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CEDAR FALLS, IA INSIDE THIS ISSUE UNI Pride Week 2

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CME dunks for diversity at tournament LEZIGA BARIKOR Staff Writer

Students and Cedar Falls community members came together for a basketball tournament unlike any other.

Student program coordinators from the Center for Multicultural Education (CME) held a “Dunking for Diversity” event in the Wellness and Recreation Center top level basketball courts on Saturday, March 30.

The event was a threeon-three basketball tournament with starting activities surrounding diversity education. Free pizza was provided and everyone who attended was also given a free shirt. The tournament winners from first place to third place received prizes of gift cards and CME merchandise. Around 60 people were in attendance along with the 15 teams that participated.

There were two main coordinators for the event: Jason Huang, a junior accounting and MIS major,

and Isaac Newsome, a graduate student for student affairs education. They were also assisted by fellow CME student program coordinators Ami Traore, Kyla Ford, Cierra Robinson and Adalberto Castrejon.

According to Huang, they did a similar event to this tournament in the fall but on a much smaller scale.

“We decided we could make the event that was in the fall in a much bigger scale and incorporate more diversity aspects,” Huang said.

The event started with diversity education in the form of different exercises and small group sessions.

“We just wanted to use basketball as a platform to bring people together because as you can see in the professional sports today transcends race, sex and any different culture,” Huang said. “Mainly because the power of sports is so universal and that’s something that we really wanted to incorporate into our events.”

Cedric Danilson, a

LEZIGA BARIKOR/Northern Iowan

The Center for Multicultural Education (CME) hosted “Dunking for Diversity,” a three-on-three basketball tournament promoting diversity education.

28-year-old UNI alum and current Cedar Falls police officer, attended the event.

“I thought it was pretty good; bringing everyone together,” Danilson said.

“Everyone loves to play basketball.”

There were three main components to the breakout sessions that occurred an hour before the tournament started, according to Huang.

They covered the topics of social diversity, ableism, implicit bias, and affinity

bias along with experiences regarding race on campus.

The last part of the discussions was a panel featuring the multicultural student athletes.

King won shot put and Isaac Holtz won the discus and hammer throw. Maria Gonzalez won high jump.

Brooke Lorenz won long jump and Alanna Nietert won the hammer throw for the women of UNI.

The Panthers look ahead to compete at the Husker Spring Invite in Lincoln, Neb., on Saturday, April 6.

See HOOPS, page 9

UNI track competes at Duncan Invite JERRIUS CAMPBELL Sports Writer

Over the weekend in Des Moines, the UNI Men’s and Women’s track teams competed at the Duncan Invite, hosted at Drake University. UNI swept Drake in this contest, with the men’s team winning with a score of 92 points and the women’s squad winning with a score of 82. At the Duncan open, UNI had a total of 49 top-three finishes, with the men winning 12 events and the women winning seven.

On the men’s side, Panther sprinting dominated, with Tayshaun Cooper winning the 100-meter dash, Ryan Van Baale was the victor in the 200 and Corey Hertz was crowned the champ in the 400. They also won the 4x400 relay.

Drake Henrichs ran to victory in the 5,000-meter run as well.

For the women’s team, Maddie McCalla won the 200-meter dash and Jasmine Blue won the 400-meter dash.

Competing in the 1,500meter run, Lyndsey Schinkel took first place for UNI. The

ELIOT CLOUGH/Northern Iowan

Panthers swept the 4x400 relay with a victory by the women.

As for field events, Darius

PAGE 2

CAMPUS LIFE APRIL 1, 2019 |

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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SOFIA LEGASPI

Campus Life Editor

VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

UNI Proud and GSS present ANNA FLANDERS Staff Writer

Inclusivity is the theme of this year’s Pride Week, which begins on Monday, April 1.

“We want to get everyone who wants to come to come,” said Adri Kelly, a senior majoring in political science and public administration and UNI Proud’s director of media relations. “We want to get away from this idea that ally students don’t belong in queer spaces. That’s something that we’ve talked about a lot with our exec board just because we want it to be an open space for everyone to come to and don’t say, ‘Oh, it’s Pride Week. You can’t come if you’re straight or an ally.’ […] Inclusivity is one thing we really want this year.”

The Art Gay-la will be an all-day event on April 1 at the Center for Multicultural Education (CME). Queer artists submitted pieces for the gallery beforehand, and those attending the gallery can vote on the piece they like best. The official kickoff will happen at 7 p.m. the same day in the CME. It will involve food and games, including Dungeons and Dragons.

The annual Queer Monologues event will be at 7 p.m. on April 2 in the Maucker Union Ballroom.

“They’re often about the speaker’s experiences as a queer person,” Kelly said. “A lot of times there are more sensitive topics, so on our program, there’ll be a trigger warning for each one just so the people know what they’re about.”

Although all Pride Week events are open to the public, Kelley wants to see younger people involved with the Queer Monologues, including high

school students.

“I want to try to get young people involved too because even though it’s UNI Proud, I like the idea of younger people getting involved in the queer community,” Kelly said.

Unlike in previous years, there will not be a keynote speaker. Instead, Gender and Sexuality Services will be hosting an LGBT Q&A event at 3 p.m. on Wednesday, April 3. The participants will be discussing their experiences as queer adults and answer questions from the audience.

On Thursday, April 4, UNI Proud will host a screening of the film “Boy Erased” at ThreeHouse. The 2018 film is based on the true story of Garrad Conley and his experiences with conversion therapy.

“We do wanna have time afterward to talk about [the film] and decompress, just because it’s more of a heavy topic,” Kelly said.

According to Kelly, Proud hopes to have a queer student who is involved in the religious community help lead the discussion since the film touches on the difficulties of being a queer person inside the religious community.

On Friday, April 5, Pride Week will conclude with the Drag Ball at 8 p.m. in Maucker Union Coffee House.

Not only will the Drag Ball feature Spjörk Cutlery from Iowa City, but The Vixen from season 10 of RuPaul’s Drag Race will also be performing twice and co-hosting. The Vixen will be doing a meetand-greet for 45 minutes after the ball, according to Kelly.

Donations from the ball will go to the nonprofit organization Iowa Safe Schools and the Queer College Conference.

UNI Proud and Iowa Safe

Schools will be hosting the conference in October on UNI campus. “[Iowa Safe Schools is] focused on helping queer youth just because statistically, queer young people are bul-

lied a lot more than any other kid,” Kelly said. “So that group helps out with creating GSAs [gay-straight alliances] on campuses for high schools and colleges. They have a campus coordinator that we’ve worked

with quite a bit [. . .] It’s an anti-bullying group that does a lot of great work.”

