Issuu

N.09 / V.46

nexus magazine

EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

CONTENTS

DESIGN HAYLIE GRAY

—

MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN

_03

Editorial

_04

Lettuce to the Editor

_05

News

_08

News from the University

_09

Sport

_10

Ridiculist & Vox Pops

_11

Reviews

_14

Honest Matt

_15

Horoscopes & Playlist

_16

Auteur

_17

Arts and Stuff

_19

Awesome Dead Person

_20

The Conforming Bullshit of Beauty

_22

So Gay

_26

Under Pressure: Changing your

Mind in the Face of Expectation

_29

Gender Identity: More than just a

Tick Box

_30

Colour Me Male

CONTRIBUTORS SPORTS GUY GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER ANARU WARREN SARA LEMME DR RICHARD SWAINSON HP MIKE BILODEAU JULES CRAFT MATT HICKS BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF TEE-SHIP LOUISE HUTT AUNTY SLUT MELODY WILKINSON ZAC LYON TONY STEVENS ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON LAUREN HEGINBOTHAM AMBER CARDALE RYAN WOOD AARON LETCHER MDG ONYX LILY NINA FOX NAOMI MEGAN PENE WALKER-DELANEY CHRISTIE SHAW COVER PHOTOGRAPH CAMERON ROBINSON CAMERON-ROBINSON.TUMBLR.COM PHOTOGRAPHY ANDRE KONG LOUISE HUTT BROOK JAMES DESIGN INTERNS ELLIE BROOKS OLIVIA PARIS ROSE ROGERS ADVERTISING

_31 Columns _37

The Bank Blind Date

_38

The President's Column

_39

Advice

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_40 Notices

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_41 Recipe

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_42 Puzzles

PHOTOGRAPH: ANDRE KONG

nexus magazine

EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT

—

inter is coming (or some other vague GOT reference). I

no shoes’ is part of my identity, and for many people, the only part of my

have a love-hate relationship with winter, which tends heav-

identity they’ll ever interact with. It is the version of myself that people

ily towards the hate. I hate getting up and driving home in

recognise. People don’t see me as anything other than a barefoot hippie.

the dark. I hate getting inside the doors at uni and having to peel myself

I mean, I get it, I am a bit of a barefoot hippie. It’s not the sum total

down to a singlet, then lug my jackets and jerseys around with me all day

of my personality, but I’d rather they thought that any number of other

because the heaters have turned all central lecture theatres into saunas. I

snap judgements people make about strangers (by the way, Douche Girl

hate getting rained on all the time. But most of all, I hate wearing shoes. So

on Thursday, I DID hear you say to your friend “Look at her, so ugly” as I

for me, it’s fitting that the Identity issue turns up as the weather gets cold.

walked past, which I presume was your intention. Do us all a favour, go lick

One night during my second year of university as I staggered along Hood

your own armpit and die in a fire). So I embrace my barefoot hippie status.

Street, a girl I had never seen before came running up to me. She was taller

But do you know how hard it is to be a barefoot hippie during winter?

than me (which anyone who has met me knows isn’t difficult) but other

I love walking barefoot, always have done, it’s part of who I am. I think

than that I don’t remember much about her. She rolled up, put her finger

it’s a lost pleasure of our generation- to just stand on the earth and feel it

in my face and yelled “I know you, you’re that girl from uni with the long

between our toes. I’m also way too poor to buy shoes that actually fit my

hair who never wears shoes!”

freakishly small feet. So I take it as a personal insult that winter is coming

As she headed away into the night I was confronted by the fact that

with its frosts and its chills and its other assorted bullshit to fuck with my

people actually think they ‘know’ me because they recognise random

sense of self. And worse- how will people recognise me if I wear shoes?

aspects of my appearance. For many people, my whole personality has

I will last it out, keeping my feet naked for as long as I can and rest

been reduced to body parts- the sum of who I am is “girl with long hair

assured- even if I cave and put on a pair of boots, I will still be me, the

and bare feet”. I had to wonder why this girl, who I’d never seen before

proud barefoot hippie with long hair. She is not lost! She is just hiding in

in my life, had recognised me out of over 12,000 students who attend

plain sight- in shoes.

the University of Waikato? And I realised- that ‘girl with the long hair and

LETTUCE

nexus magazine

Rap to the Editor

NEWS

PART 6

Success grips you tightly, endorphins become the addiction, failure assassinates your motivation seeding psychological afflictions. But every bullet's another lesson leading to battle-ready status, so believe that wildness is possible despite others seeing it as madness.

Dear Aunty Slut A RED BLOODED NEW ZEALAND MALE

Dear Aunty Slut, I have no doubt that you think you are terribly witty, cutting edge, ‘smashing the patriarch’ and whatever other fictions you need to tell yourself so you can painstakingly pour out

but you really aren’t. You’re crude for the sake of crude,

CLIMATE DEBT FOR DUMMIES

shocking for the sake of shock and you lower the entire

CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

tone of this magazine needlessly. I’m all for people doing

—

the 600 words of dribble that every first year on this campus flicks through without reading each Monday morning,

what they want to do in the privacy of their own home, but do you really need to thrust it in people’s faces like an erection without an orifice? That last part was probably unnecessary, but see how it feels? I’ve also noticed you have a real thing for ‘reclaiming’

This month the New Zealand Geographic magazine produced the first comprehensive infographic illustrating New Zealand's emissions. The picture draws on fresh data from the Ministry for the Environment's Greenhouse Gas Inventory which was

words, or at least that’s what I deduce from the bright

published in April.

coloured “cunt” sprawled across the top of your column.

The diagram depicts New Zealand's unique emissions pro-

News flash: You’re too late. The word ‘cunt’ has already

file which is determined by factors such as major industries,

been reclaimed by every New Zealand male who needed

energy supply, transport infrastructure and land use. Our pro-

something to call his friends while they were on the piss.

file is particularly unusual in that just under half our emissions

DISCLAIMER:

The word ‘slut’ has also been picked up by 14 year old

come from farm stock, the global average being 12 per cent.

Letters published contain the opinion of

school girls. Better luck next time.

Methane and nitrous oxide together make up 52.5 per cent of

the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own

You’re a feminist, I get it. If I didn’t then God help me, because you sure as hell put it out there. The problem is, not everybody who reads this magazine shares your views. I remember the days when Nexus was full of things that people actually wanted to read. Now it’s just a broken record that’s getting tired.

work and Nexus will not edit to compen-

New Zealand emissions, against a global average of around 20 per cent. On the other hand, our heavy reliance on hydropower means that New Zealand's energy sector has a significantly smaller footprint than many other countries. (Although, this can be changeable, in dry 2012 hydro generators were forced to resort to thermal backup, driving energy emissions up by 900,000 tonnes.)

sate for lack of intelligence or coherency.

Overall, New Zealand's greenhouse gas emissions are 114 per

Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse

cent higher than they were in 1990 when New Zealand became

to publish any letter which breaches any

a signatory of the Kyoto Protocol. This brings us in as the fifth-

law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

nexusmag.co.nz

highest-polluting nation per capita among Kyoto’s 40 Annex

Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

1 countries.

nexus magazine

PUTIN’S MINION IN STALINIST OUTBURST CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

— The Russian Foreign Minister Russian Sergei Lavrov has said that further talks aimed at resolving the crisis in Ukraine would have "no added value" without the participation of the anti-government communities in the south and east of the country. Previously Lavrov has said Russia is reluctant to enter a new round of negotiations with the EU and Ukraine as the accord agreed upon in April which called for the disarming of the various militias have not been implemented. Meanwhile the tense stand-offs in the cities of Slovyansk, Donetsk and

PSYCHOACTIVE SUBSTANCES AMENDMENT ACT PASSES - KUDOS FROM LEGAL HIGHS INVENTOR GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY

—

Odessa between pro-Russian militias and Ukrainian police and military as well as militants from Ukrainian fascist group Right Sector are erupting into periodic violence.

A law banning party pills and synthetic cannabis has been passed by Parliament. The Psychoactive Substances Amendment Act passed by 93 votes last week. It seeks to rectify the botched implementation of last year’s Act, which saw potentially dangerous drugs remain on the market amidst a whirlwind of social panic and media attention. Now all products will be

NEANDERTHALS WEREN’T THAT STUPID AFTER ALL… GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY

—

withdrawn and future ones must have their safety proven before being sold. Thankfully, this proof now cannot come by way of animal testing in New Zealand. It can, however, come from animal testing overseas. The Greens, who decided to abstain, welcomed this

“EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT US THAT THE GOVERNMENT’S PROHIBITION WILL FUEL A BLACK MARKET WHERE NO DISTINCTION IS MADE BETWEEN HIGH AND LOW RISK SUBSTANCES...”

The word ‘neanderthal’ may have to be revised as a term of abuse, as a recent research suggests they were just as smart as our own ancestors. Neanderthals were a distinct species of ape-like people who evolved

aspect of the Bill, but cautioned that it could now create a black market for these untested drugs.

around the same time as early humans. It was traditionally thought they

“Experience has taught us that the Government’s prohibition will fuel a black market where

died out because they were stupid. But the recent Dutch study suggests

no distinction is made between high and low risk substances, where purchaser age will not be

otherwise.

checked and where the dealers supplying them will also have other drugs, like methamphetamine,

"We found no data in support of the supposed technological, social and cognitive inferiority of Neanderthals compared to their modern human

for sale”, said Green Party health spokesman Kevin Hague. John W Huffman (no joke), who helped with the invention of legal highs has stated that “they

contemporaries," said archeologist Wil Roebroeks of Leiden University.

never ever were designed for human consumption.” Originally, according to Huffman, they were

Neanderthals thrived in Europe and Asia from about 350,000 to 40,000BC,

developed as a research tool.

disappearing just after humans migrated from Africa. What caused their

“These compounds are highly addictive. They cause hallucinations, they cause psychotic

disappearance isn’t clear, but it may have been due to competition or an

events, they’re known to make individuals suicidal. These are dangerous, very, very dangerous

inability to adapt to climate change.

compounds.”

The good news is that in a way they’re not extinct at all: in one of the only times it might’ve been okay to be keen on another species, copious inter-breeding occurred and if you’re European or Asian you have 1-4% Neanderthal DNA.

The American chemist, who supports the ban, then went on to advise the New Zealand Government about people importing the drugs from China. In the midst of this furore it should be noted that good old-fashioned and thoroughly studied organic cannabis remains illegal in this country.

nexus magazine

MARRIAGE STATS FOR 2013 ANARU WARREN

— Saying I Do was officially done 19,237 times over in 2013, according to Statistics New Zealand. Figures released on Monday show New Zealand residents are less eager to marry than they were 10 years ago, dipping below 20 000, the first time since 2001. 2, 416 marriage were registered to overseas residents, including 146 same-sex marriages, Statistics New Zealand reports. "Around 2 in 5 same sex marriages in New Zealand are registered to couples from overseas, compared with 1 in 9 for opposite-sex marriages" population statistics manager Vina Callum said.

NEWFOUND PIETY FOR BRUNEI SULTAN GABRIEL BANKIER-PERRY

— The ruler of the tiny oil-rich nation of Brunei has announced the first phase of his roll-out of sharia law. The Sultan of the Southeast Asian state has launched a plan that will eventually see traditional Islamic punishments in place, including flogging for drinking alcohol, amputation for theft and stoning for adultery. Sharia law is sanctioned by a combination of the Muslim holy book—the Qur’an—and the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, though it is rarely implemented fully in Islamic countries today. "Theory states that God's law is harsh and unfair, but God himself has said that his law is indeed fair," the Sultan said in response to objections, displaying stunning circular logic. About 15% of Brunei’s population is non-Muslim. They led a rare flurry of criticism of the proposals earlier this year, but most fell silent when it upset the Sultan.

I CALL IT PAPERSCISSORS-ROCK! CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

— Analysis of a rock-paper-scissors[sic] tournament involving 360 people at Zhejiang University in China has provided scientists

“THE SULTAN OF THE SOUTHEAST ASIAN STATE HAS LAUNCHED A PLAN THAT WILL EVENTUALLY SEE TRADITIONAL ISLAMIC PUNISHMENTS IN PLACE, INCLUDING FLOGGING FOR DRINKING ALCOHOL, AMPUTATION FOR THEFT AND STONING FOR ADULTERY.”

with insights into the popular game/tool of democracy. A conventional game theory approach to rock-paper-scissors would lead a competent player to be completely random so they can't be predicted. Obviously their opponent should do the same. Psychology complicates this. Researchers discovered a "win-stay lose-shift" effect. Winners played their winning symbols more frequently in the next round and losers tended to switch symbol - in the order of the name of the game, rock-paper-scissors. Identifying and trumping these patterns could be a better strategy.

