2022 HORIZON, Number 1, Winter

Winter 2022 www.nrvc.net | Volume 47, Number 1

Young adult realities 2

UPDATES

3

Accompanying college students

By Sister Nicole Trahan, F.M.I.

7

Sexual diversity: an evolving understanding

By Sister Lynn M. Levo, C.S.J.

12 Emotional growth in emerging adulthood

By Father David Songy, O.F.M. Cap. 16 Latino young people, family, and vocation

By Sister Ana Cecilia Montalvo, F.Sp.S.

19 When a clear no is called for

By Father Raymond P. Carey 22 Mother-Daughter Days at St. Francis Convent

By Sister Jean Louise Schafer, O.S.F. 25 FEED YOUR SPIRIT Recognizing God’s abundance

By Brother Tim Smyth, C.F.C. 27 BOOK NOTES Books to read with discerners

By Sister Marcia Ziska, O.S.B.

VocationNetwork.org

Also be sure to checkout these NRVC resources STORYMAP Religious Life Today Interactive feature showcasing the results of the 2020 Study on Recent Vocations VIDEOS Abundant Hope Series of short videos featuring recent entrants to religious life WEBINARS Religious Life Today Six-part webinar series exploring the results of the 2020 Study on Recent Vocations

NRVC.net

Help yourself to the many resources available at NRVC's VISION

VocationNetwork.org

Specifically designed to assist you in your ministry • PRAYERS on vocation discernment • ARTICLES on prayer and discernment and all aspects of religious life • VIDEOS about religious life and religious communities • QUIZZES on Spirituality Type and Celibacy • VOCATION MATCH for discerners to focus their vocation options • EVENTS CALENDAR for publicizing events sponsored by your institute or featuring a member of your community • AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

Editor’s Note Editor Carol Schuck Scheiber Proofreaders Rosemary Arnold, Virginia Piecuch Design Consultant Patrice J. Tuohy © 2022, National Religious Vocation Conference COVER Alessandro Biascioli, iStock HORIZON is published quarterly by the National Religious Vocation Conference, 5416 South Cornell Avenue, Chicago, IL 60615-5664.

773-363-5454 | nrvc@nrvc.net | nrvc.net Facebook: Horizon vocation journal Twitter: @HORIZONvocation SUBSCRIPTIONS A complimentary subscription to HORIZON comes with NRVC annual membership. Additional subscriptions are $50 each for NRVC members; $125 each for non-members. Single copies are $25 each.

Subscribe online at nrvc.net/signup. Please direct subscription inquiries to Marge Argyelan at the NRVC office at 773-363-5454 or margyelan@nrvc.net.

POSTMASTER Send address changes to HORIZON, 5416 S. Cornell Ave., Chicago, IL 60615-5664. Periodicals postage paid at Chicago, IL. ISSN 1042-8461, Pub. # 744-850.

REPRINTS, ARCHIVES, ELECTRONIC EDITIONS Permission is granted to distribute no more than 50 copies of HORIZON articles for noncommercial use.

Please use the following credit line: Reprinted with permission from HORIZON, nrvc.net. For other types of reprints, please contact the editor at cscheiber@nrvc. net.

EDITORIAL INQUIRIES & ADVERTISING All editorial inquiries should be directed to the editor: Carol Schuck Scheiber, cscheiber@nrvc.net. For advertising rates and deadlines, see nrvc.net or contact the editor.

THE NATIONAL RELIGIOUS VOCATION CONFERENCE is a catalyst for vocation discernment and the full flourishing of religious life as sisters, brothers, and priests for the ongoing transformation of the world.

The generation we accompany

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FEW MONTHS AGO, I came across my high school yearbook. Aside from wishing I still had a few of the physical attributes I had then (but did not appreciate nearly enough), I was struck by the poignancy of our big class of 600 teenagers ready to take on life. Who were we? And have we each been true to our God-given gifts? It’s hard to say.

Just understanding ourselves at any given time can be difficult. In vocation ministry, we need to know not just ourselves but something of the people we work with. What new challenges are young people facing today? What is the young-adult context now?

The challenges are the same but different from our own moments of vocation decision. Even if you are one of the youngest in your congregation, you still came of age in a different time (and possibly culture) than the people you invite to join your community today.

That’s why HORIZON treats the question of young adulthood from so many angles. What do Latino young people currently experience in their families? What are the sexuality issues of youth today? How do contemporary college students process their vocational calling? In this edition we probe these questions and more.

I only know what became of a handful of my high-school classmates. The happiest scenarios are those where people figured out who they were and stayed (mostly) true to that. As Saint Francis said on his deathbed, “I have done what was mine to do; may Christ teach you what is yours.” That is wisdom for every generation.

—Carol Schuck Scheiber, editor, cscheiber@nrvc.net

HORIZON is an award-winning journal for vocation ministers and those who support a robust future for religious life. It is published quarterly by the National Religious Vocation Conference.

NATIONAL RELIGIOUS VOCATION CONFERENCE BOARD Sister Mindy Welding, I.H.M. Board chair Father Adam MacDonald, S.V.D. Vice chair Sister Belinda Monahan, O.S.B. Vice chair Sister Marichui Bringas, C.C.V.I. Ms. Nancy Costello Sister Jean Marie Fernandez, R.G.S.

Father Charles Johnson, O.P. Brother Brian Poulin, F.M.S. Sister Nicole Trahan, F.M.I. Mr. Len Uhal Sister Cheryl Wint, O.S.F. Sister Mary Yun, O.P. Sister Deborah Borneman, SS.C.M., Ex officio

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Updates

Sister Susan Kidd, C.N.D. and Craig Gould are presenters for the March 3 webinar, “Wellsprings of support for vocations.”

Three vocation webinars for 2022 On March 3, the National Religious Vocation Conference will continue its free webinar series entitled “Religious Life Today: Learn it! Love it! Live it!” The March session will address campus and young adult ministry and the connection to vocations. Register at nrvc.net to join the March session. For those who cannot attend the live webinar, registration ensures that after the event a link will be sent to an on-demand video of the session.

The webinar series is free of charge, thanks to the generous support of the GHR Foundation. Earlier webinar sessions may be accessed at youtube.com/NatRelVocationConf.

Wellsprings of support for vocations March 3, 2022. Campus and young adult ministers share vocation-related initiatives.

Addressing parental concerns: wisdom and advice April 21, 2022. Parents and newer members discuss the church vocation journey.

Call to religious life: new member stories June 2, 2022. Newer members share their lives.

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Summer Institute 2022 to be online The National Religious Vocation Conference is offering the following workshops online this summer. Registration will begin in February. See details at nrvc.net.

Orientation program for new vocation directors July 12-16 Ethical issues in vocation and formation ministry, July 18-19 Behavioral assessment 1 July 21-23, 2022 Learning to cooperate with grace through the inner work of transformation

July 25-26

VISION Vocation Guide 2023 underway The next edition of VISION Vocation Guide is now accepting ads from religious communities and others. The National Religious Vocation Conference is the publisher of this awardwinning annual publication and multi-media website. Data from the website users shows that most of them are single Catholics, with 70 percent under age 30. Roughly 360,000 people per year visit the website, vocationnetwork.org. Every year some 5,000 web visitors fill out a VISION profile form to seek information about religious life. Learn more by contacting the executive editor, Patrice Tuohy, pjtuohy@truequestweb.com, or 312-356-9900.

Updates

All photos courtesy of the Marianists

Sister Laura Leming, F.M.I., left, talks with a University of Dayton student during a retreat as other students converse in the background. The Marianists run three universities: in Ohio, Hawaii, and Texas.

Being present is key as college students grow in faith and make plans for their future.

Accompanying college students

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N 2008 I PROFESSED FIRST VOWS with the Daughters of Mary Immaculate (Marianists) and began a new ministry as the campus minister in a residence hall at the University of Dayton, a Marianist university in Ohio. I had spent most of my professional life as a teacher and campus minister in high schools. While I had some experience of working with college students, it was still a new world to me. No more would I have captive audiences in classrooms or mandatory retreats. There were suddenly more conversations about discernment, life path, career and commitments. And, of course, there were later nights and more competing obligations for students.

Although I left college campus ministry to return to high-school ministry, the experience was invaluable as I took on the role of vocations director for our province in 2013. Research has shown that many people who enter religious life first consider the possibility in high school or before.

Half of those who entered a community in 2020 had first considered religious life as a teen or child. Nevertheless, a choice for this life depends on a person’s experiences and relationships in college and beyond. I knew when I became vocations director that I would need the partnership of campus Trahan | Accompanying College Students

By Sister Nicole Trahan, F.M.I. Sister Nicole Trahan, F.M.I. is a member of the Daughters of Mary Immaculate (Marianists) and currently lives in Dayton, Ohio.

Trahan serves her congregation as a member of the provincial leadership team, vocations director, and director of the pre-novitiate program. She is also a part-time campus minister at Chaminade Julienne Catholic High School and on the board of the National Religious Vocation Conference.

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ministers and others who work on campus.

At a practical level, when I became a vocation minister, I already knew to hold events at times that didn’t conflict with the campus ministry calendar—and I knew not to duplicate efforts. More important, I realized that I should establish a good partnership with campus ministers because they have more direct access to college students than someone outside the university. Thankfully, I could rely on relationships I’d formed and would continue to form with the campus ministers at our three universities. This is especially true with the University of Dayton (UD), which is down the road from where I live with other Marianist sisters.

