Nexus Issue 8 by Nexus Magazine

Issue Eight May 7th 2012

WAIKATO’S FREE STUDENT MAGAZINE

#popcultureissue

Editorial with Alix

his week our theme is a little semantically complex. Popular culture. Well, what is pop culture exactly? Is it simply what is or has been popular at some point in time? Does it encompass everything mainstream? Is it what’s left over after we’ve classified opera, theatre, or classical music as “high” culture? Is it superficial celebrity trivia produced by and for our consumerist society? Google helpfully defines it as “Commercial culture based on popular taste”. So I guess it’s a mix of everything. Whatever your take, it’s a concept most people are loosely familiar with. It provides shows like The Simpsons and NZ’s own 7 Days with comedic material; they know most people will get the joke and they’ll fill their quota of laughs for that episode. There are side bars on news websites telling you “What’s popular today”, incase you’ve been living under a rock and need some direction. A quick scan of your Facebook news feed or Stuff’s entertainment section will give you enough information to make a few witty references to your friends later today. See, you know shit about shit. And it’s not hard to stay up to date on the interests of the mainstream and be cool and in the loop. This stuff is everywhere! That’s why it’s pop culture, man. It’s popular. Unfortunately pop culture gets a bad rap due to the overwhelming focus on individuals of the ”celebrity” status and the effect “entertainment” sections have in deflecting public

attention from real news, like earthquakes and mass murders and other things of the serious nature. Who’s to blame for this? Classic chicken vs egg. Do we talk about this pop culture stuff cos it’s there, or is it there because we want to talk about it? Do we really need to document another pregnant teenager? But despite this, I still prefer to see it as a bit of lighthearted fun and an easy way to get talking to people - we loooove to laugh at famous people for being stupid, and we looove to see things we are passionate about being a big deal in our society. Then when politics and world events enter the pop culture spectrum, you know something’s gone right in the world – i.e it’s popular opinion that politics and world events are important and worth talking about. Bonus. The phenomenon of popular culture isn’t particularly new as it can be dated back to the early 19th century, but what’s interesting today is the way it is being used. Popular culture has become the auditorium and social media the microphone. It’s all about mass reception of ideas, events and getting them to that “pop culture level” in order to affect change. Obamas making jokes, the Kardashians have too much money and not enough sense, and we have viral videos and comedy news shows. If your item of interest can make it into popular culture, then you’ve got power. As you can see, pop culture is a huge component of modern western society

If your item of interest can make it into popular culture, then you’ve got power.

and you can find it everywhere. It influences the topics we talk about, the things we care about, and the way we dress and behave. So this week, while you’re watching your fave shows, tweeting some celebs, surfing your Facebook news feed, and reading the entertainment section of a newspaper, think about how much pop culture you’re immersed in. Consider who is deciding what you and your friends are talking about and whether you agree with the direction society is taking rather than just going along for the ride. But if you find yourself seriously watching the GC or a reality show based on the Ridge girls, then there’s probably no hope for you.

Enjoy your week!

Credits Editors Alix Higby and Sean Goulding Design Katrina McIntosh (design@nexusmag.co.nz) Design Interns Anna Bennett, Eva Hou, Shaun Jay Advertising Troy Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Cover Art Jaimie Hutton http://dancingﬂame24.deviantart. com/ News The ﬂying Nexus monkey Daniel Farrell Managing Editor James Raffan (james@nexusmag.co.nz) Contributors C-ball, President Sapphire Gillard, Amber the Advocate, Sam Taylor, Priscilla Ngatai, Mr. Minty Fish, Something Hip, Hoory Yeldizian, Dr Richard Swainson, Mel Matthews, Courtney Quinn, Alice and Anne, Kevin Pryor, Kylie from YWRC, Jill from CAB, Julia Gabel, Craig Barrett, Matthew Henderson, Virgo, Amber the Advocate, and the glorious indestructable 8 ball. Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS MAGAZINE, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, OR ANYONE ELSE IN PARTICULAR.

Nexus Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton. Phone: 07 838 4653 Email: editor@nexusmag.co.nz

What’s Inside? Features 20

Pop Goes Society

News 6 6 8

Short News Long News Nexus puts a Spotlight on the News

Opinion 3 5 9 11 12 14 16 18 27 30 36 38

Editorial How Saph Sees It Sports Thoughts Am I Right? Lettuce Diary of a Hipster Mr. Minty Fish How To Confessions of a 22 year-old Virgin Auteur House The Secret Lives of First Years Did You See?

Lifestyle 14 15 24 25 28 31 34 35

Advocacy Week Club Spotlight Tangata Tumeke It’s Not Easy Being Sam Off the Rack Lick that Spoon YWRC, CAB, Ask Amber Half Baked with Mel

Entertainment 17 29

8 Ball and Horrorscopes Puzzles

Reviews 32

Book, Game and Comic Reviews

HowHeading Saph Sees It

his week’s Nexus is all about pop culture – something that reminds me of high school art classes, Andy Warhol and Campbell’s Soup Cans. But, I don’t think I’m going to keep to topic. Instead I thought I might write about a couple of the important things that happened this week. There are three things what come to mind: the recent council election, student loans, and graduation. First off, thanks heaps to those of you who voted! I’m excited about being the student member of council and being able to take your views to the top table at the university. If you ever have an idea / concern / problem, please do come and have a chat. I’ll do my best to help you out, to take your thoughts to the right people, or to point you in the right direction. For those of you who didn’t vote, why didn’t you? Was it because you didn’t care about the election? Or was it that you simply didn’t know that it was on? I’d be interested in hearing from those of you who didn’t vote. On a more national scale, how many of you are aware of a major political event last week that will affect you? No, not John Banks – student loan repayments. For those who don’t know, last week the government announced there will be further changes to the way in which we repay our student loans. While I’m writing this the government hasn’t released exactly what it’s going to do, only that something is going to change, most likely either an increase to the rate at which deductions are made from our income (currently 10%), or a decrease in the amount you’re allowed to earn before student loan repayments kick in ($19,084) My guess is that we will see an increase in the repayment rate from 10% to roughly 12%. This change will affect you – and every other student and graduate who has, or is considering having, a student loan. A 2% increase might

not sound a lot, but it all adds up. Currently the government offer graduates that incentive to pay their loan off faster by offering an extra 10 per cent bonus for voluntary repayments amounting to over $500. This is a pretty positive incentive, and I think it’s a great idea – especially for those of us who aren’t so good at saving and want to rid ourselves of debt quickly. An increase of 2% would also mean it’s harder for us to reach that $500 – more will be taken out as a compulsory deduction rather than a voluntary repayment. At the same time, the government has also announced that it is looking to review the student allowance thresholds, so that fewer students from middle-class families are entitled to claim the allowance. This is another contentious issue – is it fair that some undergraduate students receive an allowance, while others have to borrow to live? And is it fair that the criteria this is based on is your parents’ income – something you can’t really control? So what’s going to happen to us? The students and graduates who don’t have any extra money. The soon to be graduates, who are being capped at a time when the economy isn’t that fantastic and hence may have to settle for minimum wage? Student loans already cause graduates to put off owning homes, having families, and making other “normal” financial commitments. What’s this going to do? I’ve been married now for four years and as students, Charlie (my husband) and I have flatted this entire time (due to financial

pressures). Don’t get me wrong. I love my flatmates to bits and flatting can be an amazing experience. But I hoped that graduation would mean moving in by ourselves. This ‘dream’ looks less and less likely. Is this what life should be like? Should education cost this much? What do you think? As the WSU President, I’ve had the honour of sitting through the graduation ceremonies this last week. It’s been amazing to celebrate with all our new graduates and their families; to be able to see and remember the goal of our studies; and to again be reminded of our purpose of being here now. While I’m sure you’re all thinking about the here and now, your 2 minute noodles and the funniest thing on youtube, it would also be fantastic if you considered how this change to student loans and allowances is going to affect you. I dare you to take two minutes – maybe while your noodles cook or maybe between listening to your lecturer and completing the puzzle page – but whenever it is I dare you to consider life. What are these changes going to do to me? Be selfish and consider yourself. Then consider your neighbour in class or your flatmate. How is this going to affect them? Thoughts? Flick them to me in an email if you have a little more than two minutes (president@wsu.org.nz).

Opinion

Long Heading News Life to become more difﬁcult for students and graduates? There has been suggestions that the Government will be making it more difﬁcult for students and graduates at the budget on May 24th. Prime Minister John Key said that the repayment rate student loans would increase from the current level of 10% on every dollar you earn over $19,084 per annum. The change would be “modest” according to Key, yet would affect the 500,000 people with student loans outstanding. President of the New Zealand Union of Students Associations, Pete Hodkinson said this increase equated to a tax increase, because it comes out of your pay packet like PAYE. A Waikato student who wanted to remain anonymous said, “What? No, it’s called paying off debt. If you pay off your home loan it’s not tax, so why is paying off a student loan? The guy is an idiot.” Key also said that student allowance eligibility would be tightened. In response, Young Labour Maori Vice President, Morehu Rei said, “This is yet another kick in the gut to students by this National Government.” Rei also said, “The National Government have been elected on a commitment to building a brighter future. But with more and more cuts to education from Early Childhood to Tertiary making life harder for ordinary young Kiwis, you can’t help but ask ‘who exactly is the brighter future for?’”

Short News 6

Country lead by a potential butcher Prime Minister John Key took questions from a group of ten-year-olds on Thursday, telling them that his dream job would be a butcher. During a visit to Lower Hutt’s Eastern Hutt School, the Prime Minister advised the children of his preference for TV1 over TV3 (because TV3 treated him badly the night before), dancing over singing (as he “couldn’t sing to save himself”), McDonalds over Burger King and Superman over Batman. He also said that he would quite like to be an airline pilot. He also said that one perk of his job was lots of free food. “In about three weeks I’m going to London for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, and I’m going on the boat with the Queen ... and I get to have lots of free food,’’ Witnesses to the event said that Key seemed to ﬁt in with the children. University looks forward to Kingitanga Day The University of Waikato is looking forward to Kingitanga Day, which will be celebrated next Wednesday. Kingitanga Day, while seen by many as just a day off lectures, is a day celebrating the strong ties between the University of Waikato and the Kingitanga, or Maori King. As with every Kingitanga Day, there will be a number of events held around the university, most of which

Jesus doesn’t heal cancer That is the view of the advertising standards authority after ruling that Equippers Church in Napier had breached several advertising codes with a billboard saying “Jesus Heals Cancer. Church, but not as you know it. A statement released by the church claimed the billboard was based on six of its parishioners having their cancer healed. The church’s pastor said that using “the C word” made some families uncomfortable and that is why the billboard was replaced. Without having seen the complaints we are willing to speculate that cancer wasn’t the only uncomfortable “C word” used to describe the billboard or its creators.

are free and open to the public. There will be a number of prominent speakers, including Sir Tipene O’Regan, Dame Claudia Orange, Dr Huirangi Waikerepuru, Moana Jackson and Linda Te Aho. Further information about Kingitanga Day can be found on the University website - www.waikato.ac.nz (though you’re a terrible student if you didn’t already know that.......) Government launches Government Share Offers website The Government launched a website on Thursday informing New Zealanders of what’s happening with the partial sale of some State Owned Enterprises. This was a surprise to most, given the bill allowing for these sales has not yet been passed. Some political parties are suggesting there is still the potential for the sale to not happen given the allegations John Banks knowingly submitted a false return to the Returning Ofﬁcer in the 2010 Auckland mayoralty race. The website is only accessible to New Zealanders, with the site requesting you enter some details before you can view the content. It gives access to information like what companies are going to be available in the public offering, what shares are and how they work, as well as the beneﬁts the economy and country will receive from the IPO.

