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WHO EGGED ALISTER JONES?


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Editorial FOMO News Easy News Horoscopes Entertainment Reviews The Crowd Goes Mild Pass the Aux

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Yam & Troy the Science Boys Centrefold Feature: Who Egged Alister Jones? An Unauthorised, Speculative Investigation Catch Up with Candra Board Game: Funds and Funnels This vs That Page 30 Waikat’ Flats Page 32 Arts Page 34 Rad Rags for Ladies and Lads Page 35 Blind Date Page 37 Snapped Page 39 Puzzles Page 40

20. Nexus Issue 5 26th - 30th March 2018 Editor: Lyam Buchanan, editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design: Vincent Owen, design@nexusmag.co.nz Managing Editor: James Raffan, james@wsu.org.nz Contributors: Jennie-Louise Kendrick, Grace Mitchell, Alexander Nebesky, Troy Anderson, Conor von Keisenberg, Emily Reid, Paora Manuel, Nicola Smith, Kim Sare, Kaitlin Stewart, Cameron McRobie, Jacqui Swney, Archie Porter, Ben Hansen, Conor Maxwell, Candra Pullon, Kendrah Worsley, Justin Sangster, Peter Dornauf, and the lovely residents of Helena House.

26. Cover design: Vincent Owen Instagram: @vincentowwen Centrefold: Sebastian Schwamm Instagram: @sebastian_schwamm Horoscope Illustrations: Josh Nelson Instagram: @joshprobably Twitter: @joshDrawbably Design Interns: Patrick Knights, Ray Puri Video Interns: Isaac Wohlers, Madison MacInnes


EDITORIAL EDITORIAL

Ruakura Nightlife Precinct I’ll never forget lining up for The Hut as a 17 year old; ensuring that by the time I got to the bouncers, it’d be at least midnight; allowing my ID to now prove I was of age to legally enter. Spending the first few hours of your 18th being well written off, jumping between wherever lets you in, is about as enjoyable as town gets. Sure, there’s the occasional night out you’ll consider to be ‘the best’, but the novelty of town doesn’t take long to wear off. A night out can cause some serious financial damage. Chances are you’ll have to pay to get there, but then, since you’ve already had a couple, you’re feeling generous so you buy a round. Next thing you know, you’re smashing half a pack of the darts you accidentally bought before grabbing some Wong’s and a taxi home. Nobody has that kind of money, but fuck it’d be nice to. This is why today I am calling on the WSU, The Lawrenson Group and the Good George team to move town to either Ruakura or inside the University grounds itself. Now you might say, “that’s a fucking excellent idea”, and you would be absolutely right. No one gives a fuck about Ruakura, and if anyone can tell me what those cottages are actually for on the corner of Knighton Road, I’ll shout a coffee. But here are few key reasons why: 1. Real Estate and Pricing: Surely it’s cheaper to buy and develop property on the outskirts of Hillcrest than it is on Victoria St. Cheaper establishment and upkeep would mean those ‘student drink prices’ could hypothetically drop a tad. Ideally reaching a point where you could actually go out and drink, rather than always drinking to go out. 2. Proximity and Safety: You’d hope when the distance from town is the equivalent of just walking to class, that it’d also become a whole lot safer. You’d also hope some late night food options would slot on in; imagine not having to pretend you wanted to go to town, just so you could grab some Wong’s and walk home. 3. A Cheeky Impromptu One: Your best nights are accidental. Getting a tad smashed without any real purpose will always be more enjoyable than trying getting smashed in the hope of having a good night. Hopefully, people would also be less likely to just mull around the streets all night, instead, spending more time in a scungy bar rather than a scungy flat.

– Lyam 1


Easter Party | Bar101 | Friday 30th March | 11.59pm-3am

You don’t have to miss a weekend in town just because of Easter trading laws. Bar101 will be opening at midnight on Good Friday and throwing their famous annual Easter Party. They’ve got free bunny ears and Easter eggs for everyone and, of course, all of those great student drink prices you know and love.

MONXX (UK) at Back Bar | Saturday 28th April | 10pm-3am

MONXX is a riddim specialist who first stepped on stage with Herobust at EDC in 2017. Since then, the industry has watched as his career has skyrocketed. Check him out at Back Bar for his first time in New Zealand on the Stay Wonky World Tour.

Win pizza vouchers at the VC cricket match

Our best University cricket players are battling it out against the Northern District Maori team on Wednesday 28 March for the Vice Chancellors Cricket Challenge. Come along to the Uni fields at 11am to support our University team – there will be $50 Hells Pizza vouchers up for grabs for anyone who can catch a six!

Employer visits this week

Keen to start planning your next steps after uni? This week we have visits from Xero and BNZ. Visit MyCareer for more information and to RSVP: waikato.ac.nz/ students/careers/

Need a cheap ride to uni?

If you live in a rural Waikato town, you may be eligible for the Te Ara ki Angitu $1 bus rides to campus. Visit the Student Centre on Level 2 to buy tickets and check out the available routes at waikato.ac.nz/study/why-study-at-uow/te-ara-kiangitu/

The Conch

Pacific students, The Conch (Student Centre, Level 0), is the perfect place for you to meet, greet, and eat while you are at Uni.

Pop Arts event on campus

This Wednesday 28 March, head down to the Village Green to participate in this week’s Pop Arts event, The Place is Here. The event will consist of a mix of site-specific movement, dance, and parkour style activities. Please wear black pants and a red top, and bring along a book. Pop Arts will be held around campus throughout the year. For more info, visit http://bit.ly/2FCOqnY

Career services available now

Need help with your CV, interviewing skills, or general questions about your career after uni? Make the most of our careers workshops and daily dropin sessions to help prepare for your future. Visit MyCareer for more information: waikato.ac.nz/students/careers/ 3


READ US ONLINE: nexusmag.co.nz

SEND US SNAPS:

KEEN TO CONTRIBUTE? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

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PROFESSIONAL MILLENNIAL BULLSHIT: YoPro Development Website Released LYAM BUCHANAN Millennials. Snowflakes aside, we are apparently the most self-aware, tech savvy, and possibly cynical generation ever. Which is why we were a little surprised to hear that “BlackCap”, a site touting itself as Linkedin for the Millennial generation, was being endorsed as a great tool for the University of Waikato student. Is this the tool to save us all – or just shameless hack marketing from a company with an unoriginal name? To get to the bottom of this, we spoke to the University of Waikato Digital Marketing Team, as well as the beautiful students of our University. BlackCap is a new professional social media network designed to help high school, tertiary and graduate students connect with potential employers before joining the workforce. It’s essentially “LinkedIn for Millennials”, though it raises the questions ‘do we need more platforms to connect on?’ and ‘will this actually benefit graduates in the search of employment?’. Creator Danielle Mathiesen believes BlackCap

