Light Within the Hidden

GROWING THROUGH GRIEF

Feature

Design and layout by Sima Morgan Design

Light Within the Hidden

by Orly Rosenzweig

A s I w r i t e m y t h o u g h t s a b o u t a n e v e n t t h a t h a p p e n e d s e v e n y e a r s a g o , I f e e l overwhelmed with emotion.

I can hear my heart pounding, feel my palms sweating, the lump in my throat forming, and my head flashing with endless imagery of what the tragic scene must have looked like. The caution tape, an ambulance, the news reporters, city officials and not to mention all the people who walked by in utter shock and tears. In many ways, Yom Kippur 5773, Sept. 13, 2013, will be a day I will never forget, but at the same time it is a day I cannot remember.

Seven years ago, my mother, Esther Oyahon, and I were running a bit later than usual to Yom Kippur services. It was around 7 p.m., and my mother and I were walking to the Sephardi minyan at Etz Chaim Synagogue in Jacksonville, Fla.. There we would hear our acclaimed Sephardi davening tunes, just like my father would sing rise; when I sit in darkness Hashem shall my light.”

when he was alive.

Although this year was different.

As we headed across the street towards Etz Chaim for darkness, Hashem would not have been a light for me.

Kol Nidrei, we were hit by a car. The next thing I knew I was in the ICU at the hospital with life-threatening injuries. I thought to myself Baruch Hashem, thank G-d, I survived. When I asked where my mom was, I was told she was in the room next door.

Rabbi Yaakov Fisch, broke the horrifying news to me that my mother tragically died in the accident. My world was turned upside down, and I now had to utter the blessing of Baruch Dayan Haemet, Blessed is the True Judge.

In the following weeks, my older siblings from Israel flew to Jacksonville to nurse me back to health. Together we

NISHEI ORA MAGAZINE struggled and grappled with our new reality. I wondered where my mother and father were when I needed them most. The only source of comfort I wanted was to wish away this whole accident and just see and hug my mother once more. I wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile, because that is more comforting than any newscaster, lawyer, or well-meaning family or friend could offer.

Some time after I was released from the hospital, I received a get-well card from a couple of NCSY staff members. In it was my tehillim name: Orly bas Esther, the light within the hidden.

There is a verse in Micah, Chapter 7, verse 8, from which my namesake comes from:

”אַֽ ל־ּתִ ׂשְ מְ חִ ֚י אֹיַ֙בְ ּתִ י֙ לִ֔י ּכִ֥י נָפַ ֖לְּתִ י קָ ֑מְ ּתִ י ּכִֽ י־אֵ ׁשֵ ֣ב ּבַ חֹׁ֔שֶ ְך ה‘ א֥וֹר לִֽ י My enemies don’t rejoice against me. When I fall, I shall

The Midrash on Tehillim in Chapter 22 comments on the first part of the verse: “When I fall, I shall rise,” meaning to say had I not fallen, I would not be able to rise. It then goes on to comment on “when I sit in darkness Hashem shall be a light to me,” meaning, had I not sat in the When the doctors felt I was stable enough, my shul rabbi,

If I had not gone through these difficult challenges, I may have stayed complacent about where I was in life and would have not been able to become a more resilient and growth-oriented individual. In addition, if I had not been challenged, I would have not been able to actively choose Hashem as my beacon of light. It was through this unique challenge that I was able to build resilience

16

by trusting and having faith in Hashem Kotel for Orly. People all over raised money, their voices On Rosh Hashanah, we will read about Akeidat Yitzchak, and their tefillot for my mother and me. The list goes on from a part Torah portion of Vayera. The first verse of the and on. I was and am still so unbelievably touched by all ,mentions Genesis in chapter 22nd ,םָ֑הָרְבַא־תֶא ה֖ ָּסִנ םיקֹלֱאָ֣הְו the efforts individuals took upon themselves just for my Hashem tested Avraham. The seventh verse in chapter mother and me. 60 in Tehillim that takes In the seven years that the word נִס֖ ָּה further and have passed, I continue uses it in another way to see so many blessings other than its common Hashem has given me. I translation as “test.” once received a wedding says It נָ֘תַ ּ֚תָ ה ּלִֽ ירֵ אֶ ֣יָך ּנֵ֣ס card from my dear friend, לְהִ תְ נוֹסֵ ֑ס, You, Hashem Eidel Pearl. Among the gave to those who fear many things written it You a test, as a banner. ,said אור לי נתן קל light A: “ The Midrash comments to me Hashem has given.” on this verse and makes She is certainly right. a connection that the נס , Hashem has blessed a test, is meant to להתנוסס , me with my husband, to make someone great. It w a s t h r o u g h t h i s Netanel Rosenzweig, had happened; whether it was through the national or international news, social media or by word of mouth. It wasn’t just that they heard about it, but what they did after they heard about it. Each person took upon themselves something leilui nishmat in memory of my mother, as well as in merit of my refuah shelemah, my speedy recovery. Mitzvot for Orly bat Esther. Keep Smiling Cards for Orly. Bike Rides for Orly. Hafrashat Challah for Orly. Tehillim for Orly. Concert for Orly. Kumzitz at the and our baby son, Yehuda The Maharal writes the u n i q u e c h a l l e n g e t h a t I w a s Simcha, named after my purpose of life is to bring father Yehuda Shalom one’s koach, one’s potential, a b l e t o b u i l d r e s i l i e n c e b y Ohayon A”H and Netanel’s el hapoal, a return “to action.” This means that t r u s t i n g a n d h a v i n g f a i t h i n grandfather Julius Yehuda Rosenzweig A”H. the way to maximize one’s potential to the utmost is Hashem. Each one of us has our own by bringing it into reality as story. A story filled with our an action. A test is meant to bring out our potential and own personal hardships, pain and suffering. Sometimes, make us even greater, like a banner. we may feel depressed or discouraged through difficult But it is not just me who was transformed and grew grow and become even greater. If we have the growth from this challenge; it was the whole Jewish community mindset that Hashem is our guiding light, then we can at large who acted and were elevated as well. Right not only realize, but actualize and far surpass these tests. after the shofar-blowing that signified the end of Yom And through these challenges we can create, sustain and Kippur, everyone across the globe came to know what continually deepen our connection with Hashem.

times in our life. Yet our challenges are there to help us Orly (née Ohayon) Rosenzweig is originally from the warm and sunny Jacksonville, Fla. She was actively involved in NCSY as a teenager. She attended Tomer Devorah Seminary and continued her passion for studying Torah at Women's Institute of Torah Seminary and College (WITS/Maalot Baltimore), where she received a B.A. in Judaic Studies. She recently graduated from Wurzweiler School of Social Work and currently lives in Washington Heights, N.Y., with her husband and son.

NISHEI ORA MAGAZINE

17