It is so rare for students Most of my outreach to to take time in silence to college students happens via collaboration with the camreflect and pray. And yet pus ministry staff and others they crave these things. at our Marianist universities or through events sponsored by various dioceses.

For several years now the Marianists have housed a vocations office on our three college campuses. Because I live in Dayton, most events I plan and attend happen at UD where I have my office.

I also travel regularly to our other campuses at St. Mary’s University in San Antonio and at Chaminade University in Hawaii.

Collaboration is key Because of our semi-permanent presence on campus, we Marianist vocation ministers are able to establish strong working relationships with partners and collaborators.

Our vocations committee has been especially helpful.

This committee has had many names over the years.

Currently, it is called the Marianist Accompaniment Team (MAT). MAT, which I chair, had 10 people during the 2020-21 academic year—two Marianist sisters, four Marianist brothers or priests, two laypeople from campus ministry, one layperson from the Office for Mission and Rector, and one layperson who directs the Marianist postgraduate volunteer program.

We meet once a month to plan programs, discuss outreach to students, update our list of students who are discerning religious life, and examine ways to increase our contact with students. These meetings are also an opportunity to discuss what is happening on campus that might benefit from the involvement of a vowed religious.

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We discuss how we could make that happen and who we might invite to be involved.

Another key relationship at UD has been with the university’s Vocations Implementation Team. Several years ago the university established new institutional learning goals, with one being vocational understanding.

The vocational goal, described briefly, is: “Using appropriate scholarly and communal resources, all undergraduates will develop and demonstrate ability to articulate reflectively the purposes of their life and proposed work through the language of vocation.”

To institutionalize this goal, a Vocations Implementation Team works at integrating the language of vocations into the curriculum and developing extracurricular programing. At least one member of the Marianist Accompaniment Team has also served on the implementation team to ensure a union of efforts and vision.

Programs that have worked I’ve explained the structures that our Marianist universities have put in place to ensure that the question of life vocation be part of each college student’s experience. Let me turn now to the many different programs we have tried at UD. Some worked for a time and fizzled out.

Others were experiments that did not last, and others have been long-lasting. Our most successful programs have been discernment evenings, live-in experiences, and discernment retreats.

By “successful” I mean that after several years of offering these opportunities, students continue to be interested. We send a feedback survey to students after each of these and have received positive feedback. We ask questions about what was helpful, what could be better, and whether or not they would attend in the future. Over 90 percent of respondents express a desire to attend a future event and offer suggestions for future topics.

DISCERNMENT EVENINGS

Twice a semester the vocations committee plans an evening of discernment open to undergraduate and graduate students at the university. These occur on a Friday evening and alternate between our sisters’ community and one of the communities of brothers and priests in the student neighborhood. We begin with introductions at 5:30 p.m., pray the evening prayer, and share a homecooked meal. After the meal, one or more people give input on the topic of the evening. Students then have 30-45 minutes of silent prayer/reflection with questions, quotes, or passages. Often during this quiet time the Trahan | Accompanying College Students

Blessed Sacrament is exposed in the community chapel for those who wish to pray before it. Afterward we have sharing in small groups or pairs. We hold a large group sharing and wrap up with announcements and a brief closing prayer at 9 p.m.

These evenings focus on topics such as prayer, discernment, messages from Pope Francis, or wisdom from the Marianist charism. Recent discernment evening themes have been titled: Meeting Jesus on the Way; Discernment Toolbox; Friendship, Faith, and Following Jesus; Discerning the Call to Love; Prayer in Everyday Life; Discerning in Times of Uncertainty; and St. Joseph as a Model of Discernment.

The evenings are advertised as sponsored by the Marianist Accompaniment Team, but we don’t explicitly relate them to religious life. We rarely focus on discerning religious life specifically. However, the students who attend these evenings are the ones we invite to live-in experiences, discernment retreats and other events more directly focused on religious life.

Attendance at our discernment evenings range from six to 30 students, depending on what else is happening that weekend and how attracted they are to the topic. Typically attendance is around 15 to 18 students.

When we’ve asked students for feedback, the thing they appreciate most is the quiet prayer time. It is so rare for students to take time in silence to reflect and pray. And yet they crave these things, even if they can’t articulate that desire. They also appreciate the opportunity to share a home-cooked meal with members of religious communities and the chance to meet with other students who share their questions, concerns, and values.

LIVE-IN EXPERIENCES

Twice a year students have an opportunity to spend a week living in a Marianist community near or on campus. Students who participate in a live-in experience join the community for prayer and meals as much as possible while also attending classes and mandatory on-campus meetings. We ask students who do a live-in to spend their free hours in community so that they can get a sense of it. Often students comment that they were able to find a peace and calm that they rarely find in the hectic pace of ordinary life.

We often begin these live-in weeks with prayer, dinner, and a short orientation to the week on Monday evening. We conclude on Friday with morning prayer and a prayer of sending forth. On the days in between we will offer opportunities for conversation on aspects of community living, the Marianist charism and discernment.

Trahan | Accompanying College Students

Father Varghese Manooparampil, S.M. speaks with a student during a discernment evening.

At most we’ve had three students doing a live-in at one time. Usually we have one or two. Sometimes we have students who do more than one live-in during their college career.

DISCERNMENT RETREAT

Once a year MAT sponsors a discernment retreat for students considering the possibility of Marianist religious life. Retreat topics have been focused on Marianist charism/spirituality, with times for input, prayer, sharing, and socializing. Retreats begin on Friday evening and end with lunch on Sunday.

One of the most successful aspects of our retreats has been the opportunity on Saturday afternoon or evening for one-on-one conversation with a vowed religious.

These “Emmaus Walk” opportunities give the discerning students a chance to ask questions, discuss their journey, get advice, or to listen to the discernment story of the religious with whom they are walking. The students set the agenda for the conversation.

Attendance at these retreats has always been rather small, with three to 10 students and typically towards the lower end of that spectrum. I have learned, though, in vocations ministry to always offer the opportunity to large numbers of people—planting seeds that may grow in ways I did not expect—while being focused on the small group that gathers.

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The value of presence While these programs are important, what seems more important is being present and building relationships.

One thing the Marianist Accompaniment Team reflects on constantly is the value of being where students are, in addition to inviting them to join us for events. Instead of trying to add one more thing to their overflowing plates, we try to be in places where their interests and ours overlap, such as: 1. Being on campus for social events hosted by campus ministry. A great example is the beginning of the fall semester ice cream social.

This is a low key way to meet new students and reconnect with students I know from our high school.

2. Attending guest speaker presentations. While we may not interact with students a great deal at these talks, which range in topic from social justice to religious studies, we try to make sure some Marianists are there and visible (e.g. wearing Marianist apparel). Some students make the connection that since we are there, we share common interests or concerns. And sometimes there are opportunities for formal and informal conversations.

3. Attending liturgical celebrations on campus.

Most residence hall chapels on campus have a 9 p.m. Mass once a week. There is also a mid-day daily Mass and several Masses on Sundays in the main chapel. In addition, the university hosts prayer services, reconciliation services, and other liturgical celebrations. When possible, at least a few of us attend these services and participate as needed in ministerial roles.

4. Serving as mentors for student groups or organizations sponsored by campus ministry or the Office for Mission and Rector. Since most of us do not minister on campus in an official capacity, we cannot serve as advisors. But we often serve as resource support, guest speakers, or mentors.

Opening doors Our presence at events and with student groups has made it easier to invite small groups of students over for prayer and meals on occasion. For years we hosted monthly women’s faith sharing student groups in our 6 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

home. Many of those students have since graduated, and we’ve shifted to having smaller groups of students join us twice or three times a month for prayer and dinner without a formal program. That seems to fit better into their busy lives.

We have also offered our home for student groups to host meetings or day retreats. We do not live in a large convent, but we have space in our home for small groups of students to have a quiet space for prayer, dialogue, presentations, and ice-breakers. At times one or two of us are involved, but often the gathering takes place without our participation. And while our home is large enough for these gatherings to be independent of us, it’s small enough that we interact during breaks and down times. The benefit is that students feel comfortable in our home and therefore are more likely to join us for prayer, community retreat days, or discernment evenings.

Lastly, our home is the site for some faith-based student organizations to complete service hours. Once or twice a year we host a yard work day. Students active in organizations through the Office for Mission and Rector come over to help with raking, weeding, and bagging yard waste. We work together for several hours and then share a meal together. In this way, students are able to fulfill part of their service requirement and get to know us in a casual situation. Many students have commented over the years how much they’ve enjoyed these days of work and community building.

I do not do it alone Because I wear a number of different hats, people often ask how I can do everything. The short answer is that I don’t. Collaboration has been essential. Collaboration means that not everything depends on me.

My gifts and skills are augmented by the gifts and skills of others. When I am tired and feel I cannot be more creative, collaborators step up with unbelievable creativity. My lack of time for events is filled in by the time generously offered by others. One could say that I serve more as a vocations coordinator than director.

I recognize that my experiences in vocations ministry may not be typical. However my hope is that something mentioned here can spark an idea that will help in another context. It takes the whole church working together to build a culture of vocations. Whether we minister on college campuses, in parishes, high schools, or in some other context, there is great satisfaction in helping young people be open to the possibilities of God’s call. n Trahan | Accompanying College Students

Photomix, Pixabay What does gender mean? How do we express sexual identity? These are just a few areas undergoing social change.

