Nexus 2017 Issue 06

CLUB SPOTLIGHT: BETA ALPHA PSI — Page 26

CRUSH OF THE WEEK: MAGDEBURG WATER BRIDGE — Page 16

BREAKUP BLUES: THE PROPOSED RESTRUCTURE OF FASS — Page 05

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23 26 31 38 40 41

Editorial

Humble Abodes

Uni News

Student Experience

News

Columns

Sports

Review

Full Exposure

Entertainment

Auteur House

Feature

Centrefold - Mantegna

Snapped

Cover: Zelfmoord van Dido — Albrecht Altdorfer [1506 - 1538] Centrefold: Fries met de triomf van Neptunus, midden deel — Andrea Mantegna [1548]

01 04 05 10 13 15 16 17 18 21

Blind Date

Puzzles

CO-EDITORS

CONTRIBUTORS

Bronwyn Laundry Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Taylor Shifty David Simes Rachel Southee Kane Williams James Oscar Richard Swainson Half-Cut Counsellor Alexander Nebesky Aunty Kumara Jean Balchin Troy Anderson Emily Reid Luiso the Turtle Sarah Hyde Tom Collopy Onyx Lily Indigo Matthew Rae Heckin' Hungry Hal Conor Maxwell Alessandra Tane

DESIGN

Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz DEPUTY EDITOR

Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz MANAGING EDITOR

James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz DESIGN INTERNS

Liam Coffey Rowan Porter

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Editorial — Pānui Ētita

A Love Letter to the Arty Kids The arts and humanities are getting significantly and increasingly less respect nowadays. Arts students are labelled as “future Macca’s workers”, relegated to be dreamers working in cafés while they try and “make it” in their field. Degrees with immediate and secure job prospects such as law and finance are regarded highly, while students studying a BSocSc or BA hang their heads in shame when forced to admit their field of study.

“Yeah but, are there jobs in that?”

“That must be super interesting, what are you planning on doing with that?”

Even arts and humanities students themselves resort to being self-deprecating when addressing their future plans, on numerous occasions Bron has found herself making the comment “I study English and history, yeah, a Bachelor of Unemployment.”

Of course students want job security in a climate where student loan debt is crippling, but why does it have to be an all or nothing situation? Why are the arts so disposable and shamed when they are a valid career option? We idol worship celebrities, yet look down on the theatre student.

The stigma extends not only on a social level, arts and humanities are now, quite literally, being defunded and devalued here at the University of Waikato. You can read all about it in news on page 5. And don’t worry if you don’t quite understand, 01

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we’re not gonna let this one go easily.

We’d like for you to take a mental journey with us, imagine a world without arts and humanities. Not only is there no music, art, literature, drama, screen and media and all that goes with that. There’s also no further understanding of history, geography, political science, gender studies, languages, philosophy, psychology and many more. You’re looking at a bland world where we make no attempt to connect or understand people.

What’s the point in furthering our knowledge of the world around us, when we can’t further ourselves or our understanding of human nature?

Even if you only pick up Nexus to do the the puzzles and check Snapped, you are engaging in literature, art, social sciences and the collaborative efforts of people volunteering to produce something purely for your enjoyment.

The world needs arts and humanities students just as much as it needs engineering and comp sci students and they shouldn’t come second best.

So you want a large cut of the cultural base of this university? Would you like a side of social awareness with that? ♦

NEXUS MAGAZINE

— Lyam and Bron 02

NEWS ♦ UNI NEWS ♦ UNI N NI NEWS ♦ UNI NEWS ♦ U S ♦ UNI NEWS ♦ UNI NEW

Pitopito Korero — Uni News

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Open Day volunteers wanted We’re looking for enthusiastic and proactive students to volunteer at this year’s Open Day on Friday 19 May. You’ll need to be familiar with the Hamilton campus and enjoy meeting new people. Email cynthiam@waikato.ac.nz to register your interest.

Uni Shorts 2017 A reminder that entries for this year’s Uni Shorts International Student Film Festival are closing on 15 April. Uni Shorts will be held in Auckland at Wintec’s Red Lecture Theatre on October 28-29. All films must be entirely student-made and no longer than 20 minutes. Find out more about eligibility and how to enter at unitec.ac.nz/unishorts

Bikes on campus Bikes on Campus provides free repaired bikes to refugees via the Red Cross and subsidised repaired bikes to Waikato students. For only $60 you can buy a second-hand bike for a year to ride to uni, and then return it when you’re done for $20 cash back! Visit the Bikes on campus Facebook page for more information.

Justice of the Peace clinics available on campus If you require the services of a Justice of the Peace, drop-in clinics run twice a week throughout the year. The drop-ins are in M2.09 (Student Centre foyer by the lift) on Tuesday 12-1pm and Thursday 1-2pm. There is no need to book, just turn up with all your required documents and the rostered JP will assist you.

International Day 2017 Get amongst the festivities at International Day on Wednesday 5 April, 1pm onwards, Village Green, Hamilton. There’ll be free ethnic food tasting, a lantern ceremony and live cultural performances – so make sure you're there!

Stand out with MyCareer MyCareer is an online system that allows you to manage your own career development. You can set up a personal profile, book in for workshops and tutorials, access career tools such as the CV-builder, make appointments with Career Advisors, and search and apply for volunteer opportunities. For more information or to log onto MyCareer visit waikato.ac.nz/students/careers.

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News — Pitopito Korero

Breakup Blues: The Proposed Restructure of FASS Alexander Nebesky A proposed restructure of the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences could see, according to conflicting sources, between 17 and 21 jobs cut, including a significant overhaul of the music department.

“The reason the proposal has been released is because the programmes identified for reduction in staff numbers are not meeting EFTS targets.”

EFTS are used by universities and the ministry to set budget expec-

According to a leaked draft of the proposal, the prestigious Wai-

tations against potential student numbers. If a department or faculty is

kato Music Department could lose a third of its staff if the plan were

struggling to meet its EFTS it may affect resourcing, cost or quality of

implemented, a move described by Senior Piano Lecturer and Concert

the education delivered or place extra stress on community donations

Coordinator Katherine Austin “completely visionless and unsustainable”.

and research.

“We could not run the BMus on 5 staff, it’s impossible” she added.

While 2013, 2014, and 2015 annual reports show the FASS depart-

Austin’s sentiments were echoed by a number of her fellow music

ment to have the highest output of research publications, Kirkman’s

department staff, including Senior Cello Lecturer/Head of Performance

view of the Faculty’s overall research output and the impacts of cuts

James Tennant, who was quick to talk about the holistic value the Mu-

on that output is pragmatic.

sic Department brings to the wider community.

“What is the value of the Music Department to the University?” asks Tennant, “We have very strong outreach, we deliver around 70 to 90 concerts a year which would reach [a combined] 7,000 to 9,000 individuals.”

Should the proposal move forward, there is significant concern from

“It is important for the quality of research to be high as well as the quantity of research. Having areas of national distinctiveness and research excellence will aid our reputation for quality research.“ said Kirkman.

However Tennant argues the Waikato Music School is nationally and internationally distinct.

Music Department staff that it would dismantle a department that fo-

“We created a unique soloist course with very high entry require-

cuses on community outreach, a distinctive experience and a culture

ments. It’s the ideal platform for soloist development and it is unique in

of high performance- all of which are included as deliverables in the

the world, nobody else has a course quite like it.”

University’s Strategic Plan. Community outreach, according to Austin and Tennant, is one of the linchpins of the Music School.

Ian Whalley, Graduate Student Adviser and Head of Electroacoustic Music Studios, believes the Music School’s diverse range of projects,

Dr. Mike Williams, Convenor and Senior Lecturer in Composition, said

including a range of contemporary groups and electronic ensembles,

Waikato is the home “of a growing, burgeoning arts culture, and the

such as OKTA and ArtzElectro, are a point of distinction and testament

Music School is the heart of that.” Williams believes community inter-

to Waikato Music School’s research.

action with the Music School is a primary aspect of the department,

Both perform original, national and internationally contributed com-

noting a considerable portion of the Performing Arts Centre funding

positions and are part of the Music School’s Sonic Art and Composition

came from community donations.

focus, pioneered by faculty research in composition and musical technol-

Acting Dean of FASS Professor Allison Kirkman believes the propos-

ogy. Associate Professor and Head of Composition, Martin Lodge adds

al would not have a negative impact on the Music School’s ability to

“Having ranked number one or number two in every Performance Based

deliver a BMus, or on its ability to meet targets for equivalent full time

Research Fund (PBRF) exercise so far held, by external government meas-

students (EFTS).

ure the research quality of music staff at Waikato is top level.”

