FINDING MEANING(FUL EMPLOYMENT) AS A MILITARY SPOUSE

BY JENNIFER BARNHILL, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF NMSN’S CAREER CONNECTIONS

Whether we embrace the label of “military spouse” or run from it, military spouses are shaped in many ways by their spouse’s job. We move a lot. We pivot to new careers, doctors, homes and ideas on a routine basis. We have to reinvent ourselves on a continuous loop, so it is no wonder we are preoccupied with finding “meaningful” employment. But is this just another way military spouses are searching for meaning and belonging in a lifestyle that asks us to constantly come second?

In other words, if they are worried about the Homefront they won’t be ready to fight on other fronts. Similarly a military spouse with an unmet basic need may take a job that is below their skill level to put food on the table. If your job doesn’t pay you enough you are going to be worried about eating tomorrow, not if the job brings you personal fulfillment. We do what we must to survive.

We know that military spouse employment has remained statistically unchanged for over a decade, despite robust efforts to correct it. Alongside this unemployment, we have also seen military family food insecurity skyrocket. While one could argue that food insecurity has always been a problem and that people are only now feeling better about coming forward with their needs, I call B.S.

There is an idea created by Abraham Maslow in 1943 called the “hierarchy of needs”. It is often represented in a pyramid diagram and sectioned off like the food pyramid, with the things we are supposed to have on the bottom. And the bottom of both pyramids are quite literally filled with fruits and vegetables, the things that fuel our bodies and keep us alive. Maslow’s idea is people seek to satisfy basic necessities (food, housing, basic stability, etc.) before moving on to needs related to self-esteem or self-actualization. A service member who has an unmet financial need may prioritize their need for job and economic security above the ethical obligation to serve their country.

Military spouse employment is seen as a luxury. But increasingly two incomes are required to live in high cost areas of our country, where many military families find themselves. This does not even consider how two incomes prepare a military family for retirement from both the military and their careers. Yet the way the DoD financially prioritizes military spouse employment efforts makes it seem like having a career is a spouse’s way of achieving a higher level of meaning and fulfillment. But the reality is military families are just trying to build the base of their pyramid.

Are Military Spouses Drawn to Meaningful Careers?

In 2019 I was working in project management, making money that was 100% gobbled up by child care costs. I was not fulfilled in my career, but was fulfilled in that I was using my brain and proving to myself and others that I was more than a mommy or a military spouse. Not everyone needs to feel this way, but I did.

And one day I observed a problem within my military spouse group that I set out to solve. I was tempted to establish a nonprofit, but quickly learned that military family nonprofits are like hydras. In this case, pursuing the goal of forming a new nonprofit would have actually contributed to the underlying problem I was trying to solve, the professionalization of military spouse volunteerism.

I wanted to dig deeper so I started reporting on the military family community. So many established organizations had been founded by military spouses who, like me, saw a problem and wanted to fix it. They observed programming and service gaps and wanted to close them. For many I spoke to, they were in a position to help because the military lifestyle had already disrupted their careers.

Although I did not research how many of these advocates were from more senior ranking military families, I would suspect that they are. American volunteerism has a long history with the aristocracy because time is money. And volunteering is a luxury not afforded to those who are struggling to build the bottom of their pyramid.

Redefining a “Meaningful” Career

My family is lucky we have lived in the same location since December 2018. And in this time I have been allowed to grow in my career without disruption. (Although I still have a day job that pays the bills.) We have not had to refurnish a new house, put down new rental deposits after losing them in the last location, or pay to ship a car across the country. And our children are able to stay in one school without having to make new friends at the lunch table after a move. We are living what I assume to be something resembling a civilian life for this short time. But we are going to move in a year and I know, there will be costs.

For many military spouses, working is not a luxury. It is a necessity for both our financial and mental health. While some of us are drawn to stereotypically “meaningful” jobs where we serve others, I personally think we are simply trying to find meaning within a lifestyle that constantly threatens our ability to climb the pyramid.

Certainly landing a “meaningful” job or career is always preferable to accepting a job that pays the bills, but that is not always possible. We need to move away from talking about meaningful employment as a pathway to achieving higher levels of fulfillment.

Jennifer Barnhill is a freelance writer with a focus on military family advocacy, Navy spouse and mother of three. Her reporting has been featured in Military.com , The War Horse, We Are the Mighty, Military Spouse Magazine, Military Families Magazine and TheMilitaryWallet.com . She is the Lead Researcher of Partners in PROMISE and serves on both the National Military Spouse Network Day of Advocacy and The League of Wives Memorial Project Committees