Nexus 2017 Issue 05

THE POTATO APPRECIATION CLUB — Page 27

STREET ART — Page 20

DRANK IN LOVE — Page 11

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LAST CHANCE A + B SEMESTER

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01 04 05 08 11 15 17 19 20 21

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Editorial

Humble Abodes

Uni News

Student Experience

News

Columns

Sports

Feature

Reviews

Nexus Goes

Entertainment

Arts

Centrefold - Matt Tini

Snapped

Blind Date

Puzzles

CO-EDITORS

CONTRIBUTORS

Bronwyn Laundry Lyam Buchanan editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Peter Dornauf Alexander Nebesky Cameron McRobie Tom Collopy Definitely Not a Cop Sarah Hyde Matthew Rae Conor Maxwell Calum Hughes Conor Von Keisenberg Matthew Tini Aunty Kumara Emily Reid Tom Featonby Valerie Bianchi Jacqui Swney Kaylee Bird Callum & Savanah

DESIGN

Vincent Owen design@nexusmag.co.nz DEPUTY EDITOR

Jennie-Louise Kendrick jen@nexusmag.co.nz MANAGING EDITOR

James Raffan james@nexusmag.co.nz DESIGN INTERNS

Liam Coffey Rowan Porter

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Editorial — Pānui Ētita

Win a Date with Whatever Boring Dude They’ve Picked This Time It’s that time of year again. The time where everyone in the country secretly descends into madness, sweepstakes and indignant cries of “Fuck The Bachelor, I don’t watch that shit.”

Whether you love it, hate it, or love to hate it, The Bachelor will be an unavoidable topic of conversation for the next few months and this week, we’re weighing in.

Objectively, it’s a terrible show. We have it on good repute too; past bachelorette sources who tell us stories of sociopathic producers dedicated to the cause; drama. It’s full of manipulation, false reality and misogynistic editing that makes one boring man look like a hero and 19 women look like caricatures rather than actual women with actual personalities.

There’s “The Villain” who nearly makes it to the end, against all odds, while the audience collectively hates her for the way she’s been portrayed; hours of footage ruthlessly cut down to bring out the worst in someone.

There’s “The Final Girls” a group of strikingly similar ‘girl next door’ types.

They often have romantic and sweeping orchestral backing tracks every time they get the coveted ‘alone time’ with the Bach and they’re all portrayed as equals 01

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to keep us guessing. In the end, only one will prevail.

Then there’s a whole load of other girls who just fill time and throw in prompted one-liners like “Oh em gee I could totally see myself marrying The Bachelor, he’s so dreamy.”

If you follow Art and Matilda on Instagram you’ll probably disagree with us because they are #couplegoals, but make no mistake, they’re the anomaly. They slipped through in the freshman stage of the program, able to regain some semblance of normality post-Bachelor. Good for them. And they are funny as fuck. Also attractive as fuck. Fuck them. They’re also paid to be a power couple.

Scathing condemnations aside, this week we have a range of content that, unlike The Bachelor, hasn’t been edited to perpetuate toxic social issues. On page 27 is a wholesome and nutritious spotlight on this year’s hottest new affiliation - The Potato Appreciation Club.

Alternatively, if you need a dose of real modern romance, turn to the Blind Date on page 40 - we have just made our first relationship worthy match. ♦

Pānui Ētita — Editorial

NEXUS MAGAZINE

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

NI NEW

Pitopito Korero — Uni News

Justice of the Peace clinics available on campus If you require the services of a Justice of the Peace, drop-in clinics run twice a week throughout the year. The drop-ins are in M2.09 (Student Centre foyer by the lift) on Tuesday 12-1pm and Thursday 1-2pm. There is no need to book, just turn up with all your required documents and the rostered JP will assist you.

Bus to campus Places are still available on the heavily subsidised Bus to Uni service; helping regional Waikato students get to campus. For more information and to register, check out waikato.ac.nz/student-life/campuses/buses-to-campus

Last chance!

UniRec’s great value A+B Semester Student Membership is only available until 31 March. Get in quick if you’re keen. Find out more at unirec.co.nz

Conservatorium of Music Lunchtime Recital Series Come along to the Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts on Wednesday 29 March at 1pm for a performance from Virtuoso pianist Rafaella Garlick-Grice, as she performs her interpretations of Schumann’s “Fantasiestucke” Op 12 and Chopin’s famous and greatly loved 24 Preludes Op 28. Entry is free for students with a valid ID or $5 at the door.

Bikes on campus Bikes on Campus provides free repaired bikes to refugees via the Red Cross and subsidised repaired bikes to Waikato students. For only $60 you can buy a second-hand bike for a year to ride to uni, and then return it when you’re done for $20 cash back! Visit the Bikes on campus Facebook page for more information.

Stand out with MyCareer MyCareer is an online system that allows you to manage your own career development. You can set up a personal profile, book in for workshops and tutorials, access career tools such as the CV-builder, make appointments with Career Advisors, and search and apply for volunteer opportunities. For more information or to log onto MyCareer visit waikato.ac.nz/students/careers.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

News — Pitopito Korero

News

Key Statements: John’s Valedictory Speech Bronwyn Laundry and Jennie-Louise Kendrick

Jen and Bron read Rt Hon JK’s valedictory speech so you didn’t have to. Here are their thoughts; In reference to the significance of Parliament: “What happens here matters a great deal to the lives of millions of Kiwis,” - Ok well, nowhere else establishes the laws of the land.

proposed Bills like the Feed The Kids Bill?

“For the most part, as a liberal MP, I feel I got my voting record right, although I regret voting against civil unions. I was pleased that

“I had not been a member of my party's youth wing; in fact, I had

Louisa Wall's Bill for gay marriage was drawn, and I am glad I supported

not been that involved with the National Party at all prior to throwing

it.” - Clap, clap. Need we remind you that it’s your fault we now have

my hat in the ring for the selection for the Helensville seat” - Never fear,

an extremely Catholic conservative capitalist in your place? You left us

you don’t have to be a Young Nat to be the big boss daddy of National.

with a Bill who is against the Bill for liberalising abortion laws. It’s not

“I had not come here from a life of politics and protest; in fact, I came here from Wall Street.” – CAPITALISM! AM I RIGHT, GUYS?!?! “...my political views had been shaped by my Austrian Jewish mother, Ruth, who single-handedly raised me and my sisters in the now-infamous State house at 19 Hollyford Avenue, Christchurch.” - A week before his resignation, Key’s childhood home was included in the 2500 state houses National has sold off in Christchurch. *Plays Alanis Morissette’s ‘Ironic’*.

“While I was at high school, I had a weekend job in some stables. I remember coming home one day at the age of 15 to tell Mum I had this brilliant idea: I was leaving school to train racehorses.” - Is that why he gets PTSD when he sees Jacinda Ardern across the floor?

“Mum taught me the things that allowed me to succeed, which I think are echoed by so many Kiwi parents: that you get out of life what you put into it, that hard work can create opportunities, and that you really can change your own life—not by wishing it was different, but by working to make it different.” - Prime Minister valedictory or Head Boy assembly speech? It’s amazing that such an ignorant view on poverty can come from someone who came from a single-parent state house.

“A little girl immediately put up her hand. "Excellent.", I thought. "Yes, dear?", I said. "Do you have a dog?", she said.” - This girl is onto something; this is how we should screen all our MPs. “...most of us share the same aspirations: we want our children to be fulfilled, and we want them to do better than we have. To most of us, what matters more than anything else is the health, welfare, and happiness of those people about whom we care most.” - Finally, something we can all agree on. Can we please have a little more support for

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liberalism, it’s English.

“So that is it. It has been a privilege, an honour, and a blast. Goodbye, and good luck.” - We’re going to need it. ♦

Pitopito Korero — News

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Waikato draft: WSU pledges support to med school plan Lyam Buchanan Waikato Students’ Union President William Lewis confirmed the Union’s support of the University of Waikato’s proposed medical school in a letter to Tertiary Education Minister Paul Goldsmith.

Lewis met with the Minister during Orientation, followed by a letter citing the needs of students and local communities as a major reason for their support.