will fill the gap in meaningful pre-employment networking, allowing students to showcase their skills, expertise, interests, but more importantly ‘soft skills’; such as ‘having role models’, ‘empathy’, ‘leadership’, and ‘community participation’. Making a conscious effort to highlight skills that are becoming increasingly important for future employment. “A key trend in the last few years has been the huge growth of niche and industry-specific platforms and marketplaces such as Airbnb and Uber. BlackCap is the next generation of the sharing economy for the education sector.” “Millennials are digital natives who live on their phones— BlackCap enables them to build a profile and digital CV throughout their tertiary education journey and share their skills with a network made up of everyone from peers through to future employers, which will ultimately help them into a job at the end of their study.” “BlackCap has correctly identified that the best 5


way to interact with young people is through their phones. It’s also tapping into the idea that millennials are not scared to share knowledge on social media and BlackCap gives them a platform to do this right from their formative highschool years through to tertiary level.” At first glance however, this website looks and feels like just another attempt at professional networking. It’s user experience borders dangerously close to LinkedIn; though they do attempt to cover this up by stating that it is in fact “...similar to LinkedIn that is designed— in both look and functionality— for younger millennials who are studying and looking towards future employment”. Luckily when you’re designing something for millennials, it’s apparently completely fine to ‘find inspiration’ from an alreadyestablished idea and sell it as something ‘hip’ and ‘youthful’. Even with this great sales pitch, I still wasn’t convinced, but apparently our Uni was. The University of Waikato Digital Marketing team is an award-winning part of our tertiary institution, so as politely as possible, we asked what the fuck was going on? NEXUS: So what is the University’s relationship with BlackCap? UOW: The University of Waikato is an early adopter of BlackCap and is working closely with the new platform to enable students to collect moreinformed data, and pave a clearer and more coherent

path to a successful career. NEXUS: You post content to Millenials all the time – do you have a secret decoder ring to speak youth? UOW: Our Marketing Department employs a large percentage of recent University graduates and interns, and we’re regularly in touch with current students and ambassadors. We’re constantly working in contemporary social media dialogue and therefore, keep in touch with the latest youth trends and movements. NEXUS: Is it hard keeping up with new youth slang like ‘peeps’, ‘hump day’ and ‘Fri-yay’? UOW: Not when you’re working in the world of social. NEXUS: Given this generation will have the highest rate of vocational change, do you think online privacy as a whole entitles you to keep your social media safe from prospective employers? UOW: Reputable employers will know that online privacy is a now paramount concern for internet users and therefore, should expect employees to have a high level of privacy across channels. However, savvy internet users will present their professional profiles (removed from their personal profiles) in a way that is easily located and accessed by future employers. We did ask other questions around why the ‘Golden Generation’ got tanks and bombers though we’ve only got a shitty knock off of LinkedIn, however the University were reluctant to answer.

Vox Pops: Fearing that even the University Communications team might not be “down enough with the youth”, we thought it’d be in our best interest to ask actual millennials about being actual millennials. 1. Do you think, as millennials, we need our own version of Linkedin? 2. Do you think it’s wrong that some companies target something specifically to a Millennial audience? 3. When you’re actually looking for a job (assuming you don’t use BlackCap), is it right for an employer to check up on you via the internet and what do you do to keep your socials clean?

Tiana, 19, LLB 1. 2.

3.

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Nah. No, that’s not wrong; they have a target audience and they’re reaching it. Yeah it’s fine, I just make sure I seem presentable.

Abbey, 18, BMS 1. 2. 3.

Nah, I don’t reckon. That’s just normal. I always check birthday posts, otherwise it’s sweet.


Ryan, 21, BSc

Anastazia, 19, BSc

2.

2. 3.

1.

3.

Not really, not one specifically for us. It’s not wrong, but it is a bit invasive. I don’t like it, but you’ve always gotta cleanse before you apply for a job.

1.

Sneha, 19, LLB 1.

2. 3.

Yeah, I think it’s a good idea. No, I think it’s a good thing. It’s fair enough; it’s an insight on our personal life. I can see how it’s a breach of privacy.

1. 2. 3.

Nah, there’s no difference. Nah, I don’t think so. I think it is; if you’ve put it there then it’s fine. I don’t have social media so mine is as clean as it gets.

Amish, 19, BCMS

I guess it helps. Nah, it’s their job. Yeah, I don’t keep mine too clean though.

So what actually is the point? Even after talking to both millennials and people who believe they understand millennials, we’re still not convinced this platform serves any genuine purpose.. The students we talked to have not shown much interest. That said, BlackCap has some solid educational and corporate support so it really doesn’t matter what we actually think. The pattern of “generational selling” has been going on since Pepsi called themselves the

choice of a new generation in the 80s. If we tried hard enough we could probably find a Nexus article from back then calling Pepsi a bunch of dicks for trying to shill its crappy product to students. So good luck, Black Cap. You may be 2018’s Linkedin, but if we were betting we would think you are more likely going to be Myspace in 2018 (yeah it still exists).

TL;DR Should you care about BlackCap? No. Because marketing a tool where the only point of difference between your product and a better more established version of your product is vague cliches about how all millenials work, it’s at best naive, and at worst car crash marketing.

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Dairies Call for Safer Standards JENNIE-LOUISE KENDRICK Dairy owners are at their wit’s end, with the decision of whether or not to continue selling tobacco products after a strew of aggravated attacks and robberies. Manish Thakkar held a protest outside his shop, SuperValue Parkwood, to force the Government to change things and decrease violence against superette staff. “We want vending machines, a cashless country, and harder laws.” Led by Thakkar, the group proposes cigarettes and other products to be sold via vending machines located inside the stores. The automation would restrict the ability for staff to access the products, hopefully lessening the target placed on them, without affecting the shop’s livelihood. Last week, a 58-year-old man was left with severe eye damage after being beaten by three teenagers with a hammer over cigarettes. The man, a former soldier and owner of Hillcrest Minimart, chose not to fight back against his attackers, but hopes they realise what they did. “Hopefully they realise what they did wrong, that is all I want is for them to realise what they did wrong. They are teenagers; their future ahead of them is huge, my future isn’t much. ‘”I want to send a message, your future is very big, it was a couple of cigarettes that doesn’t contribute to your future, you should never want to hurt people.” Another dairy in Nawton, Ellicott Road Dairy, was robbed the same week. Three youth held down on the ground, threatening him with a hammer and taking off with cash and tobacco. The perpetrators were aged 13, 15 and 16. Unlike the Hillcrest robbery, which happened just before 5am Saturday, the Ellicott 8

Road Diary was held up at 2pm. Two weeks ago, Sandip Patel was on the phone at 8.30am in his shop, Emm Jay Dairy in Hamilton East, when two men carrying an axe and a machete attacked him. Patel, a father of two, was left with 30 stitches to cover the fracture in his skull. “They attacked me on my head, on my [arms], I was aggressive, I grabbed them. He called the other guy and he came here punching me.” The two men made off with approximately $20,000 in cigarettes and $10,000 in cash. Sanjay Patel, the victim’s brother and fellow dairy owner, said many superette workers were scared and uncertain of their futures. “It’s really, really scary now. This is happening everyday.” “It is every dairy. When we open the shop in the morning we don’t know if we’ll be going home at night.” Mr Patel also noted that dairy owners pay higher premiums for insurance, and after robberies, they have to pay excess. While 70 percent of sales came from cigarettes, many shop owners are considering discontinuing tobacco products due to the violence. Aggravated robberies have increased 87 percent in the year from May 2016 to 2017, with more than 1,200 nationwide. Shop owners Candy Tang and Tao Liu, of Te Kowhai Food Centre, have been smoke free for seven months now after multiple ram raids and armed robberies. Liu and Tang are expecting 20 per cent less turnover this year due to the move, but say that it was worth it to protect their staff and family.


