorations of hand made garlands, brilliant red poinsettias, and two 18 foot Christmas trees, fully decorated with lights and traditional ornaments. The Experience Tour during the daytime includes these rooms for viewing. Ongoing, Hearst Castle, 750 Hearst Castle Road, San Simeon. Prices are $24 for adults and $12 for youth ages 6 through 17. . More info: (800) 444-4445, hearstcastle.com.

HANNUKAH OLIVE OIL TASTING TOUR The tour takes place Dec. 1, starting in Edna Valley. RSVP to Courtney

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

AVILA ARTS FESTIVAL A new art festival is in town! Head to Avila Beach on Dec. 7 to enjoy artwork that is centered around the theme of Avila Beach, which is the location for the event. An exciting new opportunity to observe this new art festival. Check online, Avila Beach Check online. More info: kinwal4@msn.com , AvilaArtFestival.com.

TOYS FOR TOTS The Pear Valley Winery on Dec 8 (1-4pm) will be hosting their holiday open house. Bring an unwrapped toy for the toybank and receive 10% off your wine purchase! With holiday music and treats.

1-4pm, Pear Valley Winery, 4900 Union Rd, Paso Robles. Check online. More info: 2262126, toys4totscentralca.org/.

DOWNTOWN PASO ROBLES HOLIDAY EVENTS Head on down to Paso to enjoy the festive season with a range of events - from Dec.9-24 you can meet Santa at his holiday house.

On Dec. 7, check out the 52nd Annual Downtown Christmas Light Parade, starting at 7pm. Feel like singing some carols? Chomping on free cookies and cotton candy? Enjoying live music and community open houses? Make sure you’re free on Dec. 14 (6-9pm) for the Vine Street Victorian Showcase. For kids, the Victorian Teddy Bear Tea is a must see on Dec. 21 from 2-4pm. With music, storytelling, gingerbread cookies to decorate, candy canes, drawing and the chance to visit with the special guests, Mrs. Claus, Santa, the elves and the Snow Queen and King! Tickets will be available from Dec. 2 ($7 children, $13 adults) Various; See website for schedule, Downtown Paso Robles, Paso Robles. Various; See website for more information. More info: 238-4103, mainstreet@tcsn.net, www. pasoroblesdowntown.org.

WINTER WONDERLAND On Dec. 13, enjoy piles of snow, snow slides, food, music, fire engine rides, and the Elks Little Train. This event occupies five city blocks. Free admission. 5-9pm, Downtown Atascadero, Sunken Gardens, Atascadero. Free Admission. More info: 570-4524 , gailkudlac@gmail.com, atascaderomainstreet.org.

THE CITY OF SOLVANG presents as part of its “Julefest” ceremony a production of “The Christmas Story” a live nativity pageant Dec. 14 at 5 and 7 p.m., Solvang Festival Theater, 420 Second St., Solvang. Free. More info: 709-2221, info@creativepromotions.com, julefestsolvang.com.

WINTER WONDER SLO A real ice skating rink will be open Dec. 19-Jan. 5. Sessions available from 9am to 10pm, Alex Madonna Expo Center, 100 Madonna Rd., San Luis Obispo. $9 for kids 12 and under; $13 for 13 and up. More info: 784-2410, winterwonderslo.com.

HOLIDAY MAGIC AT THE ZOO On Dec. 21 join the animal care staff at the zoo as they make and give “special” gifts to the animal residents and visit with Santa. For ages 7-12. Check online for times, Charles Paddock Zoo, 9100 Morro Rd., Atascadero. More info: 461-5080, charlespaddockzoo.org.

via email. Starts at 9am, Jewish Community Center, 875 Laureate Lane, San Luis Obispo. Donations welcome. More info: (714) 402-3426, courtney@jccslo.com.

MORRO BAY LUTHERAN NATIVITY PRESENTS “AWAY IN A MANGER” The Calvary Lutheran Church of Morro Bay will present “Away In A Manger” on Dec 3rd from 1-4pm. There will be live music, and over 250 nativity sets from all over the world, and free admission. 1-4pm, Calvary Evangelical Lutheran Church , 480 Monterey Ave, Morro Bay. Free Admission. More info: 772-8457.

SOLVANG JULEFEST EVENTS Celebrate the festive season in the village of Solvang amidst the decorated foliage.

Solvange on Ice is running from Dec. 6-8 from 9am to 9.45pm ($9 child, $12 adult). The Annual Tree-Lighting Ceremony will be on the Dec. 6 at 5pm and is free! Solvang Julefest Parade is on Dec. 7 at 11am. The Holiday Wine Walk is on Dec. 14-15 from 11am-4pm, with the S’moresfest! on Dec. 14 from 4-7pm ($10). The Nativity Pagent is also on Dec. 14 from 5-7pm and is free, whilst the Annual Christmas Tree Burn is happening on Jan. 10. Various, Solvang Various. More info: 468-6765, Info@ solvangusa.com .

YULETIDE AT THE TIDE Unlimited beer and spirit tastings, Dec. 7 from 5:30-9:30pm, Coleman Park, The Embarcadero, Morro Bay. $55 in advance, $65 at door. More info: 709-2221, info@ createpromotions.com.

EVENTS AT GROVER BEACH Head on down to Grover Beach to soak up the festive atmosphere. On Dec. 7 there will be Santa’s workshop, including a Fine Art and Craft Faire and Holiday Tree Lighting from 10am-5pm. On Dec. 7 and 8 there will be the Holiday of Lights, please decorate THANKSGIVING your home in order to be included in the EVENTS judging which will commence between 5.30-9pm on both days. Various, Various ART ACTIVITY: TURKEY HATS Glue a fun turkey hat, Nov. 23-27 from locations Various. More info: 489-9657.

10am-5pm, San Luis Obispo Children’s Museum, 1010 Nipomo St., San Luis Obispo. Admission. More info: 545-5874, info@slocm.org, slocm.org.

TEMPLETON TURKEY TROT FAMILY FUN RUN hosted by the Templeton Recreation Department, Nov. 23 from 8-11am, Templeton Turkey Trot, 420 Crocker St. , Templeton. More info: 4344909, mjohnson@templetoncsd.org, templetoncsd.org.

ANNUAL FALL FEAST Enjoy a turkeyfree Thanksgiving, Nov. 23 at 3pm, Edgewater Inn & Suites, 280 Wadsworth Ave., Pismo Beach .

GRATEFUL FOR BLESSINGS, MINDFUL OF NEEDS: SLO MINISTERIAL ASSOCIATION INTERFAITH, INTERGENERATIONAL THANKSGIVING CELEBRATION Families welcome, Nov. 24 at 3 pm, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 2201 Lawton Ave., San Luis Obispo., Free; non-perishable food items welcome. More info: 439-0188, minister@uuslo.org.

THANKSGIVING AT MADONNA INN Choose between seasonal entrees on Nov. 28. Reservations required. See holiday dinner menu online. Reservations recommended, 100 Madonna Rd., SLO. $35 for adults, $21 for children. More info: 543-3000, http://www.madonnainn.com/holidays.php.

PARADES SLO DOWNTOWN ASSOCIATION 38TH ANNUAL HOLIDAY PARADE “Get Your Holiday Shine On” is the theme of this year’s 100-entry procession through the streets of downtown, Dec. 6 at 7pm , San Luis Obispo. More info: downtownslo.com.

47TH ANNUAL SOUTH COUNTY HOLIDAY PARADE “Under the Sea Holiday” is the theme of this year’s parade on Dec. 7. 10am, Starts at 16th St., Grover Beach. Entry fee is a new, unwrapped gift for a child aged 0-17. More info: 473-4580, grover.org.

MORRO BAY 2013 LIGHTED BOAT PARADE AND TREE LIGHTING Come and experience a family fun event with in Morro Bay, where decorated boats of all sizes will cruise the habor at 6.30pm on Dec. 7. Christmas music performed

by White Caps will be at the North T-pier starting at 6 pm whilst tree lighting, performance and Santa Claus will be at City Park starting at 4:30! 4.30pm, Main Street and Morro Bay Boulevard, Morro Bay. More info: 772-6200, morrobay. org/events/.

SANTA MARIA PARADE OF LIGHTS The theme is “The Joy of Giving” for this year’s annual Santa Maria Parade of Lights on Dec. 7. See website for more information, Santa Maria. See website for more information. More info: 937-8521, smparadeoflights.org/the-parade/.

TREE AND MENORAH LIGHTINGS SLO HANUKKAH CELEBRATION 2013 The Jewish Community Center of San Luis Obispo hosts its annual “Menorah at the Mission” and community Hanukkah party starting on Nov. 27 at 5pm (the night before Thanksgiving). The

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Eat, Drink & Be Merry at the

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Unique Holiday Gifts Used Books * Puzzles Magazines * Music Movies * Audio Books Gifts by Local Artists Toys * Games New Books Stationary Greeting Cards Operated by The Friends of the Santa Maria Public Library

Located in the Public Library 421 S. McClelland St. Santa Maria

(805) 925-7116

Hours: M–Th 10am–7pm, Fri & Sat 10am–5pm, Closed Sundays Profits benefit the Santa Maria Public Library

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lighting takes place above the steps at the Old Mission church, including songs and storytelling. Immediately following the candlelighting ceremony is the Hanukkah party at the San Luis Obispo Museum of Art. The Menorah candlelighting continues through the eight nights of Hanukkah until Dec. 5. All nights begin at 5pm, except 6pm Saturday night ceremony. Times vary, Old Mission, Mission Plaza, San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 426-5465, lbandari@jccslo.com, jccslo.com.