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Pitopito Korero — News

Students from the Waikato Music School have gone on to perform in a number of national and international competitions, and have per-

NEXUS MAGAZINE

WHY MUSIC MATTERS: RECENT SUCCESS OF THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT

formed exceptionally well.

Jonathan Gee, National President of the New Zealand Union of Students’ Association added his support for the arts. “Humanities are a

BEIJING INTERNATIONAL CELLO COMPETITION: • Joint top prize: 2010 Santiago Canon Valencia

core aspect of our tertiary education institutions and students’ academic experience, without these subjects, which encourage students to understand society and culture, we are undermining the ability of institutions to be the critic and conscience of society.”

Research and numbers aside, Lodge sees the cut as an issue of uni-

GISBORNE INTERNATIONAL INSTRUMENTAL COMPETITION: • 1st place: 2012 Santiago Canon Valencia (cello) 2001, Eugene Lee (violin)

versity values. “This is not just the sad fact that three people will lose their jobs, the question is whether the university holds the values of individualism and money higher than the community values of artistic excellence, creativity, and critical thinking.”

“Students can do a lot with social media and by contacting media themselves, because they [students] are the most intimately affected

NZ NATIONAL CONCERTO COMPETITION: • 1st place: 2017 Matthias Balzat (cello), 2016 Sam Lucas (cello), 2014 Matthias Balzat (cello), 2013 Andrew Leathwick (piano), 2012 Santiago Canon Valencia (cello), 2010 Edward King (cello)

by- for us it’s jobs, for students it could be their futures,” he added.

A petition against the staffing cuts had over 1500 signatures and near as many messages of support from the community at the time of writing. ♦

ROYAL OVERSEAS LEAGUE CHAMBER MUSIC INTERNATIONAL SCHOLARSHIP COMPETITION WINNERS: • 2016 Aurelian Trio (Delvan Lin (piano), Matthias Balzat (cello), April Ju (violin)) • 2014 Quattro (4 cellos : Catherine Kwak, Sam Lucas, Alexander Arai-Swale, Jacky Siu) • 2009 Leonari Trio (Maria Mo - piano, Hilary Hayes violin, Edward King - cello)

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

News — Pitopito Korero

Out with the old and in with the New models of tertiary education Bronwyn Laundry March 21st 2017 - A recently released report by the Productivity Commission has called for a number of radical changes to university education which could make university life harder for students.

The 527 page report titled New models of tertiary education includes recommendations on reintroducing interest on student loans, abolishing University Entrance (UE), reducing subsidies for courses with high private returns and deregulating funding.

WSU President William Lewis suggests that we shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the reports recommendations straight away, with one notable exception.

“Well obviously interest on student loans is off the table – the government ruled out doing this before the report even came out.” said Lewis.

Lewis continued, “There are some pretty important observations in the report that warrant a second glance. The report recommends the Government find a way to provide better information about career and study options to current and prospective students. The report also recommends the Government develop a new Tertiary Education Strategy, so that there is a clear and contemporary plan to make sure more students succeed in education that is better connected to the needs of employers and society.”

“All in all the report has jumpstarted important conversations about some of the most relevant challenges for students in 2017.”

According to Massey University’s Assistant Vice-Chancellor, Giselle Byrnes, the “report takes a dangerously narrow view of education and, if the Government supports its key recommendations, would see New Zealand further lurch towards neoliberal irrelevance.”

In their press release regarding the release of the final report, NZUSA shared the sentiments of Byrnes, stating that, “while the Commission has made some promising recommendations, including the provision of

“We do not want to see young people starting their working lives

better careers education for prospective and current students, it has

with unmanageable debt. We know that for those who stay in New

failed to meaningfully advance student interests.”

Zealand after graduating, half will have repaid their loan in under six and

The Government, however, were open-minded to the recommenda-

a half years.” said Goldsmith.

tions made in the report, except on the matter of introducing interest

The report also made plans to abolish UE and have tertiary providers

on student loans. “The Government is committed to retaining inter-

set their own entrance requirements, stating in the report that UE was

est-free student loans for borrowers residing in New Zealand.” said Paul

“an unhelpful signal”.

Goldsmith, Minister for Tertiary Education, Skills and Employment.

NZUSA were concerned with the recommendation of removing UE, “students want the certainty of having a target that gets them into a university. Removing it is not in students’ interest.” said NZUSA National President, Jonathan Gee. NZUSA’s response to the recommendations was not all negative, however, they were welcoming of the recommendation for better career education for school students.

“Good, consistent career information and guidance for school students is severely lacking. Improving career education helps all students from all backgrounds get a better understanding of what qualifications they need to achieve their dreams.” said Gee. Only time will tell the impact the report will have on students, as the Government will continue to respond to the report’s recommendations in due course. ♦

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Pitopito Korero — News

NEXUS MAGAZINE

A different kind of grass to graze Lyam Buchanan Ginger billionaire and hobby balloonist Richard Branson took time away

metric fuck ton of energy and a substantial displacement to natural

from hunting men for sport on his private island last week to suggest

ecosystems. Stoned tourists would probably be even harder to com-

that New Zealand should ditch dairy in favour of weed and rake in some

municate with.

of that sweet, sweet kush cash.

The right wing elderly who have likely never smoked weed got out-

WHAT STUDENTS THINK

raged because pot is a gateway drug. The left wing treated it like Bran-

We played “Cow Or Cannabis?” with a selection of random students

son was the 420 Santa Claus and everyone got into a debate over the

to see an unbiased view on what students think. 60% voted that they

ethics of marijuana legalisation.

rate cows higher than weed. The manner of the question means we

Since we have the hardest working fucking news team in the coun-

can’t actually relate this to the article but I’m pretty sure the more

try we didn’t get distracted by silly debates and instead focused on the

statistics presented in an article the more credible it is. As professional

larger issue… statistics, facts, student opinion and celebrity endorse-

journalists we set out to capture the voice of the people:

ment. We present these to you now complete in a news editorial we are calling Cannabis vs Cows: David Bennett’s Dream Wank.

• “COWS ARE KILLING OUR PLANET. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.” - Disgruntled

THE CASE FOR....

• “I believe this is intentionally skewed towards pro cow results.” -

Co-Editor and passionate vegan, Bronwyn Laundry.

TOURISM In December 2016 Colorado saw $11.8 million come into their economy purely from cannabis. At the same time our tourism industry

Anonymous suit wearing conspiracist.

• “Please leave me alone.”- Frantic exchange student who wouldn’t give us any personal details.

brought $10.8 million into the country without any direct relation to marijuana. If we’re the adventure capital of the world, why aren’t we

When you look at the indisputable evidence and put away the mo-

combining these two industries and giving tourists the opportunity to

rality, what Branson says not only makes financial sense based on job

get completely stoned and bungee jump off some bridges? If people are

creation, taxation and potential tourism numbers; it's also what the

travelling across the world to sit in cannabis cafés throughout Amster-

students we spoke to wanted.

dam, I’m certain a whole lot more would be frothing at the mouth to

If you still haven’t been convinced, we even managed a celebrity en-

embark on a scenic kiwi hike while indulging in all the potent greenery

dorsement from the brightest star in our universe, self-described “fuck-

we’d have to offer.

ing kiwi battler” Patrick Gower. He said (and yes this is a quote from him to me via email) “I would consider swapping real calci-trim yellow label

THE ECONOMY

milk for hypothetical cannabis.” ♦

The case for the economy is simple. In 2012 prior to the massive tax hikes on nicotine, British American Tobacco - one of two mainstream suppliers in NZ, paid our government 801 Million in collected revenue tax. Creating a domestic and export industry not only means we can revenue streams for our government, but both skilled (biotech) and unskilled (harvesters and growers) labour. It can be managed in a way that complements most existing dairy by only using land not suitable for grazing and means that we can likely expect lower ACC Bills because people who smoke weed don’t start fights on a Friday night, drunk people who like Jesus and rugby do.

