Nexus 2015 Issue 08

N.08 / V.47

Clarence Street 7am – 10pm, 7 days a week. Phone (07) 839-4056

Supreme Country Style 2 Litre Juice (Naval Orange Nectar flavour only)

2

99

Ernest Adams Cookies 350g

1

99

Fresh ‘n Fruity Yoghurt 1kg

3

49

Grainwaves 150g 3 for

5

00

Prices valid until Sunday 10 May 2015. Trade not supplied. Valid at PAK’nSAVE Clarence Street only.

THIS PRICE IS ON THE DOWN LOW

08 MAY 2015 VICE ISSUE Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editors Brittany Rose Jules Craft

01 EDITORIAL High Again

03 NEWS Paid Parking

07 SPORTS Refs Are Ruining It

Managing Editor James Raffan News Editor Sam Marelich Contributors Casey Dunstan Alexander Nebesky Kate Lunn Alyssa Witte Chris Reive Chris Kader Alix Higby Richard Swainson Jared Wooldridge Caitlin Orton Melissa Stevens Kelsie Moorland Hp Peter Dornauf Dayna East Philip McSweeney James Brodie Aunty Slut Emma Nygard Drunk Professor Rebecca Pollard Resident Gay Johnny Ryan Zac Lyon Shannon Stewart Interns Ashleigh Matthews Jessamy Topping Johnny Ryan Cover Artwork Jessamy Topping Photography Cameron Robinson Advertising Andrew James aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

08 ENTERTAINMENT Horoscopes / Trending on Twitter/ What’s Hot What’s Not / Beats by J

11 REVIEWS

The Avengers / Burgerfuel / Testament of Youth / To Pimp a Butterfly

14 ARTS Out of Order

15 AUTEUR

Auteur House Presents: Orson Welles (Part One)

16 FEATURES

Sex, Drugs, and Other Stuff / Aunty Sluts Guide to Good Kinky Sex / The Drugs I Took

26 YOUR SPACE A Pole Dancer’s Home: HIllcrest

28 COLUMNS

Confessions of James Brodie / ALC 101 / Aunty Slut / The Weekly Grind / She’s Abroad

36 SNAPPED Send us your snaps!

37 COOKING Apple and Feijoa Crumble

38 CARE

Clubs / Advocacy / Representation / Experience

40 PUZZLES

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

High Again

spirits and convince myself that I am going to die.

Jess Wilson

me a shot of tequila and I’ll vomit and spend the next twenty

Offer me a couple ciders and I’ll be at my most eloquent. Give minutes sculling water until I no longer see the face of God. Likewise, there are three, and only three, outcomes when I smoke (LEGAL SUBSTANCES): a) I get a little buzz, b) I fall

I grew up under the illusion that I would never succumb to society’s harsh expectations that I experiment with drugs and alcohol — I thought I was better.

At parties (which were a very rare occurrence) I would sip Diet Coke and roll my eyes at anyone having a better time

asleep, or c) I become paranoid and think that I’m going to be skinned alive by a man named Suzy with noodles for hair.

More often than not, I keep to the first scenarios. However, at least once a year (okay, maybe twice) I forget my mortality and end up licking concrete on Victoria St.

than me. Anyone who dared offer a drink to my upturned

Everyone has a vice (or ten). Whether it’s alcohol, cigarettes,

nose would be lectured on the importance of living clean.

weed, having dairy when you’re lactose intolerant, or eating

Parents thought I was a godsend. Teens thought I was a prick.

I was high on life, that, and a high deriving from extreme starvation inspired by Cosmo’s health tips.

all the pies. Your vice(s) generally make you happy in the short term and hungover, addicted, shitting yourself, or getting fat later on.

We are sent so many mixed messages, drink Skinny Tea

I made it through all of high school before drinking two sips

and eat clean; smoke Marlboros and become an inspiring

of vodka and passing out on year 13 camp — thus igniting

creative; sip protein shakes and waste your life in the gym.

my passion for getting completely and totally obliterated.

We can’t win.

Just kidding.

If you can get one thing out of this editorial, it’s that this

There are two, and only two outcomes when I drink: a) I have

issue is about vices. Fuck you if you were expecting some

a good time getting bloated on beer or cider, or b) I vomit on

groundbreaking advice. I’m nineteen and learning too.

1

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

Nexus & The English Profs Henry James II

Dornauf Responds Peter Dornauf

To Ingoa Kaore.

Grow up already. Either that or leave the university. You’re really in the wrong

am afraid Nexus runs the risk of having its good reputation ruined by these

place. Higher learning doesn’t suit you. I recommend the Cooperite Cult on the

two boring old men: Dornauf and Swainson. I am led to believe that one is

West Coast of the South Island. You’ll be more comfortable there where any

DOCTOR Swainson, and the other is PROFESSOR Dornauf.

questioning or critical thought is shouted down with name-calling and abuse..

But can they write?

You’ll fit in perfectly.

First look at Prof Dornauf’s stuff. “We seem to be currently caught up...

To I Rage.

at the moment”. Oh for fuck sake!! Will someone please tell this twit that

First let me point out, (I shouldn’t really have to) that the expression “boys and

‘current’ actually means ‘at the moment’. Then [horror!!] this very clever

girls” is an idiomatic term, not to be taken literally. Pleeease! Second, Dr. Tracey

professor repeats his ignorance in his last paragraph - not once but 3 times!

Slaughter and Catherine Chidgey were obviously not the objects of my comments.

“...with the current... at the moment... at this time”.

I specifically gave them the thumbs up in my Waikato Times article. Third, the first rule of good writing is to avoid clichés, both in text and thought. This whole

Bloody hell!!

“old upper-middle class white guys” trope is not just worn out lazy thinking, but

Yet this boring old man is desperate to tell us he knows all about Barnes

somewhat racist, sexist and ageist. And just for the record, I’m a working class

and Nietzche. Ho ho ho! Second DOCTOR Swainson begins with “captured

country boy. Forth, anger is fine, but without art it is simply an indulgent rant. The

the imagination”. Have we heard that phrase before, or is it the doctor’s

self, as I mentioned, quoting TS Eliot, needs to be subjugated and suppressed.

very own original? It’s more like a fucking cliche! And boring too. Then he enlightens us with his ‘profound’ observation: “...at least part of the nation... “. Huh?? That’s fucking meaningless... “at least part of”!!

Now, like his mate Dornauf, Swainson enlightens us with another profound observation “2am... morning”. Oh fuck!! Excuse me for pointing it out to you, but “2am” is always “morning”. More seriously, the stuff he writes seems like rehash from internet.

Nexus Hate Our Freedom Thot King

Like their errors, these two clever dicks ought to be made redundant; or better still, made honorary professors in the English department of this “world-class university”. On second thought, they should be told to fuckauf.

This is an open letter, which you are welcome to publish as you wish. I want as many people as possible to know that I am honestly galled that Nexus is so intent on preventing the real problems from being solved. Nexus’s degeneracy has

Boobs?

Charlie Macityre

permeated the whole stratum of society. That should be self-evident. What is less evident is that I certainly warrant that I firmly believe that the Orwellian implications of Nexus’s jibes are clear. My views, of course, are not the issue here. The issue is that their claim that they are the best of all student magazines is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind. Nexus is saying that we should just lose our cultural moorings and become rootless drifters in a

This years nexus seems to have a surprising lack of boobs in it.

cosmopolitan chaos. I will say only that I indubitably don’t want to have to listen

Please fix this dire issue

to their effrontive billingsgate and their politically incorrect metanarratives. We can’t stop Nexus overnight. It takes time, patience and experience to reinforce the contentions of all reasonable people and confute those of appalling hoodwinkers.

As this letter has hopefully convinced you, Nexus hates our freedom.

Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

2

N.08 / V.47

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS NEWS NEWS FEATURE lie and jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.” A clear indicator that the potential environmental benefits of charging for parking would be negated by students leaving campus more often to avoid parking fees.

Institution of parking fees may have some positives for those where driving is the only option. For instance, those who make the long commute from out-of-town, often to discover there are no on-campus parking spaces left.

One such student told Nexus that they would only be interested in paying for parking if it could guarantee a place for long distance commuters stating, “If parking costs guaranteed me a park and weren’t too high, it would make life easier.” But also noting that realistically, “I wouldn’t pay any more than $5.00 a (full) day, even this adds up after a week.”

We are yet to receive a statement from the university on the matter.

SIDE NOTE

PAID PARKING Alexander Nebesky

If paid parking were introduced for students here at Waikato, how would you be affected?

Kelsie Morland, Teaching/Theatre The parking at university is ridiculous as it is. Do

The University of Waikato has marketed itself as a clean, green institute taking part in a number of initiatives to lessen the University’s environmental impact. In this

we not pay enough for university already? Holy shit.

ever-advancing age of environmental awareness however, more pressure has been put on University boards from both within and without to do more work regarding the environmental aspects of university life.

Deesha Priyadarshani, English/Theatre Oh my god. I’d be very disappointed. However

To this end, in an email to university staff Vice Chancellor Neil Quigley stated, “At

I’d definitely pay because sometimes I’m running

present the University does not charge for parking, but there are good reasons to

late and I’ll do anything to get to class.

think that a charge for parking should be considered. Those who choose to drive to work impose costs on both the University (providing parking spaces comes at a cost) and society as a whole. Free parking reduces incentives to consider

Shane Sands, Science

car-pooling arrangements and alternative forms of transport. Free parking and

Ooh. Very negatively affected. I drive everyday

its encouragement of each individual staff member to drive a car to work is

coz I live in Te Awamutu.

also difficult to reconcile with the University’s commitment to sustainability and reducing the human impact on the environment.” Continuing, “I am aware that any substantial parking charge would have a noticeable impact on the take-home pay of some... But I do think that a parking charge set at a modest level, with a higher

Sean Gatenby, Science

level for those members of staff who want a designated park (including all those

It would affect me heaps because I drive every

in senior management positions), should be considered for 2016.”

day. It wouldn’t be affordable on top of petrol.

One of the major concerns among students with carpooling is how fundamentally flawed it is. Finding two students with identical timetables is near impossible.

On top of that, as one first year management student pointed out, the fact that lectures are often hours apart allows for study time at the University library — study time that would suddenly cost students who drove were they to have to pay to keep their park — “when I have several hours between classes I would go to the library to study, but if the opportunity cost of that time is ~$4 in parking I’d

Lance Robinson, English I would not be affected because I walk or bike to uni. But don’t do that, that’s a bad idea for students.

probably just go home and end up making two trips because global warming is a 3

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS

HIGH NEW ZEALAND DOLLAR: WHY SHOULD WE CARE? Kate Lunn

The New Zealand economy can expect a mixed bag as the New Zealand dollar remains close to its Australian counterpart.

A high kiwi dollar means that Australian produced goods and services are cheaper for New Zealanders; however the competitiveness of New Zealand made goods and services is undermined.

While it’s good news for those heading to the GC over winter, near dollar parity could have significant effects on the New Zealand tourism and agricultural sectors. It’s likely our domestic tourism operators will suffer with the high New Zealand dollar so Australian tourists have less money to spend here.

According to Professor Frank Scrimgeour, President of the New Zealand Agricultural and Resource Economics Society, the extent of the impact will depend on how long the New Zealand dollar remains high. “The higher New Zealand dollar relative to the Australian dollar is likely to adversely affect New Zealand agribusiness exports to Australia. However, it is likely to enhance the attractiveness of agribusiness and food imports into New Zealand. Hence, the impact will depend on the extent to which firms are importers or exporters.”

“The other thing to note is the impact on relative wages in the two countries. The higher kiwi

A GAME OF SCONES Casey Dunstan

dollar reduces the wage advantage in Australia and it will make it easier to recruit expatriate New Zealanders in Australia to come home and work in agribusiness.”

“In addition, the higher dollar also enhances New Zealand agricultural interests’ capability to invest in Australian agribusiness and so we will see more investment going the Australian direction.”

For anyone who isn’t quite over the buzz of last year’s elections, where we sat and watched our hopes fade for the third term in a row; there’s another battle going on right now

In the build up to this Thursday’s election, the Conservative

THE AMERICAN MONARCHY

Party, headed by current PM David Cameron, looks to

Alyssa Witte

in the British Isles between left and right.

gain the most votes but is unlikely to win by majority. The conservatives are relying on a likely coalition with the Liberal Democrats to secure a win. However a recent dwindling in

After observing the proud independent people of North America decide the ideal political system

support for the Liberal Democrats poses a serious threat to

emulates ancient Chinese family dynasties, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush have begun proceedings

the centre-right coalition and opens the field of play to the

for a head to head election. Clinton represents the Democrats (and is wife of Bill Clinton); and Jeb

Labour party and the fast rising National Party of Scotland

Bush, Republican (son of G. Bush and brother of G. W. Bush).

(NPS); both of which identify as centre-left parties with social democratic values.