DOWNTOWN LIGHTING CEREMONY Candlelight caroling and tree lighting, Nov. 29 from 5:30-7:30pm, Downtown City Park, 12th & Spring St., Paso Robles. Free. More info: 238-4103, info@pasoroblesdowntown.org, pasoroblesdowntown.org.

HOLIDAY HARMONY AND LIGHT UP PISMO BEACH Activities include pictures with Santa, fresh snow, the official lighting of the city at 6pm, a tree lighting ceremony on the pier, and more, Dec. 6 from 5:30-8pm, downtown Pismo Beach.

Free. More info: 773-7063, pbcity@pismobeach.org, classiccalifornia.com.

FAIRS WINTER FAIR AND JURIED CRAFT SHOW Through Dec. 31 from noon4pm, Art Center Morro Bay, 835 Main St., Morro Bay. Free. More info: 7722504, candidcow@att.net, artcentermorrobay.com.

HANDCRAFTED FOR THE HOLI-

DAYS California’s finest craftspeople are featured in this invitational exhibition and retail sale, which runs Dec. 5-29.

12pm-6pm Thurs. & Sun., 12pm-9pm Fri. & Sat., Studios Atrium, 1130 Pine St., Paso Robles. More info: 238-9800, sasha@studiosonthepark.org, studiosonthepark.org.

HANDMADE HOLIDAY Youth program fundraiser craft fair, Dec. 7-8 starting at 9am, St. Timothy Church, 962 Piney Way, Morro Bay. Free. More info: 772-5114, rullum@yahoo.com.

HOLIDAYS IN THE PINES 2013 Festive events and unique gifts in Cambria, Nov. 29-Dec. 23 , throughout Cambria. Free. More info: 927-3624, infi@cambriachamber.org, cambriaholiday.com.

HOLIDAY CRAFT BAZAAR Downtown Paso Robles hosts the Holiday Craft Bazaar Nov. 29 from 10am-4pm, City Park, Paso Robles. Free. More info: 2384103, pasoroblesdowntown.org.

CAMBRIA CHRISTMAS MARKET AT CAMBRIA PINES LODGE Wednesday through Sunday from Dec. 1-22, enjoy an outdoor market in the German American tradition with food, drink, music and gifts. Vendors feature locally made items. Ornaments, toys, jewelry, woolen goods, hand blown glass, candles and more. Nightly entertainment.

4-9pm, Cambria Pines Lodge, 2905 Burton Dr., Cambria. Free. More info: (800) 966-6490, cambriachristmasmarket.com.

MORRO BAY MERCHANTS CHRISTMAS STREET FAIRE Enjoy a

day of Arts and Crafts, food and entertainment at Morro Bay Christmas Street Faire on Dec. 1 from 10am-4pm. It will be taking place all along Morro Bay Blvd in the heart of “Old Towne” Morro Bay! 10am-4pm, Morro Bay Blvd, Morro Bay More info: 877-478-9477, mbmaprez@ morro-bay.net.

SLO CREAMERY HOLIDAY OPEN HOUSE Handmade gifts and wine tasting, Dec. 7 at 5pm, SLO Creamery, 570 Higuera St., San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 704-8128, shannlen@hotmail.com.

NEW YEAR’S EVENTS SLO SYMPHONY NEW YEAR’S EVE EXTRAVAGANZA Dec. 31 7:30pm, Cal Poly Performing Arts Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. See PAC website for ticket prices. More info: 756-4TIX (4849), sdobson@calpoly.edu, pacslo.org.

NEW YEAR’S EVE AT MADONNA INN Champagne, entree selections, and eclairs to ring on the New Year on Dec. 31. Times vary, Madonna Inn, 100 Madonna Rd., San Luis Obispo. More info: 543-3000, madonnainn.com/holidays. php.

NEW YEAR’S EVE MAD MEN STYLE DINNER AND DANCE Ring in the New Year with Robert Hall Winery’s Mad Men style bash on Dec. 31 from 7pm-1am for a spectacular evening of Champagne, wine, appetizers and a four course dinner in the fully decorated Meritage Room. Reservations required and formal or period attire is requested. 7pm-

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HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

A JOLLY HOLIDAY This particular calendar editor may be biased— having practically memorized the film version of this classic story as a child—but PCPA Theatrefest’s production of Mary Poppins promises to be excellent family fun for the holidays. Performance times and ticket prices vary, and there will be special performances that children as young as 3 may attend. Visit pcpa.org or call 922-8313 for tickets and more information.

1am, Robert Hall Winery, 3443 Mill Rd., Paso Robles. Tickets are $155/person (Cavern Club Members $130). More info: 239-1616, events@roberthallwinery. com, roberthallwinery.com.

WORTH THE DRIVE

p.m., Lobero Theatre, 33 E. Canon Perdido St., Santa Barbara. More info: 9630761, lobero.com.

GEM FAIRE will feature more than 100 exhibitors from all around the world with jewelry, gems, beads, crystals, silver, rocks, minerals, and more. The event runs from noon to 6 p.m. Dec. 6, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Dec. 7, and Dec. 8 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Exhibit Hall, Earl Warren Showgrounds, 3400 Calle Real, Santa Barbara. $7. More info: (503) 2528300, info@gemfaire. com, gemfaire.com.

THE SANTA BARBARA MUSEUM OF ART presents the “Kao Poa Shu Trunk Show” on Nov. 21 from 5 to 8 p.m., Santa Barbara Museum of Art, 1130 State St., Santa Barbara. More info: 963-4364, info@sbma.net, sbma.net.

UCSB ARTS AND LECTURES presents a screening of the documentary Stories We Tell on Nov. 25 at 7:30 p.m., UCSB Campbell Hall, Santa Barbara. $10, $5 for students. More info: 893-3535, EVENTS karna.hughes@sa.ucsb.edu, artsandleccontinued tures.usb.edu. on page WARREN MILLER ENTERTAINMENT presents a film tour of the new 62 film “Ticket to Ride” on Dec. 4 at 8

PHOTO BY LUIS ESCOBAR, REFLECTIONS PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO

The Original Garden Street Jeweler

Offering pieces like this 2013 JCK Jewelers’ Choice Awards Finalist Raspberry Tourmaline and Diamond Pendant New & Vintage Jewelry In House Custom Jewelry & Servicing

San Luis Obispo Los Olivos 714 Higuera Street 2928 San Marcos Ave. 545.7667 688.1071 www.rompshoes.com

1114 & 1118 Garden Street Downtown San Luis Obispo • 805.543.8186 www.GardenStreetGoldsmiths.com Open Every Day Until Christmas

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at the Santa Maria Town Center November 29th – December 24th Santa will be arriving Nov. 29th at noon.

Take pictures with Santa and tell him what’s on your wish list while being entertained by Santa’s elves as they help to bring the Christmas Cheer.

Picture Packages starting at only $15

Nov 29: 12pm-6pm Dec 7-13: 12pm-6pm Dec 14-15: 12pm-7pm Nov 30: 12pm-7pm Dec 16-20: 11am-6pm Dec 1: 12pm-6pm Dec 21-23: 11am-7pm Dec 2-6: 3pm-6pm Dec 24: 10am-4pm

*Dates & times are subject to change. Customer Service Line 805-922-7931

Santa Maria Town Center • 371 Town Center East, Santa Maria

BLACK FRIDAY FRIDAY ONLY 8-9am 30%OFF storewide 9-10am 25%OFF storewide 10-11am 20%OFF storewide THROUGH THE WEEKEND (excludes Frye & Hobo)

(805) 922-9195 · 317 Town Center East next to Macy’s

Merry Christmas

Our Gift to You

FREE HAIR CUT

with any Chemical Service Please present coupon at appointment

COSMETOLOGY

Tues-Fri 10am-3pm · Sat 8:30am-3pm

BARBER HOURS Sun-Mon 11am–3:30pm Tues-Fri 5:15pm–7:30pm

805-349-0200

All services offered by appointment or walk-in

325 E. Betteravia Road B-1, Santa Maria In The Target Shopping Center

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Fundraisers BOB MORLEY CONCERT Fundraiser for Children’s Center Nov. 23. 4:30pm, Estero Bay United Methodist Church, 300 Hemlock Ave., Morro Bay., $10. More info: 772-7644, ebumcmb@yahoo.com.

COASTAL GLAM: A FUNDRAISER FOR AMPSURF This event to raise money for AmpSurf takes place Dec. 3.

6pm, Star Brows, 1065 W. Grand Ave. , Grover Beach. Free. More info: 722-8222, info@starbrows.com.

ANIMALS IN NEED FUNDRAISER: DAVE STAMEY CONCERT Raise funds for animals, Dec. 8 from 4-9pm, Edwards Barn, 1095 Pomeroy, Nipomo. $45 per person. More info: 619-0588, info@ainfund.org, ainfund.org.

CASA VOICES FOR CHILDREN This CASA holiday luncheon takes place Dec. 5. 11:30am-1:30pm, Madonna Inn, 100 Madonna Rd., San Luis Obispo. $50.