UNI Pride Week events are sponsored by UNI Proud and UNI Gender and Sexuality Services (GSS).

GABRIELLE LEITNER/Northern Iowan

UNI Proud and UNI Gender & Sexuality Services are hosting several events on campus this week in celebration of UNI Pride Week 2019. The week will conclude with the annual Drag Ball at 8 p.m. on Friday, April 5 in the Maucker Union Coffeehouse, hosted by The Vixen from “RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

PAGE 3

SYDNEY HAUER

OPINION

Executive Editor

APRIL 1, 2019 |

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

On Christchurch & stochastic terrorism MOHAMMAD RAWWAS

Opinion Columnist

On March 15, 2019, a white supremacist terrorist attacked two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand, killing fifty and injuring another fifty. From reading his manifesto that was released online, we might view this as an exercise in white fragility. While the right often decries the left for being weak and emotional, the manifesto paints a different picture, of a man falling to tears at the sight of brown people existing in France and in his near vicinity. While there certainly is some truth in this analysis, it ignores the broader context at play.

Others might regard this act as evil, but this does nothing but obfuscate from the conditions that caused such an ideology to develop.

To call the terrorist “evil” is to claim that events such as these are inevitable. After all, you can never get rid of evil. It is inherent to the individual. Paradoxically, it both removes agency from the actor by making the act an outgrowth of some immutable characteristic of theirs, and erases the surrounding context of the society that created such a man.

The reality is that “evil” does not exist at all.

The purpose of this piece is to actually acknowledge the broader context that brought this act to fruition. But first, we must discuss terrorism.

The traditional view of terrorism is that in which acts

are committed by terrorist groups, such as ISIL. This is often contrasted with “lone wolf ” acts, in which an individual supposedly commits an act of terrorism of their own volition, independently of any terrorist organization.

Especially in the modern age, the “lone wolf ” model has become outdated and outright misleading. The reality is that these so-called “lone wolves” are nothing of the sort.

Enter stochastic terrorism. The central thesis of this model is that political commentators with massive platforms and hundreds of thousands or millions of followers can push certain ideological narratives towards their followers, with the probable result of causing at least a tiny percentage of their followers to act on their ideological convictions. This structure replicates that of a terrorist organization, just in a slightly different form. One example of this is former Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly, who ran forty-two separate segments on a single abortion doctor, George Tiller, nicknaming him “Tiller the baby killer” on at least twenty-four occasions on his television program, until someone took it upon themselves to assassinate Dr. Tiller. Bill O’Reilly here acts as the stochastic terrorist, energizing his followers into action.

Another obvious example of a stochastic terrorist is Donald Trump. According to FBI statistics, hate crimes have surged since Trump’s candidacy and presidency.

A recent statistical analysis reports that hate crimes increase by 226 percent in counties that host Trump campaign rallies, directly after they occur.

This brings us back to Christchurch. In addition to praising Donald Trump for being a symbol for white nationalism, the shooter also cites Candace Owens of the “libertarian” (read: fascist) Turning Point USA as an influence. Regardless of the facetiousness of the manifesto, it is undeniable that right-wing propagandists that spread Islamophobic and hateful messages have contributed to the political climate in which gunning down fifty innocent Muslims can be considered justified by anyone. For example, Ben Shapiro, the right’s favorite sophist, has stated, “Israelis like to build. Arabs like to bomb crap and live in open sewage.” He has also stated that “The Arab-Israeli conflict may be accurately described as a war between darkness and light. Those who argue against Israeli settlements—outposts of light in a dark territory—argue for the continued victory of night”, claiming that Arabs “value murder” while Israelis “value life”. He has referred to Palestinian Arabs in specific as a “population rotten to the core … Palestinian Arabs must be fought on their own terms: as a people dedicated to an evil cause,” and continues that the “Arab Palestinian populace … by and large constitutes the most evil population on the face of the

Courtesy

Opinion columnist Mohammad Rawwas discusses the recent tragic shooting in Christchurch, New Zealand and the link it has to stochastic terrorism.

planet.” This is not some fringe far-right figure, but rather one that is accepted by the mainstream right, with over 2 million followers on Twitter. How long before one of those 2 million decides to take Shapiro’s rhetoric to its only logical conclusion?

What might you be willing to do if you thought someone legitimately valued murder and was the most evil person on the face of the planet?

In fact, the Quebec mosque shooter who killed six people in early 2017 was a fan of Ben Shapiro, and Ben Shapiro’s Twitter page was his most frequented, checking it 93 times in the month leading up to the shooting, according to The Washington Post.

To be unambiguously clear, this piece is explicitly antifree speech. However, the reality is that no one actually believes in free speech.

No one is horrified that the US government takes down online ISIL propaganda. No

one invokes slippery slopes of mass censorship, or fearmongers about government overreach, or has paranoid delusions about the death of free speech and the first amendment. We all collectively recognize that ISIL is a terrorist organization, and that having terrorist propaganda online will inevitably cause people to be recruited by ISIL, which leads to increased acts of terrorism.

All that is being asked is that this simple concept is applied universally, which means de-platforming stochastic terrorists. The fact that stochastic terrorists make up the majority of right-wing commentators is not my problem.

No one forced them to spew vitriolic hatred that inevitably encourages violence against minority groups. It is time to take responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

Is it not the Republican Party, after all, that is the party of personal responsibility?

LGBTQIA+ people always welcome at Threehouse Editor’s Note: This Letter to the Editor was submitted by Rev. David Glenn-Burns of Threehouse: A Wesley Foundation Campus Ministry.

Recently, the Christian church denomination in which I was formed and have served as an ordained pastor for 35 years (23 years at Threehouse: a Wesley Foundation here at UNI), held a special worldwide gathering for the purpose charting a “Way Forward” for the United Methodist Church with regards to LGBTQIA+ inclusion and leadership. To be clear and up front, I have favored full inclusion and affirmation of the gifts that our LGBTQIA+ siblings bring. Our worldwide church instead voted to adopt a plan called “The Traditional Plan”.

Though major portions of it have been determined to be unconstitutional by our church Judicial Council pre-

Courtesy

Reverand David Glenn-Burns of Threehouse: A Westley Foundation Campus Ministry pens a Letter to the Editor denouncing the new “Way Forward” plan introduced by the United Methodist Church and welcomes LGBTQIA+ people to the campus ministry.

viously, it was still adopted by a narrow margin to my disappointment. Rather than list all of the ways it is a “Way Backwards,” and also

acknowledging I do not know what the future holds for the UMC or me, I offer two specific reactions.

First, I want to say to those

of you for whom this decision and accompanying process has caused significant harm, I apologize. I see you and love you and welcome you.

