TODAY

TODAY

June 1st 2019 - May 31st 2020

Nick Grellier

FOUR STOREYS

She had to practice using the fire escape. She was sixteen. Her brothers were excited about the whole thing. She put the rope in a noose around her torso and climbed out of the window. One brother was egging her on by the window, the other one was down below looking up her skirt. She could see that the rope was loose and she was going to drop before the slack was taken up. She couldn’t get any words out and clung to the window ledge. In the end she had to let go.

Extract from Cheer Up, Love Nick Grellier (2020)

EVIDENCE

Trespassing into long shut drawers can feel like a small violation. But this was down time and my self-imposed task of methodically getting stuff ordered and making room seemed pressing.

The old desk, parked unhelpfully in the hallway near the front door was heaped with coats, shoes, a woolly hat and a sliding pile of junk mail. In the top drawer I discovered a little lead elephant; an empty spectacles case; various lists on scraps of paper; some folded receipts; a party invitation; a bundle of picture postcards; a pair of suitcase padlocks; three unflattering passport photographs; seven sleeves of self-adhesive labels; an identity card; a blank diary; some knitting patterns; an unpaid electricity bill; a handful of francs; some paper clips; a ball of elastic bands; some blunt pencils; a confetti of hole punch paper; a plastic snowman; a candle.

In the bottom drawer, an oversized envelope, full and smooth, licked shut. There was nothing on the outside to suggest its contents, but it seemed familiar. Time passed invisibly and eventually things were sorted. Returning to the envelope, I decided to open it. Inside was a collection of unread letters on thin, foreign paper. They were all of the same hand and all written to me.