That isn’t even factoring in ancillary income from places like WETA and a third of our CGRD staff being more creative, the military being less motivated to join in wars or our friends at Metro by Hoyts because you haven’t seen Beauty and the Beast until you have seen it stoned… we assume. Largely, the only people who wouldn’t be impacted by the legalisation of weed at all would be the Nexus writing staff.

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT A singular molecule of methane is the environmental equivalent of 32 molecules of carbon dioxide. Cows have feelings so if we killed them all it’d be a wee bit sad. Efficient indoor cannabis farming requires a

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

News — Pitopito Korero

TL;LR ‘AQUATIC PAL DOESN’T REGRET EVOLUTIONARY CHOICE TO BE ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH HUMANS.’ — Hooked shark asks diver for help.

‘THE GOOD OL’ PUKEKOHE SWITCHEROO MAKES GLOBAL HEADLINES.’ — Husband gives birth after wife is unable to conceive.

‘NIHILISTIC TEENS LEARN THEIR DEATH WISH MAY JUST BE LUCK OF THE DRAW.’ — The most common cause of cancer found, the vast majority of cancers are probably down to defects that occur out of the blue.

‘NEW ZEALAND HERALD ENLIGHTENS THE MASSES WITH GROUNDBREAKING INVESTIGATIONS.’ — Woman's post about partner's underwear habits sparks outrage.

‘SUPERMARKET WEENIES PLAN HUGE TEMPER TANTRUM.’ — Countdown to drop all caged eggs.

‘SEVEN YEAR OLD ALREADY GEARING UP TO HAVE A STELLAR TINDER BIO.’ — Birthday boy forfeits presents to donate pet food. ♦

There’s no place like home Luiso the Turtle

Ciao! My name is Luiso and I am a boy turtle. I was abandoned by my previous owner and a University of Waikato Student called Helena saved me. Helena loves turtles very much in fact she has another turtle back home; a lovely girl called Rughina. I am looking forward to meeting Rughina one day as my mum, Helena, tells me we are moving back to Italy in one year.

However, after looking into the ins and outs of international turtle travel Helena realised it was going to be very expensive to export someone as special as me all the way to Italy. She told me “Dont worry Luiso, you are family and that means you will not be left behind”.

Please help Luiso go home! Every little bit helps.

NEED TO RAISE: -$216 per hour of discussion between NZ and Italian Ministries.

-$2000 for a pet exporter.

-$200 for a health certificate.

To donate, go to www.gofundme.com and search for Help Luiso Going Back Home. ♦

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Hākinakina — Sports

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sports

Coast to Coast Balling Tom Collopy We’re about two weeks away from the start of the NBA playoffs. As the picture becomes clear, now is the perfect time to have a look at each conference and make a few predictions.

The West’s playoff picture is a lot clearer than the East. The only major change I’m predicting before the end of the season would be the Portland Trail Blazers coming into the 8th seed as well as the Denver Nuggets dropping out. First round matchups are also quite clear.

I think we’ll see Golden State Warriors (1st) vs Portland Trail Blazers (8th), San Antonio Spurs (2nd) vs Memphis Grizzlies (7th), Houston Rockets (3rd) vs Oklahoma City Thunder (6th) and finally Utah Jazz (4th) vs Los Angeles Clippers (5th). The top three seeds will come through their first round matchups with relative ease, however the Jazz vs Clippers matchup does look interesting. Even though the Clippers have won ¾ of the matchups this season I believe this will be a close series, especially if the Jazz get home court advantage. It’s no easy task travelling to Salt Lake City to then come up against the best defence in the league, I don’t think anyone would be surprised if the Jazz came through this series.

This would result in the semi final matchups consisting of Golden State Warriors (1st) vs Utah Jazz (4th) and San Antonio Spurs (2nd) vs Houston Rockets (3rd). Golden State have had the Jazz’s number this season and I doubt it will change here. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Jazz pick up a few games at home but ultimately I think the Warriors will come through this matchup. The Spurs vs Rockets series would go to seven games. Yes, the Spurs have beat my Rockets 3/4 games they’ve played this season but all of their games have been very close. I hate to say it but I think the Spurs would come through this series by winning the final game. Their playoff experience would be the difference between the two teams. This would mean the Western Conference Finals being between Golden State Warriors (1st) and San Antonio Spurs (2nd) without a shadow of a doubt. I’m predicting that the Spurs will come through the series and win the Western Conference title, moving on to the finals. They’ve had the Warriors number this season and I doubt anything will change.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sports — Hākinakina

The top four of the east is decided but there could be a reshuffle in seeding due to the 7 teams vying for the last 4 playoff spots. I’m saying now the current 5th seeded Atlanta Hawks will miss the playoffs and the Chicago Bulls will come into 8th. Not only have the Hawks had injury problems resulting in the loss of their last 7 games but they also have a tough run matchups to finish off the season, they’ll definitely drop out of the playoff picture in the East. I’m also predicting seedings for the first round will be the Boston Celtics (1st) vs Miami Heat (8th), Cleveland Cavaliers (2nd) vs Chicago Bulls (7th), Washington Wizards (3rd) vs Indiana Pacers (6th) and Toronto Raptors (4th) vs Milwaukee Bucks (5th). The Celtics and Cavs will come through unscathed with 4-1 series wins, the Wizards will be pushed to 6 games by the Pacers but eventually come through. The Raptors and Bucks will go to game 7 with the Raptors winning at home. This would give us conference semi-finals of Boston Celtics (1st) vs Toronto Raptors (4th) and Cleveland Cavaliers (2nd) and Washington Wizards (3rd).

The Raptors will come through this series in 7 games, they’ve had a couple of nice wins over the Celtics this season and I’ll definitely be backing them to come through in this series. A Cavs vs Wizards series is something else I’d really like to see, it would easily be another series that goes to 7 and I’m backing the Wizards to come through. I scoffed when Charles Barkley was tipping them to be a force in the East at start of the season but he was right, after a slow start they’ve really hit their straps and become a force to be reckoned with. This would result in Washington Wizards (3rd) vs Toronto Raptors (4rd) as the Eastern Conference finals. I think this a very 50/50 series with either team being capable of coming through I’ll be backing the Raptors.

They were embarrassed in the conference finals last year, they’ll be back out to prove a point.

So there you have it, my view on the Playoffs. ♦

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Reviews — Arotakenga

REVIEWS

NEXUS MAGAZINE

First and foremost, this is a story about love and most definitely, a love story. The basic premise of

the film focuses on a question we’ve all pondered at one time or another: Is true love real? Is there really a singular soul out there that will complete us and to whom nothing else can compare? The

Fate of Love delves into the consequences of being confronted with such questions, and the cast does a fine job of portraying the very real fear at the realisation that “The One” has graced our lives and left- or is too far away to ever be found.

Caroline has recently recovered from life-threatening surgery. Reluctant to get back on the dat-

ing scene due to fear that her past will dissuade potential suitors; her sister decides to push her

back into social circles. A chance encounter introduces her to John, a man struggling with his own

Film Arotakenga Kiriata

personal tragedy. Sparks fly between our two leads, and such is their chemistry that Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone scenes tend to look like two home-schooled tweens at a middle school disco.

However, just as these friends look ready to take their relationship to the next level, devastating

‘The Fate of Love’

secrets from the past threaten to end the budding romance. Will these two lovers find a way to

Kane Williams

overcome all they have endured and find a new beginning together, or can a painful past truly tempt

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

the fate of love?

