Ned The Nature Nut's Nutty Nature Facts and Jokes - Preview

Follow Ned

the Nature Nut

collectio y z ra c is th h g u ro th

n of wildlife

facts and jokes . . .

From fantastic

flowers and fungi to , ridiculous rabbits and rats you’ll

split your sides

laughing with this hilarious book!

COVER ARTWORK © SARAH HORNE 2017

ISBN 978-0-85763-925-7 This book is published

by Nosy Crow in partnership with the National Trust nationaltrust.org.uk

£4.99

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9 780857 639257

www.nosycrow.com

23/01/2017 11:36

Keep an eye out for more books from

Nosy Crow and the National Trust!

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I’m nutty about nature!

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First published 2017 by Nosy Crow Ltd The Crow’s Nest, 10a Lant Street London SE1 1QR www.nosycrow.com ISBN 978 0 85763 925 7 The words ‘The National Trust’ and the oak leaf logo are registered trademarks of the National Trust for England, Wales and Northern Ireland used under licence from National Trust (Enterprises) Limited (Registered Company Number 01083105).

Nosy Crow and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Nosy Crow Ltd Text © Andy Seed 2017 Illustrations © Sarah Horne 2017 The right of Andy Seed to be identified as the author and Sarah Horne to be identified as the illustrator of this work has been asserted.

All rights reserved This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of Nosy Crow Ltd. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

Printed and bound in the UK by Clays Ltd, St Ives Plc. Papers used by Nosy Crow are made from wood grown in sustainable forests.

135798642

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Why don’t squirrels go to Italian restaurants?

H av e yo u ev er tr ie d bu ry in g a pi zz a? !

I put mine in the earth’s deep crust!

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Do you want to hear about the hedgehog that went to the barber’s?

There’s no point.

What’s the best animal to be when you’re cold?

A li tt le ot te r.

5

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MOUTHY MOTH FACT The clothes moth does not eat at all (probably because it doesn’t have a mouth!), but beware – its caterpillars eat woolly jumpers, socks and even carpets.

6

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What has 100 legs but no sense?

A si lli pe de .

What’s a butterfly’s best school subject?

Mo ths.

Where at school can you always find an eagle?

In the dic tio na ry.

7

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Why are ladybirds no good at hide and seek?

Th ey’re alw ay s sp ott ed .

What do you call a deer

with no eyes?

N o id e a .

Where do spiders do mos shopping?

t of their

O n th e w e b .

8

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FIGHTY FACT Male smooth snakes are not so smooth when it comes to competing for a female mate. They will grab and bite each other until one gives up and slinks off.

How do you keep flies out of the kitchen?

P ut a bu ck et of po o in th e li vi ng ro om .

Very sensible!

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THISTLY THACT In Roman times, it was thought that eating thistles could cure baldness .

Why does nothing bother a quiet owl?

It doe sn’t give a hoo t.

10

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What is a toad’s favourite film?

Star War ts.

How do herb gardens get so much done?

The y hav e plen ty of thym e.

What’s a mouse’s favourite game?

Hide and squeak.

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SEASHORE STRANGENESS These are all real animals found along the British coast:

Sea hare Candy-striped flatworm Rainbow leaf beetle The se are shore

silly!

Bloody Henry Sea gooseberry Cornish sucker Sea squirt Purse sponge

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Why is the seashore so strong?

It’s go t loa ds of mu sse ls.

Did you hear about the ant who fell over sixty feet?

He was tryi ng to squ eez e pas t a cen tipe de.

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What’s the best way to avoid itches from biting gnats?

Do n’t bit e an y.

What is an octopus’s favourite book?

Diary of a Wimpy Squid.

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FLYING FACT Flying squirrels can’t actually fly, but they can glide from tree to tree using their own built-in parachute.

Just found out – I’m not a f lying squirrel!

What’s a rat’s favourite country?

G n a w a y.

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WHICH BIRD. . .

Comes after ‘i ' ?

A ja y.

Collects stamps?

A ho bb y.

Can fill up your car?

A pe tr el .

Cheep laughs…

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Can lif t a ton of bricks?

A c ra n e .

Is usually in a tangle?

A kn ot.

Makes unkind remarks?

A sni pe .

Spins round a bit?

A lit tle ter n.

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How do you fix a broken mushroom?

U si ng to ad ’s to ol s.

What lives in the forest and keeps birds dry?

A rob in hoo d.

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SNACKY FACT The normal diet of the rare pine marten is small animals (especially grey squirrels) which it chases through tree tops at astonishing speed. However, naturalists have also discovered that this speedy hunter is wild about peanut butter.

Peanut butt er much nicer th’s an squirrel sprea d.

What happens when birds drop out of the sky?

Th ey us e a sp ar ro w ch ut e.

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