More info: 541-6542, staff@slocasa.org, slocasa.org.

Stage MARY POPPINS AT PCPA This Broadway musical based on the book

by P.L. Travers and the Disney film runs through Dec. 22. Performance times and prices vary, Marian Theatre, 800 S. College Dr., Santa Maria. More info: 9228313, pcpa@pcpa.org, pcpa.org.

THE LAST DAYS OF JUDAS IS-

CARIOT through Nov. 23: FridaysSaturdays at 8pm, Saturdays at 3pm, and Sundays at 7pm , The Spot, 116 W Branch St., Arroyo Grande. $20 general; $15 seniors and students. More info: 474-5711, thespotag.tix.com.

CROSSROADS An outcast family travels through time and meets a host of bizarre and eccentric characters in this original play, written and directed by Dr. Al Schnupp, opening Nov. 11-23. Times vary, Alex and Faye Spanos Theatre, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. See website for ticket prices. More info: 756-4TIX (4849), sdobson@calpoly.edu, pacslo.org.

THE LOMPOC CIVIC THEATER presents its production of “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” by Barbara Robinson showing Dec. 6, 7, 8, 13, 14, and 15 on Fridays and Saturdays at 7:30 p.m. and Sundays at 2 p.m., Lompoc Civic Auditorium, 217 S. L St., Lompoc. $10, $5 for kids. More info: 735-2281, lompoccivictheatre.com.

POOL ‘63 Pool ‘63 is a new devised play, Dec. 6-16, Friday-Sunday at 2pm and 7:30pm, Cuesta College CPAC Experimental Theatre, Hwy 1 , San Luis Obispo. $15; $10 student; $5 children 12 and under. More info: 710-2502, bvalle@ cuesta.edu.

RAMBINGS, A NEW WORK DEVISED FOR THE STAGE This new work will be performed in the CPAC Experimental Theatre on Dec 6-14. See website for times., CPAC Experimental Theater, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $5-$15. More info: 546-3936,

bea_anderson@cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu/ student/forstudents/performingarts/.

STAGED READING OF A HOTEL ON MARVIN GARDENS BY NAGLE JACKSON A comedy with a serious twist, Dec. 17-18 at 7pm, San Luis Obispo Little Theatre, 888 Morro St., San Luis Obispo. $7-$10. More info: 7862440, pattythayer@slolittletheatre.org, slolittletheatre.org.

“DON’T CRY FOR ME, MARGARET MITCHELL” AT THE CAMBRIA CENTRE FOR THE ARTS Directed by Judith Jesness, the Cambria Centre for the Arts will present Don’t Cry for Me, Margaret Mitchell. Running through Nov. 24.

See website for schedule, Cambria Center for the Arts, 1350 Main St., Cambria. $20 or $15 for members and $5 for students.

More info: 927-8190, stevensg@charter. net, artistsofcambria.com.

NUTCRACKERS NUTCRACKER Everybody Can Dance presents The Nutcracker, Nov. 30 at 7pm and Dec. 1 at 3pm , Clark Center for the Performing Arts, 487 Fair Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande. $20 adults; $10 children.

More info: 489-9444, everybodycandance@msn.com, clarkcenter.org.

THE NUTCRACKER Dec. 14 at 2pm and 7pm and Dec. 15 at 2pm , Performing Arts Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. $18-$53. More info: 756–4849, office@civicballetofslo.org, pacslo.org.

NORTH COUNTY NUTCRACKER BALLET This holiday classic takes place Dec. 6-8 and 13-15. 7:30pm Fri; 2pm

Sat. and Sun., Templeton Performing Arts Center, 1200 S. Main St., Templeton. $25; $20 children and seniors. More info: 610-7570, info@northcountyperformingarts.org, northcountyperformingarts.org.

WORTH THE DRIVE WESTMONT COLLEGE presents English professor Paul Willis reading from his new book “Say This Prayer into the Past” on Nov. 20 at 7 p.m. at Granada Books, State Street, Santa Barara; and Nov. 21 at 4 p.m., Kerrywood Hall, Hieronymus Lounge, Westmont College, Santa Barbara. More info: 565-6051, scraig@ westmont.edu, westmont.edu.

SEASONAL PERFORMANCE WHITE CHRISTMAS Presented by Mission College Prep’s Drama Club, Nov. 15-24. Friday and Saturday at 7pm and Sunday at 2pm., Mission College Prep, 682 Palm St., San Luis Obispo. Adults $10; seniors and students $7. More info: 543-2131, Jblomfield@missionprep.org, missionprep.org.

THE HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA This triple bill of shows runs Nov. 21Dec. 31. Call Box Office for schedule, The Great American Melodrama, 1863 Front St., Oceano. $20-$22. More info: 489-2499, info@americanmelodrama. com, americanmelodrama.com.

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET A holiday classic live onstage, Nov. 22-Dec. 22.

Thurs-Sun 7pm; Sat-Sun 2pm, San Luis

HOLIDAY HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013

Obispo Little Theatre, 888 Morro St., San Luis Obispo. $15-$25. More info: 7862440, pattythayer@slolittletheatre.org, slolittletheatre.org.

A TUNA CHRISTMAS This fabulously funny and spot-on satire of small town life, featuring the outrageous characters of Tuna, Texas, plays from Nov. 22-Dec 31, including a special New Year’s Eve Bash. Fri. and Sat. 7:30pm; Sun. 3pm, The Pewter Plough Playhouse, 824 Main St., Cambria. $15-$25. More info: 9273877, boxoffice07@pewterploughplayhouse.org, pewterploughplayhouse.org.

THE SANTALAND DIARIES Kevin Harris stars in this one-man holiday show, adapted by Joe Mantello from David Sedaris’ story “The SantaLand Diaries.”

Runs Nov. 29-Dec. 21. 9:15pm, SLO Little Theatre, 888 Morro St., San Luis Obispo. $20. More info: 786-2440, boxoffice@slolittletheatre.org, slolittletheatre.org.

LA BOUTIQUE FANTASQUE & LES PATINEURS (THE SKATERS) See this holiday ballet performed on Dec. 6-8.

Contact venue for times., Spanos Theatre, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. Contact Ballet Theatre for performance times and ticket prices. More info: 756-4TIX (4849), bt-slo.org OR pacslo.org.

BABES IN TOYLAND Coastal Chamber Youth Ballet presents this holiday classic from Dec. 7-8. Dec. 7-8 at 1pm; Dec. 7 at 6pm, Clark Center, 487 Fair Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande. $18-$25. More info: 489-9444, boxoffice@clarkcenter.org, clarkcenter.org.

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE Radio performance of It’s a Wonderful Life Dec. 13-15 7.30pm, Cambria Center for the Arts, 1350 Main Street Cost Varies; See Website. More info: 927-8190, stevensg@charter.net, artistsofcambria. com/contact.html.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL Featuring a cast of 24 performers, live musicians, and Broadway-style scenery and costumes, this sumptuous Dickens holiday classic comes to PAC on Dec. 17. 7:30pm, Performing Arts Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. More info: 756-7222, sdobson@calpoly.edu, pacslo.org.

Film & TV “SLO COUNTY ON THE SILVER SCREEN” FILM SERIES This special series showcases Hollywood movies that were filmed in SLO County over the past 90 years. Upcoming films include: Nov. 23 The Monster of Piedras Blancas, Cayucos Vets Hall, Cayucos; Dec. 7 Little Giants, Fair Oaks Theatre, Arroyo Grande; Date TBA 10 Years Later, La Perla Del Mar, Pismo Beach; Jan. 11 Murder by Numbers, Bay Theatre, Morro Bay; Jan. 25 Of Mice and Men, Theatre TBA, SLO; Feb. 15 Ruby Gentry, Park Cinemas, Paso Robles. Times vary., See website for ticket prices. More info: 546-FILM (3456), info@slofilmfest.org, slofilmfest.org.

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Are the Holidays a Struggle?

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Stay focused on sobriety. Don’t be drawn into unhealthy party activities just because your friends are.

Leave a party if it becomes uncomfortable. Politely excuse yourself after you have fulfi lled your obligation.

The unpleasant “face” of alcohol and/or drugs usually shows itself later in the festivities. Always have your own ride home or another escape plan.

Organize: If your office is planning a party, volunteer to be the “organizer” or another position besides, bartender or the person who goes to the store to buy all the champagne!

Action: This is the MOST important thing when you want to stay clean and sober! Don’t just think you are not going to drink or use drugs. Take ACTION! When you get restless call a sober friend or go to a 12-step meeting. Meditate! Eat! Food can be a very effective way to stop craving for drugs or alcohol.

Respect other people’s right to celebrate. Remember; YOU are the one with the issue of addiction.

Control: You CAN NOT control other people’s actions! People change when they ingest alcohol and other mind altering chemicals and that’s not your problem. If you become uncomfortable, politely disengage yourself from the situation. The only thing you CAN CONTROL is your RESPONSE to situations, and it’s always better to “respond” to things as opposed to “reacting” to them!