Secondly, here is my commitment: The kind of ministry to which I am called to lead, and strive to offer at Threehouse, is centered on a God who left privilege behind and put on skin and walked with all kinds of people in the person of Jesus.

To borrow some phrases from various sources, here is a glimpse of what I hope you will find at/through Threehouse Campus Ministry.

Spirited faith, radical love, lavish generosity, inclusive hospitality, extravagant forgiveness, compassionate action, selfless service, a passion for justice, creative nonviolence, nourished growth, simple living, diversity, dialogue and questions.

Threehouse is proud to work in ministry partnership with ecumenical partners from several local faith communities.

I welcome an opportunity to discuss this more.

PAGE 4

APRIL 1, 2019 |

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VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

Panel discusses race in the classroom ELIZABETH KELSEY Staff Writer

“People here in Iowa are so scared of saying anything that is racial out loud, especially white students,” said Carissa Froyum, UNI professor of sociology. “White students are terrified.”

Working against that fear was one of the goals of Classroom Conversations on Race: A Panel Discussion, held on Thursday, March 28, in the Elm Room of Maucker Union. Froyum was joined on the panel by colleagues Anna Kogl, professor of political science, Abbylynn Helgevold, professor of philosophy and world religions and Gaetane Jean-Marie, dean of the College of Education.

Approximately twenty students, faculty and community members attended the panel, which began at 3:30 p.m. Each of the four panelists introduced themselves and explained their teaching philosophy and experiences teaching race in the classroom. Afterward, the floor was opened for audience questions and comments.

One of the most prominent issues raised during the ninety-minute discussion was the question of how teachers can integrate discussions of race into their classrooms.

Froyum, a scholar of inequality, said that she covers race in all her courses, regardless of whether the course’s title is directly related to race.

“I use race as an example of all sorts of sociological issues,” she said. “I’m quite confrontational in the classroom.”

Helgevold offered a different viewpoint, stating that she doesn’t consider herself an expert on racial structures but still feels “this kind of moral demand to chip away at that narrative that I know has gone on to perpetuate so many of the assumptions that have shaped the culture

in which so many of my students have been raised.”

For teachers who may not know where to start integrating race, Froyum and Helgevold recommend implementing clear ground rules at the start of each course, preferably rules that students help create. Helgevold described an “ouch rule” which she has implemented in her courses, where students can bring the conversation to a halt by saying “ouch” when they feel a line has been crossed.

Kogl discussed the importance of balancing courage with vulnerability in these situations.

“I believe very firmly in trigger warnings, but I also believe that we need to be courageous and engage in these conversations,” she said.

Jean-Marie voiced a similar opinion.

“What better place than the classroom setting to engage in those conversations, to grapple with the issues for shared understanding and shared growth?” she asked.

However, teachers do need to have strategies in place

for when emotional tensions boil over in the classroom.

Jean-Marie emphasized that educators need to be attuned to student’s bodily cues, even if they aren’t expressing discomfort verbally.

What are you going to do about it? Do something, don’t

just sit around

feeling bad.”

Carissa Froyum

Professor of sociology

Froyum said that one of her main strategies for facilitating racially charged discussion is to depersonalize the issue by having students apply it to class readings.

“My response will often be, ‘That’s really an interesting question, what would author A say about that?’” she said.

“So it’s not about you opining as a student, or me opining, but about how we can apply ideas in different ways.”

Kogl said that she uses a similar strategy through her

political science lens by attributing racial issues to societal structures rather than to individual people.

“It’s about these power structures that we all have a place in, but we don’t all have an equal place in,” she said. “We’re not talking about mean people, we’re talking about structures.”

All four panelists emphasized the importance of allowing time for students to process comments and opinions during discussion.

“There’s value in silence,” said Jean-Marie. “A question may be posed, but there’s no need to respond right away.”

She said one of her strategies is to use quick writes, where students jot down their thoughts regarding the issue, either to be shared or collected and compiled by the teacher. Jean-Marie described this as a way to pause and process, while not shutting down discussion entirely.

“I don’t want us to miss the opportunity when it’s critical to do it, and we don’t do it,” she said.

Kogl advised that teachers

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Four UNI professors hosted Classroom Conversations on Race: A Panel Discussion, an event that was held in the Elm Room of Maucker Union on Thursday, March 28.

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should “take a deep breath, model a kind of calm, and read what other people seem to be feeling.” She also noted that, based on the situation in question, there could be scenarios in which the teacher should dismiss the class entirely.

The panel concluded with a discussion of the difficulties teachers face in teaching about racial issues when they themselves are not members of the racial minority in question.

“When I first started teaching, I felt awkward about teaching about race—I’m a white woman,” said Kogl.

“Eventually, I realized that it wasn’t about me. I could offer readings, ideas, ways of thinking about power.”

She also stressed that even those who aren’t members of minority groups can still be negatively affected by racism.

“One can hate injustice even though one is privileged within the system that perpetuates that injustice,” she said.

Noelle Hulshizer, a senior public relations major, said that she attended the panel out of a personal interest in self-development.

“I have been challenging myself to be more aware of my privilege,” said Hulshizer, and said that the panel offered “a different direction” for the conversation about race.

The four panelists issued a challenge for students, once they’ve become aware of their privileges, to translate that empathy into action.

“I just say, ‘What are you going to do about it?’” said Froyum. “‘Do something, don’t just sit around feeling bad.’”

Jean-Marie agreed.

“What are you doing beyond your formal education?” she said. “Whether or not we have a class about this, we have an opportunity to improve humanity.”

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CEDAR FALLS, IOWA what’s happenin?? why don’t you two

CEDAR FALLS, IA

MONDAY, APRIL 1 open up this issue 2

THURSDAY, APRIL 5

VOLUME 114, ISSUE 42

VOLUME 6, ISSUE 9 (nice) and look for too yourself :))))))))))))))))))))) to

Campus squirrels armed to defend trees A LITTLE BIT KELSEY Not A Full Kelsey

University officials have developed a novel solution to the problem of the emerald ash borer and the threat that it poses to the ash trees on UNI’s campus.

“We didn’t want to use chemicals that could be environmentally hazardous, and no one wanted to lose the trees,” said Northern Iowa Student Government (NISG) president Dean Stanislaus. “Before we made the final decision to remove all infected trees on the north end of campus, we called an emergency NISG meeting to brainstorm potential alternatives, and one of our senators came up with a brilliant idea.”

That brilliant idea involves perhaps the only animals on campus who are more wellknown than mascots TC and TK: The UNI squirrels.