Why is all this significant? Neo-liberal and centre-right governments are being elected all over the world in reflection of the modern idealisation of capitalism. Social democracy is becoming a relic, and yet here we are, seeing the potential for revival in a government led by not one, but two large

Back in the day, when exploration and prosperous dreams were the road to happiness, the founders of the US government created the spirit of opportunistic freedom. Their ambition was to get away from the British society and the caste system; they wanted regular people to rule.

Even though many Democrats support Hillary Clinton, the fact that there are two people running who are directly related to former presidents seems to be a confrontational aspect that could indeed throw the entire election into a show worth watching.

centre-left parties. Consider it an opportunity to console

Concerns of pulling strings to get ahead is not an unheard tactic in the US and although it may

yourself after our own elections, or if you are otherwise

or may not be coincidental that two of the running candidates have close family ties with former

politically inclined; a potential scapegoat for feelings of

US Presidents, it is a valid concern. The hoots and hollers from unsure Americans should bring

angst towards them pesky lefties. At any rate, Nexus highly

a smile to our faces — it shows a glimmer of involvement. Yet in saying all of this — it is the land

recommend tuning into BBC this week to see what the future

of the free and all candidates have a right to run in any given election — so let the best man (or

holds for our British friends half a world away.

woman) win. God bless America.

4

N.08 / V.47

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

ISIS TALK IN TGA – THURSDAY STUDY AND RESEARCH IN GERMANY An info session about study, research and funding opportunities in Germany is being

By joining the fight against ISIS, New Zealand gets involved in a complicated set of wars in the Middle East, without any idea of what a settlement or peace looks like. Should we be sending troops at all?

held on Monday 11 May from 12-1pm in B.G.24. The talk will provide information

Law professor and war expert Al Gillespie will discuss NZ’s involvement

on study abroad courses, degree courses and research and collaboration stays.

and offer solutions for solving the current crisis in the Middle East.

The presenter will be Dr Anna Bauer, the New Zealand representative for DAAD (Deutscher Akademischer Austausch Dienst – German Academic Exchange Service).

For more information contact Dr Bauer at daad@auckland.ac.nz or on 09 923 8931 or visit www.daad.ac.nz

This free public lecture is on Thursday 7 May from 6-7pm in the Graham Young Theatre, Tauranga Boy’s College, 664 Cameron Road, Tauranga.

The lecture will be repeated in Hamilton on 14 May from 6-7pm at the Academy.

CAREERS WORKSHOPS ON CAMPUS Need advice about your CV, cover letter, job search, career pathway or interview skills? Book in for one of our Hamilton or Tauranga workshops this month.

LinkedIn Tutorial: Hamilton, Tuesday 5 May, 10-11am, Student Centre, level one.

Interview Skills: Hamilton, Monday 11 May, 12-1pm, Student Centre, level one.

Windermere Campus in H204.

TELL US WHAT YOU THINK, WIN PRIZES

Visit www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/careers/

Here’s your chance to tell us what you think about the University of

workshops2015.shtml to book a spot.

Waikato. Let us know what’s working well for you as a student, and what

Cover Letter Preparation: Tauranga, Wednesday 20 May, 12-1pm,

isn’t. Just complete our Student Barometer Survey, which was emailed to you last week, and you go in the draw to win some great prizes, including an iPad Air 2, Samsung Galaxy V phones and Marley Jammin

FREE PUBLIC LECTURE ON LEADERSHIP AND ENTERPRISE

headphones. This survey is open to all current students and closes midMay. For any questions, contact studentsurvey@waikato.ac.nz

This month’s Inaugural Professorial Lecture is by Waikato Management School’s Professor Kathryn Pavlovich. She will talk about ‘noetic wisdom’ and how being conscious of the effects of our actions can enhance business and leadership in the 21st century. The lecture is on Tuesday 19 May at 6pm at the Academy. The Opus Bar is open from 5pm.

5

NEXUS MAGAZINE Not News

NOT NEWS

HAIKU NEWS News stories you may have missed presented to you in the Japanese Art of Haiku Eggplant emoji too phallic for Instagram search If your dick’s purple You have more pressing concerns Than search censorship.

Kiwi drug accused “traumatised” by executions Obvious response When faced with impending death To be a bit scared?

WHITE ISN’T ALWAYS RIGHT

Man appears in court on bestiality charges “PM tugs pony,

Samantha Armytage, a presenter of Australia’s morning show Sunrise has courted controversy after appearing to congratulate UK Born Lucy Alymer on being born white.

During an interview with the mixed race Alymer twins, Armytage said “Maria has taken after her half-Jamaican mum with dark skin, brown eyes and curly, dark hair but Lucy got her dad’s fair skin — good on her.” Her follow up remarks would have included “So what’s it like with only one of you having a sense of rhythm?,” “I’m guessing your diets are very different?” and “Well at least one of you can still be Prime Minister, so that’s something right”. Unfortunately the interview was delayed because one of them couldn’t catch a cab... and the other one was being shot at by American police officers.

And gets off with a warning, But I’M vilified?”

Gloriavale sells off rare grey bird A mouthy old bird Kicked out of community.

What did you expect?

“That’s what you get for being white!”

Couple of punches Versus years as oppressors?

Yep, that’ll show us.

Woman charged with toilet stabbing to be assessed before plea Didn’t stab toilet, Stabbed someone in a toilet.

Still pretty crazy.

KATE MIDDLETON DRIVING IS NOT FUCKING NEWS

SCARFIE VS ISIS The Australian doctor and recent ISIS Recruit at the centre of the recent pro-jihad campaign was apparently an Otago Uni drop out. We are

Every now and then Not News isn’t funny, and on a really rare occasion we don’t even attempt to be funny, this is one of those times. What’s caused this? The Herald making one of it’s main online stories “A Heavily Pregnant Kate Middleton Driving.” This is absolutely not news!

going to pause here just to let that sentence resonate a little.

It turns out Tareq Kamleh, who has been branded the new face of ISIS, was a first year studying health sciences and an active in the halls drinking and partying scene. According to the Herald, Kamleh, now

Sure, it probably isn’t great health-wise, but it isn’t news. Before you write an angry

going by Abu Yusef, also dated a lot, a fact which is neither newsworthy

lettuce saying “overdue pregnant women shouldn’t drive,” we agree. Though perhaps

or surprising, thanks though. The Herald rounds out its award winning

we shouldn’t be focusing on someone who can afford to be chauffeured everywhere

coverage by dredging up old classmates to say he “was really fun”

and the Herald should be asking why heavily pregnant women are still working at

and that he was religious but not “hard out into it.” While Nexus can’t

McDonalds or The Warehouse because they have no options. If that seems too much

condone the choices Yusef has made, we can unequivocally state we

like hard work then why not cover the fact that our Prime Minister is working on a

don’t condone the choices the Herald have made. It doesn’t matter that

trade deal with Saudi Arabia where women aren’t allowed to drive whether pregnant

Yusef used to party or drink, what matters is he’s made a choice and he’s

or not. There is real shit happening in the world — the driving habits of the future

done more than our law dropouts who, for the most part are relegated

queen probably shouldn’t be one of them.

to giving hand jobs under the Farfield Bridge for loose change.

6

N.08 / V.47

Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS OPINION

HIGH FIVE

IMPORTANT STATS LEADING INTO ROLAND GARROS Rafael Nadal has won the tournament 9 times in 10 attempts. Nadal is Spanish for over-rated knobhead.

REFS ARE RUINING IT

Novak Djokovic has NEVER won the French

Chris Reive

Open. Novak Djokovic has also NEVER won the respect of his peers, mainly because Novak is a stupid name.

This week I’m ranting about referees If rants aren’t your thing, thanks for your interest — but turn the page now.

Referees have a tendency to ruin everything magical about sports. Picture this: Warriors / Pelicans game four and Steph Curry almost single-handedly turns around a 20 point deficit and drains a game tying three in the final seconds to take it to overtime.

The Warriors go on to win the game and the series, it’s a great sports moment.

Robin Soderling is the only person to have beaten Nadal in the tournament. 3b. Soderling never actually won anything but retired to Monaco having made 10 million from Tennis so... you know drop out and pick up a Tennis racquet.

A day later, a review of the referees highlights a missed call on the game-tying three pointer. Steph Curry was fouled on the shot and should have been shooting a free

Monica Salas is the youngest champion in the

throw which would have been the winner. Then just to highlight their inconsistency

tournament history, winning it at 16 years and 3

the ref states they would have given a foul had the shot missed.

months old. For those who don’t remember Salas

That is absolute bullshit. You’re a referee; you can’t just pick and choose when you

was the original Kournikova except she won stuff.

make a call. Isn’t the point to be fair and call the game down the middle? I mean, if they had said they didn’t think it was a foul then yeah sure that’s plausible. But this just seems like they were scared of being controversial.

Injury In the 2014 mens’ draw, 5 matches did not go to the minimum of three sets due to players

I know this isn’t all referees, but I have been seeing over a number of sports that calls

pulling out from injury.

are getting missed all over the show and it’s enough to drive any sports fan loco.

Rant over.

MEET Name Anjali “Anj” Thakker. Sport Ice Hockey (New Zealand Ice Fernz) and Inline Hockey (New Zealand Women’s Team). What’s your training like? After I finished my degree last year in June I got invited to play a season for Melbourne Ice in the Australian Women’s Ice Hockey League. It started in October and finished in March, just before I travelled to Europe to represent New Zealand at the 2015 IIHF Women’s World Ice Hockey Championships Div IIA in Scotland. During the season we trained twice a week as a team and had games in the weekends — at home and interstate. Who inspired you to take up inline hockey and ice hockey? My brother, Sanjay. He played at Fairfield Intermediate School in Hamilton and once I got to the school I took up the sport as well. About a year later I joined the Hamilton Inline Hockey Club and it started from there. What’s the earliest memory you have of competing? I made the New Zealand Junior Women’s Inline Hockey team when I was 14 and competed at the 2008 Oceania Championships in Palmerston North. I remember beating Australia in our first game and scoring 3 goals haha What has been the highlight of your career to date? Receiving a bronze medal at the 2013 FIRS World Championships in California with the NZ Women’s Inline Team and also finishing fourth at the same tournament a year later in France. I had the honour of being named Assistant Captain of the team. Also, this year I got named as Assistant Captain of the New Zealand Ice Fernz. It’s a huge privilege to be able to represent New Zealand and help lead a team while doing so. What are you goals for the future; near and distant? I will look into getting a “real” job with my biochemistry degree at some point or continue studying but for now I am happy going with the flow and playing hockey. I am looking at playing a season in Europe, either in the UK, Spain or France, which would start in late 2015.

7

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

HOROSCOPES

TRENDING ON TWITTER

Aries (March 21 — April 19) There are four types of people in the world: ones

#LOWLEVELCONFESSIONS

everybody loves, ones most people love, ones some people love, and ones who are only loved by their mother. You are the mysterious fifth type who is none of the above.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20) Pick one thing this week to truly focus on. Harness your energy, your aura, your zen. Then wrap it up in fine gossamer paper and tuck it away in your bedside cabinet – this week you are focussing on being an unpredictable dickhead.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20) Uh oh. The more you make something work the harder it gets? This is a common trait for everyone under this Zodiac sign, so perhaps you could all just get together and whinge about it amongst yourselves because the rest of us have our own shit too.

Cancer (June 21 — July 22) Life may give you lemons, but do they ever mention that life may also give you limes? Because limes are more expensive and taste way better, but will still squirt you in the eye if you’re not careful. This is not an analogy for kinky sex with different ‘social levels’ of people, that’s just your dirty reprehensible mind.

Leo (July 23 — August 22) Did she or didn’t she…? We know but we can’t tell you and we’re sorry but that’s life sucka. We recommend not digging for dirt as it kills the intense euphoria of catching people red-handed as a completely innocent victim. Stay clean, be patient, and remember that only your mum responds to “but she’s being mean to meeeee. *cry cry *” Virgo (August 23 — September 22) Some weeks the fat man on his bicycle will make

Comedian Ryan Broems @ryanbroems · Apr 28 I’ve done cocaine off of a baby changing station #LowLevelConfessions 7

38

Oscar Bernie @oscar_bernie · Apr 28 I sometimes omit the Oxford Comma to meet the Twitter character limit. #LowLevelConfessions 30

45

Ed Kaz! @EdKaz · Apr 28 I sit in the park and rename dogs without their knowledge. #LowLevelConfessions 45

82

St Peter @stpeteyontweety · Apr 28 I denied knowing who Kanye was 3 times #LowLevelConfessions 15

43

Erik F @mynamesnotrik · Apr 28 I always close the silverware drawer with a pelvic thrust #LowLevelConfessions 7

34

you laugh, and then there are other weeks, like this, where things get complicated and you wonder: “if he cycles and is still fat, can I really squat for Kylie Jenner’s ass?” The biggest questions are the ones we don’t see coming.

WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT

Libra (September 23 — October 22) If productivity is the order of the day, you must have the wrong day. Go back to bed and try again tomorrow. If tomorrow goes balls up too then it’s tequila slammers till next week when you get a fresh horoscope.

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21) Cure your existential sense of meaningless by peering into other lives in your neighbourhood. Feel more secure in yourself with a new, clearer grasp of your privilege. OR maybe heighten the feeling of helplessness and lack of direction that had you looking for comfort outside of yourself in the first place.

Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21) It’s hard to pull in winter, don’t be so hard on yourself. Shit gets cold, you’re carrying more fat, and your breath always smells like garlic… we get it bro. If anyone questions why your hands are down your pants mid-lecture, yes, you can 100% claim chilblains.

WHAT’S HOT 1. MyIdol. Now even my apps are made in China.

2. Hooking up via Yik Yak. Who doesn’t love surprises?

3. The fact no one can tell I’m crying in the rain.

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19) Is your relationship really “Ross and Rachel” or is it just “lame and confusing”? Deep down you know your truth and the truth is that your Rachel is confusing. Yes, you are Ross in this metaphor. We have limited psychic powers but your lameness? This much we know to be true.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18) Many moons ago a small boy wandered onto the University of Waikato campus because he thought it was a low-decile primary school (easy mistake), and was never heard from again. Sometimes at 4pm on a cold, winter afternoon, you can still hear him whimpering because he is missing Dragonball Z. Pisces (February 19 — March 20) It’s not hunger for food that you are feeling; it’s hunger for the truth. Grab your pickaxe and climb the fiery mountain of lies and deceit. Let him have it! But don’t forget your invisibility cloak or his other girlfriend might see you.

8

N.08 / V.47

WHAT’S NOT 1. Fake LSD. The only trip you’ll be having is one to the hospital.

2. The weather. Are you raining or sunny? MAKE YOUR MIND UP. 3. Management students hating on Nexus. You’re our biggest reader group. Haters make us famous.

Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

BEATS BY J

“FINALLY, A QUESTION ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT.” – Stephen Hawking on the cosmological effect of Zayn leaving One Direction.

“I HOPE PEOPLE FELT THE SINCERITY IN MY APOLOGIES.”

Beats

by J

– The Biebs

“TALKING TO PROBABLY ABOUT NINE GUYS RIGHT NOW.”

3LAU How You Love Me Monakr Calling Out

– Hilary Duff is coming clean. She’s on Tinder.

Alison Wonderland I Want U The Chemical Brothers Sometimes I Feel So Deserted

“...BUT LUCY GOT HER DAD’S FAIR SKIN — GOOD ON HER!”

Fetty Wap Trap Queen Z Ambassadors Renegades Clean Bandit Stronger Ratatat Cream On Chrome Nero The Thrill Porter Robinson Remix

– Australian TV presenter Samantha Armytage congratulates

ODESZA All We Need ft Shy Girls Follow nexusmagazine on Spotify

the fairer-skinned twin

BEST OF THE WEB

CYBER QUEENS OF INSTAGRAM

jasman420

instasteak

lilyrose_depp

velvetcloouds

This blonde Barbie bombshell likes

Blake Anderson of Workaholics fame

Johnny Depp may be a washed up heap

This “visionista” has a wardrobe that’ll

weed, pizza, and sex. You know who

wifed this stylish babe, and for good

of facial hair and poor fashion choices,

have you considering selling limbs to

likes this too? You.

reason, she has a bearded dragon and

but his daughter is anything but. Notice

replicate.

green hair.

how we’re using men to introduce women? The 1950s are back bitches.

9

NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs Right

SALE OF STATE HOUSES John Key’s new state house provision is set to sell up to 8,000 state houses.

LEFT

RIGHT

The government plans to transfer thousands of state houses, built by us and

The government should sell a decent number of state owned houses off — the

intended for those families who needed them most, into the hands of private

sooner the better!

buyers. Much like the flogging off of other state-owned assets under this government, it was unasked for, and is unneeded — unless you subscribe to the twisted narrative that state ownership of anything useful, down to a ballpoint pen, is a mistake regardless of outcome.

Just like with the sell-off of our power companies, a line was devised to allay concerns about unsavoury ideological and pecuniary motives. The houses would be entrusted, for a price, to the use of respected charities with experience in helping people. That line began to fall apart when the Salvation Army, to their credit, released a statement criticising the policy and refusing to participate.

Since then the government appears to have mostly given up on fronting for the policy and decided to just do it without all the tiring justification.

Now many people who are watching believe this could see a revival of something like National’s 1990s fire sale of 13,000 houses to tenants, which saw many properties end up working for speculators and developers with the home-warming gift of a tax subsidy.

To understand the state housing issue we need to go back to the reason they were needed in the first place. In the late 1800’s urban housing for the working class was low quality, overcrowded, and rife with water pollution, rubbish and effluent disposal issues. Local bodies didn’t enforce existing regulations or try to push out slum landlords.

Fast forward to today and we have a very different set of issues. Housing regulations are stringent and local bodies are overzealous in their control of anything construction wise (ask anyone who’s tried to put up as much as a new wall and their council struggles). In Auckland there is a major housing shortage, yet state houses sit empty.

We’ve got to accept a few harsh truths.

1. Some areas are better than others for state housing — we can bring up the inequality argument until the cows come home, but the fact of the matter is, houses in Parnell just shouldn’t be state owned. It’s better for the state to sell these million dollar homes and invest the profits in areas where they

Locally, the Hamilton City Council has got on the bandwagon, with the

can build multiple homes and help a number of families rather than keep a

beginning of the sale of all 17 of our pensioner housing complexes. The move,

single one in an expensive area. Besides, when you’re a family on $45,000 a

which was criticised by senior citizen advocates, has been more successful in

year, you will struggle fitting in on a street full of millionaires.

using charities for cover, with Habitat for Humanity on board for now. But in ten

2. State housing is not a right, it’s a privilege. Millions of dollars in damage has

years time the clause that ensures their public purpose will expire and they’ll

been caused by residents who have no respect for the place they are renting.

become fair game for developers.

This isn’t to say we should be kicking out pensioners, veterans, or the disabled.

Between the dithering and excuses on the crisis of supply and speculation

However if you are between 18-65 and of an able body, you should face up to

pricing so many prospective homeowners out of the market, and now what’s

the fact you are an adult and you need (for the most part) to look after yourself.

shaping up to be a generous gift of once-celebrated public assets to the private

That’s part of being a grown up.

sector, the need to change course, and fight back, on housing is long overdue.

If the concern is that far too many young Kiwi families aren’t on the property ladder then we have increase supply one way or another. Freeing up capital and unproductive property is a great start.

10

N.08 / V.47

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

FILM REVIEW

FILM REVIEW

THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

TESTAMENT OF YOUTH Richard Swainson

Jared Wooldridge

Everyone knows The Avengers by now. If you do not, then I am

Based faithfully on the memoirs of Vera Brittain, Testament of

sorry to tell you, but you may be Amish. It does not even matter

Youth is the feature film that World War I deserves, the perfect

if you have seen any of Marvel’s many movies, how can anyone

antidote to some of the jingoistic flag waving we’ve seen recently

not have heard of Iron Man and his merry men (and woman)?

in Gallipoli commemorations. Less a conventional combat film

The sequel to 2012’s The Avengers sees his band grow with

than a drama about the impact of the conflict on one upper

some new members — all of whom he narrowly manages to stop

middle class woman, her family and friends, it powerfully evokes

himself from killing accidentally. The Avengers: Age of Ultron

the loss, the pointlessness and the inhumanity of war.

may threaten to burst at the seams with new characters, but luckily Joss Whedon manages to keep things balanced enough to provide a worthy follow-up.

One of the most difficult things to achieve in cinema is to give a sense of the interior mental state of a character, a particular problem in the adaptation of books written in the first person.

If you could not piece it together from the many trailers, Tony

Testament of Youth succeeds in part because it rises so well

Stark accidentally creates a homicidal robot who wants to kill all

to this challenge. Swedish actress Alicia Vikander delivers a

of humanity. The robot in question, Ultron, proves to be perhaps

performance of nuance and quiet authority but is also well

the best villain Marvel has come up with (they have a terrible

served by an excellent script and first class direction. Brittain’s

track record here), quipping and killing in equal regard. His

environment and mindset is communicated in details both

devilish plans keep the movie going along at a fast pace, barely

broad and precise, director James Kent demonstrating an

pausing before the climactic battle.

assured visual sense and subtle use of symbolism, breathing

One thing this fast pace does not cover, however, is the weird romance blossoming between Black Widow and the Hulk. Why does Black Widow always need a guy friend in Marvel movies?

Here, we have to believe their tragic romance at the same time

fresh life into cliches. The narrative is often broken up with quick edits to reflect Brittain’s thought processes and associations, bending time back and forward in the manner of stream-ofconsciousness writing.

as everything else that is happening, and it is a bit too much. No

The viewer is led through the World War I experience as though

idea what their ship name is, but please sink this one.

for the first time, with the story of Brittain’s growth from naive

If you are a Marvel fan, it is very likely you will love this movie to pieces. Want fun blockbuster action? It can do that too. It ain’t

romantic to committed pacifist becoming that of a generation.

Only diehard militarists will fail to be moved.

Best Picture, but it is pure, fast paced entertainment.

11

NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

FOOD REVIEW

APP REVIEW

BURGERFUEL

INSTAGRAM

Caitlin Orton

Melissa Stevens

Growing up in South Auckland, I had always had an abundance

If you are a human and live amongst regular society you will

of choice for fast food restaurants. Surprisingly, Burgerfuel never

already know what Instagram is. The app has 300 million users

really made the list (Wendy’s was the hip place to be).

so it is a hard one to miss. If you don’t know what it is, I’ll give you

Looking back now, I realise that I was an idiot. Of course Burgerfuel is good! It’s by far the top quality product on the

photos and short videos.

market and I can’t even complain about the prices because the

I downloaded Instagram about 6 months ago and it is the

burger was so bloody big. I ordered a ‘Peanut Piston’ and it was

definition of “it’s ok, I guess.” The app can get very boring and

the very essence of scrumptious. The filling had actual slices

repetitive. Instagram has become one of those apps I mindlessly

of thick tomato instead of thin scraggly pathetic excuses, the

check daily just to stalk friends and people I know, but it doesn’t

sauce had proper peanut chunks and the patty wasn’t just an

add any substance to my day.

oil soaked wafer thin piece of “meat”. It was overall a delicious burger. Which is saying something because I’m usually more of a chicken fan.

The app itself is pretty and simple to navigate with an incredible range of features for editing photos; it has far surpassed the days of simple filters. You can now edit the photo’s contrast,

The service shocked me (positively). I assumed we would be

colour tint, saturation and heaps of other things. It has almost

waiting for quite a while — especially with our order of five full

become a photo editing app as well.

sized burgers, kumara chips, two servings of smashbrowns, and motobites, all at a fairly busy time of the night. But surprise surprise, Burgerfuel wins me over again. Shout out to Robbie for bringing the order to our table at record time. (Lesson one, always know someone in the business)

The app is stereotyped as being filled with photos of food (mainly Starbucks), photos of makeup/outfits, and millions of selfies. Don’t get me wrong there is A LOT of that ‘typical white girl’ stuff on Instagram and it can pop up sometimes, but just like any social media, it all depends on who you follow. If you

I will always be hash brown’s number one fan, but the kumara

follow an account with Starbucks all over it, that’s what you’re

chips really did it for me. Not aesthetically pleasing yet so full

going to get.

of flavour. But the best part of the meal? When I found out that Burgerfuel is New Zealand owned! Cheers.

12

a brief summary: Instagram is an app that allows you to share

N.08 / V.47

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

BOOK REVIEW

MUSIC REVIEW

DEAD WAKE

BY ERIK LARSON

TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY

BY KENDRICK LAMAR

Kelsie Morland

Hp

To put myself into the spirit of ANZAC this week I read a tonne

LA rap superstar, Kendrick Lamar’s third album, To Pimp a

of books relating to the horror of war. It’s fair to say I was in tears

Butterfly, not only cements his growing legacy as the saviour

most of the weekend. But this particular book stuck out for me.

of West Coast rap, but is also a crossover epic. This sprawling,

As this book is based on real events, the actual Lusitania sinking taking most of the passengers with her, Larson creates the perfect bridge between fictional and historic storytelling.

jazz and funk inspired album boasts contributors as broad as the Isley Brothers, Bilal, Pharrell Williams, and Flying Lotus — but with Lamar acting as the filter, the album is distinctly his. His personality spills out of the beats, guitar phrases, and politically

Set ten months into WWI, Larson creates the very tense and

charged anthems as much as that slick flow that shot him to

hectic lifestyle of the period, exquisitely describing the terror

fame with singles like Swimming Pools.

of those aboard the Lusitania and the government in charge.