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nexus magazine

VENEZUELA RUINS REP OF LATIN AMERICAS RIOT COPS CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF KADER

—

STUDY REVEALS SURPRISING (NOT REALLY) LEVELS OF RACISM FROM TEACHERS

Human Rights Watch has released a report stating that dozens of unarmed protesters have been subject to serious physical and psychological abuse during protests in Venezuela. HRW found 45 cases with strong evidence of human rights violations including denial of medical care and

SARA LEMME

—

death threats, ten of the cases clearly constitute torture. The report also acknowledged that protestors have engaged in violent actions such as

Auckland University Student Hana Turner’s Masters

do well at school.”

throwing molotov cocktails at police. The report comes as anti-govern-

thesis has uncovered some troubling findings regard-

Te Ururoa Flavell, the Co-Leader of the Maori Party,

ment protests in Venezuela enter their third month.

TURN DOWN FOR WHAT? ANNOYING TWEETERS - MUTE DATE TWEET TWEET ANARU WARREN

— Social media site Twitter is currently testing a new function in its mobile

ing the attitudes of secondary school teachers towards

is pleased that conclusive research has been done in

their Maori pupils.

this area. “Hana’s research has hit a chord, because it

“I wanted to find out whether teachers had different

proves what many of us who have been through the

expectations for their students based on their ethnic-

New Zealand education system already knew; that

ity,” Turner explained. “The teachers predominately had

some teachers’ attitudes towards Maori students are

very negative opinions about their Maori students.” Even though Maori and Pasifika students have similar

appalling and downright discriminatory.” “Rates of Maori achievement in education are poor.

achievements records, the surveyed teachers still held

What Hana’s research tells us is that teachers’ attitudes

lowest expectations for the Maori students. The largely

count, and that is why the Maori Party championed

stereotypical and racist views of the teachers are evi-

Tataiako, a cultural competency resource for teachers.

dent in the following statements taken from Turner’s

Of course, more needs to be done to address the wide-

thesis: Teachers were asked why they thought there

spread attitudes,”Flavell added.

was an achievement gap. Most were able to identify

The study itself took data from a questionnaire com-

apps that enables users to mute irritating accounts. The mute function is a medium between the block function and that similar to the unfollow function on the Facebook app. Instead of halting all communications, the

“I WATCH THIS POLICE 10/7... THE SUSPECTS WILL ALWAYS BE MAORI.”

mute function simply makes their tweets not appear in user's newsfeed.

GET YO LARF ON ANARU WARREN

numerous reasons and responsibility was primarily

pleted by 15 mathematics teachers and 361 year 9

placed with the students, their parents and their home

and 10 students; in addition, interviews were also

background rather than with teacher or school-related

conducted with 10 of the teachers. The pool of study

—

factors.

subjects was gathered from 5 secondary schools in

One surprising finding was that some teachers said

Auckland, with 3 being low-decile schools and the other

that they did not know why there was an achievement

2 mid-decile and high-decile schools.

Nitrous oxide, commonly known as 'laughing gas' has been declared a

gap. For example, one teacher was asked, “So why do

Though the study focussed on a small group, and a

safe practice by Alfred Hospital director of anesthesia, Professor Paul

you think that students from minority groups do not

teacher's union did point that most people in the pro-

Myles, after conducting one of the World's largest ever drug studies. It

achieve as highly as white students?” The teacher

fession work to address prejudice, Hana hopes that her

has been used on over a billion patients as a relatively inexpensive and

replied, “I wouldn’t know.” The researcher asked, “You

research will bring into the spotlight the importance of

effective anesthetic for over 160 years, but has often been retired ever

don’t know? You’ve got no idea?” And the teacher

having culturally responsive teaching in schools. This

increasing concern over its side effects. "More than 230 million people

firmly replied, “No”.

seems like a reasonable expectation when you see

undergo surgery each year... Patients are at no greater risk of complication when given nitrous oxide over another drug."

“Teachers only said positive things about Asian students, even though there are Asian students who don’t

that one teacher said, “I watch this Police 10/7... The suspects will always be Maori.”

nexus magazine

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

RESEARCH INSTITUTE SCHOLARSHIPS —

The University is offering 12 Research Institute Scholarships. Each of the six Research Institutes is offering a doctoral scholarship worth $22,000 a year and a masters scholarship worth $12,000. Applications close on 30 June. www.waikato.ac.nz/go/rischolarships

COMMUNITY OPEN DAY THIS SATURDAY — As part of our 50th anniversary celebrations, the University is hosting a Community Open Day this Saturday, 17 May (the day after our secondary school Open Day). It will be a chance for the public to check out the Hamilton campus and for us to showcase our research and facilities. We will have a number of interactive exhibits, demonstrations, mini-lectures and entertainment throughout the day, followed by a function for Waikato alumni. So make sure to invite your whanau and friends and join us as we celebrate our first 50 years.

RE-ENROL NOW FOR B SEMESTER — You can add or change papers for B Semester in iWaikato at any time, so get in quick to secure your spot. If you have a student loan or allowance, you need to be enrolled to make sure your payments continue. www.waikato.ac.nz/study/enrol/b-semester

More information about Community Open Day and our 50th celebrations is available at www.waikato.ac.nz/about/50

SHARE YOUR OPINION, WIN PRIZES — The University is giving you the opportunity to tell us what you think about life at Waikato Uni. Complete our Student Barometer Survey and you will be in the draw to win some awesome prizes, including tablets and smart phones. This survey

CUP STUDENTS STARTING A DEGREE PROGRAMME IN JULY

is open to domestic students only and runs until 6 June. Check your inbox for the link. International students were surveyed in 2013.

— If you are completing the Certificate of University Preparation (CUP) programme in June, the next step is to start a degree in July 2014. Please check your email for the form you need to fill in to change your enrolment. Please complete this form, sign it and return it to the Student Centre for processing as soon as possible. Applications need to be submitted by 30 June 2014. If you need help or have any questions, please phone 0800 WAIKATO (0800 924 528), email info@waikato. ac.nz, or visit the Student Administration Team on level 2 of the Student Centre.

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nexus magazine

SPORTS GUY’S SPORT TIPS. SPORTS GUY

— Keeping it all rugby league this week, here are a few games I’d look to drop a cheeky fiver on. Rabbitohs vs Storm: Both of these teams have been struggling this season. However, this game has blockbuster written all over

COULD YOUTH BRING KIWIS SUCCESS? SPORTS GUY - OPINION

—

it. Being played in Sydney, it’ll be a tough ask for the lacklustre Melbourne side to come away with the result. I feel like Sam Burgess will be a big factor in getting the Bunnies over the line in this one. My money would be on South Sydney by 1-6 and/ or 12 or less. Sharks vs Wests Tigers: Granted the Sharks have had some injury worries so far this year, but with a healthy team, I see no

In the 2014 ANZAC, no, of course not. Look at the side the Kangaroos put out; a

reason why they can’t come away with the points in this one.

team full of NRL super stars. Looking at the team lists side by side, you’d have

Being played at the Shire, the Sharks have home advantage. It’ll

thought it was going to be like a training session for the Aussies and we’d get

be a battle of the forwards in this one; Fifita vs Woods, Gallen

licked by 50+. I, for one, thought exactly that. Why? Because we had a second

vs Gallaway, Graham vs Blair. If you want to see a game full of

rower playing in the halves, and our starting hooker had never played a game

good tackling and work by the packs, tune in. I’m picking an

at hooker in his (short) career. Mix that in with the fact our back-up hooker has

upset in this one because the (now healthy) Sharks are due a

only played 8 NRL games and 5 players were making their international debuts,

surprise result. Stick to head to head though, who knows what

and you’ve got a cocktail for a right hiding by the strongest team in the world.

kind of score line this one will have.

So I was pleasantly surprised when we went into the half-time break with

Eels vs Dragons: This one will be the opposite of the Sharks

a 6 point lead. Sure, we didn’t win the game in the end, but our young players

vs Tigers game in terms of the way of play is run by. This game

showed a lot of heart and promise for the future. When you look at the age of

will come down to the backlines and halves in each team. The

the Kangaroos team, the vast majority of those players will not be playing at

Eels are a team who like to throw the ball around and look for

the international level (or shouldn’t be anyway) by the time to next World Cup

special plays to spark the team. Chris Sandow and Jarryd Hayne

comes around, which means they’ll be the ones bringing an inexperienced side

are their key conductors for this so they’ll feature heavily in this

into the mix.

one, as we’ve become so used to seeing in Parramatta games

So my question is this: was it the right call to build a team of young talent in the hope of moulding them into World Cup champions?

this season. The dragons will need to get Josh Dugan involved somehow; my pick would be following Merrin’s hit-ups and

For me personally, I like the risk coach Stephen Kearney has taken with this.

looking for the offload to get into some space. This will be a

The team overcame all criticism thrown at them and put on a performance that

good game played at a rapid pace, but I can’t look past the Eels

made us Kiwis proud. Seeing the ANZAC test, I am firmly in support of what

in this one. They’ve found form this season and are looking like

Kearney is doing. Give them the experience now so when the time comes for

a potential top 8 team. Eels head to head and, as a reminder,

the big games, they’ll know what to expect and how to play to get that all

throw a bet on Radradra to cross the stripe.

important W.

Good luck out there, kids.

nexus magazine

RIDICULIST

VOX POPS

Ridiculous Forms of Identification.

Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.

1 Gym ID It’s not prison, why do I need an access card to get in and out?

Amelia, Law. What’s your signature piece of clothing and why? Jeans, because they go with everything. What are three things you like about you, or three things you’re good at? I’m semi good at gaming, I sometimes get good grades and I have great taste in shoes. When was the last time you were scared?

2 Passport of the Czech Republic You can get this just because your granddad migrated here in 1953, even though you’ve never been there, and don’t know a thing about the place.

Just before I got my last assessment back. Lauren, Psych. What’s your signature piece of clothing and why? Heels, because they take skill to walk in, not everyone can do it. What are three things you like about you, or three things you’re good at? I have good taste in shoes, comic book villains and gaming. When was the last time you were scared? This morning when I had to do a speech.

Drivers Licence You can scratch a ‘5’ into an ‘0’ and suddenly you’re a 13 year old getting drunk in clubs.

Kieran, Computer Science. What’s your signature piece of clothing and why? This jacket, because I like

it. What are three things you like about you, or three things you’re good at?

Fake ID

was the last time you were scared? Nearly being in an accident on the way

Losing self-esteem when people say you’re not as hot as

I have common sense, I’m a good gamer and I’m fluent in sarcasm. When back from Rotorua about 5 years ago.

your fake ID.

5 UoW ID cards By your 2 year you can’t see your face. nd

Josh, Engineering. What’s your signature piece of clothing and why? Boots, because they’re functional and comfortable. What are three things you like about you, or three things you’re good at? I like that I’m ginger, and I’m good at shooting and guitar. When was the last time you were scared? I nearly got hit by a

6 Fly Buys, One Card etc All loyalty cards that take up space in your wallet, but you never seem to have them when you need them. Also, that you can apply for your title to be ‘Pastor’ and no one bats an eyelid.

car a couple of days ago. Matt, Physics. What’s your signature piece of clothing and why? Hoodies, because they’re practical and comfy. What are three things you like about you, or three things you’re good at? I’m good at volleyball, hockey and humility. I’m really humble.. When was the last time you were scared? Yesterday my car slid out around a corner.

ID Photos in General Making you look fat and serial-killery since ages ago.

Josh, Law and BMs.

What’s your signature piece of clothing and why? Pants, because you

IDs in General

about you, or three things you’re good at? I’m good at music, karate and

Why am I always fucking losing them?

singing. When was the last time you were scared? Yesterday I was in an

don’t get arrested when you wear them. What are three things you like

engineering lecture (that I shouldn’t have been at) and I nearly got called on to answer a question.

