iSSUE II : Themeless

i S S U E II T

H

E

M

E

L

E

S

June 2023 | NOT AN iSSUE Literary Magazine

S

iSSUE II is an exploration of literary and visual art sans the restrictions of a theme. With this issue, we invited contributors to send in highly creative artwork and literary pieces. From the pool of amazing submissions, our editors were then able to sculpt a narrative: one that details the push and pull of loving and loss.

Like always, we are incredibly proud of and thankful for everyone who submitted. We hope to see more of your work in the upcoming 2023-24 semesterly issues!

Table of Contents Psst...Are You Asleep Yet? To My Sisters (A Soft Embrace) dahlia In Memory Of Ecstasy 4beautiesofAI The Man Who Was Afraid of The World Clock Sunset Records Dog Days Quietude Sagiri Surrounding Us Requiem of the Naïve Child Midnight Luminary Silent Fire Social Starvation Fight or Flight Kilauea Volcano Running In Reverse growing pains Frenzied Flame Reflection The End of An Era

1 3 5 6 7 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 29 31 32 33 35

The Prince of Storm Show Your Voice Out of The Blue Calm

37 39 41 42

Charlotte Park

Psst...Are You Asleep Yet? Painting

1

Psst..

2

to my sisters

To My Sisters (A Soft Embrace) 3-D Visual made with upcycled clothing, embroidery thread, and found objects on fabric and wool batting

3

4

Charlotte Park

dahlia

dahlia

you nod at me from across the room where dust grounds itself in the soles of shoes. i look down at my crooked fingers and the chip in my boot which presses the shape of a dahlia into the smalls of my heel. nobody in this wicked place needs to know that you take me from socal to the moon, back to yichun and down to the deep sea, dimples carving fish hooks underneath the apple of your cheeks while a slick-y blue jazz careens and crashes in the back.

slow dancing is too slow for me. this time of year, none of the songs in my playlists are sad enough for this—none of the soul, none of the R&B. displacing my mass on this bed, you steal my grandmother’s quilt right from underneath me. when i reach over to take them back, you aren’t even there. you’re like lightweight sleepwalking, lucid and recurring, always a frame too fast for my hands to find no matter which corner of the wall i try to grapple onto. i reach across the sheets and suddenly you’re up—too far for my fingers to walk to—and hunched over on the side with the lamplight sinking into your skin. i ask you to stay because i’m not even fully awake and in this dream you’re already saying goodbye. the you here, on this green duvet, does stay because you’re like a good tune that just sticks, a la dee da like any other la dee da but with a little more bass.

Catherine Xue

5

Clair Tian

In Memory Of Painting

6

Ecstasy

Brielle Janae Stafford

Ecstasy Step out Where tile meets the warm stone pavement of the sidewalk School’s out My heart satisfied A smile on my face, so real that I can’t stop it Clear skies as far as the eye can see My soul soaring among the clouds I’m so high on life Happiness fills me like a pitcher spilling water I want to scream in joy Laugh just because Walk across the lot Bumper to bumper, tailgating Cars of all sizes Swearing all over the place Like traffic cones they warn me not to step there Stay away, they roar Engines gun and I roll my blue eyes Hop the curb and walk, swinging my keys like I own the place Gaining all the confidence Turning heads left to right Ha. Yeah right, I’m not that good lol I’m just playing with you

7

Fake it till you make it And I think I made it Never felt this good before I feel so alive, I feel unstoppable Sun warming my face It’s rays giving me the hug of a lifetime Feels like summer with only 70 degrees Melting away my anxiety and all the other stupid things I can’t seem to stop worrying about Carefree, daring, free I could fall and i could fly I could do nothing and still have the time of my life Left to right Moving my feet across the painted white and yellow lines Hit me, I challenge them The breeze combing through my thick curls Keeping me from getting too hot I sigh contentedly Approach, unlock, and jump in Windows down Sunroof open Back out Volume up high I’ve got my sunglasses on feeling like a gangster Putting on one of my many good sides Cruising through the church parking lot Nothing on my mind besides the sun, clear sky, and the good vibes flowing through my blood They stop and stare Idrc I’m used to it And I do it anyway ...