(News in Numbers)

• 35 - The number of years old one must be to run for the Russian Presidency. • 8,000 - The number of trees to be planted along the Mill Stream, in Warkworth, by environmental initiative Million Metres. • 39 - The world ranking of Kauri Cliffs Golf Course, where John Key and Barack Obama played last Wednesday. • 8.5 - The weight, in tonnes, of Chinese satellite Tiangong-1, currently hurtling towards Earth to possibly crash in Christchurch, releasing deadly hydrazine on impact. • 12,000 - The number of seats Lorde couldn’t fill at her Milwaukee concert last week.

The XBOX Game Pass

Something weird happened this month when Microsoft launched a big game title. Sea of Thieves has over a million players with unique IDs in the first 24 hours. The reason for this is the Xbox Game Pass. XGP is a $10.95 monthly subscription service like Netflix. When it was launched, it carried a lot of crappy games, but recently Microsoft started launching day one exclusives on Game Pass and that could change the way we buy games. Not only could you play Sea of Thieves but you could set it to predownload so it was there when you turned on the console. Why should you buy this? • $10.95 a month for day one games. Why shouldn’t you buy this? • Other services like EA’s vault are already doing this (with last season’s games) and all of these costs add up.

• Former President of the United States, Barack Obama had a whirlwind few days in New Zealand. Enjoying golf with his pal John Key and meeting with Jacinda Ardern, we’re sure there were plenty of photographs for the scrapbook. • Lorde appears to be struggling to fill seats on her current tour in the US. Ticket prices have been slashed and free upgrades have been handed out to ticket buyers in an effort to get people into the shows. • Netflix producers have apologised to The Crown actors Matt Smith and Claire Foy for dropping them into ‘a media storm’ after it was revealed that Foy, starring as Her Majesty the Queen was paid less than Smith, who played the Duke of Edinburgh. The show’s producers have vowed to pay actors appropriately, regardless of gender.

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Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19) The final breaths of March provide personal fulfillment and a true sense of purpose. Sadly, these perks are Gemini exclusive; we just want you to realise what you’re missing out on. Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) Refuse to acknowledge the dim-witted games of your alcohol consuming peers. Detest the evil of diuretics; hydration is the only means of domination. Gemini (May 21-June 20) A breach in nocturnal serenity leaves you lacking sleep. Being awake at 4am isn’t all that bad, just upload a timestamp to your Snapchat story—at least people will recognise how desperate you are for attention. Cancer (June 21-July 22) This week, your destiny will become more apparent. You were born to be an entrepreneur. Selling motivational Word Art may not be the most lucrative profession, at least you’ve always got Daddy’s credit card to fall back on.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) It’s important to justify your musical prowess at every opportunity. Not only will people respect you for realising something was cool before they did, but they’ll love to hear about how you’re not actually pretentious. Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) Romantic partnerships are complex at the best of times, though establishing who holds intellectual dominance sheds new light on already pent-up sexual frustration. Maybe it’s time to explore more academic genitalia. Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) Hamilton West holds many a secret— a troubled story lies within. Parental figures may not be who they seem. It’s time for a DNA test. Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Whenever possible, you must choose happiness. Not only will you find inner peace, but true love for yourself. Though, if you’re going to love yourself, don’t do it in the Momento toilets— we know the guy who has to clean them.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) You treasure the purity of the past; constantly in awe of your naivety. Though it turns out you went through some proper dark shit as a child, and as a result, you’ve completely recreated your entire memory of growing up.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) People always say ‘cheaters never prosper’, but cheaters also seldom tell people they’ve ever cheated. If you choose to plagiarise this exam season, be aware that snitches truly do get stitches.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) The thought of travel brings clarity to your troubled mind. Sadly, we just consulted Saturn and it turns out you’re actually shit at being intrepid. Avoid Europe at all costs; let’s just say, the bubonic plague isn’t 100% gone.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) This week, decisions will bring about interesting consequences. Do you tell him? Do you not? Either way, you’ll start showing in about 4 weeks. It doesn’t take a genius to count back to the Outback Foam Party. 11


In Memoriam: The Countdown ‘O’

What’s Hot:

For years, this mighty vowel has stood in solidarity amongst its fellow constituents of the word “Countdown”. However, during a brief bout of angst, the second glyph of this well-established supermarket chain’s branding decided to no longer illuminate – sending shoppers into a mild state of panic. Some will call it a simple electrical fault, however, others recognise this as a desperate attempt to appeal to Pak N Save loving millennials.

The similarities in lobster and human psyche

Using the phrase “future so bright, I need shades” to justify wearing sunnies 24/7

120°C

The current price for flights to Wellington

Alternative Commentary Collective

Clickbait Moodboard: Theme: When your flatmates can’t cook for shit.

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What’s Not: •

Folks who say they are going to Facebook events when we know full well that they aren’t or will likely change their minds on the day

UniMart selling $1.32 (70g) worth of sour gummy spiders for $2.00, a near 50% markup of value

Booking flights to Wellington but fucking the dates up


TOP 10: Petitions We Should Start at Uni Disgruntled Girlfriend Reaches Breaking Point with ‘Fortnite’ Addicted Partner

“If he says ‘where we dropping, boys?’ one more time, I’ll honestly walk out this door and fuck his best mate”.

Thrifty Maven Unable to Utilise Genitalia After Failed Home-job Brazilian

A strongly-worded email is heading straight to Veet HQ after a pack of their ‘EasyGrip Sensitive Legs Wax Strips’ has caused moderate, yet temporary, vulva discomfort.

Breaking: Opportunistic Stray Felines Completely Annihilate Rubbish Bags Once Again

Residents of Greensboro St are left in mourning, after waking up to find rotting waste strewn across the porch. “Why must they do this to us? What have we done to deserve this?”

In light of a recent petition we sniffed out against our mothership (don’t fret, dear readers, they can’t take us alive), we wondered what other petitions we could get onboard with - just for the sake of it. 1.