“It really is a winner all round. A medical school would be great for students, great for local communities and would return $3 of value for every $1 invested by the government.” said Lewis.

“For the past four years, I have been actively involved in policy development, party politics, and student representation. I can genuinely say that I have never seen an initiative garner such widespread local support.”

Lewis’ view is similar to that of millionaire philanthropist, Sir Owen Glenn, who recently threw his support behind the venture at a funding event.

"To demonstrate my commitment to this goal, I am announcing tonight that I am pledging $5 million to the University of Waikato to support its development of a medical school in return for naming rights of the school," said Sir Owen.

"I honestly think it's Waikato's time, not just for the medical school but everything. You've got the movement of businesses here, the population is growing. Why not enhance the region by whatever means."

“Our provincial towns are experiencing a severe and worsening shortage of general practitioners. Even the 1100 doctors we import from overseas every year aren’t enough to solve the problem. The Waikato Medical School will reduce the mismatch between graduate output and market demand for provincial general practitioners.” said Lewis.

The Waikato Students’ Union also believes the move will be good for students. Lewis said uptake of the proposal will expand the opportunities available at the University of Waikato without affecting the scope or quality of existing course offerings.

“The Waikato Medical School will provide the market with a much-needed new breed of doctor, connected to the regional communities who need them the most.”

“We know that New Zealand has a small number of medical schools and a lack of diversity in the way medicine is taught, by OECD standards. We also know that by OECD standards our existing two medical schools are very large and are unlikely to have sufficient capacity to grow and diversify.” ♦

WHAT THE PROPOSED MED SCHOOL WOULD DO: • TAKES GRADUATES OF ANY THREE-YEAR UNIVERSITY DEGREE. • FOUR YEARS OF TRAINING. • AIM TO HAVE 60 PER CENT OF GRADUATES SPECIALISING AS GPS. • PLACEMENTS IN REGIONAL TRAINING CENTRES AROUND THE CENTRAL NORTH ISLAND. • STUDENTS SELECTED ON BASIS OF: RESULTS, COMMITMENT TO COMMUNITY. • NUMBER OF MAORI STUDENTS IN COHORT IN LINE WITH PERCENTAGE IN POPULATION.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

News — Pitopito Korero

TL;LR ‘STOKED ANGLER LITERALLY CATCHES THE EQUIVALENT OF MY CRIPPLING DEBT.’ — Gisborne man's week off work to go fishing pays off with a whopping $37,100 in prize money.

‘PARENTS GET A FEW EXTRA WEEKS OF PRETENDING TO BE A FUNCTIONAL FAMILY BEFORE THROWING THEIR CHILD ON THE ROLLER COASTER OF DIVORCE.’ — Young Aussie family stuck in New Zealand with premature baby.

‘ELDERLY WOMAN BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF NEXUS DESIGNER LIVING IN HER ABDOMEN.’ — Grandmother discovers why she couldn't shed her 'potbelly': it was a 64kg tumour.

‘THE INNOVATIVE TEAM AT STUFF.CO.NZ REMAINS THE POINT OF ASPIRATION IN JOURNALISM.’ — 'Someone will die' at intersection.

‘DON’T.’ — Lyam sheds valuable advice on whether or not you should read issue 03 of Victoria University's ‘Salient Magazine.’ ♦

News in Numbers 59

5000

Smart Stadium.

World Record. Lol.

Wellington had its first Pride parade in 25 years.

Countdown has committed to selling only cage-free eggs by 2022.

It takes 59 hours to set up Adele’s concert stage used at Mt

25

$500

New median rent for a three bedroom house in NZ reached.

A farmer milked 5000 cows within 12 hours to set a new Guinness

2022

$29,973,187 A GOP Candidate’s attempt at raising $30 million for a ‘Women Vote Trump’ PAC came up $29,973,187 short. Of course.

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Hākinakina — Sports

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sports

Warming the Bench Cameron McRobie The unsung heroes of every sport internationally are the reserves, the back-ups, the benchwarmers if you will. These lads and lasses are the rock of any team; they're there to pick up the pieces when shit hits the fan.

Standard American sports are ridiculous when it comes to reserve players. Think football; not real football – Gridiron, for any of you not fluent in the tongue of the free and lingo of the brave.

College football rosters in the states can have 50 plus meatheads who call themselves footballers, but maybe half, the better half, will take the field week after week and actually play football. “What importance do the rest of these players have?” you may ask. The real answer is jack shit. However, if you have a trashy, uncultured taste in comedy like myself, you’ll be familiar with Blue Mountain State and Alex Moran’s quest to spend as little time on the field as possible by being the redshirt; second string quarterback. Red shirting is a common phrase used on this show – essentially it means you’re a crash test dummy used for the better players on your team to train against, and maybe if they fuck themselves up real bad, you’ll actually get to take the field for 30 seconds a season. Oh, and your standard football team will often have reserve-reserves too; ever heard of a third string player before? Yeahnah me neither, but I haven’t played a sport against guys trying to end my life in the quickest way possible, so what do I know?

Closer to home, I like to think we’re a little tougher. Sure rugby teams have eight benchwarmers at the kick-off of every game, but these reserves (particularly in our only national treasure – the All Blacks) have recently been dubbed “impact players.” Their capability to bring vigour and fire to the dying minutes of a second half of a game, and make the bushed opposition regret their own existence is super sweet. This is especially smirk-worthy when said opposition is Australian or French, because fuck those guys.

Obviously, there are plenty more examples of differing reserve systems and even sports that have none. Being a travelling reserve that doesn’t even make the substitute bench is something we can all appreciate, it’s like doing nothing in a group assignment and still getting an A+ - assuming your team can bring home the goods. There is no shame in bench warming, even if you’re only there to give the real players peace of mind - just accept that you’re a disappointment to your parents and wasting precious minutes of your life that could be spent on more suitable activities; playing with swords on the Village Green perhaps? ♦

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sports — Hākinakina

Concussion Crackdown Tom Collopy Three teams have been issued with breach notices following round 3 of the NRL, after failing to comply with the competition’s concussion protocol. The concussion policy was introduced three years ago when player safety was at the forefront of the NRL’s issues.

It is to my understanding that these breach notices and fines are the first of their kind to be issued by the NRL regarding concussion protocol. NRL CEO Todd Greenberg pointed out that they should send a clear message that any clubs who fail to follow concussion protocol will be reprimanded and punished. The clubs in question – the Titans, Dragons, and Knights – have five days from issue of notice to contest the ruling, and provide the NRL with mitigating evidence. This is unfortunate timing for the Knights, as former player James McManus recently announced that he will take legal action against the club for alleged breaches of duty of care. It doesn’t paint a good picture for the Knights, and is likely to be used by McManus as ammunition in his case.

Good on Todd Greenberg and the NRL. Player safety should be the number one priority for all clubs, and if neglected, adequate punishment should be served. The protocol is clear; if a player is left motionless, they must be removed from the field for a concussion test at no cost to the team’s allotted interchanges. Doctors should be able to assess whether or not a player needs medical attention, taking no risks and bringing the player off for a test. No player, no matter the stature or presence they hold upon the game, should be able to overrule a doctor’s assessment and if a doctor is having problems getting a player to come off the field then he should ask the referee to stop the game until the player complies.

In saying this, most clubs follow the protocol in concussion circumstances. As for the Titans, Dragons, and Knights; they have been used as an example. Their mistakes demonstrate that these instances will not be tolerated. It will be impossible to remove head knocks and concussions from the game; it’s a contact sport and these things happen. However, the NRL as the governing body of the game will do all that it can to prevent concussions becoming more of a problem for the players who suffer them. ♦

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

DRANK LOVE IN

Jennie-Louise Kendrick Contextual clues are a godsend on a date! Whether you met your future boo in a lecture or scored a hot online date - people often present an altered version of themselves in order to make a good first impression. What they choose to order on your rendezvous can be very telling of their true self - like a liquid horoscope. “Coffee” dates are no longer confined to a hot roast of java, but rather just a meeting taking place in the general vicinity of a cafe, while catching up for “drinks” can mean anything from a can of Cody’s to a dehydrated bang in the back of their car.

