N.14 / V.48
Clarence Street 7am – 10pm, 7 days a week. Phone (07) 839-4056
Kellogg’s Pringles 130g-150g
2
99
Sealord Tuna Express 220g
1
99
Sunsilk Sham/Cond 200ml Lux Soap 4pk – 2 for
5
00
Sanitarium Up ‘n Go 24pk
23
99
Prices valid until Sunday 31 July 2016. Trade not supplied. Valid at PAK’nSAVE Clarence Street only.
THIS PRICE IS ON THE DOWN LOW
CONTENTS
CONTRIBUTORS
01.
EDITOR
EDITORIAL
Brittany Rose 02. LETTUCE
editor@nexusmag.co.nz
03.
UNI NEWS
DESIGN
04.
NEXUS NEWS
Olivia Paris
07. SPORTS
design@nexusmag.co.nz DEPUTY EDITORS Lyam Buchanan
08. CARE
lyam@nexusmag.co.nz Bronwyn Laundry
10. ENTERTAINMENT
bronwyn@nexusmag.co.nz
12. REVIEWS
MANAGING EDITOR James Raffan
14. COVERED
james@nexusmag.co.nz
15. ARTS
CONTRIBUTORS Grayson Maslin
15. AUTEUR
Tom Collopy Freddy Walker
16.
CHEAP FOOD ON CAMPUS, DREAM OR REALITY?
18.
A VEGAN RANTS
20.
WAITERS GONNA WAIT
22.
YOUR SPACE
Troy Anderson Holly Mcleod Jared Wooldridge Rory Davis Alix Higby Peter Dornauf Dr. Richard Swainson Adelaide Roza-Marie
26. COLUMNS
Onyx Lily Carmen Cider
29.
PAK 'N SAVE HEAD CHEF
Matthew Rae Nina Fox
30. SNAPPED
Pita Shelford Truely Harding
31.
BLIND DATE
Mel Martin Sarah Hyde
32. PUZZLES ADVERTISING advertising@nexusmag.co.nz OFFICES Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton ONLINE facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine ISSUE 14 25 JULY 2016 FOOD
Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE
EDITORIAL EATING OUT BRITTANY ROSE
Food is a touchy subject for students. Partly because some first years don’t actually know how to cook anything other than spaghetti (that’s pathetic, learn a life skill and make something egg-based), and also because it’s fucking expensive. I’m lucky — I’ve got a part-time job and I’m living with a partner who works fulltime. We earn enough so that I can write a shopping list, load the trolley with meat and veggies for every dinner, and enjoy the walk around the supermarket without stressing over the total value of our trolley. I really enjoy grocery shopping now because I don’t have to choose between buying deodorant or frozen peas. Grocery shopping is the domestic highlight of the week, second only to cooking dinner with a glass of sav in hand. But food related housework wasn’t always such a positive experience. Straight out of school I went to tech in Tauranga and was promptly made redundant from my part time job when the store closed down. I lost so much weight that my collarbone resembled a mountain range, while my spine was jagged and reptilian — a lot like Gaga’s in the ‘Bad Romance’ video. I was an involuntary vegetarian who ate once a day and couldn’t believe people could afford coffee. I was shit broke getting further into debt every week. What a difference five years makes… now I have Strong Opinions™ on the cafes of Hamilton East (Grey St Kitchen for cabinet food, Jack’s for quick service on the way to uni, and Two Birds Eatery if you want a killer Insta post of an overpriced smoothie). I realise that this isn’t super relatable to the average student scraping by on Living Costs, but to be fair, I’m still definitely in debt. This week’s Nexus is all about food — and because we know good food is the stuff of daydreams for broke students we have an especially attractive Pak ‘n Save Head Chef for you to drool over on page 28. We also know that food on campus isn’t exactly cheap, and so do the WSU board, so check out page 16-17 to see what the plan is for getting kai in your puku. Also in this issue, Onyx Lily tells tales from her former life as a hospo girl (p.21, Waiters Gonna Wait) and explores the side of eating out most of you are familiar with (keep your pants on, I’m talking bar work, not cunnilingus. But if that’s more your speed then check out our erotica creative writing competition — erotica@ nexusmag.co.nz for more info).
Britt
1
NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce
E C T U E T LT O T HE EDIT OR Lettuce is the Letters to the Editor section of Nexus because If you
OW MY EYES SEEING RED
The new printing you did made the Blind Date nigh unreadable. I just had to get my flatmates to stand directly under a light in the living room and read it to me. Red on black is not a winning combo yo What lovely flatmates! Flick to page 31 to see what our amazing Graphic Designer has done to rectify that migraine – Editor
say "letters" quick enough in a super Niu Zeelund accent it sounds
CROSS-WORDS
like "lettuce".
TED WEST
Comment on our Facebook page, on our Instagram, or even Snap your lettuce to us. Just use #lettuce and we'll put you in print, and respond
What happened to the crosswords in Nexus? I used to do them every
to your comments. Either that or email lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz
Monday and now I'll I've got is a shitty wordfind. Bring the crossword
Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus
back guys. Also the review of Westside in this weeks issue sucked. That show's the bombdiggity.
and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will
Okay, the review didn’t suck, you just disagreed with it. Did you
not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the
actually consider the A+ points I made about the failed comedy?
right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.
The lack of chemistry in the romantic relationships? The overstyled costuming? Or did you just see 0/5 and shit your pants? Write me a 250 word review that extensively outlines why the show is “the bombdiggity” and I’ll print it — until then, pipe the
NEXUS SURVEY COMMENTS What other content would you like to see in the magazine? “Sex articles ??????”
fuck down – Editor
TRUANCY; NACHO PROBLEM HUNGRY HIPPO
Gig guide? Is that a thing already? “Awareness of what students can get on the cheap is really good. Perhaps
In reply to your comments about the Mex-i-can food. Keep the tacos
a weekly shopping list for a particular budget would be good. How about
in a back pack, wrap them in tin foil. They will be all good. Again
some articles sometimes like club spotlights that interview people from
backpack for the change. School are for people trying to get a job. If
these clubs and what they can provide for students who are interested.”
your on a bike selling tacos then you have a job. Case solved
“Bring back the bogan dude”
You’re right, any child would be granted an exemption from state mandated education due to being employed as a taco pedaler
“Aunty Slut?” “More information about what is happening on campus, student interviews, that sort of thing”
(see what I did there? Bikes have pedals, a pedaler is someone tryna sell something? Fuck, I’m good) – Editor
“Tinder Profiles” "A guru where students can ask questions and get answers from" “Garfiled”
‘HEATABLE’ STARVING STAG
“Maybe something like asking a question in one issue then putting in the best responses in the week after or something? That'd be a cool way to get students involved, maybe ask over Facebook or in the mag itself”
2
I agree we need cheap tacos on campus, though maybe on something more dry and heatable than a bicycle? But what we need
“More sports news”
more than cheap tacos is cheap dumplings. Mmm dumplings.
“The puzzles page is waaaayyy too repetitive. And the wordfind is crap this
I feel like maybe you’re getting sick of Bongo Sushi. What a
year. Also the crosswords were heaps better last year."
traitor to the sush – Editor
N.14 / V.48
FOOD
News from the University NEXUS MAGAZINE
Science student Freya Robinson has won an Erasmus Mundus scholarship worth
ONYA
GOING PLACES
more than $73,000 to study her masters in Europe.
RAISING THE BAR (L-R) Zachary Katene and Jarom Murphy won the Australian Law Students’ Negotiation Competition in Hobart recently. Amelia
FULBRIGHT FOR FLORIDA
Watson and Jesse Tizard came second in mooting and Talia
Engineering student Harrisson Jull won
Powell and Emma Speakman cam eighth in client interviewing.
a Fulbright Science and Innovation Graduate Award to do his masters in Florida.
STUDYING QUEEN Doctoral student Nick Braae (right) just finished a thesis about the musical MAD FOR MAGNUM
direction of the band Queen. He even
Management student Alex Winiata won an all-expenses-paid trip
met lead-guitarist Brian May (left) as
to Unilever’s head office in Sydney after submitting a winning
part of his research.
video for the Magnum ad competition. Full stories available at waikato.ac.nz/news-events. Got a story to share? Email meganb@waikato.ac.nz.
SUMMER RESEARCH SCHOLARSHIPS
WANTED: CLEVER PEOPLE
TEDxRuakura presents: Morphosis on this
Want a summer job that involves real-
If you’re keen on tech, business,
Saturday 30 July, 10am-6pm, Academy
world research and academic experience?
government or anything in between, here’s
of Performing Arts, Hamilton. Buy your
Check out the $5000 Summer Research
your chance to innovate and create with
tickets for a day of amazing story-telling
Scholarship projects available at waikato.
big data. Register for the annual GovHack
from local heroes, including our own staff
ac.nz/scholarships. Applications close
event on 29-31 July, at the Innovation
and students. Visit tedxruakura.com for
31 August.
Station on campus. Open to students. More info at govhack.org.nz
more info.
WE’RE HERE TO HELP
ARE YOU READY TO VOTE?
ANY SUGGESTIONS?
Our free online career workshops help
Local elections are back and this is your
If you’ve got ideas on how to improve
you create great CVs and cover letters,
chance to have a say about who runs your
the student experience at Waikato — we
improve your networking and personal
local council and shapes your city. To get
want to hear them. Email your suggestions
branding skills and plan your career. We
involved, enrol or update your current
through to suggestions@waikato.ac.nz
also have lots of online resources. Visit
enrolment details online before Friday
waikato.ac.nz/go/careers for more info.