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nexus magazine

Tracks

Bad Neighbours

FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON

FILM REVIEW BY PENE WALKER-DELANEY

Tracks is one of those "great films" that the annoying, anti-piracy messages

A movie with Seth Rogan and Zac Efron? Sure I’ll go to that!! Not my first

on DVDs are perpetually informing us are made across the ditch. It tells

reaction admittedly but I am neither female nor a Rogan fan. I rolled up to

the true story of Robyn Davidson, a 27 year old woman who walked 1,700

the movie with my significant other expecting to be pulled in by a romp-

miles across the desert of Western Australia in 1977, accompanied by four

along comedy that in the end left me with a sense of completion. Sadly

camels, a faithful labrador dog and the occasional Aboriginal guide.

for Bad Neighbors I found the movie to be average. It wasn't bad, but then

Mia Wasikowska is perfectly cast as Davidson, capturing both the char-

again there was no “wow” factor that compels one to go back.

acter's uncompromising determination and underlying vulnerability. One

The film is about a couple who have just completed their nuclear family

of the many remarkable aspects of Davidson's trek is that she had no

with a new house and new child. They find themselves starting to regret

intention of seeking attention or publicity at its outset. Her reasons for

their choices when they discover their neighbour is Teddy who leads a

undertaking it were private. If she sought to somehow exorcise the pain

Frat house.

of her mother's suicide the thought was an unconscious one. Though

At first they’re intrigued by the fraternity and the couple attempt to use

undoubtedly a feminist and advocate for indigenous rights, she was first

peer pressure to control the frat behaviour, (a plan that unsurprisingly

and foremost an individual, one not easily given to human company.

doesn't work). The rest of the movie is in the same vein: unfortunately it

Director John Curran proves himself up to the challenge of a narra-

seemed to be a bunch of gags looking for a storyline. Bad Neighbors fills

tive with a protagonist who at times taxes audience sympathy. It goes

the gap for movies you can take a date to, as the couple beside us seemed

without saying that the backdrop is immensely beautiful but the film is a

to be on one, being more into each other than the movie. If you’re looking

lot more than pretty pictures. Aesthetically inspired by the photographs

for laugh-a-minute gags with a more thought out plot you will be out of

taken of Davidson by National Geographic photographer Rick Smolan, it

luck- but ladies- Efron does find a way to take his shirt off.

also does his character's perspective justice. Adam Driver plays Smolan as a cross between a geek and an idealist and the on-again/off-again coupling between he and Wasikowska's Davidson could not be further removed from conventional movie romance. Like everything else in Tracks, it rings true.

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Sheezus

Nocturnal

ALBUM REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT

ALBUM REVIEW BY HP

The quirky beats are there, the pointed and sarcastic lyrics are there- as

Nas might have told us that he was “straight out the dungeons of rap” but

usual, Lily Allen isn’t afraid to have a go at anyone, including herself.

if anything, fellow New York MC Orrin is still down there. His new album,

In comparison to Hard Out Here, much of the rest of this ‘comeback’

Nocturnal, is a dark and dank array of tumbling beats and deep baritone

album is mellow, extolling the virtues of domesticity and motherhood. The

vocals. Orrin’s underground sounds might be just as much trip-hop as they

standout tracks alongside Hard Out Here are Sheezus and URL Badman.

are hip hop and the comparison to Tricky is an easy stepping-off point for

Sheezus is nuanced and witty, and calls out the music industry’s competi-

those coming into Orrin’s music. This album is somewhere in the middle

tive environment by sarcastically ‘buying into it’. URL Badman is a hilarious

of the darkest depths of Tricky’s best and the slowest and creepiest of

reply to online trolls. The song starts with “I work at home in my parent’s

Wu-Tang’s Masta Killa’s work mixed with minimalist beats and a chilled

basement, I don’t troll, I make statements” and moves on to “I’m a London

out feel.

white boy rapping ATL, Keyboard warrior that can’t spell, I don’t like you, I

Opening with his haunting vocals, Orrin is in command of the beat

think you’re worthless, I wrote a long piece about it up on my wordpress.” from the get-go. However, it is on the third track, Rain, where The xx are For these songs alone the album is worth it.

sampled and the guest female vocals lead into the track with a softening

I was looking for a bit more controversy here- more of the Lily that

of the instrumental expanse. Rain makes Orrin’s whispered rhymes seem

laughed at her very nice boyfriend for not pleasing her in bed. I wanted

more like a prophecy than a threat and that’s where he peaks. It is when

more of the Lily who took the piss out of Robin Thicke by dancing around

he says “sometimes dark turns to light and the dark takes my sight” that

helium balloons that spell out ‘Lily Allen has a baggy pussy’ on this album

a lightness comes into his lyrics.

than I got. It’s still bloody good though- because no matter how much this

Production is handled expertly by the likes of BK Brown, Motel XXX and

album feels ‘toned down’, a ‘toned down’ Lily Allen is still ten times more

EMPT and they’ve worked hard to provide chilling winds, earthy beats and

in your face than most of her peers.

the drip drip drip of treble. The accents of high keys, the odd cymbal are the few rays of light in this dark soundscape and they’re pleasant guides for this journey.

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The Silo Series

Repeat Offender

BOOK REVIEW BY MEGAN

GIG REVIEW BY NAOMI

I’m reviewing books 1-5 of this series for two reasons: 1) I read them in

Just quietly, I’ve always had a soft spot for Heath Franklin’s Chopper. I loved

a weekend, so it’s pretty much the same speed I’d read a book and 2)

him on the Ronnie John’s Half Hour and his foul mouth never fails to make

because I only discovered this week that there are more! (SO excited

me smile. So when I found out he was in Hamilton last week I was pretty

that there are more) If I’d read 6-9 I’d be including them in this review too.

keen to check out his show ‘Repeat Offender’.

Wool is the first book in the series and was written as a stand-alone

The gig got off to a shaky start about 15 minutes late because some

short story. It introduces us to this post-apocalyptic world where people

classy guy down the back decided to vomit in the theatre. I would love to

are living in giant underground silos. Understandably, their world runs

say that set the tone for the evening, but it was actually quite good.

nothing like ours: their government is weird as hell, everything is recycled

Chopper opened with some jokes about Pak ‘n’ Save and stupid bumper

because there’s nowhere to get new stuff from, population numbers are

stickers and then took the piss out of Australia- which went down well with

strictly controlled (yay birth control implants!), there’s a social class system

the fairly tipsy crowd. While his humour never crawled far out of the gutter,

based on which levels you live on, blah blah blah. The biggest and most

that’s not what we were there for. We were there to be told to harden the

interesting thing is the why. Why are they living in silos? Who built them?

fuck up, and when Chopper suggested that instead of getting upset when

Why were they built? What happened out there to make them do this?

arguing with someone, you should just cut them off with an air horn, the

Can WE go out there?

whole crowd was on board.

The “books” are more like chapters; they follow different characters

The only complaint I really have was the length- with the late start he

and allow us to see their perspective of what’s going on in the silo. It’s

wasn’t even onstage for an hour- which seemed awfully short for a $40

through this that we get glimpses at what some of the answers to the

ticket.

why questions might be. I love this story. These books are awesome. This

My favourite joke of the night was probably about how putting roll on

is dystopia done right. I strongly suggest you read the books. Start with

deodorant on is like getting fucked in the armpit with a scented cock.

Wool, see if you can stop. I’m going to go read 6-9 and hope that if there’s

Thanks to Chopper, I’ll never wear the stuff again.

an apocalypse, I don’t survive.

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HØNEST MATT MEETS GRÆME HILL Honest Matt Matt Hicks

Matt Hicks has a chat to broadcaster Graeme Hill about his career to date

after 8pm to midnight slots, Saturday and Sunday. I’d like to say that you

the future of radio and television, great NZ sporting moments and his

have no idea what you might hear, but I am far too predictable for that. I

favourite music.

petitioning and agitation on my part I was finally granted the much sought

(Sports Café, 95bFM, Radio Sport, Eating Media Lunch and Radio Live),

have a passion for science and nature, and you’ll hear plenty of that. When

I understand you never intended to have a career as a broadcaster.

I can I endeavour to expose bollocks, especially the sort of bollocks that

Tell us how you fell into it? When I began at bFM in the late 80s my

does harm, like religion, charlatans, fakes, the pompous and self-righteous,

friends were (are) funnier, wittier and more intelligent than I am. One speci-

like me. What does a typical day look like for broadcaster Graeme Hill?

men in particular had impeccable musical taste and would frequently make

Talk us through it. I always get up early. I love the peace and how the sky

me laugh so hard I’d consider calling an ambulance. I had a serious interest

looks at 10am. I put on a dressing gown, take a short Famous Grouse for

in music and loved what bFM was doing. This friend, I thought, should be

courage to face the day and then search for porn on the net. Don’t get me

on the air, so I got a show and lured him to come along and spin some

wrong. I’m after good porn. Not the bad stuff. Then I meander on to the

records as well as yarns. He didn’t carry on. I did. Broadcasting’s loss.

heavy task of what might make a good radio programme for the coming

Those are the mechanics of the affair, but on a little more reflection I think

weekends and the easiest possible way to achieve it… and then I get to it

I actually got the radio bug much earlier. As a child I listened to The Goons

forthwith! Sometimes a courier will arrive at an ungodly 9:00am and ruin

and local DJs too with a sense of wonder that sent me into a world I could

everything. How much planning goes into your shows every week?

dreamily swim in. One of them was Wayne Mowatt, who many years ago

Quite a lot, but the problem is always people. Amazingly, sometimes

was quite edgy believe it or not. Growing up a little it was Barry Jenkin

people can’t be exactly where you want them to be, when you want them

whom I’d listen to and record as the weak Hauraki signal washed in and out

to be there, and even more infuriatingly sometimes they turn out to be NOT

late at night (I lived in Whangarei). Tell us a bit about your current Radio

the people you were looking for in the first place. My broadcasting and life

Live show? When it is on and what can we expect to hear? I hosted

motto is “People… who needs them!?”

the Weekend day shows for several years at Radio Live but after much

More at sounzgood.co.nz.

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Be more decisive. The time for passive contemplation is past. Your spirit animal is a lion. Actually it’s a bear. Maybe it’s a parrot. Umm I’ll get back to you.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

This week’s identity theme resonates in EVERY aspect of your life. Sometimes it feels like you are leading a double life. Whether it is those in your tutor group who knew you as the shy quiet girl or the dead hookers in your trunk who didn’t see you coming, perhaps no one really understands who you are. Your spirit animal is the platypus, the most schizophrenic of the animal kingdom.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Like Avril Lavigne you may feel that your life is a little complicated this week. Unlike Avril Lavigne you won’t produce a video so racist that it plays on every single stereotype a culture has to offer. But if you are feeling a little stressed this week you can take comfort in knowing that you aren’t married to someone from Nickelback. Your spirit animal is the domestic kitty- nature’s biggest cunt.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Challenge yourself to do something that scares you this week. Unless of course that something is picking up a woman at a cougar bar. There is scary and then there is a terrifying Sunday morning when you watch a Gilf grab her teeth from a bedside jar. Your spirit animal is the deer, noble prey of the cougar.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

HOROSCOPES

Stop doing drugs. Seriously you need to quit. Your spirit animal this week is a Unicorn’s head, with the body of a lion and the wings of a dragon. It has the ability to shoot fire from its hooves and a tail that is capable of playing dubstep. OK. Maybe we all need to stop doing drugs.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Embrace the narcissism of the week. This week the world revolves around you. Be selfish, inconsiderate and a little out of control. Your spirit animal is, of course, the duck. Nature’s most selfish and evil predator. Don’t completely follow its example though. Ducks are misogynistic rapists who eat their own faeces.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

In the days and weeks to come, remember to focus on what keeps you grounded and focused. Also stay away from girls named Sarah- history has shown them to universally be bitches. Your spirit animal is the humble pukeko. Grounded, considerate and unlike the panda, not a complete dickhead. Could you imagine how horrible a panda named Sarah would be?

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

The phrase “good things come to those who wait” has killed your ambition and aggression for years now. It is time to put aside that mantra and be more assertive. Be focused, be vicious and always have a goal in everything you do. Your spirit animal is the honey badger. Obviously.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You are the hero Hamilton needs but not the one it deserves. You are cold, emotionless, and vengeful. You are the bat. Did you know an anticoagulant from vampire bat saliva may soon be used to treat human heart patients? Nothing to do with your horoscope but still pretty cool.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your counsel is constantly sought by friends. You’re known for consideration and analysis and you generally give the best advice. In other words your own life is a train wreck but it’s do as I say not as I do. You are the owl. Wise, but ultimately unemployable with a philosophy degree.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Your partner may be sleeping with your flatmate. Ditch them. Your spirit animal is the dog. The one animal the can guarantee loyalty and companionship and, with the right amount of peanut butter, they can almost completely replace that flatmate stealing ex-partner of yours.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Find something that excites you, and allows you to strive to do better and be better. Otherwise you will be just as pointless your spirit animal, the giraffe. Honestly, if there is a God, do we really think he saw that horse and went, ”can we fuck with the design to make it awkward, gangly and able to play in some fictional horse NBA?”