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Kupu Whakaatu — Feature

FIZZY DRINK (COKE/SPRITE) OR JUICE

NEXUS MAGAZINE

ENERGY DRINK

It’s at this point that you should ask yourself, ‘Am I dating an adult?

They’ve come from a really smelly engineering lecture and they’re

Or two schoolchildren squeezed into a tan trenchcoat pretending to be

exhausted from playing League of Legends all night. They’re beginning

an adult in order to sneak into an R-rated movie?’ It’ll be a dead givea-

the daily transition from a Mountain Dew nightcap to a chilled can of

way when they order two straws.

Monster. Give them a break and maybe they’ll tilt their fedora for you lovingly. M’lad(y).

KOMBUCHA “BOOCH” It’s fermented tea and it rhymes with guiche (pronounced:

BYO PROTEIN SHAKE

“gooch”). Don’t expect them to wash their genitals or maintain any

You’ll never fit into their very busy schedule (read: grunt at the gym,

kind of body hair - the patchy Hipster-esque beard should be fair

eat tuna and rice, wank to MILF porn, sleep, repeat). They may or may

warning. They definitely fiddle with crystals, and love the slow gentri-

not have sex in front of a mirror. This gym rat is too serious about their

fication of Grey Street.

fitness regime and hasn’t figured out that they could just drink their food in their own time, not in front of a potential bae. A word from the

BLACK COFFEE (LONG BLACK/AMERICANO/ESPRESSO) This date has dabbled with white and/or powdered drugs before

wise, you’re also risking them having the most disgusting tasting ejaculate ever from excessive protein.

- it’s just that snorting glass-laced substance in the middle of a Muffin Break kiosk isn’t “socially appropriate”. They probably do a design

HOT CHOCOLATE

degree at Waikato, so clearly they’re a fucking psycho. They’re looking

This is the classic order for the non-coffee drinker. While coffee pow-

for a hard fix, so if you do decide to take them as a bedfellow, prepare

ers most sane people’s systems, a hot choccie is sufficient for people

yourself for lots of rough, kinky sex. Perhaps do a few stretches first.

who have other things to thrive off. Like the eternal love of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

JUST WATER They’re worried about having sweaty hands, and bad breath, and

BEER/CIDER

stuff stuck in their teeth, and slipping up, and what your babies would

They’re for the lads. Your date will most-likely have a beer belly by

look like. They’re an anxious mess. Alternatively, they could just not

next year, which will be hard to disguise in a playsuit. Assumptions you

want to commit to paying for a drink on a date with you.

can make about this suitor are easy; they enjoy watching sport, own a pair of gummies, and they’re not gluten-free. This guy/gal loves a box -

SPARKLING WATER

Waikats or vagina - one should be yeasty, and the other is a beverage.

Ahh, carbonated H2O - the beverage of the nouveau riche! They’re expecting you to have big aspirations and a big chequebook. Whether

WINE

they physically ordered it or insisted you take them to a cafe that of-

There’s a very distinct pedigree attached to wine. A expenny bottle

fered complimentary sparkling water - they have expectations... And will

of Merlot tells you a very different story about your date than your

spend 5-10 minutes taking the perfect Gram.

date bringing their own cask-less goon of Country White. Red wine is a very pretentious drink, whereas white wine is the territory of the drunk

MILKY COFFEE (LATTE/FLAT WHITE) They’re just your average joe, trying to get a safe bang in the ‘Tron.

housewife. Sparkling wine is reserved for the posh and/or the first-year buying cheap rosé. This one is up to you to interpret, babe.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Feature — Kupu Whakaatu

VODKA AND MIXER (LEMONADE/SODA WATER) They’re a chill, fun person looking for a spunky partner to take to pound town. It’s not typically a drink ordered by men - but hey, it doesn’t say anything bad about them. It’s an easy go-to.

RUM AND COKE They panic ordered what their pot-bellied, white-haired father likes to drink.

BOURBON AND COKE Your date will be fuming if they can’t order a Black Heart or Cody’s in the can. Almost as fuming as they’ll be when they see the Ford logo on your car keys. They’re purebred bogan stock, and if you’re not into mullets or leopard print; gap it ASAP. GIN AND TONIC They clearly have no tastebuds if they’re able to drink this mix of water and nail polish remover with a straight face. They’ve been to the races at least once, and drive a European car that they inherited when mummy upgraded to a sports car.

(SCOTCH/WHISKEY) ON THE ROCKS Your date watched Mad Men before meeting you for an overpriced and watered-down brown liquor. They want to impress you by appearing suave, despite having worn the same t-shirt three times this week and counting. They’re lying through their teeth if they don’t think it’s disgusting. Because it is. Luckily, the ice will melt quickly into your date and that expensive amber acid will be slightly more suitable for human consumption.

NO DRINK They’re there to murder you, and don’t want to leave a paper trail. If they lick their dry, chapped lips the entire date, then they’re probably going to chop you up and eat you too. ♦

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WISA PRESENTS

Battle the Clubs of

ENJOY FOOD AND PERFORMANCES AS TEAMS FROM CLUBS AND STUDENTS' ASSOCIATIONS BATTLE OUT IN THE EVENT FOR THE FINAL PRIZE.

Reviews — Arotakenga

REVIEWS

NEXUS MAGAZINE

The title of this book alone is hardcore. Three badass nouns, that we all know can do some damage and make some money while doing it, followed up by a philosophical subheading. The cover page alone has ticked most of my reading requirements.

Guns, Germs, and Steel is touted as “a global account of the rise of civilisation”, and that's exactly what it is. From religion, to art, to economics, the author, Jared Diamond, manages to trav-

erse the differences in human development all across the world, and begins to provide answers to why we all are how we are today.

Guns, Germs and Steel puts a new spin on old information, some of which has been around almost since the beginning of time. If it sounds like an incredibly complex subject, that's because

it is, but one that Diamond covers well. It’s not as daunting of a read as the back cover suggests,

Book Arotakenga Pukapuka ‘Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies’ - Jared Diamond Sarah Hyde

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

and is instead incredibly thought provoking and well written.

In examining different countries and their histories, colonisation and isolation, this book provides answers to questions I never even knew I had, and by virtue has made me far more interesting at parties. ♦

I went into Eat Burger with high expectations. If you charge Burgerfuel prices, you would expect something of the same quality. They’re also the only place I’ve found that makes a Lewis Road

Creamery milkshake, but from second hand information, it is apparently just a frothy bottle of Lewis Road chocolate/caramel milk poured into a takeaway cup.

There was quite a wait time which fueled my excitement, but ultimately led to my disappoint-

ment. My order consisted of a chilli burger “From the Cow” and chips and gravy, yet I was left with a soggy burger, little flavour and a mouthful of jalapeńos.

The burger consisted of aged beef, Texas chili, cheese, bacon, jalapenos and a pale ale bacon

BBQ sauce. Who wouldn't want to sink their teeth into one of them? The chips and gravy however,

were far superior. Buy two of them for the same price as the burger and you have a meal all of its

Food Arotakenga Kame Eat Burger Matthew Rae

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

own. The restaurant has quirky little quotes around the walls, bar stools and a small bar as a table.

The open roof, open walls feel makes it feel bigger then it is while still looking sleek and modern. ♦

This is the Police is a resource-management game that follows the last 180 days of the career of Jack Boyd, police chief of the fictional city Freeburg. Jack is being forced into retirement by a

corrupt mayor, facing pressure from the mob, and trying to win back his wife who has recently left him for a younger man. The gameplay sees you managing two alternating shifts of police officers and detectives by responding to police callouts in whatever way you see fit.

Throughout the game you will solve cases ranging from vandalism to ritual sacrifice and se-

rial murder, learn to pick the real emergencies from the prank calls and, at regular intervals, sit through cinematics detailing the tragic fall of Jack Boyd; a semi-corrupt aging cop who just can’t catch a break. This game will batter you down as dick moves from shit people drive Jack further and further into the ground, while you continue to do your job to the best of your ability, until

Video Game Arotakenga Tākoro Ataata ‘This is the Police’ (2016) - Weappy Studio Conor Maxwell

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

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you’re inevitably forced to retire. If you’re one of those people who believes humans are inherently good, This is the Police is here to inform you that you are wrong. ♦

Arotakenga — Reviews

NEXUS MAGAZINE

When we decided to review the new track from Linkin Park there was a clear division in the panel.

