Nexus Issue 07, 2013 by Nexus Magazine

ISSUE 07, VOLUME 45

08 APRIL 2013

WE TALK RETAIL ON CAMPUS - IS IT REALLY ALL THAT?

SPORT THOUGHTS GETS ON THE PISS

NEXUS HAS A FRANK CONVERSATION.

contents

issue 07 / VOLUME 45 / 08 APRIL / 2013

elcom sue Se

Editorial Team Editor Alix Higby editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editors Louise Hutt & Jess Edmonds-Saunders louise@nexusmag.co.nz jess@nexusmag.co.nz News Editor zanian steele news@nexusmag.co.nz Online Editor Alix Higby online@nexusmag.co.nz

Graphic Designer Haylie Gray design@nexusmag.co.nz

Managing Editor James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising Advertising Manager Tony Arkell ads@nexusmag.co.nz

Contributors C-Ball, Regan, Kathlene Cook, Daniel Petersen, Matt Hicks, Morgahna Godwin, HP, Danyell Summers, Dr Richard Swainson, Dr Burton C Bogan, Jayde van Maanen, Jess Molina, Jess Tuakeu, Caitlin Ashworth, Kelsey Weld, Jamie Hutton, Kylie Zinsli, Gil Denny, Amber, Nathan Sweetman, Bron Alexander, Ali Brady and Aaron Letcher Print Fusion Print

Nexus Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus magazine, the WSU, Printers, the editor or any of our advertisers. Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton

online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusmagNZ @waikatostudents

News

[3] News. [5] University news. [6] Sports thoughts. [7] Left vs Right: Marriage Equality [8] Not News.

Opinion

[10] Third Degree + Guest Rant [11] Random Profile - Fui Te’evale. Top 10. [12] Lettuce to the Editor.

Entertainment and Reviews [14] Film, Game & Café review. Horoscopes [15] Book, Comic & Album review. Horoscopes [16] Local Artist - Cheshire Grimm. Gig Guide. [17] Eight Ball. Cool vs Not Cool. [18] Features - A Frank Chat + Campus Retail. [22] Puzzles

Lifestyle

[23] House Blind Date [24] Slut DJ + From the Vault [26] Auditor + 50 Shades of Gay [27] Autuer + Poetry Corner [28] Boganology + Beer Corner [29] Exec Watch [30] Alice and Anne + Trendspotting [31] Arts - Bron Alexander

WSU

[32] Director Profiles [34] President’s Column. Veeps. [35] Clubs Noticeboard [36] Ask Amber + Citizens Advice Bureau + YWRC [37] Was that you?

Editorial

Highlight Reel

By ALIX HIGBY

this week in nexus // Pg: 06

I like to idolise fictional characters. It makes the constant failure to live up to their ideal a little easier to bury. You’ve always got the fact that they’re not real, hardworking, breathing people to soften your defeat in attempting to replicate their success. I’ve never hidden my fascination with pretend people; I kind of wear them on my sleeve. Or mostly my walls. I have books, posters, and memorabilia everywhere. Nobody’s ever really complained, because they always know what to get me for my birthday.

you from trying, damn it. She never expected Superman to save her either, and neither should you! And then there’s Rory Gilmore. Such a cute, shy, petite thing. And yet, she turned down super hot, super rich, super funny Logan Huntzberger to hit Obama’s campaign trail back in ‘07 as a political journalist. Such Bravado. Whenever you feel you’re too fainthearted to make a difference or a difficult decision, think of Rory Gilmore.

“I may dress like Charlotte, but I’m definitely a Carrie.”

SPORT THOUGHTS C-Ball discusses the role of alcohol in NZ sporting culture.

// Pg: 18

Frank Louise talks to outgoing WMS Dean Frank Scrimgor on what went wrong and where to next. // Pg: 03

There are so many brilliantly fictitious characters out there, and my collection is steadily growing. During childhood, I looked up to Belle from Beauty and the Beast (duh, who didn’t. She was the only one who read.) Girl knew how to stand her ground and gave no fucks that the little village people were judgemental pricks. That’s a good role model; teaching us to do what makes us happy, even if a town of angry French people shoot us suspicious glances and never invite us over for Crepes or Macaroons. As I got a little older, and my Disney VHS wore so thin the audio was permanently on helium, my new fictional heroine was of the comic book variety. Not Wonder Woman or Super Girl, but Lois Lane. She was a gimmick-free bad ass. Nobody told her what to do – not Perry White, not even fucking Superman. Her heart was always in the right place and she did whatever she felt was the best thing to do at the time. I don’t think anyone admires the constant damsel in distress routine that the 50s kept relegating her to, but even though she’d fallen down many a time trying to get the scoop, she still kept running blindly into dangerous corners. Never let the fear of getting beaten by thugs (read: failing at life) keep 2

I mean, I have real life role models, I do. But they’re just so real. They still have flaws and they make mistakes. Sometimes it makes our flaws and mistakes too easy to accept and do nothing about. They also have tons of actual accomplishments and this makes our lack thereof that much more vacuous. Damn you, Hilary, Beyonce, and Christiane Amanpour. It’s good to know that life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns and it’s perfectly all right to fuck up. It’s also nice to know that we are capable of achieving things. But boy is reality a bit of a seesaw. Sometimes you just need fictional perfection to make you dream a little bigger, and work a little harder. So embrace the fictional friends in your life. Your real role models will always be there to help you come to terms with reality, but your fake idols are there to help you reach new, unimagined heights. At least this is how I justify my plethora of TV show addictions. I may dress like Charlotte, but I’m definitely a Carrie. Alix

MONCKTON Lord Monckton, one of the worlds leading climate change skeptics, coming to a protest near you soon. // Pg: 24

SLUT DJ Our resident Slut DJ tries to buy viagra.

// Pg: 08

KIM JONG UN Crazy dictator or life sized marshmallow man? You be the judge.

NEWS

Viscount of climate change denial comes to Hamilton. World renowned climate change denier, Christopher Monckton is coming to speak at campus on the 8th of April. Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley and husband of Juliet Mary Anne Malherbe Jensen (yes that’s actually her name) has made a name for himself by denying the impact of C02 emissions on climate change. Monckton holds no scientific qualifications but has had a notable career in politics and

of seminars around the world and although there is limited scientific validity to his beliefs, it is understood that he is an entertaining speaker with a wide array of facial expressions. Monckton is coming to speak at a breakfast hosted by the Chamber of Commerce as a part of his climate of freedom tour. The tour has been criticised by most credible academics, politicians and environmental-

“has done a series of seminars around the world and although there is limited scientific validity to his beliefs, it is understood that he is an entertaining speaker with a wide array of facial expressions.”

Scientists rally against Climate of Freedom Tour New Zealand scientists have rallied to criticize Lord Monckton, who denies human caused climate change. Monckton who has embarked on an Australasian tour has begun a series of seminars in New Zealand, ironically hosting the first on April fool’s day.

journalism. After serving as the Editor of a Roman Catholic newspaper in the late 70’s Monckton went on to stand for the House of Lords on four occasions, each time winning no votes. After receiving a cease and desist order from the House of Lords for consistently claiming to be a non-voting, honorary member of the upper house he joined the UK independence party as their climate change spokesperson. Like Al Gore, Monckton has done a series

ists, though Monckton has claimed that the results of a Roy Morgan Research poll have indicated that he has ‘converted’ 9% of Australia (It’s good to know that it’s not just Winston Peters who likes to play with trumped up Roy Morgan Results). The WSU has assured the student body that none of their funding has gone towards this event and that they are in no way affiliated with the Viscount of climate change denial, Lord Monckton.

Monckton, who has already caused trouble in Australia after comparing their chief climate change advisor to a Nazi has said that his seminars in NZ will be based on “hard scientific and economic evidence”. Niwa scientist, Brett Mullan has commented that Monckton’s views were “harmful to public perception [of climate change issues]”, he also stated, “You look at the evidence for and against, analyze it objectively, and have it reviewed by other experts. It’s not decided by who can come up with the fastest set of witty one-liners”. The tour, one of the biggest of its kind will cover the whole country from Northland to Invercargill. 3

NEWS

Hamilton Summer in Garden Place finale a success.

Story and imagess by Ali Brady writing for www.waikatoindependant.co.nz There was no shortage of Hamilton pride at the Summer in Garden Place Twilight Carnival last week.

The Summer in Gardens Place team “buddied up” with organisations such as the Hamilton Central Businesses Association and Zeal and Pou credits them to helping make the night a success.

“We came with 700 sausages and a whole sack of onions and we’re going to get more. Everyone loves something free and decent

Zeal is not-for-profit creative arts organisation and has been heavily involved with the running of the summer programme. Event coordinator for Zeal, James Wotton says it has been awesome to be part of the

free things too. It’s so rad though to be a part it,” she said. “I’ll be giving out Easter eggs for a while but I’ll definitely find time to get my face painted and have a wee dance.” Students from Sir George Seymour College kept kids entertained by putting on a dunking pool.

The event that featured everything from merry go-rounds to fire dancers was put on completely free of charge to the public. Space manager for Garden Place, Rangi Pou, 22, who has spent the past four months organising the Summer in Garden Place programme said it had all been worth it. “I’ve spent hundreds and hundreds of hours planning it all. [It’s a] high stress, high-wired job but after tonight it’s all been worth it,” Pou said. Pou said the positive feedback has been really great and the biggest question he has been asked is if the carnival is going to be an annual event. “I can’t say it is, I can’t say it isn’t, but what I can say is that after this we’ll have a massive debrief and decide where we want to go with this next year,” he said. “But Hamilton needs events like these for ourselves. One it brings communities in and two it makes people want to actually live in Hamilton and not want to run it down.” 4

event. “Kids have been stoked to be doing something and having something free or for a couple of dollars to do on the weekend. We always hear how boring Hamilton is when really there’s a lot going on.” Grace Jones was part of the team from Calvary Chapel Church who put on free sausages and Easter eggs.

Jesse Pompey lost track of how many times he had fallen into the pool of water. “So, so many times. Easily over a dozen, many times over a dozen actually. But it’s heaps of fun,” Pompey said.

Photos by Ali Brady Writing for Waikato Independant

NEWS NEWS

UNI bUilding healthy stUdy relationshiPs NEWS

Group work at university is inevitable. Establishing and maintaining effective relationships with the members of your group will benefit you and your group’s work. This workshop is aimed at providing you with skills and strategies that will maximise your relationships with classmates, study groups and flatmates, and enhance your overall learning experience. The workshop will be held on Tuesday 9 April, 1–3pm. The venue will be confirmed on registration. Numbers are strictly limited – register at betheaw@waikato.ac.nz

Postgrad WorkshoP Uni’s smokefree Policy A series of workshops on postgraduate study begins in April, designed to help candidates understand what to expect from postgraduate study and research.

scholarshiPs give yoU Wings Fancy studying part of your degree overseas? See yourself conducting research in a foreign country, or attending international conferences but can’t quite afford to get there? The first of a series of scholarship seminars is being held in May that will answer all your

Workshop 1 ‘Lifting Off’: An Introduction to Postgraduate Research and Study is aimed at recently enrolled higher degree postgraduate research candidates (within the conditional enrolment stage). The workshop will welcome candidates to the University and provide an overview of the journey ahead. It will make clear what they can expect during their period of candidature, the pathway to confirmed enrolment and the expectations of candidates and supervisors. The workshop is on Wednesday 24 April from 9.50am–3.30pm, venue TBA. RSVP to postgrad@waikato.ac.nz by 10am Tuesday 16 April.

