North Devon Hospice Spring 2022 Newsletter

INSIDE:

Spring/Summer 2022

Our latest news for supporters and friends of North Devon Hospice

news

Make your wishes known

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Returning to ‘Face to Face’ Counselling

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“Time passes by but I never forget all the good memories.”

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Memories made with Mum “When I first came into my hospice room, the balcony doors were open, overlooking the gardens, and there were freshly picked flowers by my bed... I just exhaled, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders.”

A tumour pressed on Christine’s spine, paralysing her from the neck down. The cancer was terminal. At just 58 years old, she had every reason to feel despair. Instead, after being admitted to North Devon Hospice, she said she felt ‘so at peace.’

“The one thing people are frightened about is death,” Christine added. “Even though it’s the one thing that will happen to all of us.

Story continued on page 3

Hello hospice friends...

As always, thank you for your support and being part of an important hospice movement in North Devon. We are here because of you, and as a hospice team we always have that in mind.

Over the last year especially, we have seen a lot more patients being referred to us towards the later stages of their journey.

We are also seeing so many more patients who are much younger, with many in their 30s and 40s. It’s only natural that we’re also meeting their children and immediate family members too, and everyone is finding their way on their palliative journey with us by their side. Personally, I find this one of the most challenging parts of my role, but in the same breath, I am one of the privileged few who get the opportunity to meet and support these inspirational people on their individual journeys.

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I want you to know that everything we all do as a community really makes a difference. Every time we call or visit and support our patients and their families, it always lets them know that we care and they are not alone. This only happens because of your amazing support and generosity. When you make that phone call to speak to someone who is having a challenging time; it absolutely makes a difference. If you raise £20 at a coffee morning for local care; that will make a difference. Together we are a really powerful and supportive community, and we really do all play a part of the ‘community’ that is so unique and so precious to North Devon.

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With thanks for all you do, and for all your support.

Lin Walkey, Community Palliative Care Team Lead

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But as soon as I arrived at the hospice, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It’s full of laughter and it’s great for my family too because they know I’ll be looked after.”

Christine’s daughter, Siobhan, agrees.

“I knew Mum would be a lot more comfortable at the hospice. The minute she arrived I could visibly see the relief on her face. It’s just magical.”

Making memories was top of Christine’s list, and it was arranged for a group of alpacas, her favourite animal, to visit her at the hospice. “It felt fantastic to have such special visitors. I truly couldn’t have wished for a better time. They just melted my heart.”

Christine and Siobhan also enjoyed some quality mother-daughter time, when two therapists from Barnstaple salon @SixtyFive came to the hospice to give them a pamper session. It was ‘beyond relaxing’ according to Christine. “Precious time with my daughter, without a care in the world. It made me so relaxed I was ready for a glass of Baileys and a nap!”

Christine’s infectious sense of humour gave her such a positive outlook on life and death. “I’ve taken control,” she said. “I’ve organised what I want to happen and even paid for everything, so my family don’t have to worry about a thing. I’m so at peace now.”

Siobhan and her brother Sean have both received support from the hospice. Siobhan told us, “They’ve been a rock, and the care mum received will stay with us forever. It makes the difficult times that little bit more bearable. I know that while Mum is here, she’s happy, she’s safe and she’s loved. We can’t ask for any more than that.”

Sadly, Christine passed away on the Bedded Unit earlier this year, surrounded by her family. Her zest for life will certainly be missed by everyone who had the pleasure of meeting her during her stay.

Siobhan will celebrate what would have been her mum’s 60th birthday by taking part in the North Devon Marathon this June, to raise funds for the hospice. We are all behind you Siobhan!

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One of the most important and impactful things you can do is...

If you know of someone who might benefit from hospice care and support, encourage them to ask their GP for a referral.

Be an ambassador for local care and support.

Together we can make a difference.