Whoops xD

8

The beat drops and I jump Landing on the beat, feeding my exhilaration Faces in my mirror People everywhere But I don’t care Today it’s all about me “We just tryna catch a good time” NM And there’s “No Way” I’m quitting now Bazzi Racing From red to green Pedal to the floor Fly forward I’m a good and safe driver, I swear But right now I’m flying My thoughts elsewhere Sun on my face Wind in my hair I’m free, having way too much fun Guess I’m not coming down anytime soon Rollerblades Don’t Stop the Car Lost Blake rose Midnight City Not afraid at all Feel my love MASOCHIST Thomas Day Out of my league Heat Waves Glass Animals Pick the right playlist And we’re vibing

9

Wind ripping through both open windows Feeling cool even though in reality I know it’s not I feel so good, it seems too good to be true Can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face I’m addicted to it The rush of adrenaline, feeling so happy for no reason Ecstatic Here’s a hint When the weather’s nice and I find a window I go from a one to a ten Off the rails One second I’m half dead Bored and tired Going through the motions And the next, I’m alive Can’t wait for 7th to pass along Wanting to ditch The angel inside hid her wings and put on horns The little rebel setting my soul on fire Can’t wait, can’t wait, can’t wait Minutes tick by 10, 9, 8, 7 The sun passing through the doorway pulls me by my hands and feet 6, 5, 4 Heart leaps, free of bounds Emotions erupting inside of me My spine bending over backwards Restless realignment A habit And in answer to someone, it might be bad But who knows >:) 3, 2 Get out a minute early

10

Free of the dimness, I fall into the light It’s warm hands wrap around me Surrounded by blue sky Stuttering over my words and tripping over air And here I am, making my way back Always there Like Pine Lake’s cold water rushing over you as you dive in, It’s shocking and refreshing all at once.

Satisfying my thirst Coating my soul with warmth Starting from my core and spreads to the rest of me I welcome it I want to scream in joy Laugh just because I know why and I love it Never felt this good before I feel so alive The beat dropping, matching the unreasonable happiness going on inside of me I’d rather be lost Heart stops And there I go again With blue eyes and dark brown hair I fall I love this feeling.

So familiar but can’t quite grasp the memory Close my eyes and inhale Wishing that time would stop Wanting to live in this moment forever The breeze combing through my hair Hand hanging out the window Resting on the warm black exterior of my ride Letting my engine roar as the light changes Got my shades on A smile so big, I’m afraid it’ll break my face

11

I’m happy And I don’t need a reason My light shining so bright, I’m glowing I’ve never felt so new, so good Exhilarated and high on life No sugar needed It’s pure ecstasy.

12

4beautiesofAI Sunny Cong Digital art

13

the man who was afraid of the world there once was a man who was afraid of the world. more specifically, the Modern world. the one with Wheels Roads under them Cars on top of them. he was so afraid, so afraid of the world, that he never tried to Experience it. never left his house the two-story brick building he’d survived in since Childhood. he didn’t even open the door. he saw what happened on tv and that was enough. the accidents, all the Accidents that came with the world. they can’t be prevented, they say. but if she hadn’t been driving there that day that second if he hadn’t run that particular red if they both hadn’t been in their cars at all couldn’t it have been Prevented? so he stays inside Preventing all that he doesn’t know will happen.

And then it does. there once was a man who was afraid of the world. that was then - Now the man is no more.