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SLO LIBRARY INVITES YOU TO “WATCH A GREAT BOOK” A free film series at the San Luis Obispo Library will feature movies adapted from celebrated books. All screenings will take place Wed. evenings: Dec. 4 (An adaptation of) From Here to Eternity by James Jones, 5:30pm, San Luis Obispo Library, 995 Palm St., San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 781-1215, skinsey@slolibrary.org, slolibrary.org.

THE MET: LIVE IN HD SERIES This series features high-def. transmissions to the Cohan Center’s large screen from the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. Performances include: Puccini’s TOSCA, Dec. 1; Verdi’s FALSTAFF Jan. 12, 2014; Dvorák’s RUSALKA, Feb. 23; Borodin’s PRINCE IGOR, Mar. 2; Massenet’s WERTHER, Mar. 15; Puccini’s LA BOHÈME, Apr. 5; Mozart’s COSÌ FAN TUTTE, May 4; Rossini’s LA CENERENTOLA, May 10. Check website for times. 9:55am or 2pm, Christopher Cohan Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. $27; Students $12. More info: 756-4TIX (4849), lwoske@calpoly. edu, pacslo.org.

Music SLO FLUTE CIRCLE MEETING Learn and play native flutes Nov. 14 and Dec. 12. 6:30-9pm, Wesley Bldg., SLO Methodist Church, 1717 Fredericks St., San Luis Obispo., Free. More info: 489-2930, ccflutecircle@gratefulrain.com, central-

coastflutecircle.org.

CAL POLY STUDENT VOCAL RECITAL Cal Poly students perform solo Nov. 21 at 6pm, Cal Poly Davidson Music Center Room 218, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo . free. More info: 756-2406, music@calpoly.edu, music.calpoly.edu.

THE KINGSTON TRIO One of America’s most popular folk groups comes to Clark Center on Nov. 22. 8pm, The Clark Center, 487 Fair Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande. $40-$48. More info: 489-9444, jamie@clarkcenter.org, clarkcenter.org.

THE CUESTA COLLEGE JAZZ ORCHESTRA Join us for an exciting evening of big band jazz on Nov. 22!

7:30pm, Cultural and Performing Arts Center, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $7-$12. More info: 546-3936, bea_anderson@cuesta.edu, cuesta. edu/student/forstudents/performingarts/.

THE CHUMASH CASINO RESORT presents the Macho Gwapita Tour featuring Roci J. Puno and Ai Ai Delas Alas on Nov. 22 at 8 p.m., Chumash Casino Resort, 3400 East Highway 246, Santa Ynez., $35. More info: 1-800-CHUMASH, chumashcasino.com.

THE SANTA MARIA PHILHARMONIC SOCIETY presents the concert “The Beauty of the Baroque” featuring works by Bach and Vivaldi on Nov. 23 at 7:30 p.m., First United Methodist Church, 311 S. Broadway, Santa Maria. More info: 925-0412, lynne@santamariaphilharmonic.org, santamariaphilharmonic.org.

ROEM BAUR performs his original

MEAT AND COOKIES

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

PHOTO COURTESY OF KATE CAPELA

Maybe you don’t want a meat present soaked in blood for Christmas … but I know someone who does. And hey, it’s all about getting your loved ones what they really want, right? On Dec. 21 the staff at the Charles Paddock Zoo will give the animal residents gifts according to their tastes as part of “Holiday Magic at the Zoo,” recommended for ages 7 to 12. For times and more information, visit charlespaddockzoo.org or call 461-5080. blues/soul music on Nov. 23 at 7 p.m., Standing Sun Wines, 92 2nd Street, Buellton. More info: 904-8072, standingsunwines.com.

CUESTA MASTER CHORALE CONCERT The Cuesta Master Chorale begins its 30th Anniversary Season under the

musical direction of Thomas Davies with a complete performance of Handel’s most popular work, “Messiah,” on Nov. 23.

7:30pm, Cultural and Performing Arts Center, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $10-$20. More info: 546-3936, bea_anderson@cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu/

student/forstudents/performingarts/.

CAL POLY BANDFEST 2013 A tradition for more than 20 years will continue Nov. 23 at 8pm, Performing Arts Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo . $14 and $12 general, $12 and $9 seniors and students. More info: 805-756-4849,

music@calpoly.edu, music.calpoly.edu/ calendar.

ORGAN CONCERT BY ALAN BOEHMER French organ music concert Nov. 24. 3pm, St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church, 1344 Nipomo St., San Luis Obispo. $10. More info: 543-7212, ststephenslo@gmail.com.

CAL POLY SYMPHONY FALL CONCERT “The Planets” and “The Lark Ascending” with guest violinist Brynn Albanese will be Nov. 24 at 3pm, Performing Arts Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo . $14 and $12 general, $12 and $9 seniors and students. More info: 756-4849, music@calpoly.edu, music. calpoly.edu/calendar/.

SHOUTS OF GRACE SERVICE This non-denominational, charismatic church in the Five Cities holds its inspiring service on Nov. 24. 10am, Clark Center, 487 Fair Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande. Free. More info: 489-9444, jamie@clarkcenter.org, clarkcenter.org.

IAN FRANKLIN AND INFINITE FREQUENCY perform live original rock music on Nov. 29 at 7:30 p.m., D’Vine Wine Bar, 107 W. Ocean Ave., Lompoc. More info: 735-8771, winebardvine.com.

CAL POLY STUDENT PIANO RECITAL Dec. 3 at 7:30pm, Cal Poly Davidson Music Center Room 218, San Luis Obispo . Free. More info: 756-2406, music@calpoly.edu, music.calpoly.edu/ calendar.

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YOUR CAL FIRE FIREFIGHTERS WANT YOU AND YOUR HOME TO BE SAFE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON PLEASE REMEMBER:

FIREPLACE SAFETY TIPS

· Have your chimney or wood stove inspected and cleaned annually by a certified chimney specialist. · Clear the area around the hearth of debris, decorations and flammable materials. · Never use flammable liquids to start a fire. · Build small fires that burn completely and produce less smoke. · Never burn cardboard boxes, trash or debris in your fireplace or wood stove. · When building a fire, place logs at the rear of the fireplace on an adequate supporting grate. · Never leave a fire in the fireplace unattended. Extinguish the fire before going to bed or leaving the house. Soak hot ashes in water and place them in a metal container outside your home. · Stack firewood outdoors at least 30 feet away from your home. · Keep the roof clear of leaves, pine needles and other debris.

Remove branches hanging above the chimney, flues or vents.

Cover the chimney with a mesh screen spark arrester.

DETECTOR TIPS

· Every family should develop a home fire escape plan and practice it at least twice a year with the entire household. · Parents should hold a fire drill at night so they can assess their children’s and other family members’ ability to awake and respond appropriately. · Test your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors at least once a month. · Never disable your detectors, even if you experience “nuisance” alarms while cooking, and replace the batteries in your detectors annually. · Carbon monoxide detectors should also be placed near gas heaters and attached garages. · Install detectors on every level of your home, outside sleeping areas and inside bedrooms. · Clean your detectors at least twice a year, using a vacuum cleaner to remove cobwebs and dust that can degrade the unit’s sensitivity.

CAL FIRE - Proudly Serving the Communities of San Luis Obispo County For more information, visit us at: www.calfireslo.org and www.fire.ca.gov

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THE SANTA MARIA PUBLIC LIBRARY presents Craig Newton performing in the Altrusa theatre a “Holiday Song Fest” featuring sing alongs and interaction on Dec. 3 at 6:30 p.m., Santa Maria Public Library, 421 S. McClelland St., Santa Maria. More info: 925-0951, Ext. 320, dhildinger@ci.santa-maria.ca.us, ci.santa-maria.ca.us.

CAL POLY STUDENT INSTRUMENTAL RECITAL Dec. 5 at 11am, Cal Poly Davidson Music Center Room 218, San Luis Obispo . Free. More info: 756-2406, music@calpoly.edu, music.calpoly.edu/ calendar.

SANTA MARIA HIGH SCHOOL BANDS present a program featuring performances by the Santa Maria High School Jazz Ensemble and Jazz Comboes and the Santa Maria High School Concert Band on Dec. 5 at 6:30 p.m., Santa Maria High School’s Ethel Pope Auditorium, 901 S. Broadway, Santa Maria. $5. More info: 925-2567, Ext. 3321.

LEGENDS OF THE CELTIC HARP Music, stories, history, and humor, Dec. 6 at 7:30pm, Castoro Cellars, 1315 North Bethel Rd., Templeton. $20. More info: 440-9521, slofolksmusic@sbcglobal.net, slofolks.org.

THE LADY CROONERS Authentic, darn good music from this SF band on Dec. 6. 6-8pm, Last Stage West, 15050 Morro Rd., Atascadero, CA. More info: 461-1393, info@theladycrooners.com, facebook.com/theladycrooners.

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CAL POLY FALL JAZZ CONCERT University Jazz Band concerts Dec. 6 at 8pm, Spanos Theatre, Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo . $12 general, $9 seniors, students and Jazz Federation members.

More info: 756-4849, music@calpoly. edu, music.calpoly.edu.

NORTH COUNTY CHORUS WINTER CONCERT “Lifting Our Voices in Song to Veterans” is performed Dec. 8. 3pm, Atascadero Lake Pavilion, 9315 Pismo Ave., Atascadero. $12 general $10 student/senior 65+. More info: 5463936, bea_anderson@cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu/student/forstudents/performingarts/.