His intricate description of the landscape and delving into the psyche of those involved are what make this book so enjoyable.

The album touches on such a broad range of topics, emotions, and ideas, at times it’s almost overwhelming. Trying to find a crowbar into this record, opener, Wesley’s Theory, provides a

Bringing to life real individuals such as President Woodrow

little cultural reference that assists. It touches on the difficulties

Wilson, a man terrified by the War around him, gave this book

Wesley Snipes faced with his tax evasion scandal and the

a terrifying beauty. Personally, becoming lost in a novel is the

complexities of under-educated African Americans like Lamar

greatest feeling, but when you read of these real people it

who find fame and fortune and no way of coping with it. Then

shocks you back to reality.

the album swings into free jazz (For Free), then story mode

I highly recommend this book. The extensive research and referencing are highly commendable and make for a fantastic read.

(King Kunta) and chilled RnB grooves (These Walls). And we’re not even halfway.

This album is truly that, an album, which will have those who appreciate that art form celebrating. “I remember you was conflicted,” is a regular refrain that links the back and forth of Lamar’s mind. His ideas around Black Nationalism conflict with his self-indulgence, beauty with love, and he allows these conflicts to influence and inspire him. It’s that which makes this album so exceptional.

13

NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

Out of Order Peter Dornauf

Her work with pen, graphite, coloured pencil, crayon, and ink depicts a strange collaged landscape of cartoon-like figures. Perfectly rendered, they take on distorted, elongated and abstracted forms, morphing into creatures inhabiting a dreamscape as if envisaged by some energetic Dadaist or Bosch-like figure with a touch of Paul Klee. Called a “prodigy”, New York magazine critic, Jerry Saltz compared her work to Willem de Kooning and Roy Lichtenstein.

Ever since Colin Wilson wrote The Outsider in 1956, the social category has become a part of cultural analysis. Wilson speaks of the outsider as a person “who cannot live in the comfortable, insulated world of the bourgeois” because they “see too deep and too much.” Offering up several examples, he chooses literary figures who he feels exemplify such classification, among them, Albert Camus, Feodor Dostoevsky, Franz Kafka, and James Joyce.

Similar figures inhabit the art world. Vincent van Gogh was one, a lone, intense, and unhappy figure, cut off from society who nevertheless reinvented painting with his trademark expressionist style, providing an impetus for modern art in the Twentieth Century.

New Zealand has its own quota of artists who fit the outsider category and the Calder and Lawson Gallery at the Academy is currently showing the work of several on campus, curated by Steph Chalmers, Stuart Shepherd, and Craig McClure.

The artist involved in the exhibition that fits most perfectly the outsider profile, and with some renown, is Susan Te Kahurangi King.

This Te Aroha born woman is currently gathering some serious international recognition. Her story is a fascinating one that saw her at

14

Others in the show do not possess these differently abled approaches but nevertheless their work is in sympathy with the outsider ethos. Craig McClure most resembles King’s cartoon creations. His ink drawings of men he describes as “man puddles,” given that they start out from blobs of ink, grow intuitively from there. His focus is the examination and critique of representations of masculinity.

Stuart Shepherd as well as an artist is also an advocate of outsider art.

His clay sculptures in this show, heads and figures, possess cartoonish features with a touch of the surreal, reminiscent of Australian humourist, Michael Leunig, but with a more sinister edge.

Others like Alex John Kinnaird’s screen-prints on newspaper, take the banal elements of life together with the alarming and allows the viewer to decipher the disturbing juxtaposition.

Tattooist, Ali Selliman provides the visitor with a glimpse into his “Mind Vomit” journals, which he describes as a “secret language of symbols” while Joseph Scott’s collaged paintings come with arresting titles like ‘God Will Spit You Out’, a line uplifted from the apocalyptic book of Revelation.

age four inexplicably stop speaking, becoming autistic and thereafter

The outsider who stands apart from mainstream society needs to be

communicated only by way of her art. In the 1980’s she stopped drawing

valued and applauded given their ability to see deeper and sharper

for twenty years and then suddenly commenced again in 2009.

than all the rest.

N.08 / V.47

Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE

Auteur House Presents... Orson Welles (Part One) Richard Swainson

1. Citizen Kane (1941) Dazzling deep focus framing, a fascinatingly fractured, non-linear structure, acting both broad and subtle, a narrative which examines mass media in its infancy, a nuanced character study, an anti-materialist message. Kane has all these things and more, though its artistic triumph came at a cost.

2. The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) Butchered by RKO after Welles fell out of favour, this adaptation of Booth Tarkington’s novel is less showy in its technique than Kane but its equal in drama. A wealthy 19th century family is ruined by the coming of technology, its arrogant heir getting his comeuppance.

This coming Wednesday marks a century since the birth of Orson Welles. An actor, a writer, a magician, and an amateur artist.

Welles is remembered today primarily for two things. In 1938, his radio adaptation of namesake HG Wells’ War of the Worlds resulted in mass

3. The Lady from Shanghai (1948) Almost incomprehensible thanks to studio imposed cuts, this film noir is nonetheless unforgettable for its hall-of-mirrors climax and as the only vehicle to co-star Welles (and then wife) Rita Hayworth.

panic across America with large portions of the population believing

4. The Third Man (1949) Welles’ best acting outside of his own films.

that invaders had arrived from the planet Mars. Three years later, taking

As Harry Lime, Graham Green’s amoral black market villain, Welles

advance of a generous contract with RKO Studios negotiated on the

is spellbinding, bringing all his celebrated charm to what became an

strength of the radio broadcast, Welles co-wrote, directed and starred

iconic part, later to be revived on the radio.

in Citizen Kane, a masterpiece that revolutionised cinema. He was then only 25 years old and commonly declared a genius.

5. Othello (1952) Arguably the most successful of Welles’ three Shakespearean features, shot over a three year period in many

Welles is my personal favourite auteur and a leading candidate for the

different locations then edited together by the master. Powerfully

title of greatest film director of all time. However, even Welles apologists

acted. Welles’ theatrical mentor Micheál MacLiammóir makes for an

have to concede that his achievements after Kane fell well short of the

unforgettable Iago.

great man’s potential. A Welles Top 10 is depressingly easy to come up with. What follows is the first part of such a list, drawn from the initial Hollywood years and Welles’ first European period.

15

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

16

N.08 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

SEX, DRUGS, AND OTHER STUFF Dayna East

When people think of vices, the first things that come to mind are activities that are illegal, immoral, or things that are viewed as just being purely wrong. While most vices can have detrimental consequences on people’s careers, health, families, and personal lives, being clued up about the risks involved and knowing how far you can go with each of these vices will help both you and those around you stay safe.

Drugs and drug addiction is often described as a vice in our

Why it is enjoyable

society. One reason that drugs are deemed to be harmful by

Cannabis is a depressant, which is a group of drugs that slow

society is because of the damaging effects they can have on

down the CNS. Cannabis can make users feel relaxed, and

the lives of users and those around them. The main group

can give us sense of euphoria, calm and wellbeing. It may

of drugs that cause these kind of effects are psychoactive

also be taken to reduce stress and anxiety, and can lower

drugs, which affect the way that our central nervous systems

people’s inhibitions. Minor use of cannabis may also cause

(CNS) work — changing our behaviour and the way we feel.

the enhancement of one’s lyrical abilities, resulting in them

Because of this, people normally use these drugs as a way to

spitting profound wisdom like “I’m a nice dude, with some

feel better about things going on in their lives, or to escape

nice dreams. See these ice cubes, see these Ice Creams?”

these things. While this works for some people in the shortterm, and it is important to note that no drug results in an immediate addiction, use of these drugs can result in both instant and long-term harm, including psychological and emotional problems, conflict amongst family and friends, trouble with the police, and severe health issues.

Cannabis AKA: Weed, pot, marijuana, dope Use in New Zealand A report released in 2009 found that 46.4% of New Zealanders aged between 16 and 64 years have used cannabis in their lifetimes, and that cannabis is the most popular recreational drug used in New Zealand.

Effects Because depressants slow down the CNS, cannabis can affect our coordination and judgement, which can make driving and other activities hazardous. This slowing down can reduce our heart rate and the rate of our breathing, which can result in death. Combining cannabis with other depressants can also increase their effect and may result in an overdose.

LSD AKA: Acid Use in New Zealand Acid is one of the most common hallucinogens in New Zealand.

17

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

Why it is enjoyable

Alcohol is another substance which is classed as a vice. We

LSD can provide users with a sense of calm and euphoria

students in particular seem to always be accused of being at

Effects Acid is a hallucinogen, which is a drug that changes the way the user sees the world. Use of acid can result in panic and paranoia, cause the user to see and hear things that aren’t there, and gives an overall distortion of reality. The health effects of using LSD are unpredictable, ranging from short-

for a good night out can result in some less than desirable behaviour as a result of our drinking. While alcohol can be a good way to loosen up before a big night out, like any other vice it too can have serious consequences on both our lives, and on the lives of those around us.

term effects like a rapid heart-beat, nausea, dizziness, and

Alcohol AKA: Booze, piss, “drinks”

irregular breathing, to long-term effects such as impaired

Alcohol in New Zealand

memory, concentration, and an increased risk of developing

Alcohol is the most popular psychoactive drug in New

mental disturbances. The main risk of taking LSD is when, in

Zealand.

serious cases, using causes severe hallucinations which results in some people jumping off roofs or running into traffic.

Why it is enjoyable Like cannabis, alcohol’s classification as a depressant means

Tobacco AKA: Smokes, cigarettes, ciggies, durries

that it causes relaxation and reduces our anxieties and

Use in New Zealand

inhibitions. Alcohol may also elevate your fuck-boy status to

In New Zealand, tobacco causes more deaths than any other

the point where you’re high-fiving girls as they enter Bar 101.

drug. Around 4,700 people die from smoking-related causes each year.

Effects Similar to the other drugs listed above, alcohol also has many

Why it is enjoyable

damaging short and long-term effects. Short-term effects of

Smoking cigarettes can induce a feeling of relaxation, and

intoxication include a lack of concentration and coordination,

can increase concentration and alertness.

dehydration — which results in the dreaded hangover,

Effects There are several effects, both short and long-term, of smoking. Short-term effects include suppression of brain activity, nausea, reduced fitness, and increased heart rate, while long-term effects can include lung and other cancers, reduced fertility, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, and doubled-tripled risk of heart attacks.

In New Zealand, drug use and possession has serious consequences with the law, with penalties ranging anywhere from a $500 fine and/or a three month prison sentence for possessing a class C drug (such as marijuana), to a maximum sentence of 14 years for dealing a class B drug.

18

the mercy of alcohol and its effects. Sometimes our appetite

confusion, nausea, vomiting, aggression and other overemotional behaviour, alcohol poisoning, and death. Longterm alcohol intake can also have drastic implications on our health, such as causing brain damage and memory loss, an increased risk of lung infection, liver cancer, weakening of the muscles, a lower sperm count, and an increased chance of breast cancer in women.

Some safety tips While the above implications do exist, there are plenty of ways that alcohol can be enjoyed safely. To minimise your risk of long-term health issues, women should drink no more than two standard drinks per day and no more than 10 standard drinks per week, with two days during the week

Thanks to society, drugs have a reputation of pulling people

that are completely alcohol free. For men, no more than

into a deep chasm of destruction faster than Hades dragged

three standard drinks should be had in one day, and no more

Persephone into the Underworld. As a result, the public

than 15 standard drinks in a week, also with two alcohol free

ignores the fact that 80% of people who used an illegal

days during the week. To reduce the risk of injury during a

substance in the past year did not report any negative

single drinking occasion, women should drink no more than

effects on their wellbeing. While there are several reasons

four standard drinks in a single occasion, while men should

that drugs are a vice for many people in New Zealand, and

drink no more than five standard drinks. If for some reason

that the best way to prevent the harmful results of drugs is

you must get absolutely flannel, I would suggest having a

to not do them in the first place, this is probably easier said

responsible someone who is completely sober nearby at

than done. If you or anyone you know is struggling with the

all times, as well as a plan of how you are getting to where

effects of drug use, please visit http://www.addictionshelp.

you’re going and how you’re getting home (failing to plan

org.nz, or call the Alcohol and Drug hotline on 0800 787 797.

really is planning to fail).

N.08 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

As well as the consequences above, alcohol really becomes a severe vice when a person becomes dependent on alcohol in order to function in their everyday lives. Alcohol dependency, or alcohol addiction, can occur when people drink so much that they build up a tolerance, which means that each time they drink they have to drink more in order to feel the same effects. People may also build up a reliance on alcohol in social situations, and feel as though they need to be intoxicated in order to enjoy themselves. If this sounds like you or anyone you know, or if you’re worried about yourself or someone you know, visit http://www.alcohol.org.nz. If you or anyone you know are ever in any immediate danger as a result of alcohol, do not hesitate to call the police.