Fees free for all: Gone are the days of everyone from the class of ’17 and earlier absolutely hating our spoilt fees-free peers. Don’t make us regret not taking a gap year, Jacinda. 2. Stop the Arts: Last year, we jammed on about funding cuts to the Arts. New year, new us: let’s scrap it all. STEM is the future. 3. One free pass: Like a ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card, every paper should offer a free pass for that one assignment you can’t be fucked with. 4. Stair lifts: Sometimes, walking up to Level 2 or 3 is just too much - even the fittest fresher. It could save a mature student’s life. 5. Cheaper coffee: How about $1 off for bringing a reusable cup? Stacy, hear our pleas! 6. Study snacks: Study Area eaters are the worst. We reckon a militarised roundup should be exercised on people who choose to eat Bongo’s in Level 2. 7. The ‘late to class’ car park: There’s always that 9am lecture you’re late to because you hit snooze, got stuck in traffic and then couldn’t find a park. Let’s do a one hour parking zone, right up close, for us battlers who honestly tried. 8. Start up a rival magazine: We need some good competition to keep things interesting. Critic, Craccum, and Salient aren’t enough; let’s start SUXEN up. Not to be confused with right-wing, Neo-Nazi propaganda rag, Saxon. 9. Repeal the current WSU president: We like her, honestly, but she does sing Disney showtunes a little too often - we don’t consider this studenty enough. She must go, her time is up. 10. Astroturf the Green: We barely use it for three weeks of the year before it turns into a muddy cesspit. Something needs to give.

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Album

Film

‘DEAD MAGIC’ – ANNA VON HAUSSWOLFF REVIEW: BEN HANSEN

‘ANNIHILATION’ – ALEX GARLAND REVIEW: ARCHIE PORTER

The only match for the pipe organ on Dead Magic, is the organist’s own voice. Anna von Hausswolff’s song tears through the gothic sludge on the Swede’s fourth album; culminating with electric tension on the standout single ‘The Mysterious Vanishing of Electra’. On Dead Magic, Hausswolff seems more distant from her listener than on her previous releases, and in this new space, she exercises mastery over her instruments, exploiting the sharpness of her voice and the massive pulsating weight of her organ. To Hausswolff’s credit, the prominence of the organ is just, and rarely condescends to a gimmick. You can hear the musician’s grasp on the pathos of her instrument, from the mournful depth of the pedal tones on ‘Källans återuppståndelse’ to the tumbling pitches of ‘Ugly and Vengeful’. In a rare stutter on the opener, ‘The Truth, The Glow, The Fall’, the organ plays an awkward oom-pah rhythm that would be better suited to an accordion. This is easy to tolerate. The edgy gothic atmosphere is harder to swallow (though it is ‘neoclassical darkwave’, so a little edge is to be expected). Anna von Hausswolff’s music is not for the impatient, but the relatively small number of tracks play to her strengths. She hasn’t indulged in fillers; each track is significant and grand in its own right. Dead Magic is Hausswolff’s easiest listen from start to finish, and will be rewarding for the listener who loves gothic gloom and massive organs.

Writer and Director Alex Garland returns to the big screen with Annihilation, an adventurous and bold sci-fi tale that is both flawed and occasionally brilliant. Garland’s previous film, Ex Machina, demonstrated his talent as a director; unfolding and progressing with an elegance not too dissimilar from Ridley Scott’s older works, such as Alien and Blade Runner. Annihilation is visually gorgeous, with imaginative cinematography highlighting the sensory overload of Garland’s vision. The film’s soundtrack is also excellent, consistently adding an air of palpable tension— building and mutating as the story ventures into strange, psychedelic territory. Portman’s central performance is fantastic, standing as some of her best work since her Oscarwinning role in Black Swan. Not only is Annihilation a fun, exciting sci-fi horror, but the film also explores sensitive issues such as depression, loss and grief, and humanity’s tendency for self-destruction— themes that help to elevate the film into something more. That said, the film is not without flaws; certain characters and motivations feel somewhat forced and, at times, cliched, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst a film that is otherwise highly subversive. Regardless, despite its flaws, Annihilation is an interesting and sometimes brilliant piece of work. If you’re into sci-fi, check it out. If not, do something else I guess.

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Video Game

Film

‘DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB’ – TEAM SALVATO REVIEW: CONOR MAXWELL

‘THE DEATH OF STALIN’ – ARMANDO IANNUCCI REVIEW: ALEXANDER NEBESKY

I may have come into this game with my expectations too high. After all, this game blew up in the Steam community immediately after it was released. It’s a free anime-style visual novel game with a psychological horror twist—that kinda thing should be right up my alley. However, now that it’s over, I want my three-and-a-bit hours back. On the surface, Doki Doki Literature Club is a game about a young man who joins a literature club at school at the insistence of his best friend, and gradually becomes closer to the other members of the club through shared poetry and shared emotions. Now some people would argue that this game is better if you play it not knowing that it takes a dark turn, but I am not one of those people. Two hours into the game, I was bored out of my mind, thinking I’d been tricked into playing a sub-par visual novel with nothing exciting at the end. When the big moment eventually arrived, it still wasn’t enough to hold my attention. Doki Doki Literature Club is less of a psychological horror experience and more a mediocre romance tale with no sex, and where sometimes the characters’ eyes bleed during dialogue without them noticing.

The Death of Stalin is a witty black comedy from In the Loop director Armando Iannucci. The film stars Steve Buscemi, Simon Russell Beale, Jeffrey Tambor, Jason Isaacs, and revolves around the chaos of the transfer of Soviet power after the death of the Communist strongman Joseph Stalin. The film draws the bulk of its comedic fodder from the sheer absurdity of the whole affair. The new leadership must arrange a funeral for Stalin and surreptitiously vie for power in the postStalin age. Buscemi plays a brilliantly exasperated Nikita Khrushchev, Beale a cruel and suspicious Lavrentiy Beria, and Tambor a weak and ineffective Georgy Malenkov. Sharp and witty, the film shines brightest when the characters find themselves in simple situations with clear answers and end goals, but are bound by the ridiculous bureaucracy of the Soviet system. Arguments ensue, reducing some of the 20th century’s most prominent Cold War figures into nasty children with axes to grind. It’s hilarious. This is not a broad appeal comedy film but it is most certainly targeted at a particular audience who will most certainly enjoy it immensely. If it sounds like a piece of you—it is—go check it out.

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b u H

2.0

The

Coming Soon

wsu.org.nz


Cheese Me Rollin’, They Hatin’ CAMERON MCROBIE Ever loved cheese so much that you’d jump off a cliff for it? Every year, “athletes” from all corners of the globe congregate to, more or less, do that. To the disgust of vegans everywhere, they race a wheel of cheese down a fucking steep hill. Now I’ve covered some absurd sports before, but this has to brie the weirdest. There’s no catch to this sport; it’s pretty self-explanatory. Competitors line up at the top of Cooper’s Hill in England and run down a 50% gradient slope, which seems fucking irresponsible to me given that a 55% gradient is considered vertical, a cliff if you will (thanks Engineering Geomorphology 251 xoxo). Traditionally, there are four downhill races - three for men and one for women - with a max of 14 racers for each. Although this maximum must be pretty vague as closer to 40 of these wannabe ragdolls tend to enter each race. The event’s Master of the Ceremony kicks off this clusterfuck of a race by yelling, “One to be ready, two to be steady, three to prepare,” - the cheese is now released - “and four to be off”. The competitors then launch themselves down the hill after the cheese like coked-up, mutated mice - with the first person to pass the finish line crowned as the winner; the big cheese. Now, as light-hearted and cheesy as this sport may seem, it’s not for mere lovers of the Simply Cheese pizza, ‘mir-

ers of the Mac ‘n’ Cheese or parmesan purveyors. The cheese wheel weighs a gargantuan 9lbs - that’s 4.09kg for those of you who didn’t attend the lovely unit conversion section of first year engineering. Imagine how much damage could be done by a lovely 4 keg partial projectile that can reach up to 110km/h - the answer is lots. This deadly cheese has been known to flatten those who didn’t heed the hazards indicated on a sign that reads, “Cooper’s Hill Cheese Roll. Cheese rolling is a dangerous activity for both participants and spectators. You are strongly advised not to attend. It is especially unsuitable for children. You attend entirely at your own risk”. This year’s event will occur at Cooper’s Hill, in the parish of Brockworth, Gloucester on the late Spring bank holiday (as it does every year) on the 28th of May, with the first charge at 12pm on the dot. Though personally, I’m not the biggest cheese advocate (unpopular opinion: I can’t stand it), I can get behind any sport that has a pub dedicated to it. Fortunately for cheese rolling, the good cunts in the neighbouring village of Shurdington houses The Cheese Rollers, which the contestants visit for a bit of a hiss before the carnage.