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Make your wishes known While we understand that talking about death and any wishes surrounding your death may be extremely difficult for some people, we believe that you should at least consider any future care wishes and discuss this with someone close to you. This will avoid any unnecessary anguish for your family, when the time does come and means you can be specific about any wishes that you would like fulfilled.

Being in control of what happens should you need care in the future, will mean that family, friends and healthcare professionals involved are able to put you in the centre of your care needs.

Please get in touch if we can provide any further information on this and we will be happy to help you plan for your future.

We are on hand to help you and can provide access to a publication called ‘My Wishes’ which will assist with what you may need to think about, how you should record your wishes and who you would like involved.

Download the My Wishes booklet at issuu.com/northdevonhospice or view using the QR code 5

Returning to ‘Face to Face’ Counselling We’re increasing the amount of face-to-face counselling for patients and families. During the pandemic all counselling sessions moved to phone or video call and while that was a difficult change, it proved so valuable to local people. However, nothing beats being with someone in person, as Charlie from our Supportive Care team explains...

“With careful planning and safety measures, we’ve slowly introduced individual face-to-face counselling sessions again, which has been wonderful.”

“The difference this has made is so evident. We can see absolutely everything that’s going on with individuals, rather than just listening out for it, and that’s been so worthwhile. For people to come out of their homes, into an environment they feel comfortable and safe in, has been really important to us all.”

“Many people have felt incredibly isolated, so for them to have that space with a counsellor has been a huge relief for them in 6

terms of getting them back into the world.

My goal is to start bringing small groups of people together in the coming months, to offer them that support they need in a safe environment. It’s a way they can share their experiences with someone who understands what they’re going through.”

Counselling sessions are currently being run from our main hospice site in Barnstaple and also at our outreach centre in Holsworthy. If you would like any information on how you can access our support, please get in touch or visit northdevonhospice.org.uk.

“I felt Mum’s dignity was being taken away by the illness, but the hospice gave her dignity back, and that made me so happy. I will never forget it.”

Coping with her mum’s terminal cancer diagnosis was hard enough for Kate Deighton. Living and working over 250 miles away made things even more difficult. But when North Devon Hospice stepped in to look after her mum, Dee Lythgoe, Kate instantly felt reassured.

“A lovely hospice nurse came to visit Mum regularly at home and she was just so fantastic,” said Kate. “She’d always phone to keep me in the loop, which made the distance feel like less of a barrier. To me, my mum was the most important thing in the universe, and Julie helped me to feel close, as well as helping me cope with my own emotions.”

When Kate’s mum had just weeks to live, she relocated to Devon to be near her.

Dee wanted to spend her final days at North Devon Hospice, and even when her condition suddenly deteriorated, her wish was granted. “It was a horrendous day, but

a big relief at the same time. When we got her out of the ambulance at the hospice, she looked at me and we smiled at each other, as if to say, ‘we got you here.’ We knew once we were at the hospice everything would be alright.”

Kate says her mum was instantly made comfortable, and she could sit by her bed holding her hand. “I didn’t want to leave her side. Before I knew it, the hospice nurses wheeled another bed into mum’s room so I could just be with her. I lay my head down on the pillow and looked across at Mum, I was so grateful to be so close to her. She passed away peacefully that night, the way I hoped it would happen. The nurses were brilliant in that time. They have a sixth sense of what people need and when. They step in and guide you when you need it, always with a smile on their faces. They really do all deserve medals.”

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TCi (GB) Ltd making an impact!

We’re better together and that’s why some local businesses have partnered with your hospice to make a difference to people just like you and I. Alex Slee, Financial Director at TCi (GB) Ltd said “It’s been great to be able to support North Devon Hospice as our 8

chosen charity over the past year and I’m extremely proud of everyone who has taken part so enthusiastically in the fundraising activities and everyone who has helped them along the way to raise an impressive figure.

The hospice provides a vital service for the North Devon community and, despite the challenges of the pandemic, has provided a superb programme of events and activities to inspire and energise our teams.”

Interested in getting involved?