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

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White Rappers BEATS BY J

Eminem / Encore

Ass Like That

Iggy Azalea / Ignorant Art

My World

Machine Gun Kelly / Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland

Yelawolf / Kid Rock / Radioactive

Let's Roll

Mac Miller / Loud

Loud

Riff Raff / Dolce & Gabbana

Dolce & Gabbana

Iggy Azalea / Work

Work

Iggy Azalea / Ignorant Art

Pu$$y

Eminem / Dina Rae / The Eminem Show

Superman

Eminem / The Marshall Mathers LP The Real Slim Shady

Riff Raff / How to be the Man How to be the Man

Yelawolf / Trunk Muzik 0-60 Daddy's Lambo

MGK / Half Naked & Almost Famous See My Tears

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis / The Heist Wing$

Kreayshawn / Somethin 'Bout Kreay

Gucci Gucci

Karmin / Karmin Covers Volume One

Look at Me Now

House of Pain / House of Pain

Top O' The Morning To Ya

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AUTEUR PRESENTS TOP 10 MOVIE STARS 1993-2013 Auteur Dr Richard Swainson

In my mid-teens, as a budding film buff, I was influenced by a paper-

appearances. Since 1993 he has featured on the list 13 times, topping the

back called Reel Facts. This compact volume contained a huge amount

poll in 1996, 2000, 2001 and 2005.

of information on cinema history, collating statistics about films, festivals,

Despite suffering from image problems and falling box office in the last

awards and performers. Amongst the tables that fascinated me were those

seven or so years, Cruise bests Hanks if their respective list rankings are

that listed the Top 10 movie stars in America each year from 1932 until

thought of in terms of 'points'. If a ranking of number one is equated with

the book's publication in 1979. The rankings reflected an annual survey

a score of 10 and a number 10 placement scores one, the overall list for

of theatre owners and as such were taken seriously by the industry as an

1993-2013 is as follows: 1. Tom Cruise (13 lists, four times number 1), 2.

accurate gauge of the popularity of actors.

Tom Hanks (15 lists, five times number 1), 3. Johnny Depp (8 lists, three

Recently I discovered a website which features not only these old lists

lists), 6. Julia Roberts (8 lists, once number 1), 7=. Will Smith (8 lists, once

directly relevant to the American marketplace it nonetheless represents a

number 1), 7=. Jim Carrey (7 lists, once number 1), 9. Denzel Washington

fascinating overview of trends felt worldwide. The rise and fall and some-

(9 lists, once number 1), 10. Harrison Ford (7 lists, once number 1).

times the rise again of individual careers can be charted. If we confine ourselves to the last 20 years the contenders for the top

If Hanks can sustain his popularity for another two years he will break John Wayne's record for the longest period of (money-making) stardom.

movie star of the modern era narrow to two candidates. Tom Hanks fea-

Wayne's run stretched from 1949 to 1974 and Eastwood's from 1968 to

tures in the lists a remarkable 15 times, with a number 7 ranking in 1993

1993. Whether such lists can account for screen presence or acting ability

and a number 4 placement two decades later. On five occasions - 1994,

is of course another matter entirely. Arguably it was a more significant

1995, 1998, 2002 and 2004 - Hanks took out the year's top spot. His only

achievement to make them in Hollywood's golden age, an era when the

rival is Tom Cruise, a far more controversial figure who last made the list

cinema was centrally important to the culture, more movies were made

in 2007. Cruise's popularity dates back 30 years to 1983 and he ranks third

and more stars were in the mix.

behind John Wayne and Clint Eastwood in terms of frequency of overall

times number 1), 4=. Leonardo DiCaprio (9 lists), 4=. George Clooney (9

but rankings from the 1980s onwards. Whilst the information is only

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MARCHING IN THE STREETS Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf

Students marching in the streets. If that statement had been made half

The Sixties, of course, was a watershed decade in many respects and

a century ago, back in the Sixties, we’d expect some kind of activism afoot,

in various ways it has left its legacy. But an interesting anomaly to do

a protest rally by radical youth from the New Left venting anger over some

with that time is linked with the arts. The predominant art form of the

issue to do with war or civil rights.

decade was Pop Art. In the midst of political radicalism, this art movement

Today in Hamilton the same declaration is associated not with social

was conspicuously apolitical, which is a strange phenomenon when you

agitation but with Waikato University students making their way down the

think about it, given that up until then, in the twentieth century, most of

main drag as part of their graduation parade, dressed in gowns and led by

the movements were heavily involved in ideological issues. Andy Warhol

members of the faculty. My, how things have changed.

just wanted to be famous, as famous as the people he chose to screen

Has the world got so much better that protest marches by students have

print – Marilyn Munroe, Jackie Kennedy, Elizabeth Taylor. Fame and fortune

become passé? Or is it that students are simply too busy these days with

replaced revolution. Art since has become a matter of career moves, eye

studies or worrying about overdrafts and loans to care about injustice? No

on the prize.

more rebels and no more causes. Too busy getting that degree, climbing

After the march and inside the ceremonies building where silly hats were

the ladder, eye on the prize. Are we in an economy now where all the

being placed on studious and scholarly heads, it would be interesting to

shouting, singing and sign-carrying has become consigned to a far distant

know what proportion of those noggins are planning to follow the Warhol

memory?

model and how many have as their raison d’etre something more noble.

Actually marching down Victoria Street these days in some political rally

At this point one might do well to muse on the lines of that Sixties poet,

would be near to pointless since the street is virtually empty save for the

Bob Dylan.

ubiquitous presence of the homeless, the stoned and the mentally ill who

You’ve been with the professors

congregate around shop entrances or lie prone and asleep on seats at

And they’ve all liked your looks

bus-stops and rest areas opposite Ward Street and elsewhere. The recent

With great lawyers you have

student capping parade would have passed them by on the other side on

Discussed lepers and crooks

their way to the Claudelands Event Centre. It’s a bit of a hike from Garden

You’ve been through all of

Place, so here’s a piece of advice for the ladies in future. Leave the heels

F. Scott Fitzgerald’s books …

at home.

Etcetera.

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BESS THE WAR HORSE

ENTER SUGAR PUN HERE

Awesome Dead Person Christie Shaw

Awesome Dead Person Mike Bilodeau

In honour of our national holiday recently passing for the 99th

I wanted to write about a boxer. I love boxing.

time I thought I would pause for a moment and remember the most overlooked minority group to contribute to WWI. No,

But with a sport so classic; so chiselled into its current form by innovative and powerful fighters, who do you write about?

this is not a reference to the Maori battalion or a group of ethnic

Do you go for the safety of the white-boy namedrop, Rocky

unsung heroes, but instead I want to pay homage to 10,000 com-

Marciano, the only heavyweight title holder to never lose a fight

rades that we sent into war, and in particular one of the four of

in his professional career? A definitive legend, no doubt. Though

that number who managed to make their way home. This week’s

with a relatively paltry 49 professional fights and a severely limited

awesome dead person is more like an awesome dead animal, Bess

and unimpressive amateur career, one could argue that his skill

the returned service-horse of WWI.

lay more in knowing when to cash in his chips than with boxing.

Bess the warhorse is the 'poster-horse' for all the war horses

What about Joe Louis? The Brown Bomber.

New Zealand sent into battle in WWI and has her own memo-

A man with a frightening record of 70 professional fights with

rial on a wee hillock near Bulls. Originally named Zelma, the four

only 4 losses. An African American who succeeded in being

year old thoroughbred was one of the first 1000 horses New

the greatest American Hero of all time in a time when African

Zealand donated towards the effort (which, even in considering

Americans were savagely discriminated against (look up the defi-

recent ditch efforts from the NZ armed forces, was a pretty decent

nition of ‘lynched’). Between contributing to the war effort (WWII)

contribution.) She was allocated to the Wellington Mounted Rifle

and holding title defence records to this very day, one could put

Regiment and was chosen by Captain Guy Powles and it was he

forward a strong argument for Joe Louis as the greatest of all time.

who renamed her Bess. She went to war in Egypt, Sinai, Palestine

But, for sheer bloody-minded determination, I just can’t pass

and France before returning to New Zealand in 1920. She stayed

up Sugar Ray Robinson. Though he didn’t have Marciano’s skill for

with her comrade Powles through his post as headmaster at Flock

knowing when the ring was no longer a happy place to be, he

House and agricultural training school for war veteran's dependents.

didn’t get his first loss until his 41st fight… and didn’t see another

Good ol' Bess died in 1934 in a little paddock near the Ag. They erected a memorial in honour of her; it had two plaques, one listing the countries Bess served in during and post war, and the other with 'In the Name of the Most High God' written in Arabic. The Stephen Spielberg movie "War Horse" has encouraged

one until his 129th. Keep in mind, those were only his professional fights. Robinson had an amateur record of 85-0. Muhammad Ali described him as “the King, the Master, my idol.” Sugar Ray Leonard (who took Robinson’s name) was once

people to think about the efforts of the mighty steed in War, with

quoted, “Someone once said there was a comparison between

particular members of our communities vying for more recogni-

Sugar Ray Leonard and Sugar Ray Robinson. Believe me, there’s

tion of mounted riflemen and their contribution to WWI. When the

no comparison. Sugar Ray Robinson was the greatest.”

Government said 'No' to a monument in the National War Museum in Wellington, 'Friends of Bess' spokesman Fred MacDonald said, "We're not going to go away till they recognise that a lot of New Zealanders owe their heritage to these mounted riflemen." Nan Simcox, centenarian and owner of her beloved warhorse "Nigger" remembers "my brother and I went down to the wharf to see Nigger. Russell (a fallen soldier) decided Nigger would come home even though he didn't have a rider." So next dawn parade, take a wreath and a horseshoe to honour Bess, Nigger and all the other lovely equines who fought for your

In case you’re unaware, these are not modest people I’m quoting. Their praise does not come lightly. Most described him as the best pound-for-pound fighter the world has ever seen. And he should be, the term ‘pound-forpound’ was invented by sports commentators as a direct result of Robinson’s masterful style. He was as much a sensation out of the ring as he was in it; known for his flamboyant lifestyle of acting, singing and dancing. He was the asshole sports star before being the asshole sports star was cool… and then asshole-y again… Lebron

freedom.

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The Conforming Bullshit of Beauty NINA FOX

Think how many industries would go out of business if women just decided they loved their bodies. Nina's sick of being told you have to conform to be beautiful, so ladies, put down that mascara and read on! Being a girl is fucking hard work. I am in no way trying to dismiss the

thigh-gap came to the forefront of social media. Girls all over the world

struggles that the opposite sex encounters, but do they have to shave their

started posting Insta shots of the scenery that could be seen between

legs, groom their eyebrows, dye their hair, wear a cake-tonne of make-up

their legs, while others starved themselves to ‘fit in’ with this fucked up

and stress about their weight in order to not be an absolute social outcast?

ideal, which is actually most commonly achieved through genetics. 4Chan

No. But then again, do us girls really have to? Probably not. We are just

caught onto this ridiculous trend, with one user creating the ridiculous

made to feel like we have to, so that we conform to the bullshit propaganda

‘Bikini Bridge’ as a sort of social experiment. The bridge refers to the gap

of what beauty is.

between a girls bikini bottoms and her stomach, with hips protruding. The

Girls are ambushed daily by media, celebrities and even their peers to

4Chan user created fake celebrity twitters about it, and soon the image of

look a certain way i.e be wafer-thin, tall, preferably blonde, athletic looking

a ‘Bikini Bridge’ was viral. It became the new thigh gap: girls everywhere were actually falling for this

but not too muscly, wear make-up but be naturally

hoax and trying to achieve it.

pretty and don’t even get

How sad is that?

me started on the thigh-gap.

“KATE MOSS’S CONTROVERSIAL AND OVER-USED

People often applaud

Naturally, this is unattain-

QUOTE, “NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY

Marilyn Monroe for her

able for most of us unless

FEELS,” SET THE TONE FOR A GENERATION

curves and how she ‘stuck

we were to go under the knife and get total recon-

OF GIRLS, WHEN REALLY IT SHOULD HAVE

it to the system,’ but even she was a victim to the con-

figuration surgery, or in my

BEEN DISREGARDED AS THE MOST BULLSHIT

forming bullshit of beauty.

case put stilts in my legs

STATEMENT OF ALL TIME.”