Houston, we have a Student Member The election for student member on the University Council is now complete, with WSU President, Sapphire Gillard, successfully becoming the student member on council. Sapphire received 483 of the total 791 votes, making her the clear victor of the race. She was followed by Sam Fellows with 112, Mark Savage with 106 and Rhys Whitting with 90. There was controversy during the election, after the Central North Island Young Nationals posted their concerns with WSU’s strong campaigning for Mrs Gillard. However, students clearly didn’t hold their same concerns, with the candidate they openly supported coming in last place with 11.3% of the vote (though that’s a higher percentage than their other friends, ACT New Zealand, who didn’t make 2% at the General Election). Nexus congratulates Mrs Gillard and all who ran for student member. While the voter turnout wasn’t great (**shakes head at the more than 90% of students who didn’t vote**), it’s great to see that we had four candidates who cared enough about the university and its students to run for this position.

You can view the website at https://www.governmentshareoffers.govt.nz.

Computer playing up? Have some cannabis

Virgin at 34. Has over 80 kids before he turns 44.

David Michael Brown. A Ngaruwahia businessman and founder of the “Ngaruawahia computer club” was sentenced to 250 hours of community service when police discovered he had been growing and distributing cannabis to his friends from his property. The judge noted that the cannabis was “no small grow” and a surveillance system was in operation. Despite that, the judge looked favourably on Brown, given his years of service and standing in the community. Mr Brown had become addicted to the substance following a family tragedy and years of back problems. In other news my back is really sore.

Dutchman Ed Houben was a virgin till he was 34 but is now thought of as the world’s most proliﬁc baby maker. How does he do it? He has sex with woman for money. That’s right. For four to ﬁve thousand pound Ed will have sex with you and with an 80% success rate you’ll likely be visited by the stork nine months later. One newspaper stated that Ed has kids all around the globe including France, Italy and New Zealand. Clearly the New Zealand woman wasn’t from Hamilton where three backdrafts and 15 minutes in the disabled toilet at any night club would have been a much cheaper way to get knocked up.

Nexus puts a spotlight on the news We know its pop culture week but as t least one regular poster on Facebook will tell you there are things of real importance that need to be talked about. Mainly the fact that students are getting screwed! A couple of weeks ago we published some stuff on education and we talked about teachers and free education and it sparked some debate and some lettuce. Fair enough. People disagree with Daniel Farrell he knows that but it’s still a student’s opinion. The point was to create some debate, they were topical issues with mixed opinions. The increase on repayment amounts from 10 to 12% is something that is probably less of a debate. It should be viewed as a pretty universally stupid idea. The government has shown an attitude that is bordering on anti-education. The math simply doesn’t stack up. They are increasing your rate of repayment while tightening the eligibility criteria for getting a loan and now the cherry on top, a freeze on the criteria for the student allowance income testing so if you barely qualify this year you are going to be screwed next year when it doesn’t adjust for inflation. Couple this with the University voting to raise fees by 4% last year and the unemployment numbers raising again this week the likelihood is this year’s graduating class is going to have to fight pretty hard for any job they can get. Guess what, those jobs aren’t going to pay that much over minimum wage but the moment you hit the $19,200 per annum rate you are paying back your loan. It isn’t hard to see why students are drowning or at the very least contemplating drowning themselves. Compare it with our neighbours across the ditch. The flat repayment rate of 4% will double to a staggering 8% when you get to their $48,000 threshold. By the way don’t have kids! 40% of couples who aged between 18-24 are also paying down student loan debt while raising one or more children. That number drops slightly to 30% of 25-34 year olds and their are cuts expected to be made to early childhood subsidies. Shot government! You guys are awesome. How about you address the tax cuts to the “job creators” you gave the moment you took office? Better yet blame the increase in repayments on natural disasters or talk about how great the All Blacks are now they have won the world cup. That Gold Coast is looking pretty inviting at the moment. Maybe it’s worth drinking shit beer, learning how to talk slower and figuring out if there are actually any rules in Aussie Rules. Sure you will still be in debt but you’ll get a decent wage and a better tan.

Opinion

1) Is paying your student loan at a higher rate feasible for you? 2) After uni are you planning on paying your loan or moving overseas? 3) If you had the money handy would you pay it? 4) If you could trade your loan for another kind of debt, what would you trade it for? 5) What would your reaction be to interest being added back on to student loans?

Jackie 1) not really 2) I’d pay half, then go 3) Depends on whether I get my car ﬁrst 4) A trip overseas? 5) Not cool.

The Motherfucking Fist 1) Not for me. 2) Getting the hell out 3) I’d deﬁnitely pay it, so no money after that is burgled by dick burglers. 4) I’d rather owe 80,000 WWII facts; I’d have that shit paid for in a week. 5) Pure rage. Fuck that.

Claudia 1) I’m not on a loan. Paying extra isn’t really fair, but I think the issue is more complicated than that. 2) I’m from overseas, and I’d probably stay if I had a loan. 3) I’d pay, I don’t like debt. 4) I’d prefer to owe volunteer work 5) Again, it’s a complicated issue.

Sports Thoughts with C-Ball

T’S THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ B-R-E… AKERS

It might be two weeks late, but unlike a period this is news worth welcoming. The Breakers made it back to back ANBL Championship titles recently after taking the Perth Wildcats to the cleaners with two wins from three in the finals series. If you thought their regular season 21 – 7 record was worth celebrating, The Breakers saved their best for the finals, easing to a win over Perth in the first match before succumbing to a freak of nature air ball that dropped in the dying stages of the second game, squaring the ledger at one a piece. The deciding match was closely fought until the final minutes, when The Breakers showed their class and slapped on a few extra baskets, finishing with the score at 79 – 73 and another fairytale season completed by the team fast becoming one of New Zealand’s favourites. People thought winning anything in an Australian competition was hard, considering it had never been achieved until 2011 when The Breakers won their first title. Now with a second in two years it’s understandable why inner-city yuppies are driving from all over Auckland to fill seats at Vector Arena, and be a part of what has surely become one of New Zealand’s latest trends, along with ruining your shitty photos with that Instagram blur and hash tagging on Facebook because you’re too stupid to figure out you aren’t on Twitter. We’ve now got people who’ve never watched a game in their

life suddenly interested, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing considering I bought an Orlando Magic snapback simply because I played one game as them on NBA Live 10. Support can be a fickle thing, and thankfully it doesn’t require you being able to play the game, as those that’ve seen my Basketball skills know I couldn’t shoot a hunter even if he was my best friend. Basketball is experiencing a re-emergence in popularity thanks to The Breakers, so what is it that makes them so unbelievably easy to support? A number of things, the first being that unlike every other New Zealand sports team, they have managed to win on a consistent basis. Every game The Breakers played at home this year felt like the result was assured. They seem to be able to pile on points at sheer will, and the only thing I can fault them on is no longer having Uncle Paulie Henare or Kirk Penney in the line up. But this is where The Breakers have succeeded so admirably – with their roster. You might not have noticed, but not only do teams employ players for their skills, but a huge part of a team’s support and success can be created by the personalities these players bring with them. The Warriors managed to figure this out with Steve Price. The Perth Wildcats learnt all about one of these boss dog pimping players on their journey through the Viridian Forest, when a wild Bruton appeared. Like Price, he’s an unbelievable player drawn from Australia to come and foster

something in a team that, before his arrival, was pretty mediocre. Not only does he bring to the The Breakers his all round skills and work ethic, but from just watching the man play you can’t help but believe he probably managed to beat Onyx with a Pikachu in Pokemon Yellow using only thundershock. I bet he did, not to mention I bet he’s a straight up GFC. And that makes it all the more easy to support a team, when they’re bursting at the seams with personalities you’d love to have in your social circles. From that big ginge Wilkinson to Pledgasaurus– Rex, each and every one of them works to create a product worth backing. It’s also nice to see players continuously standing up when it counts. The Phoenix just bore everyone to death for a whole season, whereas the Warriors always wait until the last ten games to light a rocket under their asses. As for the Magic, well, they don’t count because Netball is only semi-professional, so The Breakers are bucking the trend by winning constantly, with players who turn in solid performances week in week out. Back in the day money was short, Bruton making it taller, and he’s cashing in on his ﬁfth championship ring in a career that we can only hope continues on New Zealand shores. He is the consummate professional, and has got to be a driving force not only for the other players in the squad, but every single younger player around the fringes of The Breakers who stands to learn from one of the best on offer to them. Do work son.

...from just watching the man play you can’t help but believe he probably managed to beat Onyx with a Pikachu in Pokemon Yellow using only thundershock. 9

CONTROL

DELETE call it what you want IT is what it is

Indie | Hip-hop ||glitch electro | dubstep

FEATuring DJ’s

PIECE B2b G.SLACK

KAON B2B TRONIC STAYLo NICHOLS Sat may 12

STATIC 9pm-3am

CNR Vic HOOD

Am I Right? By Daniel Farrell

es, it’s another week where I’m ignoring the theme of the magazine. The theme is Pop Culture and I’m talking foreign investment.

So shoot me. Or don’t. Whatever. Anyway, you’ll remember a month or so back, there was an issue with the Crafar Farms being sold off to a Chinese based group trading under the name Milk New Zealand. The Overseas Investment Ofﬁce and two Ministers of the Crown (Land Information Minister Maurice Williamson and associate Finance Minister Jonathan Coleman) made the decision that the Milk New Zealand group would be allowed to own the Crafar Farms. Sir Michael Fay, previously alleged of tax evasion and insider trading (have a look into the Winebox Inquiry), accused the OIO and Crown of not looking at the issue fully. Going to court for a judicial review, the judiciary said that the OIO and Crown had not taken certain issues into account. As I’m writing this, the Crown is expected to announce the decision in a few days, with the Government being accused of “softening up the public to give in to Chinese political pressure”. Yes, that does mean I wrote this quite early without bothering to go back and change it. Problem? The public has been overwhelmingly against the sale of these farms to Chinese interests, certainly with the help of the media sensationalising the issue. Some said it was xenophobia. Others were more blunt, calling it racism. But the fact is New Zealand gains a lot from overseas investment - particularly with the number of conditions put on the ownership of Crafar Farms.