Appropriate score, decent acting, and a powerful and emotive story to be enjoyed with loved ones or alone- but be sure to keep the tissues handy. ♦

Fish Punk is a ‘gourmet’ fish and chip shop... So why would this be a burger review? For somewhere that specialises in fish and chips, to charge $13 a burger, they need to be good enough to keep up

with the competition. This has to have been the first time in ages that I was greeted at the door when entering a fish and chip shop, but that's probably because I’m no longer in Dargaville and my brother isn’t the one behind the counter. The fish they have is line-caught and that’s why it's gourmet. The four of us spent over $100 collectively while we were there. I had to try everything.

All the salads on the menu are amazing. The bacon, feta, and lettuce salad is a must. The sides are $5 each and for a plate of curly fries, I was all over that. They go great with the lime, chili mayo but I can also recommend the House Tartare. Definitely try the deep fried camembert, they’re

Food Arotakenga Kame Fish Punk

small but so worth it. The Beef Burger consists of a beef patty, made with bacon and curry spices,

topped with a whiskey and onion jam. The bun was toasted so didn't go soggy and there are long

thick slices of gherkin on the bottom which add a burst of flavour to the burger- but if you're not that way inclined, they’re big enough to remove. The burger is a solid, the dining experience great. ♦

Matthew Rae

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

NZQA’s recent review of University Entrance noted the need to have another look at the literacy

requirements, which, in my opinion, can’t come too soon. It’s clear that most students can’t, in fact,

read, as despite the politely worded sign exhorting students to be considerate to motorists and CROSS IN GROUPS, it’s near impossible to navigate past the Hillcrest Road pedestrian crossing at

ten-to-the-hour in the morning, or on the hour in the afternoon. Steady streams of dawdling, ambling, and generally moseying students make their way across the crossing like some kind of slothant hybrid, seemingly oblivious to (or enjoying) the frustration of trapped motorists.

The occasional student tries to hang back as instructed, but is usually overruled by the mob, gives up and crosses anyway. And to really pour salt on the wound, the last student to cross is

Infrastructure Arotakenga Whakawhitinga Rori Hillcrest Road Pedestrian Crossing Onyx Lily

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generally SO SLOW that the next wave arrives and starts crossing before there’s a person-less gap large enough for a car to squeeze through.

There’s only one solution. The University must build a tunnel. ♦

Arotakenga — Reviews

NEXUS MAGAZINE

We were well aware that The Afterlove could likely never reach the dizzying heights of Back to Bedlam (2005), but boy did it deliver on sad pop music from the voice of a generation. The first two tracks of the album are also the lead singles. The greatest feat of the first is probably the masterfully self-referential lyric: “I would say ‘you’re beautiful’/ But I’ve used that line before”. ‘Bartender’, the second single is “A short song that says so much about love and love gone awry” in the words of Tama, with “a chorus that everyone can sing- except the guy whose ex showed up to the party.” ‘Don’t Give Me Those Eyes’ “completely fucks [Lyam’s] shit up” and could convincingly be called the ‘Goodbye, My Lover’ of 2017. In the same way that Mark Knopfler elevates romantic tautologies to the height of sincerity in ‘Romeo and Juliet’, James Blunt takes what could be lazy lines about forbidden love to

Album Arotakenga Pakaemi

the breath-taking pinnacle of emotional honesty. The chorus is startlingly pleading, the verses are resigned to romantic failure, and the vocal layering is rewarding. We have a hug session afterwards, as Conor and Lyam tear up vulnerably. ‘Someone Singing Along’ is James Blunt being bravely political,

‘The Afterlove’ - James Blunt

singing for unity, and as Conor reminds us “preventing WWIII for a second time.” (James Blunt was an

Review panel: Alex, Tama, Conor, Lyam

army man in the 90s and stopped a war with Russia happening. Look it up, the man’s a hero). ‘Heart-

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beat’ and ‘Paradise’ bring our evening with James Blunt to an end, the former a dark and brooding acoustic track, and the latter an uplifting chorus over a chunky bassline. The Afterlove has some bad moments to be sure, but the high points are what great pop albums are made of.

Also, James Blunt’s twitter is savage, check that dude out for a laugh. ♦

Hotline Miami is a frustratingly difficult top-down action game with simple goals: your aim is to traverse various stages, murdering all the Russians you can get your paws on. Set in 1989, in what can only be described as ‘what PETA would act like if they were a terrorist organisation’, you play as Jacket, a Vietnam war veteran who receives phone calls from mysterious entities telling him to go to various Russian hideouts and ‘take care’ of their residents… while wearing animal masks. You begin the game with Hotline Miami’s iconic rooster mask, and unlock more animal disguises as the game progresses.

Each mask has its own unique abilities to spice up the gameplay, such as a doggo that causes other doggos to be friendly towards you, and a cricket that allows you to brutalise enemies with a

Video Game Arotakenga Tākoro Ataata ‘Hotline Miami’ - Dennaton Games

power drill. Points are rewarded for the speed in which you complete stages, and the variety and innovativeness of your kills. There’s a detailed implied story to this game that criticises ultra-violence, war, and toxic patriotism, but you don’t care about that, do you? You just want to punch people to death while wearing a tiger on your head. ♦

Conor Maxwell

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

There is great debate over what is the best post-town food. Wongs, Sal’s, Refueljo, BK, K-Fry, kebabs. On and on and on. However, I don't understand the debate because the reason why anyone would ever overlook a classic Big Mac escapes me. Recently I had what can only be described as a religious experience in the front seat of a Honda station wagon after town, with a soft and saucy Big Mac clasped between my trembling fingers.

In a burger you want some simple ingredients. Meat, cheese, buns, sauce and enough lettuce to offset your guilt and give it a little crunch. The humble Big Mac does all of the above and DOUBLES IT. You want more bread? You got it. More cheese? Pow. Right there. This bit is a touch dry?

BANG sauce on sauce on sauce. Pair it with medium fries, a fistful of napkins and a half glass of

Food Arotakenga Kame

Châteauneuf Du Pape 55.

As you indulge in your feast you cannot help but sit back, be soothed and allow a beautiful smile to creep across your plump and greasy face. Next stop: Pleasure Town. Population: you. ♦

Maccas Heckin’ Hungry Hal

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 52

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Full Exposure — Mārakerake

Caffeinacy: Our Beloved Stacy Nexus loves Oranga, it’s no secret. This week we talked to Stacy, resident caffeinator of Kahurangi and all round legend, and not just because it’s in our best interests to keep the enablers of our caffeine addictions happy.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THE KING OF THE CAMPUS CAFES? Coming to about 15-16 years since I started making coffee on campus. Along with my brother, I started Grind which was the first cafe on campus back in 2001, since then I’ve been through about 16 orientations.

WHAT HAVE BEEN THE MOST MEMORABLE CHANGES YOU’VE SEEN ON CAMPUS? Where do you start? I’d say it’s definitely the investments the university has put into the facilities. From the new library to the hospitality precinct in the central hub of the campus, generally just the upgrades and overall changes to style have really shaped the uni over the past decade.

HAS NEXUS CHANGED FOR THE BETTER OR WORSE SINCE YOU’VE BEEN AFFILIATED? It's been a roller coaster, lets just say I’d credit their successes to the messiah James Raffan.

BEST CUSTOMERS? Aw well, you’ve obviously gotta love the WSU, but in all seriousness it’s everyone. We love the relationships we have with our customers and the especially all the uni staff who make the extra effort to come down and see us.

WORST CUSTOMERS? There’s no such thing in hospitality mate, everyone has freedom of choice here. We all like coffee a different way and we respect that, we’re not gonna judge anyone for the type of coffee they order as that’s what we love about it. Everyone has their own tastes and we’re here to provide that.

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR TOP KAHURANGI RECOMMENDATIONS? It’d have to be one of the bagels, our salmon and cream cheese is pretty good but our chicken and bacon melt is legendary. Also can’t go wrong with an iced chocolate when you’ve got a cheeky bitta caramel.

FAVOURITE FACULTY? We love every faculty, as I said before, we’re so appreciative that staff will come across campus to come see us. We’re a destination, not just the most convenient.

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FULL EXPOSURE ♦ OSURE ♦ FULL EXPO

NEXUS MAGAZINE

NTERTAINMENT ♦ EN NMENT ♦ ENTERTAIN

Whakangahau — Entertainment

Please Don’t Quote Me “Desperate.”