Sex is probably the least harmful of all the things that society views as being a vice. While there is no denying that, at least sometimes, sex can lead to a not-so-happy ending. Everyone knows that sex is important for several reasons, despite this, society has still somehow managed to evil-ise sex — simultaneously shaming and celebrating both the people who enjoy it, but also those who don’t.

Alcohol may also elevate your fuck-boy status to the point where you’re highfiving girls as they enter Bar 101.

Sex AKA: Banging, fucking, rooting Sex in New Zealand In New Zealand, the highest number of STI’s are seen in people aged between 15-19 and 20-24, and the most common STI in New Zealand is chlamydia, which is apparently the only thing Hamilton really has going for it.

we in New Zealand are lucky enough to have access to a range of different methods of contraception, so if you don’t want a mini version of you and the guy you had a one night

Why it is enjoyable

stand with after a night out at The Hut running around the

Sex can relieve pressure, stress and anxiety, and can be a

place, I suggest wising up and heading to your doctor to

means through which you can show your attraction, love,

discuss your options.

and commitment to someone. Some people also find enjoyment in the social status that sex can bring, and can find pleasure in enacting revenge on someone through sex.

Sex can also boost your self-esteem, and can be a good way to burn off that all-you-can-eat Hells.

While sex can also have adverse effects, it is all about personal choice – if you want to do it, do it, and if you don’t, then don’t. At the end of the day it’s really only your business, and anyone who says otherwise can back the hell outta here.

If, however, you or someone you know are struggling to

Effects

deal with sex or your sexual identity, or are suffering from

Two key hormones are involved in desiring and having sex.

sexual abuse or an unhealthy relationship, visit http://www.

During sex oxytocin, which is reputed to make couples feel

familyplanning.org.nz/advice.

a deeper level of attachment to one another, is released.

Higher levels of dopamine, which is sent via the brainstem to several of the reward systems in our bodies, are also present.

As a result, having sex can produce immense feelings of love, happiness, and pleasure.

A key thing to remember with all vices is that a lot of the time they are not actually inherently problematic, but have become so due to the way that society views them and the people who do them. While this may be the case, it is also important to respect those around you, as well as yourself,

Some safety tips

and for us to all look out for one another. If you ever find that

An obvious downfall to having sex is that it can also lead to

one of the vices mentioned or any other one of your choices

unwanted pregnancies, which then introduces a whole other

is becoming a real issue for you or for the other people in

range of emotional, physical, and economic complications

your life, then please take a step back and consider asking

— especially for people our age. While mistakes do happen,

for a helping hand.

19

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

AUNTY SLUT’S GUIDE TO GOOD KINKY SEX Aunty Slut

I know some people believe that enjoying sex is wicked; that women with high sex drives are worthless whore-types, and that kinky sex is nasty and an excuse abusers use to hit people — but I’m so not down with that.

A person’s worth is not determined by how much or what

If you don’t have an enthusiastic HELL YES, don’t go taking

kind of sex someone assumes they are having, and while

your pants off.

there are douche bags in the scene, experimenting with BDSM is, on the whole, positive, fun, and orgasmic. So here is my no-nonsense, sex-positive, body-positive, feminist guide to getting your kink on.

If you don’t feel like you can have a frank and honest discussion with your partner about this stuff, then you probably shouldn’t be getting kinky on it. When pushing

The Three Cs

your sexual boundaries it’s important to remember that

People think I’m kidding when I say that good relationships

consent can be removed at any time, for whatever reason.

are built on the three Cs: consent, communication, and

When you first experiment with kink you find out if your

cunnilingus. It’s no joke — you ain’t got shit if you don’t have

lewd imaginings will make your dreams come true, or if

those three things. And they’re even more important if you’re

they should have stayed as fantasies. There is no shame in

exploring the sort of sexual fantasies you’re embarrassed to

discovering something you wanted to try isn’t your bag —

talk about in polite company.

that’s what sexual experimentation is for.

Consent

Talk to your partner before, during, and after you play. Agree

Before you engage in any sort of sexual play, you need to

on a ‘safe-word,’ make sure you check in (often) for that

know that everyone involved knows what the plan is, and is

enthusiastic yes and figure out ways you can make it better

totally keen. Talk to your partner and negotiate what you are

for next time.

and are not willing to do ahead of time. Outline your hard limits — the things you are absolutely not ok with. Discuss things you’d like to try, but aren’t sure of. Some people think that these conversations aren’t very sexy — but they’re sure as shit sexier than someone freaking the fuck out and/or an assault charge.

20

Communication

Cunnilingus There are very few women who can come from vaginal penetration alone. No one cares about your stupid boner, get down there with your delicious tongue and stay there until she nearly passes the fuck out. Sex should be about pleasuring your partner, not just your stupid boner. We’ve had

For those of you educated by rape culture unsure of what

thousands of years where sex has been about your boner, so

consent actually is: Consent is a loud, enthusiastic YES.

I’m calling it — it’s time for cunnilingus to shine. And you know

(Maybe does not mean yes. No does not mean yes. Silence

what makes cunnilingus feel even better? A tongue piercing,

does not mean yes. Drunken giggling does not mean yes.)

a blindfold, being tied up… Which brings me straight to:

N.08 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

BDSM If you’re keen on dipping your toe into some kinky sex waters, for the love of all things holy do NOT watch/read 50 Shades of Abusive Bullshit for ideas. That turd wrapped in paper is not about BDSM: there is no enthusiastic consent, there is no equality in any aspect of their relationship, there is misinformation, there is creepy, creepy stalking, and there are many bullshit power games. A fucking abyss of no. Just no.

BDSM is an overlapping abbreviation covering Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. Known to many normal sexually active humans simply as ‘fun’. People can sit anywhere on the sliding scale between ‘all in’ and ‘all out’ when it comes to BDSM, so experiment, keep doing what you like and leave the rest. No matter where you sit, you’re normal and awesome.

A lot of people start by tying each other up, and then teasing with anything from a tickly feather, to an ice cube, to a whip or paddle, or burning wax. Like any sort of new sexual experience, start small and build up. You have plenty of time — you don’t need to tick all of these boxes at once.

You can use anything you have around the house to tie someone up, but avoid any sort of stretchy fabric, and never use knots that tighten. You also want your knots to be quick release (ideally you should be able to release someone in under a minute in case of emergency, like if they faint or the house catches fire).

If your partner wants to tie you up and spank you, check

You also want your knots to be quick release (ideally you should be able to release someone in under a minute in case of emergency, like if they faint or the house catches fire).

whether they have ever experienced this themselves first.

If they have no concept of how much something hurts, they’re more likely to make this experience go from ‘fun’ to

stretchy rope, which you’ll find for sale at your local sex store.

‘not fun’. If you’re both unsure, communication is even more

If you’re using hot wax, use paraffin candles only (beeswax has

important. You want these experiences to be orgasmic and

a higher melting point and can cause serious burns). Go slow

to build trust — you can’t have those things if you’re not

and soft then build up, checking in with your partner often. It

talking about what’s going on.

should go without saying, but: when you tie someone up,

If you’re spanking someone, start with your hand. Alternate

never, ever restrict your partner’s airway.

between soft strokes and hard slaps. If you’re using an

If you’re pissy because your partner hasn’t been keeping up

instrument, make sure it has round edges and isn’t going to

their share of the housework, a BDSM scenario is not the

cut your partner by accident. Paddles aren’t very expensive

time to vent your frustration. Steer clear of booze, weed,

and you can find them at any sex shop, but if you’re really

or other mind altering substances while experimenting and

poor, something round and smooth like a spoon can be a

only do it when you’re in a good mood with someone you

good alternative. Only ever hit someone over a soft muscled

trust. If you’re angry — just don’t do it.

area (like a juicy ass), and avoid the lower back (because that’s where your kidneys live).

The most important thing is to make sure you trust your partner and have solid 3 Cs. They make the difference

Remember: don’t leave a bound person alone. Avoid sharp

between an orgasm that soaks the floor, and two people who

handcuffs, keys are easy to lose and the hard metal can leave

can’t look each other in the eye anymore.

hard to explain bruises. You’re better off with some non-

Have fun!

21

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

THE DRUGS I TOOK Philip McSweeney

The complete guide to why you should/should not do drugs. Drugs are bad m’kay.

Before I begin my article proper, a couple of disclaimers I offer at the behest of my long-suffering lawyers: 1. Of the illicit substances discussed here, I have indulged in very few, and those which I have sampled I partook in in the halcyon days of my youth. I’m pretty abstemious these days Mum, I promise! Most of my knowledge was accrued through ‘scrupulous’ research (read: a couple of visits to online drug forums) or through friends and acquaintances more fool-hardy than I. I offer them my thanks for their insights.

to tell you not to take a certain drug, only offer you some desperately needed information and let you make your own call. u do u homey/honey. Soz for contravening the second disclaimer, Nexus. Pls don’t maim me xx.

Now, without further ado…

Legal Alcohol Alcohol is a great and powerful thing that you’re no doubt already familiar with. It also has a variety of different effects

2. NEXUS DOES NOT CONDONE OR ENCOURAGE DRUG-

depending on what you drink (Editor Note: This has been

TAKING IT’S ~ILLEGAL~. Just be responsible OK? Thanks.

disproved), and this differs from person to person (never

3. New Zealand’s drug laws are ass-backward and foolish, and create more damage than they offset. The weird demonising campaign against cannabis, for example: weed is only a ‘gateway drug’ because people try it, realise it doesn’t turn them into homicidal maniacs and naturally assume that warnings about other drugs are exaggerated as well. This has been scientifically confirmed, but the New Zealand education system does

let me touch gin). One thing’s for sure: it’ll make you more confident (have you ever pashed anyone while sober?) and inhibited. You’ll also feel either euphoric or sad — but even being sad-drunk is kind of nice and edifying. Just watch out for the hangover and especially the morning breath. If you don’t want to wake up with a mouth that feels like a small rodent defecated in it overnight, scull a bottle of Powerade before bed and then use mouthwash. Tried and true.

not adapt and continues to spread outright fabrications

Caffeine

about the stuff. This is fucked.

An essential food-group, especially for university students.

4. Although Amsterdam is touted as the Mecca for

22

5. It’s your life and I want to let you live it. It’s not my place

4.5/5 would suffer through the coffee-shits again.

recreational drug users in Europe, in Portugal you can

Tobacco

buy any drug you like, in deliberately controlled dosages,

Confession: My name is Philip McSweeney, and I fucking love

at many pharmacies. Since this policy’s implementation,

smoking. If I can wax lyrical: Lucky Strikes are my one true

drug abuse problems have been quartered. I’m not

love and that’s what it will say on my tombstone. They relax

saying that decriminalisation and rehabilitation are

me, give me five minutes of peace and contemplation, curb

better policies than the ol’ crime and punishment angle,

anxiety, and stimulate creative. My brain, like my bowels,

but if the shoe fits…

refuses to function unless I’ve had my morning coffee and

N.08 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

durry. But, with a heavy heart, I cannot recommend taking up smoking. The medical effects are ruinous and the elevated cost makes it an untenable option if you want to eat well.

There’s a social stigma attached and funding ‘big tobacco’ doesn’t exactly make you a paragon of ethics. Then there’s the addiction factor. According to some reports, quitting the gaspers is harder than quitting heroin. That doesn’t make it impossible. If I can cut back my intake drastically, so can you.

Good luck.

Kind of Legal Turps, Glue, Petrol Say what you will about recreational drug (ab)users, when

Pharmaceuticals?

More like PharmaceutiCOOLS am I right? No? I’ll go get my coat.

it comes to getting a buzz they’re an impressively inventive lot. I know one stoner friend who managed to repurpose a light-bulb into a bong. Many similarly enterprising addicts use common-place substances to achieve a high, although often with disastrous consequences. Drinking turpentine, also known as ‘witches brew’, is not in your best interests.

Likewise, huffing glue or petrol (‘intoxicant inhalants’)

need them for mental illness, and your recreation use of them is ostensibly part of the reason why they miss out.