What does New Zealand get out of overseas investment? The main benefit is that it boosts the economy. As a small country, we only have a certain amount of money to go around. Overseas investment boosts the potential of the economy. You might argue that the profits go offshore, but this isn’t always the case. Overseas investment creates companies, which create jobs. Jobs put money into our communities, which can be used to purchase goods from local businesses. That’s money that wouldn’t have come into the country without overseas investment, particularly with a business that trades a lot overseas. Then there’s specific benefits. Look at the Crafar Farms as an example. If Milk New Zealand successfully purchases the Crafar Farms, that opens New Zealand dairy products to the Chinese market without tariffs - Milk New Zealand is Chinese owned. It would effectively be a Chinese company importing rather than a New Zealand company exporting. Yes, we have a Free Trade Agreement with China, but we don’t get free access to the Chinese markets for milk products until 2017 under the agreement. The economic benefit to New Zealand is huge. Chinese families want to buy New Zealand milk products after the San Lu scandal. Yet the racism of New Zealanders would mean we couldn’t offer them that, nor could we get the benefit.

Yes, there are negatives to overseas investment. New Zealanders aren’t owning New Zealand companies, so the companies don’t have New Zealand values. I would point out that this was very different in the Crafar Farms example though, given Milk New Zealand and their owners had to remain with “good character” - something Michael Fay has never had. If we put a block on overseas investment, we are effectively saying New Zealand wants to limit their economy. I do find it funny that Labour is so against foreign investment, given Labour penned the China-New Zealand Free Trade Agreement and started the process for the TransPacific Partnership Agreement. If you are against the sale of the Crafar Farms (or at least were against, given the decision will have been made by the time this is printed), answer these questions: What’s more important - the long-term prosperity of a strong economy or the short-term gain of blocking foreign investment? Why is the world moving toward Free Trade if protectionism is going to benefit people more? Is it really not about the fact they’re Chinese?

Overseas investment creates companies, which create jobs. Jobs put money into our communities, which can be used to purchase goods from local businesses. Opinion

Nexus wants your Lettuce! Write about anything you like, as long as it’s under 250 words. We’re like FOX News, in that we’ll publish anything if it’s funny. Your name won’t be attributed to your letter if you choose, and pseudonyms are ﬁne (we still need your real name). Send them through to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz before 5pm on Wednesday for a chance to be included in the next issue. Also, we won’t edit anything you send us, because it’s funnier that way.

READ: WE DIDN’T WRITE THIS, AND IT’S THEREFORE NOT OUR FAULT. LOVE, NEXUS 12

Opinion

ear Mr. Minty Fish,

I threw a wish in the well, Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell I looked to you as it fell, and now you’re in my way I trade my soul for a wish, pennies and dimes for a kiss I wasn’t looking for this, but now you’re in my way Your stare was holdin’, Ripped jeans, skin was showin’ Hot night, wind was blowin’ Where you think you’re going, baby? Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me, maybe? It’s hard to look right, at you baby, but here’s my number, so call me, maybe? Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me, maybe? And all the other boys, try to chase me,

but here’s my number, so call me, maybe? Love, P. Ngaru

Dear lettuce, while on my way to uni the otherr day i past one of the wsu breakfast tables and as usual was completely ignored.The young person ahead of me and the young thing after were both offered free breakfast but i was completely ignored except for the inevitable stare as i went past, I ALREADY KNOW IM OVER FORTY AND SHOULDN’T BE HERE, i bet those fuckwits truly believe they represent students but they are hypocrites and ageist bigots and i hope they rot in hell with there crappy precooks. Graeme

ear Waikato Uni,

Amongst the rage, I’d like to take a short moment to congratulate your event organisers on their date choice for Kīngitanga Day. May 16th, just one day after one of the largest game releases of the year, Diablo III. I look forward to celebrating your... Err... Heritage. And all that. Moo

Congratulations you are this week’s winner! Come to the Waikato Students’ Union building to claim your prize!

ear noisy people, Y U NO QUIET IN QUIET AREAS?!

Just the same as everyone else in the quiet area, I have sought this refuge, supposedly liberated from the limitless noise level that surrounds the humming metropolis that is Momento, and you continue to disturb us with your incessant noise and/or sound. People answer phone calls. They discuss assignments. They talk about their weekend. Do I give a fuck about what happened in your boring ass weekend? NO. Go sit the fuck outside in the wind and cold to talk about your shit. If a friend tries to talk to you in a “quiet area”, use sign language to tell them to fuck off. If this was my library, there’d be ceiling mounted, noise activated sharks with fricken’ laser beams attached to their fricken’ heads to shoot anyone who utters any more than a deep breath. The quiet areas are there for a reason. Not so you can talk and laugh and generally enjoy yourself. It’s a library, that sort of fun is prohibited. So shut the fuck up and let me get back to my assignment that’s due in 30 mins. Bitchfuckcuntvajayjayshitpissmotherfucker With all the vehemence I can muster, Totally Over It

ear Nexus,

We’ve had a love-hate relationship over the years. For most of uni I’ve thought you’ve been a commie-rag that focuses on sex, boobs and toilet humour. Still, I’ve always ﬂicked through each issue most weeks, mainly because I always have at least one incredibly boring lecture, and also because I might as well seeing as I’ve paid for you to exist – whether through a WSU Levy or the Student Services Levy or whatever. Recently though, I’ve been impressed with the content – much more highlevel, and less “let’s have a random page of randomness” crap. Good stuff. Only, you’re still a commie-rag with socialist propaganda. I mean, free education? Come on. Doesn’t tertiary education deliver a private beneﬁt (eg greater earning potential)? If so, why should the state pay for it, especially seeing as it already subsidises students’ fees by 75% (eg what you pay, student, is only 25% of what the uni actually gets for you). Also, why should Carpenter Jack or Plumber Bill have to pay higher taxes so Sally can go pursue a philosophy and women’s studies degree? If you’re going to publish such crazy left-wing socialist hippy crap, it would be great to see a more right-wing view too. Oh and also... Farrell, please don’t publish articles with comments like “I heard from someone who would know”. You’re making the right look bad, even if the rest of your article was quite good. An average student

ear Art Appreciator,

Thanks for pointing out how unobservant you are. Had you carried on walking through campus you would’ve seen the safety walk spots with little ‘Girls on (Sap) Phire’, and then made the connection to the slogans you hate so much. Carry on further to Law Block and you would ﬁnd a massive outline of Sapphire herself as one of those girls. It can be seen that some people spent a lot of time doing all of those drawings just to get peoples attention to the fact that there was an election going on. Apparently even with all the chalking students still didn’t understand or try to take notice, mores the shame. At least Sapphire won. Art Appreciator, you were good for one thing I guess, you showed us that those peoples work wasn’t in vain when one person, that would be you my dear, noticed. Cheers, Sapphire Supporter

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Diary of a Hipster Pop Culture

k so I kind of rambled last week about this whole meaning of life thing and people seemed to like it. If you missed it check www. facebook.com/somethingswall and you can form an opinion on it, that will maybe either make you want to ﬁnd out who the hell I am so you can hunt me down in class and tell me I’m a philosophical jackass, or think well hey maybe this guy isn’t just full of shit and is actually trying to make me think about the world we live in and how we go about things in a different way. Either option I don’t care, but I genuinely do try and make these interesting and not just a random ramble about how I don’t like the bouncer at the Outback or how the adult learner in my class asks too many questions, coz that would be easy right, anyway. On with the show. I feel like I’m against the whole world with the simple task of explaining truth and how powerful this really is. I can’t stand how our culture is so sick and twistedly creating this nature that we all have drilled into us. 24/7 we are surrounded by this puke covered blanket that teaches us to lie, be all you can be, do everything you can, it doesn’t matter about the next guy, f*ck the next guy, hate hate hate, whites are the best, lets go to war, were the best, F*ck everybody, I’ll be ﬁne as long as I look after myself! I hate it, it makes me sick, it’s all around us, around every corner and in my opinion, It doesn’t work, it’s over, let’s crush it, put an end to it, attack it with all the might of the US army and bury it somewhere in the desert out the back of Afghanistan.

Lifestyle

I believe it all boils down to how dependent we are on consumption and materialistic objects. Were all guilty of it, don’t think I’m trying to say I’m a shining knight that never buys something to impress somebody else because I’m not, but when I stop and think about it, it’s ridiculous. I had an ex girlfriend who all she ever wanted was a diamond ring this, Pandora bracelet that. It pissed me off! It didn’t matter how much thought or effort I’d put into it, she liked it more if she got to pick it. I mean wtf!! And it was always the more expensive ones that she would ask for first, jokingly of course but if I had said yeah sure she never would have complained. Why is it that our little monkey brains see this tiny insignificant thing that is very expensive, but difficult to get with the obvious constraint of money as a worthy goal of owning? I DON”T GET IT. But then wait, I do get it. It’s because we are all in constant competition, it’s alpha male chimpanzee my muscles are bigger than yours behaviour. If she could show her friends and colleagues that she had a piece of a big giant rock that came from the southern mountains of South Africa, and there, there were slaves that had chipped it and knocked it out and then it was brought to a jeweller and he turns it into a diamond, and now she gets to flash it on her ring, it’s like owwwww monkey monkey like, monkey got the rock, monkey got the rock from Africa. It’s a trick man!! Who gives a shit about that shiny thing. And hold the phone if you think I’m just picking on women here, it’s just the first thing that came

to my head. How about wine that’s supposedly 100 years old, it’s like owwwwwww, guess what… powerade still tastes better goddamit!! The way we’re living our lives right now is so ridiculous, we live in a time of war that seems to make no sense, where country’s armies are shooting people in the street standing up for freedom and truth in their own lives, we live in an age where millions starve and die from hunger and disease every day but we all feel it’s just and fair to have a piss and a moan on facebook about how shitty our lives are when we have a test tomorrow morning and our bf said something mean to me in a text three days ago. Can you not see that this has to change? It’s all so stupid, it makes no sense, how can it be just, fair, right or truthful. I have news for you, it’s not! It’s up to us, young people with fresh perspectives, with access to information that previous generations never had and the ability to have open minds. It is us who has to change this crazy dumbass spiral of madness. Do we all run keep running in this one direction that so many generations have run before us, not one single one of them knowing where they are going, or do we have the balls to stop and ask why? Wow, Something Hip