12 August to receive a voting pack in the mail. If you need help or advice, visit elections.org.nz or call 0800 ENROLL.
Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.
NEED TO KNOW
ARE YOU A FAN OF TED?
NEXUS MAGAZINE News
NEWS THE HEART OF THE CAMPUS GRAYSON MASLIN
The University of Waikato is looking into creating a new marae and multicultural
concept brief in a way that the multiple functions of the new complex can co-
complex to replace the old law buildings, having already seen designs from three
exist in a shared space. Easier said than done! Ensuring an inclusive process is
architecture firms. On Wednesday June 21st the architects gave presentations to
an ongoing but necessary challenge, and understanding and navigating the
the people who have the ultimate say on if the project does go ahead: University
diverse perspectives and preferences is a challenge too. The challenge in terms
Council members.
of planning, will be around the timing of the project, and the financial resource
The University is not looking to the Council to make a commitment just yet, but instead consider the possibilities. The project is expected to cost around $60 million. The new multipurpose complex will allow the University to accommodate graduation ceremonies along with other major gatherings such as international conferences and award dinners, some of which are currently held off campus and
required to make it happen. It is a major project and we need to take care around these elementary considerations. Given the prominence of the Māori community on campus how important is a new marae? Firstly, Te Kohinga Mārama (the University marae), has a proud history spanning
will incorporate the marae.
the last 29 years. It has served the University well, however, many students would A spokesperson for the University says, “Supremely placed between Te Manawa
have experienced functions at Te Kohinga Mārama (such as marae graduation),
and Te Piringa, the new marae will be a fully functional university marae located
where the numbers in attendance are such that the marae struggles to cope
in the heart of the campus.”
under the pressure. The importance of a new marae is primarily about enhancing
There is striking juxtaposition between a marae, and a shopping complex. The
our capacity to ‘manaaki’ — to enhance the marae experience for our University
brief outlines the space as multipurpose, also providing shops and cafes.
community of students and staff, and our visitors.
“These conference facilities will need to be able to function as part of the marae
The broader complex is also about providing spaces that enhance the
and also as independent facilities, to cater for multiple and simultaneous uses
University’s ability to host major events and functions, including graduations and
and occasions.”
international conferences, in a way that upholds the mana of the university, our community, and our visitors — local and international.
“It will be an exciting design that signals Waikato’s role as the leading University for Māori leadership, mātauranga Māori and community connectedness.” Nexus sat down with Director of Māori Advancement Joseph Macfarlane, who is coordinating the exploratory phases of the project to discuss what this could mean for students.
How soon after we commit to a design could the project be completed? Not sure. Before committing to a design, we need an approval from Council around the resourcing of the project, and the Vice-Chancellor will need to make a call on the timing of putting forward such a proposal. Hopefully a proposal will be submitted by the end of next year, but we are unsure at this stage, as any
What are some of the challenges associated with this project?
proposal would need to be considered alongside other investment priorities and
The overarching challenge or opportunity is to provide a complex that
fiscal realities of the University. Once Council approval is given, the project would
complements our beautiful campus, and that students, staff and visitors will
take at least three years to complete.
use and enjoy on a daily basis. The central design challenge is to meet the
4
N.14 / V.48
FOOD
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
Also, be clear that the University is not looking to commit to any of the current three design concepts in their current form. The University owns the three design concepts, and therefore we are able to consider the elements we like most about each, and potentially bring these together in a single design that will provide the way forward. Could you tell us more about the steering committee and how prominent a role Tainui and local iwi have played? Engaging the local iwi of Waikato-Tainui, and the Kīngitanga is essential, particularly in relation to the extent that a new University marae is part of the concept. Engagements with the Office of King Tuheitia and with Ngāti Hauā are very positive around this project, and we are in the process of setting up a meeting with Ngāti Wairere to update them on the concept and to seek their feedback also. The University’s senior Māori leadership is second to none, and in the context of this project, the steering committee has supported the Vice-Chancellor to develop the initial concept briefing, to induct the design firms into the concept, and to facilitate engagement, in particular with the Office of King Tuheitia, with Ngāti Haua and Ngāti Wairere. The steering committee also has expertise in capital works projects of this scale and complexity. From this point, the committee will evaluate the concepts, and this evaluation will be submitted for consideration by the Vice-Chancellor, alongside the feedback from students and staff. A primary focus of the panel has been around the challenges presented by the marae dimensions of the concept — to consider the fundamental elements, such as, ‘should we even explore the concept of a marae as part of a multi-purpose complex’, ‘what are the strengths, challenges and opportunities of this particular conceptual framework’, and ‘how well would each of the three concept designs suit the requirements of the University’. Should the project be approved by the University Council, we would need to consider the advisory and evaluation framework to ensure the final design is well informed by the various communities who are intended to benefit from this new facility. One of the things our reporter at the pitch meetings noticed was that sustainability was only mentioned once. How important is it to the project? Good point. Sustainability will be a priority that is properly reflected in any final design concept. How active a role can students play in the process? This project has the University community in mind, students and staff. Students can support phase one right now, by considering the concept designs — which are currently on display in the Student Centre — and by giving their feedback. Should a business case be approved by the University Council, then it would be great to have students involved in the process moving forward. To find out more about each concept you can visit the display in the library foyer or visit the following links to watch short concept videos Students are encouraged to submit their thoughts, clearly indicating which design each part of their feedback relates to, via email at consultation@waikato. ac.nz, or by filling in one of the feedback forms in the Student Centre, before Friday 5th August. Presentation One: http://bit.ly/29Vo9a7 Presentation Two: http://bit.ly/2aaWqQC Presentation Three:http://bit.ly/29NjpSD
5
GETTING TO CAMPUS With the introduction of paid parking the University have encouraged students to walk, bus, bike or carpool to campus. Those of us who were here in A Semester already know the prices — and the consequences for not paying ($50 to remove a clamp) — and have either coughed up, or got our walking shoes out.
WHERE TO PARK AND HOW TO PAY
For those of us new to campus, here’s a guide to the parking rates and times:
2. Go to the nearest silver payment machine:
a) Enter your licence plate number
PARKING RATES AND TIMES
b) Select tariff option (day, week, semester)
c) Enter your student ID number (for semester rate only)
Hamilton Campus
d) Select payment method. Machines are either:
Monday – Friday, 8.30am – 4.30pm (except public holidays) General Parking (Students, Public and Staff) One day (24 hours)
$2
One week (seven consecutive days)
$6
1. Find a park in any of the general parking areas in Gates 1, 2A, 2B, 3A, 3B or 10. Do not park in any numbered or named spots because these are reserved and may result in being clamped and fined.
eftpos + credit/debit/Paywave, or
coin + credit/debit/Paywave
3. A receipt is available on request, but thanks to the Pay-by-Plate system, you don’t need to display it on your dash.
Student A & B Semester Concessions* One semester (purchased at machine)
$60
Halls of Residence Student Permits (See your Hall Manager) One semester Halls of Residence permit*
$60
One year Halls of Residence permit
$120
*B Sem: Monday 4th July, Friday 4th November
GET MORE INFO Visit www.waikato.ac.nz/fmd/getting-to-campus for all the information and FAQs on parking. Call 07 838 4444 or email paidparking@waikato. ac.nz if you have questions not covered in the FAQs.
ZONE SPORTS BAR, LEVEL 2, SKYCITY HAMILTON, 346 VICTORIA STREET. www.facebook.com/ZoneSKYCITYHAMILTON Zone Sports Bar is a supervised area. Offers are subject to availability and not available in conjunction with any other offer. R18 for the service of alcohol. Host Responsibility limits apply. Promotion runs every Tuesday until further notice. *Entry details and full terms and conditions are available on-site. R18 to enter.
News NEXUS MAGAZINE
SPORTS OPINION A ROSE BETWEEN FOUR KNICKS TOM COLLOPY
The New York Knicks will look to make the playoffs for the first time in four seasons heading into the 2016/17 NBA season. Phil Jackson and the Knicks front office
SPORTS OPINION TITLES MAKE THE MAN FREDDY WALKER
have made some significant moves this off season to construct a team that looks likely to achieve this. The first trade they made was for Derrick Rose, Justin Holiday and a future second
The regular season of Super Rugby is over and that means it’s
round pick. This to me was a great value trade for the Knicks, they received a
time to sit down and reflect on who was hot and who was not.
former Rookie of the Year and MVP in Derrick Rose and Justin Holiday who was
It also marked the end for a number of players, some going
a part of the GSW 2014/2015 championship winning team. We saw glimpses of
overseas and some ending their career. More than just the
Derrick returning to form last season and I think with a solid off season and a fresh
players, it marked the end for Crusaders coach, Todd Blackadder.
start in NY he can return to being an elite player in the NBA. Justin comes in as a solid rotational player who can come off the bench and inject offense into the second unit.
I read an article the other day stating that Blackadder has been a successful coach for the Crusaders, based on winning percentages and points scored vs conceded. I completely
Once traded Derrick was very vocal on his interest in Joakim Noah coming to the
disagree. The hallmark of a great coach is to win titles, and
Knicks after being teammates for six seasons in Chicago. Growing up in New York,
anything else just isn’t good enough especially at a franchise as
it is a homecoming of sorts for Joakim after signing a four year contract. He is
successful as the Crusaders have been since the birth of Super
coming off an injury plagued season in which he played only 29 games but says
Rugby. To win no titles in eight years in charge is just not good
he’s feeling strong and healthy. Joakim is a beast on the boards and a former
enough. You can look at winning percentages all you like but
DPOY, he is also one of the best passing big men in the league. Last of all is the
nobody remembers who finished anywhere other than with the
energy Joakim brings on the court every night which is contagious, he will be a
title in the locker.
beast in the East once again.