The media even penetrated

to take me from my 5ft 1”

Monroe (not in a JFK way)

status to a stature similar

but so that Norma Jean felt

to Miranda Kerr. And even if

she had to bleach her hair

we did this, we’d probably come out like a washed up Pam Anderson and be called ‘fake.’ There’s just no winning. Kate Moss’s controversial and over-used quote, “nothing tastes as good

from brunette to her famous blonde, just to get jobs. People have been bullying women to look a certain way for years, it’s just reached a climax with the power of social media.

as skinny feels,” set the tone for a generation of girls, when really it should

If you think about it, women’s insecurities are a multi-million dollar busi-

have been disregarded as the most bullshit statement of all time. Clearly,

ness with people making money off diet pills, those suck-in undies and

Moss had been living off of her Saltine Crackers for some time and was in a

make-up, just to name a few. The pressure exerted on us to conform to

deranged state of confusion, having lost all ability to taste. Because I know

a stereotypical ideal ‘beauty’ is so strong because people are making

for a fact that a C N Cheese from Burgerfuel tastes a fuck load better than

money off it. Imagine how much money would be lost if girls and women

saltine crackers, which you have to eat in order to ‘feel skinny.’ Thus, my

just became confident with themselves and embraced their differences?

logic prevails. But it appears other girls took her words to heart, believing

Society’s ideas of ‘beauty,’ really is just a whole lot of bullshit that ultimately

that protruding collarbones are “beautiful,” dedicating ‘Tumblr’s’ to pictures

makes money off our insecurities and leaves us feeling like shit, so I say

of malnourished girls awkwardly posing to capture light on them. Then the

fuck that. You’re all beautiful, don’t buy in.

nexus magazine

So Gay ONYX LILY

People talk often about 'coming out' but what does that mean? And what is it really like? Onyx Lily from antisemantic.blogspot.com shares her experience. I found a box of old stuff recently and hidden among it

relationships were with men. At uni (the first time around)

was my high school diary. Cringe. But on a page some-

I had two mini-relationships with women, but they were

where in the middle of my 14th year of life, was something

more me experimenting with someone I knew was gay,

very interesting. Written in highly sophisticated code was

rather than having a genuine attraction to them as individu-

“I think I may be a naibsel.” (I’ll give you a moment to work that out...) Clearly my 14-year-old self was more on to it than I

people (including one ex-boyfriend), have asked me over

remembered, despite her proclivity for dreadful, over-

the years how I knew I was bisexual if I'd never slept with a

adjectived poetry, because it took me another 20 years to

woman. I don't think people really think through what they

figure out that I am, in fact, gay.

say, because when I said to the ex-boyfriend, bemused,

It’s not that I never had hints. While all my friends were

"So, before you slept with a woman did you think you were

lusting over pictures of Jeremy Jordan in Girlfriend maga-

gay?" or to others "If you've never slept with a man/woman,

zine (it was the 90s) and building shrines to Leonardo di

how do you know you're straight?" they quickly backed off.

Caprio in their bedrooms, I had a quiet crush on my science

(Similarly I remember a friend at high school telling me how

teacher. I had boyfriends, and I enjoyed kissing them and

he didn't like hanging around with gay guys because "they

stuff, but their stubble annoyed the hell out of me, and

might fancy me, ew". I asked him whether he thought

I always got kind of irritable when their post-pubescent

every straight female he met was likely to fancy him. "No,

erections pushed against my leg. (That kind of sounds like

of course not... oh, right".)

I was surrounded by a crowd of teenage boys all shoving

And then, a couple of years out of uni, I met a guy, we

their cocks at me: I do mean one at a time, when I was

went travelling together, got married and had a baby. As

“going out” with one of them.) At university I was almost unconsciously envious of the “out” lesbians, wanting to be part of their scene without ever really clicking as to why.

als- which clearly was not a good basis for a relationship. And I didn't go any further than kissing. Interestingly, a few

you do. I’m not sure what it was that prompted me to realise that I wasn’t happy. I had a good job, my home life was OK, my

When called to define my sexuality, I eventually settled

kid was about to start school and things were… fine. But I

on bisexual, although in the end, all of my long-term

wasn’t. I was living with someone who was my best friend

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rather than my true love. I had never really enjoyed sex

It was more that I met a very nice man who became my

since losing my virginity aged 17, and had begun to think

best friend, and I put up with not really enjoying the sex

that perhaps I was asexual, an identity which is growing

because I thought that's what people did. But once I had

in visibility alongside the LGBTI scene. I thought maybe I

a baby, and went through some other life-changing experi-

could be happy if I just didn’t have to have sex at all.

ences (stories for another day), I realised that I needed

But then... I started thinking more and more about girls. I found a website called Pink Sofa, a lesbian networking site, signed up, and the rest is history. So why did it take me so long to realise that I'm not

more. I needed to be happy. The fact is, despite significant strides in LGBTI acceptance, we still live in a very “straight” world. People assume you are straight until told otherwise, and people

straight, I'm not even bi, I'm gay? I don't really know. My

look and giggle when they see two girls holding hands

blogging friend Steph from stephrogers.com puts it pretty

or (horrors!) kissing in public. The media pushes hetero-

well in her post 'Being gay in a hetero-normative world' - “I

sexuality at us all the time, and when a gay or transgender

“I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALLY THINK THROUGH WHAT THEY SAY, BECAUSE WHEN I SAID TO THE EX-BOYFRIEND, BEMUSED, "SO, BEFORE YOU SLEPT WITH A WOMAN DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GAY?" OR TO OTHERS "IF YOU'VE NEVER SLEPT WITH A MAN/WOMAN, HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE STRAIGHT?" THEY QUICKLY BACKED OFF.”

didn’t see it because I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to be

storyline does appear in a soap, series, movie or advertise-

“normal”, I wanted to be just like everybody else. I didn’t

ment, it tends to be “about” gay in a way that it never is

want to rock the boat. I have always been an overachiever

Coming out is not an easy or straightforward thing, nor

termed a “type A personality”, being gay is a real chal-

is it something you do just once (I have been tempted to

lenge…” I grew up knowing gay people, I went to pride

just pay for a billboard and get it over and done with), but

parades, I did theatre studies as an undergrad for goodness

for me it’s been a mostly positive experience and a huge

sake, I had the opportunity to realise I was gay, but I didn't.

relief. Since coming out as gay (over and over and over) and

One theory I've kicked around with a few other women

particularly since finding the most incredible woman who

who have been in similar situations is to do with children.

incredibly loves me back, I am happier than I have been in a

I knew I wanted a kid or two and it's just easier to do it

long time. It feels right. It feels honest. And it feels like me.

via long term relationship with a man. I'm not saying I consciously thought "I wanna baby, gonna get me a man!"

about straight.

and a crowd-pleaser. For someone with what is commonly

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I guess gay really does mean happy.

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They say ignorance is bliss and I won’t say they’re wrong- because once you start wondering if you really want something, or if you’ve just been positioned to think you should want it, things get complicated. Rachael Elliott tells us why she’s not so sure about marriage and babies anymore, and why, despite extreme pressure to change her mind, she’s not budging. When I was twelve our teacher asked us to write down

made a point of getting my old baby photos out and show-

three long-term goals that we wanted to achieve. My

ing me all the cute blankets and things she’d put away for

friends wrote about becoming lawyers, doctors, or vet-

when I have kids of my own. It seems I’ve hit the magical

erinarians, getting sick cars or boats and making heaps of

age where it’s now appropriate for me to settle down and

cash. My three things were a horse, a farm, and a family:

have kids.

husband, 2.4 kids, and a cute dog. I’ve got the horse, I

She’ll never admit it, but my mother has a bad case of

don’t think I’ll ever afford a farm, but the jury is firmly out

Granny Lust. She wants small children to dandle on her

on the final one.

knee and spoil rotten. Last year I was the same age as

They say changing your mind is a good thing because

my mother was when she had me. She spent a few years

it shows you’re still thinking, and sometimes reconsider-

trying to conceive, so I’m well behind the eight ball in that

ing your opinion is great. Like the time I decided I don’t

respect. My life is not going the way she planned. It’s not

care if wearing leopard print makes me look like Cheryl

exactly going the way I planned either- but while I’m okay

West because she’s awesome and so am I. Or the time I

with that, sometimes it feels like I’m the only one that is.

decided that driving an automatic made me so irrationally

I always thought I’d get married and have kids. I was even

angry that buying a manual car was actually a public service.

engaged at one point, and partway into planning a wedding.

Or the time I realised that when you’re blonde and have no

That relationship went by the wayside when my partner

eyebrows, drawing them on in pencil makes your face look

started acting like he could dictate when, where and what

less weird. I changed my mind about doing my jockey’s

I did or didn’t do, and bitching about how I didn’t do the

apprenticeship when, at 50 kilos, I was told I was too fat. I

domestic work around the house- things like, washing his

changed my mind about what I wanted to study. I changed

dirty clothes. (This wasn’t the only reason for the split, but

my mind about never dyeing my hair and now that I’m gin-

sort of a straw, camel’s back kind of deal.) Now I’ll admit, I

ger, I can’t imagine going back to blonde.

have a fair amount of ‘fuck you, I’ll do what I want!’ running

On the whole, my loved ones have supported me when

in my veins, but something about that behaviour flicked a

I’ve changed my mind about something. But what about

switch in my brain, and I found myself trying to pinpoint

the time I changed my mind about marriage and babies?

why I wanted to get married- not just to this guy, but at all.

For the last few years my mother has been giving me

And I couldn’t.

Christmas presents with a suggestive undertone. I was

So I did some soul searching to try and decide if marriage

first clued into her game when she gave me a 6L slow

and babies are a vital part of who I am, or if they’re things

cooker. Something about that made me raise my eye-

I’ve been positioned into desiring and never questioned.

brows- because as handy as a slow cooker is when you’re

And while I couldn’t pinpoint why I wanted to get married,

a student, 6L just seems excessive, especially as I live

the reasons it made me uncomfortable came in thick and

alone. Then last year she gave me a platter set- stacks of

fast. The historical oppression and ownership of women

huge plates for serving vast amounts of food. She also

through marriage- and the continuing gender roles that

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position me as housewife and mother. The fact that unless

truth: that is not what I want my life to look like. I don’t

I get married, I’m probably never going to be able to afford

want some weird imbalance of power where I’m encour-

a house, which feels like a subtle dig at my independence.

aged to stay at home and play mum while the man goes

The idea that I’d be contractually tied to someone, in a rela-

out to earn the dollars. And that’s part of what makes me

tionship that’s supposed to be about love.

wonder if I want kids.

But right now it’s mostly the fact that marriage is

I don’t think I’ve made my mind up about babies yet- but

touted by almost everyone I speak to as the solution to

suffice to say, I don’t think kids will ‘complete me’ or ‘show

all my problems. That once I meet the ‘right guy’ it will

me my true purpose’. I want a family, I want to be loved, I

all become clear and I’ll ride off into the sunset like I’m

don’t want to die alone- but I’m not selfish enough to have

in some douchey Disney movie. That I need a husband to

kids just because I want love. If I have kids I want to do

take care of me, because clearly I’m doing a shit job of

it with someone who really wants them, and doesn’t buy

that on my own. Don’t get me wrong- I want a relationship. But I want

into gender roles. If I have kids I want to do it when I’m financially and emotionally stable. If I have kids, I want it to

to be a team with someone who loves me as I am, who

be my conscious choice, not just ‘the thing you do when

wants to grow and change, stick it out for the hard yards-

you turn 30’ or because I might regret it later. And one day

and who wants to have lots and lots of sex. But I’m also

I might I change my mind, end up in a silly white dress and

“I DID SOME SOUL SEARCHING TO TRY AND DECIDE IF MARRIAGE AND BABIES ARE A VITAL PART OF WHO I AM, OR IF THEY’RE THINGS I’VE BEEN POSITIONED INTO DESIRING AND NEVER QUESTIONED.”

a complete person, I’m not some weepy ‘half’ waiting to

pop out a bunch of babies. But it will be because I thought

be completed. And the fact that all I seem to hear at the

about it, I chose it and I decided it was for me. Not because

moment is some variation on “so when are you going to

it’s what I’m meant to do.

get married/have kids?” made me realise that I’d convinced

Being a 20 or 30 something year old woman is hard. You

myself that my success depended on getting married and

have to be educated, you have to have a great career and

popping out sprogs because of well-meaning people who

earn pots of money, you have to have a lovely home and

inadvertently remove my choices from me. They assume

family, you have to accomplish a whole bunch of things

that because I’m female of a certain age, that it’s high time

(preferably while making pots of money or being the best

I got a ring on my finger and a bun in the oven.

soccer-mom ever) and at some point along the way, you

But getting married and having kids is actually my choice. I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of it like that before.

have to become enlightened. If you don’t tick all of society’s boxes then there’s something wrong with you. So I guess

Everything came to a head last Christmas when my

that means there is something wrong with me. And while

mother, frustrated at my attempts to explain my lack of

sometimes it feels very lonely over here, walking my own

desire for a husband, told me I’d never find true love as I

path, I refuse to let my identity be subverted by what I’m

refused to accept that a man’s role was to financially sup- ‘meant’ to be doing. I’m not a damsel in distress over my

port a woman while she stays home and has babies, and

lack of a husband, I don’t need some knight to ride in on

that she repays him when he’s old and needs nursing. In

his white horse and rescue me- I’ll rescue myself. I knew

that moment I was forced to confront my inconvenient

there was a reason I got a horse…

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Gender Identity: More Than Just a Tick Box ONYX LILY

Onyx Lily on why gender isn't just about your dangly bits - or lack thereof. No one likes filling in forms, but imagine how much worse

in Auckland, after initially being denied entry to the competi-

it would feel trying to do so when one of the very first

tion because she was not “born female”. New Zealand has a

questions poses a huge obstacle – Gender: M or F? With

relatively good track record in some respects, Georgina Beyer

between 2 – 5% of the population identifying as transgender,

was the world’s first openly transgender mayor (of Carterton

and even more for whom neither label quite works, it’s time

District) as well as the world’s first openly transgender

the rest of us woke up to the fact that a closed, two-way ques-

Member of Parliament.

tion (thanks MCOM292)regarding gender just isn’t enough.