Sexual diversity: an evolving understanding

The public conversation about gender and sexual identity has only just begun.

What do religious communities need to understand?

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ODAY THERE IS much discussion about various aspects of sexuality, including the impact of sexual abuse and areas of diversity such as orientation and gender identity. These complex issues require a context as well as study and dialogue in order be able to accompany individuals in their ongoing psycho-sexual development. In a large part of the Western world, emerging adulthood presents a unique milieu in which many explore questions of attraction and sexual identity. Although this may be less likely for those in the developing world, young adults will face these questions in an international setting or as they have greater access to social media. It is important to realize that for all emerging adults this aspect of their development is complex, multidimensional, and uniquely personal.

Sexuality needs to be understood and explored within a broader fundamental understanding, seeing it as integral to being human, and recognizing it as centered in relationship and presence. Vocation and formation personnel—as well as community leaders—need to understand these fundamentals and grasp the emerging understanding of sexual diversity.

A broader understanding of sexuality will assist religious as they relate to current and new members, employees of sponsored ministries, and those with whom they minister, especially in their sponsored institutions.

Being human, our first vocation Central to Jesus’ life was his humanity and his continuous search for how best to live as an authentic human being before a loving God. He lived a relational life, both personal and ministerial. He loved and was loved.

Levo | Sexual Diversity

By Sister Lynn M. Levo, C.S.J. Sister Lynn M. Levo, C.S.J., is a Sister of St. Joseph of Carondelet, and a licensed psychologist, lecturer, and consultant. She has presented workshops nationally and internationally on sexuality, celibacy, relationships, intimacy, and mutuality in community. She holds a Ph.D. from the University of New York at Albany, completing her clinical training at The University of Kansas School of Medicine.

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The Creative Exchange, Unsplash

Bathroom signs reflect changing notions of gender-related behavior.

He had intimate friends and was committed to helping people become whole and holy. We, his companions, are called to nothing less. Pope Francis calls us to become fully human, to let God bring us beyond ourselves in order to attain the fullest truth of our being (Evangelii gaudium, The Joy of the Gospel, #8).

Fundamental to being human is our ability to love and be loved, to discover and give our gifts in service, and to be in relationship with a loving God. In this context we begin to answer the following adult human needs and questions about identity, achievement, intimacy, and generativity. Who am I called to be? How will I make a difference? With whom can I be mutually revealing?

How am I called to give life throughout my life? These fundamental adult human needs must be addressed in every life choice, including a choice to live a celibate life in community, regardless of orientation and gender identity.

What does it mean to be sexual?

The origin of the word sexuality goes to the heart of the matter. Coming from the Latin (sexus/secare) which means to cut or divide, it suggests that as individuals we are incomplete and we seek wholeness in relationships, through and beyond difference or divisions.

Fundamentally, sexuality is the energy that moves us to relate with others, a fundamental grounding of our capacity to love. What if we understood that our sexual energy expresses God’s intention that we find our authentic humanness not in isolation but in connection? And, this applies to all: gay and straight, genitally active and celibate, men and women, aged and young, able-bodied and disabled. (See the work of James B. Nelson.)

When we embrace sexuality as God’s energy, we are invited to grow into communion and wholeness in and through relationship. Our evolving understanding chal8 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

lenges us to reject a limited understanding of sexuality rooted in genital expression and embrace the more demanding and enlivening understanding that sexual integration is centered in the quality of presence to oneself and others that channels the energy of sexuality toward personal and communal wholeness.

Sexual energy is both personal and social. It is, as described by Father Ron Rolheiser, O.M.I., “the pulse to celebrate, to give and receive delight and culminates in our desire to be co-creators with God, co-responsible with God for the planet … it is about giving oneself over to community, friendship, family, service, creativity, humor, delight, and even martyrdom.” This is God’s energy given to us to help bring life in the world.

An emerging understanding of sexuality that we face today may challenge what we were taught about what it means to be human and to be sexual. We are now invited, especially through younger potential members, to see what we behold, to see and understand what is right in front of us, to see with new eyes the diversity of attraction, identity, and expression that exists, including in religious life. We have an opportunity to understand and be respectful and compassionate toward difference and diversity, something with which God seems to be more comfortable than us, if God-given diversity is any indication.

In recent years, we have been learning that God and the cosmos are about two dynamics: differentiation and communion. In God’s great wisdom, all persons and things are to become their true selves. We are called to live into the fullness of our humanity and our unique identity. Communion challenges us to be one with others, without losing our individuality. Jesus’ desire that all may be one is an invitation not to wipe out differences but to respect, embrace, and learn from difference.

Language is personally understood As I accompany candidates and newer members, many have explored what it means to be sexual and have adopted specific language to speak about themselves, to identify themselves. Others are in the process of selfdiscovery while discerning their call to religious life.

The following terms are ones I have encountered when speaking with discerners. This list is neither comprehensive nor fixed in stone. I recommend that you trust the person who is using a particular self-descriptor and their understanding. Do not assume you know what a person means (e.g., “I am asexual”). A simple clear request, “Help me understand what you mean when you Levo | Sexual Diversity

LEARN MORE This 2013 survey of LGBTQ Americans explores questions of say…” is both respectful and helpful to cess of understanding and exploring identity and self-understanding. you and the person you are trying to their sexual orientation or gender get to know. identity. They are often seeking inforpewresearch.org/socialLGBTQ+ is an acronym that mation (e.g., How do I know what my trends/2013/06/13/a-survey-ofgroups lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgenorientation is?) and support during lgbt-americans/ der and queer/questioning individuals this stage of their sexual development. into one group and is one way they Intersex refers to variety of condiexpress their sexual and gender freedom. tions that lead to atypical development of physical sex Sexual orientation is about relating to others and characteristics. These conditions can involve abnormalirefers to attraction to another emotionally, physically ties of the external genitals, internal reproductive organs, and/or romantically. This includes: lesbian (females) and sex chromosomes or sex related hormones. Some advogay (males), the terms often preferred by homosexually cates prefer using the term disorders of sexual developoriented persons who are attracted to some members ment. of their own sex, bisexual persons who have emotional, Pansexual refers to a person who is emotionally, physiromantic, or sexual/erotic attractions to both men and cally and/or romantically attracted to some people, regardwomen, and heterosexual persons who are attracted to less of the person’s gender identity or biological sex. some members of another gender. Asexuality is the lack It is significant to remember that persons exploring of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest religious life come from diverse backgrounds and exin or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered a periences with regard to sexuality. Familiarity with this sexual orientation. terminology will be important in order to accompany Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of emerging adults who are exploring their sexuality and being male, female, or something else. Gender expresa vocation to religious life. To ignore the diversity is to sion refers to the way a person communicates gender ignore reality. identity to others through behavior, clothing, hairstyles, voice, body characteristics, or use of preferred pronouns.

Evolving notion of sexual orientation Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression, or behavior does Sexual orientation is about relating to others and innot conform to that typically associated with the sex cludes diverse attraction patterns. Orientation is integral to which they were assigned at birth. Many identities to a person’s sense of identity, related behaviors, and are under this umbrella term. Cisgender is a term used membership in a community of others who share these when someone’s gender identity/expression matches the attractions. Research over several decades has demongender they were assigned at birth. strated that sexual orientation ranges along a continuum Gender dysphoria is the feeling of discomfort or from exclusive attraction to the other sex to exclusive distress that might occur in someone whose gender attraction to the same sex. Since the mid-1970s, psyidentity differs from their gender assigned at birth. chologists have taken the lead in removing the stigma Not everyone is affected. Gender non-conforming of mental illness long associated with lesbian, gay, and describes someone who does not adhere to what they bisexual orientations. believe are societal pressures to conform to gender Sexual orientation is distinct from other components norms and rules. Non-binary gender identity is a of sex and gender, including biological sex (the anatomiterm used to describe individuals who may experience cal, psychological, and genetic characteristics associated a gender identity that is neither exclusively woman or with being male or female), gender (the psychological man or is in between or beyond both genders. Nonbisense of being male or female), and social gender roles nary individuals may identify as genderfluid, agender (the cultural norms that define feminine and masculine). (without gender), or genderqueer.

Sexual orientation is closely tied to the intimate personal Queer serves as an umbrella term that encompasses relationships that meet deeply felt needs for love, attachmany people as it intersects with sexual orientation and ment, and intimacy. These needs are not addressed withgender identity. It includes anyone who does not associout a significant opportunity to be in relationship. ate with heteronormativity as they have a non-binary or No consensus exists among scientists about the gender expansive identity. reasons an individual develops a particular orientation.

Questioning describes a person who is in the proMany believe that nature and nurture both play complex

Levo | Sexual Diversity

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roles, with most persons discovering, not choosing, their sexual orientation.

To whom am I attracted and who do I tell?

Every person, regardless of orientation, wants to know themselves and not be invisible to others. Questioning “how do I know my orientation?” is both important and necessary prior to making any relational life commitment. This can be a significant question in the early stages of discernment for men and women.

For those seeking to know their orientation, the interior journey might begin with the help of a trusted person. Answering questions in these areas helps a person to discover his or her orientation: •

Thoughts, including fantasies. Who do I notice, think about or find in my fantasies?

•

Emotions. What feelings am I aware of when I think about or am with others?

•

Behaviors. Who do I seek out for conversation, make time for and enjoy being with?