While the University campus will be smokefree from January 2014, we’re reminding all students about the current policy around smoking. Smoking is permitted outdoors provided it is not near doors and windows, air-intake vents, areas provided for the consumption of food or beverages, and areas where people congregate to watch and play sports. Smokers are also asked to be considerate to non-smokers and to stop smoking if asked.

questions and more. The seminar, Scholarships give you wings, will highlight some of the major scholarships and funding options available for study, research, and conferences offshore, including the Fulbright and Rhodes scholarships. The seminar will also showcase a wide range of opportunities which are open to all students.

celebrate oUtstanding Waikato alUmni Do you know any Waikato graduates who have made outstanding contributions in their careers or communities?

It will include practical advice on completing applications, what to expect in an interview, support/services the Scholarships Office provides, and updates about on-campus presentations by external funders. The presentation will be followed by a Q & A session.

Why not nominate them for a University of Waikato Distinguished Alumni Award in 2013?

The seminar will be held on Wednesday 1 May from 1–2pm in S.1.02.

download a nomination form. Nominations close Friday 26 April 2013.

The Distinguished Alumni Awards celebrate and honour Waikato graduates who have demonstrated excellence in the professional, cultural, creative, sporting or voluntary sectors. Visit www.waikato.ac.nz/alumni to

NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS

TOP 3 PISS SINKING SPORTSMEN

In mother NZ, you don’t hit the piss. The Media uses the piss to hit you.

ANDREW SYMONDS Let us face it. Everyone knows I’ve got a throbbing boner for Jesse Ryder, and after having to be induced into a coma after an attack by four members of the public during a celebratory drinking session in Christchurch, some media outlets focussed on the serious shit. Alcohol. There’s nothing I dislike more than this current craze of bitching at and setting upon our sporting icons like it’s the Berlin Wall just because they drink - some of them in excess. We place them on this podium as if they don’t share some of the common desires we harbour, one of which

price. The alcohol reform bill government throws around is like that one kid in your P.E class who sits out the back picking flowers or gets nailed first in dodgeball ultimately useless. And making scapegoats out of players is even worse, especially when everything around us is saying have a fucking drink. Don’t sip it though pussy, drop a knee and scull that shit back. You can’t tell me back in the day All Blacks didn’t get mortal. And watching as the media rip shit out of Ryder and Guildford for their love of the drink is sickening. They are role models, sure, but we all know

“And making scapegoats out of players is even worse, especially when everything around us is saying have a fucking drink.” being to hit the piss like your wife decorating your new home - extravagantly. But this is where we are going wrong. We are told this binge drinking culture in New Zealand is terrible, and sportsmen drinking = bad. But then sit and watch while our favourite teams are sponsored by alcoholic brands and our government pursues the root of all evil. Placing tougher sanctions on bars. I’ve got an idea. If you don’t want Zac Guildford and his fans thinking they’re Ralph Macchio and going around fly kicking people while in a paralytic state, maybe supermarkets shouldn’t be able to sell such massive quantities of booze at such a cheap 6

The aussie allrounder was a shining example of a sick to tits life balanced with consuming beers, provided you ignore the 39 times he was thrown out of the team for being hungover / still wasted the morning of a game.

children won’t hit the piss one day because their sporting hero did. There are plenty of other motivating factors doing that already, like; the economy, a desire to cut shapes on the dance floor more effectively, another season of The GC, lasting longer in bed, and thinking the person you’re taking home with you to that bed is a solid 10/10 just to name a few. If we really didn’t want the booze ruining lives, we’d make it illegal like other extremely harmful and devastating drugs - one of which being marijuana... By C-Ball.

PAUL GASCOIGNE A football star who at one point in time amassed a cool $14 million pounds. Back in 1990, that shit was unheard of, and Gascoigne celebrated for the next decade with a copious amount of booze. Unfortunately, he is now facing bankruptcy.

IRELAND Yeah, call the country because they just topped my list. Not a single sportsman, but all combined, as a study has shown of Irish sportsmen 90% admit to drinking, and of that lot 31% reportedly drink well beyond the 21 standard drinks per week threshold. They aren’t raping and pillaging the Middle East with immunity, so I’m all for them.

Left

Left vs Right THIS WEEK’S TOPIC: Marriage Equality

NEWS

Firstly, why the hell are we even discussing this? It is 2013. “Gay marriage” or as we on the left like to call it “Marriage Equality” is a simple, straightforward issue. Quite frankly, it requires no more discussion than the question of whether or not Richard Prosser is a racist.

Labour MP Louisa Wall has introduced a bill that would amend the definition of marriage to include same-sex marriages. That is, giving people the right to have their love to whomever they choose recognized by the state. It isn’t a bill that attempts to enforce some ‘gay agenda’, or to indoctrinate us all into marrying people of the same gender. In fact, it doesn’t actually have any impact on anyone, except those who can now have their love recognised in the same manner as others.

Then there is Winston First who thinks that holding a referendum on a human rights issue is an outstanding idea. However I have to wonder how much progress would have been made had a referendum been held on issues such as giving women the right to vote in New Zealand? Not much, in my opinion. The government has a responsibility to ensure fair and equal treatment of all citizens. This shouldn’t be an issue that they need advice on. There is an overwhelming number of reasons why the marriage equality bill must pass, ultimately however, this bill is simply about love, and how could anyone oppose that?

Once upon a time in a land far far away where the left wing and the right wing of NZ politics lived in harmony like wings on an albatross, there existed nation united by equality. Sounds nice don’t it, well for this week it’s a reality because both the left and the right are in consensus, it’s time for equality in marriage. Admittedly my tendencies are more Neoliberal than Conservative and I acknowledge there are many on the right who oppose gay marriage for various valid reasons. Although there is still strong opposition, much of National including the Prime Minister is in favour of the bill and it seems near certain that it will pass at its final reading. While I acknowledge that individual religious institutions should have the right to choose who they marry, it is not the state’s role to discriminate. We have a free market of faith and those religious institutions that are not compatible with social progression will render themselves irrelevant, this too is not the state’s concern. I would also like to note to those who would point out that National and the right have a history of Conservatism on this issue that

RIGHT

Polls taken on the issue show that New Zealanders are in support of Wall’s bill. Despite this, some opponents maintain that Civil Unions allow same-sex couples to have their love recognized by the state. This is bordering on a ‘separate-but-equal’ argument. If that sounds familiar, it was the argument that Southern US states raised in the 60s. Thankfully, they progressed from there, and we will also.

in fact it was a National Party MP who first proposed the homosexual law reform in 1976. Venn Young who was an Anglican minister as well as a member of National Cabinet launched the first bill to legalize homosexuality and set in motion the string of social progressions that have led to the current bill.

The young conservatives (if indeed there are any under 35) are the only significant youth political wing that have been unanimous in opposition to the bill. The left and the right are in agreement. Now is the time for change.

NEWS

NOT NEWS Cheese Thief Arrested. A Wisconsin man who stole six tonnes of Cheese has been arrested. We are not cops here at Nexus but we are guessing it wasn’t hard to track him down. Start looking for the yard with the massive Big Mac then follow the smoke signal till you get to the guy with two tonnes of weed. As a side note you should always keep a ratio of one tonne of weed per three tonnes of cheese. This and more helpful cooking tips brought to you by Better Living in association with our Slightly Stoned Chef.

Journalism is dead Part III In this week’s instalment of “How the Waikato Times is ruining journalism one article at a time” we give you April 4th’s “Tom Cruise Almost Ready for Space Travel” an article in which the pint sized actor says that he really wants to travel to space someday but only after some other people have tested it out first. Putting aside the fact that people have been testing space flight since 1969 this is NOT NEWS. Here is how you can tell:

Here is the picture. Feel free to insert your own grooming / training joke here. The reality is we were so annoyed by the fact that you literally have to shape things like junk food to get American kids to eat it.

Kim Dotcom, the conversations with John Banks, executive orders, and statements he made to the press. There is no news here we are just pointing out things.

Tom Cruise would love to go to space one day = boyhood dream and not news. Tom Cruise stated that his desire to get to space was the reason he violently took over a section of NASA in a bloody gunfight killing two scientist and injuring a cafeteria worker = News. Surely you don’t need to be an astronaut to figure that out?

This is an Actual Story… Apparently Justin Bieber had to leave his monkey quarantined in Germany last week while he was touring. Beiber was said to be heartbroken at the thought of being separated from his monkey. There were worries that the Canadian pop star could find

The Rollie Egg Master.

John Key Can’t Remember His Childhood friends.

himself without his pet permanently after the German vet suggested the animal had been abused . It turned out to be a big misunderstanding after Beiber clarified that he had not been literal when telling a reporter he had resorted to constantly spanking his own monkey following his breakup with Selena Gomez. Meanwhile somewhere in Tennessee Taylor Swift heard a celebrity use the word break up and jumped on a private jet to Germany.

NEWS

WHAT THE FUCK Kim Jong Un. Seriously? We were going to do some nice pieces about other stuff in short news but then the North Korean Marshmallow man had to go and threaten the world. We all laughed when he started hanging out with Dennis Rodman. We rolled on the floor laughing when he started telling the press he had been breeding unicorns. But then he had to go and spoil it by telling the world that it is time to “settle accounts with America” and released photo’s of missile strike plans including Hawaii, California and weirdly Austin Texas.

The tough talk was creating a bit of panic too even if the comical troop photos and training drills looked more Monty Python than militaristic. Then he went and spoilt it by informing the US that he would be re-engaging his Nuclear plant which studies show is not connected to any power grid in the country. It’s a big card to play but the problem is it will take 12 months to manufacture a Nuclear weapon.

MEME OF THE WEEK

None of us are big fighters but we asked around and apparently the “talking shit about wiping the floor with someone and then asking them to delay the beat down 12 months so you can go work out in the gym” isn’t as successful a strategy as you would think. On the bright side the Zero Dark 30 sequel is going to be excellent.

Sylvester Stallone QUOTE OF THE WEEK trivial facts Threatens to Kill Contractor “The responsibility for this grave situation entirely rests with the U.S. administration and military warmongers keen to encroach upon the DPRK’s sovereignty and bring down its dignified social system with brigandish logic.”

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.

Kim Jong-un - North Korea

The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

Emus have double-plumed feathers, and they lay emerald/forest green eggs.

Roosters can’t crow if they can’t fully extend their necks.

IRONIC Now this is getting closer to news. Apparently 66 year old Stalone had to be restrained after threatening Contractor Mohamed Hadid. Apparently Stallone used the phrases “Get these dirty Mexicans out of here or I will blow your head off” And “I am going to kill you motherf**ker.” According To Hadid Stallone also choked his dog on several occasions. Stallone is counter suing. As a long time Stallone biographer we are recommending that Hadid take the fight but refuses a rematch. Why? Rocky I black guy wins the fight but loses the rematch in Rocky II, Rocky III black guy wins the first fight, Rocky VI black guy wins the fight. No rematch put the dog choking Italian on his arse.

Act Party Leader John Boscawen put out a statement last week saying how funny it was that Act had appeared in The Civilian NZ’s newest satirical news site. We were going to leave it there but then he warned ACT party members not to be gullible and believe the story. I thought Gullible was ACT’s target market, 20% fixed taxes, no climate change, Christian conservative Banks is a Libertarian, gutting student unions will benefit students. Boscawen shouldn’t be telling people not to believe The Civilian he should be telling them that if they do believe the Civilian they are always welcome in Epsom…. At least until Brian Tamaki finishes his city.

