PRIVATE PRACTICE

ALCOHOL AND ANXIETY

Clear eyes, full heart, quitting booze

BY JEN MORRIS, MSW, RSW

It’s been four years since I’ve had a drink and I can say unequivocally that nothing that I have tried over the past 20 years to manage my anxiety has come close to sobriety.

As a therapist who specializes in anxiety, this has been an enlightening discovery. As someone who has struggled for years with chronic and often acute anxiety, it’s ironic that until I stopped drinking, alcohol was my main anxiety management plan.

If you had asked those who knew me over the last couple of decades, they would have told you I seemed to be doing just fine. I got married, had a family, went to university and stayed active.

I also drank about one bottle of wine a day. Sometimes more.

For most of my life alcohol had been both relieving my anxiety, and then doubling back and adding to it. The poison was the remedy, the remedy the poison. I see the same cycle happening in the lives of many of my clients; turning to alcohol to reduce anxiety in the short-term only to make it worse in the long run.

With such a clear upside to sobriety, I’ve wondered why more people don’t make the same choice. I figured that if people can recognize the barriers to choosing sobriety as a lifestyle, then they may be easier to tackle, and perhaps more people would consider it. This article addresses some the challenges I have personally faced.

IT’S JUST A PHASE. WAIT…ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?

In many ways, telling the world that I was sober felt a bit like coming out did 20 years ago. No one said, “awesome!” and left it at that. Some of my friends laughed and asked when I would come to my senses. Finding support was tough. The people in my life who I would typically rely on seemed to be either just waiting for me to drink again or convinced that I was an alcoholic. Telling people that you are sober is usually met with questions at best, condemnation at worst and always seems to be an invitation for commentary. Sobriety is rarely just accepted without judgement. For example, why do we think that everyone sober is a recovering alcoholic? This can be the case, and that is ok, but sobriety can also just be a good choice and not one that is subsequent to alcoholism. Also, why do people assume that sobriety is just a phase? I got a lot of that when I told people I was gay.

AA (ANXIETY AND ALCOHOL)

There is an undeniable link between anxiety and drinking. It’s no coincidence that many people who identify as an alcoholic remember how incredible that first drink made them feel. It’s not the just the alcohol that was magnificent though, it was also the break from their anxiety. I remember wishing that I could live my entire life three drinks in, that spot where I felt perfectly at ease without being drunk.

When you have anxiety, things like therapy, exercise, meditation and medication can all help, but finding the right combination takes guidance, time and patience - things that are often in short supply when you’re struggling. The ability to pro-actively manage anxiety also requires a level of privilege that many people don’t have. I have had that privilege and therefore, can’t speak for those who have not, but I suspect that choosing sobriety in the absence of such privilege would be far more difficult.

Alcohol was dealing with my anxiety for me. What I didn’t realize was that every time I drank, I missed the opportunity to find adaptive ways to cope. Meanwhile, the underlying issues were just lying in wait, growing bit by bit, making the alcohol more necessary as time passed.

INSIDIOUS

The fact that alcohol is repeatedly normalized and promoted everywhere can make sobriety a difficult and unappealing choice. Popular culture tells us that drinking goes with everything including family events, corporate functions, sports, relaxation and even parenting. Drinking is encouraged. What we don’t talk about is how it also leads to waking up to two little ones with a pounding headache and no energy and going to work four days a week feeling seedy. We skim over the less attractive parts.

It’s problematic that there only seems to be one acceptable reason to abstain from alcohol. That is, you are an alcoholic or a problem drinker. The reality is the way we consume alcohol right now is destructive, and you don’t have to be an alcoholic for it to have a negative influence on your life. It’s astonishing how we can ignore the staggering toll that alcohol takes on our health. A recent global report in The Lancet found that in 2016, alcohol was the leading risk factor for premature death and disease in men and women between the ages of 15 and 49 across the world. Other research found the economic cost of alcohol-related harm across Canada is $14.6 billion per year and that any amount of alcohol is hazardous to your health.

MAINSTREAM SOBRIETY

Sobriety needs stronger roots in mainstream culture. My hope is that what is now a niche conversation will continue to develop into a strong, supportive, diverse and inclusive sober community. My choice to live a sober life is not a response to drinking culture at all, nor is it oppositional. It is just another valid and healthy way of living your life. I am so thankful that I stuck with sobriety. There hasn’t been one day in four years that I have secretly wished my kids would just stay in bed a bit longer so I could sleep it off or rushed them to bed so I could spend some time with wine.

One day I’ll wake up and these days of parenting young children will be gone forever.

I hope that someday I can say the same about our culture’s adherence to promoting alcohol as self-care.

JEN MORRIS (RSW) received her MSW and BSW from Dalhousie University, as well as a BSc. from Saint Mary’s University with a concentration in psychology. Her private practice, Anxiety Anchor Counselling (anxietyanchor.com), specializes in therapy for anxiety. She is also the chair of NSCSW’s private practice committee.