Interpreting what is noticed and identifying any obstacles to an honest naming of one’s orientation are important for self-knowledge. Vocation directors or formators may not be the best person with whom discerners need to do this work. Having a list of persons to whom you can refer those working out identity issues is particularly important for accompanying adolescents 10 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

and emerging adults. This interior work is not optional because it is integral to discovering a vital aspect of one’s true identity—to whom am I attracted?

Because we are relational beings, a second step of revealing a significant part of who I am is also critical so a person does not remain invisible and is able to experience intimacy. Fundamental to being human is the desire to know others and be known for who we really are. The ability to share this part of oneself with significant family, friends, and community members is part of addressing intimacy. For some being totally “out,” sharing one’s orientation openly, is part of the journey to authenticity.

This is not true for all.

Gender and identity Today, beliefs about gender are shifting rapidly and radically. We are surrounded by evolving notions of what it means to be woman or man and by an explosion of new terminology. We need to take into account the possibilities and limits that gender can place on women and men. For many, it can be hard, frustrating, confusing, and lonely to try to fit into the world and into expected roles. Still others are thriving as they break down gender barriers. Gender is bigger than gender identity and is shaping individual lives in every part of the world.

Gender identity refers to how one defines, understands, and experiences his or her gender. Some may not identify with the particular gender they were assigned at birth (transgender). For example, a transgender female Levo | Sexual Diversity

was assigned male at birth, most likely based on having a male body, and now she identifies as female. Established by some as early as age five, each person identifies who they are as a gendered being. For some children, identifying with another gender may be temporary as they often take on roles regardless of which gender usually takes on that role. A trans male or trans female often will choose to have their outward behavior (clothing, hair, name, use of pronouns) express their gender identity.

Causes of gender identity are unknown and are likely biological and social, with no known links to trauma at this time. Despite shifts in attitudes and some policies, sexual minorities still face high rates of discrimination, harassment, violence, unjust treatment, and suicide.

We are challenged to support an environment that reflects biological and social diversity in gender roles, orientation, and identity and that does not discriminate against or bully persons when their interests, abilities, and expressions are different from social expectations.

The Bible, our church, and diversity There are no clear definitive statements in the Bible about orientation or gender identity. Scripture scholars do not agree that certain passages point to or condemn same-sex relating. Biblical scholars, for the most part, do not believe that the Bible is a single, timeless, internally consistent teaching on matters of morality, dictated by God. We are called to look at Scripture in the light of Jesus’ teaching: a call for justice, respect, and equity, and a critique of domination in all forms. Jesus is about union with God, others, and with what is.

The church’s teaching on homosexuality (Catechism of the Catholic Church #2357-2359) affirms the dignity of all persons and confirms that a significant number of people are homosexually oriented and deserve respect and just treatment. Because this teaching is based on an understanding of the natural law and the complementarity of the sexes, the church does not support same-sex unions. There is no official teaching about gender identity at this time. In both of these areas, Pope Francis’ approach is consistently pastoral and complex as he calls for accompaniment, not judgment, and a theology of acceptance and dialogue.

Psychological and theological diversity For the most part, psychology accepts that diversity exists both in gender identity and orientation and challenges us not to ignore the experiences of many who Levo | Sexual Diversity

are trying to live authentically and who are faithfully covenanted. Some theologians today urge the church to read scripture within a complex conversation that includes the voices of tradition alongside the witness offered in the contemporary world by human experience and reason. They argue that the church should not be deaf to the voice of the living God and fail to ask what God might be up to in the sexual experience of actual humans and in the study of sexuality and gender offered by philosophy, anthropology, psychology, and biology.

(See writing on this topic by New Testament scholar Luke Timothy Johnson).

Accepting diversity in no way encourages or condones promiscuous, coercive, abusive, non-reciprocal, and/or violent behavior. Rather it calls for sexual ethics based on norms of justice which govern all human relationships and are derived in part from the concrete reality of persons. Freedom, wholeness, intimacy, and pleasure are values to be affirmed in all relationships marked by mutuality, equality, some form of commitment, and fruitfulness both within and beyond the relationship.

(Sister Margaret Farley, R.S.M. has written on this topic.)

This understanding is much more demanding than focusing on particular actions and seems to be much more in keeping with Jesus’ message of being on a life-long journey toward a loving and merciful God, a journey that includes an ever-increasing capacity of becoming one’s true self and loving one another. Who are we to deny this opportunity to anyone?

Diversity as God’s invitation Accompaniment requires being present, listening, learning, and hearing in non-judgmental ways. Diversity is about a rich mix of differences. It encompasses many dimensions that make a person unique: ethnicity, race, age, personal style, gender and gender identity, beliefs, sexual orientation, and more. Diversity invites us to embrace the psychological, physical, and social differences that occur among all individuals. In the face of diversity, Jesus calls us to inclusion so each person feels valued and connected and experiences a sense of belonging. People thrive in an environment where their inherent worth is recognized, where they can be safe and can express their authentic selves. Supporting equity guarantees fairness, access, and opportunity and promotes an impartial justice. When we continue to open ourselves to learn about sexual diversity and the call to inclusion and equity, we join Pope Francis’ call in Fratelli tutti (All Brothers) to embrace Jesus’ fundamental desire that all may be one. n Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 11

Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash

What’s happening psychologically to people in their 20s and 30s? And how do those concerns affect vocation discernment?

As young adults move through their 20s, they sort out their identity, relationships, career, vocation, and more.

By Father David Songy, O.F.M.Cap. Father David Songy, O.F.M.Cap. is president of St. Luke Institute of Silver Spring, Maryland. He holds a doctorate in psychology and has extensive experience working with clergy and religious, including integrated psychological and spiritual treatment, multicultural candidate assessments, and initial and ongoing formation. He has given workshops on a range of psychological issues, including a workshop for NRVC on behavioral addictions.

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Emotional growth in emerging adulthood

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OON AFTER THE INITIAL CONTACT with a 20-something vocation prospect, a vocation director might discover that this is not the candidate’s “first stop.” In fact, the person may have contacted several other dioceses or communities and even engaged in a period of formation elsewhere before concluding that those were not the right fit.

Also unsettling, though not uncommon, is learning that a prospect has a lengthy history of sexual relationships, as well as inconsistent educational and career choices. The level of apparent immaturity in many candidates can seem an odd contrast to their outward vocational enthusiasm.

How does a vocation director help a prospect grappling with typical young adult developmental issues to engage fully in a process of vocation discernment? And what are the normal adult development issues for people in young adulthood?

Perhaps a caveat is in order here. When speaking about “normal” adult development issues, it is impossible to discuss adequately the variety of cultural differences in developmental norms. It is important for a vocation Songy | Emotional Growth

director to consult someone knowledgeable about the patterns of development within a specific culture. While the research underlying the work of the authors I will reference was conducted with a broad population base in the U.S., to generalize this information to all candidates would not be wise.

In emerging adulthood identity development moves from a selfcentered focus to a broader understanding of self in relation to others.

Emerging adulthood Contemporary psychologists now refer to ages 18-25 as emerging adulthood. In some cultures, and until recently in the United States, adult status normally was achieved in one’s early 20s. In the U.S. “adult” generally means a person has an established career, has made a clear vocational choice (such as marriage, priesthood, or religious life), has gained financial stability (owning or leasing a home and paying for one’s own expenses), and has formed a mature self-identity.

However, a distinct period of emerging adulthood is now more evident. This is due in part to a tendency by today’s parents to provide emotional and financial support for their children throughout college and beyond.

Young adults are no longer as financially and socially accountable in their 20s as they used to be and can spend money, study, and opt to engage in a variety of relationships or career paths without facing the consequences of a full-status adult.

Jeffrey J. Arnett describes five features of this newly identified developmental period in Emerging Adulthood: A Theory of Development from the Late Teens through the Twenties: identity exploration, instability (frequent moves), self-focus, feeling in between (neither adolescent nor adult), and optimism.

Insights by Arnett and others into developmental issues of the emerging adult are important for a vocation director to consider. Young people are exploring their identity, engaging in relationships, making (or not making) commitments, and pursuing vocations in a manner more reflective of current worldly norms than principles of Christian discernment. Helping prospects respond to a vocational calling during this stage requires an ability to augment the lessons of society with wisdom regarding the nature of mature Christian development.

Identity exploration In emerging adulthood identity development moves from a self-centered focus to a broader understandSongy | Emotional Growth

ing of self in relation to others. People mature in self-understanding, selfdiscipline, and the desire to live a purposeful life. They come to know and understand themselves through greater self-reflection, recognizing particular traits and personal qualities, patterns of thought and emotion, values, interests, and dreams. They are no longer blind to weaknesses, sinful inclinations, limitations, and sources of frustration. The mature person owns a particular perspective and is also able to accept that there are other valid points of view.

A person with a mature identity reaches beyond selfunderstanding to self-discipline, and strives to behave in a manner consistent with self-understanding. If, for example, I value prayer, then I pray. If I see myself as a man of communion, I endeavor to live in communion with others. Many people in emerging adulthood struggle with the fact that they desire to be a certain way but are not; vocation directors often hear the frustrated assertion, “But this is what I want to be!”

Emerging adults can be overly self-focused.

W. Andrew Collins and Manfred van Dulmen, in “Friendships and Romance in Emerging Adulthood: Assessing Distinctiveness in Close Relationships,” suggest that the following thought may not be uncommon: “Given the kind of person I am, what kinds of persons do I wish to affiliate with?” Some vocational prospects can be highly critical of an order or seminary for not conforming to their own vision of what religious life or priesthood should be like.