Rhinos are in the same family as horses, and are thought to have inspired the myth of the unicorn. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand. A fullgrown bear can run as fast as a horse. A group of geese on the ground is gaggle, a group of geese in the air is skein. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why. The cheetah is the only cat in the world that can’t retract it’s claws. The only continent without reptiles or snakes is Antarctica. 9

oPINION

THIRD DEGREE GUEST RANT History in the making – the path to marriage equality in New Zealand.

Questions 01_ Which retail store would you bring to campus and why? 02_ Kim Jung Un, misunderstood genius or Batman villain? 03_ If you were a pin up girl what month would you be and why?

Tess 19, LLB

01_ Browsers would be cool. 02_ No opinion. 03_ February – my birthday month.

Recently marriage equality has felt like an idea whose time has come. First there was President Obama announcing that his position on same sex marriage had evolved. Then British Prime Minister David Cameron threw his support behind the issue. Against this international backdrop there were politicians throughout New Zealand stating their support for marriage equality and polls showing support from the majority of New Zealanders. Just as the issue was gaining a lot of media attention, Louisa Wall’s Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Bill was drawn from the Parliamentary ballot and our MPs started debating the issue. The Bill has now been: • • • •

Elisha 18, BA

01_ North Beach 02_ Villain. 03_ April. It’s my birthday

Voted on for the first in Parliament – it passed by 80 votes to 40 (one MP didn’t vote). Referred to a Select Committee, which considered just over 20,000 public submissions (with a slight majority in favour) and recommended that Parliament pass the Bill. Voted on for the second time in Parliament – it passed by 77 votes to 44. Considered by the Committee of the whole House and passed without further amendment.

While all this has been happening in New Zealand, the rest of the world hasn’t stood still. There have been huge steps forwards for marriage equality in France and Britain. The US Supreme Court is also currently considering two significant marriage equality cases.

month.

Aaron 36, BCMS

01_ I only go to dairies, and we already have one.

02_ Misunderstood Batman. 03_ December. I figure the best one is in December.

“All that remains for marriage equality to come into effect in New Zealand is for the third and final Parliamentary vote on the Bill to pass.” All that remains for marriage equality to come into effect in New Zealand is for the third and final Parliamentary vote on the Bill to pass. That vote is scheduled for 17 April. Passing the Bill will be an acknowledgment that same sex couples form relationships with the same level of love, commitment and mutual responsibility as heterosexual couples. It will also mean that gay New Zealanders will finally have the same avenues for legal recognition of their relationships as heterosexual New Zealanders. There’s still time to get involved. If you’re keen to be a part of making history, check out these websites – both have ways that you can personally get involved: www.nzmarriageequality.co.nz www.marriageequality.co.nz Jackie Russell-Green New Zealand Campaign for Marriage Equality

OPINION

RANDOM PROFILE

TOP TEN Top Ten things you need to come to terms with. 10_

09_ You will never find a park in gate 1

Fui Te’evale.

Pacific Student Support Coordinator What’s your role at the University of Waikato and how long have you been doing it for? Pacific Student Support Coordinator, I can be found in the Main entrance of the Library. And I have been working here for 4 weeks. What’s your favourite thing about campus culture? Being able to wear shorts to work, and BBQ steak and rice from Ali. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? Past - game six of the 97-98 NBA finals, watch Michael Jordan win his second 3-peat, by draining a pull-up jumper from the top of the key. It was his final shot in the Bulls uniform. What was your first job? The summer before becoming a student at Waikato Uni I was a Kiwi mascot at the Auckland International Airport. They needed a tall guy so the beak of the kiwi didn’t hit any kids in the head! Whats your top 3 favourite movies? Coming to America - the funniest

Rain.

between 10am-3pm.

08_ The lake will never be clean. Snaps for trying. Jackson 5 or Michael Jackson? why?

07_ The library is for quiet, sensible

MJ…coz I grew up in the 80s and 90s

Whats your favourite childhood show?

06_ Monster Inc. University… yep.

What Now and The Fresh Prince of Belair.

05_ Ben Affleck doesn’t give a shit

Whats your favourite music genre? Old school Hip hop and old school Samoan love songs What’s one book you’d recommend everyone read? The Power of One by Bryce Courtney. A story of courage and determination with a bit of boxing mixed in. Whats your favourite home cooked meal? Details?? Mums Chop Suey, breadfruit and palusami straight from the umu, raw fish and samoan pineapple pie for dessert.

people only.

about NZ. Because he’s American.

04_ Stoked as you are to find a

scrunched up $5 note in your coat pocket, the vending machine gives no fucks. Pick your battles.

03_ High heels are counterproductive if they make you walk like a Pukeko.

02_ Sometimes you wake up in the

01_

morning feeling like Winona Ryder - Not P. Diddy. And that’s okay. Wheel Cake Man, where for art thou Wheel Cake Man?

Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali? Got to go with the G.O.A.T ...Ali. He had the best footwork and fastest hands of all the heavyweights. What do you think is the most important advice to give to students?

Bruce Lee in The Big Boss - the coolest Avatar – my first 3D experience I actually liked.

Make friends with everyone...you could be sitting beside the next bill gates!

Wheres your dream holiday? I went to Peru last year, now I want to see the rest of South America.

OPINION

LETTUCE TO THE EDITOR. Nexus loves getting your letters. We also love it if they are funny, intelligent and well written. Mainly we will be happy if you keep them under 250 words, it saves us having to cut them down. Please remember to give us a real name when you send them in even if you want to write with an alias. Email us at Lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz or... facebook.com/nexusmagNZ

A Fan Dear Nexus, Thank you for finally writing shit that students want to read again. Your unsealed section actually made me stand to attention in class, in all the ways Nexus used to. Keep doing it. Sincerely, everyone.

#nexuslettuce.

here, most of us don’t care. They make good food and stop that white kid in Calculus thinking he’s the shit, so they’re fine by me. Your voice is crushed against the might of the no-fucks-given. Trying to change shit is noble, sure, but I really don’t care if smoking is banned on campus. It’ll still be everywhere else. The government will still want the same things and never go anywhere. Gay people will still dress better than me, and I’ll still sleep at night. We’ve had 250,000 years to figure out what’s good, and my pillow looks excellent.

Your opinion is irrelevant. Magazine F*#KER When the give-way rules changed last year, wide-spread devastation was expected as thousands of oblivious grandmothers cut us law-abiding youths off, forcing us into a streetlight and a lifetime of car-related debt. In reality, the guy in that off-green hatch looked at you funny as he stomped the brakes, having forgotten that it’s 12:05am and that the rule has changed. Fuckwit. This might seem irrelevant, but use it as a model. Something changed, everyone expected to die, sweet f-a happened. Gay marriage: Legalised, rednecks expect to be swamped in queers, churches experience mild upturn in business. Labour Party: Gets elected, Labour supporters expect New Heaven, David Shearer gets blamed for everything. Smoking on campus: No-smoking rule implemented, smokers expect to hide their cigarettes, smokers hide their cigarettes. In the immortal words of George Watsky, ‘I don’t give a fuck’. Even if you don’t think we should let thousands of Asians immigrate 12

Dear Nexus, I don’t care if you are writing drunk because I’m reading it drunk and only one of us has to go to lectures today. By the way you look prettier this year have you done something with your hair? Don’t get me wrong you’re still not the prettiest magazine I have ever seen and occasionally I will still stare at an FHM for a little too long and you might get Jealous. But I like the fact you are superficial and not so deep these days. You are a up for a good time and I would totally pick you up in Bar 101 when the lights go on.

subsides and suddenly whole new shit storm brews. Looks like Tiwai point is going to be forced to close up shop. Invercargill will be destroyed and Tim Shadbolt will have to find another town to be mayor of. A Well done National, your refusal to give into Rio Tinto’s ridiculous demands has meant that even the people who voted you in will be screwed. I can’t help but think that someone in a dark corner has conspired to crush Tiwai point so that Rio Tinto can buy up the devalued shares, or further still that party strategists have hoped to sell off Solid Energy and Mighty River Power before the shit hit the fan. This policy is as fucked as a horse in a hillbilly household, seriously it’s just a Hindenburg sized travesty. At least we now have new content on the matter of asset sales. By John A Lee

North Korea Rage Dear North Korea, Hey Fuckwit, your time is up. Whilst you and the five people you feed enjoy a large amount of support from those who just barely survive on the hope of hand me down grains of imported rice. Out here in the rest of the world we’re sick of your shit “Death to America” , South Korea shall be bombed bla bla bla. Put up or Shut up I mean its like the guy who tried to rob the dairy with his hands in his pockets saying I have a gun, we all know its just a small penis. Your wanting to be noticed. Once you try your playstation 1 state missile system and prematurely reach the coast of Japan, we might just come in and fuck you up by feeding you children cause people who aren’t worrying about where the next feed comes from are more likely to start asking what the fuck are YOU on about...... Its not me its you. Nuke you later Southside for life.

Yours sincerely, A lover of magazines. DISCLAIMER

Anger Management? I was sick to death of the argument about asset sales, the same recycled shit being bandied about between blogs and the mainstream media, but suddenly Rio Tinto demands an 18 year, fucking ridiculous set of

Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

OPINION

ini

tra rts

sta 30 . ril

come to our volunteer

information evening –

learn how you can help a refugee family build a new life –

when: 22 april at 6pm where: red cross, 422 te rapa road

contact: rachel.oconnor@redcross.org.nz or (07) 853 2195 – w w w . r e f u g e e s e r v i c e s . o r g . n z

29 Hood Street, Hamilton Central

Ph (07) 9811321 * Discount applies to WINTEC or Uni Waikato card holders main meal only. Max discount $25. Must present student/ staff card prior to bill payment to redeem offer. Not valid with Frequent Diner Card, Kid’s Eat Free, $9.90 lunches or any other offer or discount. Valid at Hog’s Breath Hamilton.

entertainment & reviews

LIDO CINEMA film

Seven Psychopaths Rating: GAME Seven Psychopaths is a film about seven psychopaths and a writer who’s writing a film about seven psychopaths... It’s film that certainly carries the mark of writer-director Martin McDonagh, the similarities in tone between Seven Psychopaths and his previous effort In Bruges are apparent. The film, which at first glance appears to be a dark comedy with action undertones, slowly evolves into an examination of the thin line between the mind of an ordinary citizen and the unhinged minds of the eponymous psychopaths. Speaking of Christopher Walken, the casting in the film was brilliant. Colin Farrell plays your standard miserable Irishman and Sam Rockwell proves he’s still an excellent character actor. The chemistry between the leads is evident, and the dialogue is more fun to watch than a first year male starting a debate in a lecture on gender politics. Honourable mention also goes to Tom Waits and his bunny.

Skyrim

pay & cafÉ

Café Five 47

Rating:

When I played Oblivion back in 2008 my initial response was “cool story bro, needs more dragons”, and boy-o-boy did Bethesda deliver with their newest Elder Scrolls game: Skyrim.

Cafe Five 47 gave me a really good first impression; it was clean, tidy and has quite a classy relaxing environment to it. The cafe is quite large leaving you the option of either sitting outside or at the tables spaciously placed inside. The walls have featured art which can be purchased giving you something to look and talk about while you wait for meals or drinks.

When it comes to gameplay this is your typical hack and slash, just keep swinging, burning and shooting arrows until whatever endangered animal you are fighting is extinct. They have also brought in a new cooking ‘skill’ and a plethora of interchangeable shoes to make the game more attractive to the lesser gender. You can also become a mercenary, werewolf, mage or assassin with the new guilds feature, I’m sure this will make up for all those friends that you don’t have.