According to Stanislaus, beginning this summer, campus squirrels will be armed with miniature slingshots with which they can fire nuts to ward off invading insects.

“We realized that the best

way to fight off the emerald ash borer was to provide ammunition at the tree level,” said UNI president Mike Gnook. “It’s really a win-win situation: Not only do the squirrels have the readymade ammunition in the form of nuts, they also have the motivation to protect their homes from the infestation.”

The slingshots will be created as a class project by manufacturing students, and Stanislaus said that a trial run with the first slingshots is scheduled to take place in the week following final exams in May. From there, he said, adjustments will be made if necessary and weapons will be distributed to the entire squirrel population by mid-June.

“We wanted to start the program after most students have left campus, to avoid any unfortunate mishaps with ill-aimed slingshots,” Stanislaus said. “Our goal is to have the kinks worked out by the time students return in the fall. The summer weather will also provide a better environment for training.”

NISG’s Project Squirrel com-

LANE LARSON/da french fry

mittee is currently seeking motivated students, ideally with a background in animal training, to aid in coaching the squirrels on how to use their slingshots.

Stanislaus emphasized that precision and accuracy in shooting will be a necessity, as the insects are typically less than half an inch long.

“We’re still discussing the size of nuts that will deliver the best trajectory and impact,” he

said.

More information about the training program’s schedule will be released in the coming weeks.

Gnook said he “has it on good authority” that the squirrels will cooperate fully with the plan.

However, the squirrel population of the campus, as represented by @UNIamasquirrel, the official Twitter account of UNI campus squirrels, expressed some misgivings.

“We want to make it clear that our food source cannot and will not be used for ammunition, nor will our time be used without compensation,” the squirrels tweeted in response to a request for comment. “We are open to helping the UNI community, but unless squirrel representation is welcome in the upcoming Project Squirrel meetings, we simply cannot agree to this nutty proposal.”

UNI receives Weather Resiliency Award ANASTASIA FLOUNDER Not A Fish

UNI was awarded the Winter Resiliency Award by the American Institute of Radical Excellence in Education (AIREE) on Friday, March 29. This is the 13th year the organization has given out the award, but the first time UNI has received it.

“It’s always been an honor to work at UNI, but I’ve never felt this much pride,” said President Mike Gnook.

“People who have ignored us for years will finally take notice that what we have here is truly special. It broadens our appeal for prospective students. People will no longer know UNI as a teachers’ college or a great business school. They’ll know us for our resilience against Mother Nature.”

AIREE’s weather-related awards committee includes meteorologist Al Roker, Olympic snowboarder Shaun White and rapper Vanilla

SPOHIA LABASKI/ze french fry

Ice. The committee takes several factors into consideration when making their decision. The first (and most important) is total snowfall accumulation during the winter season and the number of days over which the

snowfall occurred. Although there are only 28 days in February, somehow Cedar Falls recorded a total of 36 days of snowfall for the month. Over the entire winter, Cedar Falls reported 107 inches of snow accumulation.

The tipping point

for the judges was Cedar Falls’ extreme wind-chills that averaged negative 40-degrees Fahrenheit over the 2018-2019 winter season.

Despite these teeth-chattering statistics, the likelihood of UNI canceling class during the winter season

was calculated to be 0.004 percent.

Another factor AIREE considers is how many vehicles get stuck in on-campus parking lots. Seventeen cars got stuck in a UNI parking lot on an average day this winter season.

Universities with a high number of students who wear shorts during below-freezing temperatures get bonus points.

“I take the role I played in UNI receiving this award very seriously,” said one shorts-wearing student, Nickolaus Noodley, who is a junior majoring supply chain management. “I didn’t wear pants a single time this winter — not even during the job fair in February. I think that UNI should at the very least give me a new pair of shorts for all I’ve done for this university. Without people like me, who knows if AIREE would have ever looked twice at UNI?” See I HATE WINTER, page 2

PAGE 2

APRIL 1, 2019

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MIKE “THE QUOTATION” OASHEIM News Editor

VOLUME #, ISSUE 43204812

Dick’s Pizza won’t go down without a fight MIKE “THE QUOTATION” OASHEIM News Editor

Those that miss getting cheap pizza on The Hill n e e d not fear: Dick, of the former Dick’s Pizza has been reportedly selling it on the streets.

Interestingly enough, those bold enough to have purchased a single slice of the questionable pizza off of the man wearing a trench coat, pastel shorts, Crocs with socks and a fedora have enjoyed the experience more than they care to admit.

“Honestly, the stuff he’s selling on the streets is probably better than the pizza they were selling when Dick’s was open,” said one UNI student.

This student wished to remain anonymous, due to the shame brought on from willingly exposing themselves to this type of culinary disgrace.

I cannot blame them.

Dick charges $.98 for a slice of pizza, not including tax, of course.

“I’m undercutting those lowlifes at Burger King,” said the self-declared entreprenuer. “I don’t’ know how they’re getting away with that 10 nuggets for a dollar deal they got going, but it’s certainly hard to compete with.”

Dick would probably see more of a profit margin if it weren’t for the fact that he spends most of the money from his pizza sales on the dollar nugget meals from Burger King, ironically enough.

If you wish to purchase a slice, Dick can be found in storm drains, alleyways and the Burger King drive-through entrance on University Avenue. If you’re

THIS IS A PHOTO

This is a caption for the above photo. It is extremely relevant and adds a lot to the story. Please enjoy the rest of the caption. This is the rest of the caption.

Thanks for coming.

lucky, you could run into Dick at any one of those three locations and he will provide you with a soggy slice of pizza at a discounted rate. If you’re even luckier, you’ll never have to meet or even see the rogue pizza salesman at all.

“You just gotta love the grind,” said Dick as he ground up an uncooked sausage as part of the preparation required of making his signature recipe, “The Ground-Up, Uncooked Sausage Pizza.”

“It’s all for the kids,” said Dick as he waved to a passing family in the Burger King parking lot, whose pace immediately hastened after making

eye contact with Dick, who slowly opened his trenchcoat, revealing slice after slice of pizza hanging from the inside of his coat by what appeared to be command strips that he had crudely sewn on. He beckoned the family with a singular wave of his index finger, at which point the police were called and Dick was forced to make another narrow escape from the law.

“I have no idea how he’s gotten away with it for so long, but at this point, it’s just impressive. I mean, the man is persistant, I have to give him that at the very least,” said Cedar Falls renowned

I HATE WINTER

continued from page 1

The beguiling WD-40 man

When asked why he chooses to wear shorts so frequently, Noodley responded, “Wearing shorts around campus in the winter is a status symbol.