The process of identity exploration is not easy. Many young people experience this period as a time of instability. Years ago, a four-year college degree was such a time of exploration. The date of a future profession of vows or ordination could be planned with confidence.

Today vocation directors are seeing individuals who have completed a year or two in a couple of different colleges and majored in several subjects. Many in this generation need assistance in career development.

Emerging adulthood is also an age of feeling “in-between.” Unlike rebellious teenagers, this group begins to appreciate their parents’ sacrifice and experience them as individuals with their own identity. However, some also still are relying heavily on them for financial support.

Finally, a mature identity includes a purpose or intentionality in living. A person is not merely an individual but a person living among others, who constructs life plans and formulates dreams.

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 13

Photo by Pexels

Emerging adults are figuring out who they are. The vocation director has a unique opportunity to help them achieve a mature identity that emphasizes a personal, relational quality.

In speaking with emerging adults about their future, vocation directors need to ask prospects to articulate an identity. They might ask questions such as, “What is important to you as a person? Why? What is it about you that suggests you fit in this particular vocation?” Applicants need to able to articulate how their behaviors are consistent with their values.

Relationships and sexuality Intimate relationships during emerging adulthood still somewhat resemble the more emotionally driven relationships of adolescence, but as they mature, young adults exhibit an increasing ability to care for the good of the other. Emerging adults begin to integrate relationships according to the various aspects of their life, and they enjoy more diverse relationships. This has 14 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

both positive and negative consequences. For example emerging adults often prefer transitory relationships.

Since there is no rush to marry, they engage in romantic friendships with a variety of partners.

Many want to obtain a broad range of experiences before committing to a particular choice. From a purely physiological perspective, this partly is due to the high salience of sexual experiences with different people.

From a developmental perspective, it is attributed to societal pressure to begin dating at an early age while committing to marriage only at a later age. Unfortunately, many young adults engage in irresponsible sexual behavior.

On the positive side, emerging adults learn to relate maturely with a variety of people, and, unlike teenagers, who may act one way with parents and quite differently with peers, they show a consistent self to others.

Some emerging adults begin to explore sexual orientation more openly and often choose this time to “come out” to family and friends. Because it may be difficult to know whether the person really identifies with a particular orientation as a result of mature identity achievement, it is important that a vocation director be sensitive when discussing such issues. Relationships may be transitory.

A person may be growing in self-understanding.

Discussing a relationship history is essential for vocation directors. This includes exploring a person’s understanding of the nature of interpersonal relationships and whether he or she is open to a vocation that will involve a variety of relationships lived in the context of the kingdom of God. A person who cannot maturely relate to others ought not pursue religious life.

Ongoing identity development While a permanent vocational choice seems the ideal in many ways, in a society that permits changes in “permanent” commitments, those responsible for vocational discernment need to recognize the importance of deepening a person’s original calling over time and after perpetual promises have been made.

In their article, “Identity Development in the Late Twenties: A Never Ending Story,” Carlsson, Wängqvist, and Frisén suggest that “a coherent sense of identity is created through the construction of a life story that connects individuals’ memories of past experiences with their present and with their imagined future in meaningful ways.” In other words, identity development is ongoing and continues after one becomes an adult and makes a vocational commitment. The researchers propose that Songy | Emotional Growth

an openness to changing life conditions, engaging in meaning making, and developing a personal life direction help an achieved identity continue to mature.

Carlsson, Wängqvist, and Frisén contrast identity diffusion with identity achievement and suggest ways to ensure mature, ongoing identity development. People who have a weak vocational commitment and engage in little exploration of their identity experience identity diffusion. Those who have a strong commitment, based on active exploration of their identity, experience identity achievement.

There are two other variations of these dynamics.

Those who have a strong commitment but have done little exploration of their identity experience foreclosure. An example is a person who quickly opts to join a religious community without exploring whether it is a true fit. Finally, moratorium refers to someone who has a weak commitment but active exploration of his or her identity. Identity moratorium can be seen in the person who discusses a possible vocation with a variety of communities without committing to one.

The vocation director needs to ascertain a prospect’s experience of identity development, keeping in mind that initial formation is a process of identity achievement within a particular vocation and that ongoing identity achievement takes place in the context of ongoing formation.

Identity and vocation From the perspective of Christian anthropology, a person is not simply an individual. Contemporary psychological literature on human development, largely influenced by modern philosophy, focuses on the individual, acknowledging the importance of interpersonal relationships but emphasizing the mature identity development of the individual.

Christian theology focuses on identity as it occurs in the context of communion with others. A vocation is not only a call to ministry or a way of life (similar to a career), but to an identity involving life-giving relationships. In marriage two people love and find purpose in each other. In priesthood a man loves the church herself, composed of many souls. Religious life is a commitment to a communal identity and relationships, bearing fruit through prayerful intercession and ministry to others.

The vocation director has a unique opportunity to help emerging adults achieve a mature identity that emphasizes a personal, relational quality. Young people can be encouraged to recognize the inherent loneliness Songy | Emotional Growth

of a life driven only by a desire for individual fulfillment and to embrace God’s invitation to a life in communion instead. The vocation director can be the prophetic voice, inviting people not only to a mature, stable, adult identity, but also to the fruitfulness of Christian discipleship.

He or she can reframe the enthusiastic questions of a candidate who is seeking an individual ideal and suggest that the candidate reflect on seeing him or herself growing alongside others. Candidates might reflect on how they relate to others, how they value being in communion, and whether they find this challenging. Asking about experiences of discommunion and how candidates deal with conflict can reveal underlying attitudes toward relationships.

As each emerging adult learns to focus more on donation of self to another, questions about right fit will become secondary and perhaps even fade out of the picture. Instead of questioning, “Does this community fit me?” or, “Do I fit into the community?” the focus becomes, “How can I be of service to this community?”, “Do I feel called to love others according to this charism?” and, “Do I see myself as a person in communion with others?”

Vocation directors who appreciate the process of development in emerging adults can help young prospects face maturation challenges, since healthy human formation underlies solid spiritual formation.

Many youth recognize that they are overly selffocused but do not know how to turn away from this behavior. Encouraging them to consider others, especially the poor and needy, can bring new energy and purpose.

This is why young people respond well to opportunities for serving others and giving witness to their experience of faith.

Vocation directors should encourage prospects in self-discipline so their behaviors may be consistent with their values. They can ask candidates to consider their history of commitments—mostly tentative—and invite them to be open to a permanent commitment.

The beauty of the Christian faith is evident in the church’s approach to human development, especially as applied to emerging adults. While society may encourage individuals to delay personal commitment to pursue personal dreams, the church encourages youth to come out of this selfish phase of life and embrace their true identity—persons in communion, each with a vocation that will lead to a fruitful Christian life. n A version of this article appeared in HORIZON, Spring 2018.

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 15

Rajiv Perera, Unsplash

Young adults often encounter vocation expectations from family. Here are tips from an experienced vocation minister.

Family obligations and economic realities can complicate a decision about entering a religious community

Latino young people, family, and vocation

By Sister Ana Cecilia Montalvo, F.Sp.S. Sister Ana Cecilia Montalvo, F.Sp.S. belongs to the Congregation of the Daughters of the Holy Spirit. She is the associate director of the Office of Vocations for the Archdiocese of San Antonio, Texas. This article originally appeared in VISION Vocation Guide, vocationnetwork.org, a publication of the National Religious Vocation Conference. Find this article in its original Spanish, “¿Vocación religiosa o familia?” at vocationnetwork.org/es/articles/ show/709-vocacion-religiosa-o-familia.

16 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

The following was written for young Hispanic men and women considering religious life or priesthood. While the author’s message is for anyone in vocation discernment, it illuminates concerns particular to Latino candidates and families.

T

HOUSANDS OF MEN AND WOMEN throughout the history of Christianity have offered to God their possessions, their dearest and most legitimate loves, their very lives, for the kingdom of heaven, because they found in Jesus the Precious Pearl for which everything is sold.

They are, no doubt, a beautiful testimony for you, who feel God’s calling to consecrated or priestly life and ask yourself, “Do I have to choose between my family and God’s calling?”

In the Latino Hispanic culture, family plays a very important role in our lives and in the decisions we make. The bond with our parents and siblings is so strong that when we are following our vocation, leaving the family becomes one of the most important issues to discern.

Montalvo | Latino Young People

Detachment and blessing I remember when I entered consecrated life. It was the early morning of August 25 when we left my hometown for the convent about eight hours away. Accompanied by my grandparents, my parents, and my three siblings, I was beginning a new adventure following Jesus in the Congregation of the Daughters of the Holy Spirit. There were mixed feelings in my heart: on the one hand, the joy of beginning my first stage of formation in consecrated life and, on the other hand, the pain of separation from my family. At the time I asked myself, “When will I see them again? Who will continue to support them?”

When we arrived at the convent, the sisters welcomed us warmly and explained to my family the stage of formation I was about to begin. Then it was time to say goodbye. I received the blessing of my grandparents and my parents, and with a lump in my throat and an aching heart, I bid them farewell with the certainty that God was asking me to take this step. I can say, without hesitation, that this departure was the biggest and hardest I have ever felt in my consecrated life.

