Nadia's Dholki

gust 17th, 218 Me: Hey, mum, how’s it- Mum: Sorry, can’t talk, gotta go to Nadia’s dholki. Me: *sad* oh okay... For those who don’t know what dholkis are, worry not, I don’t know exactly what they are either. From what I understand, to celebrate a shaadi (wedding) aunties and the girls get together, play drums, and sing songs in what I feel could very accurately be described as a “desi jam session”. September 8th, 2018 Me: Salam, Ammi. What’s for din- Mum: Sorry, can’t talk. Gotta go to Nadia’s dholki. Me: *déjà vu* Weird… But what dholkis are isn’t the real question here; the real mystery is why there need to be oh-so-many of them. And if, at any point while reading this, you thought I was going to answer that… boy were you wrong! The truth is, there is no answer. I’ve asked my mother to explain to me why she has to attend, on average, 5-8 dholkis per shaadi (over a span of a few months), and it’s the same answer every time: because all the aunties want to celebrate the wedding. If you think about this answer for a second, you’ll realize that that isn’t an answer. It would have remained the exact same if she’d stopped at “because”. September 24th, 2018 Me: Ammi! Let’s go for the movies! Mum: Sorry, can’t tonight. Gotta go to Nadia’s dholki. Me: *thinking there’s many Nadias. It’s got to be a different Nadia…* Wow! So many Nadia’s getting married MashaAllah. Mum: Oh no, it’s the same Nadia. But a different auntie is doing the dholki tonight. Me: I have absolutely nothing against the concept of dholkis. I’m not going to lie, dholkis sound super fun: a bunch of friends getting together, singing, talking, and having a great time. But what I do find a bit strange is the same group of friends getting together, singing the same songs, playing the same drum, and celebrating the same shaadi 7 times. And it’s not just dholkis; the “organizers” have to have a planning meeting before each dholki. If you’re keeping up with the numbers so far, that’s at least 5 dholkis + 5 planning meetings = 10 nights of doing the same things with the same people. What happens in those meetings is anyone’s guess. November 3rd, 2018 Me: Can you pick me up from the station at 7 tonight? Mum: Sorry, can’t. Gotta go to a dholki. Me: *Don’t say Nadia... Don’t say Nadia... Don’t say Nadia.* Whose? Mum: …Nadia. What I’m trying to say is, would it not be more feasible to have just one or two large-scale dholkis where the whole roster of guests was invited and whoever wants to, could chip in? From what I’ve been told, dholkis are elaborately planned events with fancy food, fancy clothes, fancy decorations, etc etc. This magnitude of planning would not only be expensive, isn’t it also very time-consuming and exhausting? December 2nd, 2018 Me: …I- Mum: Sorry going to Nadia’s dholki. I am writing this in the last week of May, and to this day, my mother is attending Nadia’s dholkis. May Allah bless my mom, her friends, Nadia, and her family with sabr and healthy vocal cords. Aameen!