But despite gains in recent years, people who identify as

As a cisgender person (someone who identifies as the gen-

outside of the generally accepted binary of male or female,

der they were assigned at birth) trying to be supportive of the

cisgender, heterosexual are still overrepresented in areas like

trans* community, the first thing I wanted to do was to get

depression, suicide, sexual assault, unemployment and home-

the words and the concepts right, and it can be confusing at

lessness. People like Family First’s Colin Craig continue to

first. Terms such as gender queer, gender fluid, asexual, and

spread misinformation and specious arguments and the media

pansexual are well known in the trans* community, but less

continue to portray trans* people in a poor or inaccurate light.

so outside of it. Although it has been dismissed by some in the trans* community as overly simplistic, the “Genderbread” graphic is a good place to start. Rather than thinking about biological sex, gender identity,

So if you want to be an ally for the trans* community, here are a few simple “dos” and “don’ts”: Do keep an open mind. Don’t assume that because someone dresses “like a girl”

gender expression and sexual orientation as interwoven, the

they want you to use female pronouns for them (or vice versa)

Genderbread model takes each of these as distinct parts of

– ask them.

a person’s identity. A person can be born with XX chromosomes and female sexual organs, or XY chromosomes and male sexual organs, but there are a hell of a lot of options in

Do learn the difference between different gender identities, but remember that people choose how to self-identify. Don’t buy into heteronormativity!

between, or completely outside of, that binary. Someone’s

Do challenge the assumptions and prejudices of others.

biological sex does not dictate how they will dress or behave,

Oh, and remember that it’s not all about surgery. Please

or to whom they will be romantically or sexually attracted (if

don’t ask a trans* person about their genitals. Ever. Seriously.

they experience romantic or sexual attraction at all).

My vagina does not make me a woman any more than it does

Alternatives to “traditional” gender identity and expression

for a MTF (male-to-female) transgender woman. If you are

are becoming more visible: for example, transgender model

questioning your own gender identity and are looking for sup-

Amy Brosnahan recently made headlines when she made

port, try genderbridge.org, or rainbowyouth.org.nz.

the finals of the Battle of the Babes modelling competition

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Colour Me Male MDG

Let's hear it for the boys - and not just the gun-toting, beer-chugging rugby obessed ones. I was not a good fit for the masculine heterosexual

being comfortable in your own skin. It sounds facile but it’s

paradigm growing up. I spoke delicately and didn’t like

one of the hardest things to do. As hard as discovering that,

sports. I hated beer, couldn’t fire a gun, and was hopeless

just as you don’t like every person you meet, not everyone

in the shed. In the early 90’s, I wasn’t worth much as a man.

you meet will like you. Give up trying to be liked; the people

My parents didn’t mind. I was the youngest of four boys;

who matter will love you whether you wear skirts or shirts.

they didn’t need any more men about the farm. My half-

Here: I’m giving you permission to not like people. But

brother, however, six years my senior, wanted a homosocial

you need a damn good reason. Failing to meet your expec-

rough-and-tumble sort of younger sibling to keep him com-

tations of race or gender or sexuality doesn’t count. That

pany. Drink until you get used to the taste. Don't be a bitch.

way lies all sorts of -isms and -phobias. This is the twenty-

We’re going up Pirongia with the rifles. Carry what you

first century and you’re probably on your way to a university

shoot. Faggot.

education. So here’s your task: Take a moment to see the

Sometimes the bruises wouldn’t fade for a fortnight.

humans in your lecture theatre, walking the streets, dying

“HERE MY VALUE AS A HUMAN BEING, AND AS A FRIEND, WAS MEASURED BY HOW I DID MY HAIR OR HOW MUCH I COULD DRINK; THE NUMBER OF PUSH-UPS I COULD FINISH; HOW MANY GIRLFRIENDS I’D HAD; WHAT COLOURS I WORE.”

Years later, he shrugged it off. He said he expected me to

in hospitals, brewing your coffee. Ask them what their

be tougher. He did it 'for my own good'.

favourite birthday present was. Ask where they want to

High school wasn't much of an improvement. Here my

travel. Ask about the books they're reading. I guarantee

value as a human being, and as a friend, was measured by

each of them has a different life story to tell. This planet is

how I did my hair or how much I could drink; the number

too wet and too crowded to fight over how masculine or

of push-ups I could finish; how many girlfriends I’d had;

feminine, how gay, straight, queer, lesbian, or transgender

what colours I wore. It wasn’t enough to simply be a guy.

someone ‘ought’ to be.

You needed to act it. There was no rulebook but they knew when you were in the wrong. But the world is so much bigger than the high school common room. And things do get better. We dedicate much of our youth to borrowing ideologies, quirks, catch-phrases, then losing the unwanted layers and growing in new ways with each season. Repeat. Listen: part of growing up is shedding conscious affectations and

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I am neither proud nor ashamed of the gender fate thrust upon my mortal coil. I am also neither proud nor ashamed of my hair colour or height, my teeth, the size of my feet or my sexuality. I’m as human as I want to be, and that’s enough. And I won't let anyone make me feel bad for that. Remember: If you're lucky you'll get around 30,000 days. Use them wisely. You’ve got to be kind. Goddammit babies, you’ve got to be kind.

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“IF HE’S NOT MOTIVATED TO LEARN, OR GETS HIS LITTLE PANTIES IN A TWIST BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING HONEST, GO OUT AND FIND YOURSELF A REAL MAN...”

BAD SEX BLUES Aunty Slut

Dear Aunty Slut, I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now. He’s a

makes me think you’re facing an uphill battle in educating this genius.

bit older than me, and we wanted to take it slow, so held off

But if you really love him, and want to make it work (sigh)

having sex until we knew we were really into each other. We

the first thing you must, must, MUST do is STOP faking

started sleeping together a month ago, but even though he

orgasms. As Daisy Loa said: “Society already tells young

seems pleased, I think it’s terrible! I love this guy, and I feel

men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn

shallow for not enjoying the sex but it’s starting to affect my

your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them

confidence- I’ve even started faking orgasms so he’ll stop

know about it.” Have a frank discussion about what does it

jack-hammering me. What do I do?

for you and what doesn’t. You can phrase it nicely if you want,

Disappointed

(“I would really love it if…” or “It really turns me on when you…”) but if you want results, throw down the gauntlet

Dear Disappointed, It’s not shallow to not be turned on by someone, it’s

with “I love you, but you’re not getting me off, and I’m not sure I can stay in a relationship where I’m not being satisfied

just honest. It’s important to be sexually compatible with

sexually.” A) Guys love competition and B) he’ll be motivated

your partner. For women there seems to be an opportune

to learn. If he’s not motivated to learn, or gets his little pant-

moment to sleep with someone- late enough that they’ll

ies in a twist because you’re being honest, go out and find

take you seriously but early enough that you know you’re

yourself a real man, one who knows that real sex is not just

compatible. If anyone ever finds this moment, please let me

about his ejaculation, or even penetration at all. In fact- put

know, because in my experience you’re more likely to fall on

it to him like that- tell him you won’t be having penetrative

either side of it than you are to get it right. Good sex can be taught- but my honest advice is to get out now and save yourself the drama. If he’s older and he still hasn’t got his shit together, it’s doubtful he’ll let go of

sex with him, and that you’ll have to find other ways to get each other off. And if all else fails, start sending him pointed how-to youtube videos.

his pride enough to learn how to get you off the way you

Ultimately, no matter how much society tells you that your

deserve. The fact that you said he seems happy with the

sexual self is unimportant, bad, dirty or inconsequential

sex and is oblivious (or apathetic) to the fact that you’re not

never forget that you are glorious, and you deserve to be

enjoying yourself (because no matter how good an actress

happy. If he still doesn’t get it, walk out the door with your

you are honey, any man being honest with himself KNOWS)

head held high and know that it’s HIS loss baby, not yours.

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WAS THAT A DATE?

FIRST YEAR FIFTEEN

The Foreign Invasion Melody Wilkinson

Louise vs the World Louise Hutt

Recently I had a very odd encounter and I was wondering if this

Recently, I’ve got an Instagram account and like most forms of

was a normal occurrence in New Zealand. I was at the mall writ-

social media I’m already abusing and overusing it. I was looking

ing my novel (as you do, you know…) and two perfect strangers sat

back at some old photos on my hard drive from when I was at high

down at my table. I was sitting writing with my iPod in my ears and

school, and internally comparing them to some photos I had put

they sat down and pushed their sub sandwiches at my computer so

online earlier in the day. I like fashion; I thought I looked cute, so I

I had to quickly scoot it out of the way. There was no ‘Hey, it is really

didn’t think twice about posting them. However, in comparing them,

crowded here, do you mind if we just sit here and eat our sub sand-

I remembered the hideous words I was told when I left high school:

wiches?’ Nothing. And there were some open tables, not right there

“the first year five”.

but scattered around the place. Also, it was not a huge table where it

Like many aspects of our society, these words, usually uttered

is clear you are sitting separately. It was a very small table that would

with scorn or snark, are used to remind people (usually women)

be uncomfortable with your own family sitting at it. They never really

that their worth is hugely decided by their appearance. In this case,

looked at me and my laptop was now teetering on the edge of the

it’s weight and for some reason, putting on extra kilos after leaving

table. I wondered what the appropriate protocol in situations like

high school is seen as this thing to be truly ashamed of. And you

this was. Do you take your iPod out of your ears and talk to them?

know what?

Ask them questions about their lives or do you start talking about

I have. When I was in high school I played netball, had dance

Jesus? That could be funny. I don’t think they would ever interrupt a

practice sometimes up to three times a week, was on the ball com-

writing session again if I popped out my earphones and said, ‘Thank

mittee, ran our Stage Challenge production and managed to be Dux

you for coming tonight.’ And then took their hands and said, ‘Let’s

as well. I was less than fifty kilos and the stress was visible in the

start with a prayer’. There were endless possibilities that made me

ribcage poking through my skin.

giggle. But even this did not get them to look at me or acknowledge

Looking at photos now, yeah I can see I’ve put weight on around

my presence. I decided I should take out the earphones and at least

my face, yeah I had to throw out some of my clothes, and when I

listen to their conversation. They were not talking so now I am just

see the comparison my brain does whisper, “Oh god, you’ve got fat,

a part of the awkward married couple dinner. I search my mind for

you got the first year fifteen and kept it”. I really struggled with it for

a really clever line and I’ve got nothing, absolutely blank. And then

a long time and I couldn’t figure it out, my diet hadn’t changed that

the woman leaves and there it’s just the two of us, still nothing....

drastically, what did I do? Eventually it dawned on me; university is

Now I am on my own awkward date with a man in his 50s. I feel

really fucking stressful and sometimes a whole block of chocolate

the pressure to speak growing. Silence can be terrifying on a date. I

looks like it will make you feel better. Subsequent blocks later, I have

should say something, something about women and shopping but

realised that eating to make myself feel better doesn’t really work

unfortunately I am not sexist and have no funny sexist jokes. I am

and dealing with stuff is actually more productive.

then wondering to myself if I have ever found a sexist joke funny

That said; I haven’t really lost any of that “first year five”. Recently,

when he leaves as well. Does that mean I failed? If this is a normal

with many affirmations from my boyfriend, I’ve gotten better at

occurrence in this country, clearly I am going to need some practice…

silencing that voice and remembering that my worth isn’t measured

maydaydownunder.blogspot.co.nz.

by a set of scales. I’m still “thin” by society standards; not subjected to many of the prejudices that other people are, simply for not conforming to this standard. I’ve come to realise that I needed to stop focusing on being “thin”, and instead on being healthy, whether that includes extra kilos or not.