The approach to filmmaking as a whole is pure joy, teasing you with the idea of action and thriller tropes, only to slap you in the face for even assuming they’d take the story that way. It makes for a fun movie to watch, with a story that seldom drags, perhaps at the expense of the audience not knowing exactly what was going on (which only really justifies watching it again), though the explicit violence probably isn’t for everyone.

The graphics are so detailed they make the real world look pixelated, but sadly the characters all resemble depressed stroke victims, so if you are sad and lonely enough to get an ingame wife I hope you aren’t expecting more than a 3/10. If you are looking for a game that will last longer than any of your relationships then Skyrim is for you, with hundreds of hours of gameplay available and your virtual wife to keep you warm at night who needs a girlfriend anyway?

And best self-referring, action movie-trope line goes to “you can’t let the animals die in a movie... only the women”.

In summary: Great graphics, good story, responsive controls. I give Skyrim 5/5 orphaned dragons.

The staff are really friendly and have a warm, cheery vibe about them. I ordered a banana smoothie and for being a very hot day that drink went down incredibly fast and tasted superb. For lunch I risked the burger, I was pre-warned that it is a very big burger... and that it was! The burger surprised me when it came out as I had no idea how to eat it! The burger was huge and delicious: the big beef pattie that melted in your mouth with the supporting cheese overlaying it. The bun was freshly baked which all maximised the overall flavour of it. It is defiantly recommended for those who need a decent sized meal, you will not be disappointed. Overall was a very good experience and left without any negatives. By John Katene

HOROSCOPES ARIES

taurus

gemini

(21 mar - 20 apr)

(21 apr - 21 may)

(22 may - 21 june)

Take the next two weeks off. Go to the beach. If the cops ask, I was there with you the whole time.

Try something new, sleep in the halls of residence for the next two weeks. Apparently they are open to the public during semester breaks.

You will meet a tall dark stranger, who may try to kill you. Never trust tall people they are all pretty murder’y.

entertainment & reviews

MARK ONE comic

The New Deadwardians

book

the Da Vinci code By DAN BROWN Rating: I missed the Da Vinci code band wagon back in the day. I read the first page and then heard the movie was coming out so didn’t bother with rest. However, if you are an atheist or have a general dislike for religious effects then this is the book for you. The brilliantly clever tale uses real life facts, events and places to create a believable twist to the religious story we all know and love. The scene is set so well that you have to remind yourself that it is just a story. Conspiracy theorists rejoice as Walt Disney’s films are thrown in the mix to really get the story raging. This book is not just for those non-believers among us though. Religious folks can get just as much fun from the pages by using their religious knowledge to battle Dan Brown’s ideas and wild claims. There is action for the lads, a touch of romance for the ladies and it all starts with a mysterious murder of a naked man. What more could you want?

album

Sunburn EP The Raw Nerves

By Dan Abnett

Rating:

These Auckland garage rockers were one of my favourite bands of 2012. Their combination of punk, grunge and Motown swing is refreshing, vibrant and most of all, the best thing to dance to since some sort of dance infused robot music. Ok, Daft Punk. And they’ve done it again with a sneaky new EP.

The New Deadwardians is astonishing writing, pure and simple. The best way to describe The New Deadwardians is Downton Abbey with vampires. Oh and Zombies! We follow Chief Inspector George Suttle as he works to solve a homicide. Thing is, in a world where almost everyone is dead already, homicides are a very rare occurrence indeed. You see, a zombie plague has spread through-out post-Victorian England and the only way to keep from turning is to take the ‘cure’. The problem is, the cure turns you into a vampire. This would be the obvious option except that becoming the living-dead is, for most, as good as being dead. The New Deadwardians is part crime novel but the most endearing part of this story is in the personal dramas of Inspector Suttle himself. I can’t quite describe what makes me love Suttle so much, but the ‘matter of fact’ way that he looks at things and his dry sense of humour makes him more endearing then any protagonist in recent memory. Being a vampire, Suttle thirsts to feel hunger for anything (or anyone) again but he never plays the victim and watching him get his hunger back again is a whole lot of fun.

The opening number, Scared of Serious Drugs, is fast and full of pummelling drums and chunky guitars. It has that feel Iggy and the Stooges knocked out of the park at their peak and that The Ramones swum in and out of depending on their own drug use at the time. That might seem like pretty high praise when compared to the greats, but I promise it is not given lightly.

By Daniel Petersen

The next track, Fuck Brooklyn, is blistering in pace and maybe my least favourite on the EP, but if you like your punk rock at full throttle, you’ll appreciate it. Third song, I’m Not Gunna Try is an apathetic anthem to anyone who just can’t be bothered and is doing piss all quickly. Stand out track is the Motown tinged, Rapper Stole His Girlfriend. Jangly guitar’s and smashing hi-hats give the vocals a real lush backing. And that is part of the secret to this music; it’s simplistic, but full. It is also absolutely worth your time, download it for free/koha from bandcamp.com.

By Kathlene Cook

http://www.mk1.co.nz/ www.facebook.com/Mark1Comics

By HP

cancer

leo

virgo

(22 june - 23 july)

(24 july - 23 aug)

(24 aug - 23 sep)

Apparently Agri-business has nothing to do with the growth and distribution of weed. There is six weeks of your life wasted.

Celebrate. Six weeks down. Only 359 more weeks to go and then that PHD is yours. It’ll be worth it when you make them ask “Would you like fries with that Dr?”

Uni is like a ghost town during the break. Which is why they will never suspect what your planning. Go for it.

entertainment & reviews

Local artist

gig guide April 10-13

Wednesday 10th April Skint House Bar, 6-9 pm It’s that time of the week again where we get paid for being awesome students. Why not enjoy some yummy $5 pizzas and $5 ciders/ beer? Matt Hicks talks to Jesse Mulligan about life on Seven Sharp, leaving 7 Days and why everyone hates Hamilton. There are a lot of benefits to being a Jack of all trades. And as two thirds of Hamilton rockers, Cheshire Grimm, tell me, being a Jack-et of all trades has some real advantages. Laura and Kat, the two female vocalists and guitar and bass players (respectively), have really enjoyed the freedom of a band based around differing interests and ideas. Their songs swing seamlessly between punk, grunge, electro-pop and prog rock. It’s a freedom that has allowed the group to become more than the sum of its parts and to be watched out for if you’re a music lover in Hamilton.

encouraging the group to look further afield to find the creative space they hoped to occupy. The only catch was occupying that territory was a bit of a lonely place. The group have felt too underground for mainstream listeners and vice versa and as such have been left to fend themselves as an act on bills filled with bands rather different from them. But they tell me, it is something they’ve revelled in. They’re excited to be creating music that is true to them and not caught up in one scene or another.

2 for 1 Cocktails Grand Central Hotel, 5-10 pm Say what? One of the best cocktails around is on special? Sign us up! P.S. order the strawberry sours. They are amazing!

Thursday 11th April Tight Ass Thurs Open UNTIL midnight, Altitude Bar & Nightclub $3 shots, $4 doubles and handles, $5 RTDs plus a 4-way beer pong. Sometimes it is really damn good to be a student. Room Service Grand Central Hotel, 9pm onwards Let DJ Kaon usher you through the weekend and enjoy a cocktail while you’re at it.

Kat is quick to tell me how excited she was to have Laura take interest in the songs she was writing when the pair first jammed semidrunkenly at a party. But even the sobering light of day, the songs stood up. And on top of that, Laura, grounded in Metal and some of the technical elements of guitar could see an opportunity to be involved in something different. Both the girls are happy to concede that it was the addition of Kat’s brother-in-law, Dan, who added yet another layer of texture and another sense of humour to the group.

It’s the transferable sounds and the exciting stage presence that helped land the trio a spot at the International Tattoo & Art Expo after a superb showing at the heats held at Axcess. They were impressed if not a little surprised by the positive reaction they solicited and now are focusing on the next steps as a band. Recording an EP on a DIY budget, desperately trying to garner bands to gig with and all balancing work, it is not an easy task. Thankfully the open mindedness and determination of this group sees them playing Biddy Mulligans 5th April for $5 and then heading into the Battle of Bands.

Dan was able to provide a strong and punchy backbone on the drums, but his interests in everything from electronica to obscure folk led to him experimenting with keyboards and

Download their songs for freesie from their website http://www.cheshiregrimm.com

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

(24 sep - 23 oct)

(24 oct - 22 nov)

(23 nov - 21 dec)

Ask him out. Worst case scenario he says no and then you don’t see him for two weeks.

Ask her out. Worst case scenario is that she goes out with you, you have sex then she tells the rest of the faculty about how small it is and you spend the next three years as a recluse. On second thought shut up.

Six weeks in and you still know nothing about English literature. You are up to date with Gaz and Charlotte on Geordie Shore though, so congratulations, you are helping to unmake the universe.

Saturday 13th April Six60 NZ Tour Founders Theatre Told you they didn’t forget their roots, my friend. Electro Static Static End the weekend with a (figurative) bang.

08 entertainment & reviews

COOL VS NOT COOL

eight ball

tHREE THINGS THAT ARE AWESOME RIGHT NOW AND THREE THINGS THAT AREN’T SO MUCH. COOL Friday. No classes for 6 weeks... Fuck yeah.

Welcome to the 8 ball. In the depths of my gooey black ass I will answer the secrets OF THE universe. You may not like MY answerS but lets be honest who else is going to tell you the truth, ugly. Will my fear of balloons ever subside?

*pop* *pop* *pop* *pop* *pop* *BANG*, bitch.

Will Justin bieber ever grow testicles and not throw child-like tantrums? Getting paid more than minimum wage. Not that we’d know what that’s like but we imagine it’s pretty great.

Will you ever grow testicles and accept Justin Bieber is better than you, at, well, EVERYTHING. Will the dairy on campus ever sell heath food?

Well, young impressionable 1st years (or possibly whiny 2nd years), back in my day there used to be a Mc Donalds where the dairy is today. True story. I might also point out that there is a gym about 20meters away [hint: use it].

K-pop at 6 o’clock. U-live should probably not stop playing K-pop.

Will game of thrones be downloaded more than pictures of my mum?

NOT COOL

Yes, unless you mum is Mila Kunis? Because then that bitch will be all up in the Pirate Bay. Denying climate change. Just no.

Will hush hush ever drop its door charge? Let me tell you something, if you’re not paying to see ass and titties in a so call ‘strip club’, particularly in Hamilton, then there’s a problem. See, a door charge ensures the girls working there are paid well to ‘keep well’, and it also ensures that you aren’t just some derro that can afford internet to look at porn. Will the correlation between weed and food lead to me being constantly hungry with no money to pay for it?

Forgetting to save your work. So the past 4 hours has been a complete waste of time...

Smh. Weed. Oh, you’re still at that stage. It gets better [read: sarcasm]. Will I pass my papers, since I only just started going to class? Forgetful Prime Ministers. Get your shit together.

If you’re doing law then no you’ve already failed after missing the first class. Anywhere else, you can still get A’s on 60% classes - been there done that, got the piece of paper.

capricorn

aquarius

pisces

(22 dec - 20 jan)

(21 jan - 19 feb)

(20 feb - 20 mar)

Don’t cross the streams. Hoverboards don’t work on water. There can be only one. Dead or alive you’re coming with me As you wish. I feel the need, the need for speed. You have two weeks to find out what all of these mean.

I’d trade my soul for a wish. Pennies and dimes for a kiss. I wasn’t looking for this. But now you’re in my way. You have two weeks to get that song out of your head now.