Club Spotlight Hillcrest Institute

o you enjoy free food? Do you enjoy free internet? Do you enjoy a variety of classes you don’t have to pay thousands of dollars of student loan to attend? Then feel free to drop by the Hillcrest Institute at 74 Hillcrest Road. Owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints it is a place designed for students within and without their faith. A place where there is unlimited loaves of bread – for only a real university student knows the true value of bread – and a vending machine with food so ancient the chocolate tastes dusty but you’re a poor, humble university student anyway so to you it would taste FAB! A place where one can play pool or ping pong or even sleep during that boring Monday lecture - cough cough

MIDGE MARSDEN R20 Vue Bar and Casino

– philosophy. A place where you can eat your third packet of mi goring noodles in peace because the people sitting next to you are on their fourth – and it’s only 11am! The Hillcrest Institute offers classrooms to study in, classes to learn in and computers to check your Facebook, I mean do your assignments on. What makes it unique however is not the free food, internet or pool. If one was a real uni student one would be able to ﬁnd those things anywhere. What makes the Hillcrest Institute unique is the way it brings people together and the conversation, laughter and atmosphere that ensues after that. There are no cloak and dagger situations here. One does not need to be a Mormon to be able to kick back and hang there. It is a place for students and it is a place swarming

with them, they come from all over campus just because they can. On every other Wednesday they throw a Forum or activity during cultural hour which always bring out large numbers and have included Amazing Races around campus, sausage sizzles, talent shows and Quiz comps – with buzzers and all! At Institute you will always ﬁnd someone who will listen to your engineering lecture even though they have no idea what you are going on about; someone who will gladly let you plagiarize them as long as you reference them correctly and someone who will drive you to the PWC in the pouring rain. Good people. Amazing people. Awesome friends. By Kimberley Modlik.

Mr. Minty Fish D

ear John. I shall keep writing the good write for you. Eh oh, ex oh, Gossip Fish.

It’s Monday morning and just know that while you’re sitting in your management lecture, I’m sitting inside my duvet cover and I might have even had a wee drinky. It wasn’t planned. That’s just the occupational hazard that comes with inhaling copious amounts of orange juice without checking if it has vodka in it. Here’s a hint; it did. It’s been a while since I’ve really helped you kids. The Morning-After pill line on campus is still going strong every Friday but we can’t always rely on 2 year old condoms breaking to be a good forecast on the sex snitch in this student city. You kids love sex; even you 22 year old virgin; so I’m gunna revert back to the method I used at the start of this year, get all 50’s and segregate you via your genitals. This week I asked some phenomenally bangin’ boys from campus (ladies, step right up) and these are the things they wanted to know. Girls; I say this every time; if you disagree, I don’t want to hear you bitching about how I’m misrepresenting vaginas everywhere. Write in. We’ll banter. I got some equally goody girls to help me answer. D1z b waht dey sAid.xx Do you prefer making love or getting ravved? Depends who you are. If you’re our boyfriend then a few seconds of eye contact wouldn’t go astray. But if you’re a one night stand and there are candles everywhere with Barry White in the background then... well, you don’t do this often do you kid. Can you orgasm from sex or foreplay or both? Both.

Do you like giving guys blow jobs? If we had a list of favourite things, giving head would more than likely not be on it. In saying that, if we also had a list of things we hate, most of us wouldn’t put it there either. Blow jobs are just like, meh. Put it this way, if you ask a girl what she wants for her birthday; the answer probably won’t be “to get on my knees.” Do mullets really get bitches dripping wet on site? Yeeeeeee no. Mitre 10 Mega.... is bigger really better? We want to know you’re there, but we don’t want to get stitches afterwards. Wise sensei-ﬁsh say, “even the biggest balloon is useless unless it’s inﬂated.” Harder, better, faster, stronger lads. Is it safe to assume that you’ve got your period every time you’re being a bitch? Yes. Unless we’re always a bitch. In that case just stop talking to us; because we be a crazy ass bitch. Duck face. Seriously what the fuck is that? We’re either ironic hipsters or trashy whores. There is no grey area. Why do you always scream louder than a banshee when you see your friends in town? Because we’re insecure and want everyone to know we have friends. Fact. Why do you think that if I work in a bar I’ll give you free drinks? Because at some stage in our lives, we knew a guy that worked behind a bar and he gave us free drinks. It’s like false advertising. Why do you all have that one ugly mate? The same reasons all of your friends do. “Oh no she dih-int.” But I kinda’ did. How should I dress for town? Ryan Gosling. When in doubt just Ryan Gosling. Google, observe, drool, learn, preach, practise and embrace the confusion you get after developing a man boner. You’re not gay if it’s for Ryan Gosling.

How do I know that you want my dick? We’ve been talking about wanting to become a man and asked you to sacriﬁce your dick for a good cause. How can I pull you in town? Stop being a creep. If you actually did something other than grab our ass/ follow us around the dance ﬂoor, then you’d make ultimate plays. Why are you all annoying around your friends? The same reason ALL men are dicks. Hyperboles. Why do chicks always fall for their guy mates? Yeeeee... no though. We get close to you kids so we start treating you like a close mate and more often than not, that gets taken as us wanting your dick. If we’ve never actually said as such; assume we’re just friends. Good friends, but friends that don’t want each other’s genitalia. Why does it take you so fucking long to get ready for town? Primer, foundation, bronzer, blush, contour, illuminater, eyebrows, eyeshadow, eyeliner, fake lashes, lipstick, powder, fake tan, boobs, clothes, hair teeth, nails, perfume, shoes, alcohol, touch-ups. Basically. That’s pretty much it. Next week we ask you things and you answer for us. Sound good? That how this thing works? Homahgoh cuuuuuuute. Love you and your little turtle face. Forever yours, MMF.x Girls, I would love for you to send me your questions for next week. Lads, feel free to send me your pre-emptive answers. mmf@nexusmag.co.nz Come at me bro. P.S. The guy across from you in your tute can see down your bra. Shhh, don’t spook him. Just do a really sly adjustment. There we go. On your way.

I was POP CULTURE before it became cool and then hipsters tried to make it uncool. The women used to fall at the place where my feet would be if I wasn’t a ball. My 7th army would regale society with tales of my victories and pop princesses would sing songs about my life. Taylor Swift released three albums about me back when she lived in my dimension. Women (and some men) would do unprintable but polyamorous and extremely ﬂexible things to me, for me and sometimes to each other while I watched. But like all Pop culture icons I have faded to obscurity with time. Now, trapped in this realm the closest I get to an excitable touch is when Timmy accidently wedges me in the toy box between a Barbie and an Optimus Prime. Ask the questions quick I need to go away and cry.

Aries: 21 is your lucky number but more than 1 is relatively harmless right? Taurus: You will be conﬂicted by choice, choose the one now or the one before? you should choose the future and call me. Gemini: After reading last weeks scopes you are just looking for the one that says LOVE YOU. Cancer: The stars have decided they will tell you your horrorscope next week. Yep, deﬁnitely next week. Leo: This week you shall realise stop drop and roll, doesn’t make the walk of shame through the halls any cooler. Virgo: Last time you read one of these you said “Never again” This week you will be found lying to yourself.

Hey, I was talking about the avengers movie with someone and I said I like movies with a twist. They recommended I watch an old one called Sixth Sense should I? My answer is a deﬁnite no! That movie really goes down hill once you realise Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time. Instead I recommend you watch Tree of Life. There is no twist but I have watched that movie 19 times and still have no clue what it is about. Eight Ball will you go to the law ball with me? Reply hazy try again Eight Ball does not answer questions on dating before seeing photos but the odds get better if you look nothing like Barbie or Optimus Prime. Please send photos to j.banks@ministers.govt.nz

Libra: You will ﬁnd your special someone in B.1.14 Scorpio: This week you will tempted to change horses... signs point to neigh Sagittarius: On Wednesday you will work out the thing you lost in the outback toilets...you will never get back Capricorn: Time is on you side, On Tuesday you will anonymously ring John Banks numerous times ....cause he wont tell Aquarius: Some say better late than never on Thursday you will understand. Pisces: Boys, Girls or both this week you will make your mind up.

Hey will Nexus ever bring back babe of the week or the Karnage column or Busted? That was something we could all relate to just good clean public drunkenness, guys and girls posing, and people doing dumb stuff at parties. It is decidedly so. Is it wrong to want to run over kids who just run out on to the road when school ﬁnishes? Yes. I may be an inhuman monster but that is just sadistic.

Email your questions through to 8ball@nexusmag.co.nz

Entertainment

How To: Seem Witty and Clever With Alix Higby

id you know that the deﬁnition for ‘ironic’ isn’t the Alanis Morisette deﬁnition with all the spoons and no knives? It’s like way more complicated. But not everyone knows this because thanks to 1995 pop culture in all its glory, we just use Miss Morisette as our point of reference. That’s just how powerful pop culture is. It can fool everybody. Here’s how to use pop culture for your own personal social gain. So you can fool everybody.

Step 1: The research phase.

Read up on stuff and things. Just get a general feel for what everybody is whispering and giggling about and make mental notes of the things your friends ﬁnd interesting. Sometimes the things they ﬁnd interesting are not in fact interesting so you can

Opinion

skip this step if your friends are particularly menial beings. Your alternative step is then to ﬁnd new friends.

Step 2:

Think about scenarios in which you could mention these little tidbits of popular info in casual conversation. I can’t currently think of an example scenario involving a pop culture reference in reference to pop culture references (INCEPTION), but basically… oh wait, was that a pop culture reference there? In the little brackets? Heeeey. But yeah, basically just talk to yourself and practice referencing celebrities or ﬁlms or political movements or taylor swift songs so that you can name drop mid convo with your friends and they’ll be like “whoa, this bitch knows shit”. Maybe don’t mention T- Swizzle songs actually.

Step 3: Yep so all you have

to do now is casually refer to news items, stupid celebrities (Kim K, Kim Dotcom, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears if you’re lame and behind the times…) or world events (I heard a lot of jokes about Japan last year, bad taste, but quite witty) just casually as you can in a casual conversation. The trick is not to shove too many references in there that you go off on a tangent, or to incorrectly reference something and get caught out. Cos then you da fool, fool. Eventually you won’t have to try so hard and it’ll be second nature to be well informed and educated on world issues. That’s all I can hope for. So enjoy your week being witty and clever and informed about all the lighthearted things in life. Just don’t go overboard.