Whenever I see another guy wearing shorts during winter, I know I can trust him. It’s like a code. We are Brothers in Shorts!”

Provost and Vice President for Academic Affairs Tim Wolfpart sent an email to students and faculty to share the good news of the award.

food critic, Jasperson Williamson.

You have to admit, it’s not the worst idea for a business.

He has the street pizza vendor part of the market completely cornered and nobody seems willing to step up to the competition.

“Do you see Domino’s out here? Papa Johns? Papa Murpy’s?” Dick asked. “Nope, just your good ole’ uncle Dick, giving the people what they want, passable pizza served with a friendly smile.”

“I don’t know why nobody else is trying it,” Dick added.

As for his preferred methods of cooking his pizza,

Dick typically utilizes trash can fires and the hoods of cars that have been running for a while. The result is an unevenly cooked, sad looking entree that customers can’t seem to get enough of.

“It’s a tough job,” said Dick. “But somebody’s gotta do it.”

I’m clearly missing something here, so please, go pay Dick a visit, grab a slice of ‘za and report back to me immediately with your findings because Dick has to be some sort of pizza selling extrodinaire in order for him to find this much success in a saturated industry.

“During the days of aggressive blizzards and extreme wind-chills, students and faculty often ask, ‘Tim, why don’t you cancel?’ Now I have a very clear reason to give them,” Wolfpart said. “I was always doing this for the students. I was doing it so people would know that we’re resilient — that in the midst of the toughest Iowa winters, we stay strong.”

Although some might be shocked that this is UNI’s first win, there’s a very good reason for that. In the past, AIREE questioned whether

or not Iowa schools had an unfair advantage for the Winter Resiliency Award and UNI more than any other school.

Some people also suspect that when Wolfpart decided to move from Florida to Iowa three and a half years ago, it was solely because he was vying to work at a school that actually had a chance at AIREE’s most coveted award.

In addition to the trophy, UNI will receive handwarmers for all students and faculty in the 2019-2020 winter season.

~*~northern iowan staff (totally real people btw)~*~ editorial staff

squidnie executive editor meme queen sierra steen memeing editor

mike “The Quotation” oasheim newz editor/really funny person

spohia labaski camp is life editor

kluff ballz sportz editor dabrielle litner leitroom master

bordy ‘all copy editor -------no contact info- we only accept contact via smoke signals now

SPOHIA LABASKI Camp Is Life Editor

APRIL 1, 2019

FILM REVIEW

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camp is life

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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PAGE 3 i think? i lost count

VOLUME ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN, ISSUE FOURTY FIVE

‘The Room’ is greatest film ever MR. I’M A SERIOUS FILM CRITIC I get to watch movies for free

Move over, “Citizen Kane” and “The Godfather,” there’s a new greatest film of all time and its name is “The Room.”

Directed, written, produced and starring Tommy Wiseau, this San Francisco epic is probably the best time you can ever have at a theater.

I even feel that reviewing it doesn’t give it enough justice. This film is a cultural experience that will permanently change the way you watch and appreciate the art of filmmaking.

Directing: 5/5 “The Room” is a steamy romantic drama telling the tale of a love triangle between Johnny, his “future wife” Lisa and his best friend Mark.

Wiseau incorporates many ingenious directing tactics to put his own style on the film.

To keep the suspense building throughout, many of the frames are out of focus and blurry. It was like watching without my contacts in, which is an experiment so brave only Wiseau would try.

I was absolutely blown

away to learn that this film was made for only six million dollars. There are so many scenes set on rooftops, alley parking lots and public parks that seem to have cost a fortune.

Writing: 5/5 Wiseau packs so many twists into this film that you’ll never see coming.

I don’t think there’s ever been a movie that’s been able to blend plots about romance, backstabbing, friendship, drug dealing, breast cancer, football, spoons and suicide as well as this film.

Throughout the film, there is a lot of sharp witty dialogue that you’ll be quoting for years Lines like “It’s bullshit, I did not hit her. I did not.

Oh hi, Mark!” and “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket” are just a few examples of the whip-smart writing.

It’s so good that I’ve even started saying them in normal conversations, which has made me look super cool in front of my friends.

Acting: 5/5 Wiseau delivers one of the greatest performances

TRIBUNE NEWS SERIVCE & PEXELS

Hey, so we couldn’t find a copyright-free photo of the actual film so here’s a photo of Tommy Wiseau in a room.

of all time as he plays a vampire who is learning to speak English for the first time.

And even though he was born outside of America, Wiseau is still able to perfectly portray the average American dude, complete with throwing a football with a perfect spiral.

Greg Sestero plays Mark, Johnny’s best friend who ends up sleeping with Lisa.

Sestero keeps his character mystifying as he always stares off into the middle

distance and has a dazed look on his face.

Completing the trifecta is Juliette Danielle as Lisa.

She’s a cunning seductress who pits the two best friends against each other. Danielle must have known that this would be her greatest performance, as she didn’t act for another decade after.

What a legend.

Overall: 5/5 In my time as the film critic for the Northern Iowan, I have yet to give a film a full five-star review. This ends today as I award “The Room” the highest remarks I can give it.

This film needs to be treasured for future generations, as there will never be another like it ever again.

Insomnia Cookies actually cause insomnia STEVE STEVENSON

Devourer of cookies

In an effort to increase brand involvement among its customers, local bakery Insomnia Cookies surveyed UNI college students, asking them how their company could better serve the Cedar Falls community. After the results were processed, the recipe to their future success was clear: a large amount of caffeine.

“When I said they should ‘stay woke,’ this wasn’t quite what I had in mind,” said junior accounting major Troy Williams. “A month after I took the survey, I ordered some s’mores cookies around 1 a.m. I was working on homework at the time and I needed something to keep me going. After softly weeping over an Excel spreadsheet, I drowned my sorrows in a tide of gooey marshmallow and graham crackers.”

Shortly after eating the cookies, however, some-

thing wasn’t adding up for Williams. Budgeting plan aside, Williams noticed that his heart was beating rapidly.

After breaking into a sweat, he suspected that there must have been caffeine in the dessert he consumed. Once he had finished his assignment, Williams decided to go to bed for the night. As he tossed and turned, he couldn’t manage to fall asleep.

“I was laying there on my mattress and trying to catch a wink, but I just couldn’t do it,” Williams said. “The next morning, I went to my managerial accounting class. It was weird­­— I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours but it was the most awake I had ever felt in my life.”

Williams told all of his friends about his experience and received mixed reactions.

“Some of my friends immediately ordered dozens of Insomnia cookies in search of the superhuman alertness I had experienced,” he said.

“But my some of my other

friends got scared about the unknown side effects and were adamant about not giving another dime to them.