THE LOMPOC VALLEY MASTER CHORALE will present a La Purisima Founder’s Day Concert Event on Dec. 8 at 7 p.m., La Purisima Mission, 2295 La Purisima Road, Lompoc. $6. More info: 736-8005, hickanell@aol.com.

FOUNDING DAY 2013 LA PURISIMA MISSION Choral concert Dec. 8.

7pm, Founding Day 2013, 2295 Purisima Rd., Lompoc. $6. More info: 733-3713, parkLPMinfo@parks.ca.gov, lapurisimamission.org.

CUESTA WIND ENSEMBLE CONCERT This concert, conducted by Jennifer Martin, will be performed Dec. 11.

7:30pm, Cultural and Performing Arts Center, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $7-$12. More info: 546-3936, bea_anderson@cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu/ student/forstudents/performingarts/.

CUESTA JAZZ ENSEMBLE CONCERT This ensemble, conducted by Ron McCarley, will perform Dec. 13.

7:30pm, Cultural and Performing Arts Center, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $7-$12. More info: 546-3936, bea_anderson@cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu/ student/forstudents/performingarts/.

JAMES EDWARDS Classical guitar master James Edwards performs on Dec. 15. Contact Gallery for time, Steynberg Gallery, 1531 Monterey St., San Luis Obispo. Contact Gallery for cost. More info: 547-0278, sgallery@charter.net, steynberggallery.com.

CHAMBER MUSIC CONCERT This concert will be performed on Dec. 18 in the CPAC Experimental Theater. 7:30pm, CPAC Experimental Theater, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $7-$12.

More info: 546-3936, bea_anderson@ cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu/student/forstudents/performingarts/.

WORTH THE DRIVE WESTMONT COLLEGE presents several concerts including a recital by The String Chamber Ensemble on Nov. 15 at 7 p.m.

The Wind Chamber orchestra presents a concert on Nov. 17 at 7 p.m. John Enrico Douglas directs the Jazz Concert on Nov. 20 at 8 p.m. The Vocal Chamber Ensemble presents a recital on Nov. 24 at 7 p.m., Deane Chapel, Westmont College, Santa Barbara. More info: 565-6040, scraig@ westmont.edu, westmont.edu.

UCSB ARTS AND LECTURES presents indie singer-songwriter Andrew Bird in concert with opener The Handsome Family on Nov. 21 at 8 p.m., UCSB Campbell Hall, Santa Barbara. $25 to $40, $18 for

Nov. 24. 3pm, Trinity Lutheran Church, 940 Creston Rd., Paso Robles. $20. More info: 434-5538, grapevines@starband.net.

THE MESSIAH Annual holiday concert, The Messiah, Dec. 1 at 3pm, Trinity Lutheran Church, 940 Creston Rd., Paso Robles. $10-$35. More info: 328-3575, office@nwbaroque.org.

PINK MARTINI HOLIDAY SHOW The ultra hip Pink Martini celebrates the season with traditional favorites alongside gorgeous, lesser-known discoveries on Dec. 4. 7:30pm, Christopher Cohan Center, 1 Grand Ave., San Luis Obispo. $40-$85. More info: 756-4TIX (4849), lwoske@calpoly.edu, pacslo.org.

THE VOCAL ARTS ENSEMBLE PRESENTS PEACE ON EARTH Dec. 7 at 8pm, Mission San Luis Obispo, 751 Palm St., San Luis Obispo. $20-$40. More info: 541-6797, sarah@vocalarts.org, vocalarts.org.

THE VOCAL ARTS ENSEMBLE presents a holiday program, Dec. 8 at 3pm, United Methodist Church, 1515 Fredericks , San Luis Obispo. $10-$40. More info: 541-6797, sarah@vocalarts.org, vocalarts.org.

TRI CITY SOUND CHORUS is a chapter of Sweet Adelines International that invites all to the Friends and Family Christmas Concert Dec. 12 at 7 p.m., Lutheran Church of Our Savior, 4725 S. Bradley Road, Orcutt.

More info: 736-7572, tricitysound.org.

HARMONY HOLIDAY WITH THE PACIFIC HORIZON CHORUS An afternoon of holiday music, Dec. 14 from SEASONAL MUSIC 2-4pm, United Church of Christ (CongrePRESIDIO BRASS A dynamic perforgational), 1245 Los Osos Valley Rd., San mance by this brass troupe takes place students. More info: 893-3535, karna. hughes@sa.ucsb.edu, artsandlectures. ucsb.edu.

THE UCSB MULTICULTURAL CENTER presents a live concert by Las Cafeteras on Nov. 22 at 8 p.m., UCSB Multicultural Center, Santa Barbara. $15, $5 for students. More info: 893-2064.

THE SANTA BARBARA SYMPHONY presents “All Mozart with Matthias Bamert” on Nov. 23 at 8 p.m. and Nov 24 at 3 p.m., Granada Theatre, 1214 State St., Santa Barbara. $29 to $133.

More info: 898-9386, thesymphony.org.

SANTA BARBARA SYMPHONY presents an evening of Mozart with guest conductor Matthias Bamert on Nov. 23 from 8 to 10 p.m. and Nov. 24 from 3 to 5 p.m., The Granada Theatre, 1214 State St., Santa Barbara. $35 to $130.

More info: 898-9386, thesymphony.org.

CAL POLY presents Bandfest featuring more than 290 students performing live on Nov. 23 at 8 p.m., Christopher Cohan Center, Cal Poly, SLO. $12 to $14, $9 to $12 for senior citizens. More info: 7562406, mabba@calpoly.edu.

UCSB ARTS AND LECTURES presents the Pink Martini Holiday Show on Dec. 5 at 8 p.m., Arlington Theatre, 1317 State St., Santa Barbara. More info: 893-3535, karna.hughes@sa.ucsb.edu, artsandlectures.ucsb.edu.

Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 464-1282, owl93422@yahoo.com.

CUESTA CHOIRS HOLIDAY CONCERT Celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, and Solstice with Cuesta’s wonderful choirs on Dec 14 at Mission de Tolosa at 3pm and Dec. 15 at the Cuesta College CPAC at 8pm. Voce, Chamber Singers, and Concert Choir will enchant you with their power, their sensitivity, and their wide variety of music. Times vary, Cuesta College, Hwy. 1, San Luis Obispo. $7-$12. More info: 546-3936, bea_anderson@cuesta. edu, cuesta.edu/student/forstudents/ performingarts/.

6TH ANNUAL COMMUNITY CHRISTMAS AND HOLIDAY SINGALONG Sponsored by the Arroyo Grande Rotary Club, this event includes performances by various groups as well as audience sing-alongs of Christmas and Holiday songs on Dec. 15 at 4pm, Clark Center, 487 Fair Oaks Dr., Arroyo Grande. $6$12. More info: 489-9444, boxoffice@ clarkcenter.org, clarkcenter.org.

RIDERS IN THE SKY PRESENT CHRISTMAS THE COWBOY WAY Enjoy Christmas the Cowboy Way with America’s favorite cowboys: Riders In The Sky! This show, playing Dec. 20 at 7pm, includes original holiday songs as well as traditional classics all augmented with the classic, western favorites Riders have been singing for 30 years. 7pm, The Clark Center, 487 Fair Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande. $28-$45. More info: 489-9444,

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Give The Gift Of Music!

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INSTRUMENTS • ACCESSORIES • LESSONS BUY-SELL-TRADE • E-BAY DROP-OFF

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jamie@clarkcenter.org, clarkcenter.org.

THE SANTA MARIA PHILHARMONIC SOCIETY presents a string quartet playing holiday music on Dec. 21 from 6 to 8 p.m., Shepard Hall, Santa Maria Valley Public Library, 421 S. McClelland, Santa Maria..

Writers & Literature BIG SUR WRITING WORKSHOP focuses on children’s books aimed at kids of all ages Dec. 2 and 4 at 2pm, Henry Miller Library, Highway One, Big Sur., Free.. More info: (831) 667-2574, henrymiller.org.

SOUTH COUNTY POETRY Fourth Sundays at 5:30pm; next reading will be Nov. 24 , Rooster Creek, Branch at Short St., Arroyo Grande. Free. More info: 473-0230, evycole@inbox.com, evelyncole.com.

Art THE LOMPOC VALLEY ART ASSOCIATION presents the exhibit “Photography: A Moment in Time” by Nancy D. Hall showing through Nov. 24. Call for times, Cypress Gallery, 119 E. Cypress Ave., Lompoc. More info: 737-1129, vicaart@aol.com, lompocvalleyartassociation.com.

THE EL CAMINO ART ASSOCIA-

TION presents an artist demonstration

by Laurel Sherrie, landscape oil painter on Nov. 25 at 2 p.m., El Camino Art Association, 1200 E. Grand Ave., Arroyo Grande. Free. More info: 235-4244, elcaminoartssoc.com, elcaminoartassoc. com.

“A TIMELESS TRIBUTE TO HORSES” by artist Kimberly Lorance shows through Dec. 30. An opening reception is Nov. 17 from 4 to 6 p.m., The Good Life Craft Beer and Wine Cellar, 1672 Mission Drive, Solvang. More info: 688-7338, rrgomez@hwy246.net, thegoodlifecellar. com.