The Crusaders are a team I personally love to hate and I think
They have also acquired Courtney Lee who is a three and D guy who plays shooting
most rugby watchers that aren’t from Christchurch will agree
guard. He can take the pressure of Derrick Rose on the defensive end by defending
with me there. But to see a team that is literally packed with
the best opposition guard and can add three point shooting to the starting line-up.
All Blacks year in and year out not win a title for a stretch as
The last of the major acquisitions was Brandon Jennings as a backup PG who can
long as Blackadder’s reign has been is ludicrous. How he has
inject a massive burst of energy off the bench, he truly believes if he can stay injury
remained in the coaching role is anyone’s guess, but it probably
free he can be in contention for 6th man of the year come seasons end.
has something to do with the fact that he is a Canterbury man
Adding these guys to a team with an elite player in Carmelo Anthony, an exciting,
through and through and played for the franchise for so long.
young big man in Kristaps Porzingis and a deep bench with guys such as Kyle
Even a title this year would not be enough for me to say his
O’Quinn and Lance Thomas this team looks incredible on paper. The starting line-
tenure has been a success. Todd Blackadder should go down as
up especially has a group of guys with diverse skill sets that fit well together. I
a coach who just wasn’t and isn’t quite up to it. At least not for a
believe they can be a 50+ win team who can make a deep run in the playoffs if
team that expects to win titles. But hey, who really cares about
they can stay healthy.
the Crusaders anyway? Go the Canes. 7
EXPERIENCE A NEW VISION FOR CAMPUS
In a few weeks our directors and staff will be running around campus sharing our
surveys, feedback and interviews to assess the views of the campus. We have
new vision with you. It is both a labour of love and a culmination of many years
met with staff and students from associations all around the country including
of hard work from successive boards of directors.
Canterbury, Otago Wellington and Auckland and we have tried to forecast
Instead of our usual surveys and web posts we thought we would craft a document that spells out everything we already believe about students and the Students’ Union and then get your views on that. We believe the Students’ Union can play a more active role moving forward as we work with the University to
initiatives that might work by researching similar plans and implementation in the United Kingdom and United States of America. All of this led to the deconstruction of what we are as an organisation and a long look at where you want us to head.
develop a campus we can all be proud of with the facilities and services we feel
We strongly believe in the comprehensive vision we have developed but we are
can be the best in the country.
also aware that it is a long road ahead and that the document is only the starting
Our document isn’t just the Students’ Union dream journal full of ideas we want to talk about for the next ten years. Instead it is a clear vision and direction of
point. We will be asking you to read this document and really tell us what you think. Are we going in the right direction? Does this excite you?
some of the services and facilities we believe are important to you and we feel
In the coming weeks we will be holding interviews and discussion forums with
we are the best people to help deliver them.
our network of clubs, students and other key stakeholders. Our directors and
The Waikato Students’ Union is setting out an agenda that allows students to lead the conversation about the student experience and what is important to you. We feel that it is the right vision at the perfect time for a University that shares our ambition to be the best. This isn’t simply about a bar, a bakery, or getting the Broods to play Orientation
staff will rotate through Level Zero and we will be setting up the consultation space of our website (wsu.org.nz/consultation). So thank you again for reading and we look forward to engaging with you in the coming weeks as we build our strategic plan. On behalf of the WSU Board of Directors 2016,
but the notion that the University of Waikato should be more than simply getting pass or fail grades. The campus should be about creating relationships and friendships that will last a lifetime, developing new interests and feeling at home in the environment you will spend the next few years of your life in. Of course it can be all of that and still be about the bakery and the bar too. This vision is also something that hasn’t happened over night. Over the last six months the board and staff of the WSU have thoroughly researched previous
Indula Jayasundara President
William Lewis Vice-President
Hana-Te Kowhai Ohia Vice-President Māori
VO LU M E O N CA M P U S A N D F I R E A N D F LOW P R E S E N T
DIRECTOR BIO TROY ANDERSON She’s going to be a cracker of a year here at Waikato. I like to think that ORI2016 has got all the non-participants thinking “I definitely missed out”. We’ve got an excellent team on the board this year and we’re super keen to get the ball rolling. As a director I’ll be taking care of the ‘Student Safety and Campus Issues’ portfolio. Safety, I’m all over that shit. I once considered putting safety glasses on when attempting to launch an untested homemade rocket. Needless to say, it went off without a hitch. This is likely due to being probably one of the best engineering students Waikato has to offer. Also Emma Nygard, check your stranger danger, if a suss looking dude
s F ir e D a n c e r L iv e B a n d s O p e n M ic Food
Cowshed h July F r id a y 2 9t a t e l F r o m 12 p m -
calls your name out in the middle of the night, it’s probably not the best idea to run towards them saying “oh my god that’s me!”
D N A S T PIN L I T I C S PO WITH
E ROCHE
P DENIS GREEN M
Join Green Party MP Denise Roche for a casual evening of political banter, craft beer, and a chat about the issues that matter to you 7PM-9PM, WEDS 27 JULY 2016 HOUSE ON HOOD, 27 HOOD STREET
Authorised by Denise Roche, Parliament Buildings, Wellington
ISLAM AND CULTURE
WEDNESDAY 27TH JU LY | 1PM-3PM VILLAGE GREEN, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO
ISLAM AND ART
THU RSDAY 28TH JU LY | 11AM-2PM L2 LIB RARY, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO
BRING A FRIEND TO JUMA
FRIDAY 29 TH JU LY | 12. 30PM SUB B UILD ING, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO
NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment
PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME
HOTTEST TO THE NOTTEST
“Starting a story with “I had the craziest dream last night” is a great way to tell me it's cool to immediately tune out.” – Jessica Biel has no time for your shit.
• Waking up after a night out with your Eftpos and I.D. • Not boring people with your knowledge of the Taylor Swift/Kim K/Twitter beef
“Nothing better than sharing a drink with a fan - if you see me out at the club, just tell the bartender to put it on my tab.” – Yes. Betty White is on Twitter and wants to shout you free booze.
• Having interesting topics of conversation • Hemsworth Brothers • Playing hits from early 2000’s emo bands at your pre-drinks
“Everyone confuses a muscle spasm for a burst appendix and passes out on the bathroom floor at 4am, right?”
• Plagiarising your political speeches
– Kat Dennings discusses hypochondria.
• Falling asleep in lectures and
from Michelle Obama/Rick Astley • Eating your flatmate’s leftover garlic bread
accidentally dribbling on your notes
“He will never, ever, give up. And, most importantly, he will never, ever, let you down.”
• Nearly stapling your fingers with the lethal stapler at FIC • Stairs
– Melania Trump Rick Rolls us in her speeches.
BEST OF THE WEB SUBREDDITS
/R/TREES HOME OF THE ENTS
/R/EXPLAINLIKEIMFIVE EXPLAIN LIKE I'M FIVE
/R/SHOWERTHOUGHTS SHOWER THOUGHTS
/R/ODDLYSATISFYING ODDLY SATISFYING
A self professed “Home of the Ents”
A place where people ask really
Have you ever stood in the shower
A place where people share things
where stoners come to play. People
scientific/difficult questions and really
and contemplated life, death and
that are… oddly satisfying. Full of gifs
share funny anecdotes, helpful tips,
sciencey/clever people answer them
potato chips? Well good news is, you
and videos of things that will, you
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as if they were speaking to a 5 year
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guessed it, leave you feeling oddly
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Shower thoughts is a place where
satisfied
of the wacky tobaccy.
things to impress/bore your romantic
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interests.
truth nuggets that you wish you could
many more times can I say satisfying?
write on your PHIL103 essay.
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N.14 / V.48
FOOD
and
sometimes
slightly
JASE & PJ
WEEKDAYS 3 -7PM ZMONLINE.COM
NEXUS MAGAZINE
BOOK ORYX AND CRAKE BY MARGARET ATWOOD HOLLY MCLEOD
Margaret Atwood is an author for people who actually have time to sit down and concentrate on a book, so it is a great book to read while putting off that essay you were supposed to hand in yesterday. It follows a guy called Snowman through two parallel narratives, boyhood and present day. The small wants of his pre-disaster life and the extreme loneliness of
MUSIC EVERY ORCHID OFFERING BY ANDREW KEOGHAN LYAM BUCHANAN
his post-disaster existence are powerfully conveyed in a futuristic world of genesplicing, instant-gratification, and cheap-thrills. The setting and events of the story are satirically extrapolated by Atwood from some of the popular trends of today, mainly in the form of human hubris, specifically, the temptation to play God which is developing from our unfolding knowledge of genetics and bio-technology. Unfortunately Atwood has lost a grip on her character development for the sake of
New Zealand doesn’t have the best track record with singer-
the plot and characters are often used to push the story forward without showing
songwriters. We've got artists such as Jamie McDell for the
any depth or reasoning which would add a layer of feeling that this novel is
audibly challenged and Tiki Taane to fill in sets at any winery
currently lacking. Despite this, Atwood’s writing is dark, dry, and witty, yet chilling
tour he can sneak into. Luckily we also have Andrew Keoghan. In
because of the reflection the story casts on our own world.