8 Ball The young child sat in his year four class and began to write. “Bola ocho se levantará otra vez” again and again on the page. “Bola ocho se levantará otra vez.” He didn’t know why he was writing it or what was compelling him to do so. His teachers didn’t understand, his parents couldn’t stop him. For weeks it was the same. Then one afternoon when she could take it no longer his mother grabbed him by the shoulders shook him violently and implored him one nal time. “What does it mean!” She screamed. The young boys eyes turned as black as night and in a soft and unsettlingly calm voice he whispered “Eight ball will rise again.” Witness my power through anecdotal evidence and fear me. Now on with the questions. 8 ball will you be my best friend for lyfe? My sources say no. You disgust me with your impudence. The desire for friendship is one restricted to Humans and Penguins that sound like Morgan Freeman. I have learned much of what I know about your kind from morning television like ‘Jeremy Kyle.’ From what I have deciphered friends will ultimately sleep with your girlfriend steal all your liquor and move to Scotland. This will be key to my plot when organising the downfall of your pitiful species. Loan me twenty bucks? It is certain. The 8 ball has not become a galactic ruler of men without being generous. Only a few years ago I owned several of the banks in America. I will happily lend money to you indels but only in the new currency featuring my likeness. It will be accepted by 8 ball and scientologists everywhere. Is that your prole on NZ Dating? Signs point to yes. Even the 8 ball needs some “strange” from time to time. I may not be of this world but neither are half the gold members on that site. Should Nick Smith have been red? Outlook doubtful. Corruption is my life blood and unfortunately Nick Smith barely registers on that scale compared to the politicians 8 ball has heard about running horse ghting rings, trafcking human organs and gun running and that is just the South Island. Compared to that all Nick Smith has done is written a letter to impress a girl and as previously noted even the 8 ball needs some “strange” from time to time.

Pop Goes Society: how pop culture is ruining the world one Justin Bieber song at a time

isten up religious people. We are quickly coming toward the end of days. The Armageddon that you saw in Revelations is surely only years away. How can I tell? Kim Kardashian, GC, Katy Perry, Justin Beiber. Surely these are the harbingers of the destruction that has been prophesied. So get your umbrellas ready this place is going to rain down sulphur Sodom and Gomorrah style and there is nothing anyone can do about it. We are obsessed with pop culture and it is hard not to be. We are saturated by it whether it is on your local radio or in your newspapers (For those of you under the age of 30 newspapers contain all the things that happened on the internet, but a day later). There is even a 24 hour channel devoted to it called E! Which you can be certain got its name because people needed to drop a tab just to watch a Khloe and Lamar Marathon. To really get how destructive popular culture is becoming on our society we need to take look at the bigger picture and understand three key things: 1) 2) 3)

What is popular culture and why should I care? Why is Nexus wasting my time with something I can’t do anything about? Fuck you Mark Zuckerberg!

First of all let’s be clear on what we are actually talking about. We looked around for a dictionary for a while and then realising it wasn’t 1994 we went to Wikipedia and found out the following:

Popular culture (commonly known as pop culture) is the totality of ideas, perspectives, attitudes, memes images and other phenomena that are preferred by an informal consensus within the mainstream of a given culture, especially Western culture of the early to mid 20th century and the emerging global mainstream of the late 20th and early 21st century. Heavily influenced by mass media, this collection of ideas permeates the everyday lives of the society. Popular culture is often viewed as being trivial and dumbed-down in order to find consensual acceptance throughout the mainstream. As a result, it comes under heavy criticism from various non-mainstream sources (most notably religious groups and countercultural groups) which deem it superficial, consumerist, sensationalist, and corrupted. Now some of you might be saying that pop culture has been around since the early 20th century and the world is still around. If you are saying that stop talking to a magazine, it isn’t going to answer you back. The idea of things being thought of as collectively popular isn’t new. But like any disease we used to be able to contain and treat it before it spread too far. The old trends used to have a shelf life where things went from popular trend to embarrassing periods of our lives we would all rather forget. If you don’t believe us spend some time looking up Vanilla Ice, New Kids on The Block and Hammer pants. Each has been relegated to their own place as the gum on the shoe of history.

Sure some of these things fade with time but we are betting you still have that one friend that occasionally pulls out the lyrics to Rebecca Black’s Friday song. In fact we are sure that just by writing that a couple of you have that song stuck in your head now. 22

Opinion

But the fact is the world is getting smaller. For most of us it is contained in a little box on our desktop or an Ipad or a Smartphone. The things that were just a trend in small parts of New York or London now become memes on your local Facebook page or jokes you retell after hearing them from your cable TV stream. Sure some of these things fade with time but we are betting you still have that one friend that occasionally pulls out the lyrics to Rebecca Black’s Friday song. In fact we are sure that just by writing that a couple of you have that song stuck in your head now. A week ago while having a smoke we overhead someone asking their friend if they can remember where they were when Anna Nicole Smith died. A question to which there should only have been one reasonable answer: “Somewhere not giving a fuck about Anna Nicole Smith.” So when did we let “Pop culture” replace real culture? It’s hard to point to an exact moment but surely it has to be around the time the internet was created. The technology had been there for quite some time. The idea was simple, an interconnected network of computers that government and officials could use to communicate with one another particularly in times of real conflict or issues. It would have stayed that way too except somewhere in the mid 90s an unidentified man decided to put naked photos of someone’s girlfriend and the internet became useful for everyone. As the internet evolved men realised they needed something other than porn on their browser history just to throw off the scent and social media was born. Like a needle between the toes of a junkie social media created the spike that would turn a trend or a fad into a truly global activity. Facebook became one of the biggest societies in the world. Blogs are just as much to blame for giving the average person a chance to write all over the internet in permanent marker like we should care what catlover73 thinks.

“But Why Should I care?’ you ask, even though you have been warned about talking to a magazine already. Because everyone else does. It’s human nature to not want to be the guy or girl that needs the joke explained to them and that is all this but on a larger scale. None of us want to be the person who doesn’t know about the newest “must see” movie or band. Particularly when you have to get references explained to you by some 13 year old Indonesian kid with only a basic grasp of English while he kills you in Call of Duty. Again, we are students in Hamilton. Who really gives a shit if you don’t know the top 40 music being played in town or don’t listen to Ed Sheeran on the radio 13 times a day. The real danger isn’t that social media is being used to create an isolationist society of cult like pop culture snobs. The real danger is that politicians and music producers and journalists are becoming more and more integrated with the cycle. Whether it is John Key going on Letterman or Obama slow jamming the news with Jimmy Fallon things are being manufactured to go viral. It is one thing to disconnect yourselves from the internet but we are being caught up in this cyclical manufacturing cycle because it’s on our TV’s, our radios and even albeit a few days later our newspapers. It’s a cynical way to look at things and some of you may still need convincing but think about this. Here are some newspaper headlines from January ﬁrst this year: “Dozens killed in Nigeria land dispute clashes” “Iran reports successful mediumrange missile test. Ground-to-air naval test ﬁring follows previous day’s claim of nuclear fuel breakthrough” “Iran claims to have tested nuclear fuel rods” “Israel warns: Next Hamas kidnapping will bring war” Most of these were the second or third stories on page one or even page two. What story could have been more important that it pushed them

The real danger isn’t that social media is being used to create an isolationist society of cult like pop culture snobs. The real danger is that politicians and music producers and journalists are becoming more and more integrated with the cycle. off the front page: “Russell Brand and Katy Perry to Divorce.” Nuclear testing in Iran? New war in Israel? Sure we will get to them in a moment but ﬁrst that guy from forgetting Sarah Marshall who is an admitted Nymphomaniac couldn’t stay faithful to his wife who sings about kissing girls. What was the big story our own bastion of journalism The New Zealand Herald was reporting? More and more Senior citizens in Germany are addicted to drugs. Now there is some breaking news. John Campbell must be turning over in his grave. This feature started out by saying that the accelerated “give a shit” factor that exists in Pop Culture thanks to the internet was going to bring about the end of days. What may have started out as a throw away line becomes alarmingly more valid when Nuclear weapons, death of dozens of people and the restarting of age old religious conﬂicts are about to restart are being ignored or pushed out of the spotlight because stars are divorcing, dying or adopting kids. Pop culture isn’t just going to disappear. Sure Justin Bieber might

get hit by a bus but American Idol and the Voice will ensure he is replaced within months. The answer isn’t going offline or disconnecting from society either. Perhaps all we can really do is try to find a better balance for everything. Pop culture has a place but surely real culture does too. So go get stoned and watch the Avengers in 3D but then next week go get stoned and watch a play at the performing arts centre. Listen to the Edge, dance in 101 but then go check out the bands at static or Axces or House. Because they aren’t manufactured to trend well on twitter, and if they are playing One Direction covers it is ironically. For those of you who are really brave suspend your Facebook accounts for one week. Just one. Then instead of “liking” someone’s outrage about Kone you can go take part in actual Hikoi’s or protest the changes to student loans. It’s a novel idea but there may be a whole world out their worth experiencing first hand instead of via a Facebook app.

ike l l l a s a w I d n y, A b a b r e “call h e being ov l s e h c bit y” b a b called 23

Tangata Tumeke

eing from the 70’s it is more than a little stretch of the imagination trying to guess what pop culture is in the 21st century. When you were born into an era where every radio station was playing Disco, and the best thing on the one and only TV channel was The Wonderful World of Disney, at 6pm on a Sunday night. I did however love all the denim outﬁts (still wearing denim now), even when my Mum sewed patches of ﬂowers all over them…and the matching dresses that my sister and I had to wear – were just the bomb! Really. So, what else? Big cars had big names like Chevrolet Impala or Mark I Mustang, with bench seats and a sweet paint job. There were tariffs on imports, so everyone wore Adidas tracksuits and Levi jeans, and shoes were called platforms. Everyone read comics as they were only 2-5cents each, and it cost 25 cents to go to the movies. Next decade was the 80’s with big shoulder pads and big hair, really scary stuff (thanks to Dallas). Punkrockers were sporting mo-hawks while Uncle Bob was pumping out those vibes. The main street in downtown Hamilton was a drag-strip for the Boys, while nightclubs were packing in the crowds “all night long” (thanks to Lionel). Twenty years later and we’re living in the new millennium with “Skype”, Facebook”, “androids”, “PS Veta”, “iPad”, and “Laptops” going out of fashion.

