Hub Dec 24

“Ithinkthehardestpointtogettoisthatpointofaskingforhelporreachingouttoother peopleandbeinghonestwithyourself.” ~Mary-KateOlsen “Don’tbeafraidtoaskforhelpwhenyouneedit.Askingforhelpisn’tasignofweakness; it’sasignofstrength.” ~BarackObama “Oneofthebiggestdefectsinlifeistheinabilitytoaskforhelp.” ~RobertKiyosaki

Asweage,thestruggletomaintainour independencebecomesmoreandmore challenging.Inevitably,weloseourflexibility, ourphysicalstrengthandourmobility.Someof usevenloseourvision,ourhearing,or,most sadly,Ithink,ourcognitiveabilities.Realitycan bedaunting.Ihavealwaysbeenfiercely independentinmyownway,andIam determinedtoretainthatindependencetothe bestofmyability.Ihaveahardtimeaskingfor help.Atthesametime,Itrytobewiseenough toberealistic.Therearesometasksthat,ifIwere todothemcompletelyonmyownnow,would onlyrevealmystubbornnessandfoolishness. Onepersonisnotalwaysenough.

usmayhaveoutsizedegos.Orwemayresent whatwefeelisageism.

Forme,withmyseriouslackoflowerbody flexibilitycausedbymykneereplacements, sometaskscouldveryeasilyresultinserious injuries.Iwouldstillliketocarrybulkyitemsup anddownstairsandclimbladders,for example.Wisermindsthanminehavenow convincedmethatsuchactivitiesarefoolhardy forme.

Longago,Ihadaherniaoperation.AsIleftthe hospital,myroommatewatched,laughingasI struggledtocarrymyluggagetomycarafter declininghisofferofassistance.Idrove directlytowork.Theschoolprincipaloffered tocovermyoutsideduty,butagain,Ideclined andendeduphavingtobreakupaskirmishin theschoolyard.

Therearereasonswhyolderadultsmaybe reluctanttoaccepthelp.Wehaveafearoflosing ourindependence.Wegenuinely don'twanttobeaburdenon others.Wemaynotknowwho wecantrustcompletely.Wemay fearlosingcontrolofourlivesor givingcontroltoothers.Someof

Today,Iwouldgladlyandgraciouslyaccept thosekindoffersofhelp.Therecomesapoint atwhichself-sufficiencymustyieldtoreason, particularlywhenone'ssafetyisatstake.

PLEASE…? YOU

Believeme,ithasnotbeeneasyformeto acceptthattruth,butacceptit,Imust.For someonelikemyself,whohasalwayswantedto dothingsmyownway,onmyowntime, withoutaskingforhelp,thischangeofattitude hasbeenhumblingandalittledepressing. Butaswegrowolder,wecanbecomewiser.We canlearnthatwedon'thavetodoeverything byourselves,wecanletgoofsomeofour unnecessaryindependence.Wecanacceptand behappywithwhowearenow.Twoofmy favouritesayingsare,"Don'tletthepastremind usofwhowearenotnow,"and"Comparisonis thethiefofjoy."

Inowbelievethatwhatisbestistohavealifein whichyouaresurroundedwithastrongsupport system,afewrealfriendswhoyourespectand trustcompletely.Youbalancethatwithbeing partofameaningfulsupportsystemforothers.

Ifyouhavealwaysbeenusedtobeing extremelyindependent,itisnotasimple process.Lettinggoisnoteasy.Butitendsup beingfreeingand,Ithink,veryhealthy emotionallyasyoudeveloptheself-confidence toallowothersintoyourworldandyour struggles.Maybebythetimeyouaremyage, youwon'thavetokeeptestingyourselfand provingyourself.Thepeoplewhomatterknow whoyouare.

Toaccepthelp,youhavetogiveyourself permissiontoletgoofcontrolandletyourself bevulnerable.Forsome,thatmaybethe hardesthurdletoovercomebutitisimportant, practicalandrealistictoletothersstepinand

helpattimes.Hopefully,weallgettohelp othersindifferentways,usingourvaried strengths.

Iamcomingtounderstandthatacceptinghelp isnotone-sided.Theactofhelpingbenefits bothparties.Whensomeoneisgenuinely willingtohelpus,weknowthatwematter. Whenwearegenuinelywillingtoaccepttheir help,theyknowtheymatter.Thatinitself makeslifericherandmoreworthwhile.When weknowthatwemattertoothers,itgivesusall significance.

Irecentlycameacrossareminiscencefrom LazarusLake,thefamousracedirectorIhave referencedinpastarticles.Hetalksabout cuttinglawnsthesummerhewastwelve.His dadsuggestedheaskoldMrs.Willisifhecould mowheryard,andnotformoney.Shewas hesitantbutagreed.Everyweekallsummer,he didheryard.Shelivedaloneandhadnoother visitors.Afterwards,theywouldtalkovermilk andcookies.Eachweek,ashepushedthe mowerbacktohishouse,hewouldfeelgood abouthimself"becauseonceaweekIfeltlikeI hadtakenasmallsteptowardbecomingareal man."Lazlearnedearlythattheactofhelping isworthwhileforbothparties.

Byaskingforassistance,olderadultsarenot becominglessindependent;rather,theyare embracinginterdependence.Byacceptinghelp, inadditiontodoingwhatmakesthemost logicalsenseforus,weare,inaway,givinga gifttothepersonprovidinghelpbecause helpingothersbringsjoyandhappiness.