Anonymous

14

Clock clock

tick tick tick I hear it each second is eternity yet weeks pass by in the blink of an eye. tick I want to be an adult I want to be free tick tick now time is going too fast please slow down slow down slow down I'm leaving soon I'll be an adult soon I'll never be a kid again slow down slow down but I can't wait for June June please come quick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick

Brinda Moudgalya

15

Sunset Records Ezhil Karthikeyan Digital art

16

dog days today i found out why i hate the summer: as soon as the heat runs down the hills into our towns and city centers, as soon as the warm fronts come in, the people become restless. a frozen block suddenly starts vibrating from within, each particle loosening, a little less cohesive than the last. as soon as mid june rolls in, the people diffuse like glitter blown out the curve of somebody’s palm. my prettiest friends start pooling away, each little particle falling free from winter’s bound, and here i am in the middle, held in place as the rest go away. they’ll fly out early july, ready to be somebody’s girlfriend, ready to burn the summer away in somebody’s arms—in some loving institution—crunching little letters and numbers in their brains as they hold a sweaty boy’s hand.

Catherine Xue

17

Quietude Erika Lee Painting

18

19

Sagiri Cailin Surtihadi Digital art

20

Surrounding Us Esther Fang Painting

21

Requiem of the Naïve Child Children light something in me And they sizzle that same thing out simultaneously They dance and swing and scream They cheer and play and balance on imaginary beams I sit on a bench I sit at a desk I sit on the couch And then I lay down for bed Til I wake up to do it over again And when I watch these little people color with a pen I can't help but remember back then And see my ghost in them This extinguishing spark of theirs and mine It's like a beautiful bouquet broken by time When I was young, my bud was colorful too My leaves were soft and my soil fresh and the sky blue I had that light in my eyes once too Now I'm nothing but what the shadow overthrew I am leaves evolved with spikes I am dull and wilted and faded to black The sky is polluted and my soil is in the same lack My bud never even seemed to bloom It died before it left the cocoon So when I see kids being kids I get a gloomy sense of foreboding under my lids Because I know their light will go out in a decade Just as mine eroded and decayed into a charade I get lost in my confusion with humanity For why does it seem for all the time we spend under the sun We are most alive Before our lives have really even begun?

By Red

22

Midnight Luminary Yiran Wang Digital art

23

Silent Fire

Esther Fang Visual Art

24

Social Starvation I am begging for some fruit Please, I'm so hungry The sweet juice of words The soft skin of sound The feeling of my teeth on my lips Dancing in my mouth to speak Starved of this, My life feels meaningless I am craving the products of own throat Starved of my own voice Of socialization Of the encouraging shadow of a tree A bubble that enables me To feel comfortable enough to speak I am desperate for someone who can give me this I need someone to lend me my voice Hand me back my mouth Rip the stitches of the Frankenstein seams That clamp my lips shut And lock my words to the confines of my inner world Free me from my prison shell Peel my petals down so I can breathe I am suffocating in my own bud Please, I am starving for social fruit

By Red

25

Fight or Flight Yifan Zhang Painting

26

Kilaue Volcan Kilauea Volcano Maia Taylor Photograph

27

Running In Reverse The farther I get from you The more detail I can see of you You defy physics Blind I was before Yet now I see you more clearly I am fleeing in reverse My steps fall backward Even as I urge them forward I run away And for a while I thought it was working But my body is taking me back Fight flight freeze But I can't win a battle against you And my flight only brings me closer to you And how can I possibly hide from you?

Every time I think I'm free You return right there in front of me To remind me that you own me My mind is your home The world around me is your own I've got nowhere left to roam Time itself bends to your will The laws of nature abide by your ab*se And the organs in my skull Let you handpick what fills them full I am too empty yet I am too full A hollow sphere drowned by the ocean You emptied my sacred bubble Stole my breath and replaced it with your own CPR for the suffocation you caused Resuscitating me so you can say I am yours

By Red

29

Your property, your loan And then left me here to sink Because someone like you can make air capsize The density of your generously given oppression weight enough I was starving so you gave me a tsunami to drink But now I see your gifts were thievery in return for poison You said I belonged to you But someone as kind as I Never belonged with someone like you

30

growing pains doused in camellia water that pools us in with her many sons, we emerge from the lakes of childhood. the lotus roots grasp at our skin & plait wreaths in our hair (whispering hushed goodbyes). rice water sloshes at the hides of our ankles, each grain of wheaty white sweating into our arms & dripping down to our feet (a silent prayer kissed into our heels). baptization has never known itself like your fingers ticking time off into my skin & my breath weighing down on the crooks of your legs as our bodies tear themselves apart. my legs grow unruly, sugarcane stilting my bones, & your arms no longer have to reach much farther to get to me. not like how it was when the length of the dinner table was our whole world, & the walls of this house, our emperor’s palace.