But then they remembered that the confetti cookies were coming back and they caved.”

This sleepless phenomenon isn’t unique to Williams.

Over the past few weeks, several UNI students have reported an inability to be tired after eating their baked goods.

“I haven’t stopped doing homework in over 11 hours,” said senior social work major Amy Wamy. “It’s the most productive I’ve ever been!”

Philosophy professor Amy Petrova said she has noticed a sharp increase in energy in her classes.

“Everyone seemed to be paying more attention in class, so I brought in some Insomnia Cookies as a reward,” Petrova said. “Everyone cheered so loud my ears started ringing.

At first, I figured that my class just really loved macadamia nuts, but then one

of the students explained the recent incidents involving their cookies. I assumed they were joking, so I took a bite. For the rest of the class period, I could feel the blood rushing through my veins.”

Soon after their new recipe had been launched, Insomnia Cookies began to hear feedback from its customers.

After several sleepless nights of discussion, they decided to revert their cookies back to the original ingredients.

“The whole thing has been

a strange situation,” said Joe Galligan, Insomnia’s public relations director. “Here at Insomnia Cookies, we strive to meet the needs of college students. While we were able to help them get some latenight papers done, putting that much caffeine into anything is probably not the best idea, especially when there is no available research on the possible harmful side effects.

We want to serve insomniacs, but we don’t want to create them.”

LANE LARSON/Northern Iowan

page for

APRIL 1, 3019

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SPORTZ!!!!!!!!!

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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KLUFFBALLZ

SPORTZ EDITOR

VOLUME 42, ISSUE 0 ;)

FOOSBALL

Clough and Q try out at pro day be too upset.”

Mendlik put Sports Writer forth a 5.32 in the 40, while wearing jeans nonetheless.

“I bent down and thought, ‘Oh geez, I hope I don’t rip my pants.’ That would have been like SpongeBob that one time but a lot less funny,” added Mendlik.

The pair also leaped broadly in the broad jump, but didn’t record their distances.

“The short-shorts were clutch, I’m not gonna lie,” said Clough after the jump. “I don’t know how far I got, but it went further than Q so I’m good.” Mendlik disagreed, claiming there was no final distance for the two.

The vertical jump came next, with no sort of measurement tool available, the pair grabbed some alreadyused tape to evaluate their

CONFUSED AND HOPING THEY DON’T PULL A HAMMY

In the springtime, NFLhopefuls showcase their talents for scouts galore, UNI athletes included.

Not every year do non-footballers compete, but two UNI students and sports talk show hosts determined it was their time to shine.

Eliot Clough and Quentin Mendlik, or Clough and Q, stepped into the UNI-Dome ready to impress.

“Yeah, I ran track back in the day so I figured running the 40 would be a piece of cake,”said Clough. The senior communications major ran an (unofficial) 5.07, which would have tied former Panther quarterback Eli Dunne’s time ran earlier in the day. “I’m not too happy with it, but any time you run as fast possible professional athlete, you can’t

FOOSBALL AGAIN

DIII athlete changes Instagram bio KLUFFBALLZ

Sports Editor

After years of having “DI bound” placed in his profile, an area track and field athlete has completely removed the phrase from the “About” section on his Instagram page due the complete and utter shame of becoming an NCAA Division III athlete instead.

The biography now simply reads “All glory to God. Rise and grind. Take no days off. Still in my bag like the fries at the bottom.”

Said athlete has chosen to remain anonymous. “I didn’t receieve any DI scholarship offers and I didn’t want to walk-on,” said the competitor, apparently not realizing that athletic scholarships aren’t offered at the DIII

level.

“I also chose to attend a school that would be better for my education. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, but I heard somewhere that smaller schools are better at this whole education thing so that’s the reason I’m here.

Yeah that’s it.”

This self-proclaimed “jock” is a third-generation college student and comes from a family where his mother is a lawyer and father is a doctor.

“I was never given anything,” said the athlete. “I worked hard, didn’t drink, and gave everything I had to football... er, I mean track. And it got here. I’m kind of proud I guess. This whole 4 a.m. lifting thing ain’t it though.”

heights. “You gotta do what you gotta do,” said Mendlik.

After both had completed their jumps, Mendlik appeared to be the bouncier of the two. “I think I just confirmed that white men can’t jump,” added Clough.

Following their escapades on the football turf, the radio hosts made their way to the public weight room to test their strength and endurance on the bench press. As opposed to the conventional 225-pound weight used by future NFL player, the two used 95 pounds.

“I figured that just made sense. I just did upper-body [workouts] yesterday and Q doesn’t work out,” said Clough before the lifting competition.

Clough was able to hoist the baby-weight 31 times while Mendlik put together 23 reps.

Prior to the exasperating

ELIOT CLOUGH/Northern Iowan

effort by Mendlik, all he had to say was “I really don’t want to do this.”

Disregarding the fact that the two haven’t played competitive football since they were in their middle-school days, the pair fought for every inch and second they

got, using pure will as their motivation.

“I think Q and I have a real shot. I don’t want to toot my own horn here, but that was a solid performance. I’m excited for the draft,” said Clough as Mendlik stood by shaking his head confidently.

CAMPUS LIFE

SOFIA LEGASPI

Campus Life Editor

PantheR

PORTRAIT:

APRIL 1, 2019 |

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

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PAGE 9

VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

YOUNG PUPPETEERS SHOWCASE GABRIELLE LEITNER/Northern Iowan

SOFIA LEGASPI

Campus Life Editor

Puppets designed by local elementary students are on display in the “Young Puppeteers Showcase” in Kamerick Art Building.

The project was part of a lesson plan designed by UNI students in a Methods in

Elementary Art Education class last semester.

The children used fabric, styrofoam, yarn and various other materials to design their puppets, each of which were accompanied by short descriptions the students wrote themselves.

LEFT: “My puppet is bob ross! He has a plaid blue

shirt and nice brown eyes.

His friend is aleno and they met on the beach while he was painting a pic of the beach.” (Lennon Michel, 5th grade, North Cedar) MIDDLE: “Icecreamy was stolen from a store and a scientist found it on the floor and took it to his lab and made it come alive and

it has been hiding away in a freezer. Then it escaped and has been roaming around the town but he doesn’t know what is coming next.”

(Kelsey Eastman, 4th grade, North Cedar) RIGHT: My favorite thing about my puppet is: that she is mermaid because I love to swim. I think that

it brings out my personality. My puppet is: majestic because is beautiful. Also she is a mermaid.” (Mya Miller, 6th grade, Hansen Elementary) The showcase will be on display in the glass cases just outside the UNI Gallery of Art until Saturday, April 20.