In accompanying young people in their vocational discernment, I have discovered three elements related to the family that must be discerned and illuminated from the experience of God who is provident and faithful.

RESPONSIBILITY FOR MATERIAL SUPPORT

The responsibility felt by young people whose parents invested time, money, and effort in their education so they could “be somebody” in society is very strong. Giving back to parents what they invested in—giving them the satisfaction of seeing children graduate and have a job—motivates many young people to keep working to improve themselves.

José, who is in his last year of college, feels that Jesus is calling him to consecrated life; he has a great attraction to priesthood. Ever since he was a child, he was encouraged to have great respect and admiration for priests. His parents, who emigrated to the United States 25 years ago, have made tremendous efforts to give him a good education. José knows that when he finishes his studies, he has to look for a good job and return some of the resources they invested in him.

LIVING CLOSE TO FAMILY

Hispanics share a number of family traditions. Birthdays, anniversaries, religious celebrations, the death of a family member, academic or work achievements—these moments bring us together and are a Montalvo | Latino Young People

reason to celebrate or give comfort to each other.

Laura is discerning her call to consecrated life in an international community; she knows well that if God calls her, she may spend a few years away from her family circle in another country and culture. Leaving her family is her greatest fear, as she knows that she will probably not be there at her brother’s wedding, nor at her grandmother’s 80th birthday party.

OFFSPRING

The cultural significance of motherhood and fatherhood is highly valued among Hispanics; therefore parents generally expect their children to marry and give them grandchildren in order to have offspring to carry on the family name and traditions.

Elizabeth is 27-years-old and “still not married” (says her family with a certain frustration). She had a boyfriend for two years whom the family knew, treated as one of their own, and expected her to marry. Elizabeth ended that relationship because she is very attracted to consecrated life and wanted to give herself time to discern. The family does not understand “how Elizabeth is going to become a nun and never have children.” §§§ These situations of José, Laura, and Elizabeth have to do with cultural and family concerns that are complicated but are normal components of many young people’s discernment process. Receiving personal guidance, meeting Jesus in prayer and in reality, and listening to the testimonies of consecrated people can encourage and enlighten your decision.

Eyes on Jesus, the Precious Pearl And Jesus advanced [in] wisdom and age and favor before God and man. —Luke 2:52 When he discovered it was time to step into the mission to which God was calling him, moved by the Spirit, Jesus left home to live a more open family project, built on gratitude and universality. Jesus now values his family from the perspective of the Kingdom to which he wants to give his life.

Contemplating Jesus in his relationship with Mary and Joseph, with his people, with God the Father and with the reality of his time, may help you in taking the steps to respond to your calling. Pope Francis himself tells you in Christus Vivit (Christ Lives): “You can be sure that, if you do recognize and follow a call from God, there you will find complete fulfilment” (276).

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 17

Courtesy of the Crosier Fathers and Brothers

issues are always complicated, so there are foundations that support families in these two regards. Here are some websites that can help you find information: vocationfund.org rescuevocations.org fundforvocations.org serraus.org cliniclegal.org ASK YOUR PARISH PRIEST

He might talk to your family about his vocational witness and how his parents reacted when he told them he wanted to become a priest. It might help your parents to hear how important the moral and spiritual support of your priest’s family was for his vocation.

Ideally, family members get to know a religious community long before their loved ones take final vows . Pictured here is Father Tom Enneking, O.S.C. talking with a youngster.

All for the Precious Pearl “It is the same with the kingdom of heaven as with a merchant who is looking for fine pearls, and when he finds one of great value, he goes and sells everything he has and buys it.”

—Matt. 13:45-46 Selling everything for the Precious Pearl does not happen overnight. The Holy Spirit gives us the courage to take each step, without sparing us the pain. The pope reminds us that our vocation is a gift and that to enjoy it we must take risks. He also tells us that our vocation is “not an obligation imposed from without, but an incentive to let that gift grow and develop, and then become a gift for others” (Christus Vivit 289).

Given all of the above, I do not want to minimize the pain and worry involved in leaving your family, so I will share some ideas that I hope will help you and your family to receive God’s calling with peace and joy.

ASK A VOCATION DIRECTOR

Ask about organizations that help with student debt and immigration processes (in case your parents need it). The church knows that economic and immigration 18 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

INVOLVE YOUR FAMILY

Get your family involved in interacting with the congregation you are discerning with. No one loves what they do not know. Take them to meet actual sisters, brothers, or priests; talk to them about the mission; ask members to share their vocational witness. You will see they will feel that they are not losing a daughter or son but that the family will be enriched.

TRUST GOD’S FAITHFULNESS AND PROVIDENCE

Pray with these words of the Apostle Saint Paul: For however many are the promises of God, their Yes is in him; therefore, the Amen from us also goes through him to God for glory. But the one who gives us security with you in Christ and who anointed us is God; he has also put his seal upon us and given the Spirit in our hearts as a first installment.

—II Cor. 1:20-22 May the Holy Spirit, sweet host of the soul, guide you to find the Precious Pearl and, upon finding it, may the Spirit grant you the courage to sell everything to possess it, for your happiness is found in that Pearl, Jesus. n The names and examples in this article are a general depiction and do not refer to specific people.

Related articles “Affirming a vocation culture in Hispanic families,” by Hosffman Ospino, HORIZON, Fall 2015.

Montalvo | Latino Young People

Priscilla Du Preez, Unsplash

There are times when the most caring thing a vocation director can do is to definitively tell a person they cannot enter the community.

Turning away an interested person can sometimes be the correct, compassionate action.

When a clear no is called for

I

N NRVC’S BEHAVIORAL ASSESSMENT I training, we suggest four categories for candidate recommendations: acceptance, rejection, acceptance with conditions, and delayed decision contingent on behavioral changes to be made. Clearly the most difficult option is the definitive (i.e., not subject to further review) rejection of a candidacy. This article offers some suggestions on when to say no to a candidate. Additionally the article offers nine conditions for giving a clear no (with only one leaving the possibility of a yes down the road).

Once the appropriate authority has determined that a candidate will not be accepted into formation, it is ethically imperative that the candidate receive the information in a timely and pastorally compassionate manner.

In addition to thanking the candidate for his or her generosity in inquiring and applying for admission, it is necessary to be clear that the decision is not subject to further review. I also suggest that the vocation director offer Carey | Clear no

By Father Raymond P. Carey Father Raymond P. Carey, Ph.D., is a priest of the Archdiocese of Portland in Oregon. He serves as an adjunct professor at Mount Angel Seminary Graduate School of Theology and as a counselor to priests and religious. He regularly conducts workshops for the National Religious Vocation Conference, and he received the NRVC Harvest Award. His doctorate is in clinical psychology.

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 19

one main reason for the rejection of the candidacy, not a whole taxonomy of reasons. I suggest as well that once a candidate is refused admission, it is inappropriate to suggest that he or she pursue counseling or seek some other kind of professional help. Once a community declines acceptance, it is no longer anyone’s business what a person “should do.” Following are nine categories of candidates, all of whom in my professional judgement should receive a clear “no” for everyone’s sake.

Diagnosis of bipolar disorder Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that causes extreme mood swings, with emotional highs and lows.

Once the condition is professionally diagnosed, it can be Once the appropriate managed by medicaauthority has determined tions and therapy, but it is a life-long that a candidate will not be condition. The fact accepted into formation, it that people can learn is ethically imperative that to function with the the candidate receive the disorder does not information in a timely and mean that they are pastorally compassionate suitable candidates manner. for consecrated life.

Anecdotally there are numerous instances in which people with a diagnosis of bipolar I or II have found it very difficult to adapt to life in community. The toll on the emotional equilibrium of the community can be ongoing, and the condition can unpredictably tax the goodwill of others.

Active treatment for addiction Someone in active treatment for abuse of drugs or alcohol needs to focus their energy on their treatment. Formation requires full attention and engagement as well.

The fact that recidivism for substance abuse is very high further underscores the risk. In addition a gambling addiction should elicit comparable caution on the part of the community.

Consistent history of poor decision making A person who presents with a clear and obvious history of having made significant decisions without appropriate reflection or consultation necessarily calls into ques20 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

tion the efficacy of the decision to apply for formation.

Some people choose a university on a whim, or choose a major with no reflection, or commit to a relationship without sufficient diligence or substantive grounds. If one’s life story is a chronicling of one significant mistake after another, how can a vocational decision suddenly engender confidence?

Pornography addiction An individual who has failed to demonstrate any ability to control, let alone eliminate, addiction to pornography, in my view is not a viable candidate for formation.

While formation and spiritual direction may assist a candidate who only occasionally accesses pornography, treating an addiction to pornography requires considerable time and effort in counseling, and is beyond the scope and purpose of formation.

Gender dysphoria A person who is experiencing gender dysphoria is not a suitable candidate. Gender dysphoria refers to the psychological distress that results from the incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. Gender identity refers to one’s foundational psychological sense of one’s gender. The stress of all that confusion is hard enough without compounding it with the stress of religious life.

History of failure There are individuals who are just not good at life.

They may have been unable to succeed in school, maintain consistent employment, or sustain relationships. Some people with such a history have been known to imagine religious life as a means of attaining instant success and instant intimacy and acceptance, which, of course, exacerbates a core problem of seeking short term hedonism.

Parent of a minor child The condition of having a minor child should disqualify a candidate, according to my personal bias. It does not matter what the court directives are on primary responsibility for the care of a minor child. As long as one has a minor child, that child has the right to the love, wisdom, and presence of a parent without having to accommodate the parent’s formation responsibilities.