Calum, Conor, and Lyam had all been angsty teens who at one point or another thought that Linkin Park sounded exactly like how they felt as young men. On the other side was Alex, who thought and still does think that Linkin Park were too loud and angry.

And that’s what threw him off when Battle Symphony started. “Wait a minute, didn’t Linkin Park sound different?” he asked. And from that very first note, none of us could stop laughing. Linkin Park has thrown in the towel with a mediocre electronic pop song which is as lyrically pathetic as it is compositionally bland. After the first listen we went back to a few classics to see how different they did sound- and even though they were undoubtedly just as angsty, what they had going back then that they don’t have any more is their own sound. Now they sound like nobody.

Single Arotakenga Waiata ‘Battle Symphony’ - Linkin Park Review panel: Alex, Calum, Conor, Lyam

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

The new song, according to the panel, sounds like the Chainsmokers meets year 6 graduation song meets beach pop meets inspirational tween music meets that feeling you had when you were angsty and young and thought shitty lyrics about being broken but still on the mend (“please don’t give up on me”) were the height of artistic merit.

Despite some fond Linkin Park memories, one sentiment reigns supreme- ‘fuck them, they dug their own grave’. ♦

There isn’t actually a lot to say about Blossom. It’s an album, it comes across as one solid unit, nothing on it sucks, nothing on it jumps out at you and impresses you greatly. Nothing on it makes you happy, nothing on it makes you sad. It’s just there. It just is. It’s almost difficult to write about because the only thing worth mention is that Calum really liked having Blossom playing while he went and did other things. Some records inspire you to dance, force you to sit and listen to them, make you think- Blossom makes you want to turn your attention onto just about anything else in the room, and Blossom is there to provide you with a lovely cushion of sounds for you to barely hear, pay no attention to, and have no definite opinions on.

The only thing we remembered from the album is that maybe one of the lyrics in one of the songs sounded like “sodomy bird”? Who knows, we weren’t paying attention. ♦

Album Arotakenga Pakaemi ‘Blossom’ - Milky Chance Review panel: Alex, Calum, Conor, Lyam

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

Mike Hadreas first caught my attention in 2014, with the release of the both devastating and defiant Too Bright under his stage name Perfume Genius. The album interweaved both frenetic and intimate sounds, showcasing Hadreas’ vocal abilities at states of trembling whispers and triumphant belts. Upon first encounter, Perfume Genius is one of a kind; with his rejection of gender tropes and his unique sound.

The new single from Hadreas, Slip Away, catapults Perfume Genius to a new level of splendour.

Much like Too Bright, the song begins with delicate instrumentation. A pulsing yet stripped back guitar creates a primal, slightly jarring atmosphere, which is carried throughout the song. Hadreas is charismatic, singing lyrics that feel more joyous than those on his earlier music. He encourages the listener to release inhibitions, take his hand and bolt forth as deafening drums catapult us into

Single Arotakenga Waiata ‘Slip Away’ - Perfume Genius Vincent Owen

the chorus. The production hits on the chorus with walls of euphoric sound. It’s the violent sound of adrenaline, the sound of spinning until you feel sick.

2 minutes and 45 seconds feel unbearably short. Slip Away is an ironic title for a song which will rocket Perfume Genius into popular conciousness. To add to your listening experience, check out the video (it’s remarkable). ♦

-5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5

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Nexus Goes... — Tipi Haere

NEXUS GOES...

NEXUS MAGAZINE

To the Middle of Nowhere You weave through the hills and trees. You see the PASSING LANE 400m AHEAD sign. That fuckwit in the Audi flies by you. He read it as LICENCE TO SPEED 400m AHEAD. He’s more important than you anyway though right? His car’s more expensive so it must be true.

You arrive at your destination. McLaughlin’s old plant nursery lies

ahead of you, dilapidated and forgotten. Although, not completely forgotten because those sheep are definitely alive. They’re also not that sure about you jumping the fence into the paddock around the weathered greenhouses. You skirt the mostly empty offices, a comfy looking couch lies in one, an unfortunate orange.

Not as unfortunate as the conclusion to McLaughlin’s life, though.

You start businesses. You build your fortune. You discover a huge geothermal well. You invest everything to construct a power station. And then the bank forecloses on you. And you lose everything. You die poor, a shadow of the businessman you once were. Perhaps you deserved it.

A friend of my father’s once met you. Only your eyes were visible in the narrow gap produced by the slightly open tinted window of your huge SUV. “Which way to the site offices?”

“It’s just up that way mate.”

“My names McLaughlin. I’m not your mate.” And the window closed.

A tree grows through a large gap in the roof of one of the greenhous-

es. There’s broken glass everywhere, shards of beakers for cultivating orchids. There’s a rabbit hole, inside, a bizarre sight. A swallow flits about overhead, curious of this intruder. There’s a beautiful serenity being in this warmth, this quietness, and then an air compressor clicks on somewhere and you shit in your pants. You find an old BMW parked in a storage container, the registration only expired a few months ago.

The sheep, the BMW, the air compressor, this place obviously still

sees people, but the inside’s deserted and rundown. It looks like everyone grabbed the valuables and left in a hurry, all manner of useful, albeit valueless shit left behind. A library’s worth of Law textbooks, not that they did much good for the old man. You leave and head back towards the great lake Taupo, where the Wakachangi begins, the Old Misty. If you were to return, you might find that storage container locked, the sheep gone and all the doors and gates in differing states of opened and closed from when you found them.

This abandoned orchid nursery lies just outside the town of Taupo.

I imagine there’s a lot more history there, my parents told me some but not all of it is known. I think some is best left to the imagination. There are rumours of the old man’s suicide, floating around, that his house is nearby with some quite disturbing writing on a chalkboard just visible beyond the windows. ♦

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Tipi Haere — Nexus Goes...

NEXUS MAGAZINE

18

Entertainment — Whakangahau

Please Don’t Quote Me

“A lot of people call it selfish, but I don't have any wrinkles.”

— Gabrielle Union reveals why no one knows who she is - she never goes outside.

“Poo bum arse tit.”

— Stephen Fry opposes censorship.

“I think I'll go home and lay on the couch.”

— Same, Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“Whales.”

— Random Bachelorette gives a fun fact about whales.

What’s Hot

What’s Not

Friends who bring toilet paper in your time of need.

Running out of toilet paper.

People who actually pay you back.

Not having the confidence to vape with friends.

Free bread.

Refusing to eat fruit.

Crush of the Week — Nelly

AINMENT♦ ENTER NT♦ ENTERTAINME

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Did you know Nelly’s real name is Cornell? Of course you didn’t, because no one thinks to Google Nelly, because he is severely under-appreciated. His debut album Country Grammar was the soundtrack to our 90s

Kid youth and you’d be hard-pressed to find a more iconic duo than Nelly and the random bandaid he used to always have on his face. He now uses his fame and fortune to do other things, none of them I could tell you

because I still know virtually nothing about Nelly except he makes all country songs better, included but not limited to the bangers ‘Cruise’ by Florida Georgia Line and ‘Over and Over’ by Tim McGraw.

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Toi — Arts

NEXUS MAGAZINE

ARTS

Street Art Peter Dornauf The Lonely Planet guide book has just announced that Christchurch is one of the street art capitals of the world, alongside New York and London.

Street art or graffiti art is a fairly recent phenomenon, (begun in the

1960s) though one could point to examples that go back as far as the early Roman Empire. The Romans were not averse to scratching satirical images on walls back then. A famous example, which has survived from that time, is the depiction of a crucified Christ with the head of a donkey, accompanied by the mocking inscription, “Alexamenos worships his god”, dated around 200 CE. Hamilton has a burgeoning street art scene and last week a collec-

tive calling itself BOON conducted its second biannual event involving street artists in a three day festival creating murals across the Hamilton CBD and Hamilton East Village. Eleven artists were involved in the event which began on Friday 17th and concluded on Sunday 19th.

A quick look around the CBD and a little further afield reveals a pleth-

ora of bright coloured murals, large and small, painted across huge slabs of wall space throughout the city. My favourite would have to be the work of Eliza Webster on the under-wall of the overpass bridge in Claudelands.