LEZIGA BARIKOR/Northern Iowan

HOOPS

continued from page 1

“It was kind of a free-flowing conversation from athletes to students, and if the students had questions about it, they could just ask the athletes,” Huang said.

Huang led the discussion on implicit bias. He said attendees got to learn about how implicit bias affects the way the choose their friends.

“That really hit me,” said Chase Shetter, a fifth-year general studies major. “That you do certain things you don’t really think about.”

Huang said that all the attendees got to do a privilege walk where they were told to step forward or back in response to questions about different types of privilege.

“There’s a lot of diverse people at UNI,” said Lee Jackson, a 25-year-old Cedar Falls community member in attendance.

Jackson attended to support his friends who were putting on the program. He said it was impressive to see how basketball brought so many different people into the event.

“Ever yone hoops,” Jackson said.

The main goal for the event to was have diversity education at the forefront, according to Huang.

“We can have a basketball tournament any time of the

year, but ours is a bit different because we have that diversity education along with it,” Huang said. “And we want to make our tournament stand out compared to any other basketball tournament.”

Each T-shirt at the event had the mission statement created by Huang and Newsome on the back.

The mission statement reads: “The Center for Multicultural Education seeks to provide a diverse education for all its community members in order to provide a safe and welcoming environment that fosters academic success. ‘Dunking for Diversity’ utilizes the power of sports to transcend any boundaries of race, culture and sex to help promote a sense of belonging on our campus.”

Huang said that the idea of hosting the event in the WRC was to also reach students who may not usually go to the CME and serve as bridge to that point.

“Hopefully after me and Isaac graduate from UNI that we have a legacy kind of left behind us in our own imprint with dunking for diversity and it becomes an

annual event hopefully in the future,” Huang said. “And our new and future student program coordinators will sort of take it on and kind of continue what we started.”

Panther|Preview uni saxophone studio recital

focus on chile

Mastodon tusk exhibit opening

Tuesday, April 2 8 p.m.

wednesday, april 3 4 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.

Wednesday, April 3 4 p.m.

graham hall russell hall

curris business bldg student lounge

UNI museum 1st floor rod library

PAGE 10

APRIL 1, 2019 |

OPINION

SPORTS

NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

|

ELIOT CLOUGH Sports Editor

VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

NFL Mock Draft, The NI Edition ELIOT CLOUGH

Sports Editor

As the 2019 NFL Draft soon approaches, each and every NFL fan continues to be bombarded by every analyst’s supposed 100 percent accurate mock draft, until it changes in two weeks.

Yes, new information leaks; yes, players have incredible combine workouts that increase their draft stock and yes, sometimes videos of offensive lineman smoking marijuana surface on Twitter the day of the draft and shift things around a little bit.

But, accuracy for the most part when it comes to the draft can be deduced even months prior to said selections. Here’s your first look at the Northern Iowan’s Top 10 Mock Draft of 2019.

1. Arizona Cardinals - Kyler Murray, QB Oklahoma Let’s be real here. If this were last year’s draft, Baker Mayfield and Sam Darnold would easily be taken ahead of Murray. But this year, Murray is clearly the top of this year’s class purely based on his incredible athleticism and intelligence of the game. Murray is far and away better for Kliff Kingsbury’s system as opposed to Josh Rosen and the Cardinals will be ecstatic in the long-term to have Murray under center as

opposed to Rosen.

2. San Francisco 49ers - Nick Bosa, DE Ohio State The 49ers have to be jumping for joy realizing that the best player in the draft has fallen into their laps. While Murray could be franchise -changing for Arizona, Bosa is far and away a safer bet. He possesses all the skill of his older brother Joey, being a high motor pass rusher with the ability to fit into either a 4-3 or 3-4 scheme and become the team’s top sack-getter day one.

3. New York Jets - Quinnen Williams DT Alabama This one was tough. In a defense-deep draft, the Jets have plenty of needs. Pass rusher, run stopper, a safety to pair with Jamal Adams and a corner. In the attempt to check off two of those boxes, the J-E-T-S grab Williams. The Alabama defensive tackle has been labeled as the surest thing in this year’s draft, and the Jets could absolutely use that.

4. Oakland Raiders - Josh Allen Edge Kentucky After trading away one of the best linebackers in the NFL today, Khalil Mack, the silver and black look to finally replace him. Allen has unparalleled speed at the linebacker position, having covered a running back on a wheel route earlier this season. Allen can also get to the quarterback with ease.

5.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Jonah Williams OT Alabama This might be one of the toughest spots in the draft. The Bucs have needs just about everywhere. Having lost Kwon Alexander and DeSean Jackson to free agency, a bad situation at quarterback with Jameis Winston, and a bad Tribune News Service Tribune News Service offensive line, there’s a plethora of places to improve. and Taylor is a great option to radius and the ability to go up Offensive line is too important do that. Having only allowed and get the ball. I personalto miss out on, and Williams is one sack this last year, Taylor ly think Metcalf is extremely a plug and play guy. remains in-state and goes in overrated and his complete lack 6. New York Giants - Dwayne the top 10 to the Jaguars. of lateral-quickness is concernHaskins QB Ohio State 8. Detroit Lions - Montez ing, but scouts are drooling Eli Manning is not getting Sweat Edge Mississippi State over him and he goes higher any younger. After having one Sweat shows freaky athleti- than he deserves. winning season in the last six cism and can make crazy plays 10. Denver Broncos - Drew years, it’s time to move on. any time he wants to. If you Lock QB Missouri The franchise has made it clear watch the tape, he disappears.

Out of desperation to finally that they are in a rebuilding Regularly. Yes, there are those replace Peyton Manning at the phase after letting go of Odell few instances in a game where helm, John Elway stretches for Beckham Jr, Landon Collins he makes his presence known, a QB who’s not ready to start and Olivier Vernon. It’s time but that needs to be made a day one. After trading for Joe to move on from Manning. much more regular thing at the Flacco, the Broncos seem to Pairing the young QB with next level. This is a projection have made it apparent that they Saquon Barkley also can’t hurt. pick at its finest. think they are contenders right 7. Jacksonville Jaguars - 9. Buffalo Bills - D.K. Metcalf now. That defense may be solid Jawaan Taylor OT Florida Ole Miss (with some concerns on the After yet another disapThe Bills need a weapon on back end), but the offense has pointing season, the Jags have the outside It’s that simple. Josh been dreadful the last few years. resorted to signing a back-up Allen is not anywhere near one After taking Paxton Lynch in quarterback in Nick Foles to of the most accurate quarter- the first round a couple years a four-year 88 million dollar backs in the draft and he could ago, this is Elway’s last shot at deal. Might as well protect him use a guy that has a wide catch redemption.