Jean Taylor London 2020

the beginning and the ending 365 ink, collage

irrational plausible fear 364 ink, collage

old rope 363 collage

oh blimey 362 ink, collage

I like spending time with me 360 ink, graphite

keep it clean 357 ink, pen, collage

vip 356 ink, collage

languid 355 ink, collage

bad cop and funghi 354 ink, pen, graphite, collage

some Thnigs 353 ink, collage

chump 352 ink, collage

NO 351 ink, collage

single person ball sports 349 ink, pen, watercolour

staying alert again 348 ink, watercolour

extremities 347 ink, watercolour

v sign 345 ink, collage

feeling yellow 344 ink, collage

the birds 343 ink

it wasn’t you, it was me 342 ink, watercolour

I swear 341 ink, pen

chinwag 340 ink

hand in 339 ink

these bastards 338 ink

self medicating 336 ink, collage

hurl 335 ink, pen

my dad is now a feminist 334 ink, collage

seed potato 333 graphite

a slight increase in happiness 331 ink, pen, oil paint, collage

diy jobs 330 pen, collage

problematic positions of authority 327 ink, acrylic paint, collage

useful piece of string 326 collage

space invader 325 ink, collage

green slime 324 ink, collage

normal life 323 ink, collage

facetime 322 ink, collage

political collage 321 ink, collage

baguettes 319 watercolour, collage

procrastination 318 ink, collage

317 ink, collage

earth

birthing a document 316 ink, collage

goodbye 314 ink, collage

hello 313 ink, oil paint, collage

distancing 312 ink, collage

coordinated response 311 ink, pen, collage

orange soup mostly 310 ink, collage

flailing 309 ink, collage

non-latex gloves 308 ink, collage

time altered 306 ink

woodle 305 ink, collage

self-ish 304 ink, collage

interior monologue 303 ink, collage

backbone 302 ink, collage

hoarding 301 ink, charcoal

300 ink, graphite

sanitiser

hello 299 ink, collage

r everything 298 collage

home school 297 ink, collage

underwhelmed 296 ink, watercolour, collage

B 295 ink, collage

flummoxed 294 ink, collage

organisms 293 ink

everything is strange 292 ink, graphite

problems with plinths 291 ink, collage

transmission 290 ink, collage

very very bad 289 ink, pen, collage

self isolation 287 ink, collage

wurdz 286 ink, collage

a Pocalypse 285 ink, collage

feverish 284 ink, collage

infectious agent 283 ink, graphite

womens day 282 graphite

prickleknickers 281 ink, collage

questions of display 280 ink, graphite, collage

anticipated exposure 279 ink, pen, collage

attention span 278 ink, collage

no touching 276 ink, graphite, collage

moving things 275 ink, watercolour, collage

defending defensively 274 ink, pen, acrylic paint, collage

3.33am 273 ink, acrylic paint, collage

some people are bad 271 ink, acrylic paint, watercolour, collage

blurred 270 ink, fixative

a bit tense 269 graphite, collage

touching elbows 267 ink, pen, collage

moving through mountains 266 pen, graphite, gouache, collage

talent night 265 ink, pen, collage

physical fear 263 ink, collage

me time 262 ink

bad flyer 260 ink, pen, collage

absolute clarity 259 pen

leaning 255 ink, pen, collage

wind mad 254 graphite, collage

got to have tools 252 pen, graphite

she had wanted a different life 250 ink, collage

on his head 249 ink, pen, collage

stock taking 248 marker pen, collage

not the sort of daughter he had wanted 247 ink

not a toy 246 ink, collage

eff word 245 oil paint

time problems 243 ink, pen

thinking time 242 graphite, screenprint

Yellow Car 241 graphite, collage

not all there 239 graphite

things get awkward 238 ink, collage

correcting imbalance 237 ink, pen, collage

growing forests 236 ink

you have to, sometimes 235 ink, pen

passing through successfully with a cumbersome object 234 ink, collage

rattling 233 acrylic paint, collage

this is not a chair 232 pen, collage

righteous anger 231 ink, acrylic paint, collage

essential doubt 230 ink, collage

no backbone 229 ink, collage

228 ink, graphite, collage

backbone

scratch 227 ink, graphite, collage

lost present 226 ink, collage

no binary 224 ink, pen, graphite, collage

more brain tickling 223 ink, pen, graphite

a small drawing on openness 222 graphite

brain tickling 221 graphite, ink

right then 220 graphite, collage

contact 218 ink, graphite, collage

216 pen, collage

listless

lost head 213 collage

coff 212 graphite

I will eat too much 208 ink, oil paint, collage

ritual eating 206 graphite, collage

drinking 205 ink, collage

I won’t forget but I can’t remember what 204 ink, collage

arms length 203 ink, pen, collage

hard shadow 202 ink

I was right here 201 ink, pen

saturday 197 ink, pen, collage

stop frame 196 ink, pen

airwaves 195 ink, pen, acrylic paint, collage

dig 194 ink, collage

self love 193 ink, pen

chaps 192 ink

misfit 191 ink, acrylic paint, collage

shifting stuff 190 ink, graphite, collage

cut off 189 ink, pen, graphite, collage

bits missing 188 ink, pen, collage

trip 186 ink, pen

speak up, dear 185 collage

things I can’t say 184 ink