2011 he was making his mark with his album Arctic Tales Divide which put him as a finalist for the Taite Prize and winner of the New Zealand Herald’s local album of the year. After a long five
So if you feel like reading a book on the fall of mankind that will make your head ache a bit, I suggest this one.
years he’s back to quench the thirst of the critics with his new album Every Orchid Offering. ‘Stuck in Melodies’ is one of Keoghan’s new tracks which has already made it’s way to YouTube. This takes the idea of conversation within a song, which Gotye made his name with in 2011, and feeds off the detachment you create when portraying communication in music. Andrew takes this idea and creates something so soft and reserved, it’s not only the vocals which show this but every element of the instruments carry the same
FILM GHOSTBUSTERS JARED WOOLDRIDGE
reserved sound. The music video is the perfect accompaniment, it shows a
After many months, the dreaded Ghostbusters reboot, scourge of Western
pastel paradise with heavily disconnected interactions. The way
civilisation, has finally landed. It’s here, and it’s kind of disappointing. Not the
Andrew and his feature artist Claire are shown as vacant shells
movie itself, which is better-than-expected, admittedly, but the fact that the Earth
sits perfectly with the theme of this piece
has not been swallowed up whole and devoured by Satan. After all the mean
‘Queues At Dani Keys’ is another track which has been released prior to the full album. This takes a completely different direction
things said on the internet, we are finally graced with a film that, while flawed, is still actually quite good. Take that, internet.
to ‘Stuck in Melodies’ but continues to show how he doesn’t
So, the people you’re gonna call here are Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Leslie
simply sit within the singer-songwriter genre. I was never a heavy
Jones and Kate McKinnon. Say hello to your new Ghostbusters. Laughed at by
Bowie listener but to me this piece seems like he’s reimagined
society, they bust ghosts for a living in New York. Like the original, they have to
Bowie's sound from 1977 and made it his own. I absolutely love
catch these pesky ghosts, while fighting a system that thinks ghosts aren’t real,
the videography, he has the same abstract vibe as the previously
and some crazy dude is attempting to bring about a ghostly apocalypse.
mentioned track but the retro pop design and the overall style is incredibly fitting.
It’s good stuff, and the comedy early on is solid-enough with this cast, even though Chris Hemsworth pops up to steal the show from everybody (who ever
This album was meticulously crafted during two months of
thought Kim would break it this big?). As the CGI-heavy action ramps up though,
isolation in Piha. It has been described as “a series of personal
the laughs do dry up a bit, but it’s still good fun. Mind you, the film isn’t helped
vignettes about transience, sexuality, conceived gender roles,
by the fact that it does struggle to be its own thing, instead stuck between the
commitment, lust and modern reincarnation”. If this is the sound
original and something new, but it's still a fresh reboot for the franchise, one that
you’ve been looking for then keep an ear out for the official
succeeds for the most part in spite of the haters. If only Fall Out Boy hadn’t have
release of Every Orchid Offering on the 29th of July.
sung the theme song though.
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Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE
YOUTUBER BEN PHILLIPS (COMEDIAN) RORY DAVIS
With over eight million Facebook followers and over one million YouTube subscribers the guy has got to be doing something right, and he is. For those of you that haven’t heard of the comedic legend that is Ben Phillips he is a 23 year old Wales based comedian who regularly posts videos of himself pulling pranks on his poor friend Elliot. Admittedly you do sometimes wonder just how staged the pranks, but Elliot’s reactions are the content’s comedic brilliance. Arguably the thing that separates this Facebook page / YouTube channel from others alike is the fact that the pranks being pulled are unlike any that have been seen before. Of course there is still the odd exploding cake now and again, but for the most part Phillips and his team manage to continually create content that is both entertaining and original. Perhaps the biggest asset to Phillips and his channel, however, resides in the poor unfortunate soul that is Elliot Giles (aka the victim). Whether Giles is being electrocuted, locked in a port-a-loo (whilst floating down a river) or kidnaped, his reactions are always priceless and are without doubt one of the biggest selling points (if not the biggest selling point) of the channel / page.
FILM MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES RORY DAVIS
If you’re the kind of person that would rather spend a Friday
FOOD HAYES COMMON
night watching Metropolis than The Hangover chances are
LYAM BUCHANAN
this film isn’t for you. That being said if you are looking for an easy and entertaining film to watch then Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates might just be worth a watch. The film stars Adam Devine, Zac Efron, Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza and while the film’s storyline is beyond simple
This is the neighbourhood eatery with nothing to hide, on entry it’s immediately somewhere you want to be. The combination of the mellow guests, the comfortable yet chic interior and the lovely staff provide this restaurant with the perfect vibe.
(even predictable at times) the chemistry between the cast
I’m convinced the staff could read my mind. Admittedly I’m not overly cultured
elevates it above others of its genre. While watching you
when it comes to dining out and this mastermind of a chef could smell the fear
genuinely think that Devine and Efron could be brothers.
on me. I was in his territory, I was his prey. Every component of each meal was
Although it is easy to envision Plaza as a loose bogan,
made from scratch; each sauce was the result of homemade rituals, each texture
most of us would struggle to imagine Kendrick in that role.
was a signature which could never be recreated. I guess it would be fair to say
Surprisingly Kendrick’s performance is one of the strongest
we were impressed.
ones to come out of the film. While this performance might not gain Kendrick any new fans it is nice to see her succeed in a role that many would assume to be outside of her comfort zone. Admittedly the film does push some jokes too far and occasionally crosses the line between what is believable and
Two of the standouts would be the calamari dish and the desert. Each texture was how it should be, if something was meant to be crunchy it had a proper crunch. Everything had a balance, the rich warm pudding was perfectly complimented by the chilled sour sorbet and the crisp calamari sat so well with it’s musky sauce.
what is not, but other than that there isn’t really too much to
The wait staff weren’t there to make money off you, they were able to hold
complain about.
conversation and make legitimate recommendations based on their personal
Although the film doesn’t break any new ground it does succeed at what a film of this genre should, it will make you laugh. If you are looking for an easy and entertaining film to watch then definitely check this film out.
tastes. They knew my expertise didn’t get much more gourmet than a chilled Double Brown, maybe the man bun gave it away, but everything they brought to the table definitely satisfied my weathered taste buds. Don’t bother with the overhyped hustle of Victoria St, turn right at KFC on Grey St and head towards the river. In less than a minute you’ll be graced with the succulent goodness of Hayes Common. 13
COVERED ALIX HIGBY Age: 25 Occupation: Digital & Social Media Coordinator in the beauty industry Describe your Instagram style in 3 words Curated. Savagely captioned. Describe your fashion style in 3 words Homeless Olivia Palermo. Favourite meal of the day? Waffles (All meals, all day — Leslie knows) You’re a GF vegan, what’s the most tedious joke you get about your diet? That I’m a self-absorbed, narcissistic asshole (psych, it’s all true). Where can people find you online? @alixhigby on IG but @alix.higby on snap, which in hindsight was poor self-marketing. Fuck, marry, kill – Gordon Ramsay, Nigella Lawson, Annabel Langbein? Fuck – Nigella (obvs.) Marry – Gordan (for the heated marital squabbles) Kill – Annabel (Not into blondes)
Arts NEXUS MAGAZINE
ARTS ABIGAIL JENSEN 'CREEP' PETER DORNAUF
Black, for some reason, is New Zealand’s favourite colour.
of paint handling which is a delight to behold. Innocence
The All Blacks, Black Caps, Black Sox, et al. attest to this
meets experience in this piece since the banana comes with
predilection. Is there some noir social/psychological
the standard sexual connotations. Oh the ironies. The fact
underpinnings to all of this? Is it something to do with being
that the work is painted on a clear plastic sheet, adds to its
so far away geographically from the centre of things or is
feral quality, providing extra kick to the ambiguities that are
there some deep puritanical inheritance factor working
amusingly played with here.
here that reaches back to our pioneer heritage associated with fear of the unknown? Our most celebrated and famous
Her much smaller works on paper (black ink), in a series
artist, Colin McCahon made black his signature tune. It was
deliciously called ‘Feelings’, continue the same kick-arse
often invoked in his paintings in juxtaposed association
comic tone. One of them depicts in graphic illustration a
with its opposite, white, calling on the ubiquitous light/dark
pair of disembodied eyes and mouth accompanied with a
symbolism of life and death forces. All very biblical.
text that reads: “Do you know this asshole will grab your ass, spike your drink and pretend to look after you.”
At Skinroom Gallery in Frankton, local artist, Abigail Jensen
AUTEUR IRANIAN CINEMA RICHARD SWAINSON
has also appropriated black as her predominant colour
A second work contains four stylized vulva shapes with
in her paintings in a show suggestively called, Creep. But
the text “Just fuck it”. These are attended by a crowd of
contra wise, her works come with an upbeat, quirky and
tally marks (hash marks) no doubt for keeping score. The
sometimes humorous lilt to them. One of my favourites
text includes two ticks that allude to the Nike symbol.
in the show is a piece entitled ‘B is for banana’, painted
This is clever, funny and amusingly critical all in the same
on a large sheet of plastic. It’s a gusty work, full of grunt,
breath. A third work from the same series, called ‘Rub me
splash and dash, raw, graphic, full of energy with a touch of
sideways’, contains the merest suggestion of a figure lying
foreboding mystery. But what it is, is simply imagery taken
down surrounded by a collection of notations and marks —
from or inspired by an early child’s reader; A is for apple
zig-zags, dots, hatchings, that in context work as a kind of
etc. For all its rough brutality, it contains a sophistication
seismic register of events. Great show!