MLB Opening Day, who wins it all in 2019?

OPINION

PATRICK HANSEN

Sports Writer

After five long months to the date, baseball is finally back in full swing as Opening Day 2019 is officially in the books.

This off-season has been crazy, as free agents signed new contracts, veterans (Ichiro Suzuki) played in their last action and three players signed the biggest contracts in sports history.

Following Boston’s 4-1 World Series victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers, the major league spotlight changed from the World Series and started to shine on said new free agents.

Questions surrounded players such as Manny Machado, Bryce Harper and Mike Trout as to where they would be playing this year.

These three players will be under a high amount of pressure as all three set the record for the highest paid free-agent sports contract of all-time. It all started with

Machado finding his new home two and a half hours south of Los Angeles, settling in San Diego for the Padres. The new contract was an astounding ten-year, 300 million dollar contract signed on Feb. 21.

Just eight days later on March 1, Harper blew past that, becoming the largest contract in sports, signing with the Philadelphia Phillies for a 13-year, 330 million dollar contract. But Bryce Harper only held that title for just under three weeks.

That was due to Mike Trout signing a 12-year extension worth 430 million dollars to take the title for the highest paid athlete.

Having opening day already passed, we start to project who is looking to bring home the World Series title this year. Will Boston be able to go back-to-back?

Could the Dodgers make it for the third year in a row?

Could anyone dethrone the two baseball powerhouses?

Following Boston’s 108-

win season last year, there is the existing question as to if the reigning champs will fall into a slump in 2019, but no doubt they are looking to be an all-star performance team. They may win their division, but I do not believe they will be returning to the title.

The Dodgers seem to be playing great every year. . . until they make the championship game, that is. They have won their division the past six years, appeared in the World Series the last two years, but still end up empty-handed at the end of the season.

The squad seems to be falling apart, trading away Matt Kemp, Yasiel Puig and Alex Woods and then losing Machado in free agency. Clayton Kershaw is also starting the season on the disabled list, so it will be interesting to see where they end up in this year’s title race.

For the American League, the Astros are coming in

off a 103win season and I think that will roll over into this season. They s h o u l d n ’t have too much of a struggle in the regular season with their s c h e d ule and running into the postseason with a lethal J u s t i n Tribune News Service Verla nder and Jose Altuve. The future looks bright for the Astros.

In the National League, watch out for the Phillies. No, they have not had a winning season since 2011, but that will change this year. They added five players during free agency including the

speedy Andrew McCutchen and already mentioned big hitter Harper.

This year could be a big season for Philadelphia, and they will have a tough schedule in their division, but should be able to handle it well.

PAGE 11 SIERRA STEEN Managing Editor

APRIL 1, 2019 |

FUN & GAMES NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

|

VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

Make sure you check out the middle spread in today’s issue for our special April Fools’ Day French Fry satirical insert!

SUDOKU ONE

38 Canapé garnish 39 Competition 41 Snap or split veggie 42 “Casino” co-star Joe 44 Ease up 45 Toy with, cat-style 46 Microbrewery product 48 Studios for artists 50 Materials for babies’ 17 Hawk, in the military rugs 54 Paper size: Abbr. sense 55 Consumed amounts 19 Get the best of 56 Reverb in a chamber 20 In the buff 59 Centipede game com21 Local residents, to pany local college students 60 Drambuie and Scotch 23 Draw sap from, as a cocktail maple 25 “I haven’t the foggiest” 65 Closer to being harvested 66 Month before febrero 27 Grooming process 30 Formula __: auto rac- 67 Get it 68 “Alien” director Riding class ley __ 31 Casino convenience 69 Eggs purchase 32 Cacophonous 70 Juan’s “that” 34 Prescription items Across 1 “I’m clever” chuckle 4 Take a broom to 9 Rapscallion 14 Pretty __ picture 15 Main artery 16 __ roll: student’s achievement

Down 1 Goldie with a Golden Globe 2 Founder of Edom 3 *Tough period in life 4 Brazilian map word 5 Hit the jackpot 6 Bit of energy 7 Strasbourg summer 8 Second section 9 *Grade school presentation 10 Come back (with) 11 Naysayers 12 Web surfing tool 13 Narrative writing 18 Event with courses 22 War on Poverty org.

24 *Slim-fitting Dior creation 25 Singer Turner’s memoir 26 *Nuclear treaty subject 27 Camper’s cover 28 Plains native 29 Excessively 33 Irish poet who wrote “Easter, 1916” 35 Caps, and a hint to the answers to starred clues 36 Drive or reverse 37 Toothed tools 40 Fr. holy woman 43 Moulin Rouge, notably 47 Squeeze (out) 49 Cross-country southern hwy.

50 Some are compulsive 51 Shenanigan 52 Philippines peak: Abbr.

53 Looks flushed 57 Hurries, old-style

58 Bread spread 61 2018 National Toy Hall of Fame inductee 62 “__ who?”

63 Antonio’s three 64 That, old-style

northerniowan.com

CROSSWORD

SUDOKU TWO

If you’re sticking around this summer, consider the convenience and affordability of staying in the residence halls!

Summer housing is available in Panther Village, Roth and Jennings; all with air conditioned rooms!

Summer housing contracts now being accepted:

dor.uni.edu/summerhousing Accelerate progress toward your degree this summer by enrolling in an on-campus or online class.

Visit summer.uni.edu to register or to learn more.

Advance registration begins April 1.

Enrollment in summer courses is not required. Summer student housing is reserved for our current residents, or those students enrolled in courses full-time during the prior spring semester and/or the upcoming fall semester. All other students needing summer housing should refer to our Conference Housing webpage. Hall restrictions apply, see website for details.

PAGE 12

APRIL 1, 2019 |

CLASSIFIEDS NORTHERNIOWAN.COM

HELP WANTED

SUMMER JOB!

|

VOLUME 115, ISSUE 45

SIERRA STEEN Managing Editor

Panuszwzleers

SUDOKU ONE

WORK IN THE RESIDENCE HALLS

$8.50/hr

40hrs/wk Monday-Friday 6:00am to 2:30pm May through mid-August Custodial: May 11 Painter: May 13 Maintenance: May 13

 Custodial Assistant  Maintenance Assistant  Painter Assistant ELIGIBILITY: Cannot be enrolled in summer classes during the hours of employment. Must have been enrolled for a minimum of 1 credit hour in the spring. Must be enrolled for a minimum of 1 credit hour in the fall.

SUDOKU TWO

Visit dor.uni.edu/jobs and click on custodial to apply

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