The love of your life is at Momento today. But they are with someone else.

Feature

A frank CHAT Nexus quizzes wms dean frank scrimgeour on his recent resignation

How long have you been Dean of the Waikato Management School?

was as an associate Dean in 1997. So I’ve been around the school a long time.

I’ve been the Dean for just over 5 years, I started in March 2008, but before that I’d spent considerable amount of time as the acting Dean.

Your decision to step down was unexpected. Did you fall on your sword or were you pushed?

What led you to the Dean position? Before I took the role I’d had nearly 30 years experience in research, education and business leadership roles. In fact, my first serious role within the Waikato Management School 18

The average length of term for Business Dean around the world is about three years. Although we’ve previously had a long standing Dean within the school, Dean positions within business schools change quite frequently. Changes in leadership in professional organisations are a mixture of what is good for the

feature

institution and what is good for the individual, and of course the challenge is to try and achieve both. I’ve made a call in this place, and time will tell whether it’s good for me and good for the university.

Students were also reporting multiple incidents where tutorials were past what your own standards guides suggested would impact learning, do you feel that the quality of tutorials was suffering?

How much of your decision was based on the Management School not meeting its EFTS targets in 2012?

Some hiccups have occurred from time to time, and there are student feedback mechanisms in place, so that if through inappropriate decision in any other way, something like this happens, it gets addressed. By and large, tutorial experience within the school is very good. In fact, I have been taking one tutorial every week this year. Small group learning is a crucial part of the academic experience. My only regret in this place is that some academic staff members try and offload all tutorial work to graduate students or sessional assistants instead of participating in the activities themselves.

I think achieving EFTS targets is always part of the mix of responsibilities. It is a challenging issue university wide, given the government’s new rules about funding targets. If you look back over the nearly 25 years I’ve been in this institution, numbers fluctuate up and down. The art is to get the number right, and we need to be aware that in 2010 we were stopped from enrolling students in Waikato Management School because there were too many. It’s also useful to remember that the university has multiple responsibilities; there are research obligations and education obligations, there are community service obligations and the challenge for us is to keep progressing on all of those fronts. That requires good work from the Vice-Chancellor, from Deans, and from every academic and general staff member in the institution. Nexus ran a story last year about the staff departures to Massey, do you feel that under different leadership WMS could reverse the trend? Academics are potentially extremely mobile, and if anything, the surprise is how stable Waikato Management School staffing is. The goal is not to maximize the number of staff. What we want is high quality students and high quality staff and an organisation that is financially viable. The evidence is that we, by and large, that we have excellent staff and excellent students. Last year we received reports of tutorial staff being told that budgets were so tight the photocopying would be limited before the end of the year can you confirm these reports? I cannot confirm those reports. It seems to me that if it was stated by anyone it was someone playing games. The world has moved on a long way from photocopying, and I note you’re not writing this with pen and paper. It seems to me that some people do need to adjust to new ways of doing things. I hope Waikato Management School is forefront of doing things in new ways, and not locked into the old world.

I will certainly continue to participate in small group learning experiences. I think the world of ideas, and academic progress is where we have one to one conversations and one participates in small group conversations and one has big events. We shouldn’t lock ourselves into one set of communications. Do you feel that there are some candidates internally capable of taking over as Dean of WMS? If so, whom and why? There are multiple internal people who are capable; however it’s also appropriate to recognize that there are many external people who are capable. The challenge is to find an excellent person who is willing to take up the responsibility. In your opinion what sort of characteristics should the new Dean possess? I will keep it brief; academic & professional credibility. If money were no object how would you reshape the department? There’s no such thing as a free lunch and Deans don’t reshape departments or faculties. We are an academic community and I suggest the continuous interaction between staff result this ongoing evolution of university structures, in order that we fulfill our purpose and in a financially viable way. There are multiple things that I can imagine going forward, but they’re hard. They will all sustain management research and education, accounting research and education, economic research and education, etc.

What would you say the biggest challenges are for Management in the next few years? In terms of the faculty, the biggest challenge is advancing the faculty within the framework of centrally constrained funding. I’m talking about government policy and how it impacts the university. I think that can be worked through. The challenge which is common to all faculties is to be academically compelling and socially relevant. Within the business research and education domain there is the full range of players with little institutions trying to set themselves up as “experts” in some form of business education. Little kinds of entities who are more focused on making money than achieving anything. Then sometimes because of pressures from the funding situation, quite credible institutions go down market in terms of their quality and are characterised by lots of students but not robust academic concerns. So to me, you have to keep your hand on the academic integrity but also the financial probity at the same time. Where to from here, for you? My immediate responsibilities will be as a professor here within the Waikato Management School, with the opportunity to focus on my research supervision, teaching and contributions to the community. Alongside that, I will continue to be involved in accreditation programs for business schools around the world and governance responsibilities and business and social service organisations. Would you ever consider growing out your mustache more and hitting the road as a Gareth Morgan impersonator? I’ve had the mustache for decades, but I’m not too sure my wife would be impressed if I took on the Gareth Morgan look. You will hear from me in the media in the coming months and years because I will have greater freedom to do that. I think of Gareth Morgan as a provocateur, promoting people to think. I’ve built my career as a diplomat and working with people I agree with and people I disagree with to find solutions. Any advice for the next Dean of Management? Always be ready to talk to Nexus.

CAMPUS So this week we are playing the game of multi-millionaire retail chain. We have a product students would love, and we have the means to make it happen. Only problem is that we tend to live in a dystopic hellscape that is practicing free market principles and survival of the fittest. It’s a little like…. Every scene from the first three seasons of Walking Dead. You gouge, you scratch and you do what it takes to survive. Unfortunately like Stephen King’s Pet Cemetery, the University of Waikato is littered (needless cat joke) with the corpses of retail that has come in with a bang proclaiming Vidi Vini Vci and then quietly been smothered in its sleep sometime in semester two. If you are a first year prepare to get your mind blown, as we run through the unscientific list of shit we used to have in an academy awards style montage: McDonalds: Gone but not forgotten. Your McFlurries made 8am lectures tolerable. Out of The Blue: A dive shop near a toxic lake, optimistic. You left us far too soon. Campus Video: Also gone are actual videos themselves. That Fashion Place That Opened Last Semester But Closed Again: Not Texas Radio. Student Radio: ??? *shrugs* The Kebab Guy that looked like elderly Alexi Sayle: Google it. Three different incarnations of what is now the Dons: We got pints for like $3.50 there last week, why the hell don’t people drink there? The Hilcrest Tavern: Sure not technically on Campus, but shut up. 20

The Wailing Bongo: It was like Bar 101 with more broken letter boxes, fake ID’s, chips and a little band playing there called the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Seccond Hand Book Store: Books were like flappable smart phones with really specific internets. Wheel Cake Man: We think we miss you most of all, scarecrow. Now there exists an absolute litany of reasons as to why these businesses didn’t survive, but the real question shouldn’t be “why didn’t they survive?” but, “why the hell does it cost me almost a McFlurry and a cheeseburger to buy a coffee on campus now?” The answer to that is actually relatively simple too. The market forces exist at a relatively fixed price point on campus, and any retailer coming to campus to set up another coffee shop would see that they too can charge around the same price and still not have to fight for customers as the campus is a pretty closed space. Or as the National Party would put it “Suck my dick students.” So what the hell? You can’t really blame any retailers on campus. In fact stores like Texas Radio who come in and try to brand and price point for a student budget should be applauded for at least taking the risk. Without fail all of our food vendors make delicious products, from sushi to breakfast sandwiches, and everyone has a bill to pay but perhaps it is time the Students’ Union or Uleisure or someone took some action and gave us a few more choices. A number of options exist. A tiny little student-employing, make your

own sandwich/soup kitchen: Complete with crappy chairs and tables and the unmistakable smell of people that have put homemade hemp clothes in the washing machine. A little like Le Commune in Victoria Street used to be, before people stopped caring about the CBD. Student Artwork on the walls and Slam poetry. A Bakery: Because the smell of Fresh Bread beats toxic lake every time. A Bar: Not a night club, but some little craft beer simple bar with Student Artwork on the walls and Slam poetry. Pop up retail: This one would be kinda hard work but equally awesome. For two weeks it’s a PB Tech, then it vanishes and through wizardry or dragons or whatever, it becomes a music store for two weeks. Then we convince Chris to bring the truly excellent Mk One comics on, or Auteur House etc. Just get the big boys in: Wendys, Starbucks, sell some space. While we are at it knock down a hall or two and put up a Novotel. Let’s do this shit right. So maybe we don’t have all the answers and it seems stupid to open the door to full commercialism no matter how delicious Wendys is, but perhaps we can start small. Perhaps we start with you writing a letter or two telling us what you want to spend your money on, and we publish those letters and give you stuff. The truth is spending your money on Campus is your decision but the options available and the pricepoint are making that decision easier every single day.

RETAIL We all know that shopping on site can get a little expensive. With the latest addition of Texas Radio (the student edition) to Waikato’s portfolio of campus retail, we thought we’d take a look at the retail options you actually have here, and whether they’re really that viable. We asked Texas Radio man a couple of questions about running a business on campus, and here’s what he divulged: On the difference in demographics: Clearly Texas Radio is already angled at a younger demographic, so they shouldn’t need to alter much to open on university grounds right? Well, turns out that their demographic falls a little differently here. Students are not the working professionals that Texas Radio usually caters to. They have to feature discounted items to pull the same crowd. “Students still want the same brand, but they want to pay less.” On renting space on campus: Renting space on campus is contracted out by Uleisure. Space like Oranga, the bank shops, and the student centre, where Texas Radio is now housed. Texas Radio man compares the cost of renting campus space to the cost of renting space at Te Awa or Worley place, and says that cost-wise, campus comes out on top. “It’s subsidised by the government. It’s

cheap compared to our other retail spaces.” On profitability: While they’ve only been here for a few months, and it’s too early to tell if the venture has been profitable yet, “In terms of housekeeping and rent, it is viable.” And with previous leaseholder, clothing store Lola Rae, now relocating to another store, maybe it’s a good, cheap place to start business. On promotions: They’re permanently offering a student promo of 15% off with student ID. To really hit the student customer base, they also work with Bar101, Outback and Axcess. On staff: They hire students. “It’s important when marketing a store to the right demo” On their restricted opening hours: Texas Radio is only open when classes are, basically. They could, technically open outside of term, but “it wouldn’t be helpful” and the restricted hours don’t have much of an impact on profitability. On their usual type of customer: You’d think it was just hip young things frequenting the place, but “we also get staff in here as well. In terms of selling style, students are more laid back. Staff want the help and service, so it’s good to offer both styles.” See, lecturers are capable of dressing on trend. They just need help. On store security:

Whether we’re all goodie two shoes, or we’re too stressed already to think of breaking the law, they’ve had no shoplifters on campus. Although you could also say it’s probably because it’s a small shop with decent security. Texas Radio man also declares, “If you’re giving good service, you won’t get shoplifters.”

entertainment & reviews

Crossword ~ General Knowledge

Puzzle Page Complete the puzzle page, be the first to bring it in and show us, and you’ll win stuff!

Across 2.Sleepy ___; 1999 film by Tim Burton. 4. Centre of a target 5. Type of journal written Anne Frank 7. Historical name for Thailand 9. Lift for towing one or two snowboarders uphill

1 2

Down 1. Britain’s Got Talent contestant who captured the judges’ attention with her rendition of I Dreamed a Dream 3. ”___ killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.” Eugene O’Neil 6. French existentialist philosopher, novelist and dramatist who refused the 1964 Nobel Prize in Literature. 8. Author who wrote the series of novels which begins with A Game of Thrones.