Most street art here seems to have a comic book narrative and style, but Webster’s dancing, prancing figures are a step up from that.

I was also impressed with the cricket tableau, a creative collage just

along from Seddon Park, first painted during the World Cup. Jeremy Shirley’s work is another I admire. He is ubiquitous around town both on walls and bus shelters where he sometimes does ersatz Picasso’s or incorporates other styles into his own unique brand.

If we are talking sculptural street art, then one couldn’t go by the

huge and colourful creation of Michel Parekowhai’s, Tongue of the Dog, just opposite the Waikato Museum on Victoria Street, given to the city courtesy of a charitable trust called, Mesh.

The man most associated with graffiti art of course is the myste-

rious and elusive, Banksy, famous for many iconic satirical and political images, not least of which is a work entitled, Rage, a picture of a protester throwing not a Molotov cocktail but a bunch of flowers.

From March 28, Tauranga Art Gallery will be exhibiting what is touted as the most extensive collection of Banksy’s work in the Southern Hemisphere. Urban street art come of age, bridging the gap between high and mass culture. ♦

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Currently

living

in

Wellington,

Matt is a mostly shy little bit sassy first year art student. He likes art, loves food, and needs sleep.

When he is not lazy, he works with oil on canvas, his paintings exploring themes of identity, uncertainty, and indecisiveness.

When he is lazy (which is most of the time) he draws pictures of pretty people and posts them on Instagram.

His dream job is to be a patissier but as his baking tends to fail he'll stick with art. ♌ INSTAGRAM: @MATTY_TINS

Humble Abodes — Whakaruruhau

HUMBLE

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King James’ Palace Part 2 With each room more princessy than the last, wandering down these corridors is comparable to wandering into a Disney movie. It’s surprising there weren’t any talking animals or birds helping with washing. The residents themselves even resembled princesses in all their somewhat basic but well-intentioned glory; Snow White, the teacher of small people; Ariel, the inquisitive psychology student, constantly asking questions and combing her hair with strange objects; Belle, the scholarly lawyer and bookworm; and Cinderella, the gentle nurse who probably talks to her dog a little too much. ♦ WANT YOUR FLAT FEATURED? SEND AN EMAIL TO EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

NEXUS MAGAZINE

ABODES

Whakaruruhau — Humble Abodes

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

nexos discover cheap shit online

Think “Grandmother's net

If there’s a wanker, there’s a way.

I do the* crew. Warn your poten-

I thrifted it from my little sister's

curtains” meets “Avril Lavigne’s

Advantage is that the projectile

tial flatmates in advance with

wardrobe. She has her Grade 5

answer to a Santa costume”

vomit will only get on the back of

this cute little badge!

ballet exam tomorrow, not sure if

$65.00

your jeans.

$4.00

she'll need this.

$30.00

$17.00

Finally! A top that can make my

“Sausage.”

What do you take me for, a comp

Dandelion Pom Pom Trainers

bitter single status just that

Need we say more?

sci NERD?

For the gal who likes blowing it

extra bit clearer, because redown-

$15.00

*studio audience laughter*

and making wishes.

loading Tinder 3x wasn't enough!

"Good one Sheldon!"

$45.00

$39.00

$45.00

A subtle way of letting your

My dog ate my homework, sir. He

The original Purpee G.

Remember Jason Mraz?

mates know that your gonorrhea

then proceeded to rip up this top,

$27.00

This is him now.

is flaring up.

#Yeezy #Aesthetic! Can I have an

Feel old yet?

$50.00

#extension?

$25.00

$19.00

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Wheako Tauira — Student Experience

NEXUS MAGAZINE

FOMO One of New Zealand’s premier DJs has a new residency in Hamilton.

Cian O’Donnell – proprietor of Auckland’s Conch Records, George FM, The Earshot radio show host, some-time event promoter and musical curator - begins a new we the vinyl-only session at Hamilton East’s Hayes Common on 1 April.

The aptly named Saturday arvo sessions, Common Language will span a range of global music including soul, jazz, funk, reggae, and international music from all four corners of the globe.

“This will be more of a listening and appreciation session than dancefloor fillers,” says the 47-year-old, who was referred to Hayes Common owners Brent and Lisa Quarrie by a friend.

“Brett and Lisa were looking at trying to get DJs on a weekend and I walked in at the right time. I’d met them before through DJing, they knew who I was, so it’s all fallen into place really nicely.

“It’s a nice little riverside spot: it’s family friendly, some nice tables outside, a good indoor-outdoor environment …I hope people coming along will appreciate a wider variety of sounds beyond what they find out about through mainstream media and commercial radio.”

O’Donnell prides himself on opening ears and minds to new music, which he obtains from contacts and musicians, producers and labels all over the music world. He began DJing in 1991 and has carved a reputation as one of the country’s best musical curators.

English-born O’Donnell has DJed in China, USA, Canada, UK and Brazil but has been living in New Zealand since 1988. Based in Auckland on and off since 1997, O’Donnell was instrumental in setting up Auckland bar Khuja Lounge, and later, Conch Records. He also co-hosted the city’s long-running monthly club night ‘The Turnaround’. The event’s guests have included British funk DJ Keb Darge, the hugely influential BBC DJ and compiler Gilles Peterson, BBC One’s Benji B, American hip hop icon Bobbito Garcia, and Japanese producer DJ-producer Mitsu the Beats. The venues for ‘The Turnaround’ were frequently packed out and patrons literally danced until dawn.

He recently moved to Raglan: “I wanted to give my kids a rural up-

COMMON LANGUAGE, WITH CIAN, AT HAYES COMMON, EVERY SATURDAY FROM 2PM TO 5PM. ENTRY IS FREE.

bringing – Raglan is a cool little town, and they like it here. The move

HAYES PADDOCK, 33 JELLICOE DRIVE, HAMILTON EAST.

means Hamilton is ‘the city’ for us now and so it’s nice to be able to

WWW.HAYESCOMMON.CO.NZ,

share music with a fresh audience.” ♦

WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/HAYESCOMMON

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Student Experience — Wheako Tauira

Club Spotlight: The Potato Appreciation Club Callum and Savannah So our story begins with a group of caffeinated yet unmotivated students who - much like typical university students - were sitting enjoying banter and memes over curly fries. If there’s one thing other than memes that makes the struggles of student life worth living, then it's good ol’ fried taters… or vodka (also a product of the glorious potato).

It was potatoes that had brought us together and it was in a moment of mutual potato appreciation that the idea for this club was born. We had some doubters, and some haters –who doesn’t? But the love of potatoes spurred our faithful founding members on and they approached the WSU to see what could be done to put this idea in motion. With the birth of the New Year our club was officially recognised by the WSU and we braved the crowds of nervous first years in our search for new initiates. Incredibly underprepared, we set up our stall with our makeshift sign and sheets of refill. We were quite confident that barely anyone would be interested in joining our club.

Much to our surprise it went off, we quickly filled five sheets with names of new members collecting around 150 emails. Our goal is still aligned with our original purpose to get ourselves some free chips; however, we realise now that we have the opportunity to do so much more. We have a hugely diverse group of people from all years of university in our club and we think that we can help to make Waikato a friendlier more connected place. We want our members to come make new friends, to interact with people that they wouldn’t usually have anything to do with and just to generally have a good time. So come along, join the banter, sign up to the Facebook page and best of all, enjoy some free potatoes. ♦

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Wheako Tauira — Student Experience

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Hillary Scholar Profile Kaylee Bird — Dancing

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE YOU’VE FACED IN YOUR ART AND HOW DID YOU OVERCOME IT? Getting a stress fracture in my foot was a pretty big challenge, as I was out of action for the good part of a month. I was pretty salty about it but I soon realised that would get me nowhere. I eventually focused my energy on physio exercises so my rehabilitation was speedy and successful.

HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR DOWNTIME? Sometimes I choreograph or read a book, but mostly I just waste time on the internet and end up watching shit like “the entire Bee Movie but every time they say bee it gets faster” on YouTube.