— Patrick Gower describes Editor Lyam’s pleas to get him to host the ASPAs.

“They know how to put on a good spread in Oamaru.”

— David Clark outlines the only thing Oamaru is good for.

“Farmers should swap cows for cannabis.”

— We literally can’t make this stuff up, Sir Richard Branson.

“WHY MY DAD STEPPED DOWN AS THE NZ PRIME MINISTER.” — Max Key has started a shitty YouTube vlog channel. No, really.

What’s Hot

What’s Not

Music that makes you happy cry.

Not realising you’re sweaty until it’s too late.

Socially conscious messages delivered through rap.

Moths that overstay their welcome.

Moths that can find their way out of your bedroom.

Degree shaming your friends.

Crush of the Week — The Magdeburg Water Bridge

NEXUS MAGAZINE

So. The Crush of Week is an inanimate object. You may be confused, but we dare you to Google this bridge

and not get at least a little bit turned on. The Magdeburg Water Bridge, or Madge, as we are now going to refer to her, is an aqueduct to end all other aqueducts. It spans the river Elbe and does some cool engineery

shit so commercial ships don’t have to descend and climb out of the Elbe. A truly beautiful piece of structure, inside and out.

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Auteur House — Aho Whakaari

AUTEUR HOUSE

NEXUS MAGAZINE

American Honey Richard Swainson

American Honey did not get a theatrical release in New Zealand. It is

Krystal is played by Elvis Presley’s granddaughter, giving American

possible its length had something to do with that decision. At two and

Honey an intertextual or cross-cultural resonance that may well have

three quarters hours long it is not a casual watch but there is nary a

not existed in its script. You can see the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll in the face

false moment or image that does not astonish.

of Riley Keough. Not the movie Elvis of the 1960s, shorn of his edge, but

The story is simple but powerful and direct. The camera sticks close

the poor truck driver who made it big. Krystal is a toxic combination of

to its protagonist, 18 year old Star, a young woman who is introduced

heartless, bottom-line – and bottom feeding - capitalism and raw sexual

diving for food in a dumpster. At first it seems as though Star is a tragi-

energy, the American dream in a bikini, massaged, in more ways than

cally young mother, burdened with two offspring and a man who doesn't

one, by her toy boys.

know what he's got. Yet Star is ripe for a change. A chance encounter in

As great as Keough and LaBeouf are though the movie belongs to

a supermarket car park offers a means of escape. Abandoning children

newcomer Sasha Lane. Lane’s Star is fiercely independent, smart and

and partner, she joins a crew of like-age salespeople, teenagers who

sensual as all hell. When she and Jake finally get it on there's a rare

are travelling across the midwest, hustling magazine subscriptions. Her

power to the sex scenes. Few directors give you the sense of living in

head is turned by the alpha male in the group, Jake, a slightly older

the moment like Andrea Arnold does, communicating a sense of charac-

man played with oily ease by one-time Hollywood heartthrob turned bad

ters’ emotions and confused feelings.

boy Shia LaBeouf. There’s an instant attraction between the two, one

At once a touching, open ended coming-of-age story and a horrific

complicated by the fact that Jake is sleeping with the crew’s boss, the

road trip through the cultural wasteland of Donald Trump’s never-to-be

tough-as-nails Krystal.

great USA, American Honey is one of the films of the century. ♦

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Kupu Whakaatu — Feature

NEXUS MAGAZINE

A Short Collection of Poems and Prose Students and Alumni of FASS We have spent the editorial and a good section of the news trying to convince you that the arts matter, but we ultimately decided the best way to do this was to show you. In this feature we have compiled a number of creative pieces from FASS students and alumni. This is only a small sample of what is achieved by the staff, students and alumni of FASS and we acknowledge the broad and sweeping range of work created in FASS is not limited to poems and prose.

Flying — Onyx Lily Today was the day she would show them. The doubters, the haters, the ones who thought she was crazy or sick or deluded. She could see them, down there, upturned faces attempting to display selfless concern but barely hiding the naked voyeurism beneath. No one believed she could do it. Not even her family.

She waited. It would be time soon, once the cameras arrived.

She would be top slot on the 6 o’clock news (maybe even first at 5.30 on Prime), a miracle they’d cry, it’s a miracle. But for now she waited, enjoying the feeling of wind untainted by car fumes or the fug of the world below.

A policeman teetered above her, blathering about life always getting better. Stupid man. She wasn’t going to jump down, she was going to jump up, up, out and away.

It was time. Waving to the crowd below, she jumped... and flew.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

Kissing — Indigo (or the tale of why you shouldn't be 'best friends' with a boy who is in love with you.)

2010: There was a blender and tequila. A lot of tequila. The cheap kind.

And a drug.

We got the pill from a brick house on Edinburgh street. I don’t know what drug it was, but they’d been legal up until a month ago.

And he said he’d tried it before.

It was in the top drawer of the big wooden dresser. The room I’d rented had been furnished: a double bed, a chest of drawers, a desk and pin-board for study.

I hadn’t put up my purple mosquito net, and the wardrobe had garbage bags of clothing I hadn’t bothered to hang. The walls were already plastered with images of BDSM-style fashion and photocopies of naked, watercolour fairies.

The pill had been old when I’d gotten it, and had melted and flattened in its little plastic bag like gum stuck to the underside of a table. I fiddled with it, pushing it around in the slippery ziplock pocket. We were outside, on the deck. I’d just ground a cigarette butt under the toe of my red stiletto.

“I don’t know. What’s it like?”

I’d been reassured. And I trusted him. He was my friend. The only one to come and visit after I’d left. “Like a brother,” I told my boyfriend. Us two would always discuss Fucking, and insult the other’s current partner.

“Quit bitching and do it,” he smiled.

I smiled back, and he pushed it between my lips. I washed it down with bitter slushy.

I asked him, “Can I kiss you?” And he shrugged.

We’d pulled the couch through the ranch slider, put it in the spotlight on the deck. I straddled him, and kissed him.

“Is that how you always kiss?” he asked.

I felt my eyebrows furrow through the numb haze of booze.

“Use more tongue.”

I took it as a challenge, and lead him down the hallway.

The next morning there was ash floating in my glass of water.

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Strip — Indigo A sigh of relief when soft black satin slumps to the ground.

Lace on the floor, with twisted straps, frayed nylon and curling elastic.

Peeled from the body it leaves its shadow behind.

A notched spine, like a swollen fist with knuckles protruding curves the length of the firmly grooved torso.

A ribcage bound by silky bands, ridged flesh and pink skin creased like pin-tuck pleats.

As she strips, ` she rolls her shoulders and stretches her neck, extends her arms above her head as her breasts sit heavy and tired.

macro/micro — bronwyn laundry a raindrop races down a windowpane eventually it will reach the sill but first it will weave and dance avoiding its neighbours like we often do.

Kupu Whakaatu — Feature

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Mostly prescribed. — James Oscar Cloying, blue smoke hangs in the room. Broken plastic cider bottle, tube stabbed through the wall; injecting air.

Full bottles picked up, empties put down.

A once four-legged stool, lurching against a wall.

After fourteen hours in the sticky and sterile Emergency Room I was sent home.

free·dom — Tori Mitchell

There was carbonation in the air, background tension, a bubble unpopped, a laugh unvoiced.

/'fri:dәm/ noun 1. there is no elixir like the salted waves.

2. all I know is smoothed shards of shattered bottles and splintered wood, laying a path towards atlantis. I am not a stranger, the tide floods through my veins, my heart is anchored to the ocean floor.

3. the sea is not a sad song. the waves do not care for weeping.

4. i kissed a boy who turned into seafoam before my eyes, leaving a trail of sea glass like a welcome mat. i kissed a boy in a crown weaved of coral and pearls. i kissed a boy and tears don’t matter when you’re made of saltwater.

5. poseidon is calling me home.

I only wanted a seat.

A rookery overlooking the room, a devil-may-care perch, reminiscent of a movie, collar popped against the chill of the night, jacket as dark as the world outside the window, leg swung carelessly to rest on the sill.