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It’ll All Be Ok JACQUI SWNEY Pass the Aux brings you a strange mix of genres this week. We start out with some weird experimental shit that I’m not even sure why I like, then move into some intensely deep, reflective and haunting music to narrate your slow descent into the Monday blues or your quarter life crisis or whatever might be plaguing your mind this week. Try to keep an open mind. 1. ‘BITTER FUCK’ BY JOJI: Everyone’s got someone in their lives that’s made them cynical in one way or another. Joji has written his observation of this phenomenon. It’s a very simple song, but he certainly doesn’t dance around the subject matter. He embraces this bitterness and assigns blame to a specific person. The lyrics are blunt, his vocals are indifferent, almost bored, as he sings “I don’t give a fuck”, and it just works. 2. ‘RAINGURL’ BY YAEJI: This track is interesting and boring at the same time. The vocals sound like a sexy robot— an oxymoron if I ever did see one. Her voice is raspy but remains monotone and repetitive through the track. In addition, the house beats that back her vocals are simple but undeniably groovy. I could see myself in the back of a half-empty club getting a little hyped, because it’s absolutely easy to dance to this. It’s weird and groovy, and my next request would be for someone to teach me how to pronounce the chick’s name. 18

3. ‘PHOENIX’ BY BOOMBOX CARTEL: Boombox Cartel were bound to make an appearance on Pass the Aux at some point, so this is their debut. ‘Phoenix’ has a slow and expansive build, no real hard drops or heavy bass. It does so much in a short amount of time. It’s almost reflective, in that it really just makes you think about everything going on in life. It’s great background music for sweeping you deep into thought, and in a way, it feels like standing at the top of a mountain does. I don’t really know any other way to describe the vibe it gives off. 4. ‘WHERE IS MY MIND?’ BY PIXIES: This song has been a favourite of mine since I was in high school and has recently made its way back onto my playlist. ‘Where Is My Mind?’ is undoubtedly an epic tune. It’s loud and hits you hard in the gut, and while my flatmate argues that it sounds like whales talking to each other, I think it adds to the vibe. It’s haunting, profound and a little philosophical. It, for me, is timeless and remains in my top 10 all time favourite songs (bonus track: Mt Eden’s remix, it’s a stunner).


Space Elevator TROY ANDERSON Right out the gate, I think it’s worth noting that our lord and saviour, Elon Musk, is real anti the idea of a space elevator. Going so far as to say “shit’s fucked aye, it ain’t gon’ happen lads”. Probably paraphrased that a bit, but you get the idea. The idea of a space elevator was first conceived by a dude named Konstantin Tsiolkovsky in the late 1800s. Upon seeing the Eiffel tower, he thought, “wouldn’t it be dope if we had a tower that was mad big and made it all the way into space?” And thus, an idea equal parts sick and unfeasible was born. Ever since the inception of this idea, the human race has gained more insight and knowledge into the fundamentals of space travel and zero gravity environments. Countless people have developed around the discussion. It is probably one of the cooler ideas mankind has come up with but never been able to realise. I’ll give you the rundown. So, at an altitude of 35,786 kilometers, exists the geostationary orbit zone. This is the height above the Earth where if a satellite is launched into orbit, it will remain synchronised with Earth’s spin. This is a great spot to keep satellites localised to a particular country, i.e. spy on people in an area effectively without risking detection. Knowing this altitude is one of the most useful pieces of information for fully realising this idea. If a satellite, connected to the earth via a cable, had a centre of mass at the point of geostationary orbit, it would stay perfectly synchronised. However, in order for this to work, the anchor point would need to be

located at, or extremely near, the equator. This is where some of the idea-breaking factors come in. What if space debris were on a collision course with the cable? How would the cable be made strong enough? If the elevator were anchored to a floating ocean vessel, it could be maneuvered to avoid miscellaneous space shit. The cable could also be manufactured with carbon nanotubes or some other breakthrough material science bullshit to be strong enough. “Idea” and “bank-breaking” are interchangeable phrases in this scenario. However, if some unit forked out the cash to fund the R&D and manufacture of such an endeavor, there are all kinds of things the elevator could be used for. The first would be that getting gear and material into space would be astronomically cheaper. Satellites and exploration vessels would be cheap as fuck to launch. Another great application would be the launching of our landfills into the sun. Imagine that shit, the laziest possible way to combat pollution. Except not really because the Earth is actually flat, gravity is a myth perpetuated by the Chinese Government to hurt America and a space elevator is impossible.

19


WHO EGGED ALISTER JONES? AN UNAUTHORISED, SPECULATIVE INVESTIGATION


For weeks now, Nexus has worked covertly to try and solve what is likely to be the biggest mystery of 2018. While you may have read veiled references to it in our horoscopes or editorials of late, Lyam Buchanan and James Raffan are now using every ounce of their journalistic skill to solve the mystery of who egged Alistaier Jonez. To do this, we have broken down the entire situation. First, we show you a blow by blow account from egging victim, and probable innocent bystander, Director of the Office of the ViceChancellor Duanna Fowler. Secondly, a frank assessment of the evidence, and who the victims were. Finishing off with a suspect pool; delving into who had the most to gain from this.