half way 182 graphite, collage

eraser 181 graphite

big mouth ego 180 graphite

confusing signals 178 ink, pen

more balls 177 ink, collage

parts 175 ink

clear head 174 ink, graphite, collage

bang bang bang 173 ink, pen

value judgements 172 pen, found text, collage

megaphone 171 ink, pen, collage

awkward arms 169 ink

what it takes 168 ink, pen, acrylic paint, collage

artist arm 167 ink

authentic

166 ink

never quite 165 ink, pen

futile activity 164 ink, pen

holding hands 160 ink, pen

systems 158 graphite, collage

going going 157 graphite

disbelief suspended 156 ink, pen

eeeeee 155 ink, collage

always needed 153 ink, graphite, collage

handshake 152 ink, pen

handshake 151 ink, pen

meds 149 ink, collage

consequence 147 ink, collage

neuralblip 146 ink, pen, spray paint, collage

too close 144 ink, pen, graphite

142 ink, pen

o

heads of states 141 graphite

key 139 ink, graphite, collage

the olden days 138 ink, collage

it doesn’t end well 137 ink, collage

go 135 ink, collage

mum 133 ink, collage

itch 132 ink, pen, collage

dry lips 131 ink, pen, graphite, collage

saint 130 ink, pen, oil paint, collage

run 129 ink, collage

128 ink

happy families 127 ink, collage

over thinking 126 ink, pen, collage

skirt 125 ink, pen, collage

hip 124 ink, pen

sh 123 ink, pen, collage

problems 112 ink, pen, collage

? 121 ink, collage

overhung 120 ink, graphite

humbug 119 ink, collage

corrupt 118 ink, collage

it 117 ink, pen, collage

oi 116 ink, pen, collage

developing and printing 115 ink, pen, graphite, collage

sunday 114 ink, graphite, collage

annual pilgramage 113 ink, pen, collage

112 ink, acrylic paint, collage

safe

BANG optic hoo-ha 111 ink, collage

the fear 109 ink, pen, collage

ballast 108 pen, colour pencil, collage

political hair 106 ink, pen

ruff 105 graphite, collage

disappearing man 104 ink, collage

habits 103 ink, pen

best negatives 102 ink, pen, collage

John The Bapcyst 100 pen, marker pen, collage

saturday night in 99 graphite, collage

iCloud 98 ink, acrylic paint, collage

how to decide 97 ink, pen, acrylic paint, collage

balancing 96 graphite, collage

done in 95 ink

mistakes are god 94 ink

water aid 92 pen, collage

people with phones 91 graphite

balls 89 ink, pen, graphite, collage

85 graphite, collage

camber

slight alterations 84 ink

digital thinking 83 pen, graphite, colour pencil, collage

queuing 82 ink, pen

nude 81 found drawing

juggling balls 77 graphite, colour pencils, collage

ups and downs 75 pen, collage

lost 74 pen, found text, collage

swift’s hill 73 pen, collage

somewhere else 71 pen, marker pen, collage

standing on rocks 70 ink, graphite, charcoal

3 minute meditation 69 pen

stan, heat 68 ink, graphite

ink

watermark 67

give a shit 63 ink, pen, graphite

sleep problems 61 charcoal, ink, collage

moving things 60 ink

passportpassport 59 pen, collage

pulled pushed 58 ink, graphite, collage

meds and plasters 57 ink, graphite, colour pencil

mind control 55 ink, marker pen

plants breathe 54 ink

lungs 53 ink, graphite

this is not a chair 50 ink

Banksia 48 graphite

Australian aunt 47 graphite

Australian aunt 46 ink

legs 44 graphite

trouser

milk chocolate buttons 41 ink, collage

Sainsbury’s own brand 40 spray paint, collage

rays 39 graphite, carbon, collage

after corners 38 graphite

houndstooth 37 ink, graphite

front of stage 36 graphite

gas mask 35 ink, graphite, collage

unfinished pattern 34 ink, graphite

stacking chairs 33 graphite, collage

nice pair of lungs 32 spray paint, collage

incinerator 31 ink, spray paint, graphite, collage

parties in tents 30 ink, collage

I hate dressing up 29 graphite, collage

an air of heaviness 28 ink, collage

Carcassonne 26 graphite, turmeric, colour pencil, collage

ashtray 24 graphite

airport caff 21 pen

indeterminate thing 19 ink, graphite

bulky air 18 ink, graphite, collage

not the same 17 graphite, collage

floored 16 pen, collage

it started out ok 12 graphite

suits 11 graphite

model art teachers 10 graphite, colour pencil

failure, fear 5 graphite, colour pencil

EXIT 1 graphite, collage

This collection of 285 of 366 drawings, made over the course of an intense and perplexing 12 months, is reproduced in real size from TODAY, May 31st 2020, reaching back to EXIT, June 1st 2019.

Thanks to Kerry Phippen and Constance Slaughter who were mad enough to go along for the trip.

To Anna Cady for time spent weaving together memory and language.

To Emily Lucas for good conversations about bad drawing and the might of the pencil.

And to Roy Voss who, with insight and incisive raillery, got me to work out that eventually everything will probably be ok.

It’s always TODAY

All artwork © Nicola Grellier 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photographing, recording or information storage and retrieval, without prior permission in writing from the artist.

by Mike Horan Printing UK Limited first edition of 200

Printed