3 minute read
Bucket List Death Wish
DID YOU KNOW THAT ALLIGATORS LIKE DINNER ROLLS?
No one should die for a bucket list. All I’m saying is, of the three most dangerous situations I’ve experienced in my life, two were on my bucket list: whitewater rafting and an Everglades tour.
You Get What You Pay For
Although I’ve been to Florida dozens of times, I’d never seen the Everglades. So when my daughter and I drove from Miami to Key West last fall, we decided to squeeze in a visit to the Everglades. After a quick Google search, we passed up a budget-friendly $29 airboat tour for one that, for another $30, we figured would not only be better but also cost more. A win-win.
The extra 30 bucks bought us a profane and bizarre tour through the grassy expanse. Our first stop was a platform sporting a firepit and large tent that our guide insisted he didn’t live on but I suspect he did. We rode on.
Toothy Tour
Did you know alligators can lunge five feet out of the water? That was an interesting (and, as it turned out, useful) fact our guide told us, among other swamp-centric nuggets. Managing expectations, he also said he couldn’t guarantee we’d see a wild alligator. I’d seen one in a ditch at a Hardee’s restaurant, so he may not have known what he was talking about.
But, not to worry. As a backup, he had two “pet” alligators to show us, as long as we didn’t include photos in our reviews. He’d already had a minor kerfuffle with the courts over his cozy relationship with alligators and was annoyed by an unflattering online review after he pulled a python onto his airboat and killed it. Some people have no appetite for adventure.
We stopped at an open area in the grass, the light airboat bobbing on the water. Our guide made a clicking sound with his tongue. Within seconds, a large alligator broke through the surface and swam to the side — our side — of the boat, our legs and the rest of us uncomfortably exposed and well within its five-foot lunge potential. The alligator writhed and twisted before partially sliding onto the boat’s front platform. Our guide pulled dinner rolls from a bag and fed them to the alligator, its white teeth chomping the soft bread. I didn’t know what to say; my daughter did.
“Nothing is more dangerous than a domesticated wild animal,” she said under her breath, inching away from the boat’s edge and squeezing me into the Austrian tourist next to me. She may not be an Everglades guide, but she recognized a risky situation when she was in one.
I gave our guide a five-star review (no photos), because, while it was more harrowing than your usual airboat tour, we didn't get hurt.
I hope the bucket list stories in this issue inspire you to find new skills, embrace adventure and remain within your danger zone as you make your next moves.
If the Everglades is on your bucket list, I’d go with a $29 tour. It’s probably safer and you can drive by Hardee’s later if you don’t see an alligator.
VOL. 9 ISSUE 1
Jan./Feb. 2023
Northeast Ohio Boomer is a property of Mitchell Media LLC
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