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nexus magazine

CHRISTIANITY WITHOUT THE BULLSHIT

KRAFTY KUTTTTTTSSSS Carnage Jules Craft

Give a Shit Tee-Ship

We’re in for a frother in the next few months my beautiful fellow Usually I trawl through a myriad of international issues in order to bring you beautiful bastards something to wrap your minds around but this week I think I’m going to keep it a little closer to home. There are so many heavily fucked up things in this world that I find myself wondering how in the hell anybody, let alone some bearded asshole from Hamilton, can do anything about anything… I was having coffee with my father last week and he said something that caught my attention. “I’ve been paying it forward lately.” That’s right- paying it forward. If you remember anything about the year 2000 that wasn’t “thank Christ the world didn’t implode just now” you may remember the movie adaptation of Catherine Ryan Hyde’s Pay It Forward, staring the world’s favourite (at the time) child star Haley Joel Osment, who by the way, has grown to be a stunning figure of masculine beauty… go on… Google him. The main point of the movie… before the stabbing of the kid (which let’s be honest with ourselves, is absolutely an allegory for what is about to happen to his career… I mean… you can only “see dead people” for so long) the main point of the movie is to do a favour for somebody and have them pay it forward- do something nice for someone else. At least I think that’s the plot. I’m going to be honest, I don’t think I ever finished the movie. So anyway my old man tells me he’s been “paying it forward lately” having been behind a tourist in line at a supermarket in Taupo who had forgotten her wallet and he offered to pay for her. Not a massively big deal, but a nice thing to do. He told me that my big brother Nick had inspired him into being a more charitable person—my big brother, a 29 year old who has been on minimum wage for the past five years but still gives weekly to multiple charities and walks around Tauranga city buying meals for homeless people. He also told me that when he was in town the day before and he had gone off to the bathroom leaving my 11 year old brother Scott and his friends waiting outside. When he returned he found that my Scott had just given 5 dollars (all the money in his wallet) to the Salvation Army collector who was collecting donations. When my father asked why he gave them all his money he replied; “I just wondered what Nick would do.” My point here is that although these acts are small they can have a profound impact on other people, and promote the fact that being kind is more important

study buddies and it all started last Thursday at the Back Bar. Here in our wonderful city we’ve always had a strong contingent of epic DJs, so if you ever feel like moving those devilish feet to some funky ass beats then we’ve got you covered across all the genres. From House to Glitch hop, or Gryme to bedtime rhymes you’re guaranteed to find yourself a disc jockey to suit your taste. The best part about this is that our music mix makers are really starting to stomp out an identity for themselves and the music scene in Hamilton. If you want to check out our locals, NoizeRadio.co.nz is one way to get your fix. It’s a place where a few guys do live mixes and shows, you can stream live or listen to some other stuff that’s already been uploaded for your musical pleasure. Now back to last Thursday: perhaps one of the epicest plays so far, by some miraculous miracle and hard work behind the scenes, the back bar managed to get DJ Krafty Kuts up on the decks. Krafty Kuts is an electronic funk master originally from England. Before Thursday I had never really listened to much of his music and, if I’m going to be completely honest, I’d only liked his facebook page because he had the epic K version of my name and I liked how they sounded the same. However, once I experienced his ability to mix and keep your toes moving and your head banging all night I definitely became a fan. My favourite part of the whole night was that no matter what time you walked in the place was packed and everyone in there was charging, it’s testament to the hype of a DJ when people don’t sit down for longer than a 5 minute break (come on now, can’t throw down radtastic, tasty, expert moves without a bit of a rest). It also made my heart swell to see how heavily everyone was getting into music, like I said, Hamilton’s always had a strong contingent of mixer maniacs and to get a massive act like Krafty on a Thursday night must have been quite the buzz for the people who have remained loyal to this style of music over the years. Krafty must have been loving it because he played for an hour longer than intended, I guess that makes two stoking K(C)rafts on a Thursday. If you haven’t really ever been into this style of music I reckon you should give it a nudge. Once you get into it you can find a whole plethora of song choices, genres, and sounds that you might have never thought of, it dam dope. Anyway Crafty out. Cheaaaaa.

than the money in your wallet. It’s not ending genocide or stopping persecution, it’s grassroots humanitarianism and I think it’s radical. I hope when given the opportunity I can be less of an asshole.

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WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR FRIEND STARTS DATING A CELEBRITY Alix Abroad Alix Higby

As you are aware, I’m currently located in LA which is famed for it’s celebrity and film culture – but I still think, statistically speaking, that your odds of going on a date with James Franco* are reasonably low. Ding, ding, ding. How does this happen? You’ve been volunteering on film sets for the last couple of months and one day you’re on a film with a couple of big names. It starts with his producer sidling up to you and pressing you for generic factoids about yourself – key being age and mobile number. He’s actually hardly said two words to you all day because he’s in between takes, he’s incredibly important to the Instagram community. Before you know it, he’s all up in your iMessage and you’re going for a walk around LA in the middle of the night and promising not to tell your friends. You mention you have tickets to his show on Broadway and he insists you meet up afterward. You then tell your friends. Only like, one or two. And your mum. You don’t know what he expects, really. Your friend is constantly busy with film sets but you totally

“SHE BORROWS YOUR FAVOURITE PINK SHIRT TO MEET UP WITH HIM AND YOU REALLY CAN’T SAY NO - YOUR SHIRT IS GOING ON A DATE WITH JAMES FRANCO.”

understand because she’s a film major and this is Hollywood. At lunch one day she tells you, in a very pre-planned and articulated way, the story of how James Franco picked her up on one such set. It takes 24 hours to really believe it. She borrows your favourite pink shirt to meet up with him and you really can’t say no - your shirt is going on a date with James Franco. Afterwards, she divulges the main events of the night – including the fact that she ripped your favourite pink shirt. Obviously you can’t be mad because you really want to meet him after his Broadway show. She seems to have forgotten that he is an actor, a good one, and has thrown him the absolute benefit of the doubt over his intentions. You are quietly cynical and finish your salad. She insists that you tell no one because he doesn’t want it getting out. You then write a column about it. You’re not sure what anyone expects, really. *this article may or may not actually be about Franco. Most likely it is, I just don’t wanna get in trouble.

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STEP & PUMP Road to Fitness Lauren Heginbotham

I had taken a slight detour from the advice given to me by High Performance and Rehabilitation Consultant Justin Stewart (AKA Fitness Guru) when I first kicked off on my Fitness Challenge at the start of this year. To recap, as I get bored easily, I was advised to attend as many Group Exercise classes as possible. This is no mean feat when UniRec provides 40+ classes each week. I had made a dent in the list but so far I’d not made it to the Step or Pump classes that Justin had specifically recommended. More worried about the Step than the Pump, I hedged my bets by taking on the combo class, conveniently named Stump, to ensure that my confidence would not take a dive on the step block.

THE DOS AND DON’TS FOR THE FASHIONABLE MALE A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson

Setting myself up at the back of class I was ready to go. Unwittingly, I found myself with a nervous grin plastered on my face for the first ten minutes of class, despite being surrounded by people who clearly knew what they were doing…

Do: Bomber Jackets. First worn by pilots in WW1, this jacket was made eternally cool in

Starting with Step, I learnt how to ‘shoot the hoop’, ‘sumo,’

the 1960s by such hunks as James Dean, Alain Delon and Steve McQueen. Stay away

‘mambo cha cha,’ ‘hammer knee,’ do various side leg, kick or knee ‘repeaters’. I’ll admit, I’m still working on the tricky ‘kick o’shea’… The class seemed to whizz by. I enjoyed the variation, how it

from totes ironic neon bombers and opt for burgundy, black or navy instead. Don’t: Tail and Mullet T-Shirts. A subtle change in length is ok, but a weird butt flap is not. Imagine if you were wearing one of these t-shirts and you let off a gigantic fart and it blew up. Haha. Now stop wearing them.

was broken up into three Step sessions, which got the heart

Do: Floral Prints. It’s nice to know men can take a moment away from oppressing

rate up, mixed with a series of three resistance sets for toning.

women and working in the mines to appreciate the feminine things in life. Trending flowers

When it came to ‘switch’ time, it was a relief to put aside

right now are roses, Birds of Paradise and orchids.

my lack of expertise on the platform and get busy with a

Do: Dumb Hats. Bucket and boonie hats are so hot right now. Just don’t add a do-rag à

resistance band. An all-over body workout, my arms, glutes

la Mac Miller. By the way, does anyone even listen to that annoying runt? If so, tweet me

and midsection were covered between the aerobic stepping

@felineland. I also accept nudes.

phases. By the time we got to the final stepping round I was done. Energy spent.

Do: Slouch Beanies. I’ve had yet to meet a male that doesn’t look adorable in a slouch beanie. Always allow a little hair to peek through the front so you don’t look like you’re

Yet… I kept going. The beauty of the Group Ex scene means

hiding something. As a side note: When I was younger I used to call these beanies “floppy

it’s impossible to give up - especially when you see ladies

condom beanies” and make hilarious jokes about the wearers being dickheads. I didn’t

who are older, stronger and clearly more coordinated than

have a boyfriend until I was 18.

you absolutely going for it. With the instructor Jolie willing

Do: Chinos. A Google image search of “chinos” showed One Direction as being a related

us on for the final endorphin fix, I tuned in to the music and

search. I’m not sure who this 1D is, but there’s one direction young women are heading,

got myself through – albeit with kicks that weren’t quite as

and that’s towards men in chinos. Am I right ladies?

vigorous... Luckily for me, Jolie says that coming to Stump a couple of times a week will mean you’ll see and feel the results… Another incentive for getting back there in a hurry.

Don’t: Paisley. I remember paisley coming back into fashion when I was a working model. I’ve been eating carbs for two years now. You do the calculations. Paisley is dead. Do: Stripes. Stripes are the second easiest way, behind being born attractive, to look fashionable without even trying. Optional extras include roaming the French Riviera and getting an anchor tattoo. Don’t: Weed Print Socks. In the great words of Blackstreet, “No diggity, I got to ba…ck the fuck away from the dude in the weed socks.”

nexus magazine

A LITTLE JOKE Politics Ryan Wood

Did you hear the one about Maurice Williamson? He’s the

so Mr Liu was given a special exemption. The next day he

ministerial portfolios, until his May Day resignation in the wake

underwent the magic citizen ceremony in Maurice’s own

of revelations regarding a phone call he made to police.

office, becoming a fully-fledged New Zealander just like that.

Don’t laugh yet, we’re still far from the punch-line. You might

It seems obvious that Maurice and Mr Liu are friends, of a

be wondering why a minister would be forced to resign over

sort. They’re friends in the National Party way, which means

a simple phone call. What could he have possibly said to

that Mr Liu made a $22,000 donation to National, and so he

police to send him tumbling down from the lofty heights of

gets his own government minister to be buddies with and

parliament? Well, in a nutshell, Maurice phoned the police last December to enquire about a domestic violence investigation into his

help him out when times are tough. Evidently, this includes special phone calls to police after he teaches the missus a hard lesson.

‘friend’, Mr Liu. He just wanted to remind the police that Mr

So, what’s the joke, I hear you ask. Where’s the punchline?

Liu had invested a lot of money in New Zealand, and so maybe

Well, it comes on September 20, when Maurice Williamson

they should make sure they were on ‘solid ground’ before

stands for, and wins, re-election in Pakuranga, despite reveal-

proceeding with any charges.

ing that domestic violence charges don’t worry him when

Now, you might have noticed that the word ‘friend’ is

it comes to who he chooses to associate with or who he

pinched between quotation marks. That’s because Maurice

chooses to go in to bat for. And it’s the subsequent three years,

has stated that they’re not actually friends, because they don’t

when he and his government continue to bend and break the

socialise, and Mr Liu don’t speak the English too good. But,

rules so they can sell citizenship, land, and everything else

the thing is, Maurice seems to have taken a disturbing interest

in between to foreigners who don’t give a damn about the

in Mr Liu. They have neighbouring holiday homes and Maurice

place or the people.

even helped Mr Liu buy his. When Mr Liu wanted to become a New Zealand citizen, he was rejected, because he doesn’t spend enough time here, and isn’t too hot with the lingo. But

Maurice put the pressure on the Immigration Minister, and

MP for Pakuranga, who formerly held several inconsequential

nexusmag.co.nz

As Rorschach would say, “Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.”

nexus magazine

Blind Dat�

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

THE LADY'S EXPERIENCE

THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE

I was surprised to find out I had an opportunity to

Arriving first, I quickly got started on a pint while wait-

go on a blind date, and even more surprised when

ing for this ‘mystery woman’. Only a few sips into it, a

I saw how impressive his facial hair was. After the

50+ year old woman walked in and started talking to

initial awkwardness, I was relieved he wasn’t a weirdo,

the barman. I was just about to run for the door when

quite attractive I might add. A special mention should

in she came, majestically...... followed by her friends

go to his shirt, I couldn’t quite figure exactly what

(her rape guards). We were finally sitting at a table and

it was, but I liked it! A sip of apple juice, a bite of

conversation had to start somewhere. "So... what do

chicken and sweet Crème brûlée later, conversation

you like to do" I asked. "Nothing. I don’t have any hob-

started flowing. By sharing stories, I learnt a lot. He

bies. I just eat and sleep." she replied. Oh no, I thought,

had travelled far, teaching abroad, playing music and

this is going to be a long night! We eventually found a

having a ball. A boring teacher he was not, teaching

shared love of traveling and it was difficult to say who

tunes and jamming along, telling drunken stories and

had visited more countries. Conversation kept flowing

travelling adventures. It definitely got me intrigued. A

and the food (and drink) were great. After a satisfying

giggle here and there, and time flew by. I had fun, not

dinner we sat and chilled on couches with the ‘protec-

gonna lie. I had a memorable experience and hope he

tive’ friends, who had been secretly peering around

didn’t think it was half bad.

the corner all evening (yes I could see you). Overall a fun night, free food, drinks, a lot of laughs and even a complimentary ride home.

PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT

nexus magazine

STUDENT PRESIDENT SEEKS NIGHT WORKER STUDENTS' UNION PRESIDENT AARON LETCHER

— Despite this week’s theme for Nexus being “Identity”, I really just

it comes to delivering the services that students want, when they want

been focusing on the issues that really affect students. I’m not talking

them. In fact, when considering the comparisons above it’s quite evident

cheaper pints or out of control parties; I’m talking better services that will

we aren’t even in the same race anymore. We are running in the Special

improve the quality of your education. For many students education will

Olympics, and we aren’t even winning.

be the biggest, if not the most expensive, investment they make in their

Our current library hours don’t sit well with student schedules. To give a

lifetime. We don’t just invest dollars, but time. Every year we spend hitting

tangible but entirely hypothetical situation, and I mean really hypothetical,

the books is a year that we aren’t earning. The question I would put to

let’s say you managed to crawl out of bed for that 8am lecture that I know

you is ‘Are you getting return for your investment?’ Students need to start

you’ve never attended. You’re on your way to class and decide you need to

thinking of themselves as the customers of the University. We pay good

print your lecture slides. Shock horror, you can’t. The library doesn’t open

money for the institution to deliver a service, and if we don’t feel services

until 8:30. Does it not make sense for the library to open when lectures

are up to scratch we need to let them know so it can be corrected. If you

start? If 8am is too early, then why expect students to get up at that

ordered a double cheeseburger at McDonalds and they forgot the cheese,

time when in reality we know they can’t function before 10? These are

I’m sure you would complain. Why is the service delivery of the University

the questions that a half-baked philosophy lecturer should be considering

any different?

somewhere. Perhaps in the library, only after 8.30 though.

This is where library hours come into the conversation. The University of

As Waikato students we already get enough shit from our friends else-

Waikato library is open from 8:30am – 9pm on weekdays, but this just isn’t

where in the country for attending a “second rate university”, the last thing

doing it for me anymore. A quick Google search of other Universities shows

we need is our institution confirming their jibes by delivering second rate

that the University of Canterbury library is open from 8am – 11pm on

services.

weekdays, the University of Otago 7am – 11pm, the University of Auckland

This week a student survey should be arriving in your University email

8am – 10pm and Victoria University of Wellington 8am – 10:30pm. Even

inbox relating to the services that the library offers. Fill it out, you know

those space cadets at WINTEC open their library at 8am, despite the fact

you want to.

their students are more likely to sever a finger with a drop-saw than to

open a book. The University of Waikato is seriously off the pace when

want to rant about library hours. Over the past weeks the WSU have

nexusmag.co.nz

PHOTOGRAPH: BROOK JAMES

nexus magazine

WORKPLACE WARNINGS TONY STEVENS FROM YWRC

— Once upon a time I was hauled into my employer’s office and given a blast for yakking to a co-worker on company time. I was working in a retail outlet at the time and me and my buddy liked to debate the virtues of rock music to pass the time. My boss came down like a ton of bricks and afterwards told me I’d received a verbal warning. “If I see you talking when you should be working again” he said “then you’ll receive a written warning and that’s your last strike – any more after that and you risk your job.” He put the fear of god into me and so our friendly debates on who was the better frontman, Freddy Mercury or Brian Johnson, went the way of the dodo. Pretty much everyone thinks that if you don’t

ACCUSED OF MISCONDUCT?

meet your boss’ standards you must receive at least two warnings, one verbal and one written, before you go the way of the dodo.

AMBER CARDALE

But actually the law doesn’t have any such

—

requirement. Instead it says, on grounds of “fairness”, you should expect to get some warning (written or verbal) before being told

Over the last couple of weeks we have had a few enquiries regarding support at Student

to pack your bags. Unless of course you drive

Discipline Meetings. If you receive an email or letter from the Student Discipline

through the bosses wall in a tractor, high on

Committee for whatever reason- don’t panic. It is likely the committee wants to sit down

double browns and painkillers – that would be

and talk to you about something and no decision has been made prior to talking to you.

serious misconduct.

The Student Discipline Committee are a group of people that meet, analyse, discuss and

If it’s a disciplinary meeting, your boss needs

come to a decision about a situation involving plagiarism or misconduct that has happened

to give you notice and it’s a good idea to take

on campus recently.

a support person in with you, preferably some-

The Committee is made up of a chairperson, administrator, lecturers and student mem-

one who knows their stuff and discourages

bers. The meetings are confidential and happen so that the student has a fair chance to

wool-pulling by the employer.

explain their story.

It’s also not uncommon for warnings to have a

How do the student advocates fit into this? The advocates can help, guide and pre-

shelf-life once they go on your record, usually

pare students throughout the whole process. Advocates can sometimes even speak on

no more than 12 months.

your behalf.

If you do get a summons to a disciplinary meeting seek advice before attending.

Contact: 0800 AT YWRC, ywrc@xtra.co.nz.

If this has happened to you recently and you would like support through this process then make an appointment with the advocates.

Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz

nexus magazine

NOTICES

Waikato Invitational FACEBOOK.COM/WAIKATOINVITATIONAL

drinking, or just want to see some more of New

a new Martial Art in New Year?

Zealands outdoors. Check out the tramping club

Waikato Kendo Club 2014 B & C Beginners Class

and join us on a mission into to the bush.

is coming shortly!

Flick an email to uni.tramping@outlook.com or

$150 for 15 sessions. Each session last 1.5 hours.

search ‘Waikato university tramping club’ on

Starts 10th May at S.O.E Gym, Gate 4, Hillcrest

Facebook to check us out

Road, University of Waikato. 1:30pm to 3:00pm every Saturday. Early Bird special in group or individual. Email to enroll: waikatokendo@gmail.com

One day of intense sporting competition, the Waikato Invitational is action packed - showcasing eight sports on Friday 30th May here at UoW.

Surfing Club UNISURF WAIKATO

Going head to head against rival Auckland tertiary institutes, bragging rights are at stake for the mighty Waikato. There can only be one winner, with all victories added to the final scoreboard.

International Party

If you constantly find yourself sitting around

TUESDAY 27TH MAY

thinking “Oh bra it would be super radical to get It's almost time for the 2014 games to begin. Don’t miss out, make sure you sign up and join the Waikato tribe today. Sign up now at UniRec.

shacked off my head right now” you need badly to go surfing. Recent research has shown that surfing increases a person’s ability to A) get mad stoked and B) be sufficiently righteous in a world full of squares. (TeeShip, 2013) So if you feel like occupying a point break or a peeling bank with a bunch of your fellow students, Check out Unisurf Waikato on facebook and get prepared to get PITTED.

Join us for an entertaining night and participate in our Discover Game to win prizes and celebrate our University's 50th Anniversary. Dress up to represent a country of your choice, be creative and you may win a prize! The more the merrier, so spread the word and bring your friends since this will be a great event with a lot of fun!

*Research findings may or may not have been fabricated in order to give credence to a surfer’s

See you there!

ability to conduct said research.

Tramping Club

Waikato Kendo Club

UNI.TRAMPING@OUTLOOK.COM

WAIKATOKENDO@GMAIL.COM

Interested in the bush, tramping, camping and

Interested about Japanese Fencing? Want to try

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Send any notices to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

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PUMPKIN SOUP Cooking for Students Zac Lyon

I have recently come back from Norway, where I was up in the north training. While Norway was a refreshing -10C average, Hamilton winter is a man-part shrivelling, damp, wet, magnitude colder. To warm up those cold nights, apart from your snuggle buddy, Warehouse mink blankets, and enough pairs of socks to dress an octopus, a good old hearty soup will do the trick. So I have got pumpkin soup for you guys this week. It's cheap, easy and tastes bloody good.

Ingredients 2 kg pumpkin skinned and cubed 1 large onion finely diced I large knob of fresh ginger finely chopped 3-4 cloves of garlic finely chopped 3 sprigs of rosemary finely chopped 1000ml of chicken or vegetable stock 300 ml of cream Coriander Nutmeg Salt and pepper

Directions 01_ Place your cubed pumpkin on a roasting tray, lightly

coat in oil, nutmeg, salt and pepper and throw into

an oven at 180C for about 20 mins.

02_ In the meantime, lightly fry your onion with the

ginger and rosemary until soft and fragrant.

03_ Into a large pot, pour in your stock, followed by

onion and ginger. Once your pumpkin has softened

and caramelised a little, plonk this into the pot as well.

04_ Add cream, and use either a stick blender, or bench

top blender to pulse the soup until it has a nice

smooth consistency.

06_ Add in chopped coriander, heat and serve. 07_ Pair it with some nice bread (all soup is better with

bread) and enjoy your insides being warmed, while

wrapped in your mink blanket at the table – we have

all been there before.

So next time you feel the ever-present chill of a Hamilton winter creeping up your pants, give the chill a big middle finger salute and slurp your way to warmth with a winter soup. Head over to Cooking4Students facebook page or youtube channel to more recipes.

nexus magazine

Codewords

Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Crack the code to solve the crossword.

KenKen

Sequence

The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the

What shape comes next?

upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)

Syllabic

1. Ten dollar bill: 2. Ancient city:

From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.

3. Response: 4. Wiped out:

ab - ac - ad - ble - buck - de - do - ed - ex - ii -

5. Forgiveness:

im - is - le - lec - lu - lux - mi - min - nat - ous - pe - po - pom - re - ri - saw - so - ta - tent - ter - ters - tion - tion - to - u

6. Delicious: 7. Manages: 8. Plush: 9. Powerless: 10. Ohio city:

Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,

nexusmag.co.nz

HARD

MEDUIM

column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.

EASY

Sudoku

Draw your answer here.

nexus magazine

Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.

Crossword

Solve the clues and fill in the words. Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.

Across

43. Mistake (5)

76. Tooth (7)

23. Countries (7)

59. Schooled (8)

1. Lampoon (6)

44. Secure (4)

77. Morning repast (9)

25. Outstanding (5)

60. Talk terms (9)

4. Singing voice (8)

45. Entertained (6)

78. Contemplated (8)

27. Wrong (9)

61. Sere (8)

9. Evident (8)

46. Turns red for acid (6)

79. Let in (8)

28. Steps (5)

62. Guitar pick (8)

15. Essential (9)

48. Ray (4)

80. Emphasis (6)

29. Halo (4)

63. Empty (6)

16. Implement (7)

52. Laconic (5)

31. Straight away (9)

64. Before (7)

17. By way of (3)

53. Swapped (9)

Down

33. Forestalled (9)

66. Card game (7)

18. Circumspection (7)

55. Prognosticated (9)

1. Stylish elegance (7)

34. Foster (7)

67. Pharmacist (7)

19. Prominent (7)

56. Beneficial (4)

2. Cloistered (9)

36. Paddle (3)

68. Field sport (7)

20. Considerate (7)

57. Metal fasteners (7)

3. Fate (7)

37. Appease (7)

69. Fairies (7)

21. Enlighten (5)

58. Notion (4)

5. Bottomless pit (5)

38. Beverage (3)

70. Sound (5)

22. Planet (5)

59. Everlasting (7)

6. Spears of frozen water (7)

40. Villainous (9)

71. Cut into cubes (5)

24. Freight (5)

63. Trace (7)

7. Luxury (8)

41. Glowing (7)

73. Fur of the marten (5)

26. Invalidate (7)

65. Surpass (5)

8. Voter (7)

47. Garden with shaped

28. Predominate (7)

67. South American rodent(5)

9. Valuable quality (5)

shrubs (7)

30. Work hard (4)

68. Enclosures (5)

10. Seabird (7)

49. Decoration (5)

32. Choices (7)

70. Stuck (7)

11. Precipitation (8)

50. Lair (3)

35. Reverberation (4)

72. Core (7)

12. New (5)

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