Carey | Clear no

Redemptorist Renewal Center

Pathological lying Some persons engage in the behavior of compulsive or habitual lying. Psychological research suggests that a common cause of compulsive lying can be having been reared by a dysfunctional parent who constantly lied no matter the circumstances. A pathological liar seems to lie for no apparent reason or gain. Such a person can quickly undermine the goodwill of a formation community, let alone the confidence of formation directors. I recall a vocational assessment during which a candidate told 14 lies that I could clearly demonstrate were untrue, and numerous others that I strongly suspected but could not prove.

Very recent conversion (under two years) This is listed last because it is a reason to delay but not necessarily reject a candidate. It happens from time to time that a very recent convert to Catholicism can confuse early and fresh enthusiasm for the gospel with a call to religious life. Initial baptismal joy and enthusiasm are distinctly different from the long-haul enthusiasm that carries one through consecrated life. “Wanting to give oneself fully to the Lord” is what baptism is all about.

Religious life is one means to do that, but not the only means. Experienced vocation ministers will see this condition as a reason for delaying the decision on acceptance. By itself it is not a reason to reject candidacy.

In sum clinical research, ongoing experience, and pastoral sensitivity indicate the need for vocational decision makers to decline some candidates’ applications to religious life. Nonetheless it is common for vocation directors to feel deflated or disappointed when either they or others in authority decide to discontinue a candidate’s application process. In spite of how it may feel in the moment, the reality is that the vocation director can celebrate that the “system” works, for the good of both the individual and the community. n

Related articles “Saying no to a candidate,” by Sister Adrienne Kaufmann O.S.B., HORIZON, Summer 2016.

“The essentials of candidate assessment,” by Father Raymond P. Carey, HORIZON, Summer 2016.

“When the vocation minister assesses: seeking consistent belief, word, action,” by Sister Cindy Kaye, R.S.M., HORIZON, Winter 2010.

Carey | Clear no

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Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 21

All photos courtesy of the Franciscan Sisters of Dillingen

Jessica Emter with three of her daughters, Lorelei, Hazel and Julia.

This summertime tradition at a rural community builds relationships and fosters a culture of vocation.

Sister Jean Louise Schafer, O.S.F. Sister Jean Louise Schafer, O.S.F. has served as vocation director for the Hankinson (North Dakota) Province of the Franciscan Sisters of Dillingen since 1988. In addition she lives and serves in Rugby, North Dakota at Little Flower Catholic Elementary School and in provincial administration.

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Mother-Daughter Days at St. Francis Convent

“H

ow great it is for my little girl to be with the sisters!”

“Oh, another night when I don’t have to prepare supper!” “This does my heart good!” “Mom, do we have to leave the convent…?” “My husband wonders if you will also start Father-Son Days at the convent!”

These comments echo along the hallways of St. Francis Provincial House in Hankinson, North Dakota during the Mother-Daughter Days every summer. In the corner of the state, bordering Minnesota and South Dakota, not far also from the Bismarck Diocese, we have for many years hosted mothers and their daughters, grandmothers, cousins, and aunts for three days of prayer, spirituality, crafts, fun, and companionship with the sisters at the provincial house of the Franciscan Sisters of Dillingen, in the Fargo Diocese.

Some 15 years ago I was already serving my community as vocation director. According to our Franciscan charism we used every opportunity to be out with the people where God sent us. We invited many people, including families and young women, to visit us. We hosted live-in and Schafer | Mother-Daughter Days

Caiti Lefor works on a Scripture Scavenger Hunt with Sister Mary Ruth Huhn, O.S.F.

Sister Mary Ruth Huhn, O.S.F. as a novice, gave a talk to the mothers.

“come and see” experiences overnight and over a series of days. We put on Scripture Sharing retreat weekends.

We provided Confirmation retreats. We had many visitors. Somewhere along the way, a mother decided to bring her young daughter and a few other teenage girls to spend several days with us. In the course of our conversation that summer, this particular mother suggested I plan something so more mothers could spend time with their daughters at the convent.

Thus was born our Mother-Daughter Days, a getaway for mothers to share time with their daughters who could have their first taste of religious life with our Franciscan community. In the ensuing years we have hosted all types of mothers and daughters—from baby girls at the breast to college graduates. They come to enjoy the peace and serenity of the convent, bond with the sisters, and pray earnestly in the quiet of the chapels for their families and their vocations.

troduction to the Liturgy of the Hours. This sets the stage for Night Prayer and the refreshing silence of sleep. Our retreat center, our former elementary and high school (a boarding school) can accommodate about 96 persons overnight, so families stay together.

The next day, Friday, retreatants take part in morning prayer with the sisters, followed by Mass in the convent chapel. These set the stage for a full day of activity.

While the mothers have an opportunity to hear a talk on encouragement of vocations in the family, a devotion in the church, or Franciscan values, the girls are divided into age groups to participate in a creative activity, such as illustrating, dancing the Canticle of the Sun, or preparing a play featuring a saint. They also have an opportunity for the sacrament of Reconciliation. After the noon meal, sometimes we have girls who want to share their “recital pieces,” so we often have impromptu concerts!

On Friday afternoon a highlight of the day is the quality time mothers and daughters spend together. They might swim in a nearby lake, take a stroll downtown to have an ice cream cone together, or use the time to rest or visit our outdoor Stations of the Cross. Later the mothers and daughters gather to begin a small craft project illustrating the theme of the week. Last summer the theme was: “The Joy of the Lord is my Strength,” based on Nehemiah 8:10; other themes have centered on Mary, Mother of Jesus, or the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Prayer and respite The event usually begins on Thursday evening. Arriving at the convent after several hours of driving, the guests are eager for a walking tour of our grounds, gardens, and cemetery, “the second holiest place on earth,” to stretch their legs and get acquainted with our campus. We follow the tour with creative icebreakers, visiting, and a brief inSchafer | Mother-Daughter Days

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 23

At mealtime Elizabeth Spenst, left, talks with with Sisters Alice Grommesh, O.S.F. and.

Carmelita Sauer, O.S.F.

Several sisters help me with the program, and most of the sisters gather after evening prayer, rosary, and supper, for story time. Here the sisters share their very personal stories of how God called them to consecrated life and their challenges and blessings in living in community day by day. This session is usually the highlight of the whole experience for the young girls and is a special time of grace for each sister as she recalls and shares her love story.

Saturday, the final day, goes by very quickly. After morning prayer, Mass, and breakfast, there is usually a flurry of group photos and visits to our gift shop. We hold wrap-up sessions to share our experiences and insights from our days together. This event usually ends about 11:30 a.m. so the mothers and daughters can travel home to spend the rest of the weekend with their own families!

Blessings for sisters and participants Some summers we have hosted two sessions of MotherDaughter Days, and of course, in 2020 we had to give it up entirely, but we usually have 30 or 35 guests per session, that is 8 to 12 mothers with various daughters.

Some families drive four to six hours to attend; some come every year until their daughters are all grown. Last year at a diocesan catechist training event I listened to a young teacher speaking. Afterward I asked, “Is that you, Amanda?” She asked at the same time, “Is that you, Sister?” She had been a participant at the very first MotherDaughter Days in the early 2000s!

24 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

The blessings of this program are many. Women come back for spiritual direction at our retreat center, vocations are encouraged in families, the sisters’ lives are enriched by the example and enthusiasm of the girls who look forward to this event every summer. The girls’ brothers even begin to think about their vocations, too.

The bonds established between the mothers and daughters, as well as between the daughters and sisters are strong.

These young women know they have a place to come when they begin to seriously discern their vocation, even if they are not called to our community. We have received wedding invitations, baby announcements, and invitations to religious professions from the daughters who have attended. We have consoled mothers who have lost children to death and have encouraged fathers to support their daughters’ vocations.

Saint Francis encourages us not only to see God in all creation, but to reverence God in every person we meet. We are grateful for this opportunity to be there for God’s people. We are delighted to be able to share God’s love with the mothers and daughters who come to us. n _______________

Related articles “Summer retreat kicks off vocation year,” by Brother Mike Sheerin, F.M.S., HORIZON Spring 2014.

“The rich rewards of pilgrimage,” by Sister Rosemary Fry, C.S.J., HORIZON Summer 2020.

Schafer | Mother-Daughter Days

Feed your spirit

Courtesy of the author

The gifts God gives us are meant to be shared.

Recognizing God’s abundance

O

VER THE LAST FEW YEARS I keep coming back to a familiar piece of scripture: “I came so that you might have life and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

As I come to the end of my 75th year, I find myself reflecting more holistically on the events of my life. When I do, there’s one word that provides the summary: abundance. I’m realizing that I have had, and now have, an abundance of good gifts in my life.

In a program we Christian Brothers do with high school students, we invite them to identify their gifts. Over the years, I’ve learned that, whether doing this process with students or adults, the initial response is usually the same: a reluctance. There’s a reluctance because many people think Smyth | Recognizing God’s Abundance

Brother Tim Smyth, C.F.C. Brother Tim Smyth, C.F.C. is a member of the Edmund Rice Christian Brothers.

He currently lives in New York City and belongs to the NRVC. Over the years, his ministries have included high school science teaching, parish ministry, and vocation ministry. He is currently involved in vocation ministry as the coordinator of young-adult ministry for his province.