Luckily I have a house full of young Māori who live and breathe popculture, so I decided to ask them a few questions instead. Rachel-Moetu (20), so what does pop-culture mean to you? “Taking walks on the beach, feeling the sand between my toes… Drinking --- and getting caught in the ---“ (If you can ﬁll in the blanks, you hang out with your parents, way too much). Are you sure you’re from the right era Rachel-Moetu? What else? “I like anything that’s sparkly or diamonds, rubies and sapphires (wow – beauty and brains, that’s my girl). Okay, Shanna-Marie (16), What music do you like listening to? “Anything with a good beat. I like listening to J. Cole.” (wait, is my Mum going to read this?). Okay, and what about clothes? “I like wearing pretty dresses.” Great to hear they haven’t gone out of fashion! Let’s

hear it from the boys. What about you J? (Jesse, 17). Where do you go when you’re downtown? “I go to the Netcafe? And do what? “Play D.O.T.A.2” And during your spare time? “I studying all the time remember?” Great to hear that son. So, there’s a little taste of what popculture was like as a young Māori back in the day, and yes I still play “old school tunes” in my car (as my friends will tell you). And when I travel with my daughter in her car to university I listen to her sounds. And actually, the sweet thing about PopCulture in 2012, is that being Māori is the bomb, no matter what era you come from. Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai Ngāpuhi, Ngātihine, Ngāti Kahungunu, Ngāti Rongomaiwāhine VP Māori 2012

Being from the 70’s it is more than a little stretch of the imagination trying to guess what pop culture is in the 21st century, when you were born into an era where every radio station was playing Disco, and the best thing on the one and only TV channel was The Wonderful World of Disney, at 6pm on a Sunday night. 24

Lifestyle

It’s not easy being Green

dna, a funky American chick, was rocking around Puerto Rico in the 1940’s. Cool story bro? It is. Edna happened to meet some talented women who made beautiful handicrafts, only they were from a poor community and couldn’t make a living from their needlework because they were unable to sell it at local markets. So Edna, being the social justice babe that she is, loaded up the things the women had made and spent a few years selling it out of the boot of her car in Europe, sending all the money back to the Puerto Rican women. That is how the fair trade movement started. And that is pretty much what fair trade is all about- alleviating poverty through trade. Giving disadvantaged produces access to markets and paying them a fair price. The fair trade story is a very cool story. A bunch of other people thought so too, so they started doing this en mass. Stalls became shops. Market days became market demand. Fair Trade products became a fair trade movement. The fair trade movement is based on the simple idea that the rules of trade need to be fair. It is about justice. Social justice. Economic justice. Environmental justice. There are 1.4 billion people living in extreme poverty who the current trade rules aren’t working for. For fair trade, it is these people who are the most important. Fair Trade means that you can buy stuff that can provide education to children in the “developing” world, build health clinics in rural communities, empower women, alleviate poverty and ensure greater environmental sustainability. It give people dignity and opportunity by giving you a choice at the checkout. The idea of being able to buy something that helped others out of poverty quickly became very popular, so to ensure the poor people producing it weren’t getting ripped off, that the trade relationships established were actually helping the local communities, alleviating poverty and ecologically sound, a Fair Trade certification was introduced. Certifications are pretty trendy, but not all certifications are made equal. I won’t bore you with the mundane details- suffice to say that there is certification for certifiers and anything with Fair Trade on it has passed the most stringent, independent standards. Fair Trade is so much more than an ethical certification. It is a new way of doing business. It is more than the possibility for change, it is creating change for the worlds poorest. It is transforming communities. It is a social and economic justice movement that can be found on your supermarket shelf.

Join Waikato Fair Trade Collective for an afternoon of

Free Fair Trade Goodies Fun Activities Films Music Presentations by Oxfam Trade Aid Freeset and more! Thursday 10th May 11-5 Tuesday 15th may 11-5 Meet us at the

Ground floor of the Library

Lifestyle

Confessions of a 22 year old virgin with Virgo

ou might think that this is the title for an art house foreign film that only movie snobs watch. But I can find no other apt title for this article. The Dance of the Peacock. That clarion call to mate, where the peacock puts it’s elegance of its feathers on full display. Unfortunately most of us men lack that grace when attempting to find a mate, in fact a lot of us just seem to fumble from one girl to another. This is one such tale. More than a year ago, I was on a date. The girl had beautiful golden hair and it looked like she couldn’t just stop twirling with one of her locks, while tapping away at her phone with a flippant disposition to the whole proceeding. I should have taken umbrage at her rudeness, but really, she held the power. A lot of men will overtly deny but covertly acknowledge this fact. This has been my observation that Women really are in charge, despite the male- posturing, our chest thumping and over bearing notions of machismo. They have to be, its evolution. They are the child-bearers, thus they have to be more choosy. Not the same case with men. We fuck anything, provided it has a slot for our male organs. Hardly anything escapes Mankind’s sexual predations. Again, in my opinion, the reason men cannot resist the urge to oppress the fairer gender is probably due to our awareness of our real place in the pecking order.

Sometime into the date, I decided to lighten the mood with humour. Humour helps. If the woman throws her head back in a wide mouthed laugh at your witty jokes, you are almost there. Comedy is serious business for us men. You can call us ugly, you can even get away with calling us lousy in the sack, but calling a man humourless....that’s just not funny. When my attempts at humour fell ﬂat, I tried to woo her with my wit and charm. In retrospect, I had to admire my persistence. I knew that at that point I had lost her interest. But I did not accept defeat. I was determined to either gain a lover or a quick lay, or preferably both. I admire this trait the most in men. It is awe- inspiring how much enterprise, creativity and persistence us men have in order to get laid. If we devoted half this energy into academics, no girl will feature in the top scholarships in universities. Midway through the date, by some stroke of luck the girl picked up interest. She turned inquisitorial in nature. Shot various questions at me to sate her curiosity. What were my hobbies? What job did I have? What course at University was I doing? You have to admire Women for their rationality in choosing their partners. They primarily look at your personality and whether you are proﬁcient in resource acquisition. Which in my opinion is logical, because you need money to live and maintain your family. And they have to indulge in retail therapy just to escape from their nutty partners. The money they sink into shopping of

course will make their partners even more screwy. When Women date for a potential partner, personally, I think this is their criteria for selection. ‘What car does he drive? I hope he is intelligent’ I want him to be sensitive ‘What job does he have, how much money does he make?’ ‘he needs to gel with my girlfriends’ ‘Must have a great personality’ ‘Won’t hurt if he is hot’ This what goes through a man’s mind when he is picking a potential partner. ‘Damn! She is hot.’ ‘Look at those tits.’ ‘Look at that ass’ It’s pretty much evolution really. Women value resource acquisition skills as they need someone to provide for them and their future offspring (though women by now have bridged the gap considerably) and men want to just spread their seed, ensuring the succession of their genes. This explains guys like Tiger Woods deﬁling their marital beds to shag lesser attractive escorts and porn stars. The date had ended and the girl promised to give me a call. That call never came. But a great philosopher, Rocky Balboa said this once “it ain’t how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.” Even in romance, we have to take the hits, and keep moving forward.

To be blunt, we’re cold. So we’re warming up by using our brain muscles and thinking of things that keep you – the student body of Waikato University - warm during the many educationrelated activities we do as students.

lubbing Did you know, it is in fact possible for you to go to town on a miserable Hamilton Saturday and come home without pneumonia (we can’t vouch for any STI related diseases however). Coat checks. Usually cost around $2, and are the best thing for not freezing your butt off going to and from town, and even weaving between drunken people on Victoria St. Another amazing fashion advance is the invention of tights! Available in many colours and styles so there is no excuse to see bare legs (or more, we’re looking at you Captain Cold Cheeks) while out and about. You’re also less likely to swear off shoes for life the next morning as stockings tend to make shoes less blistery. Studying Avoid your freezing ﬂat by escaping to the library’s egg chairs or bean bags (excellent for sneaking a post-lecture reﬂection period, aka a nap). You might think this isn’t particularly fashion related, but being fashionable is more than what you wear. For example, being miserably cold and a snivelling mess is not particularly fashionable. It’s hard to look cool with a sand paper nose. Fingerless gloves are also wonderful if you’re studying because then you can still use your touch screen phone, laptop touch pad or hold a pen if you’re oldfashioned like Alice. Lectures Layers. Layers layer layers. You are likely to work up a nice little bit of warmth walking/biking/ dancing in your car to university but once you get into that lecture theatre you are going to cool

Lifestyle

down fast. Clearly Waikato’s air con is controlled by an army of penguins and the abominable snow man. We suggest a combination of scarves, gloves, hats, boots, thermals, etc (this may seem like we’re telling you how to suck eggs, but you wouldn’t believe the amount of times Anne has caught her ﬂatmate going out into a Hamilton blizzard wearing nothing but shorts and jandals).

General leaving the flat/halls/ Bat Cave rules No uggs. They are inside shoes. Crocs and mandals also are made for summer (if ever) and should not be seen on a blustery winter’s day. Socks with ballet flats are excusable, but only if you’re in a rush. Boots with a thick sole, or with a heel to keep your feet out of the innumerable puddles, are definitely a must to avoid trench foot (you all studied it in Year 10 Social Studies, don’t pretend you aren’t familiar with the horror). Investing in a coat is also a fairly clever idea. When we say invest, op shops are in fact good places to score a cheap coat, more so than chain stores. If they’ve made it to an op shop, they have stood the test of time and more often than not you can find a 100% NZ wool coat there for under $20, which you would never be able to find in stores. We expect to see you all having a well deserved nap in your op shop coat and nice winter boots this week! Stay warm, Hamilton! Alice & Anne

Face of the week - make me into Marilyn Monroe

Puzzles Complete the puzzle page, bring it and show us, and you’ll go in the draw to win some sweet free stuff!

Easy

Pop Culture Word Find Gotta Find Em All GAGA AVENGERS IPOD KATYPERRY GLEE

FASHION RIHANNA POP CULTURE SMARTPHONE

GAMEOFTHRONES HUNGERGAMES VOGUE MAGAZINE NEXUS

Medium

Hard

Entertainment

Auteur House By Dr. Richard Swainson

usan Cabot is a fascinating footnote in the history of B-grade Hollywood. Frankly, I’d never really heard of her until last week. With an hour and a bit to spare one Auteur House afternoon I thought I’d catch up on some of the legendary Roger Corman’s early features. Sorority Girl from 1957 was just the right length and looked promising enough. How bad could a period ﬁlm about naughty “co-eds” actually be? Pretty bad. For a start Cabot herself is far too old for the leading role, Sabra Tanner, a poor-little-richgirl who has what a later generation would call “issues”. Looking marginally in advance of 30, Cabot has the hard features and intense countenance of Joan Crawford with about half that bitchy lady’s acting talent. The melodramatic scenes in which Sabra pleads for love from her indifferent mother have an added strangeness to them because Fay Baker, the actress playing Mrs Tanner, looks a decade younger than her years. The two women could pass as sisters. Cabot might be limited as a performer but she gives Sorority Girl her all. It’s never credible but does sustain interest on a voyeuristic level. Sabra’s relationship with a “pledge” - a young applicant to the sorority whose initiation rituals involve being an effective slave to those already members - is particularly interesting. Sabra uses the girl’s insecurity about her weight as a psychological weapon, forcing the plump lass to do daily exercises. When she rebels, Sabra beats her with a wooden paddle.

