Let's Talk

By: Shaista Khurshid, Calgary, Alberta

There are a lot of people we know, meet or see in our lives who have opinions about other people. They discuss about other people's lives and persons. About what they do and how they do it. And about how, what they do, is wrong. They keep tabs on other people’s mistakes diligently. They do not spare any moment to shed their opinions, whether in front of people or behind their backs.

What is the reason and why do we do this? Why do we harbor opinions about others? Is it jealousy or self-righteousness? Self-centeredness or insecurity? Or is it a combination of all of these?

At some level, we probably think that we are somehow, better, smarter, better looking, wiser, more generous and more giving than other people. Therefore, it’s our job to state what we don’t like about others, whether it makes any sense or not. Whether it hurts others or not, whether it causes other evils in the society or not. In my opinion, when we compare ourselves to other people, it makes us anxious. There are two problems with this attitude. If we compare ourselves to others whom we find more competent than us, this will increase our jealousy. But if we discover others lesser than us, it inflates our egos which sooner or later makes us pompous. This attitude of comparison keeps us on our toes because anytime we compare, we’re at odds of 50 - 50. This means whether one scenario or another, we are going to lose.

The question is why do we compare ourselves to others? Do we feel we must have a position in this world because we felt left out? Do we feel extremely insignificant in this vast world? Or is it that we want to capture the attention, happiness, and statuses of all for us alone and feel better about ourselves?

Allah (SAW) informs us in the Quran about this viewpoint. Allah warns us about our attitudes towards the life of this world. He provides the example that, our life, wealth, children and whatever we compare with each other is like a plant which is green one day and becomes yellow then dies and disintegrates. So much so, by next year we cannot see any sign of that plant. Just like that life of this world is a delusion that it will finish and there would be nothing left.

اعْلَمُوا أَنَّمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِي الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَوْلَادِ ۖ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ الْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَاهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَامًا ۖ وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِّنَ اللَّهِ وَرِضْوَانٌ ۚ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ

Know the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries, and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion. (57:20)

Moreover there is another way of behaving; it’s contentment. Contentment is when we feel completely at peace and satisfied with what we possess and our destinies. When we are content, we are unconcerned about what others have, thus relieving us from jealousy or arrogance. It keeps us grounded because we focus on what matters and what we can gain lawfully. In this way we enjoy our every bite, every morsel and everything we have. This way we appreciate everything, including the people around us and be thankful to the one, our Provider, our Allah. We develop empathy, as we engage in conscious efforts to relieve the sufferings of people in despair.

The same concept can be applied to religious comparison. Often our gossip, judgements of others, and race is about another person’s character or actions as they fit into Islamic rules and recommendations. What if we trust that each of us is unique, and we all have various exceptional ways to make Allah satisfied with us? We are blessed with skills and capabilities that can distinctively shape the world for better. We have faith that Allah doesn’t burden our souls and He only gives the tests which are exclusively ours and which we can handle. We must be content in understanding that, Allah is the Most Merciful, and he will judge our deeds in the context of the difficulties and eases of our life and person. And that Allah knows us best, and knows others and their deeds and their challenges best. Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah.

Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured." (13:28) In effect, this is the contentment with Allah

So how can this world change from arrogance and jealousy to empathy and thankfulness? Only if we swap our attitudes from comparison to contentment.

Photo by Skyla Design on Unsplash