I knew the instant the glass pane exploded outwards that I would live to regret this.

Live yes, but regret this.

A twisted towel, a timid toe-hold and a total loss of control.

They say time slows down when you're in an accident.

maps — bronwyn laundry a map of sand-coloured dots scatter across an expanse of warm snow they give directions to the days you’ve spent under the sun the life you lived before me and they give me something to count when you lay next to me sound asleep

It didn't.

Time went fast.

My brain went fast.

My body was slow and clumsy and numb.

Numb.

Then it wasn’t.

I had been ignored for nine hours, forgotten for three, worked on for less than one, then sent home to rest, with a ream of forms and a lollipop.

Recovery. In bed, one arm elevated, a big bag of drugs under the other.

Mostly prescribed.

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Humble Abodes — Whakaruruhau

HUMBLE

NEXUS MAGAZINE

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

ABODES

Whakaruruhau — Humble Abodes

WANT YOUR FLAT FEATURED? SEND AN EMAIL TO EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

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Wheako Tauira — Student Experience

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Club Spotlight: Beta Alpha Psi Rachel Southee Yeah we do sound like an American fraternity, but no we don’t drink excessively or throw house parties, instead we throw events to help advance your academic career!

You may recognise us as the club that held that massive networking event (Banter, Beverages and Business) in MSB foyer at the start of the year where you walked yourself into when you left your lecture. We also had a Speed Interviewing event a few weeks ago – like speed dating but with professionals in the industry working on your interview skills (see, nothing along the lines of elitesingles.com).

We’re an international honorary organisation for accounting, finance and management information systems students. Our vision is to shape business professions by developing members into ethical, professional and confident leaders. In simple terms, we just want to help university students become young professionals and help promote the study of accounting, finance and management information systems. (we aren’t just number crunchers!)

SO WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY DO? • Interact and build relationships with like-minded students and potential employers, such as networking events and office tours.

• Develop a range of essential skills; interview skills, budgeting workshop, excel help.

• Assist with students’ academic studies (FREE tutoring before exams in A & B semester).

• Have a commitment to lifelong professional development and ethical behaviour.

• Reward their academic success throughout their membership.

Being a member with us you’ll gain early access to our most sought after events, more contact with professionals in industry, free mentoring and tutoring, participate in service events (eg looking after puppies with SPCA) and become part of the global Beta Alpha Psi body.

We’ve three forms of membership depending on what papers you’ve done and how well you went – there’s a membership for everybody.

Being a member of Beta Alpha Psi not only sounds cool, but also gives you a membership for an international organisation specific to your major that you can chuck on your CV – surely that’ll impress anyone that reads it!

We would love for you to get involved or to get in touch with us if you want to know more.

Our next event is our Budgeting Workshop open to all students on Wednesday 10 May 1.20-2pm (cultural hour) in L.G.02.

YOU CAN GIVE US A BELL BY SENDING US AN EMAIL AT BAP. WAIKATO@GMAIL.COM, LIKING US ON FACEBOOK (SEARCH BETA ALPHA PSI – THE UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO CHAPTER) OR VISITING OUR WEBSITE BAPWAIKATO.WIXSITE.COM/WAIKATO.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

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Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

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Wheako Tauira — Student Experience

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Hillary Scholar Profile David Simes — Theatre

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YOU’VE FACED IN YOUR ART AND HOW DID YOU OVERCOME IT? I would say that the biggest challenge I’ve had to overcome in my art is my first ever performance as a teenager. I was riddled with stage fright.

But I had to push through it, because it was for an internal assessment. I overcame it by clearing my head and just thinking of the outcomes. Worst, I fail. Best, everyone adores me. Luckily it was the latter.

HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR DOWNTIME? I like to read, write plays, watch films and hang out with mates.

Nothing special.

IN WHAT WAYS DOES PERFORMANCE HELP YOUR LIFE? Performing helps me to meet people, that’s one of the best things. I also love that performance gives me the confidence I need to succeed in this world.

WHEN DID YOU START PERFORMING? My parents said that I was one of those children who would always do mini shows. I did the nativity play in the first few years of primary school when I lived in England. I did productions at primary in New Zealand as well. Then I sort of gave it all up until I was 15, and it’s been all go since then really.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE THEATRE FORM? I’m quite a big fan of musical theatre, although I couldn’t sing a song to save my life. I also love Absurdist Theatre and just straight up dramatic plays. However, I also have an undying love for William Shakespeare, so I guess Elizabethan and Jacobean as well.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE PERFORMANCE? AND WHY? My most memorable performance would be when I had the opportunity to travel to London as part of Shakespeare Globe Centre New Zealand’s Young Shakespeare Company of 2016. This would be my most memorable performance, since I got to perform on The Globe stage with 23 of my best friends in the entire world! It was also a rare chance for me to play a woman, as I played Katharina from ‘The Taming of the Shrew’.

WHAT OTHER PARTS OF YOUR LIFE COMPLIMENT YOUR ART? Life is like theatre really. Its full of stories and everyone has one to tell. Listening is something I love to do, and Theatre gives me a platform to do so.

WHAT DRIVES YOUR PASSION? I just love to perform. It makes me feel good about myself. There is not enough happiness in the world. If this is what does it for me, then I’ll keep performing. ♦

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Half-Cut Counsellor PayPals Half-Cut Counsellor SEND YOUR BURNING QUESTIONS TO HCC@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ DEAR HALF-CUT COUNSELLOR, I BURNT THROUGH MY COURSE-RELATED COSTS TOO QUICK AND HAVE BEEN SYSTEMATICALLY BURNING THROUGH ALL THE RELATIVES I CAN BORROW MONEY OFF. HOW AM I MEANT TO KEEP MY FRIENDS

being held together by viagra and the National government.

Alternatively, you could get a job just like every other uni student.

Nobody is above it.

If you’re receiving a weekly allowance from StudyLink, you could

IF I CAN'T CONTINUE TO BUY THEM?

start putting a lot away every week. This is called saving - it’s an oldie,

HELP ME PLS!

but a goodie.

ACCEPTANCE SEEKING SARAH

The second issue you have come to me with is very worrying. Friendships should be free. You should not have to buy your friends - if you

Dear Acceptance Seeking Sarah,

feel like you have to, then you should get some new ones. Try joining a

From your question, I can see that you’re clearly in a pinch! I won’t

club that piques your interest, talk to people in your tutorials/lectures,

mince my words; you’ve got two clear problems in the mix. The first is

or try making friends at the job you’re gonna get. There’s even an op-

that you’re very dependent on others for funds. This doesn’t help you

tion on the bee-themed dating app Bumble that can connect you with

in the long run - if you’re getting it for free, someone else is paying for

a future BFF.

it. You’re only adding to your student loan, and you’re burning important relationships with relatives. You’re an adult, so let’s run through some viable options on getting yourself out of the red and into the black let’s get those funds lush, guuuuuuurl.

If you’re not disgusted by an older partner, you could get ya self a sugar daddy/mummy. There are websites out there that connect you (as the poor student) with people who want to spend money on you.

You’re not a sex worker, although there’s no shame in that, you’re a companion. The human equivalent of a maltese dog for rich, old white men

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You should apologise to your family and endeavour to pay them back as soon as possible. Nobody likes a monetary moocher.

Maramara Kōrero — Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Cooked Cooking Last Ditch Attempt at Salvaging a New Year’s Resolution Aunty Kumara INGREDIENTS:

METHOD:

• A metric fuck ton of kale

1. Cook the chicken breast in a pan with no oil or butter.

• Banana • Blueberries • Protein powder • Various seasonal fruits • Coconut water • B12, Magnesium, Iron, Vitamin C • Fish oil supplements • Chia seeds • Flaxseed • Quinoa • Egg whites

2. Put all of the ingredients in a blender.

3. Blend.

4. Pour into a glass.

5. Garnish with coriander.

6. Throw the smoothie away, much like you've thrown away any and all New Year's resolutions since the day you started making them.