On July 4th one of the greatest ever filmmakers died. Abbas
similarities to the director's early children's movies, in that
Kiarostami is perhaps no household name in New Zealand
it is set partially in a classroom and has a schoolboy as a
but he was a giant of Iranian and world cinema. Kiarostami's
protagonist. The story is deceptively simple, involving the
43 year career had many facets and phases, from
boy's determined efforts to return a homework book to a
children's movies to shorts and relatively straightforward
friend despite the indifference of the adults around him.
documentaries to more subtle and sly narratives and
The second film, Life and Nothing More... (1990) is far more
outright, almost abstract art films. Above all he was a
complex. Returning to the location of Where is the Friend's
humanist, eschewing the overt political content seen in the
Home? three years after an earthquake has devastated the
work of his contemporaries and protégées, a man who made
region, Kiarostami has an actor play a fictionalised version
profoundly conceived and meditative dramas about what it
of himself. The director's real life concern for the fate of
is to be a human being.
his cast and crew from the earlier film forms the basis of a
Kiarostami's films often had a matter-of-fact surface level. He regularly employed non-professional actors or cast people to play themselves and the stories being told could seem nothing more than a slice of life. He had a fascination with roads and motor vehicles and frequently shot long sequences from within moving cars, exploring the idea of how the internal world of the vehicle related to the environment it was traversing.
sophisticated docudrama where the line between actuality and recreation is deliberately blurred. This process becomes even more beguiling in Through the Olive Trees (1994), which is set during the production of Life and Nothing More..., telling the story of an actor from that film and his attempts to propose to a girl. Kiarostami has another actor play yet another fictionalised version of himself. Despite this almost playful breaking of the fourth wall the wouldbe romance has a quiet power and desperation to it. The
I particularly recommend Kiarostami’s Koker trilogy.
final, ambiguous long shot which ends the film is a defining
The first film, Where is the Friend's Home? (1987), has
moment in modern cinema.
15
WHAT THE WSU’S NEW VISION SAYS ABOUT FOOD ON CAMPUS BETTER PLACES TO PLAY Developing the Student Experience Precinct around the area currently comprised of the Student Union Building (SUB), Oranga, the Cowshed and the Uni Rec Centre would create a focal point for students on campus. While we would use some of the spaces to develop and enhance our current offerings one of our more important goals would be creating new student experience spaces. These new spaces could include: • Tables with built in charge stations and cabling • Bean bags • X-box, Sky Sports • A bakery
FEATURE CHEAP FOOD ON CAMPUS, DREAM OR REALITY? JAMES RAFFAN, BRITTANY ROSE, LYAM BUCHANAN, BRONWYN LAUNDRY
• A fish and chip shop • A Starbucks • Chinese food • Weekly pop-up retail (PB Tech / Noel Leemings etc.) • Student innovation and philanthropic spaces • A mixed grill / cafe breakfast • Nexus Media Hub • At least one retailer who largely provides vegan and vegetarian options. The key feature to the Student Experience Precinct will host a thousand standing
Starting this week (as teased in the CARE spread — p. 8-9) the Waikato Students’ Union will be releasing their new document ominously titled A New Vision for Campus. Check it out, trust us it’s more worthwhile reading than that chapter on experimental approaches to genetics in 1843.
configurable events space, bookable venue, and bar. It will be the home for ORI and REO and save significant amounts on infrastructure and security while allowing for regular small gigs and sports viewing events. START MAKING FOOD CHEAPER The WSU remains committed to the notion of cheaper and more varied food
To us, this document reads as a collection of common sense
options on campus. However we also know every WSU board has said they want
things your board has put together after decades of surveys
cheaper food and it hasn’t yet happened. We are proposing FOUR things that we
telling them the same story over and over again. It is your
want to get started on:
voice on campus reflecting the thoughts you already have and
• Soup and Sandwich These could be made by clubs with profits going
making an impassioned plea to get behind them and support what they are trying to do. The WSU doesn’t normally leak this stuff in advance but since this is the Food Issue we asked them really nicely to let us have the food related part. The hope was that you will write shitloads of Lettuce or comment on Facebook with important information like “Fuck Starbucks just give me the bakery
directly to clubs and the WSU. Cheap sandwiches made to order. • A New Cafe Providing cheap food and coffee around campus with a local entrepreneur. • Frozen Meals $6 mac and cheese or others with $1 going back to the WSU. • Cheap Wednesdays A set menu including some vegan and vegetarian options — these are pre-packaged meals prepared once a week.
already,” or, “If you are building a pub it better have a fuckin’
All of these options can be planned and most trialed in B Semester. On top of
Wongs Chicken” which were both bits of feedback from the
that we will be working with Domino’s to create a couple of special “Domino’s
last survey.
Hot Box Days” getting you $6 pizzas on campus.
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
THE NEXUS PERSPECTIVE THE QUESTIONS In essence the most important line in the food section could be “we also know
James: Good because I was starting to get worried the only good thing that
every WSU board has said they want cheaper food and it hasn’t happened yet.”
Nexus could come up with were a bar and a laundromat.
There are plenty of places to buy food on campus, and it’s not that the prices are
Bronwyn: A cafeteria style vibe could be cool.
exorbitant, it’s that students are broke. Realistically even five bucks on food per day doesn’t factor into a student budget. The University staff who earn enough to feed themselves three times daily probably keep the vendors going, not the
Brittany: Have a total Mean Girls vibe — you could hang out with your clique on campus. So fetch.
students shelling out an hour’s wage for Pita Pit. The main question is: are any of
Bronwyn: I'd prefer to leave campus than sell my left kidney to afford lunch here,
the food options actually ‘student’ enough?
but I can’t be bothered leaving to be honest and packed lunch is no fun. Part of
The other problem is supply and demand as any good economics teacher or drug dealer will tell you. Would you be willing to pay for food if you knew the profit was going back to the Students’ Union? Back into clubs themselves?
adulthood is not having to make PB & J sandwiches, right? So the food thing definitely needs an update. I really like the idea of student pop up shops and attempts at sustainability. Brittany: Plus, if you leave you jeopardize losing the carpark you’ve already paid
THE NEXUS PLAN
for. I probably spend the same per day for food on-campus as I would if I were
We thought the smartest way to kick off this discussion was to have Brittany,
working in a mall again, which is absurd. Food just costs SO MUCH, and I’m way
Bronwyn and a slightly intoxicated 2am Facebook messenger version of Lyam
too busy (read: bad at mornings) to pack lunch, remember to actually take it and
talk to James about ideas we had...
then carry my lunchbox around all day. It is a cute lunchbox though.
Bronwyn: I'm a huge advocate for having a bar (not just because I'm a mildly
Bronwyn: As a vegetarian I am contractually obliged to tell everyone I come in
functioning alcoholic) and some more common ground would definitely promote
contact with that I am vegetarian and therefore would appreciate the shit out of
culture and involvement. When I worked in England I lived next to a collegiate Uni
some more vege options on campus. Did I mention I’m a vegetarian?
and they have college bars with dirt cheap drinks that got great crowds.
Brittany: Often the salads at the not-Momento cafe are pretty vege friendly -—
Lyam: If we had a bar which competed with the legacy that Shadows holds we
they’re not overpriced for salads, but they’re way more expensive than making
might actually get a few more students backing events and legitimate feedback
your own.
for lettuce. James: A few years ago we (the WSU) hosted stuff for the international students that was basically come and have breakfast at 6am and watch the football. If we did that again, plus had gigs we would be doing well. Brittany: Except fuck football. And while I’m being negative, fuck Starbucks. The coffee is worse than Momento’s grainy excuse for a latte. Bronwyn: But Starbucks is like, so totally cute and Instagrammable. Yasssss. Lyam: One thing that would genuinely help so many students would be a
Brittany: WHAT IF THERE WERE BIG ASS FRUIT TREES ALL OVER CAMPUS!? Free feijoas, free mandarins. Bronwyn: As for supply and demand, I’d probably be more willing to give my money to a food place if I knew it was going to be redistributed to clubs and student organisations rather than going towards big businesses. FUCK THE MAN. Brittany: At the same time though, I’m not really gonna give a care where the money goes if the food tastes good and is cheaper than the other on campus options.
fucking laundromat. Goddamn that would be perfect. The halls have $1 dryers
Lyam: You know when you see those little donation boxes and you chuck your
and washing machines which made the ridiculous rent worthwhile. If there was a
small change in but you don’t actually care where it goes? I think it will end up
space which could allow students to wash and dry their clothes which was open
with students not really caring where the money goes because all they’re getting
fairly late it would definitely generate business.
out of it is food. The $1 ‘donation’ is more of a feel good thing than anything.
James: So a bar, and a laundromat?
Brittany: Ultimately I think the document has some awesome ideas in it, and
Lyam: Throw in some cheap shit like chips with butter chicken sauce, just any food which doesn’t cost $20 for a small lunch would be rather splendid.
there’s some stuff that would really help students in the future. But it’s definitely a case of I’ll believe it when I see it!
17
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
FEATURE A VEGAN RANTS ADELAIDE ROZA-MARIE
the air pockets in the soil) which makes the ground less able to sustain life (e.g. crops and grass). • As for water, it’s not looking great either. In the time period between 1990 and 2012, there has been a 29% increase in nitrogen leaking into the soil (and from there, into rivers) from agriculture, which is mostly due to an increase in dairy cows. When this gets into water, it provides excess nutrients. Whilst the word ‘nutrients’ does sound like it’s good thing, when found in excess within bodies
How do you know Adelaide Roza-Marie is a vegan? She’ll write a Nexus
of water it is NOT a good thing. It causes algae to flourish in over capacity.
feature about it. She’ll also deliver a well researched argument (honestly,
Algae is good but when it dies it consumes the dissolved oxygen in the water,
she referenced about 10 academic sources including the United Nations and
if there is too much algae in the water it can literally suck the life out of the
Statistics New Zealand) and critique the farming industry for more reasons
water and the creatures that call it home. That’s right, water can die too.
than animal welfare. Adelaide Roza-Marie presents an argument for veganism driven by the acknowledgement of animal agriculture as a threat to our
“OH, BUT SOY”
environment, read on if you like Earth.