CRAFT SHOW AT GALLERY AT MARINA SQUARE Guest artists Central Coast Crafters, through Nov. 29. , Gallery at Marina Square, 601 Embarcadero, Suite 10, Morro Bay. More info: 772-3883, gallerymarinasq@gmail.com.

GALLERY AT MARINA SQUARE PRESENTS FEATURED ARTISTS: KAREN PETERSON AND CRAIG KINCAID Through Nov. 29. , Gallery at Marina Square, 601 Embarcadero, Suite 10, Morro Bay. More info: 7723883, gallerymarinasq@gmail.com, galleryatmarinasquare.com.

THE SANTA MARIA PUBLIC LIBRARY presents the works of the Town Center Gallery with the theme “An Artistic Creative Community” showing through Nov. Call for times, Santa Maria Public Library, Shepard Hall, 421 S. McClelland St., Santa Maria. More info: 925-0951, Ext. 832, svoss@cityofsantamaria.org, cityofsantamaria.org/3096-03.shtml.

THE JEWELRY AND SCULPTURE OF

PHOTO COURTESY OF LAUREN BANDARI

GIVING THANKS FOR HANUKKAH

This year Hanukkah coincides with Thanksgiving for the first and possibly the last time—at least, not for another 70,000-plus years! Celebrate with the Jewish Community Center of SLO’s annual “Menorah at the Mission” on Nov. 27 at 5 p.m. in Mission Plaza, followed by a community Hanukkah party at SLOMA. The menorah lighting continues all eight nights of Hanukkah, through Dec. 5. For more information call 426-5465 or visit jccslo.com.

HolidayGUIDE Guide 2013 HOLIDAY

JACK BIESEK The Gallery at the Network brings together a collection of jewelry and small sculptures by the late designer, sculptor, and artist, through Nov. 27 from 11am-6pm daily; Sundays 11am-5pm , Gallery at the Network, 778 Higuera St., San Luis Obispo. More info: 788-0886, dmhawthorne@yahoo.com.

ALLAN HANCOCK COLLEGE presents the exhibit “Brought to Life” featuring artwork inspired by the human figure showing through Dec. 8. Call for times, Ann Foxworthy Gallery, Allan Hancock College, 800 S. College, Santa Maria. More info: 922-6966, Ext. 3252, hancockcollege. edu.

THE ARTISTS GUILD OF SANTA YNEZ VALLEY presents the exhibit “Central Coast, Sunrise to Sunset” by Sharon Foster showing through Jan. 6. Call for times, Los Olivos Cafe, 2870 Grand Avenue, Los Olivos. More info: 6887338, rrgomez@hwy246.net.

STEVEN SMITH displays artistic works through Dec. 31. Opens daily at 6:30am, West End Espresso and Tea, 670 Higuera St., SLO. More info: 550-9976.

THE C GALLERY presents the exhibit “At it 30 Years” showing through Jan. 8. Call for times, The C Gallery, 466 Bell St., Los Alamos. More info: 344-3807, connie@ thecgallery.com, thecgallery.com.

AMERICAN NEEDLE ART This exhibit includes almost 200 pieces spanning a century of needlework, through Jan. 19, Tuesday-Friday from 1-5pm and SaturdaySunday from 1-4pm , Lompoc Museum, Centeno Gallery, 200 South H St., Lompoc.

More info: 736-3888, lompocmuseum@ gmail.com, lompocmuseum.org.

NICO VANDENHEUVEL This exhibit of paintings by Brushstrokes 2013 grand prize winner, Nico Vandenheuvel, runs Dec. 6, 2013-Feb. 2, 2014. 11 am5pm, closed Tuesday, San Luis Obispo Museum of Art, 1010 Broad St., San Luis Obispo. Free; donations accepted. More info: 543-8562, rsaliklis@sloma.org, sloma.org.

CRAFT ART MARKET This one-of-akind craft fair featuring unique handmade gifts by local artists and artisans is open daily from Nov. 20-Dec. 31. 11 am5pm, San Luis Obispo Museum of Art, 1010 Broad St., San Luis Obispo. Free.

More info: 543-8562, rsaliklis@sloma. org, sloma.org.

CLASSES AND WORKSHOPS CREATING HOLIDAY WREATHS Get a head start on the holiday season Nov. 9 from 1-3pm, San Luis Obispo Botanical Garden, 3450 Dairy Creek Rd., San Luis Obispo. $5 members; $10 non-members. More info: 541-1400 x304, education@slobg.org.

ARTISTS CATHERINE LEE NEIFING RETROSPECTIVE The artist will show paintings, drawings, and prints through Dec. 1 from 9am-6pm, TD Parker Salon and Gal-

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HOLIDAY SALE TWO Days FRI, Nov. 29th 0th only!SAT,.No.v. 3.

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ALL CLOTHING!

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Selected WETSUITS

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lery, 2078 Parker St., San Luis Obispo.

More info: 474-4531, neifing@gmail. com, catherinelee.com.

“HEALING WAX” ENCAUSTIC PAINTINGS BY FLO BARTELL on display through Feb. 13 , Taste, 2900 Broad St., San Luis Obispo. More info: 543-8562.

“ARTWORK FOR THE ANIMALS” FEATURING MARGIE BOWKER Artist Margie Bowker will show her work at the Santa Maria Country Club Tuesdays-Sundays from 10am-5pm through Dec. 20; the exhibit is open to non-members. The Santa Maria Valley Humane Society will receive a portion of the proceeds , Santa Maria Country Club, 505 W. Waller Ln., Santa Maria. More info: 937-2025, santamariacc.com.

QUIET MOMENTS Art by Virgina Mack and Kathy Woodruff through Dec. 31 , Olive Tree Fine Arts, 5850 Traffic Way, Atascadero. Free. More info: 440-4579, flyer@onemain.com.

OPENINGS AND RECEPTIONS EL CAMINO ART ASSOCIATION presents an artist reception featuring Joan Bogle on Nov. 29 from 5 to 7:30 p.m., El Camino Art Association, 1200 E. Grande Ave., Arroyo Grande. More info: 235-4244, elcaminoartassoc.com.

SANDI HELLER—COASTAL LANDSCAPES Pastel paintings featuring landscapes hang through Dec.

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30. 12-5pm, Stolo Family Winery, 3776 Santa Rosa Creek Rd., Cambria.

Free. More info: 924-3131, cstolo@ gmail.com, treviti.com.

DOUG HOWARD FINE ART PHOTOGRAPHY There will be a reception for photographer Doug Howard on Nov. 16 from 1-3pm. The exhibition will be featured Nov. through Jan. at the Library’s Martin Polin room. 1-3pm, Atascadero Library, 6850 Morro Rd., Atascadero. Free. More info: 461-6161, atasarts@gmail.com, atascaderoartassn.fix.net.

FEATURED ARTIST: GREGORY S. MCINTOSH Gregory S. McIntosh exhibition hangs Dec. 1-29. Opening reception Dec. 13 from 5-8pm. , Gallery at Marina Square, 601 Embarcadero Ste. 10, Morro Bay. More info: 7726578, greg@galleryatmarinasquare. com, galleryatmarinasquare.com.

GUEST ARTIST OPENING RECEPTION FOR THE SAN LUIS OBISPO CAMERA CLUB Exhibition from Dec. 1-29. Reception takes place Dec. 13. , Gallery at Marina Square, 601 Embarcadero Ste. 10, Morro Bay. More info: 772-1068, greg@galleryatmarinasquare. com, galleryatmarinasquare.com.

MUSEUMS TAPESTRIES ALIGHT ON THE CENTRAL COAST This juried exhibition by Tapestry Weavers West runs Nov. 22Dec. 29 11 am-5pm, closed Tuesday, San Luis Obispo Museum of Art, 1010 Broad St., San Luis Obispo. Free; donations accepted. More info: 543-8562,

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rsaliklis@sloma.org, sloma.org.

SLOMA TRIP TO DE YOUNG MUSEUM: DAVID HOCKNEY Join the San Luis Obispo Museum of Art on a day trip to see the works of David Hockney at the de Young Museum in San Francisco on Dec. 18. Contact for departure times, San Luis Obispo Museum of Art, 1010 Broad St., San Luis Obispo. $133 (general) or $118 (museum members).

More info: 543-8562, rsaliklis@sloma. org, sloma.org.

GALLERIES “LITTLE TREASURES” is a show comprised of local artists’ wares all priced under $100 for great holiday gifts. It’s on display through Jan. 2. Gallery hours are 10am-5pm, Art Central Gallery, 1329 Monterey St., San Luis Obispo. More info: artcentral1329@yahoo.com.

TOM WUDL EXHIBIT AT CUESTA Los Angeles artist Tom Wudl will display his work at the Cuesta College Fine Art Gallery from Nov. 15-Dec. 3. Opening reception is Nov. 15 from 4-7pm, with an artist’s talk at 5:30pm. Gallery hours are noon to 4pm, Monday-Friday, Cuesta College Fine Art Gallery, Room 7120, Cuesta College SLO Campus, Hwy 1, San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: dprochas@ cuesta.edu, cuesta.edu, or lalouver.com.