So how did it start? We were driving... Alister, the kind soul, was dropping me home after a University Council dinner. As we reached Clyde St, I noticed there was someone lying on the side of the road. At this point, I said to Alister, “you know, I think we need to pull over to make sure this person is OK”. Next thing I know, we were in the midst of a tactical U-Turn— luckily, Alister knows how to treat an automobile right. We pulled over, there were a few people around but I jumped out of the car to, you know, tend to some first aid. Being the role model citizen he is, Alister hung back and ensured he put the hazard lights on. The person on the road [appeared] quite intoxicated. Eventually, we managed to get the person off the side of the road. Then it happened… NEXUS: When what happened exactly? DF: We were victim to a vicious ‘egging’... It was at the exact moment I was helping this poor soul off the road. Alister was kind of hovering by his car, sort of... watching. It all happened so fast! One moment, I was coming to the aid of a local in need— next thing I know, a car full of boys in beach attire are “hooning” by. Since it was the night of the Beach Party in O’Week, I thought at first we’d been hit by water bombs. To tell you the truth, I didn’t really pay too much attention. All I could feel was like this, sort of like, I guess, just something wet on my legs and skirt and stuff. NEXUS: Do you remember what the car looked like? DF: Sadly no, it all happened so fast. I know it was definitely full of boys, and the car itself was most likely quite studenty. NEXUS: By “studenty”, do you mean a complete shitbox? DF: *Director Duanna was unable to answer this question for fear of legal backlash* NEXUS: What happened next? DF: I eventually got this injured person to sit on the bus stop, they were my top priority. It wasn’t until I had made sure they were OK that I actually looked down. It was at this point that I realised my shoes were covered in egg. Alister’s face was classic, his jaw was on the ground. Though, he quickly began to fume as he realised his whole suit was ruined. I don’t know how many eggs they threw— I think I got hit by two— whereas Alister had been hit on the whole side of his arm and all of his back. He’s since taken his suit to the dry cleaner where they’ve processed it three times. R.I.P my shoes though, they’re no longer salvageable. NEXUS: Was there anything else of importance? DF: We were the only ones to be ‘egged’, but we weren’t the only ones to be tending to the person on the side of the road. There was probably about four people either side of us but none of them got hit— it was just Alister and I. We’d like to think it was random... Alister’s parting comment was “That’s the last time we’re gonna be good samaritans”. NEXUS: DF:

23


NCSI: Nexus Crime Scene Investigation We had the team at the lab investigate the alleged incident. Upon investigation, they discovered a number of inconsistencies in the story. 1.

2.

Considering Pythagorean theorem, the distance between Jones and the car, and the assumption that all cars driven by students ages 18 to 22 in the Cameron Road Triangles have been illegally lowered to look sick, we believe the pattern of egg dispersal couldn’t have happened in the way it is being described. Instead, we believe these to be magic eggs, not unlike those that killed JFK. Travelling at a velocity and then suddenly and sharply turning as if attracted solely to the cheap polyester of the DVC’s suit. SECOND “EGG’ER” ON A GRASSY KNOLL: Obviously, another theory worth investigating based on splatter patterns is the presence of a second egger; the “boys” being a simple distraction lightly egging Director Fowler while a more concentrated and targeted assault was coming from the top of the Hell’s Pizza building. This led us to believe the vicious assault to be premeditated and involving more than one of THE PROJECTED ANGLE OF THE THROWERS:

3.

the people referenced in Fowler’s account— if not a professional troupe of actors hired to stage the entire scene. SERIAL OFFENDERS: So far, all the evidence has been viewed through the prism of a single and isolated incident. People tend to forget that a few weeks before the incident, our Vice-Chancellor was on crutches. Why? Who actually knows. We think eggs. We think it’s a serial Egg’er.

The Suspects In this section, we examine who has a lot to gain from the downfall of Jones (and maybe Quiggles).

Dr Kirsten Petrie

As acting Dean of the Faculty of Health, Sport and Human Performance, Dr Petrie has easy access to Waikato’s most elite athletes. This ‘egging’ was likely carried out by students with superior coordination— your average delinquent would definitely struggle to hit two targets from a moving car. What does she stand to gain from this? Kirsten is clearly sick of being ‘acting Dean’. It’s plausible she wants Alister to feel vulnerable to poultry-related attacks at all times, pushing him to the point where he begs for protection from the athletically-inclined, providing her the perfect leverage to finally become Dean of the faculty. 24

Stacy from Kahurangi

After ordering one too many ‘almond milk, decaf, chai lattes, with two sugars’, it’s fair to say Alister may have overstepped a few boundaries. While Stacy makes a great coffee, he also forms valuable connections across campus. We know from a thorough investigation of the Kahurangi frittatas, he has access to eggs and could have found inspiration for revenge when whisking and cracking many a projectile. He may stand to gain nothing but personal satisfaction from this attack. With the ease at which he could bribe students to do his dirty work, why wouldn’t he do it just for “shits and gigs”?


WSU President Candra Pullon

It’s clear she’s got aspirations, with climbing the corporate ladder likely top of her list. Alister is a person of influence; however, he is also the gatekeeper to the Vice-Chancellor. Simply put, this could be a warning to Jones— a metaphorical horse head in his bed. It’s essentially a power move; an exercise in flexing her connections with the student body to prove her influence, and initiating her pitch to replace Professor Jones as Senior Deputy Vice-Chancellor.

John Lawrenson of ‘The Lawrenson Group’

Why would the CEO of the Lawrenson Group egg an academic? Because why the fuck not. That is what happens when you have money, a monopoly and basically run Hamilton from 6pm to 2am. J-Lo is like every cartoon villain—he does what he wants and this time, he wanted to egg Alister Jones. Consider all the evidence; beach party shirts, a youthful prank straight from the ‘80s college movies he watched as a child, and, by her own admission, Fowler doesn’t remember much about the vehicle— no one can conceivably say it wasn’t a late model Mercedes convertible blasting S-Club Seven and other Top 40 hits circa 1998.

ALISTER JONES

DR KI

RSTEN

PETRI

E

STACY

Director of the Office of the Vice-Chancellor, Duanna Fowler

The obvious perpetrator. Not only does she stand to gain the most, but to Alister, she’s the least-likely suspect. All in all, the perfect film-noir cliche. The target, Professor Jones, taking the brunt of the attack, while Director Fowler only takes enough heat to ensure she’s safe from speculation. By orchestrating this ‘egging’, Duanna has formed a special yoke-tinged bond with Alister—something nobody else on the Executive Leadership Committee has. She’s now able to utilise this connection to usurp Quigley from his throne, thus allowing her to move further up the chain; bringing her dream of becoming VC one step closer.

CANDRA PULLON NSON E R W A L N JOH

Egging is funny, and a little timely coming up to the holiest of long weekends. But it’s imperative to remember the true victim in all of this. R.I.P Alister’s $150 Hallensteins suit. If anyone has genuine information regarding this tragic incident, please contact editor@nexusmag. co.nz immediately.

DUANNA FO WLER

25


Catch Up with Candra CANDRA PULLON Did you know you pay a student services levy every year while you’re at Uni? And did you know that this fee is rather low when compared to other Unis? This fee is compulsory (which means you have to pay it) and provides you with access to a bunch of services on campus throughout the year. Currently, our levy is used to provide subsidised student health services, free financial and legal advice, childcare services, counselling services, and career information. Last year, a huge 30% of the Student Services Levy was distributed to counselling services and pastoral care, and 25% was distributed to on-campus health services. Throughout the year, the Student Services Governance Committee (SSGC) meet frequently to discuss the cost of the Student Services Levy and decide which student services the money will be allocated to. SSGC is made up of four WSU representatives (me, WSU General Manager David West, Vice President Elliot Wilks, and Vice President Māori Nathan Rahui) and four University representatives (the Vice-Chancellor, the Senior Deputy Vice-Chancellor, the Director of Student Services, and the Chief Financial Officer). The eight of us get to discuss what you, as students, want and then allocate the money throughout the University. Once the money has been allocated to a variety of student services and departments, those department heads then report back to the SSGC to explain and show how the money has been used. This is great because it means students have more of a say about where the money is going and we get to see the effects of the services delivered. While we continue to fight against unnecessary fees for students, we are aware that because of higher fees, other universities can provide more. Services the other Unis “do better” include things like funding and 26