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 25

you’re not supposed to toot your own horn. You’re not For the common good supposed to name what you’re good at; you’re supposed After considerable time in reflection on this visualizato wait and let someone else do it for you. In religious tion, I realized that there’s a whole other side to this gift life we know that reflecting on your gifts can be a healthy thing. It’s the why. Why has God been so generous to thing to do, as long as you recognize that the source of me? My response became, “It hasn’t been for me; we are your gifts is a loving and giving God. And if we’re honest, gifted for others.” We are called to use our gifts in the we recognize that God really gives them to us in abunservice of others. The abundance is given to us so that it dance. can be shared.

This past Lent I decided on a different approach: As a member of a religious congregation, I have focusing on my gifts, rather than my failings. About a many wonderful memories. In the years week into Lent, and after some reflection, that I have moved from ministry site to I identified a number of gifts that I feel ministry site, and as I have said yes to I have and printed them up on placards new positions or assignments, it seemed about 8 by 4 inches in size. I then taped This past Lent I decided something new was drawn from me each them on the wall, in a circle around the on a different approach: time. crucifix. Putting them there helped keep focusing on my gifts, Sometimes I developed a new skill; me focused on why I was doing this, to rather than my failings. sometimes I discovered a new gift within recognize the abundance in my life that myself. I always established new relationhas come to me through God’s gifts. ships. As I responded to a need, reached A few weeks further into Lent, I out to someone, or prayed with a new came across some files containing notes group of brothers in community, I grew as a person; I and worksheets from vocation meetings and workshops continued to experience that fullness in my life that Jethat I attended over the years. In two different folders sus wants for us. I continued discovering my giftedness, I found the results of exercises somewhat like what I through my ministry, throughout my life, in abundance. mentioned above, but in the opposite direction. Instead So much to be thankful for! of each of us identifying the gifts we saw in ourselves, Who could ask for more? I continue to live a life of participants identified the gifts they saw in each other.

Abundance! n From years past, I read what others had identified as the gifts they saw in me. I decided to add those gifts to the ones I already had around my crucifix, making a second, larger circle of placards. It was powerful, not just to read Related article what others had seen in me, but to recognize that God “Participating in our own abundance,” by Sister Sarah has truly gifted me, in abundance. My Lenten plan was Kohles, O.S.F., HORIZON, Summer 2017. working!

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26 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

Smyth | Recognizing God’s Abundance

Book notes

Books to read with discerners

T

HE REALITY OF THE coronavirus and its variants has brought unique challenges to vocation directors and their religious communities. Come and See weekends have had to be postponed or .

Vocation directors are limited in their travel to meet discerners, and many have been unable to invite inquirers into their monasteries, convents, or seminaries for a visit. Living in a polarized country and a divided church has brought challenges, too. Young and not-so-young adults are trying to make sense of this new reality.

Two books speak to discernment and discipleship, faith, and the mystery of vocation: What Are You Looking For? Seeking the God Who is Seeking You, by Sister Joan Chittister, O.S.B. (2019 Paulist) and Your One Wild and Precious Life: Thoughts on Vocation, by Father Mark-David Janus, C.S.P. (2018 Paulist). Each book provides an optimistic, hopeful, and encouraging approach for vocation directors navigating this uncertain and sometimes wearisome terrain. Each begins with the premise that life is a gift from God, precious and wonderful! The authors invite seekers who are searching for meaning and purpose to ponder how they might respond in love to the God who loves them unconditionally.

In this pandemic environment, a thought-provoking book can be a helpful tool to jump-start conversations with seekers via Zoom, phone, or email. In the first book, the well-known Benedictine author Sister Joan Chittister shares insights from her lived experience and deep wisdom. The conversation is an invitational one as Chittister, a woman in her mid-80s, Ziska | Books to Read With Discerners

Both of these titles are available for purchase from nrvc.net/store.

By Sister Marcia Ziska, O.S.B. Sister Marcia Ziska, O.S.B. is a Benedictine from Mount St. Scholastica Monastery in Atchison, Kansas.

She served in vocation ministry for her community from 19892002 and was on the National NRVC Board from 1998-2002. She has been a member of the community since September 8, 1974, professing first vows on August 14, 1977.

A spiritual director, she serves as a staff member of the spiritual direction training program, Souljourners, a program of the Sophia Spirituality Center, sponsored by her community. She resumed vocation ministry in 2018.

Winter 2022 | HORIZON | 27

asks pertinent questions and offers answers to someone many years younger regarding the necessity to explore the option of religious life. The titles of her 10 chapters are intriguing and dynamic as they lead the reader/seeker into an engaging dialogue.

While Chittister acknowledges that the future of religious life may be uncertain, she dispels the myth that it is moving toward extinction. She states that “for each of almost twenty-one centuries, women and men religious have been the pulse and the heartbeat of the church.”

Chittister wants the reader to see the importance of considering all vocations before choosing a path. Knowing that one explored other options is an important part of discernment. As someone with more than 16 years as a vocation director, I know the importance of helping a seeker discern whether or not the life of a religious is indeed God’s call. Only that knowledge will provide the anchor someone needs to meet the daily challenges, to receive the daily gifts, of this life.

The second book, written by the president and publisher of Paulist Press, Father Mark-David Janus, C.S.P., offers “a series of reflections on various dimensions of vocation.” Janus uses the image of “walking around a great prism” as he invites the reader to look at the many facets of vocation exploration. He sees vocation as “the process of discovery in which we learn more about ourselves, the world around us, and how we want to live in it.” From the outset Janus dismisses the idea that anyone’s vocation is predestined or that God has a hidden plan.

Rather, he speaks of vocation as the freedom to become one’s true self and observes that the discerner is working with God to discover where he or she is being called to serve and find happiness.

Janus says that the virtue of curiosity is an “inherent part of God’s creative plan,” as seen in the story of Moses wondering why the burning bush on Mount Horeb was not being consumed. Once God had Moses’ attention, the call came to him and “changed his life and the course of history.” As God and the seeker work out vocation together, curiosity about the ways of God facilitate this process. I find that inviting a discerner to pay attention to things that make her curious is important and can keep a conversation moving. Janus further states that “apathy, indifference, and fear are the enemies of curiosity.” Likewise inviting a discerner to pay attention to her own fears and indifference is another gauge of selfawareness and growth, key elements in discernment.

The book has 34 chapters, two to four pages long, that explore the vocations of single adult, marriage, religious life, and priesthood—all of which fall under the 28 | Winter 2022 | HORIZON

umbrella of being a Christian. In journeying with inquirers at my monastery, I have shared Janus’ book with five women, ages 35 to 53. One inquirer in her mid-thirties shared that “the short chapters provide an excellent springboard for discussion of the key elements of discernment and consecrated life.”

What Are You Looking For? and Your One Wild and Precious Life have numerous similarities. In each book, every chapter begins with a pithy quote from Scripture, a mystic, a poet, or another wise person. I have found that a good conversation tool has been asking the discerner to share what the quote means to her.

God desires what is best for us Both books speak about how God is forever faithful and loves unconditionally, a reality that still may be foreign to some seekers. In the midst of twists and turns that life brings to seekers of all ages, we vocation directors, formation personnel, and others who offer accompaniment know that God is ever present to every human being. We also are aware that God is always seeking those who are searching for God, even if the seeker doesn’t have clarity and even if God isn’t on the seeker’s radar just yet! Both authors emphasize that God desires only what is best for us, that we be our truest self, and that with integrity we become that best version of ourself. One of the inquirers at my monastery appreciated “how Father Janus emphasized that God makes the most of our choices, whatever they wind up being.”

Both books address the importance of friendship, sexuality, and celibate love. I appreciate Chittister’s matter-of-fact statement, “Religious life is not about sex, but it is all about love.” Both authors emphasize the importance of holy friendships in religious life for day-to-day sustenance, as well as for rocky times.

Chittister and Janus both speak of living joy-filled lives based on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Our task as women and men religious and priests is, in the words of Chittister, “to keep alive the model of Jesus, a voice for the oppressed and a sign of the living presence of the God of love!”

While reading these books, I found myself passionately engaged with the down-to-earth wisdom and kernels of truth expressed by both authors. Their questions and insights heightened my enthusiasm to share with seekers and searchers as I help them discern their vocation to follow in Jesus’ footsteps. As Janus says, “Pick a vocation, live a life, that makes your soul dance, and so discover what is wild and precious in your life.” n Ziska | Books to Read With Discerners

Wellsprings of support for vocations March 3, 7 p.m. central

A vocation minister and young adult minister share how they encourage a vocation culture.

Register today at NRVC.net!

Addressing parental concerns: wisdom and advice April 21, 7 p.m. central

Registrants will also receive an on-demand video link after each event. Details at nrvc.net.

Parents and newer members discuss the church vocation journey.

These webinars are made possible thanks to a grant by the GHR Foundation.

Call to religious life: new member stories June 2, 7 p.m. central Newer members share their lives.

NRVC Summer Institute 2022 Join us for virtual learning, networking, and inspiration July 12-16 Orientation Program for New Vocation Directors Orientation team

July 18-19 Ethical Issues in Vocation and Formation Ministry Father Raymond P. Carey, Ph.D.

July 21-23 Behavioral Assessment 1 Father Raymond P. Carey, Ph.D.

July 25-26 Learning to Cooperate with Grace through the Inner Work of Transformation Dr. Ted Dunn

Details at NRVC.net

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