3 4

Wuzzle 6 7

1. 2. 3. 4.

EclipseCrossword.com

Sudoku ~ Easy

5. 6.

H B D

HOUSE BLIND DATE House Blind Date Deck HIS

It all started with a simple email, 6pm at House, your date is given another go since the last wasn’t a “success”. Well this should be interesting, giving that I was missing training and that I’ve never done this before.

Thinking that I was looking slightly decent, even rocking the dress shoes, I walked into House thinking of so many different situations; ‘She has a peg-leg and eye patch’ or ‘She’s a dude.’ If you have been on the internet this wouldn’t be shocking. Well to my relief, I was taken to the table where an attractive girl with a big smile, greeted me, as you would expect with meeting someone new.

We did the usual icebreakers as is typical, ordered a couple of drinks and pizza rolls (good choice!) and chatted away, from university and work to racism, politics and marriage equality. We didn’t end up ordering our pizzas until about 2 hours into the date, which surprised me a little. It ended up becoming a mix of eating, drinking and constant talking about a whole heap of shit, then stealing phones and fraping each others Facebook’s (oh yay…lol). We stayed until they pretty much had to kick us out so not too bad of an effort. At one point she put my phone down her top - yus touched her boob by association!! Oh and thanks House Bar and Nexus!!!!

HERS

lifestyle LIFESTYLE lifestyle

single lady, out on the prowl, looking for a good time. And also, I am not going to lie, free food. Fuck yes. That is what I am about. So yeah, shot Nexus for giving me a mean feed. *hi5*

Yes, this may sound some what familiar, because I am one lucky bitch, who got a second date. Due to the unluckiness of having a date I already knew the first time around. They gave me a second chance at finding love. So Nexus, you guys are GCs and I love you. So much. #youdabestnexus. But yeah, the major difference, this was a stranger! So that was an added bonus.

So I rock on up to the House bar (the place with the gorgeous staff. You guys are sexy as fuck. Yeah I know you guys are reading this, and I hope I made your insides fuzzy ;) ) at 6pm, like I was told to. And I my date was no where to be seen. I sit down at the reserved table, and the table says ‘Reserved @ 6:30’. So I’m like ‘well, shit’ - Because any one who knows me, knows that I usually am late (Please do not tell my future employers this, my CV says I’m punctual). So any ways, yeah, back on track. I thought I was half an hour early. Then Nekk minnut (yes, I used that phrase, stfu), I see this dude walk in all alone and walk up to the bar. He is then led towards me where we start our date. … Well, that’s awkward; I’ve already hit the 300 word limit. I guess I will have to tell you guys about this date some other time. All and all, the food was great. He has something I would like (no not the d, but that is for Future Pammy to decide, again I will tell you that at a later date) so I do see myself seeing him again. We have exchanged numbers, facebook details, (including some sweet frapes), and some DNA (just joking). All I need is his home address and bank details and we’re sussed (this I am serious about). Once again, thanks Nexus for this awesome opportunity, thanks to house for being amazing (Bobbie you are so sexy, in a no homo way), and thanks for my date being a gentleman =) You give great hugs :3

So I entered this because, well I am a newly

We can’t promise you’ll hit it off... But we can promise the hits!

THEEDGE HITMUSICNOW

Lifestyle

Slut DJ A Hard Time.

packet of four. They came with instructions that went something like; take an hour before starting up, only take a quarter of the tablet at any one time, do not take when drinking alcohol, do not take if you have heart problems, keep them out of the sun and never, ever, feed the Mogwai after midnight.

A good friend of mine, renamed Big Dan for this column, was married two weekends ago and I was asked to contribute in a few ways that would add to the party atmosphere.

On the day of the wedding I gave my groom the pills, explicitly relaying the instructions.

This meant alcohol, weed and a unique marriage present.

Unfortunately the smile didn’t last long as he discovered his bride couldn’t wear white everywhere due to the time of the month their wedding fell on.

The present was not on the wedding registry and was only slipped to me as a slightly ashamed whisper. “Can you get some Cialis?” For those who are not versed in modern day pharmaceuticals, Cialis is like Viagra if Viagra had taken more, well, Viagra. It lasts a grand total of three days instead of the limp eight

He beamed.

Big Dan instead pocketed the pill, deciding to surprise her the next weekend on a trek up one of the more popular New Zealand trails. His plan was to make it to the top of walk and make love in a place where everyone below would hear what was happening. He took the full pill, taking into account the

“Fortunately for Pfizer this is a phallic fallacy (fuck yeah – alliteration). The pills only work when the user is aroused, so if you do want to have sex you can and you will - with the best darn erection you’ve ever had. ” hours of the more popular blue pill. Due to pop-culture’s interest in all things sexual the pills are often shown by comedies to cause uncontrollable erections, much like when you were a teenager and learnt, quite quickly, to tuck them under your belt. Fortunately for Pfizer this is a phallic fallacy (fuck yeah – alliteration). The pills only work when the user is aroused, so if you do want to have sex you can and you will - with the best darn erection you’ve ever had. And, if you have lady bits and take the said pill, it makes orgasms more attainable and far more intense. So, you can see why the pills are becoming a lot more popular among the younger crowd especially those who have trouble paying attention when distracted by other drugs (see: pill dick). I tried all the dodgy pharmacists I knew and had success with a sales-rep who donated a 24

From the Vault

hour countdown but not heeding the quarter pill warning. Fifteen minutes later the pill kicks in and the anticipation of a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow caused the need for a sneaky belt tuck. Three quarters of an hour later he text me, “Bro, I’ve made a horrible mistake.” At the top of the trek he found space to breathe and apprehensively looked down at his untucked penis, surveying the damage. Over an hour of hiking had caused his belt to sand away a couple of layers of skin leaving him with what looked like grass burns on his shaft. The doctor said he had to wait till this weekend before he can try and conquer another mountain. He has also been advised to never, ever, take a full tablet ever again.

Deep in the shadowy corners of the Nexus offices is the vault that contains issues of the magazine from back in the 1970s, 80s, 90s and even last year. We love reading them. Mainly because the people proof reading them were so much better than the ones we have now. We thought we would highlight one in every issue and we decided we would start with a Presidents column from under fire Minister of Education and former WSU President Hekia “Trysh” Parata. We have done well to ignore all the obvious jokes about “dreadful procedure” or “not having an original thought” but the truth is that as long teachers aren’t getting paid and schools are getting closed we will still be wasting column inches on our former alumni. So here she is in her own words Hekia Parata circa 1980..... Trysh’s Final(?) Blurb Well people this is the VERY last time you will have to put up with Nexus wasting space on my rather boring reports. It’s practically all over now and I guess I’m supposed to think up something profound as my farewell to you all. But to tell you the truth after my term in office, I am feeling completely drained and don’t have an original thought to call my own. This position has provided a great range of experiences - not all of them good - BUT nevertheless EXPERIENCES. Quite frankly I’m glad it’s all over (well almost). Now I can stop worrying about dreadful meeting procedure, and how badly I’m doing the job. But now I don’t have anything to look forward to on Tuesday nights. Oh well, never mind. Good Luck for exams, have a pleasant and prosperous Christmas and see you all next year. Arohanui Trysh

lifestyle

DARK TALES OF FLATTING Maybe you had a bad party or there is a weird story about cooking or a flatmate who always smells like decomposing feet. Tell us your dark tales of flatting and if we like it we will publish it and see what we can do to help. Or at least get you a prize...

DARKTALES@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

WES3582

Students get deals worth screaming about at WestďŹ eld Chartwell.

westfield.co.nz/chartwell

Lifestyle

50 Shades Of Gay I Do.

The third reading of the marriage equality bill is set to pass its final hurdle on Wednesday 17th April. This bill is about love and equal-

Undoubtedly people will still write in to complain and we will be provided with some jaded lols or moments of head-in-hands frustration that such views could possibly exist. What you need to know is that these voices may be the loudest, but they don’t represent the majority. What this bill will do is allow happy couples to frolic to the registry office and celebrate their love. It will allow me to marry my gorgeous fiancé. It will provide protection for couples, and their families. It will provide reassurance for struggling youth that they are valuable. This is more than the definition of a word - the

“This is more than the definition of a word - the passing of this bill will likely be the biggest civil rights moment of our generation.” ity. This bill will provide legal rights and equal status to LGBTI relationships in society. It will not affect or change religious marriage. No celebrant will be forced to marry a couple they do not wish to. The world will not end. This is not a slippery slope towards polygamy or beastiality.

Auditor Victorian Literature 101.

Queen Victoria is the last person I expected to meet in the dark and dismal depths of the Management building. Surely this isn’t the lecturer? She’s a vision in lace and frills, strapped securely into a flowing black gown in lieu of the straitjacket that a tiny part of my brain insists would be more appropriate, and commands the room with a cheerful enthusiasm completely at odds with the general malaise and world-weariness we come to expect from dead monarchs and third year professors. True, my illicit adventures around campus have introduced me to some strange characters, but this ghost of England past is in a league all of her own. We are amused. Group discussion is initiated and flies dirigiblelike over my head – sorry, Vicky, I’m a little behind on the readings – but the content is the most immediately gripping of any paper I’ve yet crashed. If you haven’t heard of steampunk, go and Google it. Seriously. I’ll wait.

passing of this bill will likely be the biggest civil rights moment of our generation. Put on your shades people, because our future looks bright! By Lezbi Honest

Okay. This course is presumably about Victorian Literature, but really, it’s an insane romp through the various unscrupulous ways authors are bending History over and thrusting entirely dischordant elements deep into the heart of her metaphorical funny business. Steamy. It’s confusing and a little uncomfortable at first, but once you adjust to the sheer alienness of it, a whole new world of theoretical and even philosophical possibilities opens up. Coincidentally, that same claim is made on a weekly basis in the bathrooms at Bar101. At one point, Her Majesty treats the class to a private opera, belting out an appropriately patriotic English hymn, which we unanimously meet with thunderous applause. All of this talk about alternate history has me wondering how disturbingly ‘Broadway’ the Western world would be today if it was this madwoman who’d had the royal run of midindustrialisation Great Britain; and the only negative outcome I can possibly come up with is that our subsequent cultural peppiness and total lack of shame would have driven her steam- and coal-powered mechanical minions to implement a prototype of the Matrix around three centuries early.

Auteur On the controversial May/ December Romance.

Be it low farce or high drama the May/ December romance has provided the raw material for many a movie. Liberal Arts, currently screening at the Lido cinema, is but the latest film to take on the issue of significant age difference within relationships. I had mixed feelings about its approach: for all the liberality referenced in the title the theme was disappointingly conservative, with writerdirector-star Josh Radnor finding the very suggestion that a thirty something man could have a legitimate romance with a woman 16 years his junior to be somehow ridiculous or even, to coin a politically correct phrase, ‘inappropriate’. Auteur House stocks a number of titles which explore the May/December idea with a good deal more sympathy. By this I don’t mean to apologise for Hollywood’s basic sexism. The fact that leading men are regularly paired with screen partners anywhere up to 30 years younger and that audiences are expected to be blind to this, is a separate issue. Nor am I talking about movies which deal with outright paedophilia. The Lolita adaptations are fine works of art but they don’t deal with relationships between consenting adults.