IN WHAT WAYS HAS PERFORMANCE HELPED YOUR LIFE? Dancing has helped a lot with confidence – one of the most common fears in the world is public speaking, yet growing up on stage has meant that I’m pretty comfortable standing up in front of others. As well as that, the strict nature of dance training has taught me about discipline, hard work, perseverance, even being on time and looking presentable.

HOW MANY PERFORMANCES WOULD YOU DO PER YEAR? Depends on when the opportunities come up – this year I’ve got three potential performances: a professional choreographic season, international dance competition, and a studio performance at the end of the year.

WHEN DID YOU START PERFORMING? I started dancing when I was three years old, and my first performance was an angel in a cushion concert.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE/STRONGEST DANCE DISCIPLINE? My favourite is ballet, but I’m stronger at contemporary since coming to uni.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE PERFORMANCE? AND WHY? My final studio performance before leaving Tauranga – four of us performed ‘Pas de Quatre’ by Jules Perrot, which is a challenging piece created for the four greatest ballerinas of 1845. The amount of work that went into learning and perfecting the dance made performing it really memorable for me.

HAVE YOU EVER FAILED? AND IF SO HOW DID YOU GET OVER IT? In audition season in 2013, my first audition was for the Australian Ballet School and I got rejected. I was pretty disappointed because it’s a really cool place and people I look up to had also gone through there.

Pretty quickly that disappointment turned into motivation - I got over it by upping my game, working really hard, and kicking ass at my other auditions. I ended up getting offers from three different ballet schools in Sydney and Brisbane. ♦

28

Usually When you Get this high Its Illegal

Hamilton's First Trampoline Park Book your session at leapnz.co.nz PH: 07 850 4222 ­ 42 Sunshine Ave, Te Rapa

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Yam & Troy the Science Boys Quantum Physics, the Illuminati and You Troy Anderson CERN is a European company heavily entrenched in the Illuminati.

viously. These high energy collisions can provide information about

Because anyone that fucks around with hectic particle accelerators,

what causes particles to have mass if the Higgs boson is actually a

subsequently producing the closest thing to black magic since the

thing, if extra special dimensions exist and the nature of dark mat-

dark ages, is obviously part of the New World Order. They are the

ter. All of this is straying into the field of black magic, even for us

creators of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), the largest and most

semi-knowledgeable science boys.

powerful portal to hell in our modern day. Actually, hold on a moment,

The Higgs boson is that reclusive professor on campus, they have

replace ‘portal to hell’ with ‘particle accelerator’ and ‘Illuminati’ with

all the answers but they are extremely difficult to find or prompt into

‘study of quantum mechanics and general relativity’. There, much

existence. So far the LHC has detected what might be the Higgs

less conspiracy and much more sciencey.

boson, which is like getting that professor on the phone only to have

In 1998, CERN collaborated with a metric shit ton of scientists

him hang up before he’ll tell you if what you thought you knew about

and engineers from a whole mess of countries in order to create

particle physics is actually true or not, and why those crazy quantum

this monstrosity. 10 years later, the LHC was born. This whopper of

physics particles have mass but most definitely shouldn’t have any.

a mechanism is 27 kilometres in circumference and is as deep as 175 meters as well as crossing the border of France and Switzerland.

Dark matter is the even more reclusive professor on campus, the one that has not been seen or heard from by anyone ever. Dark

The LHC contains two beam pipes which are held under vacuum

matter has never been directly observed because it doesn’t interact

and utilises supercooled and superconducting magnets. These mag-

with any type of electromagnetic radiation including light. However,

nets are chilled to a -271.3 °C using liquid helium, which is big deal,

it does leave behind clues of its existence. This explains why that

that shit’s colder than outer space. The magnetic fields created are

professor has an office that’s never seen the light of day. He might

used to accelerate particles to near light speed, which is also a big

have some interesting information that would clear up some odd shit

deal, because all the non-black magic particles don’t usually go that

going on in the universe, but will ultimately be not that interesting

fast. The LHC utilises over 1,500 magnets varying in length between

and in the scheme of things, not that important.

5 and 15 meters to direct the particles because it’s actually fucking

So long story short, CERN makes the best of a shit situation,

difficult to make some of the smallest objects known to man smash

they aim to find out what the hell is going on in this crazy uni-

into one another at unfathomable speeds.

verse, they are the real philosophers, the one’s finding some al-

So what the hell is this thing for? Smashing particles together ob-

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most useful information. ♦

Maramara Kōrero — Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Cooked Cooking How to Bake Friends Aunty Kumara INGREDIENTS: • 3 tsp dry yeast

7. Roll dough onto a lightly floured surface about ½ an

• 1 tsp sugar

inch thick. There’s a dick joke in here somewhere but I’m

• 1 tsp salt

not gonna make it because baking is a serious business.

• 3.5 cups of white flour • 1 cup of water • 5 tbsp + 1/4 cup of vegetable oil • 2 tsp dried oregano • 4 cloves of garlic • Dried or fresh basil • ½ cup of grated cheese METHOD: 1. Go to an opshop or Kmart and acquire a bread maker.

If this is unfeasible, Google how to make pizza dough because I don’t fucking know. Christ you people expect a lot from me.

2. Preheat oven to 170°c 3. Put the yeast, sugar, salt, flour and 1 tsp of oregano into the bread maker.

8. Cut dough into strips.

9. Tie the strips into knots.

10. Place on a lined baking tray.

11. Spoon garlic oil over the knots. Leave them to sit for 10 minutes.

12. Bake for about 7 minutes.

13. Sprinkle the grated cheese over the knots.

14. Bake for another 8 minutes, or until golden brown.

15. Take them to a party and watch everyone flock towards you, amazed by your baking prowess and entranced by the garlicky carbs you have presented them with.

16. Your plan has succeeded. ♦

4. Add the water and 5 tbsp of oil.

5. Turn the bread maker onto the pizza dough setting and let it do its thing.

6. While the dough is doughing, put the remaining oil, oregano, garlic and basil into a blender thing and blitz, if you don’t have a blender or Magic Bullet just dice everything up finely and mix into oil.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Pass the AUX Playlist_04 Jacqui Swney This week’s playlist is an ode to happy rappers that have

YOU, GOLD PANDA

branched out from the clichéd content. Don’t get me wrong,

Gold Panda has taken something so simple as the word “you”

I love a good A$AP jam, but sometimes I get tired of listening

and morphed it into one of the most laid back and relaxing

to the same angry rap, and I need something happy, ya dig? It

electronic songs I’ve ever set ears on. Somehow he’s managed

is at this point that I refer you all to the playlist “Happy Kanye”

to evoke emotions out of me with his lyric-less masterpiece,

on Spotify, created by my good friend to cleanse the soul of

making me feel a momentary glimpse of zen. Like this song

pu$$y money hoes.

could just go on forever and so could I just by listening to it.

Enjoy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: There’s just something about these songs that make me want to prance around a

THE WORST GUYS, CHILDISH GAMBINO

forest or something. I just don't know any other way to explain

Donald Glover, aka Childish Gambino, made his debut in 2005

it. Gold star for Gold Panda.

with his album Apple Sauce, though you’d probably recognise

33

him most from his role in Magic Mike XXL. Despite the shitty

WHEN I’M SMALL, PHANTOGRAM

movie he decided to associate himself with, Gambino knows

A certainly different vibe from the first two songs I’ve talked

how to release a solid track. Found on his album, Because

about, Phantogram open this beauty with a seriously eerie

the Internet, this song collaborates with another one of my

bass line and some creamy as fuck vocals. This is the kind of

faves, Chance the Rapper. The two have such similar styles of

song you look out the window to while you’re driving through

music that their duo blends together effortlessly, their voices

the countryside and pretend that you’re in a movie, riddled

compliment each other like peanut butter compliments jelly.

with really complex problems that you’re driving away from

While the music is primarily an electronically produced rhythm

(or is it just me that does that?). Either way, Phantogram has

section, the end gives us a taste of a funky guitar solo, and

brought forth a song definitely worth listening to more than

some real life drums. 8/10 authentic AF.

once in a row. 9.5/10. ♦

N.05 / V.49

Maramara Kōrero — Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

WUG Life Waikato United Gaming Society Tom Featonby If you like videogames and want to be part of an awesome community