BITING THE APPLE This interpretive look at the Garden of Eden story runs through Dec. 1. noon-6pm Thurs. and Sun., noon-9pm Fri. and Sat., Studios

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Come Share the Old Fashioned Christmas Magic of the

Halcyon Store Open House Wednesday, Dec 4th 6pm - 8pm

Special Offer: Free Dessert with orders of $75 or More ��������������������������������������������� �������������������������������������������������

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Stay Healthy in Mind, Body, & Spirit Halcyon Store 805-489-2432 936 South Halcyon Rd. Halcyon

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Atrium, 1130 Pine St., Paso Robles. More info: 238-9800, sasha@studiosonthepark.org, studiosonthepark.org.

CAL POLY ARTIST ALUMNI EXHIBITION The work of Cal Poly alumni Grant Shaffer, Tommy Garcia, Laura Krifka, Erik Marinovich, and Heather Finnecy is featured through Dec. 6. Tue-Sat 11am4pm, CalPoly University Art Gallery, CalPoly Campus, Room 171, Dexter Building (34), next to Kennedy Library, San Luis Obispo.

More info: 756-6038, jvanklee@calpoly. edu, artgallery.calpoly.edu.

SMALL TREASURES This event, running through Dec. 8, features works limited in size to 8”x8”, signed on the back or bottom, creating an anonymous presentation. noon-6pm Thurs. and Sun., noon-9pm Fri. and Sat., The Showroom, 1130 Pine St., Paso Robles. More info: 238-9800, sasha@studiosonthepark. org, studiosonthepark.org.

JULIE GOODIN Exhibits through Dec. 5. , Seven Sisters Gallery, 601 Embarcadero, Suite 8, Morro Bay. Free. More info: 772-9955, sevensistersgallery7@ yahoo.com, sevensistersgalleryca.com.

WORTH THE DRIVE THE MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART presents “Call for Entries 2013: Julia Hickey, M. Helsenrott Hochhauser, Katy McCarthy, Marco Pinter, and Christopher Ulivo” and “Bloom Projects: Ro Snell, All that is Left” shows through Dec. 8. Call for times, Museum of Contemporary Art Santa

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Barbara, 653 Paseo Nuevo, Santa Barbara. Free..

UCSB MULTICULTURAL CENTER presents “Northern China: Cultures and Minorities on the Silk Road” showing through Dec. 13.

Call for times, UCSB MultiCultural Center, UCen Road, University Center Room 1504, Santa Barbara. More info: 893-8411, aracely.rodriguez@ sa.ucsb.edu.

THE SANTA BARBARA MUSEUM OF ART presents the exhibit “John Divola: As Far As I Could Get” showing through Jan. 12.

“Totally 80s: Gifts to the Permanent Collection” shows through Jan. 5. “Delacroix and the Matter of Finish” show through Jan. 26. Call for times, Santa Barbara Museum of Art, 1130 State St., Santa Barbara.

Free. More info: 963-4364, kcarl@ sbma.net, sbma.net.

THE UCSB ARTS, DESIGN, AND ARCHITECTURE MUSEUM presents four exhibits titled “Freedom Now!” featuring photography, “Year of Rebellion” featuring photography, “Art and Its Discontents” featuring works for the permanent collection, and “Ambiguous Histories: Selected Works from the Exit Art Portfolios” all showing through Dec. 13. Call for times, Art, Design & Architecture Museum, UCSB, Santa Barbara. Free for members. More info: 893-2191, george. foulsham@ia.ucsb.edu.

Strictly Nails & Boutique

Featuring:

- Liquid Glass Nails - Pedicures - Gel Nails - Shellac and Gelish Manicures that last 3 or more weeks without chipping or wearing off - Local Artisan Jewerly Boutique

Kid Stuff

DIARY OF A WIMPY ELF SLO Little Theatre Artistic director Kevin Harris brings his own special brand of wacky to the story that launched David Sedaris’ career as a humorist: his account of working as an elf in the Macy’s Santaland display. See Crumpet the elf in The Santaland Diaries Nov. 29 through Dec. 21, Fridays and Saturdays only at 9:15 p.m. at the SLOLT, 888 Morro St. Call 786-2440 or visit slolittletheatre.org for tickets and more information.

PUMPKIN TREATS Mix and sample a tasty no-bake pumpkin treat (no nuts), Nov. 23 at 11am and 1pm, The San Luis Obispo Children’s Museum, 1010 Nipomo St., San Luis Obispo. More info: 545-5874, info@slocm.org, slocm.org.

SEASONAL KID STUFF KIDS’ GARDEN GIFTS Create great garden gifts to give to friends and family!

Learn how to make lotion and bath salts for loved ones on Dec. 7. 1-3pm, SLO Botanical Garden-Children’s Garden, 3450 Dairy Creek Road, San Luis Obispo. $5 per family for non-members. More info: 541-1400, education@slobg. org , slobg.org.

NOON YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION AT THE CHILDREN’S MUSEUM Ring in the New Year well before bedtime at the 6th Annual Noon Year’s Eve

IMAGE COURTESY OF PATTY THAYER

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THE NCHS CATS WERE VERY GOOD THIS YEAR! PHOTO BY STEVE E. MILLER

Help make homeless cats’ holiday special The North County Humane Society cats are getting ready for the holidays!

They’ve made their wish list, and now it’s time for us to help them decorate their tree. Here’s how it works: We’ll buy in your name the item(s) you indicate on the wish list. And a tree with “bulbs” representing the gifts will be on display at the shelter.

The more gifts they receive, the more ornaments we’ll add.

Stop by the shelter to see your contribution.

1,500: Be a Super Guardian Angel. Support five specialneeds cats for the year.

Monthly Payments available. $ 1,000: Emergency medical fund. $ 500: Two large cat condos. $ 300: Dental work for a deserving cat. $ 250: 12 cases of canned food.

$

20 off %

for all new customers!

150: Spay/neuter program.

100: Vaccines for disease prevention. $ 75: Kits to test for FIV, FeLV and heartworm. $ 50: Large can of kitten milk replacement and bottles. $ 30: Medication for an ailing cat. $ 25: Honorarium in the name of a loved one. $ 10: Heating pads for the cats laundry detergent for the blankets, and toys, treats and feather wands. $ $

THANK YOU FOR YOUR GIFT! Make checks payable to North County Humane Society, 2300 Ramona Road, Atascadero, CA 93422. To donate by phone, call 805-466-5403.

Your contribution is fully tax deductible. All donations directly help shelter cats.

FULL NAME

102 E. Branch St. Suite E Arroyo Grande Village

805-489-1466

Located in the AG Village for the last 29 years

FULL ADDRESS

PHONE

EMAIL

WHICH GIFT(S)? (DOLLAR AMOUNT)

CARD NUMBER EXPIRATION DATE

VISA SIGNATURE

MASTERCARD

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Investments Retirement Accounts Financial Advice 805.543.4366 blakeslee-blakeslee.com

San Luis Obispo Paso Robles Santa Maria Locally owned & operated for over 30 years Member FINRA & SIPC

For the Service You Deserve & Advice You Trust

St. Patrick’s Catholic Church Regular Mass Schedule

Español Sábado: 7pm Domingo: 12:15pm Martes: 7:30am (capilla) Jueves: 6:30pm (capilla)

English Saturday: 5pm Sunday: 7:30am, 9am, 10:30am & 6pm Daily Mass in the Chapel: Mon., Wed., Thurs., & Fri.: 7am Tues. 5:30pm

Feast Days

Immaculate Conception (NOT a Holy Day of Obligation this year) Monday, Dec. 9 at 7am Our Lady of Guadalupe Thursday Dec. 12: 4am Mañanitas/5am Misa en Español 6:30pm Rosario y Misa en Español

Communal Reconciliation Service

Tuesday, December 17, at 7pm Regular confessions on Saturdays at 3:30pm in English y 5:30pm en Español.

Christmas Eve/Christmas Day Tuesday, Dec. 24 Christmas Eve:

Wednesday, Dec. 25 Christmas Day:

4pm Church (Cantor/piano) 4pm Hall (Cantor/piano) 6pm Church (Youth Band) 7:30pm Iglesia (Coro Hispano) 9:30pm Church (Adult Choir) 7:30am (Cantor/piano) 10:30am (Cantor/piano) 12:15pm Misa en Español (Coro Hispano)

New Year’s Eve/Day Tuesday, December 31 at

5:30pm: Mass (Chapel) 7pm: Misa de Vispera de Año Nuevo Wednesday, January 1 at 9am: Mary, Holy Mother of God 7pm: María, Madre de Dios (Español) January 4 & 5 – Epiphany of the Lord: regular weekend schedule CONTACT INFO • 805-489-2680 • 501 Fair Oaks Ave., Arroyo Grande CA

777 Higuera Street, San Luis Obispo HandsGallery.com 805-543-1921

❄

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Center, 1065 Guadalupe St., Guadalupe, CA. More info: 343-2455, admin@dunescenter.org.

Celebration! Come by on Dec. 31 at 11am to make noise makers. You won’t want to miss the big countdown and balloon drop at NOON SHARP! 11am, San Luis Obispo Children’s Museum, 1010 Nipomo St., San Luis Obispo. More info: 545-5874, info@ slocm.org, slocm.org.