7. Order a pizza. ♦

• Brown rice • Cottage cheese • Avocado • Handful of nuts • Peanut butter • Chicken breast • Coriander

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Opinionated No More Nice Girls: The Freedom of Not Giving a Fuck Jean Balchin Once upon a time, a very long time ago indeed, I was a nice girl. I care-

little about pleasing others. Those who truly cared about me accepted

fully braided my hair, twisting the thick plaits up over my head like a

my new-found confidence, and I came to see that those who preferred

pretzel. I didn’t wear a speck of makeup, and I went to church every Sun-

doormat me were really selfish people who were happier manipulating

day – although I’d usually fall asleep in the back pew. Most importantly

my life then seeing me live freely.

though, I believed that being nice and polite was more important than standing up for myself, or for what I believe in.

So this is my challenge to you: stop caring about what other people think and actively live your life. Put yourself first and do what you do,

At school, I felt like a bit of an outcast. I was short, plump, had freck-

even if it might cause minor offenses or ripples. You’d be surprised –

les and was too boyish for my own good. My family didn’t have much

many people don’t care nearly as much as we think they will. You might

money so I wore a lot of hand-me-downs. I could almost hear Lucius Mal-

even find they like the new, authentic, confident you more. People who

foy muttering disdainfully “red hair... vacant expressions... tatty second

didn’t like you in the first place still won’t like you. Screw them. It’s

hand books... you must be a Weasley”. Moreover, having a family that

better to be disliked for who you truly are than loved for what you’re

rivalled the Gilbreth family from Cheaper by the Dozen certainly didn’t

pretending to be. It’s rather liberating not giving a fuck. You should try

help with my self-esteem or street cred. I worried constantly about

it sometime. ♦

what others thought of me, and I found myself studying the popular kinds, desperately trying to copy them. I saved all my pocket money to buy a sequined top from Supre and a padded bra I didn’t yet need. But I still didn’t fit in.

It wasn’t until I reached university that I gave up on trying to please everyone. I went through a bout of severe depression, and suddenly being polite, friendly and ‘cool’ no longer worried me. I realised I no longer cared about what everyone else thought. And a beautiful thing happened. I experienced a rush of freedom. I was finally free to be who I was, without worry and without pressure.

I also started being selfish – that is not to say, obnoxious or mean.

I began to act in my own interest, sticking up for myself and caring

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Maramara Kōrero — Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Tinder Tales Adult Learning 314 Anonymous SEND YOUR TINDER HORROR STORIES TO TINDER@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ TAYLOR SHIFTY 26 / F / STRAIGHT

Yellow pickup truck, pizza under moonlight at the local lake; sounds

think you’ll like me? What do you wanna listen to? Wanna just go back

like Taylor Swift song I know, it’s not. It’s so far from it she’d probably

to mine? No wait, food. I already ate, what do you want? Pizza? We’ll go

hate to even be associated with it.

to Dominos, you can buy yourself a pizza. I can’t eat pizza, I’m allergic to

Now, as all these tales start, it began with a swipe right. ‘Shit, he’s

protein. Means I can’t ever eat cum. Haha funny aye? Ok get your pizza.”

actually hot’, I was so stoked I had to say it out loud, I was definitely

Me & my $5 pizza ended up at his place meeting his mum. Pretty

planning my end game already. However I’m not a completely desperate

sure she was high watching Discovery Channel with her cat. In his room,

horndog so I scoped him out for a few days chatting and sending fleshy

while he kept asking about my exes and ‘what I’ve done sexually’, I was

snaps. Following some sexual bantering I was asked out on a date, like

trying to find a polite escape. I’m not sure why I was trying to polite. All

food and shit. Yas. There I was sitting in my little room wearing my

of a sudden he got shaky, then his chin started to wobble. In a state of

tightest wet look leather jeans, as per his request, wondering how my

violent hyperventilation he started spouting off about what I guess was

night would pan out.

the girl he was in love with, how she’ll never notice him and I look so

OK so I was thinking pizza, hot dude, little bit romantic, lotta bit

much like her. Surprisingly I wasn’t here for a pity party. I came in search

hot asf, all in all a banger of an evening. Oh how my little rebounding

of a mysterious hottie, not a whingey dropout. When I ran out of pizza

heart was wrong. Over the last few days he had portrayed himself to

I calmed him down then played the “my friend just broke up with her

be a man of class but still was open about his love for a good ass, so

boyfriend,” card so he’d drop me home. I left that yellow pickup truck in

expectations were high. Text received, I raced down the stairs stopping

the carpark never to be seen again.

at the bottom to walk casually out to the carpark. There he was in his yellow pick up truck.

It was going well for all of 30 seconds then he opened his mouth.

He proceeded to talk in this weird half hill-billy half street kid voice for

Fast forward about a year and my work mate is going on about this amazing guy she just met. Blah blah blah, he’s so sensitive and sweet, blah blah blah, he’s coming to pick me up later. Later rolled round and guess who showed up in their yellow pickup truck. ♦

10 minutes, I couldn’t get a word in. “So what do you wanna do. Do you

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Yam & Troy the Science Boys Split behaviour from separated hemispheres Yam and Troy The brain can take quite a bit more of a beating than people realise.

they can operate independently of each other.

You hear those stories about guys who have been shot in the head

One particular split-brained dude named Joe was involved in a se-

and made a full recovery. Or that other guy who accidentally shot

ries of experiments to shed some light on this. It is important to note

himself in the head with a nail gun and didn’t realise there was a nail

here that the left and right eyes are connected to the opposing hem-

embedded in his brain until he got to the hospital. Although, I say

isphere of the brain. As well as this, the left and right hemispheres

full recovery like it’s a “full recovery”. Where the brain is concerned,

control opposing sides of the body. Joe’s left hemisphere was shown

there are all kinds of things affected when these types of injuries

names of objects by only allowing his right eye to see them. When

happen, but they are often obscure, hidden from plain sight. It can

asked what the objects are, he is easily able to verbally identify the

be sometimes as long as years later that it’s discovered that oddly

objects. However, when Joe’s right hemisphere is shown the names

specific tasks are near impossible after these injuries. This has never

of objects, he simply can’t say what the objects are. The reason for

been more apparent than in split-brain patients.

this is that the left hemisphere of the brain contains all the language

Split-brain patients are people who have had their corpus cal-

centres of the brain. Joe’s disconnected hemispheres cannot com-

losum severed. This is a bunch of nerve fibres connecting the two

municate so the mute right hemisphere cannot access the language

hemispheres of the brain, allowing information to be transferred be-

centres to speak. This is where things get even more interesting.

tween hemispheres. You may be wondering why on Earth you would

When Joe is asked to draw the object that his right hemisphere has

ever consider having a section of your brain sliced, it’s madness,

been shown with his left hand, he is able to do this.

who’s idea was this? Well, this is done to treat severe epilepsy, it’s

This is amazing to watch, Joe has two minds that are working

really quite amazing; people who were once seizing up a storm are

independently of each other. This type of thing isn’t the only behav-

now miraculously cured. That being said, this doesn’t come without

iour that goes on in split-brain patients but I’m running out of space

some negative, and albeit, absolutely bizarre side effects.

and clearly have no concept of what a paragraph is. If you’re actually

The fact that these patients exist in the world and lead normal

interested in this kind of thing, I would say watch this space, but we

lives, allows science to learn more about how the brain operates,

live in the age of internet and instant gratification, so look it up you

specifically how the hemispheres operate and more importantly, how

fucking idiot, takes two seconds. ♦

35

N.06 / V.49

Maramara Kōrero — Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Darts & Crafts Craft Beer Craft Emily Reid If you're a frequent user of terms such as "hoppy" and "sessionable", this project has been created with your highly discerning taste in mind. If you manage to follow these instructions, you'll find the craft quite as satisfying as the beverage itself.

MATERIALS: An empty squealer, some high quality string, and a hair tie.

HOW TO CRAFT: 1. Wrap the hair tie twice around the neck of the bottle. Take your string and cut it into four lengths that are each three times as long as the bottle.