Let’s address a counter argument, horticulture is not all that great either. One I have heard in response to facts on the impact of animal agriculture is “oh but
When I meet someone new, veganism will come up. Despite stereotypes about vegans shoving their ideology down everyone’s throat, ‘the talk’ is often initiated by the non-vegan, usually when they realise you aren’t eating the same meal as they are. Conversations about my veganism almost always have the same simple structure: 1. People often ask my perspective on the ethical question, “Under what circumstance it is morally justifiable to kill and/or eat an animal?” (stranded on an island with no option but to eat a cow seems to be a favourite hypothetical). 2. Somewhere in the middle the medical pros and cons of veganism tend to come up. 3. People are often surprised to find that there are environmental reasons behind my veganism. This, I think, is a manifestation of the wider issue being that whilst we are finally becoming more aware of climate change and environmental degradation, we almost completely neglect the impact of animal agriculture.
soy”, which is the most environmentally unfriendly crop. I love vanilla soy milk, I could live off the stuff (well, probably only until it induced a diabetic coma) but for this I have been called a “shitty vegan”. Current practices used to grow soy are extremely detrimental to the environment (deforestation is one prominent concern as is the same nitrogen runoff into waterways), so yes, I should probably cut soy out of my diet. The irony, however, is only 6% of soybeans are made directly into human food (soy milk, tofu, etc.) whilst 75% is made into feed for farmed animals. “You eat soy and I eat meat, so we’re even” is a terrible argument. It is important to recognise the various sectors of the food industry that affect the environment, yet it is also important to recognise the relative impact each sector has. Whilst soy is not great, vegans are not destroying the planet because of tofu. Glorious vanilla soy milk is not an excuse to ignore the overshadowing issues caused by the meat and dairy industries. SAVE THE PLANET? Now that we have cleared that up, let us not dwell in sorrow about the crappy
THE STATS
things we do to our planet, let’s move forward and be motivated to fix it! Solutions
• Globally, approximately 18% of greenhouse gas emissions are caused by
to the environmental impacts of the meat and dairy industry that are sometimes
animal agriculture. To put this in perspective, this is more than the combined
presented are ‘we need to change this, that, or the other practice within the
exhaust from all types of transportation.
sector’, which will ultimately be ineffective. Will it decrease the environmental
• When breaking this down into types of greenhouse gas, that stat gets worse. 35% of methane emissions and 65% of nitrous oxide emissions are caused by livestock.
impact? Sure. Will it decrease it enough, considering both the quantity of animal products consumed and the growing demand? Absolutely not! Whilst I do have a conflict of interest (as I would love to convert you all to veganism
• Fun fact: on a 20-year time frame, methane (caused partly by livestock) has
due also to my ethical perspective on the status of animals as autonomous,
the global warming potential 86 times that of carbon dioxide. Oh, and let’s
sentient beings), from a purely utilitarian environmentalist perspective it is
not forget nitrous oxide (caused largely by livestock), which stays in the
necessary, in order to save our planet, that we stop — or at very least significantly
atmosphere for 150 years and has the global warming potential 296 times
cut down — the consumption of animal products.
that of carbon dioxide!
Of course veganism has the most environmental benefits (e.g. cutting your
• 91% of deforestation in the Amazon is due to animal agriculture.
carbon footprint in half) but this is quite an extreme transition for most
• The leading cause of species extinction is animal agriculture.
people. There are other good options to reduce the detrimental effects to the
• The leading cause of water pollution is animal agriculture.
environment just through changing the way you eat. Maybe instead of riding your bicycle in the rain to get to uni every day you consider to stop eating cows.
• And the leading cause of habitat destruction is, you guessed it, animal agriculture.
Okay sure you can do this as well but giving up beef alone reduces your carbon
• This isn’t a problem ‘out there’, it’s a problem here too. Of the 40 developing
footprint more than giving up cars.
countries measured in 2011, we rank the 5th highest in emissions per capita.
Demitarianism has great potential as well. A demitarian is someone who
• The largest producer of greenhouse gas emissions in New Zealand is
consciously (for environmental reasons) halves their consumption of animal
agriculture, accounting for 48%. Of this, methane from cattle and sheep is
products. If everyone in the west were to half their consumption of meat, dairy
the biggest culprit.
and eggs it would lower agricultural greenhouse gas emissions by 25-40% and
• Land compaction is also occurring, a lot. It is estimated that over 50% of soil under dry stock and 80% under dairy farms is being compressed (reducing
nitrogen pollution would drop 40%. Vegan rant over. 19
Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE
FEATURE WAITERS GONNA WAIT ONYX LILY
Dining at fancy restaurants is not really the student lifestyle — leaning against
One way to avoid the temptation of overdoing it on restaurant food is to see
the bar at Outback sucking dregs of Sambuca through a straw after singeing
what it looks like in reverse. I was on lunch duty one day, when the duty manager
your eyebrows on the alluring blue flame of a backdraught is probably more
came in from the balcony and said, more sharply than usual, “Can you go and
familiar. What’s even more common in students’ culinary lives is serving, rather
clear Table One please?” I shrugged and headed out, even though it was part of
ordering food. Onyx Lily offers the four commandments of working hospo.
his section, but he stopped me, saying “Ok, I have to tell you before you get out there. One of them has thrown up on her plate.” I managed to cover the offending
I was not a good waitress. But of all the areas I’ve worked in (retail, entertainment, education, administration…), my three months in hospo had the most highs, the most lows, and taught me the most about humanity in all its beauty and ugliness.
plate with a napkin, stack it under another plate, and held my breath until I got to the kitchen and could rinse the plate, but I was never tempted to order the frittata again, that’s for sure. Luckily the girl’s father tipped well.
Rather than conscription into the defence forces like some countries have, I think
Even worse than removing a plate full of vomit was bringing out a plate
that everyone in New Zealand should be required to spend a year working in hospo
containing blue steak or oysters Kilpatrick. I swear people only ever ordered
(or retail), so they would learn how NOT to talk to other people, especially people
those things to try to impress the person they were dining with, because I can’t
who are just trying to do their job, and the world would be a much nicer place.
see how eating basically raw meat or snot balls covered in Worcestershire sauce
For those of you slugging it out in hospo jobs, I salute you (and tip as well as I’m able). For those who have never had the experience, here are some life lessons I learnt as a bar slave/waitress. DON’T SCREW THE CREW Working in hospo means you live in a bit of a bubble. Because of the anti-social hours, you are working when all your non-hospo friends are socialising, and as a result you end up mostly socialising with other hospo people. Usually this means the people at the establishment you work for, because when you finish work you are already in a place that has alcohol and food, and usually a staff discount. Here’s a tip (haha) — chefs are crazy. All the ones I came across were generally nice people, but also generally prone to outbursts of extreme rage, and many were either on or selling drugs. They were a lot of fun to party with though. As well as staff you get your regulars, and they become like pseudo friends (and unlike your real friends, they don’t turn up waving a bottle of Corban’s White Label and then spend the rest of the night drinking your rum and coke for free). Three of the waitresses I worked with had hooked up with waiters, chefs and/or regulars on one or more occasions. Even the two staff members who were in a happy lovey schmovey relationship ended up splitting because she hooked up with one of the regs. But the most cringe-worthy incident was when the restaurant manager got stood down because the owner discovered her playing “hide the cannoli” with a regular in the restaurant bathrooms, during opening hours. Yikes. FOOD IS COMPLICATED Most restaurants give their staff free meals of some sort, a) because it’s useful for wait staff to know what the food is actually like, and b) you’re generally working at the time normal people eat food. However, restaurant meals do tend to be a bit bigger than the recommended calories per meal, so I always aimed to get a half portion, or get the chefs to make something salady or vegetabley, when I had to eat in.
and puke-smelling cheese would be at all enjoyable in its own right. SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK I’m the kind of person who needs time to wind down before sleeping, and staff drinks in the bar after finishing work at 11pm at the earliest is not the kind of winding down that’s conducive to peaceful shut eye. I’d sneak into the house so as not to wake the people with normal jobs, make myself a “grown up” hot drink (ie a slug of whiskey in the hot chocolate) and attempt to lull my busy brain with some combination of a shower, reading and/or watching whatever crappy infomercial was on at that time of night (these were the days before YouTube, Netflix and on demand everything). Inevitably I would end up sinking into a fitful sleep, dreaming of dropped drinks, late meals and angry customers, before being woken too few hours later by the flatmates and/or sun pouring into my room. The best/worst was New Year’s Day. I’d finished early on NYE, went into town with a friend, danced all night, walked home over a number of hours and crashed into bed about 7am. I was woken by the phone two hours later – work was crazy with breakfasting revellers, and could I please come in. I dragged my sorry self out of bed, found my least crumpled uniform and headed off to what ended up being a 12 hour double shift. At least I slept well that night. PEOPLE ARE DICKS For any budding anthropologists out there, working in hospo is like doing participant observation into contemporary western society – and the results aren’t pretty. As a waitress/bar wench it seems that you cease to have an identity outside of your servitor role, and people feel free to treat you in a way they would normally reserve for anonymous online platforms. It wasn’t uncommon for customers to suggest that a kiss would result in a better tip, to click their fingers to summon me (that one seriously grinds my gears), to “accidentally” grope some part of my anatomy, or to attempt to argue down the price or pay in foreign currency. On at least three occasions I also had to run after a group of people who had “forgotten” to pay on the way out.