Here’s a brief list of some films that do. 1. Manhattan (1979). Woody Allen’s black and white homage to New York ranks as one of his very best movies and his 44 year old character’s romance with a 17 year old school girl is at its very centre. Muriel Hemingway is luminous and wise as Tracy, never more so than in bitter-sweet ending.

LIFESTYLE lifestyle

2. Charade (1963). Cary Grant was nearly 60, a full generation older than Audrey Hepburn, when the two stars paired up in this delightfully entertaining Hitchcockian pastiche. Feeling his age, Grant demanded that the script be re-written so that Hepburn’s character chase his and not vice versa. The result is slyly erotic, subversive even. Foregrounding the age difference rather than ignoring it pays huge dividends.

Poetry Corner Scratching the Surface

What things should I compare to you When asked to write a line or two? Old similes seem out of place Defining such beauty and grace

3. The Last Picture Show (1971). Five years earlier The Graduate milked a lot of laughs from what we today label ‘cougars’. This devastating drama presents the flip side of the older woman/younger man scenario. A school boy enjoys a touching romance with his football coach’s lonely wife before callously breaking her heart.

Summer days have been done to death And you are more Lady Macbeth, Anyway, than Desdemona Night, not day, suits your persona

5. Harold and Maude (1971). The Holocaust also shadows this cult black comedy about a romance between a suicidal 20 something and a woman who is approaching 80. Though we are spared any graphic depictions the film makes clear that this relationship is a physical one. By Richard Swainson

We share lunch he and I I’ll get the next one he says And we both laugh away cold reality As my days study fades to a distant memory He plays his guitar for an audience of two In the strumming His passion meets his pain And his genius inside Shines briefly through its homeless shell

You’re more like a kiss from a rose, Sealing my fate; yet one of those Whose petal is outstripped by thorn Oh, my features such scars adorn!

For a moment we are lost Until voices interrupt theological bliss Self important people pass Though they are not permitted to stare As I was

For a lady as dark as you Mere sonnets, I think, will not do Rhyme and meter shall not suffice To melt from round your heart the ice

I watch them all he says Some days I pray for the complexities Of a life long lost My wife, my job, my daughter …….

The Homeless Man and the Law Student

4. The Reader (2008). Inter-generational romance is complicated enough without throwing in World War II and the Holocaust. This excellent adaptation of Bernhard Schlink’s novel about a German secondary student’s sexual coming of age at the hands of a former concentration camp guard rises well to a multiplicity of challenges, managing to evoke an empathetic understanding of its characters without ever condoning what cannot be condoned. To the amusement of Ricky Gervais, Kate Winslet won an Oscar.

To change the world he growls I used to speak with passionate tone Now I’m a mute in a world that can’t hear a passionate voice Over cries of dissidence or self indulgent praise

I watch him But only for a while Through thick rims he stares Before dismissing my gaze For days I pass my quay street friend Who allows me to stare I try to speak, but how does one convey Empathy and charity on such a cold day

As the day and conversation fade So does my homeless friend In the months that follow I look for my homeless ghost On queen and quay But in my growing conscience he fades away Sometimes I sit in our spot And stare at self important people Who can’t hear me anymore Now I’m a mute in a world that can’t hear

Time goes by In an unloving world Till finally I am stopped I used to be someone he says in humbled tone Back when anonymity was craved We share my cigars Both embracing our own anonymity Before careful words break comfortable silence 27

LIFESTYLE

Boganology 101 In which little old Burty gets drunk and writes about another time he got drunk….

Little Beer Corner Hops.

At the moment hops are all the rage in beer. People that grow hops are trying to breed new varieties, brewers using hops are trying to add them in greater quantities and beer drinkers are searching for hoppier brews to tantalize their taste buds. Hops are grown in vines and it’s the flowers, or cones, that are used in brewing. They are actually remarkably similar in make-up to another crop grown for its cones in parts of Coromandel and Northland. That’s another story.

I went to 8ft the other week. It was choice. Auckland and Hamilton metal joined forces to rock Altitude. As a tag along to local radio DJs called The Feral Crew (show coming soon to Contact FM), I went along to see the fairly recently reformed 8ft Sativa. I went early, I drank Woodstock, I staggered around lots. I met some guy who thought CM Punk is the greatest wrestler in the world and had never heard of tag team champs Demolition. Naquadah were first up, down from Auckland after opening for Nightwish. Second were Team Kill…and you need to look them up on Bookface. Brothers Robbie and Nate had me laughing my ass off and then got up on stage and were brutal as all hell. Third was Blacklight Configuration. Their first song didn’t grab me as I couldn’t work out why so many dudes wearing glow in the dark paint, looking tough, were singing a softer song, but later songs were far superior to the opener and much fun was had by all. I then had a break and staggered outside. There I met Gary, guitarist for 8ft. I’m a huge American Football

fan and I think its far superior to League or Union (come at me). SBW can suck my balls and all you Queensland Cane Toads can go back to Brisbane too haha. Real men play in the NFL. Anyway where was I…oh yeah… so I’m a Minnesota Vikings fan and turns out so is Gary. Then 8ft Sativa came on and it is good to hear Jack Hammer back in the band again. With several of the original members back in the fold they blazed their way through several favourites. I staggered home and passed out. Now I see that CM Punk guy everywhere. Despite his stalking ways, and lack of wrestling knowledge, it’s good to see someone keeping wrestling alive, even when it’s post 1980s.

There are four ingredients used in making beer. Fresh water, malted barley, yeast and hops. Brewing a particular batch of beer is like any recipe-based concoction. The chef, in this case brewer, takes the individual ingredients and mixes them together to make the brew they’re after. Think of the hops in this part of the process as the herbs and spices that add the flavour.

not saying the pint of Epic is better than the pint of Speights, that’s up to you to decide, but the amount and types of hops used in brewing the two different beers explain much of how different they are.

Hops are used in beer making for different reasons and different breeds of hops are used to give a particular beer certain qualities. It’s actually pretty technical but this particular beer guy isn’t smart enough to make any sense of it on paper so for arguments sake you’ll just need to trust me. To keep it simple I’ll say that hops add bitterness, aroma and flavour to beer. Oh, they also have a certain preservative quality that helps to give your beer some life. To give you an example of how hops are used we could compare a couple of brews. Take a pint of Epic Pale Ale, it probably has about fifteen times the hops of a pint of Speights. I’m

Stay Bogan \m/ By Burton C Bogan

‘Hop Heads’ are those guys you see down the pub competing with each other as to who can handle the most hops in their beers without pulling a face like they’ve sucked on a lemon. These guys are great, they take a swig of the hoppiest beer in the bar and make a statement like ‘Oh, that’s pretty hoppy, could do with some more US Cascade though...’ If you hear someone do this you should buy them a Smirnoff Ice and say ‘Here you go Tinkerbell, this isn’t hoppy but it’s got some pretty sweet flavours’. Don’t be scared of hops, they won’t bite. Be adventurous, search out a hoppier brew next time your at the pub and see what all the fuss is about.

lifestyle

Exec Watch We dish on the WSU Board Meeting.

In a three and half hour marathon general meeting that was attended by a significant audience of students, WSU Directors came to a series of unanimous conclusions on a number of key issues ranging from WSU trust appointments to the report into staff/student disability services on campus. The meeting kicked off with the appointment of two new WSU Directors, Roy Menzrodregez and Loren Corbett. Two of last years elected members have left the Union, one has gone AWOL and broken all contact whilst the other has resigned, prompting a WSU subcommittee to interview several candidates in order to fill the two new places on the board of directors. In addition to student appointments, Union General Manager, Dave West was appointed to the WSU trust after a position became vacant nearly a month ago. Director Daniel Farrell raised concerns about the amount of time taken to fill the post. A variety of other key issues also surfaced: Disabilities Report The report which aimed to “ see what changes could be made to further [the] support of both students and staff with disabilities” was conducted last year by Loren Corbett, prior to being appointed a Director, the process, which included both a staff and student interview yielded a list of suggestions that the WSU indicated their support for. The suggestions which included a desire for more accessible information about services offered by the WSU and better information about detours for disabled students whilst construction is going on. A subcommittee has been formed to investigate ways in which this report can be implemented. Changes to clubs policy The WSU has reformed their clubs policy in order to clarify the clubs affiliation process. Key changes are: the removal of W card usage, secondly while club members are not required to be WSU members and the union cannot insist on their membership, it has been decided that all eligible students will

be given a chance to join. The final change in the policy is the clarification of requirements to establish club status. In order to affiliate with the WSU clubs must have evidence of organization and prove that they would be of benefit of the wider student body or university culture. Director, Courtney Quinn, raised some concerns about changes to clubs funding but was reassured that it would remain largely unchanged and that a”bit of money had been set aside for operational grants”. Nexus A few of Directors were concerned by drug related content of the Slut DJ column as well as the crass nature of the Nexus unsealed section. Since Nexus now comes under the WSU banner there is some concern that the content of these columns reflects badly on the union. Director Logan Reynolds commented that “Nexus has become cool again due to the more risqué material” he also noted the presence of several spelling errors. The Board of Directors has assured students that this is a branding issue not a censorship one although there need to be more clearly defined boundaries in regards to content. Bus services Directors have given a scathing review on student transport facilities after attending a forum with the Regional council on the issue prompting WSU President, Aaron Letcher to claim that they “lack understanding of how price effects demand”. Other criticisms have surfaced after the council assumed that uni students only needed the bus service from 9:00-3:00 like school students. The general consensus on this matter is that the Regional Council is out of touch with student needs. Other business Also on the agenda was Haikinakina (Maori sports day), the Maori VP review and the decision to host Lord Christopher Monckton. The Monckton issue provoked some heated debate amongst Directors as well as the student audience. While it was almost unanimously decided that the Climate Change denier was about as credible on the matter as Joseph Fritzl would be on child welfare, it was also accepted that in the interests of free speech he ought to be given the chance to speak.

ALICE & A Lifestyle

Alice & Anne By ALICE & ANNE

Alice & Anne talks shop.

Besides writing the occasional column for Nexus, we also run an online shop. We’ve been doing it since we finished high school (which believe it or not, was only two and a bit years ago). Last year, we decided to approach the university and ask them what they could do for us. If we went on to take over the world, we’re sure as anything the university would claim us as Waikato graduates so we figured they might as well help us get there. Long story short, they agreed to give us business mentoring if we agreed to then mentor other students when we’d come out of the program. And thus the Student Business Experiment was born. They gave us a shop space on campus (you might have spotted the sign, it’s still up on the side of L Block), some advice about accounting (our one weakness) and said come back to us at the end of B Semester tell us how it went.

Trend Spotting By ALICE AND ANNE

Campus Trends

Pretty in Pink

It was certainly difficult balancing school work, relationships, actual jobs, and then running a shop. We had to make new stock to be put in the shop each week (because everything we sell is either handmade or recycled), we had to have people in the shop while we went to classes. Doing retail in Hamilton, in winter, is miserable and there is no possible way we could have done it without the support of our friends and family. What was both surprising and humbling was the support we got from people who just genuinely thought what we doing was cool. We went from approximately 150 likes on our Facebook page to nearly 400 in twelve weeks. We’ve had conversations with people who’ve said “oh we know who you are! We like Alice & Anne!” which definitely made us warm and fuzzy inside. Alice & Anne on Campus was certainly a learning experience, and we’re very grateful to both the university and U Leisure for giving us the opportunity. If you have a business idea, send us a message on our Facebook page and we can put you in touch with the right people: facebook.com/aliceandanne

SLIGHTLY STONED There were weeks when we made a significant profit, and weeks when we felt like we’d been the only two people in the shop. People would come in and comment on how great it was we made an effort to price everything under $20. Then people would come in and ask why things weren’t cheaper. We learnt the hard way that you can’t please everyone.