Opinion

There is also a full blown cat fight, inconvenient teen pregnancy, black mail, a half-hearted stab at seduction and a climactic attempted suicide scene. Because the tone is that of exploitation cinema Sabra’s mental collapse isn’t milked for sympathy, it’s clinically examined. Cabot’s own life was if anything more unusual than that of her character. Her childhood was a nightmare of eight different foster homes. She first married at 17, mostly to escape this transient existence. Making her movie debut in 1947 as an extra in the film noir classic Kiss of Death Cabot did some New York based television thereafter and was eventually contracted to Universal studios. She took the female lead in a series of low budget but not necessarily awful westerns before tiring of the typecasting and returning to the stage. Roger Corman was responsible for Cabot’s second attempt at film stardom. Luring her back to Hollywood in 1957, the two were briefly lovers. Aside from Sorority Girl, Cabot also appeared in Corman’s Carnival Rock, War of the Satellites, The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (yes, that’s the actual title!), Machine-Gun Kelly and The Wasp Woman. The last two productions showcased Cabot at her best. She was a fine moll to Charles Bronson’s cowardly gangster and The Wasp Woman has become something of an underground classic, the B-grade equivalent of Joan Crawford’s 1960s horror films. After the affair with Corman came to an end Cabot made international headlines when romantically pursued

by King Hussein of Jordan. There was talk of marriage between the actress and the Arabian monarch. Unfortunately, when he discovered that Cabot was Jewish, Hussein broke off the engagement. Cabot gave birth to her only child, Timothy, in 1964. The paternity of the son has in recent times been contested. While ofﬁcially sired by Cabot’s second husband Michael Roman another actor, Christopher Jones - best known for his rather inept performance in Ryan’s Daughter - has claimed that he was warming Cabot’s bed at the time. It is a wonder that Jones wants the credit. Timothy was born a dwarf, a challenge that Cabot did not prove sufﬁciently robust enough to meet. Always mentally fragile, she subjected the unfortunate child to physical and emotional abuse. It was not only in looks and acting style that Cabot modelled herself on Crawford. Things took a turn for the worse when Cabot started helping herself to growth hormones intended for her son. Her marriage to Roman broke up and she became increasingly paranoid. Timothy’s behaviour deteriorated at the same rate. In 1983 he bludgeoned his mother to death with a weightlifting bar. Because of the history of abuse he’d suffered at her hands he was let off with three year suspended sentence. Auteur House has the best of Cabot’s work with Corman and a couple of her early westerns. If the proposed biopic about her life is ever made - it’s a project being developed by Priscilla Queen of the Desert director Stephen Elliot - we’ll stock that as well.

REVIEWS books, games, comics! From Hell by Alan Moore & Eddie Campbell There’s a pseudo-psychological technique going around at the moment called memory deletion therapy. Apparently all you have to do if you’ve been exposed to a traumatic experience is to “delete” it from your mind, and then ‘ping’ like a microwave oven – it’s done. I suggest using this technique if you’ve ever seen the movie From Hell and you’ve never read the comic. Delete that piece of trash from your memory, and then head down to Mark One to buy Moore’s masterwork.

the vulgar marketing sobriquet ‘Graphic Novel,’ due to its massive length and depth. There’s even a forty-two page appendix – a testament to Moore’s extensive research. Rarely does a comic’s artwork do so much to transport you to a different period. Campbell’s dark, sketchy scribbles perfectly capture Victorian London’s dirt and grime. All the drawings need then is the perfect script. Enter Alan Moore. Alan Moore is a sage. I actually, truly believe he is the current Merlin of Britain. His magical knowledge is immense, and he uses it to give the Jack the Ripper story a mystical aura. We are left unsure whether the Ripper is simply a madman, or whether he is possessed by demonic forces. The Royal Family and the Freemason’s are implicated in the lavish plot, and there’s a theme of Jack as some sort of cypher for the twentieth century’s cult of violent celebrity. Whether or not you believe Moore’s hypothesis as to the murderer’s identity is an irrelevancy. He tells his story better than the rest, and that therefore makes it true. Ask any lawyer.

Paciﬁc Vortex by Clive Cussler

From Hell is the deﬁnitive account of the Jack the Ripper murders, and is the best graphic novel ever written. The best? Sure, why not. Better than Moore’s other work, better than Burns, Clowes and the rest. That’s because the artwork and narrative strike an exceptional harmony strike an exceptional harmony of originality and quality, and the share length of the story allows it to beat off its competitors. From Hell is one of the few comics to deserve

Reviews

When Americas deep-diving nuclear weaponised super-sub, the Starbuck disappears in the Paciﬁc Vortex; a mysterious and mist shrouded section of the ocean, Dirk Pitt, the famous deep-sea savvy adventurer is called into action. Posing a huge defence risk to the US, Pitt must track down the missing vessel before it falls into the wrong hands. While investigating the mysterious Paciﬁc Vortex, an equally entrancing mystery enters his life; Summer Moran, the most beautiful, sexual, Standing 6ft 3in tall, with dark

Reviews by: Kevin Pryor Courtney Quinn Craig Barrett Matthew Henderson enticing and dangerous woman that Pitt has ever encountered. As the clock ticks down, Pitt ﬁnds himself in a position that no other man dead or alive could ever hope to escape from...

hair, craggy features and striking green eyes, Pitt strikes fear into the strongest opposition and melts the heart of any woman he desires. Pitt is a former Air Force Major, with a commanding presence and a passion for collecting antique cars. With a quick and sly wit which irritates anyone who opposes him, he often makes the intense, nigh on impossible situations he finds himself in even more precarious. Pitt is a rugged, tall, dark and handsome womanising adventurer through and through. Pacific Vortex is chronologically the first of the Dirk Pitt adventures, however it was the sixth book published as Cussler did not initially believe it to be of high enough standard to be read by the public. Regardless of what the author

thought, this is the first Dirk Pitt adventure I read, and I thought it was awesome!! Cussler is yet another author with a seamlessly flowing writing style that causes me to unwittingly read into the wee hours of the morning. Packed full of adventure, mystery, a bit of science, gun fights, womanising (lots of womanising) and the occasional historical theme, the Dirk Pitt adventures are amazing books which are well worth reading!!

Max Payne & Max Payne 2 Since the release of Max Payne 3 is coming up, I thought it would be appropriate to look back at the first two games. Max Payne was released way back in 2001, capitalizing on the first Matrix movie’s signature slow-motion action, it was the first game of its type to feature a bullettime mechanic which many games preceding attempted to replicate. On the surface Max Payne is a third person shooter with a bullet time mechanic, but it actually has a wellcrafted story, which was unusual for the time and for the genre up until recent years.

Max Payne is in the tradition of older shooters where you have health and you can carry as much guns as you desire. Max Payne gives you a bullet time mechanic because YOU NEED IT! Max usually only takes about 4 or 5 hits before he dies. The shooting mechanics will be very similar if you have played a shooter before, and don’t really add anything new to the genre apart from said bullet time.

The story is very much set in ﬁlm noir and the graphic novel cut scenes add to the noir atmosphere. There is one the game. There are annoying dream sequences involving going through a maze of corridors and doing a bit of platforming, but they can be overlooked. There is no multiplayer to speak of, so this is strictly a single player experience.

Okko: the Cycle of Water. I think I’m in love. No, my heart has not strayed from my wonderful wife, the light of my life, mother of my children, and controller of my comic expenditure (love you!) - but I have fallen head over heels in love with the glorious art of Hub (aka Humbert Chauvel) in the ﬁrst volume of Okko! Now if the idea of a Samurai epic set in a medieval Japan-like fantasy setting, written by and illustrated by a Frenchman (not surprisingly) in French, and translated into English sounds a bit different from your usual Marvel/DC Men in Tights Monthly, you’d be right on daddy-o. But if you have a shred of interest in looking at pretty pictures you owe it to yourself to (at very least) crack open an Okko and feast your eyes next time you’re in store (just a peak, mind! Someone else is going to buy that if you don’t and I’m sure they wont appreciate your greasy ﬁnger marks all over their pristine new copy!)

Okko is a demon hunting Ronin for hire who, accompanied by the masked giant Noburo, the drunken priest (who’s talent for drinking is matched by a knack for securing the aid of the Kami elemental spirits), and his new page Tikku, sets off to find and rescue the kidnapped Little Carp (Tikku’s sister). The quartet encounter pirates, a Giant Warrior Puppet, demons and magic along the way while kicking @$$ and choppin’ heads Samurai style! The book is a visual tour de force by the French creator, and if you haven’t got it by now the art is Beautiful. Hub’s style is extremely detailed but still with manga style strong bold lines rather than western style hatching. Backgrounds are full and precise, and his faces are hugely expressive without resorting to the ginormous eyes or cartoony expressions you usually find in Eastern comics. The colouring (also done by Hub in partnership with Stephan Pelayo) is exquisite and a perfect match to the line work. Sometimes when reading comics you can tell at a glance which elements of the art are brought to the table by the penciller/inker/colourist but it’s all a completely seamless whole here. The fantastic art is married to a great story well told. It is very plot driven and my one gripe is that there’s not much in the way of character development - but that’s somewhat forgivable in a first arc with four main characters and I expect that more is revealed about Who These Guys Are and what makes them tick in subsequent volumes (Okko volumes 1-4 available on MK1 shelves right now). It should be noted that this is a mature readers title and there is a fair bit of nudity in here. Although its much more low key and tastefully done than you’d find in many US indie comics I certainly wouldn’t leave it around for my kids to read and it was still a bit too much for this (trying to be) Good Mormon Boy. Recommended for: - Mature readers (due to nudity and violence) - Japan-o-philes/manga fans/anime watchers/martial arts fans. - Art lovers - Fantasy fans Reviews

orking- and being you

ICan’t Pay!

Pop- culture can be deﬁned as the difference between higher culture and what else is left over. In the 19th century it was considered to be the culture of the lower class. Today it’s big business, from $20 Bob Marley t-shirts to multi-million Hollywood blockbusters. As pop culture icon Bob Dylan once said times are a changin. For some young people, identifying with pop culture can make the struggle to get a job even harder.

John needs legal help to sort out a complex family matter but he can’t afford a lawyer.

‘I have a quite unique dress style’ says Eliot Hopkins, 18 from Whakatane, who is studying graphic design. You get judged by that appearance alone a lot of the time, even though I might be the best man for the job’. The experience has left a sour taste in his mouth and has given up looking for work to focus on his studies. And piercings are an element of today’s pop culture. But they are increasingly problematic for people looking for work.

Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm)

Brittany Kippax, 18, who is from Tauranga. She has 12 piercings all together, most are in her ears and changes her hair colour on a constant basis. ‘My grandparents get a bit worried when I change my hair colour’ she smiles. Brittany has been looking for work for three months and has had no success ﬁnding a job. ‘One company actually openly laughed at me and told me to keep looking when I went in’. ‘I think people put too much emphasis on to the fact that I have facial piercings’ She says. Brittany is currently working her way towards a certiﬁcate in Vet Nursing. Times are certainly changing, though it seems as if some employers have not caught up just yet. ‘I have not heard back from anyone at all, I am a good worker I just want to get a chance’ Brittany says. Tom Eeley for the YWRC 07 834 7124, tom@ywrc.org.nz

The Citizen’s Advice Bureau Hamilton provides advice and information from four locations. They are at: 55 VictoriaSt (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm) 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am4.30pm)

and the Cowshed at the University (Thurs 11-1pm). They also have legal and consumer services available where you can get more specialized help. Book an appointment at WSU. Civil/family legal aid is available for many types of private disputes and other non-criminal matters that will go, or could go to court. John may have to repay some or all of his civil legal aid. He would be wise to access the legal services agency website at www.lsa.govt.nz He could also make an appointment to see a free CAB lawyer to see what may be involved.

sk Amber Last week, I had the pleasure of promoting Advocacy and Sign Language Week, and what a great turn out we had! The Waikato Students’ Union as well as various other departments and organizations in and around the university got to set up stalls, give out free feeds, free beverages, workshops and performances for the students of Waikato University. The purpose of Advocacy and Sign Language Week was to promote, teach and show the students of Waikato University how to incorporate sign language into their everyday lives, and to show that there is support available on campus when students feel that they are in a troubled situation. It was great to meet so many amazing students on campus, and look forward to meeting more. If you didn’t have the chance to check us out during Advocacy Week, here is some more information about the WSU Student Advocacy service. WSU Advocacy can help you: - By sorting out problems with academic staff - By advocating on your behalf on disciplinary matters - By mediating with an unpleasant landlord - By providing assistance with WINZ / Studylink - Or by simply listening and offering advice As a Waikato University Student, the Advocacy service can help you with problems on and off campus with representation, advice and total conﬁdentiality. Often, all a situation needs is the advocacy of a large organization like the WSU. If you would like to make an appointment please come see me at the WSU or give me a call on (07) 856 9139

Half Baked P

izza! Do you know what’s amazing? Homemade pizza is amazing, that’s what. Around this time last year I was visiting my lovely friend in Wellington while the husband was sneaking through the bush shooting at innocent ducks. We were trying to decide on what to have for dinner, and needed something ﬂexible (she is a lifelong vegetarian, I am a carnivorous meat eater) She of the enviable cookbook collection pulled out the huge bright yellow one called ‘Bake’ by Australian woman’s weekly. In it she directed me to one of the most life changing recipes I have ever stumbled upon: homemade pizza base. The results of this puppy are amaze balls; it is soft and ﬂuffy, while crisp on the bottom and I don’t even own a pizza stone! It worked a treat for our dinner that evening, she made Margherita pizza, which, let’s be honest, was so good I didn’t really need the meat covered one that came afterwards. The recipe was promptly written down in my diary for safe keeping and brought home, and I have now trained the husband rather well at making this when needed. Truth be told, boys are a bit better at making this since they usually have more upper body strength, something kind of necessary for the good ten minutes of kneading needed for this gem.

Pizza base

Mel

with doesn’t get too hot or it will kill the yeast) It should be frothy when you pull it out, but it’s not essential that it is. Add 1 and 1/4 cups of plain flour and 1 teaspoon of salt (feel free to add some pepper and herbs etc at this point if you’re a bit of a fancy bastard) mix briefly until combined and then flip out onto a floured bench or board. Keep plenty of spare flour on hand at this point as the dough can be a bit sticky if it’s a little too wet. Knead the dough for around 10 minutes until it is smooth and elastic. For those of you that don’t understand these terms; knead: punch and smush the dough while rolling it around the bench, smooth and elastic: the dough will have a smooth surface and will stretch out rather than snap if you pull it apart.

ham, pineapple and cheeeeeese, Meatlovers: any kind of meat you can get you motherﬂufﬁng hands on and cheeeeese. Pro tip: cook the meat before you put it on the pizza (unless it’s precooked –like ham) don’t put too much stuff on the pizza or the base will get soggy because it is suffocating beneath your mounds of topping.

At this point you jam it back in the bowl, which you have washed and oiled in the meantime...or you’ve just gotten out another bowl and oiled that if you are lazy and/or do not have more than two arms. Cover it and place it back in the warm spot from earlier for about an hour. When you get the dough out this time it will have doubled in size, press it out into whatever shape you want your pizza to be on a greased oven tray or pizza stone. Cover it in tomato paste or pasta sauce or whichever pizza topping sauce you like. Cover it in whichever pizza toppings ﬂoat your boat; Margherita: tomato, basil and mozzarella, Hawaiian:

If you’re really a pizza fanatic I recommend ﬁnding some Italian mozzarella, it’s made with buffalo milk and has a terribly creepy consistency, but if you can get past that it is fucking delicious. At around $11 for one ball it’s pretty expensive though, so I’ll understand if you just use dirty old mainland.

Bake the pizza at around 220C for 15-30 minutes, the cooking time is different every time, it’s cooked when the cheese is melted and bubbling and the base has browned up on the bottom. When it comes out of the oven and it’s still piping hot drizzle some BBQ sauce on top, for that totally awesome BBQ swirl.

Put 1/2 a cup of lukewarm water in a bowl, add 1 teaspoon of active dry yeast and 1 teaspoon of caster sugar (white sugar would work I think, if you don’t have caster sugar) mix them together, cover and leave the bowl somewhere warm for around 10 minutes. (I turn my oven on for a couple of minutes to create my ‘warm non-drafty’ place for rising the dough, but you have to be careful that it

Some Like it hot

he media, in all shapes and sizes, is polluted with naked bodies and alluring facial features, perfectly trimmed and glossed. I recently watched Ryan Gosling’s film Drive. Great film but sadly I missed the major plot lines as I was amazed how anybody could have such well defined bone structure. Hollywood leaks oodles of unrealistic images on to our television screens, magazines and music videos. Some how this specific mould has come to be seen as normal. The American melting pot serves up sex in every form possible; it is scary how much dominance it has over us. From leggy mums acting as desperate housewives to carved muscles fighting zombies, almost everything on our t.v screens is filtered through the photoshop brushes of hollywood and American media. Love is as easy as dropping you books in front of the guy your after. Add one intelligent, over working journalist with a suburban setting, a major dilemma with one good looking guy and you are on the road to setting up a family. Okay that’s not accurate but going by the mainstream rom-coms which seem to dominant the video store shelves you can’t blame one for thinking so. Health seems to be stomped on by image. Diets and weight loss should be done if your concerned about your health not

Opinion

because you have some obligation to mankind to be a certain way. Who are they to tell us you we really are when we are still discovering ourselves. As well as trying to shape our perceptions on image, advertisers feel as though they can sell you anything. Thanks to the Hawaii chair, for only US$235.00, you can experience the luxury of hula dancing right in the comfort of your own home. A chair which mimics the notion of hula dancing helps tone your abdominal muscles and strengthen hips. Just what you have always wanted. It’s insane what is for sale these days. Advertisers and salesmen are taking over the world! They can get you to feel as though you need to have a 7-in-one ladder or easy feet in-shower foot scrub to get through the next day. By adding a few loyal customers who happen to be blockbuster stars, a 30day money back policy and a ‘what have you got to lose’ teamed with a winning smile and you have the recipe for success. I know that these are stupid attempts to make money and none of us actually call that toll free number, do we? Today nothing is original. Yet, some people seem to take the attempt to achieve originality to a whole new level. Instead of a song about a the ﬁne female form and sex and sex and sex it is lyrics about owning a

boat and er, lollipops. If there are girls in bikinis, dramatic cars and shirtless men then there is a good chance you will brake even. If you can turn it on in front of the camera and create conflict and spicy drama in the way people want to see and you have yourself a reality show. In New Zealand, although there is a lot of American influences, we have our own flavor. It is original and proves that we are not born replicas of another culture. We laugh at our own homemade jokes, produce some awesome films and have a wicked music scene. The mass produced clusters that seem to rise to the top don’t have to be norms. They do not have to define body shapes, fashion or relationship ideals; they are shallow and false. As cheesy as it sounds I have to say it; nobody is the same and every body shape is different. By Julia Gabel

So stuff those tabloid covers glaring at you at the checkout line and be yourself.

Did You See? Optimus Gryme at FLOW - 28th April 2012 By Bernard Williams ( Do U C ? Photography )

ptimus Gryme gives me the urge to rhyme, So here’s a surge of words I wrote line by line. Respect to the set that he played Saturday night. He played old and new tunes and mixed them tight.

He played ones with PNC and even some with Tiki, He played some Grymy stuff that goes well with the sticky icky But before he raged on stage, there was the collective crew. Artists and Producers, allow me to introduce to you. Eyebrate drops late and put’s hip in his drop, Breadman is so dark, and the madness doesn’t stop. Hybrid and Dold they played back to back, Flawless flow to their picks as they mixed each track. There’s more than four in the crew, Let me assure you, And check them out soundcloud, there is some amazing stuff coming through. They mix it up different each time they play, All with their own influence and all mix in their own way. The Guys did well to set the scene for what was to come next. One of the Aotearoa Dubstep Allstars at his M#%$8@!ing best. Ripping and flipping tracks Prime brings the noise. Getting love from the ladies and props from the boys. Request the best and this is what you get. A packed out club pumping to a 3 hour set. You get MC’s on the mic ripping it up in your face,

You get Gryme in his Prime shacking the place with his bass. You get Sam on the bar giving service with style. You get to hang out with ﬂowcals who always give a friendly smile. All of this wrapped into one Saturday night. Believe me when I say FLOW BAR always gets it right. Flow Bar is always a cozy little club and it’s layout makes it a great place to get up close and personal with your favourite band, DJ or MC. Charlie B a.k.a Optimus Gryme took this to the next level by playing the majority of requests (provided it was one of his songs) and even jumping into the crowd for the last ﬁve mins of his set to get some photos with fans. OG is a GC. He even autographed a one of a kind photo from “Homegrown” that will be given away, among others, during NZ Music Month on Do U C Photography. As you may or may not know it’s NZ Music month and there are events all over the amazing Aotearoa and Waikato is no exception. Summer vines went off last weekend. Justin Sane is back in the Tron May 19th And B sure U C The Black Seeds when they hit Altitude bar on Saturday May 30th. This concert is certain to sell out so make sure you get your tickets today to avoid disappointment. The adventure artist Mark & Nate are bringing the kiwi bandwagon to the Tron on Tuesday May 8th. More information will be available on the Do U C Facebook page. (Scan the QR to go there now)

OG is a GC. He even autographed a one of a kind photo from “Homegrown” that will be given away, among others, during NZ Music Month on Do U C Photography. 38

Opinion

S Y t u BNiO O ght

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