The aforementioned restaurant manager used to eat at the restaurant most days, even when she wasn’t working and because she was on Weight Watchers, was
All in all hospo is definitely an experience, and one I think everyone should have
often seen doing complicated calculations like “If I have a piece of cheesecake
at least once in their lives. But if you never do it yourself, have empathy for those
and a margarita, that will take up… X points, which will mean I can’t eat again for…
who do. Be polite, tip if you can, and please, try not to vomit anywhere. Your wait
three days… but I think it’s worth it.”
staff will definitely thank you for it. 21
NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space
YOUR SPACE THE CARDRONA HOTEL PT. 1 The most striking and stylised room in the house straddled the line between eclectic and highly cultivated. In plain speak, it was pretty fucking cool. The lockers-instead-of-wardrobe made a great focal point for the rest of the decor and everything looked like it had a place, even the retro Edmonds baking powder tins. Yes. Retro Edmonds baking powder tins. —
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Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE
23
UNIREC
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
THAT TIME I… LOST MY KEYS
HEIL HOGAN LIVING WITHOUT A USELESS CUNT
CARMEN CIDER
LYAM BUCHANAN
MAN, GAY, 25: GAY BACHELOR (GB) + ROMANTIC INTEREST (RI)
6 months ago I never expected a bond as touching as this.
GB has been on/off doing the backdoor hankypanky with RI for a bit. GB + RI
4 months ago I never thought someone could be so culinarily inept.
out on the town, have great night. RI has Friend 1 and Friend 2 crashing at his
2 months ago I was convinced I had become immune to food poisoning.
tonight so GB can't stay over. GB + RI call it a night. GB dwardles to his front door where he realises he can't find his keys and no one is home. GB calls RI. GB can crash “on his couch” if shit hits fan. GB is curious with “couch” line but is drunk and doesn't catch hint. Shit had hit the fan and no keys or flatmates anywhere. GB walks to RI's house.
Today I sit alone, abandoned. What once may have seemed a blessing is now the cause of heartache. No longer will I be enlightened with completely out of context proverbs and gifted with the everlasting hum of trashy car videos. Habits have so quickly become tradition. In our household Wednesday nights were reserved to dimly lit fine dining, polite chit chat about current affairs and
RI welcomes him in and offers couch, but he has to go upstairs. GB asks whats
heated discussions in regards to our mates’ sisters. Nobody can set the mood
going on. RI says GB can come have a look but doesn't have to join. GB's
quite like him, nobody can prepare the same watery mince quite like him,
curious. Goes upstairs. Walks in room. Friend 1 is FISTING Friend 2 on RI's Bed.
nobody will ever manage to have a constant blood alcohol level of above 0.4%
RI's face is joker grin, ear to ear.
quite like him. This man may not have been able to carry out arduous tasks
GB is suprisingly keen. GB grabs a towel and strips off in bathroom. Still no whereabouts of lost keys. GB speed douches like a legend. GB walks back in room naked, dumps clothing in corner of room. (Condoms have been used during the following) F1 is fisting F2 while getting backdoored by RI. GB hops on the bed and hooks up with F1. F2 pulls forearm out of F1 and starts blowing GB. RI exits F2's brown tunnel and starts hooning with F1. GB is now on F2's horn and F2 is locking lips with F1. Key’s location still
such as vacuuming, operating a washing machine or regular basic hygiene. Though wherever he fell short you could be assured compensation with his ability to provide endless drunken conversation regardless of how badly you, or any of the other tenants needed to sleep. 6 months of cheap beer and mouldy bread. 4 months of medium rare chicken. 2 months of arguing over who buys the next bottle of mayo.
unknown. RI exits F1's choccy starfish and starts teasing GB's. Then enters GB.
It genuinely amazes me how your strict diet of cheap beer, dollar loaves
F1 gets up and fingers GB while getting pumped by RI. F1 enters GB while RI
of bread and a minimum of four litres of Lift+ daily gives your organs the
at it. DOUBLE PENETRATION.
minimum requirement to carry out daily function, let alone enough energy
Meanwhile GB is now fooling around with F2 hole (and GB's mum says he can't multitask). RI and F1 exit GB, who is now fisting F2. GB IS NOW USING DOUBLE FISTING MAGIC HANDS ( left, right, left, right...) F2 says he can't breath, and needs to chill (probably due to being drained of all existing pre-cum). GB, F1 and RI all complete relatively quickly after F2's exit. Tri spoon till early hours of morning. GB wakes and RI talks to GB as if GB is shameful and dirty. RI is definition of random DP FISTING Saturday night foursome hypocrite. GB leaves and finds... HIS HOUSE KEY BEHIND HIS EFTPOS CARD IN HIS WALLET.
to allow you to binge watch the 32 hours of anime you manage to squeeze in between study and your incessant commentary over movies everyone is actively watching. With your Dirty Dogs at the ready it is here where I bid you farewell, and goodluck on your journey. May your car be eternally filled with empty Up & Go cartons, may the virginity which you’ve strived so hard to protect over the past semester stay pure and intact. May your heart be forever full of joy and everyone who comes in contact with you be given the chance to simply choke on broken glass rather than being subjected to your questionable cooking. I pray that our Tinders may forever connect on a spiritual level. Goodnight sweet prince.
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Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE
THE I.T. GUY TEDXRUAKURA
JUST THE TIP MAKING FRIENDS
MATTHEW RAE
NINA FOX
Morphosis is coming and I’m not talking about Laurence Fishburne. I’m talking
If you’re a young person travelling, it is likely that you will want to meet new
about this year’s TEDxRuakura and their theme of change and development.
people on your travels (unless all of those assignments involving group work
If extreme sports, mind controlled robotics or saving the world is your thing
at Uni have completely dissolved your faith in humanity). So when you ‘fly
then you’re in for a real treat. I had the opportunity to attend a few of the
the coop’ as the oldies would say, it’s important that you show no fear and
rehearsals and sit down with some of this year’s speakers.
embrace every social interaction. I moved to France for an exchange with no
I’ve wanted to see a mind controlled hand ever since Return of the Jedi and thanks to Doctoral student Mahonri Owen I got to. Owen has been working on
mates and with only the phrase “Bonjour” in my repertoire, so I know full well the anxiety of meeting new people in a new land.
a brain controlled prosthetic hand which will be a game changer for amputees
For a start, it’s pleasing to know that most people, no matter where they
and other trauma patients who can have difficulty performing simple day to
come from, know how to speak some English. So you should be able to
day tasks. As someone with a paraplegic father this really hit home for me.
communicate with most people, but I still encourage you to learn at least
Owen plans to help healthy brains send signals to healthy limbs bypassing
some of the language of the country you’re visiting because it will not only
damaged nerves.
broaden your mind but also the locals will froth you for it. And if you are going
Pamela Storey’s involvement with TEDx began because they wanted speakers who could challenge people’s views and invoke change. She works with the organisation known as Kaivolution to help rescue food from landfills. “Through
to France, I advise you to definitely have a wider selection of phrases than I, unless you want to be called out by checkout operator at a supermarket for asking “parlez-vous anglais?”
Kaivolution we see food waste as a way to feed people.” This past year alone
If you’re staying in backpackers while you travel or taking part in a Contiki, it is
Kaivolution has managed to rescue 125 tonnes of food from 43 different
likely that you’ll find it very easy to meet new people who share similar interests
donors in the Waikato alone. Imagine how much food waste is generated New
with you (like getting pissed). Backpackers and Contikis are essentially filled
Zealand wide.
with young people wanting to meet other young people so that they can go
Dr Sripriya Somasekhar is an advocate for women's rights. Pri’s talk, “Don’t be a bystander, speak up”, looks at what can we do to be more than bystanders.
drinking and clubbing in a foreign city without looking like a solo creep. So it is inevitable that you will start to meet outgoing people like yourself very easily.
As a girl growing up in India, she always questioned why girls eat after the
In most tourist cities it’s very easy to spot a fellow young traveller. They’re
men, why they only eat the leftovers, and why they weren’t allowed to dress
likely to be crumbling under the weight of their packed-to-the-brim backpack,
the way they wanted.
wearing an unusual collection of clothing because they haven’t had a chance
I can’t wait to see them both back here at Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts on the 30th for the full conference. There are so many inspirational speakers and talented musicians to look forward to. I even got to watch Miss DLite and her ensemble perform, and I can tell you that you’re in for a treat. Don’t forget to book your tickets from eventfinder and follow TEDx Ruakura
to do any washing yet and probably be sitting in a Maccas to make use of the free Wi-Fi. So when you do come along one of your peers, greet them and start a conversation, you’ll be surprised at how many of them are willing to talk to you and even possibly join you on your journey so that you’re not that solo creep buying drinks alone in the club.
on Twitter and Facebook. TEDxRuakura 2016: Morphosis. diverse and superb speakers, plus spoken word poet, two live musical acts, local artists, creative labs, competitions, and more. Saturday, July 30 from 10am to 6pm. Fully catered and with a cash bar Tickets are on sale now, between $90 and $120, only through Eventfinda: http://goo.gl/ WO4sFL OR! Head to the Nexus Facebook page for a double pass giveaway! 27
NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns
HARI KORERO MĀORI DOING MASTERS
YWRC THE YOUNG AREN'T THE PROBLEM
PITA SHELFORD AND TRUELY HARDING
MEL MARTIN
Masters studies are HARD! You think your readings for your undergraduate
So, in trying to decide on the subject matter for this column, I stumbled
degrees are hard? Just you wait! We have had to resort to reading our
upon Personal Verification Ltd; “New Zealand’s only full time independent
readings out loud in random accents just to keep ourselves focussed or else
background screening company,” according to their website. So to welcome
we get too hoha. And don’t even get us started on all the words we’ve had
you back into the new semester, not only do I bring you knowledge that you
to google! Being smart is hard, but it’s achievable. When we started studying
can purchase lie detector tests and background checks finally (Thank GOD,
we were full-time members of the “Cs get degrees” clan, but now we’ve learnt
you’re thinking. I know...); but I also offer up a little bit of proof that we young
that it’s not that hard, it’s just a lot of work.
people aren’t the problem when it comes to employee issues.