resources for clubs, late night and weekend student health services, more effective student counselling for mental health issues, free gym memberships, free dental and eye checks every year, student-run bars, on-campus shops with lowered food prices, and more well-known gigs during orientation weeks. At present, we have one of the lowest levies in the country— by around $250 when compared to Otago and Canterbury. University of Auckland tops the charts— charging $813, followed closely by the University of Canterbury— $811, and Victoria University— $780. This year, we are looking at increasing our levy from the low $519 to a more comparable point of $700. Seeing an increase in the University of Waikato Student Levy would mean our Uni could provide these too. We would have the opportunity to get better healthcare, free dental, free gym memberships, more food options, a student bar, and more resources for clubs. As students, this campus is yours and we believe you need a say in what goes on around here. At the moment, an increase to the levy is just an idea and before any decision is made, we are keen to kōrero with you. The WSU is currently conducting a campus-wide survey to get feedback on the cost of the levy and what services this money should be spent on. Make sure you have your say on this important issue as it will impact your experience at the University! We will have laptops set up at Level Zero throughout the week, so drop in and click some boxes. There’s also a link online on the WSU Facebook page, on The Hub (wsu.org.nz) and on the Nexus website (www.nexusmag.co.nz)


27


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Rugby There is no greater feeling experienced by kiwi blokes than a hard earned, ice-cold beer after a stellar game of code on a Saturday morning. Unfortunately, for the twinkletoes among us that prefer to start their weekend off by trying to fake an injury, that postgame bliss will never be felt. Actual kiwi men find floating around a pitch for 90 minutes waiting for the opportunity to play victim to a phantom foul pathetic, pointless and pedantic. But hey, some “athletes” just don’t enjoy having excitement in their lives. Now, if you ask any young Kiwi to name five All Blacks, they will rattle them off in a few seconds. If you ask that same Kiwi to name five All Whites, you’ll be lucky if you hear them name one. This just goes to show the respect that is given to rugby players; they are admired for the physicality of their sport and the allround athleticism and skill that is required to play the game. The same cannot be said for our soccer-playing counterparts who only have the athletic capacity to use half their body. While on the topic of athleticism, rugby has been adapted into different variations, ranging from Touch Rugby and 7s, to Rugby League and Aussie Rules. These variations cater for people of all builds and characteristics. Strength, speed, smarts, and skill are all equally valued on the rugby 30

field. Soccer on the other hand, requires speed and… an talent for acting? Soccer, is no more a sport than it is one of the dramatic arts. Although the on-field aspects of a sport are very important, the off-field aspects are vital to establishing culture and gaining a nation’s support. Rugby is, by far, the dominant force in New Zealand; a country smaller than half of New York city in population but consistently produces the best rugby fans and players in the world. It is common knowledge that rugby and beer are more or less synonymous. The significance of the after-match functions and side-line drinking are the key building blocks for the rugby culture. I have never been unfortunate enough to experience a soccer after-match function but from what I have seen of soccer players on the piss, I assume it is filled with a couple shandies followed by a multitude of distressed calls from a significant other. Rugby was created for the blue-collar. It has, and always will, be played by the hardest-working locals. Soccer, on the other hand, is built for the slightly more ‘socially challenged’; those who want to enjoy the feeling to being a part of a club but don’t have the required social circles to be a part of anything worthwhile.


Football The tired debate of Football vs Rugby has been plagued by cliches and homo-erotic slander. The truth is that,at least for footballers, there is no hatred for “rugby” or “rugby players.” It’s more of a recognition from footballers that they are dealing with the obliviously simple people in life. Football isn’t just the beautiful game, it’s the world’s game— whereas rugby is usually championed by scrubby colonials who say shit like “rugby is totally as big as the Olympics.” It would be somewhat easy to cede the rest of this space and just draw a connect the dots to keep the rugby-loving public entertained but let’s delve into this a little deeper: • Anything that Wales has been successful at is, at best, third tier. • When you can fit every world champion nation on one hand and they are all dominion commonwealth states of Britain, you don’t have a sport, you have a pass time for oppressors. I know I should be using this time to talk about the genuine moments that make football better than Rugby; the time Matt Le Tessier scored a wonder goal, George Best gracefully moving around the pitch while hammered off his nut, or seeing New Zealand compete on a stage watched by the world. I could have made

this about actual club competitions and what it means to truly be connected to “YOUR” team. I could have done a great many things to prove comprehensively that football is the beautiful game and rugby is so rooted in the psyche of our nation that we get mopey when the All Blacks lose and think anyone else gives a fuck. The All Blacks currently have a 93% winning record. If you win 93% of anything, it isn’t sport— it’s fishing with dynamite. It’s a checklist. Still think Rugby is better than football? Ask anyone from China, Africa, South America, The Middle East, Russia, Western Europe, and ask them these two questions: Can you tell me who David Kirk is? For the record, and anyone playing at home, he was the New Zealand Captain and former Fairfax chairman who lifted the Rugby World Cup in 1987 as the first winners. Surely an icon in rugby but if that isn’t fair ask them about McCaw or Fitzpatrick… Hell, John Eels, or Gregan. Then ask them who Pele is. Rugby isn’t better than Football. In fact, based on the excitement of the Tonga vs England game last year in the League world cup, I would suggest Rugby isn’t even the best Rugby.

31


HELENA HOUSE

Academia, social prowess and healthy sleeping patterns; while most struggle with this clichĂŠ student trifecta, these diligent young men achieve it with ease. This household exists in a constant state of kick ons, utilising both gear and the power of friendship to maintain not only an overall A+ average, but arguably the filthiest social calendars in Hillcrest.


Weasel PETER DORNAUF From brothel/massage parlour to swish art gallery on Victoria Street in just two months. You couldn’t make this stuff up. The violet walls and red carpet spoke of a certain vulgar, decadent aesthetic which, of course, simply had to go, replaced by primly painted white walls and tastefully restored exposed wooden floors, (wide original boards), tinted with a light touch of grey. You’ll find this transformation at 260 Victoria Street, just along from the latest riverside development project. Looking for a good time, but not quite in that way? Take yourself down to this refurbished abode on Thursday to Saturday between 10am and 5pm and feast your weary eyes on the latest in the art world, courtesy of our local talent. The bed, shower and discarded underwear have all be removed; gone the way of the lush red carpet and replaced with “sexy” art on those white pristine walls. You’ll definitely find two nude bodies in the place. “Nude” not “naked”. Big difference in the art world. Not sexy but certainly sensual. Not exploitative but celebratory. No room for the “male gaze” here. These tastefully-arranged works are the creation of artist Dominique Marriot, using charcoal on cotton paper; exquisitely drawn with a confident hand that display an assured skill with line and form. Henri Matisse would be pleased. 34

My next pick would be the small, delicate collaged constructions of Holly Russell using linen as her medium. The abstract, overlapping shapes adhered to her canvas are an understated delight. The modulation of colour is convincing and the arrangement of forms perfectly balanced. Wonderful to see an artist using fabric so well; translating simple linen into a high art medium. Staying with abstraction, Rachel Hope-Peary is an artist to watch. Her single work on show, entitled, “I Get Overwhelmed”, is in her signature style, using muslin as her ground and applying acrylic paint, ink and chalk to create floating forms in dynamic relationships. Their spare simplicity belies thoughtful formulation. Ahsin Ahsin is the rising star of this show. His “Pickled Salami” is not really about food but if you look closely they are there as abstract notations. Clever synergy of low forms with design art features. Manager Laree Payne, (Whitecliffe graduate) wants to thank designer Allan Deare and Matt Stark, (a top notch landlord). We thank all of you.