2. With each length of string, fold it in half and loop it around the hair tie before pulling the two ends through.

4. Begin granny-knotting the strands together to form the diamond pattern. To do this, take two adjacent strands and knot them together about 3cm down from the neck. Repeat around the bottle before then knotting the alternative two strands together a further 3cm down the bottle.

5. Continue until the pattern is complete.

6. Tie all eight strands securely under the bottle and trim the ends.

7. Finally, tie a shorter length of string to the top of the bottle for hanging. ♦

INSTAGRAM: @ALESSANDRAROSETTA

are eight strands hanging down from the neck of the bottle.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALESSANDRA TANE

3. Repeat at even intervals around the hair tie so that there

36

SNAPPED Atapaki — Snapped

NEXUS MAGAZINE

WIN

NER

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INN

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Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snapchat each week wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB. 38

He aru makau — Blind Date

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Blind–

Brought to you by House on Hood Street.

Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection.

If you're keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz He is a self-proclaimed ‘hottie’ whose write up was a bit too ‘memey’ for our liking. She seemed to enjoys memes just as much… Guys remember when memes were just called ‘jokes’ and we told them in person!?

SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

My plan to put a solid dent in the tab be-

I’m usually a charismatic dude but be-

fore he even arrived kind of got ruined when

fore this blind date I was uncharacteristically

we were running late. We’d gone to a mate’s

nervous. I dealt with this the only way I know

first for a sesh to calm the nerves. Two abso-

how, to preload with some of the finest beer

lute GBs drove me, gave a solid pep talk on the

brewed right here in the mighty Waikato.

way and made up signals for me to give them while they spied.

I arrived first and sat at the bar wondering if I should just blow the whole bar tab on

So, I show up to House after 7pm looking

some dank top shelf alcohols but decided that

mostly sober (thanks Clear Eyes). When I

wouldn’t be a classy move, and if you know me

walked up to a bartender he pointed to the

you know I’m as classy as they come. I settled

end of the bar. I was stoked that the guy was

for a cheeky Heiny and waited on for my date

hot and when he went to the bathroom my

to arrive. I was pleasantly surprised when it

friends gave the signal to ‘go for it’. Even ran-

turned out to be an absolute pearler of a fe-

dom people were like “Ooh he’s so hot!” We

male human.

started talking about the usual; uni, work,

My mates had prepared me with some

drinking. He was really funny and incredibly

great conversation starters like talking about

nice. We had good laughs about the kind of

my unhealthy World of Warcraft addiction or

people we expected to show up, drunk stories

and my dream of going professional in League

and how he’s old as f (23). We had good yarns

of Legends as soon as my team mates in

and all round he was a cool as guy, my kitten

bronze stop holding me back. However, to my

liked him too which is a plus.

disgust these conversation starters weren’t

Towards the end, I let slip that I was high

needed because all she wanted to talk about

and he said “We should go hit cones after

was mundane things like university and mates.

this.” Found out he was staying like three

This was alright with me because I’m only

doors down so we ended up going back to

at university to get StudyLink, get onnit and

mine and we hit a cone side-by-side on my

smoke cones anyway.

flatmate’s couch. He was good after one and I

The night went by in a flash, I can barely

didn’t get much further; only got to two before

remember it because I was a bit over the edge

that and the alcohol put me on my arse. I think

from spending the majority of the bar tab on

it was when I was sitting there baked as fuck

myself (Sorry girl, dog’s gotta eat). I was eager

that I realised he was too good of a mate to

to get her back to my mate’s flat who lived

bang. We parted ways shortly after and I don’t

close to her. She was up to it and we went

know if he made it to bed but I didn’t. I ended

home to hit some full stacks.

Date up passing out on my flattie’s floor.

We had a sloppy pash and I headed back to

my mate’s flat where I slept like a baby knowing I had met a new friend to share my passion for memes with. Cheers Nexus!

40

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Puzzles — Panga

Horoscopes ARIES: MARCH 21 — APRIL 19

Wordfind C

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ments to last minute, Mercury always means bad luck - even

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more so when you drink it.

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you’re probably too old to be hitting up Bar 101 each weekend,

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and secondly, just settle down with some brownies and you’ll

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Winter is coming, but for you this doesn’t mean duels to the death and snow zombies, but instead moist damp houses, and shivering in a lecture theatre.

TAURUS: APRIL 20 — MAY 20 There’s a party on Hogan Street this weekend, and that girl you’ve been crushing on from Law is going to be there. Show up, do Scrumpy hands, and win her over.

GEMINI: MAY 21 — JUNE 20 If you’re on flat dinners tonight, serve up some pasta puttanesca, which is a delightful tomato pasta dish, that literally translates to ‘Slut’s Spaghetti’.

CANCER: JUNE 21 — JULY 22 Mercury is in your zone this week, so don’t leave any assign-

If you’re struggling to shake off that two day hangover, firstly

be good to go.

VIRGO: AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22 Several weeks ago the stars foretold that the cricket season was coming to an end. Clearly the stars didn’t do their research, because it was on TV again last night, god it is never ending.

LIBRA: SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22 If you’re ever starting to feel irrelevant, follow in DJ Khaled’s footsteps and have a kid. Not only do they make for great Insta pictures, but they’re also “major key”.

SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21 The moon is not in your favour this week, and may be calling for blood. This serves as a warning to hold avocados properly when you cut them, and don’t slice your finger off.

SAGITTARIUS: NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21 The bachelor is back on New Zealand screens, which means there’s definitely that annoying neighbour in College Hall who “totally hooked up with one of them, I swear”.

CAPRICORN: DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19 The stars recommend that you read a book this month. Preferably the one that has been assigned to you by your lecturer, and that you’re going to be tested on.

AQUARIUS: JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18 Speaking of tests, if you haven’t popped on down to the uni med centre for once since O-Week, put that on your to-do list as well. Not so much a horoscope, just a friendly PSA. PISCES: FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20 And if you’re sitting there wondering what a PSA is, then take this as a PSA: It’s a public Service Announcement. And you’ve just been served.

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N.06 / V.49

THEME: Cast of characters in ‘Huntly: the Musical’, should they ever create one.

BAZZA

LAKEN

RYBEKKAH

YOUNIQUE

HARLEEN

TYLAH

DAXON

VEJONICA

DEKA

JATHON

CRUZ

MULLET MUZZA

HARISYN

MR FERGUSON

GRAFFEETY

SHAZZA

HOLDEN

BOGAN CHORUS

CHERYLYN

CHEYENNE

LYAM

SHIRAZ

Simple Puzzles 4 Simple People

Panga — Puzzles

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sudoku 2

3 7

5

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EASY

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MEDIUM

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DIFFICULT

Crossword

1.

ACROSS

2.

1. Gaston’s bumbling sidekick (5)

3.

3. The green fairy (8) 6. Afrikaans slang word and counter culture movement made popular by Die Antwoord (3)

4.

8. Hitchcock thriller released in 1960 (6) 5.

6.

9. To wound or injure a person or animal so that

7.

part of the body is permanently damaged (4)

8.

9.

12. Largest island in the Caribbean sea (4) 14. National language of India (5)

10.

16. Most popular board game of all time (5) 18. American artist and AIDS activist who 11.

14.

12.

13.

painted Ignorance = Fear (5, 6) 19. Had the hit single ‘Maneater’ in 2006 (5, 7)

15.

21. The fifth borough of New York City.

Manhattan, the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn and

16.

17.

____ (6, 6)

DOWN 18.

1. Christopher Columbus’ ship that ran aground (2, 5, 5) 2. Had pink hair once, made a career out of

19.

20.

antagonising and bullying celebrities (5, 6) 4. English rock band formed in 1976 in Salford, Greater Manchester (3, 8) 5. Large hill in Paris’ 18th Arrondissement (10)

21.

7. Hosts of the 1998 FIFA World Cup (6) 10. All Black with the nickname “Iceman” (7, 5) 11. Common name for UK’s withdrawal from

Word Twist

the European Union (6) 13. Capital of China (7)

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15. Hole in ya nose mate (7)

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Gucci and Balenciaga (6)

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17. Group that owns Alexander McQueen, 20. Opposite of early (4)

42

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