Fortunately, benzos have a disinhibition effect — your guilt will be assuaged in no time.

damages brain cells irreparably and may cause immediate

Codeine

suffocation. I seriously doubt the ‘intoxication effects’,

Only illegal if taken without a prescription, this member of

as intense as they may be, are worth it; hit up your dealer

the opioid family will give you a fast rush of sedation that

instead of your hardware store.

will make you feel gloriously weightless, not unlike a hot

C-Class Marijuana C-Class drugs, like C-Cup breasts on people who identify as female, are the most socially acceptable kind of illegal substances. Weed is often considered the most benevolent

knife going through melted butter. With the most common side-effects being drowsiness and minor constipation, the risk factor isn’t egregiously high either. V. G. with red wine. See also: Tramadol. Pharmaceuticals? More like PharmaceutiCOOLS am I right? No? I’ll go get my coat.

kind of buzz, and for sound reasons. It feels pleasant and

B-Class

relaxing, alleviates anxiety and pain, and gives you a weird

Ecstasy

sense of satisfaction. Admittedly, the whole ‘you can’t get

Now we’re getting closer to the big leagues. Ecstasy is the

addicted to weed’ myth is demonstrably false, and it can

most commonly-used B-Class drug in New Zealand, often

enhance paranoia, but the chances are unlikely and the pros

referred to as a ‘club drug’ because of the surge of energy

outweigh the cons (another long-held belief, that overuse

and, duh, ecstasy you’ll get when you use it. It doesn’t last

of da green triggers schizophrenia in people that otherwise

very long, and because in NZ pills are pretty heavily cut,

wouldn’t be susceptible, was proven false a couple of years

the buzz is kind of thin and jittery, and not really worth the

back). Plus, living in New Zealand gives us prime access to

sleepless night ahead. If you’re a devoted town-rat though,

a strand named ‘white rhino’ which you simply must try. It

this might be just the thing.

looks like cat-crap, but a couple of hits from da bong later and you’ll be cresting a wave of tranquility like nothing else in no time. :’)

Opium and Morphine Morphine is Codeine’s bigger, more potent brother, so imagine those effects — and side-effects — tripled. Opium

Benzodiazepines

is another kettle of fish entirely. It has an allure of being a

Again, only illegal without a prescription, these anti-anxiety

drug consumed in seedy opium dens and romanticised

drugs give a heady kind of relaxation that you can feel

— though harrowing — depictions in media ranging from

productive on. The closest thing pharmaceuticals have

Tintin to The Luminaries (oh to be in Hokitika c. 1800’s). It

come to giving a massage, benzos are soothing and airy.

can be administered in tea form and I am reliably informed

Unfortunately, because of ‘abuse’ and their addictive nature,

that being on opium is the feeling equivalent of what

doctors only prescribe small doses to people who genuinely

shoegaze sounds like, i.e. you’ll feel like you’re practically

23

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

seeping off the walls in how fucking spectacular it feels. It

three figures per hit. Appalling addictive and nerve-wracking

is a massive time-suck though. I’ve heard stories of people

for anyone afraid of needles, a common but little-known

losing entire days on the stuff because conventional notions

side effect is the vomiting it usually induces the first time.

of metronomic time go out the fucking window, along with

Apparently, though, while you’re strung out on heroin, the

your lucidity. When taken in a controlled environment and in

act of vomiting feels pleasant. Anything that makes puking

sensible doses though? To quote the late, great Roger Ebert,

feel good cannot be trusted, in my humble opinion. Avoid

TWO THUMBS UP.

unless you have life-threatening diarrhea. In severe cases,

MDMA Pure, uncut ecstasy, in both senses of the word. The realworld equivalent of the ‘felix felicis’ potion in Harry Potter,

because of the drugs immediate constipation effect. The more you know.

when you’re on it everything goes your way. The world is

LSD + Magic Mushrooms

perfect and beautiful and kind, you’ll dance to your own

The cheapest of the A-Class drugs, and the least addictive,

rhythm, you’ll feel as though you swallowed liquid gold and

these have hallucinogenic qualities. LSD, or Acid, is taken via

you’ll wonder how it’s possible to have so much vim and

sugarcube or blotter (puts the behaviour of that deranged

vigour in one human vessel. Best taken in groups because it

uncle of yours with the stamp collection in perspective huh?

stimulates the tactile senses so you’ll want to touch everyone

...I’m sorry you had to find out like this). They will cause

(non-sexually!), and because your head-space might not be

perception anomalies, and different ways of experiencing

in a place to correctly gauge consent or personal boundaries

consciousness and processing emotion that can be spiritually

(which is no excuse by the way), it’s better to be with people

and creatively rewarding. Aldous Huxley famously approved

who know what you’re about. Magical.

of the stuff, and there are medical trials that recommend its

A-Class C-C-C-C-Cocaine We’ve reached the heavy hitters. A-Class drugs are classified as such due to their ‘very high risk’ and are commonly perceived as hard drugs with the most deleterious — even perilous — side-effects. Of these, cocaine is probably the most innocuous. Since the crack(ha)down that emerged after its proliferation during the hedonistic ‘80s, it’s become

use for coming to terms with death and depression because of the way it shifts perceptions permanently on occasion.

That said, bad trips are hellish and long, and taking the stuff can have long-term side-effects. Repeated, constant use will fuck up your brain chemistry. Take cautiously. Those of an anxious disposition are encouraged to try Acid in conjunction with weed to minimize the risk of a bad trip and get you in the right mindset.

prohibitively expensive — 200 bucks per gram — but many

Methamphetamine

people I know insist it’s worth the moolah. It’ll instill feelings

Commonly marketed as ‘P’, for ‘Pure’, this drug will fuck

of hard, pure energy in you, make music sound fucking

you up. If you were in Portugal and had adequate support

awesome, arm you with courage and loquacity and hardcore

services available, I’d say go for it, but with gang-controlled

happiness. Because it is snorted (ingested by sniffing up the

prices being what they are and the destruction it wreaks

nose) it is rapid-acting, and lasts a fairly decent amount of

upon many users I’d avoid the stuff like the social plague it

time. Probably the best A-Class drug to consume in your

currently is (although this is less the drug’s fault than the

A-Class Mercedes Benz. Ironically, many users insist that

government, I re-iterate). I have a friend who tried it once

the side-mirror of a car is the ideal surface to snort off. Note

and still craved it 9 months later. Your sleeping patterns and

that if you do buy it, CRUSH THE PRODUCT WITH A CREDIT

health will be compromised, you’ll have no money for food,

CARD BEFORE INGESTING, snort water up both nostrils

and you’ll be trapped in an exploitative relationship with

to clear your sinuses first and don’t snort straight off the

your dealer — plus, like, are you meant to go to the Police?

surface in case of contamination.

I don’t want to go all after-school special on you, and if you

Heroin Though fairly uncommon in New Zealand — outside of Christchurch, bizarrely, at least — there is an emerging market for ‘Charlie’ in Auckland. Where dealers get you is in the way your body develops a tolerance to the stuff. The first hit requires 15 mg or so to get the required effect, which costs around 20 dollars. A couple of weeks later you’ll be spending

24

doctors administer a variation of heroin to staunch the flow

N.08 / V.47

want to do it that’s you business and you don’t deserve to be shamed or treated like a law-breaker, but the political climate being what it is, you deserve to know the consequences.

Sorry to end on a downer (or an upper, heuheuheu), dab the acid on the stamp as you wish and snort away to your heart and brain’s content, but if there’s one vice you don’t indulge, make it this one. <3

U N I M E A L! VOUCHER

W IT H

AI LO I S E I R F D U P S KE & 330ML CO

$17.90

USUALLY $22.30

Offer available at any BurgerFuel in New Zealand. Not available with any other offer. One voucher per person, per visit. Not valid for online ordering. Expires 28/06/15.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

A Pole Dancer’s Home: Hillcrest We were told there would be a stripper pole, so naturally we were expecting a bit of shock-value and perhaps a tequila shot or two. Turns out, this flat was more homely than coke-haven.

Talia, a fit-looking girl with Bambi eyes and long brown hair, invited us in. The first thing that struck us was her pole, seen through the open door to her bedroom. “I do pole dancing at UniRec” she announced. Cam, the cameraman, asked her to show us some of her moves, which apparently the neighbours are all too familiar with (their kitchen sees straight into her bedroom).

In the lounge we meet Stephen, a young man with an oldschool Bieber swept fringe. He’s on his laptop, almost certainly gaming. Stephen is Talia’s fiancee.

As if there wasn’t enough cuteness in the house with Stephen and Talia’s romance, a long-legged kitten roams around the lounge, rubbing its head against unsuspecting legs.

We cease photography to play with the kitten.

We won’t be remembering this as the pole dancer’s house, but as the flat we all wish we had.

26

N.08 / V.47

Photography: Cameron Robinson

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

27

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

SHE’S ABROAD

The Bachelor New Zealand Rebecca Pollard

than the US show! Put simply, the New Zealand ladies have much more class and tact than the American girls. The last American bachelor, Chris, was making out with girls the very first episode.

And then there’s Art, who is down to four girlfriends and still asks permission before kissing each one of them!

There has yet to be one girl to cry over Art. None of the fights in the house between the girls have been significant, and the only girl who ever gossiped got kicked off last week (bye Chrystal).

No one is throwing around the ‘L’ word yet, and there hasn’t even been any talk of the fantasy suite! (Which is essentially where the

The only thing that ever put a damper on my coming to New

bachelor takes each of the girls for a night to have sex). At this

Zealand mid-February was the fact that I had to leave The

point in last season’s American bachelor the girls had each spent a

Bachelor before the season ended. Leaving the states not knowing

significant amount of time sucking face (or as they say on the NZL

who farmer Chris was going to make his wife genuinely upset me.

bachelor ‘pashing’) with Chris, cuddling Chris, and asking Chris if

I’ve always been an avid bachelor fan and Chris’ season had been

he would like to have their babies.

especially intriguing. However my spirits were quickly raised when I found out that New Zealand had decided to get their very own bachelor for the first time ever this March! How lucky was that!?

On the one hand I think it’s awesome that these Kiwi girls are actually emotionally stable and not desperate or over dramatic.

They have each kept their heads held high as they left without a

Lucky as it was, the New Zealand Bachelor has absolutely nothing

rose, and even wished Art luck with his… ‘Journey.’ On the other

on the American Bachelor. Not the actual bachelor himself, Arthur

hand they’re ruining my favorite show!!! It’s the primadonnas, the

is an easy 10/10 and Chris was just… not. But speaking strictly

hoes, and the bitches that make the show! But Kiwi girls are so

about the show itself The Bachelor NZ has SO much less drama

chill that there are none! #Bummer.

CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE

A Cent on Neil James Brodie

And keep in mind Neil is only just getting his foot in the door (so to speak) and is yet to know fully what Waikato University is about. He’s learning this just like us — except for him teaching us, we are teaching him. And believe it or not, Neil has got a lot more to learn about this university thing than us. We’ve just got to show up, do the work, get a degree, and have a bit of fun while we do it. Seems easy, yes? Now look at Neil. He has to learn how to embrace Waikato University’s culture, learn how to run the university efficiently, keep 5000+ of us in an education, and keep

Hi all, Once again, Jess gave me a pan and the chance to speak my mind.

So here I go confessing again.

Apparently, people are losing their minds (or their mental notes) over the new Vice-Chancellor and his plans for paid parking on campus. I can see why students are concerned, it’s hard enough as it is — but perhaps there is another side to the coin that we are all forgetting about.

You see, when you’re in the position of Neil Quigley (the V-C), you have a lot of power and a lot of control over the way things work, BUT with that comes the responsibility of running this amazing university. And at times that means he has to make very unpopular decisions (in this case paid parking) to keep everything afloat.

28

N.08 / V.47

our high reputation intact. Now, who do you think has the harder job. In my opinion it’s Neil, but hey if you have a separate opinion then that’s fine too.

Either way, let’s cut Neil some slack. He’s barely started and getting ripped to shreds. Even though I don’t know him, I do know that you’re either very brave or very stupid to choose to run this ship. And I think Neil is very brave to try and not only run the place — but improve it as well.

So, if $5 a week is worrying you, just remember: the parking at Centreplace is $40 A WEEK. Just keep that in mind next time you’re at the club. Would you rather more money to spend there or more money for parking your Ford?

Now, if you’ll please excuse me I need to take my tablets before bed.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

CARNAGE

“...WHEN THEY SNAPPED THEIR TOILET IN HALF (LONG STORY) WE ALL CRAPPED IN THE SAME TOILET FOR THREE WEEKS.”

Let’s Talk About Uni, Baby

so much but at least we are all poor together and wear it like a badge

Jules Craft

About five weeks ago my neighbours and my flat threw

of honour. In the future I’m going to tell bartenders “Fuck your expensive Coronas, I want Lion Brown it tastes like my education”.

Community simultaneous parties. Instead of fighting over who gets the most guests we kicked a hole in the fence so everyone had the option of two parties. Since then I have been stealing tomato sauce, they’ve

Today a friend and I spoke to a group of high school students about university. Having been to high school and remembering what it was like to sit through those presentations about uni life, that sound exactly the same from every university, we wanted to

nicked our deep fryer on a regular basis, and when they snapped their toilet in half (long story) we all crapped in the same toilet for three weeks. Aaahh, doesn’t the thought of everyone looking out for each other warm your heart <3.

do something a little different. The intention of our speech was

Free Time

not to give these kids a lecture on what school of learning they

It’s very important to have intervals of the day for procrasturbation.

should choose, how many credits they needed, or the pass rate of Waikato; instead we wanted to stand in front of them and genuinely express what it meant to be a university student.