Biggest Current Trends KAITLIN STEWART The fashion industry is an incredibly fluid, ever-changing part of life. Each day, a new fashion trend will arise, made relevant worldwide by one simple Instagram post at the hands of people like Kylie Jenner. The combination of streetwear and “high end” fashion is currently dominating the scene. This involves a lot of sneakers, co-ord fits and Supreme putting their infamous logo on pretty much everything. Out of sheer entertainment and my love for ripping the piss out of pretty much everything, why don’t we assess the biggest trends at this current moment in time (or at least the time I’m actually writing this). DAD SHOES: What better trend to start off with then the lovely Balenciaga Triple S that graced our Insta feeds a few months ago. Not only have they allowed insecure people with small feet to feel confident again but ignited an entire trend of shoes: The Dad Shoe. Essentially, they are sneakers you could buy from K-Mart but with a thicker sole and an incredibly higher price-tag. However, the appeal of these shoes would be solely (ha, get it?) for a sick photo and the reality would be feeling like a fucking clown. CHILD-SIZED SUNGLASSES: Now, this is a trend I can genuinely get behind. I’m incredibly guilty of buying way too many pairs of sunglasses and wearing only one of them. However, I’m a massive cheapskate and majority of mine come from the little bins on the front counter at the local thrift store. Sunglasses are meant to protect your eyes from the sun, right? Wrong. Their sole purpose in this day and age is to maximise the cool factor for the ever-important soc med posts.The smaller and less effective they are, the better. And if you’re willing to spend over $100 for the top brand but incredibly small shades, I respect you. OVERSIZED EVERYTHING: Oversized jackets are continuing to be a big trend in the industry. Whether it be summer, autumn, spring, or winter, they will forever make an appearance. Here we have the Raf Simons oversized puffer jacket worn by the likes of A$AP Rocky and... do I really need to list anyone else? If he wore it, that’s all you need to know it’s fashionable. I feel as though the aim of the game here is similar to the sunglasses; to be as ineffective as possible. Who needs to use their hands anyway? 90S 90S 90S: Recycling and revamping old school trends is an incredibly vital part of the fashion industry. I’m one of the classic ‘90s kid that barely lived in the ‘90s but still claims being born in that era. So I can sadly only base my experience on the internet. The revival and recreation of ‘90s fashion is something I 100% support and openly wear. 35


Her friends have described her as “pretty normal”, “fairly tame” and “definitely quite short”. Her most notable quality being how often she pops in to House on Hood for a fishbowl, or three. He’s a lover of the low-key big nights, regularly filling his recycling bin as a result of an extended yarn or accidentally cracking into it at 3pm. SHE SAID:

HE SAID:

So after 3 years of constantly joking about going on the Nexus Blind Date, here I am finally putting my money where my mouth is. As the nerves start to hit, I knock back a cider faster than tickets to Bruno Mars sold out. The fear of my date being a no-show disappeared as he was already there when I strolled in right on time (definitely scored yourself some bonus points here). At first sight, I was pleased with the lovely young man waiting for me. Just my type. Tall, dark and handsome. I went straight into a nervous babble, hitting him with question after question. After a bite to eat and a few Bay of Passions, it was time for tequila shots. As the liquid confidence kicked in, conversation steered from ‘what do you study?’ to ‘what’s your craziest drunk/sex story?’ My date definitely came prepared with many stories to tell and there was not a moment of silence (except for when our mouths were otherwise occupied). Before we knew it, we had run the tab dry. Not ready for the night to be over, we headed back to mine for some Netflix. It wasn’t very far into the movie that the playful banter continued and the movie was put on hold. As we both had commitments early the next morning, he ventured out on his stride of pride around 8am to his flat, conveniently located just around the corner. Overall, I had a great time, met a pretty cool dude and can finally tick this off the bucket list. Cheers Nexus, House and the flatties for sober driving. What a night!

So a year ago, I lost a bet and the punishment was signing up for this. Fast forward 12 months and I must say the wait was worth it, Nexus you did not disappoint. I arrived at a cool and crisp 7:30pm to find myself the first one there but didn’t even get the chance to order before she turned up. The conversation started pretty tame, we quizzed each other on our classes and found out we’d actually shared more than a few, but never met due to my not-showing-up to a solid third of them. She called herself a lightweight and then proceeded to smash back two Black Russians and the majority of the pizza in the time I took on half a beer which was pretty emasculating given she was barely up to my shoulder in heels. The waitress suggested a shot of tequila to which we readily accepted and from there, the stories started getting much spicier. My amount of drunk horror stories surely waved some red flags but she seemed more than entertained and suggested retiring back to hers. Her flatmate picked us up (while mine waved and cheered— Christ Almighty) and we got through a solid two minutes of Netflix before things got even spicier. No lay this time to speak of but culminating in some pretty successful enacting of Bryan Adams’ summer, I’m quietly confident there’s a second date in the works, or at least two more minutes of Netflix. Cheers to House for a mint night and keeping us well supplied; this was a treat and a half.

Brought to you by House on Hood Street. If you’re keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz


Keen for some free Burgerfuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. If you’ve accidentally sent us something you shouldn’t have, just email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with all the details. Prizes can be claimed from reception in the SUB (between Unimart and the gym). 39


Puzzles

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WELLNESS WEEK presents

Monday 26th – Wednesday 28th 9am – 2pm on the Village Green and Level Zero BBQ’s and Pancake Breakfasts all week

FRESH START MONDAY From growing seedlings, to getting your ears and teeth checked; come and start your day with a pancake breakfast and get to know some people who care about your health.

HEALTHY BODY TUESDAY

UniRec, Yoga, Lush cosmetics, and more pancakes.

HEALTH MIND WEDNESDAY

Blood drive, meditation… who cares? All you need to know is that we have puppies from 1–2pm in Level Zero.

TEDXRUAKURA SALON FROM 5.30PM WEDNESDAY Come join the TedX team for a free Q&A with guest speakers on the Village Green. Free BBQ provided. Drinks can be purchased from Momento throughout the event. On Thursday, we have our own Cheat Day with music and food. It doesn’t actually have anything to do with Wellness. All week, WSU will be running mental health discussions in the halls. For more information, visit wsu.org.nz

Nexus 2018 Issue 05  
Nexus 2018 Issue 05