Catherine Xue

31

Frenzied Flame Maia Taylor Visual Art

32

Reflectio Reflection Esther Fang 3-D Visual

12

the end of an era the door closes so soon. just yesterday I was walking through the gates the castle gates that once upon a time were so big. so beautiful. just an hour ago there I was, finding new rooms, opening new doors. just a second ago I was walking through it, jubilant, determined, and now there is nothing. nothing stirs in me. nothing, as I walk past through the castle gates over and over because this castle is no longer a castle, it is just a building and it is crumbling. the doors I opened remain open, the things I saw and did remain etched in me.

I have learned, learned so much, but the learning hasn't been enough to confine me. unconfinable.

I think that is a good thing.

I hope that is a good thing.

I know it is a thing that makes me sad to think. this castle, my castle, is mine no longer. because I threw open the doors, took a breath, and realized how beautiful it all is. .

35

realized how beautiful I could make my life if I just shut the gates. close the doors. close myself to open myself. an end to create a beginning.

I hope it is a good beginning.

Brinda Moudgalya

36

The Prince of Storm 37

Agatha Barber Visual Art

38

Show Your Voice T was a robber Stealing the voice of others Who i was, i forgot her i dabbed and brushed makeup over my entire being Contouring and covering until i became more agreeing Concealed all my feelings i was always scheming To make someone love me i had to deceive A Self-obsessed, depressed, nobody Trapped in conformity, walking in a line, not free Looking in the mirror was like metal scraping the street Burning in the hot sun, not able to escape the heat In every song i was playing the wrong chord At every fork in the road i took the wrong turn Could everyone tell i was just an imposter?

The person deep down i just tossed her i was living life clandestine Solemn and solitary, i was destined My room an ocean My eyes setting the sea in motion i was drowning, in a vast water The waves grew taller Because i still wasn't enough Could they see my bluff?

When i made a mistake i fell from grace Mistakes can’t be erased Good girl, gone bad Look at her, so sad Those once my friends Became foes i yearned to make amends, but they were plotting my end Crestfallen in my solitude

39

Windows tinted blue Like the ocean that was my room The waves wrenching me under In the midst of a storm, lighting and thunder i wallowed in it, for a bit For who am i, if not part of society’s supply i didn’t like who i was Conforming just because Thus I realized, I can become uncivilized Let them listen to my battle cry Because I can make the choice to show my voice I don’t have to march in this parade I can abandon old friends at the masquerade Look at me, I'm not afraid I'll quit the circus, find my purpose I don't have to hide in my room, i can wipe off the makeup My voice can rise with a boom, I will wake up Return what I stole, and take back control I am David in Goliath, I will incite a riot And by the grace of God, I will no longer be quiet I can make the choice to show my voice And in the end the world will rejoice

Helen Daw

40

Erika Lee

Out of the Blue Painting

41

Calm Watercolor painting

42

iSSUE II Contributors Helen Daw Yifan Zhang Catherine Xue Charlotte Park Cailin Surtihadi Agatha Barber Brielle Janae Stafford Brinda Moudgalya Sunny Cong Yiran Wang Esther Fang Clair Tian Erika Lee Maia Taylor Red Ezhil Karthikeyan

NOT AN iSSUE Board Emma Lu

Catherine Xue

Co-president, Co-editor in chief

Co-president, Co-editor in chief

Erika Lee

Nitya Masina

Director of Communications

Secretary

NOT AN iSSUE Members Sneha M.

Nina Shetty

Maia Taylor

Claire Yang

June 2023 | NOT AN iSSUE