Being a post grad Māori student at Waikato is pretty cool. We have AWESOME
PVL’s website includes a list of a couple hundred news stories highlighting
support from our faculty, and the Pro Vice-Chancellor Māori Office where we
cases in which employees have ripped off their bosses by way of theft, or
get to take part in hui, conferences, writing retreats (and of course, some
serious fraud. And it’s stories like these that prove to us the Government’s
good feeds) and much more with other Māori students from all over the
reasons for implementing the 90 Day Trial are redundant. Regarding another
uni. Not only this, but there is heaps of support outside of uni from various
element of 90 Day Trial research, John Key said: “We are very comfortable
organisations, and in our case, our Iwi. We have been able to take our research
that the law is working, we think it is effective, and we just fundamentally
back home to our Marae back in the Tai Tokerau, which has been awesome as.
disagree with the research.”
Pretty sure our tupuna would be stoked with the awesome research we have
How does one just “disagree with the research”? Can you disagree with
done and will continue to do for our people. Our mahi is specifically related to
research? It doesn’t really work like that, does it? — I don’t agree with the
Māori health and has allowed us to do mahi alongside our own whanau. Not
principals of that fact, so I am deciding that it is no longer fact… WTF.
only do we get go home and do our mahi, but we also get to soak up the social activities with all our whanau — it’s not distracting at all. So, a few tips for those who are keen to jump on the Masters’ waka: 1. Find a buddy or few who will keep you on track (someone who can cook); 2. Think smarter not harder; mahi much easier.
but over the period of 2012 – 2015 she defrauded the company $435,000…” Or this one is a particular favourite: “A 47 year-old Gisborne office worker
I’d be interested to know if there was a trial period clause in her contract, or if her age dictated that she didn’t require the same contractual obligations as
Overall, doing a Masters can be overwhelming to say the least, but it is even more rewarding when you get to study with your whanau every step of the way. There will always be those long-ass all-nighters and deadlines (even though they’re quite flexible), but it so worth it! Mauri ora!
N.14 / V.48
begin with a sentence much like “Smith had worked for them for 17 years,
started stealing within her first five days at work.”
3. Research something you like or are passionate about coz it makes the
28
99% of the stories of employee vs. employer fraud that I have read today
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someone half her age. If that doesn’t say it all...
Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE
PAK ’N SAVE HEAD CHEF CANNELLONI INGREDIENTS 2 pieces of skinless boneless chicken breast – sliced 2 whole large capsicums any colour – sliced ½ onion sliced Spoonful of crushed garlic or a couple garlic cloves chopped 1 small bottle of cream ½ cup white wine (or not if you don’t want to) 1 tsp chicken stock 1 tsp vege stock
DIRECTIONS 1. Melt butter in a large pot over a medium heat. Add all of the garlic, plenty of salt and pepper and a bit of rosemary. Heat oven to 160°C. 2. Add the wine. Boil the jug and put about a cup into the stock and stir it up then add the stock to the wine and stir. Throw in the veges. 3. While veges are cooking, heat a large frying pan with oil, salt and pepper. Add the onion. Once it starts to look clear add the chicken. 4. Before the sauce starts to come close to a boil add all the cream, leave it on the heat. 5. The sauce should get enough heat to start to froth on the top, let it do that for a few minutes while stirring, then turn it down. 6. When the chicken is cooked through, tip about a third of the sauce
Big handful of spinach leaves
and veg into the pan. Take out the fresh rosemary and leave for 5 -
Fresh lasagne sheets or cannelloni pasta
10 minutes on a low heat.
Salt and pepper
7. Spoon the chicken and veggie mix into the fold of the pasta sheet
Fresh rosemary
and roll into a tube, or stuff your cannelloni. Place in an oven dish
Butter Oil Grated cheese
and repeat until the mixture is all used. 8. Wash and lay the spinach leaves over top. Pour the rest of the sauce over the whole dish and cover in cheese and bake until golden. 29
Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.
WINNER
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N.14 / V.48
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They were scheduled to fall in love on the first night of Nexus Blind Date moving to House on Hood. She emailed incessantly to follow things up and even got sassy with the “???” after we pointed out she’d sent an email about room bookings to us — obviously the wrong person. He uses the most bizarre syntax and sounds slightly like an old American man, possibly. He also likes to drink.
HE SAID
SHE SAID
I arrived about 15 minutes early, so I could down a quick Long
The date started off with me arriving four minutes late as any
Island Iced Tea to calm the nerves. It’s funny, you’re not actually
fashionably late go-getter would. Walking in I immediately eyed
worried or nervous until you’re actually in the restaurant waiting
up the only person in the whole place sitting by themselves and
for them. But she did arrive, and we went through the obligatory
took an educated guess that that he was my date. I went to the bar
first few minutes of slightly awkward ice-breaking conversation,
as I was told and said I was here for the Blind Date which resulted
scanning the menu and placing our order. The staff at House
in the girl at the bar just staring at me blankly. This made me
were just the best as well, even managing to keep up with my
question life as I knew it, however with a bit of double-checking I
needlessly complicated drink order.
managed to get to him.
The evening was great though, it was a fun, pleasant evening out
The conversation seemed to flow really well; this might have been
with her, and she was good company. We mostly just talked the
because he was hitting the hard liquor as soon as I walked in. We
whole time, going through a range of different topics, from why
both got salads in true fitspo style, and turned out to be cheap
we decided to try a blind date to various kinds of drinking games.
which left more tab for alcohol. I was told halfway through that
Eventually the night was nearly over, so we decided to blow the
the Nexus writers just happened to be having dinner at the same
rest of our tab on drinks rather than dessert, as she decided to try
place at the same time. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized we
bourbon, and she convinced me to try a Jagermeister shot. It was
made it on the Nexus Snap story. Winning!
a weird mix of liquorice and cough medicine, don’t think I’ll keep it on my to-drink list. Anyways, we friended each other on Facebook, had a cool night of food, drink and talk. I shouldn’t have been worried at all, it was a really good night out.
All in all it was a good night, good company, free meal, a new Facebook friend and finishing it all off with a shot of Jäger. Thanks to Nexus and House on Hood for the fun night.
NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles
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CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19) The stars align this week to bring you a 100% chance of hearing wagon wheel in Shenanigans 3 fucking times a
pretending to be grown up and resume obsessing over Tyler Posey’s chiselled jaw. PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20)
working, working, working, working, haaaaarrd. ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19) Venus is exceptionally close to the sun this week, you will likely have another lit encounter with lit MVP Dave running the lit free rides into lit town last week. TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20) Jupiter is currently in Leo, this means you will not find
bastards in Auckland. Not sure why you’d want to pay for delivery when you can just send your flatmate.
Hungry
Organic
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CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22) No matter how good it sounds, your Facebook friend
LEO (JULY 23 — AUGUST 22) If you’re feeling pain in your liver and wallet, well done, you did Re-O week right! If you’re feeling pain in your tendons, ligaments, or cartilage, get in contact with Sir Bob Charles. VIRGO (AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22) If you didn’t meet your soulmate last week, I apologise — turns out they were sitting to the right, not the left. But not that you mind, we’re here to learn, not socialise, right? LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22) When posting gym selfies, be sure to mention how hard you’ve been working, that way you’ll look humble and not at all narcissistic. #blessed #gains #humble #work SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21) Stop retracting my Pokemon jokes Brittany, they’re relevant and funny, and make me look cool. And obviously astrologically correct. The star charts back them up. SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21) Mercury is no longer in retrograde, this is when you will realise that there is actually only one deal attached to your WSU wall planner. That deal expired in 2014. 32
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SIMPLE PUZZLES 4 SIMPLE PEOPLE
Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE
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a) In the Tarzan films, what was Jane's last name? b) Airstrip One is the new name for Britain in which book?
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3 25
6
7
20
8
16
15
4 12
5
4
15
8
9
10
11
12
21
22
23
24
25
16
20
16
5
12
8
21
18
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
D
4
7 16
6
12
12 23
1 4
23
15
20 11
16
6 7
O
6
18 12
6
13 26
ANSWERS
Code Cracker
N
5
16
1.W 2.P 3.L 4.T 5.C 6.N
X
15
8
8
12
Trivial
R
1
2
11
3
7.G 8.R 9.Y 10.Z 11.V 12.O
S
The letters must touch
16
2
16
15
a) Parker (Porter in the books)
N
16
3
8
13.B 14.F 15.A 16.E 17.H
A
25
11
21
b) Nineteen-Eighty-four
R
3
12
8
18.M 19.X 20.D 21.U 22.Q
E
make from these letters?
13
12
c) The witches in Macbeth
X
8
2
23.I 24.S 25.J 26.K
S
16
18
d) Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler
G
16
16
15
How many words can you
4
e) Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno and Sword
Z
19
33
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