Please contact the Fundraising team fundraising@northdevonhospice.org.uk or call 01271 344248.

We’ve got birthday presents sorted!

If you’re anything like us, you’ll have a birthday around every corner and sometimes, it can feel a little tricky finding the right present. Look no further...we’ve recently launched ‘gift vouchers’ to the hospice Lottery and even better is that you can do it all online so you don’t even need to leave the comfort of your house.

You’re giving someone the chance to win £1,000 in every Friday draw they are entered and you’re giving the hospice a chance to care.

Celebrate the Jubilee like a Queen playnorthdevon.co.uk

Did you know? You can sell your things on eBay and choose to donate 10% - 100% of the final sale price to your chosen charity.

It’s been a little while since we have had the chance to celebrate something together, so in honour of the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee this year, we are inviting you to join us by hosting a ‘Queen Tea Jubilee’ on Sunday 5th June.

You can get involved by registering online at northdevonhospice.org.uk and we will send you a pack containing some essentials to get you started with your event... just remember, it’s cream first!

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A heartfelt thank you to all the people fundraising in the community! You’re an amazing bunch and you all play a part in creating ‘the village’ that we all need and love. Thank you for everything you’re all doing.

Bradworthy Ploughing Association held their annual Ploughing Match, raising a fantastic £2,000 for North Devon Hospice & Devon Air Ambulance.

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Cherry Tree Farm Campsite raised an incredible £6,485.10 this Summer by encouraging campers to make a donation when using a range of extra facilities, such as charging points and ice packs.

Brian William’s raised an impressive £2,270 by holding an epic, 25 prize raffle with the support of Saunton Golf Club – simply amazing.

TCi (GB) Ltd Charity of the Year partnership. Employees took part in a range of activities over the year and raised £5,798.32.

Gemma put on her roller skates throughout November and clocked a marathon every week. She’s raised £1,400.

Debbie and Robert Veale This creative duo bought and sold jigsaws during the pandemic, raising £2,000.60!

Saunton Golf Club Big Breakfast The first Big Breakfast since the pandemic began; Pauline, Pat, Liz and the army of staff and volunteers at the Golf Club raised a brilliant £1,412.84 in December.

Christmas Village North Devon kindly donated 5% of their profits from the real ice rink at the Tarka Tennis Centre. They are looking forward to returning this year.

Birch Meadow Landscaping donated £500 as part of their Trees for Good Causes scheme. For every tree planted in 2021 a donation was made to the hospice and the scheme is continuing into 2022.

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“Time passes by but I never forget all the good memories.”

Shirley Tilley and her daughter Lyn Puddefoot are looking forward to getting back to Instow beach this year for Floating Bye. It will be the 5th year the family have enjoyed watching the hospice’s annual remembrance event, where they place a flower on the raft in memory of husband and father, George Tilley.

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Lyn tells us: “We are all there to celebrate the lives of our loved ones in our own way.

For us as a family, it’s really symbolic and comforting because dad loved the sea. He was a merchant seaman in his earlier days so was always drawn to the water.”

“We all stand and shed a tear as the raft sets sail with the beautiful orange gerberas.

Together we remember the happy times we all shared.”

Shirley adds “Time passes by, but I never forget all the good memories of George.

We did well over our 60 wonderful years of marriage together, raising a family and sharing life’s journey. The hospice helped us to make what was an awful time a lot calmer. The nurses on the bedded unit

wrapped us in their care in those final weeks. They became like family to us and it meant we could be there when he needed us.”

“Floating Bye is a wonderful way to support the hospice while remembering him around his anniversary. We take a picnic and just sit and take it all in.”

You can remember someone special at Floating Bye, by placing a flower and a message on the raft. The event is on Sunday 12th June from 3pm, the raft will float from 4pm. Even if you cannot attend, we can place a flower for you. For more information, please contact the Fundraising Team on 01271 344248 or visit floatingbye.co.uk.

Find a bargain.