SLIGHTLY STONED CHEF Caramel Slice 30

If in doubt, wear your docs. The one true enemy of Hamilton weather. Extra cute points if your hats matches.

Stay beautiful, Alice & Anne

Gather 1 packet of biscuits, 1 can of condensed milk, 80g of butter and 120g of chocolate.

Crush the biscuits. Melt the butter then mix the two together.

lifestyle

Arts Bron Alexander Waikato designer and illustrator Bron Alexander grew up in the midst of her familyâ€™s catering business, surrounded by wedding trimmings and inspired to one day have her own business just like her parents. Instilled early with an appreciation for the intricacies of paper doilies, Bronâ€™s love of paper now manifests itself as limited edition prints of her illustrations. facebook.com/BronAlexander

Push the biscuits/butter mix into a lined tray for the base. Freeze for 10 minutes.

Pour the can of condensed milk over the base. Put in a 160 degree oven for 30 mins.

Melt chocolate and spread on top. Otherwise put chocolate on top while hot so it melts. Cut in squares and eat! 31

wSU

Director Profile - Mark Savage Halls and Accommodation

Kia ora! Mark Savage here, your Waikato Students’ Union director responsible for the Halls and Accommodation portfolio. So far I am enjoying being one of the new additions to the Waikato Students’ Union team this year. I have faced a number of little challenges this year but have come out of them with a bit more experience and a lot more confidence for attacking the next one. For me, work began with the WSU last year as I began attending meetings, got involved in the student representation scene and joined some really awesome clubs. It was my first year at university and my aim was to become involved in as much university life and culture as I could, not just in the study. I certainly hit the ground running. The passion I have

for supporting students has only grown over the last year and I am excited to see where it takes me, both for the remainder of this year and beyond. Among the challenges I mentioned earlier, one has been to work out how to best undertake work related to the Halls and Accommodation portfolio. I am starting to get a handle on that now and so beginning after the mid-semester break you can expect to see me around a bit more, especially if you are a Halls student. For all those enjoying the independence that flatting offers, I am planning a couple awesome events, so keep an eye out! Just this week to go, everyone, and then we get a couple weeks to catch up on the backlog of assignments—or those unwatched episodes of that TV series you’ve been meaning to watch—take your pick.

Director Profile Logan Reynolds Diversity.

“I feel my heart break to see a nation ripped apart by its own greatest strength – its diversity.” - Melissa Etheridge Kia ora koutou. I’m Logan and I have the awesome responsibility of holding the diversity portfolio this year. I can hear a cigar-smoking, smirk-toting law student already: “Why bother with fringe groups?” Stop fingering that reedy excuse for a moustache and I’ll tell you, Leopold! Diversity is the life-force of our university environment. Whether you appreciate it or not, the menagerie of identities you cross paths with on any given day is a direct contribution to the richness of your student experience. The LGBT students, disabled students and mature students (to name a few) ought to be valued for their unique perspectives, and not made to feel isolated on

campus or subtly marginalised in the pages of Lettuce. Like many directors before me, I’m invested in the optimistic hope that Waikato is undergoing a gradual attitudinal change and will soon embrace its colourful brothers and sisters with the enthusiasm they deserve. In the meantime, minimising the usage of disempowering language is a bandwagon we can all jump on. During O-Week I sat on the free WSU bus, making sure people were #allginthehizzouse. This was 90% positive, but the recurring slurs of ‘Shut up, retard!’ and ‘That’s so gay!’ hit a nerve. What is just semantics to one person may be a hurtful reinforcement of intolerance to another. The take-home message is simple – think about your messages. Are you a beacon of acceptance, or a bit of a dick? Feel free to contact me on logan.reynolds1@ gmail.com if you need support with anything or have suggestions. Peace!

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President’s Column Letcher talks Liquor Ban.

Veeps University – providing value for money since aaages ago.

Not often do we, as students, stop to think about whether we are receiving a quality education or not. I understand that a lot of you are super busy with assignments, classes, and not caring, but questioning the quality of your degree becomes important when you come to the end of your studies and begin looking for a job. For example, when I first applied at the University of Waikato to begin my Bachelor of Communications degree, our Management School was the top in New Zealand. Technically we are still rated as number one (pending the 10th of April), but throughout my degree I have noticed a significant decline in the number of papers, especially in summer school. I’ve also noticed fewer tutorials, larger tutorial class sizes and all for the same ridiculous price, plus four percent – talk about value for money. One day we need to wake up and realize that we’re paying more for less and not caring. Take some time to stop and think about the value of your degree and if you find that it’s not quite up to the standard you hoped, talk to your class representatives. Ask them to take your issues to the Board of Studies (who can actually make change happen) and demand that the Board of Studies make their findings more transparent so that the change actually does happen. Happy pondering! Danyell.

After a few words with our friendly Community Constable Nick Sickelmore it has been brought to my attention that students are getting drunk, breaking rules, and having their shit stolen. Naturally this came as a huge surprise to me, as students are usually upstanding citizens who never put a foot out of line. I assured him this was extremely out of character and must be a once off occurrence. I know it probably wasn’t you, but if by any chance you have been getting drunk, breaking rules, and leaving your front door open for your friendly neighbourhood burglar to carry your TV out of – please stop, at least the latter two. I’m all for students enjoying a quiet drink, and I’m certainly all for students enjoying a notso-quiet drink in a safe environment, but one thing I’m not for is students getting robbed or arrested. So lock up, or ill come rob you myself. For those of you that aren’t aware, there is a liquor ban in place city wide from 10pm onwards. I’m not going to tell you what time it ends because I don’t want to encourage 5am drinking on the street – at least not in this column. In addition to this, there is a 24/7 liquor ban in the central city. So if you’re planning

on walking to town after 10pm and taking a few drinks along for the ride, you’re going to have a bad time. Just for clarification, drinking inside a car also counts as drinking in a public place. You can argue with the officer all you want, that’s still the rule. But let’s be honest, if you just peeled back half a box of Waikato and drove to town, breaching the liquor ban is the least of your worries. I know exactly what you’re thinking, “oh, who called the fun police?” Trust me when I say, they aren’t the fun police, they are the real police, and they will arrest you in a very real way if they have to. Although I have no doubt most of our Sports and Rec students could easily outrun the police, they probably aren’t the ones drinking anyway because they started ‘cutting for RnV’ early this year. Law students, on the other hand, require a clean record to be admitted to the bar, and if you happen to be a teaching student just think of how “breach of liquor ban” and “resisted arrest” will look when your prospective employer trawls through your criminal record to make sure you don’t have a penchant for small boys. Aaron

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Clubs Noticeboard New clubs hoping to affiliate and get numbers to start a club ..so go join up! Hamilton Youth Council Jason Sebastain 0210533680 htownyouthcouncil@gmail.com Wai Taiko Japanese Drummers Lianne Stephenson 021029509450 info @waitaiko.com

Cooking Club Colin Pilbrow colinpilbrow@yahoo.co.uk Waikato Mo Bros Rab Heath 0210555696 mobros@moustachioco.com

Hamilton Volleyball Club WUNA (Niuean Students Assoc) Shaunna Polley Jenasis Hannlitama 0273143977 02102372627 Wado Kai karate Club Zac Lyon 021321397

Waikato Badminton Assoc. Tj Weistra 021464229 cac@waikatobadminton.co.nz

Ultimate Frisbee Alex Keyte Beattie 0273046863 amk40@waikato.ac.nz

Waikato Musicians’ Clubs

The Mandarin Corner

Waikato Musicians’ Clubs, WMC, are looking for anybody that plays a instrument or recites poetry.

Learn Chinese, the most widely spoken language in the world. The Mandarin Corner is all about promoting culture and friendship. Facebook us @ Waikato Mandarin Corner.

We are a new club and we want to develop members and showcase your talent. If you have a passion for fine arts and live performances, come on down to Level 0 for Friday open Mic, or contact me at indula.jayasundara@gmail.com or check out our Waikato Muscians’ Club facebook page.

Contact FM Radio doesn’t need to suck! Help make the world a better place, one song at a time! Contact FM-Hamilton’s finest indie/alt station, avoiding crap music since 1986! Get involved, become a DJ, event vollie or just help out. Contact us and we will contact you: contact@ contactfm.co.nz

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Ask Amber This weeks advocacy tip is randomly brought to you by the Canterbury Uni Prez. Do you have a part-time job? Do you want one? As a student at the University of Waikato, you get access to a free service that has been set up specifically for you, to connect you with a job, while you’re studying. That service is Student Job Search. SJS has thirty years experience enabling students to get experience outside of the lecture theatre and helping to alleviate twominute noodles from the menu every night. It receives the majority of its funding from the Ministry of Social Development (MSD) and advertisers – but is owned by twenty-three Students’ Associations around the country.

student; it has employers who want to hire students and it means that you’re only competing against other students within the job market. Unlike job boards that you may check out from time to time, it’s only students that are applying for jobs on SJS. There have been some big changes in the past few years in this area: by moving to a substantial online presence and call centre model, SJS has chosen to concentrate its resources on a model to ensure that you, as a student, is best served. If you haven’t done so, check it out at www.sjs.co.nz now! The use of social media is changing how we interact – and that’s permeating into areas such as the job market. I believe that this actually offers more scope for students; we’re savvy people that can capitalise on opportunities (students are some of the most entrepreneurial people on the planet), but I’d be interested in what you think. SJS is committed to being the most relevant and effective way for you to get employment while you’re studying – and it’s something that offers a chance to make sure that employment fits within your lifestyle (which is first, and foremost, as a student).

Why does this matter?

Food for thought.

It’s important because SJS is one of the most valuable services that you get offered as a

Erin Jackson UCSA President - SJS Deputy Chair

Young Workers Resource Centre Sexual Harassement, it is not black and white Sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome or offensive sexual behaviour that is repeated or significant enough to have a harmful effect on you. At my workshops I usually discuss the above example with students. I ask students to tell me when they think it turns into sexual harassment, some say “from the start, colleges should not be texting each other socially”, some say the “second text” and others say “not till right at the end”. My 36

point is that what sexual harassment is to one person might not be to another. We need to keep this in mind, if someone has done something to offend you, you may need to tell them that it is offensive, and if someone tells you that you are offending them, consider their feelings before doing it again. Everyone comes from different backgrounds, cultures, religions and so on, this can impact their world view and how they behave and react. We need to consider this when in the workplace.

Citizens Advice Bureau Landlords Daniel’s landlord keeps on visiting and is slow to do repairs. Is this appropriate? Landlords must provide the premises in a reasonably clean state and in a reasonable state of repair. A landlord cannot visit a tenant more than once a month and must give 48 hours – 14 days notice that they want to inspect or 24 hours notice for repairs or maintenance (unless there is an emergency). The landlord can also ask for a bond which the tenant and landlord complete and sign and this is lodged with the Department of Building and Housing. At the completion of the tenancy a bond refund form is signed by the tenant and landlord and the bond refunded to the tenant providing the property is in good order. The Tenancy Tribunal (0800836262) can be contacted if there are any queries or disputes between tenants and landlords. The University Citizens Advice Bureau has a lot of information about renting and flatting. Visit them at the Village Green by Waikato Print between 11am - 1pm Monday to Friday or Ph. 0800FORCAB.

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Was This You? Bar 101. Was this you out on the town last week? Vote for the photo you think should win a prize at facebook.com/nexusmagNZ.