Opportunity We are at the epicentre of a gigantic network of same aged and like-minded individuals. There’s opportunities to try new things

Speaking to these kids was an opportunity to remember all the

and meet new people all around us. It’s easy to get stuck in a

positive things about my attendance at this prestigious institution.

trench feeling like everything is the same when you’re being a lazy

Being only 6 months off my degree, I can smell the misleading

fuck and doing nothing new. It’s there, just try just look. I never

stench of freedom that is graduation and I have been beginning to

thought I’d have huge arms until I went to arm day last week —

take being a university student for granted. Attempting to inspire

now I’m swoll as fuck.

the youth of today to attend university reminded me why I love it so much. With positive flows on the go I’ve decided to write down epic things about being a student.

This Is the Only Time in Your Life Where Being Poor Is Cool Money can’t buy you love but it can buy you that new laptop you need because you sat on your last one. It sucks that education costs

Write some positive shit about your life down and chuck it on the wall. That’s the sort of thing we need to be spreading tehe.

Chur.

Ex ohhh, Crafty

29

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE SINGLE LIFE

“...STOP TRYING SO HARD.”

Dick Pics 101

the whole dirty pic concept died out in 2010 with Taio Cruz and

Emma Nygard

So after a week of getting snap-chatted up by anonymous first

Ke$ha’s careers, but apparently not.

years (I can only assume) here is my guide to dick pics and what they mean: 1. The Naked Mirror Selfie A la 2012 Chris Brown nude ‘leak’.

If you were to ever to stalk my Facebook page (please don’t) you

Anybody who is stoked enough with themselves and their

would discover I have an unhealthy obsession with selfie-taking;

body to send a full frontal, ‘accidental’ nude is probably a

bad selfies, good selfies, everything gets posted shamelessly.

massive asshole. With an equally massive dick.

Therefore it would be a safe assumption that Snapchat is one of my favorite forms of social media. The whole fucking concept revolves around sending your face back and forth… right?

Probably a straight shot from above that gives no indication of length, or a little peek-a-boo from boxer shorts. Either way

it exhaustingly boring sending back to back photos of my face

it’s kind of uncomfortable.

to artistic shots of furniture, lights, or the flat vacuum that’s been left out.

Up until about a week ago (lol) my all exclusive invite to the raunchy snap club had been snubbed, so I was left doodling Hitler moustaches on my face and wondering what all the fuss was about.

Let me just lay down this nugget of wisdom in case you didn’t already know, anonymity will boost anybody’s confidence by tenfold. After posting my Snapchat name to social media *cough* Yik Yak *cough* a flurry off potential baes flustered into my friend requests — along with unwanted photos of their dicks. I thought

N.08 / V.47

by badly-endowed guys the world over to receive tit pics.

Although I do find a weird delight in my own vanity, I also find seeing as I have about two good angles max, so, eventually I resort

30

2. Just the Tip Technically only half a dick pic, strategically used

3. Abs + Dick Nothing oozes confidence quite like this combo. If you can overlook the fact he probably still thinks snapbacks are cool, you may have found your man.

4. Abs + Dick – Face It doesn’t take a math major to figure out the result of this equation.

5. Helicopter Dick Yes it is what you think. Yes, this is technically a video and yes this actually happened. It was glorious. Highly recommended.

6. Full Frontal Naked Handstand Yes, this also happened. I applaud your creativity, but please stop trying so hard.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

ALC 101

“SELFIE, AFTER SELFIE, AFTER SELFIE, DOCUMENTING THE DECLINE IN YOUR ABILITY TO POUT IS BORING.”

Lesson 8: Snapchat Stories

Disclaimer: NEVER post a story upwards of 60 seconds. Honestly,

Drunk Professor

Selfie, after selfie, after selfie, documenting the decline in your

no one cares enough to dedicate an entire minute to viewing your night. Life is fleeting, remember?

Make it Dynamic ability to pout is boring. Even if you really want to show off the super cool posse you’re hanging with, the selfie is not the means of doing so. Flip the camera (that button in the top right corner

For centuries humanity has been preoccupied with documenting society and recording history. This is illustrated by prehistoric cave paintings; the period of Greek vase art (lookin’ at you Amasis painter’s Women Weaving lekythos); by Jan van Eyck’s depictions of farm life, Frida Kahlo’s self portraits, and finally, the Hollywood

— just fyi) and take a snap of others drinking a disgusting vessel post Four Kings. Capture your non-smoking mate choking on a durry, snap your friend dirty dancing with a questionable bearded bloke in a floral button-up, record that trainwreck vomming in the garden bar at Shenanigans.

Walk of Fame. Time is ephemeral, and life fleeting. Salvador

Give it Narrative Arc

Dali’s surrealist depiction of clocks and time demonstrates this,

Rather than 17 snaps all within a 10 minute timeframe, spread ‘em

alongside stock imagery of scenery complete with Benjamin

out and record the story of your night. Ideas: pre-drinks outfit

Franklin’s “Lost time is never found again” quote.

shot, corona & lime pic, taxi video with radio blasting, town mirror-

In contemporary society, with new media and increasingly sophisticated technology becoming readily available, this

selfie (Bar 101 ladies’ has a full length mirror behind the door which is ace). ALWAYS follow up with a hangover selfie.

compulsion to document is becoming increasingly accessible.

Illustrate that Shit

The result of which is drunken students grasping their Samsung

Use emojis, play with font placement and size and scribble all over

S4 capturing filtered images for Instagram and recording wobbly,

the weirdo photo-bombing. Either that or draw dickz & titz on

out-of-focus ‘Funneling a Yardy’ videos for Snapchat.

everyone.

Through many informal interviews with the demographic

Next Lesson, Drunk Professor whips up a culinary delicacy to

addressed here, Drunk Professor offers advice for the rookie

school you on cooking with wine.

preparing to add another selfie to their Snap Story.

31

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

“PAIRING A BOHO-PRINT PLAYSUIT FROM VALLEYGIRL WITH BLACK OR WHITE PLATFORM SANDALS FROM HANNAHS OR WILDPAIR…”

Get Fucked: Town Trends Jess Wilson

Surfer-Bro Hair The exponential increase in beards we saw last year has seemingly hit a plateau — or a large tree (the joke here is that bearded men look like lumberjacks). So with the fascination of beards no longer increasing, what will be replacing them? Surfer-bro hair.

Popularised by such mediocre rappers as Allday, surfer-bro hair, or the man lob, is particularly popular amongst high school dropouts and dudes who drink RTDs. Wearers of the man lob enjoy groping women’s shoulders as they maneuver through crowds and hitting on you when you’re trying to get to the bathroom. Found at a

I went to town recently. Being a journalist, I lack any capacity for fun, so it goes without saying this was simply another one of my

Button Up Brah

educational endeavours. The world is a serious place and we’re all

What better place to show you do your taxes than The Outback?

going to die. In my conquest I was acquainted with a vast array of

Wearing a long-sleeve button up, the Button Up Brah, or BUB,

emerging trends, many of which will be hitting the mainstream

looks like he just stepped out of the office. A BUB will cook you

market in the very near future. You read it here first.

breakfast the next morning and offer to explain to you the benefits

The Hairy Fat Man

32

N.08 / V.47

Static or Beefeaters near you.

of his new pyramid scheme.

The Hairy Fat Man, or ‘bear’, has existed many-a-year in the gay

Lana Del Bae

scene, but now hetero men are rightfully claiming this stereotype

The Lana Del Bae is an outfit combination that is as irritating as its

as their own. The Hairy Fat Man was abused through high school

name, but not because it looks bad. The LDB is adorkable, but its

for being an overweight nerd, but now, with his newfound

rapid rise to mainstream fashion has seen it become more boring

ability to grow excessive body and facial hair, he is finally able

than cute. Pairing a boho-print playsuit from Valleygirl with black

to look mildly attractive. This living, breathing, embodiment of

or white platform sandals from Hannahs or Wildpair, the Lana

masculinity enjoys classic movies and being sensitive. Found at a

Del Bae combo can be found smoking outside Static, dancing

Wonder Horse or Nirvana Bar every Friday.

“ironically” at The Hood, or on the pole at Bar 101.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

AUNTY SLUT

“EVERYONE HAS EROGENOUS ZONES IN THEIR ANUS AND ANAL PLAY IS NOT DIRTY OR WRONG: IT CAN BE VERY NICE WHEN HAD BETWEEN TWO CONSENTING ADULTS.”

Anal for the People Aunty Slut

partner consents, and check in often to that the consent is still valid (is your partner ok, does it hurt, what feels nice etc). Talk to your partner, before, after, and during. And (especially if it’s your first time) it can be much more pleasurable if it’s combined with some amazing cunnilingus.

Remember that the anus does not create its own lubrication, so use lube, and lots of it. Start small — pinky finger small. Don’t use anything to penetrate an anus that doesn’t have a wide base.

Dear Aunty Slut, How can I convince my gf to try anal? She says she doesn’t like it, and is flat out refusing to compromise.

Gaztrik

Always wait for the anus to pucker over your finger or object before pressing harder. Start lightly, build up slowly. Try not to go from anus to vulva (UTIs are not awesome).

But I’ve got news for you Gaztrick, and you’re not going to like it: if you’re expecting her to let you fuck her up the ass, you should be

Dear Gaztrik, Apparently, anal is the new black. A whole bunch of boys have seen it in porn, and heard that it’s tighter and have decided that anal is a reasonable expectation in a relationship.

Putting aside the fact that women in porn are paid to look like they’re having a good time whether they actually enjoy something or not, anal can be pleasurable — not just for the person on top. Everyone has erogenous zones in their anus and anal play is not dirty or wrong: it can be very nice when had between two consenting adults.

totally prepared to put something up yours first. If the idea makes you squeamish, perhaps you could extend some understanding and compassion to your better half — for a lot of people, having something up their ass is not their idea of a fun weekend.

If she really doesn’t want to do it, don’t push her. Everyone has a right to bodily autonomy, no matter how many rapey porn vids you’ve seen that show otherwise. Talk about anal play as something you’d like to explore together — not something that you expect her to do for you. If she’s had a bad experience (i.e. one where some douche bag has hurt her) then you need to

If you’re really interested in exploring it you need to talk about

understand why she is hesitant, and if it really is a no-go you need

it. A lot. The three Cs are integral to fun anal play. Make sure you

to respect her wishes and STFU.

33

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE WEEKLY GRIND

“I WANT TO SEE THAT YOU CAN PAINT ME NAKED WHEN THE TIME COMES. I AM THE DEFINITION OF ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS, JACK. ”

Claiming YOUR Gay Best Friend Resident Gay

Gender Bend Gender bend yourself enough to come across as giving no fucks about the social expectations of you. That pink pencil case or bracelet might just save you from looking like the kind of man I’d want to quickly submit to in prison.

Come Into My Closet At the very core of friendship is sharing clothes. If you look cute and want to share, come up to me in the library and throw your clothes at me. Just take them off your naked body, slowly, and let

It’s 2015 and having a gay friend is an essential for your Socially Aware Starter Pack. If you lack your own token gay it’s probably

Be Artistic

because you’re driving them away with douchey first impressions.

The artistic soul is the most relatable soul. Draw murals over your

Put down the COD and listen.

notes of lecturers sipping on lentil soup while riding horseback in

Gays Hear Everything Stop describing everything you hate as ‘gay’. Because last

N.08 / V.47

West Hollywood. I want to see that you can paint me naked when the time comes. I am the definition of one of your French girls, Jack.

week’s $140 textbook purchase is not gay, it’s an asexual fucking

Don’t Breathe Loudly

textbook. Unless that textbook is for management, then that’s

This is just a tip for existing in general. Nasal congestion screams

pretty gay. Overhearing intolerance can start many a vendetta

bad health. Your struggling to breathe makes me struggle to love

against you, so don’t be surprised if you find your notes

you. Seek help immediately.

underneath my spilled coffee.

34

me be you for a day. Then I’ll know if it was meant to be.

Play Nice

Not Everyone is Straight

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter who you are, being a

Don’t automatically assume I’m interested in the opposite sex.

nice person will make you decent friends from all backgrounds.

When guys try to befriend a gay by congratulating him on scoring

Good manners are invaluable and being polite is likely to make

an attractive female friend, there is no describing the desire to

otherwise independent people feel confident enough to approach

urinate on their corneas.

you for chit chat. Nobody likes a bully baby.

Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE

Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

XX

XY

I turned up before him and grabbed a Waikato, I was waiting for

The old adage goes “if she smokes she pokes” I have found this

about 5 minutes before he turned up. Just for the record he has

to be false. She arrived before me and had already got herself a

a cat named Pippin (nothing to do with LOTR though) and was

drink. It was a Waikato and I knew from then on exactly what I

very passionate about butter.

was in for. I myself ordered a Stella Artois and a Cointreau chaser.