NEW STAR SOCCER

make sure you check out www.facebook.com/WUGamingSociety. We’re

This one is for the football fans out there. First released as a flash

accepting new members right now and you only have until the end of

game bloody ages ago (and still available online, a quick Google will get

March to take us up on some sweet as incentives so there’s no time to

you there), NSS is now on all mobile platforms. How the game works is

waste! Become a WUGS member today!

by giving you a text commentary of the match and at certain points you get to make your mark on the game. One of the worst things about this

MONUMENT VALLEY Monument Valley is essentially a perspective puzzle game. Get from

game is how addictive it is! I love football so this is my jam! What the hell am I still doing here? I have games to win, history to make!

start to finish. Too easy, too boring! But not really. Every level of this game is a piece of artwork! It’s so ridiculously good looking you’ll proba-

RIDICULOUS FISHING

bly want to just look at it and admire the level design and intricacies of

Vlambeer is a Dutch studio consisting of literally two people. It’s

puzzle game development. This game definitely had me scratching my

indie as hell and so is Ridiculous Fishing! Cast your line, avoid the fish

head and making me rage. But I could never stay cross at something so

on the way down, hook them on the way up and then shoot them out of

beautiful. A gorgeous game for any puzzling individuals out there.

the sky because fuck you fish you slimy pieces of shit! I’ve just summed

Ok, disclaimer: I hate playing bad games. That’s probably something

up the whole game in one sentence, it’s not deep but it’s not trying to

you should know about me in this stage of our relationship. These

be! It’s a great couple of minutes. You slowly unlock better and better

games were hand-picked from both mates’ recommendations and ‘best

stuff and it’s a good time. I definitely wouldn’t spend the night playing it

of’ lists on the interwebs. The mobile genre of gaming really is a mine-

but you shouldn’t be on the john for that long anyway…

field, careful where you step, there’s shit everywhere!

MOBILE MEDRIOCRITY Aren’t at home for some unknown reason? Too ‘student life’ to afford a Nintendo Switch? Lost all will to live? I suppose you could play a mobile game.

Mobile games are primarily gap fillers. They bridge a dull five minutes or so in your life that would otherwise be unbearable. When your social media is being unrecognisably quiet and you need to poop; time for a shit game.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE

Columns — Maramara Kōrero

Eco Emporium You can’t forget about David Bowie’s bulge, just like you can’t forget about landfills Valerie Bianchi The movie Labyrinth, and consequently David Bowie’s sizable bulge, was

conducted five waste audits here at uni, showing us that 69% of what

a mainstay of my childhood. This was one of maybe five kids’ movies

was going to landfill could actually be composted or recycled. So bump

available at the one room library in the tiny town I grew up in. As a re-

up your game!

sult, that sexually ambiguous glam rock star and goblin king was one of

Once you have begun to think about your waste and are putting

my favourite musicians and I take every chance I can to relate things to

things in the right place you can move on to the next level. Try reducing

the muppet world. In Labyrinth, our heroine Sarah falls into an oubliette.

your waste. For example, reusable stainless steel coffee cups have been

“Oubliette” is based on the French word to forget – which is what is

subsidised on campus, to reduce thousands of throwaway coffee cups

supposed to happen to people who are trapped there. In real life we

going to landfill each week. At only $7 (available at Eco Emporium and

“oubliette” things all the time: something stupid you said when you

Kahurangi Cafe) this is a small thing you can do every day, plus you will

were drunk, the failed cooking attempt growing new life in the back of a

get 50 cents off your coffee at uni cafes. Or, set up a compost. As many

fridge and, of course, rubbish. Landfills are a place things go to die and

students flat, this can be a daunting task but there are options for small

be forgotten about forever.

spaces and transient people, such as worm farms or bokashi bins.

An oubliette, one might say, for all the things that you don’t want to

I have run out of space for this article, but there are so many easy

deal with in our consumptive society. Our ancestors had rubbish and

things you can do. Come in to Eco Emporium for more ideas, follow us on

dumped it just like we do. For example, middens dotted around New

Facebook (EcoCampusWaikato) or email me at vbianchi@waiakto.ac.nz

Zealand provide physical evidence of what life was like back in the day.

The reality is that we can’t really oubliette anything. The stupid

They are collections of shells, animal bones, fire ash and broken tools

thing you said when you were drunk is captured on your best mate’s

that were the landfills of the time. The problem now is that the junk we

phone, eventually you have to clean out the fridge because you need

are dumping can result in toxic chemical leachate, which can leak from

that pot to cook, and rubbish has become an issue that you will have to

landfills into waterways, soil and groundwater. In some cases, such as in

deal with if you’re counting on living on earth. ♦

Raglan, landfill leachate (yes, there used to be a landfill in Raglan) was found to contaminate kai moana. Once our landfills were comprised of shells, and now they are preventing us from collecting kai. Luckily, there are so many things we can do about this! Let’s consider what is going to landfill. Could some of it be recycled or put in a compost? We have

35

N.05 / V.49

Maramara Kōrero — Columns

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Darts & Crafts Willie Earrings Emily Reid Some call it muddy river water, others call it a fine drop.

Whichever camp you’re in, you can’t deny Waikato Draught is a local institution. Following the consumption of the noble beverage, the next step, naturally, is to make these.

MATERIALS: For this you’ll need four bottle tops, an undefined amount of thin wire, any pliers you can find, that trusty hot glue gun and a couple earring hooks.

HOW TO CRAFT: 1. Use the pliers to cut 2cm lengths of the wire and bend them almost in half.

2. Thread each piece of bent wire through the loops of the earring hooks.

3. Using hot glue, attach the two ends of each bent wire to the edge of the underside of a bottle cap.

4. Using the hot glue again, attach other bottle cap to the first so the green sides are facing out and the wire is sandwiched between with the loop wire and the earring hook it sticking out.

5. Stick ‘em in and crack a Waikat mate. ♦

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALESSANDRA TANE INSTAGRAM: @ALESSANDRAROSETTA

36

SNAPPED Atapaki — Snapped

NEXUS MAGAZINE

ER

NN WI

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snapchat each week wins a voucher from our mates at BurgerFuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB. 38

all you can eat WEDNESDAYS FROM 6:30PM TO 8:30PM OR ALL WEEK FOR 8 OR MORE PEOPLE

13

student deal get unlimited double pizzas WITH STUDENT ID OR STUDENT CARD

13

Double PIZZAS

NO TEXTING, NO TWEETING, NO DISTURBANCES. 56 WARD STREET.

THE MOVIES AREN’T DIFFERENT, BUT WE SURE ARE. METRO MOVIE QUIZ: WHICH "LIFE" ACTOR ONCE SAID HE MOVED TO HOLLYWOOD BECAUSE HE WAS KICKED OUT OF CANADA FOR NOT LIKING HOCKEY? WHAT DISNEY FILM HAS DISNEY'S FIRST CONFIRMED GAY CHARACTER? WHICH POWER RANGERS ACTOR BOTH VOICED MONSTERS IN THE ORIGINAL SERIES AND INSPIRED THE NAME OF ONE OF THE ORIGINAL MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGER CHARACTERS?

LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS: BUTTERCUP, UNBREAKABLE, DEADPOOL.

13

He aru makau — Blind Date

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Blind–

Brought to you by House on Hood Street.

Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection.

If you're keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz We here at Nexus like to think of ourselves as cupids. Much to our disappointment, we’ve yet to hear of any Blind Date weddings. He’s a national rower who loves his mum and is known to shed a single tear when listening to country music. She’s an avid gardener who didn’t cry when she got her first bee sting and only Snapchats one meal per day. Will we receive our first ever wedding invite?

SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

I started the night drinking with my flat-

My night started off cooking dinner for the

mates, I had a bet going with one of them.

flat; I had planned to eat at the blind date but

She thought (correctly) that I couldn’t go six

at this point I was just fucking starving so I

months without sex, but I was determined to

decided to eat and have a few Double Browns.

see how long I could last. It was my one night

I got one of my flatmates to drop me off at

off work so I was spending it wisely- getting

House, I sat at the bar with a Corona in my

fucked in more ways than one (spoiler alert!).

hand just hoping that my date was attractive

My flatmate drove me to town and although I

and could hold a conversation.

was originally there for the bar tab, my mind

definitely delivered, this girl was hot, rocking

soon changed once I saw that my date wasn’t

up in a sexy little black playsuit. As we both

a seedy teenager fresh out of high school. Af-

seemed anxious as to what the night had to

ter introductions it was clear we weren’t going

offer I suggested a couple of tequila shots

to spend the tab on food.

which really took the edge off. We headed

Well Nexus

He was pretty easy to talk to, especially

upstairs and started talking, conversations

with alcohol in my system, and conversation

ranged from our favourite music to talking

flowed naturally. Turns out he knew my flat-

about our craziest exes.

mate, who kindly informed me of his reputation back in the days of College Hall.

She told me her favourite song was ‘Starboy’ by the Weeknd, so I stumbled downstairs

However, after a few great moves on his

and asked the DJ to do me a solid. Then this

behalf (including getting my favourite song to

girl starts rapping her heart out, not what I am

play through the bar) as well as him literally

used to hearing on a first date but It was in-

just taking his jacket off (boi was ripped) I al-

teresting. She told me she doesn’t fuck on the

ready knew how this night was going to end.

first date, which was fine with me as I had had

Shortly after we were picked up, we had loud

a good time, but then she asked me to come

drunken sex much to the dismay of my flat-

back with her… So I was getting mixed signals.

ties. Surprisingly, the fuckboy actually kept in

Her flatmate picked us up and took us back to

contact with me and now we’re fucking on a

her flat, she then asked me back to her room

regular basis- so thanks Nexus for proving to

to we ended up having sex. So thanks Nexus

me that romance isn’t dead and providing me

for setting me up with a hot girl, giving me a

with a well-endowed lad and a hangover.

free tab and getting me laid. Shout out to my

Date

date who I have been fucking every night since the date; you the real MVP.

40

Puzzles — Panga

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Horoscopes ARIES: MARCH 21 — APRIL 19

LIBRA: SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22

Mercury is wreaking havoc on your organisational skills this week (yeah,

The moon shines bright for you, which is a warm glowing reminder to

you’re totaaaaally normally more on time than this), so be sure to keep

never leave the comfort of university. Finished your BCs? LLB. Finished

track of deadlines and due-dates.

that? Masters, PhD, PgDip, you can stay here forever.

TAURUS: APRIL 20 — MAY 20

SCORPIO: OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21

It’s great that you’re close to your flatmates, but it’s time to set some

I’m sensing wisdom beyond your years, young Scorpio, which will either

boundaries this week, or you’ll end up doing all of the dishes for one,

lead to an A+ on your next assignment, or you making the genius call to

and shooting the other in the arse with steroids.

skip LAW203 and just stay at home watching Judge Judy.

GEMINI: MAY 21 — JUNE 20

SAGITTARIUS: NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21

I’m really not kidding about the steroids, although this warning is di-

If you’re going home this weekend to visit Mum and Dad, be wary of de-

rected at you, bulky Gemini, not your flatmates. Stay off the juice, or at

layed and cancelled flights. Unless you’re taking the bus, in which case

least stick that needle in your butt yourself.

be wary of escaped convicts and razorblades in the seats.

CANCER: JUNE 21 — JULY 22

CAPRICORN: DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19

If you’ve ever been at the beach with sand in your eyes wondering how

This week, the constellations have aligned to bring you that hell-annoy-

on earth camels survive their miserable sandy lives, then… oh, you hav-

ing song from Moana, every single time that you turn on the radio, for

en’t? Fine then. Whatever. Wasn’t going to tell you anyway.

the rest of your natural life.

LEO: JULY 21 — AUGUST 22

AQUARIUS: JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18

But, Leo, I know that you’ve wondered... And you’ll be pleased to know

There are some great new TV shows coming out this month, but save

that it’s because they have three eyelids. Two to stop the sand getting

yourself the netflix subscription fee, and the time, because all the

in, and a third to windscreen-wiper out any sand that does get in.

#riverdale memes on Facebook are just as good as the real thing.

VIRGO: AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22

PISCES: FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20

Easter isn’t for another month yet, but not at all in the name of com-

Someone seen’ed your message this week? The stars say give them a

merce, and definitely in the holy name of Jesus, Countdown is already

chance, everyone forgets to reply now and then. Or just cut them from

selling Hot Cross Buns.

your life and never look back - you don’t have time for losers.

V

M

U

S

S

O

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I

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X

A

B

F

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Wordfind

B

S

R

E

H

C

T

A

H

T

A

R

O

E

A

THEME: Right wing politicians and iconic pop legends.

D

D

A

&

G

I

A

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C

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L

O

C

Y

ROBYN

TINA TURNER

M

D

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A

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FRANCO

PAUL RYAN

D

M

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F

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B

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B

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BRITNEY SPEARS

KELLY CLARKSON

C

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MCCARTHY

TEA PARTY

H

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MADONNA

VANESSA HUDGENS

M

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B

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&

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PETAIN

ALY & AJ

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B

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GAGA

PEPE

G

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D

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C

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L

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D

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D

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N.05 / V.49

THATCHER BEYONCE MUSSOLINI CARLY RAE JEPSEN COLIN CRAIG GRACE JONES BORIS

Panga — Puzzles

NEXUS MAGAZINE

Sudoku 4

2

2

4

5

1

7

8

9

4

3

8

5

4

4 6

1

1

5

7

8

5

2

4

2

1

3

7

5

8 6

7

7

8

2

3

8

8

9

3

3 2

9

4

9

3

2

8 2

3

8

5

2

2 6

9

6 7

8

1

9

3

3

2

7

3

3 5

8

3 9

4

EASY

1

5 7

1

5

5 1

9

7

7

2

5

1

4

9

MEDIUM

4

6

DIFFICULT

Crossword

1.

2.

ACROSS

3.

4.

2. Victoria, Elizabeth, RuPaul (5) 5. Portable folding canopy supported by wooden or metal ribs (8)

5.

8. Capital of Portugal (6)

6.

10. A pointed structure on a tooth, a boundary between zodiac signs and houses. (4)

7.

13. Fashion designer, Yves “_____ _______” (5, 7) 17. Not friendly or forthcoming; cool and distant (5) 8.

9.

18. Not odd (4)

10.

19. Spinning, highest point (3)

11.

20. Italian word for yellow (6) 21. Symbol or emblem used to represent the

12.

13.

14.

lunar phase in the first quarter (8)

15.

16.

DOWN 1. Sesame Street character with long brown hair and a trunk (2, 13)

17.

18.

3. English sportswear and football equipment supplier based in Manchester (5)

19.

4. An equestrian pace (6)

20.

6. North American term for reindeer (7) 7. British sitcom featuring “The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies” (4, 4) 9. Instrument that produces tones in the lowpitched range (4) 10. Bordered by Germany, Austria, Slovakia, 21.

Poland (5, 8) 11. Van Gogh painting, “_______ with Crows” (10)

Simple Puzzles 4 Simple People

+ +

= 26 = 18

12. German manufacturer of writing instruments (9) 14. Used to treat ADHD and narcolepsy (8)

x +

= 39 = ___

15. To make something bad or unsatisfactory better (10) 16. A convent (7)

42

Hillcrest – Shop 9, Hillcrest Shopping Centre, Cambridge Road, Hamilton 3216 Rototuna – Shop 2, St James Shopping Centre 23 Horsham Downs Road, Hamilton 3120 Davies Corner – Unit 2, 303 Clarkin Road, Fairfield, Hamilton 3214

dominos.co.nz MOBILE & ONLINE

ORDERING SITE

0800 30 40 50

CATCH A FREE BUS TO THE

CHIEFS HOME GAMES

The free bus runs for an hour before the game, leaving from Hood St (outside Knox St carpark) and departing approximately every 10 minutes, travelling via Victoria, Ulster and Abbotsford streets to the ground. Passengers will be picked up from any official bus stop along the way. Buses will depart directly after the final whistle on Tristram Street near the Mill St intersection.

0800 4 BUSLINE (0800 4 287 5463) facebook.com/busitwaikato