Lectures & Learning SECRETS OF SEAWEED Come and enjoy an afternoon learning about the secret lives and uses of local seaweed species on Dec. 14. 1-3pm, SLO Botanical Garden, 3450 Dairy Creek Road, San Luis Obispo., $5 members; $10 non-members. More info: 541-1400 Ext.305, info@slobg.org, slobg.org.

The Outdoors TOUR THE PIEDRAS BLANCAS LIGHTHOUSE Dec. 1-31, tours are offered Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, excluding federal holidays.

Meet at the former Piedras Blancas Motel, located 1 1/1 miles north of light station at 9:45 a.m. Do not wait at the gate to the lighthouse. 10am tour, Piedras Blancas Lighthouse, San Simeon., $10 for adults, $5 for kids ages 6-17, and free for children under five. More info: 927-7361, PiedrasBlancasTours@gmail.com.

REINDEER RUN 5K RUN/WALK 5k run/walk benefiting the food bank, Dec. 7 at 8am, Mitchell Park, 1400 Osos St., San Luis Obispo. $30 in advance, $40 on race day. More info: 781-7300, dsetterlund@slocity. org.

TREES OF THE SEASON Donate a tree and join us to present, Dec. 6 from 6-9pm, Guadalupe-Nipomo Dunes

CLASSES

ROOM AT THE INN

PHOTO COURTESY OF SHIRLEY MCATEE

The Madonna Inn, renowned for its theme rooms and over-the-top aesthetic, really outdoes itself during the holiday season. Wear your sunglasses inside, don’t stare directly into the Christmas lights, and be sure to duck if a putto swings over your head! Enjoy the most festive of decorated dining rooms for Thanksgiving dinner on Nov. 28, special holiday dinners Dec. 24 and 25, and a New Year’s Eve celebration Dec. 31. Call 543-3000 or visit madonnainn.com for more information.

Cold Feet?

Cozy boots & slippers for the whole family!

AFRICAN DANCE CLASSES Wednesdays at 7:15pm, through Dec. 18 , Central Coast Afro Rhythm and Dance, 4484 Broad St., San Luis Obispo. $8. More info: 305-0172, info@highermovement.com.

ISRAELI FOLK DANCING No experience necessary; Sundays at 7pm through Nov. 24 , Congregation Beth David, 10180 Los Osos Valley Rd., San Luis Obispo. Free. More info: 545-5976, communications@CBDSLO.org.

Volunteers INVITATION TO SING in Handel’s Messiah, through Dec. 1 from 7-9pm, Trinity Lutheran Church, 940 Creston Rd., Paso Robles. More info: 238-3575,

office@nwbaroque.org.

FREE THANKSGIVING DAY DINNER Attend Nov. 28 OR volunteer to help. noon to 3pm, Colony Park Community Center, 5599 Traffic Way, Atascadero. Free. More info: 423-1776, eva20@att.net.

Holiday Leftovers THE BOOKWORM presents an open mic event Dec. 14 at 7 p.m., The Bookworm, 230 E. Betteravia Road, Suite K, Santa Maria. More info: 922-4282, quest@thebookwormcali.com, facebook.com/thebookwormcali.

2013 HOLIDAY OF LIGHTS Sponsored by the City of Grover Beach Parks, Recreation and Beautification Commission, and the Grover Beach Parks and Recreation Department. Show your spirit by decorating your home or business for the holidays! There will be awards for the best decorated businesses and homes. Preliminary judging takes place on Dec. 7 and 8 from 5:30-9pm. Final judging takes place on Dec 11 from 5:30-9pm, Grover Beach. More info: 473-4580, grover.org.

CHRISTMAS AT MADONNA INN Special dinners on Dec. 24 and 25.

Reservations required. See website for holiday dinner menu. Times vary., Madonna Inn, 100 Madonna Rd., San Luis Obispo. More info: 543-3000 , madonnainn.com/holidays.php. ∆

Mike’s Shoes Men’s & Women’s

(805) 547-9593 · SLO Promenade · San Luis Obispo Mon-Fri 10-6 · Sat 10-6 · Sun 12-5

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A ho-ho-whole

lot of cookies AN INSIDE LOOK AT HOW UNHEALTHY SANTA REALLY IS

He’s

the ultimate behavioral modification technique, morphing little gremlins in the supermarket into obedient poster children in fear that the Almighty Present Giver would leave them only with a lump of coal. He’s the reason millions of children sit up until the wee hours of Christmas morning, hoping to hear him thumping around on the roof or even the slightest jingle of a reindeer’s bells. He brings every baking expert joy with each bite of carefully crafted holiday desserts, leaving just enough on the plate to save room to give the next mini-Rachel Ray’s creations a try.

You guessed it. It’s old St. Nick, but he’s been on the verge of destruction from the belly of jelly on out. And he’s taking our kids with him.

A diabetic in denial, Santa Claus has been the role model for binge eating for years. He’s been teaching children that not only is it OK to fast for extremely long periods of time, but that an all-sugar diet is a healthy choice.

According to the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life’s report on Global Christianity, about 2 billion

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people in the world identify themselves as Christians. The United Nations Statistics Division identifies that the world population of children younger than 15 years old is roughly 30 percent, and the average fertility of women is 1.85 children.

That would mean Santa would have to visit 600 million children every year. If every household has two children, the number of households Santa would have to visit in one night is 300 million. (And that’s assuming Santa is a meanie-head who only visits kids of families that identify as Christian.)

Leaving Santa yummy offerings in exchange for a new Xbox sounds like a steal. Some kids in the UK leave mince pies, while some children in Sweden leave porridge, creating a wide range of possible snacks for Santa and his fourlegged friends. But for our purposes, Santa’s calories will be calculated in cookies.

If every household leaves two one-ounce chocolate chip cookies, roughly 140 calories each, and an eight-ounce glass of one percent milk, roughly 100 calories, Santa has the potential to ingest about 380 calories per household.

BY TALLY MEYERS

That’s 114 billion calories.

Even if Santa only eats half of one cookie and half of a glass of milk from every house, he’s still ingesting 36 billion calories in one night.

But some kids are much more festive than that. They want Santa to indulge in a little Christmas spirit with a snickerdoodle or a sugar cookie. A one-ounce snickerdoodle runs about 120 calories. With two of those bad boys and a dairy fix, Santa’s looking at 340 calories per household, a whopping 102 billion or 33 billion with the previous modifications.

A basic, one-ounce sugar cookie is the chocolate chip’s caloric equal, not including Santa’s favorite ingredient: the frosting. With a tablespoon of Pillsbury’s finest classic white frosting per cookie, Santa will pack on an extra 70 big ones, totaling at 156 billion if he downs it all, or 46.5 billion if he’s thinking lite.

Susan Swadener, dietetic internship director at Cal Poly,

SANTA

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says that this type of dessert overload doesn’t necessarily mean he has a problem.

“I wouldn’t worry with a one-night binge, but if he keeps restricting and then binging, he could get a binge eating disorder,” Swadener said.

In Santa’s defense, doesn’t he does burn off some of those pounds going from house to house?

“But his reindeer, they are the ones that do all the work,” you say.

Kris Kringle has to get to those cookies somehow.

Assistant Professor of Kinesiology at Cal Poly David Hey, Ph.D., CHES, suggests that the Big Man does burn some calories carrying a bag full of goodies to the chimney and back to the sleigh.

“Lifting 50 lbs. and carrying that weight 10 feet is tricky to calculate even for a 150-pound. person,” Hey said, realizing Santa probably weighs in about 300 pounds. “I do know that 15 minutes of vigorous lifting burns 100 Kcal.”

He calculates the caloric burn for lifting a 50-pound weight first using kilocalories (Kcals), a unit of measure

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used by nutritionists tracking the amount of energy it takes to raise the temperature (in Celsius) of one kilogram of water.

“For every rep of weight, depending on the intensity of the lift, you burn approximately three to five Kcals,” Hey said. “If you are then carrying it 10 feet, that adds some to the total Kcals burned. I would guess 10 to 12 Kcals.”

Burning a maximum of 12 calories per house by personally putting presents under children’s trees takes off 3.6 billion calories from his sweets.

Just how many calories ol’ St. Nick burns while he’s gliding through the sky will be calculated by his own Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), meaning how many calories he burns at a resting rate per day. Assuming Santa is a man of tall stature, he’ll be given a height of six feet, and will weigh in at around 300 pounds. Although the legend of the original Saint Nicholas dates back almost 1,500 years, for BMR purposes we will go from appearances and say he’s roughly 75 years old. This shaves another 2,339 calories.

So what is Santa’s average caloric intake for one night?

Well, if he’s having a fat year, Santa’s net calories would be 120.4 billion. If Mrs. Claus has anything to do with it, Santa’s net calories on Christmas night would be 34.4 million.

Long story short, the burden of responsibility for Santa’s weight rests on all of our shoulders. We need to be thinking about the consequences of the narrowing lifespan of this jolly ol’ fella. He gives us gifts, and we give him clogged arteries. So from now on, we either put out carrots or follow Swadener’s lead and “get him a membership at the gym.” If he really wants to make a change, Santa will take it upon himself to practice self-control.

“One piece of advice: Give the cookies to the reindeer,” Hey said. ∆ Intern Tally Meyers reminds Santa that celery is a negativecalorie food. Contact her via Managing Editor Ashley Schwellenbach at aschwellenbach@newtimesslo.com.

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