I’d already eaten and basically just wanted to get drunk. He

She wasn’t hard to look at and the conversation flowed fine. We

ordered garlic bread but I stuck to drinking beer and taking

quickly decided to say fuck it with ordering and put all of our

shots.

eggs in the let’s get drunk basket. So out came the tequila shots

The Lady’s Experience

Then we left so I could meet to with friends, I was feeling pretty good at this point, free alcohol is always good.

At the end of the night he told me his friend had cancer and disappeared, but we talked the next day and he apologised for

The Gentleman’s Experience

and down went the beers.

At one stage in the night I had to do wees and there was a girl in the (male) bathroom cleaning it. Her name was Emma and I stayed in a while longer talking to her. She seemed cool!

being a bit of an asshole. All in all it was a pretty good night.

After we had cleaned out the bar tab, we moved on to another

Didn’t add him to my long list of ex-lovers (they’ll tell you I’m

bar to hang with middle aged folks and so she could smoke like a

insane). Still got a blank space, baby....

dirty westie. We wound up at Shenanigans at the end of the night

I might just hit up blind date again, the tab was awesome and The Bank is a pretty good place for casual drinks. Not bad for a week night.

and we danced and made out for a bit. By that time I wanted to do cuddles with my teddy duck in bed. I said I was going for a wee then politely asked a couple of workers if I could use their back door ;) and did the reverse sneaky butcher and gapped.

Shout-out to Rebecca and Amber from Shenanigans for the assist!

35

NEXUS MAGAZINE Snapped

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans!

The best snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel logo), wins a voucher from our mates at Burgerfuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.

36

N.08 / V.47

Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE

Apple and Feijoa Crumble

1 cup of oats ¾ cup of brown sugar ½ tsp of salt ~100g of cubed softened butter

Zac Lyon Method 1. Throw apples, white sugar, cinnamon, and feijoas into a large saucepan and bring it to a high heat. You want to cook these bad boys until they Everyone loves free stuff! Having heard feijoas and apple make a wicked

soften up nicely, about 10 minutes.

crumble, I started a feijoa hunt. Too stingy to actually buy feijoas, I liberated

2. Mix flour, oats, brown sugar, and salt in a large bowl and then add in butter

some from my neighbour’s tree, whilst leaning over the wire fence, knowing a

cubes. Get your fingers into it and press butter through the oats and flour.

slip could mean instance castration. Talk about living on the edge.

Like giving the butter a massage with your fingers.

Everyone should scope out their own neighbourhood for free stuff. Lemons, oranges, feijoas, plums, herbs, flowers — you should have designated places to stop by if you are suddenly in demand. I prefer to think of this as rehoming discarded or underappreciated goods, but don’t be that stink dude and unshackle the last lemon from the tree, or last blooming rose from the bush.

Be smart and be fast, go with a mate that is a slower runner than you. If you get caught, you just have to outrun your ‘mate’.

3. You should end up with a nice buttery mix, that looks a lot like big bread crumbs. Hence the name crumble!

4. Spoon apple mixture into a rectangular dish and level it out as best as you can. Sprinkle the crumb mixture across the top of the apple and press it down slightly.

5. If you wanna be fancy and stuff, sprinkle over some chopped pecan nuts (or walnuts). Don’t do this step if you are allergic to nuts. It will not end well.

Ingredients 6 large apples, cored and diced ½ cup of feijoa pulp 2 tsp of white sugar

6. Bake for 20-30 mins until golden on top. Cool slightly.

7. Add either yoghurt, ice cream, custard (thick and creamy is the best) and serve.

1 heaped tsp of cinnamon

Make sure you have your socks firmly pulled up. This recipe will blow them off. I

1 cup of flour

warned my brother, and he scoffed at me. He had cold toes all night, RIP socks.

37

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION

ADVOCACY

Advocacy Services 2015 This year with CARE we wanted to move from boring service delivery concepts to simplifying things for you. When we thought about what we do in Advocacy it all had one central theme. People come to us when they need help so we have changed to this, let us know what you think.

I NEED HELP WITH...

MANAGING MONEY

SORTING OUT UNI STUFF

DEALING WITH MY LANDLORD

DELIVERIES WHEN I’M NOT HOME

CAR POOLING

FINDING A JOB

LEGAL ISSUES

07 856 9139 | www.wsu.org.nz | advocacy@wsu.org.nz

38

N.08 / V.47

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

REPRESENTATION

We All Have Our Vices

lives. I for one would be totally okay with you heading down to espresso plus for a coffee 5 times a day, but I wouldn’t be so impressed if your noise kept me up all night before a big test. Regardless, there comes a point in time where we need to look at our vices — the things we rely on or habits we have — and figure out whether they are necessary or positive, extraneous or negative. Part of this means

A vice is a behaviour, habit, or practice that is generally considered to be bad or a moral weakness. I know this sounds quite limited but vices can pretty much be anything — partly because no matter what you do there is bound to be someone who disapproves. Things like sugar may be considered by healthy types as a vice, alcoholism is often cited as a vice, self-deprecation, or even rowdiness (that one’s for you halls kids).

Boy do we students do have a lot of vices. Maybe we are just at that time in our lives where we need to rely on inanimate objects to get us through the day. Maybe we like the consistency of our habits in our otherwise chaotic lives. Either way, the things we rely on or the practices that we engage in can help shape who we are as a person, which can obviously be both positive and negative.

considering what we really need and what we just want.

Need and want are two very different things that in the best of times I have trouble differentiating between. On one hand I need that textbook for my class... but I also need a new dress for my next event. I’m hoping that you can see where this gets problematic.

Our vices can sometimes take a hold on us to the point where they interrupt our lives and jeopardise our well being. My challenge to you (if anyone is still reading) is to consider what vices that you have and really look at how they affect you and the people around you. Is the way that you put yourself down stopping you from reaching your full potential? Does that shopping addiction mean that you can’t get out of overdraft? If you have vices that are holding you back and want some help

Whether it is that coffee addiction that you just can’t kick, or that habit of breaking

let us know. It could be something as simple as the use of our budgeting service,

the noise ban incessantly, these vices can have vast and differing impacts on our

or access to the counselors or our advocates, that helps you break those habits.

EXPERIENCE

CLUBS

The Waikato Biological Society presents

Cocktail Night 22nd May The Good Home

Tickets Single $25, Double $45 available 12-1 pm Monday Tuesday Friday Outside the Library

18+ years

39

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU

6

4

5

7

2

9

2

5 2

6

1

8

3

4

1

4 8 7

9 4

7

5

3 5

4

9

3

7

3

1

8

6

3

3

7

5

3 2

6 5 6

6 7 9

4

7

1

2

5

8

9

1 3

2

EASY

7

5

5

7

4

2

3

5

1

8 2

8

5

8

5

2

6

8

9

4

2

9

1

2

MEDIUM

HARD

CODEWORDS

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 26. Crack the code to solve it.

Join the dots to create a single continuous

16

7

3

7

26

15

22

9

2

3

19 9

9

9

4

26

26

8

19

23

23

15

9

26

12

24

4

24 10

15

21

26

9

9 8

22

9

7

23

14

10

4

23

22

22

26

9

15

21

22

12

9

W

9

15 15

23

4

9

9

9

25

4 1

23

26 4

21

1

1 15

15

10 9

12

24

15

20 4

26

24

1

1 7

4

4

26

25

25

15

25

9

9

4

22

26

18

24

1

24

9 7

24

20

5 9

8 15

9

24

22

4 17

1

24

23

9

25 11

7

9

25 5

4 15

21

15

1

26 1

19

4

4

13

4 8

1 20

9

3

9

9 12

25

1

14

4

2

15

must never cross itself.

26

3

16

1

2

21

4

17

2

2

1

9

5

18

2

3

2

6

19

1

14

7

20

2

9

8

21

22

9

22

8

10

23

9

11

24

TRIVIAL

26

12

25

Pelham Grenville were the first names of

22

13

26

W

4 4

loop. The numbers indicate how many lines

5

6

W

must surround each number and the loop

2

2

0

2

2

2

2 3

2

0 3

2 1

2

2

2

which famous author?

New Zealander Lance Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Sullivan carved out a successful career in what sport?

From the Greek for hidden writing what is the art of writing and deciphering codes called?

WORD TWIST

B

F

G

P

Q

S

T

U

V

I

R

A

O

U

S

R

40

N.08 / V.47

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

CROSSWORD

KAKURO

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

33

36

39

49

50

46

54 58

59

22

8

22

14 16 23 8

23 20 23 7

7

24

21

13

23 15

48 51

20

40 18

43

47

10 12

40

42 45

15 29

27

35 38

44

26

30

34

41

57

25

29

37

10

24

24 28

32

24

22

23

31

more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).

39 52

53

55

13

22

56

60

61

62

63

64

65

66

67

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE Join the dots to make a clown slightly less lame than Jared Leto’s Joker in Suicide Squad

Across

50. Ages and ages

21. Bacteria discovered by

1. Painter Bonheur

51. Colossal

Theodor Escherich

5. “___ Girl”, featuring

54. Stones hit

22. “___ the season …”

Marlo Thomas

57. Schoolbag item

25. Finger or toe

9. Stones hit, “Get Off My

60. Thug

26. Everybody’s opposite

__”

61. It’s active in Sicily

27. Stones hit

14. Soon, to a bard

62. Construct

29. Curly-tailed dog

15. Labored breath

63. Like old recordings

30. Bit

16. Heart line

64. Units of work

31. Stones hit, “__ Sugar”

17. Appoint

65. Stones hit, “Jumpin’

32. “Hurray!”

18. “___ I care!”

Jack

33. Eastern V.I.P.’s

19. Like some colors

___”

37. Campaigner, for short

20. Stones hit

66. Aardvark fare

38. QB’s cry

23. Clinton Labor secretary

67. Wyle of “ER”

39. Greek herbs

24. Black, as la nuit

40. Hungarian language

25. Genetic stuff

Down

42. Orchestral instrument

28. Earnings

1. Phoned

45. Scarcity

31. “Ciao!”

2. Pleasant way to walk

46. Droid

34. Praise

3. W.W. I battle site

47. Mystery

35. Awestruck

4. Feeble

48. Lustrous fabric

36. Raising the level

5. Garbage collector

52. Rocket fuel ingredient,

38. Famous magician

6. Breakfast order

for short

41. Its quarter says

7. Transferred ownership

53. Island nation east of Fiji

“Birthplace of Aviation

8. Nonstick coating

54. Jiffs

Pioneers”

9. Cell phone feature

55. Type of type

42. Town

10. Scowl

56. Car until 1957

43. In Michelle’s bag

11. Crumb

57. Call, as a game

44. Competitors

12. Colorado Indian

58. Modern address

49. Discouraging words

13. “Dear old” guy

59. Grassland

41

The WSU Needs

Your Brains IF YOU CAN ANSWER MORE THAN 7 OF THESE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY YOU SHOULD EMAIL CHALLENGE@WSU.ORG.NZ TO REGISTER YOUR INTEREST IN BEING ON THE WAIKATO UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE TEAM. THE SHOW WILL BE FILMED LATER THIS YEAR AND SHOWN ON TV.

1

Who voices Puss in Boots in the Shrek films?

2

Mariachi music is most closely associated with which country?

3

What is WiFi short for?

4

Here are the artists all of whom have covered a song in common, name the song: Dolly Parton, Whitney Houston and Beyoncé Knowles

5

What party did JFK represent?

6

From which book did the term doubting Thomas originate?

7

Who became the youngest man, at age 35, to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964?

8

Protestant William of Orange succeeded Catholic James I hence introducing Orange as a colour to distinguish that religion, from what country did he originate?

9

“I kissed thee ere I killed thee, no way but this, killing myself to die upon a kiss” are the last lines uttered by which Shakespearean character after killing his wife?

10

In what decade of the 20th century did the unmanned Soviet spacecraft Luna 9 make the first controlled rocket-assisted landing on the moon, England beat Germany 4-2 to win the World Cup and John Lennon was forced to apologise for claiming that the Beatles were ‘more popular than Jesus’.

Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking for a group of engaging, enthusiastic and proactive people to work as paid Student Ambassadors for the University Open Day on Friday 22 May. Open Day is the day we showcase the University to prospective students and their parents.

Our Ambassadors represent the University of Waikato and help to make it a friendly and exciting place for prospective students.

Student Ambassadors are paid positions however if you are interested, you must be able to commit to the following; Two training sessions:

Wednesday 13 May, 1pm-2pm Wednesday 20 May, 1pm-2pm

Open Day:

Friday 22 May, either a morning or afternoon session

Please email recruitment@waikato.ac.nz by Wednesday 6 May 2015 for further details.

waikato.ac.nz