Make a difference.

Reduce waste.

“I love going into a charity shop; that feeling of never knowing what gem is around the corner and the bargains you’ll find. It’s also more than that because I know anything I buy makes a difference and it really does reduce waste going to landfill. Now I’m lucky enough to spend my days behind the scenes of our online charity shop. We recently received some incredible original photos of Princess Diana and Prince Charles. With the Queen’s Jubilee right around the corner we will be auctioning these off with all proceeds going to the hospice to help care for local people.”

Gemma, E-commerce Team

Did you know?

You can donate used bubble wrap, cardboard boxes and larger envelopes.

We reuse the packaging and hope that the next person reuses it too.

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Are we nearly there yet?

“How many sleeps until Christmas?” our youngest grandchild asked. It was the day after Boxing Day. “363,” came the reply.

Over the years we’ve adopted all sorts of strategies to help us manage expectation and to try and counter the impatience and frustration of having to wait. We’re not very good at it, waiting that is.

In a culture where we can get almost anything instantly, waiting becomes harder and harder.

Here in Devon, Amazon Prime guarantees next day delivery (in major cities it can be the same day); 14

we abandon searches on the Internet if the page doesn’t load in seconds and if there isn’t an immediate response to our WhatsApp message, we start to wonder if something is wrong.

How much we have lost in this digital age.

Remember the days of taking films ‘in’ to be developed? Well, maybe some of you will, and then two or three days later, the eagerness in collecting an envelope of 24 or 36 prints. Now the hundreds of images on our phones and computers require meticulous sifting to find ‘the one’ that is perfect (after Photoshopping) to post on social media.

OK perhaps that is rather exaggerated but in our ‘instant access to everything world’ it highlights that waiting, which gives space for anticipation, excitement and reflection, is at risk of being replaced by frustration and anxiety. Nowadays we can view waiting as something very passive, we are wasting time and most importantly, it can make us feel helpless.

Covid has highlighted this for us. We’ve felt at the mercy of something we can’t see and something over which we’ve had little or no control. Someone said to me recently ‘I’m just waiting for it to get me. This makes me very scared to go out or to do anything.

I wake up anxious and I go to bed anxious.’

And how is it for the rest of us?

In many cases we modify our behaviour.

“I can’t bear a ticking clock, it makes the wait feel endless, so I don’t have one in the house.’ ‘I like to keep myself busy then I don’t have to think about the future and when I’m going to die.”

Is that it, is that what we need to do, or is there another kind of waiting, a waiting that involves being in the present moment, being in the day that is today and not concerning ourselves with our imagined tomorrow?

This other kind of waiting is life-giving and it’s quite simple really. How would it be to switch off our phones and TVs, to step away from our computers, just for a breath and

“How would it be to switch off our phones and TVs, to step away from our computers, just for a breath and to be quiet, mindful of all that we experience through our senses?

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How do we distract ourselves from the experience of waiting?

to be quiet, mindful of all that we experience through our senses?

and look at a flower, feel the petals, smell its scent, see how it is formed, appreciate its colour. The more we experience the natural world around us, the more we are able to stay in the moment, to remain in the present, to be present.

“Are we nearly there yet?”

Paradoxically, if we are able to do this, to take a moment and be, we will find that we’ve actually already arrived.

By Christa Friend, Counsellor.

We can make a start with the smallest of things...taking a few moments to stop 15

A gift in your will means we can keep on caring, forever After thinking about your family and friends, please do consider leaving North Devon Hospice a gift in your will.

Leaving a gift means that local families can be supported and receive the hospice hug they so desperately need at such a trying time.

1 in 3 people who are supported by the hospice happen because of gifts in wills.

To find out more, please get in touch with Ali 01271 347206 alihunt@northdevonhospice.org.uk

North Devon Hospice, Deer Park, Barnstaple, EX32 0HU Tel: 01271 344248 info@northdevonhospice.org.uk

Registered charity number 286554